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yellow-berrys · 2 years ago

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sweet weeping soul | remus lupin x fem!reader

summary: your friends aren't really your friends, and remus lupin helps you realise that. a (hopefully realistic) tale of toxic friendship and how one escapes from it, into healthy relationships, both platonic and romantic. angst -> fluff

aka five times you cry in front of remus and one time he cries in front of you.

warnings: toxic platonic relationships, crying, sadness, envy, insecurity

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Remus Lupin makes you feel different, not yourself, per se. Around him, you become soft and reserved. It’s rare you have a conversation anyway— for you never really talk to him, or spend heaps of time around him. Lily is friends with him and you’re friends with Lily, so by extension he is your good friend too.

He is prettier than you and so kind, always with a cuddly quarter zip on or a fuzzy sweater. Sometimes he looks at you like he might kiss you, but you’ve seen him with other people and he looks at them the same, dark lashes nearly touching.

Remus has been told that he’s soft, all his life. There’s a steadiness gleaming from his kind honey-brown eyes, and a certain gentlemanly way to his neat strands of light brown hair. There’s gentle written all over him, and he always has a sweater on in the colder seasons. He always looks quiet, and he always is quiet, preferring to leave the talking to Sirius or James. Remus is everything consistent and everything mellow. A little mystery is woven into the way he does everything too. It makes him elusive, more interesting.

Mostly, he begs to differ. If you really get to know him, he swears like a sailor and is scarred like one too. His humour is snarky and sometimes crude. But he guesses that other people might be right, because he forgives too easily and loves too hard.

Especially as you’re alone at breakfast, sitting at your place down the table and playing with your food. You look a bit distraught, he thinks. Where’s Lily? And everyone else? You clatter down your fork because everything looks unappetising. Even the delicacies the house-elves prepare so painstakingly look dull and dreadful.

Remus notices your self-deprecating expression as a Slytherin girl passes by you and waves. She looks at you inquisitively and you respond with a small smile that is the furthest thing from genuine. She leaves with an arm hooked into her boyfriend’s, both looking worried for you. As she passes where Remus and the other Marauders are sitting, Remus can hear tid-bits of dialogue.

“Poor thing,” she says.

Remus decides you’re definitely not okay when even Sirius hums, “L/n isn’t looking too well today.”

You’re talking to Professor McGonagall now, a more amused smile on your face as you joke with her. But when she leaves you return to looking downtrodden and when you push your plate forward and start to get up from your seat, your eyes look empty. It’s when you hurry past him that he decides that he should go after you.

Fast taps against the tiles of the hallways alarm you. You turn and there’s Remus, long legs gaining mileage on you. He reaches you and you step to the side to let him go past. You’re confused when he stops before you. His eyes flicker down to yours and they’re filled with concern.

“Hey,” he breathes.

“Hi,” you smile politely and it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. Remus hates it.

“I’m sorry if this comes off weird or creepy, but I couldn’t help but notice that you don’t look very happy,” he says quietly.

You laugh. Again, it doesn’t sound right. It sounds forced and stuffy, “It’s not weird and I’m fine.”

“Where are your friends?” he asks, gently.

You shrug. It’s heavy enough that Remus can tell that you care a lot.

“They’re all gone?”

“I heard them early in the morning,” you say, nodding slowly.

“Are you okay then?”

No. You had heard all the girls in the dorm giggling as they got ready at six in the morning, tippy-toeing around your bed. When you peeked an eye open, feigning slumber, Lily was wearing one of her date night dresses, a pretty sun-dress that was only used for picnics. Trixie from Hufflepuff was there, and so was Olive. You squeezed your eyes shut and when they were all gone you noticed the picnic basket was missing. Dread pooled in your stomach and you tried in all your might to believe that they went for a date or were going to come back up to invite you. You thudded down the stairs and asked a first year sitting by the portrait about them.

“They were talking about a big group date,” she swung her legs, “Something about a park.”

You had smiled, “Thanks.”

You look at Remus, “Yeah.” But your voice breaks embarrassingly midway and your tired, disappointed mood starts to wear through. It’s impossible to put up a front in front of Remus, who’s gazing at you in such a fret. But he’s Lily’s friend and Lily surely had her reasons to not invite you. After all, you have your problems. It makes sense that it’s probably your fault and Remus deserves not to know.

Remus tries to gauge the problem out of you- wheedle it and make it clear that he does care. Somewhere in your half-hearted smiles he’s developed a crush on you because he thinks your attempts to make him less worried are so sweet.

But you simply shake your head every time he wants to know what’s wrong and ignore that he’s very close and very handsome.

You set off to your dormitory, but realise that you don’t really want to be there. Remus can tell from the conflicted look in your face.

“I’ll sit with you in the common room and you can please, please tell me what’s wrong. I want to help.”

He says it so earnestly that you nod, “Okay.”

“I woke up this morning and they were all getting ready for something, with the hair curler and dresses. That means going out, usually. And Lily was wearing her picnic dress, the one with little flowers on it. I heard them giggling as they all went out and I thought maybe they’ll come back for me. But when I sat up there wasn’t anyone in their beds and the picnic basket was gone. I didn’t know what had happened so I went downstairs to ask this first-year and she said they were going on a group trip, plus James.

“I feel so left out,” your bottom lip wobbles, “Because if this was a one time thing, I wouldn’t feel so bad, but they do this all the time. And I’m tired of constantly trying to join them when they haven’t even invited me in the first place. Every time they hang out they never think of me. I mean, they invited Trixie and Olive, and I wish I could say I’m closer to them than Trixie and Olive but I don’t think that’s true anymore. Every time. I’m sick of trying to take the initiative to make plans, and if I don’t they never think about me.

“In the holidays, they all went out to see this movie, and I get it, they all live near each other but they invited Hannah from Slytherin and not a word to me,” Remus’ heart pangs a little bit hearing your trembling tone, “It was only when I wrote to them asking if they wanted to see it with me that Lily said she had already seen it and so had Mary and Dorcas and everyone else. Okay, I accepted it, I did, and said we could go to the art gallery but no one replied.

“I tie my shoelaces and they never wait for me, but when they tie their shoelaces suddenly I have to be there, no matter what. And I can’t ever hang out with two of them because the others feel ostracised, even though they always leave me out. Lily gives me strange looks when I chat to Dorcas for more than 3 minutes straight. Once we were talking about volunteering for a charity and she looked back at me as if I was neglecting her, accusatorily. I wasn’t going to volunteer with Dorcas anyway, she lives in the Highlands. But then she can go and wrap gifts with Mary at the mall and not invite me,” your voice wavers.

“I know it’s small, but it hurts so much. The worst thing is that I’m the problem here. There has to be a reason why they never invite me and I don’t know what it is. I try to be a perfect friend and I always wait for them when they pack their bags at Potions even if everyone else is leaving. I don’t get it and it’s bothering me,” you cry out, eyes watering.

Remus wants to cry too seeing you cry, “Oh, darling.”

“I don’t understand what is wrong with me,” you despair, “I might not be the prettiest thing in the world, but I try,” voice cracking.

He needs to have a word with Lily, he thinks.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, gorgeous,” he murmurs, “Don’t blame yourself.”

“But there is. They’re really nice people, why can’t I see it?”

“Maybe they’re not nice people,” he offers.

“Don’t say that,” you whisper, “Lily’s dating James. Mary’s dating Peter. Dorcas is in your bookclub.”

“Well, love, they’re not very nice to you. And no she’s not, far from it actually, no he’s not, they split, and no, she left.”

“Guess I need a life update then.”

“Why don’t you talk to them about it?”

You murmur, “I hate confrontation and why would they change just because I told them to? I’m scared, Rem.”

“I get it, beautiful. You can sit with me and Peter and James and Sirius and Marlene and Queenie and Jolene at lunchtimes and whenever you want.”

He’s so good, he doesn’t ask any questions or push you. Your teary eyes gaze up at him in wonder and admiration and no one’s ever looked at him like you do now. Here he goes again, loving too hard.

“Really? I wouldn’t be intruding?”

“Never, lovely.”

You surge and hug him, which catches him by surprise but he melts into it. It’s the nicest hug he’s been given, ever. He doesn’t get many as a guy, and usually they’re half-hearted and rough, but yours is grateful and warm. He’s all red and flustered after it but he doesn’t think you notice and you don’t.

“We’re about to head to Hogsmeade, you wanna join us?”

You think about it, “After I get these tears off my face.” You hurry up the stairs before he can say a word.

“Nice going, Moons,” Sirius barges in from wherever he was hiding in the first place, hair slightly dishevelled, “You got some chocolate? I didn’t finish breakfast trying to stealthily tail you both up the stairs.”

“He is just so delicious,” Mary sighs. You laugh, “Who, Peter?”

“Oh not Peter. Remus Lupin.”

You smile. Delicious.

“Pfft, Peter. I only dated him to get closer to Remus.”

Your smile turns into something that’s unsettled, but she’s too busy ‘ooh’ing and ‘ahh’ing over his “washboard abs” to see you, even though he’s got an ungodly amount of layers on.

“Speaking of, I think I have a crush on him!” she squeals and you smile again, kind of creeped out by her behaviour. You’re sure you’re just too sensitive about these things, “Will you introduce me?”

“Sure,” you lead her to where Remus is reading the paper. He looks up and he doesn’t give anything away. He's a mystery when he’s not too busy being soft. In reality, he can feel his heart start to speed up and his cheeks warm.

“Hey, he’s blushing,” Mary whispers. Although it’s loud, Remus can hear it and feels self-conscious.

You whisper back, “Shhh, I’m sure he’s not. Hi Remus.”

Remus nods at you, “Morning.”

“Oh he says morning, what a cutie,” Mary giggles and you giggle too, though Remus hears the strain your voice is in.

“Remus, meet Mary Macdonald. She’s my friend. Mary, meet Remus.”

Hm. Remus thinks, remembering to be polite. He should give her the benefit of the doubt. He extends a hand, “Hello Mary.”

You watch their interaction, spiking a little bit of disappointment in you. Is it at Mary paying more attention to Remus than you (and rightly so, you think. If you were that pretty you’d have people clawing at your feet too.) or because Remus might like Mary?

You miss how Mary looks at Remus hungrily. He swallows, uncomfortable, looking towards you and grimacing. You nod, a minute dip of your head, and carefully pry Mary away from him.

“C’mon Mary, you promised to drop me off at my class.”

She studies her nails, “Actually, I need to go to the bathroom. You think you’d be okay with going alone?”

It’s not really a question, and your face falls. You walk alone. Remus has just witnessed Mary lying, because instead of turning three halls down to the left and turning to the right one hall down, she begins to flirt with him. It sours his opinion of her.

“You free this Saturday?”

He shakes his head, “Nope.”

“Next Saturday?”

“Nah.”

She sighs, “Handsome, let’s not play hard to get.”

He shrugs, “I’m not.”

“Why won’t you?”

Remus isn’t brutal enough to tell her the real truth, which is that he hasn’t heard good things about her. So he says, “I’m not interested and you dated my friend and broke his heart,” which is pretty accurate in itself.

“Enigmatic.”

He sighs, returning to his paper.

A few hours later, you’re confronted with an awful truth as Remus sits peacefully opposite you reading a book. He’s in pure bliss as his eyes skim the page and his fingertips brush the edges of the paper. His hair flops in front of his eyes and you resist the urge to touch it. There’s a little smile on his lips.

You like Remus a lot, and you can’t, because Mary likes him. It feels forbidden, and you can’t imagine how Mary would react. Friends didn’t like other friends’ crushes, they stayed a comfortable distance away from them. Rule 2 in the book. And Mary brings it up at night.

“Say, Y/n, would you mind not being so close to Remus?”

You’re finishing up a Transfiguration essay and look at her, caught off guard.

“I’m not actually that close with him,” you laugh, “At least not romantically.”

She narrows her eyes, “Yeah, I know that. As if he would ever be romantic.” with you, she means.

You’re silent, ignoring her dig at you. This is a critical part of how to be a good friend. You don’t want to ruin Mary’s ventures with Remus but you really like him, both platonically and romantically.

“Could you back off? I know you both are friends and whatever but I need this.”

You chew on your lip. It’s a shame, because you did like him and Peter and Sirius and James and Marlene and Jolene and Queenie. You still want to be friends with him. But Mary has a jealous streak and you’ve seen the girls who she’s left torn and beaten.

“I don’t think I’ll ruin your chances, Mary.”

“Neither do I,” she says harshly.

You’re struck by her sudden tone. It’s curt, snappy and it’s loud. It hurts. You immediately find the tears swarm in your eyes. So you startle, “I forgot, I need to go find Marlene to get some advice on the essay.”

“Since when have you known Marlene Mckinnon?”

You leave, tears flowing as you furiously wipe them away. Remus is downstairs with Sirius, and Sirius is begging for chocolate for some reason. You catch his eye. He immediately calls to you, but you pretend to not hear. You can’t hang out with him anymore. You hurry down to the Prefect bathroom. It’s always empty there.

You sit down by the bath, pacing out your breaths. Soon you calm down, and when you have the energy to look around you, you see Remus leaning against the door. There’s a crease between his brow.

“Rem, I can’t be near you much anymore,” you blink at him, “This won’t be a surprise to you but Mary really likes you. I don’t want her to be uncomfortable, or think I’m trying to steal you from her.”

Remus’ frown only deepens, as you refuse to meet his eyes. He hooks his fingers under your chin and lifts your head up.

“Aren’t you?” he grins. He thinks if he’s going to want you he might as well want you right.

You bring your hands to his and you gently take them away, patting his hand, “Don’t. Even if I’m friends with you, it’s too friendly for Mary.”

“Honey, you don’t need to do what Mary says.”

“It’s not what Mary says. It’s Rule 2 in the book.”

He laughs, “Rule 2 in the book. And what’s Rule 1?”

“Never leave your girls hanging for boys. I feel like I’ve betrayed her.”

“Well, you can always hang with the others, right?”

You nod, “We’ll see. I’ll see you around?”

His eyes are filled with something unreadable and mysterious. He wants to be with you, so badly, he wants imploringly to show you what you mean to him. But he nods, he understands, and pecks you on the cheek. “Remus!” you admonish. He’s smirking away, the last you see of him is the imprints of a shy smile, latent and alluring.

You smile, feeling bitter as you tell Mary, “I’ll leave Lupin alone, Mary.”

She flickers her eyes up at you, “I didn’t think you weren’t going to.” She looks bored, and you feel nothing but disappointment.

“Wait up, Lily!” You call. You wish you didn’t need to, but you guess that you’re forgettable.

She stops, a little disgruntled.

“What’s got you so excited for today?” You ask her, slinging your bag over your shoulder.

“Well, certainly not Potter going to ask me out and me to reject him. He hasn’t in a while, so that’s been a relief.”

You laugh, “Are you missing it?”

“Never.”

“Don’t you think rejecting him that harshly is a little sad?”

It’s true. He’s nothing but nice in his advances. All he does is give her flowers, most of the time he doesn’t say anything but frown when Lily pushes the flowers roughly back into his grasp, and leaves disappointedly. He’s been doing this for only a little while, and he looks less and less infatuated with Lily each time. Once she turned to you smugly, and you raised your eyebrows.

“Must be nice having no guys pestering you for attention,” she had told you.

You had cheerfully agreed with her, but inside you were heartbroken.

Lily enters the hall, an expectant look on her face. Instead of James waiting by the big door, he’s eating, no flowers or chocolates in sight. Remus turns and gives you the tiniest smile. You give him a sympathetic one.

“Huh. No flowers.”

You stay quiet. If you say something, it’ll come out berating or pathetic to Lily. Maybe if she didn’t always brutally dismiss him or flame him to no ends, he might continue, but isn’t this what she wanted?

You talk to Queenie, who pouts, “Can’t tell you, sorry Y/n.”

You’ve seen James with Regulus, the latter denying his love though not like Lily had. It’s accepted and Regulus returns the affections, though in his own cold way. James looks happy whenever he’s with Regulus.

Lily calls to James, “Potter, I didn’t see you water the plants today.”

James shrugs, “Okay, Evans. They’re watered. I got someone to do it. Someone much more competent than me.”

At that he winks at Regulus, who goes red and smiles tenderly. Sirius rolls his eyes, whispering to James, “Oi, eyes off my brother or you won’t have eyes at all tomorrow.”

Lily’s curt all day long, and snippy. You don’t dare to say a word to her and tippy toe endlessly after she scowls at you for asking if she wants some hot chocolate.

At the end of the day when you’ve come back with accompanying Dorcas to the Potions storeroom and three of the girls come surging, whisking Lily away but never offering you with the same warmth. At the end, you quietly slip away from the group. You have this harrowing feeling you don’t actually belong with them. No one notices and you press your lips together.

“Girl’s night!!” Dorcas yells.

There’s only a little more to go till you graduate and you’re officially able to leave the dormitory. Maybe they aren’t so good for you. You just wish you could be included more, cherished. What if I don’t deserve to be cherished? The question swirls in your mind, distressing you. When you bump into Marlene near the quidditch field, trucking down from practice, she sets down her broomstick and takes off her gloves.

“Don’t see you here often, darl,” she sits next to you, “You’re in the firing zone of Sirius’ wild bludgers, by the way.”

Sirius is hovering above, hitting bludgers fiercely. One zooms past your shoulder, only because Marlene nudges her broomstick to the bludger. You barely flinch.

“Hey. Are you okay?”

You look at her, “Yeah, I’m good. Just wanted to get some fresh air.”

“At 8 in the night? Where are your friends?”

You feel so vulnerable right now. “I’m- I’m with you. You’re my friend.”

“I know. Okay,” Marlene thinks for a second, “Where are your dorm mates?”

You sob, “They’re having a girl’s night.”

“Without you?”

“I…” To be truthful, you don’t know where you are with your friends. It makes you even more emotional. You feel tears well up in your eyes. Marlene makes a strained noise and you see she’s crying too.

“Oh, don’t make me cry too,” she sobs, “I can’t handle emotions.”

Sirius notices, and nearly gets taken over by a bludger. “Moony,” he shouts, “We’ve got a problem.”

“We’ve or you’ve?” Remus asks dryly from the sidelines.

“You’ve. Not I’ve but you’ve,” Sirius points to where both you and Marlene are sobbing together.

“I’m only one man, there are two of them,” Remus looks at Sirius meaningfully.

“Fine.”

“Which one do you want?”

“Marlene.”

Sirius flies over to Marlene, mounting his broomstick.

“Marlene, you good?” He crouches down on the grass.

She glares at him, tearily, “Do I look okay to you, Black?”

“Right, well, why are you sad?” Sirius has the tact of a three year old although Marlene’s too busy crying to care.

Marlene points at you, “She’s sad, so I’m sad.”

Sirius hops up, and pats the incoming Remus on the back. “They’re all yours, Buster.”

Remus sits down next to you, “You know, there’s a cloud over there that looks like James.”

It really doesn’t, it��s night and you can’t see much. But it makes you huff a laugh out. Remus relaxes. Marlene stops crying.

“It’s pitch black, idiot,” she grins.

He smiles boyishly.

“Marlene?” you peek up at her, still halfway to dry eyes.

“Mm?”

“Can I stay at your dorm for the night? I don’t really feel like going back to mine.”

“Sure. Okay, I need a shower. I can’t be hugging you all stinky and sweaty.”

“You smell great,” you smile at her.

“Thanks.”

“No problemo.”

You turn to Remus, “Shuffle over some ten centimetres please. For Mary.”

“Mary’s having a girl’s night without you, sweet thing, does she really matter?” Remus moves nonetheless.

“Yeah,” you hiccup, “I want to be a good friend.”

He doesn’t question you and leaves it at that.

Marlene comes out, drying her hair with a towel.

“Are we good to go?”

“Yeah!”

“C’mon.”

You look back, “Bye Remus!”

He’s smiling so softly your heart thuds. It’s the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen. You wonder what he’s thinking about.

He’s thinking about you. Sweet weeping soul.

The scene’s set. It’s a sweeping plain overlooking the rest of Hogwarts, symbolic and gradual. This is where you’ll graduate. It’s bitter, but you’re mostly ready to move on from school. Of course, you’ll miss days spent with fellow students and the teachers, and the school grounds where you spent so much time laughing and loving, but you think you’re okay with going solo. You haven’t worked out where you’ll be staying, there’s still ten weeks left in the school year where seventh years hang around aimlessly and try to soak up as much of Hogwarts as they can. But you know if you don’t find a place to stay, you can always bunk with your parents.

You already find yourself shedding tears, as you go up to give a speech. After the procession, McGonagall calls you over.

“Oh darling,” she cries, mascara muddied from her watery eyes, “I’ll miss you so much. Thank you for being such a good student. Have you got a place to stay? A job? I’ll always be open to giving you the Transfiguration professor role so I can focus on being Deputy Headmaster.”

You laugh, “Professor-”

“Please, we’re both adults now. Minerva, or Minnie, or Mins, or Nerve.”

“Nerve?!”

“Sirius Black does have some calling me that.”

Both of you let out watery chuckles.

“Minnie, thank you so much for being my Professor,” you wipe the corner of your eye, “Oh I have to do this eleven more times. You know, I’ve learnt so much from you and you’re just a dear. I can’t believe I’m leaving this place, forever. Not yet, and yes, I applied for a position in the Ministry.”

“Don’t forget Hogwarts. Please visit, weekly.”

“I will, and I won’t forget about that Transfiguration job.”

“Please, remember it, you always had a competence for most things you did. Even Magical Music, which I remember you saying you hated, despised, loathed, and were terrible at, but Professor Quavers thought you were a very capable student.”

“Minnie,” you weep into her shoulder, hugging her, “Please remember me.”

“I couldn’t ever forget you,” she leans to whisper, “You are one of my favourite students.”

It makes you cry even harder. In the end, you take a picture with her and exchange emails, phone lines, addresses. She hands you an envelope, which later you learn encloses automatic recommendation letters and some gift cards.

This is done eleven times more, teachers bestowing you with gifts and promises of communication. By the end, your hands are full and you put the things in your bag by your chair, going to join Lily, Dorcas, Mary, Alice in taking photos. Mary’s voice shouts, “I still like Remus Lupin!”

“Cheers to the new apartment!” Dorcas’ father says, “What beautiful girls.”

You freeze. They had an apartment planned and ready? Maybe you’re ready to leave your friends. You turn away, crying more when you see Queenie.

She beckons you over, “Come take photos with us.”

You smile. Everyone huddles close. Remus is beside you, all wily and eyes sparkling with tears. “You alright, darling?”

“I’ll miss you, Rem. You know I haven’t really gotten to talk to you much, but you’ve been nothing but wonderful to me.”

“Ask her!” Jolene hisses.

“Right, so, I, we, the guys and the girls, are going to rent apartments with each other. Do you want to join us?”

You’re starstruck. You start crying in his arms, and he looks very concerned.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t keep them in. Of course I want to join you, you guys are amazing.”

“Sweetness…” he wipes your eyes with a handkerchief he has yet to use.

“Remus, Mary, remember? She still likes you. I know you’re only doing this as friends and she does too, but she doesn’t like people hanging around…” you meet his eyes.

He looks at you again in that unreadable way and you don’t know what to do. Sirius is quietly taking pictures of you two with his expensive camera. He likes the way Remus looks at you and the way you don’t seem to know what it means. Fine photography. Would make an excellent engagement gift. I'm so smart. He flips the camera. And so handsome.

"Get a load of you," James scoffs.

You haven’t watched Mean Girls yet. Queenie finds that astounding, and so everyone must attend the movie marathon she holds. You hang your coat up on the rack, stepping out of your shoes and sighing.

“How was work?” Marlene asks.

“That question makes me feel so old,” you huff, cracking your joints, “It was so-so. Marcus tried to harass Heron into getting Jerome out of the project that he and Heather are working on.”

“Oh really. That mother-”

“Evening!” Sirius barges into the apartment, wearing his suit, “Did you know, Marcus was-”

“Harassing Heron into getting Jerome out of the project that he and Heather are working on,” you finish, “How does the public relations sector know that?”

“We do have excellent public relations.”

“Where’s James?”

“He’s picking up Regulus.”

“Awh,” you coo.

“I wish James had a sibling so I could date them too,” Sirius grouches.

“Don’t be like that, Pads,” Peter strides to the fridge, kissing Jolene on the cheek and grabbing a can of kombucha, “They’re so good together.”

“Good my a-”

“Language!” Marlene calls.

Someone knocks on the door. You open it and Remus is standing, stretching. A little strip of skin shows as his shirt lifts. His top button is undone and he looks tired. But he still looks at you the same, red on his cheeks and red lips turning up. I can’t be loving him like this, you think, it’s overwhelming.

“Hey,” you open the door.

He smiles at you, “Doing well, honey?” He doesn’t say much at all, but when he does it’s always followed by a “beautiful” or “pretty” or “doll”.

A chorus of greetings come from around the television. He nods, turning back to you, “I gave exams back today. Talked my quota full.”

Beaming at him, you hand him a bowl of popcorn, “We’re fine with it. You speak as much as you want.”

He smiles at you again. He’s doing a lot of that. But then again, he’s always like this when he’s tired. At a bar, he’ll be tilting his head, smiling at you through fatigued eyes, begging James to go home. When he’s up grading papers, he’ll be smiling at you, the same melting eyes and lashes nearly touching. And you always say, “How much of your soul did you trade to the devil for those lashes?”

He never gets it, and he says, “Comes with the beard I need to shave off every morning.”

You’re snapped back by a slamming of the door as James comes in with Regulus.

He’s right– he doesn’t talk much, just sitting back on the sofa, observing and listening. He watches you most of the time, and he sees when you’re about to cry. Your breathing gets unsteady and eyes start finding anything else to look at. You tremble as you reach for popcorn, and excuse yourself multiple times, and you manage to stop crying mostly. None of your friends notice much, too busy yelling at the screen, but he does.

You start bawling when Regina’s influence over the rest of the girls vanishes, and Remus immediately turns to you, leading you across the hall.

“I’m so sorry,” you ramble, “Why is it that I’m always crying when I see you?”

Remus doesn’t mind– he likes that you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable around him.

“It’s just that– that movie reminded me so much of my old friends and it’s all too overwhelming thinking about them. I mean, they haven’t called, I don’t know where they live and I’m so grateful but also I feel so bad about it.”

“Hey, it’s okay. They didn’t deserve you.”

“I know, but the movie hit so close to home, Rem. I’m so glad to have you.”

Remus pretends that by ‘you’, you mean him, knowing it means the whole group of them.

You sob quietly, bundling his shirt into your hands. He lets you, and he’s quiet about it. You’re a sweet weeping soul, rendered that by your ex-friends. But he wants you so much.

“Good news,” you announce, going into Remus’ apartment to recite to him what you had just read in your weekly mail, “McGonagall got a dog, his name is Hubert and he’s a border collie. Also, Mary has a boyfriend.”

You had had to write to Mary to tell her you were moving across the corridor from Remus. She hadn’t replied. None of your friends had bothered to ask where you would stay. You had decided those friendships were over. Still, you kept a friendly distance from Remus. You had only known she’s gotten a boyfriend when the boy himself wrote to you asking you for your blessing. You had written back, telling him that you and Mary were no longer friends, but nonetheless that you wished them well. It was a sign that you were truly over it.

You’re searching through his apartment, when you hear quiet sniffles coming from his room. You knock, then enter. Your heart aches as you see Remus leaning against the wall, crying.

“Rem…”

“Go away,” he mutters, muffled.

“Remus.”

“Oh.” he doesn’t lift his head to look at you. You sit next to him on the floor.

“What happened?”

“I like this girl.”

You try to fight your own disappointment back, and smile, though it’s warped.

“Yeah?”

“There’s no way in hell she likes me back. I mean I’ve done everything to show her I do. I’ve called her pet names, tried to be charming, hell, I’ve even flirted.”

The disappointment is winning.

“And I get it, because I’m all gnarly. But it hurts.”

He continues, “And she’s…perfect. Like, really beautiful. She’s kind, so charming, so empathetic and she has the prettiest smile.”

You pretend you’re glad for him. You’re really not. You want to leave, maybe he’ll stop talking about her. But you still listen, because you do care. As much as it hurts you to know he likes another girl, it also hurts you to know he’s sad. Lovely, caring Remus, with his shyness and comfortable silences.

“She’s really everything to me, and I don’t think I’m much to her.”

“Don’t say things like that, Remus,” you begin, “You’re a great guy, and any girl would be lucky to have you, especially her.” The words don’t sit quite right, they feel sour on your tongue.

“I’m not good enough for her.”

The words crush you, and you frown.

“Hey!” you snap, “Remus John Lupin, you are so good, and so kind. I can’t bear to hear you badmouth yourself like this. You are not gnarly. I think you're charming. Love yourself for me, Remus, please.”

He looks at you, eyes swarming with that emotion.

“Thank you, darling.”

–

Remus catches you by surprise when he’s standing by your desk.

“What are you doing here, Remus?”

“Good evening, fine sir! How are you doing? I’m well, thank you!”

“No, seriously,” you cross your arms, “This is the intelligence department. How did you get in here?”

“Let’s just say, your boss is a 60 year old woman, and I sure know my way around them from playing bingo with my grandmother and her friends every Saturday.”

“Glad to see you’re feeling better.” And he looks better too, creases gone from under his eyes, which are now blinking endearingly at you. He had told himself he would tell you, and that would be it. Queenie tells him that you do like him, but he can’t believe her. He’s tapping his foot nervously.

“I am. When will you be off work?”

“I just have to send this email and I’ll be done.”

“Great!” He pulls out a book and starts reading. You finish your email, click send, shut off your computer and reorganise the files on your desk. You put on your coat, and put your bag on.

“Ready to go, sweetheart?” he asks.

"Yep.”

“Lovely, we’re going to take a stroll around the block. It’s a…thanks for the other day.”

You smile, “You’re more than welcome.”

You pass by a flower shop. He stops, “Hey, I want to get a present for you know- her.”

You feel your heart pang, “Yeah, sure," and then follows the obligatory, "Need some help?”

“Obviously.”

You step in and the bells jingle. A friendly shop attendant pokes her head from where she’s cutting roses.

“Hi Remus,” she grins at him, wiggling her eyebrows and he blushes, “And you are?”

You smile, “I’m Y/n.”

“Petunia Evans.”

“Lily?”

“Yes. Are you his girlfriend?”

You laugh, you’re flattered that anyone would ever think you’re his girlfriend, “Oh, I’m not his girlfriend. We’re actually here to find Remus’ crush a present! I’m Y/n,” you shake her hand.

“His crush, you say?”

“Yeah, his crush! By the way, I’ll tell you my favourite flower, can you psychoanalyse me?”

She giggles, “Okay!”

You whisper it in her ear and she starts a long tale of surprisingly accurate details of your life.

“Damn, you’re good.”

“Thanks. Remus, is there anything you’re looking for in particular? For this crush?”

Remus blushes.

You go to inspect the flowers at the front to hopefully get cheered up by the bees and the butterflies that touch down on little sprigs of pollen. You won’t revert to the sweet weeping soul that they made you. Remus buys some flowers and sets them down on the counter.

Petunia takes her dinner break and slips out of the building quietly. You’re admiring the little glass panes on the wall which let the right amount of light through, walking backwards and around the room. Remus is wondering when he should do it, turning uncertainly and walking towards you. You turn quickly too, “Remus, look at the ceil-”

You crash into him. He catches you, flowers in one hand, you in the other. You’re very close to him– he smells like a forest and chocolate. His eyes flicker to yours and there’s the expression again.

“Sorry,” you smile, stepping away. He doesn’t let go of you, instead pulling you closer. You look up to him with wide eyes and he’s so red all of a sudden. He brings the flowers to cover his face.

“These are for you,” he murmurs.

“Awh, but you really didn’t need to,” you grin, bringing the flowers up to your nose, “I offer my services for free!” They are so nice, and he's so nice.

“Services?”

“You know, helping you pick out the flowers and all.”

He sighs, “Darling, I don’t know how else to say this, but, I want you. I don’t have a crush, you’re my crush, I just never had the guts to say it. I want you by my side, all the time. It was hell on earth trying to stay away from you all these years because of Mary. I don’t know if you even like me, but I really, really like you, maybe even love you.”

You open your mouth, then shut it, eyes wide with sparkling, “I like you too.”

“Really? Because you don’t need to say it back just because you’re nice, I’m a lot of things but I don’t know if handsome or boyfriend material is one of them.”

“Rem, I adore you. You are so pretty and you always are comfortable when I’m crying and upset and raging.”

“Can we try this out then?”

“Of course we can. I’d do anything for you, Remus Lupin.”

“And I promise I’ll never make you a sweet weeping soul.”

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cookies-over-yonder · 1 year ago

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"... In that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is."

The Close Family and Closure: An Analysis and Breakdown of Taylor's Issues in Hell or High Father

...and the way he addresses and, in Taylor fashion, downplays the problem, and denies its lack of solution.

(I have transcribed the majority of this scene, and below the cut is my line-by-line breakdown and analysis, as well as some other tid-bits.)

hello! ever since i got into dndads, taylor has been my favourite. i found his extreme escapism and dumb confidence fascinating, and as you may know, i love finding scenarios for him to break. it's, like, at least half of my fics at this point.

this episode is my favourite episode, it broke me, and it pieced me back together but Wrong in all the right ways.

this analysis is focusing on the taylor of it all. the motivation behind his words and the changes in his cadence and the denial that still, despite everything, refuses to fade.

i've never written an analysis post structured like this, so do let me know if you like it. i just... i really love taylor.

okay, let's go!

1. "Well...''

Nicky: … I didn't see a lot of Taylor's growing up and that was—that was fi—like we're cool now right, Taylor? Taylor: Fuck yeah dawg— Nicky: See?

to start off, taylor's instinctive answer is to agree with nicky. because well, yeah, they're chill now, that's true, so of course the first thing he does is agree. and i gotta say that i was expecting taylor to leave it at that, because he's not one to dig deeper when he doesn't need to, and even when he does.

Taylor: Well…

taylor says this immediately after his first answer and oh ny god i got SO excited. but this ain't about me. anyway. taylor finally admitting that they're actually not 100% cool is such a big fucking step argh i am so proud of him forever and also so sad for him forever...

Nicky: What? Look, I'm back now, and I'm super tight, and we hang out, and we can do samurai shit together, and we're fuckin'—we're tight as fuck.

this part makes me so sad because nicky is so ignorant to how his absence has affected taylor despite his frustrations at glenn for not being there. and also, this sort of reasoning would have worked on convincing taylor back in early season two. in fact, it did!

[Season 2 Episode 10: Dad Me To Hell]

taylor is completely satisfied with this reason because it feeds into his main character syndrome. his dad left to protect him. what better reason is there? and now he's back and there and able to do cool shit with him, so everything is perfect, right?

but the next thing taylor says is so fucking heartbreaking:

Taylor: If I'm gonna be honest, Dad, I've kinda been hoping and keeping an eye out for time travel magic so that we could go back in time, and you could be there for me.

the way he trails off as he says it, and he loses his confidence in his words... it shows an unfamiliar shyness. we've never seen taylor be this vulnerable before. and to think that he'd been holding out hope for time travel magic to fix his childhood? that perfectly aligns with the idea that taylor is so stuck in his anime escapist fantasy that he can't accept what's real. and magic is real, so therefore he must be able to fix his past, right? it's not impossible for there to be time travel (see. end of season 1 + see. attack on titanic.) but taylor doesn't realize that this is something that can't be fixed so easily, even if that magic were available. he doesn't believe that this can't be fixed. more on this later.

Nicky: [grunts and falls] Uh… um… I didn't know you felt that way. Taylor: Yeah, you know, it's just, when I was practicing my jutsus I could have used some pointers. Nicky: Yeah, but like— Taylor: As a result, I've developed a number of very bad habits that I'm told are very hard to break. And, you know, just watching YouTube videos is not the same as having a dad who can fight.

in the past, taylor has used anime to cope with his absent father, and he relied on the fictional characters to bring him the same comfort a father might bring (this was mentioned by freddie in one of the teen talks and while i've been relistening i've yet to find it. do forgive me as i am merely mortal) while this isn't directly referring to that, i still feel it's worth mentioning, as taylor is confronting his own unhealthy coping mechanism and acknowledging that no, youtube videos aren't a replacement for a dad. he couldn't fill the absence of a father with anything else in his life no matter how hard he tried.

also, taylor is smart. he knows that he has unhealthy coping mechanisms or "bad habits" that he can't break and he knows that they're caused by nicky's absence. i just wonder how long he's been stewing over that, you know?

as shown earlier, when taylor first met nicky and found out why he wasn't there, he accepted it immediately, knowing it was the coolest reason for a father to be absent and only fueled his protagonism.

but now, taylor's confronting his own issues surrounding nicky, and explicitly addressing them to nicky.

*wipes a tear*

i'm so proud of him.

Nicky: Wha—I mean, if it's training you want, we can train you, and like, you see your grandpa there— Taylor: [sighs] It's too late. I needed to start when I was three to five years old like true ninja warriors.

there is something so cutting about the way taylor says it's too late. he's talking about training to be a ninja warrior on the surface, yes, but that's not it.

it's too late. it's too late for nicky to witness his upbringing. it's too late for taylor to grow up with a loving father figure. it's too late.

and taylor knows that, and he's saying it, but he's still masking it with it being about training to become a ninja when in reality it's so much more.

this is just one example of the way he downplays the issue. he zeroes in on just one aspect of his life that nicky wasn't a part of, and speaks as if it's the main issue, when really it's only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

Nicky: Oh, well, I mean— Taylor: So I'm already trying to play catch-up a little bit, but you know, I guess it's water under the bridge. But you know, if there is time travel magic, then you know, maybe, or if you find it, you could maybe… pick me up on the way back… to the past, and you know maybe we could do childhood all over again.

taylor is playing catch-up with training, but he's also playing catch-up with having a father in his life.

and again, he downplays it, says it's water under the bridge, when it's so very clear how deeply this has been affecting him his entire life.

and to top it all off, he brings up time travel again. and the way he says this is so un-taylorlike it's jarring. the uncertainty of the maybes, the trailing off, the voice so quiet you almost can't hear it...

he thinks there's still a chance to redo it and fix things, but i feel that deep down he knows it's impossible, that it doesn't work like that, and yet he's still grasping at straws to try and make things better.

it's... it's really sad. i feel really sad for him.

and the way he says he wants to redo childhood. as opposed to only talking about training, here he actually says he wants to do childhood all over again, and it's so, so quiet. and taylor is never shy. it's so clear how badly he's hurting over this.

god. okay.

2. "I didn't even know where you were."

Glenn: So we're cool. Nicky: So, we're cool. Glenn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nicky: We're just three cool guys. Taylor: Well…

i love how taylor isn't backing down on the fact that nicky fucked him up. like the gates are open and they can't close back up that easily. he's not accepting them just being three cool guys.

Taylor: Well, I'm just saying—you know, I could have, y'know—not to put too fine a point on it, but Dad, I would have appreciated if, you know… I didn't even know where you were. I 23&me-d my ass, and they sent me a picture of fire, and the cops showed up! There was a white van parked outside of our house for three years!

again, i really notice the change in the way taylor speaks, he's more unsure, quieter, and uses more filler words (such as "y'know"), and it feels as if he feels bad about making nicky confront his faults as a father but he's pushing through it anyway, because he has to.

and i absolutely love the throwback to episode ONE with the 23&me test! like this had been brewing from the start! i just think it's fantastic for it all to build up to this. like yeah. taylor didn't know WHO nicky was or WHERE nicky was and trying to figure it out only led to more danger for him.

Nicky: [gets on one knee and puts his hand on Taylor's shoulder] I guess I never got to properly apologize to you, did I?

Taylor: Well, an apology won't really turn back time, and I don't know how I feel—I would rather have the time travel magic.

this is so cutting. like, yeah, an apology won't cut it, and taylor immediately circles back to time travel magic, as if it could fix what's broken when it really, really can't.

i also find the trend of time when it comes to the close boys to be very fascinating. glenn got locked up in time prison, nicky's childhood was split into two timelines, and taylor thinks time travel can fix his broken relationship with his father?

god damn.

Nicky: Well, I didn't even get to explain—I was in Hell. I was worried that these fuckers [pointing at the other kiddads]— Taylor: Yeah, those fuckers. Nicky: —would have chased after me if I'd gotten out of hell. Taylor: So you're telling me that these fuckers kept you away from me all these years? Nicky: Yeah, you know what? It was these motherfuckers! They are the reason I didn't get to spend time with you because they betrayed me! Taylor: That makes sense; I just saw the memory! Yeah, yeah!

thinking about how taylor immediately agrees with nicky in blaming the others for his absence, because, well, yeah, shit's complicated and they are definitely part of the reason, but the fact that taylor is so on board of whole heartedly blaming them after chewing into his dad about not being there is just so sad. like yeah, of course he doesn't want to be upset at nicky. and it hurts so much that he is.

god.

oh my god.

okay, now, i didn't transcribe the entirety of taylor's memory, i actually summarized it and quoted some key aspects of it, so here:

Taylor's first belt ceremony. He's performing, and he finishes, and he bows, and he looks up. His mom is there. He's sniffling a bit and Cass asks him if he's okay and comments on how he moved all the way up to green belt, and he says he knows. He looks over to the kid who was supposed to get green belt but didn't because of him. The kid is whining, and then his dad comes in and gives him a big hug and—

"It's okay son, I saw how hard you worked, and in my eyes, you're a black belt. Come on, let's get ice cream."

The kid says thanks and they hug and then they leave and Taylor watches them leaving through the window and sees the child and father and mother smiling together. Taylor looks down at and then throws away his green belt.

"I think I'm done with karate."

Taylor gets kicked out.

that line that the father said to his child really hit me, because taylor never heard nicky say that to him. ever. and that was all that he wanted, really. like, "i saw how hard you worked," as in, i was there, watching you, practicing with you, supporting you, i saw you, i see you, i'm here, i'm here with you. and "in my eyes, you're a black belt," in my eyes, you've worked so hard, in my eyes, you deserve more than what you got, in my eyes, you're strong, in my eyes, you're capable.

things nicky never saw, and things nicky never told him.

and then, well, taylor quits.

a memory defining taylor's relationship with nicky. a memory where he wasn't there. a memory where he didn't see taylor's growth. a memory where taylor gave up on an ambition. a memory of absence.

anyways.

Nicky: I'm really sorry— Taylor: I'm kind of sensing a pattern here to be honest. Nicky: Yeah, I'm thinking that maybe the things that your granddad did, I do now. I'm thinking maybe I fucked up in the exact same way… Taylor: [lays a hand on Nicky] I think you fucked up in the same way too. Nicky: Okay. Well that's good. That's good for us.

god. oh my god. the fuckign pattern. i'm so sorry this part makes me lose my coherency all i can think of is how sad it makes me idk idk guys im sorry. you get it. taylor saying yeah you fucked up in the same way and nicky learning that and accepting it. oh my fucking god. like. i dont know theres something about the acceptance of it that really gets me. at the start of the conversation nicky denied it, and here he is, after seeing a memory of taylor doing something he wasn't there for, and now he's like yeah, yeah. i did fuck up royally.

3. "...there is no fixing this."

Glenn: What if we started over? What if we tried to kinda give it a little bit of a reset, and try and make some new memories together, as this sort of team of three? What do you think about that? Is it stupid? I dunno.

Nicky: What kinda memories are you talking about?

Glenn: Well I was thinking we all go to Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, and start everything off on the right foot! It's been so long since I've been to Disneyland, and, I dunno, let me show you all the secrets. Let me show you all the hidden Mickeys. I never got to show Taylor how to get over nine-hundred-thousand points on the Buzz Lightyear ride. And you! Nick, I never showed you the secret entrance into Club 33 that only I know about, and it requires you to go through the sewers a little bit.

I mean, what do you say? Maybe we can do something about this whole fucked up Close family. Maybe we could bring it on back a little bit. What do you guys think?

Nicky: Yeah, sure, yeah I mean, I like Disneyland as much as the next guy. What do you think Taylor?

Taylor: What's Disneyland? I don't understand, what's Disneyland?

now listen, i know that taylor not knowing what disneyland is was just because of the whole doodlerized world thing, but i feel like it also really highlights the disconnect here. like, glenn wasn't around much in nick's life but they knew each other and yes glenn went to disneyland without nick a lot and yes nick liked universal better and if i got into their relationship it would take far too long and i don't feel particularly equipped to tackle that which is why i'm focusing on taylor, but i think that taylor asking what disneyland is highlights the disconnect between him and nicky. nicky and glenn are talking about something that taylor is completely lost on, and to me it really shows the disconnect between all of them. first off, nicky likes universal studios better than disney, second of all, taylor doesn't even know what disneyland is. they grew up in different realms, and they grew up around different people, and nicky was never there, which means there's so much taylor knows that nicky doesn't, and so much nicky knows that taylor doesn't and so much of that knowledge and those experiences can never or will never be shared.

Nicky: Oh yeah, good point, I guess it's on a previously Doodlerized world now with a bunch of really fucked up shit in it.

Glenn: I'm just saying that like—give me a chance. Give me a chance to try and make up for all the—well—you know what? No, no, no, no, no, I can't make up for any of that stuff.

it's true. this solution is like putting icing on top of an overdone cupcake. temporarily sweet but it's still bitter and burnt. (i'm sorry if that doesn't make sense, i don't bake.) but like when you burn something you can't just. un-burn it. sure you can put icing and sprinkles and all the fun stuff and maybe you can wash out the taste but that doesn't change the state of what's underneath.

that's their relationship to me.

Anthony: As you're saying this, without even wanting it to, tears are rolling down your cheeks, and in that moment, you, and Taylor, and Nick all realize that there is no fixing this. That this is as good as it's going to get. That you are all stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddy magic—that same daddy magic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate from their bodies like a fine mist, coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more because that's what your relationship is.

ah yes, finally, we reach the end.

this is what their relationship is. it's comprised of missing connections and missed experiences and misplaced memories and absences and longing and searching and finding one another only for it to be too late. it is comprised of absence as opposed to love or hate or anything in between. the nothingness that is absence is their relationship

how depressing.

if i'm honest, i think nicky still has a chance. obviously he can't fix anything with taylor, but i really do hope that he tries to be proactive in taking part in taylor's life from here on out, that is, if taylor even survives this next episode, oooh scary.... hahaha anyways.

i hope everyone enjoyed this essay! i started writing it the day the episode came out but schoolwork kinda took over me.

i wanted to get it out before this episode's teen talk so that's why i finished it tonight, but i may reblog with more thoughts, who knows! we'll see! :3c

i do also encourage you guys to check out my art for this episode specifically inspired by that last anthony quote there.

and of course my thoughts are not the objective truth, i am a mere university student, ignoring my school essays to write one for tumblr <3

bye-bye! <3 :3c

#dungeons and daddies #dndads #dndaddies #hell and high father #dndads analysis #analysis #cookies analyses #cookies rambles <3 #taylor swift dndads #glenn close #nicky foster #nick close #nicholas foster #cookies writes and cookies wrongs

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cosmic-ships · 8 months ago

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I cannot draw for shit right now so just take tid bits of self insert information for my TDDD s/i <3

Literally is just me but a little cooler (s/i me has a cool apartment with LED lights and fairy lights and its dimly lit all the time and stuff lol gaymer den for sure.)

Has a pet python named "Udon"

Won't catch me dead without my PUP zip up hoodie. (It fits the vibe) and Death Stranding black and white lanyard(keys)

Is the comic nerd Bobby Wiggin's older sibling who moved away when they were a kid but moved back to Centerville to be closer to their brother as an adult.

Get's along well with Bobby they nerd out sometimes in his shop.

Met Ronnie while literally complaining to myself that "this small town has literally nothing to do!" someone called Ronnie and Cliff for "suspicious person; possibly high rambling and flailing about being a "danger"" I told them "I'm not high, I'm bored! Getting high would be an improvement" it was the first time Cliff saw Ronnie crack a little subtle smirk at another human being that wasn't him.

Is always hanging out at Bobby's shop, fiddling with merch or on their phone /handheld.

Ronnie absolutely finds out that I'm Bobby's sibling ('cause small town) and huh starts hanging about Bobby's a lot more than usual?

Oops now I'm also spending a lot of curious time hanging out at the small police station?

I 1000% have a crush on awkward nerdy deputy Peterson. won't admit it-

Calls Ronnie "Deputy Peterson" a lot to be formal "Call me Ronnie.." [fwoosh] there goes my face! (blushing) idk why! more personal?

When they first got there, all their belongings got delayed and they ended up living for a month and a half in the Moonight Inn.

Noise complains from people, I like loud music between the hours of 11AM - 11PM.

"a complaint? for what?" "Kaden's" "i'll go!... I mean.. I'll check it out. It's small stuff...." Cliff 100% knows whats up.

Makes good friends with Mindy!

"So anyone you find interesting in this little town of ours?" "What?" "anyone you like? Taking an interest in.." *Ronnie walks in and I can't take my eyes off him and I flatly say, in a dazed state* "......no"

Mindy cannot grin any wider -_-;

Mindy and Cliff watching how Ronnie and I interact with each other. How I get a little bit more shy and Ronnie tries his best to not smile when we talk.

"So they like each other right?" "Oh absolutely."

"Why does Ronnie keep hanging around the shop?" "Doesn't he always?" "No. He just started this," "When?" "I dunno like...the month you showed up" (<- oblivious brother is oblivious) "Oh....OH?"

if you're not a self shipper please dni its nothing against you, I have anxiety lol.

#LORE IN THIS HOUSE!? hehe YES! \O/#ok 2 rb if you want lmao #TDDD SI

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fictionfunshop · 3 years ago

Text

Reunited - One Shot

Spencer Reid / Lila Archer

I watched their episode again and they were ROBBED of a happy ending so I gave them one.

18+ Smut.

You would recognise his eyes from anywhere. Captured within the honey flecks, framed with dark circles, was the innocence that made you weak at the knees all those years ago. He had chopped his hair and let his natural curls show through, which made him even more handsome than his younger self.

"Lila?" he grinned. You send him a short wave before you approach where he's sitting in the café; he pushes the heavy book back into his bag and signals to the chair in front of you to sit down.

"Spencer." You give him a small smile as you take your seat.

"What are you doing here? It's not that I'm not glad it's just…Virginia?" You could see he was flustered more than usual which made your heart swoon all over again.

You had tried to keep contact after everything that happened, but life got in the way; a new film to shoot, a case to solve, hour-long phone calls, and daily letters turned into sporadic texts until it just dwindled out.

"I'm filming a TV show here; get this, I play a Doctor." You both let out a giggle, "Are you still with the FBI?"

When you found out filming was in Virginia, you thought what would happen if you bumped into each other; wishful thinking that you could finish what you had both started after all these years. Now he was sitting in front of you; you could almost taste him again.

He nods his head, "Part-time, I lecture at the university too to keep me busy. So a TV show, no more movies?"

"I wanted to be in one place for more than a few weeks. Get a semi-normal life now I'm older." He nods in understanding. Being a movie star was fun, and you were successful, but long shoots and weeks away didn't make you a great girlfriend or wife when you tried that out.

You drop your eyes to his long fingers wrapped around his coffee mug, and you remember how they felt gripping your face and in your hair. You know you're blushing when he lets out a cough and throws you a smirk.

"So, you live here now?" He breaks the tension

"Yup, well, for the next while at least…."

"Your husband or boyfriend, not mind?"

"I don't have either." You interrupt him. "There's no one…" he smiles at your answer.

"And you?"

"You remember how awkward I am," he looks at his watch and finishes up his coffee. "I've to go to class…" you were sure the same flash of disappointment was reflecting in your eyes like his right now.

He stood up, and that's when you noticed he had filled out; chasing bad guys has added muscle to his tall frame.

"Do you want to grab dinner sometime? I'm new here, and I need a tour guide to show me around." he nods his head before you even finished the sentence.

"Yeah, you free tonight?" you could see the hesitation in his answer. Little did he know you were just as desperate to see him again in a more private setting.

"Yeah, that's good for me." He digs deep into his satchel and hands you his card. "Give me a call, and I'll arrange something."

He places his hand and your shoulder, and by instinct, you nuzzle your face there. You only notice now how long his fingers are. He squeezes your shoulder before walking away like all those years before.

All you could think about right now as Spencer Reid. After he left you in the café, his touch burned into your shoulder; it felt like a match was lit inside you. You replayed the night you first kissed him in your head. Would it be different now? Would he initiate? Would he keep his hands in your hair, or would they drift down your back? You clench at the idea of more than kissing him.

You were utterly distracted for the rest of the day, fluffing your lines in the read-through, forgetting meetings and appointments even after being reminded. You thought it would stop your thoughts if you called him and heard his voice, but it didn't. It only amplified them. You now had an internal countdown to when you would see him again.

You smoothed the black dress you finally decided on after changing your mind six times. You had never been this nervous about a date before. Ever. You were a movie star for crying out loud; men always made it obvious that they wanted you but not Spencer. Even on the phone earlier, he seemed timid and reserved, repeating the restaurants address to you and the time of the booking. You wanted to be early, but Virginia traffic made that impossible, and you arrived and the restaurant 10 minutes late. Your heart stopped when you finally saw him again. He was dressed dangerously good in a dark three-piece suit, a small bouquet in his hand; your heart raced when you approached him.

"Sorry, I'm late," you approached him, "I thought LA traffic was bad.." you kiss his cheek.

"These are, em for you. I remember they were your favourite..." he hands them over, your fingers grazing.

"You just googled that," you teased him. "Nice suit, by the way..." now you're up close, you see that it's a dark grey tweed, his blue shirt and tie matching it perfectly.

It took everything in you to not run your hands down his chest to feel the expensive material.

"You look great too; you were always beautiful, though," his brown eyes meeting yours, his irises blown out. Neither of you said anything for a while until the hostess interrupted you both to let you know your table was ready. Even though you were both nervous, the conversation flowed exactly like all those years before. It was surprising how open you both were after all that time and how he could still surprise you.

"A Cowboy?" you look at him in disbelief, sipping on your wine

"Yeah, few horses and cattle. Be surrounded by nature."

"What would you do on your imaginary ranch?" you can feel your cheeks start to hurt with the smile you have pinned there.

"I dunno…look at them? I'll figure something out" he drifts into thought. "What would you do if you weren't acting?"

The first answer you thought of was too corny to be by his side on this dream ranch, so you thought for a moment.

"Maybe a writer? I took a few classes at Juilliard and loved it…."

"I think you'd be great at that, better than me as a cowboy" he smiled at you softly.

The unmistakable tension was back; even in the dim light of the booth, you could see his eyes had turned black. You didn't want to break it; being under his gaze like this felt euphoric, and you were now sure the world would collapse if you didn't kiss him again. You both finished up your meals in comfortable silence, both occasionally stopping to compliment the food or, in Spencer's case, give you little tid-bits of information about Virginia. After you finished your meal, which he insisted on paying for, he offered you a ride home. He opened the door of the car for you, unintentionally trapping you in a corner. You saw your opportunity and pressed your lips against his lightly at first, so light that you didn't think it happened until you felt Spencer grab your jaw and push your lips together harder. The stubble on his chin is scratching your face lightly; your hands found his waist as your tongues sought each other out. You were glad the days of photographers following you were over because you were sure the scene of you two tangled together was obscene. He was the one to break the kiss, a repeat from the first time.

"I need to get you home; we'll get in trouble if we keep going," he smiles before letting you slide in the passenger seat. His hand rested on your bare thigh as he navigated you both back to your apartment, where he quickly pulled into the parking lot, the kiss from earlier giving him confidence.

"Do you want to come up?" he nods his head as he turns off the engine. You both jump out of your seats, his hand finding yours as you guided him to the elevator.

"How many stories are you up?" He asks as you both wait,

"24 – why are you afraid or something?" you turn to look at his face. He was chewing on his lip.

"A little", He chuckles. "I got stuck in one at a case a few years ago. I try and avoid them now."

The door of the elevator bings open, and you both stumble inside. He pins you against the furthest wall as you hike one of your legs up to rest on his hip; he keeps it there with his hand, his body now flush against yours as you both continue what you started in the restaurant car park. You groan as you feel him getting hard through his trousers as your hands finally make their way up to his chest into his curls. He hisses and nips at your bottom lip when you tug lightly on his hair. The elevator doors open, and you both scramble to get out; you dig through your bag for the keys.

"Wow, I didn't even know this view exists!" he announces as the door swings open into your open plan living room and kitchen; there are panels of floor to ceiling windows leading to the balcony outside.

"Is that a hot tub?" he points to the structure in the corner outside.

"Don't worry – I won't push you in with your clothes on again." You tap his nose, and he grabs your hand back, leaving it on his chest as he captures your lips in a kiss again.

As soon as he lets go, his hands steady themselves around your waist, his nails digging into your hips; you slip his jacket off, throwing it in the corner, hoping it reaches your couch. Your fingers get to work on his waistcoat; as he nearly rips your dress, he tugs on the zip at your back that hard. He breaks your kiss to shrug it from his shoulders and to slip off his tie.

"You wear too many clothes,"

"Same could be said for you," he pulls the straps of your dress down, letting it pool at your feet, leaving you in your underwear; you kick the dress to the side and slip your shoes off. He takes the opportunity to rid himself of his shirt and shoes before he gathers you into his arms again, his fingers tracing up and down your back.

"You are so fucking gorgeous," he rasps in your ear, boxing you in to your breakfast bar; one of his hands travels down your side, giving your hip a quick squeeze before he slips his hand into your underwear to find you soaked. "Did I do this?"

You whimper and nod your head as his fingers circle your entrance. You can feel yourself tighten in anticipation for his next move. He gathers your juices and circles your clit, and your knees start to shake; you are confident that if he weren't quick to grab your hip with his other hand, you would be on the floor. You bury your head into his neck, moaning his name and your hands are on his biceps as he circles your clit and dips a single finger inside you, teasing you to perfection, feeling the spring in your stomach tighten. He must notice because he plunges two fingers inside you harshly, causing you to yelp out his name. He continues his assault, his thumb joining in, rubbing your clit as the feeling in your stomach builds up quick.

"'Spencer, I'm…" you plead with him. He kisses you harshly as you crumble around him, stars appearing behind your eyes. You flutter them open as he slips his fingers out from you, a smile on his face.

"You enjoy that?" You nod your head, "You were so tight when you came. I'm surprised you didn't break my fingers," he chuckles. The quiet confidence he has gained over the years is a complete turn on.

You take his hand and lead him to your bedroom. He lightly pushes you on the bed as you shuffle up to your pillows. He finally takes off his trousers, leaving you both in your underwear. You can't help but drink him in; you were correct when you said that he had filled out, his chest and shoulders was broader and a little sun-kissed, and he was still lean. You gulped when you saw how hard he was through his boxers.

"We don't have to do anything." He whispers, climbing on top of you.

You shake your head and smile, he might have physically changed, but he was still a complete gentleman on the inside. He traces his fingers around your hips, his thumbs massaging you a little before he pulls off your underwear, leaving you exposed. You sit up on the bed and kiss across his chest while he works on taking off your final piece of clothing. Once off, he sits back on his heels and looks at you.

"Fuck, I'm lucky" he stares at you, and you could feel yourself drip on the comforter with those words.

"Spencer," you buck your hips, trying to gain any relief.

"Do you have protection?" he asks, slipping down his boxers.

"I've got an IUD, and I'm clean."

He climbs on top of you, and you settle your hands around his shoulders as he lines himself up at your entrance, sliding in easily. Your legs wrap around his waist as he drops down on his elbows, staring into your eyes as he bottoms out.

"Oh God," you bite your lip.

He sets the slow pace as you tangle your fingers into his hair, kissing him harshly. It was so intense between the two of you; it was sensory overload. His skin on yours broke you out in goosebumps, and he's biting your lip as you tighten around him with each thrust made you squint your eyelids shut. He grabs one of your hands from his hair and places it beside you; your fingers are interlocking.

"Look at me, Lila," your eyes snap open. You struggle to breathe as your gaze locks, and you whimper. He dips his head and sponges kisses down the valley of your breasts, and you push your chest into him. He smirks as you tighten your grip on his fingers, chanting his name as he makes his way back up to your neck and attaches his lips there.

"This is better than I ever imagined," He rasps in your ear. "I'm so close,"

"Me too,"

He lets go of your fingers and moves them down to your clit as he picks up the pace. You can feel him hit your cervix with every thrust now, and you are sure that the whole building can hear you both. You grab his face and kiss him hard as you feel yourself tighten around him as you fall off the edge. A few moments later, you can see his face tense and the vein in his forehead pop as he comes inside you. He stays still for a few moments before he kisses you again as he slips out and collapses next to you. He pulls you into his side, kissing your forehead. You trace your fingers on his chest, letting the silence envelope you both for a few minutes.

"That was…" you whisper. He chuckles and nods his head in agreement.

"All those years, that's what we were missing."

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader smut #mgg #spencer reid x fem!reader #criminal minds #mgg oneshot #fuck my feels #dr spencer reid #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #matthew gray gubler

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popurikat · 4 years ago

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Newtmas essay when?

Finally getting to this, thanks for waiting, I needed to go over a few bookmarks. (Warning, this post contains spoilers from the MAZE RUNNER book and FEVER CODE book, so if you haven’t read either or yet and want the jist of my analysis; just know that in general the fandom interpreting Newt as gay before it was revealed on a twitter post was not just a random headcanon and that Thomas in general is portrayed to have very strong unconditional love for Newt throughout the series; and it shows. To the point that even the director for the movie has stated that Newt and Thomas have a strong bond and portrays that in the movies. I will also preface that I am NOT adding personal opinion anywhere here, these are just backings from quotes and how they are thus meant to be taken/read as. My words are taken as a reader who is currently reading Scorch Trials has yet to fully read Death Cure or Crank Palace.) Anways, without further ado at 3AM today, I’ll try my best to explain how even though Dashner tries his best to make Thomas have other, female love interests; he creates a not so subtle gay subtext for Tommy boy here when in the context of interacting with Newt throughout the lore. Apologies beforehand for any grammar mistakes along the way.

To commence, I am going to start with FEVER CODE, as its supposed to act as the story’s preface to the actual events that play out later. Newt and Thomas upon meeting each other describe their presence as “familiar” and or as a “long lost friend” and they genuinely hit it off from the start to the point that Newt is okay with having Thomas see him cry over the fact that he and his sister are separated since he is doomed to be WCKD’s control analysis as he’s the only one lacking immunity from the flare itself. Once Newt is done being emotionally vulnerable we get our first instance of his personal nickname for Thomas: “That’s the way things are Tommy,’ he said his voice not quite steady. ‘The world outside’s gone to hell. Why should we expect any different here? [...] He said it as if they’d been friends for years” (ch. 14). An interesting note here is that Thomas doesn’t bother to correct him or stifle the moment by feeling that all this information was too much, he genuinely wanted to hear Newt out and is fine with seeing this side of him; if not slightly taken aback by how natural it is that they can converse about such aspects of their lives. In fact, Newt makes such an impact on Thomas that Thomas ends up that same night dreaming of him: “Throughout his shortened night, he dreamed of Newt and Sonya. Of Newt and Lizzy“(Ch. 14). The thing with Thomas though is that the idea of comfort and connection is very foreign to him as he’s been basically isolated all his life with only the adults like Ava to talk to and the one exception being Teresa as his only kid companion. So Thomas didn’t even think he could make others like him for being himself unless they were vital to the overall production of WCKD. Seeing this portion right before the end of chapter 14: “Alby, Minho, Newt, Teresa. Thomas had friends.” shows that Thomas really had to deep dive to see how he deals with personal connections and why he was excited about the notion of friendship. He could’ve been happy with just Teresa, but only fully cemented her bond to him as “friend” when his circle grew and these kids he got to hang with taught him he can be himself, a concept he didn’t realize was possible when all his life was dictated on what he was supposed to learn or do. It becomes especially clear just how controlled his life is with the aspect of sentiment when later on Teresa’s mental communication evokes physcial pain and fear in Thomas. I’ll get back to that later as its more of a small tid bit of Thomas’ view on his forced love interest, Teresa. And yes, I say forced because multiple sentences with Thomas have him even wish he could cease all communication with her. Moving on, let’s talk about mimicking for a second. As humans, we mimic as a behavioral response to become closer to the person we care about. It’s the reason why yawning or laughter is contagious and or why we copy the posture of the person we converse with face to face. Thomas is seen to do this the most with Newt’s quirks. I’ll give the example in chapter 15: “Newt has been promising them that he was saving something special, and he did that annoying zipped-lipped sign every time [...] the little light in his eyes showed he enjoyed every second of their torture” versus Thomas: “Thomas did Newt’s zipped-lipped gesture, and that got him a sharp poke in the ribs”. So, we know enough that Thomas’ mannerisms are developing as a sign that he wants to be closer to Newt and to continue this sense of playfulness they both enjoy from the other. This is the start of their budding bond and a clear indication that they hold each other at greater fondness than the rest through this unconscious copying. Through this copying, they also pick up on emotional cues the other lets up on. Newt is especially good at noticing small things like when Thomas is anxious or overthinking: “He was just shocked that with all their exploring, the others hadn’t already discovered it on their own. And there were supposed to be TWO mazes. How had Newt and his friends not stumbled upon either one of them? ‘Tommy?’ Thomas realized Newt was staring straight at him, eyebrows raised. ‘Sorry,’ he said embarrassed, ‘wandered off for a second there what did you say?’ Newt shook his head in admonishment. ‘Try to keep up, Tommy Are you ready to see the grat outdoors?” (ch. 15). Also in chapter 23: “Tommy?’ It was Newt, breaking him out of his thoughts. ‘I can see your wheels spinnin’ up there.’ He tapped the side of his head”. This furthers Newts perceptiveness on his friend and Thomas’ ability to pick out when he is being looked after. And they bounce off each other really well in that aspect. To the point that Newt can crack a joke he knows will land right on Thomas’ sense of humor: “Newt waggled his fingers in front of Thomas’ face [...] A laugh exploded out of Thomas’ mouth that sent a spray everywhere. ‘Sorry’ he said, wiping his lips on his sleeve” (ch.15). It’s enjoyable to know that at least at a surface level, they have fun together and can cheer the other up if needed or know when to ground the other to reality. It is also through these instances that as a reader I pick up that Thomas’ nervous ticks perhaps allude to an anxiety disorder he has; of which Newt is aware of and never puts Thomas down on for exhibiting. He in fact understands it and deals with it accordingly as he himself has a similar circumstance. SO, what does all this paying attention lead to? Thomas’ devotion to protect Newt. Yeah, thats right I said devotion. Thomas’ actions are influenced by his developed instinct to protect Newt at all costs. Here is the biggest example that comes to mind: “What in the world happened to Newt? -- Less then two hours later, Thomas had spliced together a series of camera clips [...] Thomas turned off the feed. He couldn’t take it anymore...Newt, Newt, Newt, Thomas thought, feeling as if the very air around him were turning black.”(ch.52). Essentially, Thomas seeing Newt plummet to his near death by falling from the maze wall as a result of Newt’s ongoing depressive state, this is the moment that makes Thomas realize WICKD isn’t as good as they seem and that he is going into the maze to save Newt. Its admirable how much self sacrifice Thomas does for someone he cares so much about, to the point that their name is like a mantra. Thats a sensible area of passion and fighting spirit for someone who is “just a friend”. Oh and, the feeling of fondness is mutual mind you if I haven’t been clear. After experiencing the horrors of cranks for the first time, realizing Newt was not immune, and watching Newt until they entered the pits it has been months since they last interacted; this is their first reunion: “What’s up Tommy?’ Newt exclaimed, his face filled with genuine happiness at the pleasant surprise that’s been sprung on him. Thomas couldn’t remember exactly how long it’d been since he’d seen Newt. ‘You look bloody fantastic for three in the morning” (ch. 23). I need to preface this that Newt DOES NOT mean that sarcastically and that out of all the people in the room (Minho, Chuck and Teresa are there in this scene), Thomas only reacts this way specifically toward seeing Newt is okay and back. The characters are also not afraid of being physically close. “Well, look who the bloody copper dragged in,’ Newt said, pulling Thomas into a big hug” (ch.31), “They shook hands, and then the two of them set off...” (ch. 31), and my favorite: “Thomas jumped at the sound, then stumbled. Newt tripped over him, and then they were both laughing, legs and arms tangled in a pile on the ground”(ch.32). I don’t think this far in the novel, Thomas has been AS (emphasis on as) comfortable with touch with anyone else other than Newt. And thats a big step forward on the aspect of trust in a relationship, being able to be comfortable with the presence of another person enough to be as intimate with them as shown here. And all this, is just fever code itself. Mind you this is not the MEAT of the novels as it came out later. But even without it, lets look at Thomas in Maze now, I’ll try to keep this segment a lot more brief. Here’s Thomas looking respectively at boys his age: “A tall kid with blond hair and a square jaw...a thick, heavy muscled Asian kid folded his arms as he studied Thomas, his tight shirtsleeves rolled up to show off his biceps [...] Newt was taller than Alby too, but looked to be a year or so younger, His hair was blond and cut long, cascading over his T-shirt. Veins stuck out of his muscled arms”(ch. 2). Thomas’ initial reaction to being surrounded by boys is to deeply analyze their rugged good looks and heavily emphasize their best physical traits. When reading this the first time, my mind immediately thought this boy at the very least is supposed to be portrayed as bi, especially when later down the line Teresa gets a similar descriptor: “...despite her paleness, she was really pretty...silky hair, flawless skin, perfect lips, long legs.” So right off the bat, we know that be it boy or girl, Thomas emphasizes how attractive someone looks in his eyes when he truly does have a sense of attraction to them. Case closed. Within the same chapter we get Thomas also immediately clinging onto Newt for a sense of grounding, it is now ingrained in him at this point that the boy is his lifeline, a person to rely on. “Thomas looked over at Newt, hoping for help.” And help he does, Newt in this chapter helps ease his worries, explain a general idea of what the glade is and even pats him on the shoulder a bit to ease tension. And Thomas doesn’t bat an eye in the same way he’s weary of literally everyone else. In fact, he’s eager to stay put with him as shown with; “If Newt went up there, then I wanna talk to him.” And if none of that seals the deal, we got early bird Newt being so touch starved he flattens himself next to Thomas to wake him up at the crack of Dawn in chapter 6: “Someone shook Thomas awake. His eyes snapped open to see a too-close face staring down at him, everything around them still shadowed by the darkness of early morning...’Shh, Greenie. Don’t wanna be waking up Chuckie, now, do we?’ It was Newt --the guy who seemed second in command; the air reeked of his morning breath. Though Thomas was surprised, any alarm melted away immediately”. This whole scene follows firstly by Thomas once again impressed by how strong Newt is and then Newt giving him a rundown of what everyone else was too afraid to show Thomas, the grievers. And you know, this scene could’ve ended well and everything as totally platonic, but then we have “Newt turned to look at him dead in the eye. The first traces of dawn had crept up on them, and Thomas could see EVERY DETAIL OF NEWT’S FACE, HIS SKIN TIGHT, HIS BROW CREASED.” Now, look me in the eye and tell me there is a hetero explanation on looking at your best bro like they are the sun reincarnated themselves. But let’s not hog all the homosexual undertones with Thomas here. Wanna know what Newt’s initial reaction to having a girl in the glade was? “It’s a girl,’ he said [...] Newt shushed them again. ‘That’s not bloody half of it,’ he said, then pointed down into the box. ‘I think she’s dead” (ch.8). It’s actually a stark contrast to the other gladers eagerly wanting to know her age, how pretty she looked, and calling dibs to date her; Newt isn’t interested in any of that, he’s more perplexed on her status and not even bothering to remark on her looks, he was the only one not to and even remarks a few other instances that girls are more Thomas’ domain. For instance, he makes a joke in fever code when Thomas remarks that the girls in the institution were going to tackle him down, Newt proceeds to point out sarcastically something along the lines of “wait, isn’t that YOUR dream though?” So Newt is pretty out spoken of his disinterest in girls, and his full admiration and attention on Thomas. Oh, and yes, Newt immediately switches over to “Tommy” the moment Thomas mentions he hates being called greenie, and once again it just becomes a thing between only the two of them. Newt is also the one to be straight forward about the whole Runners business. He warns Thomas about the dangers and doesn’t necessarily turn him down on his desire to be one, he in fact encouraged him to just wait until the right moment. “No one said you couldn’t, but give it a rest for now”(ch. 15). So once again, Newt is the voice of confidence and reason for Thomas to prosper. In turn, this time around Thomas is the one to catch when something is bothering Newt. For instance, “Newt chewed his fingernails, something he hadn’t seen the older boy do before...he was genuinely concerned -- Newt was one of the few people in the Glade he actually liked ”(ch.16). Interesting how we went from fever code “friend” to “like”. And also, when Newt explains his concern about the runners not coming back yet, Thomas pieces together how scared Newt is of the Maze without being told and goes to stand next to him as a physical presence to ground Newt as they wait near the entrance. In fact, this piece is trivial to understand why Thomas does what he does next. When everyone else had given up on the Runners still outside with 2 minutes left til closing, and Newt was escorted away from the entrance, Thomas waited. And when Thomas saw them, he yells to Newt, realizes he’s too far to do anything, and makes a decision himself. He KNEW how much Newt cared about his fellow Gladers, they were like family or “kin” as its said in the book, so what does he do? “Don’t do it Tommy! Don’t you bloody do it!’ ... Thomas knew he had no choice. He moved. Forward. He squeezed past the connecting rods at the last second and stepped into the maze”(ch.16). Yes, Thomas does this because of his empathy for the Gladers, but the chain reaction of Newt’s concern is what sets his decision in stone. And yet again, Thomas enters the maze for Newt. And that’s pretty much the constant for the rest of Maze Runner the book, Newt just sticking up for Thomas and Thomas in turn just being happy that: “He was at least relieved that Newt was there” (ch.17). And thats basically their entire dynamic. Newt just going: “If you really did help design the maze Tommy, it’s not your fault. You‘re a kid -- you can’t help what they forced you to do” to ease the survivor’s trauma Thomas has, as well as saying “I actually believe you. You just don’t have an ounce of lying in those eyes of yours. And I can’t bloody believe I’m about to say this...but I’m going back in there to convince those shanks we should go through the griever hole, just like you said”(ch.51); and I think thats the most romantic thing to hear from him. Just right out being all for supporting Thomas no matter what happens as long as he stays alive and continues to fight, he doesn’t care about what happened before. And Thomas eats that up because it fuels him even more to seek out a means to escape for the people (Newt) that deserve a life outside of running from monsters forever. So essentially, I’ll state again, it’s always been Newt the catalyst for Thomas to run head first into the Maze and seek freedom. And with all this I can clear that these two are shown to if not be romantically involved, at least have unconditional love for the other that transcends the author’s original intention. And with that in mind, here’s the thing with Teresa as a love interest. I can list here quotes of every time she mind speaks to Thomas and how that affects him, but then this would be too long. And this is a newtmas post gosh darn it. Teresa is gleeful to humiliate, control, hurt, and force Thomas to believe they’re in love. In multiple instances we get her barging into his mind unwarranted making him understand that she has full access to his inner most thoughts. Theres nothing romantic about that, and I think its why Thomas ends up being so perceptive to the smallest of gestures that allow him to think on his own and feel like his own person. Something I’ve seen Brenda do later in scorch, and something I’ve seen Newt do since the very beginning is that they allow Thomas to come to his own conclusions in order to create his own opinions on the matters at hand. Thomas’ love language revolves around words of affirmation. He likes it when people confirm his thoughts are valid and that remind him that WICKD can’t hurt him anymore now that he has the power to be his own person. This is where Newt comes in very handy. He allows Thomas to grow in ways his female love interests have yet to show, sorry Brenda but I’ve heard you were trying to unite all immunes together to the safe haven by the end and in a sense still only using Thomas to get by; I still think she was the better call than teresa of course and I have no remorse for Teresa getting smushed by a boulder. But essentially my point here is that, how do you fail to make your initial love interests clash so badly where one has no real care about the others well being so long as everything goes according to WCKD by using a form of gaslighting and manipulation? AND THOMAS HAS STATED HIS DISCOMFORT ON THIS MULTIPLE TIMES, but the narrative always erases these instances from his mind in place of pity for Teresa’s well being (as you can tell, Teresa through this becomes my least favorite character, I can rant about her some othe time though with proper backing). The narrative in turn treats it all like a joke. I understand there are scenes where Thomas is worried about her and looks out to make sure shes ok, but even then he doesn’t know how to react with mental images of her kissing his cheek or when she screams the next minute that she doesn’t know who he is or how hes speaking into her mind. And thats because they can’t properly communicate their emotions to the other, not even in fever code could Thomas give a forward answer if he loved Teresa or not, she just assumed. Come to think of it, Thomas really doesn’t show much affection to Teresa of his own accord. So then, how DOES Thomas show his affection? Thomas provides acts of service as his love language, if he cares about you enough he will risk his life for you. Why? Because Thomas values putting the people he loves foremost knowing full well they are what help him have purpose and succeed in continuing on. In a way, Newt and Thomas’ dynamic works in this instance because they balance the other out and because they have seen each other at their worst and at their best. In a way, that's why knowing the ending of the books makes it harder to accept that Thomas would just easily take the shot...when all his life clung to Newt’s survival. But that’s a story for another time where I compare the movies (of which let me make that clear, yes I prefer) over the books. For now just know that the book may have done this by accident, maybe not, but at the end of the day theres solid proof that Thomas and Newt care about each other in a way that is separately portrayed from their connection to the other glade members, and have this consistency of soft moments running through the entirety of the series. In conclusion; newtmas. Newtmas. NEWTMAS, etc.

#Newtmas #long post #Skquill #ask #The ending gets a bit ranty with Teresa I must admit #but for the most part its just me recalling the best newtmas moments from the novels I've currently read #Please add on more newtmas proof to the thread

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tsc-updates · 5 years ago

Text

Modern TID - Part 8

Part 7 - Part 9

“Are you sure about this?” It was Saturday morning. Tessa was packing a duffel bag to spend the weekend at Will’s house. She would finally meet his family, and with every second that passed, she could feel her nerves pressing down on her.

“Don’t be nervous. My family is gonna love you.” Will was seating on the floor, back against her bed, and was inspecting her two piles of books. She didn’t have a bookshelf, yet, so her books remained in a neatly organized collection on one of the corners of her bedroom.

“How are you so sure?” She was pressing her hands down on her clothes, as if she was doing CPR on them, to make sure everything fitted.

“It’s you.” He shrugged. “What’s not to love?” She felt her cheeks pink up as she zipped up the bag.

“Ready.” She put her hands on her hips and tilted her head, a content smile on her face.

Will got up and put the duffel bag’s strap on his shoulder. He took her face and pulled the rubber band down her hair, breaking her ponytail. Her hair fell in waves around her face. He smiled and bent down to press a small kiss on her lips. He took her hand, and they walked down together.

He stopped by the building’s front door and pulled out his phone. “Cyril should be here any second.”

“Cyril?”

“The chauffeur.” Will put his phone away in his back pocket.

“Wait.” She shook her head. “You were serious about that? I thought you were joking. Why didn’t you tell me you were serious?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t want you to freak out.”

“So to get me to not freak out, you decided to spring it on me at the last second?” She chuckled.

“It worked, didn’t it?” He gave her a crooked grin, it made him seem younger somehow.

“You’re excused this one time.” She said as a car pulled upfront. A young man came out of the driver seat. He was tall, muscular and had dark brown curling hair.

“Hi. I’m Cyril. It’s Tessa, isn’t it?” He put a hand out for her.

“Yes, it is. It’s nice to meet you, Cyril.” She shook his hand.

“Here, let me get your bag.” She was going to protest, but Will beat her to it.

“It’s okay, Cy. We got it.” He clapped a hand on Cyril’s back and pulled her towards the car. The car started up not too long afterwards. Will put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. “Since I’m disclosing former misconceptions, I should let you know that I wasn’t kidding about Bridget either.”

“So you really have a cook?” She asked.

He nodded. “Bridget is Irish, terribly morbid, and while she works, she constantly sings Irish songs about death and heartbreak.” He let his head fall on hers. “It drives us insane.” He shrugged. “But she’s family. They both are.”

She gave him a kiss on the cheek, making him lift an eyebrow in questioning. She didn’t answer. Simply pulled him closer and laid her head on his chest, a smile on her face.

~/~

Will hadn’t been kidding about the house. It was big. Really big. As in, her entire apartment could probably fit on the front porch. If she wasn’t nervous before, she was definitely nervous now. “So how fancy rich is your family?”

He chuckled. “Not fancy at all. Except for Jessamine. Fancy is an understatement when it comes to her. And Charlotte will be formal and might interrogate you, but she’s not fancy in any way.”

“And Jem?” She bit her lip.

He tilted his head and grinned. “Tessa Gray, are you nervous about meeting my best friend?”

“Well, he is your best friend.” She waved her hand. “You talk about him constantly, and your definition of your relationship status is ‘soulmates’.” Her eyes widened. “Me? I’m the flusie taking up all of your bromance time. That builds up bro-grudge, I don’t want that bro-grudge unleashed on me.”

He kissed her forehead. “You’ll be fine. I promise.” He pushed open the large oak door and pulled her in. She was hit with a wave of heat. She hadn’t realised how cold it was outside. Her jacket became a layer too much. “Here.” Will came forward and took her coat off her. He put it on top of many other jackets on the hanger by the door. “Come on. Let’s go before we’re-”

“Before you’re what? Swamped by us?” A girl, probably not much older than Tessa herself, leaned against a doorless threshold. Tessa looked behind her. She could see a bit of what was perhaps a large dining table.

She looked the girl up and down. She was about Tessa’s height, but she was thinner and slender. She wore an apron around her waist, and her hair was a few shades darker than Tessa’s. She was pretty, but her beauty was distorted by the thick, silvery ridged scar that slashed from the left corner of her mouth to her temple.

Tessa hadn’t noticed she was staring at it until she heard the girl clear her throat. She felt her cheeks pink up as she looked away. “Don’t worry Will. You’re safe, for now. Henry is down at the lab. Charlotte is with a client. And Jessamine is out shopping.”

“And Jem?” He leaned against the bannister. The girl didn’t speak, but Tessa saw her softly shaking her head. Will sighed. “I guess you’ll have to face all the wolves later at dinner, all at once.”

The girl crossed her arms. “Now, now, William. You know we prefer cats.”

He shrugged. “As long as it’s not ducks.”

Tessa was going to inquire about why ducks, but the girl spoke first. “I’m Sophie, by the way.”

“Tessa.” She smiled. Sophie acknowledged this with a nod and walked away, with a swift turn of her heels. Tessa sighed. “I don’t think she liked me very much.”

“You stared at her scar.” He shook his head. “She hates it when people do that.” Tessa dropped her head low, but Will took her chin and made her look up at him. “It was an honest mistake. We all did it when we met her. She’ll warm up to you. Don’t worry.” He softly pulled her up the stairs. “Come on. Step into my evil lair.”

She laughed, and the awkward encounter downstairs flew from her mind by Will’s radiant personality. He paused in front of a door on the second floor and came to stand behind her. He put his hands on her eyes as she giggled. “What are you doing?”

“I live for the pazzazz of life.” She could hear the mocking tone in his voice. She listened to the door being pushed open and felt him slightly pushing her forward. She walked until he gave her an indication to stop. The door made a giant thud as it closed, and now they were both giggling. “Ready?” He whispered in her ear between giggles.

“Just let me see it!” She shrieked.

He took his hand off her eyes. The room was large, but not as much as she initially thought. The walls were covered in a dark blue wallpaper with washed-out golden fleur de lis dressing it. The large bed was centred in the room, the large artistically carved headboard against the wall. The bed wasn’t made, which seemed like a very typical Will thing. The desk by the window was a mess, with papers askew covering all inches.

But none of that was what took her attention. A large bookshelf at the corner of the room, covering the entire wall from the edge to the window. It was the only thing neatly organised in the place. She made a beeline to it and caressed the spines of the books. She noted they were arranged alphabetically by author surname. The fact made her smile. She paused at a particular title which she pulled out while turning to Will.

He saw the book she was holding and scratched the back of his neck grinning. “You insisted on me rereading it much, so I got a copy.”

She walked to him slowly. “And...?”

He shrugged. “It was fine.”

She grinned. She was very close to Will now. “Fine, uh? Is that your way of saying I’m right? And that you were wrong?”

He smirked. “I will never admit such a thing.”

She started laughing, and Will took her moment of distraction to snatch the book from her hands. He put his hand on her lower back and with the other threw the book onto the desk. He pulled her towards him and bent down to kiss her. Her hands dug into his air and pulled him down, deepening the kiss. His other hand played with the tips of her hair.

Breaking the kiss, he took her hands and pulled her down to sit on the bed. More on instinct than intention, their lips locked together again. Her hands explored his chest while he buried his in her hair. Tessa didn’t know how long it had passed, time seemed like a fake concept at that moment. She did feel Will softly pushing her down - or maybe she was the one pulling him - she felt the environment shift.

And then someone knocked on the door.

#modern tid #tessa gray #will herondale #jem carstairs #jessamine lovelace #sophie collins #charlotte branwell #henry branwell #wessa #jessa #heronstairs #herongraystairs #chenry #the infernal devices #the shadowhunters chronicles #tid #tsc

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fanficparker · 5 years ago

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Faking, Falling > Part 3

Harrison Osterfield x Reader (Fake dating! Unrequited love switcheroo!)

Word count: ~3.3k words

Warning: Swearing, Angst.

Summary: Positive or negative intentions yet the results do look pleasant but for how long?

<< PART 2 [ MASTERLIST ] PART 4 >>

"I am taking the day off early." You tell Jade, making sure Harrison was nearby and could hear you clearly.

"You seem excited, is there something special?"

You look at Harrison through your peripheral vision, who was just sitting ten feet from you, reading his script. But as much as you know him, you were sure his concentration was not on his script but on you. Completing almost one and a half month here on set you knew if you and he were in the same room, his mind was always wandering around you. Well, you would be more than pleased to get the eyes of the blonde who has the ability to get everyone's eyes on him, only if he wasn't a jerk. You were sure the only reason he had is eyes on you was to search for a perfect opportunity to belittle you or to make fun of you in some way or the other like he does every time.

But this time was different. You wanted to belittle him. Everyone who works on this set very well knew Simon and Harrison never got well. They had arguments every now and then and it would be really cool to show how his enemy was far better than him.

A smirk played on your lips as he stole glances at you thinking you weren't noticing. Idiot. You turned your attention back on Jade as you spoke further, "Simon asked me out! And now we have a date tonight, of course, I am excited."

"Really? But you told me just a week before that you weren't ready to date after-" She paused turning her head to see Harrison in the corner and then back at you, afraid she would speak anything that could hurt you. But you completed her sentence yourself.

"After that arsehole pulled that prank on me? Pfft." You were louder than you should for a bilateral conversation with Jade because it was with someone else. She looked surprised at your confidence level and that you were so comfortable saying Harrison 'arsehole' when he could easily hear.

"Look I thought about it and came to a conclusion. I am sure every fucking person on this planet is better than him and Simon... Simon hates him, I hate him. It's a perfect match!" You sounded as if it was a sure thing. You could feel Harrison's gaze on you, making you almost chuckle but you successfully hid it under a fake cough.

"Okay. I am happy for you." Jade said although you were sure her approval only translated to 'but Y/n that's not a very reliable reason to date someone.'

"Yeah, anything except that arsehole makes me happy." You smirked turning giving him a look and walking back to your designing room.

"Mate, I think she was referring to you." Harrison's co-star Greg whispered in his ear.

"Fuck off!" He mumbled and slammed his script on the front table, getting up and walking to your room.

"Seems like we aren't on good terms, specky."

You heard his voice behind you as you continue to sew your costume.

Without looking at him you clearly stated, "Next time make sure to knock before entering."

"Excuse me, what?"

"Looks like you need to get your hearing checked." You said finally looking at him. His jaws dropped yet again. You could see him struggling to take in your changed behaviour, which simply means - your faking game was working fine.

"You have changed," He said quietly.

"Guess it's a change for good."

For like minutes he just stared at your eyes as if he was trying to read them. It felt like he was searching for the part of you that you no matter how much you acted to be confident yet get flustered at his sight or snarky comments. You didn't give in, maintaining firm eye contact. He licked his lips and you could see the clear movements in his Adam's apple.

Harrison Osterfield was nervous and you were the reason behind it.

"Did it really hurt you that bad?" His voice was barely a whisper but still, you could clearly make out his words.

"Like you care, Osterfield."

He exhaled deeply.

"Yeah, you are right. I don't care."

"Good for you. Looks like the hatred is mutual."

"Never said it was hatred---"

"Action speaks louder than words..." A third voice interrupted before Harrison could complete himself. You and he both turned to see Simon standing by the door, holding a bunch of costumes. He was also you assistant after all.

"I am sorry if that sounded cliché but Y/n surely isn't enjoying your company." He said entering inside, keeping the costumes on the table and faced Harrison.

"You are no one to speak for her," Harrison spoke with gritted teeth.

"Well for your kind information, we are going on a date to---"

"That still doesn't make you speak for her. You aren't her boyfriend."

"At least she doesn't hate me," Simon said, standing just two inches from Harrison. The scene that played in front of your eyes seemed a lot more serious than you expected, making you quietly stand there and listen.

"Well, she will definitely hate you if I tell what you really do." The corners of Harrison's lips tugged into a light smirk.

"Ensure you have enough proofs before opening your mouth, Osterfield. We both know whom Y/n will trust otherwise."

Harrison smile fell and now Simon was the one confidently grinning. Harrison shifted his gaze towards you and then back at him. He exhaled again and walked from the side, saying nothing, leaving you and Simon alone in the room. Simon turned to look at you, giving a bright smile but it didn't do anything to the sinking, dark feeling in your abdomen. Their conversation was so shady that it made you sick.

"Aww come on Y/n, don't listen to him. Just two more hours of work and we are free!" He cheered to which you smiled (fake, obviously) but still you believed in him more than Harrison which let you sigh and calm yourself.

* * *

Two hours went by really slow but they did anyway. Simon asked you to leave together but you told him to leave first as you had to do finish the last tid-bits of your designs.

"I will be at Regan's Diner at 7. Can't wait to see you there!" And then he left when you concentrated back at your costume. You sighed, stretching your arms, relaxing. You glanced at your phone.

"Shit!" You jolted up from your seat, it was already 6:25 pm, you were late by 20 mins. You needed time to go back home, get dressed and then reach the restaurant. You cursed under your breath, assembling your stuff and shoving it into your handbag. Accidentally your phone slipped landing on the soft carpet beneath your table. You zipped up your bag, oblivious to your missing phone and rushed outside. You almost bumped into that blue eyes notorious blonde but stabilised yourself before you could collide. He gave you a blank look and you ignored him, walking out and driving to your home.

* * *

It was just five-minute past and Harrison couldn't find any interest in rehearsing his role. The conversation between him and you played over and over again in his head. If your date with Simon goes well, he would no more be able to follow you around or see your flattered or maybe annoyed expression. The thought of completely distancing himself from you made his stomach churn. But he doesn't care, right?

But you weren't wrong... He did feel guilty of what he did now.

No. No... He doesn't care about you or anyone... He isn't guilty.

It was your life, your date, whatever it was it had nothing to do with him. Maybe it was good for both of you. If he could survive without Tom and his company then he was sure he could definitely survive without interacting with you. You, who was basically nothing for him... He shook his head at all these annoying self debates going in his mind and he decided to take a break too. He finally called it a day off. He was about to walk out of the building when Greg called him.

"George asked you to keep all your costumes arranged as Simon & Y/n both have already left."

"Yeah yeah, no need to explain..." He rolled his eyes, dramatically.

Thank you Greg for making the day hundred percent better! He placed his costume in the wardrobe stand and then heard the sound of a chime. He checked his phone, but there was nothing. He again heard the sound and this time his gaze landed on the phone lying beneath the table. He picked it up, realising it was your phone. He would have not cared even a little bit if the 'two new messages' notification didn't show the name, Simon.

Don't open the message. Don't open the message...

And then he did... You didn't put a lock-screen password and Harrison felt calm blaming it on you.

Simon [6:35 pm]: Hey Y/n. I m really sorry but I got stuck in some important work. Can we plz meet at 9:30 instead of 7?

Simon [6:35 pm]: Tell me if this works for you. And I m really sorry for changing the plans on last minute.

Harrison read through the messages, rolling his eyes as if it was the most stupid message of all time. The phone chimed again.

Simon [6:36 pm]: Waiting for your reply <3

"Look how fucking excited this bastard is!" Harrison mumbled.

Maybe he does deserve a reply...

Harrison's fingers danced on the phone screen without thinking twice.

You would have put in a password if you were too bothered.

Y/n [6:38 pm]: No problem. See you at 9:30 then.

And the phone chimed again.

Fucking desperate!

Simon [6:38 pm]: Great. Can't wait to see you ;)

"Haha... Like she'll wait for you till nine-thirty!" Harrison finally felt a bit relieved from today's incident. A proud smile formed on his lips. He debated whether to keep the phone with him or leave it here... But first he should delete this conversation and he did.

Wait... What if he hands you back this phone himself? And enjoy your and Simon's date... Sounds like a plan to him.

He slipped the phone in his jacket and eagerly drove to your house, smiling proudly. He parked the car in the driveway and didn't waste a single minute ringing your door-bell.The door opened a minute later.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Thank you for being so polite. I really appreciate," Harrison chuckled at your annoyed voice. His eyes travelled from your head to toe, taking in your complete look. There were a hairbrush and a lipstick in your hands. Your hairs were half combed. You were wearing a blue knee-length dress, and the ribbons on your sleeves were still untied. You looked like you were rushing.

Yeah, rushing... For your date.

"Tell me what's your work I literally am getting really late and can't even find my fucking phone!" You growled looking at the wall clock showing 6:59 pm already.

"Well maybe this is yours," Harrison said taking out your phone. You looked at his hand and instantly snatched the device out.

"Oh God! Where do you get this?"

"Really Y/n. Your guest serving etiquette is kinda fucked up." He said leaning at your door frame as you checked your phone.

* * *

You were absolutely confused to see Harrison at your doorstep but because you were already late for your date, you didn't want to waste any more time thinking about any possibilities. But now he was here, safely handing you your phone. It's true you haven't forgiven Harrison for what he did and neither ever he asked for any apologies making you want to continue this hating game. You won't be lying if you say - you were actually enjoying it. It was easy to hate him than to deal with any other feeling. Maybe this crush was dying slowly, slowly. Everything you ever wanted...

But right now, he came to return you his phone and maybe he was right. It deserved a thank you.

"Oh sorry. Thank you but really where did you get it?"

"Beneath your table."

"God! I am such an idiot... " You laughed and damn, something in his heart stopped working. He glanced at your face, how your eyes squinted forming little creases along the corners and how your lips parted ever so slightly. He has always been the sole reason for your sadness & anger. But seeing you smile and laugh because of him automatically made his own lips tug into a small smile, his eyes still concentrated on your face.

Your laugh died down as a nervous chuckle in the end when you noticed his intense gaze on you.

"I-uh... I am getting late. You make yourself at home till I get ready." You tucked a hair strand behind your ear looking at your feet. You heard Harrison lightly cough, maybe to lighten the thickening air between you both.

"Yeah."

After five minutes you showed up again cursing about already being super late.

"I should call Simon. Maybe he thinks I am flaking out!" And before you could search for his contact, your phone was snatched from your hand. Your eyes shot up only to meet Harrison's icy blue ones.

"What are doing? It's just six-ten. You don't need to call him." He told.

"But I have to reach Regan's Diner too---"

"It's just five minutes from here. I'll drive you there. You don't wanna look like an idiot apologizing for just 15 minutes..." He handed you the phone back.

"You-you will drop me?" You asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, why not. Now hurry up, you don't wanna waste any time, right?" He already opened your main door signalling you to move out.

Was it right for you to go with Harrison when you already knew how much Simon hated him?

"Y/n, we are getting late!" He yelled standing near his car, giving you no time to think too much. You would have straight away denied if you weren't so punctual and being already late wasn't making you feel guilty.

The drive was silent and you couldn't thank less. You were panicking for your date but he was panicking about something else.

What if you come to know about those messages he sent and then deleted?

"Hey hey stop, we came ahead!" You said and Harrison instantly pulled the breaks.

"Ah, sorry, I was thinking about something."

When did Harrison Osterfield start saying sorry?

"Thanks for dropping me by the way," You smiled genuinely to which he nodded. You rushed inside the restaurant asking for your reserved seat. The waiter gave you the seat and you came to know Simon didn't arrive yet.

Good, you didn't call him.

7:40 pm and Simon didn't show up yet. You rubbed the skin of your arms in concern and embarrassment or maybe shame. You tried to divert your attention by scrolling through Instagram on your phone when you heard the noise of a chair pulling in front of you. Your head shot up only to see Harrison...

"Harrison? You didn't go?---"

"Saw you waiting and well... Guess my doubts were real!"

"What guess?"

He took a seat continuing, "Simon isn't going to come. He is a jerk, he likes flaking out---"

"At least, he isn't doing anything you did at Rick's party!" You spoke straight.

"Oh, come' on. Can we just forget it." He groaned stretching his back into the chair.

"You didn't even say sorry or anything regarding it. I have the right to carry whatever feeling I have for that incident and you." You said, one hand resting on your chin while the other mindlessly making invisible patterns on the table cloth. Harrison sighed and rubbed his palms over his eyes lightly.

"Okay okay... I get it. Sorry. I am really sorry. Now can we just forget it?"

The corners of your lips tugged upwards, a small smile forming.

"Will think about it..." You said slowly.

"Hello, sir and ma'am would you like to order something?" The waitress asked coming to your table, a big smile on her face.

"Umm... Actually, someone still didn't arrive---"

"Yeah, we can start with some starters... Cheese rolls, soup. Are you good with that?" Harrison interrupted you. He looked at you and you didn't understand what to answer so nodded.

"Thank you, just give us five minutes and hope you both are enjoying your date..."

"We--no..." You tried to clarify but the waitress had already walked away. You hated it but your cheeks felt warm making you look down at the table. An uncomfortable silence enveloping the two of you.

Harrison fake coughed to get you attention, "Umm, so for how long are you been here, in London?"

You looked up at him, a bit astonished to see him actually starting a good conversation.

"Well, two years. I came here to learn from some big fashion designers basically thought of getting an internship at Joshua Kane but guess they didn't need interns." You gasped.

"So, you came here to get a job at JK?" He leaned towards the table.

"No. For learning. I actually would love ṭo start my own brand. Basically, it's my dream, goal. There's just too much competition. Seems like everyone is better than me." You pursed your lips, looking at the glass of water blankly.

"Your work is personally my favourite. I mean it doesn't look like you are any less than professionals."

No. No... That feeling you hated it. Those butterflies... Harrison Osterfield... Not a good combination.

"You're just bluffing." You say, smiling shyly.

"Don't believe me but my fortune cookie did tell me that." He lightly chuckled.

"So, you believe in those?"

"Come on Y/n. I am saying the truth..."

"Thank you..."

"Your order." The waitress served your starters.

...

"Well, then see you tomorrow..."He dropped you back home.

"Yeah..." As he left you raced inside your house almost squealing in excitement. Changing your clothes you got into your bed. You replayed your time with Harrison this evening. Your phone rang and you absolutely blocked Simon's number the exact minute he called. He flaked out in your eyes after all. But then your phone chimed.

A new message.

Jade [10:45 pm]: How was your date?

You smiled at the message and wrote without thinking twice.

Y/n [10:45 pm]: Fucking awesome!

-----------------------------------------------

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129 notes · View notes

randompony03 · 5 years ago

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Not In Kansas Anymore

Heyooo! So a bit ago, I had a little convo with @spiderversetweets and then I decided to make a fic based off of it, because I'm hella cringey. This might be bad, but whatev. This is the refined version, it's also posted on Wattpad and some of the writting is different.

Wattpad link:

Characters: Helena/MindFang (oc), Virgil/SpiderGale, Roman/Royal Slinger, Patton/LoveBite, Logan/Arachne, Thomas/Rainbow Weaver, MJ (oc)

Summary: MindFang gets stick in a certain spidey boy's room, and is ultimately stuck in his dimension as well. How will she get home?

--------------------------------------------------

MindFang opened her eyes and groaned. What the hell had just happened? One minute she was swinging through Laurence and the next she was zipping down a tube of big time acid trips only to wake up in pain and...in a dark purple room? She sat up and looked around. There were band posters, black clothing items scattered about, and black out curtains. "What kinda emo lives here?" She mused to herself. "Where are we?" Asked the tiny voice of Rosie as she scuttled up MindFang's arm. "I have no clue." MindFang responded. She pulled down the hood of her cloak and took off her mask. A confused look came over her round, freckled face. She pulled out her phone and opened Twitter.

'MFangOfficial: Ok y'all, don't panic (I'm already doing enough of that), but I'm suddenly in someone's room. It's dark and really purple, but I have no idea how I got here.'

With that, she posted it. She signed and scrolled around until she started getting blown up with notifications. 'OMG, you ok?' 'Sis, you need us Topekans to rescue you this time?' '@MFangOfficial idk why, but mood.' She smiled and replied to any and all of them. One in particular grabbed her attention. 'SpiderGaleOfficial: Don't touch anything, I'm on my way.' She stared for a moment at the response. SpiderGale? Was that..a YouTuber? Or was she not alone?

'MFangOfficial:@SpiderGaleOfficial I give you my word. I like your spider though. Also, thanks.'

MindFang thought a moment. Could there really be someone else with abilities like hers? Well, outside her family that is. She watched as Rosie climbed up the leg of the table with a spider tank resting on it. The rose-knee curiously peered through the glass. The spider on the other side scuttled up to her.

'SpiderGaleOfficial: He's a chill little dude.'

MindFang glanced back up at the spiders with a smile as they began to chatter at each other.

'MFangOfficial: Indeed he is. I kinda wanna hold him, but I promised. He's a tarantula right?'

She sat down on the floor. Holding up her mask she rubbed a thumb over it in thought. MindFang pulled the mask back on. She didn't know if this person was actually a superhero. They could be some Average Joe. The last thing she needed was some civilian finding out her identity. That would only add on to the stress today had brought her.

'SpiderGaleOfficial: Yes, he is. If he lets you hold him go ahead.'

MindFang smiled brightly under her mask. She gently lowered her hand into the tank and offered it. The tarantula inside came closer. He hesitated before gingerly walking onto her hand. He happily chirped at her a greeting as she held him up. Rosie jumped onto her and made her way to her new buddy.

'MFangOfficial: You're a real pal. Oh he's so sweet.'

"Who are you texting, Helena?" The tiny voice of Rosie asked. Helena looked up from her phone. "The owner of your new friend." She told her. "Ask them for his name." Rosie said glancing back to the other tarantula. Helena cocked a brow. "Can't you ask him?" Rosie giggled at her. "Yes, and I already did, but you may as well make conversation." She said with a playful smirk in her voice. Helena sighed.

'What's his name btw?'

'SpiderGaleOfficial: I'll tell you when I get there.'

'MFangOfficial: 👌'

Helena eyed her spider companion. "You're a little shit, ya know." She said. "Don't forget it." Rosie laughed. Helena chuckled a bit herself. She felt a tingling sensation in the back of her head. "His name is JD." Came a new voice.

The masked girl turned around to see a boy in a purple and white onesie climbing in through the window. Helena's eyes widened as his did as well. The rest of the world seemed to tune out as an aura of purple and dark grey with bolts of bright lightning seemed to surround him. "..you're just like me." They spoke in unison. Helena went over and began to circle him. "That can't be right. I thought it was just me and my siblings. Is that hoodie built in?" She stopped in front of him, "God I love your suit." SpiderGale chuckled. He extended his hand and she shook it. Helena took off her mask once more. "By the way, I'm Helena." She told him, a smile settling onto to her freckled cheeks. The boy removed his own mask and shook out his purple hair. "Virgil." Helena couldn't help but chuckle. "Nice to see we have similar taste in hairstyles." She said, pointing out their heads being shaved on the same side, hers being wavy and auburn while his was straight and naturally dark with the longer part dyed.

Virgil took his turn to pace around her. Studying her. The two tarantulas on her shoulders, one of them being JD, the silver lining on her suit and cloak, the cool color scheme, the thigh-high Nightvale purple boots. "How did you get in here?" He asked. Helena ran a hand through her half a head of hair. "Well, that's the thing. I'm not entirely sure. I was sucked into some colorful tunnel and then woke up in here. That probably makes me sound like a crackhead though." Virgil stopped in front of her. "It sounds like you need to go home."

"So you said you can clearly communicate with spiders?" Talyn asked Helena as they examined her. "Uh, yeah." Helena watched them. Joan stood back and took notes. "Interesting." Talyn mused. Virgil cleared his throat, gaining everyone's attention. "I think you're getting a little off topic." He said, raising a brow. "Oh, right. Sorry, it's just so fascinating is all." Talyn apologized, stepping away from Helena. They went over to join Joan and began quickly muttering to them.

Virgil stepped over to Helena. "Sorry about that, they tend to get sidetracked when something tickles their curiosity." He explained. "It's fine, I guess. I just didn't think my powers were all that interesting or whatever." She shrugged.

"Well, they are when my friends and I can only partially make out what they say."

"There's more than one of you??"

"Yeah. What, are you the only one where you come from?"

"Well, no. My sister got bit as well and my brother made something called a symbiote."

Virgil raised his eyebrows. "Huh, we have someone with a symbiote here too." Helena looked down at the floor. "What the fuck." She whispered.

Joan and Talyn came back over to them. "Ok, after talking it over we think we can get you home. Although, it may take a while to make the machinery needed." Joan told Helena. "How long would 'a while' be?" She asked. "About five weeks if we can get Logan to help. Interdimensional transport isn't exactly common or anything." Talyn explained. Helena felt her stomach drop. Five weeks? Oh God, what was she supposed to tell her parents? Could she even contact them? Tears began to sting her eyes. She turned around and walked a few paces away. No. God no. Not here. Not now.

"Helena, you ok?" She heard Virgil's voice ask. "YeAH." She replied. Damn it, that voice crack would give her away. Hesitantly, Virgil placed a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, look at me." Despite every red flag her brain was sending her about letting him see her like this, she faced him. "Breath with me. In for three, hold for four, out for seven." He instructed as he demonstrated for her. After a few rounds of this, Helena had seemed to calm down. "Better?" He asked. She nodded. "Better"

Helena had been taken and introduced to Virgil's friends; Logan, Roman, Patton, and Thomas, who seemed more like a tired dad than a friend. Patton flopped down next to her on Thomas' couch. "So, if you're stuck here for five weeks, where are you going to stay?" He asked her. Helena's face fell. "Oh, uh, I hadn't really thought of that." Helena admitted. "And what are you going to wear? Don't get me wrong, I love your suit, but that can't be all you have, is it?" Roman added. "...My civilian clothes are back home." She mumbled. The boys all looked at each other before leaning in and quietly discussing the situation. Helena tuned them out and began to fret all over again. Where was she going to stay? Perhaps she could just bum around town and live like the homeless for the next few weeks? Did they have a homeless shelter perhaps?

The boys stopped talking and turned back to Helena. "Well, I guess you could stay with me for now." Thomas offered. The girl was taken aback. "Oh no, I don't wanna be a bother!" She argued. Thomas shook his head. "You wouldn't. It's not like these guys don't frequently come and go from here." He insisted. Helena was about to debate the offer all over again when the door opened.

A red-haired man walked in and over to Thomas. He slipped his arms around the other's shoulders. "Hey, guys." He greeted with a smile. "Hey, MJ." The boys replied in unison. The man, known as MJ, spotted Helena. The girl was caught off guard and ended up making eye contact. She nervously waved. "Who's this?" MJ asked, standing up straight. "This is Helena. She's a long ways from home." Thomas explained.

"How far?"

"A whole other world far."

"Yikes."

"Yeah. I was just telling her that she could stay here with us until Joan and Talyn finish their transporter."

MJ's eyes shined as he looked back up at Helena. "I think that's a great idea." Helena mentally sighed. It seemed there was no way of getting out of this.

Living with Thomas and MJ turned out to be pretty nice. Thankfully she was able to give her parents an excuse for her absence. Since she had been at the library, last they knew, she had gotten some of her friends to agree to be her scapegoat. As far as her parents were concerned, she was spending the next few weeks at with the Loockes. Through her experience there, she had come to know the rest of the boys pretty well. Roman had insisted on taking her out shopping so she could look her best. Thanks to him, she had practically an entirely new wardrobe. Patton had shown her how to bake practically every kind of cookie. When Logan wasn't helping Joan and Talyn, she'd let him ramble about whatever topic he wished. She thought the number of things he knew was fascinating. Virgil was a lot like her in some ways. They often sat around sending memes to each other and discussing horror movies. By the end of it, they had all become good friends. The time did come, however, for Helena to go home.

She had been sitting on the couch drawing with Roman and talking about cartoons they watched as kids when Logan came into the room. "Helena, it's finished." He informed her. She stared back at him in wonder and blinked a few times. "It is?" Logan nodded. She looked down at her sketchpad. "I honestly thought I'd be a little more excited to go home." She said with a half-hearted chuckle. Roman reached over and patted her back.. "We'll miss you too." A sad smile rested on his face. He understood what she meant.

Helena went to pack what belongings she had. While folding and putting away all the clothes Roman had picked out for her, the door to the room burst open. Before she could fully process the outburst a pair of arms were hrown thrownaround her. "I can't believe it's over already!" Wailed the voice of Patton. Helena smiled when she realized who it was that attack-hugged her. She returned the hug, getting a bit misty-eyed. "I know. I'm gonna miss you,, Pat." She said softly. "Ok Patton, give her some space." Virgil laughed from his leaning position in the doorway. Patton pulled back with a slight whine and glossy eyes. "How did you guys know I was leaving right now?" Helena asked them. Roman stepped in. "I may have texted them." He admitted.

Logan came into the room as well. "Helena, could I see your phone?" The girl complied and handed it over to him. He took off the back and slid what looked like some kind of SD card into it. He popped the back on again and handed it back to her. "When you activate that, it should allow you to keep your contact with us." He explained. Helena smiled so warmly. "Thank you, Logan." Virgil punched him in the arm. "You softie." He teased.

Eventually, Helena had been all packed up, even between all the chatter. She had said her final goodbyes and received an especially long hug from Patton and MJ at the same time. With one more round of goodbyes, she was transported back home in a flash of bright white.

After she had come back inside and spun a tale of what she had 'been up to with the Loockes, she went down to her room and flopped onto her bed. Her phone buzzed as Rosie crawled out of her pocket. Helena pulled out the device. 5 messages from SpiderGang. A smile crept over her face as she tapped on the chat bubble.

PattonCake: Hi Helena!

Sir-Sings-A-Lot: With one more round of goodbyes, she was transported back home in a flash of blindingly bright white.

When she opened her eyes, she was standing on the corner of her block. Looks like those two had a pretty precise aim. She walked up to the front door of her home and knocked. Once her parents had finished interrogating her about what she and the Loockes had been up to, she escaped downstairs to her room. Flopping onto her bed, she felt her phone buzz. Rosie crawled out of her jacket pocket as she pulled the device out. 5 messages from Spider Gang. A smile crept onto her face as she tapped the chat bubble.

PattonCake: Hi Helena!

Sir-Sing-A-Lot: @Bi-Stander Greetings!

Pocket-Protector: If the chip is functioning, salutations.

Dark-And-Stormy-Night: Yo

Could-Be-Gayer: Hey, kiddo

Tears of joy began to sting her eyes as she read over the messages.

Bi-Stander: Hey guys

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And that's all she (I) wrote! This is set in the world of the spiderverse au made by the lovely @sugarglider9603 and @ask-spiderverse-virgil . If you guys read this, I hope you like it!

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