#zeetha girl genius

[big-ass-magnet]

If Zeetha and Gil are siblings, Zeetha is the oldest. If they are twins, she was born first. Evidence:

I rest my case, your honor.

[bigasswritingmagnet]

Zeetha, Daughter of Klaus Ch 1/3

Fandom: Girl Genius Summary: Twenty years ago, Queen Zantabraxus gave birth to twins. Twenty years ago, Klaus had a choice to make. Twenty years ago, Klaus brought one of his children with him when he fled back to Europa.

In one universe, he took his son.

In this one, he took his daughter.

A very brief look at what happens when you have to play a part that wasn't written for you, trapped in a narrative that belongs to someone else.

AO3 Link Ch 2 Ch 3

Klaus Wulfenbach could not have made a more dramatic entrance if he’d planned it. The only reason Agatha felt he hadn’t was because she couldn’t think why he would waste it on such an unimportant audience.

The Baron strode into the room with his hands behind his back, his face a mask that managed to be both emotionless and displeased at the same time. Four massive war clanks, gleaming in the overhead lights, formed a protective square around the Baron and his entourage, led by a fearsome Jägermonster. Walking just behind Klaus on his right was a four-armed man scribbling industriously into a notebook. On his left, a girl about Agatha’s age, dressed in a charcoal grey suit and an embroidered waistcoat.

Being Agatha's height and only slightly broader in the shoulders, she should have been dwarfed by the Baron, but she exuded a proud, boisterous air that refused to be ignored; emphasized by her large brown eyes and wide mouth, both bright with barely-concealed amusement. Agatha was sure that she would have made as striking a presence as the Baron...if it wasn't for the hair. 

Dull, coarse, mousey brown, worn short in an unflattering bob, it was all the more eye-catching for how out of place it was on a person otherwise so sleek. Surely, Agatha thought, she had to know. Color and texture, one could only do so much, but haircuts were on purpose.

Suddenly the girl met Agatha’s eyes and grinned, revealing very sharp canines. Agatha, realizing she'd been caught staring, gave her a tight smile and looked instead at Beetle, who was fluttering around Klaus like a nervous butterfly, insisting that they could have this conversation elsewhere, there was no need to bother the professors.

“Damn it all, Klaus, this is my university!”

“In my town. In my empire. These are the ones I asked for?” he continued, nodding to the doctors before Beetle could say more. The Tyrant, red in the face, gritted his teeth.

“Dr Silas Merlot, my second in command and Dr Hugo Glassvitch, my chief of research.” Absentmindedly he waved a hand at Agatha. “And my lab assistant Miss Cl—”

Beetle whipped around to look at Agatha, his expression one of frantic horror that Agatha thought was far too dramatic.

“Miss Clay! Where is your locket?”

“I was robbed on my way here,” Agatha said, twisting her fingers together. “There was some sort of electrical anomaly, and I was trying to get away from it when I was…”

Beetle was barely listening.

“In my city? I’ll have the watch commander’s head for this!” He grabbed her arm and began to hustle her towards the door. “You must go home, my dear, you are clearly shaken--”

“Actually I feel much bett—”

“Nononono, I’ll not hear it, you must—”

A heavy hand landed on Agatha’s shoulder.

“Wait. This event—you saw it?” The Baron leaned over her, practically blocking out the light, fixing her with an intense, piercing gaze that made Agatha feel like a specimen under a microscope.

“Yes, sir. I was right there.”

“Stay. I have questions—but they must wait for later.”

“I can do it.” This was the mystery girl, stepping in closer to Agatha—who was starting to feel penned in. “I’ll take her home. It may be easier to interview her in a more comfortable setting. Besides—you don’t need me here for this.”

“That’s really not nec—” Agatha began.

“I would prefer you be here for this,” the Baron snapped, turning his focus from Agatha to his associate, who did not seem at all bothered by the laser glare.

“But you don’t need me,” the girl insisted. “And have you considered, Father, that you may not want her here for this?”

Father? This was—this was the Baron’s daughter? Agatha had heard the rumors about Zeetha Wulfenbach, everyone had, although the rumors couldn’t agree on much besides the fact that the Baron had announced her out of nowhere only a few months ago.

Then the rest of the girl’s statement hit her, and Agatha’s face went red. She must have heard about Agatha’s... problem from someone in the university—and very few people would have been kind about it. They probably told her she broke everything she touched, and Zeetha wanted her out of the way where she couldn’t do any damage.

“ I said I’m fine !” Agatha snapped. Everyone stared, and Agatha cleared her throat as her cheeks went red. “ Thank you . I appreciate everyone’s concern, but I’m. Fine.”

“There,” the Baron said. “The matter is finished. We can attend to business.”

He turned away, wandering towards the machine in the center of the room. Zeetha caught Agatha’s eye and, to Agatha’s amazement, winked at her. With a small, approving smile touching her lips, Zeetha followed her father.

She didn’t have any more time to think about it, because the Baron said:

“The real reason I wanted to meet here today, Beetle, is because I am here about the hive engine.”

“ What?” Agatha yelped. No one noticed her. Instead, the Baron advanced slowly on Beetle, who backed away.

“Hive engine, what—what are you talking about?” Beetle stammered.

“The hive engine. The on the field team stumbled across two weeks ago. The one you had moved into the university for study. The one you have been testing. The one that, based on changes in laboratory schedules and chemical requisitions, is in this room.”

The Baron was very good at looming, and he did so now, staring down at Beetle with contempt.

“ That hive engine.”

“Preposterous!” Beetle blustered, drawing himself up. “Where could I possibly be hiding a hive engine?”

Zeetha had begun to meander towards the storage closet. Agatha noticed—as Zeetha had—that the rivets were straining, the wood of the door bulging as it gradually weakened against internal pressure.

“You’re certainly hiding something in here,” Zeetha said, casually.

“No, wait—!” Agatha cried.

“I don’t think I will,” Zeetha said, almost playfully, and turned the handle.

“ Nooooo!”

A wave of paperwork, lab equipment, and anything else Agatha had found that wasn’t nailed down or too heavy to carry, erupted from the storage closet. Agatha cringed, squeezing her eyes shut at the cacophony of her work being undone. When it stopped and she dared open her eyes, Zeetha was standing untouched beside the pile, having neatly stepped to the side upon opening the door.

She was holding a goldfish bowl in one hand, its occupant swimming in frantic circles as the water sloshed back and forth but did not spill a drop.

“Oh.”

“Hive engines are slightly bigger than that,” the Baron said, icily.

“ I know that ,” Zeetha snapped, her cheeks going slightly pink. “I thought it might have been something guarding the mechanism to open that false wall back there.”

Wordlessly, Klaus crossed the room towards the back wall and pulled a large lever. He kept his eyes on Zeetha, who turned a brighter pink as the far wall trembled and mechanisms hummed. A section of the wall slid neatly into the floor to reveal--

To reveal the most horrible thing Agatha had ever seen in her life. A massive orb of metal and glass, full of black liquid that swirled, rose, fell, tendrils sliding over the glass as if looking for a way out. And there were...things. Shapeless things moving in the dark, and Agatha could see glimpses of teeth or eyes or terrible, terrible faces.

“One rule, Beetle. I made one rule: report all unusual discoveries, and immediately turn over any devices of the Other. You agreed to this rule.”

“I had no choice!” Beetle shouted. “You had me over a barrel! It was you or let the city starve!”

“So that was it? You kept it in the middle of the city—in the middle of the university ,” Zeetha spat, “and put your people at risk of the worst fate imaginable, so you could get one over on the Baron? I should—”

Her right hand flew to her left hip and closed around empty air. Zeetha growled in frustration and lunged forward, only for the Baron to grab her by the collar and pull her back.

“And yet,” Klaus said, as if there had been no interruption, “you signed the agreement. Which means—”

“It meant nothing then, and it means nothing now! I don’t need you or your empire now! So you can just get out!”

“Just like that?” Klaus asked, dryly.

Overhead there was a crack, a splintering of wood, groaning of timbers, and a metal gun the size of a large tractor leveled itself at the Baron.

“DO NOT MOVE,” boomed Professor Tock.

“Just like that,” Beetle confirmed, smugly, and cackled.

There was a pause as the Wulfenbachs considered their situation.

“Are you stupid?” Zeetha asked, finally. Beetle let out a squawk of outrage.

“How dare you!”

“Zeetha, do not antagonize the man with the large gun pointing at us,” Klaus said, wearily.

“Listen to your father, girl ,” Beetle sneered.

“He doesn’t have a large gun," Zeetha argued. "His clank has a big gun.”

“Which is still pointed directly at you,” Beetle said, “so if I were you I would hold my tongue!”

“If you were me, you’d know better than to think this would be a successful method of stopping us. See, that’s the problem with Sparks like you—you only think about the size of the gun and how much firepower you can give it. You never think about the downside!”

“...what downside?” Beetle asked, taking a slow, nervous step back.

“Things that are big…”

The air blurred. Agatha blinked, and Zeetha was standing directly behind Beetle, one arm around his throat, her free hand holding a knife beside his face.

“...are slow.”

It took several seconds for Tok’s head to turn all the way to see where she’d gone; even longer for the gun to ponderously swing towards Zeetha and Beetle. It paused halfway as Tok’s mechanism finished calculating the risk to its creator, and swung back towards the Baron.

Zeetha nodded to Agatha. “You might want to put that somewhere out of the way.”

Agatha looked down and realized she was holding the goldfish bowl. She looked back up at Zeetha in amazement. She’d never known anyone who could move that fast who wasn’t a construct.

“Now,” Zeetha said, smugly, and panic hit Agatha’s heart like a misfired lightning bolt.

“Don’t!” she cried, putting the fishbowl on the table so she could reach out imploringly. “Don’t kill him, please! We...we need him.”

“You need him?” Zeetha exclaimed. “You need a man who was one minor accident away from wasping your city? And what about that gun? You’re right within shrapnel range—if it shoots now, you could be hurt, maybe even killed! People keep telling me that the Tyrant keeps them safe, but I’m not seeing a whole lot of safety in this room right now.”

Agatha didn’t know what to say to that. She was saved from having to answer by Beetle himself piping up.

“Don’t worry, Miss Clay. She can’t kill me.” Beetle was pale and sweating, but he was also sneering. “The moment she does, Tok will open fire, and the Baron will have to be buried in a matchbox—Hgk!”

He choked as Zeetha’s grip tightened, her forearm pressing down against his windpipe.

“That’s true,” Zeetha said. “We’re in a proper standoff. Neither of us can make a move. But here’s the thing—I’m still going to win, because I’ve got something you never even considered for yourself.”

“And what is that?” Beetle asked, his nerves once more beginning to show.

Zeetha grinned, a wolf-sharp grin of victory. She leaned in and spoke in a stage whisper.

“ Backup.”

The side of Tock’s head exploded. The clank rocked sideways, its gun swinging up and out, flailing as it tried to keep itself from falling. A squad of airships, guns drawn and aimed at the oversized clank, drifted into view. Zeetha’s lip curled and Beetle cried out in dismay as another salvo struck Tok. This time the great clank stumbled back, losing its grip on the roof of the building, which slammed back into place with a crash that cracked the plaster on the walls.

A few seconds later, an even bigger impact shook the ground under their feet.

“We arrived here in a massive airship surrounded by lots of other airships, all of which are equipped to shoot very large targets—what did you think was going to happen? Were you going to hope no one would notice?”

“Guar--!” Beetle began to scream and again was cut off as Zeetha tightened her grip.

“Oh no you don’t. You’re done and you know it. The only reason you’re alive right now is my father thinks you’re more useful to us that way. But you would be equally useful as a head in a jar. Which would you prefer?”

Very slowly, without a word, Beetle raised his hands in surrender. Zeetha smirked and released him. Twirling the knife neatly over her fingers, she sauntered back to the others.

“I told you not to bring weapons,” Klaus said.

“You told me not to bring my sword ,” Zeetha said, unrepentant. “You didn’t say anything about knives.”

Agatha couldn’t take her eyes off of Beetle. He looked so small, standing alone in the middle of the room. He stared at the floor, his hands repeatedly smoothing over his jacket and waistcoat.

“Useful,” he mumbled. “Oh yes. I know what use you would have for me, Klaus.”

The Baron looked sharply at Beetle.

“What was that?”

“Useful,” Beetle murmured again. His signet ring snagged on one of the beetle broaches on his jacket and it popped off into his hand. Beetle stared at it, blankly. “You want me to be useful.”

Zeetha shifted her weight, uneasily.

“Tarsus,” Klaus said, carefully. “Whatever it is you believe I intend—”

Beetle suddenly looked up. His eyes were wild and his lips were bared in a horrible grimace; his grip was white-knuckled on the broach.

“I will show you useful. ”

And flung out his hand.

Wings snapped open and the beetle shot towards them, zigzagging wildly but with unerring aim.

Agatha was frozen in place. The Jägermonster began to run towards them, but everything had slowed to a crawl—everything but the beetle.

And Zeetha.

Who grabbed the fishbowl off the table, caught the goldfish, removed her hand from the water, swung the bowl like a butterfly net and neatly scooped the bomb out of the air.

Electricity crackled through the water, the beetle flashing brightly once before fizzling. It bobbed to the surface , a thin stream of smoke escaping from its carapace.

Setting the fishbowl back down, Zeetha grabbed the beetle by one mechanical leg and drew it out of the water before dropping the fish back inside.

“You should probably change the water,” Zeetha told Agatha, smiling smugly. “No idea what’s in these.”

Beetle slowly sank to his knees. Agatha felt tears rise to her eyes at the look on his face—that of a man who has been utterly broken.

“Oh, don’t be such a baby ,” Zeetha scoffed. “You’re going to be fine. Here. You can even have your little toy back.”

As if she were flipping a coin, Zeetha lazily tossed the tiny clank at Beetle’s feet.

It exploded.

Agatha felt heat on her face, and then she was landing on the ground, hard. Strong arms pinned her in place, practically crushing her to the body curled protectively around her. The noise rattled Agatha’s eardrums; she could feel it vibrating in her bones.

Then it was gone, leaving an audial aftershock of hissing smoke and tinkling glass. Carefully, Zeetha unfolded from around Agatha, releasing her from her unexpectedly vice-like grip, sitting back and staring at the destruction before her.

“But...” she said. “No, but--! But I neutralized it!”

“You neutralized the machinery that allowed the bomb to move ,” the Baron said, coldly. “You did not neutralize the elements that made the bomb explode.”

“ What? That’s ridiculous! You can’t half-neutralize something!”

Agatha stared in horror at the blackened remains of Doctor Tarsus Beetle, charred beyond all recognition.

“No,” Agatha whispered. Beside her, Zeetha flinched. “No! Dr Beetle!”

“His head,” the Baron said, sharply. “How is—”

Dr Glassvitch shook his head, his expression grief-stricken.

“ Damn it all.”

“You killed him,” Agatha whispered.

“Not on purpose!” Zeetha exclaimed, embarrassed.

“Perhaps next time,” the Baron said, “you will engage in confrontations with a little more care, and a little less showboating.”

Zeetha’s eyes narrow.

“Oh yes , Herr Baron,” she said, getting up off the floor. “How foolish of me. Next time someone throws a bomb at me, I’ll be sure to stand there and let it hit me.”

“Dun vorry, Mizz Zeetha,” the Jäger said, jovially, holding up some unidentifiable organ. “Hy dun tink he vould haff been verr useful anyvay—Hy izn’t findink a whole lot of brains in diz mess.”

“Herr Baron, may we leave now?” At last, the Baron’s secretary spoke, his voice tinged equally with exasperation and irritation. “My feet are sticking to the floor.”

Agatha erupted to her feet.

“How dare you!” she screamed, breathless with anger—though not so breathless she could not find her voice. Everyone—even the Baron—drew back in alarm. And that felt good, it felt. . .it felt right. They should be cowering before her! They should be filled with dread for invoking her wrath! How dare they come into her place like this!

“Is this some kind of a joke to everyone? Doctor Beetle is dead! The greatest ruler this city has ever seen was killed, and you’re complaining about your shoes? Do you have any idea what you’ve done? The people of this city will never stand for this! They will rise up and they will —”

Agony, lightning and knives and fire, burst in Agatha’s head with such ferocity she felt it halfway down her spine. She collapsed to her knees, clutching her head as tears of pain and frustration poured down her cheeks.

Worse than the pain was the loss—that ferocious sense of surety and strength melted away in the rising swell of humiliation. She did not need to open her eyes to know the look the others would now be giving her. Whatever Dr Glassvitch said was muffled and unintelligible.

The Baron’s murmured “Pathetic ” was loud and clear.

But both Agatha and the Baron missed the expressions that flitted over Zeetha and the Jägermonster’s faces—her, a flinch, hurt that wanted to be anger but wasn’t; him, bitter disappointment not quite managing to snuff out desperate hope.

“She just watched her mentor explode ,” Zeetha said. “I think this is a pretty understandable reaction.”

“Hmm. She was right. The people may cause a problem if this is not handled delicately.”

“That’s not what I—”

“It may not be such an issue, Herr Baron,” Merlot said, helpfully. “Very few people actually saw Dr Beetle on a reg—”

“ Silence.” Klaus’ voice was as cold as death and nailed everyone in the room in place. “Do not imagine me ignorant of your complicity, doctor. You both knew about the hive engine; you both helped Beetle hide it. The only reason you two are not in a transport headed for Castle Heterodyne this moment is that I am aware neither of you were in a position to resist the orders of the Tyrant if you did want to.

“As Doctor Beetle’s second in command, I leave the running of the town in your hands, Dr Merlot. Dr Glassvitch will be responsible for the university.”

Glassvitch went pale.

“I—but, but I’m not qualified—”

The Baron loomed.

“I recommend you acquire qualification with speed , because t he moment either of you give me cause to so much as suspect your involvement was willing, there will be... consequences.”

“I...But…”

The Baron turned away, waving a hand.

“I want all of the existing notes on the hive engine collated and sent to me by the end of the day. Boris will tell your assistant where to bring them.”

But Merlot’s eyes had locked onto Agatha, who had already braced herself for the inevitable.

“I have no need for an assistant as useless as this one. Miss Clay, you are dismissed.”

“Yes, doctor,” Agatha murmured, eyes downcast. “When I come to class tomorrow, I’ll get my things.”

She felt it. There was no sound, she could not see him react, but she felt Glassvitch’s guilt like heat from a fire. She turned her head. Her eyes met his. He did not need to say it.

“No,” she whispered.

“Agatha—”

“ No, you can’t—”

“ Please understand,” Glassvitch begged. “I am not Beetle; I do not have the kind of sway he did. I will not have the time or the power to protect you here—”

“So you’re just, just going to throw me out?”

Zeetha grabbed her father’s arm.

“ Do something!” she hissed. He raised an eyebrow at her. “Stop him!”

“It is his university.”

“Only because you gave it to him! This is only happening to her because of us! ”

“Us? Or you?”

Zeetha went rigid and released her father as if he had burned her.

“You were my friend ,” Agatha said, tears once more streaming down her cheeks.

“I am ,” Glassvitch said. His expression was agonized. Agatha did not care. “I promise, when things have settled, I will come visit you—”

She jerked away when he tried to put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t bother,” she spat. With all the dignity she had, she turned on her heel and left the room with her head held high.

Glassvitch shut his eyes and rubbed his face.

“Herr Baron, please allow me to send someone with her to walk her home. I fear she may have another attack—”

Zeetha shoved him aside and stormed towards the door, following Agatha.

“Zeetha!” Klaus said, sharply.

“ I’ll get her home safe,” Zeetha snapped over her shoulder. Under her breath, she added, “I owe her that much, at least.”

[leletha-jann]

This might not be an original observation, but I'm looking at Agatha's inner circle - her immediate family - and you know what all of them have in common?

Every single one of them has been so, so lonely.

Agatha, who grew up knowing she was broken, that she was fundamentally wrong in the very core of herself. And everyone else knew it too, and she was a pariah and an object of pity because of it. That she had been left behind like a burden, something useless, and been forgotten.

Krosp, who was a fugitive under a death sentence for being a "failed experiment". The King of All Cats - and the cats didn't care. Who had no one he could talk to or ask to care about him, no one he could trust without risking execution just for existing, and nowhere to go.

Gil, who thought he was no one, that no one wanted him - and who traded the first person who chose him for a name and a Spark that he then wasn't even allowed to have. That he had to keep lying to everyone about. Who wasn't allowed to be fully himself with anyone, ever. (And look at Agatha as she slides in and out of fugue state font, a difference people can hear, and think about how much control Gil had to exert, every single moment.)

Zeetha, who was a castaway in a place that didn't even believe her home existed, who couldn't prove anything except that she existed, and who was coming to believe that maybe she had made it all up. That she wasn't a warrior princess and a beloved daughter, and never had been. Just a stray with a story she'd made up, and all her legacy and skill good for little more than stage clowning.

Tarvek, who had no one he could trust, ever; who was trapped with a serial killer and a monster, lying for his life with every breath, with no way to escape a conspiracy that would spend him as a pawn or a corpse or breeding stock without a second thought, and call that family.

Violetta, who no one believed in, who was overlooked and dismissed and sent away; Tarvek counts her as the one person he did manage to protect, but Violetta knew that she'd been set aside and abandoned. Violetta doesn't even want Violetta, because what good has she ever been to anyone? Who's ever wanted her?

.

So goddamned lonely, every one of them.

.

...so yeah, I really enjoy watching Gil and Tarvek being referred to as Agatha's, as belonging to her, and watching them be content and confident in that.

But also seeing Zeetha find her joy and home and family in her exile, and Violetta flourish and be valued and happy (and tell the so-called family she's left behind to go to hell), and Krosp become a respected power in the world in his own right.

And Agatha, the last of the Heterodynes, surrounded by the family she's brought together.

[avoid-avoidance]

It just occurred to me that if Zeetha x Captain Dupree happens, poor Klaus would have to deal with Dupree as his daughter-in-law.

That would be hilarious.

[johnconstantinesdick]

So a Girl Genius Scholomance AU is interesting to me because on a character level Agatha is El and Gil is Orion—Agatha very much eschews the path set forward for her as a great evil and instead strives to do the best for her and Her People (notably, she and El share the same “these people are mine, actually, and I will protect them” view of the world that slowly grows to encompass more and more people as time goes on), while Gil struggles to connect with others and is deeply unhappy when doing what is expected of him while eventually going ahead with it anyway. He also has the whole monster hunter vibe going for him. Admittedly, Gil doesn’t struggle in the same way with empathy and connection as Orion does. His is more based on second-guessing others motivations with him, and he does happily and easily make friends—it’s romantic connection that eludes him for the most part.

The fun part is, when you consider their backgrounds the connections to El and Orion completely flip.

Like, Gil and El both have a side of the family that they’re completely alienated from due to bad omens surrounding them, and they were raised in a non-traditional setting by a single parent who strives to do the Right Thing (Klaus and Gwen differ in how good they are at raising kids though lmfao). You can even draw connections back to alienation from their culture—El at least knows where her father came from and speaks the language, but Gil is completely divorced from his mother and doesn’t even know who she is. They’re both barred from participating in their culture for the same reasons they’re alienated from half their family.

Agatha and Orion, meanwhile, were both Created With A Purpose by mothers who range from morally gray to totally corrupt. They both struggled to behave like normal children, with Orion not understanding or valuing human social norms and Agatha’s spark constantly straining to break through. This caused frustration and concern from the adults and mentors around them, and they were both somewhat alienated from their peers. Ophelia and Lucretia both share a certain big picture way of thinking, though admittedly Lucretia’s motives are almost entirely selfish in nature (an interesting contrast with Agatha’s own selfish way of thinking!) and Ophelia’s are pretty damn selfless, though in a very fun way. Selflessness due to ruthlessness is a good way of putting it, and Ophelia very much plays the numbers game in almost the same way the Scholomance itself does.

I’m going to have to play around with this more, because I think the way things line up is fascinating.

(Tarvek is a version of Liesel that successfully pulls off her powerhouse polycule plan.)

[joyride-time]

A Softer World 560 edit.

[balu8]

"It's perfect!"

Zeetha and Gil

Girl Genius

by Phil Foglio and Kaja Foglio

Airship Entertainment

[calmingpi]

Hi, Barbie!

Agatha - NASA Scientist Barbie (2017)

Gil - College Graduate Barbie (1963)

Tarvek - Holiday Barbie (1988)

Krosp - Barbie (1959)

Zeetha - Three Musketeers Barbie (2009)

Violetta - Pretty in Purple Barbie (1992)

[inbarfink]

[phoenixyfriend]

I don't have much but i know doctors without borders'll do what they can with what I give--I'd like to request an Azeetha ficlet please :3

the ao3 tag will be more than 2 fics 😤

Donate to one of these charities and I'll write a ficlet.

Here we are!

Behind Your Ribs, by yours truly.

[big-ass-magnet]

If Zeetha played a sport what would it be? I feel like it has to be something that allows full body tackling. Is it hockey? It might be hockey.

[bigasswritingmagnet]

With My Own Hands

Fandom: Girl Genius

Summary: A continuation of Zeetha, Daughter of Klaus and Gilgamesh, Son of Zantabraxus.

When Selnikov arrives at Mechanicsburg in his giant clanks, Zeetha doesn't have any Sparky lightning to take care of them. She's going to have to take care of it her way...which lands her in Mama Gkika's tender care. Here she discovers there are more unanswered questions in her life than she realized, like, why does her hair really look like that? And, why does she want to put this Gilgamesh guy in a headlock so badly?

Meanwhile, Axel Higgs is going to learn that the heart wants what the heart wants, whether she's a princess or a Baron's daughter.

AO3 Link

“Battle clanks!” was the shout from the top of the wall. “Headed straight for Mechanicsburg! Sound the alarm!”

“That’s the last thing we need,” Wooster said. “We better get out of here before—”

“She’s gone,” Krosp said.

“What?” Wooster looked around; sure enough, there was no sign of Miss Agatha anywhere.

“She and Gil took off before that guy even finished yelling.”

A memory flashed before his eyes: Zeetha's hands around his throat, her eyes blazing as she ordered him to get Agatha to Mechanicsburg and keep her safe, and if anything happens to her, it had better be because you're dead in a ditch with your skull caved in, or you're going to wish you were, Agent. Ardsley. Wooster.

Wooster shivered and scurried up the stairs after Agatha. Both she and Gil were half-hanging off the wall, marveling at the sight of the great, spider-shaped clanks striding their slow, purposeful way towards the town.

“They look amazing,”Gil said. “I wonder what kind of a power source they’re using. They must have some sort of in-unit generator.”

“Look at the guns!” Agatha sighed, starry eyed. “I can’t wait to see how they work.”

Wooster grimaced. He turned to Zuken to assure him that Agatha was normally more concerned with the wellbeing of people under her care—as far as he knew—but Bergermeister Zuken was nodding.

“Yes,” he said, with satisfaction, “that sounds about right.”  

"Get my troops out there, now!" Klaus roared. “I want the shock troopers on the ground, now, and call in the Fifth Airborne—”

“Someone is already taking care of it, Herr Baron,” Sun said.

“Who are they sending out? How many soldiers?”

“Just one. Perhaps they are going to…negotiate…”

Klaus’ hands gripped the side of the bed, and there was an ugly certainty in his voice.

“Tell me it isn’t—”

"Zeetha!" Agatha exclaimed. "What is she doing? She's going to get herself killed!"

"You said she was good at fighting clanks, right?" Gil said.

"I said she said she was good at it! I don't know if it's true!"

"It is," Wooster said, "but she's never fought clanks this big, and certainly nothing like it on her own."

"Why is she on her own?" Gil asked. "Surely the Baron would never send his own daughter out without some sort of back up."

Carson, still wearing that maniacal grin the castle had left him, cackled.

"She's wanted by the state!"

"She what?"

"Every soldier in town has orders to detain her on sight!" Carson went on. "By any means necessary!"

Agatha turned on Wooster.

"She what?"

"The Baron, er...had her...contained just before the incident at Sturmhalten, when we discovered that it wasn't your body that was collected from the circus."

"He locked her up because I tricked her?"

"N...nooo..." Wooster said, choosing his words carefully. "He locked her up because she said she would defy him every step of the way to protect you from him, because she believed he was being irrational in his pursuit of you."

Agatha blinked several times.

"She's...she's not mad at me about that?"

"She was far too glad that it meant you were alive," Wooster said, gently.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"I thought she might want to tell you herself," Wooster said. "I believe she feels somewhat responsible for your predicament."

Agatha looked down at the figure standing utterly alone in front of the massive war clanks, any one of which could destroy her in a dozen different ways without so much as scratching the hull.

"Oh Zeetha."

Klaus half rose in his bed, strangled in the wires, tubes, and catheters that kept him in place.

“Get me over there!”

“I will do no such thi—”

“Captain Dupree!”

Bang managed to drag her eyes away from the window and gave him a cheerful little salute.

Zeetha was utterly alone. Her sword was at her hip and what looked like an oversized quiver of arrows on her back. At her belt—Agatha squinted. It almost looked like a tool belt.  

“I am Rudolk Selnikov, Commander of the Knights of Jove! I hereby take commande of the empire in the name of the House of Valois! Surrender the town, the Heterodyne girl, and the Baron. Cooperate and no one will be harmed!”

"Leave or die,” Zeetha called in return, her voice echoing across the field.

"Short and sweet," Gil said. "A little blunt but—"

Klaus, pale and trembling, clung to the window sill Dupree had propped him up against. Sun wondered how much of it was pain, and how much was fear.

“Have a plan,” Klaus whispered, hoarsely. “Please have a plan.”

“She’s going to get fried,” Krosp said.

“No,” Agatha said, softly. Her mind went back to the day she had met Zeetha, a lifetime ago. “I think…I think I know what she’s doing. These were built for power, intimidation. They’re big. And big means slow.”

"This is your final warning, girl!"

"I am Zeetha Wulfenbach! And that was your only warning."

Someone shouted to open fire, but Zeetha was already racing up the front leg of the closest spider clank; the soldiers’ fire was blocked by their own machine. The leg began to move, curling in, the weight of the clank tipping back onto the other three legs.

But by the time the angle of the leg was such that Zeetha would be unable to keep hold, she had reached the uppermost joint of the leg. From the quiver on her back, she drew a metal spike; from her tool belt, she drew a large mallet. Zeetha rammed the spike between the joint and the upper section of the leg and swung the mallet hard, three times, until it was buried deep. She repeated this process at the bottom, then raced up the leg towards the body of the clank itself.

The soldiers, not expecting their quarry to run into the gunfire, hesitated. Zeetha leapt over their heads and went over the dome of the spider clank and down the other side. Agatha and the others scurried down the wall to keep her in view.

Zeetha slid down the rounded dome of the spider clank; just before reaching the edge she jumped.

She drew her sword.

Gravity brought her down.

Zeetha drove her blade into the gap between the joint and leg, severing the pistons that connected them.

The leg buckled. Panicking, the engineers inside tried to re-balance, but the leg on the other side was jammed, the spikes holding fast, and the remaining two legs could only stagger back and forth, helplessly.

Slowly, ponderously, the machine tipped forward and hit the ground.

Gil had been right—the machine had been powered by some sort of generator, and now it exploded in a great, oily fireball that missed Zeetha by inches. The woman herself springboarded off the falling clank, somersaulted through the air, and hit the ground in a neat tuck and roll that had her on her feet just beyond the flames of the ruined machine behind her.  

"Ashtara above," Gil breathed.

Bang let out a high-pitched squeal of delight, clapping her hands and bouncing in place.

Zeetha, barely breathing hard, turned to the other clanks.

"Surrender," she said.

The crew of two of the clanks immediately tossed their rifles over the edge.

The third began to fire up the gun, filling the air with a high-pitched hum as a blue glow gathered deep within the mouth of the cannon.

“Too slow,” Agatha whispered. Moments before the cannon fired, Zeetha feinted right, then darted left. The cannoneers fell for it, and the shot went wide.

It was the only shot they had time for, and this time, Zeetha didn’t bother attacking the clank.

She was up the clank’s leg in a moment, leapt in the air and came down on the soldiers like a fury from hell, sword swinging. In less than a minute, the soldiers on the outside of the clank lay dead, and Zeetha darted inside the machine’s crew cabin. A few moments later, the clank slowly subsided, lowering itself to the ground. The fog blew away for the final time to reveal the clank's remaining crew emerging with their hands behind their heads, Zeetha bringing up the rear, wiping her sword down. 

"She did it! " Agatha cried, almost levitating in her excitement. "She did it she did it she did it did you see her she was amazing!"

"She really is that good," Gil said, impressed.

“Yes,” Wooster said, trying to subtly check if he’d survived the ten heart attacks he’d just experienced. “Yes she is.”  

Even with Bang’s jaw wired shut, the delight and excitement in her voice matched the starry shine in her eyes, her incoherent yammering almost drowning out the Baron’s screams of agony as she dragged him back across the room. Sun, once more turned away to prevent himself from having to act on his oath to allow no pain to come to his patients, was not surprised—she and Zeetha had always gotten along quite well.  

When Klaus’ screaming subsided, Sun looked to him. The Baron was back on the bed, breathing hard, but smiling. At second look, however, Sun realized it was a wry, sad smile.

“She did quite well,” Sun said. “I am impressed.”

“It was incredibly foolish,” Klaus said. “She could have been killed a dozen times over. But…yes, it was quite a feat. I’m glad to know she is as good as she thinks she is. Perhaps this means she won’t get herself killed after all.”

His smile faltered.

"When I think what she could have been," he said to himself. "If only I hadn't been so..."

"Stubborn?" Sun suggested. "Foolhardy? Reckless?"

"Careless," Klaus said, closing his eyes and sinking back against the pillows. "If I hadn't been so careless." 

Zeetha paused before she got too close to the Wulfenbach soldiers, letting the prisoners carry on ahead. She should get involved—find out who was responsible and take them to her father—but it was far too risky. She was sure that every Wulfenbach soldier in the empire had orders to detain her on sight, and if she got into the same room as her father he’d lock her up again.

Although, she thought proudly, most of the soldiers would hesitate to confront her, now that they had seen what she was capable of. She had just taken a spider clank on her own—with nothing but a sword, a hammer, and a few railroad spikes. Those Sparks could scoff at her all they liked now. They would all know she didn't need to be a Spark to take them down. She was lightheaded with delight at her own success.

…She hoped it was delight. 

"Hey, dot vuz real nize vork, sveethot," said a voice beside her. Zeetha started and looked to her left. A Jӓger she didn't recognize��green skin, green eyes, one arm—grinned at her. She stiffened. The regular soldiers might hesitate to fight her, but the Jӓgers? She’d never lacked for sparring partners before; there was no doubt that they’d be practically lining up for the chance to go toe-to-toe with the woman who could take down an army single-handed.

"I don't want to fight you," she said.  

"Dot's good!" said another voice. A female Jӓger—Zeetha assumed she was a Jӓger, but she had a scarf over her mouth—was now on Zeetha's right. "Ve dun vant to fight hyu either."

She looked at them again, more carefully.

"My father didn't send you?"

"No, ve iz vild Jӓgers. Hy iz Jenka und dot iz Dimo."

"Did...did Agatha send you? Is she alright, did she make it here okay? Did she..." She swayed slightly.

"Ve came vit Mizz Agatha, yez," Dimo said, cheerfully. He leaned against her, subtly. The Jӓgers began to walk. Zeetha absentmindedly let them lead her.

"I need to find her," Zeetha said, urgently. "I need to tell her I'm not mad at her. I forgot to tell Wooster to tell her that I'm not...I'm not..."  Her feet seemed very far away. "What's wrong with me?"

"Hyu iz a liddle bit in shock," Jenka said, kindly. "Und hyu got a liddle bit shot."

"Oh... That's bad. I have to get out of here," she said, panic rising. "I can't pass out in front of everyone, I'll, I'll ruin it."

Jenka and Dimo nodded at each other, approvingly. They liked a girl who understood the importance of drama in a display of power.

"How about hyu vanish from der battlefield all mysterious like?" Dimo suggested. Zeetha nodded, which was a mistake.

Jenka and Dimo both leaned on her now, and picked up the pace.

Zeetha did not black out, exactly, because she had not stopped walking, but one moment they were outside and the next they were in the cool darkness of an underground tunnel.

"Where are we going?"

"Ve'z taking you to Mama," Jenka said. By the gentle, patient tone, this was not the first time Zeetha had asked. There were two new Jӓgers with them, who introduced themselves, in the same tone of voice, as Oggie and Maxim.

“Who is Ma—” Zeetha raised a hand to push her hair out of her face, and froze. "My headband," she said, frantically. She spun around, and kept going, the world tipping wildly back and forth. Hands grabbed her and steadied her body, but her head continued to go around and around. "I need to find—I have to cover my hair." 

"Hyu hair?" 

Zeetha reached up and touched her hair, the roots of which were not brown, but a vibrant emerald green. She'd only gone without the special shampoo for a little over a week, but the hair fungus had taken already taken hold, infecting her entire scalp.

"My hair, I have to...My headband must have fallen off, I need to find it...Have to cover my hair before anyone sees…"

"Hyu need a hat!" Maxim said, eagerly. "A big vun dot von't fall off!"

"Vit hyu name on it, in case it gets lost!" Oggie chimed in.

"Sure," Zeetha said. "That'd be great."

And blacked out for real.

She woke in an unfamiliar room in an unfamiliar bed, looking up at a face she almost recognized. 

"Father?" she tried to say, but the words caught on her dry tongue and cracked lips.

The man leaned forward, and Zeetha saw it definitely was not her father, and she wasn't sure why she'd thought it was. He was about her age, with short brown hair and a proud nose in the center of a round face. He helped her sit up and put a cup to her lips. She drank it, too tired to be suspicious. 

Whatever was in the cup cleared her head and when she sat back she was able to take in the expression on his face. Wary and suspicious. 

"Zur baken Skiff?" he asked. Zeetha blinked. Her head must not be as clear as she thought. 

"What?" 

"Zur baken Skiff?" 

"Oh boy," she said. "I didn't hit my head when I passed out, did I?"

"No," the man said. "I was just checking something. Have you ever heard of a place called Skifander?"

"No. Who are you?"

"Where is your mother from?"

"What a great question, if you ever find out let me know, who are you?" Zeetha snapped, temper rising.

The man held up his hands in surrender.

"Gilgamesh, son of Chump and Zanta—"

"Son of who?"

Gilgamesh sighed.

"Call me Gil. I'm Agatha's kolee. Her...trainer. Her friend. You are the daughter of the Baron Wulfenbach, who is actively trying to imprison and kill her.” He folded his arms across his chest and the dislike was evident on his face. “Agatha wants me to make sure you stay safe. I think we should keep you locked in here until she takes the—"

Zeetha threw the drink in his face. Gil yelped and flailed, falling backwards. Zeetha threw the blanket over his head and raced out the door. She made it all of half a meter before she skidded to a halt before she hit the three Jӓgers blocking the hallway, a blonde, brunette, and redhead. 

No, not Jӓgers. Human women, but with sharp teeth and pointed ears and...not a lot of clothing. 

"If you're going to try escaping," one of them said, "you might want to put some pants on, first." 

Zeetha looked down and gasped. She darted inside the room, nearly colliding with Gil, who was chasing after her. He was still clutching the blanket; she tore it from his hands and held it over herself.

"What happened to my clothes?" she demanded, backing away from him, red faced. "Did you take them?"

"Relax, sweetheart," said the brunette Jӓgerfraulein. "We did."

"And we were perfect gentlemen about it," said the blonde Jӓgerfraulein, archly.

"We even did your hair," said the redhead.

"My hair—?" Zeetha grabbed a handful of her hair and dragged it in front of her face.

It was sleek. It was silky. It was shiny.

It was bright green.

"The cut still isn't great on you," the brunette said, "you should try growing it out."

"What did you do?" she shrieked. "How did you even do this?"

"Just a little hair treatment," the redhead said, shrugging casually, although Zeetha could tell she was surprised by the reaction. "We thought you'd be happy, considering what a nightmare it was before."

A shadow filled the doorway, and a low, smooth voice spoke.

"Vy dun hyu lie back down, sveethot," it said. "Hyu still isn't all better." The woman in the doorway was a Jӓger. There was absolutely no question about it. Even if she hadn't been nine feet tall with turquoise hair, Zeetha could tell that those nails were claws and those fangs were real.

"Hy iz General Gkika," she said, ushering Zeetha gently back onto the bed. "Hyu can call me Mama."

"Gkika. I've heard about you," Zeetha said, obediently laying back down but keeping the blanket firmly wrapped around herself. "Khrizhan mentioned you."

Gkika preened, just a little, not seeing the amused looks her fraulein traded each other behind her back.

"Vell, Hy hope he told hyu Hy know vut Hy iz doing." Abruptly, Gkika turned her disapproving look at Gil, who was damp and bright red. "Hyu said hyu could vatch her."

"She caught me by surprise!" Gil said. "I didn't think she'd be that fast after getting shot in the leg!" 

"What!" Zeetha tried to check her legs without uncovering herself. "Where?"

"Right here."

Gkika began to move the blanket, but Zeetha firmly moved it right back and glared at her. The general put her hands on her hips.

"Hyu know, Hy heard hyu made a pretty big deal about not caring if people saw hyu vit hyu clothes off."

"There's walking around in my underwear on my own airship, and there's being completely naked in a bed surrounded by strangers," Zeetha snapped. Gkika's lips twitched.

"Maybe if Hy tell dem to turn around?" 

Zeetha glared at her, but allowed her to move the blanket. Gkika was polite enough to move it only as much as she needed to, but Zeetha tensed up anyway at the horrifying sight of a small, mechanical device apparently implanted in her leg.

“What is that?”

“Yeah,” Gil said, fascinated. “What is that?”

“Is a little ting vun of de masters made.”

“You put a Heterodyne device in me?” Zeetha exclaimed.

“Hy’z going to take it back out again,” Mama chided.

“How?” Gil asked, and Zeetha recognized all too well the tones of a Spark whose interests had been piqued. “You’ve got it embedded in a major arteraahh!”

His scream came when Mama yanked the device clear out of Zeetha’s leg. Zeetha bit back her own scream, although she did clamp her hands over the wound.

“Would you relax?” she demanded of Gil, some strange internal competition demanding that she be more composed than he was. “She obviously knows what she’s doing.”

Tentatively, she released the death grip on her leg and wiped away the blood. The pain had gone, and only a starburst-shaped scar showed any sign that she’d been injured at all.

“Hy had a feeling hyu iz de kind of girl dot likes to keep her battle scars,” Gkika said.  

Zeetha’s heart began to race, panic rising, her mind screaming that she had been here too long, she needed to find Agatha, where was Agatha? Zeetha stamped it all back down. She was a warrior, damn it, and her father’s daughter.

“This would be weeks of healing,” she said, keeping her voice as casual as possible.  

"Hyu vuz hurt bad, und ve need hyu on hyu feet real qvick, so Hy gave hyu some of de battledraught."

"That kills people," Zeetha pointed out, still a very polite voice. “The Jӓgers on the ship said it makes non-Jӓgers explode.”

"Ya, but Hy knew hyu could take it. Hyu poppa made plenty of...improvements, yez? Oddervize hyu vouldn't haff been able to do dot trick vit de clanks." 

Zeetha felt herself bristling.

“It wasn’t a trick,” she snapped. “It was skill.”

“Sure,” Mama said, irritatingly casual. “Und hyu poppa made sure hyu had de strength und speed to go vit it.”

Zeetha shot to her feet, teeth bared.

“I didn’t need his help! I did it on my own!”

“Hokay, sveetie,” Mama said, putting her hands on Zeetha’s shoulders. “You relax und—”

Zeetha’s fist hit Gkika in the solar plexus, actually knocking her back a step. Gkika responded with a punch that sent Zeetha flying into the wall and landing in a heap on the bed. Zeetha stayed put, waiting for her heart rate to slow and the burning anger to fade.

“That’ll be the battle draught,” she said, calmly.

“Yez, hyu should mind hyu temper for de next few days. De draught can make hyu…”

“Exciteable?” Gil suggested. “Emotional?”

“Energetic,” Mama said, diplomatically.

Zeetha sat up and ran her fingers through her hair, holding it front of her face again and watching the slide slide up and down it in a way it had never done before. She would have thought it pretty, if she didn’t know better.

"I guess it fed the fungus, too." 

"De vut?"

"The fungus. The one that's turned my head into a cabbage?" Zeetha said, snidely. Gkika tipped her head to one side. 

"Dot's not a fungus, sveetie. Dot's just hyu hair." 

"We used regular conditioner and hair dye remover,” one of the Jӓgerfraulein said. “The stuff we used when Olga tried to be a redhead and came out looking like a—”

The blonde girl, beet red, punched her in the arm, hard. Zeetha barely noticed.  

"Oh, please, so my hair is just naturally green?" 

"That's why I asked if your mother was from Skifander," Gil said, suddenly. "Lots of people have naturally green hair." 

Zeetha's face went tight. Everyone tensed again. But Zeetha forced herself to relax - or at least to look relaxed - and flicked the lock of hair away. 

"I don't know anything about my mother. Father never liked to talk about her. And he never mentioned a place called Skifander, either." 

There was a knock on the door and Ognian stuck his head in, gaze politely averted. 

"Dere iz some people to see Mizz Zeetha," he said. "Und Hy brought de clothes hyu asked for." 

He handed the box to one of the Jӓgerfraulein, and did not avert his gaze from her in the slightest. His cheeky grin earned him a flirtatious smile and a saucy wink before he ducked back out again.

Mama set the box next to the bed. It was full of a variety of outfits that seemed…showy. Zeetha dipped a hand in and pulled out a dress that was made of almost a whole meter of golden fabric.

“We got everything from our costume wardrobe that we thought might fit you.”

“I don’t suppose you have trousers.”

“Sure,” the brunette said, grinning. “But they might be a little short on you, Baroness Long Legs.”

“Turn around,” Zeetha ordered Gil. He rolled his eyes, but obeyed.

“Europans,” he said, exasperated. “I swear, it’s a surprise you people even take your clothes off for sex.”

“Is that what you’ve been ‘significant pause teaching’ Agatha?”

Gil’s ears went bright red; he whirled around, mouth open to shout. Gkika grabbed him and spun him back around again.

“I! You! That! She never! That is not—! We—!”

“You’re the one who hesitated before you said ‘teacher’.”  

“I hesitated because it’s not a direct translation! I teach her how to fight!”

“Is that what they call it these days.”

“You—!”

 Once more Mama spun him back around.

“Hyu stay put. Hyu get dressed.”   

Zeetha wasn’t sure why it was so enjoyable to tweak this Gilgamesh, son of Chump and Zantha, but it was. It felt…appropriate, somehow.

From the scraps of fabric the girls had called “costumes”, Zeetha selected a rather nice blue vest which—slightly irked by Mama’s comment about Zeetha’s unexpected need for decorum—she decided to wear without a shirt. The trousers were, indeed, too short, but there was a pair of leggings that didn’t tear when she tested a high kick that “accidentally” almost hit Gil in the head. “Fortunately”, Gil managed to dodge.

“Okay,” Zeetha said, “First thing, I need to find Agatha. She needs as much help as she can get, taking…the…castle…”

“Hyu okay dere sveethot?”

Zeetha didn’t answer. There was a large standing mirror on the other side of the room. Zeetha didn’t exactly avoid mirrors, but her hair had always been a source of chagrin, and she certainly didn’t enjoy looking at it. Now…

She barely recognized herself.

Now that her hair hung straight, instead of frizzing up wildly around her head, the hideous bob framed her face pleasingly. Her eyes looked larger and brighter. The color was dazzling, attention grabbing. It was undeniably her natural color, right down to her eyebrows. It looked…right. Like a missing puzzle piece had finally been found. The last of Zeetha Braxus had fallen away, and she was finally, completely, Zeetha Wulfenbach, heir to the Empire.

“Hyu okay, sveetie?”

“I…yes. I’m. I’m fine.” She dragged her eyes away from the mirror and fingered a lock of her hair. Silky and smooth. She could probably even run a comb through it.

Her father had to have known. Why hadn’t he told her the truth when he told her who she was? Why hadn’t he at least told her when she was presented to the world as his daughter? There were many things he didn’t tell her, but this might be the only thing he’d ever lied to her about.

As far as she knew.

“I’m fine,” she said, more confidently.

“Come on in, boys!” Mama called. Ognian, Dimo, and Maxim came tumbling in, smiling widely.

“Ve got hyu sword!”

“Und hyu knife!”

“Und hyu hat!”

“My what?”

[leletha-jann]

Even more headcanons no one asked for: the Mechanicsburg Solstice tradition!

I recently reread the Mechanicsburg Solstice Story because I like it and it's a nice discrete slice of this universe. (...I have also watched enough of Kaja's office hours livestreams that the voice-acting in my head is now prepared for this story specifically.)

So in lieu of actually writing this as a fic, for your amusement, I've pulled together my headcanons of Agatha (and family) vs. the Mechanicsburg Solstice chase:

(I have - of course - assumed the OT3)

Agatha finds out about the Solstice tradition ahead of time the next year, maybe at some kind of meeting with the town elders

Gil and/or Tarvek immediately go "The hell you will," at whoever told her they'd be chasing her all over town (probably Van, but he can deal with them, he'll be fine)

Agatha immediately goes, "Yes actually the hell I will, sit down." Per the Agreement [my headcanon, not from the comic], Agatha gets to argue with them about Empire things if she wants to, but they do not get to argue with her about Mechanicsburg things

Everyone immediately perceives that the Lady's consorts are going to get involved for her if something isn't done. It's not a huge leap of perception here. No one's willing to fight them, so...

Excessive negotiations finally settle on that Gil and Tarvek are allowed to attend the party beforehand but MUST be back in Castle Heterodyne, in reboot mode or not, before midnight (Cinderella vibes a bit here...)

Joke's on the council, this is exactly the outcome that Tarvek had in mind and he was cuing Gil to start deliberate arguments that they could then strategically lose; they only run an empire, c'mon

Agatha isn't allowed to take tools, weapons, and/or equipment into this game, thus the specifically chosen-for-her outfit, but...

...no one is frisking her consorts while they wander around the festival as a couple being cute and chatting with people

(side note, Tarvek knows a remarkable number of Mechanicsburgers by name specifically; when Gil comments on this, Tarvek admits that he doesn't take food or drink from people he doesn't know, because they're less likely to poison him if they actually know him)

(the argument about how anyone who actually knew Tarvek would poison him faster lasts them most of the rest of the way through the festival. C'mon. They're cute and they love each other, but they're not going to miss that good a fight)

...every single pocket Gil and Tarvek have at this point, and they're wearing coats because it's midwinter and, c'mon, they're Sparks, so that's a lot of pockets, is full of useful tools and materials and power cores and such

Violetta has helped with this a lot. These pockets are practically bigger on the inside now

Is anyone actually going to stop the Lady of Mechanicsburg from kissing her consorts in the street where the whole town and the Jägerhorde too can wolf-whistle and cheer at them?

NOPE

Remembering that most people are a bit drunk by now, is anyone taking notes on where all those hands are?

NOPE

Do an awful lot of useful things move from Gil's and Tarvek's pockets to Agatha's under the cover of adorable public displays of affection?

YEP

Is Agatha, from that point on, quite as unarmed as she looks, or as the new Revelsmeister thinks she is?

ABSOLUTELY NOT

This chasing game is about to be a great deal of fun...for Agatha, who can literally build death rays in her sleep.

This works for YEARS until someone catches on. Bonus points if the person who figures it out thinks it's funny and doesn't tattle.

Gil and Tarvek still worry about her after they've been sent home for the night, although I suspect this does not stop them from raiding the Castle Heterodyne kitchens on the way while the Castle is rebooting and can't stop them

They watch from the windows spotting for death ray stun gun blasts (the Heterodynes don't kill their own people, and Agatha certainly doesn't) until it's clear Agatha is winning

...and probably for a while after that

The next morning, Agatha usually finds them camping out sleepover-style in a reading room or lab with a good view of the town. The Castle ringing the Doom Bell to call time would wake them up, of course, although I suspect they're smart enough to set a predawn alarm. No one deserves the Doom Bell as an alarm clock. But once the Castle assures them that Agatha won (again), they might as well go back to sleep...

Agatha probably just crawls into the campout nest with them when she gets home

It's a very quiet morning in Mechanicsburg the day after Solstice

(quite a lot of people are still sleeping off the stun gun Agatha seemed to pull out of nowhere. Everyone's very impressed about that once they wake up, though.)

Bonus headcanons:

Zeetha was 100% delighted to have a specific (fun) thing to train her zumil for, and much running around Mechanicsburg being loudly pursued by Zeetha happens all the time now.

Agatha wishes there was less of that, actually.

But it's TRAINING.

Krosp thinks the whole thing is ridiculous, and he probably isn't wrong.

He's also not above raiding the Castle Heterodyne kitchens while the Castle is rebooting, either.

[moltenzephyr]

Sheryl Meyer & Jewel Richie eyeswap success! Meet Agatha Heterodyne and Zeetha from Girl Genius. They both need a wardrobe update for the full effect, but this is some pretty decent 'closet cosplay' for them.

Bonus: made Agatha some spectacles by wrapping jewelry wire around a dowel, and Zeetha having a more fantastical Skifander vibe:

[joyride-time]

Why do we have to wait til Friday? A Softer World 893 edit.

[han100894]

In a world where Agatha wasn’t raised in Beetlesburg the medical airship the Rozan Maidan crashes into the wastelands.

There is only one survivor.

And he has the luck (Good or bad was to be determined) to have been noticed by a warrior woman willing to put her slow suicide on hold to see him safely to a nearby village.