confessionsofadarkmind-blog

[confessionsofadarkmind-blog]

Eyes Wide Shut

Written by: Jimmy Noel Alvarez

Where do you go when yours eyes close and you fall into a deep sleep?

Where do you really go?

Life has brought you into a world of illusion and imagination

Dreaming is like being reborn with the knowledge of knowing your past, present and future

Mixed in with a dose of imagination

In the land of thoughts, fantasy and nightmares

I just entered the woman I can never have in a lifetime

I just experienced the lifestyle of the riches that will last me 200 generations from now

Where do my spirits go for those few seconds that my eyes are closed?

Do I go to that free fall of falling that never ends?

Will I be free?

Will I be a prisoner trapped in the strangle of my own thoughts

Will I be happy or hopeless?

A lifetime of thoughts in only a few hours of sleep

Hours of time spent in a bed

My Resting chamber as the world keeps turning

The world of reality don’t compare to the dreams and nightmares, that I have in my sleep

 Where is my soul when I search for it, when my eyes close?

What invitation is my fantasy allowing me to live tonight or what horrific nightmare will I experience

Will I fight with demons or my darkest thoughts?

What doors that have been shut, will open for you in a world that has brought your thoughts and dreams against you?

Struggling in my bed sheets while my mind is lost in the depth of a nightmare

Fighting to wake up but there’s nowhere to go

Where does your mind go when your eyes are wide shut?

We would never know, what the real meaning behind a dream is

How can you separate the truth from fantasy? When you’re lost in a deep sleep

What language does my spirit speak when it talks in illusion?

Lost in the mix of my emotions and imagination is a feeling I can’t describe

Where do you go when you go to sleep?

The memories are temporary once my life finally wakes

And I step away from my sleeping chamber

[confessionsofadarkmind-blog]

The Power of a Woman

Written by: Jimmy Alvarez 

The power of a woman can make you smile

To the point you that feel you have reached happiness at its highest peak

The power of a woman can push your drive

A man is only driven by ambition, but now has another purpose in life to pursue his goals and dreams with aggression

The power of a woman can make you appreciate the small things in life

What you thought was impossible to obtain, now is possible

Which is a woman's heart, mind, body and soul

The power of a woman can make you lust for what we crave in moments of passion

The power of a woman can create friction amongst society and friends

From those who prey on your downfall, to those who plot to take what you worked so hard to create

The power of woman can be a distraction to the empire of success you have built

The power of a woman can create a barrier of protection for your heart and soul

The power of a woman can create jealousy as your emotions take control, against anyone willing to take what's yours

The power of a woman can make you cry once the love has sliced your heart in two, and there’s nothing left but to take action on the pain she caused

The power of a woman can make you hate

The energy of hate is now whispering thoughts in your head

The power of a woman will make you kill

When your broken heart seeks vengeance for its pain

The power of a woman has taken your life from its existence, due to the control of her poison that has left you lost

To the point you wish not to breathe no more

The power of a woman can be your downfall, if you’re not ready for the storm that comes along with her beauty and power

The power of a woman is meant for the strong not the weak minded

The poison of her touch will have you with a gun and tears to go with the cancer of her love

Think before you act is the only way to overcome her control....

If your thoughts are strong, think wisely before the choice isn't yours no more….

[confessionsofadarkmind-blog]

To the Greatest Woman in My World,

Written by: Jimmy N. Alvarez

She deserves it all, My Queen

My Lady, who gave me life

She deserves it all; even the gift of the world isn’t enough for your love

Hopefully words on a paper mean more to a mother, when is coming from the heart of their child

I never appreciated your love, like I was supposed to

I just neglected it, through my lost phases in the streets

As a child I never appreciated your sacrifices to raise me

All I was able to ever give you on Christmas was tears and heartbreak

Running around like a crazy kid, my madness took a toll on you

But you still remained strong and stuck by my side

You never let me out in the cold, because your love was too strong for spite

The Devil’s son as you would say, but you never left me alone even though I deserved it

My biggest regret was stealing from you, when I was lost as a kid

But I didn’t know better

Instead of being mad and kicking me out to the streets

You just took care of me, when I was sick

And made sure I ate when I was hungry

I felt as if I was the worst life you brought into this world, but you didn’t care

You made sure my cakes was there on the days of my birth

Your tears of suffering never stopped, but your love always remained strong

The darkness came to light the night god forgave me for all my sins and gave me a second chance in life

You found out who I was but never cared because a mother’s love is never gone and will never judge

I’ve been through worse than hell on earth

But you had hope that one day I would change, With the power of your love

I’ve never appreciated all the things you did for me

Lost by the influence

I grew up in society with no man to guide me, just you

I would not change the past, for a dime in this world

Me and you grew apart, but grew together as the years went by

Now we’re the best of friends and our bond is strong

I wish I would’ve given you more through all those years I lost

My thoughts on this paper is the only thing I can give, that you could appreciate

The small things in life are the most priceless

I never cried for things I’ve done, because my heart was never built to be weak of emotions

Until I matured and realized you’re my one and only

You did it on your own, raising a man with no fucks and you never gave up

I’m a late bloomer on appreciation

The years of separation got me closer to my creator

I appreciate your love always and forever

Thanks for having my back from a baby to a man

I love you forever till my soul is no longer in existence

I love you dearly

You’re the greatest woman in my world

I dedicated this to all single mothers that work hard and sacrifice it all for their children

I tell you, your love is not forgotten through the good and the bad raising your little ones

No matter how we grow up at the end of the day we appreciate your love and everything you do

Our gratitude is priceless

We’re forever indebted to you

All you mothers out there, I applaud you with a tear in my eye

All I can tell you is thank you for those special things you do

To mothers all over the world thank you……

[confessionsofadarkmind-blog]

Part 3 – A Wife’s Bleeding Heart

Written by: Jimmy N. Alvarez

  Once happy in love with the man of my dreams

The bullet of his lies is killing my dreams

I know where he goes when he wants to blow off some steam

To see the other woman he fucks when he’s mad at me

I know where he goes so I stay up all night

The energy to get up and leave is blocked by my heart

The betrayal of the man that I love

Who would've ever thought?

I went from smiles to tears

Now look at me now crying in my sheets

Wishing he would never cheat

I clutch my phone wishing he’ll call to come home and not leave me alone

I wish he can just tell me the truth

I know what he does and it breaks me so much

I love him even though I know what he does

I'm a woman who is lost in the trenches of his lies

Do I deserve this? from the man I’m willing to spend the rest of my life with

I will never know while I'm lost in love

I’m crying in bed when he finally arrives home

He tells me his lies through the truth he wants me to hear

I hold back my thoughts and accept his sins

I go back to bed with the tears of my pain bleeding outside of my eyes

My love is stronger than the pain I possess inside

I'm adapting to the ways of a cheating man

I accept his lies and live to ignore them

My eyes are now closed in tears

I fall deep into my sleep dreaming he would never disappear and stay home with me

My heart is scarred by the love of my life

My love is strong and I stay by his side

To hopefully see him change one day

Maybe one day he will love me the way I love him

He cheats and I live with it, I don't even know what to do

My thoughts wish the emotion I have will just die inside to help me see the abuse I take

My Love is stronger than anything else in this world

When you’re lost in your feelings there’s nothing you can do to help you see the truth

My loyalty and passion are strong

I hope one day he can see it too

Let's hope tomorrow will be the end of his lies

If not let’s see if the day after tomorrow will be the end of it all....

[confessionsofadarkmind-blog]

Part 2 – A Man Lost in the Trenches

Written by: Jimmy N. Alvarez

A love brought to me at the wrong time in my life

I'm with you, but yet it is true that I can be in love with another

She sticks by my side when you’re gone

She does those things that I wish you can do

I'm in war with myself trying to find the right answers

In my heart there’s no answer with a smile

I can't decide, I love my home and what I have built with you

You’re the true definition of what love is, but so is she

We connect deeply and share our souls with one another

I do not know of what has become of me

My lies I wear on my sleeves

I can't live without you both

How do I decide my fate? With a broken soul

I'm broken inside with no hope for an answer

I love my woman at home and my other half that's trapped with my skeletons in the closet

No one will ever know this feeling but me

The eyes that stare at me with judgment don't know how it feels

It’s easy to pass judgment, when you’re not in my triangle

I'm cheating the happiness of two women

My love is blind for you both

I'm the one that's special to you both

The monster inside of me can never let my two women go

The heart of a cheater is a choice in my emotion that I share with my words

A heart is the most dangerous thing to a man, if he lets it go

My thoughts of having you both is what I only see

I leave my thoughts to this….. I'm selfish in my ways, I accept

The cost of broken hearts is what the future holds

When will we crossroads? What would I do?

I will never know till that day comes

My love is pure of selfishness

Don't judge me for what I do until you walk a mile in the shoes, of God's fate at the wrong time...

[confessionsofadarkmind-blog]

Part 1 - The Other Woman’s Sacrifice

Written by: Jimmy N. Alvarez

Hiding in the closet is all I can do

 I watch my love go back to his home

While I sit and wait until the next time he calls

I stand alone with my thoughts and heart lost in reality

I’m destroying a family, how bad can it be?

Do I really care? that I’m not the only WOMAN in his life

Sometimes I can’t even look at myself in the mirror to see the person I’m not

My feelings done got the best of me

I tolerate his behavior because I believe one day we will be together

Who do I tell? that the love of my life belongs to another woman and I’m the other woman on the side

Everything we do is sneaking around

I’m the woman on the side that gets the part time of his love

He treats me well during the time we spend together he stays but yet he leaves again and again.

When will I see him again? I will never know

I’m hated and judged for what I do

The disgrace in my shoes when I walk is getting confused

A lie you told has turn to my truth

I’m in love with you no matter what you do

 I’ll play my position as your side, as long as you love me as I do

My tears Is the SACRIFICE, for choosing to wait for you

You can’t judge what you don’t know

A woman on the side is what I am

I have indulge in wrong doing and that’s what it is

My LOVE is stronger than words so fuck what you say…..

One day he will come when he decides to leave his happy home

What would be the future of this vicious triangle?

We would never know until that day comes

[confessionsofadarkmind-blog]

The UnderDog

Written by: Jimmy N. Alvarez

The one who was always counted out

The one who was told that he can never do it

The one who stuck his middle fingers up to the obstacles in front of him and over achieved

His heart is bigger than his reality

His love and passion for what he does surprised the critics, and proved them wrong from the words they spoke

He stayed humble and worked hard while the rest just talked

He Practiceed his craft silently while the next man slept

No one ever saw him coming to take the throne

He took the world by surprise with his talent and drive

He achieved heights no one could’ve ever imagined

He came from nothing and became something

His upbringing was a horror with a struggle

A hopeless life is just nothing but words to a title

Words can destroy your spirit, but he never loss sight of his goals

He was the only one that believed in himself

If you don’t believe in yourself than who will

Don’t believe your surroundings, be the odd one that achieves greatness

They doubt you now they’re praising you

They love your sunshine but they hate your storm

They slept on what you believed

Your reality became your dream

An overachiever is what the underdog became

[confessionsofadarkmind-blog]

“Dressed in Disguise”

Written by: Jimmy N. Alvarez

I can't wait to meet you

You’re one of a kind

Your special presence comes with a price to pay

Especially for me I'm the world's biggest underdog

Chasing the world's biggest trophy

The odds to have you are one in a billion

 People say I'm crazy, for chasing the impossible

 But crazy is what it takes to get you

You’re intrigued by my ways that only a real man can provide

I'm special kinda of guy, that's made for only a chosen few

You waved to me from a far view, on the other side

All I see is you, but you never put the effort for me, as I would for you

I see you across the river with no bridge in between

How bad do I want you?

What am I willing to do? To share my life with you

I respond with everything the world could offer

I'll sell my soul for a taste that YOU can only provide

 A taste that only comes to those who are unique and strong

You’re willing to give me a shot, but how hard I have work to get you

I heard what attracts you is the blood, sweat and tears of a man

You want me to get you with all my effort, but you won't do the same for me

To you I'm just another rain drop of the storm of millions trying to get a touch from you

I won't be disappointed is what you tell me

Your confidence in yourself to change a man’s life is what makes you special

I still want you no matter what people tell me on my efforts to get you 

You’re impossible to have and hard to keep around

How hard am I willing to work to keep you around?

It’s all up to me to keep you forever

My dedication and hard work is what’s going to grant me your heart

My bridge is done, finally complete and I'm finally here

I have you forever

You rewarded me with kisses, hugs and love I never felt before

I love you and now you love me at first touch 

You always knew my name but I never knew yours

Before I woke from my dream I asked you your name

You got close to my ear and whispered "my name is SUCCESS and now your life is forever changed"

[confessionsofadarkmind-blog]

"A Woman's War"

Written by: Jimmy N. Alvarez

Love has disappeared in disguise

The illusion of what u think is passion, has turned materialistic

The appreciation of a human being is no longer accepted

What is love for this generation? No one really knows

Am I impressive to you for what I have outside my soul, than beneath it?

Is it how fresh we dress?

Is it What car you’re driving and how much money am I willing to spend? to spark an interest

Who has poisoned the minds of these lost women?

Why are the rarest ones lost in a world of millions?

The proper good women are no longer here as they use to be

The proper materialistic ones are all over like a leaf on a tree

The good girl inside of them is lost in a cage

Dumped in the dark abyss of the ocean and dictated by this new transformation of a woman

This new wave of women claims and think they know what love really is

To them my plastic card is their salvation

Their appearance on my passenger side is why they think I'm a keeper

They’re beautiful maybe even caring for the most part, but highly misinformed

The expectation from what they expect is for me to be a good man

How can I be a good man?

For what you seek will forever change the day I have no more

They expect men to be faithful

But how can I? When your love is not real

Your energy of true love is defined by what car they see

We cheat on you and treat you how we want to

Because you’re not the one in a million every man wishes they have

You’re just like the rest of the others, that hasn't learned what true love really is

You say we “will never find someone like you”

But the fact is that you’re too blind to see, there are plenty of YOUs right behind you

You traded your priceless beauty for a moment of luxury

When I get bored and tired of you 

There is always a next one that has the same intentions as you

With the same spirit, with a different form of body that craves my lust

You all claim you’re different, but you’re all the same as the last

My odd one is the special one we all seek

She's caring and loving with great morals and depends on herself to move forward

She don’t need me to succeed

She's the lost one that will get our undying love and loyalty

Her energy is pure within the good and the bad

She's the ONE that can claim the title of a real man's heart

She deserves the world and nothing else

Why can't this change?

Why can’t all women love the soul of man, instead of the outside?

Is it the lack of influence of a male role to teach them proper guidance?

The illusion is temporary and will eventually leave when the dust of our bones no longer exist 

Why are there only a few we seek?

The priceless search for the one is what you will never be

Love is blind for what you seek

Your pain and broken heart is the cost of the treasure in men you seek

Your body in exchange for the luxury lifestyle you see

An eye for an eye is what they say it is

Your happiness and love will never breathe to live

Life is what you made it so it is what it is

So Live with no complaints

If my words are too strong, I apologize I’m just keeping it real.....

[confessionsofadarkmind-blog]

Motivation 101

Written by: Jimmy N. Alvarez

The obstacles of life can set u up to fail

The energy of Failure can be all around you

How strong is your mind of solitude?

How many NOs; will you have to hear before you quit?

Why is your spirit weak?

Why are you breaking in times you have to maintain your poise?

Why not push hard on a hunch?

You’re unique with special skills

You’re different that's why you have a bright dream

Your future is yours to dictate

Open the gate way to your dreams

Push forward to heights you never thought you would see

Overcome the adversity that's put in front of you

Hard work and positive thinking would get you to the promise land

Life is made to test your will power

How bad do you want it?

What only a small percentage of people in this world have achieved

Anything logical in life is possible

 Impossibility is made for those who do not believe

Their misery welcomes your company with open arms and smile

Detach yourself from what you think is impossible

The word impossible actually is IM POSSIBLE

Your dreams are possible

Look in the mirror deep into your eyes and find the person you will become

You rather try and fail than have never tried at all

How will you know your true potential if you don't unleash your beast?

If you don't exploit your dream

You can look at your life in ten years and endure the regrets of living your dream,

As only a thought while you live your reality in a Plan B world

[confessionsofadarkmind-blog]

Acts of Selfishness

Written by Jimmy N. Alvarez

How does it feel to make someone a victim of your selfish acts?

I have a woman at home but yet my urge is not satisfied

Everything I don’t want in a wife, is what I search for in a sexual desire

Why my urge is bigger than my love? For the woman I consider my everything

Is it the fact that I’m comfortable with what I have at home? I treat my urge like my own ambition

I never get comfortable and always stay hungry for more

I come home to a good woman, that’s caring and loving

She can provide me a future and a legacy; I can leave behind for generations to come

I put this all at risk, for what? A moment of climax

A moment that would be no more after it’s gone

The greatest pleasure in the world is gone after a few minutes of NOTHING

 Why do I risk it all? For my selfish acts

I go home to my queen and tell her the lies that she expects to hear

 I tell her I love her but my actions are doing the opposite

I tell her I miss her when I’m thinking about someone else

 I’m two people in one with a different agenda with one objective

My emotional and physical satisfaction can’t be met by one woman

That’s why I have the other

That’s why I do what I do

Am I a scum bag? For what I do

  What’s wrong with me?

What’s with people in society?

Are people with these behaviors the reason why love is more a myth than a reality?

Or am I just a man trying justifying why I cheat?

 I have no complaints in my actions and deserve what comes to me

Why do we cheat?

I’m sure my words can or can’t explain….

[confessionsofadarkmind-blog]

Thoughts of a HUSTLA

Thoughts of a HUSTLA

Written by Jimmy N. Alvarez

The life we fall into, when we come from nothing. The easiest job to get that, don't require a high school diploma or college degree. Just like any other business you start from the bottom and work your way up. The road ahead gets hard, with great rewards and life consequences.All of that is up to you. How mentally weak or strong are you to push forward and sacrifice everything. The deeper you get the higher the rewards and harsher punishment. The stress gets higher knowing, that every day can be your last. The moments you seize are priceless, but tomorrow is now and never promised. Everyone is your friend till the day you’re no longer here. Everyone is your friend as long as you have money and you’re winning. They love you dearly for the convenience you provide in their life. They don't care how much you spend, because in their eyes the money is eternal and never endless. The life I live is what is what the dreamers want. They don't know the life I live has forced me to isolate myself, and live with my eye over my shoulder.  That ain’t living. It’s a price you pay. They love the pros but can't imagine the cons. My life as a hustla has forced me to see the world differently. People treat me as if I was god, and the women treat me as a valuable commodity. They love the lifestyle they see, but not the pain that comes with it. They don’t know the indescribable feeling that your life can be over any minute. The haters come in disguise in every shape or form.  Enemies come in disguise as god with a sweet genuine smile and a soft touch. The stress got me sleeping with my gun beneath my dreams. My gun is my gate keeper to my sanity; I hope to wake in time if they come for me. They don't see my stress, they just see my glory. I’m just hoping to see another day, they just hoping to see where we going tonight. Which are only a few moments of my life. My longevity is questionable so I live like an outlaw hoping god will save me.  Will the lord come for me? but I still have hopes, but that day will never come, I knew it when  I sold my soul to the devil. The price for my sins hasn't been rewarded yet. There's no heaven for a devils child even though god claims he forgives every one, my forgiveness will never come. Just a price to pay with my life in a cage or my life that will no longer exist once my body is gone. The next hustla comes forth and he suffers the same fate. Walking blind in the moments till tomorrow comes. He suffers the same fate as me, never learned from my mistakes, but praised my celebration. He got lost in the lifestyle and couldn't handle the pain. He talks to the suits to get a life back that's gone and reputation that's tarnished. He can't handle the years to come. No one has told him that the concrete steel has no sympathy for the weak. He loved my life but forgot what comes with the storm. More and more will come, more and more will die. The cycle never ends for those who choose this path. A hustler’s life on the ropes is a barely balanced life. The pigs, lions and snakes are in a race to get me, but which one will touch me first. I will never know. The life of hustler is sold by the devil himself, but I never knew it till day I was forever gone.

[confessionsofadarkmind-blog]

"Soul of a Lost Friend"

Written by: Jimmy N. Alvarez

In a world where individuals meet and pass by millions of people in a lifetime

There's only a few that leave an impact in your life

Love, loyalty, and respect is what defines a friend

A friend is someone you can count on outside your family

Someone you can go to with your darkest secrets

Who is able to understand your pain and actions without judgment

His or her loyalty is devoted to you through the good and bad

We're human beings we all make mistake

The power to forgive and forget is rare

To live with scars of betrayal emotionally or physically is a choice

Friends shouldn’t lie to you unless it’s purposeful, they should be honest

A friend shouldn’t envy your accomplishments, but praise you on them

A friend respects you for everything your life’s about

A friend would never hurt a loved one on purpose, but love them as his or her own

A friend would never make a move on the person you love

Did people forget what a true friend should be?

Why are souls lost in a world of millions?

Where are our real friends?