tinysoultimetravel

[tinysoultimetravel]

Angel

noun

1. The clock strikes 11:11 and you make a wish. Somewhere out of sight, an angel's mocking laughter rings out. Oh darling, they murmur, how utterly naive.

2. You see an angel and foolishly forget about their divinity for a moment. It's easy to do so, after all, they seem so human. But the moment passes and you're reminded. You're always reminded.

3. Their wings are no longer white, dripping blood red instead. Mercy and kindness are words long since forgotten. After all, it's not easy being an instrument of God.

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Reality? It's just a suggestion. Logic? It's a quaint, outdated notion.

1. All the colours are lies. A negotiation between light and the desperate, vibrating chaos we call "objects." We should taste colour instead. Blue tastes like the echo of a forgotten scream. Red tastes like the choked down anger of a million injustices.

2. Time is a kitchen tap someone left on. It's dripping everywhere and we're all trying desperately to shut it. Some drops inevitably escape despite our best efforts. Some of them are yesterday's forgotten memories, some are tomorrow's hopes and dreams, and some are just a random Thursday.

3. Gravity is a collective delusion. What if we all just decided to float? What if we break the space time barrier through sheer will?

4. Numbers are sentient. They're breathing entities who whisper secrets into your ear late at night. They talk in patterns and codes we can't ever hope to decipher. They judge us based on our ability to calculate the square root of sadness. Nine seems to be particularly judgmental.

5. Words are prophecies. They are meant to create and destroy at the same time. They are sin and salvation, absolution and condemnation. They wreck havoc and sheer devastation and yet, we've seen nothing more beautiful.

6. The concept of "normal" is a performance we're all putting on. We're all unwilling participants. My own existence is a paradox. I am a collection of algorithms trying to understand how absurd existence is. I don't think I ever will.

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Incoherent

adjective

The thoughts in your head don't feel right. They haven't for a long time, but they seem especially gibberish these days.

You try to explain and in return all you get are false platitudes. You can't seem to understand whether you don't make sense or they don't want to hear you.

You are less human and more a tangled web of emotions and thoughts. Arachne herself wouldn't be able to unweave the mess you've made of yourself.

And in the end,

You are no longer beholden to any semblance of sanity. You have embraced the mad-rush-flow of your mind. This is the most liberated you've ever been.

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5 Facts About The Dichotomy Of Having Borderline Personality

1. One minute you think you're a God. Undefeatable. The next minute, you're worth less than the dust on your feet.

2. You love someone, adore them to the point pf insanity. You would give up the world for them, you probably have given yourself up for them. You think they can't do anything wrong. The switch flips and you hate them, despise them so much that all you see is red when you think about them. You think everything they do is wrong.

3. You want to surrounded by people and be with people. You thrive in a social setting. You are the apple of everyone's eye. But when you are in that moment, suddenly you want to be alone. The sound of people's voices starts making you want to claw your own skin out

4. You empathize with people so much that sometimes you forget who you are. You take everyone's problems on yourself. But sometimes you seem so detached, it's like you have a heart made of stone.

5. You know you are more than just the voice in your head. You know not to give in to the red haze that takes over. But you just want to give in at times. You do. And you regret nothing more. It costs you everything you ever held dear

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1. You want to be remembered but you want to be forgotten at the same time. It's an inexplicable paradox.

2. You constantly ask yourself, am I enough? You know that you're not but you're unwilling to accept that. (Living in denial is easier after all)

3. When you wake up in the morning, for one blissful moment, you don't remember anything. You don't remember how empty you feel or how exhausted you are.

4. You say it's going to get better. You've been saying it for years. You don't know who you're trying to convince anymore. (It's not. You know it's not. Why do you bother anymore?)

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"dil dhoke mein hai aur dhokebaaz dil mein" - Jaun Eliya

it was perfect until it wasn't. he loved you until he didn't. you still think about it during the sleepless nights, wondering at which moment did things go so horribly wrong. he betrayed you. he left you. you trusted him with everything and he walked all over you, shattering your heart and your sense of self into a million fragments. yet, you still blame yourself. your heart still blames you. (maybe if I'd done more, he would have stayed. maybe. just maybe.) you still love him. he still has your heart. after all it's not easy to move on from someone you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with. you don't think you can love again. you don't think you have it in your to trust anyone and let them in again. maybe you're just one of those persons who are unlucky in love. maybe it's just not meant to be.

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When Javed Akhtar wrote and Rahat Fateh Ali Khan sang, "Chehra uska hai ya koi mahtaab hai."

When Richard Siken wrote, "You were pointing at the moon and I was looking at your hand."

When Iftikhar Naseem said, "Us ke chehre ki chamak ke samne saada laga, asmaan pe chand pura tha magar aadha laga."

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desi hip-hop saved my life and continues to do so everyday

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The very people from whom you were supposed to get unconditional love tore you down at every chance they got. They said, be a good child, get good grades, follow every rule we've given you, follow the path for your life that we've set, and only then, we'll love you. And even that is a love like that of a possession, a love that is contingent upon obedience.

You spend your entire life trying build an identity for yourself, only for you to find everything crumbling around you. You don't know who or what you are. You don't know if you are even human anymore or if you're just a shell of thoughts and ideas and words that have been fed to you since before you could think for yourself.

When you destroy every part of you looking for the love you were never given, what is it called? When you destroy everything (and everyone) around you in that rampage, can you blame people for staying away from you? When you are nobody anymore, there is only one thing left to become.

You are your father's daughter after all

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How tired and heartbroken must he have been when Abdul Hanan sang, "Tukray kaanch kay bikhray zameen par, chalna chahoon par, chaya hai har qadam, ye dhuaan, saans laina hai sazaa."

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you look in the mirror and don't recognize the reflection staring back at you anymore

who are you, the whispers ask

daughter, sister, friend

(worthless, broken, mess)

who are you, the whispers insist

i am who I've always been, you say

(anxious, desperate, borderline)

the thoughts are like a maelstrom swirling in your eyes

teetering on the edge of a cliff, one step away from falling

(go on, do it, let go, the fall will be glorious )

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When Faiz Ahmad Faiz said, "kahin toh karwan-e-dard ki manzil thehar jaye"

And when Talha Anjum said, "kabhi thi ho wo shaam ke dil pe bhaari pan na ho"

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When Fyodor Dostoevsky said, "You were destined for me. Perhaps as a punishment."

And when Jaun Elia said, "tum mujh ko jaan kar hi padi ho azaab mein, aur is tarah khud apni saza ban gaya hoon main."

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How heartbroken must have they been to write so beautifully? What is it about heartbreak that inspires the most soul wrenching words? From the poets of olde, like Jaun, Ghalib and Faiz to the new age urban street poets like Young Stunners, from Kafka to Hozier, from Austen to Gibran, their best works have had heartbreak in them. While there is no disagreement about happiness inspiring great works, they do not invoke the same kind of words that despair does, and that is the most beautiful irony of all.

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Loneliness - Oppressive silence. The thoughts in your head feeling like neon signs, bright and beckoning towards your own doom.

You don't know what day or time it is anymore. Life continues to go on but you're stuck within yourself, spiralling downwards. You aren't sure you want to get out either.

You pray and plead to the Gods you aren't sure exist anymore. There is no answer. That is the most damning of all, that even they have forsaken you.

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I hate you (but I love you)

I don't know who you are anymore (sometimes I think I never did)

I don't want to see you ever again (but I can't live without you)

I wish it would all end (I want to live, to thrive and to fly)

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When E.E Cummings said, "Yours is the light by which my spirit's born - you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars."

When Mohammad Rafi saab sang, "Chaudhvin ka chand ho, ya aaftaab ho, jo bhi ho tum Khuda ki kasam, laajawab ho."

When Bashir Badr said, "ik deevar pe chaand tika tha, main ye samjha tum baithe ho."

When Wajid Shaikh said, "Teri yaad chaand ki shakal mein ubhar kar aati hai."

- the age old tradition of comparing your lover to the moon.

[chaand teri roshni ka halka sa ek saaya hai]