tlsreviews

[tlsreviews]

FATE: The Winx Saga

Okay I never saw Winx when I was a kid because it just wasn’t a fan favourite of my generation. Yes, I am a young one. However, in saying that, after seeing that Netflix was going to be bringing out a live adaptation, I of course had my doubts. Who wouldn’t?? They looked like this???

Well, I certainly had my doubts but damn can I just say that for all of the negative reviews saying the characters had no depth etc etc can we talk about how cool incorporating modern language and technology into this universe was?? They swore, they had phones, computers, other tech. They were modern day teenagers! All in all, super refreshing considering most movies or TV shows that are even remotely similar to this were ancient in their customs and their dialogue. It’s like they went back in time. Fate did not do that, it made the modern world its own and honestly I’m down for that.

Another thing, I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS TO BE MA 15+. I’m sorry but like, I enjoy a good terrifying creature and I’m going to write about it damn it. The ‘Burned Ones’ reminded me somewhat of the Bonies off Warm Bodies. Simple, petrifying and do their job. First time I saw one in the show I was genuinely unsettled. A good unsettled, yet an unsettling experience nonetheless. Take a shot every time I say unsettle. It’s rare to see new creatures take form in TV shows with plots that are dare I say fairly similar to Vampire Academy. (The main character looks eerily similar no? Also there’s the guy with the fire powers too. Who is also a loner and a weirdo.) Just saying.

It’s crazy how I almost watched this with a 5 year old and a 9 year old as a movie night. Don’t do that. Opening scene in itself has managed to give me nightmares let alone them. Just kidding.

I’ll be dreaming of the Burned One’s faces tonight.

Pros:

Decent effects, largely unfamiliar cast, interesting mystery, teenage carnage tv show similar to the Maze Runner but I’m sure will do better.

Cons:

Only 6 episodes, some of the acting was a bit off but that’s okay, the fight at the end was less than hyped up and pretty sad in comparison to what I had drawn up in my head.

TLS gives this season of Fate: The Winx Saga a 7/10.

[tlsreviews]

To All The Boys I Loved Before

What do you get when you cross Easy A, The Proposal and Dear John?

Okay first off, the title is complete BS. “To all” really felt like a bit more than 5 to me and two of them weren't even mentioned. So now, were down to “to all 3 of the boys I have loved before”. BUT, then presses the matter that she didn't actually love any of those boys. They were merely crushes. Sure, you could place Josh as a “loved before” but I think not for the reasoning that she never told him. 

The plot is the biggest bogus thing in this movie, which is alarming since there was an hour and 40 minutes of it. Okay sure, opening scene: book-obsessed, love-obsessed, fantasising 16 year old who is the kid sister of her mother figure big sister who has never had a boyfriend. Fine. I can roll with that- this is a teenager drama after all. 

One of the most bothering part of the plot is how dumb the fake relationship came about. Literally, it came about within 30 seconds. “Oh hey so we should be fake together because I want my ex back and you don't want to confront your personal life.” Two thumbs up, writers. In what universe does that NOT end with hard feelings and dumb endings? 

Okay, okay. Putting that stupid plot point aside, Lara-Jean must have been the biggest dope head in the world to not see that Peter had feelings for her. Also, she didn't want to love him back because of why? Because she loved Josh? Because her heart would break? Because she thought she couldn't get Peter? I’m sorry if I can’t believe any of that. She's clearly not a dumbass, so this bothered me. 

Hot tub scene/ the repercussions. Total waste of movie time. These scenes were plain dumb. If Lara-Jean was so “inexperienced”, why was the gal a perfect kisser and knew exactly what she was doing sitting on Peter’s lap? I know I almost passed out after my first kiss and that was a PECK. Its not relatable. Its not real. Everything is awkward, nothing is easy. Teenagers of today can vouch for that.  Somebody explain to me what the point of the video and the pictures getting leaked was. It counted for literally only 15 minutes of the movie AND wasn't even something that Lara-Jean got angry at Peter for? 

I get that the whole movie was based off of the love letters she wrote, yet they weren't really addressed at all. They came up in the start and in the end and that is IT. Saving all the notes that Peter wrote for LJ was dumb because shouldn't LJ have read them when they were given to her? What did she think was in them? Blank paper? Please Lara-Jean, you're giving me an aneurism.

OH AND WHAT THE FUCK WAS UP WITH MARGOT WEARING SHOES IN BED????? 

Positives:

Noah Centineo. That is all. 

TLS gives this movie a 40%.

[tlsreviews]

Downsizing

Subtitles, anyone?

This.. this was just all over the place. Odd from start to finish. I just honestly cannot believe that this made it to the movies. What the hell, guys?

It went for 2 and a half hours and I was both relieved and angry when it ended. Angry because I couldn’t get my money back for the honest waste of my time, and happy because I could finally get up and leave.

This movie changed its plot line so many times I couldn’t keep track. Probably in an attempt keep its audience “on the edge of their seats.” Now, I don’t fall asleep often in movies but I swear I couldn’t keep my eyes open it was so dull.

I’m sad to report that there was only one rather big shocker in the entire movie and sure it wasn’t expected, but come on. 2 1/2 hours and that’s all you come up with??

It went from “giant scientific discovery” -which is cool, as it would be- to “being smallified” to “mad betrayal” to “the down spiral of a former glorified Paul” to “Vietnamese prison break through a tv box” to “a weird existential acid trip scene that was not necessary” to “hey that’s the chick who lost her leg- how interesting” to “Paul’s life is so meaningless now” to “Paul’s life has meaning again” to “wait let’s go to Norway” to “oh shit the worlds ending” to “Paul stop being so dramatic” to “Paul realises that he doesn’t want to walk 11 hours and comes back anyway.”

Let’s be real, if you’re not into getting wrecked by mountains of information carried on your shoulders by the shear knowledge that you could fall asleep at any time, then this movie is not for you.

I’m pretty certain that this movie isn’t for anyone. To begin with, the cinema wasn’t full at all and the movie only came out like a week ago. That’s concerning, and a good indication that the movie you’re about to see is utter nonsense. Secondly, I saw a whole heap of people an hour and a half into the movie, take out their phones and check Snapchat, Facebook or whatever else meant they didn’t have to watch the movie. (I was one of them). People got restless, started getting up, leaving the movie, talking, laughing and throwing snacks into the air. If that’s not a good way of telling that the movie was terrible I don’t know what else to tell you.

Postitives:

Matt Damon is still looking gooood.

And that’s about it.

TLS gives this movie a 30%

[tlsreviews]

Justice League

Big guns.

Dear DC, you’re currently the little brother of Marvel and they’re overshadowing you. Stop trying to be like them and maybe you’ll be surprised that you have potential too.

Never really been a fan of the justice league franchise but even the worst movies need reviews. This was supermans movie and it honestly makes him sound like an arrogant little boy who wanted his 700th movie for the 700th time. Of course he would have come back, guys. It’s a DC movie and he is the posterboy of DC comics. They’re not just going to kill him off and leave him like that. Be real.

The truth about the actors?

I’m in love with Ezra Miller as Flash and nobody can change my mind.

I was very keen for one of the most beloved characters from the smash hit Game of Thrones tv series to be live up the hype as bad boy merman, Aqua man. I was vastly disappointed that he 1. Didn’t get enough screen time and 2. Was ultimately recognised as a hottie and not recognised for his incredible acting ability. I feel like they, for lack of a better term, “blonded him down” which just isn’t right for anyone, actor or creator.

#that one dude that’s bionic is a waste of film time. Everything he did, was just too conveniently placed such as his material being cut from the same cloth as that of the BIG BAD BOXES.

The entire movie is full of convenience come to think of it. Convenient that the space ship to resurrect superman was active? Convenient that the bionic guy could just hack his way into everything? Convenient that Clark went back to being good ole Clark JUST in time to fight a whole bunch of aliens? Convenient, hm.

Infinity stones & tesseract anyone?!

I’m sorry but haven’t I seen these boxes before? In a Marvel movie? I could be wrong but don’t they look VERY similar to the Tesseract? Just gonna leave that there.

Positives:

For the positives, this movies effects were lovely to watch, minus the CGI moustache intervention which can be overlooked because he had a clause that he couldn’t shave it so what the hell else were they gonna do?

Loved the little girl who thought bug spray would protect her and her family. Too precious. Aw.

Love that Flash can openly admit that he was an accident. It’s nice to hear that some superheroes don’t plan on it originally. (Batman we’re looking at you.)

This movie was slightly overrated in respect to the fact it was meant to be absolutely spectacular.

TLS gives this movies a 60%.

[tlsreviews]

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

*Rey and Kyle touch hands*

Me:

Directed by Rian Johnson

This movie was dumb at the best of times for those who have already seen it. You know which part I’m talking about. I have a lot of opinions on this movie (mostly negative) but there were those few mind blowing scenes that you just have to stare and say wow.

During one -that I’m sure all of us reviewers can relate to this- the rebel mothership collided with the enemy ship and created a no-less-than-magnificent visually and emotionally effective scene that reduced its audiences to claps and cheers. This scene was entirely muted for lasting effect and I remember hearing the sea of wow’s and woah’s coming from all around me like a wall of approval. This was most likely the most powerful scene in this movie.

The fact they have to kill off Carrie Fisher after having a perfectly suitable chance to do it makes me not only sad but also confuses me. Let the poor woman rest in paradise and move on with the Saaga for gods sake.

The humour in this movie was ultimately well ustilised but there were a few times when seriousness was necessary and the creators ruined it with misplaced comedy.

The connection between Kylo and Rey is a definite fan girl; even for those of us (me) that don’t particularly enjoy Rey as a character. Definitely go for the love story if anything. Prepare to be disappointed and relieved on an endless loop.

The part of the movie based around the casino was a complete waste of time, as was unveiling the “master code breaker” which reminds me of Captain Boomerang from DC’s Suicide Squad. The entire sequence was total trash and made no sense, did not fit into the story line and took away a good hour of the movie that could have been put to better use.

The “new Jedis” (inverted commas because I’m not sure if they are to be Jedis) could have been introduced a whole lot better in some different scenario because to me it just feels like finding Anakin all over again but these kids use their force for sweeping. I’m just underwhelmed that they left about 5 minutes of the entire movie to these kids who are (most likely) going to be the jumping point for the next saaga of Star Wars. Disappointing.

TLS gives this movie 45%.

[tlsreviews]

The Greatest Showman

“Are we...all invited?”

Me:

Directed by Michael Gracey

Okay but for real, the kind of makeup in this film doesn’t do justice to the time period seeing as it was based in the 1800’s and glitter on eyelids would have been generally unheard until the 80’s at least. Beautiful, no doubt; yet historically inaccurate.

A little too much singing. If you’re not into heavily sang musicals, this is not the ideal movie for you.

As an actor, Hugh Jackman did an amazing job portraying the egotistical showman who disregards family and friends. This role made me hate him for a small period of time which says a lot about the man playing the role.

I am happy to report I believe it is High School Musical’s favourite singer Zac Efron actually singing with his own voice! Isn’t that exciting. Could have definitely chosen someone else to the role, Efron just wasn’t the kind of actor I would have seen playing his role of caged entrepreneur/ rich boy.

Loved the beginning, very artistically pleasing.

TLS gives this movie a 70%.

[tlsreviews]

Jumaji: Welcome to the Jungle

Jumanji when Alex calls it out for being a board game:

Directed by Jake Kasdan

One of the best movies of 2017, in my opinion. Funny, charismatic and relatable, this movie gives all audiences a sense of direct adventure. Initially, I thought that this would be a terrible movie but decided to give it a go anyway despite my unwillingness to concentrate on character changes and repetition. I was very pleasantly impressed that it wasn’t a heap of garbage.

Although, as far as the plot goes, it doesn’t. Straightforward and slightly predictable, Jumanji feels like a movie running 1 and a half hours long.

There is a happy cameo of the beloved Robin Williams’ character, Alan Parrish, which makes for a smile-worthy few seconds.

Jack Black was fantastic at portraying a self obsessed teenage girl and suited the role perfectly. However, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson tried too hard to fit his role and even though he played it fit enough to the idea of Dr Smoulder Bravestone, it just didn’t feel right to have cast him as the lead hero.

TLS gives this movie 89%.