#you've been gaslit your whole life

[maximura]

Wow. 2025 is learning about your own childhood trauma. Today I had confirmed to me something that I already knew but didn't know how to articulate: I am the scapegoat child of two narcissistic parents. They can't handle me pushing back so they discredit and deliberately tarnish my reputation so nobody will find me credible ever again.

The pipeline from scapegoat to black sheep is real and it all makes sense that nobody respects anything I say as an adult, even if I am the most qualified person to say it. I was also put down in front of random strangers and my flaws were verbally broadcast so widely that parents didn't want me to be friends with their kids and boys were scared to date me or didn't bother because they heard I was "mean and a loser". I found this out because one of them actually told me this! Very interesting.

[rubythecrimsonwriter]

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[charmedreincarnation]

HiHi charm! 🌟

I’ve been in the shifting community since 2016. I know it’s been forever! I first learned about shifting from occult and witch forums and I’ve been obsessed ever since. But till recently, I’ve only ever been able to mini shift! That's changed now :D!

I used your reverse psychology technique and just like you said, whenever I imagined my desired reality (dr), I would be like, "ugh not again, I just wanna wake up here". My 3D life is stressful and filled with anxiety, so whenever I would think about my life, I’d pretend I was happy to go back, even though deep inside, I wanted to escape.

I'm in the medical field because of my parents and I hate it. I used to cry every day, but using this technique helped with that too. I gaslit myself into thinking I actually preferred my awful life than shifting!!

I practiced the technique for about 2.5 days and also used a quantum jumping meditation I bought from Tumblr. Then, I shifted to a reality where my room walls was pink instead of purple, and in that reality, I’m the master of the void and shifting.

Here's another tip: shift somewhere with a small difference, like your laptop is silver instead of rose gold, and script that reality like your dr.

I scripted my birthday, my appearance, how my room looks, but the only thing is I scripted myself as the master of the void and shifting! So that’s what I did and when I saw my new room color, I didn’t even waste time and I entered the void just by thinking abt it.

I had a whole ass list. Everything changed from spirituality to the color of my hair! I have the same desires as everyone tbh being hot, popular, wealthy, smart. I changed my major and woke up in an apartment away from my annoying parents. Obviously a great life but I saved fame and billionaire status for my other drs but I am more than blessed as it is now!

I also spent the whole night shifting and I love the concept of waiting rooms, but I call it my pocket dimension, where I use to rest between shifts so I can shift for 10 years if I wanted and it would only translate to overnight in this reality. Also everyone including myself is immortal in my wr I’m gonna love forever !!!!

Anyways, not much to say, I don’t want this to be too long! But shifting and the void is real! The law is real and it’s sooo worth it. I already forgot how much I hated my life and it hasn’t even been that long.

Remember, you are the master of your reality! Keep shifting, keep dreaming! 💫

That's absolutely fantastic news girlie (I think)! I'm thrilled to hear about your successful shifting journey. It sounds like you've put a lot of thought and effort into this process, and it's paid off in the most wonderful way. Also Immortality in your wr is so real <3!!!! Super proud and happy for you 💗💗

[arcadia-of-pluto]

Twist of Fate; Chapter Nine

Pairings; LADS OT4 x reader

Word Count; 3,530

Themes; isekai, eventual smut

Rating; 18+ for swearing and some mature context

Notes; Final chapter for the weekend unless I'm feeling crazy and I post chapter ten on Saturday or Sunday- which could be possible. I will apologize up front because reader is annoyed with Kieran and Luke at first, but I want to make this as realistic as possible. I feel like any normal person would be a bit on edge and snappy during this whole ordeal- and also understandably scared of Sylus. I love him so much but he would come off as scary at first, even if we know he's a teddy bear. I also added some flower language, because I feel like Sylus and flowers go hand-in-hand (like Hades and Peresephone).

Another reminder, Sylus's emoji is ❤️

Prev || Next

Masterlist

“She won't be sleeping forever, right? She's been unconscious for a day now. Shouldn't we try waking her up?”

“Easy! Just open up a hole in the back of her head. Drill a hole in her neck and…”

Your eyes sluggishly open. Your hand still felt numb from the gun's recoil. You clench your hand into a fist a few times before looking over at the two men in the room who immediately hide the darts and drills behind their backs. You sit up, rubbing your temples, “You two-”

“You're seeing things. I'm the only one here. There is no “two”.” The man with the left horn piercing says and you raise a brow with a scoff, shaking your head as you take note of the room you're in.

The room was old and empty, dust lining mostly everything in sight. It was dark. A black-grey cotton blanket hangs off the bed frame. Once you're done looking at the room, you point to the right horn piercing man behind the first one. “Then who's that?”

You're clearly not amused and not in the mood to be gaslit.

“My soul can leave…my body…” and the right man sticks his hands through his chest, convulsing his body and you use all of your strength to not pull your hair out. “Are you stunned? Shocked? Boooring.” The right one says and you're really not finding where the joke begins and ends.

“Ahem…Hi Y/n. Before you left boss’ parlor..well, we already met. Four days ago to be exact.” Left piercing says and then right piercing continues, “We didn't just save you from that ungrateful traitor. We also brought you back to Onychinus’ base.”

“So…do you want a thank you?” You tilt your head to the side, feeling a headache coming on but you notice the wounds on your knees were well taken care of so you try your best not to take your anger out on them. Even if the twins were sent by Sylus to keep an eye on you.

While you were mentally prepared for this situation, finding yourself actually in it was a whole different ballpark. You were definitely in over your head.

You think back to what happened after you shot Sylus..

Your ears rung from the gunshot and the smell of smoke filled the air. You were finally able to have control over your actions and you immediately asked if he were crazy.

“You wanted to take my life and so you've taken it.” He held a hand on the muzzle of the gun, breathing a bit heavier now that he had blood on his face. He tossed the gun to the side, letting it clatter to the floor. “Now what? Have you already figured out how you'll pay me back?”

You were too busy in panic mode. “You can't die yet.” You pat your hand over his chest before placing both of your hands over the gunshot, worried on how you'd stop the bleeding but Sylus takes a hold of your wrists, “Why? Are you worried about me?” He chuckles, his red and black evol energy swirling under your palms. Then, he sits up. “Save that for the day you actually succeed in killing me.”

As you looked down at your shaky, bloody hand, you realized the blood faded away in a black smoke until your hand was clean.

“We know what you're thinking,” the left twin, named Luke, pulls you out of your thoughts. “But after being hunted down in the Nest, do you know how many people are out there looking for you?” “And even if you escape, you'll only get lost in the chaos of this no-man's land.” Kieran, the right twin, adds.

Did you really want to leave? It would be a good option but definitely not a smart one. Sure, you're a bit traumatized..thinking you killed a hot man and also that little voice in your head, but leaving? But if that's what they assumed then it's clear what you should be trying to do to follow the game as safely as you can.

“Wanderers will eat you up…and they also won't leave behind any crumbs so-” Luke keeps trying to say things to make you stay. “Stay here with our boss!” Kieran decides to join Luke as they say it together.

Did they…somehow think you and their boss had a thing for each other? How could they get such a wrong idea…though you wouldn't be opposed to it, you're still currently scared of him. Scared of the situation at hand.

“Throw away all morality and compassion, and this place will be a paradise!” Kieran and Luke are still talking. They sure yap a lot. “By the way, who's older? You two are basically identical twins,” you ask, trying to throw them off. “Take a guess.” Luke immediately bites the bait. “Could you come closer so I can get a better look?” You softly question, trying to seem as calm and innocent as possible.

Which seems to work, since Luke walks closer without even an ounce of suspicion. When he's within reach, you pull out a laser pointer and hold it against his neck so you can threaten him. “Hey- What're you doing!?”

“Hmm have you heard of the XT-7, the Hunters Association’s latest weapon?” You raise a brow, thumb hovering above the trigger of the laser pointer. “It's a high powered laser that can penetrate your skin and vaporize your blood. The good news is its quick and painless but…the bad news is that you'll be losing a lot of blood. Are either of you squeamish?” You shoot them an innocent smile.

The two of them fall silent before Kieran opens the door and moves aside. “Did we say you weren't allowed to leave?”

You blink a few times, pressing your lips into a thin line. Damn you and your overthinking. Gosh, that's embarrassing.

You clear your throat and step into the dimly lit hallway with both of the twins, trying to brush off your threats from earlier. “Okay, just go straight down the hall and you’ll see the exit.” Kieran says, pointing to a door as you let go of Luke, who rubs his neck and promptly rushes over to Kieran’s side to hide behind him.

Though his gaze was still on the laser pointer in your hand. It’s a shame to let it go since you had gotten it for Estelle or Leo but…”Do you want it?” You ask him with a raised brow before you toss it toward him, “Here.” Luke, who is clearly surprised, catches it, “Really? That’s very nice of you to just give away a hunter’s secret weapon.” “It’s…a laser pointer,” You cover your mouth with a hand as you laugh. “You…-” You hear the slight embarrassment in Luke’s voice.

You flash a playful smile at him, moving to step in front of them both with your hands behind your back. “Did I ever say it was the XT-7?” Your laugh slightly rings out in the empty hallway as you get further and further away from the twins, who began whispering between each other behind you.

“How far do you think she’ll get? Thirty meters?” Luke whispers to Kieran, who chuckles, “I bet not even ten steps.” “I’ll…say five then.” Luke retorts, always trying to one up his twin.

Their voices slowly fade into the background as you kept walking down the hallway. You lift your arm up to look at your hunter’s watch, a bit surprised that they left it on you but then you realize it has no signal. Great. A sigh escaping your lips. Of course, it wouldn’t be that easy. The corridor before you is completely dark save for a few lights littering the tops of doorways, feeling almost like an endless tunnel or some kind of catacombs. While you really didn’t expect them to be kind enough to show you the way out, leaving that room could already be considered progress. At least, the most progress you’ve made since being here.

There are several, small crystal vases on the shelf by the wall. The drooping flowers in them have already withered which is a shame since they would’ve been so pretty. You notice daffodils- also known as a narcissus flower, poppy flowers, honeysuckles, baby’s breath, and a singular red rose.

You knew a tiny bit of flower language, having noticed a sign on the wall in Jeremiah’s flower shop a few days ago and from how much you were into Greek mythology in your past life. Narcissus flowers were what distracted Persephone before she was taken by Hades, poppy flowers mean ‘I am not free’, honeysuckle means ‘devoted affection’, baby’s breath means 'everlasting love', and red roses mean ‘I love you’. You were unsure of how to interpret any of that, but the narcissus flowers stood out to you most. Sylus really did feel like Hades…so would that make you Persephone? He was the leader of the underground, the N109 Zone…

On the other side of the vases is a black bird, a crow. It’s perched on a marble pillar that’s half as tall as a human with its metal wings tucked in. Was it just a statue? You weren’t so sure since you did recall seeing a crow fly onto Sylus’ shoulder whenever you first met him. Its eyes appear to be made of rubies. They glow with a lustrous yet haunting hue in the darkness. Its eyes suddenly move, fixing its gaze on you without blinking. You jump a bit, placing a hand over your chest as you narrow your eyes. Was this thing really alive? You take a deep breath and reach toward it to make sure whenever it suddenly spreads its wings and flies toward you. Its razor sharp feathers narrowly miss the top of your head as it passes through the thin gap of an open door. To pass through the corridor, you’ll have to go through there so maybe it was trying to show you the way? You hesitate for a moment, deciding to follow the crow after a few seconds since you had nowhere else to go.

Melodious classical music seeps out from behind the door, making the corridor even more peaceful- though a bit creepy. A relaxed male voice rings out amidst the graceful song. It feels akin to hearing a monologue behind a curtain.

“...they plan to implant protocores into human hearts. Then they’ll insert the human consciousness into wanderers. Their little project has a name. The Fountain of Atei..” The unfamiliar voice says and you can hear Sylus’ bored voice from the room. “You should know I’m not interested in other people’s business..and Mephisto said you lied. You’re not even telling me everything. It’s a shame you threw away your last chance.”

Mephisto? Why does that sound familiar…Anyway, you assume that man is probably about to die soon.

“No! Please forgive me…You can still use me as a tool! I…” “Our deal is over. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to entertain a more important guest.” Your body tenses up and you internally curse. If you’ve learnt anything from watching movies, then you know he knew you were behind the door. You strain your ears to try and listen to more but the pleading voice is gone, almost as if it were never there in the first place. Nothing but silence remains.

Then, the music that was playing before transitions into a more gentle song played by string instruments. “Aren’t you going to come in?” You hear Sylus ask and you know he’s not talking to anyone else but you. The twins sent you in this direction for a reason.

You grumble under your breath before stepping into the room, pausing as you enter it. The room was beautiful from the clean, white tablecloth to the silverware sparkling under the light to even the ice bucket with bottles of red wine. The gory scene you envisioned wasn’t here. Inside this calm room, it was almost like the other man inside never even existed, vanishing without a trace. You suddenly felt…hungry? How could you feel hungry after hearing all of that? Sylus waltzes over to the table, picking up a decanter and stepping over to your side as he pours you a glass of wine. One of your hands grabs onto the chair in front of you, squeezing on it to try and level your head as it felt like a crushing weight was pressed down on top of it. The same suffocating feeling you felt earlier trying to resurface as one hand darts out to grab a knife from the table.

“This will be useful for defending yourself in the N109 Zone.” Sylus lets out a cold chuckle as he places a familiar gun on the table. “Are you trying to mock me or something?” You raise a brow at him, grip tightening on the knife in your hand. “I’m giving you a way out.” He states as if it's clear as day what he means, “Since you can’t escape, why don’t we make a deal?” You take a shallow breath, drinking the wine in your hand as if to steel your nerves for what comes next. “Onychinus’s modus operandi is buying and selling by force. Too bad, I’m not interested.” At least, you have to act not interested since it would be out of character for you to openly accept this without having some big reason. You drink some more wine, feeling the burning in your stomach as it was stronger than you thought but you couldn’t stop drinking. You felt too hungry, too thirsty. It’s as if you were trying to numb yourself with this sensation.

“As long as you have desires, there will always be deals to make,” Sylus says as he tucks his thumbs in his pockets. His crimson eyes full of malice as he flashes a hint of a smile. Your gaze down to his smile before noticing how his tall figure blocks out some of the light…his right eye starting to glow once more. He’s got to be using some kind of power and when he uses it, you’ll be in a daze and experience auditory hallucinations.

“So many days have come and gone. You should know your own desires by now,” Sylus says as he twirls a coin around in his hand, flipping it into the air. You press your lips together in a thin line. You had a few thoughts, sure. A few desires. Some you’d rather not admit aloud. Okay, more than a few actually but that’s beside the point. What does he even want to know? “Only I can give you what you want.” His voice drops to a whisper, dripping with an emotion you can’t describe. Your hand clenches into a fist as you clear your throat and turn your head away. You wouldn’t lie, that did sound hot, but you knew he wasn’t talking about where your mind went. “And you will agree to my terms.”

You shake your head, squeezing your eyes shut for a moment as you refuse to be controlled by this man. “What terms?” You ask, stepping closer to Sylus as you hold your head up high to look up at him. Your head tilting to the side. “You just want me to resonate with you, right? You know what,” You shake your head with a sharp laugh, “Sure, I’ll accept this deal. It’s not like I have much leverage in this situation anyways. I resonate with you and you give me the aether core from Onychinus’s auction-'' You grab onto his hand. His fingers are long and his palm is cold, even touching his hand faintly brings forth a sense of dread.

“Release me. You can’t do that just yet.” He sighs, shaking his head and you let out a huff, “Don’t move!” You look up at him with furrowed brows, being spurred on by your want to hurry up and leave. Trying to find a hint of emotion or anything on his face and for a moment, a complex and incomprehensible struggle appears in his gaze. What could be the reason for that? Where does the power in his right eye come from? Why does it feel so oddly familiar to you? Is it related to the aether core? Time passes ever so slowly, silence filling the room. “Why is it..” You murmur under your breath but you refuse to give up, gripping his hand tighter as you try to focus on resonating with the man. It was never this difficult to resonate with the others, so why wasn’t it working now? The invisible pressure swelling around you becomes stronger and the alcohol inside you was gradually subsiding as you slowly realized you made a very dangerous move.

You blink a few times and let out a small, awkward laugh. “Ah…” You straighten your posture and quietly try to let go of Sylus’ hand and yet for all his denying from earlier, he grips your hand more tightly, not allowing you to pull away from him. “Maybe…I’ve been too kind to you.” His voice deeply drawls as he keeps a firm grip on your hand. You couldn’t even try to pull away if you wanted to now. “You- let go!” Your cheeks are puffed up in a pout, not even noticing how comfortable you’re getting with him.

“Even if you keep holding on to me like this, I can’t resonate with you. It’s not something I can just do on a whim! I could do it so easily with…” You stop yourself from finishing your sentence and Sylus raises a brow, “Hmm…after all that arrogance, it seems like you can’t even control your own evol.” “...at the very least it doesn’t want to be activated in front of you,” You murmur under your breath as you pout, lowering your gaze away from him. Though once you look back up at him, you notice his gaze is on your interlocked hands. He stares at them blankly for a few minutes before he finally begins to let go. You rub your wrists and take a few steps back, your breathing and heartbeat gradually returning back to normal.

You both were at a standstill. Then, with a thoughtful expression, he leans back in his chair and looks at you. “Just as I thought. You’re too weak.” He rests his hand under his chin with a thoughtful expression on his face. Is everyone in the N109 Zone weird? Because you like to think you’ve gotten a considerable amount stronger, especially since you’ve been training for two months now. Sylus pinches the area between his brow, then raps his knuckles against the table. “Eat as much as you want.” He says those words like he’s giving out an order that won’t be questioned.

You look over all of the food on the table, suddenly being reminded of the Hades and Persephone myth. The specific part where if you eat the food of the Underworld then you’re trapped there. Your gaze lands on an oddly coincidental pomegranate on the table. “What? Are you..” The word ‘insane’ hovers on the tip of your tongue, but you force yourself to stop talking. You turn to look back at the long, seemingly endless table behind you. It is certainly filled with a wide variety of food but the lavishness of it is almost dizzying. Any other time it would probably be quite attractive for a man to be showing off his wealth like this but you’re unsure of how to feel since you don’t know just where all of this wealth came from.

“I’ll give you ten minutes. After you’re done, come find me outside the base’s entrance. You better hope our deal is successful. Otherwise, consider this your last meal.” You tense up as Sylus walks past you to leave the room, the door clicking shut behind him.

You let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding and drop to the ground, your knees giving out. “Jesus christ…” You mutter, exasperated. This was not normal at all. You weren’t sure how you were going to be able to get used to any of this but you can’t ponder much on it as you feel a buzzing in your pocket. “What-” You reach in and pull your phone out. Why the hell did you still have your phone? You check your new messages and see one from a random number, getting flashbacks to the unknown number before you woke up in this world but turns out, it’s just Sylus.

❤️ :’Ten minutes. Dont forget.’

You roll your eyes, pulling out a chair to sit down as you tell him to make it twenty since you haven’t eaten in a day or two. You decide to push your worries about Hades and Persephone aside, changing his nickname in your phone to ‘Hades’ before you start eating. If you’re going to keep up this act of being fine, then you really need some food in your system.

If the dialogue feels a bit stiff, that's because it is. It's so hard to fit my own words into the story itself whenever there's so much dialogue. I can't have what I want the reader to say, because the storyline is too built up on what the original mc says and her reactions to the world around her...but I will criticize her every action as the reader's thoughts, because some things that she does are rather dumb. Or they don't make sense for the narrative.

Chapter ten is another one of my favourites and includes more flower language so I hope you're excited for it 🩷 I think flower language is so pretty and really fits 'Love and Deepspace'. Because just a single flower can tell a big story. Like the flowers I chose, in-game there wasn't any flowers at all. In the vase, they were wilted so instead, I just looked up flower language and chose a few to tell a narrative! These are the small changes I wanted to do with the original story so I hope they don't catch y'all too off guard.

Taglist; @orphicmeliora , @yoongi-tunes

[whateverisbeautiful]

Hi! I just wanted to say that I discovered your top 30 Richonne list a few days ago and I've been down the meta rabbit hole you've so wonderfully crafted this entire week so far. I've cried and smiled so much reading them. Each post is just so beautiful.

I was reading one of your Reveling in Richonne posts this morning for episode 10 x 04 where Michonne talked with Ezekiel about how much she still misses Rick and loves him so much and that she misses his walk and now I can't get over it. Now I'm thinking about all those times when she looked at Rick walking towards or away from her pre- and post-canon where she would be thinking the man I'm crushing on, then eventually the man I love is so sexy. Is there any chance you can do a post speculating those moments where they are both checking each out specifically regarding Michonne checking out Rick's walk?

Also I cant wait for you to do a Reveling in Richonne continuation based on TOWL 👀? So excited! Lastly I just need you to know that my Richonne withdrawals have been pretty bad now that TOWL has concluded. So discovering your blog and your metas have been giving me my whole entire life and I just want to say thank you and that I really appreciate all the thought and beauty you put into your posts. You're amazing!!!! 👏🏽 👏🏽 🤩 💖

Hi @rct85 ! I'm so encouraged by your message, thank you so much. 🥰 I love that this richonne reveling rabbit hole could help with the richonne withdrawal. I’m feeling it too and really miss seeing them on screen each week. 🥲 Thank goodness we were spoiled with years of richonne content that I’ve just been playing on a loop in my head. The second I'm finally able, I'm looking forward to going all out and writing about every golden moment from TOWL. The towl thoughts and observations are abundant lol.

And I really like that thought of highlighting the times that Michonne was looking at Rick and thinking this man I'm crushing on and later in love with is so sexy. I can definitely speculate on those moments and I've placed my extra self’s speculation right below. 😊⬇

I focused on Michonne specifically for this one because if I were to make a list of times Rick was looking at Michonne and thinking this woman I'm crushing on/in love with is so sexy it would be wildly long because it's every single moment he and Michonne are on screen together. Like truly from TWD 3.06 at the fence to the TOWL 1.06 finale Rick looks like he's thinking that. 😋 While Michonne can be a little more subtle than Slick Rick, she's still head over heels for her husband and I think I pinpointed some clear moments where she was noting how fine her man is and appreciating that walk. 😏 Thanks again for reading my posts and for this kind message! 💗

Moments Michonne Was Checking Out Her Man’s Walk/Thinking Rick Is Fine 😋

Exhibit A:

It started real early if you ask me. 😌 At this point our Michonne had been abandoned by her only friend, unsuccessfully gaslit by the governor, chased down and shot by Merle, and passed out killing walkers at the prison fence. She’d been put through a whole lot in mind and body…but her eyes clearly still work just fine as she seems to be taking in this handsome stranger in front of her.

And sis is an observant person so I wouldn’t at all be surprised if she had a conscious thought that this man from the prison is attractive, even here in their first exchange. Thinking about how she described Maggie and the Governor based on appearances in this ep, I’d bet that had Michonne had to describe Rick this early, some type of good-looking adjective would‘ve been used.

(*Also the footnote for all of these bits of evidence is that Rick is absolutely captivated by her in each of these moments too 💯)

Exhibit B:

Clear is where that Richonne attraction was loud and on display from both of them. We don’t see Rick walk away in this scene at the end of the ep but uh Michonne does. 😊 And of course she likes what she sees with that lingering look and smile she gives. And all that car key shuffling - it’s giving Rick is pretty eager but maybe she is too 🤭

Exhibit C & D:

I put these two moments side by side because I love how similar they are in the way Rick walks up to her and the way Michonne smiles at him. To think one scene is during their early s4 crush era and the other is during their s7 honeymoon ep, just goes to show these two have been smitten a long long time and always will be. In both moments I know Michonne loves seeing his walk just like Rick loves seeing her smile.

Exhibit E:

As she observes Rick here, I think Michonne has a lot of thoughts going through her head, which naturally are deeper than just checking him out. On a larger level, she’s realizing that Rick has unique qualities that she loves and respects and recognizes in her own self. She saw firsthand the way Rick walks the walk when it comes to protecting his family and she’s fallen in love with him. But I think an appreciation for his literal walk can be included in those thoughts during this scene as she starts to slowly become more cognizant that she sees Rick as a lot more than just a friend.

Exhibit F (Pt. 1 & Pt. 2):

I may have forgot if this was a list of Michonne’s thoughts or mine with exhibit f lol. But I’m just gonna venture to say that she and I shared the same appreciation for Rick’s walk in that barn. It’s Season 5 Rick - of course Michonne was feeling a type of way about him. And she might not have agreed with him punching Aaron but I know she wasn’t mad at that walk.

Exhibit G:

Seeing Rick’s clean-shaven face for the first time was Michonne’s most blatant display of attraction towards him pre-canon and she was definitely noting how fine he is. And from my posts on the scene, it’s no secret how much I love this moment and it’s no secret how much these two were into each other. I also just added a later s5 moment of Rick seeing Michonne in the constable windbreaker for the first time because it gives a similar energy. It’s cute how Rick and Michonne both have such obvious attraction and intrigued reactions to seeing each other in ways they haven’t seen each other before.

(That’s also why I thought it was so funny and doomed that their plan was to pretend like they don’t know each other at the CRM because Richonne hasn’t been able to mask their blazing attraction to each other since season 3)

Exhibit H:

This is such a sweet moment and I always adore seeing the slightly bashful way Michonne can’t help but stare at her man and smile after their first night together. And the way Rick can sense her looking at him and then smiles and reaches for her. It gives me life. This had to make this list because I’m pretty sure “the man I love is so sexy” is one of the direct quotes from Michonne’s mind in this scene.

Exhibit I:

Even when injured Rick’s walk is hot and Michonne knows it. 😋 The scene above and a couple more in this episode were clear signs of Michonne admiring her man inside and out. They were both so cute and couply and in love in this ep and I’ll never get over it.

In The Ones Who Live…

Each of these towl moments deserves dissertations so I’ll wait to elaborate because dissertations are coming later on. But I still had to include them on this list because they’re prime examples of Michonne loving Rick’s walk and/or loving how sexy her husband is - with the last one being the pinnacle 😍

Exhibit J:

Exhibit K:

Exhibit L:

Exhibit M:

Exhibit NOPQRSTUVWXY&Z:

[maxdibert]

you've mentioned in the comments that you think Lily and Snape's friendship would break even if he didn't joined DEs and though I agree I'd like to hear more of your opinion on this, maybe I missed a post idk

Main points for it are Lily's obvious fancying of James and marauders (🙄) and her hate of dark magic (and she's complete pussy for it. disregarding whole subcategory of magic just because you think it's bad and putting Severus down for liking it? it's same as thinking that people who enjoy exploring true crime or collecting taxidermy are murderers) but in a world without marauders I think they might continue talking with each other.. maybe. Severus would still cencor himself about dark arts and he deserves someone who can support him but still

also completely off point but she was so stupid for liking pettigrew, worrying about him, calling wormy and not suspecting him at all. she really didn't remembered how happy he was of snape's bullying? or this is another argument she didn't cared about severus? did any of them tried to analyze people who surround them?? WHY would you trust a person who's animagus is RAT and make him secret keeper instead of someone who's animagus is a DOG. I can't comprehend how stupid you should be to do it. James, Lily and Sirius all were in some way described as smart in books and they all agreed it was a good move I just CANT

I think they would have stayed in touch but gradually drifted apart over time. In the end, they would have taken different paths, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t have spoken. Severus probably would have had the chance to mature and overcome his emotional dependence on her, allowing him to build a life for himself, which would have broadened his perspective on social relationships. A lot of things would have been different, really.

As for Peter—well, considering that Lily clearly didn’t think the Marauders’ bullying was a big deal (since she gaslit Severus every time he brought it up and said nonsense like, “At least they don’t use Dark Magic”), I doubt she would have given it much thought. I mean, if she married the main perpetrator, why wouldn’t she trust one of his fans?

[just-prime]

I'm not sure if you've been watching The Acolyte, but my critically high levels of sodium over the Ahsoka series have returned with the revelation that Rosario must have fought Lucasfilm over fight/lightsaber training stipulating in her contract.

Manny Jacinto, who came to the role with a black belt in Tae Kwon Do trained for four months for his fight scenes before filming. Rosario repeatedly said in interviews that she trained for two hours a day while filming, and it was clear that she thought this was a lot.

I tried to write it off last year. Budget and time constraints, George Lucas overspent and Disney is doing things differently, the prequel era is dead-

No.

No, this is not the case.

Prequel era love and care in the arena of bringing characters who are expert sword wielders and martial artists to life is alive and well at Lucasfilm.

Daphne Keen fights like Ahsoka plucked from the middle of the Clone Wars and brought to life. Dean Charles Chapman's saberwork is a beautiful hybrid of Obi-wan and Anakin with lightning fast, graceful Soresu and saber spins, lightsabers are deadly once more and used in ways we haven't seen outside of animation and video games, and characters far, far older than 11 ABY Ahsoka have kinetic, energetic choreography because a 42 year old Jedi is nowhere near over the hill, and I'm done with being gaslit about her age.

There are many issues with this show, yes, but there are no cameos (save for one blink and you miss it), no name dropping to make the audience tear up and feel something based on the hard work of previous content. Nuggets are plucked from the EU and made fresh, like the delightful and creative use of cortosis. New force worshipping sects with their own beliefs are brought to life without being the Nightsisters. The galaxy feels large again.

It's everything Ahsoka wasn't and shows just how soulless an effort that show was. Ironically this is the show that's getting raked over the coals while nearly all criticism of Ahsoka was met with dismissal despite the show being desperately mediocre.

If you had asked me to go in without behind the scenes knowledge and tell you if Filoni or Headland was the one new to Star Wars and who was approaching this effort with genuine love of the material and passion for world building and adventure, it wouldn't be the guy who was recently made Creative Director.

I'm sorry for once again paragliding into your inbox (yes, this is the salty anon from last summer lol), especially if you aren't interested in The Acolyte, but it just sheds so much light on everything wrong with Ahsoka and how valid our criticisms were. Salt doesn't have an expiration date, so I hope this is a little bit of vindication!

Hello, hello! Hang up your paraglider, you're always welcome in my ask box.

I have been watching the Acolyte! I'll admit, I saved off answering this until the final ep had come out so that if there were any more cool fight scenes, they were not missed in my response.

Thoughts I had Pre Finale

All in all I agree completely.

While flawed (personally I feel like the acting on Osha and Mea is the weakest part of the show as a whole, as well as the fact that this very much felt like a movie idea stretched into a tv show) the Acolyte has been legions better than the previous slop that Disney Star Wars has put out recently. You know why? Because I had fucking fun watching it. Sure, afterwards I'd usually say something along the lines of 'wow the pacing is a bit weird' but all in all? Actively enjoyable. It never made me angrily close the D+ tab mid episode.

It's also been a facinating litmus test for what people are able to be chill about Star Wars and which ones are not able to handle it. The amount of reviewers and reactors whom I previously had massive respect for who just are acting like utter tools is really getting on my nerves.

Because in sooooo many ways this has been exactly what people have been asking for. A new perspective, with new ideas that isn't just focused on the Skywalker saga. And on top of that, holy fuck the fights are glorious. You are absolutely right, both Dafne Keen's and Tommon's fights prove just how well you can have lightsaber skills look from a single person, as well as the Wookie fight showing off some truly impressive choreo between the three.

And then you have Manny Jacinto...hello ARMS

The man is by far the standout joy of the series (followed closely by Sol) as the man just oozes charisma. His big fight against everyone was brutal and I'm glad to see that lightsabers are once again deadly in the Star Wars universe. Watching him mow through a legion of Jedi was so incredibly satisfying to watch, and again he is just knocking it out of the park with the choreo. LOVE the way that they've introduced cortosis into live action, especially in a fighting style. Headbutting a lightsaber was fucking amazing to witness. Though it's actually not the first time that it's appeared in Canon star wars, as it appears in the second canon Thrawn book, Thrawn : Alliances!

The exploration of the Dark Side is being done in such an interesting way, because none of the practitioners we've seen would self identify as 'dark side users' at all. Because sure, you have Manny Jacinto who is out being evil because the Jedi were going to label him as dark side either way so he might as well defend himself, for him it's just the way he connects with the Force. But you also have the witches, who's mind infiltration is certainly Dark Side, but are just out here living their best witchy lives. They live by their Thread, regardless of what the Jedi would call it.

As always, also the "the jedi need to be the coolest and the morally purest people in the whole wide world" people are having hissy fits, which is just like...no? Stop being allergic to nuance? We've seen time and time again how the Jedi were in fact a child taking cult (yes, yes they are, if you disagree i'd recommend going and rewatching TPM which spells it out pretty clearly) usually we've just been on the Jedi's POV so it seems justified. The Sol flashback episode I think shows off this mentality very well. He had good intentions, sure, but all in all, he wants to take and even Trinity calls him on it. It's a fascinating examination of what decades later would lead Anakin down a path of desperation.

Speaking of Anakin...People getting suuuuuper protective over Anakin's super special status as 'the chosen one' was also rather surreal to witness. Personally, I don't see how this invalidates his 'the chosen one' in the first place? But people were definitely scraping the bottom of the barrel for things to complain about, as opposed to offering actually constructive criticism, of which there are plenty of options.

Thoughts I had Post Finale

All in all, nothing really changed for me, as usual, the pacing was absolutely fucked and the action was absolutely incredible, and in the end, I enjoyed the experience of watching it.

I certainly appreciate seeing more of the Jedi actively covering shit up, both in little ways as well in big ways.

Also *waves* Hi Plagueis!

My main little gripe

I really don't get why they needed to actively tie Mr. Darth Hotpants over here to Venesta specifically? I get the want to connect him to an established character, it just rang a little hollow for me. I think I'd have preferred it if he was just a rando youngling who never even got to being a Padawan cuz the Jedi kept trying to basically de-dark side him ala grade schools punishing for being left handed. Donno, I just think that would have been a bit more compelling.

My main BIG gripe

Why...THE FUCK...did they split up??? They burned waaaay more time having their little heart to heart then had it been all three of them fucking booking it to the ship. I just don't get it. I don't get why Mae or Osha would want to leave each other again, and I don't get why Manny Jacinto would willingly give up an additional fighter. I get the whole "There can only be two" bit, but A) Plagueis is already there on the island, so Osha makes it three and B) Osha's probably going to be more motivated with a little living reminder of the Jedi's lies being right there and present and C) Osha and Mae are both so fucking powerful why would anyone just let one half of the pair walk away????

It just didn't fit with any of the character's previous actions so it annoys me.

Kinda ended as I began, relatively neutral on it all. Think if pressed would give it a 7/10 just because the action was SO FUCKING GOOD, otherwise it would probably be lower due to the rather painful pacing issues and the meh acting on display from Amandla Stenberg which was just such a huge shame cuz I know she's got more range than this.

Mainly, I just really really hope future shows take from this just how good lightsaber combat can be when you have properly trained performers. THIS should be the standards, and it's painful that its not.

As always thank you for dropping into my ask box! You always give me so much to work with it's a joy to respond :D

[lavender-teardroplettes]

Si x Friend headcannons mayhaps🥺👉👈

......ANON I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

God it's been a minute and Si's lore got lumped in with me first trying to make an oc for the game before switching into self insert-

Friend 100% was Si's first crush even if he pushed Si away at first and while keeping in mind that neither of them knew what a crush was at that point.

Even before Friend's family dies, Si's family would hold up appearances and let him hide out at their house occasionally. Si's house was nowhere as clean as Friends no matter how much clutter and other junk were cleaned up, but to both of them, because it was happier together than alone, it was home. After the accident, Si was allowed more in Friend's household and Friend was allowed to travel more frequently between his and SI's place to get what little comfort and sense of normality he could hold onto.

Keagan caused a REALLY big rift in Si and Friend throughout high school until the two of them had their initial falling out. A lot of it was Keagan super hitting on Si, and one of Keagan's friends (blanking on his name atm) not only putting down Si, but putting down Friend at the same time. It was stupid and chalked up to peer pressure and SI not actually having a good support system that he distanced himself from Friend, when in reality they were each other's biggest rocks and something Si regrets betraying before the events of the demo.

The day Si calls Friend to pick him up after breaking up with Keagan and not wanting to ride in a car with a drunk driver was one of the hardest days in Si's life. He finally allowed himself to be vulnerable and rely on the one person he knew he could count on....and oh god was he glad it was still true.

During the events of the demo- I see Si being on the side of still harboring old feelings for Friend, but not wanting to mess up the second chance they have. He assumes Friend is being his usual flirty self since Si had heard about him being more of a playboy, and you expect your friends to change over the years, so he mostly pushes his feelings down and feels like he's the only one stuck in the past.

^ This also causes him to be a little too nice and friendly with people since he's used to his best friend "casually flirting" with him and doesn't think too much of the more subtle approach most people take....like Carter for example.

I don't see Si getting kidnapped to the basement in the way that most do in that sort of route. I see Friend playing on Si's paranoia and convincing him that he can't trust anyone in the way he trusts Friend, and that it would be just like Keagan all over again. Why start all over with someone new when you can be with someone you've known....trusted....loved....your whole life? I see maybe one friend that Si makes outside of Friend possibly dying if they pry too much into Si's disappearance, but I would also like to think that if Si went willingly, Friend would try his best to scare them off instead of risking Si being upset with him more than he already is with the confusion of being gaslit and essentially talked into living in a fancy cell.

Alternatively....we can have two dorks who have been love with each other since there were kids where one person knew all along and the other took longer to realize it until their sense of love and comfort suddenly wasn't there anymore. Si and Friend are both on the demi spectrum iirc, but it takes longer for Friend to realize it and they fall victim to stupid high school bs in between everything. In this case, I see the cat cafe date being canon, with SI wearing a cute outfit just to TRY and shoot his shot again hopefully picking up on Friend's signals in the right way this time. Of course, this still means that Friend is weary of every move Si makes, but it opens up for more measures of security on Si's end. Si'll never know who killed the man who touched his arm or the woman who got to close to him while he was walking, and slowly Friend has more of a grasp on Si's day to day life to make sure he NEVER leaves Friend in the same way his sisters did. To Friend....he has nothing left to hope or LIVE for if he doesn't have Si, and he's not giving an inch of an opening for it to happen again....if he can manage it.

[rainbowdaisy13]

Based on the last few days, I have a number of thoughts about this whole malarkey. 1) I think it's most likely that all of this--the op-ed, the CNN piece, Chely, etc.--were, if not completely planned for, part of an overall strategy Tree is working on. The op-ed is one of the most out-there and reputable pieces of evidence about Taylor's queerness and the way she shows it. It is planting seeds in people's minds who may have never even thought of queer signaling before (straight people usually don't), and CNN and the backlash makes it all controversial and even bigger. Next thing you know, you've got people from all walks of life wondering about Taylor's queer signaling/queerness. The public now knows that if she comes out, there were signs. 2) There is a slight chance that Tree either didn't know about the op-ed, or couldn't stop it from happening. The NYT publishes very controversial op-eds from very controversial people sometimes (a piece they published by Putin comes to mind). Op-eds are a way for them to sell subscriptions while giving the Times some distance from the content of the editorial (at least that's the sense I've gotten from my time working in publishing). 3) That said, publicists who work with mega stars are scary as hell and I don't know that editors at the Times would want to risk crossing her or anyone in Taylor's camp. 4) I haven't read the CNN article or seen the TV bit, but CNN really doesn't seem like Taylor's vibe. Or at least it wasn't until the NFL stuff. Maybe right now, since Taylor is so catastrophically famous at this point, she is hitting so many demographics that the PR narrative is getting very intricate. Tree and Taylor seem pretty brilliant at seeding narratives, but from my newbie perspective, this feels like a particularly difficult one to seed without people getting hurt in the crossfire. Unfortunately, the hurt demographic is more likely to be gaylors than straight conservative swifties who buy right into Taylor's expert marketing machine. 5) There is a (small) part of me that thinks maybe Taylor wants to signal, but not be out. Her signaling, however, seems to be getting louder with time. And yet, loud signals come alongside Hallmark hetero behavior. Maybe the intricate path is indeed one of two steps forward, one step back. I understand why people are feeling gaslit. Do I feel gaslit? Not really, but I do feel victimized by Tree's strategy. LOL

This is wonderful! Love the different possibilities, it really could be any of those and we may never fully know! Raise your hand if you have been personally victimized by Taylor Swift and Trees PR strategy

[kevin-day-is-bi]

for the choose violence ask game: 3, 12, 18 🔥

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

oh there's so many bad ones.......i saw this one earlier

there's literally so much to unpack here, but starting with the fact that Barbara and Dick are like one of the most popular ships ever but somehow Jason and Steph is borderline incest......just an absolutely insane take to me that makes No sense. i've also never heard of the discourse around Jason and Roy but apparently it's common?????

AND SAYING THEY WISHED JASON STAYED DEAD RATHER THAN BEING SHIPPED. all around so goddamn wack

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

Barbara Kean from the Gotham show. i'm actually a rly big Gotham fan (i don't think it's the most canon-aligned show but i do love it so) but i feel like Gotham fans generally dont like Barbara. i love her sm that i dressed as her one year for our local comic convention.

i think she's such a good character for the setting of Gotham as a city. she's gaslit and manipulated and tortured until she goes insane and starts kidnapping ppl and hallucinating her nonexistent wedding and having gay sex. truly you can't get a more accurate Gothamite

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

hmm immediate post-Killing Joke Barbara. it's such a horrible tragedy and even in canon it's such a misogynistic sexually violent thing to happen to her. i think fandom as a whole doesn't want to or just doesn't have the resources to think critically about how destructive being suddenly disabled in any way can be on your mental health, and i get that, but i really wish there was more discussion or art around that time in her life

[chubbyybunnie]

Learning how to trust yourself when you've been gaslit your whole life is some scary shit man

[the-most-adorkable-smile]

1, 3 and 12 for the fun asks please :) Get well soon.

Thank you for the ask ^-^ And I shall try :')

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

Oooh, tricky question. A lot has helped shape me into who I am, and not all of it has been positive. I think the three biggest influences on my life have got to be:

Bullying: I was bullied a lot in my youth, and it's affected how I see myself and how I hold myself. A lot of my anxiety and self-reliance comes from being bullied, gaslit, and generally traumatised as a kid - there were no real authority figures I could trust, and I got in trouble when I retaliated against my bullies, so I ended up going through life feeling like I couldn't trust or rely on a lot of people. Which brings me to:

Therapy: Let's go for a happier one. I used to have terrible panic attacks at the thought of failing people, or from being in crowds or from trying to make phone calls. It's taken a whole-ass decade and a bunch of different therapies, counselling services, and dudes whose stock response to mental illness is "have you tried weed?" (No and I'm not going to. It's not for me.) but I'm at the point now where I can hold conversations, stand up for myself, and say "no" to the occasional ridiculous request. A lot of that is down to talking things out and finding things out through one-to-one counselling.

My wife: I met @helenmarie95 on this hellsite, and we've been together for a while now. She's been super strong when I've had low moments (like quitting my job bc it was the worst thing for me and then taking a few months to find another) to points where I started questioning my gender and began identifying as non-binary. She's taught me a lot about mental illness, specifically autism and ADHD, and she's been accommodating when I've said stupid shit. And she has shown me some awesome movies and music ^-^

Alright that was a super long answer let's try for a short one next!

3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

Alright real quick:

Kung Fu Panda 2 (it's the best one! And there's always something new to spot!)

Booksmart (It's fun! It's funny! And I know my wife loves it :3 )

Oblivion (Yes it's kinda generic, but it's an interesting sci-fi premise with a heavyweight cast and some drop-dead gorgeous cinematography, so I feel confident I'd never get bored of it)

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

So we've kinda covered it already, but: learn how to say no. Also join your union at work. Also if you've got a bad cold, eating four Kinder Bueno bars in a row isn't a good idea.

It'll feel like it's a good idea, but it's not!

That's all I got. Thank you for the questions!

[caffeinatedgoddess]

When You Name Your Demons....

**TW.....abuse**

This perfectly sums up this little writing exercise. Sometimes, you need to name your demon to exorcise it.

My demon? My abusive ex.

Just when I think I've healed from what he put me through, it comes back to haunt me. And sometimes, I summon that demon myself in a desire to see that he's getting what punishment I hope is coming to him for what he stripped me of (because karma's a bitch). Not my proudest moment, but sometimes the urge to know outweighs common sense. My hope is that asking some of the questions I never got to ask him will complete my healing. Because 10 years is long enough, for fuck's sake, and I don't want to waste another thought on him. And, maybe it's time to fully focus on my self-care. I readily provide Reiki healing to others but don't spend much time channeling it to myself. Maybe that's because I didn't want to fully heal until I was able to put these questions out into the ether. Maybe now that they are spoken, I can work on the true healing that I need.

Did you ever tell them that you were the one who wouldn't let me speak to them? Did you tell them that I actually called, but you told me the only way I could talk to them was if I came back to you? Did you know the reason I changed my phone number and dropped off the face of your earth is because you would leave me a voice message almost daily? Begging me to come back and then in the very same breath call me the worst names and threaten me?

Have you told your friends, new and old, why it is that I left? Have you told them that for 15 years, you gaslit me, eroded my self-confidence, blamed me for everything that went wrong, and physically abused me? That despite your Christian faith, you treated me in a way that would make most people feel dirty and ashamed? Or do they only know the story where I ran off with another man who had brainwashed me? Did you leave out the part where you abused me for 15 years? Does it make you feel better that they don't know? If they knew, would you lose all the sympathy you've gotten?

Did you ever consider that the reason I left your faith was because you emotionally and mentally abused me on a daily basis, all while you professed your Christian faith? That maybe, just maybe, I questioned where God and Jesus were while I sat crying for help year after year, and it never came? Where was your God while I contemplated ending everything? Did you ever think that maybe I felt like I had to answer my own prayers because no one else was?

Have you ever given one second of thought to how badly you damaged me? How the constant control you exerted over me made me feel like I was in a prison? How my body never felt like my own (you even tried to control how I styled my hair and used the bathroom, for fuck's sake)? How the constant blame you put on me for the misfortune in your life wore me down? How I never once did anything to deserve the physical and mental abuse you put me through, yet every day I questioned what I did wrong in God's eyes to deserve what you dished out? Or have the past 10 years been all about you and how you were wronged in all of this (and don't even bring them into it - that is a whole different conversation between me and them if they ever choose)?

I walked away because you made me hate you. Your touch made me cringe because I never knew when it was going to turn into a mean-spirited pinch or worse. You made me not want anything to do with you or anything your life touched. I couldn't trust you to take care of my soul, because you made it clear your goal was to crush it. The only person who ever abused me in my life was you....and only you. According to your Christianity, you were supposed to protect me. Oh, you did a good job of protecting me from others. But no one was left to protect me from you. When I first left you, I turned to our Christian brothers and sisters for help. Guess what. Only one stepped forward to support me, but even her support was limited since her husband was friends with you. Not even the preacher offered help.

I'm stronger now. I'm a force to be reckoned with. I've learned how to replace putting up walls with creating clear boundaries. I've learned compassion for others and allow them to come to me with their troubles, all while maintaining my healthy boundaries. I've become 10 times the woman I once was because I have someone who loves me unconditionally and allows me to be me. Not the version of me that they wish I were. You wouldn't like this version of me because you wouldn't be able to control her. Hell, I don't think you could handle her. She'd be too much for you. Yes, you had a hand in building her, but that's only because she had to put back together the pieces that you shattered all by herself. And when she put those pieces back together, she didn't use glue. She filled the cracks with the purest of gold. Now that I'm finally done with you, it's time to polish away the tarnish and allow that gold to shine.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: Amber heard and JD ment, intense guilt issues, idk if there needs to be any other tw, call me Wolf if that’s not taken so I can also find my ask later in the tags

I have so many abusers. About 20. Nobody believes I’ve ever been abused bc my abusers always had acted like we were good to everyone’s faces and the very few times my abusers did act out in public everyone seemed to just forget or just to my luck didn’t notice!

And they always had a say first in every interaction with other people or kids at school. I just never got to talk about my abuse story except online. But never to a friend. My abusers are all on the same page with abusing me and calling me a liar. Most of those 20 still use DARVO, still call me a liar about my rape and other abuse accusations. People think I’m crazy. Nobody loves me except God. And nobody is on my side except God. I genuinely have no human interactions.

And one of my abusers got together and recorded another abuser of mine, interviewing him, giving some sort of “testimony of how I abused him” when I really didn’t and my first abuser uses it to give to other people to say he’s “spoken with other victims” which is what I did when I recorded REAL victims of my abusers…. So stupid and I hate them all for it.

One of my abusers was 3 years younger than me.

Every thinks I’m the bully and the abuser and some usable worthless human when I’ve never done half the evil shit they’ve done in their lives to so many victims. I’ve never done any of what they behave like.

My relatives don’t even know my parents and brother are abusive and rapists. My abusive relatives all stick up for my abusive immediate family and say they’re great people when they’ve tortured me and raped me as a child. So many of my abusers also used rape and everyone says that women lie about being raped nowadays bc it’s the new thing abusive crazy women like AH do. Except AH wasn’t the abuser. Anyway. My image and reputation are ruined forever and I have to cut all contact with my family someday which I can do any day bc I moved out at 22 and so I can actually live my life but it’s a scary thought bc I feel so guilt ridden for it. And I don’t want to see my mother cry even though she abused me sm growing up even sexually, my whole immediate family was sexually and emotionally abusive. I don’t know how to not feel sui-guilt over this…

Hi Wolf,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. Please know that we believe you, and you're not alone. It can be frustrating when our abusers are surrounded by people who enable and normalize their toxic behavior, and are seemingly oblivious in exacerbating the situation. It's similarly frustrating when people don't understand the gravity of the situation or find it important enough to even remember.

It's important to remember that it's possible for abusers to be younger than their victims because age gaps are not the only way that power imbalances are created. Things like socioeconomic status, intellectual or physical disabilities, and even fame can also create an uneven power dynamic.

Unfortunately it's common for abusers to use their social reputation or status to slander and silence their victims. Pitting everyone against their victims can make it easy for those victims to feel crazy and isolated. It can be incredibly damaging to deal with DARVO, and so it's important to make sure that your mental health is being taken care of. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can help you process your trauma, your experiences with DARVO and being gaslit, and develop healthy coping mechanisms to take with you on your healing journey.

It's also unfortunately become easy for abusers to weaponize AH to discredit other female abuse survivors. It can be especially difficult to feel comfortable speaking up about your experience in such a social climate. It may help to remember that the truth doesn't need people's validation to exist. As much as you have been made to feel otherwise, you know what really happened. You know your truth.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[cutencaffeinated-blog]

This, with the addition of:

"a diagnosis of BPD rules out PTSD, because you would interpret anything as trauma even if it's not"

"you don't need a hospital, you need juvie, just a good swift kick in the ass and you'll be fine"

"if you try to kys and fail...you sure don't deserve to live"

"you've had enough attention now, it's time to be there for your father" (I was 16, he was a junkie)

"this is your mother in you, you'll end up a drug addicted slut just like her"

"you've just got some witch blood in you, don't worry, when you scrape your knee, it's the bad blood that comes out" (any wonder why I SHed for years??)

"you've always just been hard to love, you'll be lucky if anyone chooses to put up with you"

Finding out it was my neuro type and not my personality that's disordered was so validating and healing. Also realizing my father is a raging NARCCCCC relieved some longstanding guilt and shame.

To also find out that my pain has been "real" my whole damn life when I'd been conditioned to believe that "kids bodies don't hurt, you don't know what pain is" and to have a geneticist tell me I'd been medically neglected and gaslit was just the 🫠😰😩 on top of it all.

As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

[kinghijinx22]

Elysium by Portishead, an underrated queer anthem?

So Portishead is one of my favourite bands and for a long time this underrated gem of song from their second album has been my favourite from them. And I feel like it's because there's a very easy queer reading of this to be made, so easy that it's feels intentionally written into the song. The lyrics to this song resonate so much with my experiences as a queer person and my personal feelings that it's made a strong emotional impact on me.

"And no one decided that I feel this way" is taken from the first verse and it explains that queer people don't choose to be who they are, they just exist and are themselves different from the cishet norm. The chorus continues this point with "but you can't deny how I feel, and you can't decide for me." This is all stuff that I want to scream at bigoted chuds who try to strip my identity from me including my own mother and it's all very cathartic to hear in song, especially with the aggression that singer Beth Gibbons sings these lines. Nobody decided that I'm queer, you can't deny why I am and you will not make decisions for me.

"No one has said what the truth should be" is about how there is no universal truth or one way that people can exist. People come in every colour of the rainbow and judgemental bigots should stop trying to paint the world in black and white. "If you felt as I, would you betray yourself" is plea for others to put themselves in the shoes of queer people who are told to change themselves. If you were like me, would you betray yourself by forcing yourself to be someone you aren't for the convenience of others? Why should I have to suffer with living a lie while the cishets get to live comfortably as themselves without judgement?

The second verse has lines that dig into bigoted mindsets and hateful propaganda like "No should fear what they cannot see, and no one's to blame it's just hypocrisy." In other words, no one should fear the marginalised minorities like queer people that right wingers like to villainize with their propaganda. Propaganda that is designed to rally the uneducated to commit hate crimes against innocent people who the right wing have deemed beneath them. Queer people aren't to blame for all their problems, and all the made up accusations they want to throw at queer people is always hypocrisy and projection designed to distract the public from their own disgusting crimes. You can guarantee that every nonsense "groomer" allegation is always made by a closeted paedophile who wants people to think that everyone else is paedophile and queer people are an easy target to throw attention at.

"It's written in your eyes and how I despise myself" is the result of the gaslighting and abuse that queer people often suffer from this deranged bigotry. Because when enough people around you have been brainwashed by fox news like maybe even your own family members and they relentlessly abuse you enough it's hard not to start believing the horrible things they say about you, even when you know it's not true. And this can be especially true if you wonder into the wrong places online, places filled with actively harmful right wing echo chambers or on Twitter where literally anyone can say anything and it will often shove the queerphobes in your face who are making violently bigoted posts about you. This is why I stopped using Twitter. To summarize, the hate is written your eyes and the cisheteronormative regime that you've dedicated your life to enforcing has gaslit me into despising myself.

This is when the lyrics most directly punch back at the hate. "And it's your heart that's so wrong, mistaken you'll never know your feathered sacred self." Queer people will never be the problem, other people existing will never be the problem. It's the bigots poisoned and hateful hearts that are wrong, always choosing to hurt others and rotten to the core. Their whole ideology and views on the people they oppress are mistaken and they will never be the glorious master race that they see themselves as. Bigots believe they are inherently superior and so they try to keep down those who are different. In reality the only things that make you less deserving of exitance are judging and hurting others.

This is what this song means to me, what I was able to take from it and why it's my favourite Portishead song. It's means so much to me with how it's able to accurately put into words a lot of my own thoughts and experiences as a queer person and things that I just want to scream at queerphobes. So whether it was intentional or not, to me this song is a powerful queer anthem.