#young trans women--like all young--need to figure out how to be people & how not to be a dick

[medusa-fem]

Not all trans women are innocent bystanders to the patriarchy

My trans girlfriend from highschool used to complain that I didn't want to sleep with her because "I didn't see her as a real woman". This was a coercion tactic, used against me as a traumatized female who simply did not want to have sex often.

Another trans woman I knew adamantly defended lolicon, stating that "they aren't real kids". Of course I later found out she got off to "legal loli"

Same trans woman as before adamantly defended the movie cuties. Did not give two shits about the exploitation of young girls. Even said that bullying maps online was wrong because "pedophiles need support to not act on their urges"

I have also had a run in with a male who clearly did not even care to be a woman, simply called himself one as a sissy to get a pass to get closer to female people. Absolute fucking freak. Abusive towards a younger female coworker using sexist slurs, kept touching me when I explicitly said to stop and said I lead him on after getting kicked out of my home, even used his fake label to try to get head from a trans woman he had known for 3 days who showed no interest.

I knew a trans woman who kept dating people younger than her. Saw a freshly 18 trans girl as a 23 year old. Consistently talked about how immature she was, which makes it clear to me she knew the power dynamic.

I had a trans woman I was hanging out with get permission from the other trans woman in the room to strip down to nothing, but did not ask me if I was comfortable with it. Then asked me if I wanted to see her botched circumcision scar. (I had only met her twice prior).

I had a trans woman use love bombing to manipulate me into jumping into a relationship with her. Once I realized how manipulative and mentally unwell she was I was going to break up with her. As soon as she figured out she drove to my house drunk to "get her things". She screamed at me and kept balling up her fist like she was going to punch me while I sobbed. I texted all of my nearby friends that if I didn't text them by x time the next day to call the cops, because I thought she was going to assault me.

I know of a trans woman in the area who was a friend of a trans man for about 6 months. He described them as something close to platonic soul mates. She raped him when he was too intoxicated to speak.

I knew a trans woman who would fully strip at any given opportunity while hanging out with a group of friends. Everyone was uncomfortable.

An abusive "friend" of mine from highschool began labeling himself nonbinary to sleep with traumatized trans men and nonbinary afab people who did not want to date men. He didn't do anything but use the label. He falsely accused me of rape because I began telling people about his abuse. He made comments about trying to get a trans male partner pregnant to trap him. Last I heard of him he was trying to sleep with my trans man friend, being extremely coercive, while I had to tell him to get the fuck out of there so he wouldn't get raped.

This isn't even all of it. I know some radfems who do not associate at all with the trans community may not realize it, but this is common place for trans men and nonbinary afabs. I have faced so much at the hands of trans women who were not held accountable for their behavior because no one wanted to hurt the reputation of trans women as a whole.

The concerns about bathrooms don't strike a cord because the trans community doesn't see it happen, that is actually rare. Please use the stories of the regular victims of trans women's actions, because these are stories I hope the lgbt community can take seriously. I'm not saying trans women as a whole are "men" or "just faking it", I'm saying they need to be held accountable just like other male individuals who harm female people.

[doberbutts]

You mentioned in response to another ask that you don't use "transandrophobia" because the trans theory you were taught by trans women told you that "transmisogyny" covered those things and that is a total revelation to me. I've been thinking for a long time that it seemed to me that the idea of transmisogyny *does* cover transandrophobia, it just impacts trans femmes and trans mascs differently a lot of the time. But I had no idea that there has been theory/discussion that says this. I'm more used to the idea of "TMA" with the implication that only trans women are affected by transmisogyny. Is that more of a new thing and transmisogyny used to be considered as a more broad term? And would you trace that change to the same issue you're talking about with a lot of current feminism forgetting how feminism is also a "men's issue"?

Idk if I would call it "new" per say. The word trans-misogyny was coined in 2007 and did not include trans men, but the book in which it was coined did mention that language was likely needed to describe the trans man experience as well. There have been a number of different attempts, but none have really stuck.

I went to college starting in 2010, so roughly 3 years after Serrano coined the word. While in college, my school's GSA wanted LGBT elders to come and talk to all the scared freshly-minted adults who were trying to figure out this being gay thing. The woman who ran my GSA found a Trans woman who was willing to be my mentor and sponsor, she wrote my letters for me back when that was still necessary for medical transition, and we met frequently for her to teach me more or less how to be trans safely. Some things she did not know- how to bind safely, how to attach a semi-permenant packer, etc. But others she knew very well, because she herself dealt with both being seen as a man by society as well as the effects of testosterone on her body for decades before she transitioned.

Anyway. This woman was great, and is a significant portion of the reason I'm still alive to this day. And she is who taught me the word transmisogyny, and that it should really cover all trans people because all trans people experience an intersection of transphobia and misogyny. Whether that was popular theory at the time or not, that is what us young kids learned directly from the mouths of trans women at my college, which to me means that others were also learning this particular version of transfeminist theory.

Unfortunately by the time I dropped out of college in 2013/2014, online trans spaces were having stupid arguments such as "transtrenders are bad" and "neopronouns are bad" and "nonbinary people are cis people who want to feel special" and "trans men should be hunted for sport" and "trans women are incel nazis" and. Well. I went "wow this place is a cesspit and I feel like no one here has actually talked to another transgender person face to face" and then did not engage with the online community. So I don't really know how common or popular the understanding I was taught was at the time, though it certainly seems quite rare now.

(As a caveat I don't really think trans people of any gender have anything that isn't similar with each other when it comes to oppression, outside of certain bodily things that can't be helped because that's literally the thing we're transgender about, and I think we all experience very similar oppression but sometimes with a different hat)

As for what caused this particular defining to fall into obscurity? I really can't say. I don't know how popular the transfeminist theory the trans women who spoke at my GSA meetings taught us actually was in the broader world. Every once in a while I meet someone who lived through that same time who remembers that theory, which tells me it had gained at least some traction if it was being discussed in multiple parts of the country, but... that's really it. And it's pretty unpopular theory nowadays, I get people calling me a scumbag and claiming that I say transmisogyny doesn't exist just for mentioning that the theory I was taught includes trans men in the discussion.

But I don't think it's specifically the whole TMA/TME thing. I think it's a lack of understanding of what oppression and what intersectionality are, how they operate, how they work, how we define things through them. There are many people who believe that men do not experience misogyny. But, they do, that's why it's an insult to a boy to call him a girl during a moment of femininity or vulnerability, as a means of calling him weak because girls are believed to be weak. There are many people who think intersectionality turns oppression into additives, as though stacking marginalizations like dnd buffs. This also falls apart because oppression is not like quick math where you add a +5 to every roll if any part of your identity is privileged and a -7 if any part is oppressed.

I've had people get mad at me for saying that straight people experience homophobia while we also have sitting politicians that make jokes on live TV about how they'd drown their (presumably straight) children if they found out their kids were gay. For saying that GNC cis people experience transphobia when butches are getting kicked out of bathrooms and drag queens are getting jumped in bars. For reminding people that when Sikhs are killed due to being mistaken for Muslim in this country that hates Muslims over a national tragedy our Muslim population did not cause, it's still considered and called Islamophobia, because just because Americans are too stupid to tell a Sikh from a Muslim doesn't mean they weren't spurred into that hate crime by their rampant hatred of Muslims and the sight of a turban and long beard.

[tanadrin]

Imagine one day a new social trend starts spreading. It’s something unbelievably dumb. Not harmful per de, but truly silly to believe. Let’s say, I dunno, healing crystals start going mainstream. Everybody’s talking about their crystals. It becomes impolite to criticize people who believe in healing crystals. They become a big part of people’s personalities, and people on TV start talking about them, and one day years down the line politicians are debating funding for crystal-based medicine. And through it all you are sitting there going, what the fuck is happening. I thought we were all on the same page on this. You want to get along and be friendly and open minded but you cannot pretend to believe in healing crystals, this is nonsense, and when the topic comes up you refuse to lie about it. This eventually starts to have social consequences—they’re that popular!—but what can you do? You cannot pretend a lump of quartz can cure the flu or whatever. It’s just all so unbearably embarrassing.

I think what the centrist/liberal/center-left reactionary turn driven by culture war stuff feels like. And I think the key emotion is probably cringe. Not hate, not fear, though those emotions may reinforce the turn. I think in a lot of cases people who imagine themselves pretty open minded and flexible have as part of their worldview something they thought was bedrock social consensus—on the level of “healing crystals are silly woo”—so bedrock maybe that it didn’t even need to be a conceptual boundary they actually policed in their minds.

For instance, when she started her anti-trans turn, JK Rowling made a big show of not being really anti trans, just arguing that Some People Had Gone Too Far. She wasn’t a frothing religious reactionary, after all. And I believe that’s probably true! I think Rowling probably did have a mental model of sex and gender with a little bit of give in it—of the “we can humor the odd weirdo” type. But as the discussion of trans rights in the UK got more serious over her lifetime, trans people went from “the odd weirdo” to “a recognized minority,” and eventually this ran against a bedrock belief that on some level men are men and women are women and never the twain shall meet. To act otherwise was just too embarrassing. And she wasn’t going to embarrass herself in the name of political correctness.

Other people whose brains have been eaten by the anti-woke mind virus (as @eightyonekilograms calls it) have something going of the contrarian in them, who enjoys yelling “up yours, woke moralists!” or w/e. Im thinking of ppl like Glenn Greenwald here, or Dave Chapelle, people who seem not to feel alive except when people are mad at them. That’s a separate but interesting dynamic. And there are people like Graham Linehan who become totally unhinged through this process of auto-radicalization, moths drawn ever closer to a particular source of validation within their chosen reactionary subcommunity, until they are truly parodies of themselves. That is also an important dynamic, but it’s one that only takes hold after the initial turn has begun.

I think the role of that feeling of cringe, that refusal to entertain an idea because it is too embarrassing (even if it does actually have a decent body of research behind it, unlike crystals) is important to think about, because I am interested in how to get people over it. I know that feeling has affected my own thinking over my lifetime. I wasn’t raised particularly conservative, but I had to learn not to cringe at a lot of feminist thought before I could appreciate it and learn from it. I explicitly didn’t have that cringe when it came to gay people for whatever reason, so it never entered my mind that it might be a problem. I remember being surprised to learn when I was very young that some boys wanted to marry other boys, but my response was “huh. Go figure.” Because for whatever reason I had not picked up that this was something I was supposed to be grossed out by. A general doctrine of empathy, of trying to understand people on their own terms, can help forestall some of this stuff, but it’s not foolproof in either direction—I don’t want to believe crystals have healing powers if it becomes socially popular to do so, just because it is socially popular to do so! And if they do, I don’t want to not believe they do just because it is socially unpopular!

(Obviously the crystals thing is not a one to one metaphor for the trans thing, so don’t read too much into that. Maybe astrology would have been a better analogy. Also I’m not talking just about people whose reactionary turn is predicated on trans issues—I think this dynamic applies to everything from gay rights to the Tridentine Mass. But trans issues are a handy example bc, as the adage goes, somebody posts once about trans people and they never post anything normal again. I think the classic rapid-onset trans derangement syndrome is closely tied to the fact that gender norms are a really deep element of many people’s social-consensus-based worldview, and so challenged to that worldview are felt as really cringe.)

I’m curious if other people who grew more liberal in their thinking over time had a similar experience of having to overcome what was basically a feeling of embarrassment at certain ideas.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

This is kind of a ramble of a question sorry. I'm a trans guy, and have been trying to figure out how much sexual attraction/desire I actually feel, with the idea of figuring out how into sex I'd be post bottom surgery. I do think I experience some attraction towards women - watched Alien last night and felt funny every time Sigourney Weaver opened her mouth - but I don't think I feel it as intensely as other people my age (15.5), and never seem to feel horny spontaneously without a specific trigger. I am dysphoric about my genitals to the point where actually being aroused/feeling any kind of sensation from them is mentally very uncomfortable. I had a stim when I was younger (autistic) that I later realized was unintentional masturbation, and I stopped immediately after learning that. I don't know if I would ever want to have sex with a prosthetic. My amount of desire might change (though it hasn't so far a couple months on t) but right now it seems like the amount of dysphoria from using a dick I know is fake + the stimulation being centered in the wrong spot? outweighs desire. I think I would be open to the idea if I got phalloplasty, but I'm not entirely sure it would ever be a thing I sought out over say, playing video games yk? I can be overstimulated, am bad with people, and just don't seem to want it as much as everyone else, even though i do want it? Now the main question. I want phalloplasty. I want to have a dick, and pee standing up, and feel the weight of it when i sleep. But it's also a long, expensive, complicated process that I might end up getting and then never actually using for the main thing genitals are meant for - sex and masturbation. I want it, but I'm not very attractive or personable, and it's a hard thing (even harder if I do it young on my parents' insurance) to do and then have to tell everyone you'll die a virgin. Any thoughts? Sorry if this is unfocused or inappropriate.

hi anon,

listen. I totally get your anxieties about your social and sexual options right now, and why they might make phalloplasty seem like it isn't worth it.

but the thing is - and I swear this isn't meant to be condescending - you're 15 and a half. what you're like right now is going to have so little bearing on who you are as an adult that it's hard for me to even begin to describe. hell, who I was when I was a senior in high school was pretty much completely irrelevant by the time I finished by freshman year of college. you're going to change so, so much in your life, and just because you feel like you're not attractive or personable now is no reason to cut yourself off from a surgery that it sounds like would make you very happy!

even aside from having sex, there are plenty of other reasons to get phalloplasty. you said them yourself! you have reasons you want to have a penis that have nothing to do with sex at all, and you don't ever need to sleep with anyone in order to justify that. being comfortable in your body is always reason enough.

[homunculus-argument]

I try to go out of my way to let people know if I like something that they're doing, because people don't really notice the good things of themselves or aren't aware that other people notice. Or occasionally, they might not be aware that something about them that they're not observing is a positive thing. It reflects and bounces back and forth, and we all need some random positivity around.

Made a post a while ago about this guy whom I met through my publisher, whose name I had honestly forgotten/missed completely, wanting to note down how this dude made me see just how much the southern US kind of rural "redneck" stereotype that I'd only seen depicted - largely in a negative, classist light - really is rooted in a genuine type of people, who not only exist, but are just the same type of people as my mother's side of the family in rural Finland. And that weren't for the complete language barrier between people who don't speak a word of english, and people who don't speak a word of finnish, they'd have much to talk about - more in common than I really do with either of them.

What I hadn't expected were a few people tagging the post as "gender goals" - I honestly hadn't even thought of this cultural observation from a gender presentation point of view - but I thought that he himself might find this amusing. After sending my publishers the initial message I realised that wait shit, they're all late millenial bordering-on-gen-X cis guys, I'll need to translate this. I started going into what the hell any of that even means, explaining the concept of transition goals, of how trans people go about gathering inspiration of just what kind of men/women/nb they want to be, and taking notes of the kind of gender presentation they personally like.

Typing it out, I kind of started also getting a clearer picture of how much of a significance that kind of thing can have, even when remarked half-jokingly. Of what I put together, this guy has been in kind of a rough patch in life - freshly divorced after getting married too young, he's been up in the air in his mid-30s trying to figure out how to build up a life in his own image as an independent adult, after marrying his high school sweetheart wasn't Happily Ever After after all.

So maybe he would like to know that there's people on the internet who are trying to figure out how to present themselves, and what kind of a man they want to be, who read my rough description of my impression of him - that I wrote without thinking much more about it at all - and thought "I like what this guy is doing. This is what I'd like for myself."

[officialpenisenvy]

Since it seems down your alley and idk if youve talked about it before to my knowledge im really curious about your thoughts on trans exclusionary radical feminist fixation on pederasty (see: germaine greer’s the boy) + lesbian desire in relation to the like, archetype of the ganymede + the relation between that and sexual objectification of transfems and the utilization of said ganymede archetype in art as a sort of “agencyless transfeminine” 

okay so i want to say first of all that this is just me talking out of my ass and basically reflecting out loud (most of my blog is, but especially right now), so i don't know how coherent this will be, and i apologize preemptively if any wording on this is questionable or offensive, that is never my intent. i haven't looked into or researched this subject, so if you have any recommendations i would love to hear them! ramble answer under the cut

im very familiar with germaine greer's the boy, i have read it (as much as anyone can be said to have read what amounts to a pederasty-themed photo album) and reflected on it for some time: while the purported effort of the book is to "reclaim" pederasty from gay men towards women, i feel like the very desire to enable women to be pederasts is entrenched in greer's radical feminist background. trans-exclusionary radical feminism is built around bioessentialism, the assumption that men are ontologically different from women, and specifically that men are essentially evil, strong and predatory whereas women are essentially good, weak and preyed-upon: the young boy, however, somewhat disrupts this paradigm, being as he has been historically and culturally objectified and preyed upon and victimized in the same way women have. though he will inevitably grow up to become the evil strong man who harms women, therefore, the young boy can still be enjoyed by the woman while he is weak and essentially harmless, a more even relationship than that between a woman and a man that still allows a potentially heterosexual woman to satisfy her desire for a man; i don't need to specify that in real life we know any relationship between an adult and a child cannot be even and is more often than not deeply harmful to the child, and that the vast majority of adults who do sexual harm to children do so not necessarily because of physical attraction but because of attraction to their helplessness.

all this above is my attempt at finding a terf-ist rationale for female pederasty, but it does also somewhat mirror societal attitudes to the young boy, especially in a gay male context — starting from ancient pederasty up to basically the present day, the young boy is consistently the feminine or feminised party, at least in part due to his fragility and weakness in comparison to the (necessarily) stronger adult lover. the young boy, who i will now start calling the ephebe in this more archetypal context, therefore becomes a very powerful cultural figure of androgyny: ganymede's gender is important insofar as zeus chooses to bring him up to olympus and train him up as a cupbearer (a social role unthinkable for a girl), but his vulnerability and sort of waifishness are properties both of the ephebe and the girl/woman, and the same goes for all other popular depictions of ephebes, they are young boys noted for their beauty and androgyny who are functionally interchangeable with girls. as many queer people are, i find androgyny to be very attractive in all its variations and potential combinations, and i think that's why im so drawn to the ephebe as an archetype (needless to say i don't want to fuck actual young boys): the fascination with this concept of a beautiful boy who's devoid of most stereotypical characteristics of masculinity and who's somewhat forcibly put in the social role of a girl is to me a similar drive to the one that makes me attracted to very masculine women, i really enjoy the deliberate blurring of gender lines (and it would be pointless to hide that i also enjoy the element of coercion, though that is a recurring theme in my sexuality which is not limited to the ephebe).

obviously, all this discussion is separate from attraction to actual trans women: my attraction to trans women is motivated by them being women, so my enjoyment of a fem trans woman is paramount to that of a fem cis woman, my enjoyment of a masc trans woman is paramount to that of a masc cis woman (so coming from that place of liking androgyny), and so forth. of course, whether or not one is attracted to trans women is secondary to whether or not they actually treat trans women as women and respect their identity — plenty of people are attracted to trans women and behave like absolute monsters towards them.

like you said, trans women are horribly objectified and sexualised: to my understanding there's two broad categories of sexual objectification trans women face, being forcibly put in a submissive position (so basically recycling the ephebe archetype, especially coming from people who see trans women as particularly feminine boys), and being forcibly put in a dominant/active position (especially from people who see trans women as men and thus inherently sexually domineering, and who potentially fetishize their genitals as well). the forced submission, while obviously horrible and transmisogynistic and often meant as punishment for the transgression of manhood, isn't in practice terribly different from the forced submission cis women tend to experience to a lesser degree, so it can be in some measure rationalized as assimilable to the sexual treatment one would receive if she were as a cis woman (intersectional parenthesis demands i point out that cis and trans black women sexually interacting with non-black men are more likely to be put in a place of forced domination than forced submission). the forced domination, however, is pointedly and manifestly transmisogynistic in a way that specifically portrays the trans woman in question as "really a man" and "really secretly dominant", often with a very phallic emphasis, and this can be an obvious source of discomfort and dysphoria for trans women, some of whom will try to counteract that by making themselves deliberately more submissive and pliable and non-dominant, basically embodying the feminine and ephebic archetype of passive sexuality, or the "agencyless transfeminine" like you said.

i am not sure any of this makes sense, i hope i was able to be at least somewhat coherent for you anon! i would really love any input or criticism my transfem followers might have on this, since im obviously only speaking from what i have seen and am not a trans woman myself but just a tme yapper on the internet — again im very sorry if any of this comes off as offensive or insensitive, please let me know so i can correct myself if needed.

[infernothechaosgod]

I saw a guy here once draw his oryginal character (ftm) in this cute crop top hoodie in pastel trans flag colors and overall it looked very cute and nice I thought nothing of it

And this one person in their tags was like "UMMMM THAT'S TRANSPHOBIC LMAO??? NO TRANS MAN WOULD WEAR THIS??? THE WHOLE POINT OF BEING TRANS IS TO LOOK LIKE THE OPPOSITE GENDER RATHER THAN ONE YOU WERE BORN AS???"

And my honest reaction to that is Fuck you

First off Trans people litellary everywhere keep on telling you that clothes are just a pice of fabric and faminity and masculinity don't equal gender

Second off You have no right to enter a space of a group youre not in and tell that group what they should be offended by Based on how YOU, NOT A PART OF THAT SPACE, COMMUNITY OR GROUP feel

Not our fault you need fabric to help YOU respect OTHERS as if you were a baby needing arrows everywhere to know where to look at becuse youre too dumb to figure it out yourself

It honestly reminds me of this one time a cisgender woman made a whole video about how to write trans characters And she just non stop kept saying "don't make trans men feminine or anything like that or trans women masculine, trans men are never feminine it makes them dysphoric same for trans women!" as if we were some animals that cannot speak up ourselfs

Third off

These people could not handle trans stories No matter what they'll say becuse they would immidietly be upset when a trans character is

"Too young to figure it out!" "Not dysphoric at slight feminity/masculinity in themselfs!" "comfortable with their body ever???" "not Afraid of litellary everything and everyone becuse they figured out there trans???" "depressed 24/7!" "Not focused on it enough"

not in pain

Not discusted with themselfs 90% of the story

Acting like a happy human

Being more than just the trans character

They cannot be a warrior, a healer, a leader of any kind, a mage, a wizard, a protector, a genius, anyhow charismatic, memorable

They or the fact there trans cannot be memorable so you can cut either them or the fact there trans out of your mind when youre done watching the series or movie or reading the book or comic anything

Also they would be upset if the story about being trans happen anytime before 2000s Or the trans character wasn't white

That all being said TRANS ARTIST WRITERS AND CREATORS OF ANYTHING LITELLARY ANYTHING!

USE THIS POST AS AN EXUSE TO POST ABOUT YOUR TRANS OC'S, STORY CONCEPTS, ANIMATIONS, HEADCANONS EVEN!

CREATORS OF ANY KIND! GO OFF! I KNOW SOME OF YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR A SIGN TO POST ABOUT THEM! THIS IS IT! NOW OR NEVER!

[probablyasocialecologist]

I’m going to be honest straight away. I think “Gender Critical” people* are radicalised and I think there is a lot of danger for many cis people on the periphery to follow them down that rabbit hole. I’m writing this essay in an effort to prevent radicalisation of any feminists looking in on the situation who haven’t made their minds up yet. I’m speaking to people who consider themselves feminists and don’t consider themselves transphobic. I’m speaking to people who don’t spend time accusing trans people of having fetishes, who don’t think selfies with Proud Boys are excusable, and who don’t think soup is worse than Nazis. If that’s you, I hope you read on and consider what I have to say in good faith.

[...]

Here’s what else I know for sure. Trans people are real people. Their lives are not hypothetical. While we are discussing this topic on Twitter like it’s a theoretical game, they are truly scared for the future of their rights. So far in the UK there has not been significant legislative change, but we’ve seen hundreds of anti-trans laws proposed in the US, from threatening to perform genital testing on young women in high school sports to revoking the medical licenses of doctors who provide affirming care to threatening to take kids away from parents who even socially affirm their child’s gender. These are real children. They are not fodder for us to argue over. How many trans people, adults or children, do you know in person? And what aspects of their well-being are you willing to risk for a theoretical argument?

[...]

I don’t think I’ll have to work very hard to convince you that whatever so-called values Tucker Carlson, Matt Walsh, Jordan Peterson or ACTUAL NAZIS have do not align with the values of radical feminists. I would suggest that the reason they are interested in the issue are because they see something you don’t. Right-wingers recognise women’s liberation when they see it, because they hate it so much. They have never been on our side. They never will be on our side. They do not respect our right to our own lives, our own bodies, or our own minds, so if they are agreeing with you on an issue of women’s rights, THERE IS A PROBLEM. You might be thinking that you and Tucker don’t see eye to eye on the basics of the issue: he is pro-gender stereotypes and you are against them. But where does this all end up? It pains me to point out the right is very often several steps ahead of us; the devastating destruction of Roe v Wade shows us that. What is in it for them? They get to divide the left, something the gender debate has been extraordinarily effective at. They get to distract feminists from real issues (again Roe v Wade, the cornerstone of American feminist achievement, has fallen). On this very trip, Posie Parker has been spouting anti-abortion sentiment for the minors who need abortion and birth control the most, and since becoming radicalised, she’s claimed that lesbian mothers weren’t really mothers, and that trans men (whom she views as women) should be forcibly sterilised. They get to paint the left as the real agents of hatred, as the real homophobes, as the people really trying to shut down debate. They get to watch as lifelong feminists start criticising women’s appearance and behaviour for not being feminine enough. They get to watch as lifelong feminists start to argue that male violence is not a product of socialisation, of entitlement, of broken legal systems that do not view women’s bodies as their own, but as something inherent to men. Something they can’t help. Something we shouldn’t even try to change. And they get to recruit you. And they are doing that with remarkable success.

[frostyreturns]

I've been thinking about my last post where I talked about trangenderism and how in order to figure out what to do about it's rise in prominence we need to admit that in some ways it's been a net positive for some people. Like I mentioned how some of the "trans women" look like totally effiminate unfuckable autistic losers until they transition and suddenly are getting a lot more sexual attention. It doesn't make transitioning the answer but I was kind of stumped as to what else to do for those kinds of people who's lives are miserable because they're not good at being men for whatever reason.

This is just a thought...has anyone ever thought of applying the same practices of transitioning...but rather than trying to change your sex...leaning harder into it. What if "transitioning" male to male was a thing. Like instead of saying ok being a man isn't working maybe I'll try taking estrogen and trying my hand at being a woman....what if we said...hey let's try getting you on testosterone, let's take all the things they tell trans women to eat for the feminizing effects (milk/soy) out of your diet. Let's get you off of porn because they actually tell people trying to become women to jerk off as much as possible because it lowers your testosterone. Let's get you working out losing weight and/or building muscle. Let's get you more masculine/better clothing, let's get you some good male role models to teach you how to be better at being a man. Maybe let's try all of that before making irreversible changes trying to switch the unswitchable. How many people would be cured of their gender dysphoria if we did that. I'm guessing more than zero.

Also let's try being more encouraging and validating to young men. I saw some comments from trans mtf who made some comment about how everyone did nothing but tell them they were girly so they "became a girl" and now people still have a problem with that. And there were tens of thousands of likes and comments of people who had similar experiences. I also see some of the most mid looking trannies who seem to get tons of compliments all day every day from men and other trannies. I can't really fault someone who lived their whole life as a male and never heard one kind word...who throws on a dress and suddenly has a supportive friend circle and people who want them...for thinking it was a good solution and the right choice.

[mysoulusesumbrellasinthesun]

I have decided that the Lalondes are Maori and furthermore I am more correct about this than anyone has ever been.

My evidence:

Rose

Engaged in a battle with her mother of who can say the most eloquent (and longest) karakia because she always hated saying them so now tries to continuously one up her mother by being slightly more precise with hers. Dinner is always an hour late because of this.

Despises the insistence of motherhood in Maori folklore (especially ones her mother teaches her) and finds them to be incredibly stifling.

She hates doing kapa haka and hates that women cannot do a full haka, so she puts on a one woman performance herself when she is young during a “ridiculous” matariki celebration her mother was putting on, and did a male haka by herself. Mom found this extremely adorable and insists on playing the video every Matariki, which Rose hates.

Her favorite nursery rhyme growing up was “One Day a Taniwha”

Rose loves taniwha, though she acts like she doesn’t.

On the meteor she wishes she had actually learned about her culture with her mother when she had the chance instead of only engaging with it ironically and feels very separate from the others on the meteor because of it.

After she is on the meteor towards the end of homestuck I think she reconciles her heritage with her lack of motherliness in the idea of women less as mothers but as powerful dangerous people (a la the goddess of death, Hine-nui-te-pō, who kills Maui with her thighs)

She is so annoyed with the lack of taking care of the land when they reach Earth C. She did not really consider Papatuanuku as her mother before but she realizes now after seeing how all the other kids and especially some of the trolls behave, acting like the land is something to be used and discarded she gets extremely annoyed. She, Roxy, and Jade bond over this.

Her mother gave her a Koru pounamu to celebrate her becoming a woman on her first period. She resentented it and refused to wear it, but eventually accepted it and passed it down to Roxy who was overjoyed to receive it.

She instead wears a Hei Tiki pounamu necklace Dave gave to her as a wedding present. She acts aloof about it but anyone who knows her can tell she is deeply moved by the gift. She keeps it on at all times.

Roxy

There is an inherent horror to looking all around you to see that Tangaroa has drowned his mother.

The idea that The Condesce, a colonizer, took over the world and left Roxy stranded on a tiny piece of land with almost none of her people or culture left, and she can never sail out on a waka like her ancestors or a sailboat like the ancestors of her ancestors to see other places, trapped in a tiny select space. It’s a horror I can’t really describe.

Roxy desperately wants to know what tribe she comes from and who she descends from, to find that little bit of her family. She is very quiet on the day she finds out she was produced from herself. 

Roxy misses Papatuanuku, she misses her chance to meet both her mothers before they died. She messages Dirk about this while drunk but he does not fully get it.

As a trans woman, finds the women in Maori mythology and culture to be aspirational figures of power and motherhood.

She thanks the appropriate gods for any food she can scavenge for in her apocalypse but never really has the time to learn a full karakia.

Teaches the carapacians kapa haka, they aren’t very good at it but they do make up for it with enthusiasm

When she enters the session she insists on hongi (sharing breath) with each of her friends. It goes like this:

Dirk: Has been preparing for this for years. Has the whole technique down. Confident cool guy swagger, but not too much, he doesn’t look like he’s trying too hard either. He and Roxy bump their heads together and fall over. This looks ridiculous.

Jake: Roxy explains and leans in to do a hongi with him but he kisses her on both cheeks like he is french. Roxy thinks this is hilarious.

Jane: Needs at least 6 tries to get it right but keeps on insisting on doing it again so she can participate in Roxy’s culture appropriately, and then a couple more times because she keeps failing on purpose to make Roxy laugh. They are both in a fit of giggles by the time she has worked it out and it becomes their standard greeting.

Hal: Is a computer, but Roxy does hold the nose bridge of the glasses up to her face like they are doing a hongi which Hal does appreciate.

Calliope: Gets it right first try!

Goes somewhat crazy hanging out in nature on Earth C. (Where is Roxy? In The Mud. Of course.)

I cannot express in words as well, the sheer euphoria Roxy feels standing on the ground on Earth C. 

[gloomdivision]

Being a teenager is scary. Being a trans teenager is scarier. For me, the scariest thing about what happened to Nex Benedict is that I see myself in them. A kid just figuring out their gender. I see the pictures of them and can see my former self. The awkward shy smile of a young teen learning where they fit in the world. Throwing up a peace sign because it gives you something to do. Maybe it makes you feel cool. Maybe peace is one ideal you’re certain about. I don’t know why Nex did it in the photo that I keep seeing because I’m not Nex.

I’m one of the lucky ones.

Nex had to live out my worst fear every time I used a public bathroom. When I heard about what happened to them, I remembered when I was in high school. For four years, I stayed out of the bathrooms for my own safety. I tried to guarantee I didn’t need to use the bathroom while at school. The times when it was unavoidable, I went to the nurse's office and used the only gender-neutral bathroom available to students. My bathroom breaks would take time out of my day and away from my education because I would have to go out of my way to access one.

Sometimes I wouldn’t even be allowed to use the gender-neutral bathroom in the nurse’s office because I wasn’t sick. Why would I need to go to the nurse just to use the bathroom? It’s humiliating to explain. It sounds unreasonable to say you’re scared. Bringing up instances of when you’ve used the public bathroom and gotten glares from grown women. Mentioning how there’s rhetoric about how trans people are to be feared in public bathrooms when really we’re the ones experiencing fear.

I bit my tongue and made it through the day. I made it through high school.

Nex didn’t.

I didn’t know Nex but I feel like I did because I see so much of myself in them. The grief I feel for Nex is so strong because it’s coupled with the pain I feel for my past self. The pain I feel for all of my trans siblings who share these experiences. We have lost so many to hate-fueled violence and I grieve for them. A child’s life was lost and I grieve for them.

Rest in peace Nex, you deserved better.

[dresshistorynerd]

You were right to correct the fashion part, as I sent that ask in anger and indeed used faulty reasoning on practicity and did not develop the other points. I apologise for sending a message in this state, as it is in no way a good manner to open a discussion. While I do not agree with you and find the speculation detached from what a masculine woman might feel, her point of view, I see that I am not approaching this fairly and thus, wasting your time. Perhaps other masculine women may have better insights on that topic... if not, have a nice day.

I'm glad you sent another message. I also didn't offer you much benefit of doubt in my answer so I'm impressed you did now. I was debating weather I should give you a benefit of a doubt when I was answering to your first ask, and decided it was not worth it, but maybe it would have been. I can understand now better where you're coming from and why you sent a message in anger.

I don't want to sound harsh, but the post was not about you. I understand you probably identify with Julie d'Aubigny, which is completely fair, but that doesn't mean you know her and doesn't mean I'm talking about you, when I'm in fact talking about her. You say I was speculating on the feelings of a masculine woman, but I was not. Why are you so certain she was a masculine woman? Why are you so certain you know how she felt and who she was? I sure am not certain about really anything about her or her life, certainly not her feelings. Which is why through the whole post I speculate what information about her we can trust, what might have happened and what was unlikely to have happened.

We don't know for sure she was masculine, or that she even dressed in men's clothing, that could have been a rumor to other her, make her seem weird to the people of her time. Especially because of her (likely real) sapphic relationships, this is a real possibility as gender and sexuality were seen as so strongly connected. On the other hand she was also described as beautiful in her society's standards by her contemporaries, which would mean she would have reached some feminine beauty standards. Maybe she changed between masculine and feminine presentations depending on a situation, which I think is probably the most likely explanation, but that's my opinion not a fact. Maybe she was a feminine woman, maybe an androgynous woman, maybe a masculine woman, or maybe not a woman at all. People, who didn't fully identify with womanhood or manhood, who we might call today non-binary or genderqueer, have always existed, but how did they exist and present themselves in a society that had so extremely binary gender system? I think it certainly would have depended on a person, but certainly one possible way would have been to fluctuating between masculine and feminine presentations. What about a trans man, who was famous as woman from a young age, whose career involved fame, how would they have presented in a society like that? Maybe he would have presented in a more comfortable masculine manner, whenever he could, but maintained a feminine presentation for when it was needed for his career. And then how would you determine for certain today weather a historical figure, who was afab and likely presented both in masculine and feminine ways, was a androgynous/masculine woman, non-binary person or trans man?

We know very little for certain about Julie's life and I don't think we can for certain make any determination about how she felt about her gender. I don't think we have evidence to rule out any possibility. I tried to not make any assumptions about her or her life without evidence in my post, while presenting what I think was most likely. I think she was a woman, I think she was sapphic and I think her presentation was androgynous if not masculine. Knowing how at the time gender was constructed and what her cultural understanding of gender would have been, I think she probably had a complicated relationship with womanhood, a relationship that today might be described as genderqueer (I'm using this in it's broadest definition). (I talked about the gender construction at the time in my addition to the answer of your first ask so I'm not going to go into it here.) I raise other possibilities to highlight that we can't know for certain, if our interpretation of her is true.

I'll say again that I understand relating to historical figures and seeing yourself in them, but when we try to actually interpret history, I think it's important to put aside those feelings. If we project our feelings to history, we can't see past our cultural biases and our understanding will be lacking. It will make us blind to the things that won't fit our understanding of the world, instead of better understanding how world was seen in a different time.

You can disagree with my interpretation, by all means, but if you don't have some evidence of her life that I don't, I don't think you can fully disregard the possible interpretations you disagree with. I disagree with the interpretation that she was a straight woman, but I can't disregard that possibility, because the evidence we have of her attraction and relationship to other women is not fully reliable.

I think this second ask of yours is very fair and even the first one raises important questions on how we should interpret and approach history, so I don't think you're wasting my time.

I hope you have a great day!

[kaeyachi]

Hello it is I, the local trans girl kaeya truther <3 anyways I need to hear ur thoughts on mtf/transfem genderqueer kaeya bc u mentioned it on ur recent post and it got me EXCITEDDD

OH BOY I HAVE A LOT OF HCs. mtf, ftm, or genderfluid Kaeya stays on my mind rent free at the penthouse luxury unit with allowances, free wifi, and breakfast buffet.

For now, let's focus with mtf Kaeya!

- Kaeya/Gaia(jp) liking her birth name because it's commonly feminine (it's how I personally feel IRL with having a masc name despite being afab, so I'd like Kaeya to feel the joy and comfort it brings me hehe). If her parents did 1 thing right, it's naming her.

- Kaeya being proud of her chest since it has grown (thru workout for now), leading to the uniform choice. She didn't fully understand why she felt happy about it for a while.

- Same with the corset! She feels better looking at the mirror with the corset on.

- Kaeya feeling comfortable hanging out with the girlies because of having similar interests. It was probably hard to notice when younger because both Jean and Diluc wanted to be knights, and she simply followed them.

- I like the idea of Kaeya figuring out a bit later in life. Being distracted with more pressing issues made it a bit harder to come to terms with how she feels tbh. It was a slow journey, but she got there, and it felt amazing once she realized.

- I want Jean to know first!! Jean would give Kaeya so many hugs and affirmations!! Jean gets another sister (when Barbara found out, she felt the same as Jean)

-re: new skin. Kaeya, still feeling a bit confused and lost when she looks at a mirror, decides to let her full head of hair grow longer instead of just keeping a lovelock. She knows she doesn't need long hair to be more fem, but it makes her feel more secure about her identity.

- Sumeru visits aren't just for wine trade negotiations and learning more about her ancestry. She also went there to ask questions about transitioning

- Kaeya scaring Diluc into thinking she has a terminal illness before telling the redhead the truth lmao. Diluc is glad Kaeya isn't dying and is proud of Kaeya (willing to fund the costs of transition), but he really wants to strangle her first...

- When younger, Adelinde found Kaeya trying on her clothes. Young Kaeya was so mortified at being found that she didn't dare try again despite Adelinde saying it was fine and that she's willing to help her try out more. It took more than a decade before adult Kaeya went to her to accept her offer to help. Adelinde finally gains a daughter she can dress up

- Kaeya finally joining in with the girlies when they have makeover parties and girls night outs! It's the best fun she has ever had and she wants more!!

- the male knights became a bit protective at first when they were told (especially since their captain frequents the bar, and even prior to saying she is mtf, she already had a fair share of admirers and creeps there) until Kaeya reminded them that she can still kick all of their asses in training (and she did kick their asses)

- the female knights feel like they won something. The top 2 people in power right now while Varka is away are women. Technically, only Albedo is the male captain within Mond (technically hehe) (Nation leaders meeting and its all women)

- Alice finding out and offering to help Kaeya to transition!! Albedo, Sucrose, and Lisa are studying more about it to help out as well instead of having Kaeya frequently visit Sumeru

- Klee calling Kaeya "big sis"!! And when playing, Kaeya is now the queen while Klee is her princess

- The abyss order finding out and are unphased, but this is duly noted and they will respect it

I just want mtf Kaeya to be loved by his friends and family!!!

[not-a-puzzle]

Why the "pick-me" insult is sexist and transphobic, and why it needs to stop being tossed around like rice at a wedding.

I can't hide it; I've hated this insult ever since I first heard it come out of a snobby teenage girl's mouth. Something about it fired up my instincts, it got under my skin like salt on a snail's underbelly where it scratched and burned until I had to get myself to address why I hate it so much.

Well first off was the way I first heard it used, in a snobby, holier than thou tone said in a very mean girl type way, y'all know what I'm talking about. The Blaire White type tone. Judgmental, derogatory, like the way Fundamentalist Christians say slurs against trans people.

And that brings me to my next point, the term is undeniably transphobic, or at least, regressive to non-binary expressions of gender. Ya'll might think it's an insult used towards a certain attitude or behavior, but alas, I've seen this term used against tomboys or any girl who doesn't express herself in a hyperfeminine way enough times to know it's really sexism fueling the sheer amount we hear this term flung about now. (And I suspect there's actually a right-wing element to this.)

But on top of that, it runs under the assumption that any thing girls do is soley to catch the attention of men. Wear a crop top? You're doing that for men? Showing your shoulders, OH YOU WHORE! So by assuming a girl is a tomboy or likes video games or whatever that they're just screaming, "OMG BOYZ PICK ME OMG!!" you are making a judgement based off fucking nothing, often by people who do nothing but yell the second they turn on a camera, or want a reason to bully someone, cause a guess life is too boring for y'all if you're not harassing someone at least once a day?

What makes it worse is that most girls aren't super feminine. Lots of girls like things boys like too and vice versa, and yet our society is still so segregated based on gender that we STILL gender things from color to hobbies to clothing. Isn't that so old-fashioned you can smell the rancidity??

My point is, GOD FORBID WOMEN DO ANYTHING!

And do you ever consider if she's trying to not be like other girls, maybe it has nothing to do with her not liking girls, but with the rapid capitalist fueled consumerism and shallowness and unwritten social rules girls are being brainwashed with. (I mean, look at the 10- and 11-year-olds making a mess of Sephora and tell me that's how girls are meant to act naturally. No, they've been brainwashed by social media, and sadly, they want to grow up far too quickly and don't value their childhood, but rant for another day.)

And to round out this rant, I will say a lot of tomboys are girls on the autism spectrum, thus they may find it easier to befriend guys than girls (at least when they're all young) because guys generally (note I say generally here) are less prone to enforcing unwritten social rules and confusing figurative language than girls are. And guess what? A hallmark autism is a more literal mindset than a social one.

And besides, in the situation that a girl takes on a new way of expressing herself to attract guys, what's actually wrong with that? Don't you know how often I've seen girls dress up and fake act like a guy's jokes are so funny so they can start a relationship? Because someone wants to loved or horny or both. (Which there's nothing wrong with.) So, why is it wrong to use the technique of wanting to attract someone by being interested in things they're interested in? Or worse yet, not running around shouting about how "all men are pigs." So, oh dear, pick me isn't just sexist against women, it's sexist against men, because I also often see it used against women who don't hate all men.

Or say it's an incel type situation, JUST FUCKING CALL HER AN INCEL? WTF is up with gendering our insults. Why do guys and girls need different terms if it's actually the case for showing the same behaviors? Call women simps, call them incels, stop reserving insults for guys until you want to assume a girl is just doing something for guy's attention for which you want to shame her for that aspect. (Because it's wrong to be horny all the sudden? This not only pisses me off, but it also confuses the hell out of me.) But hey, you judgmental bitches out there, maybe she, a girl a woman, LIKES SOMETHING!! OH NO!! How dare she, she's a femiod! (Do I need to point out the last few sentences are sarcasm?)

And remember girls, pick-me is not an insult against loser-type, blaming everyone else for their mistake's behavior like incel is, it's a direct insult against a girl DARING to go against pre-established gender roles. Who are the people actually putting boys and girls in boxes, affirming established gender roles by implying other types of behavior is against the norm? Is it the simple tomboy, or the jerks who continue using this insult without realizing it's an insult created specifically to force traditional femininity upon women instead of letting them be who they are.

(A lot of these "dreaded pick-me's" are probably non-binary too folks.)

Don't get me wrong, this gif goes both ways. Obviously when girls have been boxed in all their lives, they're gonna get obnoxious about it when they aren't inside the box anymore. Yet, those who fling around the pick-me insult are calling attention to the breaking of gender roles all the more, and in the way that actually enforces them rather than the thing I think "pick-me's" actually do, and that's desperately trying to build a unique personality and find themselves in a world that still limits women so much. Can you blame someone for trying to fight against something, even if they are doing so in a sloppy way?

Well, I'll leave off this long rant post with saying this was inspired when the Misery Machine posted a video of a woman who fucking murdered people, but instead of actually focusing on the crime, they focus on the aspect of her being a pick-me. Why? She was goth. Yup. I bet you're pissed too now. Her being a pick me had nothing to do with being a murderer, so why even bring it up?

I'm not trying to language police, I'm just trying to call out attention to quite frankly might just be a new slur, which people will look back on in shame. There's so much hatred against a lot of today's slang, so why isn't the worst slang getting more hatred than words like gyatt or fantom tax, which are harmless at the end of the day.

My main point, LET PEOPLE ENJOY THINGS and MIND YOUR OWN BUISNESS!!!! Let's be aware of all the little things designed to degrade people and bring them down while the corporations profit off our insecurities they created in us, and we can start by not using insults coined by Grey's Anatomy of all things.

[swagtastic-bougie-pompadour]

Several days late, but eventually, the Clive has Arrived!

Just like the annual Naranja-Uva Summer Sandwich Squabble, or NUSSS! Tune in this weekend to watch your favorite students, staff, and even celebs?!?! attempt to make sandwiches in a variety of wacky and comedic scenarios, such as:

Balancing the sandwich on a yoga ball!

Using ingredients requested in MewTube MegaChats!

Battling for possession of key ingredients!

Three-Legged Race style teamwork!

Being sung at by a Jigglypuff!

Whatever unexpected weirdness comes up and gives Director Clavell a migraine at the last minute!

This year, all proceeds from the NUSSS go to speeding our current accessibility renovations of the school, with all excess being donated to the Open World Project--a charity dedicated to bridging the challenges that make it difficult for disabled young people starting out on journeys! We hope you tune in or show up this Saturday and Sunday!

Now, without further ado, it is time for the next installment of:

Clive Update!

Today we have a guest from behind the scenes who needs little to no introduction: the girl, the myth, the one who saves me from many an episode of cringe: Miss Penny!

...Did you have to look so... disappointed in this photo?

It's my personal form of protest. Also, for the record, right before you took this photo you had just asked me what AO3 is. I don't know what face you were expecting.

...Clive, what the fuck are these colors?

It's your red and blue hair! I figured your text had to match your stylin', snazzy 'do... No? No.

Pink. I just want pink. Thank you.

Anyways, did you really run out of guests this fast? What, did Rika drop you or something because you were going to ruin her brand? Shit, I bet that's exactly what happened.

Language! And she just... needed to reschedule. Very busy woman.

Mhm. Yeah. That's what they all say. That's like saying you went to a hotel with a friend and the only available room had one bed...

What?

AO3 things. I'll explain later.

Anyways, Pride? Obviously it's pretty important to me. I mean... really. I don't think anybody's guessing the programmer girl with a big hoodie and two-tone hair is super cishet.

My experience of being free to be myself is something built off of generations of work and protest by LGBT+ people. The first Pride was a riot spearheaded by trans women of color, and it's important to remember our roots to see how far we've come, and how far we have left to go. So Pride, to me, is a continued, "We're here and we're weird! And we're not stopping anytime soon!"

...Shit, that's just Team Star, isn't it.

Penny... I... I think that's the most comprehensive, educational answer we've had here! And I didn't even have to ask you...

Y-yeah, of course it is. You're welcome.

...Anyways, uhh, what's your follow up question? You do have one, right?

...Hm. How are you liking it here on campus, now that Team Star has re-integrated into classes?

W-wha... I wasn't expecting that one, dude! I'm... getting along okay! I've got... my greatest treasure... here, after all.

And Nemona... annoyingly loud as she is... has been really nice to me too. Plus, I've got my Veevees! And of course, how could I forget my best. Pal. Clive. Who's definitely not just cringe incarnate tormenting me until the end of my short, miserable little life.

That's a JOKE, before you start getting all emotional on me, by the way!

I forgot how wounding teenagers can be... Ah! My heart! It has been pierced! And it is all Miss Penny's fault!

Geez. You're not half bad... sometimes. Come on. In return for this, you're proofreading my new My Palafin Academia hero/rival hurt-comfort slow burn fic.

I don't understand the meaning of half of those words, but I am terrified nonetheless!

[bi-kisses]

I wanted to thank you for the post you just made about detrans people, I really needed to hear that support right now since we don't really get much empathy these days. People just talk about us as statistics and bargaining chips and not really as people, it feels like. I won't pretend to know everything about the detrans/desist circles since I'm still new to it myself but I've experienced enough that so far anytime I see someone talking about detrans it's usually to win arguments or they only talk about misdiagnosed detransitioners, and those of us who were correctly diagnosed and are and always have been sex dysphoric get ignored. I guess we don't really 'fit' anyone's argument well enough for them to want to acknowledge us. It's a really sucky life to live for lack of a more formal wording; the only treatment that's really out there for this dysphoria is transitioning and when it doesn't work, it's a very bleak way to live. I never really understood why some people years into their transitions are still nearly as miserable as before they started or still attempt suicide, but now I do. I don't mean to vent or traumadump too much, for a little context as insight on a personal example: I had an unsuccessful transition. I was transitioned as a minor and now in my 20s I suffer from health complications, mostly regarding my heart and hemoglobin and all that (I've had heart palpitations/irregular heartbeat since I was 19 or 20), and I can no longer continue medically transitioning unless I want to see an early cardiac arrest or death from its worsening. The doctors that gave me transition treatment will not give me detransition treatment nor referrals so I'm on my own now. Not to mention I am stuck looking like a teenage boy and will never be able to look like a fully grown man which causes a lot of dysphoria and pain since the only reason I transitioned was to be a man, not to be a forever teenager. I don't regret the transition's effects of masculinizing me, if anything I wish there were more, but it's been 10 years so there's no more to be gained. At this point if I detransitioned fully I don't think I'd look like a woman either so I'm pretty much stuck suffering no matter what I do or don't do next in terms of continuing or stopping social aspects of my transition. I'm not sure if it's because I was transitioned too young or because I just have shit genes, but this is my situation and it is permanent.

Anyway, I'm sure there are many other detransitioners/desistors out there like me in similar situations. It's our lives, our realities, and it's a lot of suffering to have ignored and not have much support for. Not to mention how it's pretty much impossible to talk to friends and family about for fear of them lashing out that they think you 'betrayed' them or 'lied' or 'made a stupid mistake' so we don't have a lot of safe places to talk about this kind of thing. I even feel like I have to stay on anon to be able to safely talk about this here.

My heart goes out to you, and idk if it's any comfort but I have for sure seen several people in similar situations where they ARE dysphoric and would love to live as the opposite sex but it just isn't viable. Usually it's seen with trans women, as transitioning from male to female is notoriously luck dependent genetically speaking, but health issues have impeded trans guys I've known too.

I can't believe you aren't able to receive medical support for your detransition, that's fucking awful and those doctors should be held accountable for not providing what is, imo, a necessary service to help you live in a comfortable and healthy manor.

I'm not detrans, but I have a pretty fucking irritating health condition that makes my day to day really uncomfortable. I totally understand that helplessness. Doctors have been useless to me so far (I'm on, like, my third different specialist just hoping this one figures out what's wrong). Sometimes all we can do is figure out what works so that each day is worth getting through, even if we can't live in an ideal way.

Lots of love for you and I hope things get better soon. Feel free to reach out anytime.