#vent

[or8ee]

The warmth of equally returned love

[foldingfittedsheets]

My parents live five minutes away and are the least reliable people in my life to ask for help looking after our cats.

My mom said she’d stop by and feed them this morning so they wouldn’t be ravenous and munch on my beloved’s plants.

Just got a text at 2pm that she just arrived and didn’t even have my key. I told her there’s a key under the rock and I’m just fuming at lunch. If there’s plant damage my beloved is gonna be devastated.

[saitoakirachan-fangirls]

I 90% blame the few la/bru BNF (Big name fans, aka fandom accounts with a big following) for the way Mithrun is being talked about in the fandom right now. Prior to the airing of the anime, and before those accounts were made/got popular, Mithrun was seen as a tragic but still intimidating and funny character. Or a babygirl, depending.

Now, he's an ugly senile dog with permanent eye stains who is too old and decrepit to function.

Making fun of his eyes is insanely ableist. No need to elaborate tbh.

He is unable to function because of severe trauma, not because of his age. He is the elven equivalent of 37, not 79. If we calculate the half-foot/tallmen age according to their average lifespan, then Chilchuck is about 35. Literally nobody treats Chilchuck like a grandpa, because he is not dysfunctional. Because he is not disabled.

He is incredibly competent at his job. He needs assistance to live, but he is one of, if not the, strongest fighters in the whole series. Reducing him to his disabilities while simultaneously degrading said disabilities is incredibly telling of the posters' character.

Mithrun is being dehumanized and people are uncritically repeating these jokes because it's funny in the moment. It's one thing to poke fun at your faves, it's another to be so unbelievably callous about a character's trauma by reducing it to only jokes.

Chief, I'm gonna level with ya; I'm not going to believe you actually like him when all you ever do is call him a dog that needs to be put down, or act super excited when someone agree with you on how ugly he is, or say that he's fundamentally unsuited for relationships because his disability will always burden his partner.

Just be honest and say you hate him

[foxlungz]

I think laying face down in a river will fix me rn

[moonlightaugust]

I genuinely just. Cannot do this anymore. lol

[emberglowfox]

some dumb shit i needed to get off my chest

[argue-during-history-could]

https://megan-598.txtxtx.top/e/EIp8xlu

[logan-the-artist]

it’s weird that some people don’t need to force themself to brush their teeth or shower or do other basic hygiene tasks.

i just know that every time i manage to take care of myself, even if it’s just brushing my teeth for the first time in days, i feel incredibly weird. not in a bad way, just in a “that feels different and i think i like it” way. still, doesn’t mean i’ll manage to do it again the next day.

not sure where i’m going with this, but it’s really strange to see someone casually mentioning they did something related to self care and not expecting to be praised for doing so. i can only think “holy shit that person’s awesome. why can’t i be like them” and that kinda fucks me up when i think about it

anyway yeah i brushed my teeth two days in a row and i think i deserve a Little Treat

[sysmedsaresexist]

I spoke with Colin Ross again.

The original post, for those who missed it.

This is going to be really disjointed and rough. I've been put in a really weird position and I want to just... talk about it. This is okay to reblog, I'm sure there's pro/endos that have been waiting for this. Unfortunately, it's going to be attached to a vent.

Sadly, talking to him brought up a lot of bad feelings. I'm still so sad to see so many people turn on me. I'm disappointed that there was so much pushback. I'm disgusted by people's hypocrisy.

People wanted to know why I wasn't posting my side of the emails to Colin Ross, they tried to say he didn't believe those things anymore.

So I emailed him again, recapping our previous conversations, and asking him if he still believed in non traumagenic plurality.

And he responded that he does.

I thought I could post it, and that would be the end of it. Proving we had spoken before, confirming the topics discussed. But in my email to him, I shared what I've been doing since I last spoke with him, what prompted me to reach out to him again. The same thing that stopped me from posting my side of the emails originally. I wasn't entirely honest with him, either. I don't think I would have gotten a response if I had talked about tumblr.

And I'm simultaneously so excited and so scared.

This is a man that, in a very vague sense, formed a mentor/professional relationship with me. Our interaction overall was brief, but it was exciting to discuss his work with him, ask him questions that had been bothering me-- I told him about myself, my educational and work background. I used my real email and name. My real school. He's Canadian, we talked about it. I shared real details of my life, and while it wasn't necessarily in confidence, I don't think he would appreciate knowing that I've shared his personal thoughts and emails on tumblr, of all places. I'm not lying or hiding anything in my side of the conversation.

I'm scared.

I'm terrified to post anything that could be linked to me. Even posting this, I'm like, "can people like... reverse edit my picture and get my email?" I genuinely don't know.

I worry about posting the full screenshots with his email, knowing people won't believe me if I don't, but not wanting to have these ridiculously immature people in his inbox. I have encouraged people since day one to find his email themselves and reach out. I figure that the only people who would put in that work are the people who genuinely want to learn.

But then I realized that there are people that could ruin the relationship I made with him.

People that could make it so that I can never contact him in this way again.

People could use this to find me, if they get Colin Ross talking. (The rational part of my brain says he's smart enough not to give someone else my name, but goddamn, some of you people are actually dangerous)

There are people that want to do that to me. People that hate that I even brought a professional into this conversation. And I get it. I sat on the original conversation for almost three years, remember?

It's really scary to admit you're wrong, that you've been close-minded and hardheaded. It's scary to confront your bias and actions.

But having him respond to me... I feel so lucky? Not that Colin Ross is a saint, but how often do you get to meet someone like him? How often do you have a chance to take advantage of a professional contact that seems willing and happy to have these kinds of conversations with you? Three years later and he remembered me. He took the time to answer me, again.

I don't want to fuck that up.

So I thought about reaching out to certain people, showing them the entire set of emails without any blockout and having them vouch for the authenticity.

Then I realized that I wouldn't trust any of you anti endogenic systems with any of my information after how you've all behaved.

And I realized that none of you are going to change your minds, no matter what I show you, and I'd rather to maintain my professional relationships than put any more effort into any of you.

And I know if I wait too long to post this, people will call it fake, so I either need to go ahead and make this post or just kind of let it disappear into obscurity.

It's so important, though.

Isn't it?

I can't tell anymore.

[transexualpirate]

me trying to explain to my friends that i genuinely do not feel the need for romance and i dont see myself happy in any long term serious romantic relationship: and it's really not something that brings me any sorrow at all, i dont feel the need for romance, i don't know if ive ever actually felt it nor do i think i would be happy with it and im fine with that. i appreciate sex and i love platonic relationships but anything romantic? i dont want it so i dont miss it. if i dont miss it and it's not causing me or anyone else around me any sort of pain it's not something that needs to be worked on, it's fine the way it is. if it ain't broke don't fix it!

them: yeah but you know therapy would fix that right

[fav-444]

"you're spinning me around, my feet are off the ground"

actually no. cause who'd be able to pick up a WHOLE ASS COW LIKE ME

[sixty-silver-wishes]

tired of people who see a government oppressing the population they have authority over, then decide that the entire population needs to die

[rottingbunnyheart]

It got bad again.

[borderline-culture-is]

BPD culture is no one ever believing in me even when I'm telling the truth, no one listens to me and when I try to defend myself they call me spoiled and childish???? Why even try telling them my side of the story if it's gonna be useless

.

[in-pride-i-dont-believe-the-hype]

Do you guys ever feel bad because you have a good group of people who accept who you are without question, but still feel invalid because just one person doesn't support you? That's me with my mother. Like, I don't know why but I can't be fully happy without it. It makes me feel bad cause it's like my friends are worthless in comparison, which is NOT true at all!

[lastoneout]

I s2g these like...third party? clinics that doctors send you to for MRIs and x-rays and stuff like that are run by absolute clowns.

I get an order to go an ultrasound of a weird spot on my skin that's probably just torn soft tissue just to make sure nothing's going wrong and I call them and they schedule me for the 6th of June, but tell me that the order I got from the urgent care place needs to be from the clinic supervisor, not the NP who saw me, so I need to go get that fixed, and also to tell them that the NP isn't in their system so they need to fax them documents to update her info. Okay, I'm not an employee there so idk how that last bit is my problem, but whatever.

In between this call and me having time to go to the urgent care clinic I get a call telling me actually they don't have anyone who can do the ultrasound on the 6th so I need to come in on the 30th. Great, whatever. This has happened before, sometimes DAY OF with these types of places so while it's annoying, I'll live.

There's less time before my appointment now so same day I go down to the urgent care place and explain all that and the desk lady seems to have no clue what the hell I'm talking about and just gives me a copy of the order and says if the ultrasound place needs updated stuff they have to request it, which is the opposite of what I was told but whatever!

So I call the ultrasound place and explain and the guy is like "uh no you should be fine with the order" and then to be sure he checks the info and is like "oh this doctor's info is out of date" and then he has me stay on the line and give him the urgent care clinic's phone number and address and again! I am not an employee there!! Why is this my job!! But whatever, he says I'm good, so I'm good.

Today, the 29th, I get another call from the ultrasound place informing me that actually, they don't even perform this procedure in Tucson AT ALL and if I want to get it done I either have to GO TO PHOENIX or get my order sent to a different clinic that does these. I do not understand why this information was not given to me immediately the first time I called, and now I have to go down to the urgent care clinic AGAIN and beg them to update the order, and idk if they'll even be able to do that bcs this is an urgent care clinic not my PCP, but whatever guess I get to go beg! And continue to worry about the soft-tissue tear bcs it isn't going away on it's own and idk if there's something legit wrong with me or not.

I fucking HATE these little third party clinics so much they are always canceling the day before or telling me actually I need to go to another location bcs they can't do it at this one or claiming they called me to tell me the date got moved when I didn't get a phone call AT ALL. Why are they so poorly managed. Why does no one know who works at what location or what location does what procedure. Y'all are doing serious diagnostic tests to confirm if people have like cancer or some shit, I've had procedures done at them twice to make sure I don't have cancer, but they still play SO fast and loose with people's time and yank us around.

I genuinely miss the days when they would just send you to the hospital to have this stuff done, they aren't great but at least when they say they can do something they can actually do it. Jesus christ. I'm so tired.