#youre infecting me

[someoctober]

i dont wanna SHOWER 💜

me TOO 💜

[kangals]

friendly advice from vetmed: I know that when your animal has an infection that is generating a lot of discharge, you want to describe that to the veterinarian, because it’s a concerning sign. that is true. I also know that the most common word for this type of discharge is “pus,” so it’s logical that that’s the word that you’ll use when describing what’s going on. and in English, we often add a “-y” when we’re using a word as a descriptor.

but. the word. the word you are looking for. is purulent.

please stop sending in messages telling the doctor that your dog has a “pussy wound.”

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

real talk having the 2nd worst new years eve yet 🤢🤢🤢 (throat infection, twisted neck, banged-about-foot, ego AND the rest o' me all bruised like misjuggled peaches 🍑🍑🍑)

im bent outa shape and suspectin the universe owes me 8 buck if anyone wannsa chip in

[juliamccartney]

gentle reminder that it's not too late to get into the habit of wearing masks again 😷

[cheralith]

childhood bestfriend!kaiser who accidentally finds out who you gave your first kiss to after being under the impression you still had it.

sure, you both were reaching an age where most people had already kissed another, been bedded, under-age drank, but kaiser never took you as the type to be so… promiscuous (“your dad was okay with it?” he had asked. “why the hell would i tell my dad about that.” your eye roll had never been louder.)

it was apparently some classmate you had dated briefly back in early high school, a time where you had both were barely able to see each other since kaiser spent some time in jail after being framed and after being bailed out by his manager, spent the majority of his time in his team’s training clubhouse. it didn’t help that it was quite a few towns away from your own, so communication grew weary between you and him during that time.

so when you and him finally reconnected and began to settle down with each other once again at an older age, where you and him were blooming into college, he’s amazed to see how much you had grown during the past few years, how your featured had matured into themselves so elegantly that sometimes, when you weren’t looking, he’d examine each bit of your features to get a proper look.

it was a little difficult attempting to gain a proper stance from him, since all the training at bastard mündchen had clearly done a work on him both good and bad, but when kaiser felt himself relaxing more and more with each frequented interaction with you—he’s brought back to when you were both children and didn’t know any better of the world around you.

so imagine his shock when you accidentally let it slip out that your first kiss went rather wrong as you and him are watching some sort of foreign sports movie where the main character’s long-time love interest finally kisses him.

“god i remember my first kiss,” you say casually, making kaiser snap his neck towards you so fast.

first kiss? you had your first kiss already? before he did???

sure, kaiser had a good amount of fans that flocked to him every chance they got and perhaps he’s done a little bit of entertaining to them, but even so—he still hasn’t necessarily had such a moment shared with another. he never felt like he needed to focus on it… never felt like it was some deed worth prioritizing becoming the best striker… until now.

“huh?” kaiser shuffles in his place and furrows his brows tightly, a vein barely visible from his forehead. “whaddya mean first kiss? with who? when?”

the questions shoot out all at once, you can’t help but laugh at kaiser’s (supposed) curiosity. you suppose the suspense of knowing what happened to that runt he met at eight years old has experienced since his arrest.

“oh, it was just a classmate from one of my sophomore classes,” you wave a hand, as if it was completely nothing to hold much regard to.

kaiser twitched, his eyes flickering towards your ripened lips. “and you gave him your first kiss?”

“probably my last too,” you sigh out wearily, “haven’t really had much people interested in me since then.”

he fell silent, going to scan your face again once more as you fixated your gaze to the tv, circling in on your lips again that give a soft pout. he twitched.

“he got too excited and ended up moreso clashing his mouth on mine—we ended up clacking teeth pretty hard,” you snort out as you stare in quiet amazement at how tender and soft the tv’s couple’s kisses were. “it ended up hurting too much to try and continue.”

you bite your lip, concentrated. “i dunno, i just wish it was more slowly, more… in-the-moment.”

kaiser twitched once more. noticing your wistful gaze at the movie playing in front of you and him. he flickers his eyes toward the intimate scene that you seem so focused on. he pays attention to how the lips of the two characters flow in a certain rhythm and how they meld into each other. they seem loose, relaxed, and that lack of tension made the kiss seem much more romantic.

he thinks back to some of how his teammates greet their girlfriends with kisses, or how he’ll just see a random couple locking lips with each other in the bars his team and him tended to as a celebration of a victorious game. kaiser had never felt a compulsion to experience such a thing, but there’s a strange magnetic feeling he’s getting that tugs him closer to you that is very much not his own rationale’s doing.

he says it with too much confidence. he says it like he’s done it numerous times before, like he’s a master at it, despite never even paying such avid attention to another’s lips until now. so kaiser doesn’t know why, but he suddenly blurts out,

“then let me show you a proper kiss.”

[garpen]

*Jason and Stephanie arguing over something, that devolved to them just calling each other names*

Jason: Gremlin.

Stephanie: Jerk.

Jason: Asshat.

Stephanie: Douche.

Jason: Bitch.

Stephanie: Bitchass.

Jason: Motherfucker.

Stephanie: Bastard.

Jason: Cunt.

Stephanie: Slut.

Jason: Gold digger

Stephanie: Fucking whore.

Jason, having fun at this point, his love language being words of aggression: I hope you know I love you so much you bitchass motherfucker.

Stephanie, also having fun at this point: Love you too you fucking piece of shit.

[vellichorom]

you sick little animal, even death itself pities you.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

hope you feel better soon!

I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!

[dustykneed]

so jim got bit by a space mushroom that takes away his impulse control... welcome to daycare on the bridge with his xo and cmo

obviously the salad cat meme is still going strong in the 23rd century because these guys reenact it on a daily basis lmaoo

prompt fill for @mcspirkevents' mcspirk bingo prompt "mask off" 🩵💙💛

[demaparbat-hp]

Want to know what I believe? It's right here

Dig a little deeper and it's crystal clear

.

(WIP)

[swiftmitsu]

Erm so have some fluff yk. U deserve it

NO

SUNNY

SUNNY.

SUNNY.

WHY.

"Killer never got to say it back."

MY FUCKING HEART???!??!???

im CRYING

THE STUPID NIGHTMARE IN THE MIDDLE ISNT MAKING IT ANY EASIER

I WANT TO THROW HIM AGAINST THE WALL WTF

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

my mum keeps responding to my covid precautions with “i get it, you’re not ready yet”. like no i just don’t do them anymore. i don’t really need to eat at restaurants or go to crowded places or be in public without an n95. i can watch the movie at home. i can get take out. an n95 is just uncomfortable sometimes but doesn’t stop me from doing anything. i love not getting sick

[ch3rr13zk1n]

Lamperty hfjiONE

I also have multiple alternative versions of this image since i never know which version i like more!! (I have a problem please help)

Like and reblog or i'll force you to like Gnarpy or smth

[otiksimr]

For @avianreptiles

[ping-ski]

Pinggggg, may I give sugar!clip a ring pop, please? I'll get a real one later once I find a job 🥺💖 also, what kind of date ideas do you think he'd like? Oh and, I wanted to gift some sugar cookies that are ocean-themed for the kiddo, Atlas! Thanks if ya answered this in advance <3

He would HAPPILY take a ring pop from you. Eclipse finds it endearing and cute!

Yeah, he could always buy a nice ring for you two, but it lacks the sentimentality of the ring pop you gave him!

As for date ideas... Eclipse is particularly fond of botanical gardens and late night walks! City life is alright, but he's always had a love for nature and the outdoors. :)

He'd also appreciate a hole-in-the-wall cafe or restaurant. Generally, something lowkey or in stark contrast to the bright lights of the nightclub/music venue he owns! If you're broke and / or refuse to let him treat you, he's happy to just cuddle with on the couch and watch a movie or just chat. Any quality time is a good time for him <3

(Atlas says, "Thank you!" for the ocean-themed cookies :] He spent a good bit playing with them before only eating the blue cookies! He gave away the purple ones for Eclipse to "eat" <3)

[odetoscavengers]

what was that

@crazysodomite