#you're failing so badly.

[rjalker]

might just start calling things "unfashionably pentagonal". to express what emotion? IDK. failing to understand the deepest premise of a story maybe.

[who-is-page]

I'm in the hamburger mines of capitalism and found out that my job is planning to try and outsource my position to remote randos across the country and I'm like. CEO-boy do you have any idea how many regulations I have to take into account not just on a state-level but also on a county and municipality level. None of which is information included in the training.

This isn't even a case where someone would fuck it up just cuz it's complex to get right, this is a case where someone wouldn't even know what they don't know. And it's a lot of information to not know they don't know, because these poor remote guys are going to be covering a bunch of states with finicky and ultra-specific building codes, not even just my own!

Anyways wish my store a very Rest in Piss when this comes back to extremely bite them in the ass, because it's gonna be funny as fuck.

[addicted2coke-theothercoke]

I can't sleep so I'm talking about umbrella academy again

It's occurred to me what the worst part thing about season three is. And it's not Allison, or the fact that she raped Luther, the worst part is what happens after

NOTHING

Nothing freaking happens. They never address it

LUTHER INVITES HER TO HIS FREAKING WEDDING

DAYS. LATER.

I can live with characters doing horrible things for plot reasons if I must, but the fact that it never comes up again and never even gets mentioned, Luther never even tells anyone and Allison gets away with that, IT'S JUST DUMB

This actually gives me the chance to talk about a much better show, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Late in btvs, I can't remember the exact season, Spike attempts to rape Buffy

And it's a big deal, holding semi-large repercussions, changing the way some characters see each other, and the way they behave, and resulting in massive character growth eventually

So yeah, tldr, the most annoying part about s3 of The Umbrella Academy is that it fails to address anything important, and btvs is a good show

[el3ctraaa]

My roommate and I just had this two hour long convo about how everyone else makes it look easy and how we just keep falling behind and are killing ourselves just to catch up and now I feel so much better because I thought I was the only one. I have nothing to say about it I just thought y'all should know.

[babsbabbles]

sometimes I wanna talk about big theological things here. then I remember where I am and close the post we

[evilkitten3]

i have a lot of thoughts on fandoms and treatment of female characters but i do not seem to have the words to put said thoughts into. frustrating.

[aeide-thea]

sometimes it really is just like. is this all there is. feeling oversensitive & undersocialized—too sensitive to socialize—forever, bc you never got enough ~affirmation~ growing up (poor, pathetic baby; how long will you persist in singing the same self-pitying song…), & so never developed the proper emotional cushioning against the heartache & the thousand natural shocks, &c, &c, &c, &c, &c…

[lmaster37]

one fun fact about me is that i absolutely lose it when there's villains in my musical (affectionate)

cases in point (can you use that as a plural??):

i saw sweeney todd live for the first time this week and i went feral every time mrs lovett was on stage (the actress absolutely SLAYED that role, genuinely fucking amazing) (tbc i've always enjoyed mrs lovett greatly because her song parts are so incredibly fun but the actress was truly something else) (dagmar manzel as part of berlin's komische oper)

a story told from the count of monte christo musical serves such cunt for like no reason

every mechanisms villain (<- aided by the fact that i have yet to find a mechs character who i dislike <3 ) (they simply do not miss) (for the sake of sticking to villains, special shout-out to king cole for having two absolutely menacing songs, odin she who styled herself the allmother for giving us another 'jonny sims narrates the end of the world with much gusto' scene, and hades for simply being hotter than should be possible)

is falcon in the dive from the scarlet pimpernel a villain song?? i actually have very little idea of what happens in this musical

and

(of course)

T h e m

The Lords in Black

The Awful Brothers

the scream i scremt when wiggog y'wrath revealed himself to us in nerdy prudes must die y'all

the sheer glee in my soul during the summoning

the pure joy of going through the nightmare time episodes to find out more about these nasty fuckers

yes this is an excuse to talk about the hatchetfield series by team starkid no i will not be taking criticism at this time thank you very much

(ignore the fact that i got derailed by the mechs for a hot second) (what you are seeing is already a much shorter version of my original ramble) (i forgot i was talking about villains tbh i was just listing mechs characters and going Them..... adoringly)

pls pls pls if you enjoy musicals and/or dark comedy with a social commentary aspect i am BEGGING you to watch the hatchetfield musicals

they are available for free in their entirety on youtube

i can't guarantee that you'll find them funny but like. you're on tumblr. the chance is pretty high there's significant overlap

(begging you not to ask me who my favourite hatchetfield character is)

(bc i would be honour-bound to tell you that it is paul matthews As Played By Jon Matteson, certified Most Boring Man Alive Or Dead)

(he has NO personality traits he has NO game he is NOT slick OR funny and i love him dearly)

(other favourite characters include wiggly/wiggog y'wrath As Played By Jon Matteson and gary goldstein attorney at law As Played By Jon Matteson)

(you may notice a subtle yet persistent pattern)

anyway if you haven't, pls pls pls watch the hatchetfield musicals. i will answer any questions i will make any argument i will provide spoilers and trigger warnings as requested i just desperately need an excuse to talk about them (<- pretending i understand significant amounts of hatchetfield lore when i am, in fact, coasting entirely on vibes and dreamily going Them.... at the screen whenever Character I Like pops up) (Character I Like is a broad category encompassing roughly 90% of named characters)

EDIT: I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT MAX FUCKING JÄGERMAN THE JÄGERMEISTER HIMSELF HOWWW DID I TALK ABOUT STARKID HATCHETFIELD VILLAINS AND FORGET MAXWELL JÄGERMAN

like genuinely he has The most unhinged dynamic with richie lipschitz (played by, you guessed it, jon matteson) howwww was that not at the forefront of my mind as if That Scene isn't one my favourite jon matteson moments ever (iykyk)

[hajihiko]

you read homestuck?? u seem like the type to have Opinions on dirk and/or dave /lh

Dirk was done fucking dirty by the narrative post-epilogue and I'm never gonna stop being angry about it

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

sometimes when im bored i imagine various ted lasso characters on taskmaster and that cheers me up

[thornshadowwolf]

I love horror premises but as sitcom premises.

"I found out my reflection is sentient when I smiled at the mirror and it didn't smile back" -> guy who is TRYING to turn his life around but his reflection is just a CONSTANT DOWNER and can you PLEASE work with me here for once can you at least PRETEND to be happy.

Alternatively, "my reflection is sentient and takes pleasure in tormenting me" -> the exact same thing but it's played as humorous. Like instead of being dark and menacing the reflection is just a piece of shit asshole. Begrudgingly saves the protag but ONLY cuz if you die I die because really it was so funny watching you get chased by The Monster.

"My eye surgery didn't make me able to see visible light, but I can see heat signatures. Now I wonder why my best friend is room temperature" -> infrared vision guy and his roommate/friend who he just found out is a ghost/vampire/whatever and they get into shenanigans

"My parents threw me into the basement to try and appease The Creature with a food offering" -> but the creature doesn't eat people so we've just been chillin (maybe follow up with a "gotta pretend the offering worked so the parents are still scared and don't kill my new friend, and also they clearly didn't care abt me that much, so I just live here now")

"'Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary,' I whispered into the mirror darkened by the lightless room. I knew it was just a legend, but, after 10 years of being locked down here alone, I was desperate to see another face." -> literally just have that work. Me and the bestie (Bloody Mary). Maybe she even helps you get out.

And we've all seen that post that turns the "I'm tucking my son into bed when he tells me, 'Daddy, check for monsters under my bed!' I look underneath for his amusement, and I see him — another him, under the bed — staring back at me, quivering and whispering, 'Daddy, there’s somebody on my bed.'' into "Well, I guess I have 2 kids now. *time skip* omg doppelganger children numbers 4 and 7 stop itttttt you KNOW I love both of you"

Also horror setting but the protag is anywhere between "unimpressed and over it" and "chipper with a sense of humor about it." Wholly unbothered. Maybe mildly annoyed.

[cozypups]

i forgot to say this but i made an appointment with another therapist, hopefully one that'll hold me down like I'm a rabid animal and tell me I'm valid

[shitpostroundhouse]

[notwiselybuttoowell]

This year’s UN climate summit, being held in Azerbaijan, is focused on finance, and specifically the new collective quantified goal (NCQG) for climate finance, required under the 2015 Paris agreement. Rich countries are bound under the agreement to provide climate finance to help developing nations cut their greenhouse gas emissions and cope with the impacts of the climate crisis. The current finance goal, of providing $100bn a year to poor countries, is widely acknowledged to be inadequate, and most rich countries agree the figure needs to be several times higher.

The NCQG

Poor countries are asking for finance of about $1tn a year by 2035, based on widely accepted estimates of their needs. Rich countries are likely to agree to a considerably smaller sum, perhaps about half that amount, to be paid from their exchequers and through multilateral institutions such as the World Bank.

The gap could be met from a variety of means, including new taxes on fossil fuels or the diversion of existing subsidies to cleaner ends. These “innovative sources of finance” will not be fully articulated or agreed at Cop29 and will need further work.

Rich countries are demanding that the contributor base be expanded. Currently, only countries defined as developed under the 1992 UN framework convention on climate change contribute to official climate finance. But many countries’ economies – and greenhouse gas emissions – have expanded considerably in the last 30 years, including China, which is now the world’s second biggest economy, behind the US, and the biggest emitter by a long way. Petrostates such as Saudi Arabia, Qatar and the United Arab Emirates, with their vast oil wealth, are also classed as developing economies.

Many countries are resistant to expanding the contributor base, but the EU’s position is that it will not accept a climate finance goal higher than the current $100bn unless more contributors are included. There could be a compromise by which some developing countries contribute on a voluntary basis or are allowed to be both contributors and recipients of climate aid.

If countries can overcome their differences, what could emerge from the fortnight of talks is a “layered” NCQG that includes an overall goal measured in trillions, plus a public finance goal measured in hundreds of billions, and a narrative committing countries to work on filling the gaps, including through innovative sources of finance (see below).

Loss and damage

One key strand of climate finance is the vexed issue of “loss and damage”, the term that describes the most extreme damages of the climate crisis, so severe that no amount of adaptation could have prevented them. Examples include the devastating floods in Pakistan two years ago, or hurricanes that have wiped out towns and villages, and large chunks of afflicted countries’ infrastructure and economies.

Loss and damage funds are intended for the rescue and rehabilitation of countries and communities afflicted by these extreme events. For years, developing countries’ pleas for loss and damage funding went unheard, but last year there was a breakthrough at the Cop28 summit when plans for a loss and damage fund were finalised. The fund is to be set up under the aegis of the World Bank, despite some misgivings among developing countries over the bureaucracy this involves.

The fund still needs to be filled with cash from donors, and it is still unclear when it will start to disburse money, so countries will be hoping for progress towards “operationalising” it at Cop29.

NDCs

Rapid and deep cuts in greenhouse gas emissions will be crucial if the world is to stave off the worst ravages of climate breakdown and have any chance of staying within the vital threshold of 1.5C of heating above preindustrial levels. Cuts need to reach net zero emissions by 2050, but current national plans by governments – called nationally determined contributions, or NDCs, in the UN jargon – are nowhere near that.

Cop29 is mainly about climate finance but the need for new NDCs cannot be ignored. Governments are supposed to submit their updated plans next February, well ahead of the Cop30 conference in Brazil next November, where they will be assessed.

The election of Donald Trump in the US is likely to cast a pall over efforts to get countries to submit stringent new NDCs. Many recalcitrant countries are likely to use his climate denial as cover for their own inaction. Cop29 will be judged a success if the hosts can persuade countries to agree to submit new NDCs next year despite that.

Transition away from fossil fuels

One of the biggest achievements of the Cop28 conference in Dubai last year was a commitment to “transition away from fossil fuels”, contained in paragraph 28 of the Cop decision and a core part of the “UAE consensus” that was the main outcome of that meeting.

Since then, however, some countries, including Saudi Arabia and other members of its loose collection of allies, known as the “like-minded developing countries” grouping, have tried to unpick the commitment. Behind closed doors during the negotiations leading up to Cop29, they have variously argued that the commitment is optional rather than binding and that countries were strong-armed into it without being allowed to consider it properly.

Azerbaijan is also a major fossil fuel producer, though it has a target of generating a third of its energy from green sources by 2030. As host, it will be responsible for ensuring there is no unpicking or backsliding from previous commitments.

Article 6

Carbon trading has been a vexed issue at climate talks since their earliest days, and article 6 of the Paris agreement has been like a serial killer in a horror film, constantly coming back from the seeming dead.

Article 6 was supposed to have been solved in the immediate aftermath of the Paris summit in 2015, but by 2019 it was still an outstanding issue, left over when the rest of the “Paris rulebook” was finalised. It was discussed again at Cop26, where it was again supposed to be finalised, only to re-emerge at Cop27 and Cop28. Some delegates are saying it will finally be sorted out this year; others heave a weary sigh.

At root, the problem is there are fundamental misgivings among many countries over whether and how a carbon offsetting system can work. Widespread examples of fraud and misdealing have plagued the carbon markets for two decades, some of them recently uncovered by the Guardian. The concept of paying countries to keep their forests standing is an attractive one, because the fundamental problem is that without such payments people can make more money from chopping down trees in their territories and converting the land to plantation or ranching.

Awarding landowners carbon credits for their forests raises problems of moral hazard – were the forests really at risk from loggers, or have the owners confected or exaggerated the risk to gain cash? Governments and private sector companies want to create a market for credits that have integrity, accountability, transparency and that achieve the aim of contributing to net zero targets, but the steps towards doing so have been painfully slow.

Carbon trading has assumed a new importance this year as it could provide a source of cash for the NCQG. But this is unlikely to amount to much more than a few tens of billions, a sliver of the trillions needed. It is possible that the Azerbaijani presidency will achieve what no other Cop host has done and resolve the conflicts over article 6, but it will not be a high priority.

Innovative forms of finance

Poor countries require at least $1tn a year in finance to help them cut greenhouse gas emissions, shift to a low-carbon economy and adapt to the impacts of extreme weather. Developed countries are currently willing to ensure about half of that is provided from public sources. That leaves a large gap, which countries are hoping to fill with other sources of cash, known as innovative forms of finance.

These can take the form of levies on high-carbon activities, from flying private jets to oil and gas extraction, or taxes on wealth, the idea of which is gaining traction as global inequality grows rapidly. But all of these innovative forms of finance have winners and losers, and some are likely to be difficult to implement.

No firm decisions will be made on these issues at Cop29, but countries should agree to carry on discussing them and send a clear signal that these options are on the table.

[geekate]

I'm so dumb hell yeah

[lavenderprose]

Emmrich actually IS the suave and charismatic gentleman we've all been waiting for. Forget your Alistairs and your Cullens. Emmrich says dear and darling and has enough Big Dick Energy that you sense him coming from three rooms away. What's that shift in the air? Emmrich's natural necromantic aura touching the Fade? Well yes but also the sound of his monster cock swinging in his perfectly tailored trousers.

Emmrich talks to Rook like there's a love letter addressed to them specifically lodged in his voice box. He touches them like he paid money for the privilege. Emmrich uses his wealth to help others, he is NOT a person who desires power, and he expects the same of others. One time he looked at Rook and said, "The only good noble is a dead one," and even though Rook knew he was talking about the residents of the Necropolis, or perhaps because of that, it made Rook so wet they had to go sit down against a tree and bang their head a little to calm down.

Sometimes Rook shows up in Emmrich's room of an evening and without even missing a beat Emmrich says, "Come have a seat, darling," and Rook sits next to him only for him to tut and pat his knee. Immediately, Rook is perched there like he's Santa Claus.

"The things one can sense when truly in tune with the fade are inspiring," Emmrich says, and other such nonsense as his touch finds the path of least resistance to Rook's skin without hesitation. His fingers are cool and kind and they trace up the side of Rook's ribs like they might slot perfectly between them, like Rook was built as a home for his hand.

"You're killing me," Rook says, because he is, because Rook could actually choke and die from how badly they want to feel Emmrich's mustache on their thighs.

"Yes, but only a little death," Emmrich says. He smiles and his bangles jingle merrily away as he plays with Rook's chest. "Every time I touch your body, I'm already longing for the moment I'll touch it again."

"Guh," says Rook. "Hrng. Hunh."

"I quite agree. I find that words fail me when it comes to...how you make me feel, dearest." This is what Emmrich says, but fails utterly to demonstrate as he leans in and delicately bites Rook's earlobe, whispering seventeen of the twenty filthiest things Rook has ever heard. Things like I'll eat you like a cake, though you're more delicious and the Fade sings your name when I'm in you and--

"If I have to hear ONE MORE THING about that necromancer's cock," seethes Solas, who did NOT know that he was signing up for nightly pornographic lullabies when he decided to kick it in the back of Rook's head. This is the fourth time he's said that this week. He will hear many, many more things about that necromancer's cock.

"YES EMMRICH," echoes through the Fade, "Gods YES, harder! Give it to me!"

The spirits of the Fade, who like Emmrich a whole helluva lot more than they like Solas right now, twirl and giggle.