taralynnhiatt-blog - Tumblr blog

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

As I’m waiting for WiFi to come in my shared apartment (which I am moving out of in the next two months), I have been going to a small, cozy café to get online so I don’t use up so much data. I have gotten prophetic dreams from my Higher Self for awhile now, and it’s always intrigued me. I used to write them all down; recently, I would only write the ones down regarding my love life, trying to figure out the meaning. I’ve realized, as time goes by and I’m learning that I am separate, but one, from other people, that I need to start listening to my entire soul and not just the parts that I want to hear. My Higher Self sends me dreams, warning me, I wouldn’t even say warning, of the next day. Of my healing process mainly, or just to prepare me of what will happen: a daily highlight. They are often messages of my own insecurities, or past, or both, combined with the future, of who I am without the insecurities. They are messages telling me OF the future, far ahead, or literally the next day. They symbolize things for me in my personal life. Sometimes I am under psychic attack in my dreams. My dreams are very personal and full of meaning. So as I’ve been getting back in touch with my own soul, I’ve decided to start writing all my dreams down again, along with what I think it means. Then I will go back towards the end of the day and reflect on my dream again as the day passed. I feel so connected to myself, falling so deeply in love with myself as I listen to the guidance of my soul. I’m no longer working against it, rather with it. My Higher Self has been trying to help me with my dreams, and I just go with what happens the next day without trying to prepare myself mentally and growing by writing it down and figuring out my thoughts on all of it. My Higher Self is not against me, it’s with me. It wants to help me. Along with all of that, I’ve decided to start researching topics that have interested me for awhile. I bought myself some notebooks, colored markers, and I will begin to study like a schoolgirl: but the topics that *I* like (I never liked school growing up). Let’s see if I can study a few at a time in the future... but first: astrology & birth charts ✨

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

“Woman is the radiance of god. She is not a creature. She is the creator.” ~Rumi #divinegoddess #divinefeminine #yoni #yonigoddess #rumi #goddess #goddessrising #selfie #greeneyes #makeup #greeneyesmakeup #smokeyeyes #girlswithtattoos #girlswithink #chickswithtattoos #chickswithink #tattedup #inkedup #semicolon #semicolontattoo #chakranecklace #chakras #crystals #lightworker #starseed #empath #shaman #indigo

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

“I’m trying to see more with my eye, and less with my eyes.” #spiritual #thirdeye #awareness #consciousness #selfie #greeneyes #lightworker #empath #indigo #starseed #shaman

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

Sex really is a divine act. It’s an exchanging of two energies; you literally become one. Both of you combine. So, when you give yourself up, do you feel emotionally safe? Do you know that you are protected... can your soul can rest in ease? Do you know that they aren’t going to go anywhere? Having sex with someone is so spiritual to a point that you almost become the other person (you will always be your own person). That’s why it’s so important to be whole by yourself, without feeling you need the other person to complete you. This is a challenge for so many, and was for myself in the past. I used to look for love with sex, to give myself up when I didn’t want to for love, did it when I wasn’t ready, and was simply careless for my body. Tied into other deeply rooted traumas. Now, I see sex as such a sacred act, that I am so picky, as much as it’s difficult to hold it back for myself. I’m unable to give it to anyone who I do not feel safe with anymore. It doesn’t work anymore. I can’t. I have to feel loved, and I know ultimately that this comes from within FIRST. And with the other person, it literally has to build with time. Be their friend. Once you feel complete alone, and you exchange energies, I can only imagine what spirituality blossoms from that on top of what you’ve created for yourself. When you exchange sexuality energies with someone when you’re not in a space of self love, old, buried wounds come up to heal whether you want it to or not. It’s unavoidable. Either you grow together, or you don’t. Sex forces you to look within yourself, or it doesn’t, if you are oblivious or ignorant to the feelings happening afterwards. I could go on and on about this topic, and I will one day in a blog post when I focus on my blog after my move. ✨ #sex #sexuality #yoni #tantra #tantrasex #sexisspiritual #spiritualsex #consciousness #divinefeminine #goddessrising #goddess #bloomfromwithin #lookatyoursoul #canyou? #spiritual #esoteric #CPTSDrecovery #ptsdrecovery #bpdrecovery

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

Do you have a conscience? #Empathy and #kindness are vital in this world. Don’t attempt to destroy others because you hate yourself. You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings, but you are responsible for how you treat people. For what you stand up for and what you turn your head away to. We are humans. We are not monsters. We have feelings, and we are not objects.

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

I’ve been very reflective lately, as I always am. As I’ve been allowing to feel my grief feelings without pushing them away the past few days, knowing that my father will never be there for me the way I want him to, coming to terms of acceptance of the relationship I never had, I’ve been truly realizing the cycle of the universe. My feelings remind me of turbulent waves crashing onto shore. Growing up, I never had control of my feelings and never had a healthy guide to show me how, either. I had to somehow deal with my big emotions by myself. I’ve finally come to a point where I’m able to take responsibility for my feelings and I’ve taught myself how to manage them. I don’t push them away like I used to, I don’t invalidate my own feelings, I don’t feel like they are a burden anymore, I don’t give my big feelings to other people and expect them to do for me what I should be doing for myself: validation, patience, understanding, empathy. You have to do this for yourself. You can’t expect others to do it if you can’t do it for yourself. This is a big thing for me... growing up I wanted my father to do all these things for me, but he is and was incapable of anything that had to do with feelings. I’m starting to realize that the universe put me here, that I chose the parents I have before I was born to learn my lessons and fulfill my soul purpose, because one of my biggest purposes is to teach others and most of all children how to deal with their big emotions by being there for my own. Authenticity and vulnerability is key. As I speak up, I give others the safety to speak up, too. As I am true to myself, setting boundaries, I allow others the safety to be there for themselves. This is what I came here to do. I’m a healer, a child of the universe, a lightworker; and I’m here to put light on this Earth. We’ve got to take our power back. — Aside from that, remember everything you go through prepares you for what you’re really meant to do on Earth. You’re beautiful. You’re light. Karma makes its round. #spiritual #consciousness #moon #divinefeminine #bpd #bpdrecovery #cptsd #complexptsd #ptsd #mentalhealth #feelings #selflove #selfworth #selfacceptance #universe #karma

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

Trigger warning: physical and emotional abuse — Venting here to be understood what really goes through my mind on a daily basis: — Does anyone here have a parent who literally never wanted you since you were born, and you chased for their love and they just never seemed to have interest or care about you? — I did. I will never understand how I can love my father sooooo deeply after being rejected, abandoned, physically abused every time I said what it was that was bothering me, and how I can keep making excuses for him, not so much taking the blame (yes, only my part, but not all of it like I used to, or blaming it all on him). It hurts me very deeply. I’ve always had a fantasy, hopes that he will love me. I always chased him. It followed me in past “almost” relationships where I chased but they strung me along. But for my past “kind of” relationship it was out of guilt that they stayed, they wanted me but they didn’t, and not out of apathy and manipulation. With current situations in my love life, it helps me not see so black and white. — But still... it hurts me with my dad. How could a dad simply not have love for his daughter or want anything to do with her? I’ve been told he loves me and all that and I’ve even tried convincing myself he does, but his actions never showed it. I really don’t think he does, regardless what anyone says. Otherwise he wouldn’t leave me starving in the streets keeping me homeless FOR SMOKING WEED, at 18.... or physically abusing me, or ignoring me for years, or not even knowing who I am and what I like growing up, giving me the time of day.. — He doesn’t realize how much he’s affected me throughout the years while being an adult (and as a child wanted to die, trying multiple times, and for years cut myself, did drugs to escape the pain). — continued in my blog, link in bio. #oveyourself #selflove #solarplexus #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticparent #narcissism #empath #lightworker #indigoadult #complexptsd #complexptsdrecovery #cptsdawareness #ptsd #ptsdrecovery #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthblogger #spiritual #consciousness #mentalhealth #abusesurvivor #traumasurvivor #bpd #borderlinepersonality #stopthestigma

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

Missing my daddy; hurting still, tearing up & crying even, but okay without him and don’t need him to make me happy. To still deeply love and forgive after such harsh abuse is what I wish for all of you to anyone who has ever hurt you. Love is not a curse. ❤ #throwback #ComplexPTSD #CPTSD #CPTSDrecovery #bpdrecovery #borderlinepersonality #imissmydaddy #daddy #armydaddy #deepconnections #rejection #selflove #family #loveafterabuse #forgiveness

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

Me the other day, playing around on Snapchat.... which I barely ever use 🤣

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

I have so much to say, yet nothing at all. I’ve fallen in love with myself.. and not in a narcissistic way. ♥️ #selflove #markanthony #writersofig #writersofinstagram #poetsofinstagram #poetsofig #ptsdrecovery #cptsdrecovery #bpdrecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #everythingrecovery #healing #authenticity #vulnerable #connection #selfworth #patience #loveyourself #inthemeantime

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

Do you know those moments when you’re grateful in your own company? When you can rest knowing that you are unique, along with every single other person on this planet. Although you may connect deeply with others, so deeply that it’s a bit like “woah,” you are still your own unique person. Everyone has a different perspective, no matter how closely you can relate to them. Or not. Only you know yourself best, and accepting yourself is the ultimate freedom. I’ve been learning more and more about myself as time passes. I love being there for others, but I love having my time to recharge myself. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. But it is important to find that balance, not to be too extreme in one or the other. I’m an ambivert: I am introverted and extroverted. I need to be around people, even if it’s superficial talk... but the people I truly allow into my world are people who truly care about me. At the same time, I need time to be alone and do things I like in order to gain my stamina back in order to be there for other people. (That’s why I’m either considering Hamburg or Berlin as my next, hopefully a bit more permanent, hometown. HUGE cities!) My spirituality is a huge thing for me. Very important. I like researching things like Traditional Chinese Medicine, astrology, nutrition, etc. I love to read, write, sing, and dance. Plus, so much more. There’s so much more than meets the eye. And every person is this way. Everyone has a life behind this social media, what they portray to the world. And mine, I’m just so happening to start loving the skin I’m in, who I am. And accepting that everyone has their own path, I just have to continue and do my own thing, knowing that it’s best for me. ♥️ #selflove #randomthoughts #dreamcatcher #essentialoilcandles #bathandbodyworks #buddha #buddhacrystal #crystals #spiritualaltar #altar #witchy #introvert #extrovert #ambivert #recharging #lovetheskinyourein #eatingdisorderrecovery #ptsdrecovery #cptsdrecovery #bpdrecovery #mentalillnessawareness #stopthestigma #myvoicematters #selfacceptance #imdifferent #thatsjusthowitis #spiritual #esoteric #bohemian

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

You probably see one of the following: a woman who is showing too much skin, a woman who wants attention, a woman who is a tease, a woman “asking for it”. I am none of these things. I am a Divine Goddess who is not ashamed of her sexuality. I share this for me, not you. I am used to men (and women) only seeing the outside of me, liking the idea of me, seeing me as eye candy to fill their void. When in all reality, I’m as deep as it gets. I am an extremely spiritual, highly empathetic, deep feeling woman who does not settle. I know I am beautiful, but what makes me beautiful is my soul. My soul is too much to handle for some, because they cannot feel in deep depths like I can; they don’t want to. I used to feel not good enough or too overwhelming because of this... but this is not my issue. I am not here to simply please the needs of others all the time. The actions of other men & women are their responsibility. I am not at fault for anything for showing skin, for looking at a person a certain way, for having a man/woman think I want them for any absolute reason. The biggest of them all: leading them on. Through whatever, unintentionally or not. I believe women should not feel ashamed or guilty for loving sex. But I strongly believe that you goddesses should realize that your body is your sacred temple, & you should only allow someone to enter it if you know that they won’t insult your soul. That you’re truly protected. I used to mix sex with love, thinking I was loved because they wanted me sexually. Or tried getting them to love me this way. My emotions would attach, but was unbalanced. But it’s because I carried a deeply rooted guilt in me of people pleasing in order to be accepted, and it clashed with their energy. Women, do not be ashamed of loving sex. Of dressing & feeling sexy. Do not let others have power over you. Your sexuality is your power (all of you... men & women), & it doesn’t have to be used in a way to violate others. Respect is the ultimatum. Never do what you don’t want to do. Forgive yourself as you make mistakes. And ultimately: FEEL. Be brave enough to feel. #divinefeminine #feminist #feminism #metoo #spiritual #goddess #sexuality #sex

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

This breakfast was PERFECT!!! I put my cut up sweet potato in the oven, waited for it to finish, and then put them in a bowl. Then I cut my organic avocado into squares and put them in, as well. After that, all I did was cut up a kiwi and and an organic apple, mixed it in with organic maple syrup and that’s it! Sooo yummy ♥️ Should have added some cinnamon! #satisfying #breakfast #veganbreakfast #vegansofig #vegansofinstagram #vegan #foodshare #veganfoodshare #foodporn #obsessedwith #avocado #sweetpotato #fruitbowl #breakfastbowl #yummy #heresmyvariety #plantbased #wholefood #holistic #holistichealth #holisticnutrition #eatingdisorderrecovery

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

I didn’t admit to myself that I had an eating disorder until the week of December 5, 2017, which was the first day I officially a became full-blown, dedicated vegan. A lady named @hadasknox randomly followed me, we connected like crazy, & became my nutritionist, but also my friend. I was so desperate... so desperate. For a change. I immediately paid for a consultation & it changed my life. I told her what symptoms I was having and she told me what organs needed detoxing, & what foods I need to eat to get my body back right. I was a vegan for a time being, but gave up because I felt guilty when I couldn’t stick to it. I felt guilty for eating dairy when I know it would make me nauseous, sick, etc. I felt guilty for eating dairy because baby cows are supposed to consume the mother’s milk. & what the baby cows have to go through. I felt guilty for not being able to control myself when I restricted myself from sugar and then smashed a whole 12 piece bag of Oreos, telling myself I would only eat 6. Punishing myself with running. I would go hours or a day without eating while I was so hungry, & because I was so depressed & didn’t know what to eat or didn’t give effort to cook, I didn’t care (even as a vegetarian). I would lose weight & become content with being skinny. Then I would smash my face with food & feel bloated, sick, whatever. I never had a limit. Either too little food, or too much. Guilt. Loss of control. Self hatred. I became vegetarian summer of 2015, but the eating disorder got worse in 2016. I stopped beating myself up & became vegetarian again after my period of veganism (with the Oreos, being a junk vegan). Now... I’m fed up. & want to love myself. & I’m feeling greater than ever. Food is healing my body and my SOUL. This is the greatest act of self love for me. Being gentle with myself as I am learning to be a true vegan. Without forcing my beliefs on anyone. I do this for me..not you. This is what’s right for me. & if it’s not your way, that’s your decision. #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderawareness #vegan #vegansofig #vegansofinstagram #veganfitness #veganbeauty #vegangirl #anorexic #nomore #anorexiarecovery #selflove

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

I’ve fallen soooo in love with food. Food is no longer my enemy. ♥️ You know you’re doing great when you’re excited to cook for yourself every day. 🌿 #eatingdisorderrecovery #healingmybody #selflove #foodismyfriend #holisticnutrition #holistichealth #organic #organicfood #vegandinner #vegan #vegansofig #vegansofinstagram #veganfoodshare #veganfoodporn #glutenfree #veganfood #kale #coconutmilk #carrots #potatoes #mushrooms #garlic #ginger #basil #lotsofpepper #herbalsalt #MISO #probiotics #vegancurry #icouldgonandon

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

Me. #solo #single #ridingsolo #nomadinaforeigncountry #nomad #builtmyselfup #strength #dontdependonanyone #youareinchargeofyourownhappiness #selflove #bpdrecovery #bpdawareness #youonlyneedyourself #youcompleteyourself #fuckrejection #fuckjudgement #youarecompletealone

[taralynnhiatt-blog]

I’m having mixed emotions today! Super moody. I was happy all day, then remembered that Cody’s death anniversary is on Saturday, the 16th of December. He died 2 years ago. I’ve been trying to push it out of my mind... but I know I shouldn’t. So many things have been reminding me of him lately. For those of you who don’t know, he is my ex fiancée and he killed himself. Some are in denial and say it was an accident... but no. It wasn’t. I knew him better than anyone ever could. We were together on and off since I was 13 to 19. Sometimes I even feel his Spirit touch me; he visits my dreams. I miss him so much. But I somehow have the feeling that now is the time to truly let go. So many things have been synchronizing... I’ve been meeting people who remind me of him. Hard to explain. It’s like the universe keeps ripping at my heart until I finally can accept that he is gone. I don’t want him to be gone. I am finally becoming happy within my own skin, accepting myself... just truly being happy, taking the steps for myself to become my best Self: changing my diet (&actually eating on a consistent basis instead of starving and then binging), strengthening my muscles/body, doing my makeup because it makes me feel good, and just so much more.... and a part of me just wants him still in my life. He’s supposed to also be here to love himself. Even though he broke up with me for someone else &had a baby a couple years before he died, then tried coming back and for the first time I rejected him to protect my soul, even though our last talk was a big fight, even though he hurt me so much, and I stayed gone to save myself, I loved him. He had my heart. No one understood me like he did. No one could ever replace him, regardless of the traits that may be similar. I know this post was about my HAIR, but this was just me attempting to push away what’s really bothering me. I HAVE been happy, so this is no fake... Saturday, I feel, will be a turning point for me, though. The Timing of the universe has just been strange... the people it has been sending me, the stuff I’ve been letting go, the deep healing... there’s something shifting in my soul. (Continued in comments)