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finally giving fem danyal her own au and fulfilling my 'danny is an animal whisperer' agenda at the same time: mother of monsters danyal 2.0
i say "2.0" because TECHNICALLY 'mother of monsters danyal' is an au I made back in June for Dark fem!Danyal (who I promptly named Layal). However, I haven't posted much for her yet, and I like the "mother of monsters" premise too much to leave it only to Layal. Plus Danyal in that au was going to become the mother of monsters anyway, just with significantly less world domination and mass extinction.
'Animal whisperer' Danny has been something I've been thinking about since my latest DP 'wolfpack au' post and it's! So fun to think about, and who no better to assign the idea to than Danyal Al Ghul? Who comes from a family infamously known for their love of animals and nature?
Fem Danyal is just purely self-indulgent. *gestures wildly at her* i just lomvb,,, her,,,, I've only really mentioned her in context of the 'Things in Threes' au/my first Danyal al Ghul au with the facial scar, but she's!!! I love her. She deserves her own au <33
So kill three birds with one stone! Make a post about it.
Anyways, Danny has a large lair. Similar to cult leader danyal, her lair is a giant mountain region resembling nanda parbat with a big temple/palace-like area built into the mountain. It's large, it's overflowing with natural flora, with its own mini-floating islands hovering over some areas, and it's also completely empty.
Danny takes one look at her lair upon first meeting, -- noting that it looked relatively smaller from the outside -- and promptly, with the elegance of an Al Ghul, goes "What the hell??" Because yes, while she does enjoy her own solitude and privacy, this is a bit ridiculous.
For heaven's sake, there's even a massive lake in there! What's she going to do with all this space? Can she make it any smaller? Why is it so big in the first place? This looks borderline like one of the mega-islands!
She finds out later that apparently, the amount of ectoplasm a ghost has can have an effect on the size of their lair. And since she has such a large core, her lair reflects that. Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff, it's bigger on the inside so it doesn't take up "too much space" on the outside. Don't worry about it too much.
Danyal isn't totally opposed to having such a large lair, she's just... a bit baffled by it. It feels like so much wasted space is all. All this flora and no fauna to enjoy it with. It's practically eerie.
She decorates her temple-palace area, transforming rooms to match her needs as she sees fit. In the center of the inner gardens is a massive tree that she likes to climb, with twisting, winding branches. Sam and Tucker have honorary rooms, even if they can't safely leave the specter speeder for long periods of time, even with proper safety equipment. So does Jazz. Ali (Dani) has one too, but he can actually use that one, and Danny brought him to her lair so he could decorate it himself.
She has a personal garden, but for the most part she lets the flora exist as it is. Too much space to cultivate it en masse anyways.
Skip to a few weeks later, on her next visit to Clockwork. She developed a habit of going to see him semi-regularly just because. She enjoys his wisdom, and he has a lot of stories to tell, and when he's not being the cryptic and esoteric timekeeper, he's a bit goofy.
(pushing my dadwork agenda here,,, i think Danny deserves to go 'hey, Lord Clockwork, do you want me to buy you something' while she's at walmart, only to receive a singular glowing sticky note that says 'cucumber gatorade'.)
(She insists on referring to him with his proper titles even for the most mundane of things because it's proper, but Clockwork sees a future where she eventually calls him "Cee" and by all things in existence is he determined to get there. Anyways,,,)
On her next visit to Clockwork, just as she is about to leave, Clockwork stops her and goes; "Ah, I have something for you. Hold out your hands."
Danny does as such, and Clockwork doesn't give out things often, so her curiosity has spiked to the highest levels. He turns away from her for a moment, using his staff to summon whatever it is he needs, and when he turns around.
He drops a fish into her hands. Granted, a fish in a small glass tank. But a fish nonetheless. A small one, roughly about the size of her finger, with a blue-black, eel-shaped body and four sets of glowing eyes. She can see thin, almost translucent, but spiny fins down its back and the start of bioluminescent markings. It's swimming around in circles in its small container.
"Lord Clockwork." Danyal says all too calmly.
"Yes, Danyal?"
"What is this?"
"That is an adolescent leviathan, Danyal." She’s transfixed onto the tank, but she doesn’t need to see Clockwork’s face to hear the smile he’s stifling.
The myriad of emotions that runs through her all at once threatens to overwhelm her, and she can’t tell if the feelings are negative or positive. So she carefully closes her eyes to breathe in through her nose.
“Clockwork.”
“Ah, I see you’ve dropped formalities.”
She ignores that.
“Why have you given me an adolescent leviathan?”
She's expecting the trickster to look amused when she opens her eyes. Instead, he just looks endeared. "I know you're fond of animals," he says, "and you always look amazed when you come across an animal of the realms. So I thought you might enjoy taking care of the young beast, it's mother is dead so it has no one to care for it."
Oh.
"But, if you don't like it," Clockwork's hands reach out for the tank, "I can simply take it back--"
Danyal shifts the tank out from his reach and hugs it possessively. "I never said that. How do I care for it?"
And so clockwork gives her a list, and when Danyal returns to her lair, she sets up a large tank in her room for the leviathan to swim in -- it's much too small for the lake right now, she thinks. She'll feel better if it's somewhere she can find it. She names him Suhā.
Suhā grows quickly, and by the end of the mortal month she transforms one of the rooms into a large pond for him to swim around in. He's a very loyal beast, recognizing her as it's mother of some kind. Danyal takes great care ensuring that her beastie gets quality care, and Suhā swims to the surface to see her when he senses her in the room.
It spirals from there. Somehow, Pandora catches wind that Clockwork gave her a leviathan, and so the next time Danyal visits the Greater Athens, she gives her a baby chimera. It's eyes are still sealed shut, Danyal can't bring herself to say no. She names the little beastie Firas.
Frostbite hears about it too, and not to be outdone, gives her an animal she's never even heard of. Infinite-realms born, apparently. A fox-like creature with two small horns like an impala, four eyes, and tall legs. The name isn't something she's quite sure how to write down, and she's positive that her friends won't be able to comprehend it. She names her Eira.
Getting the three of them used to each other was... interesting. Suhā tried to eat Firas when Danyal first introduced the two, and they've hated each other ever since. Firas and Eira are seemingly getting along. Her island already feels full enough with the three of them on it.
Of course, that's not the end of it. With her luck, she begins stumbling across other monsters. Realms-borne or otherwise. An injured hydra in the Grecian islands that, through lots of trial and error, Danyal is able to rehabilitate and heal. It routinely comes to visit her afterwards.
A griffin with a broken wing that she moves permanently to the island that likes to keep to itself, but tends to come down when she's near. It gets along best with Firas.
A panther-like monster from the Shades Woods that had six legs and three tails, with ends that reminded her of a venus flytrap. It stuck around the heavy foliage and she can only make out where it was when she saw its golden eyes reflect.
She befriends a young indrik with its leg injured, and much like the hydra it follows her back to her island, and stays there in the mountains. It comes out when she's alone, much like her other beasts.
She receives two more leviathan -- one from clockwork, and one she finds herself while exploring the deeper and darker recesses of the Ghost Zone. It was huddled against the carcass of its mother, and she managed to befriend and get close enough to it to bring it back to her island. Suhā is fully grown by then, with a head bigger than Danyal herself and he still likes to stick her head out of the water for nuzzles when she's near.
He's not very happy with his new siblings, but he's not trying to eat them when she's not looking. So she calls it a win in her book.
And it's not just large beasts either; smaller animals begin popping up when she's not looking. Bird-like creatures and small mammals, and she swears she saw a doe (or something resembling a doe) grazing in the forest while she was walking by.
She takes back with her a lone snake egg once, and it grows so big it wraps around her island and sleeps with its massive head on the mountain beside the temple, like some smaller breed of Jörmungandr.
And on and on it goes. Some of the beasts she comes across never step foot onto her island, some of them follow her back, while others she has to carry back. Not all of the ones that follow her stay, and Danny rehabilitates the injured and releases them when they're fully healed.
It's hectic, and busy, and frankly she loves it. Some of her rehabilitated beasts return to visit her, or to have their children somewhere on the island, or whatever it is they need to do.
She becomes a bit infamous for it. She goes to visit Dorathea once, and as she's walking through the streets she can hear some of the denizens whispering while she walks past.
"Is that her?"
"Her highness' friend? Yes--"
"--that's the one--"
"--Mother of monsters--"
Danny's not sure how to feel about that.
Although, she can't say she's opposed.
Danyal Al Ghul, Mother of monsters, raiser of beasts. It has a nice ring to it.
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc prompt#fem danny fenton#fem danyal al ghul#mother of monsters danny#if anyone wants to hear about Layal specifically I'd be HAPPY to tell you about her. she's inspired by the song 'scylla' from epic#you can't leave me with dark danny for too long i give him depth if i do. anyways i gave layal mommy issues. she has a complicated view on#danyal and both loves and hates her in equal measure. she killed her out of mercy. she's her mother her sister her other half.#she despises her. she misses her. she'll never see her again. she sees her every time she looks in the mirror. she's 24. she's 10 years old#can you tell that i made layal during a time where i was thinking about the 'dan is danny's kid' dpdc trope bc that's exactly what happened#*holds dad!clockwork up like potato.* 'i just think he's neat :)'#i am incapable of making things only cracky. i must make it meaningful in some way or another.#MMMM i have to cut it off here before it gets too looooNNGGG.#if this flops i'll be sad :((#i just think the idea that danyal has her own little world on her island is neat. she's got dragons and wyrms and serpents and giant wolves#and griffins and one time there's a sphinx although she doesn't stay permanently. Danyal has a blast answering her riddles though.#that panther is based off the dnd displacer beast. there's little salamanders and gazelles with three eyes. there's more sea monsters than#just suhā and the other two leviathans but i couldnt think of any. im obsessed with the sea serpents if you havent notice LMFAO.#there's pegasi and a manticore and a ton of infinite realms monsters that are just an assortment of animals slapped together#the shades woods are a mega-island idea that i had. they're where a bunch of the “shades ghosts” are from. Its this large forest area with#megaflora trees similar to the redwood forest with canopies so thick and wide that no light can reach the bottom. so all of the native faun#living there have adapted to live in the shadows. there are a few villages that live in tall tree houses like the ewok villages that outsid#ghosts can go visit. the panther that's from there is very fond of danyal honestly. anyways yEAH ANIMAL WHISPERER DANNY.#her beasties are all animals up until she's like. 19. where she promptly steals an infant minotaur from a Legends Islands near Pandora#he wasn't being treated well okay!!! she couldn't stand by and watch. his name is asterion. he's a year old. and she'll kill for him.#i dont have enough tags to talk about Damian or her family >:T. just know that i am leaning into her assassin bg as usual :)
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the internet: yeah to practise harm reduction you go for areas that have more flesh to avoid going too deep and needing medical attention
me, an idiot: let's pick this spot anyway, how bad can it be. ...how did i get that deep that quickly
#tw sh#im fine although there was definitely a moment where i worried i wouldn't be#when you grab a rag and put pressure on it and a few minutes later move your hand and discover it was completely soaked and your hand#is all bloody now too. anyway it stopped shortly after that#someone told me recently that the width they'll start considering sutures is like 5mm which seems??? so odd to me??? like that's tiny??#anyway i didn't go as deep as the last two times yet so it's fine#(i also have a horrible habit of repeatedly going over the same place for several days afterwards so that will probably change)#but eh im fine#i was just surprised by how deep it got how quickly#also something i find funny: the way nurse brain doesn't shut off#'will i pick here - no wait that's near an artery/vein/nerve'#'or here - no wait that's too close to a good cannulation site'#'here - no too close to deltoid'#personal#puddleglum hours#but yeah i really am fine#although i have thoroughly discovered the allure of arm cutting so. we'll see#in my usual scintillating cleverness i literally thought about visibility this time bc it's nearly short sleeve weather and nobody knows im#going this deep. except my mentor and my sister. but they both only know about the first time#however i did not consider. that most of my clothing does not have as long a short sleeve as my placement uniform. so im gonna either#have to be real careful about what clothing i pick for the next. oh month or two. since the first one was end of august and it's a month an#a bit later and it's still got a while of healing to go before i can wear short sleevs and pretend the scar was from months an months ago i#asked. anyway!#play stupid games you win stupid prizes
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PK: "...Kid..."
PV: "What? I'm just pointing out the obvious."
PK: "You're being a little shit is what you are."
WL: "Well, they're not wrong–"
PK: "Don't enable this."
(ID start: A picture of The Pale King, The White Lady and the Pure Vessel from Hollow Knight as humans. They're all wearing matching golden roses, a pin for Pure Vessel, a hair clip for the Pale King and a corsage for the White Lady. The Pure Vessel has their hand at the head height of their father, laughing about his height with their mother, much to the displeasure of the king. End ID.)
They're making fun of the monochronic manlet
#hollow knight#pure vessel#the hollow knight#the pale king#the white lady#spooky arts#wayward royals au#It's cool to finally see them all together in one pic but yoy have no idea how hard it was to fit this little asshole in the frame#with the two of them. WL is STILL too short. But I didn't want to cut off her branches which I spent some time on#PV should be reaching just below her shoulders normally#Family pictures are a nightmare with these three#Anyways PK had to have his hair cut bc he got seriously sick and had a very high fever. Hollow and WL cut their hair to make him feel#better. They're growing it out together. Also they all have golden roses :]#PK and WL bought them the golden rose trinket as an apology gift and later on PV picked out the rose clip and corsage so they can match#If you're new here or are seeing this in the tags and you're confused why PV is acting like a Normal Human here. This AU is basically what#if they got lost outside of Hallownest and PV is found out and they basically bond slash have family therapy on the move during the 1+ yr#it takes them to return. Don't ask why it took so long ok the wastelands are massive and they got turned around (plot convenience )#The Hallownest is a hot mess when they return#Probably should have put this explanation at the front huh. Oh well#Sorry about that
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can we get some tsaritsa headcanons of yours? specifically appearance wise because i gen don't know how to picture her in my head.
YES because i've thought about it extensively and revised it like 20 times. um. don't expect a full descriptor though i run on Vibes tm
the core of tsaritsa to me is a careful dichotomy of archon of cryo + goddess of love. creating the ideal symbol of love and also frigid and emotionless. of a warrior as much as a leader. Childe speaks of this especially (describing her as a true warrior, arrogant and cold in Childe's delusion story, again with Childe but in his "about Tsaritsa" voice line describing her as gentle, "too gentle"). this is the base of her design, to me.
originally i leaned towards "very tall but very lean" at first but i've kind of leaned in the opposite direction lately. still view her as very tall (inhumanely, even), but i've taken a lot of inspiration from marble statues (and sometimes paintings) as a reference (notably and obviously, aphordite) in terms of body structure with the only exception being i view her with broader shoulders then typically painted/sculpted. facial structure is a different matter, but the general view i have is "angular and sharp" (prominent cheekbones, defined jawline, etc).
to be more specific as well, i tend to make the tsaritsa very colorless. the most color she gets is the occasional shades of blue, but most colors i associate with her are very monochrome in nature. i also use this to create a less "human" appearance for her as a personal hc of mine that the archons are all vaguely Off and not quite human in some manner. i portray this specifically in a few ways (extremely pale skin (to the point it makes her veins a lot more visible), white iris, etc) and a few other things i haven't quite settled on. i've considered the idea of her fingers having a black gradient (similar to arlecchino, in a manner) in reference to severe frostbite.
not quite as necessary to the design but i also just give all the Archons big teef on principle. nothing more intimidating then someone you thought was a funeral consultant flashing a set of teeth that can rip out your jugular with no effort!! +1 to unnerving factor. don't piss off the local mondstadt bard, either. it's a bit unnerving to see them when he's laughing like a madman.
speaking of unnerving, i usually write and view the tsaritsa as very stone faced. like, it could put arlecchino to shame. not a single emotion to be seen. you won't even see her face twitch if she's angry. if she smiles you've royally fucked up and you have roughly 0.2 seconds to live. g-dspeed.
another feature i usually add is claw jewelry because it just Fits. in silver, obviously. and she keeps those things sharp. don't get mistaken by the name she can maim a man with those.
i keep clothing very vague because im not familiar with traditional clothing (ill create a mock-up of a design some day. probably) but one of the core parts of it is the veil. don't think wedding veil, though. even if it's white i imagine it's design more as a mourning veil because it fits more with her character (while weddings are associated with "love", the mourning veil suits her better i think in this regard. delusional made up lore things babey!!!!).
#asks#Anonymous#tsaritsa#i would imagine a bit of fur plays a part in her design though. is this bc i love fur in designs?? maybe!!! fur on clothes esp formal ones#is so good its unreal#i think abt tsaritsa design a lot i try to create a dichotomy of “mother” versus “archon” in essence?? its kind of complicated#mother in reference 2 the hoth kids referring to her as such which is WILD.#crazy lore drop there btw arlecchino u got smth 2 say abt that “father” holds out a mic#i am going off the like 2 things we know about her here give me a break#all i had for so long was like. venti offhanded mention and childes two mentions#the arle one doesnt really tell me much but it does make me go crazy anyway#further confirming my characterization of the tsaritsa i think hoyo is taking notes from me /j#okay i need 2 be put down before this gets out of hand im stopping myself and cutting this short#or i will never shut up everyone go home#i said i run off pure vibes w her design i wasnt lying btw#tldr powerful but “gentle” silhouette is the goal#big quotes around gentle
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guys it's 2023 happy 2023 ❗❗❗❗❗❗❗💥💥💥🙌🙌🙌 2023 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#ok real talk im gonna ramble here a bit#bc the past year has been so fucking wild bc that was the year where i met new folks n got the courage#to leave a shitty fucking relationship i could not get myself to cut off for so long. for GOOD#i have gotten myself n my sense of self after. though myself had come back different bc i had changed so much#my interests now compared to from the start of that year changed so much#im just glad i finally was able to meet more new folks n end up being in a whole friend group like i've always wanted to for so long#bc otherwise i wouldn't have been holding up as super well after that final scare of the year from said shitty situation#i would've still been left wishing i was genuinely cared abt & wanting to feel close to what being human to people would be like#ceph.txt
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y'know. it really sucks to feel yourself back-sliding, mentally, when you know you've been doing pretty alright for a while
#i can feel it coming scoob. frankly i think it may already be here.#i am always so tired. frustrated. having really fun mood swings.#and my job is deeply taxing and deeply stressful. ao i never get any fucking reprieve.#and i literally don't have the energy to care for myself at home reliably.#so my whole fuckin day got ruined today bc my landlord visited with some people to measure the place.#and i spent hours cleaning. and he ended the call by trlling me my apartment was dirty.#so. i cried. bc i have no emotional resilience anymore on account of the constant stress#and then i cut someone off in traffic today despite trying really hard to Not do that#but despite checking my mirrors and blind spot 4 times i still managed it!#and they sped past me. so i screamed at them from the safety of my car with the windows rolled up.#and then immediately burst into uncontrollable tears that lasted the better part of 30 min#and nearly made me puke.#so now. i am hollowed-out and exhausted. just barely making it through.#and i can feel how close the absolute meltdown is. and i can't fuckin do anything about it bc i can't miss work! fuck!#it's been an exceptionally stressful two weeks and I've had it. but we keep trucking i guess.#idk im sad and frustrated and just going through it rn. and it sucks bc i remember being happy.#and i'm just not anymore.#i ramble#sorry this was long and rambly and unasked for i'm just having a really really bad day#and will be having them every day until at least august!
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i’m fr gonna lose my mind :)
#been a minute since i’ve ranted in the tags on here hi hello#so i have this friend who is driving me absolutely insane#we’ve been friends for about a year or so and when we first met we clicked right away and got super close and hung out all the time#we met at work but neither of us works there anymore and it feels like our whole friendship is falling apart now that we don’t#i literally have not seen her in person once since the last time we worked together (march)#and even before that we didn’t hang out outside of work since december of last year#and i have grown very used to having friends that just do not put the same amount of effort as me into our friendships and it’s sucks#so i was starting to make my peace with the fact that we just weren’t really friends anymore#but then a few months ago she started texting me asking me to hang out all the time and she seemed way more like her old self#and immediately i got sucked back in and was all excited to see her again and have her back in my life fully#but she completely flaked on me three times in a row (not even cancelling our plans but waiting until the next day to give me an excuse)#which like i said i’m unfortunately used to but she literally was the one who invited ME to hang out every time#like why are you initiating plans with me and then ignoring my calls and texts when it comes time to actually hang out#then a few weeks ago she texted me again saying we should go to a concert together bc we hadn’t in a long time#and there happens to be a concert i’ve been wanting to go to on the 31st but had no one to go with#she said she was totally in and really excited and i bought the tickets a couple days later and texted her to tell her i had#got zero response for almost a week and then she texted me yesterday saying we should hang out this week#so i said yeah let’s do it but also this concert is literally in 2 days are you still coming with me#and no response! again! so now i have 2 days to try and find someone else who can go last minute bc it seems unlikely that she will#and i’m just so fucking confused bc why do YOU keep reaching out to ME just to flake out at the last minute every single time#like at this point it feels like she’s doing it on purpose just to see if i’ll keep tolerating her bullshit#and part of me wants to just cut her off bc she’s been a terrible friend to me for months at this point#but i can’t bring myself to do it bc i miss her so much anyway and when our friendship was good it was really fucking good#like i considered this girl one of my best friends and now it feels like she’s just playing games with me bc she’s bored#which sucks extra bc last year she was there for me when literally none of my long time friends were#like it’s bad enough that it seems like our friendship was conditional on us being coworkers#but it hurts more and more every time she reappears in my life just to ghost me again like genuinely why would you do that#so i’m really upset and pissed off rn and i have no idea wtf to do about the concert bc idk anyone else who likes the artist enough to go#vent#lj.txt
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hmm i have like, 500-600 taiwan dollars leftover in a tin from the last time i visited relatives... i wonder what would happen if i just handed it to my little cousins like. "yep. here is gift. have fun."
#i heard them trying to sound out 'eidelweiss' on the piano so i've also been thinking of giving them this little music box i bought#a while back that plays eidelweiss. put it in little box with money and letter that is like. 'hello. cousin cares about you.'#'but cousin is awkward and has bad hearing and speaking skills. anyway here's some money and a music box for you.'#i checked n it's like the equivalent of almost 20 usd so like. that's an appropriate gift for nine-year-olds i think#today at work i was cutting glow sticks in half for our craft and i was not wearing any gloves so i got minor chemical burns <3#like part of the skin on my thumb n pointer finger got bleached so i went around n showed alllll the kids#like. 'hey. check out my chemical burn. this is why we wouldn't let you guys cut open the glow sticks yourselves.'#'because it will do This to you if you touch them too long. this is why we had you wash your hands when you finished.'#n some of them were like 'just wash it off' n i was like. 'it is a chemical burn. it is on my skin.'#at least i Think it was a chemical burn but i mean it was very minor (makes sense bc it's just glow sticks) so the skin's flaked off by now#similar happens when i touch my hair bleach w/o gloves so i'm Pretty Sure it was chemical burns#we had a table of kids who were speaking cn to each other so at some point i pieced together they didn't seem to pay attn. bc low en skills#anyway i broke my own rule abt no phones at work to look up 'chemical burns' in cn for them bc although they know i speak Some cn#(by giving them minor instructions for the glow stick craft) i was like. 'chemical burns... how to say....'#apparently they are mostly from taiwan which is fun i love it when i Don't receive microaggressions for writing in traditional c':#today's my only camp shift for the week tho... one of my coworkers died last week so i told my boss i could pick up his camp shifts#if no one else had but apparently i'd go over hours this week... feelsbad man. it's summer + we're always understaffed#so there's gonna be a point when the front desk worker is gonna be covering the camps for a little bit which is. i feel bad ahaha#the worm speaks
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Everyone always talks about those girls who drastically change their hair whenever they're havin A Moment but I don't see anyone ever talk about the bitches like me who haven't actually cut their hair in any noticeable way for at least 7 years and will go into an absolute feral headcase moment if the hairdresser takes anymore than 1.5 cms of hair
#two different sides of an insane coin#but actually though I wish i was the other way#just erratically changing my hair whenever i feel like it#rather than being So Fuckin Weird about the smallest change#like ive been thinking for 2? years now maybe id like some kinda long fringe/curtain fringe type situation#bc ive just had a single length of hair#but i cant dimply cut it bc the potentiality of me freaking the fuck out is Likely#doesnt help that 90% of the time i have ever got a hair cut they ignore what i say#and I end up with something I didnt ask for and dont like#and my hair never grows#its been the same length for years and i want it to be longer but i guess it breaks or something#idk i have psoriasis my hair was a bit thin for a minute#so its like well if i cut it what if it just doesnt come back#what if it takes 6 years to grow back#anyway yes here are some tuesday night ramblings 🥰#i feel a bit off my nut today#like high strung or something
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there was no preparing me for how lonely post-grad life would be lmfao
#I’ve finally cut my mom off#I have like four total friends and only one who lives here#I work 6 days a week at a smoothie shop where the owner treats us horribly#but I stay working 50 hour weeks bc I need the money for a car & to keep saving for grad school#I finally bought my own health insurance#but apparently it doesn’t matter bc no psychiatrists will take me#even tho we’ve called over 10#my therapist has all but ditched me#it’s been almost a year since the most devastating relationship loss of my life#and while most days I have made my peace with it#I am still sometimes so full of hurt & confusion & regret & longing & the urge to beg on my knees for things to be fixed#my relationship with food is so fucked#I am looking everywhere for the joy in living and I am not finding it#I know it’s there I know it is#but I cannot feel it I am so lonely I am so out of my depth#my mom got rid of the dogs without telling me#I am so desperate for help that I can’t seem to get in this useless country#I want a hug so badly that I am literally have dreams where someone hugs me#I want my mom to just be good and normal and not awful to me#I want to go home but it feels like an intangible place I can no longer go to#i don’t know if there’s any fixing that#I am trying so so hard to be good#and yet I still lose everything & I can only assume the problem is me#but I just want#to be fixed
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man I'm so sad I WISH I could dress like a pirate and wear frilly shirts and jabots and knickers and stupid long socks and pearl necklaces but I literally haven't changed out of my autism hoodie and sweatpants since 2017 :((
#I cant wear a binder because of chronic pain either so I'll only be able to actually wear clothes once I get top surgery in uh 20 fkn years#I cancelled my hrt talk appointment b I got too scared :((#I also don't know how to cut bangs so my hair is too long#I'll never be boy at this rate :((#I'm always like man I don't even have dysphoria life is good. Umm no sir you're autistic and can't recognize your own emotions#Like I'm not dead so I must be fine that's the only other option#Some people cant even shower with their clothes off so Imm like Im good no pain here. No ur just autistic and cant recognize self in mirror#So everyone thinks I have no problems no mental illness no ptsd no dysphoria#Nope I just don't trust you enough to be honest to you so I will always tell you I'm good bc I know you must be worse#That's called masking I think
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had a dream ehere the entire population of the earth was being tortured by the devil and he was like um teehee game ^_^ if at leastt half of you survive the next year ill leave u alone ^_^ and we were like . Fine but you have to give us 24 hours warning before you do anything. and he wa like okie. but this was insanely stressful for me bc i was trying to keep my family safe when my mom cant walk very fast and like. little man. yk. very stressful. idk how it concluded i woke up
#it was cool tho we were like#bc we were space travelling i suppose or something we were like on an alien planet#snd we were under the surface j guess.somrghing scary happened at the beginning idr but then we were under the surface and we hsd set up a#society there for some reasont here were already grocery stores#but then we were in a replica of our hodue n my mom was sick and my dad told me to get like. honey and broth#and for some reason it was tkaing me ages to do it like. i was in control but i couldnt make myself donit#and thej infinally put water on for the broth and water started pouring out of a vent#bc there were evil human hating mermaids on the other side. you see. and they saw me with xray vision and got mad#but that wasnt even the issue the issue was the big scaru dead cowplant freaking things#it was kind of cool they like. i guess debil activatef them or something i forget exactly how it went. something like that#but they just started creepjng towards our city (which was somehow ablve ground allofa sudden unless the plants were also underground)#they moved kinda like those things in rango it was that sortnof vibe rly awesome#but ya#so we were all running i was with my dad and lamp and then i looked back and saw weeman running towards my mom who was struggling and it#was very scary. but i got them i got annie we walked to amother supermarket and then my mom was like welll we have to shop and i was like !?#oh i forgot to mention i was like Whew. so long as he doesnt start any fires were golden. bc the big plants were so dry itd be very#flammable. and then fireballs 💀 jinxed it fr#umm and then some people were parachuting down to the surface of another planet? i woke up at this point#the like. shot when the mermaids were introduced was honestly rly good excellent cinematography. ny compliments to my subconcscious#it like. started kn a fish and rhen followed the fish as it wondered and then mermaids were fighting over it and then one chomped off its#head and the others fought for the rest of the body and then they noticed me#i thought it was cool and it established the mermaids as more like. animalistic sort of thing. i liked it .. my thought when i saw them.#bc like. I was in the dream as a character as me yk. and it was mostly from my.pov#but during that shot i wasnt like. Rhere seeing the mermaids. i was just watching. it was like that you see that part was like. me watching#a movie. this happens a lot in my dreams shifting perspectives#like frequently ill Be me but yhen ill also be able to see my reaction to things...#but ya. shame the mermaids didnt actually fo much i suppose maybe the mermaids activated the plant things? since perhaps they gave water#control. idk... it was an interesting concept definitely couldve benefited from a second draft and a lot of cuts but i see the idea#also my papaw was un the supermarket at the end. so yeah
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Animating this season like you can't have the slightest bit of jest and god forbid jesting about yaoi
#can't even jokingly say slurs like saying fag instead of drudge wasn't The joke#like ciel took his earrings out at school right he was trying to be normal at normal boy school and they are all using slurs in their...#...everyday social setup their whole social world within the school at least relies on every important guy having a guy who will do...#...anything for him which is literally ciel's entire bit but normie#anyway whatever i am not going to explicate every joke at play here but what really annoys me about the shojo sparkles joke getting cut...#...is that it's being used in different places like vincent got shojo sparkles yesterday and ciel's at the beginning but like that is...#...supposed to be the joke-y indicator this is NOT normie shojo school so why did these have to get animated so FLAT#like you mean you can't imply any subtext about ciel bc it would be problematic. this is a story that is literally ABOUT people playing...#...at who they are not. the whole series and every character is set on that premise. and you're going to cultivate an environment where...#...viewers accept that any kind of subtext at all is inherently problematic and needs cut from the story#like they could have cut more and i am interested to see how they're going to handle things like ciel getting carried off of the field. but#it's more uncomfortable to me to be like no being a gay teenager is inherently problematic actually he can't be gay but he can be...#...straight engaged to his cousin in earnest even though the narrative has established how that is fake too.#and not dipping into the whole sebastian thing fully but then you have a setup where you have made it unacceptable to tell any gay story...#...that might be slightly problematic even though here it genuinely is a lot of subtext you have to understand that there is subtext to get#and there is the element here with them too where they are liars and they are playacting. that's part of what makes the story so complex...#...and interesting!! is trying to decipher who is lying and why the world they live in makes them have to lie to survive#it's doing a massive disservice to this story to approach it from the angle of someone might think on that too hard and think it's...#...inappropriate :( let's be the yen press and tweet something about sebastian being a mom so no one has to question what they're looking a#in a STORY THAT'S ABOUT QUESTIONING THE TRUTH OF WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING AT#i don't even care about shipping this is just cultivating a massive media literacy problem where you are being encouraged to take a story..#..at face value and you can't make dark jokes and you can't make stories about problematic gay people#it also bothers me bc this story has been really popular in japan for like 20 years without the mass public being in a constant state of...#...is this demon his boyfriend or dad :( like they're just fucking watching it ahdjrf#that also bothers me bc it's like you guys can't engage with any grey area relationship in a story where it doesn't fit into a box#but anyways why can japan engage with it to make it as popular and long lasting as it is and not everyone else don't say bc japan is...#...full of freaks who only like freak stories. this is also symptomatic of things i have complained about elsewhere on this blog that us...#...dub culture has cultivated an environment where us normal cool americans are going to tell freakish japanese people how to engage...#...with their counterculture cartoons in the Right way without ever having to engage with another country's culture or a story in general.#my kuro posts
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I hate that travel is so expensive it's awful
#like. idk i grew up traveling#not flying but like. we had a large tent and wed go out for a couple weeks and just camp around#and then we got a (used) pop-up camper and wed go on almost 3 week long roadtrips hitting national parks and cool areas#which ik isnt everyones way to vacation but we all loved it#ive been to almost all 50 states now#and its fucking hard to get out of south texas to go anywhere its like over 12 hours from where i live to oklahoma or NM#and we can generally keep food in our camper which cuts back on costs if we cook the majority of meals (with 5+ ppl)#and we have camping gear and expenses which im not counting in costs but do count towards the trip#and that its usually during summer and my father (then unemployed) and my mother was able to get all those days off to do these trips#but like. idk#if you have the chance to travel you should#i live in texas#and [redacted city] which is a small city but generations of families live here and DONT#- LEAVE EVER (its a little culty but eh) and soooo many ppl dont ever leave texas#bc its hard#and its easier to get to other states if you live in like. tge northeast us or europe or whatever#but there are so many cool and pretty and interesting places for whatever youre interests are#idk#small rant ig#also gas prices#crazy in some places im used to like. less than $3 a gallon so anything above like. $4 is crazy to me#one good thing about south texas ???#nightjay blogging
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Getting your nails done is so anxiety inducing
#ive only done it 3 times in my life and all this year 💀#my mom and sister have been going regularly#my friend invited me today#my thing is i cant have long nails with my sensory problems#sometimes i can handle them a little longer than other times#but i cant get fake nails. bc at any point i could want to rip my fingers off if i cannot cut my nails away to nothing#i had just cut my nails to nothing right before she invited to do this lol but i would've left them a little longer if i knew#and i feel SO judged for having little stubby nails in here and not even wanting tips or anything#i actually think that super short nails painted all fancy are really really cute.#genuinely love the aesthetic#but i feel!!! judged!!!!!!!#anyway. i got bright red sparkly nails :)
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oh, the idea of satoru attempting to get his hands on you numerous times throughout the day but keeps getting interrupted (bc y’know, he’s a busy sorcerer) and then finally snapping because he’s so pent up that he can’t think about anything other than fucking you makes me giggle.
smut under the cut. MDNI. also, barely proof-read so sorry for mistakes lol.
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You squeal with excitement when you hear the door to the apartment unlock. Satoru was home. Finally, he was back after spending two weeks away on business. The moment you see just a glimpse of his white hair, you rush towards him and wrap him in a tight hug, him lowering his Infinity just in time to scoop you off of your feet. You're hit with the scent of his cologne, the feel of his soft hair underneath your fingers, and you sigh in relief. Finally.
“Hey, pretty girl,” he greets with his usual smirk as your legs wrap around his waist. “Miss me?”
He kisses you before you can respond, so you settle for humming into his mouth. He walks you both over to the living room, gently setting you on the couch before climbing on top of you. Your hands fumble with his jacket, and he helps you out by taking it off. He breaks away from your mouth to start doting messy kisses down your neck and collarbone. “Mmm, fuck. Missed you too,” he says, his voice deep with lust. “Been wanting this for so long, baby.”
His phone vibrates, and he ignores it, deciding to focus on pulling your shirt up instead. When it continuously vibrates with multiple calls, he sighs irritatedly and pulls it from his pocket to see Yaga’s name on the screen.
You giggle from underneath him, pulling your shirt back down and sitting up. “I think you should get that.”
“This isn’t over,” he promises. He gets up and answers the phone, holding it up to his ear. “This better be important. …Huh?! I just got back from a mission, what the hell do you mean the higher-ups want to talk?!”
— — — —
“Alright, you all. That’s it for today,” you conclude your lesson with a clap, and the second years begin to gather their things. “Geto will meet you all in the field so you can have a lesson that’s a bit more active. Have fun!”
They all express their excitement, then make their way outside of the classroom. They pass Satoru on the way out, who had just arrived only a few minutes before the end of your lesson. “Yeah, yeah, what she said. Hey, Okkotsu!”
“Yes?” Yuta calls back.
“Remember to—”
“Work on that cursed energy control. Yeah, I got it,” the boy groans.
You shake your head with a tiny laugh as Satoru shuts the door to the classroom. “I swear, Yuta is trying his best. He’s— Whoa!”
Your back suddenly hits the wall, and Satoru is in front of you. His blindfold is raised, and you see the utter hunger pooling in his blue eyes before he’s kissing you, similar to the way he did that morning. You moan into his mouth, and your arms come up to wrap around his neck. “Mmm, fuck. T-Toru, we’re—”
“Shhhhh,” he hushes against your lips. “Didn’t I tell you that this wasn’t over?” His hand begins to trail further down your body, eager fingers hurriedly unbuttoning your jeans. “Just try to be as quiet as possible, baby. I’ll be quick. Gonna make you feel so good—”
He’s cut off with a knock at the door. “Gojo, are you in here?”
Nanami.
“Busy!” He yells, a bit on the harsher side.
“You’re with [Y/L/N] right now. Her lesson with the second years just ended. You do know that around this time, you’re supposed to be training the first years, right?”
Satoru looks at the clock at the wall, then winces. It’s true, but still, he desperately needed you, otherwise he thought that he’d explode. “Just tell them I’m—”
“Can’t. They’re right here with me,” Kento says flatly. “They’ve been waiting for at least half an hour.”
You hear Yuuji’s excited voice next. “Hey, Gojo-sensei! How was your mission?!”
“Itadori, no need to shout. Seriously, we’re all right here,” Megumi grumbles.
“I’m with Fushiguro on this one,” Nobara comments.
Satoru groans into your shoulder, and his fist hits the wall. Unable to take his strength, it caves, leaving a nice-sized hole next to the chalkboard. You stifle a laugh. Thank goodness that this wasn’t your classroom and you were only borrowing it.
He inhales sharply, then masks his annoyance and sexual frustration with a smile. “Alright! Be out in a second!” He calls out to them.
He sees you laughing into your hand, and he leans forward to whisper in your ear, “Just wait ‘till later.”
— — — —
‘Later’ was far later than Satoru had hoped. After training the first years, Yaga talked to him about the next exchange event and how they were behind on planning, and then he had to shadow the second years on a mission that lasted what felt like forever.
You’re back in the apartment, humming as you finish tidying up the living room. You grab the basket of laundry, sit down, and begin folding towels. It was close to eight in the evening. You’re about to grab your phone to check on Satoru when you hear the door opening.
“Ah, there you are. I was beginning to think that I’d have to come and help out,” you say without looking up. “I mean, yeah, the curse was lower-ranked, but sometimes the second years—” You cut yourself off with a surprised scream as Satoru effortlessly hoists you with one arm, puts you over his shoulder and walks in the direction of your bedroom. Once you’re in there, he lightly tosses you on the bed, then yanks off his blindfold. His eyes are dark with a mixture of the hunger you saw earlier, and frustration.
“No more bullshit,” he says as he climbs over you, gathering your wrists and pinning them above your head. “If someone else interrupts, I might just hollow purple them.” When he kisses you, it’s far more intense than he’s ever kissed you today. His tongue explores your mouth, and you moan from the dizzying, yet pleasurable sensation. It’s not long before you’re both panting. His hands grip your shirt, and the sound of fabric tearing fills your ears. You gasp, your mouth falling open in shock when the scraps of your shirt as well as your bra are tossed aside.
Satoru is breathing hard above you, nearly drooling as he stares at your upper body, his white hair beautifully framing his face. He dives in and sucks one of your nipples into his mouth. Your back arches off of the bed when you feel his tongue swirl around the sensitive bud, and you whine his name needily. He moans, alternating between using his teeth to leave gentle love bites on your tits and using his tongue on your nipples. It’s messy, greedy, and you don’t ever want it to stop.
Finally, he kisses further down your stomach, pulling down your leggings along with your panties and tossing them to the bedroom floor. He spreads your thighs, then licks a long stripe up your pussy, a loud, shameless groan of relief escaping him when he finally tastes you. “Oh, fuck, I’ve missed you so much, baby,” he sighs, and he smiles devilishly up at you as he readjusts his hold on your thighs. “Think this pussy missed me just as much, if not more. She’s fucking soaked.”
He only gives you a split second to take a breath to prepare yourself, then he’s devouring you as if he were poisoned and the antidote was inside of your pussy. His tongue swipes expertly across your folds, then it flicks against your clit. You bury your hands into your hair as pleasure zips through your body, the rest of the world fading away until all that’s left is you and Satoru. “Toru- Ohhhhh shit, baby. Fuck-” You gasp desperately when he gently sucks your clit into his mouth. He’s moaning loudly, drunk off of the taste of your pussy and from the feeling of you pulling his hair.
You grind your hips against his face when you feel a knot beginning to form in your lower stomach, your breath stuttering as it tightens. You knew that this orgasm was going to blow any orgasm you gave yourself during the last two weeks while he was away on business completely out of the water. “Fuck, ‘m gonna cum,” you manage to tell him in between pants. “Oh, god, Toru, right there, right there, right there-” You feel your body begin to clench, ready to release.
But then, Satoru stops.
You whine frustratedly as your orgasm fades away before you could reach it, looking down at your boyfriend in between your thighs, who’s smiling deviously. “That was for laughing at me earlier,” he says after licking the rest of your juices off of his lips. “Not so funny now, is it?””
On a normal day, you’d be stubborn and attempt to piss him off, but today was different. Your head rests on the pillow, and your chest rises and falls with every pant, groaning in defeat. “Satoru, please,” you beg, keeping your voice as low as possible so he doesn’t hear the utter desperation.
Satoru feigns confusion, and you see the pure delight in his eyes. Little shit. “Sorry, baby, what was that?” he asks.
“Please,” you repeat louder. “Make me cum.”
He hums as he pulls off his shirt. “I’ll think about it.” He stands up, and you sit up to help him with his pants, eager to taste him and take his cock down your throat. You pull his underwear down, and he stops you when he catches onto what you’re doing. “Another time, baby. Right now, I just really need to fuck you.” He kisses you once, and you moan at the taste of yourself on his lips. “It’s been too long. Lay back.”
You lie back on the mattress, and he grabs your legs to gently pull you towards the edge of the bed, then places them on his shoulders. He slides his cock in, and the both of you moan in relief. Satoru doesn’t waste any time and starts fucking you fast, which you two needed. Being separated for two weeks on top of the usual stress of missions and teaching was horrible for you both. “Ohhhh, fuck,” Satoru moans loudly, not caring if anyone else heard, his eyes practically rolling into his head from the pleasure. “Shit, baby, you feel so fucking good.”
He slows the speed of his thrusts, but intensifies them by going harder, the salacious sounds of his hips meeting yours filling the room. Satoru looks down at you, taking in the o-shape of your mouth, your closed eyes and the way you're gripping the bedsheets as you whimper his name. He has to bite the inside of his mouth so he doesn’t cum too quickly.
“Sat- Satoru,” you moan out deliriously as you open your eyes, gasping when his cock perfectly hits your g-spot. “Fuck, you’re- Ah- so deep.” Tears blur your vision, and your boyfriend chuckles as he leans down closer to you, his thrusts relentless. Satoru kisses your cheek, then uses a thumb to wipe away a tear.
“Aw,” he coos condescendingly into your ear. “You cryin’?”
Your nails drag down his back, and he reaches in between where your bodies are connected to rub gentle circles on your clit. You feel that knot begin to form again, far more intense than before since you were edged earlier. “F-Fuck, Toru, I-” You’re cut off when his mouth meets yours for another messy kiss. He continues rubbing your clit, and you whimper behind his lips. He groans when your pussy begins to tighten around his cock. You grip his shoulders to steady yourself as your breathing begins to come out in short bursts.
“Let go, baby, it’s okay,” Satoru purrs into your ear. “Cum for me. Let me feel you.”
Your legs tense, your toes curl, and stars fill your vision as your orgasm takes you by force. You’re screaming his name as your body trembles, and Satoru murmurs encouragement into your ear as he fucks you through it. “Thaaaat’s it, pretty girl,” you hear, then he groans, also so close to finishing, his thrusts growing sloppy. “Fuck, baby...”
Though you’re dizzy from your orgasm, you muster enough focus to kiss him. You stroke his face, lovingly run a hand through his hair, then wrap your legs around his waist to bring him in even closer, encouraging him to give everything to you. You wanted him to cum—needed him to. The kiss and the faint pulsing of your pussy pushes him over the edge, and Satoru moans loudly into your mouth as he stills, spilling his thick load deep within you and coating your walls. He cums hard, his grip on you tightening as he breathes heavily. Finally, he collapses, but is careful not to crush you with his weight.
Both of you are silent for a moment, remaining with each other as you mellow in the aftershocks of your orgasms. “Shit,” Satoru breathes out with a small laugh. “I don’t think I’ve ever cum that hard before. I thought I blacked out for a second.”
You laugh with him, then press a kiss to his forehead. “Welcome home.”
“Happy to be back. Missed you like crazy. Can’t believe I had to wait all day for that.”
“Missed you too, and same here, but you gotta admit, it was funny.”
Satoru tenderly smiles down at you, and your heart stutters at the sight of it. You were always weak for that specific smile. “It was, but, uh… you wanna know something else that might be funny?”
“Hm?”
“We broke the bed.”
“....What?”
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a/n: I just had to add "the" line lol. I couldn't resist.
#jjk x reader smut#gojo smut#gojo x reader smut#satoru smut#satoru x you#satoru gojo x reader#written by rey <3#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#my writing#gojo x reader#satoru gojo smut#gojo x you#gojo satoru smut#gojo imagine#satoru imagine#sorry y'all I was horknee af
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