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stupidthoughtsinwriting · 2 years ago

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Don't leave me... I'll stay (Loki)

Summary: After an argument causes a rift between Loki and Y/N, the day is spent ignoring the other until Y/N decides to spend the night away from Loki.

Warning: Angst? i dunno what else to put in but angst eheheh. long maybe? this is a very long fic eheheh. ohh and another thing is that this may be prone to mistakes as i dont have anybody to proof this so... ehehhe

Note: eheheeh the liar has finally posted what was promised, precisely a month late or later. eheheh sorry to those who waited, school has taken a lot of my time, I barely open my laptop to work and im rarely here anymore but i've got until the monday off so lets see what i'll do with that eheheh

The context is vague, I apologize but i am complete rubbish at this. at everything really, including writing so eheheh. To those brave souls that braved this whole thing, Thank you! so very deeply, from the bottom of my heart for even showing the slightest bit of interest in my rubbish ideas. Hope you like it and im stopping myself from going any further and prolonging this intro ehehhe, Enjoy!😊

‘No Loki! Just because I have this disease, doesn’t mean you have the right to keep me locked up like some sort of china. I am able to do just about everything I could before I told you and you have no right telling me what I can or cannot do’ you countered his argument but being stubborn, neither of you relented nor ceased.

You were now second guessing whether it was right or not, telling him about the chronic illness you were diagnosed with, but you knew that you did the right thing if you wanted this relationship to have a good foundation. The reaction however… was not how you thought things would go.

It was simple at first. Barely noticeable and could have been mistaken as added doting to his already caring nature with you but overtime, it became more and more obvious how he was setting up these restrictions you never would have agreed on. It only grew ridiculous, and you would have allowed the passive ones, but this was the final straw.

Your patience had worn thin over the entirety of the argument however, as comments grew more rash and the final ‘disapproval’ of your oncoming task was remarked, you snapped. He had no right to restrict you of activities and tasks he thinks are too much for your condition and it only insulted and hurt you to think that he thought you so frail and weak that even simple chores were too much.

‘I am going on this mission, whether you “approve” or not, because just telling you was out of courtesy. I refuse to be told of my restrictions by anyone besides myself. I would have understood your concerns if the situation were more grave, but for the love of God, it’s a simple data extraction.’ You exasperated, growing tired of fighting about something you know he won’t fold on.

‘In an abandoned Hydra base!’ he pointed out, choosing not to acknowledge how you outright dismissed his concern, no matter how much it hurt. ‘You know of the dangers that lurk in those retched lairs and often times there are still those who patrol the premises. You do remember when Rogers and Romanoff were attacked during their little escapade in Camp Leigh, do you not?’

‘Of course, I remember, I’m not a moron’ you snide, glaring daggers at the raven-haired god and you were just about to justify how Barnes was going with you however the comment he let out was the final pull on the thinned thread.

‘Well, you certainly are acting like one’ he mumbled without thinking, turning away. He thought it was low enough so you wouldn’t hear but he thought wrong.

‘I beg your pardon?!’ you all but screeched out of fury. Loki flinched before he turned at the high pitch and fury, he heard from you. He saw the outraged his comment caused in your eyes. The fire that burned in those beautiful orbs of yours was terrifying however, what truly frightened him was how you took a breath, calming yourself and before he could so much as apologize, rolled your eyes and turned away.

‘I’m done’ you raised your hands in surrender, turning your back to him.

‘What do you mean you’re done?’ he asked as fear of losing you threatened his being. You mean everything to him and just the very thought of losing you and him being the very reason you were gone… it opened a holocaust in his mind.

‘This conversation, I am done. I’m ending it before either of us say something or does more damage that there already is’ you yield, busying yourself with tidying up the files you had splayed out all over the floor.

Relief flooded his senses before guilt quickly bore fruit.

He watched as you packed up your work and strode out of the room. It took him a minute, but he followed you out and once he finally reached the living room, he met the sight of you slipping on your trainers and throwing your gadgets, wallet and keys in your bag before moving to the door and slamming it shut.

He stood frozen in the threshold of the hall as he processed what happened. All he wanted was to keep you safe. Never did he think that things would go this bad.

You stormed out of the flat and went to the compound for the briefing you had with Bucky. It was scheduled for tomorrow, but you just could not stay in the flat, not with him, not at the moment. You needed a cool head and quite frankly, yours was blazing.

You called Barnes to reschedule, which he agreed to but before he could ask why, you had already hung up. You needed to calm down, seriously.

You took a scenic route around the city before heading to the facility. You parked at the car park and turned off the vehicle before you let your head fall on the steering wheel. Loki’s’ words really stung but in his own way, you knew he meant well. He loved you but it felt demeaning to be confined to one place or to be babied. You are a grown woman; this disease may affect you in some way but you wouldn’t let it define and control your life like its slowly doing to Loki.

You took your phone to look at the time and was greeted with lock screen background of you and Loki cuddling, fast asleep. Someone from the team took the picture to spite Loki but you found it adorable and set it on your phone. It brought a small grin to your lips until you got a message from Barnes saying which conference room was being used for the quick briefing. You sighed, taking your bag before exiting the car and heading in the building.

The briefing was quick. Only about the layout of the base, where to go and what to take. You were in and out in possibly ten minutes, but you longed for it to be longer. You didn’t want to go home yet so you stayed for a chat with the others, talking to Wanda about her relationship, discussing with Bruce the project he was working on before you went and left with a goodbye, heading for the shops for dinner prep and a bit of groceries, taking your time in each aisle to pass the minute until you really had to go home.

Loki had texted Thor after you left, asking if you were at the compound. It took a bit for his brother to respond but eventually he replied with ‘Barnes says she’s on her way for a meeting’. He felt relieved to at least know where you are, knowing you were safe and not alone somewhere.

Hours passed until he heard your keys on the front door, the metal snake keychain giving a distinct clink with the rest of your keys. He looked to the door from where he sat on the living room, watching as you trudged in the brown bags of groceries. You kicked the door closed and placed the bags in the kitchen bench, never sparing him a look. He could sense that you didn’t want to be around him, he could always sense it. He’s had years of experience with being ignored nor wanted. He knew when to take his leave, so he left for the bedroom, never sparing you a sound of his departure.

You saw Loki on the chaise when you walked in. You blatantly ignored him, but he was on the couch. The only indication you got that he left was when you heard the bedroom door close. You were fixing everything you had bought to the cupboards and the pantry when you just heard the soft click of the door closing. You felt bad with how distant you two were being but what stung more is that he couldn’t bear to be in the same room as you that he had to leave. You wanted to make things right. You were thinking of things to say as you put away the vegetables, but he seemed to want the opposite.

You put everything away and started making supper, finishing an hour or two later. Loki still hasn’t left the bedroom, though you did hear the shower run a few minutes prior, so you ate by yourself, wallowing in your thoughts about the mission and Loki.

Your bowl was half gone when he emerged from the room and moved to where you were eating on the table. You had prepared him a bowl, which now sat at the other end of the table. You weren’t talking to each other, but you still care and love him. The soup had gone a bit cold, but it was there, and he sat and ate it anyways.

Both of you stayed silent, neither breaking the silence as the tension grew thick. You quickly finished the rest of your meal before standing abruptly to start cleaning up. You let the bowl rinse and soak in the sink while you stored the leftovers in a container and to the fridge. You had put more than enough on his bowl, so you were sure he wouldn’t be asking for seconds. You quickly washed the dishes whilst he ate while reading his book. He was nearly done when you left the kitchen and proceeded to the bathroom.

He let out a sigh and dropped his book when he heard the shower running. He has been staring at the very same paragraph over and over but not once has he actually paid attention to the text let alone understood it. He was hoping to break the ice between you two, but he froze, missing his chance.

He rinsed his own dish and made sure everything was good and locked up before he went back to the bedroom, preparing to go to bed.

You came out a few minutes later, steam billowing from the ensuite and following you. Your hair was wrapped up in a towel, your body clad in the oversized jumper you adored, with a nightie underneath. You still refused to acknowledge him as you made your way to the closet, grabbing a spare comforter.

This got Loki’s attention and was what broke the silence of the room, really the silence you have both established since the argument earlier.

‘What are you doing?’ he asked as he stopped fluffing the pillow in his hold. Your pillow.

‘I have a few case files to read and paperwork to do so… I’m staying in the living room’ you stated, hardly with any emotion, tugging at the comforter from the top shelf.

‘And the need for a blanket?’ he questioned again, looking over your well bundled figure. The sweater you had was thick and big enough to cover your legs if you were truly that cold, he knew that and the fact that you only use blankets whenever you were going to sleep.

‘It’s likely I’ll fall asleep on the couch so I’m preparing for the inevitable. To put it bluntly, I’m sleeping on the couch’ you say, finally turning around to see him holding your pillow before you moved to leave the room.

All Loki could do was nod, clenching his jaw as his hands dropped your pillow and watch as you left the room. He couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t will his lips to move in protest and just accepted what was going to happen. He didn’t want to force you seeing how that went earlier, so he let it… you, go do what you wish. He didn’t want to lose you and he’d do anything and everything to avoid that.

He got cleaned up in the bathroom before he went to bed. He couldn’t sleep and for hours he’s spent it staring up at the ceiling. Once he'd learned to sleep with you by his side, it was harder now to do so without you and the lingering thoughts of your fight earlier kept him company.

It took a while before the fatigue finally succumbed to him, his mind too tired to do anything that it finally forfeited and let him rest.

You on the other hand, haven’t slept at all. Not a wink of it. You spent a bit writing up some reports and looking over at some case files but after you found that you couldn’t focus, you packed everything up and tried to get some sleep. Tried. You really did but as tired as your body was, your mind worked wonders in keeping you up.

The fight you had was your fore thought, mainly the look in Loki’s eyes when you said you weren’t sleeping in the same room as him. He always tried to look impassive in front of others but with you, his eyes held so many expressions of love and adoration, you saw none of that as he held your pillow.

You felt bad leaving him alone. The gesture alone of fixing your side of the bed was heart-warming, that it made you feel like a monster when you saw the look he gave you. Of absolute disappointment? It wasn’t the right word, but you felt like you took the one good thing he had and crushed it in front of him.

You tried to stave off such thoughts, thinking of your task for tomorrow and such but it wasn’t any use. Your mind was going miles per minute, and you just couldn’t keep up. You stayed on the couch for hours, laying on the furniture as your eyes stayed transfixed on a spiderweb on the ceiling. You grew restless overtime so the idea of making tea came to mind.

You thought it a good idea for a cup to help you, so you finally got up. You took the towel you used from the coffee table and hung it on a chair as you turned the kettle on. You grabbed a cup from the drying rack and dropped the bag of chamomile you got from the jar, as you waited for the water to boil.

It was then you heard a whimper. It came fast and low, you were beginning to think that you imagined it when you heard it again. You left the cup sitting on the counter as you went to investigate, looking all around the open space of the flat until it finally registered to you that it was coming from the bedroom.

Loki…

Fast steps quickly took you to the door of the room, which was left open and from where you stood, you heard his cries clearly. The room, gloomy when you entered had scarcely any light. The only source came from the dim lighting from the hall and the sliver of moonlight seeping through the curtains, but it was enough to help you at least see figures.

You moved to the general area of where the bed was and there you saw his figure, trembling slightly. From what you saw as your eyes further adjusted to the darkness, he laid on his side, his shirt damp with sweat, his face glistening and his hair sticking all over his neck and cheeks. He had a pillow in his hold, his head buried in the cushion, but the muffled whines and whimpers still persisted to reach your ears. It was your pillow.

It had been a long while since these terrible nightmares have plagued his nights. The last was far too long ago you hardly remembered it anymore. You remember how he once told you about it having something to do with you sleeping by his side. That something about you just calmed him and made his mind come to a peaceful state. The guilt you felt increased tenfold as the regret of leaving him alone ate you alive. You didn’t… you don’t… you couldn’t have imagined how much you had helped him without even realizing and now leaving him to his own devices… you felt like a pompous prick.

You sped to his side, whispering his name in hopes to arouse him but it proved to be futile.

You sat beside him, turning to the side to face figure. A finger reached to tuck the damp locks behinds his ears as you whispered his name again, hoping to get through his thoughts but it still wasn’t working. Your hands moved to cradle the side of his face, your thumb caressing his cheek in hopes to stir him as you continued to say his name.

‘Loki’ you said softly, knowing using any other tone or pitch would only frighten him further. You moved your head next to his, your body twisted in an awkward position, but you couldn’t care less. You continued to whisper his name close to his ear, your thumbs caressing those sharp angled cheeks until he finally stirred.

You felt it. That light shake of his head as he finally starts rouse, as if shaking off fatigue and merciless thoughts that haunted his mind. You pulled away a bit to see him properly, wiping the beads of sweat that coated most of his forehead with the sleeve of your jumper as your other hand continued their gentle caress on his cheeks. He had a furrow that pulled his brows together and normally you would have found it adorable but right now you only hoped to remove it.

He blinked slowly, gathering his bearings to check if he was truly out of the agonizing torment his mind had conjured. He was losing you. It was scene after scene of ways he loses you and all of it was his fault. From you leaving him after an argument, to the image of the mad titan snapping your neck in his grasp as he watched. Each scenario broke him in every way, and he just couldn’t bare it.

The sight was still fresh in his mind as he finally started to ebb away from the drowse of sleep. Then as panic set him as he realized and processed what had happened, he didn’t notice the soft whisper of his name or the caress of your delicate fingers. He was on the verge of complete panic, tears welling up his eyes when he felt it. You.

Your voice. You touch. Your scent. Everything. It all enveloped him to the point It became overwhelming, but he wanted it. To suffocate in everything you, to banish those horrid thoughts away.

‘y/n?’ he whispered meekly, still questioning whether he was still in the throughs of his nightmare.

‘I’m here, It’s okay. It’s just a nightmare’ you replied as tears started to pour from his eyes and cascade down his cheeks.

‘I’m sorry, I-I’m sorry, p-please don’t leave me’ he heaved, his voice shaking with every word, it broke your heart to hear him so broken. His arms moved to wrap around you, having a tight hold on your waist, leaving the pillow, as he wept.

You could only do so much to keep your own tears at bay, but you managed to stay strong. Your fingers wiped much of the tears, but they only continued to flow so you pulled him in to hide in the crook of your neck.

‘Shhh darling. It’s alright, I’m here, I promise’ you said in his ear, knowing his cries would only muffle his hearing. He cried and cried, apologizing just as much in between but you still dismissed every single one.

‘Shhhh, you’re okay darling. It’s only a nightmare, it’s alright’ you moved your body to lay on the bed fully, settling beside him comfortably as you held him tight. Your fingers weaved through his obsidian locks, scratching his scalp in hopes to console and comfort him in anyway as he continued to heave on the crook of your neck.

It broke your heart to see him like this. Frightened to the bone like a little boy, shivering as if dunk in the oceans of the arctic. All those years of suffering topped his insecurities and the lack assurance and consoling care throughout most of his life… of course he was afraid. Of the possibilities this life held. He’d seen the worst parts of it, of course id be difficult to peer outside that little protective box he hid in. And your argument certainly didn’t help matters.

He cried for a while and you let him. Bare his vulnerability to you and it was your honour to be shown this fragile part of him. You’d treasure the trust he had in you, to keep him safe in times like these. You wouldn’t let anything happen to him, especially like this. You love him too much.

He calmed down after a little while, still letting out soft sniffs and whimpers every once and a while, but he had calmed down. You placed a soft kiss on his temple, an assurance of sorts before pulling back to face him but his grip only tightened, a whine escaping his lips as he hid himself further in the safety of your hair.

He didn’t want you to pull away for fear of you having enough of him, but he wouldn’t have it. He couldn’t.

You hushed him softly, running a hand through his inky locks and caressing his scalp, assuring him you weren’t going anywhere and only meant to talk to him. He was reluctant but he gave in, nodding the slightest bit before pulling away to face you.

His face was red, eyes bloodshot and puffy around the eyelids, looking down and anywhere but at you. Streaks of tears, dry and fresh cascaded down his sharp features, causing his unruly hair to stick. The look he gave you completely broke your heart, rendering it to mush whilst he had the decency to look so heartbroken.

You kept your composure as a finger swiped a way those stray locks, tucking it behind his ear before he nuzzled in the warms of your palm. Your thumb glided along the prominent angle of his zygoma, brushing away whatever moisture was left until you tilted his head up, by the chin, to look at you. His beautiful emerald eyes shimmered with unshed tears however he still won’t look you in the eyes.

‘Loki’ his name came off your lips in a soft whisper, finally grabbing his attention. Now that you finally had it though, all words seem to have left you, your thoughts drawing blank. A sigh left your lips as you let your head drop to his, your foreheads pressed together as you closed your eyes.

‘I’m sorry’ you said blankly, your hand rising to come through his locks and to scratch his scalp. Whether it was for his comfort or your distraction, you wouldn’t know.

He shook his head, dismissing your apology. Half of him didn’t know what you were apologizing for yet the other had an idea as to what, and even if it truly was what you were thinking, he knew that it was his fault.

‘No, don’t apologize. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have treated you as such, but please darling, forgive me. I cannot lose you, please. Don’t… don’t leave me’ he practically begged. He really couldn’t lose you. He just wouldn’t know what to do if he did, but he just knows he won’t survive it.

‘No, I must apologize’ you argued, continuing on before he could cut you off ‘My actions weren’t acceptable, but Loki… We cannot keep going on like this. I am my own person, I refuse to told what to do, let alone what I can’t. I refuse to be caged in the four walls of this flat like some treasured bird, I’m not. I will not be restrained. By some illness nor God or man. This won’t work if that is what you want’.

‘I know, I know. I-It’s not, It’s not what I want. I’m sorry but darling, I just can’t lose you. I can’t. I won’t survive it. Please, I won’t do it again, just please don’t leave me.’ He sobbed, dropping his head back down the crook of your neck and he held you in a tight embrace. You understood what he meant; you don’t think you could survive losing him too.

‘I won’t. I’m not leaving you. I would never. I'm staying’ You affirmed. You really wouldn’t, but you won’t stand being coddled to the brim.

You held on to each other tightly for a while. Just letting the others presence calm one another. Loki hidden in the arch of your shoulder, arms wrapped around your waist, while you laid your head on top of his, a hand mindlessly raking trough his gorgeous locks. It proved to be comforting for the both of you, evidently.

‘I only meant to protect you’ he mumbled with a sniff out of nowhere.

‘I understand, my love. And the best I could do is promise to be safe and extra careful. I won’t take too risky missions if that gives you a peace of mind.’ You offered. You knew he only meant well and cared for your safety. You love your job but often times, it was too dangerous, even for your standards after everything. Taking fewer and safer missions wasn’t a problem. As long as you had worked to do that involved helping people, you were satisfied.

You felt him nod his head lightly at the suggestion, causing a soft smile to bloom from your lips before placing a soft kiss on the crown of his head. You didn’t see it but a small smile curved his lips as well at the feel of your lips on his skin. The touch starved part of him relishing in these small moments of affection like treasure.

Your free hand moved to caress his back when you felt how damp the fabric of his top was. The sweat he had worked up earlier still hasn’t dried and you knew how uncomfortable he would get bathing in the slightest bit of dirt, hence why you thought of getting him cleaned.

You place another kiss on his cheek before attempting to untangle yourself from him. The events of the nights had taxed the god, but you wanted to get him at least a bit clean before he fully dozed off however, as you tried to get off his loving embrace, his grip only tightened, his droopy eyes opening wide to see the commotion.

‘Shhh, It’s alright. I just have to head out to the kitchen to check something and I promise, I will be right back my love’ you said softly to his ear, hoping his drowse would keep. He gave a tired huff before reluctantly setting you free. Your grin only grew wider, and you place a quick peck on his lips before you scrambled off the bed.

You quickly checked the kitchen to see if the kettle hadn’t burned and once assured, you left it as it was and headed to the loo to get what was needed. You took a small towel from the cupboard bellow the sink and ran it under the water to get it wet. Once it was fully soaked, you wrang the excess water from the towel and quickly grabbed a spare shirt from the wardrobe before going back to the bedroom.

The darling god had his eyes closed with your pillow once again tight in his grasp. This time, the sight made you smile. At how adorable he looked, face squashed on the cushion. You could tell how exhausted he was though, so you made haste in getting him set for night’s (hopefully) peaceful rest.

You sat beside him on the bed, the shifting of the mattress making him dare open an eye just as you were about to rouse him. He gave you that small charming smile of his when he saw you and your hand moved to cup his cheek, letting the pad of your thumb caress his now dried cheeks.

‘Can you sit up for me, luv’ you asked, leaning down to his ear. He gave you a faint nod before you sat back and helped him up. The fatigue was really getting on to him as he laid his head on your shoulder, so you made sure to finish as soon as possible to finally let him have a good night’s rest.

You gathered his hair into a pony with one hand and held it away, while the other wiped the damp cloth on the back of his neck. He flinched at the contact, having been spared a warning, you promptly apologized and moved as quickly as you could.

You wiped his face with great care, before you pulled his shirt off and threw it on the nightstand, to be put on the hamper after you were done. You wiped him all over until you deemed it enough and gave him the spare shirt. He put it on and just before you could leave the bed again, he took your hand. He gave you a pleading look that spoke volumes, and how could you resist when he gave you those doe eyes.

You gave him a soft smile, leaving the little towel beside the shirt and made your way to your spot on the bed. You got comfortable before you looked at him, staring at you with great fondness, it made you bashful yet you still opened your arms, welcoming him in to be held, which with great eager, he accepted. He laid beside you, wrapping his arms around your torso as he inhaled the scent of your hair, a welcome comfort after the course of the night.

You pulled the covers up to cover you both, but the feel of his soft lips just made you forget about everything but him, making you snuggle closer in his hold.

He had his head laid on the top of yours, his arms tied around you and your legs intertwined. An arm of yours cradled the back of his head, tangling to the roots of his inky locks while the other drew abstracts on his back. You held each other, never saying a word yet the silence was finally comfortable. A tranquil state you two could once again relish.

The silence however gave your mind room to intrude the peace, thinking of how things got to this point. From the argument, to the dismiss of each other’s presence and up until the confession after the dreadful nightmare, you admit that parts of how this ended up being the conclusion of the day, was your fault. Yes, Loki had his own mistakes in the matter, but you could have taken a point and fixed it. Why didn’t you get a grip and made the effort to make things better. You shouldn’t ha…

A deep sigh broke you out of your trance. A squeeze, you felt you were given as arms around waist tightened and you were pulled impossibly closer to the mass holding you.

‘I can hear your gears turning, darling’ Loki mumbled, followed by a small chuckle, breaking the deafening comfort of silence. The sound was well welcomed after the tension of the day.

‘Sorry, luv. Go back to sleep’ you reply, scratching his scalp. He hummed in response, a smile pressing against your hair before a quick peck was planted on the top of your head. You grinned, closing your eyes, hoping to finally get consumed by the black oblivion that was rest.

The gentle caress on your arm helped, lulling you to a peaceful state of mind. Loki knew what helped you too.

Eventually the night drew on, painting the dark skies with stars as the two held each other, succumbing to blissful state of peace promised by slumber.

The night was a lesson for the two. To understand the other, to work out their problems and to never go to bed angry.

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beesmygod · 2 years ago

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HI EVERYONE: TODAY'S PAGE IS LATE.

im calling my shot too early, but i've spent the last 2 days getting my ass beat by lupus symptoms. im feeling so much better. the page is coming.

BUT in the meanwhile: i wrote this long post about why i left Hiveworks

ill put it under a readmore here on tumblr in its entirety:

intro: dont get your hopes up

look, i’m going to be straight up with you: there’s no messy drama or fallout that caused this. no juicy deets or salacious rumors to slurp down. you know if this were the case, i would have erupted across my various social medias in a frenzied rage with all the delicacy of a bull in a china shop partly for entertainment purposes. instead, this will probably be a boring at best navel gaze where i try to walk the line between pragmatically trying to explain why i left and moral grandstanding. because leaving abruptly looks weird externally, i do actually have to explain why instead of just mysteriously leaving during a period of time where i am being an obnoxious asshole. a combination of disdain for the current cultural zeitgeist and a growing culture of disrespect toward audiences has culminated in my online behavior devolving into the online version of grabbing people saying stupid shit on the street and shaking them very hard. this is something an insane person would do. i know.

the commodification and increasingly blatant commercialization of an art format that could once arguably be compared to other amateur transgressive arts (ex: underground comix, tijuana bibles) is borderline heartbreaking. not to be too dramatic, but i want to start smashing things like im a monster from the rampage arcade game to scare the NIMBYs away before they start building escape rooms where the fetish web comics used to be. there is no place unspoiled by the poison of advertising and sponsorships. except…

youtube

trying to make money in comics is a fool’s errand. go make furry porn commissions if you want to make money doing art! you’re completely out of your mind if you go into the arts to make money. full on detachment from reality if you choose comics. they should commit you if you choose web comics.

at hive:

i think people have a wildly different perception regarding the popularity of A Ghost Story so i have approximate data to give people an idea. having culled the SHIT out of my analytics results to remove bot traffic, i think i have relatively accurate results, i get about 1000 unique visitors a month (generously rounding up lol), about half of them are regulars, and 10% of them donate to patreon (this is, imo, an unfathomably large amount lol. shocking and humbling. thank you for your continued support of me in spite of [gestures]). i feel like a small comic 99% of the time, but man. 1,000 is a big number. i can at least reasonably assume, i’m PRETTY sure, that i was a comparatively small comic in hiveworks.

my monthly payout was roughly $100 a month (and merch sales, if applicable) and their services included web site help, dealing with any merch sales, and site hosting in exchange for running banner ads (which have been a fixture on web comics since the conception of google’s ad program; remember the homestuck bidding wars??). banner ads felt like a small and reasonable compromise to be included in something that felt like a weird pipe dream. in certain circles, a hiveworks invitation was a stamp of quality with prestige; i was very aware of the company i was invited into keep and was initially pretty concerned with how my presence reflected onto them and their work. i was going through some serious brain problems due to a deeply stupid relationship and, as a result, i did my best to keep my head down, stay out of people’s way, and focus on not bringing undue shame to something i was well aware i was completely unsuited for. i had (and frankly, still have) no idea why i was chosen as i had not applied. i cannot stress enough that i was under no delusions as to the quality of my comic lol. my perception was that someone had stuck their neck out to make a special exception for me and i was constantly on the verge of fucking it up and humiliating them.

it was a very off-balance exchange extremely in my favor, and i was aware of this. especially since, being frank and honest here, i was bringing absolutely nothing to the table for them. i don’t want to put words in anyone’s mouth, but its a reasonable conclusion that i was more trouble than i was worth, given the infinitesimal worth.

the vast majority of hiveworks readers completely bounced off my comic, which makes perfect sense given the hiveworks audience is i think more interested in the genre they primarily host: fantasy and magical realism. in comparison, “a ghost story” is a slow, slooow burn about federal bureaucracy and being insane with extremely amateur art; i know what i am! and that’s fine! but i became a little resentful (and i tried not to! honest!) after 7 years of perpetually being put on a back burner. it felt like i was being strung along for reasons beyond my comprehension or as the baseline of acceptable awfulness for the website’s quality. someone has to be the “worst”, objectively. it’s not a great feeling to know it, coming to terms with it i think was much healthier than trying to fight it. it was a really good driving force to keep my mind off the nightmare of my life at that point and improve my art a lot.

AGS’ irrelevance was underscored by it being mentioned once over the course of 7 years on official social media networks, upon which a great deal of importance was placed. but frankly, there is nothing worse than dealing with the guy who sucks whining for the spotlight as though they are clueless as to why they are getting the shaft. so i simply achieved enlightenment by getting over it and realizing where i was in the hierarchy and how lucky i was to have so much shit done for me. i was (am, unbelievably. it never gets less wild when i sit down and really think about it) making enough through patreon that the $100 became my monthly fun money while i lived in oregon. it was welcome, but not essential.

a lot of real life, awful things happened that suck and couldn’t be avoided: one of the main points of communication and organization became terribly ill, COVID happened and obliterated shipping and manufacturing rates for apparently all eternity, uhhh the fabric of reality began to unravel lol. it’s been a terrible couple of years. i want to underscore this stuff so that people understand i was not wronged greatly in the grand scheme of things.

there are things that started to chip away at me over time, which made me question if i was a good fit at all. genuinely: the only thing i want to do is to try to live happily within my morals doing what i love to do. even and especially if it means living very broke. that’s the exchange i’m consciously choosing to make when i pick up the pen every day. due to the generosity of the people who support me or have supported me at any time (special shout out to adam, who puts up with this shit for some reason), i am able to do that. i contribute a proportional amount to the household now but tried to be (was??) 50/50 or 25/25/25/25 when i had roommates. i don’t want my one unyielding selfish choice to be anyone else’s burden.

i was told by another artist in hiveworks that my confrontational behavior could be a poor reflection on the brand, which became the tipping point in my choice to leave. to be clear, no one in charge told me this, but even conceptually i was not comfortable representing a company that i felt i was a member of out of obligation or inertia. i didn’t belong there and my presence was an active detriment instead of a tolerated nuisance.

anyway:

when the offer to leave was presented, i didn’t feel regret, or anxiety, or upset at all. i felt a placid sense of relief. i COULD leave. that’s TRUE. i had been kicking it around on my private twitter for a few months going back and forth with myself over what was more important to me: being able to take care of myself financially or doing something about my own hypocrisy that kept me up at night. if my incessant argument is that advertising based commercialization is a societal poison, then i need to put my money where my mouth is. and if i’m consistently annoying, i need to leave as a courtesy to everyone else.

i don’t regret my time with hive at all, but the overarching transformation from a collection of cartoonists to a brand is not where i want to take my art. i can’t bring myself to work even within the proximity of seven seas, a deeply abhorrent company. i am completely disinterested in wasting time or energy worrying about “the algorithm” because i don’t make comics for the computer’s sake and recognize that there’s a finite number of people interested in web comics in the world and an even more finite amount of money to spend on luxuries (because none of us have any money lol). i don’t want to repeat the familiar cycle of lamenting the death of art as we know it every 6 months.

people who are choosing to spend their limited funds supporting me are making a deliberate choice to elevate my presence in their life. i want and need to keep this in mind at all times, because it drives my attitudes toward what i want to choose to focus on. i want to keep my art (“art”) free with additional goodies being as reasonably priced as possible in the hopes that in this way we scratch each other’s back. making money drawing comics is a ridiculous privilege granted to me by people willing to sacrifice their time and money to me; i need to be thinking more about all that i have instead of worrying about what i don’t.

#hiveworks #webcomics #webcomic #web comics #a ghost story #ags #Youtube

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bitimdrake · 2 years ago

Text

rereading nightwing (2011) #30 and god i have. so many thoughts about it. And also I still cannot get a coherent hold on it.

This post is really just a mess of me rambling for myself and spewing thoughts out, so I'm putting it under the cut and read at your own discretion and curiosity.

first off, we basically only talk about the middle part, but this comic is actually three sections and it's. bad?

it's just so awkward. This is a transitional issues, but it's not even a well executed one. It's not even a mediocre one. It's very blunt and inconsistent in abruptly shoving the story forward to make way for a Grayson status quo.

The three sections all have different styles and very different tones, but they are also directly related to each other. So it's not like they work as three different vignettes sharing an issue. But they also don't make a particularly cogent whole.

And they definitely do not come even close to the kind of satisfying ending you'd typically want to see at the end of a run.

Like: the first section is Leslie recounting to Bruce how she ran into Spyral. A section which, you will note, does not include our lead and title character in any way, nor is it remotely emotionally relevant or meaningful to him on first read, nor is it remotely related to anything in the run previously. It's a Batman Inc scene that got lost and landed in the wrong issue.

And then the second section (Bruce fights Dick until he agrees to go undercover) and the third (intro to Grayson with Dick doing international crimefighting to lure in Spyral recruitment) are plot-wise directly connect and yet. Could not be more at odds.

sec. 2 Dick has a very bad time being pushed into this by Bruce, and he hates it, and the whole thing is very violent and dark and grim, and Dick ends the section saying things can never be the same between him and Bruce.

and then sec. 3 Dick has a classic inner monologue about who he is and where he's been, that includes how Bruce saved him from being an angry, revenge-obsessed kid, and how he loves his family and is defined by being a legacy. And shows zero concern at what he's doing except a mild mention that after the Crime Syndicate he wanted to go back but he couldn't.

are you seeing what i'm talking about here. are you seeing how this is technically a continuous plot, but on every other level makes no goddamn sense

anyway let's talk about dick and bruce, but first specifically about Bruce because I still do not get him here

"get him" does not mean "agree" (or even "empathize") but literally just get it. Even when I fucking hate him I have at a basic level understood what was going on in his head previously. I do not now.

Bruce was already abusive ofc, but the thing that really threw me off the first time I read this--and that still feel jarring--is how completely different this is from any of his previous violence towards his kids.

He's not suddenly lashing out in a moment of high emotion. He waited for Dick to be ready and laid out the rules (non-rule) of the fight. And it's not even about some deeply personal matter that he's getting emotional over. Yes, Dick's recent brief death is a key part, but mostly Bruce is monologuing about the danger of this one random secret organization.

The whole thing is so planned, which is never something I've thought of his previous physical abuse, and it feels fucking awful.

It also just feels so irrational. And not in a "people who are very emotional make questionable decisions" way, but in a "I'm genuinely struggling to understand how the character got here way"

Bruce is upset that he recently watched Dick die. No question there. And so he....wants to send Dick undercover with Spyral?

??????

Like I can try to explain this as some variation of the classic 'push people away so caring about them won't hurt me again', but that's really not how it feels? It doesn't track. Bruce has pushed Dick away plenty before, and he does it by some combination of explosive anger, complete emotional shutdown, and literally telling Dick to leave. But like. This is not that. He's instead ensnaring Dick in a long fight and longer conversation and telling him not to leave, but to go do something specific. And it's not even really pushing him away!! Because Bruce is still asking Dick to do a thing for him, under his control! No. wrong vibe. Explanation rejected.

Second attempted explanation: section one of this issue ends with Leslie telling Bruce that, because of super Spyral interrogation powers, she might have revealed his identity and can't even remember. So Bruce is deeply troubled by that, and Dick's identity was just revealed to the world which compounds things ("you let them give your secrets to the world"), and now he is deeply concerned with figuring out what Spyral knows/stopping info from spreading and sending Dick to handle that.

I also hate this explanation. It feels dumb. Ridiculous priorities. (also, boy, it does not paint Bruce in a good light. but the bad light it paints him in is an all new one.) Ugh.

I really really just cannot create an explanation for Bruce here that feels coherent with my understanding of him, and I hate that.

And my understanding of him is of him as an abusive father!! So imagine how inexplicable this must feel! But this is the wrong kind of abusive father for what he's been before idk i don't even know if i make sense anymore

new thought time

for the first ~2/3 of the fight, I was thinking that on reread, I could kinda see how some very dumb and oblivious writer would not see how horrific and abusive it would be in the end:

Two characters are disagreeing, and one is going to convince the other by the end. So it's dramatic, and makes the art reflect the story, to have them spar as they're talking! Both script and art are a spar!

Bruce is trying to ~prove Dick will never break~ so it'll be fitting for him to fight Dick, and then call it off when Dick indeed proves he won't give up an gets the upper hand!

Misjudge just how violent the fight will come off. Write panels where Dick is on the ground looking up/being beaten by Bruce/getting injured, because you're going for the classic structure of the hero getting their ass kicked at the start before turning things around later on, but accidentally make those too pained.

blah blah blah, completely overlook the fact that these two are father and son with the power dynamic that implies, and fail to tune the dialogue so that you don't realize it seems less like Bruce is convincing and more like he's coercing

and maybe, theoretically, a writer with real bad instincts could think this would be less horrific than it is

...I thought for the first chunk of the fight, still trying to come up with a rational explanation for this scene, even if only a Doylist one

EXCEPT

Towards the end of the fight, Bruce literally says he knows he's hurting Dick, "my family," and calls Dick "my boy" and then punches Dick in the face so like. I'm sorry you can't do this by accident. If you wrote this by accident you are simply too stupid to be alive and I refuse to believe you can exist.

so anyway I don't have a Doylist explanation for this either :/

they really did just straight up have bruce beat up his son and have said son literally say it could never be the same between them after this, and then were like. yeah :) this is fine :) back to bruce solving crimes as batman :)

FINAL SECTION: random assorted things that make me mad

right before the fight when Alfred can't get into the cave and Bruce, who planned this, lies about it being a malfunction he's fixing

alfred tries to ask if he's alright after "master richard's... the boy's passing". Quote Bruce "Dick was never a boy." (this would make me want to slap him in the best of circumstances but I just want him dead)

the beat early on where Bruce gets a good shot in and Dick is sitting, and he pauses to ask Bruce what's really going on, and Bruce kicks him in the face

genuinely just the number of panels in this that are Dick on the ground, Dick getting punched/kicked/hit, Dick slamming into some solid piece of the environment

Dick keeps questioning this idea and bringing up new points and then just outright asking how Bruce can do this to him. And literally never once does Bruce reply to any of it.

Literally the entire fight Bruce spends monologuing, completely ignoring everything Dick says, as if he's not talking at all.

The only thing that Bruce does respond to is how Dick is doing in the fight. He breaks his monologue to commend Dick on fighting well, but not even once gives the tiniest acknowledgement that Dick is also saying things.

Just the fact that Dick "wins" by dropping down to Bruce's level of violence.

when bruce says the "we fall so we can get back up" and Dick says, no, someone pushes us and we get up to push back, it's fucking sad. I think this is meant to be his victorious moment of turning the tides, but it's upsetting to me! That Dick "it's about catching people when they fall" Grayson has been pushed to reject all of that and is now only talking in terms of fighting!!! I don't like this quote I judge anyone who uses this as a great quote representative of dick grayson, sorry, it's not, it sucks

Dick cracks his head on a railing owie

as soon as Bruce gets properly decked and hits the ground, he calls the fight off :) Because this proves to him that Dick won't break in Spyral, of course, and confirms his stupid plan will work :) and definitely not because Bruce can dish it out but can't take it :)

unreal how much I hate him

And finally! Amidst all of that, amidst all the blood and violence, the single moment that made me most want to shove Bruce through a woodchipper!

"I know I'm hurting you. My family. I'm making that sacrifice. Because I don't give up. I don't give in."

shut the fuck up you fucking martyr hurting your family is not sacrificing shit

man, I really did start this post with story analysis and a genuine curiosity to find sense in chaos. My primary emotion was the fervor of solving a story like a puzzle. But now I am simply going to kill.

#*#*dc #dc #dc reading tag #i don't. i don't think this mess of a ramble deserves a real tag but uhhh #dc ref #i fuckin guess

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mamahoggs · 3 years ago

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hey, i kinda fell in love with your oc's, can you tell me more about kassandros and pauline??

djkfskjdfjsd im so glad you like them omg.... to be honest there's not much more to say about them other than what was in their intro posts as they're both still kinda new lol and i tend to develop my ocs over long periods of time with a lot of back and forth BUT i will provide thee with some vague musings i've come up with

although he certainly doesn't act like it, kassandros is actually one of the oldest vampires currently active-- he was born in athens during the 5th century bce and while he doesn't know exactly who sired him, it's widely suspected he was made by a woman only known as the original, or the first vampire in ancient history. in his mortal life, he was born a poor weaver's son but became revered for his beauty and made a name for himself as a model and muse, so much so that he'll happily point out at every. fucking. museum which pieces he's technically in.

as a person, he is deeply vain and equally oblivious, he needs to be the center of attention and will cause problems on purpose if he's not. he'll drink your victims, he'll leave bodies on the lawn, and if he gets blood all over your prized persian rug? no he didn't and you can't prove he did. every clan he's stayed with hates him and doesn't want him back, so he's mostly taken to living on his own, but he's convinced himself its a personal choice and not because he's intolerable.

although the age of renaissance painters and poets is mostly gone, he's found a new outlet for feeding off the attention of creatives and creative strangers: becoming an internet micro-celebrity. as far as anyone's concerned, the whole vampire thing is just a silly gimmick.

kassie's wiped out every vampire slayer that's come after him, so much so that the greater slayer community considers him untouchable... a sort of trophy kill no one's been brazen enough to go after. until now.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

pauline really only stumbled on the slayer life by accident. before she was staking the undead, she spent her days taking on way more college classes than a normal person should and being the hot goth cashier at a local supermarket. the burn across her face? cooking oil accident-- she's not the best chef.

having come from a long line of successful accountants and hardware store owners, pauline's more rebellious nature meant she had little interest in the mundane life of someone who tells you which wrench to buy for what, or how to manage your savings-- she wanted meaning, she wanted purpose, and she found that in art. after graduating high school, she went off to art school with the intent to study art history on the side but didn't make it far before her actual destiny found her.

although vampire killing was something she didn't think would become her whole life, after she accidentally killed one when he tried to follow her home (it's not her fault he fell onto a picket fence and turned to dust), they just kept popping up around her. what started as a nuisance quickly became some kind of... calling. she thinks, anyway.

the hunter community is small, and she made her way up the ladder fast, becoming something of a mercenary for those with a genuine bloodsucker problem. now, she's the best of the best, a modern day van helsing.

as a person, pauline is actually deeply introverted and more than a little awkward-- she has a handful of fronts she puts on, little masks she's invented to get through the day (and night). being an infamous slayer helps take the edge off, but when she's not in her safe little cocoon of weirdos, that bravado crumbles. if her social avoidance comes across as mysterious, in her mind, that's better than people knowing its really just because other human beings terrify her. luckily, this works in her favor-- after all, it's hard to make connections when not everyone understands the intricacies of hunting the undead.

pauline started hunting kassandros not because she felt she had anything to prove, but rather it felt like something she was supposed to do, another piece in this weird destiny thing she's gotten herself wrapped up in. that and, if she has to see one more damn fancam of him, she's going to throw up.

if only he wasn't so damn slippery.

#dear god you probably didnt want this much but honestly i needed an excuse to develop them further so. here. sorry #give me like 2 months and this will probably be severely outdated #lian blabs #oc blabbing #lian answers #c: kassie #c: pauline

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madd-information · 4 years ago

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Have you watched Kati Morton's new video about Maladaptive Daydreaming? What do you think about it?

[intro]

For years, I believed maladaptive daydreaming to be a form of dissociation, but it could also be added to the DSM as its own diagnosis, since it does have its own set of unique symptoms. Either way, at this time maladaptive daydreaming is not listed in the DSM as a diagnosable mental illness.

I was concerned because her last couple videos on the topic were very confusing to watch and seemed to conflate MD with the inner-worlds of DID. It looks like she has done some more research on it and is going to make a more informed video. This is great and I deeply appreciate that she’s taking the time to do a proper dive into this.

The closest diagnosis would be DPDR, or depersonalization derealization disorder. And this is the diagnosis given to those of us who struggle with dissociation. [explanation of DPDR]

Gonna need you to source that Katie, I’ve never heard an MD researcher say something like this. When they talk about MD they call it a behavioral addiction with OCD features which is related to dissociative absorption (different from derealization and depersonalization, these two dissociative experiences are not particularly significant in MD, though they can happen.)

These experiences are extremely common. It's estimated that half of all adults have had at least one episode of DPDR. 50% of people. That is a huge amount of people.

Cool but not sure it’s at all relevant to the video topic.

Also, it's important to mention that in 2016, four researchers put together the Maladaptive Daydreaming Scale, or MDS. This is a 14-item self-reported scale, meaning that you as the patient answers 14 questions based on your own maladaptive daydreaming experience.

It’s a 16 item scale now, it was changed very early on and has been 16 for years. This is a very small and forgivable knitpick, just fyi.

The MDS focuses on the content of our daydreams, how intense the urge to continue daydreaming is, and how much it impairs our ability to function in our lives, and the benefits and costs of our daydreaming. I am not personally familiar with this scale, nor have I used it in my practice, but I've linked the research article in the description if you wanna learn more about it.

A good description, and here’s that link again for anyone who wants to read about the finer details of this scale.

When it comes to maladaptive daydreaming, it isn't just feeling out of body or environment. We can create very intense and detailed daydreams with plots, characters, and very lifelike issues and storylines. Some people will get the plots for their daydreams from their real lives, while others can create a utopian place unlike their current experience.

Yep, decent overview of content, though content doesn’t matter that much. Also, use of “we”. Is Katie Morton an MDer or was this a creative choice? I don’t know, just a passing thought.

We can find ourselves staying in these daydreams for various amounts of time. And some of my patients have reported staying in them for hours. And many of you have let me know that you struggle to get out of them at all, spending days in this other life that we've created.

Yep, good overview, but more importantly she’s listening to her patients and the feedback of MDers in her audience.

...there are many causes for this, and the first I wanna address is trauma triggers. If we've experienced a trauma in our life, things that remind us of that time or situation can pull us into a flashback, cause us to dissociate, or in many cases push us into our maladaptive daydreams.

When our brain and the rest of our nervous system feels overwhelmed and unable to deal with what's going on in the moment, it can pull us out of our current situation through dissociation. I always talk about that, like our brain pulling the ripcord. And it can also utilize maladaptive daydreaming. It's a way to cope or get through an overwhelming situation when we don't have other skills to help calm our nervous system down. So we just rely on what we know, and that can be daydreaming or dissociating. It's almost like this coping skill protects us from having to feel traumatized again and so it takes us away, you know, drops us into a much safer and happier place.

Trauma is always talked about first when people do overviews of MD. She’s not wrong but just to add more information; about a quarter of MDers report trauma, the other 75(ish)% don’t. It’s a significant number but trauma is not the only pathway to MD. Sometimes people walk away from these videos feeling like “well, I don’t have any trauma, maybe I don’t really have MD”. That’s not a comment on what Katie has presented, she does go into other things below, just adding on.

Another cause or trigger can be high levels of stress or anxiety. We can slowly feel ourselves become more and more overwhelmed until our brain pulls us out of our reality and into a new one, aka our maladaptive daydreams. In short, we can want to stay in these daydreams to feel better and safer, but it can get in the way of us functioning in our life.

Yep

[audience anecdotes]

...Which is why even the term maladaptive daydreaming is used. Maladaptive means it's not providing adequate or appropriate adjustment to the environment or situation. So the daydreaming is only holding off the bad things. It's not actually making anything better or helping us process any of the upset. It's really just a temporary check-out, which can be helpful sometimes, but if it's happening all the time or making it hard for us to focus at work, school, or with our friends and family, we should find other, better ways to cope.

Exactly.

Which moves us into how we can better cope so that we don't get sucked into our daydreams for hours, days, or even weeks. And first up is mindfulness. Now, I know that term is overused now and super annoying but in order for us to know when we even need to use other coping skills, we have to know when the daydreaming urges are happening. So often we aren't aware of what we were feeling or thinking until it's too late and we're already pulled into our daydream. And at that point it's more difficult or even impossible for us to pull ourselves out. Therefore, we have to start being more aware of what we're going through.

[continues explanation]

Perfection.

And so next is figuring out ways to calm our system down. This can take the form of a distraction technique like going for a walk or organizing a part of our home, coloring, watching a show, playing a video game, you name it. These calming things could also be more process-based, things like journaling or talking to your therapist or a friend about it, or even using an impulse log. [Continues with calming things]

Good examples, MD researchers specifically recommend keeping a log.

We're also going to have to find some coping skills that we can use when we're starting to feel overwhelmed and wanting to go back into the daydream. Maybe we hold an ice cube in our hands, clap our hands, count the number of things in the room that are blue, brown, black… whatever works for you, do it.

Good stuff.

And it's okay for something not to work. We just have to try it to know and then move on to something else.

Important point to make, happy to see this.

Once we have a few things that work, write them down in your phone or on a post-it note so that you can see it and be reminded when you need it. We will also need to come up with some ways to pull ourselves out of the daydream. And I know this is gonna be harder and we may even wanna call upon helpful and supportive people in our lives to assist us.

Good advise.

We could, because it's our daydream, right, we could put a big door in our daydream and we can choose to go through it and pull ourselves out, or have people in the daydream that remind us of our real life and tell us to go back.

A good suggestion. Q, on the Parallel Lives Podcast (I can’t remember which episode off the top of my head), did something like this by turning to his characters and saying “ok, take 5 guys, we’ll pick it up at xtime”, and many people have found that to be a clever and helpful method.

Now, I know this is really, really hard… which rolls into my final tip, which is to work with a therapist to heal from the trauma or to learn how to better cope with the anxiety or stress we're feeling. Working to heal or process through the reason our maladaptive daydreaming exists in the first place will ensure that we don't need it anymore.

Absolutely seek professional support if you can.

... if we heal the issue we're struggling to cope with, the urge to use those unhelpful coping skills will go away altogether.

[outro]

I think this last point will frighten a lot of MDers. It’s probably the brevity of the video that didn’t allow her to really expand on this, and I certainly don’t want to put words into her mouth that she may not have intended. Don’t be afraid of losing your MD. “Curing” Maladaptive Daydreaming does not mean “I’ll never see my world again.” You’ll always have the capacity to daydream like this, you were born this way, but it *doesn’t* have to be maladaptive. Like overeating, you will never not eat, you will fix your relationship with food.

Good video overall, brief but accurate and includes the standard helpful advise.

#maladaptive daydreaming #actuallymadd

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talpy · 4 years ago

Text

Avatar fic rec post

Hi people, this is an Avatar fic rec post for @kuruccha who wanted a primer. Happy Avatar renaissance to you :D

Everything under cut, because boy, there are a lot of fics. Forgive me for being repetitive in my recs, but they are all so good and amazing and *melts in a sea of feelings*

First, some authors who are so, so very good and my favourites by them (fics aren’t in any particular order, authors are in alphabetic order):

Avocadolove (Tumblr: @awesomeavocadolove )

The Problem with Zuko: I love the idea that Zuko finds his way to team Avatar even without the Agni Kai and the rest. One of my favourites fics for at least 10 years.

Another Brother: Zuko was adopted by Hakoda, but he doesn’t remember his past. I really like how Iroh is portrayed in this story, very interesting!

Unchained Melody: Sokka doesn’t return with his body after being spirit-napped from Her Bai. Strangely, only Zuko can see him. I really love how everything is developed here :)

Consider Chaos: series where Zuko finds Vaatu and becomes the Chaos!Avatar. Really interesting premise, cooler effects!

Half a Heart: Zukka!soumates AU. Very interesting choices about world building and Hakoda’s character.

Haircrescendo

Carry On For You: from the series intro “Not the Pokémon AU you asked for but the one you’re getting anyway.”. I like it a lot, amazing adaptions and backstory building for Zuko. It focuses on Zuko and Sokka.

Compassion For All Our Monsters: intro “How Sokka learned to shut up and be nice, and also learn a little bit more about Zuko than he wanted to.” mandatory Sokka-finds-out-about-Zuko’s-past.

Fire Nation Yacht Club: one of the angstiest series I’ve read, I love it and I re-read it like once a month. Intro of the fist fic “Sokka knows three (3) things: 1. The caldera is on fire. 2. Ozai’s really, really dead (and so is his daughter). 3. The only one having a worse day is probably Zuko.”

What We’re Given: such an amazing series! Intro “Started out as a “What would happen if Zuko happened to rediscover sky bison while searching for the Avatar?” and turned into something more than that.” Zuko blasting Aang for not washing Appa properly will always be amazing xD

MuffinLance (Tumblr: @muffinlance, suggest following for plot-bunnies)

Towards the Sun: Zuko doesn’t manage to escape on the Day of the Black Sun, a very angst novella-length intro ensues. I love this a lot because of the angst and how it sparkled inspiration for other stories with a similar premise.

Salvage: here it his, the original dad!koda fic. Intro “Mid-Season-One Zuko is held ransom by Chief Hakoda. Ozai's replies to the Water Tribe's demands are A+ Parenting. Hakoda is… deeply concerned, for this son that isn't his, and who might be safer among enemies than with his own father.” Lots of feelings and amazing A+ writing.

The One Where Zuko's Hair Matches Sokka's and Other Tales: fillets from tumblr, extra material, general awesomeness all around.

Miscellaneous

The Home I've Searched For by Kayasurin: I didn’t know Azula/Kuei could be that good! Really awesome story, amazing Azula.

The Festival of Four by SuperKat: Aang knows his time is coming near and he says goodbye. Very touching and moving (yes I did cry), amazing Aang voice.

Sunday in the Park with Appa by Dracze: Parks and Recreation!AU, Aang as Leslie Knope and Zuko as Ben Wyatt. I loved how the AU was adapted on the characters and on the format -blogging instead of “watching in camera”.

Like Fire and Water by Setari: Sokka and Katara find their father in Ba Sing Se with his new wife, Ursa. Very funny, especially when Sokka/Katara and Zuko/Azula realise that they are siblings.

the beginning of a new and brighter birth by aloneintherain: from the intro “In a new era of peace, Zuko works to be a very different Fire Lord than his forefathers.”. I love how Zuko tries to make changes in the Fire Nation at the start of his reign.

The Family You Choose by TunaFishChris: the platonic Gang soulmate AU I needed without knowing. I liked it a lot, especially at the end. One of my favourites!

illustrate the remnants of the life i used to live by WitchofEndor: also a platonic Gang soulmate AU but much angstier. This Zuko is simply heartbreaking.

where the stars do not take sides by WitchofEndor: intro “When Azula is nine, she becomes an only child. She hears the Fire Lord call for Zuko's life, and in the morning, her mother and brother are gone. Azula may be young, but she isn't naive. She knows what happened to them. Which makes it all the more surprising when Azula tracks the Avatar down and fights his group of peasant friends, only to find herself staring into an eerily familiar face.” as beautiful as it sounds, really amazing Azula voice.

Doe-eyed by OldeShoestrings: Azula as the big sister of Zuko. I love how Azula is fundamentally the same but how her being the old sister changes everything. I like this a lot.

How to Care for Your Local Fire Lord; A Memoir by The Palace Staff by RejectsCanon: the fire palace’s stuff joins the Zuko protection squad. I salute them.

The Sins Of Our Family by Mangaluva: amazing series inspired by Towards the Sun. Intro “Zuko didn't escape the Fire Nation on the day of the eclipse. Azula decides to invite him to her coronation, setting off a chain of events involving abuse, trauma, siblings, recovery, and rebuilding.”. Really love this portrayal of the fire siblings.

There Is No Fire Lord by OccasionalStorytelling: other fic inspired by Towards the Sun, basically Zuko remains in prison even if he is basically the Fire Lord. The plot soon becomes its own creature and I love how it develops.

Two Perspectives by Sabretoothgooselion: series about Zuko and Kuei, really lovely. As of now there are 2 fics, but apparently more are in the works. Cannot wait!

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by meliebee: the first year and something of Zuko reign. Amazing Zuko voice, very angst, much approved.

and love will be your teacher by Ford_Ye_Fiji: series on hiatus, AU where Azulon doesn’t die and takes Zuko away from Ozai giving him to Iroh instead. Very very nice, I love the relationship between Zuko and Iroh.

Of Dead Fire and Dragon Dreams by ChickadeeChickadoo: during the Day of the Black Sun Ozai lies to Zuko saying that Iroh is dead. Zuko redirects lightening to him and he finds himself Fire Lord. Very cool story, love Azula in here.

In the Soft Light by CSHfic, VSfic: Zukka, moon-spirit-Sokka!AU. I love this story so much! Zuko is so very an awkward turtleduck here.

How to Disappear Completely by aeoleus & the long way around by ciaconnaa: two modern Au where Zuko is Kiyi’s guardian, very very nice.

kintsugi by discordiansamba: when Zuko is banished he becomes Toph’s bodyguard. Yes it is as amazing as it sounds.

it's the illusion of separation by argentoswan: very nice Zukka!modern Au. Sokka starts working at the Jasmine Dragon, but alas, his old high school bully Zuko works there too. I love how Zuko’s past with the gaang was adapted and how the relationship between him and Sokka develops.

Finding Solace in Parking Lots by RejectsCanon: Zukka!Modern au, Sokka and Zuko find themselves in the same McDonalds’ parking lot having a breakdown. Really really lovely.

Fractures by EvieNyx: instead of being banished, Ozai imprisons Zuko far from everyone’s eyes. When Ozai and Azula are defeated he evolves from prisoner to Fire Lord in one big step. Love the characters and the cliffhangers!

Fight by Electrons: Zuko doesn’t side with Azula at Crossroads of destiny, but that doesn’t make everything much easier. Amazing word-building and lovely dive in cultural diversity. Also, ace!Zuko which is very lovely.

Dragon of the Yuyan by 00AwkwardPenguin00: intro “In which Zuko is fostered/adopted/raised/recruited by the Yuyan Archers of Pouhai Stronghold, and destiny hiccups.” very very cool story, I really like how Zuko is portrayed here.

Always trust Sokka's instincts by Thisisentertaining: whereas Jet shows Sokka an interesting Fire Nation prisoner... a Zuko-joins-the-Gaang-early-Au. Very very good :D

all my skeletons out for the taking by 136108: Azula wins the Agni Kai. It’s still on progress but for now it’s very very good and I can’t wait to read what’s happening next.

Mark Time by foil: yes, another Zukka modern au. This is very very angst, be careful with the tags’ warnings. This story keeps surprising me and I hope Zuko and Sokka will find their happy ending.

#fanfic #fanfic rec #fic rec #avatar fic rec #avatar fanfiction #Avatar The Last Airbender #zuko #sokka

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ribcage-rodents · 4 years ago

Text

Post two

Diana

Diana smiled indulgently resting a hand on Donna’s shoulder.

“Hello Donna, it is wonderful to see you again, I have some exciting news.”

Donna

She fidgeted awkwardly trying to act like she hadn't been eavesdropping.

Diana

“You are finally going to see the Man’s World. Go pack your bags, we will leave once you say your goodbyes. We can discuss the rules of your mission in my plane.”

Her excitement was only shown by the joyful flash in her eyes.

Donna attempted to keep her face in a soft smile with her eyes telling her emotions

much like her older sister does, as she made her way towards her home.

Scene 6

Bruce sat at the kitchen counter a cup of steaming coffee in one hand, while his face rested heavily in the other.

Alfred

Alfred curved around Bruce to top off his drink and use a rag to clean up a puddle of coffee Bruce had spilled while complaining about League business.

“I don’t understand why you can’t just let the boy have friends, master Bruce.”

Bruce

Bruce looked up exasperated from where his face was resting.

“Because Dick is more skilled and intelligent than all of those other ‘heroes’. I don’t want him to be influenced by those immature, idiotic, side kicks. Who knows what one of those older kids could encourage him to do!? He’s much safer at home.”

He said moving his hand sharply to the left spilling coffee all over the counter.

Alfred sighed deeply moving to clean up the coffee, sending Bruce a disapproving stare while he sheepishly averted his gaze. Dick was upstairs in his beautiful, pink-marbled bathroom leaning over the counter worriedly applying concealer to purple bruises on his neck as Tate Agile played in the background, he stopped for a moment to read to a text from ‘science lab partner’.

Dick

“Come on dude, it's not that big of a deal Bs never gonna know”

Dick sighed becoming even more concerned, he glanced in the mirror frowning at his reflection before replying.

“Idk Babs, I’d be in a ton of trouble if B found out”

He stared at his phone for a couple of seconds then added,

“Especially since you’re like a little too old for me”

Dick’s hand squeezed around his phone as he shut his eyes, he counted to ten silently before exhaling. Pretending he wasn’t waiting for her response he went back to covering up the bruises on his neck, despite his eyes flicking back over to the black screen every couple of seconds.

Yet when the phone finally pinged he hesitated, it wasn't until the second text arrived that he actually answered.

“No, our age difference really isn’t that big, if you think about it people get married with like a 10 year diff.”

“Are you gonna come out w me tonight?”

Dick sighed softly, his cheeks lighting up pink.

“Yeah I got some free time around 12-2am. But we’re just gonna hang out ok, just like a little bit of kissing. No making out or hickies or anything.”

His phone pinged again.

“Haha yeah sure that's what you said last time.”

“What's up w your schedule man? 12-2am is so random.”

“You might not need sleep but I do, next time we should just meet up during like second period or something.”

Dick’s frown deepened.

“I’m not skipping school. I think you’re a bad influence on me:(“

“You know we don’t have to do anything when we meet up we could just cuddle or something.”

He paused before deleting the last message.

“Ha, maybe I like making you into a bad boy”

“See you tonight, maybe I’ll make you break into the school to find the best secret makeout place!”

Dick set his phone face down, scratching at his arm he went back to covering up those bruises.

Scene 7

Wally was in his tiny little bathroom that looks like it was designed in the 1950’s. He was leaning over the tiled blue and turquoise countertop messing with his forever windswept hair. There was a loud banging at the door as Wally dragged a brush through the birdsnest on top of his head.

Wally

There was a brief pause before Wally once again dragged the brush through his messy hair. The banging returned causing Wally to jerk smacking his hand against the counter, he turned and opened the door staring annoyed at his uncle.

“What?”

Barry

Barry stared back a pleased smirk on his face leaning against the door frame.

“Come on kiddo, we’re gonna be late.”

He reached out and plucked the brush from Wally’s hand as he spoke.

Wally

Wally did a full body groan leaning back, he shot one last mournful look at himself in the mirror before he moved towards the door, his uncle disappearing into his room. Wally sighed rummaging through his room for his suit. “What's the point of having super speed if you’re gonna be late to everything?”

Barry

Barry zipped over to his nephew ruffling his hair, effectively ruining any improvement Wally had managed.

“I ask myself the same question everyday when I show up late for work.”

Flying down the streets of central the two speedsters made haste, two flashes of red and yellow sped down the streets and around buildings. Stopping quickly at a hotdog vendor, handing the man a red credit card decorated with tiny lightning bolts, the city's way of thanking the heroes. Before getting back on the road.

Flash

“So kiddo, are ya nervous?”

Flash called stuffing a whole hot dog in his mouth.

Kidflash

Kidflash made a contemplative noise, looking down at his feet.

“Well yeah, I’m not exactly good at making friends,... or being cool.”

Both speedsters came to a halt, Kidflash resumed looking down self-deprecatingly, shoving the last 12 hotdogs into his mouth. Flash slipped behind him resting a hand on his shoulder.

Flash

“Don’t worry kiddo, just be yourself they’re gonna love you!”

He punctuated his statement by ruffling his nephew’s hair one last time. The two then proceeded, one at a time to enter the transporter.

Scene 8

Kidflash stepped into the JL headquarters quickly moving to catch up with his uncle as he sped towards the monitor room.

Flash

“Welcome to the Justice League break room!”

Flash called happily swinging his arms open to fully display the room. He leaned in close,

“It used to just be the monitor room but we all started to hang around here, mostly because Wonder Woman and Supes like to annoy Bats.”

He said with a nod.

Wonder Girl sat alone on the edge of one of the ugly green couches, sipping on a mug of herbal tea periodically.

Flash

Flash bumped his shoulder against Kidflash’s, whispering an encouraging,

“You got this kiddo!”

The Flash then departed, walking over towards Batman and Wonder Woman chatting by the supercomputer both holding steaming cups of coffee.

Kidflash

Taking a deep breath and gathering all his courage Kidflash confidently strided over to where Wonder Girl was perched. Looming over her he plastered on his best ‘Wall-man’ smirk. Wonder Girl cocked a single eyebrow as a supercilious look settled on her lips.

“Hey gorgeous, I hope you brought your library card because you can totally check me out!”

He flinched expecting to be hit or splashed by her tea.

Wonder Girl

“Wow, I’m already regretting this,”

Wonder Girl huffed glaring at Kidflash

“Maybe I should’ve stayed home,”

She mumbled quietly to herself.

Speedy

Speedy came up behind Kf’s right purposely smacking their shoulders together before plopping down on the couch causing Wonder Girl’s tea to slosh spilling over the rim and roll down the side of her thigh.

“Ew, dude have you ever actually gotten a girl with that line?”

He asked his arms resting on the top of the couch. He then raised his hand in a halting motion.

“Nevermind don't answer that, you have loner-loser written all over you.”

Kidflash

Kidflash lost his composure striking his arms out, before bringing his hand back around to point towards himself.

“Hey! I get tons of ladies!”

Speedy

“Yeah whatever dude,”

Speedy cut him off waving his hand still resting on the top of the couch, looking in the opposite direction of the scene before him.

Garth

Garth parted from his King’s side as they entered the break room with a nod, he walked towards the other heroes, his dark eyes calculating.

“Hello, I’m Garth.”

He said before sitting down on the couch next to Speedy.

Speedy

Speedy made a face.

“Great intro fishboy! But shouldn’t you have like a superhero name?”

Garth

“No, I don’t have a secret identity.”

Garth spoke, his tone relaying how idiotic he thought Speedy was.

Kidflash

“What about protecting your family man?”

Kidflash asked, lifting both his eyebrows, he was never able to just move one, leaning towards Garth.

Garth

Garth’s eyebrows pulled together as frustration took over.

“I don't wear a mask, villains will know who I am regardless.”

Speedy

“Wonder Girl doesn’t wear a mask,”

Speedy said leering at Garth.

“Maybe we should come up with a dumb superhero name for you, personally I like Fishboy!”

Kidflash laughed loudly, Wonder Woman groaned standing up and walking towards her sister.

She was stopped by the Flash calling them over in an energetic voice waving the rest of the sidekicks towards them.

Green Arrow

Green arrow spoke first giving all of the teens a cursory glance before focusing completely on his own sidekick.

“Now listen up, this mission is very important to your future as legitimate heroes.”

Within his brief pause Black Canary sighed heavily at Green Arrow's natural talent for being a terrible parent. He moved one hand to his hip as he spoke lightly elbowing Aquman in the process.

“All ya gotta do is sit and watch your targets,”

Once again there was a lapse in his speech when he turned to check that Batman had brought up the images of the targets and the suspicious big black bags, as well as the address of their hideout. After seeing Batman had in fact project the correct information, Green Arrow nodded to himself before turning back toward the sidekicks. Jerking his thumb backwards, he continued.

“These are them.”

He took a moment to clear his throat at the odd phrasing.

Flash

Flash took that moment to take over patting his colleague’s shoulder as he stepped closer to the center of the group.

“We’ve been monitoring these guys’ set up for a couple weeks. We think that they’re smuggling something illegal in those big black bags-”

Speedy

“What do you mean “illegal” things?! Don't we get to know if there's gonna be guns or drugs or something, idiot-man!”

Speedy cut in sharply placing both hands on his hips and leaning forward, aggressively sneering in the Flash’s face.

Green arrow placed a hand on each side of Speedy’s chest pushing him back as Flash stood there shocked.

Flash

“So we’ll drop ya off at their hideout, be very careful sneaking into the building and while choosing stalking positions. If they begin to pack up and leave or the situation starts to turn violent, stay safe and contact us before attempting to fight. If they have guns, retreat to the transporter immediately.

Batman then swiveled around in his chair, sending a questioning glance at Wonder Woman from across the room, ignoring the conclusion of Superman’s story much to his disappointment.

Batman

“Why would you send these children out into the field if you don't trust them to fight without supervision?”

It was a statement rather than a question, challenging all of the other mentors.

Wonder Woman answered anyway with a judgemental look of her own, but Green Arrow was the one who spoke.

Green arrow

Green arrow took several long strides towards batman.

“Well we’re not just gonna leave our kids at the mercy of a bunch of gun wielding scumbags. I mean, Flash can’t even stand a chance against a handgun, do ya think any side kick could survive that?!”

Batman

Batman glared at him but spoke in a calm voice, only failing a little to keep the smugness out of his tone.

“Robin could.”

Aquaman

Green Arrow geared up to make another loud and spity remark but Aquaman spoke up for the first time since the debriefing began.

“If he is so proficient then why is he not here?”

He questioned with far more smugness in his tone.

Batman

“Because Robin is currently working on his own personal mission tonight.”

The statement was followed by Batman swinging his chair back around and continuing to type up a mission statement.

The group dispersed most of the sidekicks getting last minute pep talks, Kidflash who reached out to his uncle grabbing his elbow as he went to go carbo-load.

Flash

The flash turned to look at his nephew.

“What’s up kiddo?”

He asked, placing a hand on each of his shoulders looking at his face in concern.

Kidflash

Kidflash looked down taking a deep breath before locking eyes with his uncle.

“I-I don't know if I can do this uncle B.”

Flash

Flash answered with a sigh rubbing rough but soothing circles on his shoulders and nape.

“Alright listen kiddo, ya made a jerk out of yourself.”

kidflash‘s face whipped up to face his uncle.

“I know I flirt with all the ladies but I do so in a joking manner that means no harm or a promise for furthering the relationship...just apologize to Wonder Girl.”

Kidflash made a face at the ground scuffing his shoe against the shiny tile floor.

“Make some small talk when appropriate on the mission and you’ll have three new best friends in no time!”

Flash turned him around to face the other sidekicks and smacked him on the back pushing him forward.

Scene 9

A wide shot of the seedier area of Arizona, several of the lamp posts have been shattered and no longer work, streams of light shine across the wet road through boarded up windows of an old warehouse. The sidekicks crouched behind a stack of molding crates, listening intently as the goons played cards and chatted about their personal lives, peering at them periodically.

Roy

Roy groaned softly clunking his head against the rotten wood.

“This is so boring! They aren’t doing anything, I say we just jump ‘em now!”

Roy whispered looking expectantly at his teammates.

Garth

Garth glared annoyed, grabbing Speedy’s wrist in a surprisingly strong grip.

“We were given direct orders-”

Speedy

Speedy shoved his flat palm into Garth’s face creating space between them.

“Calm down Fishboy, I’d never go against our wise and fearless mentors’ orders,”

Speedy sneered, ripping his arm from Garth and rubbing his wrist.

#dick grayson #wally west #roy harper #donna troy #garth #teen titans!fab five #writing is hard

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fairnell · 5 years ago

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callout post for tris atelierwriting

there is no callout i love tris @atelierwriting and i hope she has a lovely day filled with academic success and joy- jk this is a callout. and it’s been a long time coming 😤😤😤, i can’t believe i’ve been mutuals w/ them for [insert amount of time sorry i won’t check] and never wrote this, but it’s here now.

intro: context for all of this + an introduction

when i first followed tris* it was under the impression that she was an actual writeblr. a pillar of the writeblr community, one of the original writeblrs, here since 2017. (and i still stand by that, but my definition of what a writeblr pillar is has definitely changed rip**) a writeblr that posted content, a regular to large amount of it, and engaged with their audience/followers about the things that they were writing.

first body paragraph of your english essay that’s due in 24 hours <3

a common phenomenon associated with tris atelierwriting is the fact that everyone around her, sincerely believes that she’s constantly posting writing and information, and feeding writeblr a steady stream of words that are wip related, to the point where she somehow get’s anon asks with no boundaries whatsoever asking whether she’s concerned about theft of her ideas or not.***

unfortunately everything that i thought i knew and believed turned out to be a lie.

on an unprofessional note: what the fuck anon tris has literally starved her audience to the point where they’ve tricked themselves into thinking that she has more than ten posts in her wip tag i swear to god there are literally ten posts what are you even on about-

anyways, tris if you’re reading this ily and i think you’ve got a great business strategy happening, the ‘starve ur followers of content to the point where they mentally rearrange facts and truth to believe that ur feeding them a lot of content’ is definitely working. more importantly i respect the grind 😤💪 but not enough to not call you out for it rip

tris atelierwriting voice: with the amount of things i have posted about my wip you could definitely write a fic for it

also tris atelierwriting: has literally ten posts in her wip tag****

second body paragraph of your english essay that’s due in 10 hours because you spent 14 hours procrastinating the first body paragraph 😤🔫

i spent several hours conducting an experiment to test my hypothesis. the pie graph shown below (all numbers rounded to 3s.f) shows my conclusions in an easy to understand way.

AIM: SOLVE THE REAL MYSTERY OF THE DROWNED GIRL

HYPOTHESIS: TRIS ATELIERWRITING MAINTAINS THE ILLUSION OF CONSTANTLY POSTING AND BEING A PLETHORA OF ORIGINAL WIP CONTENT BUT IT’S ALL ACTUALLY AN ILLUSION THEY CREATED TO HIDE THE FACT THAT THERE ARE LITERALLY TEN POSTS IN THE DROWNED GIRL’S TAG, AT THE TIME OF WRITING THIS POST

RESULTS: THEY’RE LITERALLY SHOWN ABOVE.

EVIDENCE: DUE TO THE NATURE OF THE HYPOTHESIS THE EVIDENCE IS LIMITED BUT THAT JUST PROVES THE HYPOTHESIS RIGHT WE LIVE IN A CIRCULAR WORLD 😤😤😤😤 AND EVERYTHING JUST FEEDS BACK INTO ONE REPEATING LOOP 🌞🌞🌞🌞 NOTHING IS NEW AND EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER FELT HAS COME BEFORE AND WILL COME AGAIN LONG AFTER YOUR LEAVING 😳😳😳😳😳

COMMENTS: because of the deeply personal nature of this investigation not all of it can be shown 😔 tris atelierwriting has been a beloved mutual for literal(ly over a) year(s) and my findings were deeply unsetlling and shook me greatly emotional words emotional words aggressive mean commentary about the person i’m calling out manifesting the energy of tris’s cryptid posts.

CONCLUSION: i’m literally breaking down angles were not meant to be sighted with thine mortal eyes help me what’s a metaphor tris atelierwriting being an actual writeblr that posts content that’s what

*i’m pretty sure i followed them first as in i have no memory of anything i did before quarantine but my sources say so and my sources are tris atelierwriting herself so @ her not me

**at this point it’s just. u are a writeblr. u talk about all of your interests except for writing. you post about how you want to write. you think about writing. there has been no actual writeblr content in months 😤😳... tiding over ur hungry followers with a graphic every other week 😳😌

***plagarism is bad i will gut you like a fish if you plagarise someone else’s work / write an even longer callout than this for you 🔫🔫🔫🔫

****sources for the tris atelierwriting has only ten posts in her wip tag

#chatter #tris tag #this is how your justice ends tris 😳

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missjanjie · 5 years ago

Note

Prompt for Jan/Jackie - A is new in town and looking to join an improv troupe - B is the over excited troupe leader..... you decide who is who :) Love your writing!!

fun fact i almost accidentally deleted my entire inbox as i went to post this

——

Jan was excited, he’d transferred from college in Boston to Manhattan when he was offered a prestigious spot that he just couldn’t turn down. It was nerve-wracking to start his junior year in a new city, but at the same time, it was the city.

Staying with Alexis also made the move easier. That was his mentor, his best friend, he wouldn’t trust anyone else as much to get him acclimated to his new situation.

But after a week, Alexis was starting to get concerned. He knew Jan to be so lively and outgoing, but he just didn’t seem to be making any friends or properly fitting in. “Why don’t you try an extracurricular? Oh! You could join an improv club.”

Jan tilted his head. “Do you know of any?” He asked with sincere curiosity, it didn’t sound like a bad idea.

After a beat, he snapped his fingers and perked up. “I do! An old friend from college runs one. Says they’re always looking for people from the local schools. Here,” he texted him the info and a picture. “That’s me and him, just show him that and he’ll know,” he chuckled.

“He’s cute,” he observed, pinching the screen to zoom in.

“Don’t you dare.”

“159, 161…” Jan looked from the buildings to his phone, then back up. “Ah, here we go, 163,” he pushed his phone into his pocket and let himself in.

A few other people around his age were trickling in as well. When he looked around, he’d say there were about fifteen people total, taking up just the right amount of space in what he could only assume was otherwise used for community theatre productions.

Jackie sat with his feet hanging over the ledge of the stage. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he read over a page of scribbled notes, only looking up when his friend sat beside him.

“Looks like we got some new recruits today,” Brita observed, tapping his shoulder to get him to look up.

And when Jackie looked up, the first person he spotted was Jan. His bright smile and warm eyes instantly drew his attention.

“You are skating on thin ice, mama.”

“I didn’t say anything!” He shoved him lightly.

Brita clicked his tongue as he got up. “Your eyes said it all,” and as he was walking away, Jan was approaching.

“Hi,” he greeted as he got his phone out. “I’m Charlie, my friend actually recommended your group, says you guys went to school together,” he explained as he showed him the picture.

His eyes went to the photo as he chuckled. “Oh of course. Well, I’m very happy to have you here.”

Jan beamed brightly, running his hand through his hair. “I’m happy to be here,” he replied before going to take a seat with everyone else.

The beginning of the class went as smooth as always, and they flowed right into their first activity with Jackie taking the lead. “So, this is just a little intro warm-up we like to do,” he said as he got everyone standing in a circle. “When you get the ball, just say your name, where you’re from, and a fun fact about you,” and unsurprisingly, he tossed the ball to Jan first.

He caught the ball with one hand, those around him seemed impressed by his reflexes, and he tossed the ball back and forth between his hands as he spoke. “My name is Charlie, I’m from New Jersey, and a fun fact, Hmm…”

“Just tell him if you’re single,” Brita, who was standing a couple people over, chimed in with a hearty laugh.

“Oh, uh, well, I am,” Jan answered, as flustered as he suddenly was, and haphazardly tossed the ball to someone else.

Jackie glared at his friend, mouthing ‘I’ll kill you’.

Other than that, the class seemed to go off without a hitch, even though Jackie and Jan would stutter or trip up their words when they got too close.

“Are you gonna ask him out?” Brita asked once everyone was starting to pack up for the day.

“Oh my god, enough,” Jackie exhaled deeply. “It wouldn’t be appropriate if he’s staying in the group. Besides, that’s who Alex is taking care of, it’s gotta cross some sort of boundary.”

His friend rolled his eyes. “He’s twenty, not fifteen, relax,” and with that he ducked right back out of the way when he saw Jan approached out of the corner of his eye.

“Hey,” Jan smiled and sat beside Jackie on the stage. “This was really fun, it’s the same time every Friday, right?”

“Yeah, I hope I’ll be seeing you at the rest of them.”

Jan smiled. “You will,” he said as he started to get up, then turned back to him. “Are you busy after this? Do you… I dunno, wanna grab something to eat?”

Jackie could feel Brita’s eyes staring him down from the other side of the stage, and he had to actively tune it out. “Yeah, that’d be great. You sure Alex won’t mind?”

“He probably will,” he shrugged, taking his hand to help him up and lingering closer than he needed to. “But we don’t have to worry about that yet.”

#idk what this is im sorry lol #chjan #chjackie #shjankie

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neversidekick-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Flamethrower’s Alleged Harassment

What’s going on?

deadcatwithaflamethrower has suggested she is the victim of a targeted campaign of harassment, and along the way she’s used some antisemitic dogwhistles, which would be problematic on its own, but is especially insidious IMO given the topic of the alleged harassment.

I am positive that I am one of the people she says harassed her, though I maintain I did no such thing.

I’m going to attempt to provide the fullest accounting of these events possible, with the caveat that I simply don’t have copies of a few key pieces of evidence.

If you’re going to follow along, I ask you read all the screenshots and quotations carefully, because the details do matter if you want a complete picture.

The first two sections are background info for those unaware of a few relevant facts. The issue of alleged harassment follows.

Jewish Snape

Flamethrower has written a long, serial HP fic called Of a Linear Circle. In it, Severus Snape is portrayed as Jewish. While his Jewishness is touched upon in multiple chapters across multiple parts of the series, this is how it is introduced:

“I didn’t know you were Jewish.”

Severus rolls his eyes and taps the bridge of his nose. “It isn’t obvious?”

Nizar gives him a baffled look. “What does your nose have to do with it?”

“It’s a…stereotype.” Severus grimaces at Nizar’s continued look of confusion, but he still meets older adults who’ve never heard the word used that way. “Racism.”

“Oh. Idiots,” Nizar mutters. “Besides, if you wanted to see some truly horrific examples of nasal protuberances, you’d find yourself a Viking who’d had their nose broken four or five times.”

I applaud including Jewish characters in fic, even in the case where they are not Jewish in canon. Positive portrayals of Jewish characters should be encouraged throughout fandom.

Picking Snape to be the character from Harry Potter to reframe as Jewish is a complicated choice, because of the vile and enduring antisemitic stereotype relating to Jewish people having large, ugly noses.

Consider the following quote spoken by the Marauder’s Map in POA:

Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.

Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.

Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.

Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.

Leaning into a stereotype is a difficult choice. It’s not bad, but it should be handled with some thought. IMO you either need to ignore the canon association with Snape’s nose, or you need to deliberately deconstruct it.

Flamethrower did neither. This by itself I would not say is antisemitic, merely clumsy. She went to great efforts to portray Snape’s Jewishness positively, and I honestly applaud that.

But I know I’m not the only person who encountered it and was uncomfortable with the antisemitic stereotype being on display so clumsily. Not that I thought it meant flamethrower or her fic were antisemitic, just that this particular use of a stereotype was uncomfortable.

A Thread about Hebrew

Of a Linear Circle is heavily concerned with linguistics. It features discussions of many languages, including Hebrew. One of those discussions contains an error, a faulty transliteration. This is a minor mistake, and in a fic with so many linguistic discussions, some mistakes would happen for even a true polyglot.

The problem is that when a Jewish fan commented with a polite suggestion of a fix to the error, flamethrower proceeded to Goysplain both Hebrew and the Shoah to her.

It’s not a good look. It’s arrogant and condescending. By itself, though, it’s not antisemitic, just an author being a little too defensive and overbearing. But it’s there, and more than a few Jewish fans noticed it because flamethrower has promoted the fact that Snape is Jewish in this fic.

Where the Harassment Supposedly Begins

At some point, a Jewish fan (who implicitly identifies herself as such later), leaves a comment on the chapter of flamethrower’s fic with the potentially upsetting antisemitic nose stereotype.

The request is for a tag or warning of some kind for the comment, just so it doesn’t take readers by surprise. Perhaps requesting the fic as a whole be tagged with “antisemitism” is a step too far and would seem bizarre, but the gist of the comment is a request for a content warning. Flamethrower could have sorted out a note or a less inflammatory tag if she cared to do so, but she never replied to this comment.

The fact that she didn’t reply to this comment doesn’t matter really. She gets a lot of fic comments, so the idea she missed one or didn’t feel like replying isn’t the issue.

But this comment was left on August 10, and when it received no response for a week, I believe the same fan sent flamethrower an ask on the same topic, which is where the saga of supposed harassment begins.

The Ask

The text of the ask was as follows:

HI! I LEFT YOU A COMMENT RECENTLY ON YOUR FIC OF A LINEAR CIRCLE, BUT I CAN SEE YOU WERE VERY BUSY AND PROBABLY DIDN'T SEE IT. I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME ASKING, BUT WOULD YOU MIND TAGGING IT FOR THE ANTISEMITIC HUMOR IN IT? I KNOW IT WAS MEANT IN GOOD FAITH AND YOU HAD A JEWISH FRIEND CONSULT, BUT NOT ALL JEWS ARE COMFORTABLE WITH JOKING ABOUT STEROTYPES, AND FOR THOSE OF US THAT AREN'T, A LITTLE WARNING WOULD BE VERY KIND. THANK YOU!— queried by heatherly84

I consider this fairly innocuous and polite. As I said above, perhaps the reasonable outcome wasn’t the exact tag suggested, or even a tag at all--maybe a note in the intro notes of the chapter warning for it would have sufficed.

But this is how flamethrower responded:

So, because you had a single moment of twinge due to a child character’s self-consciousness regarding their appearance and their religion as they struggle to come to terms with stereotypes they face every day…you want me to add a tag to my fic that will see it immediately black-listed as anti-semitic even though it’s absolutely nothing of the sort.

No. No, I will not.

I am not here to gatekeep your internet experience. If that moment made you uncomfortable, you should a) think about what the character was going through instead of expecting it to be the author being a dick, and b) click your back button.

EDIT: No, wait. I’m not done.

What really gets me here is that you are asking me to tag a scene as anti-Semitic when this underconfident Jewish-born child, already dealing with horrible stereotyping, is promptly reassured by an Adult that there is nothing wrong with his faith or his appearance, and said child shouldn’t put stock into the people doing the stereotyping.

You want me to tag something as Bad that is meant to be enouragement for anyone in that position, a common theme in YA lit.

Are you sure it’s the perceived anti-Semitism that’s the problem, or is it something else entirely?

I saw the ask and flamethrower’s response shortly after it was posted on her tumblr. To say I found the response troubling is an understatement.

Flamethrower condescends to a fan asking, not for any substantive change or edit to the fic, but to a mere content warning.

Flamethrower presumes to tell someone how they must feel about the handling of antisemitic stereotypes in a fic, which would be bullshit even if she didn’t handle this particular antisemitic stereotype so clumsily.

Flamethrower accuses the fan of some secret and malicious motive because she, the author, is overly defensive.

Particularly considering the topic of antisemitism, I found the response wanting, so I decided I should say something.

The Submission

In an attempt to convey to Flamethrower that the concerns about the antisemitic stereotyping of Snape’s nose wasn’t the concern of a single fan, and to try to open a dialogue and point out some other missteps I felt she had made in the general region of Jewish representation in fandom and antisemitism, I decided to send her a submission.

I am an ancient member of fandom from the days of usenet and livejournal, and to be honest I just never got tumblr, so I had to create an account solely for this purpose. I’m sure that makes me sound like a bizarre dinosaur, but it’s the truth. And I created this account and wrote up a submission to flamethrower and sent it in.

Admittedly, my tone was a little sharp in a few places due to very genuine frustration, but as I tried to make clear, I was trying to appeal to her to do better, not simply condemn, and definitely not harass.

The following is the full and exact text of my submission to flamethrower:

I feel that you're being deeply disingenuous. You introduced Snape being a Jew in your fic with the following lines:

“I didn’t know you were Jewish.”

Severus rolls his eyes and taps the bridge of his nose. “It isn’t obvious?”

And a Jewish person rather politely asked you to mark it as referencing antisemitic stereotypes, because holy fuck you made a character whose nose is remarkably large in canon Jewish and leaned into that in. Sure, you followed it with a joke about Viking noses, but that's not the deconstruction you seem to think it is. It's just a handwave that accomplishes nothing.

That, by itself, I could maybe give a pass, but then there's this comment thread: https://archiveofourown.org/comments/113294382 Someone tells you they're Jewish and gives you a bit of helpful advice about a bit of Hebrew linguistics that you have absolutely and totally wrong; it's not something, as you suggest in your replies, that varies with regions. It's universally understood, but you talk over the person whose cultural language you're using as if you know better.

But the part that really crosses the line is that you say the following in your scramble to throw shit against the wall to insist you could be right:

Then there are the parlances common to specific groups that are just fucking GONE because of the Holocaust, and we don't have any way now to know how they might have said certain words.

You Goysplain the Shoah to a Jew.

If you actually care as deeply about positive representations of Jewish characters in fandom as you say you do, maybe listening to actual critiques from actual Jews should be a thing you do, instead of reacting defensively and shutting them down.

Also, please never refer to a person as "Jewish sidekick" again, as you did in that thread. Unpacking the baggage there would take a separate submission. I'm taking the time to write this out, perhaps foolishly, because I hope you're sincere about caring and will actually listen. Shutting down the voices of Jewish people is not a part of portraying Jewishness positively in fandom. I hope you can see that and will listen and do better.

She posted and responded to this. I don’t have a screenshot of her response, nor do I have the full text because of how quickly she deleted it, but I do have a partial quote of her response:

However, you did accuse a Jewish woman by proxy of Goysplaining, which I find incredibly insulting on my best friend’s behalf. (She wants her name left out of it for anxiety reasons, and given how this is probably going to turn into a huffing and puffing Drag Down The Evil Witch Goyim thing, I don’t blame her.)

This bit of rhetorical gymnastics on her part served an interesting and infuriating purpose. I objected to her refusing to listen to actual Jewish fans trying to tell her things on multiple occasions, and I also criticized her use of the “I can’t have done anything wrong, my best friend is Jewish,” defense. Here she doubled down on that defense, essentially saying the person she has referred to on multiple occasions as her “Jewish Sidekick” insulates her from all possible problematic statements re: Jewishness.

The rest of her response was equally inane, but as I can’t quote it directly in her own words, I can’t justify saying more about it.

A Second, Unpublished Ask

As I mentioned above, I’ve never really used Tumblr. The difference between submitting posts and submitting asks confused me. I knew the original request for a content warning tag was an ask and that I’d done a post. I was afraid I should have sent an ask instead.

I was also rereading her response to heatherly84, and I was annoyed that she didn’t get why the joke about Snape’s nose wasn’t okay.

So I sent in an ask before my submission was posted and responded to.

I don’t have the text of my ask, but I give flamethrower permission to post it in full if she chooses. I recall saying two things:

1) In the form of a question, I tried to walk her through understanding why the joke about Snape’s nose could still read as antisemitic.

2) I acknowledged I’d sent the submission, and said I would prefer she respond to it, since it was more detailed.

Perhaps I committed some terrible tumblr faux pas in submitting a post and an ask on the same topic closely together and that constitutes harassment.

I suspect the former is true but the latter is not.

Flamethrower Deletes Posts and Claims Harassment

In a matter of minutes after flamethrower posts my submission and her response, she deletes it. A new post goes up.

I have to assume the combination of two asks and a submission is what she is saying is harassment. You’ve seen the text of one ask and one post, so hopefully you’ll agree one ask was very polite and the post was slightly terse but A) not harassment, B) not an ad hominem attack, C) and a list of reasons why she was wrong to do certain things, not a list of reasons why she as a person was awful. I maintain the unpublished ask is in the same vein, and she is free to publish it in full if she chooses.

Then she begins posting more, and her claims about what she was sent escalate.

Here we have what is called a dogwhistle: she’s not saying evil Jews are conspiring against her to make her look bad. However, in response to criticisms of potentially antisemitic behavior, she falls back on the trope of “devious” Jews in a malicious conspiracy. This is problematic, and I will say flat out it is antisemitic.

She also misrepresents what was going on: Jewish fans asking her to listen to them without being condescending. Jewish fans asking for a single content warning.

I believe at this point I sent either another ask or submission, with the gist being, “If you’re going to post about things I submitted to your tumblr and characterize them a certain way, I would appreciate it if you reposted them so viewers could judge for themselves whether what you’re saying is accurate.”

Continuing to engage was a mistake, clearly.

Her vague posting with the context hidden continued.

And she ends by going full non-sequitur.

She never raised not wanting to attract white supremacists and Nazis as a reason to avoid a warning tag.

She condescended and attacked and told a Jewish fan her reactions were invalid.

If flamethrower cared about Jewish representation in fandom, opposing antisemitism, and Jewish fans, she could have compromised with some sort of warning in some fashion.

Even if she were absolutely opposed to a warning of any kind, she could have not condescended and invalidated the experiences of Jewish fans trying to speak with her.

Even if she couldn’t do that, she could have avoided deleting all context and then going on a posting spree that suggests an evil Jewish conspiracy is harassing her.

The only conclusions I can draw from all of this are as follows:

1) Engaging with flamethrower as a person who cares about Jewish fans is a mistake, because she cares more about presenting herself as an authority on Jewish experiences to non-Jewish fans than she does to listening to any critique, no matter how minor or polite, from a Jewish fan.

2) Flamethrower is happy to oppose antisemitism in the shallowest possible way to pat herself on the back and seek congratulations from others, but the second she’s in conflict with actual Jewish people, she resorts to vague and just barely deniable antisemitism herself.

3) Flamethrower is unable to accept anything she perceives as criticism, no matter how kindly it’s presented, because she’s too invested in presenting herself as the absolute expert on every topic she has passingly researched for a fic. Her defensiveness over a trivial topic is merely odd, but on more serious topics, it becomes problematic.

4) No one has harassed flamethrower, and nothing she is construing as harassment is part of a “setup” or conspiracy.

5) I probably don’t know how to use Tumblr properly.

Edited to Add: What I Think Is a Lie

I have been refreshing flamethrower’s tumblr nearly non-stop since this began, as have several people I know. Unless the offer of a different tag occurred in a private message, I am confident in saying it is a lie, particularly given her instant negative reaction to the very idea as shown above. If screencaps are provided, I will of course retract this and apologize.

#deadcatwithaflamethrower #antisemitism #ofalinearcircle #flamethrower #deadcat

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hopeymchope · 6 years ago

Note

Unpopular opinion: I really don’t like Kokichi I get that he’s complex and he did so much in the endgame and objectively, he’s a great well written character, but he rubbed me all the wrong ways for way to long that it was kinda too late to redeem him for me.

I had to save this one a bit so I could really go into it, because I strongly agree with your distaste for Kokichi. He rubbed me the wrong way too - so many times and in so many ways, he’s there acting wantonly cruel and hateful to everyone. He’s introduced with a scene where he’s treating Kiibo as a sub-human, upsetting Kiibo greatly on the exact topic he already can tell Kiibo is most senstivie about - that’s literally his INTRO SCENE, and that says a LOT about the kind of shitheel Kokichi enjoys being.

However, as for whether he’s a great and well-written character... I dunno. I both agree and disagree.

I’ve written before about how I hate him (check me out - directly linking to a post that has gotten me hate messages, death threats and active trolls before! Gosh I’m such a rebel but seriously please don’t send me death threats I’m unstable enough as it is). Honestly, I feel very vindicated by the fact that last week saw someone else on Tumblr saying “Man, I fell in love with fandom Kokichi, but now that I’m playing the game myself, canon Kokichi is murdering that love.” That is funny as hell and it says SO MUCH

But my disagreement is that... well, is he a well-written character? I mean... he’s... inconsistent, that’s for sure. There are elements of his writing that I just don’t find very believable.

Sometimes he is. Sometimes he’s great. He’s incredibly good at pushing the buttons of the characters to make them disgusted with him. His manipulations are well-handled. He make a very powerful antagonist - I’d argue he’s a greater “enemy” to the cast than the main “mastermind” of V3. (The real mastermind of V3 isn’t really an individual, I’d argue.) He instills real rage in me with how he knows exactly how to find what our sympathetic cast members are sensitive about and then use it to tear them down and make them feel like shit.

Hell, I guess that means he’s exactly what John Mulaney says about teenage boys. (“Check out that high-waisted man; he got feminine hips!”)

However, his ability to always, ALWAYS know exactly what happened in any case from the moment a trial begins, and (even moreso) his ability to always be a 100% foolproof lie detector no matter how straight-faced the lie is delivered? Those are basically bullshit. They make him seem like magic. Even when a case is absurdly convoluted or someone says a lie in a completely believable way, Magical Ouma can see through all, proving a better detective than anyone in the cast (and then use the fact that he sees through all to... dick with everybody for no reason). These powers of his are just annoying plot device that aren’t justified for me in any believable way.

But I guess that’s limited to trial-writing. Because outside of the trials, I’m not sure if those same things still apply? For example: When Kaede suggests that maybe Monokuma ISN’T dead in the first chapter, he is immediately suspicious and accuses her of wanting the killing game to happen.

There are two possibilities at that moment:

He legitimately is unable to see that Kaede is sincere in her concern and thinks she’s lying, making his “flawless lie detection” skill not function properly outside of trials for some unknown reason.

He knows she’s sincere but just wants to hurt her and discredit her and make her feel shitty because he’s an asshole.

Both are equally plausible for the character, sadly. (It’s also worth noting that this is one of many moments where no one has died so there’s no way he’s already formulated his elaborate ‘end the killing game’ plan, but he’s still acting like a Grade-A dick in spite of that.)

He is, ultimately, a super-effective troll who reaps exactly what he sews. His entire gambit to end the killing game by taking on the blame and hiding his true intentions doesn’t work in the end, but it DOES result in multiple deaths because so many people hate him and want him dead as a result of his own actions. So when you consider that the game (and the series) celebrates cooperation and trust as the only true route to success, he’s thematically screwed and going to never be more than a thorn in the side of the cast; I’d argue he’s more effectively damaging than either Komaeda or Togami were in their games. Someone so accepting and embracing of distrust that he’d try to hurt as many people as possible so he can put up a front and end the game all on his own? He was kinda doomed from the get-go.

I think you’re completely justified in finding his distasteful. Canon Kokichi is a deeply toxic person to be around, unfortunately. Fanon Kokichi, on the other hand, is just kind of a fun-loving goof who lies in the silliest of ways?

Maaaaybe this is an attempt to imagine what he’d be like outside of the stress of being trapped with his students like in V3. On the other hand, I’d also ssume a huge chunk of the fandom never experienced the game firsthand without a filter, opting instead to experience it through someone else’s playthrough that contained an amateur translation as that person went along. And as I’ve seen time and time again, watching a DR playthrough that’s still in japanese wildly affects how people see the characters and events of these games, because that person doing the amateur on-the-fly translation is absolutely going to serve as a warping lens that distorts the events and characters through their own interpretation and because of unfiltered cultural divides.

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tobashiarg-blog-archive · 6 years ago

Text

Turns Out Being a Super Hero Is Actually Really Gay! - Chapter 7

*nervously sweating* Heeeey guys, it’s been a while huh? I’ve been busy with a lot of shit and my mental health has not been the best for my motivation. But I’m kind of sorta back on that grind and am going to try my best! So like I have a Ko-fi now so can go support me there if you’d like or if you’re interested I’m Open for Commissions! Once more I would like to thank the wonderful @sugarglider9603 and @ask-spiderverse-virgil for their endless inspiration, you two are the best! ENJOY!!!

Logan’s Suit

Patton’s Suit

Roman’s Suit

Virgil’s Suit 1 Virgil’s Suit 2

(TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of anxiety and anxiety attacks, nothing bad happens though I swear!)

Master Post

Beginning

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

“It’s true!” Roman huffed.

“No, it isn’t!” Logan groaned, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

It was training time again and the boys plus Thomas had gathered on the roof of their usual abandon building to stretch out. They have been training for about two and a half weeks now and Thomas had to admit they were learning pretty fast, a few tweaks and bumps but nothing they wouldn’t be able to catch up on. The boys were all a very smart and hard-working bunch, they complained sometimes like most teenagers do especially if Thomas punished them by making them do extra laps or push ups or something, but they did them anyways and then some. Sometimes they got a bit rowdy but they always knew how to settle down when things got serious. Of course, they still bickered a lot with each other (mainly Roman vs Logan and Virgil) but most of the times it wasn’t anything serious, like today’s topic.

“Yes, it is!” Roman said as they continued doing jumping jacks “Almost every queer person like or know the same songs!”

“Look, obviously if the song is popular most people are going to know it,” Logan scoffed “but you’re not accounting for different taste in music. It’s stereotypical to put us all under the same metaphorical umbrella because the majority know the same trashy pop song.”

“Okay, one: pop is not trashy…most pop is not trashy,” Roman stated “and two: I’m not grouping everyone into the same category, I know people have different opinions, Einstein. I’m just saying that isn’t it kind of funny that when a particular song starts to play almost every gay in a hundred foot radius will turn around and be like: Oh my god, I know that song!”

“A lot of non-queer people do that too,” Logan argued as he bent down to touch his toes “they might like that certain song as well, it isn’t exclusively for a single community.”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying,” Roman groaned, stretching out his arms “it’s like…you play a certain song, right, and you attract certain people. The Beatles are either gunna get you those classic rockers or people raised in that era, same thing with Elvis or Selena. Play an intro to an anime and you’ll attract a lot of otakus or a song from My Fair Lady, more then likely gunna get a lot of musical geeks.”

“Is there a point to this?” Logan asked, brow arched and arms crossed.

“Hold it, Nerdlock, I’m getting to that,” Roman quipped, stretching upwards “all I’m saying is if you’re lost queer youth walking the streets of New York in a shady part of town and hear Cher’s Do You Believe In Life After Love coming from one direction and I Walk The Line by Johnny Cash coming from the other, you’re gunna more then likely follow Cher. And it may not be because you particularly like her but it’s the least likely possibility that it’ll lead you to a country sports bar full of conservative, homophobic, Trump supporters. And it’s not to say that Johnny Cash is a beloved icon among conservative, homophobic, Trump supporters but unfortunately that’s usually the crowed you attract with that type of music.”

Logan paused for a moment, frowning deeply, “But not all conservative, homophobes, Trump supporters like country music.”

“Oh my god, that’s not what I’m saying!” Roman groaned, rubbing his hands over his face.

Virgil snickered from behind them, “Forget it Princey, Logan isn’t really all that into music OR social media so most of this stuff is just gunna go over his head.”

“It just doesn’t make sense why most believe that certain groups of people like a certain genre of music,” Logan explained honestly “music is supposed to be a widespread thing that all kinds of people can listen to and enjoy.”

“Well, it’s good that you think that way Lo, music really is something that should be appreciated by all kinds of people,” Patton smiled sweetly “unfortunately not everybody thinks that way and our society has placed stereotypes on to certain types of music.”

“If we’re done questioning the morals of society and it’s god awful social norms we should continue on with our training,” Thomas pipped up, having been amused with the conversation but they really needed to get started “we’re stamina building today.”

A collective of loud groans and Virgil pipped up as their voice, “Of course, it’s fucking stamina day.”

Thomas chuckled, pulling down his mask and jumping towards the next building, “Five laps!”

---

“It seems like so long as the material makes contact with your skin it’ll turn invisible too,” Joan said, fascinated as he looked over the schematic on the computer “I wonder if it’ll work on a larger scale?”

“Let’s try baby steps first please,” Virgil murmured, nervously fidgeting on the stool he was once again sitting on with suction cup wires on his head and neck “I don’t even know how I turned myself invisible let alone other things.”

“Right, right, sorry, I’m getting a head of myself,” Joan apologized as they turned to Talyn “Any readings that may help us determine what triggers Virgil’s invisibility?”

“Hmm, so far all I’ve got is spikes of adrenalin,” Talyn informed them “which makes sense, if coming from a spider DNA then these powers would most likely be used as a defense mechanism when put in danger. Though it be useful to know if the invisibility could be triggered when not in destress or if Virgil could falsely trigger it.”

“Well, I’m always in high destress so that’s no problem.” Virgil chuckled nervously, feet swinging back and forth.

“Wait, that’s right!” Talyn exclaimed in sudden realization, though what it was Virgil didn’t know “You have anxiety right?”

Virgil corked an eyebrow, curling a bit into himself, “Yeah…why?”

Talyn stepped back a moment before continuing with a much calmer approach, “Sorry, got excited, it’s just that Thomas has anxiety too and it sometimes has a lot of effect on his powers. Over the years he’s been able to over come it and get a lot better as well as being able to use it to help him with his powers.”

“I don’t follow?” Virgil said honestly.

“When climbing walls,” Joan butted in “you have to tense your muscles a bit to help trigger the hair follicles that help you stick to things, right?”

Virgil nodded and Joan continued, “Tensing is a form of physical stress, usually the body does it when it feels stressed or in danger. But you and the others to it willingly…most times, at controlled points on your body.”

“I still don’t follow.” Virgil sighed, starting to feel very stupid right now.

“Your invisibility is triggered by a spike in adrenalin,” Talyn explained “which is due to stress, caused by being in danger. If you can artificially conger up that feeling of stress, of being in danger, you can trick your brain into that spike and maybe turn invisible.”

“But what if I can’t?” Virgil asked meekly “What if I…”

“What if you what?” Joan urged on “If you’re concerned about something please tell us Virgil, we don’t want to accidently hurt you.”

Virgil fiddled with the sleeves of his hoodie, “What if I…accidently…stupidly…trigger myself to have an anxiety attack?”

“Don’t worry,” Talyn assured him, a soothing hand on Virgil’s shoulder “that’s another thing we’ll be working on as well. We’re gunna need to know your limits and what you’re comfortable with so that we can help you. But for now, me and Joan have created a temporary aid to help better control your invisibility powers.”

Joan had left to rummage through one of the work benches and came back with a metal case, carefully opening it and turning it towards Virgil. Inside siding atop spongy black foam was a Rainbow Weaver mask but this one was white with purple accents around the eyes. Talyn had been maneuvering around Virgil and removing the suction cup wires before gesturing towards the mask in the case. “Try it on.”

Virgil hesitantly reached forward, gently cradling the mask in his hands because this was most likely more then a mask and worth more then his life. He didn’t want to risk braking it and ruining all of Joan and Talyn hard work. He peeked through the opening and saw that it was just fabric, plus the lenses for the eyes. Virgil corked a suspicious eyebrow but didn’t say a word as he pushed back his hair and carefully slipped on the mask.

“How is it?” Joan asked.

Virgil shrugged, “Fine, I guess. Am I supposed to see something?”

“Not yet,” Joan replied, grabbing a nearby tablet “I have to activate it first.”

Virgil tilted his head in a very Patton like fashion, “Activate?”

Talyn nodded, “Thomas’s mask has a lot of features: telecommunication, police scanners, heat vision, night vision, and a lot of other things. You’re and the others will essentially be the same, give or take a few unique features.”

“Like helping with my invisibility?” Virgil asked dumbly, because of course he would.

“Precisely,” Joan said “what we’ve done is added a sort of mini electromagnetic pulse wave scanner to your mask. It’ll activate the exact brainwaves needed to trigger your invisibility just like we’ve been doing here with the computer but portable. Which you can activate at anytime with this button here.”

Joan carefully took Virgil’s hand, making sure it was always in Virgil’s line of sight, and guided it up towards the side of his mask. There Virgil felt tiny divots against his mask which he had not felt while holding it or while putting it on. Joan lead his finger towards a certain divot and stepped back, gesturing for Virgil to press down on it. Virgil took a breath, preparing himself for what was about to happen, closing his eyes shut and pressing the button. He didn’t really feel anything happen but by the excited noises Joan and Talyn were making he guessed that it worked and that was enough for Virgil to crack open his eyes just a bit.

“This is great!” Talyn cheered, a wide smile displayed across their face “How do you feel Virgil?”

“Uh, okay, I guess,” Virgil replied distantly, looking down at his hands and seeing nothing “kind of sort of freaking out a bit to be completely honest.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Joan said gently “you can turn it off if you want to, we just wanted to see if it worked.”

Virgil didn’t need to be told twice, hands trembling just a bit, he quickly found the button and deactivated his invisibility. He sighed out a long breath of relief, hands on his knees as he lowered down his head between them. It was still very, very disorienting not being able to see yourself and essentially not existing in the visible eyes of others. It was all very existential and Virgil really didn’t want to think about it all too long.

He felt a gentle hand rub against his back and Virgil looked up to see the smiling face of Joan and Talyn, peeking out from behind their shoulder. “You okay?”

Virgil smiled thankfully though they probably couldn’t see it through the mask so he nodded instead, “Yeah, I’m good. Just got a bit freak out is all.”

“It’s all fine,” Joan assured “you can always duck out when you need to.”

There was a pause and awkward staring, as if waiting for something.

Then Virgil giggled, “I was half waiting for Patton to say: quack-quack.”

Joan and Talyn nodded, laughing along, “Same.”

“Anyways,” Talyn continued, a fond smile still on their face “now that we’ve brought up the mask, we should tell you that the rest of your costume is almost complete…kind of.”

“Kind of?” Virgil asked, taking off the mask and ruffling his hair back to maximum messy floofness.

Joan clicked away at his computer and brought up a hyper real 3D replica of a plain white full body suit with minimal purple spiderweb accents. “We have the concept of how the interior design will be, mask software as well as heating and cooling for the body. But we don’t really have a design for the exterior. We thought it be too plain to give it to you like this so why not change it up to fit your taste. Within reason of course.”

Talyn handed Virgil a tablet with a stylist pen and gestured towards the screen, “Add whatever you want.”

Virgil chewed at the inside of his lip, looking down at the tablet then back up towards Joan and Talyn before meekly asking, “Can…can I add a hoodie?”

---

Thomas had let the group to a nearby abandon construction sight where they were quickly weaving in and out through open walls, vents, and cement tubes. The whole thing was basically a giant jungle gym, great for working on dexterity and quick reflexes. They were basically playing follow the leader, if Thomas was being honest, he maneuvered around objects in a certain way and the boys would mimic his movements as they tried to keep up.

Currently they were taking a breather and leisurely walking across large metal beams and swinging across dangling hooks. It was quiet and kind of peace, then Roman started singing, “Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want!”

“So, tell me what you want, what you really, really want!” The group replied without missing a beat.

Roman laughed triumphantly, poking at Logan’s shoulder, “See, see!”

Logan huffed, crossing his arms in annoyance, “That doesn’t prove anything!”

Roman slightly lifted his bootleg Rainbow Weaver mask to stick out his tongue, “Party pooper.”

---

“Think of your empathetic powers as a metaphorical muscle,” Talyn explained “it’s something that should be worked on and trained so that it can get stronger.”

“How do I do that?” Patton asked curiously “I thought it was just like I touch someone and feel whatever their feeling?”

“It’s a lot more then that,” Joan said thoughtfully as he rapidly typed away at his computer “without think about it you can just barely touch the surface of someone’s emotional state. Of course, if this person’s emotional state is heightened, be it negative or positive, it’s much easier to read. But you really concentrate and focus you’ll be able to get a deeper, more complex reading.”

“Hmm, I never thought of it like that,” Patton said “but how will I be able to practice if I have to constantly be in contact with someone? Won’t that be a little suspicious and weird?”

“Try doing an air scan.” Talyn suggested.

Patton tilted his head in confusion, “What’s that?”

“You’re an empathetic person by nature, even before the bite,” Talyn said “how were you able to tell how people felt before?”

Patton shrugged, “I didn’t really, it’s just…people sometimes have this air about them. I mean, sure there’s facial features and body language but sometimes people are good at hiding those so you have to be extra aware of them. Like you enter a room and you can feel the air tense up or feel relaxed and airy. Kind of like an aura…geez, I kind of sound like a hippy.”

“No, no, you’re right,” Joan reassured “people do have auras, just like all of you do. I’m sure you’ve noticed the waves of colors surrounding each of you. That is your aura and spider sense which you all can see because you’re on the same frequency. Everyone else is sort of invisible but you can still feel it, in a sense.”

Patton hummed thoughtfully, “I guess…can I ask you two a question?”

They both nodded, Talyn seeming particularly curious, “What’s on your mind Patton?”

“Well, I mean…” Patton began bashfully “I don’t really…get my powers.”

“You don’t get your powers?” Joan replied in a confused tone “I’m not sure I follow.”

“Like, I don’t understand why I have them,” Patton corrected before back tracking a little “I mean, I know why I have them, cause I got bit by a mutant creepy, crawly death dealer. But I don’t under why I have this power specifically. It’s kind of…not really spider related.”

Patton had originally planned to say that these powers weren’t very useful for anything hero related. Don’t get him wrong, it’s great to know how people are feeling, he liked knowing when people are having a bad day or feeling sad so that he can help cheer them up. Very useful in dealing with stubborn friends who don’t really know how to let their walls down and talk things out. But other then that it didn’t have very much use in the super hero business.

Admittingly, Patton knew he wasn’t the best here (yet) even if he did try his gosh darnest every day. But Patton knew where his abilities were and none of them were on any use to being a hero; Logan was smart and new a lot of strategy, Roman was brave and great at adapting to new situations, and Virgil stealthy and flexible. Patton was a crybaby, clumsy, naïve, scared of spiders and the dark, was way to sensitive, and honestly not that bright. He could barely keep up with the training that they’re doing plus everyone else had cool and (most importantly) useful powers to help them become heroes. All Patton could do was tell if you were happy or not and really that kind of bummed him out a bit.

Both scientists nodded in understanding, Talyn quickly typing away on their tablet, “It has to do more with your spider sense then anything else. It tells you when you’re in danger but it can also alert you to when others are in danger as well. With you it’s been amplified a bit more and is able to pick up more than just distress.”

“Remember, humans are naturally emotional and empathetic beings,” Joan explained carefully “and god only knows what the hell else Oscorps put into that thing. Being that you’re a very sensitive and empathetic person by nature the spider’s venom latched on to that trait and mutated it because it thought it best for survival.”

“Survival?” Patton asked, very, very confused now.

“Prime animal instincts is to survive,” Talyn filled in “they either adapt to their environment in order or evolve using the traits they have. Animals and insects are very sensitive to emotions since they don’t have any other way of communication other then body language. So, your empathy is actually really natural and could potentially become a great asset in missions.”

“Really?” Patton said excitingly, a fiery determination in his eyes.

Joan smiled at the teen’s enthusiasm, “Absolutely, if you can build up your power strong enough to the point where you don’t have to be in physical contact with someone to sense them, you can essentially use it as a sort of echo location. Great for stealth missions.”

“What can I do to help build it up faster?” Patton asked enthusiastically.

“Take it slow,” Talyn warned “you could really hurt yourself if you push yourself too far. Like I said before: think of your powers like a muscle. You slowly build it up over time so that it can properly and safely carry the weight you want it to. If you dump that weight all in one go you could end up hurting yourself.”

Patton bit his lip ashamed, “Sorry, I, uh, got excited.”

“It’s fine,” Talyn soothed “it’s fine to get excited but you also have to remember that you all are still training. Still new to all of this, so you have to be careful because not only could you hurt yourselves but you could also accidently hurt others around you.”

“We just want to make sure that everybody is safe,” Joan added “there’s no need to rush into things. Take it at your own pace and I can guarantee you that your powers will flourish naturally on their own.”

Patton gave them both a small appreciative smile, their words did make him feel a little better about himself. He found comfort in knowing he’ll be able to contribute to the team even just a little, but even so he’ll work extra hard to be the best hero he can be. “Where should I start?”

“Try to sense the people in the house,” Talyn suggested “take a deep breath, close your eyes, and try to focus on the energy around you. See if you can try and distinguish each person from their aura, though it might be a bit harder to catch on to mine and Joan’s aura since we’re fully human.”

“I’ll bring up the security cameras on screen to see if you’re right or wrong,” Joan said “though knowing their location isn’t the important part, it’s weather you can sense them or not.”

“Alright, let’s try it.” Patton said with a determined nod, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath just like Talyn had said. A few moments passed before Patton peeked open an eye, “I don’t think it’s working.”

“It’s gunna take a minute,” Joan explained “remember you can’t rush into it, take your time and ease yourself into it.”

Patton nodded again, reclosing his eyes and taking a much slower breath, in for four, hold for seven, out for eight. The world became dark and quiet around him but Patton wasn’t scared, he instead focused on the energy curled up inside his chest and let it seep out in every direction. It stretched and curled around the room, not really sure where it was supposed to go, until it finally hit something, two somethings actually. They were a bit fuzzy but Patton was soon able to see a warm, bright orange figure with swirls of soft browns stood a few feet in front of him, along side a neon magenta figure with electric pops of black, neon green and blue.

“I can see you guys!” Patton exclaimed, excitingly wiggling in his chair “You’re so colorful!”

“What else can you see?” Talyn’s voice urged on curiously.

Patton focused a bit more, his energy stretching out and winding up stairs in endless directions until it hit something else. Swirls of dark blues with dots of bright grey that light up like a galaxy of stars, humming like a soothing melody, it was so beautiful. Patton cheeks warmed and a smile appeared across his face, “I think I found Logan, he seems to be in the living room, probably reading. Thomas has a little reading nook by the window that he likes to occupy when he isn’t busy with training or homework.”

He heard a fond chuckle from both of them before Joan asked him to continue, “Can you find the others?”

Reluctantly, Patton pulled himself away from Logan’s aura, his mind still tingling with buzzing warmth as it moved on towards other places. He felt it stop at the kitchen where it bumped into two more figures, one a bright sheen of white with streaks of red and gold, dramatically dancing and singing, the other a dark storm of blacks and purples and white lighting that felt cozy to listen to. Patton giggled, “Roman and Virgil are in the kitchen, more then likely arguing about something or another. Their auras seemed pretty riled up so it’s more likely they’re arguing about Disney again.”

“All that leaves is Thomas,” Joan said “you think you can do it? Or would you rather take a brake now?”

“No, I’m fine,” Patton assured “I think I can find him, let me see…”

He let his energy freely float around the entire first floor but still he could not find Thomas anywhere. After collecting himself a bit Patton twisted himself towards the second flight of stairs up to the second floor. He spread himself out once more looking through every nook and cranny each room and hallway had to offer but still no sign of his mentor. Collecting himself once more Patton decided he should try going further up, weaving through the attic and up to the roof where he was hit with a burst of technicolor.

“Found him,” Patton announced, giggling at the rainbow light show displaying behind his eyelids “he’s like a homing beacon you light up when it gets super foggy. I was wondering why I hadn’t been able to find him sooner, turns out he’s just on the roof. He feels…a little down.”

“It’s like that sometimes,” Talyn sighed sadly “he’ll sometimes go up there to clear his head. Don’t worry, he’ll be fine when he comes down, just needs a bit of space right now. You can open your eyes now, be make sure to ease out of it slowly. The state you’re in is very open and delicate and we don’t want you to get overwhelmed by all your senses.”

Patton nodded, his energy collecting back into himself and slowly slinking his way down, down, down, from the roof, the attic, the second floor, the first floor, down the stairs, and back to the basement. He took another slow breath; in for four, hold for seven, out for eight…and slowly let his senses fully comeback to him. He could feel the world around him move once more, becoming more lively and clear instead of a muffled echo. Carefully and slowly Patton opened his eyes to find Joan and Talyn in the same spots, staring at him curiously.

“Did…did I do good?” Patton asked shyly.

“You did amazing!” Joan smiled, stepping aside to show the computer screen which displayed which displayed different sections of the house through black and white security cameras. Three of them were brought forward for closer inspection and as predicted Logan was in the living room reading by the nook, Roman and Virgil were in the kitchen and looked to be in a very heated debate about something, and Thomas was lounging on the roof, looking off towards the city skyline. “Even better we previously predicted!”

“And that’s because your powers are fairly new and haven’t been practiced on much,” Talyn added proudly “imagine what else you could do with them, even just a little bit of training.”

Patton flushed a deep crimson, shyly coving up his smile with the neck of his shirt, “I mean…I did okay, I guess.”

“Hey,” Joan said softly, placing a firm hand on Patton’s shoulder “give yourself credit where credit is due. You can do this Patton, you’re capable of so much more then you think.”

“Aw geez, thanks you guys.” Patton muttered bashfully, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

“Now, on to more fun business,” Talyn clapped their hands excitedly as they reached for another tablet along with a styles. The computer behind them displayed a 3-D design of a plain white spider suite with pink web accents. “We’ve finished calibrating all the equipment you’ll need fitted for your suit but we decided that each of you will design the exterior. Put in a little bit of yourselves in the costumes you’ll wear, add on anything you want. Within reason of course.”

“Can I not have a spider logo on it?” Patton asked hesitantly “I mean I’m fine with the spiderwebs but not with the spider.”

Joan nodded, “That’s fine, anything else?”

Patton thought for a moment before beginning to doodle over the image on the tablet, “Can I wear a hat?”

---

They moved on to wall climbing now, nothing too fancy, very much like running laps except that they’re climbing up and down the side of a building. First, they climbed forwards, then backwards, then sideways, just to make sure they were proficient in every angle. It was actually really boring but Thomas told them it was something that was necessary so that they can get use to sticking and unsticking to stuff. He told them that just like walking wall climbing should become second nature to them so they’ll have a much better time controlling what they’ll be able to stick to.

Right now, they were learning how to walk up the side of the building without using their hands. It looked much easier than it actually was, your body had to be stiff and tense so that it could hold itself up because gravity wanted to pull the rest of you down. It had the same feeling as if you were climbing up hill with a ton of rocks strapped to your back.

But even with all the moaning and groaning that came with the strain of walking sideways up a building, Roman still had enough energy and focus in him to sing, “I get so emotional, baby!”

“Every time I think of you!” The group sang back, almost instinctively, even as some of them momentarily lost their balance.

Roman snickered while Logan rolled his eyes as he re-centered himself, “It’s a popular song Roman, of course a lot of people are going to know it!”

---

“Let’s try something,” Joan said as they lined up a few glass bottles on a table a few feet across where Roman was sitting, once more attached to suction cup wires. “Your vocal projection powers are very spread out, when activated the sound disperses throughout the entire room. But I want to see if you can train it to focus on one point, that way you can have a little bit more control over it.”

“How would I go about doing that?” Roman asked, absentmindedly tugging on one of the suction cup wires. Talyn gently swatted his hand away and gave him a friendly smile, “Taking a breath first would do you well, you seem a bit nervous.”

“Whaaaat? Me nervous? Never!” Roman scoffed flippantly before meekly ducking his head when both scientists gave him an unconvinced look “Okay…maybe a little.”

“It’s okay be to be uneasy Roman,” Joan said soothingly, walking forward to place a hand on the teen’s shoulder “these are brand new things happening to your body all at once. It’s okay for it to be a little scary, just know that we’re here to help you through it. Which means we need to know when you’re uncomfortable so we know where your limit is. The absolute last thing we want is to unintentionally hurt you.”

Roman bit his bottom lip nervously, eyes down casted as he fidgeted in his chair, “I mean, isn’t the whole point of this plus the training about me being able to go past my limit? Superheroes aren’t meant to have limits or walls and stuff, right?”

“Yeah, no, unfortunately that is a very common misconception,” Joan said with a frown “remember, behind the mask heroes are still people just like everybody else.”

“Plus, weather you like it or not, you’re still a kid,” Talyn added firmly “you’re still growing and learning about things and how to live life. This responsibility you boys have is going to make you grow up so fast it’s not even funny. So, you’re gunna have to be care in everything you do, know your limits and learn when to duck out if needed.”

“It’s absolutely okay not to be perfect at everything,” Joan said gently “you’re still human.”

“Thomas said that people don’t take too kindly when heroes make mistakes,” Roman mumbled nervously “I just…I don’t want to let anybody down. Even if I am young and stupid and reckless, I want to show people that they can count on me and that I’m able to do things without fucking them up.”

“That’s another unfortunate truth to being a superhero,” Joan sighed tiredly, rubbing the back of their neck “though I don’t think Thomas said that to discourage you, more as a warning. He doesn’t want you boys to get hurt, be it physically or emotionally, the public’s words can be…harsh.”

It was quiet for a moment, Roman chewing at the inside of his cheek as he thought over their conversation. He wasn’t an official superhero yet but as time when on and their training progressed Roman, admittingly, was getting a bit nervous. Thomas, Rainbow Weaver, both, were these huge inspirations to the world. One brought joy through entertainment and activism and the other saved lives on the daily, both were idols and had enormous shoes to fill. Though Roman knew he shouldn’t be comparing himself to Thomas since the older man had a lot more years under his belt but it was still difficult. Roman wanted to be a hero that everybody would be proud of, that Thomas would be proud of…that his dad could be proud of.

“Do you think…” Roman took a deep steady breath, calming his racing mind before asking “…do you think everybody will hate me at one point?”

“Probably,” Talyn said with a melancholy smile “like Joan said: public opinion can be very harsh. But so long as you know that you’re doing good that’s all that should really matter. It’ll be difficult but thankfully you boy all have one advantage.”

“What’s that?” Roman asked curiously.

“You have each other,” Joan helpfully provided, a bit of enthusiasm behind their voice “you’re not alone in this, remember that.”

Roman shrugged, a soft smile appearing on his face, “Eh, I guess so.”

“Shall we move on to our experiment?” Talyn asked gently “Or do you need a bit more time?”

“Mmh, I’m good to go if you two are,” Roman hummed thoughtfully “plus, I think I thought of something that might help.”

“By all means, go right ahead.” Joan said, stepping away from the table lined with bottles and standing next to Talyn behind Roman.

Roman stared at the bottles with full concentration, taking a couple of deep breaths before a sharp high-pitched whistle was heard. A gust of wind blew in their faces as the sound traveled right through the center of the table, shattering three bottles. Roman grimaced, “Sorry, I tried to aim for just one but…”

“No, no, this is great!” Talyn exclaimed excitedly, patting his shoulder “We totally forgot that pitch and range have a lot to do vocal precision. Whistling is a much more easier to controlled then vocal range, which is why the last time you used these powers it got a bit out of control. You were dispersing the sound waves all over the place because you sang in a much wider range of sound unlike right now where it was more controlled.”

“Oh, well I was just kind of thinking that whistling was more like…” Roman gestured forward with his hand “…an arrow that could shoot straight ahead while riffing was more…earthquake-y?”

“Yeah, that’s basically what Talyn was saying,” Joan chuckled, ruffling over Roman’s hair “but the fact that you were able to come up with that conclusion on your own is very impressive.”

Roman smiled shyly, a swell of pride bloomed throughout his chest, “Yeah, well, I was mainly just thinking back to my vocal lessons in theater class and how Mr. Bell used to teach us about projection and controlled range.”

“Well, there’s another thing we’ll need to study up on,” Talyn said with a weary smile “maybe Thomas can help us, he did double major with theater.”

“True,” Joan nodded before turning back to Roman “you think you could try hitting the rest of these bottles?”

Roman nodded with confidence, “Absolutely.”

They spent the rest of their time running more test with Roman and how wide of a range his sonic wave could be. It could go from bullet precision to catastrophic earthquake levels of damage. They also tried to figure out what triggered would trigger the power to activate but were unsuccessful in their findings. So they left it dormant once more until Roman could have enough control over it so that he won’t accidently blow out the speakers in the theater or cause a building to collapse while singing in the shower. By the end of it Roman was able to shatter each bottle individuating and was very proud of himself for accomplishing that goal.

“I think we have sufficient data for today,” Talyn said as they reached over to grab another tablet and styles pen “now for the fun part.”

Roman was handed over the items before being gestured to look at the computer screen in front of him which displayed a 3-D model of a white spider suit with red web accents. Roman wiggled in excitement, “Is that my suit?”

“Not quite,” Joan said with an enthusiastic glimmer in his eyes “the internal structure is finished but the outside still needs to be designed. So long as it’s within reason you can add anything you want.”

“Anything I want?” Roman smiled mischievously with a tone that sounded like trouble.

“Within reason.” Joan repeated with a raised eyebrow.

Roman thought a moment before that mischievous smirk returned to his face, “Boots?”

“Sure, why not?” Talyn shrugged, though they knew that wasn’t the end of it, not by a long shot.

“Gold boots with red accents?” Roman asked.

“Doable.” Joan nodded.

“Roses?” Roman hummed, tapping his chin with the styles pen as he doodled over the blank canvas that would soon be his suit.

“Real or designed on the suit?” Talyn questioned.

“Designed on the suit, duh,” Roman said as he sketched out another idea “what am I gunna do with real roses?”

“Throw it around like confetti?” Joan chuckled.

“Don’t tempt me,” Roman smirked “what about a cape?”

“Why do you want a cape?” Talyn asked “It’s like the least useful accessory you could ever have!”

“Thomas has a cape.” Roman countered.

“They’re gliders!” Joan exclaimed, irritation clear on their face “I’ve been arguing with people for years on this, I’m not gunna start again! They’re gliders end of story.”

Roman huffed out a laugh, “Okay geez, but still can I have a cape?”

“I draw the line at capes,” Talyn said firmly “they serve no purpose what so ever! Absolutely useless!”

“Come on!” Roman whined “They’re super cool though!”

“Have you not seen the Incredibles?” Joan said desperately “Those things are a fucking death trap!”

“Then I’ll die looking fabulous!” Roman said stubbornly.

“Look,” Talyn sighed tiredly “how ‘bout we replace the cape with a vest that has a long-ish tail and throw in an anime scarf, deal?”

Roman frowned, silently thinking over his options before a sly smirk slid across his face and he stuck out his hand to shake, “Deal.”

Joan and Talyn glared at him suspiciously, “You bamboozled us, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I kind of did.” Roman giggled.

---

Thomas has slowly been teaching them how to use the web shooters, there apparently was a lot more to them then just shoot and swing. They had projectiles, pre made netting, extra sticky, different densities, and even an exploding one! (Thomas said that it was only to be used in absolutely desperate situations) In other words, it was much more complex then the boys had previously thought. Since Roman and Virgil could produce their own webbing they only had to work with the web shooters about half the time, the other half working with their natural webbing. But Thomas had told them that it was better for them to use artificial webbing instead of their own because they’d tier out quicker otherwise.

Currently they were doing what Thomas called reverse rope climbs, where they’d shoot a string of web up on the ceiling and retract it back in to pull themselves up before letting it back out and slowly lowering themselves down. Again, seemed simple enough but it was actually hell to do in real life. Still, the boys were getting better as their training continued on, shooting with more accuracy then when they first started out and a bit more muscle on them so that they could hold on longer.

And of course, this was absolutely the perfect moment for Roman to burst out into song, “Let’s have a kiki, I wanna have a kiki!”

“Lock the doors tight!” They all replied.

“Let’s have a kiki!” Patton chimed in.

“Motherfucker.” Virgil mumbled.

“I’m gunna let you have it!” Thomas sang.

Logan gave a sideways glare towards Roman who smiled haughtily in his direction. He merely shook his head in reply, ignoring the theatrical teen’s antics and continued to climb up his web rope. Roman pouted, calling up to him, “Just admit I’m right!”

“I rather chew off my own foot!” Logan called back.

---

Logan didn’t really have much to work on power wise, which he was fine with, night vision didn’t require a lot of training. Though it did make remembering to turn ON the lights at home a bit difficult, his parents have caught him reading in the dark a couple times. But other than that, there wasn’t much for Logan to work on, so why did Joan and Talyn call for them to meet one on one?

He knew about the other’s extra training with them so that they could better understand and control their new powers. But as far as Logan knew he was perfectly fine in that area and Thomas could probably teach him all that he needed to know. Yet still they called for him.

“So,” Joan began, wiggling a finger in front of Logan’s face “a little birdy told us that you hacked into the US Pentagon when you were in 7th grade.”

Logan flushed pink, nervously straightening out his tie, “Technically, it was me AND Morgan but…who told you that? Was it Virgil?” Logan muttered under his breath “Asshole, I swore him to secrecy! And so did the FBI!”

“Don’t worry, we have our own way of finding out things,” Talyn chuckled “but that’s quite impressive, even if you did have help. Me and Joan couldn’t hack the Pentagon until senior year of high school.”

Logan shrugged, “Everybody has hacked the Pentagon once in their life, they have a very flimsy security system. You’d think they’d learn to beef up their security after being hacked so many times but sadly no. I have no idea how they keep functioning like this.”

“I’m pretty sure Tony Stark had something to do with it,” Joan theorized “he’s hacked into the Pentagon enough times to know what’s going on in there. Probably installed a secret security system to encrypt the REALLY important stuff.”

“It’s possible,” Logan said thoughtfully “unless the Pentagon is just a coverup to distract from the real secrets hidden away elsewhere.” He paused, remembering the question he previously wanted to ask “Other than discussing the Pentagon’s atrocious security system, uh, why was I called down here. Have I done something wrong?”

“No, not at all,” Talyn assured “on the contrary, we brought up the Pentagon situation because we thought you could help us with a little…project of ours.”

“Project?” Logan asked, a small hint of excitement in his voice “What kind of project?”

“Well, remember when we brought up Tony Stark?” Joan said as he rapidly typed away on the large computer, bringing up the Stark Industries’ website.

Logan’s eyes widen in shock, “You want me to hack into Stark Industries?”

“Not exactly,” Joan said “we’re using Stark Industries as more of a back door to enter into the SHEILD data base and using that as a back door to enter into the Avengers’ data base.”

“Why go through all the trouble of hacking through Stark and SHEILD?” Logan asked curiously “Wouldn’t it be easier to just head hack into the Avengers’ data base since up front? I mean it is the end goal to all of this is it not?”

“We thought so too,” Talyn began to explain, bringing up a diagram of sorts on screen “at first we had thought that all three industries were separate since they were three different companies. And that used to be the case until that whole Hydra fiasco a few years back, long story short they now all function with Stark technology.”

“And we all know how well Stark’s security system runs,” Joan added, gesturing towards the diagram, a large circle with a smaller circle inside going inside of smaller circles and so on “I can’t believe I’m going to say this but think of it as an onion and we all know that onions have layers. Before we can even think about snooping through the Avengers’ files and data logs, we have to go through Stark’s security system then SHIELD’s security system then finally the Avengers’ security system.”

Logan nodded in understanding but he still had more questions, “Why do you want to look thru the Avengers’ data base?”

Talyn gave him a forced smile, irritation clearly visible on their face but it was not directed at Logan, “Let’s just say that Tony Stark has a way of pissing off the wrong people-”

“They mean us.” Joan said honestly.

Talyn continued without waiting, “…and he sometimes has to be reminded that his actions have consequences and he’s not the only genius in the world.”

“He hacked into our system and copied some data about Rainbow Weaver so that he can file and save it for SHEILD and maybe the Avengers protocol,” Joan filled in “honestly, he could have just asked us and we probably would have given it to him because it’s the Avengers. If they ever need an extra set of helping hands we would have been on tab for them but no! Tony Stark can’t ask for ANYTHING to be handed to him so he has to be a little shit!”

“So, this is a revenge plan?” Logan questioned, trying to see if he had all the facts right.

Talyn shrugged nonchalantly, “Yeah, pretty much. We understand if you don’t wan-”

“Okay.” Logan cut in with a small shrug of his own.

“Okay, what?” Joan and Talyn asked tentatively.

“I’ll help you.” Logan replied coolly.

“Really?” The duo exclaimed in surprise.

Logan shrugged again before giving them a mischievous smile, “Truth be told I’ve always wanted to see what the inside of Stark’s security system looks like. Figure out how everything works and all.”

Talyn fist pumped the air, “Yes! We’re coming to get you Stark! You Gucci sunglasses wearing mother fucker!”

“I’m pretty sure it’s Prada.” Joan said.

“Actually, it’s Chopard.” Logan corrected, already having rolled up his sleeves as he rapidly typed away at the key board of the large main computer. “I see that he’s been using the Lava Lamp coding technique, so this is going to take a while.”

“You’re telling me,” Talyn replied, sitting next to him with their own tablet connected to the computer “there’s not goddamn pattern with this type of coding, it’s a pain in the ass!”

“Don’t you two use a similar kind of coding with your system?” Logan asked “How was he able to hack into it?”

“That’s another thing we’re trying to find out,” Joan said, sitting on Logan’s other side with a laptop “though I’m pretty sure he had that stupid AI of his do it for him.”

“Ah yes, he has an AI controlling his system,” Logan said thoughtfully “that’ll be even more tricky to get around. I had read an article discussing his AI and how he programed it and the article said that it was the most advanced AI in the world, it even passed the Turing test.”

“No need to discourage us even more.” Joan half joked.

“No, not discouraging just…” Logan paused a moment, thinking deeply “…what would you think would happen if an AI and an AI stopped to talk to each other.”

“Not sure I’m following.” Talyn admitted.

“Yeah, I’m kind of lost here too.” Joan added.

“We could go at it from all angles and it would still be able to catch us,” Logan explained “but if we have, say, an AI of our own Stark’s AI will be forced to overt all of it’s attention towards it because it’s supposedly a major threat. Meanwhile, we would have a chance to sneak passed it, find an encryption key and bypass all the barriers with ease.”

“I guess that could work,” Joan said “but that means we’d have to build an entire AI from scratch that is equal to that of Stark’s AI. And that’s another tedious thing all by itself.”

“And that could take months, maybe even years, to code and build,” Talyn added “at this point I think it’s better to make a mess of ourselves and cause chaos throughout Stark’s system then take on a task that’ll slow us down immensely.”

“Not quite,” Logan said distantly, rapidly typing over the key board once again “if I can find the base coding Stark used to build his AI I can ultimately use it as a structure to make one for ourselves.”

“How would we even go about doing that?” Joan asked curiously.

“Fake virus,” Logan said simply “the system will pull me in to be terminated but of course it won’t work at first so I’ll have time to look around until the system updates itself and finds out how to properly get rid of me.”

“Then why couldn’t we just use that to hack into the system?” Talyn asked.

“Because the coding I use for it is pretty weak and flimsy since it’s only meant for quick in and out missions,” Logan explained “I wouldn’t be able to make a strong enough overlayer to disguise us long enough without rising a lot of suspicion and having the entire AI’s security system on my ass.”

They both nodded and waited for Logan to continue, “But if I’m able to find at least the majority of Stark’s AI’s base coding we’ll be able to use it as we’ll be able to use it as a structure to build our AI around and have it done in, say, a few weeks.”

“So, essentially, we’ll be using his own work against him?” Talyn asked.

Logan smiled slyly, “Essentially, yes.”

Talyn slung their arm over Logan’s shoulder and gave him a hardy squeeze, “You absolute, evil little genius! Where have you been all my life?”

“It’s no wonder you’re on the FBI watch list.” Joan chuckled good-naturedly, ruffling Logan’s hair.

“Speaking of which, this won’t be going on my record right?” Logan asked pointedly.

“Oh, don’t worry we’re government funded,” Talyn explained “technically we’re higher ranked then the FBI so you’re good so long as you have our permission and we’re here supervise.”

“Excellent,” Logan cheered softly “this’ll take but a moment. And afterwards…may I ask a favor from both of you as well?”

“If you can help us do this, we’ll get you anything you want,” Joan offered dramatically “you want access to Area 51? Boom! We’ll get you that access!”

Logan chuckled softly, shaking his head, “No thank you, though the offer is tempting. I was just wondering if you two could help me with a little project of my own.”

“Sure, what is it?” Talyn asked.

“Uh, well,” Logan kneeled to rummage through his backpack, coming back ups with a worn-down spiral notebook stuffed with notes “so, I heard that we would be personalizing our costumes and I was wondering if I could add something?”

He opened the note book and flipped through several pages before stopping at a particular set of notes. There was a sketch of four robotic spider limbs coming out from a mechanical looking back pack, along with more notes that explained how it would function. Joan and Talyn took turns looking over the notes as Logan silently continued his work, unknowingly holding his breath in anticipation. Once he was finished and had gotten all the data he needed Logan turned back towards the two scientists who’ve been suspiciously quiet the entire time.

They were still looking through Logan’s note book, past his spider leg design and skimming through the rest of his notes from different projects. Logan fidgeted nervously, they both seemed so intense while looking through his notes and Logan couldn’t help but wonder if they were unimpressed by them. Most of his projects were theoretical because he would never in his life have the funding to actually build them, so he wasn’t sure if any of them were even possible. That included the spider leg design he made, he had spent weeks rewriting the design and scale and mechanisms that would go with it. He wanted to make absolutely sure that they would be possible to build, but he had no way to test them so he only had his mind and imagination to help him through it.

Joan and Talyn were world renowned robotic and biological engineers that were government funded to help their best friend watch over Manhattan. They were creators of amazing technology they built themselves that take inspiration from many other famous scientists but is still uniquely theirs. They were just…really cool and Logan kind of sort of looked up to them just as much as he looked up to Thomas, so he really, really wanted to impress them.

Joan was the first to speak, smiling big and wide, “Logan, these are incredible!”

“Did you design these all yourself?” Talyn exclaimed, eyes glittering in awe and excitement.

Logan blushed, bashfully rubbing at his wrists as he tried to give a nonchalant shrug, “Yes…but I haven’t really built or tested most of them so I’m not sure they’re even remotely possible.”

“Oh, anything is possible if you’re stubborn enough,” Joan quipped “what I’m more impressed with is how accurately structured these are, especially since you haven’t tested any of them. Like, we can’t even come up with stuff this precise without fucking up a few prototypes.”

“How were you able to do all this?” Talyn asked “Did you run it through a program to test it through at least digitally?”

“Uh, no,” Logan said, a shy smile appearing on his face “I just kind of, think about it in my head and write down how I think the structure and dimension would be like.”

“All in your head?” Talyn gasped in awe, Logan nodded and they squealed in excitement “Logan, that’s amazing!”

Logan didn’t think his face could get any redder, nor did he think the fluttery feeling in his chest could get any warmer. He wasn’t really used to being praised so openly and with such enthusiasm, it felt…nice. Really nice, and Logan just wanted to hold on to that feeling for as long as he could.

---

They were taking a brake on a nearby roof, Thomas having provided drinks and snacks like always. The weather was starting to get colder as September reached its peak but thankfully today was just the right amount of breezy to cool down their over heated bodies. It was quiet, nothing but the breeze and bustle of the city as background noise while the group munched away on their snacks and silently enjoyed each other’s company. It was nice, very relaxing.

And of course, Roman had to ruin it, “You are my fire!”

“Oh my god!” Logan groaned, flopping onto his back.

“The one desire!” Patton chimed in enthusiastically.

“Seriously!” Logan said, exasperated.

“Believe when I say!” Thomas sang with a laugh.

“It’s Backstreet Boys!” Logan exclaimed “Everybody knows Backstreet Boys!”

“I want it that way!” Virgil cackled while Logan glared at him in betrayal “Virgil, I trusted you!”

Roman jumped up to his feet to strike a pose, “Tell me why!”

“Ain't nothin' but a heartache!” The other three joined in with him and Logan could only lay star fished on the ground hoping he look dead to the world.

“Tell me why!”

“Ain't nothin' but a mistake!”

“Tell me why!” Roman pointed an invisible mike down towards Logan who sighed and mumbled in reply “I never want to hear you say…”

“Whoa!” Roman cheered.

“I want it that way!” They finished with a dramatic group pose kneeling around Logan.

“I hope all of you know that you’ve officially wasted thirty whole seconds of my life,” Logan grumbled “I’m thirty more seconds closer to death, are you all happy?”

“Drama queen.” Roman snickered.

---

Thomas watched amusingly as Joan and Talyn moved back and forth between the boys’ suits, putting on the finishing touches. He was brought in to provide a third opinion on weather or not the boys would like them. Obviously, they would and Thomas said just that but for some reason Joan and Talyn kept fretting over them, adding this or recalibrating that or “do you think it be a bit too constricting in the chest area for Roman?” or “Virgil gets cold really easily, make sure the thermal software is working properly!” or “make sure the pants on the suit fit Logan well, that boys got legs for days and I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable!” or “I noticed that Patton’s feet are a bit flat so I added extra cushion in the shoe to help him out a bit!” And so on and so forth.

“What’s with the face?” Joan asked, as they fiddled with the pack attached to Logan’s suit which held four long, metallic spider legs.

“Oh nothing,” Thomas replied smugly “just irony.”

Talyn gave him a raised eyebrow, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you two are a bunch so hypocrites,” Thomas snickered “you guys kept giving me shit for being maternal and being manipulated by puppy dog eyes yet here you two are giving them state of the art suits that are probably MUCH more advanced than mine.”

“Yeah, well they’re kids!” Talyn countered “Didn’t we want them to be safe? We’re just upgrading the suits a little bit and adding a few extra safety precautions.”

“Does Roman really need that long ass anime scarf and tail coat?” Thomas asked with a smirk.

They were quiet for a moment before Joan dramatically exclaimed, “He bamboozled us!”

Thomas stuck out his pinky and twirled it around, “Wrapped around their little finger, all of us, we never stood a chance against them.”

Talyn sighed in defeat, “Tell me about it. Anyways, I think we’re about done with the suits. What do you think? Think the boys will like them?”

Thomas could definitely tell who each suit belonged too, they were all so uniquely different and specifically fitted to their person. Virgil’s suit was a mix of violet along his arms, legs, and waist, and white with a hint of lavender. The top part was like a baggy hoodie but still meshed flawlessly with the rest of the suit and of course the shoes were purple ballet slippers tied up with ribbon. Patton’s suit was mixed with various shades of pink, minimal web design and absolutely covered in hearts. There was a pink baseball cap attached on top of his mask, a ribbon tied around his waist, and a pink cardigan wrapped around his shoulders. Roman’s suit was just as dramatic as he was; white with accents of red and gold, ruffled sleeves, and of course the long tail coat and scarf. He had an intricately designed half mask which didn’t cover over his hair and held a reddish gold feather on the side of his head. Logan’s suit was the most technologically advanced and also the most formal looking, with mixes of dark blue. Of course, he had a tie and a practical half mask as well, and the spider legs attached to the back reminded Thomas of that little alien from Invader Zim who had a similar looking set.

Over all, these suites were absolutely amazing, Thomas smiled proudly at his friends, “They’re gunna love them!”

Songs Sung:

Wannabe by Spice Girls

So Emotional by Whitney Houston

Let's Have A Kiki by Scissor Sisters

I Want It That Way by Backstreet Boys

Tags: (sorry if it doesn’t work, Tumblr is stupid)

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#thomas sanders #sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #prinxiety #logicality #tw mentions of panic attack #tw anxiety #spiderverse au #Spiderverse #tobashiarg!

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