#you're doomed by the narrative and you're serving!

[one-lucky-day]

when you're doomed by the narrative but still serving cunt

rachelhuey88 on twitter

[the-face-in-the-mirror]

As promised, here she is! Margaret in all of her new glory. I have scarcely been able to stop staring at this one, she's so pretty it's almost unfair.

Finally, a proper outfit for the icon herself. My goal here was to make Margaret look more like a princess and a royal heir, with some inspiration taken from Princess Zelda's design in Breath of the Wild while utilizing some of the colors that Margaret is seen wearing in canon. I might adjust the veil later to make it fit in more seamlessly with the rest of the outfit, but right now, I think it looks okay; let me know if ya'll have any ideas for that.

I always thought Margaret needed more love as the heir to the throne; being the firstborn, you'd think there'd be a little bit more emphasis on her and the position she holds, but she just kind of... exists in a bubble, it seemed like. This time around, Margaret gets a bigger role in terms of her place in Liones and the royal family. Given the time period, there'd be very little separation between Church and State, especially since the Holy Knights are a thing, so I've decided that Margaret gets to essentially be the head of the Church, or at least hold a high position in it. Since Margaret has never demonstrated any magical ability in canon, I imagine I can work with that to aid in her position as High Priestess; I'm still figuring that part out, but we'll get there.

Her overhauled role also gives Margaret more to do than just being constantly locked in a basement like in canon. Personally, I don't really get why she had to be other than the excuse that it was for her own protection, but even then it still seemed weird since Hendrickson had her being watched at all times by the chimera anyway. She'll likely be up to a bit more in this rewrite, and I hope to expand more on her character being stalked by the chimera versus no longer being stalked by it. Margaret could be cool and honestly it's what she deserves.

That's it for now, so I'll see ya'll just as soon as I figure out what to do next. See ya!

[collecting-dustbunnies]

Lesson 58-A in a nutshell (SPOILERS!)

(Context under cut)

[96z]

you're serving cunt? you're doomed by the narrative and you're serving cunt?

[purrlockswatson]

Love Never Dies, we have beef!

This was... painful. But I think I can ramble without roasting. As always, if you're a fan, don't read, because I'm still serving beef!

I first watched it, I was so bored I had to play it on 1.25× speed. Nothing seemed to be happening even as every new thing wrecked my faith in the creators' intelligence a little more.

"The Beauty Underneath" had unbelievable visuals. People in fish tanks horrify me. In a good way. But when the Phantom decided to yeet his mask like that, I wanted to reach through the screen and shake him. Mate, the kid doesn't hate you. He just got randomly jumpscared. Of course he ran away.

I loved Ramin's sassy Phantom in "Devil Takes the Hindmost," but the premise of the song is so bad it deserves a whole roast post.

All this could be a problem of my personal taste in music and storytelling. But I can't forgive how thoroughly they destroyed Phantom's character. In Ramin's version, Mme Giry was roasting him to his face, and he didn't pull out the lasso? Met Raoul drunk in an empty bar and didn't drop him off a pier and make it look like an accident?

Look, we all love "poor unhappy Erik," but Phantom does not have a heart of gold. No, he's not a monster, but he's not a hero either.

Call me doomy and gloomy, but I don't believe that Phantom would give a hoot if Meg died. He definitely wouldn't show the compassion and repentance he did in that final scene.

The worst thing a PoTO story can do is to make it all about his appearance, which I feel LND did. The greatest reasons Phantom is doomed by the narrative is:

1. Society alienates him for his appearance.

2. How he acts because of his self-hatred, fueled by his alienation from society.

When the narrative puts too much weight on one or the other, it loses direction.

More POTO adaptation rambles here!

[liketwoswansinbalance]

What if Rafal couldn't save Rhian in time? Like Vulcan successfully stabbed him with the pen before Rafal could prevent it?

The comedic answer is that I have one word for you: gibbeting.

That's the more "fun" answer, a form of medieval execution/torture, which was specifically intended to make an example of someone, publicly, to deter further criminal acts, and if Vulcan murdered Rhian, well, he deserves the worst death possible! And why not make it a creative one? However, I think, to an extent, that gibbeting could be too extreme, and that Rafal would recognize that if Rhian were alive, he'd view it as an eyesore, tasteless, or simply too brutal, so it's probably unlikely to happen. But, Rafal might not be above it, considering that the Doom Room exists, so it could go either way, potentially.

Plus, there's some added, bonus "fun" here, in how a certain canon moment would come full circle. Vulcan put Rafal in a birdcage (while he was a black sparrow), and now, Rafal would get the pleasure of hanging Vulcan (or rather, his slowly dying and later, decomposing body) up in a cage, a pretty neat form of revenge, if I do say so myself, haha! Besides, Vulcan was a bit exhibitionistic, wasn't he? So, this would also make for an ironical fate.

⸻

Now for the serious answer. I hope you don't mind it if I get a little more subjective/personal with this one at some point. It's not quite as much an overblown, narrative-style post, and may be more understated than usual.

I took this "what if" ask to essentially mean: how would Rafal react to Rhian's death and how would he mourn Rhian over time? If I misinterpreted your ask, and this wasn't the kind of response you were expecting, please let me know. Also, everything is speculative, of course, so take my interpretations with a grain of salt. I'm open to hearing other opinions!

I think Rafal's immediate, knee-jerk reaction would probably be to murder Vulcan as revenge, but also it would serve the more practical reason of disposing of the tyrant usurper, ousting him from the School permanently. However, I don't think Rafal would find catharsis in it, not this time at least, considering why he is doing it.

He'd have to act on his feet, and quickly, because, Vulcan would still pose a threat to his own life, which would force Rafal to delay any kind of visceral, emotional reaction.

That is why I think the murder would be done instantaneously because speed is more important, and so is getting the task done right. And, having Vulcan dead sooner for everyone's safety is more important than the potential brutality of any kind of gruesome catharsis Rafal could derive from the act. That's why I think Rafal would go about performing this particular murder in a less sadistic fashion, for once, like how Vulcan died in canon by a stab wound, versus the time when Rafal turned Rufius to gold and shattered him, or did worse to others, generally. If Vulcan had simply been a foe who was already incapacitated, that could've given Rafal the opportunity to go for a worse form of murder, but Vulcan isn't harmless.

Thus, employing a "kinder" form of murder in this instance wouldn't be out of sympathy for Vulcan, but more so, to fulfill an urgent need. And, in some sense, the act of murder would be done out of a kind of duty to Rhian, for Rhian's sake and nothing more. I think Rafal deriving pleasure/catharsis out of this murder could possibly be a bit of a slight to Rhian's memory because this is somber business.

Then, after that adrenaline or rage-fueled clarity and the action taken, I think Rafal would next probably feel some kind of uncomprehending fog next because Rhian was suddenly ripped away from him with little warning. His supposedly immortal brother, who was supposed to be with him forever, just died. To an extent, that has to feel surreal.

The surreal feeling could start out as a detached, dissociated feeling, like the kind of out-of-body experience where you're like a third-person observer, (probably a similar feeling as a panic attack?) Like, what? What has my life become? Rhian is suddenly gone, for good.

(The revelation of Rhian's death being real could also prompt a lot of thought as to why their bond wasn't able to save or revive Rhian, and could evoke guilt.)

Once Rafal processes the implications of Rhian's death, his initial outburst could be the most, actual, unbridled emotion he lets out, at all, if ever—maybe, one raw, primal scream of agony into the ether and that’s it. (Yet, I'm also tempted to say, that's too dramatic of a reaction, even for him. As interesting as it is to go to extremes in other cases, I'm attempting to go for something closer to realism here, so bear with me.)

While there is probably a narrow chance, that under the exact, right conditions, he could be driven insane or become an extremist in some way, out of guilt or by how ridiculously unjust the whole situation would be, I think it's a little more plausible that Rafal would just bury himself in his work. He could devote his life to Evil, and still keep it in balance with Good, without Rhian there to keep him in check, even if he was more often the one to keep Rhian in check, from what we saw. (He could also become disillusioned with the world and the Pen.)

Given how I view Rafal, I think he would shut down emotionally but not functionally. He wouldn't let himself dwell on the grief for long, and he might even (irrationally) resent Rhian for dying, at first, on the surface, because he's now got twice the work. And yet, the work would be a welcome distraction from his actual grief.

Additionally, I think Rafal would become numb and immune to all emotional appeals from other people. Not even a trick like Hook reminding him of Rhian would work to convince him to change his mind that he's already made up in any future instance. He's never, never investing himself in the fate of another person again. Not when he could lose them. He just... does his job. Someone has to do it after all.

That said, I think his paranoia level would absolutely skyrocket, too, as a result of the whole Vulcan incident, and that he'd isolate himself more than he already did before.

Now comes the part where this may or may not take a weird turn, and I could be projecting with what I'm about to say, but I think I have actual reason to apply it to Rafal, purely out of thinking it could make sense for him, (as just one of the many possible ways he could take Rhian's death. Again, this is all just my speculation. I could easily be wrong, so keep that in mind.)

Ok, I'm not sure if this is a common or a weird thing to think and I had a feeling it could be controversial. Thus, I'm going to preface it with this: my intention is not to sound callous, but...

I (usually) do not miss people when they are gone. (Death is different from just absence though.)

I doubt that I "miss" people in what is the typical way, from what I have heard from others? Though, I have an explanation. Obviously, it depends, but missing others doesn't occupy my every waking thought. (And thoughts about fictional characters are a different type of thought to arise.)

I feel others' presence when they’re around, and when they’re not around, unless I'm concerned for them, I don’t exactly think about them. It's kind of "out of sight, out of mind," except for the cases in which I actually am holding something to say to them in mind for our next encounter.

I’m sorry if this is strange, but I think that’s how I operate most of the time. I don't "wait around" for people to return because I always have some thing to occupy myself with. Can anyone relate?

I suspect that the reason why is because, to me, missing someone is what I would classify as an active feeling. When someone I love is apart from me, I'm usually busy, regardless of whether they're present or not (that doesn't change), and I know that when you're busy, you don't have the time to feel, at least not active emotions. They just... don't occur to you? Or maybe they are not conscious?

Now, from my view of things, if something you feel becomes a problem, and interferes with your daily functioning or general contentment with everyday life, that could very well surface as a real reaction or outburst. But, that's an entirely different matter. I also think that I am reminded of people at times, but that I usually don't "miss" them without there being some kind of (internal or external) stimuli that causes me to think about them.

Maybe, I'm just projecting onto Rafal too much because I relate to him over other characters, and this is silly, or junk psychoanalysis, but it seemed to fit his character also???

Sometimes, I just want recognition more than I want actual companionship since I don't get lonely. I wonder what that says about me? That I'm an introvert, or lazy because relationships require regular maintenance to sustain them? I promise I'm not a misanthrope!

Ok, back to Rafal. He's sunken himself into his work and as such, he wouldn't actively miss Rhian. (If anyone would like more clarification, I'm not saying he wouldn't grieve Rhian at all. It's not that.)

And, if we're going down a more realistic than dramatic route, he wouldn’t lose his sense of self, or his mind over Rhian. Yes, not even Rhian. I think the only thing keeping him running and tethered to his life would be his commitment to the School/keeping himself alive.

What this makes me think of is how people romanticize grief or unrequited love, how they may end up looking wan and eventually wasting away (well, if we're talking about being heartsick in literary/symbolic contexts...). And, I just don't think Rafal would be the type of person to fall into some kind of "madness" or melancholic malady. Grief just wouldn’t be so debilitating or all-consuming to him because he wouldn’t let it do that to him. He wouldn’t stop eating or sleeping as I would expect these behaviors more from someone like Rhian, not him.

Similarly, he might not indulge in pleasurable things, but he’s a bit of an ascetic already anyway, so that’s that. He could potentially renounce pleasurable things in life out of mourning, in a traditional way, but I doubt that would happen either, to be honest. It probably wouldn't cross his mind. At least, it wouldn't happen on a formal, conscious level, even if he could very well deprive himself without realizing it.

I just don't think Rafal would be engulfed by grief, simply because he isn’t that much of an emotionally driven person or that vulnerable to being swept up by personal tragedy, when compared to Rhian, who's more "wild." He’d only let his grief manifest so far, assuming his emotions do still remained locked down and under his control.

So, while he may think about Rhian regularly, he might just accept the fact of Rhian's death, carry on, and not miss him because Rafal missing Rhian could (implicitly) mean becoming non-functional due to grief (or guilt) and that would be too great of a risk for Rafal to take, considering his current reality alone. Basically, to let himself wallow in those emotions would be an unnecessary "risk," from his viewpoint. That's why he might repress that reflective type of thought.

Such feelings would be too much mess or potential disorder for someone like him, especially if he realized he couldn't keep them contained, and they, as a consequence, actually jeopardized his fate or the School's, assuming the grief made him unable to perform his job properly.

(He'd probably subtly resent the Storian as well, for not preserving Rhian's life.)

Also, one small point: in canon, was his bond with Rhian really, truly all-consuming? Let's stop and ask ourselves that for a moment.

Yes, for a time, their bond may have seemed like it was priority no. 1, but Rafal was apart from Rhian for six months, and might not have consciously missed him, if it took him that long to return after getting an external reminder from his interactions with Hook. It might have taken something outside of himself (like the prophecy) for him to come to the realization that he had to return and reestablish his loyalty to Rhian (which was arguably never gone, just dormant for a while). And this would mean that if left alone to his own devices, had he never been moved by James, or "awakened" and been made aware by Adela Sader, he could have taken longer than even six months to return... if he ever decided to at all, if the thought ever arose in the first place.

So, overall, it would only be rarely, when he has nothing to occupy himself with, that Rafal would grieve in some quiet way, and over time, the grief would fade. It wouldn't leave him entirely, but it would diminish, I think, the more and more he distances himself from everything else.

Also, in canon, I suspect that he lies to himself about how much he cares for Rhian. He never shows Rhian much affection, but he sacrifices his life for him, on instinct, which probably means a grieving Rafal would also lie to himself about how “little” he mourns Rhian. In reality, he’d probably mourn Rhian a great deal more than he could know, but wouldn’t have enough self-awareness to realize it.

Perhaps, at night, he would be haunted by Rhian's memory, and take on Rhian's insomniac trait on occasion. Also, to credit @cursed-daydreamer, I think it would be plausible for Rafal to take on a few of Rhian's traits, unconsciously, to compensate for the loss, and fill his void; it could be a way of keeping Rhian's presence in his life.

Lastly, I doubt that Rafal would publicly erect monuments or dedicate anything to Rhian. He wouldn’t want a painful, visual reminder around. His rituals, if we were to call them that, any form of remembrance, I mean, would likely be private, away from prying eyes and students. Rafal wouldn't want to come across as weak or sentimental. That’s the last thing he needs at the moment, a ruined reputation, another so-called threat to his own life/power. Because, increased paranoia could lead him to believe that if he were to show any sign of vulnerability, more "Vulcans" could prey on him and the School.

He could maintain the cherry blossom trees though, but it'd always be a sobering occasion, and he'd never take the credit.

Besides that, he probably wouldn’t go eulogizing his brother or canonizing him. He can still recognize Rhian's flaws, and to praise Rhian so completely would be "too much," too public, and the performative (or contrived) nature of certain mourning customs like those would probably strike him as "wrong" because they just seem... insincere. I don't think Nevers (if we're assuming Rafal remains Evil) put as much much stock in praise anyway, according to their value system.

The exception to the rule would probably be if he recognized that it would be Rhian's wish, to receive some recognition or a dedication. Then, he would do it, out of reverence, I think. He'd have reason to "excuse" it (Rhian's dying wishes), unlike visible emotions, which don't have an excuse to be felt.

⸻

Also, I was wondering: does anyone agree or disagree? I'm really curious because this ask provoked a train of thought I'd never considered before!

[woso-dreamzzz]

Dirtbag : You're serving cunt? You're doomed by the narrative and you're still serving cunt? Slay!

Tontos : I- I don't know what is happening

Sometimes Dirtbag says something and Tontos has no idea what she's saying

Which is strange because it's not like there's a language barrier between them

[getting-spooky-on-a-friday-night]

Radford, to Kevin: You're serving cunt?? You're doomed by the narrative, and you're serving cunt!?

[pocketsizedquasar-3]

this is more of a spitballing question: how do you think a jonah-type character and an ahab-type character would interact? in the sense that jonah was running from God and it followed him in the form of a whale, and ahab was looking for a whale who is also God?

HIIII i got this ask when i was still incapable (?) of receiving asks (i saw the notification but couldn't open it) which was a SHAME because it's a VERY FUN GOOD QUESTION AND I WAS VERY EXCITED TO ANSWER so anyways!

first: ahab in the book is already deliberately posited as a jonah inversion / antithesis / opposite figure. in the Sermon chapter early in the book, ishmael and queequeg attend a church in New Bedford and watch this Father Mapple give a sermon about Jonah. and the Entire Point of this chapter is to serve as Foreshadowing and Framing and Setup and etc etc for the narrative to come. (this is part of why it makes me sad when MD adaptations eliminate the onland chapters, because while I understand the need to save space/time and the desire to get to the action as soon as possible, those chapters exist for a reason!! and it is to set up and frame and foreshadow the story in a way that we aren't really able to when we get to sea!)

But yeah, the Sermon is basically all about Jonah and how Jonah disobeys God, tries in vain to run away from him, dooms the entire crew of the ship he is on in the process, and is only saved when he accepts his punishment. It's one of my favorite chapters in the book and I definitely recommend giving it a close read if you're ever interested! For sake of comic space, I had to condense it down into the most direct & salient bits, but I'll otherwise let Mapple speak for himself here:

ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵉˣᶜᵘˢᵉ ᵗʰᶦˢ ⁵ ʸᵉᵃʳ ᵒˡᵈ ᵃʳᵗ

now obviously mapple doesn't directly mention ahab or anything in his sermon; the benefit of visual medium is i can put ahab very explicitly right there when i want him to be <3 but there's a lot of imagery and language that comes up in the sermon that then repeatedly comes up later in reference to ahab -- jonah's swinging lantern becomes the swinging lantern in ahab's cabin (also drawn here), which shows up at several points; jonah "sleeps his hideous sleep" and later so does ahab, so too is his sleep haunted and tumultuous; and then obviously there's the parallel story you mention involving whales and God and all that.

jonah and ahab disobey God; they affront God; even with their sin of disobedience they further flout at God by seeking to flee from him: jonah and ahab think that a ship made by men will carry them somehwere God does not reign, but only the Captains of this earth (see, later, the multiple times ahab states that there is no God on the Pequod, only him; that he cares for no lords or shipowners or Gods; that there is one Lord of the earth but there is one God of the Pequod and that is him). jonah and ahab disobey god; they sin; they think that they can flee from him; they doom their crews in the process.

but in the sermon, and in the story of jonah, jonah is saved. jonah recants:

“In all his cringing attitudes, the God-fugitive is now too plainly known. The sailors mark him; more and more certain grow their suspicions of him, and at last, fully to test the truth, by referring the whole matter to high Heaven, they fall to casting lots, to see for whose cause this great tempest was upon them. The lot is Jonah’s; that discovered, then how furiously they mob him with their questions. ‘What is thine occupation? Whence comest thou? Thy country? What people? But mark now, my shipmates, the behavior of poor Jonah. The eager mariners but ask him who he is, and where from; whereas, they not only receive an answer to those questions, but likewise another answer to a question not put by them, but the unsolicited answer is forced from Jonah by the hard hand of God that is upon him. “‘I am a Hebrew,’ he cries—and then—‘I fear the Lord the God of Heaven who hath made the sea and the dry land!’ Fear him, O Jonah? Aye, well mightest thou fear the Lord God then! Straightway, he now goes on to make a full confession; whereupon the mariners became more and more appalled, but still are pitiful. For when Jonah, not yet supplicating God for mercy, since he but too well knew the darkness of his deserts,—when wretched Jonah cries out to them to take him and cast him forth into the sea, for he knew that for his sake this great tempest was upon them; they mercifully turn from him, and seek by other means to save the ship. But all in vain; the indignant gale howls louder; then, with one hand raised invokingly to God, with the other they not unreluctantly lay hold of Jonah.

jonah recants; he says he Does fear God. he allows himself to be dropped into the sea, which calms the storm and saves the crew, and when in the belly of the whale, he prays to that God: not for deliverance, because he "feels that his dreadful punishment is just...Here, shipmates, is true and faithful repentance; not clamorous for pardon, but grateful for punishment."

so jonah is saved. jonah recants and obeys and trembles like the proper obedient God-fearing servant he is, and so jonah is spared.

and ahab is not.

ahab does not recant. ahab does not obey. ahab does not fear God. (though in the end, he goes from believing his vengeance quest is defying God to believing that his vengeance quest is God's will, and that he has no power/control of his own, which is its whole other thing that makes me Ow). ahab is not good, pious, obedient, God-fearing, repentant. to the last, he grapples with God. for hate's sake he spits his last breath at God.

SO to get back to your Actual question that you asked and not this long tangent that you didn't ask for, how do I think a jonah-type character and an ahab-type character would interact? they both have the similarities mentioned above: disobeying and then hubristically flouting at God, believing they can either escape (jonah) or best (ahab) God. but also as you said, they're also opposites in an important way: Jonah is fleeing God, and Ahab is chasing it. Ahab likely would see himself as a more active participant in his own story, more willing to directly confront and defy God:

That’s more than ye, ye great gods, ever were. I laugh and hoot at ye, ye cricket-players, ye pugilists, ye deaf Burkes and blinded Bendigoes! I will not say as schoolboys do to bullies—Take some one of your own size; don’t pommel me! No, ye’ve knocked me down, and I am up again; but ye have run and hidden. Come forth from behind your cotton bags! I have no long gun to reach ye. Come, Ahab’s compliments to ye; come and see if ye can swerve me. Swerve me? ye cannot swerve me, else ye swerve yourselves!

Ahab does not flee the Gods that threaten to destroy him; he challenges them directly, head on, just as he faces Moby Dick directly, head on.

and Ahab does not care to repent. Ahab does not care that he's offended God. even in the end when he believes himself to be bound to God, bound by fate, devoid of all free will, it is not with obedience, it is not with acquiescence; he is not grateful for punishment; he is still just as enraged with God, just as furious with the God that he sees as having violently damned him. I think he would be quite angry with a character/figure who would apologize, would submit to the God that damned him. He would see that as an unacceptable (and even shameful) defeat, I think.

And we do know already how he responds to characters who beseech him to heed that God. Starbuck is no Jonah figure, but I can't imagine Ahab's response to one would be much different:

Ahab seized a loaded musket from the rack (forming part of most South-Sea-men’s cabin furniture), and pointing it towards Starbuck, exclaimed: ���There is one God that is Lord over the earth, and one Captain that is lord over the Pequod.—On deck!”

[zeemczed]

Silly Game Time: Bringing back a crowd favorite! Tell us all a dumb joke!

If English isn't your first language, feel free to tell us one in your first language! (I'd almost prefer that, in fact.)

A man walks into a bar with a worried expression. The bartender asks him what's wrong. He stares back out the door of the bar for a moment, then says, "I don't think we exist beyond the confines of this joke." The bartender stares, continuing to polish his mug. "Sorry, what?"

"We're in a joke," the man says, slumping into an empty seat, "An abbreviated narrative that relies on a single moment of expectation subversion to deliver catharsis to the reader."

"You lost me there."

"We're figments of some amateur writer's imagination," the man continues, drumming his fingers on the table, "Our existences will end once the moment of catharsis is reached. Until then, our actions merely serve to develop the expectations of the reader, in preparation for that singular moment—" He slams his fist on the table, upsetting the napkin dispensary. "—the punchline."

"You're saying there's a big guy in the sky playing puppets with us?" The bartender rubs his mustache, frowning. "What if we cut those strings, huh? Stop doing what he wants?"

The man nods. "You have a point. If we continue to subvert the moment of subversion, the joke will never end. The reader will never be satisfied. We'll be free to live our lives." He claps his hands together and smiles. "We have to watch out for the punchline, though. Once we see it, we have to get rid of it, and then we'll be truly free."

"Punchline, huh? How are we gonna spot a punchline? Ain't there jokes where there ain't none, anyway?"

"Don't worry about that, my friend." The man stands up and takes a seat at the bar. "Just follow my cue, and whatever you do: don't be funny."

The door swings open, and a horse walks into the bar. "Hey, there!" the bartender says, "Why the long f—" The man presses a palm up to the bartender's mouth. "That's what I'm talking about. Don't say stuff like that."

Clarity fills the bartender's eyes, and he nods. The horse orders a Jägerbomb and takes a seat by the piano, whinnying under his breath. As the bartender finishes pouring the drink, the door swings open yet again, and a bear walks in.

"I'll have a scotch..." He says nothing for several seconds. "...on the rocks." The man glares at the bartender, but he's gotten the hint. He serves up the bear's order without comment.

A duck walks into the bar. "Get me a beer, and put it on my—" The man grabs the duck by the beak and tosses him into the abyss outside. A mournful quack resounds throughout the bar as the duck falls to his doom.

"Damn, the writer's getting desperate," the man says to the bartender, "Now he's trying to tell jokes that don't need your dialogue."

The door swings open, and a flamingo walks in. "Get me a beer, and put it on my—" The man tosses the bird outside.

"Really?" The man looks toward the ceiling. "Trying to repeat that shit?" A rumble occurs from outside, and the man peers through the door. What was once infinite expanse has turned into a cobblestone pavement. From every direction, birds of all species are flocking towards the door of the bar, ready to try the same old bill joke.

"Oh, God. I can't let any of these in here." The man cracks his knuckles and hunches in front of the door to the bar. He grabs each bird by the beak as they approach and flings them as far away as possible. Eventually, there are too many birds for the man to handle, but for some reason, they don't use their numbers' advantage to overwhelm him; instead, they arrange themselves in a straight line, allowing the man to toss them away one by one.

"What on earth is this?" A woman with a British accent shuffles past the line of birds and up to the man.

The man sighs. "We're all in a joke, and we can't let it end if we want to continue to exist. These birds are trying to get into the bar so they can tell that one 'put it on my bill' joke. I can't let them in at any cost."

The woman glances up and down the row of birds. "So, does this place serve ribs?"

The man looks at her, confused. "I don't think so, why?"

"Because," she replies, motioning to the birds, "this looks like some sort of bar beak queue."

The man drops to his knees, screaming, as his face begins to melt.

(All credit to hideouts who wrote this on Reddit)

[skaruresonic]

TBH I refuse to play SXS Gens out of pure principle until the option to restore the original Generations dialogues and animations are avaible, fuck the rewrites

I just finished the Shadow portion lol. Overall I feel like you're not missing much. Like, yeah, it's supposed to be an anniversary game and all that, but there's honestly not much in the way of story. You would unironically be better off playing the older games before this one.

I really feel like the "SxS Gens is necessary to catch new players up to Shadow's history" argument is looking a lot weaker now. If anything, you wouldn't understand the emotional resonances behind many of the allusions unless you've played previous games; they don't provide exposition or context within the narrative itself. You wouldn't know that the ARK raid happened because nobody implies as much. The narrative is written as though it expects you to know why Black Doom's threats to possess Shadow are such a big deal.

This game's narrative is about as patchwork as Gens; characters are in nonsensical spots (why do we find Metal Overlord in Kingdom Valley's boss area, but Mephiles in some random cave on the side of Chaos Island's? what purpose did Metal Overlord's presence serve? or Mephiles', for that matter?) and the plot is just "stop giant monster before it destroys the world" sans Eggman. Much peak, many wow.

There's literally no plot progression from point to point; there are six levels in total, and you will only see most of the "plot" unfold at the 3/4ths mark. Until then, you're just running around without much rhyme or reason.

Maria and Gerald are simply there for moral support. They don't really do anything besides that. Gerald justifies this by claiming he doesn't want to mess with the timeline by changing anything.

I went around talking to various characters. Conversations with Big and Maria were the most enjoyable, and I felt like they were the highlight of the game. Rouge gets a bit on-the-nose by comparing herself to Amy when saying she'd support Shadow. Some of Omega's lines strike me as a little acanonical. For some reason, Orbot and Cubot are also there, and you can help them build a rocket by collecting 80 machine pieces. From what I've heard, however, there's no reward for collecting them all, so I was like "lol bye" and left.

I was also disappointed by the lack of a Sonic boss fight. I would have loved a reprise of the original ARK race from Gens; it would have been a nice callback to how you get to see the race from both perspectives in SA2 as well, but we can't have nice things ig :v

Mephiles appears. Lol. Lmao, even. Rofl, if you will. It feels like ST included him solely to riff on the fact that he'll never be canon. He's such a nothingburger of a character and is so negligible as a plot point that he might as well not have been there. He's only there because fans wanted to see him again.

For one thing, you find him in an out-of-the-way cave under Chaos Island. For another, my guy literally says "I just want to exist" and Shadow goes "no. perish." Based, but also, way to waste my time lmao.

Black Doom wants to consume the world as well as possess Shadow. It's not explained how he returned; Gerald handwaves it as "he rebuilt his body through timey-wimey shenanigans."

The gameplay is serviceable for the most part but also incredibly tedious; I found I only enjoyed Radical Highway Act One, and that was because the design was unencumbered by the use of Doom Powers.

Chaos Control and Chaos Spear are your standard abilities, nothing to write home about.

Doom Missile has limited application since only enemies or targets can be shot down, and thus isn't used much.

Doom Surf controls like a friggin' surfing Blooper.

Doom Morph is okay, I guess. Shadow turns into a giant squid and is able to traverse pools of Black Arms juice.

I hate how the Doom Wings control so much omfg. And they say the Homing Attack is a crapshoot. >.>

tl;dr It's okay. Not terrible, but I honestly don't think I'd play it again.

[pyreo]

I know there's people who like their fantasy storytelling to take a few steps away from reality, you know. Nothing that verges on allegorical to the stuff we worry about in real life. And I think I'm on the opposite team to that and y'know, the further away we get from gw2's original core story the more I see The World Summit instance as more pivotal than it appeared.

It's the part in the middle of Season 2 where you bring the world leaders together to try and insist that they need to aid you fighting Mordremoth, a primal force who's only just now awakened and started causing disruption and deaths. Mechanically, it serves to show the various cultures being made aware of the upcoming antagonist for mostly the first time.

But there's something that grips me to this day about the realism in that segment. You know full well that this thing is beginning its warpath and will kill those around you. You and your guild know that you need to take action immediately before it gathers itself together to a point you cannot fight it any more. I don't think the scene serves much more than obligatory scaffolding in a narrative sense but it echoes the way I feel in real life all the time. It's the focal point where I've never felt more aligned with my Commander.

Smodur: They're plant creatures! How hard can they be to fight. One good flamethrower and…

Knut: Mordremoth is not yet as close as the Sons of Svanir. They press in around our homesteads. That is more important.

Phlunt: Are you saying we should put ourselves on the line to protect all of you? We are safe in Rata Sum.

Jennah: I'm not ashamed to admit that I don't see how this will work. What are you asking of us?

It's not easy to ask the Main Five Peoples to get anything done together - they do come from legitimately incompatible cultures and there's bad history between humans and charr, and sylvari and asura. But you have to present an argument to each one to convince them this is the most important thing to devote resources to.

It's been about ten years since this was written and it still feels exactly like every conversation that deflects from the reality of climate change. The 'we have bigger things to worry about', the 'it's not that bad', the denials, the giving up, the ones who have enough to feel secure individually and don't really care.

That and the way the narrative turns from 'you're the hero, slay the dragon' to a domino effect that cannot be stopped, wrenching the planet off its hinges and it was all down to you. There's a big difference in changing the threat from ancient dragons awakening to devour all life... and it being the Commander's fault that the stabilising effect those dragons had is unplugged. The allegory becomes undeniable - you doomed the world. You have to chase down that tether and pull the weave back from unravelling even if it'll tear you apart. And even if nobody realises how close their lives are to ending, even if nobody respects you for it.

You have to look the most powerful people alive in the eye and plead with them to fucking help you for god's sake knowing it's a crisis and if you don't take action right now instead of waiting for it to get worse... being able to tell them 'I told you so' will be no solace at all.

And fuckin.... if fantasy stories are there to give us hope for ourselves, nothing hits as directly as the journey from "It's not that bad, why should we put anything on the line for you?" to

That hope means something very real to me.

[wandering-a-ding]

you're serving cunt. you're doomed by the narrative and you're serving cunt.

[tanoraqui]

I COMPLETELY FORGOT A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF CROWNLESS (the Young Aragorn show that lives in my, and apparently many of your, hearts): Each season opens with the framing device of middle-aged Sam Gamgee sitting by the fire in Bag End, telling his kids stories about the King. If you don’t have a (historical inaccuracy-excusing) narrative frame in a Middle Earth story, wtf are you even doing?

Also, the theme song in my mind is "All That Is Gold Does Not Glitter" by Clamavi de Profundis, but I'm open to some other group doing their own arrangement of the poem.

so, key elements of season 3 (s1 and 2 here):

A couple times in s2, including notably in the season finale?, Rohirrim were involved…so at the very end of that season, King Thengel invited Aragorn to come serve in his court/armed forces. That’s right, it’s time for UNMITIGATED HORSE GIRL!ARAGORN HOURS!

(confession: I could be persuaded to combine s2 and s3, with some elements of s3 going into s4)

(and clarification: Aragorn isn't deliberately using a false name, but he's also not presenting himself as anything more than a random northern Dúnedain ranger, son of nobody in particular.)

The show starts to shift in this season: in addition to/in place of some monster of the week episodes, we get political drama of the week, and more ongoing plotlines. Also, I realized it’s as much ‘location of the week’ as ‘monster of the week’—that continues, centered around Rohan (which means we’ll retread some locations from s2)

First trip to Minas Tirith, on some diplomatic excursion!

fun canon LotR info: Thengel, Theoden's father, was a total Gondor stan - he lived there from his teens until he had to come home to take up the crown, he married a woman from Lossarnach, as King of Rohan he spoke Sindarin and Westernesse and not Rohirric...

so I'm gonna say that teenage Theoden is kind of resentful of that? He was born in Lossarnach, came to Rohan at age 5...but Rohan is his home and he loves it, and he wonders if his father is too enamored of Gondor to be the best king of Rohan. He's skeptical of Thengel recruiting this random Ranger to be a captain of the Riders. On the flip side, Aragorn is SO COOL, and superb with horses. and Theoden wants to be him when he grows up. It's hard, being a teenager and a prince, with 4 sisters. It's hard and nobody understands

Sauruman is there for an episode, being genuinely helpful but his vibes are faintly rancid. He's about to start building up Isengard as an armed power. If the season finale involves something like a proper battle again, he might pitch in.

Halbarad and Dúnawen might actually stay in Ithilien? Or they come along to Rohan but they just join the Riders without getting involved in court stuff at all. Aragorn is going to start doing more things on his own. They presumably have their own B/C-plot character arcs btw, I just don't know what

Roddis definitely stayed behind in Ithilien/Gondor. New in the cast, however, not from quite the start but maybe like ep7/22, or the midseason onward? Is a perfectly normal human woman with dark hair and grey eyes...

Arwen. It's Arwen.

Aragorn: Why are you here? Arwen: I am the daughter of Elrond Half-Elven. My grandparents include the Evening Star, White-Winged Elwing, and Galadriel, student of Melian who on separate occasions told both Fëanor and Eonwë to fuck off. Everyone who met her agrees that I look just like my great-great-grandmother Lúthien Tinúviel. The distant echo of the Doom of the Exiles runs in my veins, as do the Songs of Lúthien and the Light of a Silmaril. I know the weight of Fate when it settles on my shoulders like a mantle, as it did when you called me 'Tinúviel' beneath Imladris's twilit trees—but the Choice of the Peredhel remains mine and mine alone. So I have come, Elessar, Isildur's heir, to see if I actually like you. Arwen: Curiosity. Aragorn: [vividly remembering how in s1 his mom said, "She's way out of your league" and Elrond said, "You won't get married until you're king." (Aragorn: "...married to your daughter?" Elrond: "To anyone. Period.")] Aragorn: Cool. Curiosity is cool. I'm gonna be so normal about this.

(Spoilers: he was not entirely normal about this.)

(Spoilers: they super do like each other, though)

Idk what the backup rangers are doing overall, but I do want Aragorn and Dúnawen to still have some sort of romantic Thing in s2, maybe off and on again, as Aragorn thought Arwen wasn't interested and was trying not to just be moping about it... Then Arwen arrives and Aragorn is So Conflicted for like 1 episode, before Dúnawen comes to him like, "Aragorn, I love you as a friend and comrade-in-arms and I love you as my chieftain and king-to-be, and I could probably love you as a wife if we really tried...but you clearly have not just a crush but some sort of Destiny thing with Lady Arwen, so I'm going to go back to Ithilien for a bit, maybe get drunk and laid with a handsome barmaid, and get over you. While I'm gone, you should try, like, talking to her."

A thing that Aragorn and Arwen...do bond over, but more it's there to demonstrate their compatibility to the audience, is: ...So, we (the writers/producers) don't have the rights to The Silmarillion, right, just The Lord of the Rings and its Appendices, and The Hobbit. These do periodically namedrop people, however, with dashes of elaboration mostly in the Appendices...and Aragorn is established from the start to be a bit of a history nerd, because that's what happens when you're raised by Elrond...so periodically, Aragorn and his friends will be in a Situation and Aragorn will whisper, like, "This is just like when [Fëanor/Túrin/Tar-Minastir/etc...]—" and Halbarad or Dúnawen hisses, "Does that actually help us right now?" and Aragorn will say, "Sure!" and start doing something that Silmarillion nerds can recognize is inspired by whatever the person in question did in a similar situation (note: sometimes Aragorn deliberately does the opposite of what the historical figure did, and it works much better.) The writers very carefully do not explicitly reference anything not explicitly in the permitted texts. If they need/get to elaborate on a historical figure, they'll toe a careful line of Silmarillion canon and blatantly made-up things.

That happened more in s1, when the show needed to make good with the old fans, but also in s2. Aragorn remains the only one referencing this stuff. Then in s3, he and Arwen are...let's say captured by bandits, and Arwen murmurs in his ear, "I have an idea. You know in the Lay of Lúthien..." Aragorn's eyes widen. "Beren and Lúthien or Beren and Finrod?" Arwen: "Finrod." Aragorn nods, and they proceed to bullshit their way out of being captive with flawless teamwork and yes-and-ing (and maybe fight a wolf on their way out, just to be thorough).

No idea what this season finale is. Like I said, you could probably weave parts of most of this season into s2 and s4? But that would ruin the "a different significant geographical area every season" thing we've got going on.

[s4 here!]

[hvezdnastreka]

Watched Star trek TOS episode "Metamorphosis" and I really, really disliked it, so here's a little rant about it, to get it out of my system!! Star trek has plenty of sexist moments, which I understand, it's quite old, but this somehow pissed me off more, than all of them (that I watched as of right now).

Heads up, I will not be giving the synopsis of the whole episode, I'm just focusing on Nancy.

Nancy Hedford has contracted a disease and Kirk and co. are giving her a lift to a starbase, where she can be cured. Nancy isn't like other women, that have interacted with our crew up to this point. She's very beautiful, but not liked, as she is proud, arrogant and somewhat rude. I think, that if I didn't really start liking her right here, I would've been more okay with the episode, but just in her introduction, she really spoke to me. Is it really arrogance, if there's a war, that she can help end?

When Nancy finds out, that she may have to live and die on this planet, just to keep company to Zefram company, she is disgusted, horrified. The stress of this and her illness is enough to make her pass out. Nancy sobs at the idea of being used for this.

The companion takes over her body, so that it's able to understand love and Zefram. You're supposed to be fine with this, as Nancy in her last moments confesses, that she wished to be loved and to love in her life. This is supposed to be the ultimate happy ending, Zefram and the companion get to spend the rest of their lives together and Nancy gets her wish, except she doesn't really, does she?

The companion might say, that they have merged together, but it clearly is just the companion's personality in Nancy's body. This new Namcy isn't proud, she doesn't care about the war she's supposed to be stopping, or the people dying, while she's not there. Zefram says, that he's staying, because he's genuinely in love and how could he not be? The woman whose beauty he's been constantly commenting on, takes on the character of the being, that has lived to serve him and love him for years on end. Nancy doesn't get to be loved, as that is not Nancy, and Nancy doesn't get to love, as she's repeatedly shown to be repulsed by Zefram. A mirage of Nancy will spend the rest of her life on this planet, with a man, whose desire she was disgusted by.

Perhaps it's just the way the actress portrayed her or the way it was shot, but you can't show me a scene of a woman sobbing "That's disgusting! How could you do this to us?! We're not animals!", then use her body as a vessel for an obedient alien and expect me to accept, that the episode's message is about the nature of love.

Kirk ends the episode, as he often does, with a little quip: "Well, I'm sure the Federation can find another woman *somewhere* who'll stop that war" and I don't know what it is about that sentence, but it made me realize, that Nancy gets doomed to this fate by the narrative, because of who she was. Nancy is proud, hostile, unpleasant and rude, therefore, what happened to her is a good thing. The Federation can find another woman somewhere, one, that is kinder, more loving, and less like Nancy.

[cinnamonanddean]

See I think what would have worked better for both Lionel and Lex's characters would have been if Lionel had genuinely tried to dissuade Lex from the path he was on, from a place of understanding. I get that Lex can't be redeemed; that he's doomed by the narrative to become Superman's adversary. BUT I think it would have led more credence to Lionel's redemption AND to Lex's downfall.

Like the whole Julian cloning thing: it's fucked up. But Lionel facilitated the cloning of a murderous ten year old who tried to kill multiple people. Lex cloned his little brother and got him a job at the Daily Planet. These are not the same crime. And what does post-redemption Lionel do? Calls Lex deplorable. Bruh. How about "Lex, I know you're suffering and you feel alone in the world and you thought this would solve the problem. I understand why you would think that. But here's why it's wrong." But no: he goes "Welp, my own son is a lost cause. Let's divert all my attention to the being I built a literal cage to contain in case he's evil instead."

Give me a man who has done evil, horrible things, has had a life-changing experience and seen the light, and then meets the child who is following his path with love and empathy. "Lex, I know WHY you're doing these things, I thought the same way, but here's where I went wrong and so will you, if you continue". I don't feel like anyone really tried to empathize with Lex once he started slipping, they just condemned him.

AND THEN, when Lex stays on his narrative path and refuses to change, it gives that more weight as well. When someone is being met with love and understanding and still goes ahead and does bad things - well, there's your villain. One with depth. One who just can't forgive or get over what's been done to him. That makes him way more nuanced and interesting, to me at least. AND Lionel too. Lionel's redemption arc in the show falls flat for me because it's so self-serving. He isn't trying to help Lex, or even Clark really. He's out for himself.