#you who decreed i should be what i am. what the fuck dude

[you-are-a-saucy-boi]

most life-changing thing i heard yesterday was 'g-d's not gonna do the dishes'. the purpose of believing in g-d isn't to believe that g-d will fix my life for me, but she'll sit with me while i do it. and she'll sit with me if i don't. the purpose of believing in g-d is to know that i'm not doing the dishes on my own

[killinggamebusters]

Alright the humors worn out and now I'm gonna roast this anon entire manifesto before blocking them, TW under cut for lots of nastiness and mentions of torture and death threats and abuse, I shouldn't even give them this honor but honestly I want to be able to roast them forever and have something to point back too and also with my memory I'd start to question if this even happened and that's no fun!

"If you fully admitted that you ship abuse as a coping mechanism and DIDN'T glorify Ouma, didn't reblog shit about how "actually he and Gonta were totally good friends, even though Kokichi constantly abused him, drove him to despair and savored every moment of his execution". Kokichi is a subhuman monster and the only person in all fiction that ACTUALLY DESERVES to suffer through Gold Experience Requiem's infinite death loop. You are a disgusting piece of human garbage that fully deserves to die"

Incredibly funny of you to fucking put a jojo reference in you saying about how awful kokichi is, Dio is worse, I am shipping you with the anon who won't stop calling Kaito a rapist on one of my other blogs. Anyways he's a kiddo in a killing game with a murder total of like 2, he did bad things but, like, saying he's the worst character in all of fiction when making a jojo reference is fucking wild, Dio is right there!! Literally kicking dogs!!!!! Kokichi doesn't kick dogs and is thus an inherently better person

"Have you ever heard of a torture called scaphism? Here's the lovely description: "The king decreed that Mithridates should be put to death in boats; which execution is after the following manner: Taking two boats framed exactly to fit and answer each other, they lie down in one of them the malefactor that suffers, upon his back; then, covering it with the other, and so setting them together that the head, hands, and feet of him are left outside, and the rest of his body lies shut up within, they"

Wow you are so bad at actually explaining things within an ask, you could have summed this up in like 15 words, "its where they shut everything but your hands head and feet in a boat" get to the fucking POINT

"hey find his flesh devoured, and swarms of such noisome creatures preying upon and, as it were, growing to his inwards. In this way Mithridates, after suffering for seventeen days, at last expired." This is what you deserve. "Shou Tucker is totes a good father to Nina that loves her so so much and he TOTALLY HAD to turn her into a chimera because he had no other option" that's what you sound like. Kokichi is a worse person than fucking Junko, because at least Junko forced her classmates and"

God you took so many words to say "you should be eaten and suffer for 17 days" who caressss about the history oh my god im bored to TEARS. Also at least Kokichi's plan worked, Shou Tucker is the shittiest alchemist in the series. I'm also not even sure if this method would work, i would simple manage to get loose, i am built different mithridates.

What did this dude even do im curious now, PFF LOOKING IT UP YOU DIDN'T EVEN GET THE DETAILS RIGHT BITCH WHERE'S MY HONEY AND MILK, ITS NOT EVEN A REAL BOAT IT'S HOLLOW LOGS, there's no even real proof this torture even existed god you're bad at this you might as well shut me in an iron maiden , also the guy killed a guy i guess, I don't actually care, but anyway you wouldn't even do it right I'd be fine

"sister into a killing game BECAUSE SHE GENUINELY LOVED THEM and killing them and making them suffer was a way to bring herself as much despair as possible. Kokichi, however, is just a sadist that enjoys everyone's suffering and doesn't even feel despair when others die. Everything he does is for his own amusement, not for ANY altruistic motive. He PURPOSELY drove Gonta to despair just to see him suffer. He made him kill Miu just so he would see Gonta's despair when he's exposed and executed for"

Did she end the world because she loved them? did she have her sister murder an entire middle school out of love? Did she pluck a guys eye out of love and make him eat it out of love? Did she have the entire student council massacred out of love? Junko deserves better don't drag her into this, she wants to be seen as evil and despairing stop woobifying her it's hurting her. Kokichi's motive was survival, and even if you disagree with that, he says multiple times and in his final words how he was lying to himself to survive. However, even if that WASNT TRUE or it was ALL A LIE his death count is once again two whole people, Maki got two people killed out of sadism as well but I don't see you yelling about her. Even if he was the most evil person ever, he again, only got TWO PEOPLE KILLED, that's NOTHING. Even if he was a sadist who only wanted to torment and hurt people, he ain't the mastermind, and he didn't get to actually do a lot of tormenting. Everything you are saying about Kokichi, is just Junko, and you seem to love her. Hypocrite.

"for killing her. He ENJOYED EVERY SINGLE MOMENT of Gonta's suffering and anguish. Kokichi's crying for Gonta was so obviously fake it is sickening. And don't mention the DRS. They flattened Genocide Jack and Tenko's characters into "bYaKuYa!!!111" and "fUk MaLeS!!!!111" and portrayed Junko, Monaca and Kokichi as almost normal people and not the monsters they actually are in canon. So don't even talk to me like this somehow proves that Kokichi would be friends with Gonta outside the killing game."

Buddy who even brought up Danganronpa S? Wasn't me, they don't even have many interactions in DRS, everything I'm talking about here is straight from the base game don't worry. Also Monaca is like 10. You have got to get better at formatting this it's so hard to follow. Even if Kokichi enjoyed all that suffering, Mikan is right there, having her kills actually be about despair, and yet you only focus on Kokichi like this is a unique sin, curious.

"You deserve to rot in the garbage, eaten by maggots. You don't deserve to be treated as a human being, to have human rights. You are a piece of garbage. You deserve to have your bones shattered and left to rot in a garbage container.You are an abuse apologist and a victim blamer.Kokichi just used Gonta as a tool because Gonta's nonexistent social skills, his low self esteem and desire to do ANYTHING to be useful, to finally be able to help his friends made him a perfect target for Kokichi."

I am at MOST an abuse apologist by your logic as I have never once said Gonta deserved to die, just that Gonta made his choice and even afterwards of getting caught he didn't regret it. It's not abuse though, it never was abuse, abuse is a PATTERN of behavior, one incident, two if you count the meet and greet, is not enough to set that pattern in stone. Especially when Gonta already got his revenge for the meet and greet.

While Gonta was the perfect target, it's not abuse, that's not what abuse is. Kokichi flashed Gonta with the light and told him his plan, while he definitely was manipulative, that's not abuse. You're just spouting buzzwords at this point. Also incredibly funny to call ME the abuse apologists when YOU'RE sending me graphic death threats, like buddy, I don't know how to tell you that you're the aggressor here

Kokichi never cared about Gonta.You deserve to die a slow, agonizing death by getting your guts pulled out. Everyone would be happy if you died. Everyone. Your father, your mother, your siblings, you are just a burden for them. They would be really happy if you died.

HA that's so fucking weak, you don't know me or my situation, you don't know my friends. Sorry you have friends who would disown you for shipping something they don't like, my friends enable and care about me. While my parents are incredibly patient and kind with me. Getting my guts pulled out is kinda erotic though can you do it tenderly for me? I mean not like I'd ask you, I know exactly which friend I'd go to if I wanted someone to hold my guts tenderly.

Gonta himself said that he doesn't trust Kokichi anymore after Chapter 2's events. Most likely, he doesn't even consider Kokichi his friend. I don't know where you the idea that they were "FRIENDS UWU" in any way. They weren't. Kokichi's tears for Gonta were clearly COMPLETELY FAKE, only meant to give his evil rant more impact to maake others believe that maybe he did care about Gonta after all only to make his reveal more painful. It very clearly ISN'T genuine in any way.

Boy howdy I love how things are up to interpretation in this series and how people can have rational discussions about how they perceive the same event. Just kidding, you're unhinged! Anyways you can not trust someone but also still care about them Gonta did not want Kokichi to die, Gonta cares about all of his classmates, Gonta cares. To assume otherwise goes against everything Gonta stands for. He's not a toddler, he can have nuance about people. He's a smarter lad then you give him credit for.

Gonta was groomed and manipulated into becoming a murder weapon. He's not to blame for Miu's death AT ALL. Gonta was manipulated. Manipulation isn't just forcing someone to do it with a threat. Kokichi wrongfully convinced him that it was for the better, taking advantage of Gonta's low self-esteem and desperation to help others. You've never been manipulated or abused in your life if you're saying Gonta could've just declined. It's not easy to just decline your abuser. Abusers can pressure you

Not what grooming means in the slightest but thanks for trying. You're just repeating yourself at this point, pathetic. Everyone was desperate that trial, what happened is a tragedy, but to deny Gonta any blame is to deny Gonta any agency he is not a helpless toddler. He is AWARE Kokichi is a liar, he is AWARE of what Kokichi does, and even if he is manipulated, he categorically does not regret as alter ego gonta, he's so sad it happened, but he still thinks its for the best they don't know the truth. Gonta agreed with Kokichi that there is no happy ending with the knowledge of the outside world.

And as for when Gonta says "Don't blame Kokichi anymore", you'd be a complete moron to trust GONTA in this situation. Gonta is THE LEAST VALID PERSON to trust in this case. Have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? Many real-life cases of abuse have similar patterns of victims. While Stockholm syndrome is commonly associated with a hostage or kidnapping situation, it can apply to abusive relationships, when the abuse victim begins to express love for their abuser.

Stockholm Syndrome isn't fucking real, it's a fun trope, but it was not, and never was real. Please do research. It's basically the modern day hysterical woman, oh my god. Even if it was true, that's not how it is even theorized to work, the plan took place over like, less then an hour, that's not enough time for ANYTHING to set in. For what you're theorizing to even have a chance to be true they would have to be locked together in this scheme for DAYS. Please google fawn response as well, you'd have better luck making a point with that.

Gonta says to not blame Kokichi because Gonta knows he made his own choice, and would make it again, and most importantly, he wants everyone to GET ALONG. He doesn't want Kokichi to be hated, he wants everyone happy. This isn't him being "omg kokichi is so special rawrxD" its "im going to die, and all i ever wanted was everyone here happy, so please, don't hate each other"

And then I guess the spam filter or whatever stopped them from sending anymore because that's a weird place to end it. Anyways this was very cathartic for me and I may do a research paper on this in the future.

TLDR; we should like, have kids and see what they think of gonta and ouma that'd be fascinating

[paziffic]

Why I loved jschlatts villain character

/dsmp /rp

He was introduced as Tommy’s hero. The whole stream was him following them around and causing confusion and chaos

Never lets anyone one up him, will dominate anyone with words. Seriously this guy is such an ENTP

That being said, was all bark no bite. Managed to convince/ manipulate people to do what he wants. In one stream he was armorless and surrounded by mobs and nearly died but was like “omg u gotta help me” and Tommy did lol

HIS VILLAIN SPEECHES?? FUCKING ICONIC Had some of the most memorable lines in all of the dream smp

“My first decree as the president, the EMPORER, of this great country!!! Is to revoke the citizenship of Wilbur soot and tommyinnit!!!”

Fucking chills

The story needed more conflict and everyone kinda wanted to be on team good guy so Schlatt was like: fine I’ll do it myself

Originally ran as president because.,,,, he probably just wanted to cause problems

99% sure he was drunk that day

HIS SCREAM LAUGH???? Superb villainy

The cc doesn’t stream and therefore no one to entertain. He did this all for himself

Literally had no reason to be evil, was just like “I am going to make a character that is so evil and sexy” and we were all like good for him

The suit??? The tie?? The horns??? This villains got style. C!dream take notes teletubby

He didn’t have much depth but my god he did perfect in his role as evil dictator dude

Also the chill streams were so funny, him and quackity’s date felt like the villain couples just chilling after a day of wreaking havoc

Never dropped character even for a second

He always seemed one step ahead,,, he knew tubbo was a spy and planned the festival,,, he knew of the tnt under lmanburg,,, he had a revival book somehow and got dream on his side,,,

Took the L out of lmanburg which was ingenious because it meant they didn’t lose, and also Americanized it cuz they originally added the L to sound more European

Flatty Patty

Whenever he called Wilbur “lover boy” ohgoshoshithhhh

Immediately tried flirting with technoblade the moment he showed up to get him on his side

Was able to tear pogtopia against each other by making techno kill tubbo

I don’t even have to explain why making tubbo decorate his own execution was brilliant storytelling

He was intimidating, personally affected the “protagonists,” had an air of mystery and charisma, but .... he was also weird. He’s a weirdo. He doesn’t fit in, and he doesn’t want to. You ever see him without his stupid suit? That’s weird

Got high off protein powder 24/7

While high on said protein powder would randomly start lifting weights. Can’t miss leg day ig

“WÒÖØØØŌÔÒÕÕ”

This guy should be a voice actor

Didnt know how to swim but kept forgetting he didn’t know how to swim and had to be repeatedly punched out of water

I honestly thought his death was done really well- he pushed everyone away from him and spiraled into an addiction to alcohol and protein powder, and at the end of his time he was surrounded by everyone he pushed away. No one helped him when he was in pain. All just stared with pitiful and cold eyes. A pathetic way to go for a pathetic man.

TLDR: c!schlatt will always have a special place in my heart because I love me some Funny bastard villains.

Also a fusion of dream and Schlatt would be Bill Cipher I am not wrong ever

Feel free to add on !!

Edit:

offered alcohol to tubbo at one point- “here tubbo u gotta try some of this” tubbo being the responsible one “no thank you schlatt I don’t think that’s a good idea”

Fell off cliffs a lot

Never would run. God his character looks so dumb I fucking love it

Seems like he and c!Wilbur had a history, like exes or something.

The iconic “His Vice President stole my women!!! And Wilbur .... *sobbing* he stole my heart” :(

“If I die, this country goes down with me.” Well he wasn’t wrong

I completely forgot about him tearing down the Lmanburg walls! He was also about to take down the caravan, but.... guys just watch’s tubbo or quackitys POV of Election Day, u won’t regret it

The boxing match during the festival was so funny. Everyone had to take off their armor , and schlatt who never wore armor went up against fundy. Right as the bell rang he put on all diamond armor and murked fundy. A true summary of his character

“If you want your ass to get fatter, your gonna have to start doing squats with a liTTLE MORE WEIGHT ON IT BIG BOYYYY”

[midnightunderground-hq]

EXTRA EXTRA! Idiot Throws Extravagant Birthday Bash

By J. Jones

What’s the word, baby birds? You guys are gonna wanna sit down for this one, trust. 

As you all must know, our resident bad bitch Orator went and kicked the bucket ( weird af, if you ask me ), so we’ve got a funeral on our hands. Shoutout to the Imp for hosting that one, I didn’t know the Cradle went and doubled as a funeral home but get the bag, demonic bestie. So we’ve got these flyers going around to whoever’s who, and lo and behold some dumbass goes through the really odd effort of handwriting a ton of little notes for some after party. Now, no one’s pointing fingers, but I am...allegedly— if you connect the dots and all that, it’s pretty obvious that the Talbot brat planned this bash. Ever the agent of chaos that one.

But the road to hell really is paved with good intentions, and he got his ass handed to him by the Wolf right outside the Fenrir. Ouch to the woes of sibling rivalry; I would’ve loved to be tagged in though. Anyways, it didn’t get all that far before the Veteran pulled the alpha off of the other. Boring! Not revolutionary! Whack! 

Did ya’ll see the Fae following after the Talbot brat though? Wonder what that one was about.

Faeries are Kinda Stupid, Am I Right? ( I Know I Am )

by A.T. Jones

For as old and powerful as they are, these faeries don’t have a lot going on between the ears do they? Not you though, Hollis, you’re my muy problematic fave. The other ones though? The brain buffer is so bad that everyone in the near vicinity loses some of those brain cells as well. 

So let me paint a picture: the Fae gets in her feelings ( can’t imagine why ), and next thing you know, she and the Wizard are running around Pixie Hollow like they own the place. But they don’t— and that’s as shocking as the Wolf’s poor taste. 

There’s more though, and stay with me now, it gets even funnier. Turns out the Fae’s been on probation this whole time? And this is the person collecting our debts? Catch me sending a strongly worded letter to the Better Business Bureau, that woman is all about the reckless endangerment and breaking the rules. And she sure as hell broke them bad this time. The Wizard is so lucky Karlha went and vouched for her, that would’ve been the biggest of yikes otherwise. 

Now, let’s get back to the losing of brain cells for everyone else in her sphere of influence; the Wolf really managed to get the Oracle, Veteran, Banshee and Siren to cross the veil for this girl? And they all came back? Sounds fake, but okay.

Our Mandatory Gossip Column

by J. Jones

Alright germs, I’m taking the torch from here! Do you guys hear wedding bells? You should be hearing wedding bells right about now because the Fae Queen is a weirdo. Sounds like the Wolf and the Fae are getting hitched due to royal decree, and like, yeah weddings are cute and all but the circumstances are whack as fuck. 

The quickest of Google searches says that half of those bad boys end in divorce, but I’m thinking its not so easy for faeries and wolves. Yikes squared. And they’ve been seen hanging by the Chameleon Club more than usual? Yikes cubed, besties. I know the Fae’s gotta be giving Lee Holloway a run for her money, right now, with the whole personal secretary to the Fae Heir spiel, but what’s the hubby gotta do with it?

Oh and speaking of the hubby, I’m finding it a little weird that the Oracle is willing to cross the veil with him, only to hit the road right after. I wonder what happened there, anybody wanna ask him about the whereabouts of his friend?

Boring Politics is Boring

by A.T. Jones

Dude, I kinda covered the politics with my magnificent little op-ed up there? I gotta write more about this? We gotta switch some time, JJ. 

Moira’s still dead, and now Pixie Hollow politics are bleeding into the Midnight Underground? This shit is weird. I’m thinking we should start writing in names on the Orator ballot— vote for your bestie, your worstie, your dog for all I care but gimme something to work with, because nothing much has changed in regards to the usual suspects.

Well, actually, Hollis has a new lapdog, Thaddeus has been doing the freak-out tango, Karlha’s got that far away look in her eyes, and I honestly haven’t seen Damian around in like forever. The man’s as mundane as they come, but he’s a hermit now too?

Can someone check in on the man. And can that someone not be me? Not in my job description. Wanna know what is though? Closing arguments...or statements, or whatever. So that’s all folks, we spilled all the tea, and I gotta go, I’m a busy faceless columnist.

See ya around! Me to you, not the other way around. 

[dothwrites]

Cas using Enochian pick-up lines on oblivious Dean. Dean doesn't get them, Cas feels rejected each time, and Sammy is done with it all! Can I have that fic, pretty please?

ah, this has been sitting here for a WHILE, so i’m sorry that i’m trash 

lost in translation

---

It begins when Dean is pathetically trying to impress his crush. 

Or at least that would be Sam’s take, if Dean cared enough to ask him. 

Dean would rather say that it began with a simple misunderstanding, one which could happen to anyone. 

He doesn’t ask Cas’ opinion of the situation (and Cas would say that’s the whole crux of the problem). 

Whoever has the correct perspective, no one would argue about the beginning of the affair. It starts one afternoon when Dean is contemplating switching Sam’s creamer with buttermilk, just for a break in the monotony. Cas is with him in the library, his customary suit and coat exchanged for a hoodie and a comfortable looking pair of jeans which Dean suspects used to belong to him (there’s something vaguely familiar about that hole in the knee, and it wouldn’t be the first time Cas has pilfered his room for clothing; several of Dean’s shirts have ended up upon the angel’s body. Cas always seems perplexed when Dean calls him on his thievery, plucking at the shirt with faint confusion--Oh this? I found this down in the laundry room a few days ago and thought it looked familiar, do you want it back? And the question is phrased so forlornly that Dean can’t help but allow Cas to steal another article of clothing out from under his very nose.). Cas dresses down these days. And slouches. Right now, his chin is in danger of disappearing into his chest. The sight delights Dean. There for a while, he hadn’t been sure Cas was capable of relaxing.

It’s an overwhelmingly quiet afternoon. It’s nice, because Dean loves to spend time with Cas when there’s no imminent blood or monsters on their horizons, but it’s also boring. Dean sneaks a glance at Cas over the top of his book. Cas seems perfectly content to sit all day reading some godawful thick, leather bound tome. Dean finds himself less than content, but he doesn’t want to leave Cas. He sighs, shifting in his seat as he pretends to read. After a few more minutes, he sighs again, this time with a little more spite in the sound.

(Dean’s about three seconds away from kicking his feet and whining I’m bored, but Cas doesn’t need to know that.) 

Cas mutters under his breath. Dean recognizes the guttural syllables of Enochian, which is Cas’ go-to language for when he’s saying something hateful and he doesn’t want to get called out on it. Tough luck for him, though, because Dean’s heard one of those words enough to parse its meaning. 

“Did you just call me stupid?” he demands, slapping his book down on the arm of the chair. 

Castiel looks at him, his eyes wide with surprise. “You...understood that?” he asks. “You understand Enochian?”

Not in the slightest, is what Dean should say. He understands one word, and that’s only because Cas uses it enough as an insult that it managed to stick in his mind. But something that looks like fondness, and admiration, and other nice adjectives which Dean would like Cas to apply to him, shines at the edges of Cas’ eyes. So he rolls his eyes a little bit (the audacity of Cas! Asking him if he bothered to study something which was not strictly required!) and scoffs, “Uh, kind of hard not to at this point, you know, what with...” He waves his hand at Cas, hoping that the vagueness of the gesture will cover a multitude of sins. 

And really, he should come clean. If the past fifteen years have taught him anything, it’s that nothing good comes from lying to your nearest and dearest. But this is just a little white lie. Like when he was sixteen and he told Brandy Fletcher he could play a rocking drum solo, because he wanted to impress her and there was no way he would ever be called upon to perform such a task. This is just a little fib, made so that Cas doesn’t think he’s a fucking idiot. 

Plus, there’s something which looks horribly similar to gratitude shining in Cas’ eyes. The emotion brims over until those baby blues can hardly contain it, and Cas looks so goddamned happy. Dean’s not a monster. He’s not going to take that away from Cas just so he can come clean with a Gotcha! moment. 

Cas bites at his lower lip, looking uncommonly shy. Worry starts to stir in Dean’s gut, which is only compounded when Cas says something else in soft yet clear Enochian. As the new phrase doesn’t have the word stupid anywhere in it, Dean doesn’t have the slightest idea of what Cas is saying. The guilt squirming in his stomach gets worse when Cas looks at him, with gentle anticipation, as though he’s expecting a reply. Dean does what humans have been doing since the beginning of time when confronted with a language they don’t understand and smiles, wide and sunny, at Cas. Cas’ forehead creases but he returns the gesture. His eyes are still brimming over with emotion and the sight does something to Dean. 

Dean begins to suspect that he may have started something which he is not equipped to finish. 

---

After that, things get a little weird. Considering Dean’s general life, that’s saying something. 

Dean catches Cas looking at him more, like Cas is having a one-man staring contest with the side of his face. Cas staring at him is nothing to write home about, but his looks have gained new intensity. It makes Dean’s innards squirm with worry as well as something deeper. He’s not willing to examine that feeling any closer, though it is pleasant. 

As if the soulful looks weren’t bad enough, there’s also the thoughtful slant of Cas’ eyes to worry about. Every time he looks at Dean, he looks like he’s working himself up to something momentous. Since momentous decrees from Cas usually come hand in hand with world-ending events and revelations, Dean thinks he can forgiven for dodging Cas’ presence. 

It does him no good: the bunker, for all its space, is only so large in the end, and Cas was once a heavenly messenger who has the patience of millennia. Add that to the fact that Dean needs to eat at least twice a day, and the game of Cornering Dean becomes a game of cards, in which the deck is stacked firmly in Cas’ favor. 

Dean sneaks into the kitchen sometime between midnight and two am. If Sam caught him, then he would get a talking-to about the most appropriate times to eat, better digestive function, and the ravages of heartburn in a man his age, but it’s not his brother sitting at the table when Dean flicks on the light. 

It’s Cas, who blinks owlishly at him, before his face splits into his brightest smile. 

(Cas’ brightest smile is an awkward, crooked little thing. On a regular human being it would be considered unbecoming. On Cas, it’s a thing of glory.)

“Dean,” Cas greets him. Hearing his voice in that low, rough voice never fails to send a little shiver down his spine, and today is no different. “This is an odd time for a snack.” 

“Yeah,” Dean says, a little lamely. The shock of finding Cas in the kitchen has kind of killed his appetite, but it’s not like he can turn around and leave. “Just, you know, had a craving. Why were you here?” 

Cas looks around the kitchen, his mouth pursed. “I like it here. It’s peaceful.” 

Dean looks at him, waiting for the punchline. “You were sitting in the dark, dude.” 

“Oh. Well, I don’t need lights to see in the dark,” Cas says, as though the knowledge that his best friend has some freaky see in the dark cat eye nonsense going on with him isn’t the weirdest thing Dean’s heard all day. 

“Great.” Dean opens the fridge and pulls out a container at random. He spares one second to hope that Sam got rid of all the moldy food before he samples the contents. “Well, I think I’m going back to my room now.” 

He wants to get out of here, not so much because he doesn’t want to talk to Cas (he has no problem with late-night chats with Cas, it’s just that he would prefer such chats take place in his room, preferably in his bed, preferably while both participants were significantly less dressed), but because Cas is starting to get that look again, like he’s getting ready to drop an atomic bomb’s worth of shit on Dean in the middle of the kitchen. 

“Dean.” Cas stands up. He twists his fingers together before he realizes what he’s doing, and then places them flat against his thighs. He takes a deep breath. Before Dean can stop him, Cas opens his mouth. 

Low, rolling syllables flow through the kitchen, the harsh notations of Enochian softened by Cas’ voice. There’s a question in Cas’ eyes, and Dean would answer it, if he only knew what Cas was asking. 

The kitchen falls into silence. Dean gets the distinct impression that walking away is not the appropriate reaction. If only he knew what the appropriate reaction was. 

He settles for plastering a fake ass smile on his face and loosing a brittle laugh which threatens to shatter the lighting fixtures. The corners of his mouth hurt from the wideness of his smile, but not even the small twinge of pain can take away from the brief flash of hurt in Cas’ eyes. 

“Yeah. You bet.” Dean barely restrains himself from giving Cas a big thumbs up.

Cas’ face, if possible, turns even more disconsolate. Dean’s stomach twists at the sight. 

This would be the correct moment to confess. Cas, I don’t have the faintest idea what you said, but I’d really like it if you could say it again in English, so that I could maybe comment on it. Sorry I’m such a jackass. 

Dean does not confess. He reaches out and claps Cas on the shoulder, almost buckling Cas’ knees under the friendly contact. Dean almost stops, but he continues to his room, trying to erase the memory of Cas’ stricken face. 

---

It gets worse. 

Cas says something in Enochian to him the next morning, a tiny, hopeful smile darting across his face. Dean gives him a weak smile in return and tries not to focus on the longing, almost desperate tone of Cas’ voice. “Ok, Cas,” he says, when it becomes clear Cas is angling for something more than a smile that makes it look like he ate some bad tacos. 

Cas takes him by the wrist. This time the syllables which come out of his mouth are almost frantic. His eyes are wide and imploring, and his voice cracks on the last word. 

The truth, Dean. Tell him the truth. 

“Look, I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean says. Confronted by the weight of his failings and his inadequacies, he flees. All the while, he feels Cas’ eyes on his back. 

---

It gets worse. 

Cas continues to mutter Enochian at him, alternating between frustrated, hurt, mocking, and pleading inflections. Each time, Dean looks at him in a mixture of helplessness and shame. 

The last time Cas tries, there’s a faint snap and tingle of grace curling around the room. Dean can taste it in the air, ozone and electricity, before it makes the lamp closest to him spark and pop. “Great, now you’re killing the furniture,” comes out of his mouth before he can stop it. 

Cas recoils as though Dean reached out and slapped him. He says something else in Enochian, his voice small and defeated. He won’t even look at Dean. 

If Dean were a better person, he would come clean. He would apologize to Cas and beg his forgiveness. He would take Cas’ scorn and irritation and lump it in with the rest of the shit that’s gone wrong with his life, and they would move past this. 

Dean’s not a good person. Hell, he’s not even an okay person. He’s a piece of shit who got a hell of a lot luckier than he ever deserved, and Cas is just naive enough not to realize that. 

---

It gets worse. 

Sam walks into the library one afternoon with a dazed look on his face which means he’s just emerged from being caught deep in a book. He runs his hands through his hair and only then seems to realize that Dean and Cas are sitting at opposite ends of the library, deliberately ignoring each other. The tension in the room is thick enough to cut. 

“You guys okay?” he asks, glancing back and forth between them. 

“We’re good,” Dean says shortly, flipping a page of his book with unneeded aggression. 

Sam flicks his eyes towards Castiel. Cas looks over the top of his book, his eyebrows twisted in a scowl. He mutters something most definitely not English under his breath, staring at Dean. 

Sam chokes on nothing. 

“You all right there, Sammy?” Dean glances at Sam, only to see that his brother’s face is bright red. 

“Yeah, I’m great.” 

Castiel says something else in Enochian, sounding more forlorn than angry. Dean didn’t think it was possible for his brother’s eyes to get any wider. “Something you want to share with the rest of the class?” Dean asks. He keeps his eyes on Cas, but the question is meant for both of them. 

“I think you two should really talk,” Sam says, looking back and forth between him and Cas. “I think you’re both missing some information.” 

“What do you mean--” Dean pauses as the obvious answer comes to him. “Hold on. You can understand him?” 

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not in the room,” Castiel says, proving that he can speak English just damn fine when he wants to. Then, because Cas is an asshole whose main job is torturing Dean, he mutters something in Enochian. 

Sam snorts. 

If he didn’t know he would later regret it, Dean would put both of them in the ground. 

“Well, if you want someone to talk to you, then knock it off and speak English!” Dean snaps. “I’ve got no idea why you’re babbling on like that and looking like I kicked your puppy when I don’t answer.” 

Cas scowls, the full wrath of Heaven in his eyes. He starts what sounds like it will no doubt be a lengthy tirade (in Enochian of fucking course), before he’s interrupted by Sam. 

“Dean doesn’t understand Enochian, Cas!” he shouts. 

Two pairs of eyes snap to Sam. Dean’s are filled with furious betrayal, Cas’ with frustrated confusion. Sam ignores them both, rolling his own eyes to the ceiling. “Yeah, look, I’m sorry to cut in your drama or whatever, and I’m sure that you two could keep this up for another three weeks, but I value my sanity. Dean, nut up and tell Cas you don’t speak Enochian. Cas, stop running into a brick wall and tell him what you want. I mean, good God, it’s like I have to do everything around here myself!” 

Sam’s complaining never ceases as he peruses the shelves for the particular book he’s looking for. Both Dean and Cas are referred to multiple times as idiots, sometimes assholes, and once even idjits. Throughout his litany of abuse, Dean and Castiel refuse to look at each other, though Dean does feel a telltale prickling at the back of his neck several times. Every time he looks at Cas, however, the angel has his eyes firmly fixed on his book. 

Dean wonders if Cas would get more pissed if he told him his book was upside down. 

“You ever think about how much pain and agony you could save me if you two assholes would just talk to each other?” Sam finally snaps. Arms laden with books, he levels a fearsome glare at the both of them. “For homework, neither of you are coming out of this library until you’ve actually talked to each other like rational adults. And if you make any weird noises, I’m going to smother both of you in your sleep.” 

He stalks out of the library, leaving Cas and Dean alone once more. Cas looks up from his book, finally realizing it’s upside-down, while Dean puts down his own book. They stare at each other for a long moment, then speak at once. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t understand Enochian?” “What were you trying to say to me?” 

They stop. Dean swallows, gathers up all of his manly courage, and speaks. 

“So what were you trying to say to me? It must have been pretty exciting to get Sammy clutching his pearls.” 

Cas tilts his head. He considers Dean for a long moment before he crosses the space between them. Cas leans forward, putting his hands on the arms of Dean’s chair. The gesture boxes Dean in, a turn of events which Dean doesn’t struggle against. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t speak Enochian?” 

Pinned beneath Cas’ gaze, Dean squirms uncomfortably. Now that it’s just him and Cas, his deception seems childish. Would it really have been the end of the world if he’d told Cas he was too stupid and selfish to learn his language? It would have just been another disappointment in Cas’ life, but has it been worth these past few days of being at odds with Cas? 

Heat flushes along the bridge of Dean’s nose as he mutters, “I wanted you to think I was smart.” 

Damn super-angelic hearing. Cas doesn’t miss a beat, though his forehead creases. “You wanted...what? Dean, you are smart.” 

He says it so naturally, as though Dean doesn’t struggle over translations or speaking Latin or cross-referencing indexes or any of the thousand other things that seem to come naturally as breathing to Sam and Cas. “Yeah, sure, I’m a regular fucking genius,” Dean mumbles. 

“You’re capable of finding the problem with a faulty engine with a single look. You built your own EMF meter out of a spare Walkman. Despite your efforts to hide it, you’re very well-read, and you have an innate understanding of some fairly complicated mathematics. I’m not sure exactly what humans qualify as intelligent, but I feel as though all of those skills count.” 

Dean knows his whole face is red. Heat prickles along the tips of his ears and down his neck. “Jesus, Cas,” he mutters. Unable to withstand the force of those blue eyes, he darts his glance down towards the floor. “Most people don’t start sweet talking until the third date.” 

“Well, I’m an angel,” Castiel says, smugly, as though that solves every argument (not a bad strategy; that line’s worked for Cas for years. What else can you say after that?). 

“All right, I answered yours, now you answer mine. What were you trying to say to me?”

Amazingly, Cas’ cheeks color. 

“Come on, Cas,” Dean wheedles, when Cas doesn’t immediately answer. “I told you mine.” 

Cas looks off to the side. He actually shuffles his feet before he answers, “It was just a thought. I thought, maybe, we could...Never mind. It was stupid.” He looks back at Dean and rolls his eyes, showing how ridiculous he finds this whole trial. “I guess, roughly translated, it would amount of something like ‘If only he were as decisive as he is pretty, then there would be no problem’.” He forces a weak laugh. “I said it in the heat of the moment. I was frustrated.” 

Dean blinks in astonishment. Only one fact has managed to slip through the tangle of Cas’s words. “You think I’m pretty?” 

Castiel’s blush deepens. “Anyone who has eyes would think that,” he says, a little roughly. 

An automatic flush spreads across Dean’s cheeks, but he’s able to ignore that. He’s much more interested in what else Cas might have been telling him. “And what was something else you said?” 

Cas coughs. “’Your eyes are bright as the sunrise, yet they fail to see what is in front of them’,” he says. If possible, his already rough voice has deepened. 

“Another.” 

Cas doesn’t pretend coyness. “’You had my heart from the first time I saw your soul’,” he says, in a near whisper. 

Dean can’t hold himself back. He snatches Cas’ hoodie in his hands and drags Cas down to his level. Cas lets out a surprised grunt before he gracefully collapses atop Dean. He’s barely managed to balance himself on Dean’s lap before Dean’s lip are on his. 

Despite Dean’s rushed actions, the kiss is sweet and almost chaste. Cas’ lips are warm and chapped and utterly wonderful. At first, they’re stiff, but only for a second. Then Cas relaxes into the kiss, sighing happily as his hand cups Dean’s cheek. Cas’ stubble scratches against his chin. He’s going to bear the marks of Cas’ affection later, and he couldn’t be more thrilled about it. 

Cas parts from him, but not far. In fact, he’s close enough to Dean that when whispers a phrase in Enochian, his lips brush against Dean’s. 

A shiver of delight runs down Dean’s spine. Now that he knows the gist of what Cas was trying to say to him, Enochian fills him with illicit glee. “What did that mean?” 

Cas kisses him again, adding a cunning sweep of his tongue across the seam of Dean’s lips. “’Of all the stars in the heavens, you shine the brightest’,” he translates, resting his forehead against Dean’s. 

Heat floods through Dean once more. It’s everything he ever dreamed of hearing. It seems impossible that he could have it. There should be a rule against it. Dean Winchester doesn’t get what he wants. 

Except, apparently, Dean Winchester does get what he wants, as evidenced by his lapful of angel murmuring Enochian endearments into his ear. “Hey Cas?” Dean tilts his head to catch Cas’ eye. “When I first saw you, sparks flew. How would you say that in Enochian?” 

Cas thinks for a second before a smile spreads across his face. “I’ll teach you,” he promises, before he pulls Dean’s face towards him once more. 

(Sam’s warning about making weird noises makes a lot more sense now.)

[wistfulcynic]

15, 27, 28, 29 for the book asks please!

15. Do you agree that Jane Eyre should be considered a feminist novel?

Straight in with the big guns, anon, I appreciate that in you. I do in fact have Thoughts on this, which doubtless will not come as a surprise to anyone. In short, no, I don't. At greater length I am continuously amazed at how anything that centres a woman in any way and features that woman rejecting in any measure the husband-and-children narrative that our society has decreed is a happy ending for her, that thing is immediately dubbed Feminist. Which of course allows criticism to glide right over all the other aspects of that thing that are not only Not Feminist but also actively terrible. So, what, the woman who rejects these terrible things is Feminist because she doesn't allow herself to be subject to them? Is that feminism or just common sense and self-respect? Do we consider self-respect Feminist because the default condition is for women not to have it? And if so, what the fuck kind of feminist message is that? Jane Eyre refuses to allow the man she loves to commit bigamy with her, instead fleeing from him and nearly dying. This is courageous and extreme and also effectively her only option. Once Rochester's deception is uncovered she cannot marry him and she of course isn't going to run away to live in sin with him, not because she's taking a Feminist Stance but because that sort of choice and lifestyle would go completely against her character. The utter dearth of options available to her is not at all what I'd call feminist (and yes period accuracy, blah blah, it's actually not true that all unmarried women of that era lived narrow and unfulfilled lives, but that's a rant for another day.) The deus ex machina of her Rivers cousins and inheritance combined with the destruction of Thornfield and maiming of Rochester is, I think, intended to put the two of them on more "equal" footing and therefore make it more feasible for them to be happily married. But if those extremes are what's required to bring the woman--whose speech about how she is still a whole human despite the dreadful flaws of being poor, plain, and obscure is the entire foundation for people thinking this book is feminist--to the level of the man, then that cannot be Feminism. Jane battles for her basic right to be respected which I guess does parallel the feminist struggle to be seen as human creatures equally worthy of value as men, but c'mon, as a bar that is way, way too low. This is not a feminist book.

27. Classics or modern literature?

I don't see this as an either/or. There's value in both. However I will say that the general "dead white dude" vibe of what we call Classics is something we should think hard about when we evaluate the actual quality of those books. Particularly in light of all the immensely high-quality literature that has been and still is being produced by women and BIPOC authors. Not to mention all the books not written by North American or European authors. What I'm saying is, there's value in "classic" literature but it's also propped up by a lot of problematic tradition and we should not only think hard about that but also make an effort to include a wider range of voices when considering the relative value of literary works.

28. Thoughts on adults reading YA?

People should read what makes them happy. Also, there are a lot of excellent books dubbed "YA" because they're not Serious Literature (read: not written by white dudes, not focusing on ugly or violent topics, etc etc) so why should anyone be excluded from reading them just because of some arbitrary age cutoff? There's no age limit on enjoyment or on imagination.

29. Have you ever read a book in another language?

I have an MA in French Literature, so yes. An unfortunate number. And honestly I wish I knew more languages because there are some books I would love to read in their original versions.

-

QUESTIONS THAT MAY WELL UNLEASH ANOTHER FEMINIST SCREED CAN BE FOUND HERE

[omfgtrump]

At The Circus

When it is all said and done, Joe Biden will be our next president. And maybe, when this farcical (but dangerous) attempt to de-legitimize our democracy comes to a conclusion, only The Don and his consigliere Rudy G., will be the last two standing.

It’s a delicious fantasy: The Don and Rudy G. huddled in a corner of the oval office, orange dripping down The Don’s face; Rudy’s face dripping black from cheap hair dye or mascara.

Before the authorities come in to escort them out, Rudy will turn to The Don and say:

“If we don’t move and pretend we are not here, they won’t see us and then we live for another day.”

“Yes, yes,” The Don will whisper. “We can just do what we have done with the virus thing: Just pretend it doesn’t exist.”

“But you had the virus?”                                                                            

“No I didn’t. It was all staged to project my superpowers to help me get people to love me more and go out and vote.

“Total genius.”

“And I won, but they cheated me.”

“Oh shit. I hear footsteps. They are coming for us.”

“No they are not.”

“Are you sure?”

“Would I lie to you?”

But until that delicious fantasy is realized, we endure day after day of The Don’s chaos making. The Don’s inability to deal with reality. He is now the “Greatest Loser” and his attempt to create new narratives to change the course of history is desperate and pathetic.  

If you want to understand why you feel like you are going crazy witnessing this circus, The Don’s recent tweet says it all:

“Hopefully the Courts and/or Legislatures will have the COURAGE to do what has to be done to maintain the integrity of our Elections, and the United States of America itself.”

What? Wait a second. The courts are doing their jobs to maintain the integrity of the election, so I am confused. Oh, that’s because the courts should be invalidating the results of the election because it was fixed. But I thought? You thought what? So it’s like we are at a basketball game and the final buzzer rings and your team has lost but someone from the other team gets control over the computer that controls the scoreboard and suddenly the losing team has now won? Yep. But isn’t that cheating, fucking with reality? Maybe. Isn’t there something wrong with that? Nah. But. But what? But isn’t it clear that the team that won, won? Not if the team that looks like it won cheated. Is there evidence? I watched the same game you watched and I didn’t see any cheating, just a hard fought battle. Do you know who Hugo Chavez is? Do you know who George Soros is? Kind of. They are some bad dudes, believe me. But Hugo Chavez has been dead for a while. So, you think dead people can’t influence elections? Of course not! Are you that naïve? Have you ever seen the “Walking Dead?” The TV show? Yep. I’m a big fan. So you understand? So I understand what? That there is a plot by all the dead people who have been on the show all these years to vote for Joe Biden. Are you fucking serious? What kind of crazy shit is that? Look if you subtract all the dead people who came out of their graves to vote for Joe Biden then The Don wins. Just do the math.

And now more highlights of this desperate attempt to thwart reality.

In one court room scene, Rudy G. demanded that the judge invalidate nearly seven million votes cast in the state because of what he called “widespread, nationwide voter fraud.” When the judge pressed him for evidence of this alleged fraud, Rudy G. pivoted rather dramatically: “This is not a fraud case.”

If I were the judge (fun to pretend) I would have said: You presented this as a case of fraud, but when questioned to show evidence of this fraud, you said it wasn’t a fraud case. But I disagree: It is a fraud case because you are a fraud. And I will be making a formal complaint to the bar and I don’t mean William.

In a federal courtroom on Tuesday in Williamsport, Pa., Mr. Giuliani asserted that the president had won Pennsylvania’s 20 electoral votes, except that they had been stolen by a “mafia” of Democratic leaders across the state. “The ballots might have been from Mickey Mouse,” he added.

I’m confused. Were the ballots stolen by a mafia or did Mickey Mouse stuff the ballot boxes with votes for Biden? Or are you accusing M.M. of running a mafia ring? Are they selling Disney characters as sex slaves, too?

Rumor has it that Mickey Mouse was furious about being implicated in the charade. His statement to the press was:

I am America’s Mouse. Rudy used to be America’s Mayor. As the original and most influential member of the Disney Club, I hereby decree that Rudy is banned for life from any and all Disney Properties.

One of The Don’s lawyers, Sidney Powell, pushed the whacky theory that Venezuela, Cuba and other “communist” interests had used a secret algorithm to hack into voting machines and steal millions of votes from President Trump.

“The Dominion Voting Systems, the Smartmatic technology software, and the software that goes in other computerized voting systems here as well, not just Dominion, were created in Venezuela at the direction of Hugo Chavez,” Powell declared.

Not only were these nefarious machines used in only a few counties but do you seriously believe Hugo Chavez was an algorithm kind of guy? But maybe, just maybe, he was a pal of Mickey Mouse?

One more thing. The Lt Governor of Texas offered rewards (up to a million dollars!) for anyone who could prove a dead person voted. The Lt Governor of Pennsylvania, took him up on it and proved that two committed the fraud. He’s still waiting for his money!

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[imaginarycircus]

Today is my birthday and all well wishes are giddily accepted. I’m going to level with you. I’ve felt disappointed in myself lately more and more. For the last few years I’ve been increasingly selfconscious and kind of embarrassed about my age, my appearance, and my lack of success for a given value of success. Like I’m an old washing machine that needs to be taken out back and disassembled for parts or used as a fire pit. The worst part is that I knew I was selling myself a bill of goods and I couldn’t stop.

This is venting. I’d love it if you have time and energy to listen, but please don’t give me advice. If you want to share your experiences or feelings that is cool. I’d love to hear about you. I’m sorry this is like a 3 TED talk series, but you do not have to read it and I don’t expect anyone to do so.

If a friend told me they felt like this I’d theoretically grab their face in both hands and look into their eyes and say, “You precious, wonderful, jar of dumbass jam.”

“You have a messy life and stuff that gets in the way and maybe you’re not always doing your best, but you try to and you’re nice to animals and you sure do cry about them a lot. This writing deal is hard. You started 17 years ago, which was a bit late, and you’ve worked really hard. Despite every rejection, you have not stopped. Do you realize how much better you’ve become than you were? Sure. You’ve had some bad luck. Everyone has, but yours is yours. It sucks, but don’t let it define you. Oh. You already let it define you. Past-you is gone and now-you can stop doing that.

You got the MFA. You wrote a novel and your agent couldn’t sell it, but you did it. And you got an agent, which is pretty good. You did well in that Penguin contest. You didn’t win, but top 50 out of 5,000 isn’t too bad. You created two scripted series and wrote the first season of one of them 2-3 times and planned the other in exquisite detail. It’s in development hell and I know you’re tired and you’ve kind of given up hope, but the people negotiating stuff believe in your work (also @kyrieanne‘s work.) You’ve written a lot. You’re writing a novel right now and your agent is on board. Plus you’re still riding around on this planet. There were times you wanted to get off the ride, but you didn’t.

No one else but you swims in the alchemical product of your past, your traumas, your joys, your education, your hard work, your chronic health issues, and your many mistakes. Own it and fucking walk up the chest of anyone who says you’re not good enough. Yeah. You got walk up your own chest now, buddy. Take some advil. I love you. Take out the trash. And remember you had three separate cancer scares this year. Two surgeries. Two biopsies, one of them a total nightmare, and you were bleeding so much because of that uterine polyp you had no iron for carrying oxygen to your bits and bobs or your brainbox. Take a breath. Take a shower. Drink water. Go out this evening and eat a warm buttered lobster roll and drink some good wine and realize how fucking lucky you are to be able to do that. I love you, you beautiful, dumbass jar of jam.”

But my inner convo has been like, “Dude. Honey. Me. Plz stop. Comparisons are odious. Yes, we like John Donne. No, we do not usually think about ourselves in the third person, but for this exercise it makes sense that even when I am talking to myself I may be talking to another part of myself I’m so at odds with they seem like a different person. We contain multitudes! We also have the adhd and what were we talking about? Oh, yes. We think we’re old and a failure. We’ve bought into it so hard that it keeps us up at night and stalks us during the day. If it walks like a failure duck and talks like a failure duck...

Okay. The WE thing has to stop. Switching to 2nd person, extremely goddamn familiar.

You’re 48 (49 today) and everyone around you is seems so accomplished and has racked up cool resume worthy successes, which you learn about on that bastion or truth and moral rectitude--the twitter. They ARE things. While you? Are nothing in particular. Mostly a lot of “does not live up to potential.” And what the fuck have you done? 3k NY Times crossword puzzles? You haven’t published anything and maybe that’s because you’re not a very good writer. You’ve written a lot of shit in the last two decades, but where has it gotten you? Maybe you’re a dilettante with no substance. You can’t prove you aren’t.

People 20 years younger have accomplished so much more. Now you’re old and annoying and occasionally confused by the youths and their slang. You’re still never sure of the nuance of bougie because it seems to be used in so many different ways. You got cagey about telling anyone your age bc the number sounds alarming. You know you’re buying into a bullshit patriarchal system that devalues people further if they’re no longer baby factories.

And there was that bullshit when some partially baked people told adults to get out of fandom and you kind of said fuck that noise gently with a chainsaw, but you also felt bad. Like an old cranky dude in a ratty old bathrobe who pours  beer on his generic cheerios (tragically called rings’o’oats) and shovels them into his mouth thinking about how he could have BEEN someone, but was struck down by tragedy, or an ego so fragile a light breeze destroyed it. Who refuses to teach a young whipper snapper the ancient art of smacking an object from one place to another bc he’s golluming over his manpain. An off-brand Obi Wan who must be harassed to rejoin the human race and who starts to live again after helping some prodigy succeed. Except you? You’re in the ratty bathrobe phase, probably for eternity, and no one is coming to ask you to do anything, because you never did anything. You’re getting wrinkles and you feel invisible a lot of the time in a way that makes you want to set things on fire bc you’re a middle aged lady, who is not particularly pretty, accomplished, or a mom so wtf are you? And you know that’s a world of absolute bullshit, but you’re soaking it like it’s the world’s biggest tub of Palmolive and you don’t remember getting into it. You know what would make you feel better and give you an ersatz sense of accomplishment?”

And then I do another crossword puzzle. I went back into therapy with someone who specializes in adhd. It’s helping. I haven’t been around here much bc... welp. You’re reading this. I didn’t want to be No Face in Spirited Away vomiting all this trash on you, especially because I know it’s the most womp womp, irritating, middle aged white lady thinks her life is hard and must tell you about it at great length. But then I remember my shitty feelings are valid and I do not ever expect anyone to read this so I can put here if it helps me.

I will be fine. These are human shaped problems. But if you’ve read this nonsense and thought about it, giggled at it, or wondered if you should call someone like I’m a cat stuck in a tree who did not know fully comprehend the consequences of her actions? Thank you. I appreciate you. As always I hope a dog looks at you and wants to be your friend, or a cat walks on your hair because it loves you. (It should go without saying, but feel free to substitute any animal or item into my well wishes as per your requirements.) If you need an excuse to eat cake today--I have decreed that you must do this in my honor. But only if you feel like it and you can eat cake. Also the cake can be made of anything. The cake could be avocados or mathematical. Use your imagination.

To wit; I am 49 fucking years old today. I’m owning it. I’m owning every wrinkle and sun spot. (I started using a serum to deal with sun damage and it seems to work. People told me to wear sunscreen, but I did not.) I’m owning my own failures (and sun damage). I’m learning to own my successes too, especially the ones that don’t make sense to other people without a power point presentation, a Q&A, and a ritual burning of certain artifacts.

Here’s what I’ve done with my life. I’ve lived it.

[lisinfleur]

Normal flu kills more than this new one. Subways are crowded, BRT are crowded, train, funk parties etc etc, why a walk against corruption is forbidden? The president is blamed by everything. If it rains is his fault, if its sun it's his fault. What did you want him to do? Send people home? He is not disgusted by poor people as Pt and Psol robbers are. Stop being manipulated, stealers are without public money, traffickers pissed, yet people get lied to and believe. Pure doctrinally.

AND STOP WATCHING GLOBOLIXO, you're smarter than trust a television channel that stole billions!!!! First of all, Sars-COV-2 (which is this coronavirus, that’s not the first of the class corona we have ever seen, btw) is a new disease. Let me tell you how you make statistics, love (no irony included here ok?): Normal flu is here for years. Covid-19 just arrived and we already have the great majority of the countries in the world being affected with crescent numbers of infected people and dead people around. Normal flu comes and goes. Normal flu is treatable and we know how to do it. Covid-19 is killing crowds and we don’t even know what to give to its patients so, I think normal flu is not the moment thing to be worried about uh?Second, I don’t watch Globo cause I don’t even have a television in my house. It’s not something interesting for me: it stopped being when I started to get informed by myself using the internet and other sources of information - usually, not Brazillian, btw. The reference graphic is really coming from Globo because it’s all over the internet, but you can find other sources of information if you want and if you don’t want to go for the press - which is a good idea, btw - try to talk with people around the country and you’ll see how many cases are being undercovered by the Healthy Ministery in order to keep the numbers low. 

But that’s not a thing, right?

Well, BRT, subway, train, are crowded indeed - because people have to work. And they shouldn’t be, btw, but they are because the government still didn’t take all the measurements necessary to keep the majority of the population isolated and avoid this kind of overloading, but in this case, we have to wait. It’s not possible to stop the country at once indeed. But funk parties, clubs, bares, restaurants, AND A STUPID WALK, IN CROWDS, FOR ANY REASON, are all the same for me: stupid people not respecting the quarantine period and going out for reasons that don’t worth the lives they’re risking. Want to make something against corruption, go to your window, put a plaque, scream, hit your pans, go to the sites of public research and vote against the corrupt politicians’ projects, think properly instead of voting like shit, study and speak with the people you love to teach them how to vote instead of reelecting the same corrupt people for a bag of basic food every four years... Do not go outside with hundreds of people against the law to speak against the ones who are committing crimes. That’s counter-productive, dude. You guys were breaking the decrees against agglomerations - a.k.a. going against the LAW - risking dozens of citizens just to yell words like “AI-5″ or “Military intervention, please”?? What the fuck!

Go home and study some history about the military dictatorship in Brazil and how awful it was for you guys to be asking it to come back! This is not “a walk against corruption” this is just something stupid. At all.

In one thing we agree, my friend. PT, PSOL, P-whateveritis, they’re ALL flour of the same sack of dirt: the politics in Brazil are full of shit, bribe, assholes, and motherfuckers who aren’t really giving a damn if you’re outside risking your life to catch coronavirus, spread it all around and yell some words of order. Just like Lula, Bolsonaro, Maia, Olavo de Carvalho, Dilma, all of them should be locked behind bars, getting rotten, and setting our country free. 

We agree that our country is rotten to the core and that something NEEDS to change. But Bolsonaro is not different from them - Lula is outside thanks to his fear to have his son in jail because of the second instance shit. His sons are sunk to the neck in dirt and he, himself, did nothing as a deputy such as he’s doing nothing but go against the medical recommendation of isolation to spread the virus to which he can be an asymptomatic transmitter all over his people. He’s irresponsible and did nothing really good since he was elected and I don’t really think he has mental conditions to do anything good for us at all. 

Once again: all flour of the same sack. 

Yes, I wanted him to send people home. It would have been sensate and I would have supported his decision if he had come out to the social media and even the mainstream media to speak to his people and tell them to stay home, or even to make the protest they wanted from home, to yell from their windows, to extend Brazil flags like mantles over their houses, BUT AT HOME. It would have been the right decision for a leader who knows we live in a continental country with millions of people that will soon be the victim of his ignorance. 

Coronavirus is not Bolsonaro’s fault - it would be stupid to blame him for this. But all the people who contracted it during those manifestations are sick because of him. And all the people who will contract this virus from the ones who were outside that day, are his fault. Because he doesn’t speak like a leader. He doesn’t care about his people. And THAT’S his problem for me. I wouldn’t mind living in a country where I’m not a supporter of my president, my friend. I’m not a crybaby who cannot accept someone I don’t like ruling my country. But this man is not a leader not even for you guys. He doesn’t represent even the people who follow him. I’m not the onde being manipulated in here.I hope you read this to the end. It was not a rant, it was really an answer and I really wish more people could try to get informed or understand that we against him, at least ME against him is not Lis who dislikes Bolsonaro or PTista Lis. Far from me. It’s just me, tired of PT, PSOL, PSDB, P-Putaquepariudequatro and all the other Ps around my Brazil, stealing from us, promising things that never come and doing like Bolsonaro and many others before him, did. Unlike what you guys think, I am the one who doesn’t have a favorite politician or, in Bolsonaro’s words: “Eu não tenho político de estimação”. NONE of them. None of them are salvable at this point.I just hope his government’s mistakes along with Dilma’s before him, and Lula’s before him can show to this whole continental place that we NEED to change, because Right, or Left... There is no right side in this war.Have a nice day, love. And stay safe.

[fathercharlesoffdensen]

In Defense of Fat Thor

I not only enjoyed Thor’s portrayal in Endgame, but found it to be a productive and well-developed(/acted, DAMN, Chris Hemsworth) characterization that has been steadily building up across each consecutive movie. Caveat: I do not fault anyone for being skeptical that the directors, etc. had it in them, considering the clunky nature of some of their previous creations, to say nothing of some of their interviews, etc. I am also not 100% surprised to see people maligning Fat Thor, and/or saying they don’t understand his trajectory and/or that they felt some of the humor at his expense took away from the legitimacy of having a fat, depressed, anxious character able to accomplish the same feats as when he had more physical prowess, etc. I disagree with this as well, in part because Fat Thor feels very personal to me, though not exclusively, and at the very least would like to propose a reading of many of the scenes in Endgame that offers a considerably more well-intentioned and good faith portrayal of Thor, with my own caveat that at least the anti-Ragnarok people using Fat Thor to further their agenda that Thor’s characterization sucks because Chris Hemsworth and Taika Waititi spent each day on set shaking Tom Hiddleston down for his lunch money and laughing at their own fart jokes are still wrong, which balances out everything else, because balance is still important, even if Thanos’ fuckboy interpretation of it is ridiculous. Anywho, apologies in advance for how messy this ends up being, I feel like my thoughts are very roundabout right now, but getting it out of my system will really help.

Thor has been ~emotionally fat~ for a while now, folks. As far back as Thor (2011), we see him disassociating, aka spending at least a few moments staring off into space in the midst of dealing with sudden upheaval, often because his angry outbursts have failed to be satisfying or get him what he wants/needs. One of the things that made me so excited to see a physical fallout to this in the MCU is that it actually ties into a bunch of other canons, too, including a recent spell in the comics leading up to the War of the Realms, wherein Odin sort of admits to his own role in breaking Thor, as far back as being “too drunk” to be there for his birth, as well as his being dubbed the God of Thunder because baby Thor used to wail whenever there was a storm, and Odin used to make fun of him for it because you don’t get a #4 Best All-Father coffee cup from your kids for nothing. @thishereanakinguy and I are even reworking parts of our Thorki paper for publication to put forth even more evidence that the pressure on Thor to be the Golden Child was too much, and that he’s been unraveling for a long time.

Again, none of these reactions to turmoil are new for Thor, though it’s fascinating that the conversation between Frigga and Thor in Endgame is largely focused on her assuring her son that it’s okay for him to fail, and/or for him to delegate tasks (there’s a recent comic that’s gone viral where Mister Rogers visits with Thor, and it has a similar bent), or realize that he has to shift his perspective on Who He Is. In part, it’s lowkey hilarious that Frigga, aka “send Loki some soup and some library books he’ll enjoy after our big fight because I still love that little asshole, never mind that he’ll probably receive them after she has been killed omfg,” is so blatantly ignoring Odin’s decrees to basically withhold basic affection from their children so that they’ll toughen up on their own, because fuck that noise. At the same time, Frigga imparts words that Thor (and Loki) should have heard and taken to heart a long time ago, and it’s painful to realize that Thor has felt as though he hasn’t been allowed to express his feelings, but so God damned great that that’s what Frigga hones in on. Notably, Thor isn’t trying to botch his trip to 2013 Asgard, either; he has a panic attack when he and Rocket arrive, and Frigga sneaks up on him because Frigga knows her babies no matter how much they are made of pizza or in Loki’s case magical artifacts. (Sarah read something saying that in households where the Golden Child and Black Sheep co-exist, statistically it’s common for the Golden Child to turn to alcohol and food, whereas the Black Sheep is more likely to turn to drugs/more illicit substances wherein they opt not to feel their feelings as much, and I was really floored by that because that really fits a couple of different scenarios that I’m familiar with for one reason or another.)

SO ANYWAY, we see Thor disassociating in previous movies. In TDW, even Odin comments on Thor’s confused heart, which Thor assures him has nothing to do with Jane Foster, even though it would be very easy for him to pretend he’s not actively thinking about Loki a thousand times a day and spending so much time stalking Heimdall and the broken Bifrost remnants that dude is like holy fuck please talk to your kid or I am going to commit treason again so hard. Thor reaches out to Odin for guidance/arguably comfort once Frigga dies, and his inability to provide either sends Thor immediately to Loki, who at the very least can help him properly realize the revenge he seeks, while also saving Jane. In Ragnarok, we get that great moment where Loki is talking directly to Thor, and Thor simply stares straight ahead; Loki doesn’t seem all that surprised by it either - he and Thor have different triggers and whatnot, but he knows the emo fuck who ends up at his cell in a fucking black poncho and handcuffs isn’t a new creation by any means, and he is into it fwiw. Even stuff like Korg admitting at the end of Ragnarok he carried around Miek’s presumably dead body because he felt so bad that he was dead warrants a little nod of understanding from Thor. Likewise, we see Thor stress-eating a bowl of bread at the beginning of Endgame, before the focus on his weight became a thing. Thor doesn’t run outside to see Tony Stark come home; whenever possible, he’s barely there, even before his five-year hiatus.

The use of well-placed humor in a three-hour sob fest does not seem all that weird to me. Shakespeare does it in all of his tragedies; and to continue this egregious metaphor, a lot of his comedies contain tragic bits, aka loss of family identity, which is arguably something that underpins how good Ragnarok is, as well. Being able to laugh at stuff has always been very important for me personally, though I realize it’s not for everyone. Still, I think there’s an additional caveat with Endgame regarding who the ‘fat jokes’ are coming from, aka arguably all of the Avengers have their own significant traumas to work through even before The Snap, and are also just trying to survive, even if they seem to fare physically better than Thor at this particular point in time. So Tony Stark calls him “Lebowski”; but as soon as the musical cues and Hemsworth’s amazing acting switches over into Thor being triggered by thoughts of all that he’s lost only minutes later, we see Tony, who canonically has major issues with being touched, putting his hand on Thor’s shoulder and allowing himself to be grabbed and held because he knows that is what Thor needs from him. Bruce, too, has to set a boundary for his own personal safety about being grabbed, but still gives in to Thor’s need for physical touch. One of the tragic touchstones of Ragnarok is that Thor doesn’t touch Loki once, even though in the first two Thor films and Avengers 1, he is constantly pawing at him. Thor wants to make a point in Ragnarok that he has decided he must let Loki go if that’s what Loki truly wants, and so he withholds his own instinct for physical contact - which Loki gives back to him, however briefly, in Infinity War by knocking Thor out of the way of Thanos and the Tesseract, to say nothing of how all Thor can do when he arrives at Loki’s corpse is to mewl and cling and bury his head and wait for everything to explode, himself included.

In any case, the other 'fat jokes’ come from Rocket, well established as being caustic in the face of personal tragedy, and having been put in the position even back in Infinity War of sort of making sure Thor keeps going, and Rhodey, who is probably just trying to deal with all these new people hanging around, and the fact that all of the structure in his life pretty much has been upended in a really short amount of time. Regarding Frigga’s “eat a salad” remark, as his mom, she seems to understand how much his physicality comes into play for him, and how devastating it is for him to see how others react to him seeming both physically and emotionally diminished. This is why it’s so powerful for him to still be 'worthy’ of Mjolnir, I think, and why that moment book-ended Frigga’s admonishment. Likewise, we don’t get a suspiciously fast glow-up wherein Thor’s all muscley again. He has to hold his own against Thanos in his current form, and he fucking does. Sometimes, life happens, and you have to respond to it as you are because you don’t have the time or energy to get everything in order first, and so you do the best you can. IMO, Thor did a pretty fucking good job.

I also find it completely understandable that Thor went off with the Guardians at the end of the film. (P.S.: Peter Quill is still absolutely intimidated by Fat Thor.) For one thing, I don’t think he’s going to stop trying to find a way to bring Loki back, regardless of what Clint said about the Soul Stone’s magic not being able to be reversed. For another, Valkyrie deserves her own glow-up into becoming Queen of New Asgard, as much as Sam deserves to be the new Cap. I’m of the mindset that Steve likely wouldn’t have gone back in time to be with Peggy if Tony had lived, and that doing so was him honoring Tony’s legacy by taking the advice that he gives several times in the film to go and live life while you have it. Likewise, as sad as it is for Tony to have died, I’m not sure he would have been able to rest, post-Thanos. You also can’t tell me for a second he hasn’t left all sorts of little messages and trinkets and whatnot around for his loved ones to find, cough AI Tony in Peter’s next suit or something cough.

Overall, I thought Endgame was a good send-off. It was well-acted, well-scripted, beautifully scored (Thor’s Pink Panther-esque theme when he’s trying to explain the Aether is amazeballs, as well as the theme that plays when everybody gets to the battlefield), and really just surprisingly, suspiciously good. I am glad that if we have to see this leg of the MCU end that it did so in such a way as to leave character arcs open to further interpretation, and I’m legitimately excited for a lot of them. While I don’t think everybody is required to be fake-positive all of the time, I do think that in fandom spaces, if one’s sole focus is how disappointing something is all the time, it’s not a productive or soul-enhancing use of one’s energy, and it makes me sad to see it. Nuance is important; the MCU has more of it than it’s given credit for having, and I hope more people realize that as it continues into Phase 4, or at the very least, that they find something they enjoy and keep coming along for the ride.

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S20 (Pt. 3)

I wonder if going after Karin’s Tsukuyomi bulb was happenstance or whether Tobirama went “I smell an Uzumaki” and had at it

“Just be quiet for a bit” How dare you speak to your father this way Sasuke, Kakashi does nothing but love you

“EVERYONE WILL OWN A DOG. GO GET A DOG, HOKAGE’S DECREE!“ you’ve got my vote, Kiba

Mirai as a baby is an absolute unit and I love it

Shikamaru, getting down on one knee in front of Temari: Will you not marry me?

You know what. All these dreams are extremely realistic. I buy it. A teenage boy would totally dream about kicking his friends’ asses for fun even if he had the opportunity to do anything in the world. 10/10 believability 

Sai dreams about being told he has a nice smile and being twirled around by Naruto my boooooy 😭😭😭😭😭😭

“[My Sasori transformer] will be the guardian deity of the Sand” Kankuro pls

Omg Temari’s dream is so cute she wants her little brothers to need her

God the fact Gaara’s dream is about having a happy childhood PICK UP THE PHONE RASA I JUST NEED TO TALK

“Madara, don’t you dare talk about the Uchiha. The only one who has that right, is my big brother.” But he did... murder them, Sasuke. That is a thing that happened. My dear. My dude. He done did it.  

Having read Itachi Shinden none of this should be shocking but FUGAKU REALLY YOUR SON IS FOUR WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

“Listen Itachi, never forget this sight” well he sure won’t now that you’ve given him CHILD PTSD FUGAKU

“We finally have peace, and we must do our best to maintain it” Hmmm.... must you, Fugaku? Is that a thing you must do?

“What is life, anyway?” Damn my existential dread didn’t kick in at least until I was in school, Itachi

Sasuke was such a weird-looking newborn I love him

I wonder how the English dub will deal with the mild implications of inc/est between Itachi and Izumi

Please Mikoto your son is like 6 why are you having him babysit

God I am so used to every version of Itachi having the voice of a grownass man that hearing a child-like voice even when he is 6 is almost off-putting lmao

Full offence Obito but why do you have to be such a little bitch

“Oh good, I knew that you’d be alright” HE’S 6 FUGAKU

Why is Naruto just sitting in a basket on top of his father’s grave??? Who let you do this? Hiruzen what is wrong with you??

“I’m glad that you didn’t die” an accurate representation of Itachi’s social skills at all ages

DFhsdjfhkdsjhfk I love that Itachi has accidentally become these kids’ leader 

AHHHHH I guess that’s Hana next to Itachi I wanna see the cat ninja and dog ninja fight 

“If the fighting can be stopped, I’d like to stop it” Shisui <3 

Itachi’s sweet tooth is so goddamn cute ahhhh what a little nerd

Hhgfkhjfhl SASUKE’S PAW ENCYCLOPEDIA THE PREQUEL THIS IS WHAT I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED

“I mean, [ladies] are clueless” “How dare you insult my woman” Turns out the alcohol this cat was drinking was Respect Women Juice

God I love Minazuki-sensei he’s such a mess

“No they blew away in the wind” guess Itachi hasn’t picked up his snitching tendencies yet lmao

Baby Sasuke has acquired a younger voice too I guess. It is real late in the game to be establishing these lmao

Obito. I’m. Stop???? Please. Is this how Kakashi felt during the war

God I love Shisui the tiny ninja detective they really have left off some of the cooler aspects of being a shinobi in all the wild and flashy jutsu like during the Land of Waves arc when Kakashi kept noticing relatively mundane clues

“Shisui picked up on how I felt right from the beginning” welcome to empathy Itachi

“I’ll hand this intel over to Lord Hokage, and he will deliver a just and fair judgment” I like this ANBU vs. ROOT dichotomy but bold of you to assume Hiruzen won’t ultimately let Danzo do whatever he wants lol

Damn what the shit how does Shisui know who the foundation already isn’t he like 12 

The animation of this arc is nice but also so weird they really did make Itachi and Shisui’s eyes like half of their face

These wholeass adults getting between by two prepubescents lmao 

“A teleportation jutsu has no mass” wait WHAT I have so many questions Shisui what does that MEAN 

“I want to you to think of me as your older brother” HELL YEAH HE DOES

Ffgdfkghkjh what an abrupt voice change between age 8 and 11 Itachi

How many times have they animated these same goddamn Itachi scenes 

Holy shit it’s like they tried to tell the story of the Itachi Shinden novels and then got bored halfway through gfkhgfkhgkjh

“I’m exhaAAAUsted from my mission” Itachi pls why say it like that

“You have the Mangekyo as well?” Fugaku had a friend???? Unrealistic. Blocked

THEY KIDNAPPED NARUTO??? I DON’T REMEMBER THIS IN ITACHI SHINDEN

Genjutsu but I don’t remember that either ?!?!?! Doesn’t Fugaku spend all of Itachi Shinden being emotionally distant and sending Itachi mixed moral messages

Who is the Fugaku hater on this storyboard staff lmao I’m crying

I have a lot of thoughts about this art direction honestly why is everything in the shadows why are the character models so weird why is Itachi suddenly outside in the lightning for his murder discussion meeting instead of inside the council room if you had to shout over lightning people could hear you 

“I challenge you to the high jump” “You’re no match for me” Sasuke you’re the most obnoxious seven-year-old in the world I love it

“There’s something that I’d like you to help me with” a very casual opener when you’re proposing the murder of your entire clan but okay

They really leaned into the horror movie aesthetic huh fair enough 

I have some objections to register about Izumi’s death like both options are weird but at least in Itachi Shinden she wasn’t humiliated by Obito begging for Itachi to save her she had a degree of awareness and it was an impactful if strange scene

FUCK THE TOBI VOICE I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT I’M WHEEZING

Cute new ED but also the idea of Tobirama giving anyone a fistbump amuses me immensely 

“Who would’ve thought that that scuzzy bearded jerk would’ve been able to use a taijutsu like that” RUDE but also ‘scuzzy’ jhfjghkjhfgj

Omg that’s so funny they literally gave the former owner of Zabuza’s blade the same voice

This doesn’t make any fucking sense how could Juzo have the executioner’s blade when Zabuza would be like 21 when Itachi was 13 oh my god 

“The Hidden Mist doesn’t keep any prisoners” unsurprising but interesting

Is this meant to imply that Juzo is killed and then Zabuza immediately finds the sword and starts a coup because that’s hilarious

Wait how does them fighting the Mizukage make any sense isn’t Yagura under Obito’s control lmao who wrote this

Did Itachi just.... accidentally cripple the Mizukage omg [Zabuza screams in the distance]

Hahahaha I know it’s supposed to be evil but it’s really funny that Kakuzu killed his partner for being too slow

“I wouldn’t know how to cater to your moods” kjfhgkdhfgjh Kakuzu just got wrecked by a thirteen-year-old LMAO 

“I’m not sure what to do with you... whether to kill you right now or find a way to use you” KILL OROCHIMARU, ITACHI, IT’S GONNA SAVE YOU A LOT OF TROUBLE 

Why the hell would Kabuto be hanging out near the Akatsuki anyway isn’t he in a long term infiltration of the Leaf Village lmao or can Orochimaru summon him like a snake

On what basis does Pain decide these partnerships did Kisame and Sasori take a babysitting course or smth

The cutaway without the “This... is art” scene is almost funnier because it implies Itachi just had to flash his eyes at Deidara and Deidara was like, “HELLO AKATSUKI I AM HERE”

“I wouldn’t mind giving you a taste of my art” [insert ninja sex joke about Deidara’s mouth hands here]

Deidara really should not be old enough to be here by this point in the narrative but this entire arc has been wacky timeline wise

Man it must be fucked up to fight a puppet version of your own corpse

“What I really wanted... was to get a hold of Itachi’s body” you are the definition of stranger danger Orochimaru

From what I remember the video games had Kakuzu and Orochimaru approaching Hidan and not Konan and Itachi but I’m game for any Orochimaru erasure lmao

 I’m pretty sure all of that blood was Hidan’s?? World-building whomst

“He licked Kakuzu’s blood” did he though?? Show me his wound Itachi

OMG they’re really heavy-handed with Leaf!Itachi as if we did not just watch a bunch of episodes of Itachi caring about his village like honestly look at this:

Kisame: So even you have feelings for your birthplace, is that it?

Itachi: No. Not at all. [Sasuke, I hope that you’re safe.] 

(Me too Itachi 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭)

“It’s been a long time... Saaasuke” could you say his name a little less weirdly please Itachi

You really can’t get mad at Kakashi for teaching Sasuke chidori Itachi like maybe if you would murder less people Kakashi would feel a little less overprotective

God was the only point of animating and voicing these scenes again so that Itachi could mentally apologize every twelve seconds? You know what fair enough, anxiety and depression be like that sometimes

“You still have people who’ll protect you” Oh plot twist Itachi was actually writing a “Nice” list instead of a “Naughty” list and Kakashi, Jiraiya and Naruto are all on it

Oh yeah I kind of forgot that this was all supposed to be like a 5 minute span for Sasuke’s flashback of Itachi’s entire life lmao

You know.... it’s real unclear to me how Obito wakes up from his trance lmao he may not be in a cocoon but he’s certainly exposed to the light

“Be careful. We’re surrounded on all sides by four of his shadows” “Yeah I know that” Yeah, Naruto knows it, but Sasuke’s warning where the Shadow Madaras are entirely for Kakashi and Sakura’s benefit BC HE WORRIES MY BABY BOYYYY

“This chakra is even way stronger than Ten-Tails” I really heard “Tenten” there and I was like, wait what did I miss with Tenten kfhkjhgkjhg

OH GOOD ANOTHER UCHIHA FLESH MOUNTAIN JUST WHAT WE NEEDED

“They’re turned into White Zetsu” I hate this nonsensical bit of world-building it made more sense and felt less weird when they were Hashirama clones like what the fuck

Oh I can’t believe this is making me feel almost bad for Madara did Zetsu really edit the Uchiha Stone Tablet’s Tsukuyomi section to say “Peace Plans” ain’t that how like the CIA entraps people 

“Hashirama... where did I go wrong” We’d need a lot more time than you have to unpack that Madara

“Countless nights passed” I mean. Was it countless nights. Because I think it was. A couple hours. This war arc spans like two days. I have spent more human hours on this arc than they’ve spent ninja hours in this war

“I can’t believe such a person existed” neither can I Sasuke it’s almost like she was invented specifically for this arc

For real Obito no offence but like why aren’t you dead it just doesn’t make much sense khkjfdhkjhgkjh

Hmmm not 2 be that gal but Kaguya’s voice is v pleasant on the ears 

“Sorry to be so rough with you, Obito” Kakashi. You loving, kind, dumb bitch. He stabbed you THREE TIMES in the past two days you really owe him like -1000 apologies

“This is also one of those times where your body just moves on its own” SASUKE CALLED OUT FOR LOVING HIS COMRADES

“I’ve got to get to Naruto” I love your dedication Minato but I feel as though the loss of both of your arms makes helping more difficult

Kakashi is not NEARLY as surprised about this levitation thing as he should be. I think as this point he’s just like. ‘This might as well happen’

All other things aside Kaguya’s really fun to look at damn

Okay okay okay not to look for too much logic in this ninja show but don’t both Naruto and Sasuke have Six Paths chakra why can only Naruto float is a metaphor for Sasuke’s fall from grace

“I am Kaguya’s child” I can only imagine a Game of Thrones-eque shadow flying out the hooha situation

“Just before the seal took hold, she gave birth to me, in order that she could be restored” I can only assume Kaguya fucked Bitterness and Regret and you know.... fair enough

I gotta tell you Zetsu being the primary narrator of this arc is jarring

Tenji seems kinda nice it’s a shame something terrible will probably happen to him

Say what you will about SP’s animation inconsistencies they can animate some beautiful-ass skies

“Is there anything that you desire” Get u a man like Tenji

Fellas is it gay to sit under the stars with your handmaiden who adores you in comfortable silence

“Even now you’re not scared. That just makes me like you more” take a shot every time a man is Like That (bah dum tss) 

“Do Not Touch Me,” wow Kaguya mood

I will clarify I said that BEFORE she exploded the men gkhkjfhgkhh

Tenji, that Aino lady is your subordinate are you really gonna leave her with the creepy That man u are not the man I thought you were

“Just tell him, and I’m sure that Lord Tenji will forgive you” to be fair Aino you could’ve elaborated u were just like ‘yup she killed them’ and left it at that

WOW I RESCIND ALL COMPLIMENTS TO TENJI CALM DOWN DUDE

When life gives u lemons use people as fertilizer for ur infinite lemon tree I guess

Are you telling me 1) Gamamaru has existed since the DAWN OF CHAKRA and 2) He knew all about this Tsukuyomi shit just like. Kept it on the DL. WHAT KINDA WORLD-BUILDING

Okay but for real did the Otsutsuki clan stem like.... all the clans, because there’s the Kaguya clan (through Hamura I guess?), and the Hyuga clan definitely through Hamura, and then the Senju, Uchiha, and Uzumaki through Hagoromo like just how many people did your kids sleep with and for that matter how long ago was this

“A real talking toad! Think people would like it if we caught it and took it home?” Why are Hagoromo and Hamura the cutest things in the world this is the sibling content we deserve

“You’re just a snake oil salesman, and not a very good one” oh I think I love Hamura oh no I would love a character who gets stuck on the moon 

Take a shot every time a woman exists to die and make a man sad 

“She fell in love with the ruler of this land and in time she became pregnant with the two of you” notice that at no point does Gamamaru say they got married can u believe Kaguya invented premarital sex

You know none of this goes against mine and Sloane’s Kagumo theory

“How can you see so far into a toad’s heart that clearly” Gamamaru and Hagoromo’s interactions are killing me

How much time has passed for Hamura’s hair to grow that long

Hamura @ Kaguya: BROTHERS BEFORE MOTHERS

HOW MUCH TIME HAS PASSED FOR HAGOROMO TO DEVELOP THIS BROW RIDGE SAGE LAND TAKES A TOLL 

Tenji doesn’t even appear in this flashback about love and betrayal it’s just Kaguya being bitter bc her gal Aino died they were in lesbians together

Every so often I’m reminded that Kishimoto has a twin brother and I wonder what he thinks about making the twins fight

“You enabled me to awaken the mangekyo sharingan and rinnegan” how do u even have words for those things. Didn’t they just happen right this moment

Wow this is all very Little Shop of Horrors, Momma feeds the tree with people juice and in turn it wants to protect her from harm

“I split the Ten Tails into nine souls” SOULS? HAGOROMO CAN... JUST MAKE SOULS. COULD HE POINT AT GAMAMARU AND SAY “YOU ARE TWO FROGS NOW” AND THAT’D JUST BE TRUE?

“We won’t be that far apart,” said Hagoromo, just as his brother was about to teleport to the moon

Side note: Maybe ur crops were failing bc without the moon the tides are all out of whack and you know, the moon was apparently just invented right now

“Time passed, and so did Hagoromo” I love this particular literary device

“Time after time I’d approach the reincarnates of Indra and Ashura” okay so we’re supposed to be down for not only regular reincarnation in Naruto but Indra and Ashura ONLY BEING BORN TO THE SENJU AND UCHIHA CLANS REPEATEDLY WHAT WHO WROTE THIS

Does this mean that people Naruto and Sasuke every 50 years????You’d think the Land of Fire would just. Get used to it

“Just with that alone, a thousands years passed” well at least we have some idea of how much time it’s been since Kaguya era lmao 

Ur telling me that this horseshit happened bc Tobirama doesn’t know to leave dead bodies well enough alone

SHHHHH I PREFER THE ZETSU BEING WEIRD HASHIRAMA CLONES

This montage of Zetsu taking credit for everything Madara and Obito did is not appreciated lmao take some responsibility for your actions!!!!

I’m gonna keep harping on this for the rest of the war honestly like where is the ACCOUNTABILITY

“So your teen rebellion continues” LMAO UR NOT WRONG

“I know that this could be our last hurrah, but we gotta give it our best shot” not much of a plan Naruto sweetheart but fair

Tag urself I’m Kakashi’s look of despair at his hormonal students

“And Sasuke? Sorry that my sexy jutsu didn’t work” I was not prepared for the sincerity with which that line was delivered

The Sad Old Man™ energy radiating off Obito is... Immense 

“We’re all ready to die” R U THINKING OF RIN BC SHE WAS READY TO DIE OR BC UR READY TO SEE HER EITHER WAY IT’S SAD KAKASHI

“I want to thank you for helping me out. And for helping Sasuke” “No, there’s no need to thank me” this is the first time Obito has been right about something since the age of 13

“I’m not going to waste time on speeches,” said Obito, in the middle of a dramatic speech 

Minato..... how did you chop the branch.... with no hands to pick up a kunai???????? What kind of yoga contortion was involved

What I imagine the subtext of this scene to be:

Hagoromo: New old son!!!! I am dad now

Hashirama, whose dad was Butsuma: [choking back tears] Okay

Tobirama: I also hate our father

They’re all taking to this “demi-god pops out of the bottom half of dead ex-comrade” thing pretty well but to be fair they’ve had a complicated day

[amethystunarmed]

Who Could Blame Him?

Relationships: Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou, implied Todoroki Shouto/Midoryia Izuku

Word Count: 1649

AO3 Link

Todoroki and Kirishima have an important talk about what happened.

Set after the summer camp attack. 

Part 1 Part 2 (You’re here) Part 3 

Kirishima was pretty sure the villain attack on their summer training camp was the worst night of his life. It felt unfair to say. Jirou and Hagakure were still unconscious in the emergency room. Tetsutetsu had been shot. Tokoyami had been taken over by his literal inner demon. Shoji had his goddamn arm ripped off. And Bakugou was…

Well.

All in all, Kirishima had it easy. He’d started the night with Aizawa and Kan. He’d nearly been blown up, sure, but he’d always been with others, always been protected. He’d been absolutely fine. But still, there’d been a moment.

The other students who’d been in the thick of fight returned and Kirishima had spotted Midoriya and Todoroki. They standing so closed their hands were nearly intertwined, Todoroki staring at Midoriya liked he’d pass out any minute. Midoriya had looked like he’d gone through a garbage disposal but Kirishima only saw the tear tracks down his cheeks. Todoroki was battered black and blue, residual ice still crusted in his hair, but Kirishima only saw the dead expression, the  wide, haunted eyes. And he remembered what that villain had said to Kan.

You’re so weak, you couldn’t even stop a criminal organization from abducting your students.

He’d run forward, despite Kaminari and Aizawa, in remarkably different tones, telling him to stay back. He’d run forward, deliriously tired from his god awful classes, pumped up to his eyeballs with adrenaline. He’d run forward, and he’d asked, whispered, shouted, he wasn’t sure, where’s Bakugou? And Midoriya’s face flooded with tears and Todoroki diligently studied the dirt and Kirishima had known. He’d known and his legs gave out and maybe he screamed, and that was it.

That was the moment he was sure he was dying.

And then Sero and Kaminari ran over and Sero hugged him until he stopped shaking and Kaminari counted breaths for him, until he couldn’t remember that only hours before he had still been a little mad at them, until the paramedics ran over and wrapped a blanket, until his body was no longer certain he was about to drop dead.

No, he wasn’t dying.

But Bakugou could be.

And so now, he was lying awake in his bed that was too big and too cold, with only that thought in his head.

It’s three am. His eyes hurt and he is starting to see colorful patterns float by when he stared at the ceiling too long. But when he closes his eyes, he sees Midoriya sobbing, smells the faint smoke and whiffs of sickly sweet gas. It’s unbearable. Kirishima is contemplating ripping his pillow apart with his bare hands, just for something to do, when his phone buzzes. What the fuck? Kirishima thinks with a frown. Who is texting me at three in the morning? He goes to pick it up, and pauses. Possibilities flood his head. Did they find Bakugou? Did he get free? Was his body dumped in an alley? Is it Bakugou himself, replying to the legion of unanswered texts he’d sent every time he felt like he was going to implode? Is he shouting at him, asking how dare he worry? Is he... grateful? Kirishima shakes his head. No, probably not that one. He grits his teeth. The pressure, the possibility of what could be on his phone was so monumental, Kirishima honestly considers just rolling over and pretending it didn’t happen.

Then it buzzes again.

“Fuck it,” he mutters, and grabs it. When he turns it over and reads who the messages were from, he nearly drops it in shock. 2 messages from Todoroki Shouto.

I hope you’re doing well after the attack. I’m sorry for what occurred.

Well, that’s vague. He texts like a goddamn dictionary, Kirishima thinks. He isn’t sure why he expected anything less. The next text had come in a minute later.

I just now realized the late hour. My apologies if I disturbed you.

Kirishima unlocks his phone. The second one is easy enough to reply to.

no worries i was already up

Sent.

and wtf you sorry for?

Todoroki responds immediately.

I was unable to protect Bakugou. I’m sorry.

Kirishima isn’t entirely sure what the fuck he was thinking, his hands reacted without his consent. He clicks through to Todoroki’s contact information, hits the call button, and the phone is at his ear. It rings four times before Todoroki answers. The connection clicks and before Todoroki could even say anything, Kirishima speaks.

“Dude, none of that shit was your fault, don’t even think about going down that path, okay?” There was silence on the other line.

“You called?” He sounds so surprised. Kirishima really hadn’t expect that to be his reaction.

“Uh, yeah?” He replies, for lack of a better thought.

“I… I haven’t…” Kirishima remembers the icy boy from the first few weeks of classes, before the sports festival. The decree that he wasn’t here to make friends. Kirishima had honest to God thought his personality was affected by his quirk, and he was just gonna be an ice cold bastard as a result. Then the festival happened. Yes, the Todoroki they knew now had thawed, but only after Midoriya’s strange and desperate pleas during their match. Even now, he remained on the fringes, and Kirishima had thought that had been by choice but now...

Has Todoroki ever had a friend call him?

Oh, we’re gonna be such good friends after this, Kirishima decides.

“No pressure,” he assures him, “If it stresses you out we can go back to texting.”

“No, this is… fine.” Well, at least Kirishima hadn’t scared him off.

“Okay, cool. But I still mean what I said. What happened to Bakugou isn’t your fault.”

“If I had convinced him to leave–”

Kirishima snorts. “Like anyone can make Bakugou do anything he doesn’t want to.” There’s silence again, but it’s different this time. Kirishima could nearly feel the words clink together as Todoroki strung them along like necklace beads.

“I should have grabbed him. I was a centimeter away. I’m the reason he’s not here.” He says it like an admission, a confession of his guilt. There’s jostling, like his hands are shaking. Though his voice was steady, he’s waiting to be yelled at, Kirishima is certain of it.

“I’m sorry,” Kirishima answers softly, “That really sucks.” Todoroki takes a shocked breath, but Kirishima keeps going. He ‘s firmer now. This feels important in a way he doesn’t quite understand, but nevertheless respects. “It’s fucking awful, everything that happened to you guys. It sucks that you had to watch him get taken. But it wasn’t. Your. Fault.” Kirishima stops and takes a shaky breath. Thank god Todoroki can’t see his face. “It feels like it though, huh. Which is probably why you’re still awake, yeah?”

“Part of it. I… I still see it, sometimes. I had a ni–” He cuts himself off. “Dream. And now…”

“I get it.” He would have to fall asleep for nightmares, but the point is similar enough. Kirishima figures it wouldn’t be good to mention that Todoroki’s stricken face is one of the things that haunts him. Then again, Kirishima did have a full blown meltdown at his feet so they were probably even.

“It must not be easy for you either,” Todoroki says in a tone neither self-deprecating nor pitying, and Kirishima appreciates it. His parents have been driving him crazy, looking at him with mournful eyes, like they expect him to crumble to pieces. Todoroki, on the other hand, just says it as an acknowledgment, which Kirishima had apparently greatly needed. “It was hard enough remembering how Midoriya looked when he met up with us, and I know where he is. I can’t imagine…” It’s a damn shame they’re having a serious conversation, because Kirishima absolutely would tease him about that little admission in another context. Instead, he is just reminded of the empty space in his bed.

“Yeah,” Kirishima says, and if his voice cracks, Todoroki doesn’t say anything about it. “Yeah.”

“Is that why you’re having trouble sleeping? Bakugou's absence?” It's a plain ask, without implications. Harmless, and Kirishima chuckles at it. It’s a wet sound, strangled. His throat tightens.

“You know about that?”

“The pictures are in the class groupchat.” Kirishima is well aware. He saved a copy to his phone.

“Yeah, obviously, but…” Kirishima trails off, because he honestly didn’t know what to call it. “The other part, I mean.” Todoroki thinks for a moment.

“It was obvious it was something the two of you did often,” he muses, “And Bakugou wouldn’t do something like that publicly unless he felt he had reason to, so, I figured…”

“You got it,” Kirishima sniffles. He furiously rubs his face on his sleeve, even though no one is here to see his tears. “Fuck.” The word has too much emotion in it, but still not enough. He feel like he’s drowning.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

Kirishima did get to laugh at that. He can’t believe he ever thought Todoroki was mean. It feels impossible. “Stop apologizing, man,” he chuckled, even as more tears fell. “I probably needed to get this out anyways. I just– Fuck, it’s so stupid, but I miss him. Like, it’s been two days, but I’m so used to him being here and I don’t know if I’m ever gonna get to stop missing him? If that makes any sense? Fuck…” He runs a hand through his hair. “Like I said, it’s stupid.”

“I think,” Todoroki says, with the care of studying a snowflake fractal, “that doesn’t sound stupid at all.”

And if Kirishima breaks down at that, can anyone really blame him?

Eventually he stops crying, and he and Todoroki share good nights. And though he acts it, he isn’t surprised to see him at the hospital the next day.

He’s even less surprised when they leave with a plan.

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi Meat, p5 reaction

Meat Page 5.

We might be due another perspective switch - unless the plot stays with John until he's assembled all his friends.

When John goes to pick up Rose, it’ll probably be on LOLAR. Terezi might still be there, if she hasn’t gone clownhunting just yet.

If so, perhaps we’ll get to see whether Rose ‘n Terezi’s migraine was really due to the substance abuse + caleidoscopic colours of LOLAR + glitches… Or whether it was due to the GO timeline “supposed to” have gone differently, with John’s current retcon being the thing missing to happen. It takes a bit of effort, remembering what everyone was exactly up to on this part of the GO timeline and what would be a fortunate time for John to take it off the rails. For Kanaya, that might very well be the moment Jane set up her literal shop on LOFAF, selling her all those blood potions, for instance.

For Dirk, it might be before his conversation with Arquiusprite.

I'm getting the feeling that John might be jumping to exactly those moments in the scenes where the characters were at their lowest, self-esteem wise. Giving them a literal second breath. ;)

Not sure what we can expect from the ghost side of things though. I think they might not be duplicated, leading us to meet up with (Vriska) as we knew her, punk cut and all. Even though GO Terezi's ghost will be there with her too.

I'm half convinced Calliope will get copied somehow, but not entirely sure. The only 'real' duplicate Calliope had already, besides Alt Calliope, was her dreamself. He could snatch the body, but I was under the impression Caliborn consumed it in a literal sense to establish his dominance over the body.

Meanwhile, it occurred to me to that Andrew Hussie (the author avator) will make a comeback, probably a background cameo. I've only now realized that he's a literal ghost writer of his own story right now, in-canon. While outside of canon, he’s more becoming like Stan Lee, executive producing stories using characters he designed.

Anyway, let's start this up.

---

"The stands of the Cantown Memorial Arena" Okay, my first thought was this takes place on the meteor, but yeah, it's a building named presumably after the literal Cantown WV build in his station, back on Earth. Or the Exile Town that Bec Noir massacred. Though, does this indicate a perspective switch back to Roxy... Or is the CMA where Rumble in the Pumpkin Patch is recorded? Probably the latter, meaning the perspective is switching back to Dave! Uh, the alpha version, I guess I should call him? Post-canon, adult Dave?

"His shit eating was so brutal that no one, except maybe Jake, cares that he’s taking a phone call in the middle of a live broadcast." So, was it staged, or did Jake really get a power boost, coming into his role as the Page?

Also, I feel like if Karkat's run for president gets announced by Dave on live television, "and the crowd goes wild" will apply here.

"Dave takes a seat on the couch, right in Karkat’s butt groove." Okay, so he's not going just yet. ... Karkat's butt groove is available because the latter absconded the fuck out last we saw him, hahah.

"a piece of absolute garbage." Callback secured.

"DAVE: while the beatdown you just received was as thorough as it was humiliating im afraid as usual the solution to this problem should probably not involve your decapitation" While Dirk might be the one to keep this beaten dead horse of an in-joke going, Dave isn't going to be the one to cut its head off and end its misery. :P

"DAVE: jake just kicked your ass DAVE: thats really all there is to say on the matter" AWWWWW yessss, hahahahah. Dirk's laid down, on the ground, on his smartphone, just like Dave was after his beatdown by Bro. Awesome callback.

"DAVE: its really amazing how this meme we have going here continues to be exactly as funny as the day it was established DIRK: Isn’t it always though? DAVE: yeah" That's Strider Irony at its finest for you. You never can be entirely sure non-sincerity is what's taking place here.

" DAVE: how DID you get your ass kicked so bad DAVE: jake sucks and his raps are fucking awful" Oh, scratch that thing about his power level, then. ... The rapbots didn't join in to beat Dirk down, did they? ... Though I would like to see either them or their zilly versions again. :P

"

On the TV, Dirk makes an elegant hand sign that once might have represented solidarity with some ancient coastal rap group but now has been utterly divorced from its cultural context here on Earth C." Is it a sign associated with... the ICP? Yes, I guess whatever 'references' the kids make get picked up as divine decree...

"The camera pans away from him and over the crowd. It zooms in on a young crocodile wearing an oversized T-shirt with Jake’s highly marketable ass plastered over it and the phrase “Tally ho” written in big bubble letters." ... including stuff that was already dated when the gods were still actual kids. (By which I mean the phrase, not Jake's marketable ass.)

"DIRK: Holding back a little to achieve certain results doesn’t necessarily mean you’re participating in a farce or rigging the event. DIRK: We do this all the time. We hold back our thoughts, our true feelings, our full potential. We disguise how much we know about what and when, for many purposes. To ease relations, to let others behave naturally and make up their minds without undue intervention. To wait for the right moments to show our hands, to pick our battles. " Dirk is still overthinking things. :P He's also still a schemer, even though he's grown more mature. I think in this case, he might be trying to keep up Jake's taste for adventure and hone his skills? That might be related to the fact that he's one of the few in the know of what John is up to (also a thing he's withholding right now), and he might be trying to get Jake battle-ready in case he needs to be. ... In case he doesn't believe they'll stay irrelevant to the plot.

"DAVE: my dog you are full of some SHIT today arent you DIRK: Absolutely." It's a good thing Dave can see Dirk typing, otherwise I might have asked whether Dirk may have reinstated an autoresponder to answer when he's busy. :P

"DIRK: And when it comes to theater, there are just as many reasons for restraint. To build tension. To set the stage. To give the people someone to root against." Okay, that's actually kind of meta. Also, in-story, it might mean Dirk is deliberately trying to come off as weaker, to get people to boo at Jake so he can play hero?

"DAVE: i can see you on tv DAVE: theyre booing you dude" Okay, never mind.

"The excitable salamander manning the camera switches to a fish-eye lens for some unfathomable reason, giving the whole exchange an air of demented absurdity. Dirk’s sunglasses distort and stretch to dominate the entire screen." I'm all here for NPC races doing menial labor half-way competently. :P Also, I feel like there should be some sort of visual callback to that image of Dirk's sunglasses. Something to do with the black hole from Problem Sleuth expanding to suck the entire universe up, which was reflected in the Stiller shades, and the event in itself is being called back to now, in the Black Hole sucking up the Furthest Ring!

"JAKE: What about the agitated rabble? Theyre starting to throw things. DIRK: I don’t know. Do a dance or something. Sing a song. DIRK: They love anything you do. JAKE: Ummm. JAKE: Ok sounds stupid but ill try." Using Jake's charisma as crowd control? Dirk, you beautiful mastermind.

"Jake tips an imaginary hat toward center stage and begins doing the Charleston." Hah, right, this might be a callback to that other Page dancing old-time dances, hahah, Tavros after he assembled the ghost army.

"Just as Dirk predicted, the crowd immediately loses its shit, except for a single carapacian in the front row, who continues to glower at Dirk with an expression of absolute and total contempt." If Jack hadn't remained in the session, I would've designated this guy as his great-whatever-grandchild.

"DAVE: why do you want people to hate you so much DAVE: its fucked up DIRK: You’re reading way too much into it." I don't necessarily believe that.

"DIRK: If I wanted another round of embarrassingly indulgent and mutually masturbatory psychoanalysis, I would have called my daughter instead. DAVE: hm DAVE: do i need to point out how fucking weird what you just said was or can that start going without saying at this point" This. This is Homestuck. This entire exchange.

" DIRK: The point is, playing myself up as a villain figure in this hacky rap pageant has nothing to do with getting people to dislike me. Besides, everyone loves a good villain. When they boo, they don’t really mean it." That has me thinking of Thog, a villain from Order of the Stick, actually. But yeah, Caliborn, Condy and others were really good villains. Doesn't mean we didn't mean it when we cursed them, though.

"DIRK: I think you’d be surprised by how popular I actually am. DAVE: i dunno man" At some point, playing the villain stops being a role, if you're too thorough in antagonizing the crowd. Dirk may have gone overboard here - in his role in the pageant I mean, I don't think anyone loves their god any less. Just one more way to show that, victory state or not, their original issues still come into play and challenge them to grow.

"DIRK: The point is, this is much less about me, and more about providing a foil for Jake’s heroism and charisma. DIRK: It’s very important that his popularity continues to be cultivated, to maximize his political capital. DAVE: political capital" ... Oooooh! Thinking three steps ahead of everyone again, nice going Dirk! I think Dirk might even have foreseen Dave rallying Karkat to stand against Jane, but I wonder which side he'll be choosing!

" DAVE: what the fuck are... DAVE: ok how long have you known about the jane thing DAVE: i mean is this something you have been planning for like DAVE: a long time or DIRK: Planning is such an intense word." Oh, he's trying to pull the strings again, is he? What game is he playing then, what policies does he want to instate, if any? ... Is Dirk a supposed xenophone too, or just playing to the tune of the largest group of swing voters?

" DAVE: jane is a shitty candidate dude DAVE: shes going to be so shitty DIRK: I thought you’d feel that way." ... Pfff I just realized Dirk wasn't typing, since this was a phone call. He's saying this all out loud! Typing's the old way of conversation, we discarded it for the most part, everyone has their Gift of Gab now. Well, hopefully at least Dave's part isn't being recorded and broadcast.

"DIRK: I respectfully disagree. DAVE: i get shes a good friend of yours and all but even you have to admit how far up her own ass she is DIRK: Of course. I consider it to be among her best qualifications for the job." Dirk might just be thinking: a self-absorbed candidate won't notice being pulled around. Even though she's, you know, his dear friend and all, he's still planning on manipulating her. :/ Old habits and such.

"DAVE: christ DAVE: ok if nothing else have you at least taken into account the DEVASTATION to the economy this will cause???" Strider Irony(tm).

"DIRK: Dave, I think if you search your soul, you’ll come to the same conclusion I have. Jane is just what this planet needs. DIRK: We’ve all had our fun here, but it’s easy to overlook the fact that civilization on Earth C is hardly a sustainable proposition. DIRK: Just beneath the surface, it’s quite a dangerous and unstable place." Oh, cool, so Dirk was acting on the same things Dave noticed, just having drawn different conclusions. Guess there's more to playing god as a winner of Sburb than sitting on your butt all day long, huh?

"DAVE: i know that DAVE: which is why actually i think it would be cool to have a president that is good instead of bad DIRK: He’s not as great as you think. DAVE: what" See, I know Dirk'll say Karkat, but I kind of wish he'd say Obama. :P

"DAVE: who DAVE: obama?? DAVE: how dare you" XD PFFFFFffffhah, okay, should've seen that coming.

"DIRK: I’m happy for both of you, really. It’s nice that you encourage and support each other in this way. But you’re sending him on a fool’s errand which can only end badly." Like, I understand where Dirk's coming from, we know how unbalanced Karkat is at his worst. But Dirk's seems to be the conservatist route, while the current status quo is so unbalanced someone with at least a little liberal thinking should try changing policy, little by little. ... Okay now Homestuck has me doing political discourse. Hussieeeeeeee! ... Why am I now picturing a Homestuck AU about the climate change truant student marches of Europe?

"DAVE: wait DAVE: how do you even know hes entering the race DAVE: we like just decided this DIRK: A competent political operative has his ways. DIRK: Besides, it was always pretty obvious to me you’d react this way the moment the announcement was made." Okay, not ruling out entirely Dirk has something spying on Dave, but that would verge too much on what Bro would've done in his place. He probably just cold-mindedly assessed his potential response.

"DAVE: cause if youve already got jake on your side then i guess we might as well just fucking quit DIRK: I wouldn’t worry about that. DIRK: He and I don’t quite have the rapport we once did. DIRK: He’s “over me” and doesn’t spare opportunities to make ostentatious demonstration of this claim. DAVE: um DIRK: Basically he doesn’t like being told what to do. Especially not by me." Cool, okay, so... Jake is needy in his own way, in showing he can fend for himself, at least that's how Dirk sees it. Guess they still hang out a lot though, just no longer "like that". That must be a letdown for the shippers, but a boon for the people that felt betrayed at seeing Dirk & Jake back together in the Credits. I like that middle road, actually! And hey, the versions of Jake & Dirk in the New Game Plus timeline, or whatever we should call it, are still fair game!

"DIRK: So it’s fair to say as of now, he’s still fully in play. DIRK: Not that I should be encouraging you, really. DAVE: you are one doubletalking son of a bitch you know that DAVE: i cant tell if you dont want us to run or are reverse psychology mindfucking us into running" Very true, that. Why would he share the truth about Jake if he wants to win, unless he wants fair competition? Best not to dwell on it too long on this neverending stairway of hidden intentions, lest we fall down it.

" DAVE: not like i can just stand around and wait for president crocker to like DAVE: write fucking grammar laws into the constitution" Pfffff, yes, I had forgotten about Jane's grammar practices, hahah. Guess she has a good running mate in Dirk for that, at least, capitalization and everything in order when he's not rapping.

"DIRK: Sorry to cut this short, but diapers are starting to come down pretty hard right now, and some of them haven’t even had their babies removed. DAVE: what" what. I hope it's at least consort babies, they're arguably the most resilient, as semi-sapient animals.

"DIRK: That was a joke." Ah.

"Jake can’t help but watch the motion, raking his eyes over the muscles shifting beneath the skin of Dirk’s neck and arms.

There is something implacably magnificent about Dirk Strider, Jake thinks, untamed like a wild game beast of incredible size and strength." ... Well then! I didn't think the narration would offer us this view from the perspective of Jake, thought it would be reseverd for John! Not entirely sure how I feel about the privilege of seeing Jake pine for Dirk, though. :P At least it clarifies where the allure is in it, for him. It's an extension of his taste for adventure and his upbringing on an island full of terribly powerful beasts.

"Of course, their history together is never far from Jake’s mind, however many years it’s been since their last tussle of an amorous nature. The old dramas and triumphs in the days of Sburb. Dirk’s companionship has been taxing to the heart, to say the least, and yet he’s taught Jake so much—about combat, philosophy, life, love." Okay, that is just such a Jake thing to phrase it like this. I'm glad we get to see he's not so oblivious or un-elloquent in his mind as he presents himself to the outside world, consciously or not.

"But sometimes, despite their checkered and problematic past, Jakes wishes that he could seize Dirk by the proverbial horns and wrest him bodily into becoming a much more agreeable fellow." Heheh, so Jake actually would like to impose on Dirk some manners. At least with him it stays with desires, while Dirk really did try to impose on Jake when they were together.

"DIRK: How about you kick off the next round? DIRK: I bet this crowd will settle its shit right down the moment you drop the latest rhymes you’ve been tinkering with." This is going to be painful to read, isn't it? ... If we're going to read them at all. ... I swear, this might just lead into them having "the xest rapoff in the history of Earth C".

"Jake’s face lights up. He composes himself, adjusting a bow tie, although he is not wearing one, and making a vague gesture like he’s twirling one end of that mustache Dirk has not yet let him grow. Dirk lets him go with a gentle smile, like the sort you’d give to a dog for performing a trick adequately. Jake responds to the signal like an Olympic athlete hearing the starter pistol. He was born for this." All the best and worst aspects of Dirk & Jake as a couple are basically summarized here. I mean, Dirk is not even WITH Jake and vetoes some of his choices. Then again, Jake really does have TERRIBLE (but hilarious) taste in mannerisms.

"JAKE: Tally ho its me, jake mcgee! JAKE: Popping my pistols off, two shots and a kiss JAKE: My aim is tops, i never miss" ... I'm not disappointed, this really IS almost physically painful to read, as expected.

... Okay that was actually a very amazing rap. Well thought out, good use of the vocabulary, dated though it is. I liked "jake-eng's" and "jape-slings" in particular, especially since that was what Vriska dismissed him as, a joke, a jape.

"The crowd, as Dirk rightly predicted, has settled its shit right down. This is not due to any accidental brilliance on the part of Jake English, but rather due to an abashed but loyal brand of pity, the kind a devoted fan cannot help but feel when they see a beloved celebrity make an ass out of themselves during a live broadcast they have waited two and a half years in line to buy a ticket for." I think this might be Dirk's POV. Not everyone's tastes in rap are as dignified as his, after all. :P Consorts in particular might love this. Then again, we saw John embarass carapacians not too long ago, they're not immune to pitying people. But hey, on the brightside, maybe some of the audience <>'s Jake now. :P

"Dirk’s phone begins going off again." Unless it's something more ominous, this is probably Dave having the last quip.

"With a casual flick of his wrist, Dirk snaps out a bright red tranquilizer handgun and shoots Jake in the neck. Jake’s glasses crack when he hits the mat. A chorus of boos rises up from the crowd like groundwater. Dirk artfully dodges a bucket of obscene troll fluid to field yet another very important personal call." ... Did Dirk actually use a Crockertech tranquilizer on his co-god? What the hell, Dirk? Guess all is fair in the ring.

And I suppose it's not Dave then that is calling him this time, if he takes such drastic measures.

"DIRK: Yo Rose, what's up?" Oooh, if we get to see this, that would be early we get to see Rose again! Dirk and Rose'll probably be planning their next move now that John has left. (Which I take Rose to already know about, through her Seer powers, or a call with Roxy.) ... Maybe some of their plans only could have worked IF John left, if they wanted to regain some measure of relevance through them.

[irtermillro1989-blog]

I replied to someone else about this already, but I actually really it was Somi choice to debut solo, and that what led her to leave JYP. Looking at all the post IOI girls success, Chungha really has done the best on her own, opposed to all the groups that might be doing okay, but haven really blown up. This entire time people have been discussing how the next JYP group is just going to be Somi and the girls and I can understand why she might not want to go the girl group route for a second (third if you count Unnies) time and get to just do her own thing. Hey dude. I have OCD with an obsession with sinfulness (in general, not particular like yours). If you able to try therapy specifically cognitive behavioural therapy it can really help you. If male baldness were inherited from your mother genes, then looking at your mom dad would absolutely be the best way of predicting your own baldness. It would presumably be a recessive X linked trait. In other words, if the grandfather was bald, then he has the bald allele and passed on that X chromosome to his daughter (your mom). It accurate in that it about dehumanization. The fact that we have whole classes of people (like downies) who feel they have to justify their mere existence is kinda fucked up, and it something we should gotten past already as a society. As prenatal screening becomes more sophisticated and gives us more detailed information, the ethical implications of free abortion will be more apparent, as we on a collective level actively decree which lives are worth living and which aren The fact that it practically a form of eugenics doesn bother people mainly because it decontextualized.. She said it was glossy without being sticky which sounded great for me. So I bought it and I love this primer as well I can finally achieve an uncomfortably wet look. It glass skin in a tube. She wants snap of the finger weight loss 태안출장샵 and when it doesn't work, because obviously it won't, it's the app that's at fault. She says she's losing up to two pounds a week then she'll hit a plateau. I will say her gaining has slowed down some so that could be a result of her dieting. The cops are our buddies. I in a small town and am on first name basis with them. We are a huge revenue stream for the city. We forget that people treasure us for so much more than just our appearance and suddenly, we feel a lot less valuable. Nobody should feel pressure to look a certain way just to feel happy or wanted. Beauty in the media is portrayed as one stereotype, 태안출장샵 bracketing off the perfect man or woman. The major cause of wrinkles is sun exposure (about 70 percent), and genetics can play a role as well. So we focus on moisturizers instead of sun protection. I think there are some good moisturizers, but it's a myth to think that they can get rid of wrinkles. They replied that my mistake is not knowing that many black people in the US look like that because they underwent heavy mixing with europeans. So apparently my mistake at saying he looks mixed and not black is that many "black" americans look like him because they are in fact not black, but highly mixed with white. I think you can see the issue we latin americans (in diverse countries who see racial mixing as a gradient) have with those from the US where mixed people are not recognized and shoved into one group by all of society, even themselves.

[vulpes-nothus]

Comms//:begin_rant

Actions should have consequences. Simple, obvious, and something gamers (especially D&D nerds) completely get wrong in implementation. And nothing makes this more obvious than the shop keep scenario.

All three of these are common arguments against the common solution of just having secret level 20 characters everywhere, and they miss the point of why that is stupid, and worse they add more stupid.

"Too powerful to waste time as a shop keep." Wrong and dumb. If a powerful person wants to start a shop for fun, there is really nothing to stop them. I mean, if you got a guy with more money than god, thirty confirmed dragon kills, and enough arms and armor to wipe out the local guard, you ain't telling them no if they walk into town hall and ask for permits to build a Ye Olde Seven & Eleven. Fuck, that is actually the problem with starting a business now: you need to have power, connections, resources, and the ability to bully authorities into catering to your whims to even consider starting a business.

"NPCs can't gain levels." Provably wrong. There are guards, soldiers, elite soldiers, captains, and knights listed as NPCs. There must clearly be some kind of progression going on. Similar thing with acolyte to high priest, mage to watch mage, thief to bandit captain, etc.

"Crazy and willing to blow the town up." Just... How? Why? That level of callous disregard is not common enough to be a reliable response while presenting a believable world. You can't have both. It would have to be either everyone is a homicidal asshole willing to self destruct (and thus no point in talking to anyone ever) or it would have to be a rare one-off guy that the party will likely never talk to again.

And why level 20 shop keeps to begin with? Because the players might be rude to one guy to try and get free stuff? And actions must have consequences? It's a terrible solution that just reinforces the behavior: "I am less powerful than a shop keep than I am rude to, power lets them be rude back with no repercussions, therefore I must seize more power so that I too can be rude."

So, let me burn this advice into your soul:

Actions must have consequences, but consequences need to be predictable to have meaning, and do not need to be immediate.

Consider: the party walks into the shop, "give us a discount, or we will torch the place." The shop keep, a regular dude with regular clothes, looks over the well armed party of warriors and wizards armed to the teeth, and considers how long they would live if they screamed for the guards.

"Sure," they say as they put their hands up, "take what you want. Just don't hurt me!" Wow, the party thinks, we didn't even have to roll intimidate! That was easy! They retire to the inn, secure that they are well geared for the adventure tomorrow.

They awake next at 3 am, in chokeholds at the hands of the guard. The wizard and cleric are both gagged, their thumbs broken, and their foci still smoldering in the chamberpots. They are being hauled off to jail, to stand trial for armed robbery. The king who hired them to save the realm makes a public decree, disavowing any knowledge of who these ruffians are, and has already started hiring new heroes.

Who could have predicted this? Frankly, anyone with more than two braincells to rub together. Even if the party escapes, the town will be on the hunt, they can never rest there again, and there might be people out looking for justice (aka: similarly armed and leveled adventurers.)

Instant karma via instant punking by superhumans is both unfair and unrealistic. Be patient, and be persistent. Everyone's past eventually comes back to haunt them.

[elizabethrobertajones]

if destiel became canon i hope no destiel fan go around saying 'I TOLD U SO' to other ships and telling other ships their ship is meaningless. :((((

Wow, thanks for blessing my inbox with such a fantastically awful leading statement. What, you want me to say Destiel shippers won’t do that? I mean, there’s a bazillionity of them and a lot of them think Destiel is going canon or should do or at least would take canon as utter vindication of everything they’ve read in the text, which is a quantifiable, serious amount of storytelling and tropes which all directly imply Destiel. If people throw a street party because it happened, that’s their street party, you know? 

I am not very well qualified to talk about wider shipping culture but Destiel fans who see it in canon have a certain axe to grind with the show because of the feeling that it’s textually present and many (myself included) would not have thought to ship it until something in the text flipped them and sheer incredulity about the depth of this story brought them to fandom and interacting with others to analyse and understand the story better. 

I don’t believe other ships including ones involving Cas and Dean elsewhere have anywhere near the same textual level of storytelling and tropes to give them a shadow of what Dean and Cas have. I posted last night about how early Destiel was ship teasing without storytelling intent, and other prominent ships never moved beyond ship teasing and one of them certainly never will and can’t. But for YEARS Destiel has been running on the rails of a narrative between and about the characters which can be taken romantically. If it went canon it would not be the show just randomly picking one of 12 out of a hat and giving it their blessing.

Like, yes I suppose it does make the shippers look entitled if you ship on different means, e.g. chemistry, blurred lines between actor and character, which ones are hot and you think would look good fucking each other, and all the reasons which are great for shipping characters (and I’m not judging - I like ships which are completely implausible, not implied in canon, or are otherwise deeply unsuitable for shipping like Destiel. 3 of my coda fics this season were Mary/Charlie, Mary/Ketch and Cas/Benjamin instead of Destiel, and of those only Mary/Ketch was actually based on canon, and Mary/Charlie was hauling out a dead character who I thought would be great to ship Mary with from the realms of implausibility. And I can understand if you have all or a main ship which is in these sort of brackets instead of rooting for the canon storyline and waiting for it to provide you with all your material, then it’s different and feels different.) 

But I don’t think Destiel shippers enjoying the idea of it going canon (because this is what’s upsetting you RIGHT NOW, not the idea that it POTENTIALLY goes canon and everyone’s a dick, you obviously feel like people enjoying it IN canon are being dicks RIGHT NOW) is offensive to other shippers, or that if you meet us on the grounds of fanon where all the shipping goes on, we’re anything more than more well-fed by canon than other shippers who don’t ship off of canon, because we get a lot of material for our ship from canon. 

But great transformative works always add to the experience, and there’s so many interpretations of the characters in fanon which have moved 1000 miles from canon, in every possible way, which really just end up on what people LIKE to read, if they like D/s or AUs where they’re socially awkward hipsters or tentacle porn or canonverse but huge drastic changes. EVERY ship in every fandom has variations and fanon lives of the characters and if the fandoms are large enough, sub-fandoms within them that specifically enjoy certain dynamics. Canon HELPS but it does not define Destiel shippers in what we write about and how we enjoy the ship, and some people enjoy it only in fanon because they think canon Dean is a dick or they hate what’s happened to Cas since whenever or they just like an old dynamic which is easier to wallow in in increasingly AU settings and end up just reading coffee shop romances where the mains happen to be called Dean and Cas, and some people can probably only get into it if it’s so gritty and canon they can still taste the last episode on their tongue when they read the coda fic. 

As a cumulative experience of what fandom is, Destiel going canon is ONLY vindication, because we can enjoy it in fanon as is, but the issues around the canon debate and representation and what have you are an entirely other thing and on THAT playing field canon is the only vindication.

But in that world, it’s not about other ships at all. I’m sorry, but something like Sastiel is just not part of the argument because in canon it’s not teased, not laid down in the depths of the show’s foundations as important, and it’s not part of the massive metatextual, media and fandom and show dance about the show sucking it up and making Dean bi and Destiel canon because that is only the MEDIUM in which the show needs to deal with the representation problem. If the thing had been swirling around Sam n Cas the entire time, then the debate would be about Sam and Cas. But it’s not. It’s about Dean and Cas. 

Like, I’m sorry if other shippers want in on the idea of ship going canon vindication but on this show there’s such an entrenched, weird battle about Destiel’s place in the narrative, it’s 9 years too late on this one for it to be any other ship in any other way on this show. 

I mean I’d say to other shippers, don’t go out and be a dick to people if it DOES go canon, just enjoy it and try not to be too horrible even if you do get involved in ship wars, like, just take the win and be the bigger person, but that comment isn’t exactly going to do much because I’m not the queen of this ship issuing decrees which seems to be the only positive outcome you’d ever think you could get out of asking me this ridiculous question. Like. What the heck were you expecting me to say? Oh no boo hoo we’re so nice, we’d never do that? It’s a gazillion shippers and a lot of them feel bitter and disenfranchised and they’re not going to consider that they are somehow being rude to other ships, because this is not the side of fandom where you ought to be respectful to people’s fanon practices, but essentially a conflict and we all walked into it where the battle lines were already drawn and it’s this ship and it’s inherently political to ship it if you do so from canon rather than politely excusing yourself to fanon.

If you feel threatened by the ship’s presence in canon because you can see as well as everyone else and are just pretending there’s an equivalence between Destiel and other fanon ships, as if the fanon stage and the canon battle are the same thing, then  you’re just being deliberately obtuse as a troll. I mean, I don’t even fucking fight the canon thing that hard, I am a chill shipper who enjoys watching it unfold in canon and don’t make strong demands of canon, but I still know my ship is politicised on this stage about being canon or not and we have to think abou that all the time and if I HAVE to I will wade in as fight hard that it has full right to go canon and should, and that is NOT disrespecting other ships, it’s working with what I already have in my hands immediately from the moment I went “shit, there really is something to all this lovelorn staring they do at each other, isn’t there?”

Anyway YOUR SHIPS, DESTIEL INCLUDED, ARE SUPER DUPER IMPORTANT IN FANON AS MUCH AS EACH OTHER AND BECAUSE THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO WHOEVER IS SHIPPING THEM. END OF. 

But fanon is fanon and you’re making a ridiculous argument equating “meaning” aka what fans draw from shipping and what makes them feel good about it into creating transformative works about their ship, to the idea of Destiel going canon as if it’s somehow going to do ANYTHING to the fanon.

Like, people with radically different from canon ideas ABOUT DESTIEL can cope with the show consistently not actually being what they really dig but use it just as a jumping off point to their personal interests in what they use fanon for - whether it’s kink or emotional healing or personal empowerment or just for writing and imagination like the fic writers who mostly just enjoy creating stories and like using fanworks rather than original works to hone their craft and feel confident and comfortable with what they’re doing. I mean, fan artists do the same. They might have the faces of the characters but they’re being depicted in a million different ways nothing LIKE the show.

Fanon is not threatened by canon. Even when canon trounces fanon, fanon rolls its eyes and carries on. And mostly fanon is so far beyond the realm of canon that it’s fairly untouchable anyway. The show can’t do much to fuck up my Cas works in a diner and Dean comes and hangs with him there AU because Cas does not work in a diner and Dean is not exactly up to flirting with a dude across a diner counter all day every day while Sam is literally sitting in the corner the entire time rolling his eyes. If Destiel still goes canon, I still hold the means of production here - I get to decide on my own terms if and when one of them snaps and asks the other to marry them. I would have the luxury to put off making them canon in my fanon even though in real canon they already were together. It’s a fearsome power :P 

And I mean, something like Sabriel has enough little connections to canon that its fans can at least show them in the same room interacting and draw from that, but 99.99999999% of that ship is built out of tropes and fun and reading each other’s works and building off of that and creating a ship pretty much out of nowhere for their own amusement and gratification. Canon Destiel’s going to have a hard job doing anything to upset that boat, you know? If you’re offended you WANT to be offended.

Anyway I have now finished my cup of tea so that’s enough grumbling from me but seriously what the heck did you even send me this for? It’s such a petty, miserable view about fandom. If you enjoy your ships you enjoy your fucking ships and nothing can upset that and everyone should leave each others’ fanon fun the hell alone.