#vent poem

[aurevives]

— Aure Vives, excerpt from ‘Hymnal bite’

[rosebud-poet]

[Black text on a white background that reads:

my gender is whatever makes me easiest to kill,

my gender is breeding stock, kill all men, can’t you just stay unobtrusive and neutral, the question cut apart in debate chambers, my ragged flesh and bones picked for statistics and arguments by vultures in suits who go home to too-young wives, breathing out my same old screams to useless onlookers sitting in rows, you’re disgusted by my blood on the floor but unwilling to shoot down what’s killing me slowly, what are the magic words i need to say to get you to care that i’m dying, 

my gender is polite young woman in a pantsuit long long dead, forward-thinking and modern, isn’t it funny that she lived as a man, she wanted better opportunities, we dug up the body and passed it around the archives and if you look here you’ll see the place where they cut out the most important parts, so sad to see such irreversible damage, so sad she never had children, so sad she was mutilated, but she was such a trailblazer, the first woman to put a bullet in a state senator’s head,

my gender is a bullet in a state senator’s head, shooting down vultures before they break my sibling’s skin, crippled tranny faggot (triple threat) with a score to settle, with a gash down the center of its chest spitting fire through pharmacy phone lines, never fucked someone who wasn’t an enemy of the state, never was your little girl, sticking around till the bitter end and triple dog dare you to come bash me yourself you bloody-beaked coward, come watch me be the monster you all say i am,

my gender is whatever makes me hardest to kill.]

[talon-dragonbeast]

socialising

stand straight, two feet on ground

smile, bare your teeth (not too much)

fangs hidden in plain sight

your claws in fists, don't let them see

(don't let them know)

wings folded behind your back, so tight

always look them in the eye,

and let them look into yours (ignore the pain)

hide your scales under your clothes

and use words that don't belong in your mouth

do they know?

can they see what is hidden?

a beast with stolen skin

a monster in human shape

[peeptheaesthetic]

Death of innocence, a women's first bleeding. The rotten fruit of something once so sweet. The cycle will forever repeat, all flowers must wilt eventually.

[feste-the-mad]

First They Came (updated):

First they came for the African-Americans,

and I spoke out, because Black Lives Matter.

Then they came for the Gays,

and I spoke out, because Love is Love.

Then they came for the Muslims,

and I spoke out, because We Stand Against Islamophobia.

Then they came for the Transgenders,

and I spoke out, because Trans Rights are Human Rights.

Then they came for the Jews,

and I spoke out, because Hate has no Place.

I joined them, because Jews are Zionist oppressors who kill babies.

[coffeexxcigarettes]

To Love The Damned

-

Maybe that old saying holds water.

"You cannot love another,

Until you love yourself."

Because try as I might,

I can't seem to get the timing down.

The careful balance of understanding

How love can be presented to you,

Effortlessly,

While also learning what effort

Is expected-

Has exhausted my bones.

To you, I am loved.

Beyond limits,

As easy as breathing.

And while I share the feeling,

That loving you is as easy as existing-

I can't seem to untangle the violence

From my root.

I spend hours away,

Yanking at the core of me,

To express the feelings I hold-

In a way that doesn't feel like

Spilling my blood at your feet.

That doesn't leave me feeling

Like a scribble among humanity.

I guard what is left of me,

With gnawing teeth and resentment.

These parts of me do not belong to you.

To watch the one you love,

Swallow the poison you've created-

Would bring anybody to the brink of madness;

Infect their soul with insanity.

The silence echoes against my being,

Where your laughter once was,

And I feel your hand on my throat-

Or is it mine?

x

[goth-oat-milk]

[whiskeysorrows]

found this while emptying my drafts

[the-ellia-west]

Somebody has my words tightened to a rope around my neck

They're mine and used to restrain me

I'm quiet, because when I'm not I'm too loud

Everyone else's words are so free and beautiful

Mine are jagged, and either too much or not enough

When will I reach someone who I know really cares?

I don't want to be me

But I don't want to be anyone else either

Because the me I've created is a lie and a liar

But not a good one

And I don't want to be a lie anymore

But I don't know what's real or not about myself anymore

I know I love all of you, my family, my creations, my God

But I don't quite know if I love myself, or even where to begin in doing that

I don't know the last time I smiled that was genuine

I want help but I don't know how to ask

[aurevives]

— Aure Vives, excerpts from ‘Sólar—’

[blessedheartwithwings]

i feel so wrong

im a whole contradiction

my very being, paradoxical

my mind has been locked away

caged in steel bars of fear and hurt

my heart has the key buried deep

buried somewhere between the weakened muscles of my right atrium

i am an unstoppable force, and an immovable object

drifting in cosmic clouds

funnelled into a black hole, the abyss of uncertainty

concrete breathes stronger than my lungs

and shears hang ready at my neck

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

[loveletterstoadirtybastard]

In the pit of my stomach There lies unsolicited doubt I don't want this feeling MAKE ME REGRET

[star-is-a-cat]

It’s the worst at night

When there’s nothing to distract me

From the way my body curls on the bed

Wrong

From the way there is no tail to wrap around me

If I close my eyes

I can almost imagine it

But I know

I will still wake up tomorrow

Wrong

[the-hanged-mans-ghost]

I’ve been like this since I was a child, I think. I’ve never been particularly grounded in this reality, in this world or body I’ve been born into. I’ve always felt more of a concept than a fact, something not entirely human; Something less, or maybe something more. 

I’ve never been attached to this reality, even before the suffocating darkness took hold. I’ve always longed too much for a world I’ve never been in; I’d find it in stories and pages, in movies and songs and pictures. I feel that bone deep agony whenever I look into the depths of the forest, whenever I gaze into the moonlit night sky, whenever I stare at pictures of the deep ash colored waves of the ocean. I feel something reach out to me, something call for me in such a sweet voice it disarms the voices telling me this Isn’t How Things Are Supposed to Be. I’ve never known anything but this longing,though, this ache to be somewhere or something entirely not what I am now. 

My body fails me just as much as my mind does; It’s broken and weak, its joints creak and pop and ache with every movement, its eyes can’t see as far anymore, its lungs burn from short walks, nonetheless sprinting through the forest. 

It has neither claws nor fangs, my eyes can’t see in the dark and my back doesn’t carry the weight of wings that I dream of being there. It can’t run on all fours and it can’t leap from tree to tree, can’t pass through walls or breathe in the deep sea. It’s never felt like Me, and that’s something I’ve always had to live with, even before I came to understand what I am. 

I am what I am, and that may change someday, but I know I’ve never been human and that’s the thing that sends my mind to spiral some nights. I’ll never be what I know myself to be, I’ll never look how I feel and imagine, I’ll never fly through the night clouds or swim through the depths of the dark ocean; I’ll never be able to change shape or voice or sex, I’ll never truly be me, and that’s one of the worst pains I’ve ever had to bear.

[coffeexxcigarettes]

Good Morning

-

Mornings are for poetry and fear,

Coughing up the nightmares of the night,

Letting the days breeze find you

As you are.

Imperfect,

Shattered at the root.

Mornings are for learning to stand again,

Remembering how to walk,

Holding your own hand through it,

Repeatedly.

Poetry and warm drinks,

The birds singing as daylight floods your kitchen,

And remembering

Remembering

Remember.

x

[flowersbark]

my body

my autonomy

my philosophy

my psychology

will always just be

what you made of me