#jan maas. beautiful.

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

sometimes when im bored i imagine various ted lasso characters on taskmaster and that cheers me up

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Hurts Like Heaven

Fandom: Ted Lasso

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x F!Reader

Summary: You and Jamie were nothing more than friends with benefits…then Jamie realizes that the way he feels for you is more than friends.

A/N: inspired by the song I Think I Like You by The Band Camino

You and Jamie had been friends for a few years. You met through Keeley and he'd tried to get into your pants after they'd broken up. But girl code meant you don't sleep with your friend's ex unless they say it's okay.

Years later, he and Keeley still aren't together. It originally saddened Jamie, however, he learned that he valued her highly as a friend and he eventually lost feelings for her.

That's when you came in.

Jamie didn't feel ready to get back into serious dating, but he also didn't feel like going back to random hook ups like his early days. That's when you suggested a friends with benefits relationship.

The suggestion surprised Jamie, especially since you rejected him a few years ago.

You rolled your eyes at him, "Yes, but I've gotten Keeley's permission to sleep with you if I chose to do so."

His brows rose, "I'm sorry, what? When did this happen?"

You shrugged like it was no big deal, "Like a year ago."

"So you're telling me we could've been fucking for a year now?"

You snorted, "I didn't think you'd still be interested."

He grinned at you, "Oh, I'm still very interested."

It was nice. He thought the arrangement would change things but it didn't. He still texted you about the things Jan Maas said or a new song that Dani introduced him to. You two would facetime for hours while he was at away games until you both fell asleep. He used to be a man of not many words, but he found himself never shutting up in your presence.

You grabbed lunch or dinner when you could and instead of going your separate ways, either one of you followed the other to your respective homes and you had sex.

Some days, you didn't have sex at all. He'd come over with take out and you two would watch a movie. Or he'd help you cook dinner while you're both singing Harry Styles' lyrics at the top your lungs. He felt so happy and at peace with you.

It was great. It was nice...until you told Jamie that someone had asked you on a date.

"It's fine. We're not dating or nothing, so why would it matter?" he asked you when you broke the news.

You shrugged, "I dunno. Guess I-nevermind. I'm going to cancel our movie night on Friday then."

"What? Why?"

"That's when my date is. Unless...I cancel it?" You looked at Jamie like you were hoping for...something. What you were hoping for he didn't know, but he shook his head, "No, no. It's fine. Could probably go to the pub with the lads or something." He then pointed a finger at you, "But you let me know if he does something that makes you uncomfortable. I'll pick you up. Just say the word."

You nodded and give him a smile, "I know. Thanks, Jame."

________________

It's the night of the date. Jamie has been on edge the entire day and he's not exactly sure why. You'd sent him your outfit for the date and you...you looked beautiful, sexy, gorgeous. There was a pit in stomach when he realized that you'd never dressed up for him like that. Why would you? You two are only friends who also sleep together. Nothing that would warrant you to put much that effort...but Jamie wanted it.

Fuck, did he want you to dress that way only for him, to take you on dates and call you his girl.

Holy fuck, why did he have to realize this all too late?

Even when he went to a club with the lads, he couldn't stop thinking about you. He kept checking his phone every five minutes to see if you'd messaged him. The last thing you sent was you telling him the restaurant you were at and he'd sent you a thumbs up.

He stood at one of the standing tables, nursing a beer and just watching the crowd. His teammates were drinking and dancing with women, except for Colin who was dancing with his boyfriend, Michael.

Getting a bit anxious, he pulls his phone out again, looking at the thread of texts between you and him.

"Are you alright, Jamie?" Sam asks above the club's music.

Jamie sighs and pockets his phone, "I'm gonna step out for a bit!" he shouts back and Sam responds, "I'll come with you!"

They take their beers and head out to the back patio of the club. The music is still loud but not as much.

Jamie lets out a deep breath, letting the cool air encompass him. Sam nudges him, "What's going on?"

Jamie chuckles to himself, "Think I'm in love, Sam," and then winces.

Sam cocks a brow in confusion, "Why do you look so pained then?"

Jamie sighs and runs a hand through his now brunette hair, "It's complicated."

"Is it Y/N?"

Jamie's head whipped to Sam's direction, "How the fuck did you know that?"

Sam can't help but laugh, "You don't hide it very well when you're with her. You're...happier with her."

He scoffs, "'M not so happy now, am I? She's on a date right now."

"Why?"

"Some bloke from the IT department asked her and she asked me how I felt about it and I said it was fine. That her going on that date doesn't matter 'cause we're not exclusive or nothin' and now I fuckin' regret it 'cause I fuckin' love her!" after his mini rant he looks back as a smug looking Sam, "What?"

"I think the solution to your problem is very simple, Jamie."

"Yeah? And what's that."

"Tell her."

He's immediately shaking his head, "No. No. I can't. I can't. It'll ruin everything."

"I don't think it will."

"How do you know?"

"I don't, but I have a strong feeling it'll be okay."

Suddenly, his phone is buzzing and your contact photo is staring up at him. He looks up at Sam and his teammate is grinning at him, "Tell her," he says before patting Jamie on the back and heading back inside.

Jamie nods and answers your call, "Hey, you alright?"

"He was a complete prick! He yelled at our server because his pasta wasn't al dente and complained about me eating too much bread."

"Pft. You love bread."

"I love bread so much!" you sigh, "I'm having uber me drop off because there was no way in hell I was getting in the car with him again."

Jamie frowns to himself, "You should've told me. I could've picked you up."

"I texted you ten minutes ago and you didn't respond!"

Jamie curses and pulls back his phone going to the text thread to see you had texted him, "Shit. Sorry, love."

"It's fine. You can come over after your night with the boys."

"I'm leaving right now. Wasn't very exciting anyway. Want me to grab some food?"

You groan, "Yes, please. That meal wasn't satisfying enough."

Jamie finds himself smiling, "Alright. I'll be over in a bit. Get comfy for me."

"Waaaay ahead of ya. Tossing the dress in the hamper as we speak and pulling out my comfy clothes. Shall I pull yours out as well?"

"Please."

"Got it. See you in a bit, Jame."

"Right. Bye." After he ends the call, he heads inside to say his good-byes to his mates. Sam is giving him a knowing look and a "Good luck" as he walks out of the club.

___________________

Half an hour later, Jamie is letting himself into your place with the spare key that you gave him. He places the takeout on the coffee table in front of you.

"Go eat. I'm gonna change."

"Thank you!" you holler as he walks down the hallway to your room and where you've laid out a pair of joggers and a t-shirt for him. He quickly changes and heads back to your living room where he sees you shoveling your face with the food he's brought.

He's smiling wide as he sits beside you, "Good?"

You nod, "Soooo good!"

He grabs your remote and plays the movie you picked, "Guess we ended up having our movie night after all."

You snort, "Shout out to Liam for IT for being a prick, I guess."

Jamie stills. His brows furrow and you see he's thinking hard about something. You set your food down, pause the movie, and turn to completely face him on the couch.

"What's going on?"

"I realized something."

"Okay...is this a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Depends on how you take it, I suppose," he turns to face you as well, "I...I think I like you more than I should."

"Meaning..."

"I'm in love with you. I think I have been for a while now but it just didn't hit me until you were out with that prick-"

"Liam-"

"and all I could think about tonight was losing you. I hate that you looked absolutely gorgeous for someone else. I hate that it was him taking you on a date and not me. And I hate the thought of someone else being where I should be."

You chuckle, looking away and shaking your head, "Jamie Tartt," and this is when Jamie prepares to be rejected by you, "took you long enough."

Oh. Oh. That's not something he expected.

"So, uh, so you-"

You lean in pressing your lips against his and when you pull away you're smiling, "I love you too."

"Oh. Great. Cool. That's-That's good."

You laugh, "Did I break you?"

"Maybe?"

You laugh more and he's smiling again. Your laugh is music to his ears and it's filling him up with so much warmth and love.

You pat his knee, "Alright, loverboy, let's continue this movie night , yeah?" you press play and you grab your food. You curl up into Jamie's side and he relishes in your warmth while you feed him some of your food.

A day later, Jamie posts a picture of you sitting across from him at the same restaurant you went to with Liam, with the caption: Dinner with me girl <3.

His comments littered with applause and congratulations from his teammates and fans. They all love you, but Jamie loves you the most.

[its-time-to-write]

hi!! love your work!! what about a jamie tartt piece where reader is a theatre actress or something more “nerdy” and the team finds out??

I am SO SORRY that this took so long to write!! Thank you for requesting!!

damned if i do give a damn what people say

No one can figure out how you and Jamie met. Every time they ask, they’re given a different answer.

“She’s my old forensic optometrist.” “He ran over my goldfish with his car.” “We met years ago while skydiving underwater and just reconnected.”

No one is quite sure the real answer. You and Jamie have been together exactly two months and one day, and it feels like you just appeared from out of nowhere, brought to life by Jamie’s need to never fucking be alone.

It’s not till you’re out at Ola’s with the team when Keeley says, “Ohmigod no fucking way, I know who you are!” that they piece it together.

“You’re on West End! You’re in their production of Midsummer Night’s Dream! Rebecca took me two weeks ago, and I can’t fucking believe I didn’t recognize you! You literally have one of the biggest roles, and you’ve been right in front of me the whole fucking time! I really enjoyed it, by the way,” she continues, “Usually don’t like Shakespeare, but I actually understood it this time!”

You feel like you’re melting from embarrassment, shrinking into Jamie’s arm thrown around your shoulders.

It’s one thing to be on stage, saying someone else’s words to strangers you’ll never see again. It’s another thing entirely to use your own words in front of people you desperately want to like you.

Richard overhears and says, “Oh, that’s how I know you! Jan Maas, Isaac, and I saw it a week and a half ago. It was well-written, for an Englishman.”

“Hold up, bruv,” Isaac interjects, “is that how you two met?”

You shrug, but Jamie isn’t letting you shirk away from this conversation.

“That’s right,” he says proudly. “Keeley was always on me to be more cultured and shit, so I thought I’d go see a play. Made Sam go with me.”

Sam nods from the other side of the table. “She walked on stage and I literally thought he was going to jump up and propose. He was starstruck.”

The group laughs. The idea of Jamie Tartt being starstruck is something else.

“Hold on Jamie,” Ted calls from across the room, “I thought you didn’t like the theater?”

Jamie shrugs. “I don’t. Fucking hate it actually, just didn’t hate that one. Went and bought a ticket every night I was available, just so I could see her. Figured, what’s the point in being a famous footballer if I can’t land a pretty actress?”

Your face is on fire. On stage, it’s covered with thick layers of makeup. You do not feel comfortable around all of these athletic, beautiful, self-assured people. You feel comfortable putting on the disguise that is Helena of Athens. Her cry to the weary night had resonated in your soul the first time the stage manager brought Jamie backstage for a tour. Your heart had picked up to an unhealthy pace the moment you locked eyes, something that was not unnoticed by your romantic costar, the actor playing Demetrius. He had elbowed you and then made himself blessedly scarce, taking note of the way Jamie’s eyes had been scouring the room for you as soon as he walked in. 

He told you later that he scared off the rest of the cast and crew, threatening them with hellish rehearsals and the promise to eat Indian food while in full costume if they “didn’t leave you and that bloody gorgeous footballer alone. I mean, come on people, do you really want her to be single forever?”

You bought him an expensive coffee and $60 foundation as a thank you. He made you promise to invite him to the wedding.

You’re shaken from your thoughts by Ted saying, “Well, isn’t that just the gosh-darn cutest thing I’ve ever heard. You’ll make Jamie a theater nerd yet. Have him singing show tunes on the pitch.”

“You already make us do that, coach,” Jamie retorts, and the room descends into laughter. You join in, feeling comfortable with where you’re at; Jamie’s arm on your shoulder, your hand on his thigh, accepted by the people he loves.

[danistartt]

Prince Charming- Jamie Tartt

alternative title: poopeh pairings: jamie tartt x reader, roy kent, jan maas warnings: language about: jamie's trip to the sewers

The field is empty when you pull into the parking lot.

You frown when you don’t see any bright jerseys floating around the grass, checking the time on your car screen to make sure practice is still supposed to be going on.

You’re only more confused when you realize it is, cocking your head at the green like it’ll answer. You find Jamie’s contact and reread the message he’d sent you an hour ago, ensuring that it was indeed today and not a week ago. The date reads as it had, Jamie’s request for you to bring a bag he’d forgotten still typed out in black.

You glance down at it on your lap, poking at it with an index finger before you look back up, nearly expecting the team to appear. It doesn’t. You sigh, pushing the car door open anyway.

One of the assistants opens the door for you, just as surprised that the team is absent as you were. You shrug at him and knock lightly on the door to the locker room, pushing it open a sliver when there isn’t the normal buzzing from the team.

Very confused, you heave a big sigh, striding near the coach’s office to peek inside there, too. No luck.

You slump onto the bench in front of Jamie’s locker, fiddling with the zipper on his bag as you search your pockets for your phone. You’re about to call him when the door opens with an ocean of familiar noise.

Graciously, only Jamie strides in, easily catching sight of you. His reaction is immediate and lovely, beautiful face stretching cheerily. “Hey, love.”

“Hi, Jamie,” you greet, standing to meet him when he arrives. “Brought your bag.” You swing it lightly on your finger to show him.

“Ah, you’re great,” he says, kissing your cheek before pulling you into a hug. Greedily, you let him, already having missed his presence.

You bury your face into his chest and subsequently pull back, your nose wrinkled. Doubtfully glancing back up at Jamie, you shoot him a look before leaning back in again to sniff suspiciously at his shoulder.

You pull back as far as you can in his arms and make a disapproving noise. “Jamie, why do you smell like shit?”

“Right, sorry love. Lasso took us to the sewers today,” he says, brows furrowing. “D’I really smell that bad?”

You stare up at him. “What?”

“One of his lessons. The system an’all.” He pinches the fabric of his shirt and takes a smell. His lips purse, he shakes his head. “Nothin’.”

“Maybe you got used to it down there,” you point out, smoothing the wrinkles he’d made. “Either way,” you begin, patting his chest, “take a nice shower before you get home, okay?”

He snorts, ducking down to give you a kiss.

You smile against him, thrusting his bag against his chest when he begins to push you toward his locker, his arms tight around your waist. “Nuh-uh. You have things to do, Jamie Tartt. Don’t start things you can’t finish.”

“Who says I can’t finish?” he asks, one of his stupidly handsome smirks on his lips.

You groan loudly, a gentle hand pushing his face away. “Prick. Get away from me.”

He laughs, his fingers crawling up your wrist to hold your hand. He brushes his lips against the bony hills below your fingers, eyes sparkling as he looks at you. You shudder, feeling his smile on your skin.

“Prick,” you repeat, softer.

“Yeah,” he admits, “but you like it.”

“Only a little,” you confess, letting him kiss you again.

A door slams. Footsteps pause, and then, disgusted: “Get a fucking room!” Roy. He says hi to you a lot kinder, but the embarrassment refuses to ease.

You choke, pulling back so hard you slam your head against the wall. You crane your neck down, hiding behind Jamie’s figure.

“Oi, stop screamin’!” Jamie screams back, a heavy palm warm just above your neck. The door to the office slams behind Roy as Jamie shakes his head, brows knitted together. His thumb rubs around a thready ache. “Fuckin’ old fuck,” he mutters, softer now. His pretty eyes look into yours.

You giggle. “He’s right.”

“You wanna get a room?” he asks.

“I should go,” you correct, pecking him quickly before he can convince you to stay with his sad little pout and round eyes. “Say hi to the team for me.”

“We heard,” Jan Maas says from far away.

Many more voices chime in with a greeting.

“Will you lot shut up?” Jamie says.

“I’ll see you soon,” you laugh, blowing him another kiss.

“I’ll try to wash off the smell!” he calls.

“Prince Charming!” you croon, letting the door close behind you.

[variousqueerthings]

if one wants to read most of the (primary-tertiary) team members + affiliates as queer/queer adjacent, which I do for the heck of it:

obviously colin and trent are gay. will's just had his first threesome. keeley's been openly bi for awhile

ted's figuring himself out later in life, after thinking he was straight for a long time and now firmly divorced. higgins surprises everyone by casually mentioning he had a thing with a guy way back before he got married and of course his wife knows. jamie's been feeling more confident as a bisexual man (did keeley know is the question) once his dad is out of the picture. roy's been pushing that shit down for years, because he's slightly older than the rest of the players and his time was way more mired in homophobia than even today

isaac's questioning some things, mainly if all this dating and sex is really as interesting as the football. bumbercatch is unclear, since he just goes on a rant about how current-day sexuality and gender are constructs that need to be torn down and rebuilt in order to fight capitalist colonialist fascism. zoreaux/van damme mostly agrees with bumbercatch and high-fives him. montlaur says that he doesn't discriminate, because sex is a beautiful thing with any model. dani rojas semi-misunderstands montlaur and agrees with a "love is love, no matter who it is with" and he definitely had an intense homoerotic friendship in mexico (he relates to almodóvar films)

the rest of the team for the most part are unclear, due to the fact that most of them decide to give their queer credentials at the exact same time in response to colin's coming out, but the cacophony is cheerful

which leaves beard, rebecca, nate, and sam. I kind of like the idea of beard being someone who's confidently straight, because he went out and gave sex with men a go. he's also got that cis+ thing going for him, in that once he learned about trans theory he read all the books and was like. "hmm" for a couple of days, before going "yeah, bein a dude is good for me." rebecca is mostly straight, but if the right girl came along (the right girl would be butch + in her 40s-60s, because really what she's into is competency and a certain kind of masculinity) + she and sassy used to casually make out sometimes. nate is a flipping mess in terms of self-awareness, he could go any way at this point in his life. has he stared at a footballer for longer than is considered "strictly chill"? maybe, but he'll never tell

sam is straight, but he's the one who gets everyone's shit together and organises the pride work they do, because he's also the guy who inspires the rest of the team to get fucking organised (next to jamie)

jan maas is also straight. maybe. who knows - the rest of the team think, considering what was experienced in amsterdam - if any dutch people are straight...

[sighonaraa]

Rosé, I think, if you want to get technical, but close enough!

she's beautiful.......

for you, my love, a wee bit of a brand-new wip (!) that i'm working on for the whump bingo card i received (!!!!!!):

“I think I’d rather walk over hot coals from here to France than do this,” Colin informs the occupants of the first car as they slather sunscreen onto each others’ backs and wait for the second car to arrive. It’s Roy driving that one, and Sam is convinced that he refused to let Jamie touch the GPS, or Moe the radio. He imagines all of them sitting there in silence as Roy becomes steadily more aware of his mistakes, and shudders. Alhamdulillah he got assigned to Isaac’s van. “But then you would have to be in France,” says Jan Maas, a pair of sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose. He’s standing at the edge of the forest, looking for all the world like a cryptid that crawled its way free of the trees and then immediately realized its mistakes. Colin’s mouth screws up in disgust. “Damn.” “I take enormous offense to this,” says Richard, huffily. Then, pinching the spot where he’s applying sunscreen to Zoreaux’s upper bicep, “Quit moving.” “Sorry,” Zoreaux says. “I don’t want to be here.”

[chaotic-gay-is-my-alignment]

I just hope when Zava breaks Dani's big, kind, beautiful, golden retriever heart next episode, he immediately gets read to shreds by Jan Maas and ends up crying in the shower or sth

[hopefulromances]

can i get “I’m the only one allowed to say that about them.” with roy and f reader please?

Omg yes pls!

You and Roy entered the dining room, arms wrapped around each others waists in the annoying way that only couples madly in love do. It was richmond's annual charity ball and you and Roy liked to come together and bet on how much each lad would go for.

You thought it was rather barbaric but Roy insisted that it was the only way he could survive these things. The ballroom was gorgeous and you quickly spied Keeley by the bar instructing some press to wait outside.

You squeezed Roy's waist to gain his attention. "You gonna be alright while I go say hi to Keeley?"

"Course I will, I'm not a fucking toddler," he grunted back, relasing you from his grip.

"No, but you act like one sometimes when you're grump," you teased, reaching down to grab his hand. You kissed the back of his hand with a wink. "Back in a sec."

And you were off, squealing hello to Keeley. He watched you with a fond smile, wondering how he was so lucky to get someone like you. He made his way to the bar and ordered your drink, something too fruity for him to stand except when it was made by you.

"Oi, is that (Y/n)?" Isaac's voice from a bit away caught Roy's attention. "She is right fit, bruv."

"Don't let Roy hear you say that," Colin hissed, smacking Isaac on the back side of the head.

"What! I'm just saying what we're all thinking."

"Isaac is right, (Y/N) is quite beautiful," Jan Maas joined in.

Roy frowned and spun around to find the group just behind him, staring directly at you.

"OI!" He shouted, causing all of them to jump. Colin just about jumped into Isaac's arms nudging him in a 'I told you so' kind of way. "What the fuck do you think your saying?"

"Nuthin! We weren't sayin' nuthin!" Isaac defended, trying to maintain his cool. "We just think that (Y/N) is looking stunnin' tonight is all."

The boys all nodded in agreement.

"I'm not fucking stupid. I'm standing two fucking feet away," Roy barked, glaring at them "I’m the only one allowed to say that about them, you got that?"

"Yes, Coach!"

"Now fuck off, all of you"

The boys scattered, running into each other as they all tried to leave the situation. You came upon them as they were leaving, trying to exchange hellos but none of them would so much as look at you. You looked at Roy suspiciously.

"What did you do?" You sussed, narrowing your eyes at him.

He turned around and grabbeed your drink to hand to you. "I got you a drink."

You shook your head at him, but couldn't help the smile that came over your face. "I like you a lot."

"Yeah I know," He grumbled, pulling you back towards him. "I like you a lot, too."

[jamiesfootball]

@sighonaraa you opened the door on this so here we go:

PACIFIC RIM AU

Ted and Beard? Hella drift compatible. Shouldn't even need to be said. Since becoming a dad, Ted has struggled to justify his job as a trainer for the Pan Pacific Defense Corp, but damnit someone has to care about these pilots. Someone's gotta train them to make it out alive. So many of them die young.

He wonders sometimes if its selfish of him that he's not a pilot himself, but there's no hiding that sort of thinking in the drift. The Beard he knows in the drift is the gentlest man in the world, and he always, always, talks Ted down from doing anything stupid.

Rebecca is what happens when the drift goes sour. Rupert used what he learned to dig his claws in further. Rebecca was never a pilot, but Rupert's money helped built all of this. Even though she left him, even though he's halfway across the Pacific and she's the one left running everything, his voice remains in her head like a ghost. It's only by having people like Keeley and Ted at her side that she's begun to think 'maybe I'll try again some day. maybe.'

The tragedy of Roy Kent is that he didn't die young. Recruits have been calling him an old man since he turned thirty. He's almost forty. He's outlived all the recruits who first called him old. At this point he's become so overbearing, so controlling in a drift, that he's almost impossible to find a partner for.

Everyone is bewildered when one of the new recruits, some hot-headed mollusk they pried out of Manchester of all places, takes the general compatibility test and his scores come back. They check and they check again, and then they reluctantly call in Roy Kent.

Roy dislikes him instantly. He's too cocky and he doesn't take the risks seriously. They have one sparring session. Roy curses the sixth sense years of piloting have given him. They're drift compatible. Offensively so. Why won't the world give him a break?

Their first and only test drift is an unmitigated disaster. They nearly destroy one of the last functioning Jaegers; repairs will take months. Both of them walk away from the experience scraped raw and haunted by the knowledge they'll have to carry about each other for the rest of their lives.

Meanwhile Colin and Isaac are two guys from different departments who happened to meet in the lift one day. They ended up at the cafeteria talking for hours about everything and nothing, and the next day they got tested on a lark, even though neither was in the training program. Scores came back off the chart, they are now in the training program. It's terrifying. They wouldn't trade it for the world.

Richard and Jan Maas are barely drift compatible and shouldn't be let anywhere near a giant robot but somehow they keep winning so-

Keeley is the cutie on the bridge who gets to wear the bright colorful suspenders and run the clock.

Moe is one of those crazy scientists, but I couldn't decide which one so he might be both idk

Actually I've decided that Trent Crimm is Newton. He's not a scientist per se but he is a researcher and has fantastic style and rock t-shirts.

Oh and there's a sweet moment in here where Dani offers to drift with Jamie even though they basically just met and it is beautiful and healing. Dani is one of the most all-around drift compatible people around, but he really loves his amigo Jamie.

Sam is also a pilot in training and everyone in the world is like 'please no don't let the kaiju kill him or truly there is there no god in this world'

[valdomarx]

Roy had it all planned out: he was going to spend six weeks in a beautiful villa in Marbella with his gorgeous girlfriend and it was going to be relaxing and cultured and oh so romantic.

But life is capricious and fate is cruel, so instead he found himself dumped by his girlfriend and in a beautiful villa in Marbella on a romantic getaway with Jamie fucking Tartt.

Keeley had been very kind and as gentle about ending things as she could be, but Roy knew the signs of someone progressing out of his league. He’d saved her the discomfort of a protracted fizzle out by being the one to say the words, but he was pretty sure that she would soon be moving on to better things and he would not.

She had insisted — like, really insisted — that he take this holiday though, and because this was fucking Richmond AFC and it was packed to the rafters with gossipy old women, rumours were spreading within hours that his relationship was on the rocks and was he going on holiday on his own.

He would have been annoyed about that, would have preferred to lick his wounds in private, but the day he arrived in Marbella an entire entourage had turned up at his door. Half the team was there, bustling into his rented villa with cans of cheap beer and bags of crisps and bottles of sunscreen, and by the time the doorbell stopped ringing his living room was crammed with cheery, excited lads, and perhaps it was actually kind of sweet.

They’d spent three weeks swimming in the sea and eating tapas, staying out too late at fancy bars and dancing like idiots at expensive clubs. Sam had taught them all to windsurf — a man of hidden talents, that one — and Isaac enthusiastically organised games of beach volleyball. Dani nominated himself head chef for the holiday, and Jan Maas was in charge of carrying home anyone who fell down on their longer nights out.

It was, to Roy’s frank astonishment, really rather fun, and certainly better than moping alone.

And thank fuck, not once did anyone mention Keeley or ask him to talk about his fucking feelings.

Soon the three weeks had been up, and it was time for the team to return home. But for some unknown fucking reason, Jamie had decided that he was staying. No arguments or recriminations or any amount of yelling would move him. He’d simply planted himself on Roy’s sofa and announced that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Some fucking misguided sense of loyalty or some shit. Roy should never have hugged the prick at the end of the season.

(Nah, he couldn’t regret that. He did get them promoted. But why the fuck Jamie thought he had to stay now, Roy couldn’t say.)

-

So they’d settled into… something. The first few days Roy lazed about on the balcony overlooking the sea, and Jamie mostly read (who knew he could read?) and stayed out of his way. They ate dinner together at cosy, casual restaurants, and it was… okay. It was fine.

Jamie would get up early to go for a run before the day got too hot, and Roy would get up late and make coffee for them both. Jamie would pick up pastries from the bakery on the way home, then they’d share breakfast and talk about their plans for the day and Roy didn’t hate it.

It felt like a respite, like they were extracted into a bubble of sunshine, pausing for a while while the world spun on without them.

Jamie arrived back from his run one morning literally bouncing with excitement. “I took this new route, right, and I saw these sculptures in town, right? And they’re by Salvador fucking Dalí! The absolute legend. How cool is that? We gotta go visit em!”

As Jamie bounced off to shower, Roy very quickly googled Salvador Dalí and saw a lot of chat about surrealism and impressionism and some other arty shit he didn’t understand. When Jamie came back he nodded sagely like of course he knew who Dalí was, and was just surprised that Jamie did too.

They went and looked at the statues. They certainly were, uhh, shaped.

Then they walked around the rest of the city, and all day long Jamie babbled out facts about Marbella and Dalí like he’d swallowed a fucking guide book. Roy mostly tuned it out. It was hard to maintain his distant, grouchy air though, when Jamie was so enthused. Like he was having the time of his life, as if there were literally no place on Earth he’d rather be and no person he’d rather be regaling with the full artistic history of Spain.

It was fucking weird, is what it was. And weirder still, Roy found himself almost enjoying it.

That night, Roy declared he’d had enough of eating out and he was going to cook dinner himself. Jamie sat and watched, wide-eyed, as Roy sliced vegetables and grilled some chicken, and Roy snarked at him for being a fucking child who didn’t know how to cook, and Jamie sassed him about being an old man preparing food for the whole retirement home.

They ate dinner together on the balcony, the last rays of the setting sun painting the sky and the salt tang of the sea in the air, and it wasn’t terrible.

-

During their last week in Marbella, Jamie told Roy he was considering a momentous and important decision and would need his support and understanding during this life-changing time.

Turned out he was getting a fucking haircut.

Roy had resolutely refused to listen to a moment’s more fretting about the various merits of warm versus cool toned shades and the importance of feathering to maintain volume and shape, and had kicked him out of the villa to go to the salon.

Jamie’s hair had grown out since the end of the season, flopping in soft curtains over his eyes. When he came back it was shot through with highlights, streaks of silvery brightness contrasting against the mousy brown beneath.

It looked… sun-kissed, was the expression. Like the warmth of Marbella had left its imprint on him, as if Jamie himself were brighter and lighter because of his time here.

“It’s very. Blonde.” Roy managed.

“It’s walnut mist, actually,” Jamie pouted.

“Whatever.”

-

Their last night in the villa arrived faster than Roy had anticipated. He was well rested and well fed, and the new season would be starting soon so they really did need to go home. Still, he found himself strangely disinclined to leave.

But time waits for no man, as nice as the pause had been.

Roy had expected Jamie would want to go out for their last night, to make it a big evening on the town. But he’d smiled softly and said, “Nah, fuck that, let’s stay in and cook, yeah?” instead, and that took Roy so much by surprise he didn’t realise Jamie had volunteered him to do the cooking until he was already chopping.

“Oi! Tartt!”

Jamie popped his head round the kitchen door.

“Get in here and help me chop these veg.”

Jamie did as he was told, and while he had seemingly no knowledge of cooking whatsoever — how was it possible that a grown man didn’t know how to chop a carrot? — he did follow instructions well.

Roy put on some music, and they opened a bottle of wine, and between them they pulled together a decent meal out of whatever was left in the fridge.

They ate on the balcony again, the stars gleaming overhead in the clear night sky.

At some point Roy asked, offhand, what Jamie had been reading, and Jamie got very excited and told him all about this book Ted had given him. Roy was treated to an in-depth analysis of The Beautiful and the Damned, and how it seemed at first that it was all about banging parties and beautiful women and having fun, yeah? But then, like, it all goes to shit? Because this guy thought he was living it up and having the best time but actually he was being selfish and it was making him miserable, right? Because, like, money and glamour and all that shit ain’t actually what it’s about, is it? That ain’t what makes life worthwhile?

Roy sipped his wine and hid a smile. Ted really did have a way with people, the fucker.

“It was well good.”Jamie beamed in conclusion. “What about you, though? You doing alright? About… About Keeley and everything?”

The question caught Roy off guard. He’d been actively trying to dodge his feelings about the breakup, but if anyone could understand what it was like to be dumped by Keeley, it was Jamie.

He sighed. “It’s rough, innit?”

Jamie tipped his glass. “That it is.”

“I think I knew it was gonna happen, though. She’s amazing, don’t get me wrong, but I dunno if we really fit together any more. She was busy with work, and I was just hanging on, you know?” It was easier that he’d have thought, talking to Jamie about this stuff. “It was probably for the best.”

Jamie nodded contemplatively. “You’ll be alright. You’ll find someone you do fit with.” He glanced up for a moment, meeting Roy’s gaze, then quickly looked away.

Roy allowed himself a moment of wistfulness. “That’d be nice.”

“Who could resist the charms of Roy Kent? He’s a grouchy old fuck but he cooks a decent meal.”

“Fuck off,” Roy laughed, the ease of it sloughing the sadness off him.

“He swears a lot but he’s got a heart of gold.”

“Do I fuck, I’m dark and complex.”

“Ha! You’re a fucking teddy bear, mate, you can't hide it from me.”

“Only cause you’re a nosy wanker.”

Jamie grinned, bright and warm, eyes sparkling, and Roy let himself bask in it.

“Have you had fun though? On holiday?” Jamie’s voice was light, but he was biting his lip, a hint of nervous excitement about him.

Roy smiled in spite of himself. It had been ridiculous, and messy, and childish, and delightful. Yeah, it had been fun.

He raised his glass. "It's been…" he flicked a half smile, "memorable."

Jamie clinked their glasses together, looking at Roy a bit too intensely.

His voice dropped low and husky, and it pinged something deep in Roy's hindbrain. "We could make it more memorable."

They stared at each for a second, Roy's arm frozen halfway to taking a drink. The sound of the waves crashed in the background.

This was a bad idea. This was a bad idea.

"Fuck it, yeah, alright."

Roy shoved the dining table aside and Jamie pounced on him, pushing him back against his seat to straddle him.

Jamie was heavy, his thick muscular thighs pressing Roy in place, grinding their hips together with tempting friction.

He licked his lips and Roy wondered for one strange moment if Jamie was going to kiss him, but instead he buried his face in Roy's neck, teeth dragging along the sensitive skin there. His hands roamed over Roy's shirt, up under the waistband and over the now padded planes of his stomach.

Roy had gone from nought to one hundred in seconds, and his cock was hard between them. Jamie didn't waste time, just went straight for his belt with a focused determination that reminded Roy of him preparing to take a penalty.

He got on his knees so gladly.

"Mmm. Good lad," Roy said, and Jamie shivered. Roy unzipped his trousers and held out his cock like an offering, letting Jamie sink his mouth around it and enveloping him in wet heat.

He looked good between Roy's legs, forehead creased in concentration, eyes slipping shut, luscious lips stretched around Roy's cock and throat working hard.

Roy put his hands in Jamie's hair (softer now, his brain supplied, and sun-kissed). He ran his fingers through the stands, holding onto the back of Jamie's head and guiding him up and down on his cock.

Jamie took it well, letting Roy guide him for a few minutes before he did something with his tongue that made Roy tighten his grip on his hair, tugging at it, and Jamie moaned around his cock obscenely.

There was no rush this time, none of the frantic impatience of their last encounter. Jamie took his time, warming Roy up slowly, every moment deliberate, almost like he was savouring it. The daylight had faded and soft light from inside spilled across Jamie’s face, throwing it half into shadow.

Roy felt soft and molten, full of good food and warmed by weeks of sunshine and satisfied by Jamie and his goddamn miracle of a tongue.

“That’s good,” he growled. “That’s fucking good.”

Jamie moaned around him, a blush forming on his cheeks, and it said something about Jamie that sucking dick didn’t make him blush but a bit of praise fucking did.

Roy sighed, and decided he was feeling generous.

“You’re doing so well, sucking my cock. Your mouth feels fucking great.”

Jamie squirmed some more and took Roy deeper, the bit of positive reinforcement only gearing him up to try even harder at what he was doing. Roy got the feeling that was going to be a pattern with Jamie.

“You like that, don’t you? I fucking like it too.” Jamie’s eyes had that glazed-over, pleasure-drunk look that Roy was really starting to enjoy. “Do that thing with your tongue again. You know how I want it.”

Jamie did, flattening his tongue against the underside of Roy’s dick and undulating it, and Roy’s hands closed instinctively around Jamie’s hair, holding him in place. Jamie did it again, and again, and each time the coil inside Roy wound tighter and tighter until he snapped and yanked Jamie’s head forward, fucking his mouth in hot, tight little bursts.

Light and heat and pleasure pinged the inside of his brain and he came with a groan, all the tension and worry of the past season sliding off him and leaving him boneless and satiated.

Jamie swallowed, taking every last drop, his eyes blissed out and rapturous like he was receiving a sacrament. Roy wondered for a moment what it would be like to haul Jamie into his lap and lick the taste of himself out of his mouth, salty and bitter with the combined taste of them both.

He had meant to reciprocate this time, he really had — he wasn't a total arsehole — but Jamie had pulled away and already had a hand shoved into his pants, working himself off.

Roy took in the view: Jamie's heaving chest, the beads of sweat at his temples, the way he was jerking himself hard and fast, the perfect o of his mouth as it fell open. Before he'd had his fill of looking, Jamie was coming in shaky bursts, eyes scrunched shut and breath ragged.

He collapsed against Roy's leg, and Roy stroked a gentle hand through his hair, petting him as his breath slowed.

The night was warm, and the breeze carried the scent of the sea, and Jamie's hair was like white sand running through his fingers.

[buginateacup]

Question for the AFC Himbo girlies, who is your favourite background Himbo? I have a soft spot for both Winston and O'Brien

Some clarification, there are 3-4 levels of himbo to choose from

Tier 1: Significant character arcs and screen time. Isaac, Colin, Sam and Jamie all count as tier one.

Tier 2: Minor character arcs but decent screentime and plenty of lines Dani and Zoreaux.

Tier 3: Screentime and lines but remain the same beautiful idiots the whole way through. Richard and Jan Maas. Also Moe Bumbercatch but in the same way a fin breaks the surface and you know there is something much bigger under the water

Tier 4: 0-3 lines but present. Background himbos. Goodman, Winston, Babatunde O'Brien etc...

[nancywheeeler]

actually the biggest takeaway from this episode is that jan maas and isaac think nate is beautiful and they are right to say that.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Go For It

Fandom: Ted Lasso

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x F!Reader

Summary: There's a bit of tension between you and Isaac since he doesn't want you to get hurt by any of his teammates, especially Jamie. But you're a grown woman and you what you want.

Meet Cousin McAdoo | Caffeine Crash | Tour de Richmond

It'd been a few days since you've seen Jamie. You figured you'd keep your distance since Isaac was making a big fuss about you two hanging out.

Eventually, you said "fuck it". You're a grown woman and Isaac can't tell you what to do. You wanted to see Jamie again. Therefore, you came by the pitch in the middle of their practice. Isaac was taking you to a show at the West End later so it'd make things easier for him anyway.

"Hey, Roy!," you nod to the coach, who gives you a grunt in response.

Your presence is noticed by the boys who all give you nods and waves. Your eyes lock with Jamie's and you smile, giving him a wave. He smiles and waves back but then when he sees everyone looking at him, he immediately stops and looks down.

You sigh, "Did Isaac give him a talk?"

"Gave everyone a talk. You're off limits."

You groan, "For fuck's sake. I can see whoever I please."

"Whoever you please? Like Jamie?"

You cross your arms over your chest, "Maybe...has he mentioned me?"

"Maybe he has. Maybe he hasn't," he matches your pose but looks a lot more intimidating than you, "What would your intentions be with him?"

You snort, "I'm not like a gold digger or something, Roy. I like Jamie. He's funny and sweet," you let your arms drop, "I get it though. You're protective of him."

Roy drops his arms too and scoffs, "I'm not protective of him. He's lil' prick!"

You pat his shoulder, "Suuuree. Try all you want, Roy. But I'm well aware of how that mean exterior covers up what a complete softie you are inside," you poke his cheek and then turn your attention onto the pitch, "If I go over there, will you hurt me?"

"Do you want to take that risk?"

You shrug, "I'm sure I'll be fine," you say as you walk onto the pitch to approach your cousin.

"Hey."

"You were supposed to come after practice was over," Isaac states as he's watching his teammates dribble balls up and down the pitch."

"I got bored. Figured I'd watch hot sweaty men kick a ball around."

Isaac grabs a ball and lightly kicks to you, "Have a go?"

"Alright," you toss your things to the side and do your best to control the ball.

The guys cheer you on as you do your best to keep the ball as close to you as possible. Sometimes you'd kick it a bit too hard and you'd chase after it.

"WHISTLE! Five minutes then scrimmage!" Roy yells and you plop yourself onto the grass. Isaac tosses you a spare water bottle and you drink from it.

"That was fun."

"You're not very good," Jan Maas states, which earns him a slap to the chest from Bumbercatch.

You laugh, "No, it's okay. I'm well aware my football skills are lacking. Maybe I should show up at practice to learn from you guys!"

"Wouldn't mind having a beautiful woman here to motivate us," Richard says with a wink but then scurries away from Isaac's intimidating gaze.

You lightly kick Isaac's ankle, "Oi! Knock it off! It's just shameless flirting."

Jamie then walks by you, giving you a nod, as he grabs his water bottle a small distance from you.

"You alright, Jamie?" you ask.

You watch as he glances from Isaac to you, "Yeah. I'm good." He continues to look down, avoiding you.

You roll your eyes and stand with a grunt. You approach Jamie with a whisper, "Hey."

"I'm not really allowed-"

"Oh fuck whatever Isaac says. He's being dumb and overprotective. Listen-"

Five minutes are up! Scrimmage! Now!" Roy yells and you groan.

"Sorry. I need to go," Jamie tosses his bottle down and heads back onto the pitch.

You're not going to let Jamie avoid you. You grab a spare jersey for the team Jamie was one and joined the pitch. Everyone looked at you confused.

"What? I'm bored and wanna see what all the fuss is about!"

The guys then looked at Isaac on what to do. He shrugs, "Let's show 'er how it's done, boys!" they all cheer but then he puffs his chest out and says, "But if any of you hurt her, you're dead!"

The cheering immediately stops.

"I'll be fine! Let's go!" You look to Roy who gives you a questioning look. You give him a nod and he yells, "WHISTLE" and the scrimmage starts.

You do your best to keep up with them. Dani kicks you the ball and you're screaming as you head towards the goal.

"Jamie!" you kick it towards him and he grins, kicking it back to you, yelling, "Go for it!"

You run, kicking the ball as hard as you can and everyone stops as it flies through the air and into the net.

You and the guys burst out in cheers and hollers. Jamie runs over to you and picks you up. He spins you around but then sets you back down as the guys crowd you. They're jumping around and cheering, patting you on the back. You never expected them to be so excited for you.

You laugh as Roy goes over to break it up and get back to playing. Jamie stays back as the rest of the guys head to their positions, "You trying to steal me job?"

You snort, "Hey, you told me to go for it."

"True."

He starts to head back but you call out for him, "Jamie!"

"Yeah?"

You hesitate for a moment, but then that voice inside is yelling, 'Fuck it all!'

"Y/N?" he calls your name, walking closer to you.

You smile shyly, "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Your question clearly takes him by surprise. His eyes widen and brows shoot up, "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Jamie, we're grown adults. We don't have to do what Isaac says."

"He said he'll punch me in me face if I even look at you! And I like me face unpunched!" you couldn't help but laugh the slightly frightened look on his face.

You place a hand on his shoulder, "I'll deal with him. Are you free Friday night?"

"Yeah. I can be free Friday night," he smirks at you.

"Great. I'll grab your number before I leave then."

"Fucking mint," he says in disbelief, smiling widely at you.

"TARTT! HURRY UP, YOU PRICK!" Roy shouts.

"I'm coming!" Jamie yells back and he's running to the pitch, a big smile on his face.

[self-made-cages]

Morgan's 2023 Reading List ✨📚 

Jan 2: Truly Madly Guilty - Liane Moriarty (1 star)

Jan 4: True Biz - Sara Nović (4.5 stars)

Jan 15: Spare - Prince Harry (4 stars)

Jan 20: Blood of Olympus - Rick Riordan (re-read) (3 stars)

Jan 23: This Time Tomorrow - Emma Straub (3.5 stars)

Jan 25: The Last Thing He Told Me - Laura Dave (3.5 stars)

Feb 2: Beartown - Fredrik Backman (5 stars)

Feb 5: The Hawthorne Legacy - Jennifer Lynn Barnes (4 stars)

Feb 6: The Final Gambit - Jennifer Lynn Barnes (3.5 stars)

Feb 19: Iona Iverson's Rules for Commuting - Clare Pooley (4 stars)

Feb 19: The Unsinkable Greta James - Jennifer E. Smith (2.5 stars)

Feb 28: Where’d You Go, Bernadette? - Maria Semple (5 stars)

Mar 15: A Court of Thorns and Roses - Sarah J. Maas (4 stars)

Mar 20: A Court of Mist and Fury - Sarah J. Maas (5 stars)

Mar 23: A Court of Wings and Ruin - Sarah J. Maas (4 stars)

Mar 25: The Quarantine Princess Diaries - Meg Cabot (2.5 stars)

Mar 26: A Court of Frost and Starlight - Sarah J. Maas (4 stars)

Mar 31: The Mutual Friend - Carter Bays (4 stars)

April 5: From Blood and Ash - Jennifer L. Armentrout (3.5 stars)

April 9: A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire - Jennifer L. Armentrout (4.5 stars)

April 15: The Crown of Gilded Bones - Jennifer L. Armentrout (3 stars)

April 19: The War of Two Queens -Jennifer l Armentrout (3 stars)

April 23: The Reading List - Sara Nisha Adams (3 stars)

April 30: Lessons in Chemistry - Bonnie Garmus (5 stars)

May 6: Happy Place - Emily Henry (4.5 stars)

May 10: Everything Beautiful in Its Time - Jenna Bush Hager (not rating)

May 13: Well Met - Jen DeLuca (3 stars)

May 21: The Last Mrs. Parrish - Liv Constantine (2.5 stars)

May 25: The Displacements - Bruce Holsinger (4 stars)

May 27: Rock the Boat - Beck Dorey-Stein (4.5 stars)

May 31: Damn Few - Rorke Denver (not rating)

June 14: A Court of Silver Flames - Sarah J. Maas (2 stars)

June 25: Prisoners of Geography - Tim Marshall (not rating)

June 27: A Court of Mist and Fury - Sarah J. Maas (reread)

July 2: Pineapple Street - Jenny Jackson (4 stars)

July 5: Once More With Feeling - Elissa Sussman (2 stars)

July 13: It All Comes Down to This - Therese Anne Fowler (3.5 stars)

July 15: Mad Honey - Jodi Picoult & Jennifer Finney Boylan (4 stars)

July 27: The Secret History - Donna Tart (3 stars)

July 29: The Comeback Summer - Ali Brady (4 stars)

July 30: The It Girl - Ruth Ware (4 stars)

August 5: The Night Circus - Erin Morgenstern (4 stars)

August 6: Educated - Tara Westover (not rating)

August 9: The First 90 Days - Michael D. Watkins (not rating)

August 11: This is How it Always Is - Laurie Frankel (5 stars)

August 20: Demon Copperhead - Barbara Kingsolver (4.5 stars)

August 27: A Soul of Ash and Blood - Jennifer L. Armentrout (1.5 stars)

August 30: The Alice Network - Kate Quinn (3.5 stars)

September 4: The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue - V.E. Schwab (4.5 stars)

September 15: This Is How You Lose the Time War - Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone (4 stars)

September 17: Hotel Laguna - Nicola Harrison (2 stars)

September 24: We're All Adults Here - Emma Straub (5 stars)

September 26: A Bend in the Road - Nicholas Sparks (1.5 stars)

October 5: The Celebrants - Steven Rowley (2.5 stars)

October 8: Anxious People - Fredrik Backman (3.5 stars)

October 9: Born a Crime - Trevor Noah (not rating)

October 14: The Wishing Game - Meg Shaffer (4 stars)

October 16: Counting the Cost - Jill Duggar (not rating)

October 18: Love and Other Words - Christina Lauren (2.5 stars)

October 22: Rules of Civility - Amor Towles (4 stars)

October 29: Maybe You Should Talk To Someone - Lori Gottlieb (not rating)

October 30: Troublemaker - Leah Remini (not rating)

November 2: Pride & Prejudice - Jane Austen (3.5 stars)

November 7: Good Girl Complex - Elle Kennedy (1.5 stars)

November 23: Modern Lovers - Emma Straub (2 stars)

November 25: Fourth Wing - Rebecca Yarros (3.5 stars)

December 3: Daisy Jones and The Six - Taylor Jenkins Reid (2.5 stars)

December 6: Know My Name - Chanel Miller (not rating)

December 10: Girl in the Blue Coat - Monica Hesse (2.5 stars)

December 15: The Circus Train - Anita Parikh (2 stars)

December 20: Catch and Kill - Ronan Farrow (not rating)

December 22: Today Will Be Different - Maria Semple (4 stars)

December 27: Iron Flame - Rebecca Yarros (4.5 stars)

December 29: Vampire Academy - Michelle Mead (1 star)

December 30: Percy Jackson: The Chalice of the Gods - Rick Riordan (5 stars)

[providing-leverage]

The A-Team

(asexaul and aromantic Ted Lasso fic recs)

Let's be honest, half the reason for this post is the title. But also to shine some light on a couple beautiful fics I've found with aro and ace characters in this fandom. The purple heart indicates ace, green indicates aro content.

A is for Ally by starryeyedknight 3.8k💜

When Richard suggests a novel way for the Richmond boys to show their allyship, Colin ends up coming out to the team...just not in the way they were expecting.

In which the team gets distracted (multiple times), Isaac is overprotective, Jamie suspects Colin might actually be a Jedi knight, and Bumbercatch reveals way more about his sexual preferences than anyone was expecting. (And poor Will is inadvertently scarred for life.)

A cute little fic that I found perusing the asexual tag. I really enjoyed this au, and Colin's coming out/the guy's reactions to him as well as him not having it all figured out himself.

Love Stuck by @altschmerzes 6k 💚

When Keeley opens the door, Jamie bypasses any kind of perhaps typically-expected greeting. While this isn’t exactly unusual for him, what he says is.

“I’ve got great news,” he tells her, smiling like he really does have great news, which helps to somewhat offset the sense of foreboding she’d been starting to feel. “I am not in love with you. Can I come in?"

OR: Jamie Tartt is aromantic. This changes everything. This also changes nothing. A study in identity, defining your own relationships, and different kinds of love.

I am completely in love with this fic. Jamie having a bi panic before he realizes actually, neither is good/ref. It's very true to my own experiences and made me relate to him so much.

Such a Skeptic: or, Keeley Jones is Bad at Communication by ellarree 800💚

Keeley Jones is definitely not bitter about Shandy. Barbara is definitely interested in double dates and the institution of romance as a whole. Jamie Tartt definitely knows why he’s here. And Jack Danvers? Well, she knows that none of those three statements are true.

A short sequel to the above fic, with aromantic bonding and Barbara who quite honestly deserves so much more screen time in cannon. It has it's own sequel which you can find here.

A Simple Matter of (Mis)Communication by starryeyedknight 3k💜

For the past few weeks Moe Bumbercatch and Jan Maas have been spending an awful lot of time together, and everyone knows what that means. Everyone, apparently, except for Moe Bumbercatch himself...

Apparently I just need to binge read this author's whole collection of works because I didn't realize they also write A is for Ally until making this. Asexual Jan Mass which again I found myself relating to a lot. Technically part of a series and his asexuality was mentioned in the first work, but it's central to the plot of this one. It's also super cute.

Self rec: it's a rather touching notion by providing_leverage 5.7k 💜💚

“I won’t beat around the bush. We think you might be bisexual. You familiar with it?” A friendly team game of spin the bottle ends in a few revelations, some quicker than others. (AKA Moe Bumbercatch going through the unofficial aroace right of passage: adding no real attraction to men with no real attraction to women and coming up with bisexual, with a little help from his friends)

I really enjoyed writing this, even if the last 2k was just a fight against myself. It went through so many different versions and ended longer than I meant for it to be. I really neat part of the Ted Lasso fandom is how platonic so much of the content is.

If you've got any aspec recommendations of your own, please drop them here or tag me. Self recs are absolutely invited. Happy pride!

[madelinetess]

Wouldn't it be nice?

“There are only ten minutes remaining till the end of this match and Richmond players seem to be in quite the pickle.”

“You are right Arlo, it does appear to be a dangerous situation for the greyhounds. As of now the score is 1:1 but Chelsea’s in possession and it looks like they may score the winning goal after all.”

“A beautiful pass from number 11, getting through Richmond’s defence, the only thing between the Chelsea Striker and leaving the match victorious is Richmond’s goalie, Zoreaux, who seems to be having a tough day today.”

“The greyhounds are relying quite heavily on their defence players today… What’s this? A beautiful kick by the Chelsea attacker! It’s soaring through the air and… By God, Arlo, did you see that?”

“If you are referring to the brilliant dive by Richmond’s number 13, then yes, I most definitely saw it. We simply have to look at it again, the way he got in there just in time to kick the ball right back into the stands, simply marvellous.”

A slow motion replay of Jan’s desperate save displayed on the screen accompanied by the cheers of the fans in the stands and the live commentary by both Chris Powell and Arlo White.

“The Dutchman did it again. He has definitely been the backbone of today's defence, foiling most of the scoring attempts. But back to the game, it is now time for Nelson Road residents to either try and keep the ball for the remaining four minutes, or to shock us with some clever closing play.”

“You never know what to expect from them, and they’ve been continually pulling all kinds of tricks from their sleeves. Chris, what do you think is going to happen?”

“It remains to be seen, Arlo, we’ll just have to wait.”

“Bumbercatch passes to Montlaur, Montlaur goes in to score, but no! It was a feint and it’s Jamie Tartt now with the ball. Tartt passes to Rojas who gets through Chelsea’s defence and gets the ball straight to number 12 and it’s a goal! A beautiful play by the Greyhounds mere seconds before the final whistle! Richmond winds up victorious with two goals from Tartt and Hughes respectively.”

“A beautiful display of teamwork indeed. It’s games like this one that truly highlight the unity of the Nelson Road Team, the famous ‘Richmond Way’ a term coined by Trent Crimm in his best selling book…”

The commentary was now fading away as the team exited the pitch, still euphoric after the win. Jan walked feeling exhausted but hyped up and was now heading to the locker room to celebrate along with the entirety of the team. The coaches were already there, waiting for them. 

Everyone got seated and the room fell into silence, awaiting Roy’s words. 

“Allright, I’ll make it quick. Good job Jamie, Colin,” He nodded at each respective player but then turned towards Jan “Jan Maas. You are the main reason we didn’t fuckin’ lose today!” Excitement in their manager’s voice crystal clear. 

Dani was the first one to cheer, but soon everyone joined in and the whole locker room was once again filled with excited footballers. Shoulder pats and bear hugs were exchanged once again before Roy had to shout to get them to settle down and listen to the announcements.

“Oi! You have fifteen minutes to celebrate here, and after that I expect to see you all on the bus, ready to head to the hotel.”

With that Roy left to support Rebecca handling the interviews, and both Beard and Nate followed him out of the room, probably to settle some other matters.

The team changed quickly and it wasn’t even twenty minutes later that Jan sat next to Richard on the way to the hotel. The Dutchman pulled out a well loved book that was given to him for his birthday by the man sitting right next to him out of his bag. Richard himself could never read while in a moving vehicle, so as usual he opted for listening to music and looking out the window, completely zoned out. 

The ride itself was short, and soon enough they all stood in the hotel lobby waiting to get their keys.

“Listen up people!” Coach Beard could be heard over the general ruckus “You get settled and then at 8PM sharp we meet in conference room 3 for our movie night! Jan Maas, today you get the honours of drawing the movie from our box of suggestions.” 

A collective choir of whoops and whistles filled the foyer.

The movie night tradition became a thing when Ted was still their manager and it was one of the many things that stuck around even after he didn’t. Of course pillow fights also kept on happening, but the clean-up after a movie night is undoubtedly easier, and watching a silly movie is definitely a great way of winding down after a difficult match. 

The box of suggestions though, was Phoebe’s idea that Roy decided to implement. At the beginning of the season each player got to write down one movie name on a post-it and put it in a purple glittery shoebox. Then, every movie night someone from the team would draw a piece of paper from said box and whatever it said, that was the movie they were going to watch. 

The suggestions were obviously restricted, to the disappointment of both Moe and Richard. Richard’s, because almost everyone voted no, on classic French cinema, and Bumbercatch’s for reasons unspecified. The only other rule was no one was supposed to know who suggested what.

So obviously Jan and Richard turned into a game to see if they could guess who wrote down which movie. So far they were pretty sure that Dani suggested Night at the Museum and Sam was definitely the one who pitched Ratatouille, as for the other ones they were based purely on speculation. Both of them were pretty positive that Thierry picked How to lose a guy in 10 days. Richard kept disagreeing with him about who suggested Baby Driver, it was a tie between Jamie and Isaac, but for some reason the same disagreement also occurred while debating who picked Ocean’s Eleven.

Some other movies they watched included classics such as Jojo Rabbit, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Legally Blonde, The Greatest Showman, and Knives Out. The jury was still out on all of these. 

They agreed not to disclose what movie they themselves suggested, to keep the game more interesting. 

Jan however knew exactly what Richard picked. He remembers the first practice of the season, he remembers the weather outside, and the exact button up shirt that Richard wore that day. 

Why does he remember that? Well, because he spent the entire after-practice meeting staring at the four undone upper buttons, and not thinking about what movie he should put down as his suggestion. That in turn meant he caught a glimpse of Richard’s post-it and the two titles written in neat handwriting. Duplex and 50 First Dates sat right there being deeply analysed by the Frenchman struggling to pick one. That’s when Jan decided, whichever one his friend doesn’t pick, he was going to write down.

The jangle of the room keys brought the Dutchman back to Earth. Richard has already gone and picked them up from coach Beard and was now motioning for Jan to follow him to their accommodations. 

Most of the team roomed on the same floor, but the coaches made sure to get themselves settled the furthest away from the rest of the team. The rooms were nice enough, with a small balcony, two beds, wardrobe, a table with some chairs and an adjacent bathroom. Enough for a one night stay. 

Richard immediately threw his things onto the bed by the window and sat down on it. After dozens of times sharing a room at away games Jan already knew that the Frenchman loved being woken up by the sun. 

The Dutchman took the other bed and unpacked some of their bathroom things. There was no use taking two tubes of toothpaste, so they both agreed beforehand who was going to take one, same with soap and shampoo. Neither of them trusted the ones provided by the hotels.

After they were done unpacking they headed down to the dining room to grab some dinner before coming back up to their room to get changed into some sweatpants and comfy t-shirts and whatnot. Then the only thing left was to locate conference room number 3. 

On the stairway they were joined by Colin, Isaac, Moe and a couple of the reserves. They already went up a flight before Reynolds stopped them to ask a question.

“Hold up, does anyone know where we are supposed to go?” 

“Conference room 3, duh” Colin answered.

“Yeah, but do any of you actually know where that is?”

Everyone stopped in the middle of the stairway and shook their heads.

“Then where the hell are we going?” Goodman piped up.

“O'Brien, didn't you say that your roommate stayed back to ask the receptionist about it?”

“Yeah, he did.” Tom turned around as if to locate said roommate and didn’t seem to find him. Then he turned around again, hoping for a different result. That clearly didn’t seem to help. “I forgot Bhargava!” he yelled out and dashed down the stairs back to the rooms.

“Do you guys think he just locked him inside their room?” Colin asked, looking after the goalkeeper.

“Maybe he just forgot to tell him we were going already..?” Isaac supplied. 

“Nah, he totally locked him in,” Richard laughed heartily and looked at Jan smiling which he reciprocated.

“Isn’t there a floorplan somewhere maybe?” Jan asked no one in particular. The Dutchman looked around trying to find something that would tell them where to go. While they were still standing around on the stairs they all heard O’Brien shouting.

“Lads! We got to go downstairs, not up!” A chorus of groans lasted a good ten seconds it took them to get downstairs and back to the lobby.

Once they finally reached the conference room Roy looked at them, then at his watch, and then back at them. 

“What took you so long, you got fuckin’ lost, or something?” 

“Well, what matters is that we are all here now.” Reynolds said after a beat of silence.

“That is the bare minimum, we said at 8, it’s 8:20”

“Actually, it’s only 8:17 so it’s closer to…” Goodman started but one look from their former captain turned manager shut him up.

"We need to learn how to appreciate the little things, like finding our way, or Richard…" Jan said, throwing an arm around his friend, who was standing right next to him.

The Frenchman was not amused, and rolled his eyes pointedly exaggerating the movement.

"Laugh all you want, I'm not the one that had to ask the hotel desk to get another duvet, because I didn't fit under the one that comes with the room."

“Fuckin’ hell… Enough of that, get inside, sit down and get ready to watch the movie.” Roy stopped them before they could drag the conversation out even longer. “Jan, come with me to pick the movie.”

Inside the conference room a projector was set up, along with a few rows of nice cushioned chairs to sit on. Roy stood in front of the chairs waiting for the footballers to settle down on their seats. 

“Today's match was hard,”Roy began his speech. “but we pulled through. And we fuckin’ won!” Here Roy paused, waiting for the cheers to die down. “And we owe it not only to the ones scoring the goals, but to our defence as well, especially to Jan Maas over here, so Nate,” Here Roy turned to the shorter man, “Bring in the Box!”

Nate approached with the glittery shoebox and dramatically opened the lid before turning to Jan waiting for the Dutchman to pick out a post-it note with the title of today’s movie.

Jan covered his eyes and reached into the box pulling out a piece of paper folded twice, handing it to Roy and walking off to sit down on an empty chair next to Richard that the shorter man saved for him.

“And the movie of the evening is… 50 First Dates!”

Some people whooped, some looked around confused. Richard turned to look at Jan grinning. Jan returned the gesture for the second time today and turned to the screen waiting for the movie to start. He has never seen it before, but since Richard enjoyed it, then it must be nice. 

The snack bowls were passed around, the light turned off, and the movie put on. Jan held onto the popcorn he was handed. For the next hour and a half every now and then the Frenchman would nudge him to get the bowl within his reach.

From time to time someone would snicker at some joke, Jamie definitely winced at the scene where Lucy beat Henry up, Thierry pointed out the fact that the dolphins were named Mary Kate and Ashley and Dani shot up during the diary burning scene to exclaim that it’s almost like that time when they were getting rid of the ghosts from the treatment room. 

They all bawled their eyes out at the break up scene, and tissues had to be passed around during the final one. Jan ended up liking the movie and judging by the fact that by the end most of the players were trying to hold back tears, so did they. 

Once the light came back on the coaches gave them ten minutes to tidy up, and get back to their rooms. Isaac and Sam stayed the longest to make sure everything was back to how it was beforehand, which meant Colin was stuck outside the doors waiting for his room key that his best friend held on to, Jan and Richard decided to keep him company. 

“How’d you like the movie?” the Welshman asked, noticing how the two of them decided to wait around with him.

“I liked it” Jan simply answered “And you, Richard, you’ve seen it before, right?”

“Yeah, but I still find it enjoyable.” 

“Yeah? Is it because Henry reminds you of… well, you?” Colin laughed

“Why? Because Dickie here is a shameless flirt, or actually a softie that cares a lot about penguins?” Colin joked as Isaac joined their group while Sam was locking up the conference room.

“I’ll have you know, penguins are actually great animals.”

“Yeah, and they are also the best secret agents in the world” the Nigerian finally joined their tiny circle, and they were able to start moving towards their rooms. 

They all stopped in front of Sam and Dani’s room to talk a bit more before retiring for the night. Jan couldn’t help but notice how short Richard looked standing next to them all, well, maybe not next to Colin, but the rest of them towered over the Frenchman a little. 

After about ten minutes of idle lounging around Colin yawned loudly prompting their discussion to halt.

“Need your beauty sleep?” Isaac asked.

“Better not, because he would need a lot of it.” Richard quipped.

“And remember, we have to be up early tomorrow.” Jan replied without missing a beat.

Colin flipped them both off as they bid the group farewell and took off in the direction of their room. 

Back in their room they got ready to sleep taking turns in the bathroom. Richard went in first so when Jan exited after his own shower he was surprised to see his friend still up clearly waiting for him. As soon as the Frenchman noticed Jan was done in the bathroom he motioned for him to join him on the bed, so Jan did.

“So, who do you think picked the movie? I’m pretty sure both Dixon and Goodman recognised it but I’m not sure any of them would have picked it as their one choice.”

“How about Tommy Winchester?” Jan suggested trying to seem oblivious.

“Nah, that’s also not it…Maybe Reynolds?” the shorter man continued to speculate.

“How do I know it wasn’t you?” It might have been a bit of a risky move there, but it wasn’t unsound to assume that. “After all you did know the movie and I remember you mentioning something about liking Drew Barrymore romantic comedies…”

“It does make sense, but let me tell you a secret. I wanted to put that one down, but ended up picking a different movie.” Richard winked at him and it took all the self control Jan had to not reveal to him that he knows. “Also, you remembered that comment about Drew Barrymore? I didn’t even remember it until you mentioned it.”

“We are friends, I remember things about you. Things like your favourite actress… Maybe not the French cinema ones, because most of them I’ve never heard of, but you know… other ones…”

“Give French cinematography a try, you may end up liking it. We could put a film on during our next charcuterie night?”

“How did you end up liking it? I didn’t think goat farms had access to a lot of fancy French cinemas.”

“Well, my maman had a big city soul and I got it from her. She never did get out of the farm, but I did and have been living with splendour for the two of us ever since. Never looked back…”

“You never talked about her before… She sounds like a lovely woman.”

“She was… She was the only one who would get my father to dance with her. He was the most stern man you’ve ever met, but when she put on an old record and asked him to dance he would, just like that… Bought them an Adele record for their 20th wedding anniversary with the money I earned in my first job because that was the only new release at the local store. Père and I listen to it every time I visit him back home.”

They were now both lying down, propped up on the big pillow and looking at the ceiling, Richard leaning on him.

“What is your family like? I don’t think I ever heard you talking about them either…”

“Well, I have a brother and a sister, both older than me, and my parents own a small corner shop…”

Jan woke up in the middle of the night disoriented. He looked around and noticed someone lying on top of him. 

Richard’s rhythmic breaths and the rise and fall of his chest calmly brought Jan back to Earth and stopped him from panicking lest he wake up the smaller man. They must have fallen asleep whilst talking.

The Dutchman looked back at his friend and smiled softly at how the other man curled up into him. He made a move to reach for the blanket at the foot of the bed without stirring the Frenchman but was unsuccessful in his attempt as the other man stirred awake.

“Morning… Well, not morning, but there isn’t really a greeting for the middle of the night…”

“Hello to you too… Can we go back to sleep, or are you gonna move some more?”

“I… Well, uh… Sure, let’s, let’s get back to sleeping.” Before lying back down Jan draped the blanket over the both of them and spared one last look at his best friend. He waited before Richard’s breathing slowed down again before speaking.

“I was the one who put down that movie… Because I saw you struggling to pick one, and I decided to pick the one you wrote off.” He was now absentmindedly tracing patterns on Richard’s right shoulder and arm while spilling some stuff he’d be too scared to admit in the daylight. “I couldn’t stop looking at you that day… And many days before and after that. It’s been a thing for quite some time. And now I’m thinking that I’d like to buy a gramophone so that we could get a vinyl of some Adele album and dance to it, and maybe visit your dad on the farm… You could show me the goats. I've never touched a goat before… And maybe we could grow older together, but not as friends… As something…”

“Just so you know, I’m not asleep yet…”Richard whispered softly as Jan's face dropped. “And I think I would like that too, but maybe we could talk about it more in the morning?” Jan’s face went from horrified to touched to happy as he hugged the man lying next to him.

He pressed a soft kiss to the top of Richard’s head and burrowed his face in his hair. Richard in turn kissed his neck before turning to find a comfortable position and go back to sleep.

“Goodnight Richard”

“Goodnight Jan”