dam-my-blue-wand

[dam-my-blue-wand]

HEY, LOOK, I FOUND SOME BONUS SIMON SNOW!

Somebody on Tumblr just said she wished there were more Simon Snow excerpts, and I remembered that I ended up cutting and changing a few of the epigraphs — so there are a few extra.

Here’s one! It’s from Carry On!

“Do you know, that when we were kids, they’d sing us songs about you?”

“They did not,” Simon said, throwing an apple at Baz.

Baz caught it and took a bite. “They did,” he said with his mouth full. “Comes, he comes, the Mage’s Heir, with blade of fire and golden hair.”

Baz had a steady, warm singing voice.

“How did they know I was coming?” Simon muttered. “I didn’t even know I was coming.”

“Comes, he comes, the Mage’s Heir,

And should evil meet him there,

The blood will flow, the world will know,

Our just and handsome,

Blue-eyed, winsome,

Lovely, blushing Mage’s Heir.”

“You made that last part up,” Simon said, feeling his cheeks burn.

Baz laughed and took another bite. “I made that last part up.”

[dam-my-blue-wand]

Simon Snow: *lost in a fight with a huge firebreathing dragon trying to kill it*

The Chosen One: *Sees Baz jumping from the moat*

Golden Boy: *stops everything*

Baz's nemesis: boy...floating...pretty...enemy...but so pretty...hate him...gay for him

[dam-my-blue-wand]

STOP

Here to remind you that Baz has called Simon "My Chosen One" on more than one occasion.

(I need someone to give me that affection)

Okay, carry on

[dam-my-blue-wand]

11-year-old Baz: *sees Simon and falls hopelessly in love with him*

Baz: *Googles- how to flirt*

Google: Make eye contact and ask about their hobbies

(The Next Day)

Baz: *death glare*

Baz: Do you like killing innocent creatures Snow?

[dam-my-blue-wand]

Simon Snow: *lost in a fight with a huge firebreathing dragon trying to kill it*

The Chosen One: *Sees Baz jumping from the moat*

Golden Boy: *stops everything*

Baz's nemesis: boy...floating...pretty...enemy...but so pretty...hate him...gay for him

[dam-my-blue-wand]

STOP

Here to remind you that Baz has called Simon "My Chosen One" on more than one occasion.

(I need someone to give me that affection)

Okay, carry on

[dam-my-blue-wand]

11-year-old Baz: *sees Simon and falls hopelessly in love with him*

Baz: *Googles- how to flirt*

Google: Make eye contact and ask about their hobbies

(The Next Day)

Baz: *death glare*

Baz: Do you like killing innocent creatures Snow?

[dam-my-blue-wand]

Lamb to Baz: The food here is really good

Simon:

Baz: Simon no-

Simon: YOU TRYNA STEAL MY BOYFRIEND HUH YOU LITTLE SHIT?!?!?!? GO FIND YOURSELF SOMEONE ELSE

HE. IS. MINE.

[dam-my-blue-wand]

Watford, 5th year

Baz: I am in love with Simon Snow. I can never get enough of is blue eyes and his bronze curls. Whenever he smiles for his girlfriend, I pretend it's me he's smiling for. He is all that I care for, all that I have...

Baz: I'm gonna kill him.

[dam-my-blue-wand]

Simon Snow has definitely called Baz "Son of a Pitch" before.

That's it, that's the post.

-Someone I know

[dam-my-blue-wand]

Lamb to Baz: The food here is really good

Simon:

Baz: Simon no-

Simon: YOU TRYNA STEAL MY BOYFRIEND HUH YOU LITTLE SHIT?!?!?!? GO FIND YOURSELF SOMEONE ELSE

HE. IS. MINE.

[dam-my-blue-wand]

Watford, 5th year

Baz: I am in love with Simon Snow. I can never get enough of is blue eyes and his bronze curls. Whenever he smiles for his girlfriend, I pretend it's me he's smiling for. He is all that I care for, all that I have...

Baz: I'm gonna kill him.

[dam-my-blue-wand]

Simon Snow has definitely called Baz "Son of a Pitch" before.

That's it, that's the post.

-Someone I know

[dam-my-blue-wand]

Sirius: Hey lover!!!

Remus: Hi?

Sirius: Did you knowwwww

Sirius: You're my ladypants

Remus: ...

Remus: How high are you?

Sirius: 5'9"

[dam-my-blue-wand]

At Starbucks

Ginny: The cappuccino is for my husband, would you put his name on the cup?

Barista: Of course, what is it?

Ginny: Idiot

[dam-my-blue-wand]

Draco: Do you ever wonder how...

Draco: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life?

Harry:

Harry: I'm so glad I declined every medical aid you had offered.

[dam-my-blue-wand]

Draco: Do you ever wonder how...

Draco: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life?

Harry:

Harry: I'm so glad I declined every medical aid you had offered.