#you then season that heavily with Camelot

[the-bed-gremlins-reading-list]

correct me if i'm wrong the people of ausones has the same heritage or culture to where hallis come from? (forgot what the isles are called)

like the religion to the ladies of water and wind are a bit different, like when halli mentioned that we have huge ass temples in ausones and it's kinda dramatic lmao

You're not wrong! At least not entirely.

Ausones as the city is now was founded by Kimbriki settlers. We're talking long enough ago that they've developed different cultures all their own now. Ausones has a lot of influence from other cultures as well because it's positioned itself as a trade center. (A lot of coastal or large river settlements would actually have Kimbric heritage or influence because of the way it's not uncommon for them to branch out from the isles, but typically they don't become independent. Ausones is one of the oldest examples and was founded in the continent's city-state phase though.)

The aspects Halli was calling dramatic tend to be the aspects typical of the continental sedentary cultures (large stone temples included). Kimbriki are semi-nomadic or entirely nomadic depending on the clan and jarl because of how poor the soil is and how bad the weather is for crops in the isles, most of their veg and grain is imported or stolen. Only the largest of their isles has a permanent city and it's used as the meeting place for the alliance of clans.

Ausones relies heavily on sea trade and fishing because of the relatively little farmland it has and it is located conveniently to control or have access to most of the northern sea lanes. It does have productive farmland however and its positioning geographically makes it quite a wealthy port.

They also share a lot of their gods because of that history but there are ones unique to each culture too and the manner in which they are worshipped different. Auberon's chosen patron gods, the ones he dedicates prayers to, are the twin goddesses, the Ladies of Wind and Waters. They are the city's patron gods as well and are among those highly venerated in the isles.

Ausones has a history of maintaining strong ties with certain Kimbric clans because it cuts down on piracy and raids, as well as their historical ties. Auberon's Knack is typical of Kimbriki magic, not mainland. The ability to cast into animals and ride with them is common in the Isles but not the continent. It's from their great-grandmother who was a jarl's daughter and a marriage alliance.

Ausones adopted the practice of sworn knights from the mainland. By the time of the story they are the only extant country to use that title since it had mostly been subsumed on Fantasia by the Nasenii practice of fideles due to imperial spread.

Additionally like all major trade hubs Ausones has immigrants from everywhere. A high percentage of those are Kimbriki because of how many jobs in Ausones have to do with sailing and shipping. They also have a large community of Ithellen refugees and smaller pockets of other immigrant groups.

Uuuuh. Hopefully that clears it up!

[someguyinc]

yknow a take on morgana pendragon's story i see often is that if merlin had told morgana about his magic in that moment where they were in his chambers alone that she wouldn't have turned to become evil,, i disagree,, i think that morgana as a character would have eventually turned to become evil and bitter even with merlin as a mentor if she'd learned his secret early in season 2.

let's not forget merlin himself is NOT the most stable of mentor options (not that gaius or kilgahrah or ANY of the druids were a great help either) but he didn't know what the fuck he was doing,, just trying his best consulting that outdated spell book and had cryptic messages from a conniving dragon who MIND YOU still wanted morgana dead and was manipulating merlin the whole time and gaius was a traitor to most magic people like,, he literally was pro-gaslight morgana

merlin also loved arthur, however you view that love (romantic, platonic, brotherly, whatever) merlin loved arthur more than he did magic. we see this multiple times with merlin choosing what kept arthur safe and happy over him doing what would be best for the old religion (fuck them too but that's another post),, major example being the episode with the disir where he straight up tells him there is no place for magic in camelot (which is crazy considering he IS magic made flesh but anyways)

morgana HATED. uther, she hated everything about him and for awhile she disgusted that hate as righteous fury, raining down terror and pain onto innocents (even other magic users) and justifying it as payback. she hated arthur as an extension of uther because that's what uther raised them both as (again another post for another time) and tried to kill him without even asking what his stance was on magic (i believe arthur would have immediately done some introspection and realized he was wrong but thats imo)

i think that eventually,, their two stances would have come to blows (merlin's love for arthur above his magic/morgana's hatred for uther above all else) and morgana would still go to immeasurable heights to murder uther once more, merlin would have stopped her (or tried) because he knew the pain it would cause arthur even if he hated uther too, and morgana would've hated merlin for getting in her way,, her anger triumphing her love for arthur (see: s1ep12: to kill the king)

i feel like often times i just see morgana painted as someone who just needed a little love and light,, when in reality she's been heavily abused and pit against arthur since she was like 10/11 (however old she came to Camelot) and is now a grown woman who is realizing she hates her abuser and everything he's done and wants to destroy him and everything he loves !!

likewise merlin was manipulated and gaslit and forced to become a compulsive liar and would've NOT !! been good for morgana and eventually everything would've gone to shit !!

they are worsties for better or much much worse

[sherlockruiningmylife]

I've wanted to do a good omens and merlin crossover for years and years and years. But I've just never gotten around to it because it intimidates me. I've had so many ideas for it though and just had another one related now to something from season 2 of good omens.

So, Merlin's magic is basically that of a god in the show. But if this were in the good omens universe, what if he registered as a angelic-type being with his magic. Like his magic was more miracle-esque than other magic. So when he gets to Camelot and starts saving Arthur every other day, his magic starts showing up in heaven. Say he stops time, and the angels get notified of a 2 lazarii level miracle. Then he blocks dragon fire without so much as a word. Not quite lazarii level but getting close. Or he pretty much comes back from the dead (aka doesn't discorporate) which is definitely at least 1 lazarii, but then when he does it again it's really maybe 4 or 5 lazarii.

So heaven is intrigued and slightly worried. They send their earth correspondent, Aziraphale, to investigate. Naturally hell catches wind of this and sends Crowley.

Not sure what happens after this. But I know for sure that shenanigans will ensue. And Uther will not take kindly to undercover agents of heaven and hell. And Merlin will be heavily suspicious of them no doubt.

Basically, I would really like to see this but crossover fics intimidate me to write so if it inspires you, please write it. And lmk!! I want to read it 😊

[magicalsniper]

9,832 words | Mature | One-Shot Author's AO3: MagicalSniper Story Link: An Heir is Borne

Summary: Arthur and Guinevere face a crisis when Arthur is found to be sterile, leaving the kingdom without an heir. Desperate, they turn to Merlin, who agrees to help them conceive a child through magic despite his own unrequited love for Arthur. However, little do they know, Merlin plans on leaving Camelot for good once Gwen falls pregnant.

0===][:::::::::::::>

An Heir is Borne

0===][:::::::::::::>

Beneath the starry sky of Arthur’s bed chambers that Merlin had placed one day for a prank but kept because Arthur loved it, Arthur’s hand found Gwen’s in a tremulous grasp. Gwen interlocked their fingers and closed her eyes, pressing her lips to his knuckles and letting out a shaky breath.

“Yet another month passes,” Arthur murmured as if the words were heavy on his tongue. His blue eyes, usually clear and sure, were clouded with sadness and self-doubt. “And still, no heir.”

Gwen sighed softly, shaking her head, her dark curls spilling over her shoulders. “Perhaps it is time to seek Merlin’s help,” she suggested gently. She understood her husband’s hesitance in getting their friend involved, but he might be their last hope. “He would never think ill of us.”

Arthur scoffed, rising from the edge of their bed. “Merlin wouldn’t think ill of us if we put him on a pyre to burn.”

“Maybe, but let’s not test that theory,” Merlin chirped as he entered the room with a large tray. He held the door for George, who was holding another large tray, and for Elisabeth, who was holding the water and wine jugs. He dismissed George and Elisabeth and walked up to the bed to lean against the left front bedpost, an eyebrow raised. “Why am I being put on a pyre?”

Arthur gave Gwen an uncertain look before sighing heavily. “Gwen and I have been trying to have a baby. We’ve yet to be successful.”

“Maybe your soldiers are just as stubborn as you,” Merlin quipped. He then grew serious, his face softening with genuine concern. “How long have you been trying?”

“About six seasons,” Gwen admitted, causing Arthur to wince. Merlin’s face mirrored their concern.

“And your monthly bleed is normal? I imagine so because once a month for like a week, Arthur complains and comp—”

“Shut it!” Arthur snapped, throwing a pillow at Merlin’s head. 

“There are tests we can try,” Merlin said as he caught the pillow and fluffed it before handing it to Gwen to place back on Arthur’s side of the bed. He tilted his head, shaking it slightly to get the hair out of his eyes. “Spells of fertility, to see what is happening.” 

“Are they dangerous?” Gwen asked, worry clouding her features.

“Only to Arthur’s pride,” Merlin said with a grin. He motioned for Gwen to come closer and, in a theatrical whisper, said, “he has to provide a sample for me.”

Arthur blanched. “What kind of sample?”

Merlin maintained a serious expression, though his eyes twinkled with mischief. “You need to ejaculate into a beaker for me. It’s the only way to get an accurate test with the spell. I could do it straight to your testicles, but then you risk frying the rest of them.” Arthur winced and moved his legs together. Merlin looked down at Gwen, “You can help him if he needs it, but honestly, if his sheets are anything to go by, he’s a semi-pro.”

“Gwen will not be helping me with that!” Arthur said, his face flushing with embarrassment.

“What, you want me to help you?” Merlin asked, finally allowing a small, reassuring smile to break through.

Arthur was at a loss of words for a moment, his face getting redder and redder as he struggled to form a sentence.

Gwen laughed and slapped Merlin’s shoulder gently, “Stop teasing him. He’s about to pass out.”

Merlin sighed heavily and shook his head at her, his tone light and affectionate. “You always take away my fun.” He straightened and motioned towards the table. “Why don’t we eat and discuss it more? If you are comfortable, we can start the tests tonight.”

“See, told you he could do it,” Merlin joked lightly later that evening as Arthur shoved the beaker with his sample into Merlin’s hands, refusing to meet his eyes.

“We will never speak of this again,” Arthur said through gritted teeth, standing beside Gwen on the other side of Merlin’s table. He squeezed her hand tightly, his heart feeling as if it were about to fall out of his chest.

Merlin’s chambers, which were across the corridor from Arthur and down the corridor from Gwen’s, were dimly lit. Tendrils of incense smoke rose, making the air feel heavy. Merlin drew intricate symbols on the table, his fingers leaving luminescent trails that glowed softly against the wood.

Arthur’s jaw was set firm as Merlin began to enchant, his voice barely above a murmur, yet it resonated through the room. Gwen’s eyes didn’t leave Merlin’s hands as, with careful precision, he dropped herbs into a chalice of water, each submerged with a pulsing ripple. The chalice's contents shimmered, casting an ethereal light that danced across their anxious faces.

Merlin placed the sample in the middle of the chalice, the liquid in the chalice now a vortex of swirling colours, each hue blending into the next. With a swift motion, he upturned the chalice, sending the contents to spread across the drawn circle.

The trio held their breath, watching the liquid stretch along the table, stopping within the confines. Arthur and Gwen looked up to Merlin for guidance, but his frown merely grew the dimmer the concoction got. 

Merlin stepped away from the table, sniffled and took a deep, shaky breath before vanishing everything from the table. “I’m so sorry.”

A sharp intake of breath from Gwen pierced the silence that followed. Tears welled in her eyes, but she held them back as she looked over at Arthur. 

Arthur stood frozen, the colour draining from his face, leaving him ghostly pale. The implications of Merlin's words were a blow more devastating than any enemy's sword. A sterile king—a broken link in the chain of succession—meant uncertainty and chaos for Camelot.

“Are you certain?” Arthur’s voice cracked, his usual confidence shattered.

“There is a minimal chance, if ever, that you will be able to sire a child,” Merlin responded softly.  He hesitated before reaching over and rubbing Arthur’s back as Gwen reached for Arthur’s hand, squeezing it. 

“Then we must discuss the next steps,” Arthur said, his voice steadying with resolve.

Merlin looked over at him, eyes flooded with curiosity. “Next steps, like assigning an heir?”

“That is one of the options,” Gwen admitted, pushing a strand of hair behind her ears. “I think this is better if we do it sitting down.”

Merlin summoned the chairs from the other side of the room and sat on the table, crossing his legs and leaning his elbows on his knees.

“I need a drink,” Arthur muttered, not even flinching when Merlin summoned the goblets and wine from his chambers and handed him and Gwen theirs. 

“We’ve discussed that if one of us—”

Arthur took a deep drink from his wine. “Is unable,” Arthur finished for her, his eyes locking into Merlin’s. “That we would seek help.”

"Help?" Merlin queried, his brow knitting in confusion. “Surely not—”

Arthur shook his head hard, “Nothing like my father had done. A surrogate or donor, depending on our needs.”

“A donor,” Merlin said slowly. He licked his lips, “who were you considering?”

“Well, you.”

“Me!?” Merlin’s reaction was immediate and visceral; he almost fell off the table in his shock. “Surely, you can’t mean—”

“The kingdom needs an heir,” Arthur interrupted, his voice edging towards a plea.

“Of course, but consider the ramifications,” Merlin countered, his voice rising in pitch. "If the child does not resemble you, questions will arise. The accusations against Gwen alone..."

"Could weaken Camelot further," Arthur conceded, his expression darkening.

“Beyond the whispers of infidelity, there is the matter of lineage,” Merlin pressed on, his hands gesturing emphatically. "The legitimacy of your rule, the stability of the realm—it all hinges upon the perception of a rightful heir."

“We thought of all that, which is why it has to be you,” Gwen said with finality. 

Merlin dropped his hands into his lap, “I don’t follow.”

“We announce that you will be the child’s sire—”

“Are you insane?” Merlin screeched, “That’ll invite chaos and dissent.”

“Or it will be seen as the connection of Camelot to the magical community, something to make it stronger,” Arthur said, folding his arms across his chest. “A child, born to the Camelot throne, a child of Emrys…”

“But, Arthur, they will say you’re weak.”

“No, they will see we’re strong,” Arthur said firmly. “There have been times in Camelot’s history where an heir was not sired or had died early in life. The successful adopted heirs were those announced to the community, not hidden out of the King’s shame of not being able to sire one.” Arthur took a deep breath and looked into his friend’s eyes, a vulnerable smile on his face. “We can’t hide the fact that it will be your child, but we won’t have to.”

“Merlin, everyone loves you. Yes, there will be people against it, likely some of our counsellors, but the vast majority? They’d be proud to call your child a leader one day.” Gwen leaned forward and touched his knee, giving it a light squeeze. “The hope you would give the magical community—showing that you are helping grow Camelot into a haven for them—what better way than to give your child to rule the kingdom?”

“I…” Merlin glared down at his shoes, his fingers playing with his laces. “I don’t know about this…”

Arthur reached forward and took Merlin’s hand, squeezing it lightly before rubbing his thumb against the top. “Merlin, there is no one else in this world whom I trust as I trust you,” he began, his voice laced with an earnestness that Merlin hadn’t ever heard from him before. "You are my most loyal friend, my confidant, and the very soul of Camelot. Your intentions have always been pure, even when faced with the darkest times."

Merlin felt the room spin slightly, the gravity of Arthur's words anchoring him to the spot. He watched Gwen give them a slight, encouraging nod before she rose gracefully from her seat and retreated, leaving the two men alone.

"Arthur," Merlin started but was silenced by a gesture.

“Let me speak,” Arthur implored. "I have never doubted your loyalty nor your love for Camelot—and for us. If there is one man in this kingdom who could fulfil this role, who could help us in our most desperate hour, it is you, Merlin."

Merlin swallowed hard, the intimacy of the moment wrapping around him like a cloak. It was rare for Arthur to expose such vulnerability. "Arthur, this could bring unforeseen consequences upon us all," Merlin murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Perhaps," Arthur conceded, moving closer to sit shoulder-to-shoulder with his friend. "But without an heir, Camelot's future is bleak. You know as well as I that the realm's stability rests upon our lineage. Without it, the kingdom will fall into chaos, and the work we've done, the progress we've made towards uniting the five kingdoms—will be no more."

He knocked his shoulder with Merlin’s before pressing into his side.  "I would not ask this of anyone else, Merlin," Arthur continued solemnly. "You are the one person in this world, other than Gwen, whom I can trust with anything—my life, crown, and heart. You have stood by me through trials that would have broken lesser men. You've saved my life more times than I can count."

"Arthur, you are my king, my best friend," Merlin replied, caught in the intensity of Arthur's blue gaze. "Your request is... it's not something I ever imagined."

"Nor I," Arthur admitted. "But here we are, and I find myself asking you to help us in a way that goes beyond anything I have ever asked. I know that you love us, Merlin, and I know that you would never use this as an excuse to seek the crown."

Silence followed, Merlin unable to come up with any reasonable retort.

"Think on it, Merlin," Arthur said finally, his hand dropping away as he stepped back, allowing Merlin the space to process the enormity of the proposition. "This is not just about us—it's about the future of Camelot."

Merlin sighed heavily and licked his lips, his fingers twisting into the bottom of his tunic. His eyes, usually shining with joy, now flickered with an emotion that seemed to wrestle between profound duty and personal turmoil.

"Arthur," Merlin began, his voice steady despite the storm of thoughts raging in his mind. "I will consider your request, but know that this is not a decision I can make lightly or quickly."

Arthur nodded sharply, "I understand. And whatever you decide, know that it will change nothing between us. You are my most trusted friend, and that is not contingent upon the answer you give."

"Thank you, Sire," Merlin replied, the formality of the title feeling suddenly inadequate for the moment. He glanced towards the door, feeling Gwen’s presence just beyond the wood. "I shall give you my answer by the rise of the next moon," he promised.

Arthur clapped a hand on Merlin’s shoulder before stepping away and leaving Merlin to his thoughts. As he stopped by the door, he glanced back at his friend. Merlin was still sitting upon the table, but now, his face was hidden in his knees, and his hands were running and pulling at the strands of his hair. With a sigh, Arthur opened the door and closed it softly behind him, joining his wife in the corridor. He wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin atop her head and kissing her crown.

"What if he says no?" Gwen whispered, her words fragile as glass.

"Then we will face that when it comes," Arthur replied, his voice unwavering even as his heart quaked with uncertainty. "We have overcome much, my love. We will overcome this, too.”

Gwen pulled away and took his hand, “Let’s go to sleep. It’s been a long evening.” 

As the night deepened around Camelot, the castle seemed to hold its breath, awaiting the decision that would shape the destiny of a kingdom.

And outside, beneath the veil of stars and the watchful gaze of the heavens, Merlin walked the cobblestone paths, his footsteps echoing softly against stone, the weight of a crown's future pressing upon his shoulders.

~o0o~

Merlin traced the contours of the wooden table with an absent-minded finger, his gaze distant as Gwaine and Lancelot entered his chambers. He greeted them with a melancholy smile and gestured for them to sit. He continued his musing, barely nodding in thanks when Gwaine slid a goblet of wine his way.

“What’s wrong?” Lancelot asked, pushing his hair from his eyes. “Another fight with Arthur?”

“No, it’s not that.” With a sigh, Merlin sat back in his chair, frown deepening. “The harvest moon is near, but the fields are barren.”

“What?” Gwaine leaned forward, his eyes narrowing in confusion.

“Someone is struggling to conceive,” Lancelot said softly, his features tightening as he caught the hidden meaning in Merlin’s words. “Arthur and Gwen?”

Gwaine snorted. “Of course, it’s them. Who else would you be this down about?”

Merlin opened his mouth to argue but stopped, knowing it was pointless. “They asked me to help them have a child.”

Gwaine stood up abruptly. “Are they insane!? How could they ask that of you?” His voice was a low growl, his hands clenching into fists. He glared over at Lancelot, who put a calming hand on his shoulder and lightly pushed down to get Gwaine to sit back.

Merlin’s eyes watered, and he took a deep breath to calm himself. “I’m their last hope. If I don’t help them, who will?”

Lancelot leaned forward and took Merlin’s hand, squeezing it gently. “My friend, it is noble to consider this, but at what cost to your own heart?”

Merlin smiled sadly. “My love for Arthur will always be unrequited. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do something that will make them immeasurably happy.”

Lancelot and Gwaine shared a look. “It’ll tear you apart to watch Arthur and Gwen raise a child that you helped create,” Gwaine said, his voice softening with concern.

Merlin scoffed. “Even if Arthur returned my affections, we’d never have children. And in either case, what am I to do?” Merlin’s voice became almost lyrical, giving both men pause. He only spoke like that regarding talks of Destiny, the Five Kingdoms, and Albion. It usually meant he had already made his choice, and they couldn’t stop him.

“He wouldn’t hate you, you know,” Lancelot said gently.

“Of course, but I’d hate myself,” Merlin admitted. “If I don’t help Arthur and Gwen when I easily could. I can’t forsake Camelot’s future for selfish reasons.” He paused momentarily, looking unsure about his next sentence. “Should I go through with it, it would mean I leave Camelot.”

Gwaine spat out his wine, and Lancelot patted him on the back as he coughed violently. “Leave Camelot!?” He slammed his goblet on the table, causing a small crack on the surface. “You are the core of this kingdom! There wouldn’t be a Camelot without you.”

Merlin looked down at the table, “Sometimes, even the core must be removed for the whole body to thrive.”

“That is absolute—”

“Gwaine,” Lancelot said forcefully.

“You can’t think this is okay!?” Gwaine turned towards him angrily. “Merlin’s given up everything for Arthur. He is going too far this time, asking him for something like this.”

“I agree, but our job as Merlin’s friends is to support him in what he chooses to do.”

“How is this even going to happen? You have no interest in having sex with a woman,” Gwaine said, turning back to Merlin.

Merlin scrunched up his nose. It was true. There was only one woman he ever had an interest in sleeping with, and she was no longer a viable option. “There’s a spell one can use to transfer sperm into an ovum without the physical touch required of sex. It has to happen minutes after release for it to be effective, which is—”

“Weird,” Gwaine said bluntly. “What are you going to do, pleasure yourself with them in the room watching?” Gwaine scoffed and leaned back in his seat, crossing his legs. “I didn’t know voyeurism was a kink of yours.”

Merlin frowned at Gwaine, “It is not—”

“I’ll go with you,” Gwaine said with a heavy sigh. “When you leave Camelot.” he elaborated at Merlin’s confused look.

“Myself as well,” Lancelot said. “You won’t have to go through this alone, my friend.”

Merlin met with Arthur and Gwen early the following day for breakfast as usual. His mind was a vortex of entropy, and his emotions only held up marginally better. Upon reaching Arthur’s chambers, he paused to gather the last vestiges of composure before he had what was arguably the most important talk they’d ever had.

With a deep breath, he knocked and entered, finding Arthur and Gwen already at their table and having started breakfast. Gwen shot him a brilliant smile and pushed out the chair on the other side of the table. “Merlin, come join us.”

Merlin walked over slowly, each step heavy with the weight of his decision. He sat down gingerly on the edge of the chair, feeling their concerned gazes on him. Gwen frowned and reached over to grab a clean plate, piling on foods she knew he liked to eat before nudging it in front of him.

Arthur’s sharp eyes narrowed as he watched Merlin’s uncharacteristic hesitation. “What’s wrong with you?” he snapped, his voice a mix of worry and frustration.

Merlin bit his lip, then looked up at them, his heart pounding. He forced a smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll do it.”

Gwen gasped, her hand flying to her chest, her lips parting in shock. Arthur faltered, his eyes widening in surprise and something that looked like hope. “You’ll do it?” Arthur’s voice held a tremor that betrayed his usual fortitude.

“Yes,” Merlin confirmed, his gaze unwavering despite the storm inside him.

Gwen quickly got up from the table and circled Merlin, her arms wrapping around him tightly. “Thank you, Merlin. We can never repay you.” Her voice was thick with emotion, tears glistening in her eyes.

Arthur came up beside them and hugged Merlin, the warmth of their embrace both comforting and excruciating. Merlin pressed his face into Arthur’s shoulder, taking a shaky breath as he tried, failing to stop the tears in his eyes. He reached out and held them tightly, the reality of his decision sinking in.

“Think nothing of it,” Merlin said softly, allowing himself a moment to collect himself in their arms. “My only wish is to see you both happy and for Camelot to thrive.”

He gently extricated himself from their embrace, his heart aching with the loss he was about to face. “I’ll need a few days,” he said, keeping his voice steady despite the tempest brewing in his heart. “The specifics of the process require some preparation. It’ll take a bit to gather what is necessary and ensure everything is done correctly.”

“Take all the time you need, Merlin. We trust you completely,” Arthur said, his tone warm and filled with gratitude. It was subtle, but Merlin could hear the anticipation in his voice.

Gwen reached over, her touch light on Merlin’s forearm. “Is there anything we should do to prepare or be concerned about?”

Merlin shook his head. “It’s fairly simple, nothing like the one that ensured Arthur’s birth.” He paused for a moment, biting his lip. “You should use the time to come to terms with the fact that your child will likely have magic and be a dragonlord. My mother told me I was moving things before I was born—books flying, dancing vials, things like that.”

Gwen and Arthur were silent, causing Merlin to stutter out the following words. “I-I could bind the child’s powers. It isn’t dangerous if you do it before they are born, and it takes hold.” He offered, but the thought pained him more than he dared to admit.

“Absolutely not,” Arthur said firmly. “If our child has magic, especially magic inherited from you, Merlin, then it is meant to be nurtured. Any child with your gift... it could be nothing but pure and good.”

Gwen nodded her agreement, her eyes shining with determination. “They will know nothing but love and acceptance.”

Warmth bloomed in Merlin’s chest, a bittersweet mixture of joy and sorrow. “Thank you,” he managed to say, his throat tight with emotion. “I’ll begin the preparations at once.”

With that, Merlin excused himself to his chambers. Once there, he began to methodically gather the items he wanted to take, laying them out on his desk with a sense of finality. He separated his magic books from his personal effects, each item a memory of his time in Camelot. With a flick of his hand, he expanded the inside of his bag, the enchantment echoing the depth of his resolve. He carefully placed the books first, including the first book of magic he had received from Gaius. Next, he added his clothes and the small souvenirs he had collected over the years, each from various patrols, battles, feasts and festivals he joined.

At the top of the pile, he placed Arthur’s mother’s sigil, nestling it safely between the folds of his garments. The sigil was more than a token; it symbolised his bond with Arthur and the promise he had made to protect him. The last item he packed was a beautiful sapphire cloak with the Pendragon crest embroidered in gold thread on the front. It was a gift from Arthur and Gwen when he was made Court Sorcerer, a cherished reminder of their friendship and trust in him.

As the quiet hours of the night wore on, Merlin sat at his desk and wrote goodbye letters to his closest friends. Each letter was a labour of love, gratitude, and sorrow, the words flowing from his heart like a bittersweet melody. He poured his soul into each stroke of the pen, knowing that these letters would be the last pieces of himself he could leave behind.

With the first light of dawn cresting over the horizon, Merlin placed the notes in the top drawer of his desk. He had arranged for them to be delivered a day after he left Camelot, ensuring that there would be enough distance to prevent his friends from finding him too soon. Deep down, he knew they would come looking for him, driven by the same love and loyalty that bound them together.

The following day, Merlin steeled himself to fulfil his promise as the castle stirred to life. He would catalyse a future for Camelot that shimmered with hope, even if it meant walking away from the life he had known. His heart ached with the weight of his decision, but Merlin knew this act of deep loyalty and love would shape the destiny of the kingdom he cherished. As he took his final steps away from the castle he had called home, he felt the bittersweet pang of a new path unfolding before him, one marked by sacrifice and the unyielding strength of his heart.

~o0o~

The moonlight streamed through the stained glass window, casting a kaleidoscope of colours across Arthur’s chamber. The room, usually a sanctuary of comfort for Merlin, now felt suffocating with tension.

Merlin closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, hoping the warmth of the fire would ease his tension. He panted, his tongue circling two fingers before pressing them into his mouth. His left hand trailed down to his hip, rubbing slow circles. But nothing worked. Frustrated, he ran his hands through his hair and growled, leaping up from Arthur’s bed. The weight of Arthur and Gwen’s stares was unbearable.

"I can't do this with you both staring at me," Merlin snapped, his cheeks flushing crimson.

“You can go into the antechamber. I had George clean it out this morning,” Gwen suggested encouragingly.

Merlin nodded stiffly and walked to the antechamber, closing the door firmly behind him. He began to pace, anxiety mounting. If he didn’t do something soon, he wouldn’t be able to help Arthur and Gwen.

Two knocks on the door preceded Arthur’s entrance. Merlin stiffened, turning slowly, barely meeting Arthur’s eyes.

“I can’t do it with just you watching me either,” Merlin snarked, rubbing his sweaty hands on his pants.

Arthur raised his hands placatingly. “I was thinking… well, maybe I could…” A blush crept up his cheeks, and Merlin raised a brow. “I could help you.”

“Unless you can vanish on command,” Merlin retorted, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. “I fear not.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Arthur scoffed. “What is a little help between us? The knights do it all the time.”

“I’m not a knight,” Merlin pointed out. “And you can’t—”

Arthur waved his hand dismissively. “Nonsense, it wouldn’t be a hardship.” His eyes glinted mischievously but held sincerity. “I assure you.”

Merlin bit his bottom lip, torn between his desire and the potential consequences. This might be his one chance to be with Arthur the way he wanted, but Arthur didn’t know of his feelings. Still, Arthur had offered...

His heart stuttered in his chest as he nodded slowly. 

Arthur closed the distance between them, his steps unhurried as he lightly pressed a hand to Merlin’s chest and pushed him backwards until his knees met the bed. Merlin toppled over and reached out to grab Arthur in his shock. 

He took a shuddery breath and let go of Arthur’s tunic. Perhaps this hadn’t been such a good idea after all. He was suddenly reminded of the power and pain of loving someone out of reach and how this would likely only damage him more. Merlin swallowed thickly and shakily undid his pants before pushing his shirt up his chest before he could back out.

The room was chilly, causing him to suck in his stomach at the sudden temperature change, but he forced himself to relax, take deep breaths and block out everything else other than what was happening.

Arthur made to slide down to his knees when Merlin grabbed his tunic and pulled up until their faces were mere centimetres apart. “What’s wrong?” Arthur asked softly, his breath warming Merlin’s face.

“Kings should never be on their knees,” Merlin said firmly, ignoring the pleasure that shot through him at the very thought.

Arthur chuckled and rolled his eyes, placing a gentle hand on Merlin’s thigh as his other slowly freed his hardening cock. Merlin’s breath hitched as Arthur’s hand, calloused from years of wielding a sword, closed around him with unexpected gentleness. “For you, Merlin, I’d gladly walk on my knees.”

A violent shiver coursed down Merlin’s spine at the words, and he couldn’t help but lean into the sensations Arthur’s skilled hands evoked. It had been too long since he had felt this close to another, and the moment's intimacy was overwhelming.

Arthur leaned forward and nuzzled against the top of Merlin’s thigh, his breath ghosting over his cock, causing him to shiver as it rushed across the wet head. Merlin couldn’t help the strangled noise that escaped his lips as he pushed Arthur’s head off of his thigh before his hands flew up to cover his face as he felt tears begin to well in his eyes. 

He grabbed a pillow and hid his face in it, covering the rest of it with his arm. With his other, he reached down and started to run his fingers up and down his chest, sharp nails catching on a nipple, leaving him to buck into Arthur’s hand with a groan.

Arthur squeezed and twisted his hand over the head of Merlin’s cock, causing a drop of pre-cum to weep from the tip. He gently took a finger and rubbed against the slit. Merlin’s breathing hitched, and Merlin knew he couldn’t take much more. “Keep doing that,” he gasped, his voice thick with need.

Arthur slightly altered his touch to firmly rub from base to tip, collecting the precum as it dropped and massaging it into the head and shaft. “You’re so wet for me,” Arthur leaned up and whispered in his ear. Merlin’s toes curled in his boots, and he bit back a moan. It was too much, yet not enough, as his body yearned for more.

“I-I’m close,” he managed to ground out, his fingers pulling at his hair.

“Come for me, Merlin,” Arthur whispered in his ear, and it was that, the tender way Arthur spoke his name, that sent him over the edge.

Merlin’s climax crashed through him like a tidal wave, and he arched his back, crying out as pleasure surged through every fibre of his being. The world seemed to momentarily swirl around him as white-hot ecstasy coursed through his veins, and he barely registered the vial pressed against the tip of his cock.

The room fell silent as he panted for air. He squeezed his eyes shut, but it did nothing to hold back the tears that began to fall from his face. When he opened his eyes, he saw that Arthur was looking at him with an expression he couldn’t quite place.

As his breath steadied, his chest rising and galling with a pace that slowly returned to its usual rhythm, he righted himself, feeling the familiar pull of his protective facades snapping back into place as he sniffled and wiped his face one last time. Avoiding Arthur’s gaze, he forced a cheerful tone. “We should get back to Gwen.”

Arthur’s concern still lingered in his eyes, the intensity of the moment they shared hanging between them, but Merlin deftly manoeuvred past it. He wasn't about to let Arthur see how profoundly the act had affected him— not when this was to give him and Gwen the thing they wanted most in the world.

"Merlin," Arthur started, but Merlin raised a hand, halting any words that might further strip away the layers he hastily rebuilt.

"Really, Arthur. Gwen needs us," Merlin insisted, the smile plastered on his face, not quite reaching his troubled eyes. With an unsteady step, he grabbed the vial from Arthur’s hand and moved towards the door, eager to distance himself from the intimacy of the antechamber.

Gwen awaited them on Arthur’s bed. She sat cross-legged, embroidering something into a thick leather band resembling what Arthur sometimes wore around his wrist. She looked up and smiled at him softly, gently putting what she was working on to the side to give him her full attention.

“Feeling relaxed?” He asked lightly, coming up beside her and sitting on the bed.

“Of course,” Gwen replied. “I trust you, Merlin.”

He nodded and rolled the vial in his hand before he began, taking one more silent moment before things changed forever. 

Merlin began the incantation with practised movements, his fingers weaving through the air as ancient words flowed from his lips. A warm glow emanated from the vial, casting dancing shadows upon the stone walls. 

Arthur had gone to sit on Gwen’s other side and grabbed her hand, watching Merlin carefully as he completed the ritual. The magic swirled around them, and the trio fell silent as they waited, the seconds stretching into an eternity. The vial suddenly shone with a brilliant burst of light, marking the success of their endeavour.

Arthur and Gwen laughed, unbelievable huffs as they stared at her womb that was confirmed to now be with child. Merlin couldn’t help but mirror their reaction, although he much felt like sobbing in relief. Thanking any deity, he could say that he didn’t have to go through the routine again, and he didn’t think he would be able to do it a second time. 

“Do they have magic?” Gwen asked softly, holding her hand protectively over her womb.

Merlin closed his eyes and listened, feeling the pulse of magic around him. It was faint, but he felt a slight tug of magic coming from Gwen that he never had before.

“Yes,” he confirmed. “It is hard to tell how much they’ll have right now.” He smiled tightly, “Although, even a small amount of magic will keep you on your feet.”

“I’ve had good practice,” Arthur smirked before reaching down and pulling Merlin to his feet. Merlin stood uncertainly when suddenly he found himself enveloped in a tight embrace, first from Gwen, whose gratitude was palpable in every line of her body, and then Arthur, who wrapped strong arms around them.

"Merlin," Gwen began, her voice thick with emotion, "I don't know how we can ever repay you for this gift."

"Your happiness is payment enough," Merlin replied, the words barely above a whisper. His face was still partially concealed behind his hands as he fought to master the surge of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him.

"Still, we owe you more than words can say. You've given us hope, Merlin—hope for a future that seemed out of reach."

Merlin buried his face in Arthur’s neck, trying to hide the tears he was trying and failing to keep from falling. “We owe you everything,” Arthur whispered in his ear as he pressed his forehead to Merlin’s temple. 

“Anything for you,” Merlin said lightly, subtly rubbing his face against the cloth on Arthur’s shoulder before pulling away. “I’m going to go to bed; this took a lot out of me.” 

"Of course, Merlin," Arthur said, concern lacing his tone as he observed the sorcerer's sudden, weary posture. "We will see you in the morning."

“Good night, Merlin,” Gwen said with a wide smile.

“Goodbye,” he managed to say, his voice steady despite the fatigue that dragged at his limbs like chains. He offered them a smile that was more tired than joy, unable to give them anymore. He only hoped Arthur was too distracted to read through him.

He paused with his hand on the doorknob and turned back one last time to look at them. Arthur and Gwen were huddled together on the edge of Arthur’s bed, their hands pressed to her stomach and their smiles bright. 

With a deep breath, he nodded to himself and stepped out into the corridor, the click of the door closing behind him echoing like a final note in a long and arduous symphony.

Merlin made his way through Camelot's dimly lit stone corridors, his steps slow and reflective. The torches flickered on the walls as he passed, casting shadows that matched his tumultuous emotions. With his possessions over his shoulder, he allowed his feet to take him to his final destination before he left Camelot for good.

Gaius’ chambers were as familiar to Merlin as his own heartbeat, a sanctuary within the vastness of the castle, second only to Arthur’s chambers. Pushing open the door, he saw Gaius bent over a scroll, his brow furrowed in concentration. The old man looked up, his gaze sharpening upon seeing the weariness in Merlin’s features.

"Merlin, what is it?" Gaius asked, concern instantly flooding his voice.

"The ritual... was successful," Merlin began his voice a low murmur that carried the weight of his relief and exhaustion. Gwen is with the child."

Gaius rose from his seat, a smile blooming on his face. "That's wonderful news, truly," he said, clasping Merlin's shoulder affectionately. "And the magic?"

Merlin hesitated for a fraction of a moment. "They have at least a small portion of magic. I was able to feel it already. This means I need you to guide them, Gaius. Teach them to harness their power, to use it wisely."

"Of course," Gaius nodded, his eyes narrowed slightly, reading something unspoken in Merlin's stance. "But you speak as if you won't be here to see it yourself."

Merlin's gaze dropped to the floor, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. When he lifted his eyes again, an implacable resolve was within them. "I am leaving Camelot," he declared, the words resolute yet thick with emotion. My path... it lies elsewhere now."

"Merlin, you can't mean this," Gaius protested, the distress evident in his voice. "After everything, you would turn your back on Camelot? On Arthur?"

"It's not a matter of turning my back," Merlin's response was swift, tinged with sorrow. "It's about being needed elsewhere. There are rumours that Cenred’s up to his tricks again, taking young sorcerers from their parents and turning them into slaves. I must put a stop to it, and I cannot stay tethered to Camelot’s gates if I want any chance of doing so."

"Reconsider this," Gaius implored, reaching out as if trying to anchor Merlin to the present physically. "You can’t go off to fight a war alone, and you are needed here in Camelot with Arthur."

"Arthur has his queen and, soon, an heir," Merlin countered, his tone gentle yet unyielding. "He is no longer the young prince who needed guidance at every step. And you, Gaius, you are more than capable of guiding him in my steed. Should the need arise, seek help from the Druids. They will help if they know I sent you."

"Merlin—"

"Promise me, Gaius," Merlin interjected, his eyes locking onto those of his mentor. "Promise me you'll look after them."

"I promise," Gaius acquiesced, the fight draining from him as he recognised the finality in Merlin's decision. "But my worry is not who will look after them but who will look after you."

Merlin scoffed, “I don’t need looking after.” He paused and sighed heavily, “I thank you for everything. I wouldn’t be where I am today without you.”  Merlin said, his voice barely above a whisper, imbued with a lifetime of gratitude and unshed tears. With a last lingering look, he turned and strode from the room, leaving behind the flickering torchlight and the man who had been his teacher and anchor.

As he walked through the corridors and out the castle entrance, he thought of the countless mornings awoken by the bustle of servants, the late nights spent pouring over ancient texts with Gaius, and the stolen moments of quiet conversation with Arthur under the stars. He couldn’t help but stop once he was at the castle gates and stare up at the castle, unable to hold back the tears that fell. He laughed wetly, with how many times he’d cried that evening. He could hear Arthur’s voice in his mind calling him a girl.

"Goodbye, my friend," he murmured, not sure if he addressed the castle, its people, or the memories they held. With a finality that resonated in his core, Merlin stopped before the gate when he caught sight of the two shadows waiting for him.

“Are you ready to go, Merlin?” Lancelot asked softly, and Merlin turned back towards the castle one last time, strengthening his resolve.

“Yes… let’s go.”  And with that, he strode through the gates of Camelot with his two close friends at his side, his silhouette melting into the misty dawn, ready to embrace whatever trials awaited him beyond the safety of the kingdom's walls.

~o0o~

It was rainy that morning; the firelight from the fireplace spilling across the stone floor of Arthur’s chambers did nothing to warm his chambers. There was a knock at the door before it slid open, revealing George, his footsteps confident as he strode into the room with Arthur’s breakfast. 

“George?” Arthur’s brow furrowed in surprise as he peeked out from behind the changing partition, his blue eyes searching for Merlin’s absent figure. “Where is Merlin?” he stepped out from behind it, straightening his shirt and approaching the table.

“I am not certain about Merlin’s whereabouts, Sire,” George said, setting the tray down with a clatter that still disrupted the morning. “I received word this morning that I was to attend to you until further notice.”

Arthur’s hand paused mid-reach for a piece of honeyed bread, a flicker of concern passing over his face before he dismissed it with practised ease. “Very well,” he conceded, but he certainly wasn’t happy about it. Merlin was wont to the occasional and unexplained absence. He picked up the bread and bit into it without further comment, barely glancing at the sealed parchment lying innocently beside his plate. 

He would never admit it, but he jumped when Gwen burst through the doors, her breath coming out in short, urgent gasps. Her distress sent a jolt of alarm through Arthur, causing him to drop his bread. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“It’s Merlin,” Gwen said, her voice barely above a whisper, his brown eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

“What’s happened to Merlin!?” Arthur asked frantically.

“He’s gone.”

“Gone, what do you mean he’s gone?” Then, he noticed the note clenched in Gwen’s shaky hands. 

His fingers closed around the crumpled parchment and pulled it towards himself. His eyes quickly scanned the familiar script that scrawled across the page, each word etching itself into his mind.

“I write to you with a heavy heart,” he read aloud, incredulity colouring his tone. “I realise that notice of my absence during this profound moment in your lives will likely cause you disappointment and perhaps some sorrow.” Arthur coughed, feeling his throat tighten, and thought it best to continue reading silently. 

Should you find yourself in need of guidance regarding your child’s gifts, I Implore you to seek the wisdom of the Druids. Tell them Emrys sent you. I cannot express how deeply I regret not being there to offer guidance myself, especially knowing the weight of responsibility that rests upon your shoulders now. Please believe me when I say I have the utmost faith in both of you as parents. The love and dedication you have shown me, not to mention countless others and yourselves, will undoubtedly shape your child into a beacon of hope and strength that will carry forth the noble legacy of Camelot that you and Arthur have courageously upheld. I apologise that I will not be there for the birth of your child nor to watch them grow. Please know that though I am not physically there with you, my thoughts will remain with you, Arthur and your child.  With heartfelt apologies and sincerest wishes for your happiness and prosperity, Merlin

Arthur breathes out a shaky breath and goes to sit at the table. His arm reaches out to grab his water goblet when his wrist brushes against the parchment by his plate. He frowns and opens the letter. It contains only two simple sentences.

I can’t stay. I’m sorry. Merlin

Arthur’s fingers trembled as they crumpled the edges of the parchment, his heart stuttering in his chest. The short message, stark against the creamy background, blurred before his eyes as a maelstrom of emotions surged within him—betrayal, confusion, and an aching sorrow clawed at his throat.

“Merlin,” he whispered, the name a plea and a curse all at once.

He rose abruptly, his chair scraping harshly against the stone floor. With swift strides, he made for the council chambers, snapping at the guards there that they were to gather the Knights of the Round Table immediately. The Round Table loomed as he entered, its polished surface reflecting the flickering torchlights— what was once a beacon of unity was now shadowed by absence.

As the others filed in, he noticed two notable absences. “Where are Sirs Lancelot and Gwaine?” he demanded, his voice ringing through the room. 

Sir Leon stepped forward, solemnity etched in his features. In his outstretched hands were two sealed parchments, their wax seals broken. “They sent these this morning,” he said, his tone laced with regret.

Arthur snatched the parchments from Leon’s grasp, eyes scanning the words. “Resignations, they’ve gone with Merlin.” On the one hand, he was devastated to lose not only one but three of his closest friends, but on the other, he was grateful to Lancelot and Gwaine for not allowing Merlin to leave Camelot on his own. But despite the gratefulness, he still couldn’t help but wonder why. What had caused the three of them to leave Camelot?

“Prepare the horses,” Arthur commanded, his resolve hardening. “We ride at once.”

“Arthur,” Leon began cautiously, “Should we not consider—”

“No!” Arthur cut him off sharply. “We will find them all and bring them home. Camelot needs them.” I need them. 

He turned his heel, the cape behind him whispering across the stone floor as he strode from the table to prepare for the journey.

“Sire, if Merlin wishes to remain hidden, even the combined forces of Camelot will not be able to find him.”

Arthur stopped abruptly, his back to Leon. The muscles in his jaw clenched visibly. “I know Merlin’s heart, and it is one that beats in tandem with Camelot’s,” he said, his voice low but laced with intensity. It beats in tandem with mine.

“Perhaps it would be kinder to let him go,” Percy ventured, joining them with Elyan at his side. His voice was gentle. Understanding, yet it grated against Arthur’s resolve like a whetstone.

“Kinder?”Arthur spun around, his blue eyes ablaze. “Merlin is more than just our court sorcerer— he’s my… confidant, my closest ally.” He took a shaky breath, steadying himself against the emotions threatening to spill forth. “I can’t— I won’t— do this without him.”

The journey to Ealdor was undertaken with haste, leaving no room for doubt. The gallop of hooves, which pounded against the earth and stirred clouds of dust that rose like spectators in their make, could be heard for miles before they were at the treeline of the small village. Arthur rode at the forefront, his golden hair gleaming beneath the brim of his helmet, eyes fixed on the path ahead with steely determination.

Upon arriving, the familiar sight of Hunith’s cottage emerged from the soft mists of early dawn. She stood there as if she had been awaiting their presence, her face tight with worry.

“Arthur,” Hunith greeted, pulling him into a hug. She lifted herself on her tiptoes and kissed his forehead before moving away. Her voice was strained, her muscles tense with evident fear. “Merlin came through here last night.”

“Where did he go, Hunith?”

“Essitir.”

Arthur’s heart sunk links a stone in the depths of the ocean. “He’s gone to Cenrad’s castle?”

“To stop the war,” Hunith said with a grave nod. “As you’ve likely heard, the war between the castle and the magical beings of Essitir has taken a dire turn. He’s enslaving children from druid camps, erasing their memories and making it so they know nothing but of war.”

Of course, he had heard. It’s one of the only things Merlin had taken to talking about. Arthur knew he had been in talks with druid leaders about what their next move would be. Arthur had offered refuge to those who needed it, but they had to get into Camelot territory for it to come into effect. From what they had heard, Cenred had been making sure that none of them made it into the territory. 

“Merlin believes it’s his duty— as Emrys— to intervene.”

“That idiot,” Arthur breathed, his pulse quickening at the thought of his friend amidst the chaos of a magical battle with only Lancelot and Gwaine at his side. His hands clenched at his sides, the leather of his gloves creaking with the force of his grip. “And you let him go?” he demanded.

“What choice did I have?” Hunith says painfully. She glared up into his eyes, determination in her gaze. “You bring my son home safe, Arthur Pendragon.”

“Upon my honour,” Arthur vowed. “I will not rest until Merlin is safe and sound at home. 

He turned on his heel, his cape swirling behind him as he returned to his knights. The brisk air bit at his cheeks as he steered them, racing towards Essetir Castle.

The castle loomed ahead several candle marks later, its foreboding silhouette a stark contrast against the twilight canvas. 

“Prepare yourselves,” Arthur called, his voice cutting through the evening hair like a blade. He steeled himself, unaware of what would await them once they crossed the castle walls.

~o0o~

“Secure the perimeter,” Arthur commanded, watching as his knights dispersed. Their movements were methodical as they examined each still form that littered the ground, searching for survivors among Essetir’s fallen knights. 

Arthur’s heart pounded against his breastplate, a relentless drum that spurred him onward. With each step, he felt the oppressive weight of dread squeezing tighter at the possibility that Merlin might be found among the fallen.

“Please don’t let him be here,” he whispered to himself as his eyes scanned the sea of bodies, seeking the sorcerer's familiar dark hair and bright eyes. 

"Sire!" Sir Kay called, his tone laced with urgency but not despair—a sign that gave Arthur a sliver of hope. He strode toward the knight, feeling every echo of his plated boots resonate within the hollow chambers of his chest.

"Report," Arthur demanded.

"No sign of Merlin, Sire," Sir Kay responded, his face alight with relief. "He is not among the casualties. Nor are Sirs Gwaine and Lancelot,” he tacked on at the end.

A silent exhale escaped Arthur’s lips, the tension in his shoulders ebbing away. “Then we continue our search,” Arthur declared his words, a clarion call that rallied his knights once more. "Merlin and the others are here, somewhere. And we shall find them.”

They swept across the castle’s shadowed corridors, and the pungent scent of blood and smoke permeated the air, but when they listened closely, they could hear a murmur of voices that drew them toward the counselling chambers.

Arthur signalled his men to pause, his hand raised for silence. They edged closer, the murmuring growing clearer until they stood before the imposing oak doors of the chamber. With a nod from Arthur, he and Leon gently pushed open the doors.

The sight before them gave them pause. Merlin sat at the head of the table, surrounded by druid leaders whose faces Arthur remembered from treaty meetings the past couple of years. A dragon circlet rested upon Merlin’s brow, starkly contrasting his simple clothes. Merlin grimaced and shifted it as he spoke, obviously uncomfortable with it on him. Lancelot and Gwaine sat at either side of him, sharp eyes observing the meeting.

It wasn’t until Gwaine had leaned down that Arthur noticed the small girl cradled in Merlin’s arms. Her hair, as dark as a raven’s wing, stood in stark contrast to the white swaddling he had her in. Even from a distance, Arthur could see how her tiny fingers grasped at the air, unknowing of the chaos around her.

“What do you plan on doing with her?” Gwaine asked, brushing his fingers across the baby’s forehead. 

“I’ll adopt her,” Merlin said softly, each word deliberate, “since I killed her mother.” He looked up then, his blue eyes locking with Arthur’s. “Hello, Sire.” The words were tinged with a melancholy that only served to deepen the furrows on Arthur's brow. His heart hammered against his chest as he stepped forward.

"That is all you have to say to me?“ Arthur's voice came out sharper than he intended, a byproduct of the worry gnawing at him. “You up and leave Camelot, and when I find you, it’s amid a war with a baby." The confusion and betrayal bled into his words, mingling with an anger he couldn't wholly suppress.

Merlin's snark was immediate, a defence mechanism honed through years of banter. "Technically, you found me on the successful side of a war." He tilted his head, a wry twist to his lips that failed to reach his eyes.

"Merlin," Arthur started, his tone brooking no argument, "don't play the semantic game with me. You need to come home."

The room held its breath, waiting for Merlin's retort. Yet what came was not a quip or a jest but the calm, measured tone that Arthur knew presaged gravity. Merlin glanced down at the babe, whose dark eyes had fluttered open. He cooed softly, a gentle hushing sound, before lifting his gaze to meet Arthur's once more.

"There's nothing for me in Camelot anymore," Merlin began, his voice clear and steady. "We have to rebuild Essiter. It can't be without a king for long. As I am Emrys, I offered to take over at least temporarily." He cradled the child closer to his chest, protective and resolute. "We will build it into the magical kingdom it is supposed to be."

Arthur felt a piercing pang in his chest—was it loss, fear, or something else entirely? Merlin's words echoed in the chamber, a haunting melody of finality that threatened to sever the bond they had forged. The future of Camelot, the weight of his crown, it all paled beside the realization that the man before him, the one he trusted above all others, the keeper of his secrets and his unspoken desires, might just slip away like mist at the break of dawn.

"Merlin," Arthur's voice cracked slightly, betraying his desperation. "You've always been the one to guide me, to stand with me against whatever darkness threatened Camelot. I have needed you before, but I need you by my side now more than ever." His plea lay bare, stripped of the regal veneer that usually cloaked his words.

The knights around them shifted uneasily, the weight of their king's vulnerability as palpable as the tension that thickened the air. Merlin regarded Arthur with a poignant stillness in his eyes.

Rising from his seat, Merlin gently placed the baby into Gwaine’s arms. The knight's usual playful demeanour was subdued; his brow furrowed with concern at the drama between his king and friend unfolding.

Merlin walked over to Arthur, his movements deliberate, each step seemingly heavier than the last. He stood before the king, close enough to touch, reassure, and mend what was broken. Instead, he reached out with tender precision, straightened Arthur's rumpled chainmail, smoothed down the fabric of his cape with a careful hand, and finally adjusted the disarray of golden locks that crowned the brow furrowed with worry.

"You don't need me anymore," Merlin said softly, his voice laced with a quiet strength. In his eyes, there flickered the merest hint of power, the depth and wisdom of a sorcerer who had seen too much, felt too much, sacrificed too much.

Arthur's heart clenched at those words, at the resignation they carried. But he could not—would not—accept this decree. Not from Merlin. His hands itched to grip Merlin's shoulders, shake him, awaken the bond that surely couldn't have faded like the embers of a dying fire.

"Merlin," he began, the name a prayer, a command, a plea. But the words that would follow remained unspoken, trapped within the confines of a throat tight with emotion. Arthur Pendragon, King of Camelot, stood face to face with the man who had shaped his reign, who had saved his life time and again, who had become the very essence of what he fought for—and found himself at a loss for how to keep him.

"Merlin," Arthur repeated, his voice cracking with the strain of unshed tears. "That's not true!" The words burst from him like a clarion call, a desperate bid to hold onto something that was slipping through his fingers like grains of sand.

Merlin leaned forward, and for a moment, Arthur wondered if he would be granted reprieve, a sign that his plea had reached the enigmatic heart before him. 

Merlin's lips brushed Arthur's forehead, a whisper of contact that sent a shiver down Arthur's spine. A faint glow emanated from the touch, magic seeping into the gesture—a final gift or perhaps a silent apology.

"I'm sorry," Merlin murmured as he pulled away, leaving a lingering warmth on Arthur's skin. His voice was barely above a breath, yet it carried the gravity of an unchangeable verdict. "I love you, but it's for the best."

The simple words, spoken with such a gentle finality, shattered the last vestiges of Arthur's composure. To hear the confession of love intertwined with the thread of goodbye wove a tapestry of pain too complex to unravel. He watched, feeling hollowed out and bereft, as Merlin stepped back, the distance between them expanding more than just the physical space—it was the chasm of their diverging destinies.

Arthur was left standing amidst the echoes of what had been and what might never be, devastated and unsure of what the future held without the man who had become his compass in a world that demanded so much of a king. Merlin, his sorcerer, confidant, and cornerstone, had decided upon a path Arthur could not follow. And the crown upon his head felt heavier than ever before, a symbol of power that could not command the human heart.

[rosemaidenvixen]

Are there any major changes to canon you think you'll make in the sunshine au, other than the obvious? I've seen you talk about things you didn't like about wizards, and was curious if that meant you were gonna tweak it for the sake of the au

Oh I am definitely going to be doing a lot of tweaking to canon for the sunshine au.

As people have probably guessed already, Mary and Darci will be included in team Trollhunters from day one, and Barbara will be in the know from the start as well. Another major thing is that Douxie will join the main cast during the equivalent of TH season 3 and will be heavily involved in the battle of the eternal night. How the TH crew gets introduced to the Tarron siblings will also happen a little bit differently (Steve finds himself sworn to secrecy by two different groups and is very conflicted before he convinces them to talk to each other).

Then we get to the things I'm changing for salt related reasons...

First off the slaughter of the Janus order won't be just a thing that happens and is immediately forgotten about. The same with changelings in general; the beginnings of gradual acceptance of changelings into mainstream troll society is going to become a big plot point.

For the most part 3Below season 1 will be untouched, but for season 2 I'm planning on unkinking a lot of the major inconsistencies that were introduced (Krel needed to scavenge technology for weeks to build a Daxial array but can MacGyver together a wormhole generator with spare parts? No way. Kubritz's motivations changing on a whim based on what the plot demands? Fuck that.)

Speaking of inconsistencies, while the basic plot for Wizards will stay the same, the gang going back in time to Camelot and to make sure the battle of Kilahead goes as planned, I'm going to tweak events to actually keep a consistent continuity between the events of TH and Wizards. For starters, Merlin gave the amulet to the trolls several thousand years earlier, meaning Deya wasn't the first, and their trip back in time will be foreshadowed and built up for a long time leading up to it. Also Jim's transformation won't be undone, he'll remain a shifting halftroll permanently.

And for RotT I'm going to do what I'm doing to Wizards time a thousand. The Arcane order will actually be built up and foreshadowed as antagonists, that god-awful Steve mp//reg plot will not happen, all the characters and their individual arcs will line up with their journey to this point (no BS "Am I still the Trollhunter without the amulet") and when I say characters I mean characters, plural. Jim is a hero but he's not the hero, they're a team and each character will be given equivalent attention.

And most importantly there will be no time travel retcon ending. One of the major themes running through this series is that the world is rarely broken down into black and white options, we just have to choose the choices who's consequences we're able to live with. And I'm f*****g sticking to that. The group's victory will be hard won and bittersweet, not without sacrifice, but in the end they'll create a better world for both the mundane and the magical.

Sorry if I sound so salty I love Tales of Arcadia but it has some deep flaws especially with that dumpster fire movie.

[groundbreakingdot872]

Midnights - BBC Merlin-coded ✨Part 1

It’s me! hi, I’m the problem it’s me 👋 (equating every TS song to Merlin again 🙃)

Let’s roll! (for @firefly-fez 💖)

-*-

💜✨Lavender Haze 💜✨

Meet me at ✨MIDNIGHT!✨ ;)

-*-

…This is such a GWEN song it’s hard to hold it together

Gwen has had such an incredible development from season 1 to season 5, from painfully shy and reserved, to becoming much franker and more open about her own emotions and the state of the kingdom.

Every rewatch, seeing Gwen come into her own is so satisfying, and honestly, the only character development I could fully support: it's just very positive!

At the end of season 4, we see Gwen ascend the throne, which was a culmination of Morgana's prophesied vision but also the climax of the love story Gwen and Arthur had been building together from season 2...

She's dressed in LAVENDER, which is a color commonly associated with strength, vitality, leadership and peace; all of which are qualities we can associate with her character. I think that golden age post-Camlaan can be termed a lavender haze ✨💜 instead, as that's the color that best represents her.

Also, she just wears purple a lot! 😂

From s2's iconic purple dress with the embroidered corset (in 'Once and Future Queen') to s4's infamously remembered lavender dress ('Lancelot du Lac'), nearly all of Gwen's important moments have been in purple.

Her coronation gown in s4 (in both the vison and in 'The Sword and the Stone') are purple.

Purple is just her color!

In season 5, she wears a darker, more mature purple, which I think comes to represent her experience as carefully navigating her Queenship, as she's way past any 'rookie' mistakes that she might've made in those 5 years from s4 - s5.

However, I think this song could be a great interpretation of those doubts and insecurities of becoming Queen, and how Arthur's reassurance of her capability helped to put to rest any anxieties that plagued her.

To start, the beat of this song is this thrumming, electric rhythm I fell in love with almost immediately. Taylor's quick intro, "Meet me at Midnight" set the tone right away: this song is an elegant retelling of one woman's journey to prominence, with a sexy beat to accompany it!

[Pre-Chorus] I been under scrutiny (Yeah, oh, yeah) You handle it beautifully (Yeah, oh, yeah) All this shit is new to me (Yeah, oh, yeah)

Gwen has always admired Arthur's strength and gentle nature, 'he handles it beautifully', when it comes to ruling Camelot, and his advice and support is something she came to rely on heavily, in those first few years.

He was always quick to counter her doubt with the reassurance that she is just as capable, even if attending council meetings, drafting treatises and speaking with royal allies is all new to her, she can handle it all just fine!

I specifically remember an instance in "The Wicked Day" deleted scenes, where he pulls her away to give him advice in an alcove. They were discussing whether Arthur should be open to using magic to heal Uther, and when Gwen hesitated to guide him, he reassured her that her that 'he values her opinion above all others.' Arthur has always been Gwen's biggest cheerleader to speak up!

All of those years, she'd seen him manage the court and the knights from the sidelines. As a servant she had a unique perspective on his ruling, but never any authority to make changes herself. She did the best she could with what little she had, speaking up against any injustice or wrongdoing in Arthur's presence and absence.

Gwen was also a constant structure of support for her friends and Arthur, someone they could also rely on to give quick and valuable guidance.

All along, she had the traits of a capable Queen! She just needed the opportunity to prove it.

[Chorus] I feel the lavender haze creeping up on me Surreal I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say No deal The 1950s shit they want from me I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

I mean, the 'medieval-era shit-talking' was probably alone the same lines of talking down to Gwen, not only because she was a woman, but also because she was a servant and had no authority.

Of the main four (Merlin, Arthur, Morgana), Gwen had never been in a position of true power; either magic-born or of noble-blood. But the scene where she confronts Agravaine in 'The Darkest Hour Part 1' reminds everyone that her quiet strength and reserve is to be revered and was very much a brilliant tool for her to exercise against the egos of noblemen who thought so little of her.

Marrying Arthur and attaining Queenship was only a steppingstone for her to fully exercise her strategizing qualities and quick wit. By not 'giving a damn' to all the baseless things people had to say, of all the hardline decisions she would make as Queen, she was able to fully cement herself in power.

[Verse 2] All they keep asking me (All they keep asking me) Is if I'm gonna be your bride The only kinda girl they see (Only kinda girl they see) Is a one-night or a wife

I'm sure there was some heavy skepticism of Gwen and Arthur's relationship the entirety of season 4, either from Agravaine, or from other nobles of Camelot who couldn't entirely believe that Arthur had fallen in love with a serving girl...

Even amongst their close circle, there must have been some doubt on the longevity of their relationship (especially post- Lancelot du Lac). Truly, only Gwen and Arthur knew the strength of the love between them.

I think at some point, it was more of an open secret that Gwen and Arthur were together. Arthur wasn't entirely secretive about his affections (I mean a gaurd literally caught him sneaking off to Gwen's house in 'His Father's Son' 😂), and even after 'Queen of Hearts', they may have kept it on the down-low, but anyone who knew them well, could tell they were secretly still courting.

Gwen's fellow servants may have pitied her for pining after the prince, and then King, with no ring to show for it; and may have cautioned her to cut him off, before another 'politically valuable' marriage broke her heart.

Arthur may have, conversely, been mocked for letting Gwen pull his heart on a string and told to follow in his father's footsteps and marry advantageously.

However, the fact they both were able to put aside their doubts and marry for the sake of their enduring love, was more of a nod to their individual characteristics of quiet resolve, than trying to prove this 'status quo' wrong.

[Pre-Chorus] I find it dizzying (Yeah, oh, yeah) They're bringing up my history (Yeah, oh, yeah) But you weren't even listening (Yeah, oh, yeah)

OK, but this is such an 'Arthur' thing 😂

Sometimes he's just hilariously obvious to everything else, his impassioned 'I LOVE her' to Uther in 'Queen of Hearts' comes to mind immediately - the boy has eyes only for Gwen!

After the whole shade-Lancelot debacle, cheating rumors, Gwen's banishment and then sudden ascension to the throne, there were probably enough rumors swimming around to fuel traveling bard songs for years lmao

They're 'bringing up Gwen's history', and maliciously, in an effort to rue her destruction, but to Gwen, the only person who she cares about to hear those rumors, literally does not care about them.

Arthur is incredibly single-minded when it comes to his Guinevere, so it's no surprise that he provides all the reassurance she needs to take on the throne 💖

-*-

♥️Maroon♥️

The beat that starts this song off is a steady thrum, a little sensual!, and slowly builds up to the chorus; giving me a sense of longevity, a years-long relationship, and a dynamic that's been rebuilt and restored over and over again.

- and it's clear from the lyrics that this isn't their first rodeo [the lovers], the two them are very much aware of everything they have to lose, and yet… they still embrace all the possibilities of a new dynamic!, with all the grace of a falling star... 💫

Yes…this song is technically *not* a love song: it's really it's more of a nostalgia-washed remembrance of a love long-lost.

But! I still think it's relevant to Mergwen, considering Merlin's immortality and the events and years that passed between them. It's a love song of that remembrance, of holding onto someone because they're the only one left that matters - it’s a love song to the survivors.

I dubbed this song Merlin x Gwen (post-Camlaan) for so many reasons, but most of all for the color - MAROON - (a deep red which represents maturity, courage, passion and an enduring love!)

They are the two survivors of the original four, the ones left to pick up the pieces of Arthur's destiny; the two best candidates to rebuild the Kingdom back to the shining fortress it once was.

Can a friendship remain static, (an understood dynamic) between two people? Of course. But in this case, I think, because of the lost romanticism between the two of them, a friendship can delve deeper, from gently consoling to suddenly electric, and bleed into some other version of themselves that's entirely unfamiliar and terrifying; yet tempting enough to lose themselves in.

Who else better understood the full spectrum of grief and tragedy that buried the Kingdom than Gwen and Merlin? And who else could play an important part in rebuilding what was lost than the two closest to the late King 💜

[Verse 1] When the morning came We were cleaning incense off your vinyl shelf 'Cause we lost track of time again Laughing with my feet in your lap Like you were my closest friend "How'd we end up on the floor, anyway?" you say "Your roommate's cheap-ass screw-top rosé, that's how" I see you every day now

The imagery is so vibrant here!

Gwen and Merlin, sitting up late after a council session, her feet in his lap, sweet wine in both of their breaths, recounting some forgotten memory that you had to be there for. And then... a spark ✨

Notice how there’s a pause between “Like you were my [mine]… closest friend.” You can hear the longing in the narrator’s voice, something they can’t even admit to themselves, something they try to deny: they want their best friend.

Rebuilding the kingdom brick by brick, reuniting families, strategizing new allyships, and waging small battles to retain peace: these are all tasks that can only be undertaken with the resolve of a hundred brave knights, seemingly insurmountable - or two close friends who know the kingdom better than anyone.

Finding new purpose again after Arthur, and channeling their grief into purpose, is something that would be much easier with someone who truly understands.

They see each other "every day now” and it’s comforting.

[Chorus] And I chose you The one I was dancing with In New York, no shoes Looked up at the sky and it was The burgundy on my t-shirt When you splashed your wine into me And how the blood rushed into my cheeks So scarlet, it was The mark thеy saw on my collarbone The rust that grew between telephones The lips I used to call home So scarlet, it was maroon

I've written about a small ficlet about this line: "The one I was dancing with" and another analysis of "Dancing With Our Hands Tied" for Mergwen because I go insane for metaphors between dancing and friends-to-lovers 🥹

Being able to free yourself around the person who knows you the best in the entire world is so special; it brings to mind the feeling of home.

The One can be real and true, but afterwards, when the curtains close and you’re left alone to wish for more time… a second chance can be found in the most unexpected of places.

Gwen had already chosen The One in Arthur, her perfect match, the King of her Heart, and the man whom she trusted the most.

Then tragedy struck, and those short few years of their marriage and rulership seemed like nothing without him by her side.

It was devastating.

But then there was Merlin.

For both of them, it was a second chance, a new beginning but not a rewrite to their story. Memories can't be replaced or put away; instead, it's very important to cherish the time they had with Arthur, and persevere after him, despite his passing.

Reminds of different lines from a different song by blondie: “There'll be happiness after you/ But there was happiness because of you/ Both of these things can be true”

Their little moments outlined here: "how the blood rushed into my cheeks/ the mark they saw on my collarbone/ the rust that grew between telephones/ the lips I used to call home" give off the sense of a slowly engulfing love; between a Queen and a Court Sorcerer.

For me, the line "the rust that grew between telephones" is especially significant: I'm sure they must have kept up a correspondence somehow, with Merlin traveling all over the five kingdoms to restore peace diplomatically and Gwen giving him directives while reviving a personal connection with her people.

It's a gorgeous image of them sending letters back and forth, filled with funny anecdotes, shared moments and even painful memories; and all the while an unfamiliar sense of longing builds up...

Can this be the new beginning?

Can we begin again?

[Verse 2] When the silence came We were shaking, blind and hazy How the hell did we lose sight of us again? Sobbing with your head in your hands Ain't that the way shit always ends? You were standing hollow-eyed in the hallway Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us I feel you, no matter what The rubies that I gave up

There were fights, there was uncertainty "blind and hazy" that distorted the image of the young people they once were, and the strength they had to build up in the meanwhile.

They were changed definitively now, no longer their younger, bubblier counterparts from more than ten years ago. And as circumstances hollowed out a deep-set melancholia, so did they, sharpening and reforming into more mature, yet more bitter versions of themselves.

Can love ring true ever again?

From someone who knows the hidden reasons for everything you do, and in crystal-clear clarity, it will hurt the most to hear "I'm not ready" from their lips.

The political drama, the gossip, the baseless rumors, all boiling over into lines crossed, harsh words, and a chasm of grief reopened.

Losing him would be like revisiting the past - again.

Losing her would be giving up on everything he once believed in.

I find “Ain’t that the way shit always ends” especially poignant, and references the cycle of tragedy and rebirth that Arthuriana holds dear. More than anyone else in their world, Gwen and Merlin bitterly understand that this is how it always ends, but does that mean, they are never allowed happiness in that 'meanwhile'?

"You were standing hollow-eyed in the hallway" THIS LINE - why is it so BRIGHT, Merlin standing in the hallway outside of the Queen's chambers, relegated as servant again. For Gwen, the past and the present are colliding again, and miserably.

But they overcome it, the scarlet indignity of the past washes over them, and leaves them in a vibrant MAROON.

[Bridge] And I wake with your memory over me That's a real fucking legacy, legacy (It was maroon) And I wake with your memory over me That's a real fucking legacy to leave

“The Mark of Nimueh”

Here, the double meaning of maroon comes to play - the deep red bleed of maroon melts into an actual, physical marooning.

You are Alone.

What better way to describe an immortal man, countless loves gained and lost, than as marooned? Drowning in a sea of his own endless and condemning memory…

Merlin is Marooned.

But the Legacy lives on because of him, the legend of King Arthur, Queen Guinevere and the Knights of the Round Table live on through his constant remembering of the story to a modern audience.

The love lives on too.

The act of remembering for the sake of love, is a powerful theme on the show, and I think a very specific to this song. The narrator remembers better times, gladder times, and although it pains them to do so, revisits those times with the same mindless misery of reopening a wound. It hurts to remember, but it hurts good.

The remembering of Gwen, white in her hair, creases in her eyes, the woman he got to get old and gray with, is immortalized in his memory for his and Arthur’s sake.

He remembers her, and loves her eternally ♥️

-*-

❌Antihero 🏳️

“An Antihero” “A Traitor” “A Savior”

I don’t necessarily believe that Merlin fits the exact mold of an antihero, but the contradictory qualities and actions he sometimes heralds, and all of the decisions that lead to the climax of season 5 gives some weight to the word.

Merlin is cunning, sometimes hasty, compassionate and sometimes cruel; but he leads with the idea that he makes the right decision most of the time, which propels his destiny to dizzying heights and astonishing lows.

As an added metaphor, Merlin's good fight with destiny always reminded me of Jacob wrestling with God for control of his own fate, and eventually coming up as the victor with injuries to prove it

As an audience to Merlin’s struggle with destiny, we expect to see some formula of character development emerge over the 10 years we share with him.

Merlin expresses this endearing naïveté and strong sense of justice from seasons 1-2 which takes a very dramatic turn in season 5, something that isn't exactly easy to understand or rationalize for the viewer.

How did Merlin go from:

“The Mark of Nimueh”

A burning desire to do good to:

“The Dsir”

A bitter resignation to the way things have to be...

[Verse 1] I have this thing where I get older, but just never wiser Midnights become my afternoons When my depression works the graveyard shift, all of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room

Grief

Grief is one plausible explanation for Merlin's downfall and overall resolve to just trudge along by the time the finale swings around.

Merlin, more than anyone, has the full knowledge of all those he's lost, and all he has left to lose; and he unfairly blames himself for all of these losses.

Will, Balinor, Freya, Lancelot, Elyan, Daegal, Aithusa, Morgana, Arthur, and so many others, the list goes beyond a bulleted 'survive/deceased' on a paper.

Merlin has lost so many to his crisis of destiny.

At around 18 he was given the power of a God, or maybe the illusion of one, and chased the fickle call of destiny for the rest of his life because it was the only constant he knew after enduring tragedy after tragedy. The tragedy of Morgana’s evil, Lancelot’s sacrifices, Balinor’s Death; all pivotal moments that further grated on Merlin’s soul for being so powerless, so helpless to completely control his destiny.

How can one man, even if given a shoddy 'blueprint' of Albion, have the capability to follow through?

When his destiny continued to allude him, whether or not this was by the choices he made, Merlin became all the more determined to control the course as much as he could: he would save Arthur from himself, damn it all! Unfortunately, the random draw of fate is not so kind to impassioned gods…

[Pre-Chorus] I should not be left to my own devices They come with prices and vices I end up in crisis (Tale as old as time) I wake up screaming from dreaming One day, I'll watch as you're leaving 'Cause you got tired of my scheming (For the last time)

When Merlin is left to his own devices, he is given the fate of the entire kingdom to juggle himself; this is an alienating responsibility, and every decision he makes comes with a hard price.

As seen in 'The Crystal Cave' knowing one's future, preventing a future, creating a future are all threads of fate that are pretty much impossible to untangle. Who is to really know the exact consequences of every choice? But Merlin burdens himself with the thought that he should always know.

The course of destiny, or at the very least Arthur's, is described as a circle of fate, a never-ending cycle.

It's a 'tale as old as time' now, a legendary sequence of events that drives young people to do better, and to learn from Merlin's and Arthur's mistakes.

But to Merlin these were moments he lived and breathed through, where his capacity for goodwill might've failed him or his courage to keep going might've faltered; the extent of which is unknown to a modern audience.

Merlin's life story, spilled on a page like blood, is a 'tale as old as time' but a continually revived memory for him. That is the price of keeping Arthur the 'Once and Future King' through oral tradition, Merlin must pay the price of remembering him too.

"One day, I'll watch as you're leaving/ 'Cause you got tired of my scheming/ (For the last time)"

The day his friends realized the true extent of authority he had over their lives was one Merlin dreaded; he hated to be revealed as the one who might've pushed the fates of Camelot one way or another with everyone else oblivious. He even revealed his magic to Arthur in literally the very last moment, for fear of being exposed as a sorcerer but also the fear of how people would change how they viewed him.

In season 1, he was much more open to revealing his magic, mostly to Gaius' chagrin, but later he would grow comfortable with the idea of keeping big secrets from his friends, even his best friend. It was just too terrifying, the not knowing.

Although Arthur did his best to pry, Merlin always shielded the worst parts of himself and his past, (Balinor's death, Freya's death, his involvement in Uther's death), in the reckless hope that destiny need not be substantiated with trust.

True, Arthur was on a pedestal, constantly in the public eye, and Merlin knew everything about him as consequence of being his servant and constant companion. But does that necessarily mean he should've kept all of his self hidden? There's no right answer.

[Chorus] It's me, hi I'm the problem, it's me At teatime, everybody agrees I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero

The 'tag line' of the chorus really hits hard for me as a motif of Merlin's life.

From the very beginning he was denoted as the 'antihero'; not exactly the shining and glorious protagonist Arthur was always meant to be, or the dark phoenix of a villain Morgana became, but something stubbornly in-between. (Of course, veering towards Good).

The very nature of him having to keep his magic a red-tape secret meant that Merlin's actions would always be shrouded in dark, no matter the intention. Curing Gwen's father could lead to Gwen's death sentence, saving the Kingdom meant poisoning Morgana and an attempt to bring back magic to Camelot could mean emotionally manipulating Arthur with Uther's life, and other examples...

I think one of the most divisive decisions he made was denouncing Magic in an attempt to kill Mordred, a choice he blamed for all the trouble the knight rued later on in season 5. Merlin's ulterior motives and troubled choices, usually supported or condemned by Kilgarrah or Gaius, lead to some patchy decision-making, and we rarely see Merlin make decisions from a place of hope rather than fear (saving Aithusa's egg, bringing Morgana to the druids and warning Arthur about Valiant for the first time).

As the series wound down, it was difficult, at times, to root for the 'antihero'.

But I, and the rest of his captive audience, still rooted for him, regardless...

-*-

👁️You’re On Your Own, Kid 👁️

It’s the Greek tragedy of the everyday, losing your hero.

How does it feel to really look someone in the eyes and come to the realization that they aren’t your role model anymore? That the flaws, usually buried under devotion or a powerful affection come up in a sudden rush that almost makes you sick.

And all those things they’ve done, embraced and hurt, are woven into who they are. Flaws that reverberate through your life, long after they’re gone.

That echoing ‘telephone pole’ sound pulsing the background is the embodiment of that emotion, something so hard to describe. A visceral, and distanced running-and-returning feeling that has you calling up your past indefinitely.

And it's no surprise that I equated this song to Arthur...

One of the most powerful themes on the show is the idea of Legacy; whether it is decaying, glorious, corrupted, repeating or born anew, the idea of leaving behind a memory or imprint of the life you led is something that influenced every character on the show, importance to the plot aside.

Morgana and Arthur share a similarity in that they are equal parts intrigued and repulsed by their father's legacy: at one point each Pendragon avows never to lead a life like he did, at another, reverts their promise. It's cliche in the nature of a self-fulfilling prophecy; it's nearly impossible for them to escape the trap of their own heritage as it is for them to remake it.

In the series, Arthur always spoke of destiny in a distanced manner, he had been trained to fulfill the quota since he was born, and he was much less impassioned of a 'golden age' than the day-to-day chivalry he could show his men.

“Arthur’s Bane Part 1”

I'll never stop thinking about this conversation specifically! For me, it encapsulates this whole 'tug-of-war' between loyalty and legend, destiny and reality.

Here, Arthur gently but firmly reiterates to Merlin what he believed his destiny was always meant to be: living and dying by the side of his knights. It's always been Arthur's destiny to die on the battlefield, not for any particular choice Merlin might've made, but because Arthur would rather it be that way.

The moments he put his life out on the limb for them, feeling the rush of adrenaline as he swung his sword of justice in real-time; and the blow of injuries he sometimes felt he deserved for sins his lineage implied; this was the legacy he lived and died for. Something Merlin never really understood, even after 10 years by his side.

Towards the end of the series, he constantly reminded Merlin of how much friendship, loyalty and love for his people meant to him, so much more than the title 'Savior of Albion' ever did. The legacy he built came from his eye-to-eye interactions with his people, fighting by their sides, putting himself into the thick of battle long after he was supposed to retire and just being there.

He came to realize that the legacy he was destined to build meant kneeling down and bowing before Camelot as a servant, a much gentler admiration than the roaring thousands Merlin intended for him to reign over. This was the very antithesis of Uther's legacy.

The soundwave from YOYOK, courtesy of wavevisual./com, clearly shows how much bigger the emotion and instrumentals get towards the end of the song.

It's not all at once, but a very gradual expansion, and I just thought it a neat visual for how the lyrics seemed to expand too

[Verse 1] Summer went away, still, the yearning stays I play it cool with the best of them I wait patiently, he's gonna notice me It's okay, we're the best of friends Anyway I hear it in your voice, you're smoking with your boys I touch my phone as it fits your face I didn't choose this town, I dream of getting out There's just one who could make me stay All my days

Season 1 - I'm Yearning! 😭 Anyway...

Arthurs’ always had the responsibility and expectation of 'playing it cool with the best of them', and if he's unable to keep up, it could very well mean the end of his life on the line in any scenario.

When we were first introduced to him, he's this cocky prince with a big sword and an attitude problem; and an insecurity big enough to match.

He's stumbling, looking for approval in the wrong places, guarding his ill-got reputation in court, and sneers at friendship with a servant. Through Merlin's help, he's able to lessen the sting of disapproval and invest all of the energy of his swagger into something much more substantial: a genuine respect and comradery.

I always likened the line 'I wait patiently, he's gonna notice me' to a younger Arthur constantly looking for approval and sense of belonging from Uther.

Spending hours before sunrise beating the black and blue out of a training dummy, his face glowing bright on the tournament field from the smallest nod of approval.

Burning away any scant reminder of his mother with a feigned indifference; at any moment, his posture, an unconscious gesture, his laugh, could draw Uther back into a bitter remembrance. The silver sigil, her worn wedding ring, rare mementos he tossed into dark corners of his chambers to forget, forget, until one day, years later, he's able to look into the likeness in his mirror without a touch of self-hatred at the memory he sees imprinted there.

Even after Uther passes, Arthur holds onto the hope that he will be noticed and commended for the changes he makes to his father's lineage. Most times he's able to ignore the nagging feeling that he'll never be enough, and with friends enough to populate a round table, Uther's looming shadow can slink off into the dark.

[Pre-Chorus] From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes I waited ages to see you there I search the party of better bodies Just to learn that you never cared

From an awkward youth with a breastplate too big for his boasts, to the Man he grew up into, Arthur has become the King his father could never live up to in comparison.

But he does not truly believe it.

For all of Merlin's resolve in a glorious, endless destiny, he was always a true believer in Arthur's distinction from Uther. He was the better man by far, and the better Legacy, but Arthur still shirked from this fulfilment in the fear that his father's expression would be lost to the ashes of his blazing fire.

His determination to see him again on Beltane was borne out of a desire to be enough, that no one really understood the true depth of. This wasn't the first time Arthur had sacrificed his own integrity, and sometimes the safety of his friends and loved ones, all on the line for something he would never entirely attain.

If Excalibur was the epitome of the Arthurian legend to the modern audience (or the most well-known motif) than Uther was to Arthur, the embodiment of that same visceral Hope.

When Uther said, "I will not let you destroy all that I have built!" Arthur may have finally come to the realization that he must destroy that very center of himself, the child still eagerly awaiting a word from his father, in order to rebuild the Kingdom in his own renewed Legacy. To build he had to destroy. To take up the helm of power, he must cast away.

[Chorus] You're on your own, kid You always have been

How isolating are these legends, these bigger than life imaginings of our heroes from Arthuriana? How endless and universal they must be, in order to hold the faint hopes, wishes and prayers of millions in an eternal safe-keeping?

And Arthur, at the center of all of it.

Two sides of the same coin is all well and good, but truthfully, there's one man standing in the spotlight and the other in the dark; and the white light is a harsher halo of judgement than the darker shadows of self-condemnation…

These lines remind me of that pivotal scene from 'The Moment of Truth', where Arthur gave the villagers a reason to keep battling Kanen’s gang,

"And if you fall, you fall fighting for the noblest of causes: fighting for your very right to survive! And when you're old and grey, you'll look back on this day, and you'll know you earned the right to live every day in between! So you fight! For your family! For your friends! For Ealdor!"

It gives me goosebumps every time I rewatch it: the misshapen original round table, made up of peasants and paltry substitutes for noblemen, but all the braver in Arthur’s eyes because of their steadfast belief in the world he promised them. And later, in the 'Coming of Arthur', he comes to resurrect the ancient tradition of a round table for a renewned success.

But it's very lonely being this 'epic hero', and with Merlin's determination to keep the truth about his magic away from Arthur for as long as possible, the destinies of two is really the destiny of one (at least to the public eye).

I've always wondered to what extent Arthur acknowledges that his life and acts of bravery will 'live long in the minds of men.' Was that just an oft-repeated phrase to him? A comfortable armor of nobility, while he went off to fight in battles, each time thinking it might be his last?

I think we get a partial answer in the very last episode of the series, in the very last words he utters to Merlin.

"Everything you've done. I know now. For me, for Camelot. For the kingdom you helped me build..."

Merlin: "You'd have done it without me."

Arthur: "Maybe..."

The King's lonely passage as Once and Future ruler of Camelot, was never something he believed he'd done on his own. He continuously acknowledged all the work of his subjects, Merlin his closest friend, and Guinevere the love of his life, had done for him, and credits their bravery, loyalty and compassion as the true tenets of the Kingdom that came to be.

He was never really worried about the state of the Kingdom after he passed (after marrying Gwen), knowing that the epitomized Glory of Camelot was not something he had solely come to encompass.

It's bittersweet, it's admirable, and it's a very inevitable cycle of rise and fall for Arthur Pendragon to hold hope for, as predictable as his own waning breaths.

I think it's the most beautiful thing in the world, that he died believing that his Legacy came from the people he surrounded himself with, rather than the high-and-mighty version of the legend he came to represent. It's a very clear deviation from the prideful man he was in season 1.

[Bridge] From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes I gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this I hosted parties and starved my body Like I'd be saved by a perfect kiss The jokes weren't funny, I took the money My friends from home don't know what to say I looked around in a blood-soaked gown And I saw something they can't take away 'Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned Everything you lose is a step you take So, make the friendship bracelets, take the moment and taste it You've got no reason to be afraid

I think these lines of the bridge are pretty on point in terms of Arthur's stages of life, but oh! :( It hurts me as a viewer to remember all these specific moments of betrayal, growth and everything in between.

As the successor of Uther, he had no obligation to entirely change the status quo. But he poured his ‘blood, sweat and tears’ into this!

He ‘hosted parties’: feasts, on his birthday and celebrated with all of his friends and family; while fighting away the feelings of unhappiness knowing it was also the anniversaries of his parents’ deaths.

He believed that a great romance ♥️ with Guinevere would save him with a ‘perfect kiss’ even when all others urged him to let her go.

He was a great romantic, a genuine friend and a faithful King, who never expected to be be anything more than a good memory in the minds of his people.

He would’ve never! expected all of the magic, hope and wonder modern audiences would come to project onto his legend, but I wish, more than anything, that Arthur might’ve had the chance to see the endless love in how the world has grown to memorialize him, a final and lasting tribute to his character Merlin undertook as a way to say, I understand I understand I understand

When he ‘looked around in a blood-soaked gown’ he saw the the ragged Camelot army heralding him as the King after pulling Excalibur from the stone.

He sees Gwen smiling back at him, as bright as a spring flower, after she was crowned Queen by his side.

In his last moments, he sees Merlin’s face as a beacon of hope and reassurance that his Kingdom will not falter, while those he loves still walk the earth.

And that ‘something they can’t take away’? That legacy?

He sees the Once and Future, without him.

And he knows it will go on.

So yes! ‘Make the friendship bracelets and take the moment and taste it’ because every moment he shared with his friends and family were held as dearly to him as a long-prophesied legend.

Arthur came to understand that those moments were not mere passing seconds, but something so much more ever-lasting and precious, a legacy within themselves and a confirmation that he had done the right thing, he had loved and lost and he was happy with leaving it all behind if he knew it would outlive him.

He prophesied the future of Camelot by doing everything to ensure it’s continuation without him, and therefore, ensured it’s immortality: a comforting thought for the far horizon as a dying man says his last goodbyes.

Gwen’s warm gaze and soft laugh, the creases in Merlin’s eyes as he fires back a quick jab, Morgana’s slow smile and rare words of praise - those memories! were what he held dear in his last moments.

A warring fate and fickle destiny, a creeping evil and and an unfortunate circumstance may have ensured his death, but Arthur’s stubborn hope against it all dares to reassure the audience of something he learned through great trial and tragedy.

[Chorus] You're on your own, kid Yeah, you can face this You're on your own, kid You always have been

Yes, “You’re on your own, kid”

But with the glorified ‘myth and magic’ of the legends, comes the gentle reminder that he was never truly alone, and left behind a great memory that was only ensured through the love he gave and was given in return.

A love that ‘always has been’, and in it’s brilliant simplicity, epitomized the Legend he came to be.

And in turn,

so you, will always be remembered too ✨

-*-

Thank you so so much for reading 💖 I really appreciate it :)

@taylorswift @taylornation you guys wanna join the immortal fandom? Lol

The link to Part 2 (final) will be here! (once I finish it lol)

[chess-blackmyre]

Wow, ya'll zeroed in on the right answer pretty quick. But still, as several people pointed out the fun of this show is inflicting knowledge of it onto other people

To address some of the people in the tags, Mickey Mouse WAS actually a character on OUAT. (Sort of.)

You see, in season 4 they brought on a character called the Sorcerer's Apprentice. (Pictured above). Now, this character was a reference to Disney Fantasia, and who exactly was cast in the role of the Apprentice in that feature?

Mickey Mouse!

Admittedly, he's never CALLED Mickey Mouse in the show, but it's heavily implied.

Madam Mim never appeared on the show. Despite the fact that there was an entire story arc taking place in CAMELOT, nary a cameo.

So no, Mickey Mouse did not have a kid on Once. They did kill him off though.

People who have NEVER seen Once Upon a Time, tell me which of these plot points you think I’m lying about.

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

BBC MERLIN HEADCANON MASTERLIST

These are just the short little write-ups y’all send me. Ideas that I want to think about but don’t need/don’t inspire a full narrative. These are usually a paragraph or so on each of the relevant characters, or just a few paragraphs on what my thoughts are on certain topics/events/potentials within the universe.

I do NOT write reader inserts or anything close to that, so if you want to send in something based on romance/relationships, send me a ship, otherwise I won’t do it, I’m afraid. After all, how Character A cuddles depends heavily on who it is they’re cuddling.

Modern❤️

Canon Time🧡

General💛

❤️What sort of Underwear do the knights wear?

🧡Birthdays in Camelot

💛Favourite Animals

💛How they are with children

❤️Reactions to Rollercoasters

💛The Gang's Love Languages

💛A general BBC Merlin Playlist

💛Various pairings’ reactions to their/their surrogate’s labour

🧡How they are when sick/injured

❤️Reincarnated!Gang's reaction to Arthurian Legends

🧡Everyone reacting to Gwaine/Leon

🧡Mercalot Headcanons

🧡Weird/hidden talents

🧡Merwaine Headcanons

💛What Kind of Drunk are each of The Gang

🧡Merleon Headcanons

🧡Various thoughts on how Mordred could have been good/redeemed

❤️The Gang’s hobbies/fandoms

🧡How they all swear

💛Leon Big Brother-ing the gang

🧡Cooking during hunts/quests/patrols/whatever

💛How Arthur would react if someone came out to him

🧡Merlyan Headcanons

💛How Arthur acts when various people are sick

🧡Everyone at pranks

❤️What are Merthur like as parents- Modern Day

❤️The Gang’s modern day social media/Spotify

🧡A compilation of times Merlin has threatened to turn various people/animals/inanimate objects into toads

💛A general BBCM playlist, part 2

💛What life is like when the gang all live in the same apartment building

💛The Gang when they lie (tells, etc)

🧡The Gang’s favourite season/weather

💛Hell’s Coming With Me, a Morgana song analysis 

🧡Phoenix!Merlin (He has to be burned in order to revive after death)

💛Various Arthur pairings cuddling

🧡Everyone’s coping mechanisms when shit things happen

🧡Mergwen Headcanons  Part 2

🧡Mordred’s first impressions/school boy crushes on the gang

🧡Merlin with an accent  Part 2

💛Various Ships’ proposals/vows  Part 2 Sort Of

💛Merthur-who is more embarrassing/who praises the other most

❤️How everyone texts

~

🧡Ships finding out about each other’s magic (Inbox)

🧡The Gang hearing stories/bard’s songs about their adventures except... wrong (Inbox)

🧡What characters actually, privately think of Merlin (Inbox)

💛How do they relax after a long/stressful day (Inbox)

💛Ships’ favourite things about each other (Inbox)

💛Each person’s favourite Yuletide/Christmas Gift (Drafts)

🧡My main (obviously there are a billion ways this could’ve gone, depending on the context) thoughts on how everyone first reacts to Merlin’s magic (Inbox)

💛What would they have as pets (Inbox)

🧡Resourceful Merlin (Inbox)

🧡Gwen and Leon's friendship (Inbox)

🧡Merlin/Arthur = Bad cop/Good cop dynamic with enemies (Inbox)

It will take me a while to get through the ones in my inbox (which are not necessarily in order) as I am writing full length fics at the same time!

[nextstopparis]

So this is a random question and I'm not sure if you or any of your followers have an answer. There is a sometimes humorous thing about Merlin dressing Arthur. By humorous I mean when Arthur stomps around acting like he literally can't dress himself and makes Gaius help him. But to what extent does Merlin dress him? Merlin seems surprised when Arthur dresses himself but surely he's not helping him into his trousers and shirt every morning? I get armor obviously.

YEAH THE DYNAMIC IS REALLY ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!

bc you have scenes like 2.03

where merlin only hands him his sword, doesnt even help put the red thingy on (im not sure what its called im sorry skdjncsk) or help arthur take off his coat or whatever.

and scenes like 2.10

where arthur obviously dresses himself, and all merlin does is help him put on the red thingy

and even scenes in 4.06

where arthur manages to put on the whole ensemble (shirt, jacket, belt) all by himself while merlin stands there contemplating how he's such a shit assassin...

and 4.07 -

where arthur is very obviously capable of wearing his own shirt?? and again, someone (🤢agravaine🤢) helps him with the red thingy (although, in this case i feel like it's common courtesy being paid to the king or whatever)....

but then. despite those. they also give you THIS, FROM THE SAME EPISODE (4.07 deleted scene):

WHERE HE'S RUNNING AROUND THE DAMN CASTLE IN HIS NIGHT CLOTHES BECAUSE MERLINS NOT THERE

AND THIS from EARLIER THAT SAME SEASON (4.01)

"you're dressed?" "yes merlin, im not an idiot" I MEAN WHEN IT COMES TO PUTTING ON SHIRTS, I KNOW THAT BUT DO YOU???? also the way merlin asks, holding a specific shirt for him to wear makes it sound like??? he does help with arthur's shirts at least???

AS WELL AS THESE FROM 5.08:

where gaius and gwen are both fulfilling merlin's role, and both of them not only help with his armour, but as shown above, also help put on his shirts (or, in gaius' case.. tries to lol)???? when just a season ago he was capable of it himself??? and im not even counting the times that merlin evidently wasnt with arthur, but arthur was dressed on his own anyway????

SO LIKE ITS ALL OVER THE PLACE ANON I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE?? i think merlin helps him with his shirts, but they never really go into trouser territory (unless you count 4.04 but that was more Comedy so. idk?) for me to give an opinion abt that part. it always kinda just looks like they all wear the same trousers for everything but. what do i know. as far as the shirts are concerned though, the thing is that idk if it has always been that way, or if merlin just gradually began expanding his help?? like first it walk helping with jackets and armour and handing arthur stuff, and turned into helping him with his shirts? and over time arthur began relying on it so much that by the end he was almost incapable of handling it himself??? idk

in this post (the tags) i sort of talked about how arthur's incompetency, specifically in the 4.07 deleted scene (look at this post) & in 5.08, might mostly stem from the fact that he's panicking over merlin's disappearance than anything else but. he still very obviously like. EXPECTS merlin to be there to help put his shirt on (esp. because in 4.01 the interaction makes it feel like arthur dressing himself is something he's doing TO SHOW that he can do it? as if maybe merlin does dress him but just this ~one time~ he's like look. i can do it too im not dumb) so.

id say merlin began helping put on his shirts during the later seasons (maybe btwn s3&s4? i dont really remember any dressing scenes in s3 but i think it might make sense bc it was btwn those seasons that arthur sort of began leading camelot as regent/took on the responsibility of king, if in every way but name, so the stress of that caused him to start depending on merlin heavily/spurred merlin on to try and do little things to make it more manageable??) and arthur just sort of. really started relying on that? lol?

IDK IM SORRY THIS IS JUST A REALLY LONG WAY OF SAYING I DONT KNOW KJDNCKSN MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE KNOWS

[inkmyth]

I do think Kilgarrah is in his groove as Prophetic Lizard Vessel of Destiny/ the Old Ways in that scene. The only reason I don’t really see it as outright manipulative or uncaring is because a) Kilgarrah in his capacity as an oracle figure serves to outline characters’ destinies for them and the ‘ideal’ direction the story should go in b) I think the scene was cut for time.

Kilgarrah is definitely manipulative and seeks to use Merlin for his own ends at times, but he’s also a prophetic figure (for better or worse lmao). After S3 and the completion of his revenge arc, Kilgarrah tends to serves the bigger picture both within the story and basic building blocks of the narrative. While I think in the first few season he has very *cough* strong opinions as to what the ideal direction of the story is and what actions Merlin should take, he does mellow once his revenge arc/ individual motivation is complete. He becomes less of an individual (though still characterful!) and becomes more of prophetic figure, partially because he no longer has entirely individually-centred goals; he becomes focused on the liberation of the magical community/ the old ways/ the old religion. That’s why I think that his outlining of the culmination of Lancelot’s journey throughout The Darkest Hour episodes to Lancelot himself, while deliberate, comes from a place of prophecy and not individual motive. In telling Lancelot that he is “the bravest and most noble of them all”, he allows Lancelot to reckon with the arc he’s being taken on: that overcoming his fear/ individual worries and leaning into his characteristic selflessness can serve a higher purpose/ the community of Camelot through self sacrifice. He is the catalyst for Lancelot’s realisation, but Lancelot’s choices are his and his alone. It’s akin to Kilgarrah telling Merlin that he’s but one side of a coin and Merlin subsequently pulling Arthur out of the path of a dagger: prophecy informs the choice, but it doesn’t necessarily dictate it.

I do think there’s a metatextual element that complicates the scene, because I think it was cut down significantly in post-production. If you listen closely to Merlin and Kilgarrah’s exchange, it doesn’t actually make a whole lot of sense. Particularly the “Merlin, you must not do this” and “Then I have no choice…” lines, there’s a huge logical leap between them that heavily suggests cut lines. It’s a shame, because I do think those missing lines (if they existed) would have included Kilgarrah attempting to talk Merlin out of it by highlighting his unique position as Emrys and the last Dragonlord, which would’ve then given more context to the “It will be an empty world without you, young warlock” line. It also would’ve helped contextualise Lancelot’s resolve: he would’ve finally seen Merlin for who he really is, the special place he holds in the balance of the world. It would’ve meant that, at the end, he’s not just laying his life down for Arthur when he walks into the veil; he’s helping Merlin, in his capacity as a friend and as a figure on the big-picture chessboard, by momentarily and partially shouldering the burden of destiny. That would’ve added so much to Merlin and Lancelot’s relationship and the sacrifice in general!

I think it ultimately depends on whether you see Kilgarrah’s role as an oracle as part of his self-serving, manipulative personality, or as something he is able to treat separately, and If he can foresee and dictate people’s choices through influence. However, for what it’s worth I do think there were originally more lines that provided important context (that we never got to see because tbh I don’t think the writers were particularly clear about Kilgarrah as a naturally self-serving personality and how that interacted with his role as an oracle/ advocate for the magical community and the old ways either lmao).

Anyone else find it weird that in 4x02 when Kilgharrah hears that Merlin's planning on sacrificing himself to close the veil, he's just like... okay. “It will be an empty world without you, young warlock.” And that's just it? Not a single attempt to dissuade him?

Cuz personally I feel like that was manipulation on his part. Not of Merlin, but of Lancelot-- he knows Lancelot's there, listening to all their talk of destiny, and he knows who Lancelot is. Just moments before, he calls him "the bravest and most noble of them all." Of course Lance would sacrifice himself in Merlin's stead, he's ALWAYS sacrificing himself for others. (Off-topic but I could write a whole other post about that. I have a List.)

But yeah. Kilgharrah knows that he doesn’t even need to convince Merlin not to sacrifice himself, because by the very act of letting Lancelot hear Merlin’s plan, it’s already been averted.

[someguyinc]

hello i saw you in the notes talking about arthur and morgana's relationship and i would love to hear you talk more please. i am unhinged about them.

(no pressure tho if you don't feel like it)

this is literally the best thing someone could say to me after a 16 hr flight 😭 bless u anon

also me too. so i'm just gonna ramble ab my headcannons and then also their canon relationship below the cut bc it is so interesting to me and i really have a lot to say and i really mean. A LOT.

so let's start off with season 1/pre-canon and the source of all their problems: uther pendragon. uther pendragon is fucking insane and possibly one of the worst parents ever,,, like def top 10 worst fathers i think

pre-season 1 time line as I see it:

- he marries ygraine from the house of du bois after becoming king,, probably like 3-7 years after,, he claimed he loved her (heavily debatable!!) and she seemed to as well so they assumedly married for love

- now uther has a best friend at the time: Gorlois (now if this is his name-name or surname i'm not sure so i'm just going to go say surname since they're nobility) This man is known by Uther had the bravest man he's ever met,, and his wife the Lady Vivienne probably lost him in battle bc later in season 3,, Uther says a much and says Lady Vivienne was: "lonely so he consoled her"...

- now, this is where my headcannon comes in,, I'm pretty damn sure morgana is older than arthur,, meaning that I'm pretty sure that Uther cheated on ygraine out of that shared grief and around this time ygraine probably was showing growing signs of being barren/unable to become pregnant which probably worried the court ngl

- so morgana conception happens,, vivienne goes away,, gorlois thinks she's his,, during this time uther finally gives in and sacrifices ygraine's life for arthur's and ultimately blames it on arthur/all of magic (remember the talk w uther and nimueh when he says: i wish he'd [arthur] never been born bc it meant losing ygraine essentially like,,,. ok. wow.)

- now season 1: there is so much evidence uther is an abusive shit:

- he throws both of his children in jail whenever they toe the line in a way he doesn't find amusing (ie: s1e4 and s1e12)

- arthur straight up says (he's about 20/21 atp): i never knew you were proud of me,, in fact i always thought i was a disapointment (meaning: uther never went out of his way to show him otherwise for a solid 20-21 years.)

and uther doesn't actually say he's proud of him he just goes: i wouldn't wish for another son (after drugging him so he wouldn't duel being a hypocritical king)

so all of this: leads back to morgana and arthur's relationship

morgana and arthur in season 1 have a somewhat tentative relationship,, we can see that most of the kingdom thinks the two of them are going to marry one another (including themselves at times) ie: gwen saying morgana would make a great queen one day,, but they also bicker all the damn time

snipes here and there,, but ultimately it usually comes down to their differences in how they reacted to their upbringing from uther:

arthur became the dutiful/exceptional son: he became a knight at 20 (usually took knights till mid twenties-early thirties), later we learn he led druid raids pre-canon (this traumatized him also again fuck uther) this would also be exceptional seeing as he probably wasn't a fully fledged knight even then, and is known throughout Camelot (and most of Albion tbh) as a master swordsman,, and while he did have his own thoughts on magic he often bit his tounge in front of his father in order to prove himself,, we also know that unlike morgana: he learned exactly how to navigate around uther so he could do what he wanted against uther's will while not embarrassing in front of the court (ie: when he went to go save gwen after saying to his father and the court that it was probably a lost cause)

morgana was the people's princess,, but she def got the "i am my father's daughter" syndrome BADDDDD: we see in s1 she's often stood up to Uther in front of the court numerous times, so much so that when she gets thrown into prison (s1e12) it's not the first time,, arthur tells her: "i promised him that this would be the last time you acted out against him like this" (paraphrasing) and morgana replies "you're a good man, unlike your father" (line that makes me insane)

they are parallel from the start within these two episodes specifically!!! many may argue morgana was good and kind from the beginning,, but she often did things FOR HER OWN MOTIVES!!! when she helped gwen's father to escape without consulting gwen,, it confirmed it for me. she may have convinced herself it was for gwen,, but she never even asked,, she did it to piss of uther not thinking it all the way through,, opening his cell and leaving him to fend for himself against a bataillon of knights. now i'm not saying morgana has never done anything out of pure kindness,,

but whereas arthur is constantly set up as a righteous and noble man in his heart but his actions can appear to be... for lack of a better word, extremely dickish

morgana's actions appear to be kind and generous, but can often endanger those around her in her conquest for the things she wants, sometimes ending in death. (AGAIN NOT ALWAYS!!!)

NOW this leads me to the fact that once again they were the only two who grew up under Uther really and are the only ones who know what that's like,, they probably already felt more like brother and sister by the time s1 hit just bc of that but endured it bc they weren't blood and swallows the fact they were probably gonna be married but you can see it in the scenes alone,,

morgana does push arthur to be better and to challenge the things uther taught them bc that is what she instinctively does!! morgana questions uther and in return teacher arthur to question uther (ie: pushing arthur to save merlin in s1e4, helps him to strike down valiant s1e2, makes him argue back when gwen was wrongfully imprisoned s1e3) and we see that morgana does care for arthur!! she threatens sophia when she noticed something is off and often rushes to the defense of her friends,, her tactics can be destructive though just in a parallel way to arthur's

arthur's destructiveness comes from his inability to choose a side, or based his assumptions on prejudices something that becomes even more apparent when morgana turns away from Camelot and it's people

morgana was probably rooting for arthur as a king for a certain point,, but even though the grew up together and she should know arthur's MO is usually 'just say yes in front of dad and do whatever the fuck is just later' morgana doesn't trust him. and as her powers grow this also becomes more apparent and her support wanes until she believes someone else should be on the throne,,,

and when she learns that uther is her father??? that's when she flies off the deep end.

now for me morgana being older than arthur is one of the only reasons why she would have a valid claim to the throne!! we see that mithian as the only girl succeeded her father as QUEEN not just princess meaning the laws of succession COULD include women it just depended on the region,,

now imagine being morgana:

you grow up at home with your father, he is kind, brave, and gentle, and a fearsome warrior, he is the kings best friend. he dies and you move in probably around the age of 8 and you see this 6 year old boy. you later learn the kingdom expects the two of you to marry. you're still grieving but you know what this means. you take the etiquette lessons, you learn to wield the sword, you become proficient in horseback riding, you gain the education fitting of a queen. you are 15, the prince is 13, he is already one of the most promising squires. it's alright though you're learning to love him, not as a romance though (not anymore at least, he tried to flick his booger at you once at the age of 8, the flame was staunchly out out.) you two appreciate one another, you get older, it is improper for the two of you to be alone together, you witness your first execution. he's being killed for the crime of sorcery (he saved a little girl from a burning building), you don't understand. you meet your maidservant, she is one of the most lovely people to grace the earth. you love her, as a friend. you grow older, you're still expected to marry the prince (he is 18), he has killed many. he has watched even more die. he is different, you are different. you watch another man die for the crime of sorcery, you don't understand. two years pass, you're tormented by dreams you cannot comprehend but always seem to come true, a serving boy arrives, he changes the prince again. you watch another man die. you don't understand, but you hold your tounge now until later. the king's temper is short. years past and the sleeping draughts aren't working, your dreams are getting worse. your maidservant is in love with the prince. you're jealous, you don't understand. you think you have magic, you see the prince become his father. you don't understand, you just want someone to tell you it'll be alright. after years of anger and bitterness you finally understand, you hate the king and all he's done, the world would be better if he were gone, arthur would be better if he were gone. arthur loves him anyways and it kills you. you meet a woman who claims to be your sister, both of blood and in magic. you take her hand, she promises to teach you all there is to be taught. your anger for the king festers. the prince you once loved turns out to be your brother. the king you hate turns out to be your father. you beg him to recognize you, and give you the family name you were stripped of. he doesn't. you kill him. you kill s lot of people. you don't care if they're innocent or not anymore. you connive, and you plot, and you scheme. you try to kill the prince, who is now king. your sister dies. you miss your best friend, the handmaiden who is now queen. she says she hates you. you hate arthur. you die trying to make him as miserable as you.

now arthur:

one day your father brings a girl home, everyone is telling you that they you expect to marry. father doesnt say anything. you think she's pretty, you accidentally flick your booger at her and she looks at you like you've wiped horseshit on her dress. you watch a man die for the crime of magic. you don't understand, you will soon. your father looks at you like there is someone he can't stand to see. he cherishes this girl he's brought home. you work harder than any squire seen before. you get promoted early, everyone says it is just because of the king, you beat them in everything so they can't secondaries you ever again. you watch more sorcerers die, your father says it is because they killed your mother, you secretly feel like a bad person because you don't understand why all sorcerers deserve to die for the crime of one death. even if it is your mother. you twist her ring. your father's ward is beautiful, you try to impress her, she's too busy hanging out with her maidservant. you get older and complete your first druid camp raid, you don't understand, so many of them are women and children, so many of them die anyways. you change. you grow older, you become the youngest knight in camelot, you think it will turn your father's ward's attention to you, she's infatuated with owain, the oaf. you get older, and you meet the most insufferable boy with the most outrageous ears and the most obvious lies. he changes you. morgana becomes more distant. you learn that your mother's life was given for yours, you try to kill your father. the manservant you trust most in the world says that sorcerers lie, you finally understand. you hate sorcery and despise any practitioners of magic from now on. you grow older, you begin to fall in love with your sister's manservant, you understand her infatuation. you grow as a prince, and person, you gain alliances in unlikely places, you don't think you'll marry morgana anymore. you learn your father's ward is your sister, you watch as she usurps the throne. you don't understand. you fight back. you become king. you marry the love of your life. she betrays you with a close friend. you become lost. you forgive her, you trust again. you are fighting your sister. always. you don't even recognize her anymore, you wonder if you ever did. you later learn that magic was never evil, on your deathbed, and that your soulmate had it the whole time. you wonder about your sister. she tries to kill you again. she dies in your best friend's arms and all you can think is how she finally looks peaceful for the first time in forever. you die the same way not too long after.

anyways: morgana and arthur parallel each other so hard it's crazy,,, and the pendragons are a family of self-fulfilling prophecies

like that is your sister/brother and you love them and you hate them and nobody else couldn't possibly get it and they hate you but you will always love them and you are home but you can never go home and -!

[fishoutofcamelot]

Yall thought I was done talking about the BBCM Ninjago AU huh??? Wrong!!

Here are all my other posts talking about it in case you actually wanna follow along for some strange reason:

Post 1 | Post 2 | Post 3 | Post 4

Anyway!

Here is a crash course review in AU details relevant to this post - Merlin is in another world with a completely different magic system, and for plot reasons Merlin's magic has likewise changed shape to fit that magic system. Specifically, Merlin's magic has taken the form of an elemental power (I'm not gonna share what kind of elemental power yet, I don't wanna spoil it lol). And since he's now an elemental master, that means Merlin can do anything the other Ninjago characters - and especially the ninja - can.

In season 4 of Ninjago, the main cast develops the ability to conjure and create magical dragons using their elemental powers, but these dragons can only be conjured if your heart is free of fear. You have to face your fears and remain steadfast or it won't work.

This would be a notable experience to put Merlin through for three primary reasons:

Merlin is a dragonlord who, for the purposes of this AU, has been far removed from any other dragons or forms of magic he's familiar with. This would be a valuable and cherished opportunity for him to reconnect with his heritage in a unique way, as well as providing him with some much-needed comfort.

At the same time, however, these elemental dragons are fundamentally different from the dragons back in Camelot. Kilgharrah and Aithusa are individuals - people - with their own thoughts and agency. Meanwhile the elemental dragons are just an extension of the self, a manifestation of one's own power in draconic form. Just a magic technique to use when needed. I feel like that would be a difficult reality for him to reconcile with. Yes he's finally getting to be in touch with his heritage and birthright, to take comfort in the familiar, but not really. These aren't real dragons as he knows them, they're just facsimiles. Merlin's feelings about being able to conjure an elemental dragon would therefore be...mixed, to say the least.

As I mentioned above, elemental dragons can only be conjured if your heart is free of fear. If you are afraid of anything, you can't conjure an elemental dragon. And I firmly believe that Merlin, who has until now lived in a world where his very existence is punishable by death, lives in fear. Even when he's being brave and strong and saving the day, there's that fear in the back of his mind. Fear of execution, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of himself and his own power...and now, with him on the other side of the universe and farther away from home than ever before, fear of never seeing his friends again. Merlin would expect his elemental dragon to come easily to him, but because of all the fear holding him back it actually becomes remarkably challenging, and Merlin ends up going down a shame spiral as a result. He's a dragonlord, conjuring dragons should be easy! And yet it isn't. It's hard. In the end Merlin is only able to conjure his elemental dragon by confronting and overcoming his fear - something he simply hasn't had the freedom to do before now. Back in Camelot, his fear kept him alive. But here, it's only holding him back. He needs to let go of his unhealthy, destructive coping mechanisms and learn to heal. He has to learn to let himself heal

This brings me to another point!

See, the magic system in Ninjago is heavily based on emotions, inner peace, and self-acceptance. You can't even access your powers in the first place until you 'unlock your full potential' - a process that requires you to look inside yourself and overcome whatever emotional obstacles are holding you back.

For the character Nya, she had to accept that she isn't perfect and can't succeed at everything, and that it's ultimately self-destructive to hold yourself up to perfectionist standards. For Cole, he had to make amends with his father and work on repairing their strained relationship (and boy when I tell you that that episode was extremely queer-coded I am NOT overstating things here. Watch "The Royal Blacksmiths" and just try to tell me I'm wrong. I dare you). And of course the other ninja all go through a similar process, but if I explained every character's true potential arc we'd be here all day.

But yeah, you get the idea. In Ninjago, you can't use your magic unless you've gone through like a whole character arc of self-acceptance or whatever.

So if I'm forcing Merlin to go through the hoops put in place by Ninjago's magic system, then that means Merlin also has to go through a character arc of self-acceptance wherein he confronts his trauma and heals from it.

For Merlin, unlocking his true potential would probably involve accepting that he's not a freak or a monster, that his magic doesn't make him evil, and that the rhetoric Uther has propagated for 20 years is wrong. Merlin knows it's wrong, sure, but there's definitely some part of him that believes it anyway. That believes he's just a servant - to Arthur, to Camelot, to destiny - and that his service to other is all he's good for. And without that purpose, he's just an unlovable freak deserving of the pyre. In his mind, anyway.

In order to access his magic, something he considers to be an integral part of him, Merlin has to get over his self-loathing and begin the process of healing from a lifetime of trauma. Confronting this trauma, along with all the other ways his time in Camelot has messed him up, is the only way for Merlin to begin using magic again.

Like. Idk. To me that seems like something that would be very interesting to watch Merlin go through. Overcoming his self-loathing in order to use magic again, and then later having to face his fears in order to conjure an elemental dragon. Emotion-based magic systems like this provide so much opportunity for introspection and character analysis, and I'm having SO much fun with it

[harsassypotters]

This question may be a bit late, but were you disappointed by how the BBC Merlin series ended? I'm asking because the fanfics you wrote (which I love and find incredibly painful) feature a lot of Arthur finding out about Merlin's magic, and Merlin questioning his role in Camelot. (I find the whole destiny thing a bit pointless because Arthur never does accept magic in Camelot, does he? Also, did he unite Albion?)

hi! honestly, yes, i am VERY disappointed and frustrated by the entirety of season 5 of merlin. ik it's supposed to depict how unquestioningly following destiny is a Very Bad Thing, and i think it did do that nicely not only with arthur's death, but also with merlin turning his back on every other magical entity (like mordred) by focusing only on arthur. but to better convey the theme, imo, the writers should have had merlin "disobey" destiny and confide in arthur abt his magic. we've already had 4 seasons of merlin hiding his magic, it's bad and toxic for everyone involved, we get it.

i don't rly find the destiny thing pointless, i just think merlin didn't follow it properly, especially since the prophecy or whatever never actually said shit abt keeping magic a secret. though i dont rly blame him; he's been living in fear his entire life and he was HEAVILY manipulated by both kilgharrah and gaius into keeping it under wraps. in fact, considering arthur and merlin are two sides of the same coin, it sounds like the prophecy WANTED merlin to confide in arthur.

but in the end, the real obstacle of the prophecy is arthur's bad characterization. he was opening up towards magic as early as episode 4, but it kept getting retconned in the next episode. i think if he had some actually decent continuity in his characterization he would have accepted magic and united albion with merlin at his side.

thanks so much for the ask, and i'm rly glad u like my fics! sorry for the essay lol i have lots of Feelings

[like-sands-of-time]

I definitely think they wanted us to think she'd gone mad. 'Poor Gwen, Arthur, and Merlin, they did what they could, loved her, but she was always going to go crazy' But we're given so little screen time of her descent to madness that it (rightfully so) feels out of the blue. You only notice anything different about the mostly absent morgana if you already know what's coming. If you're watching for the first time it just looks like the actress isn't in the show much anymore.

Even during the episode where her and Morgause bring those knights to camelot. I genuinely couldn't tell if Morgana didn't know because her sister was manipulating her, if the spell made her forget, or if she did know and was still a willing participant like she seemed to be before. Her reactions are all over the place (though the actress did a great job I'm sure of it) They don't flesh her character out at all even though it's clear at this point they want her to be The Bad Guy that Merlin tried to kill, thus making her his nemesis. Or whatever.

And if a time-skipped year post near death experience with her new half sister in a cave for high priestesses is enough to drive her mad with no explanation then what am I meant to assume there? That Morgause was controlling her? Except the characters seem genuinely fond of each other and morgana doesn't act mad. Does the death of her sister drive her mad? We don't really know because she seems focused on her plan to break the veil. It's just so bizarre how they tell us everything about her instead of taking any time at all to show us. They want her to be Merlins equal of a sort, the only one he has a tough fight against, then we need to see more of her character.

That's the whole reason the mordred arc kinda fell flat for me too. I watched the entire season five and he was a background character in his own season lmao. For several episodes he would just not be around but no one said he left Camelot so we're just meant to assume Merlin knows Arthur's death is hanging out and doesn't care right now ??

All the episodes with Mordred have Merlin angsting heavily and"what do I do before its too late" idk maybe just talk to the guy? Just confront him in your mindspeak , find out his motives, remind him the last time you saw him he said he'd never forget what you let happen and see what he says? Maybe??

Like they seemed to 1) want the show over and 2) have no care whatsoever for the whole middle of the season, just mordred killing Arthur and no one stopping it. That's where all their energy went, nevermind gwens weird alliance with morgana for a few episodes. That deserved so much more time to make it interesting. Even Gwen has hardly any screen time as the Queen. Just. A headache lol.

This is probably why there are so many canon rewrites and fix it fics out there for bbcm. That's always been a popular trope but I've never seen so many attempts at rewriting an entire show.

All right heres the thing that's been bugging me since I watched season four.

I love morgana in season one. I find her introduction absolutely fascinating. She feels like a very important character, but we don't know how yet. I love that we see her picking fights with Uther from the first, for it to all culminate in her attempting to kill him by the first season finale, all in a way that is so believable and sympathetic to me (and Merlin) that I was honestly hoping Merlin would just, slip on one of those hills and watch her kill him, because we now know three characters who wouldnt mourn the loss of the king. Who are angry at him for the unforgivable things he's done even recently. At that point arthur is most willing to work with magic and common men, and morgana (with Merlin) have had a clear impact on his growth as a man. I love that.

I... Don't see the rest of the shows arc (s3 and on) as believable for who she was then. I'm sorry but either she was caring about the citizens of Camelot and their suffering, or it was all a lie, that doesn't go away just because you're angry at one guy. I'll leave that alone, it's for another time. BUT. even if they wanted to show that dragons have free will and could befriend who they wished, regardless of dragon blood, I still don't think the entirety of that season makes any sense.

Why would Merlin have hatched the egg right then if he wasn't willing or able to raise the hatchling? They said multiple times the egg would last. And if Kilgharrah wasn't willing to raise the egg why did he convince Merlin to do it. It what world would the characters of Kilgharrah and Merlin as we know them at this point just leave an infant dragon to do it's own thing anyway? Let alone go work with a sorceress they believe to be evil consumed. That.... Doesn't make sense. Not even in a tragic but realistic way, it just simply doesn't make sense to me. Merlin could have safely put the egg where Kilgharrah used to be imprisoned if no one visits there, or Kilgharrah could have found another cave or safe place to keep it. Those make sense. Hatching it only to both leave and forget about the child doesn't really make sense for either of them?

The writers wanted morgana to have a dragon ally, be an equal to Merlin visually in their ultimate fight, and I get it....... but make Aithusa choosing morgana make sense. Develop their relationship in any way..? And while we're at it make morgana trying repeatedly to kill Arthur make any sense because it the show I watched I never saw any reason for her to want anything other than 1) uther dead and 2) magic free in Camelot once more. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE. You can't have characters just Do Things because you want them to happen lmao that's not how people work.

This show loves to tell me instead of showing me. I know what they want me to think because they make it glaringly freaking obvious but I'm sorry .. you have to actually develop character arcs or relationships (whether it's between a dragon and the main villain, or Arthur and Guinevere, because sunbursts and cute music isn't doing anything for me lol. They didn't even develop lance either. She had two love interests shown to us and we just have to use our imagination I guess.

Idk, write morgana to be the darkest, cruellest, most insane bitch you want that's fine with me. It's all medieval fanfiction but ... It has to be plausible. Give me any reason at all why bbc morgana hated Arthur or Camelot or Gwen or anything. Do tragic, do.. "she was always meant to be against him" if you must, but also? It's all fanfiction so have morgana being Arthurs sorceress .. powerful just like Merlin but in her own way and they're both loyal to Arthur.

[lit-in-thy-heart]

i am once again raging about the things that the writers of bbc merlin completely forgot about.

we all know that merlin travels to the crystal cave in 5x12 and he’s been there once before. what i had forgotten, however, was how fucking terrified merlin was the first time he visited the cave and apparently the writers forgot that too.

he doesn’t want to look into them to the point where there are tears in his eyes and, judging by the frantic rise and fall of his chest, his heart is gunning at one hundred miles an hour. he’s traumatised. and moving past the fact that yet another old white guy is telling merlin to shoulder the burden of the future of an entire kingdom, merlin is pretty adamant that he does not want to look into the crystals.

for it being the birthplace of magic, merlin definitely wants to get out of there as quickly as possible. he doesn’t feel comfortable there in the slightest and, combined with what the iplayer subtitles deem ‘eerie screams’ in the background, it’s pretty understandable. it seems that merlin has no control over what he can see (as in if he looks, that’s it, he sees it) and it’s just one more reminder that merlin is a pawn in destiny’s game and he feels like he has no control over his own choices. he does not want to be there.

so it speaks volumes as to just how desperate he was in 5x12 to return to the cave (which, by the way, he was almost buried alive in, so that’s not going to add any further complications to his relationship with the crystal cave at all) to regain his magic. in the show, of course, there’s very little allusion to this episode or mention of just how impacted merlin was at the time, but when you look back at this episode, merlin must have been absolutely fucking terrified at the prospect of returning and having to see the imminent future.

no. i’ve been through this before.

merlin doesn’t want to see the future. at least, not at this point. in later seasons it’s the images of the future that guide his decisions and he does rely quite heavily on them, but here merlin is trying to resist. he��s trying to say i know, i’m trying, but right now arthur is dying and that’s more important to me than something months down the line. because he’s getting overwhelmed. so, in the years to come, he decides to prioritise. he decides to focus on the future, because the present will just fall into place, right? so he focuses on arthur. he focuses on bringing about the golden age of camelot. he even puts aside his entire identity, or the hope of him being accepted, in eliminate mordred as a threat just so arthur will live. and i wonder, if merlin had never been shown the crystals, how differently things might have turned out.

i wonder if he ever went back to the crystal cave after camlann.

[knightofmordred]

let's talk about gwen's trauma in bbc merlin

tw // trauma, grief, torture, death, potential racism.

im not sure what else to tw but my post will surround conversations such as these so if you are reading this and may be triggered please either stop or read with care <3

forgive me for any mistakes i will mainly be talking from memory and ofc if i say anything wrong please lmk !!

generally to start off, all of the main four characters went through trauma however you were always able to see their reaction/result of their trauma e.g morgana turning evil, arthur being self-conscious and doubtful of himself and merlin putting up a barrier in S5, but with gwen there was never anything like that which happened.

gwen went through so much throughout the entire show and yet nothing was ever handled or addressed within the show.

SEASON ONE

from the beginning it was indicated that gwen's mother passed away before the time frame shown in camelot and of course that was later confirmed. the only mention about her mother, that i can remember, is when gwen briefly spoke about how her mother was a maid in sir leon's household. we also know that elyan left camelot shortly after their mother passed away, clearly the reasoning was from grief and hurt. we didn't get to see gwen deal with the loss of not only her mum but also her brother, yes he was still alive however he left without a word, gwen and her father were left alone trying to survive.

(also elyan's trauma is also something important to be raised and spoken about)

during this time gwen and her father were still able to make a life in camelot, thomas being a blacksmith and gwen getting a job as morgana's maid. of course events unfolded and gwen was accused of witchcraft. she was thrown in prison and set to be executed. as we know this isnt the first time this will happen. we obviously saw gwen distraught and inconsolable trying to deal with her sentence however this epsiode revolved a lot around morgana and merlin more than it did gwen. e.g. them trying to release gwen etc

a few episodes later thomas is the one imprisoned and eventually was killed due to his attempted escape. again this epsiode focused more on morgana and merlin. the small clips we saw of gwen crying over her father whilst he was imprisoned and then again when she was mourning her father were little to nothing, and the only other scenes surrounding gwen were shown as her being "strong and getting her life back together". following on to merlin asking gwen if she would wish uther dead and she said no, if he died she would feel nothing but wouldn't wish him dead.

now why does gwen have to be this strong and kind hearted woman especially in this epsiode. she lost her father, practically her last and only family member left as elyan was awol and yet she was portrayed this way. she would have been allowed to be angry and upset over everything that happened.

there was a scene where gwen was crying with morgana and spoke about how she cannot go home but it wasn't about her father. it was about tauren - the man who hired thomas for whatever he was making,he came and threatened gwen.

SEASON THREE

a season later gwen and arthur are romantically involved and caught by uther and morgana during a date. uther banished gwen and was later accused of magic (again) and set to be executed (again). this episode focused more on gwen than the last ones i spoke about but again morgana and merlin's side plots were heavily involved.

after each event has taken place in these episodes, it's almost as if gwen's trauma and what she went through were put aside or forgotten about. twice she was nearly killed and once she lost her father.

later, gwen was kidnapped by cenred and morgause and threatened to bring arthur in exchange for elyan's life.

noticing a theme so far? gwen's trauma seems to be revolved around the white characters surrounding her, whether it is entwined with another character's plot or focuses on them.

SEASON FOUR

i don't remember the epsiode but i believe it was the dochard episode. gwen was attacked by morgana in an attempt to kill her.

during this time too she was also looking after and caring for uther. we know she wasn't doing it for uther but for arthur and her love for him and so he wouldn't have to worry and can focus on his duties but....she was still looking after the man who killed her father, nearly killed her a couple of times and overall ruined her life too.

now we get into gwen and lancelot. of course we all know lance was a shade and gwen was enchanted. the way this epsiode was and how they decided to portray gwen and lance for me was ://

again gwen was thrown in jail. the bracelet was never found and nothing ever came to light that she was enchanted.

so...gwen had to live with all of that regret, guilt and feelings of not understanding or knowing why she kissed lancelot for the rest of her life.

she was banished and threatened with death if she ever returned (again).

shortly later in S4 EP11, she was kidnapped (again) whilst living in ealdor. she was able to escape but then turned into a deer by morgana??? then accidentally hunted by arthur and mithian leaving her injured and hurt. which is so unnecessary because why tf turn her into an animal ???

she was nearly killed again.

and again nothing was ever addressed or spoken about in terms of what gwen went through.

SEASON FIVE

S5, uther came back as a ghost, he threatened and attacked gwen to the point she nearly died had she not been found by merlin.

in the middle of the season, gwen was kidnapped and tortured which eventually led to her being enchanted and under morgana's control in the Dark Tower.

again, gwen's trauma is tied to a white character (as in plot and needs etc).

during her enchantment gwen did a few things:

poisoned arthur and nearly killed him

killed tyr

imprisoned merlin and blamed him

conspires with an enemy and tried to kill arthur again

her enchantment was thankfully lifted but once again it just seemed like it was ignored once it was over but also i know S5 was rushed in itself anyway.

tbh you could say gwen knew nothing and couldn't remember what happened whilst she was enchanted but in With All My Heart there seemed to be some awareness from gwen about her enchantment. and also ofc people would say she couldn't remember in order to avoid the conversation around her trauma.

in the finale we see gwen in the battle helping the wounded and when the battle is won we see her having to cope with the fact they couldn't find arthur.

by this time we know where arthur is and it cuts to a scene of leon telling gwen arthur has still not been found and of course gwen is visibly upset.

when gauis comes back and gwen is informed of arthur's condition of course she believes he will get better but then she would have had to battle with the thoughts he wouldn't.

i really wish there had been a scene after this where gwen just talks to someone about what exactly she is feeling but instead it cut to the plot about eira.

the ending was kind of the same for everyone, no one got to mourn apart from merlin.

overall it just makes me so sad that gwen went through all of this and it was ignored or pushed aside because she is a "kind, strong and honest woman". she went straight back to work when her father died because it was "better than sitting in an empty house waiting for my father to return" no gwen!! you can do that if you need to!! you are allowed to be sad and hurt!!

i genuinely do think it is racist writing as black women especially are portrayed as "strong women who get on with things" when actually they've gone through a load of traumatic events and as any else are should be angry and upset and should be allowed to be portrayed that way too.

it also angers me that majority of these events which took place and gwen's experiences/trauma were almost always tied to a white character and aiding their development/storyline/plot. just why