#you talk and you talk and you dont say SHIT
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dirt-str1der · 18 hours ago
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WHY DID YOU FEEL THE NEED TO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR AROACE SENKU HEADCANON ON MY GAY SENKU AND TRANS REI POST
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Just finished Dr Stone Reboot
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#sorry for yelling at you but i do think you should make your own post#if you want an aroace character ryusui is right there and hes literally aroace flag coloured hes my favourite character hes so awesome#i dont see senku as aroace but i do see him as incredibly pragmatic and amazing at compartmentalising. romance is so far off his list of#priorities that he had never even thought about sex or dating. Hes the kind of guy who is fully able to abstain from earthly pleasures just#because he has more important shit to be doing (science) but meeting tsukasa made him feel some shit for the first time in his life#a guy whos strong and smart and hot and can keep up with him. someone whos a challenge to go up against someone so fun and electric#and this great and awesome guy says the most pathetic things in the world sometimes. its very clear that tsukasa made a deep impression on#senku. outside of romantic affection. senku was gentle to tsuaksa is a way that you dont see with other characters. at hakodate he tells#taiju and yuzuriha they might have to kill tsukasa but after that ? absolutely 0 talk of killing. hearing tsukasa say he has no friends#literally did something to senkus brain i genuinely believe he wanted very badly to be tsukasas friend like outside the context of shipping#just as something that happened in canon its clear that senku was thinking a LOT about tsukasa trying to unpack his motivations and charact#yes tsukasa is a killer but senku insists hes still a good guy. he doesnt write him off as a villain and he does not want to be his enemy#seconds before snapping his neck tsukasa is like maybe you would have been my friend and senku instead of being like hell no/ur delusional#he was like maybe :3 senku also tends to be sarcastically flirty but his pre stone wars dialogue with tsukasa was pushing it (also worth#noting that he was responding in kind to something that tsukasa initiated. whether or not its romantic theres definitely chemistry) when#tsukasa falls senku literally ran to catch him so they could fall together (which could mean nothing) hes tender to tsukasa in a way that h#isnt with the others he literally insists on making small talk with tsukasa on his deathbed because they never got a chance to know each#other and it clearly ate at him. Senku doesnt pursue people unnecessarily. He already had tsukasa in his pocket and he still made the effor#to keep him company so he wouldnt have to die in a silent cave. the guy who wouldnt even let his oldest friends thank him decided that he#wanted to make small talk (MASSIVELY ooc unless you consider... maybe tsukasa matters a lot more to senku than hes openly said...)#i think tsukasa was someone that senku found extremely difficult to ignore. Hes a guy who wants to save everyone and that what makes him so#awesome. romance will Never Ever be his first priority but his vow of celibacy kind of wobbled a little when it came to tsukasa#I see him as arospec homosexual myself because i think he has a very nonstandard view of romance as a whole but i also think that tsukasa#was the first guy ever that he could see himself with and even then if tsuaksa didnt want a relationship then senku would have been happy#watching from a distance after all he put so much effort into keeping tsukasa safe (read vol 12 boichis authors note)#like i fucking get projecting on a character i also fell deeply in love with tksn because me and my best friend dearly wanted to have known#each other earlier and that was such a beautiful and romantic sentiment that i saw reflected in tsukasen thats why i became obsessed#but senku 'strange behaviour' wrt tsuaksa has always stuck out to me ... he never acts like this with anyone else its gotta mean something#i dont think they were ever mortal enemies even at worst. tsukasa still had to bite his tongue not to call senku his friend when they were#in the throes of war. they meant something to each other. romantic or not they meant something very precious to each other
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two-entire-bits · 3 days ago
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I have a confession. I do not care for the soc boys. I'm sure they have very interesting character traits and lore the actors and fandom have come up with and that is so fun and great and I know none of it and I am perfectly content with that. Shout out to all my mutuals who love the soc boys I hope you are having fun with your Ken dolls but I will not be joining you. keep slaying.
#not saying i hate them i just cant get my brain to like them the same way i do all the greasers and the soc girls#excluding bev for some reason melody ily bev ily but i dont latch onto her the same way i do cherry and marcia 😔😔😔😔#shout out to all my soc boy mutuals i hope you are having so much fun#the closest i will ever get to caring for the soc boys is randy#man was an asshole tried to kill a kid saw his best friend die went fuck all of this dumped his girlfriend left town and became a hippie#shit start great ending good job randy 👍#this is also why i havent gotten into parry#i love the gays i promise but i did not latch onto paul the way the rest of the fandom did 😔😔#i totally get it i see where yallre coming from i understand#its my ship-in-law ill support parry truthers 4ever#but im a dar-bit truther for life#yes i am also a mar-bit truther#and an aroace darry truther#i win no matter what#but anyways#i am not part of the community i am an ally ✊️✊️✊️#its also fun cuz since i know jack shit i never get annoyed at mischaracterization because i dont know what the correct characterization is#i can see anything about them and go 'yeah sure'#and it could be so out of character#and ill never know#i stay winning#anyways love yall 🫶#although i do think a reason i havent latched onto bev is because i never see anyone talking about her#if you love bev please tell me about her i want to know everything#the outsiders#the outsiders musical#two-bit talks
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specific-dreamer · 3 days ago
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thinking about the early days when their parents first died and ponyboy is turning to soda for comfort more and more because he knows soda gets it because sodas crying so he won’t judge pony for crying. one night pony wide awake crying leftover tears from a nightmare and the general “how come darry don’t like me no more” and sodas comforting him and trying to convince him otherwise.
after a particularly rough day and rougher nightmare he asks soda “how come darry never cries? ain’t he sad too?”
soda who really ought to keep his mouth shut sometimes says “of course he’s sad. i caught him crying in the shower the other day. i think he just don’t cry in front of us; kinda like dally. you know he was upset but instead of crying like the rest of us, he found more trouble.”
pony’s quiet for moment. “why don’t he ever cry with us though? he didn’t even cry at the fune- at the church”
soda sighs. ponyboy isn’t gonna get it; no matter how hard he tries pony won’t get it because he’s not older than anybody. he won’t understand the instinct to protect someone.“you remember in comic books how the superheroes never cry; they just box up their feelings until they explode?”
“yes?”
“…darry’s kinda like that. he’s our superhero; i don’t think he cries because he dont want to scare us. if he cries it kinda proves that we’re all scared and, i don’t know about you, but i’ve never seen darry scared or in a situation he couldn’t handle.”
“i don’t know soda, i think it’s scarier that he doesn’t cry.” his voice trails off but soda knows him well enough to know pony’s holding back from saying something else. “when is darry gonna blow up?”
“huh?”
pony huffs. “you said the superheroes that hide their feelings blow up; when’s darry gonna blow up?” there is no mistaking the fear in his voice asks and now soda kinda regrets that metaphor (analogy? it’s one of them, soda always mixes them up).
soda sighs and shrugs his shoulders. “i don’t know, honey.”
pony sits up and looks at soda incredulously. “what do you mean you don’t know! i thought you told each other everything?”
soda sits up too. “well not everything. how do you even know that— are you reading my journal you little shit?”
“yes but that isn’t the point okay!” pony blushes and shakes his head widely.
“fine.” soda huffs and lays back down. he’s a little shit for reading his stuff but pony was right; him and darry did tell each other everything. but since everything it’s almost like a flip switched and darry decided he had to keep all his emotions bottled up and he couldn’t depend on anyone. “i don’t know ponyboy. he doesn’t talk to me anymore, he doesn’t talk to anyone.”
“…because he doesn’t want to scare us?”
“i think so yeah.”
“soda?” pony asks after about five minutes of silence. he’s lying back down now with his head on sodas chest.
“yeah, honey?”
“i don’t like this darry.”
soda can feel his heart cracking and his stomach dropping. “what do you mean?”
“i want my darry back.” pony’s about to cry again, soda can hear the quiver in his voice asks he tries not to. “i don’t want darry to be our guardian if he’s not my brother anymore. i want my brother, i want my darry!”
as soon as he finishes speaking, pony breaks into sobs again. this time soda doesn’t really know how to comfort him besides holding him closer and stroking his hair. “i know, honey. it’ll be okay.” he repeats those two phrases like a mantra until pony falls asleep.
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kcalsforhim · 9 hours ago
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𓏲.ೃ࿔❀˙˖ 。 thursday 9 jan 2025
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༄.°
i woke up in the worst state someone could find me in LOL. i can’t recall much except feeling so fucking terrible ;; i did go to college and haku didn’t go to college so i was all alone
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2 sugar free red bulls
2 sugar free coca cola oreo
in class for the first half i worked on a drawing for college then on the second half i talked with my classmates to make sure i could actually be included in the second half of the group project pretty please. i had a lot of cool ideas and that is a lot of fun im excited for that
then when i was walking home my mom sends me a text, she got called by a number and she’s asking me who it is. i checked and the number called me too
earlier in the day i sent my mental health coordinator at college that i wanted to commit suicide on new years and i ended up not doing it, and that im just kind of lost now ;; and she started panicking and called me
we had a nice conversation on the phone about a new special trajectory for me so that i can calm down and obviously get extra help and bla bla. this has been weighing on me for like.. ever since i started college again, but mostly since start of november, that’s also when i started binge eating.. or well, it started developing.
afterwards i just started to stress and i wanted to binge, it was a good convo, but i wanted to eat everything in sight. instead i went to the shops to spend money there instead since another one of my comforts is shopping. (yeah i know lots of bad comforts)
i went to miniso and got lots of kuromi stuff, bottles and lunch box that’s tiny and even a hair straightener ; then i went to primark and bought a pair of sweatpants and a kuromi hoodie and pyjamas and more kuromi stuff. i also went online and ordered a pair of pants. yes i went crazy.
however, i got no food. when i got to my local train station i began my walk home and my knees wobbled and i just kind of half fell on the floor, i was so exhausted and it was. cold. icy cold. i called my friend and asked him to get me
he did and he was deadass pale like a ghost. he had to hold onto me when we got me some groceries so i could eat. he even pulled out of his savings to have enough for what i wanted to eat
he got me cigarettes and got me everything i wanted, just ingredients for a dish. he held me when i felt my legs giving out lol, he took me home and he gave me the longest hug ever and asked me to keep safe, i told him i would try
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a pokebowl containing salad mix, spicy mayonnaise, edamame beans, half of an avocado, carrot shavings, cucumber cubes, shrimp and salmon.
4 courgette hashbrowns / cakes
3 medjoul dates
1 protein yogurt
i didn’t count my cals cause i knew if i didn’t eat something properly i would and will binge eat everything and i was feeling really emotional so i would rather eat salad and salmon than a big thing of cookies… im just saying… 3 dates instead of 1 for the same reasoning
its pathetic but i did half all of the ingredients at the very least, half the avocado, half the salmon, half the shrimp, ect ect. i made my mom a small bowl to eat out of too and that’s where the extra meat went (i ate similar meal today too)
i wanted to eat more and more and more afterwards but i ended up not doing it dont worry. i just chewed a lot of gum to get my jaw moving and active so that i wouldn’t go downstairs to chew on something else yk ?
i am relieved things in my life will change though, i’m relieved. telling everyone in my life i wanted to be gone on new years stressed me the fuck out
fitting for how i felt yesterday, i listened to it a lot that day too… it just resonates with me, you know ?
𓏲.ೃ࿔❀˙˖ 。 stats for today
streak : 4 days binge free, thank god
cals : n.v.t
steps : 15.2 k
overall today went shit in well, EVERY regard, not just food. im cutting myself a little slack. the next day; so today as im writing this, i did eat the leftovers but only because my friend pulled from his savings for me to be able to eat something i find comfort in. my favourite restaurant is closed, so i have to make their dish from my own memory. i hope you guys understand but im ready to feel terrible by the next day (11th)
༄.°
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ranikyani · 2 days ago
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Lord God, I come to you a sinner, and I humbly repent for my sins…. PLEASE do not let this girl be pregnant! I lowkey fuck with Camille but no I want Jamani as many times as he nutted in Imani and she never had a slip up just one more time… plsss 🥹
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If they get back together Imani deserves PEACE they’ve come so far as individuals i dont want her to be another Issa 😭 plsssssssssssssssssss. He’s already put her through so much. She can’t take no more! I canna’ 😭😭
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I need the paparazzi to be useful just one goddamn time and drop the pics of Imani entering the party with the engagement ring on! What are yall made for? Hello, I mean the story should’ve been out by the time she got in the car. Do Something! Anything!
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& EJ I thought he was a good friend at first but EJ… he’s a fucking hater! I see it now. Why do you hate Imani? Not one time has he said anything to hold Jameson accountable frfr like okay that’s your homeboy but he was dogging his girl out and you ain’t say too much but now she selfish for finally leaving to regroup & she gotta prove some shit to you if she wanna come back!? Fuck off EJ. “Straight to hell with your intentions” He move like Imani cheated on his friend or something, like what’s good!?!? I can see if he was moving like Genie and he just got tired but you don’t do nothing but talk shit. I’m tiredddd.
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I want to know more about Momma Lucas & ik we don’t talk abt Bruno but I wanna know abt his daddy too 🫣 oop
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This was me the more I read, I was so excited at first and well…. I hope the tea gonna spill that Momma Lucas sent that invitation & it was hand delivered 👀 I’m so obsessed. So locked in. & so happy it’s Wednesday. ✨
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NEON LIGHTS
Pairing (Original Characters):
Jameson Lucas (Aaron Pierre) x Imani St. Cirie (Megan thee Stallion) Genie Adesanya (Jayme Lawson) x Ellington “EJ” Dupree (Kelvin Harrison Jr.)
Chapters:
Neon Lights Masterlist
Chapter Synopsis: A year has passed since Imani and Jameson's painful breakup. Once again, fate draws the two together again...but it's not as joyful reunion as either thought they'd have.
Warnings: smut (18+), toxic relationship, mentions of therapy, out of control drinking, and emotional breakdowns, sex (p in v, creampie, dirty talk) -- if we missed anything, let us know!
Word Count: 8k
Divider Template: @cafekitsune
Notes: 
The following characters are original creations. Their voice claims are Usher / Lucky Daye (Jameson) & Summer Walker / SZA (Imani). We have no affiliation to any of those artists.
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Anaïs Lucas sat at her writing desk, the faint scent of her signature jasmine lingering in the air. The room was quiet, save for the rhythmic ticking of the antique clock on the wall. She flipped through the pile of papers in front of her, gaze landing on the embossed invitations for Jameson’s album release party.
Pride made her smile. Her son had an advantage when he got into the industry, yes. He had her name and his good looks but nobody could ever pretend her baby couldn’t sing or that he didn’t work his ass to keep what he got. After he announced he was pushing back his album last winter, Anaïs watched people doubt him. Come January 2026 – a few short weeks from then – they would know that he was worth the wait.
She picked one up, running her fingers over the gold lettering.
You are cordially invited to the premiere of Midnight & Dawn A celebration of James Lucas’ third album
It was elegant, timeless—everything she’d expect from her son’s team. Yet, as perfect as it seemed, something was missing.
Or rather, someone.
The party was in a matter of days and she knew for a fact that Imani wasn’t on the guest list. It made sense. The two had broken up and hadn’t so much as whispered each other’s name in public. Imani had moved on. Jameson had moved on. The cute little girl she’d seen him out with – but had yet to meet – seemed to be distracting him just enough.
But she knew her son. She knew what he wanted. She tried not to be that kind of mother but she couldn't help herself. He was her only child and she wanted him to be happy. She just wouldn't be mentioning any of this to Toni, Imani's aunt and her closest friend.
Anaïs reached for her phone, dialing a number she knew by heart. “Anderson? It’s Anaïs.” Her voice was warm but commanding, the kind that left little room for argument.
Anderson Allen was the head of public relations at Jameson’s label. He had insisted on signing a deal with a label that didn’t feature his mother but it didn’t mean that she didn’t have connections. “Ms. Lucas! What a surprise. How can I help you?”
“I was getting ready for Jamie’s party,” she began, her tone casual but deliberate. "But I heard that the guest list wasn’t complete. You all work so hard over there. I would hate for an omission to ruin the party."
Anderson hesitated. “Omission?”
“Yes. Imani St. Cirie,” Anaïs said smoothly.
The pause on the other end of the line was longer this time. “I—I wasn’t sure if that would be appropriate, given their history. Jameson hasn’t mentioned—”
Anaïs cut him off with a light laugh. “Oh, Andy, let’s not overthink this. Imani is an important part of Jameson’s life, personally and professionally. Inviting her would be…a gesture of goodwill. Besides, I’m sure she’d appreciate the opportunity to celebrate his success.”
Anderson’s voice was cautious. “I suppose we could add her to the list…”
“Wonderful,” Anaïs said, her smile bright. “I’d like to personally handle delivering her invitation. Consider it my little project.”
“Of course, Ms. Lucas. I’ll have one prepared and sent to your house immediately.”
“You’re a gem, Anderson. Thank you.”
Anaïs ended the call and leaned back in her chair, a satisfied expression on her face. She didn’t need anyone’s permission to do what she believed was right for her baby.
When the invitation arrived later that afternoon, Anaïs carefully wrote Imani’s name on the envelope in her graceful script. She slipped it into a sleek courier envelope and sealed it with a flourish.
“Deliver this directly to Ms. St. Cirie,” she instructed the courier who arrived at her door less than an hour later. “Make sure it’s in her hands before the day is over.”
As the courier left, Anaïs poured herself a celebratory glass of champagne. She wasn’t blind to the complications of Jameson and Imani’s past, but sometimes, fate needed a little help—and Anaïs Lucas was more than happy to provide it. 
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The studio was alive with energy, even though it was just the two of them. EJ asked for them to run through the albums again. They'd been previewed for the label, accepted, turned in, and there was release party planned for the next night...but still. He wanted to hear the album one more time. Jameson didn't hesitate to go. As the final song climaxed, EJ poured whiskey into two glasses. He slid one across the console to Jameson, who sat slouched in his chair.
“To the masterpiece,” EJ said, raising his glass. “A double-disk album. That’s some legendary-level ambition from my boy.”
Jameson laughed, shaking his head as he reached for the glass. "Very glad I could surprise you all."
EJ snorted. "Hey! I believed in you always. It was touch and go there for a while for everybody else. When you pushed the album back, them niggas started getting nervous. But I knew...my boy was gone get into his bag. I just ain't expect two damn albums at once."
Jameson smirked, tapping his glass against EJ’s before taking a sip. “Here’s hoping they don't flop.”
“Flop?” EJ scoffed, leaning back in his chair. “You’re about to shut the whole industry down. Tomorrow night’s party is gonna be the start of something huge. We need to celebrate. Let’s go grab a drink. Celebrate properly.”
Jameson shook his head, setting the glass down as he finished off the amber liquid. “Un-uh. I’m good, man. I’m tired as fuck. You kept me chained to the recording booth most of the year. I'm going home. Getting in the bed.”
EJ smiled at his friend. “You sure? A little fun won’t kill you.” “Yeah, I’m sure,” Jameson said.
With nothing left to do, EJ finished his drink and threw his hands up. "Alright. I did my best. Aye...I'm proud of you."
Jameson wrinkled his nose, standing from his seat and grabbing his jacket. "Don't get soft on me and shit."
EJ followed his movements, a serious expression on his face. "I'm for real. I was worried about you. Not because of the album. Just because you're my friend. You came out the other side of that shit and I'm proud. I was glad when you stopped drinking every day and started getting fresh air but...therapy? Channeling your shit into music? Camille? You’re looking ahead. I'm happy for you, man." 
Even without him saying her name, she lingered between them. Imani was the unspoken, untouched aspect of his life that he still couldn't face. Still, he knew EJ meant well so Jameson smiled. “Thank you. For everything. You been solid while I got myself together. I owe you, E.”
It was a rare moment when the two stopped teasing each other enough to express what they felt. If Genie was his sister, EJ was his brother. He didn’t know who he’d be without either of them. Before he could change his mind, Jameson leaned in and gave EJ a tight hug. It only lasted a second but he could feel the other man hug him back.
“Alright. Enough of that.” EJ muttered, breaking away and shoving Jameson’s shoulder playfully. “Go home. Go be boring. I’m going to kiss my girlfriend until she blushes.”
He still couldn't wrap his head around EJ and Genie. When Genie had shyly told him she was dating EJ, his first reaction had been disbelief. He never felt a vibe between them but over the next few months, EJ had proved he was crazy about Genie. So Jameson stepped back. He didn't kick up a fuss or cause a problem. When he found time to get out of his own head, he was happy for them.
It was an innocent statement but Jameson recoiled, holding his hand over his ears. “Ew. Don’t tell me nothing you and Genie got going on.” He quickly picked up his jacket, shrugging it on while EJ laughed, calling out to him.
“You better lock Camille down so you can learn from us!”
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Jameson walked through his front door and immediately noticed something was off. The lights in the dining room were dimmed, candles flickering on the table, and soft jazz played from the speakers. He’d left the house silent and dark before going to meet EJ. Only three people had a key beside him. His mother, who was not going to set a scene. Genie, who never used it. And EJ, who he just left. Jameson rounded the corner of his living room, entering the kitchen. There stood a woman, at his sink, with her back to him. He recognized her immediately. The messy way she piled her dark brown hair on the top of her head gave it away. 
Camille.
There was something about the way she carried herself—an effortless elegance like she owned the space around her. As one of the most famous young models in the industry, Camille was a striking woman. She held her head high no matter what, her posture perfect. She moved around his kitchen as if this was her home. It was the same way she had approached him – like he was already hers. He admired it, even if it reminded him of someone else, someone he couldn’t quite shake.
“Camille?” he called, dropping his keys on the counter.
She jumped, whirling around with wide eyes. She was wearing an apron with splashes of water on it over her sleek black dress. “You’re…You’re home early.” There were plates on his table, a romantic dinner for two was the obvious aim and he softened. They were casual. Beyond casual but she always took care of him.
Jameson raised an eyebrow, slipping back into the moment. “Am I not supposed to be here?” He asked her, shrugging out of his jacket as he moved further into the kitchen. “How’d you get in?”
“EJ came to let me in before he met you.” She said softly, her gaze following his movements – lingering on his forearms before she turned back to turn the running water off. “H-He was supposed to keep you out for another hour.”
And then it all made sense. The fact that he’d called him out at all to ‘listen’ to an album they’d been listening to for almost a year. Then to want to go out for drinks afterward? His best friend was trying his hand at matchmaking and Jameson couldn’t blame him. Camille was good to him. He’d be a liar to say she wasn’t.
“Ah,” Jameson said, nodding his head. “So, that’s why he was so insistent on hanging out tonight.” He stepped closer, tossing his jacket onto the counter before leaning against it, a sheepish smile tugging at his lips. “Sorry I ruined the surprise.”
Camille pouted but the second she got a good look at him, she brightened and the annoyance melted away. “I thought we could celebrate your album being finished. Just the two of us. I’m happy for you.”
Jameson smiled, feeling a flicker of warmth in his chest. “Thank you. Thank you for coming. Thank you for caring.” He reached out, tugging her closer using the apron. “What’s for dinner?”
“Caprese salad, seared scallops with risotto, and white chocolate raspberry cheesecake.” “Sounds very impressive.” “It is. I slaved over a stove for you.” “I’m flattered.” “You should be. Not all of my friends get this kind of treatment.” “No?” “Un-uh.” “Damn. I must be really good in bed.”
Camille burst out laughing, slapping her hand against his chest. “You’re aight.”
“That wasn’t a no so I don’t think I was wrong.” Jameson teased her, leaning in to kiss her cheek softly. He released the apron before wrapping his arm around her to untie it. When he brought the strap over her head, he tossed it onto the kitchen island 
“Jameson! We have dinner. I already prepared the–” “Put it in the oven. We’ll eat it later.”
He didn’t have to explain any further. She watched him pluck a fork from his kitchen drawer and then she went to do exactly as he told her to do. Jameson waited patiently, taking a seat on a bar stool and pulling the cheesecake toward him. Once she was done and the food was set aside, he patted the stool next to him. “C’mon. Get off your feet.”
In her Chanel dress and high heels, Camille made herself comfortable. 
They settled at the kitchen counter, side by side on barstools, sharing bites of the rich dessert. Jameson fed her from his fork, kissed her, and put aside the fact that he felt a twinge of guilt for bringing her into his house. This was good. He was moving forward as EJ said. There was nothing wrong with that.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Jameson told her softly, offering her another bite of cheesecake. When she took it, he followed it with a kiss. Light and sweet. She leaned into him, silently asking for more. Instead, Jameson offered her more cheesecake. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.”
She glared at him before his confession became clear. Cami gave him a bright smile, her tongue cleaning the whipped cream her mouth left behind on the fork before she spoke. “There is really nowhere else I’d rather be.”
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Imani ran her hands over her dress as she looked over her appearance in the mirror. She did a small turn to the left and then the right to see. No flaws. She looked damn good as usual. She sported a new blonde hair color with hints of pink, a brown sheer dress that accented her curves and left little to the imagination, and her wrist and neck were dazzled in diamonds. It was perfect. Undoubtedly, a ten out of ten. Yet, she sighed and turned her body once more like something would change to make it even better. 
“Girl, if you don’t get out that mirror and go to that party, I’m a drag you there myself.” Her hairstylist said. Imani chuckled. “You look good. Now go get your man.”
She waved the woman off. “It ain’t even like that!” She hadn’t seen Jameson since their break-up last year. She only knew him through TV screens, magazines, and as a voice blaring through the club speakers. He was no longer the man that held her at night, told her she was beautiful or showered her with kisses. For the first time since they met, he was James Lucas. And she hated it. 
Imani said her goodbyes to her glam team as she sauntered to her door and then to the SUV. She slipped inside then the driver shut the door behind her. She pulled the ring on her ring finger on and off then on and off all over again.
It was the ring that Jameson gifted to her for Christmas last year. She pulled it out of her jewelry box when she was anxious, only wearing it at home to avoid speculation from the media and her fans. It was her stress reliever that no one knew about. But tonight, it served a different purpose. 
She wanted Jameson back. Bad. And Imani believed wearing his ring to his album release party would show him that she hadn’t forgotten about him. How could she? He was all she ever thought about. She thought she did the right thing when she ended things with him. They were just going to end in heartbreak like they always did. Imani thought breaking the cycle would solve everything. Yes, she was heartbroken when it happened but she always believed she would get over it and feel better. But she didn’t. She never felt more alone. 
For the first three months after their breakup, she distracted herself with work. She dove head first into Diary’s promotional rollout. Anything her label or management wanted her to do, she did it to avoid being with her deafening thoughts of regret and being alone. But her promo tour only lasted for so long. Then she tried partying. She tried drinking. She tried being with other people, but they never lasted long. All she did was compare them to Jameson. 
Despite all her efforts, nothing and no one could fill the void in her heart left by Jameson. His memory lingered in every corner of her mind. She wrestled with herself over the thought of reaching out to him, hesitant and afraid of what she might find. What if he had moved on? What if he wanted nothing to do with her anymore? She knew little about his current life, only catching glimpses through a few tabloids. According to them, he now resided in the bustling city of New York and was dating a woman named Camille, but they didn’t seem serious at all. Maybe she still had a chance. 
When she received a mysterious invite to his album release party, it felt like fate. A sign that she needed to make a move and get him back. She couldn’t let fear hold her back this time. So she booked a flight to New York with her trusted glam squad to help her and now her plan was underway. 
She was still fidgeting with her ring once they reached the club. The blinding lights of the paparazzi never phased her. She didn’t mind the attention. But tonight, their presence only added to the growing uneasiness and heat rising in her skin. Taking a deep breath, she reminded herself not to let them distract her from her goal — winning Jameson back. 
With a sigh, she stepped out of the SUV and was immediately swarmed by a frenzy of flashing cameras and shouting reporters. The familiar chaos only felt like an obstacle in her path. 
“Imani, you look stunning! Love the new hair.” “Are you here to see James?” “How do you feel about him and Camille? Do you know that they showed up here together?”
The last question nearly stopped her in her tracks. Her heart fell back into the abyss of despair that hope once saved it from. Jameson and Camille? She thought they weren’t serious, so why the fuck was she at the party with him? Fuck! Imani should have stayed home. Too many eyes were on her to turn back now. Instead, she simply smiled at the question and entered the club.
After she was inside, she made a beeline for the bathroom, ignoring all of the eyes and whispers. Imani needed to take his ring off before anyone noticed. She walked inside, thankful that no one was in there. Then she closed and locked the door so no one could see her lose it.
She felt like such a fool. There was a war raging inside of her. Of course, he moved on. It had been a year. Did she expect him to wait forever? But the other side screamed, how dare he move on? He told her they were soulmates. He said he would never give up on them. Was it all a lie? “Just twenty minutes.” She mumbled to herself. “I can do twenty then I’ll leave and go home.”
Imani exhaled deeply. She pulled the ring off of her finger and shoved it into her clutch. She unlocked the bathroom door, opening it, only to be met with Genie.
She stared at her like a prey making eye contact with its predator.  Her mind had been so clouded with thoughts of Jameson that she didn’t even think about their storm of friendship. She hadn’t seen Genie since last year. She ignored her texts and phone calls like her best friend was a scorned lover. One day, Imani was going to explain, she just didn’t imagine that day to be today. 
The two stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. Imani finally parted her lips to speak. “Genie, I-” She couldn’t even get her sentence out before the woman moved past her and into the bathroom. Imani sighed, deciding that tonight wasn’t the best time to discuss their broken friendship. She walked back into the club and looked for Toni, the only one she talked to during the whole year. Her energy turned into a dark cloud and she needed someone to brighten it if she was going to make it to twenty minutes.
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He heard the whispers before he saw her. Imani had shown up. 
And finally, he saw her.
For the first time in a fucking year, he laid eyes on her. Not a picture. Not an interview or a photoshoot. He saw her.
Relief hit him so hard that he exhaled sharply. She was okay. After Christmas last year, she had essentially disappeared from his life. He didn’t call, he didn’t text, he had even chosen to unfollow her on Instagram but Jameson quickly found out that he wasn’t the only one left behind. Genie had lost Imani as well. 
The two didn’t talk anymore. He had nothing to go by that she was okay. The blogs reported every lover and every move she made…but none had been able to tell him if she was genuinely doing okay. He could see for himself – in the flesh – that she was doing damn good.
She was standing alone in the quickly filling club, framed by the soft glow of lights. He could see her observing the crowd, looking for someone. Was it him? When their eyes met, she seemed frozen. Her eyes went wide and he knew immediately she wasn’t looking for him. 
He felt a hand against his stomach and immediately broke eye contact with her. Camille was gazing up at him, a question in her eyes. Jameson had to steady himself before he smiled at her. “I’ll be back.” He heard himself tell her but knew that he shouldn’t leave. He did it anyway, walking across the room as every thought in the world passed through his mind.
The relief that he felt ended, replaced by anxiety. Why did she come? Was she trying to support him? Was she curious about the music? Did she want to rub it in his face that he had lost her? Did she want him to see how fucking good she looked? All of the questions he asked himself set him on edge but he didn’t stop moving in her direction.
His eyes ran from her blonde hair down to her tan dress. And a wave of lust hit him. 
The fabric clung to her body. It was barely there. He could see her body, sculpted abs and thick thighs. Perfectly measured underwear that hid…Well, he knew what it hid. He was so intimately acquainted with her body that he could find her in the damn dark. He couldn’t think like this. Jameson shook his head to clear the thoughts but flashes of memories raced through his mind. Late nights with him sinking his teeth into her thighs as they trembled, the way her abdomen contracted when she was coming around his fingers. The way she called out for him, the word ‘Daddy’ fell from her lips. All of it came rushing back to him with stunning clarity. Shit! No. No!
He wasn’t doing this. Camille was watching him. He had to get right. So many fucking therapy sessions and he was backsliding into chaos already.
By the time he got to her, he had control of himself again. “Hi.” He said softly.
He watched as she slowly turned to look at him. There was no ignoring one another. Not right then. Her lips curved into a smile but he knew right then that something was wrong. It didn’t meet her eyes. She didn’t light up the way she usually did when she was happy.
“Hi, Jameson.” “Thank you for coming. It’s nice to see you.” “I…It’s nice to see you too.”
A lull of silence hit them and awkwardness set in. Before, they could talk about anything and everything but now? He didn’t know what to say.
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EJ found Camille standing near the edge of the room, sipping a glass of champagne with practiced ease. She looked every bit the supermodel she was, tall and poised, her sleek black gown clinging to her statuesque frame. But her eyes—dark, searching—betrayed her. She was watching Jameson, observing the way his gaze seemed to drift toward Imani no matter where she stood. Even when he excused himself from her side and greeted other partygoers, everybody in the room knew where he was going.
EJ stepped up beside her, his presence casual but deliberate. “You’re handling this well,” he said, his tone low enough to keep their conversation private from prying ears.
Camille turned her head slightly, offering him a polite smile. “Handling what?”
He gave her a knowing look, one that made her sigh and take another sip of her drink. She broke the pretense that nothing was happening. “You’re not blind, Camille. You see the way he looks at her. And the way she avoids looking at him. There’s history there—deep, messy history. You’ve got to know that.”
Camille’s expression didn’t waver, but she set her glass down on the nearby table, folding her hands neatly in front of her. “I know,” she said simply.
EJ raised an eyebrow. “And you good with that?”
She shrugged, the movement graceful but dismissive. “What am I supposed to do? Pretend it doesn’t exist? Jameson’s been honest with me about Imani. I know what she means to him.”
EJ leaned in slightly, his voice dropping. “What she means to him and what she still means to him might not be the same thing. I’m not saying this to scare you off, but if you’re serious about Jameson, you need to be ready to fight for him. Because that connection they have? It’s not something that just disappears.”
Camille tilted her head, studying him for a moment. “Do you think I’m not serious about him?”
EJ hesitated, then shook his head. “I think you care about him. I think you’re good for him, too. But I also think Jameson’s still figuring out what he wants. And if you’re not careful, you might end up hurt. She’s got this... gravitational pull on him, sure. But it’s not healthy. You’ve seen how far he’s come this past year. That’s because of you, Camille. Not her.”
Camille’s lips curved into a small, wry smile. “I appreciate the concern, EJ. Really, I do. But I’m not here to fight anyone for Jameson. If he wants to be with me, he knows where I am. And if he doesn’t?” She spread her hands, her tone light but firm. “Then I’ll let him go. I’m not the kind of woman who clings to someone who doesn’t want to stay.”
EJ studied her, a flicker of respect crossing his face. “You’re a lot calmer about this than I expected.”
Camille chuckled softly, her gaze drifting back toward Jameson, who had finally approached Imani. “I’ve spent my entire career competing—for jobs, for recognition, for respect. But love? That’s not something you should have to fight for. Either it’s there, or it’s not. And if Jameson’s heart is still with Imani, then there’s no point in pretending otherwise.”
EJ nodded slowly, impressed by her composure. “Fair enough. Just... be careful. He’s a good guy, but if things get messy—”
“They won’t,” Camille interrupted gently. “Because I won’t let them. I care about Jameson, but I care about myself too. If he can’t give me what I deserve, I’ll walk away. Simple as that.”
EJ exhaled, his shoulders relaxing slightly. Camille smiled again, this time with a touch of warmth. “Thanks, EJ. But don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine, no matter what happens.”
EJ glanced back toward Jameson, then back at Camille. He nodded, a silent acknowledgment of their conversation, and stepped away, leaving her to watch Jameson from afar, her expression unreadable.
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“You look good.” He said softly, immediately regretting the words. “I mean, I like your dress.” Nope, that was fucked up too. 
“Thanks,” Imani looked at his outfit. It was already difficult for her to face him, but did he have to look handsome too? This may have been the second hardest thing she’s ever done. “You look uh—you look nice too.”
He peered down at his fit. All black, Gucci. Jameson lifted his hand, pressing it to his sleeve as if he just realized he was wearing clothes worth five grand. “Thank you. It’s just…something thrown together. I’m glad you came. Really.”
“Yeah, I’m glad I did too. Congrats on the album, Jameson. I’m—“ she paused, searching for the right words to say. “really happy for you.”
“Really?” He tilted his head, peering down at her. “Then why do you look upset?”
“I’m fine. It’s nothing.” Imani answered quickly. She wasn’t fine at all. She made the wrong decision to come to this party and now, she had to face a best friend who probably hated her and an ex she was still in love with. She was mentally kicking herself. But he didn’t need to know that.
He knew it wasn’t true but he couldn’t exactly call her on it. That wasn’t his place anymore. “Mhm.” He said softly, giving a nod. “I…I really do hope you’re okay, Imani. Things ended between us but I want you to be happy. Always.”
“I..I want you to be happy too,” she said, folding her arms over her chest. “I’m glad to see that you are. I really am.”
“Thank you. It…it took a while to get back to being happy.” The conversation between them was so fucking stiff and he hated it. He watched her fold her arms against her chest, knowing there was a wall between them. They talked to each other like strangers. Once upon a time, he could tell her anything. They could say everything to one another – except the shit that really mattered. And now they couldn’t say anything at all. “Finishing the album helped. Wouldn’t have been able to do that without a lot of people. You included.”
She nodded. “Well, I’m glad I could help. I can’t wait to hear it.” Imani smiled. “Uh, I’m going to go look for Toni now. I’ll see you around?”
He opened his mouth to say something – anything – but instead, he felt a hand against his arm. Jameson turned to look down at her, surprised by her presence. “There you are.” She said softly.
Imani looked between the couple, still with a smile that he couldn’t tell if it was fake or not. “Hi, I’m Imani.” She reached her hand out. Her eyes glanced down at his wrist. She looked back at Jameson with narrowed eyes. The watch on his wrist looked like the one she had sent him a year. Why the fuck was he wearing that? While he was with another woman? 
His head turned so quickly that he almost sprained his damn neck. He watched as Imani introduced herself to Camille, in such a friendly way that he was almost offended. Damn. She could at least pretend to be jealous. Camille gave her a smile in return and reached out to grasp Imani’s hand and Jameson inhaled sharply. He did not see this coming and he wasn't sure if he liked it.
“Nice to meet you.” She said. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Imani let go of Camille’s hand. “Nice to meet you as well. You’re very pretty.” She looked back at Jameson. Then at Camille. “Well, I’m going to leave you guys to it. Have a good night.” She said, turning around and walking away quickly before she could hear another word from either of them. 
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It took a minute for Genie to pull herself together. When she passed Imani, it had broken her heart not to say anything but she couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe any of this shit. When Jameson and Imani broke up, her heart broke for them both. She didn’t know the details but knew it was bad. Jamie was drinking heavily and Imani was out of contact. But she kept trying. She would start by sending a message every week. Then it became every single day. She wanted to be there for Imani. She begged her to reach out if she needed anything…and she never did. 
It was like she lost her best friend. At first, Genie grieved. Every time something wonderful happened with EJ, she wanted to pick up the phone and call Imani…but she knew she wouldn’t answer. Then the grief turned into anger. She resented being so easy to forget.
“I shouldn’t have come,” she finally said, her voice shaky as she approached EJ. She could see his jovial attitude shift when he saw the look on her face. “I don’t know what I thought I’d feel seeing her again, but this wasn’t it.” She hadn’t even known Imani would be there but she knew that maybe there would be a good chance. Still, seeing her again had been a shock to the system.
EJ ushered her from the main floor, getting her comfortable in an isolated corner as he watched her with a steady, concerned gaze. “You wanted to see your best friend. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“She’s not my best friend anymore,” Genie snapped, then immediately winced at her attitude. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to snap at you. I just…” She blinked back tears, pressed her hands against her temples. “I mean... she was. For so long. But now? I can barely look at her. She completely shut me out.”
EJ leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her temple. “It’s probably not anything you did, baby. Maybe Imani needed space. It had to hurt ending things with Jay.”
Genie looked up at him, her eyes still glistening with unshed tears. “Of course she’s hurting. I know that. I just... I’ve tried, EJ. I’ve called, texted, even sent emails. Nothing. And now, after all this time, she shows up here, at Jameson’s party of all places, looking like she’s completely fine. Like she doesn’t even care that I miss her.”
Her voice broke on the last word, and she quickly turned away, pretending to adjust the strap of her dress. EJ sighed and crossed the room to her, his movements slow and deliberate, giving her space but offering his presence.
“She does care,” he said softly, though there was a flicker of something sharper in his tone. “You don’t just forget someone like you, Genie. Maybe she’s just... not ready to face everything yet.”
Genie let out a bitter laugh, swiping at her cheek. “It’s been a year. How much longer do I have to wait? How much longer do I have to pretend it doesn’t hurt that she’s just... gone?”
EJ placed a hand on her shoulder, grounding her. “You don’t have to pretend with me. You’re allowed to feel this. It’s okay to be angry, to be sad, to miss her. Just don’t let it eat you up inside.”
Genie turned to him, the tears finally spilling over. “I don’t know how to let it go. She was my person, EJ. And now, it’s like I don’t even exist to her.”
EJ’s jaw tightened as he pulled her into a hug, his arms wrapping around her tightly. He couldn’t help the frustration bubbling in his chest—not just for what Imani’s absence had done to Genie but for the pain she had caused Jameson too. He didn’t say it aloud, but part of him felt like Imani had been selfish, leaving behind the people who had loved her most.
“You exist,” he murmured against her hair, pushing aside his bitterness for Genie’s sake. “And you’re not alone. I’ve got you.”
For a moment, Genie let herself believe him. In the quiet of EJ’s arms, she let herself grieve, not just for the friendship she had lost but for the part of herself that felt like it had been left behind with Imani.
EJ held her tighter, his mind drifting back to Imani’s face at the party. He’d keep his thoughts to himself, but if she ever wanted back into their lives, she’d have to prove she deserved it.
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Imani’s patience was wearing thin, and she couldn’t last another minute in this crowded club. What the hell was she thinking, flying thousands of miles to see a man she hadn’t spoken to in a year? She shoved her way through the throngs of people, not bothering to find her aunt in the chaos. All she wanted was to escape, to retreat to her hotel room and try to make sense of everything. 
As she burst through the club doors and into the cool night air, Imani finally exhaled the breath she had been holding since running into Genie. But it didn’t bring any relief. Everything felt like shit and it was all her fault. The weight of loneliness settled on her shoulders like a familiar burden, one that always found its way back to her despite her best efforts to keep it at bay. But this time it hit harder than ever before and threatened to swallow her whole.
Before she could fully immerse herself in the depths of her sadness, a familiar voice jolted Imani out of her thoughts. “Mani? Leaving so soon?” It was Jameson, accompanied by Camille, their arms entwined as they walked towards her. Imani’s heart dropped at the sight, knowing that she was once in Camille’s place. A pang of envy and longing washed over her, but she quickly masked it with a forced smile. “Oh, I’m not feeling well, so I’m a head out,” she lied, trying to sound nonchalant. Jameson’s eyes narrowed slightly as if he could sense something was off. But then Camille leaned in closer and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, distracting him. “I know y’all ain’t out here to bring me back.”
Camille’s laughter tinkled through the air, her eyes sparkled as she glanced at Jameson. “No, we decided to leave early.” she said with a grin playing on her lips. Imani squinted at Jameson, studying his facial features intently. There was something off about him. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it.
“Why are you leaving your album release party so soon? Is everything alright?” Imani’s voice was gentle but curious, her gaze searching Jameson’s face for any clues. “I’m just tired,” he answered, but there was a slight quiver in his voice that betrayed his words. Imani could see the lie in his eyes, but she knew better than to press the issue. That was Camille’s job now.
“Jameson and I are going to go get some rest,” Camille said softly, doting on a 6’3 grown ass man like he was a baby. She wanted to hate it...but she knew she'd done the same when they were together. Imani’s eyes flicked back to Camille as she pat his chest and gazed at him. She tried to think of something to say next to the couple, but she was too focused on the way she said his name. It replayed over and over again in her mind. Her stomach was in knots at the sound of it. 
She was reminded of all of the times she used to call him that. Then she looked back at Camille. She was still looking at Jameson with the same look Imani used to have. Imani hated how he could invoke that look in another woman. She was the only one who should get to experience the look of love, lust, and admiration. She hated him for it. 
Where the fuck was her driver? She pulled her phone out of her clutch, opening it with her Face ID. She tapped over onto her call log, realizing that she never fucking called him. Imani was in such a rush to get away from the couple in the club that she forgot to do it. And yet, she still ended up face-to-face with them again. Fate wanted to torture her tonight. 
Imani quickly tapped the contact name and asked the driver to come get her. Luckily, he was just around the corner. There was silence between the three of them. Everything she planned on saying to him before her arrival was thrown out of the window when she first arrived. It all had fallen to shit. Now, her imagination filled those spaces of broken words. All she could see was Camille and Jameson, full of lust, in his house together doing what she would have done to him after his album release party.
Thankfully for her, Imani’s driver finally pulled up and disrupted her thoughts. He got out and opened the door for her. She walked over to the SUV, stepping inside of the car. “I’ll see you guys later…” She said, looking over her shoulder. She hoped her words never came to fruition. 
“Be safe and have a good night,” Jameson said lowly, watching her leave. She nodded, sitting down in the passenger seat of the vehicle. The driver closed the door. Once he pulled away from the curve, she pulled out the ring again. She toyed with it in her hands. Imani went into this party, hoping that the ring would spark a new meaning. She had no idea that meaning would be that it was her only connection to Jameson.
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"You too quiet." Jameson muttered, pulling his hand from Camille's mouth. She gasped for breath when he did, immediately moaning out his name. "That's much better."
"Yes, baby. Right there. So good."
She was breathless as she clung to him. They were in the middle of his bed, she was on his lap -- long limbs wrapped around his neck and hips as she ground her hips against his.
Jameson groaned, feeling Camille's tightness stretch around him. Her enthusiasm was always a turn on and he let out a long, slow moan as he thrust deeper. Each powerful stroke, sending vibrations through her body that made her whimper in delight. Every time she moved on top of him, her breasts bounced enticingly against his chest, sending shivers down his spine.
"Ooh! D-Don't stop. Jamie! Just like that..."
The scent of sweat and sex filled the air as they moved together in perfect harmony. The sound of skin slapping against skin echoed through the room, mingling with their heavy breathing and tender moans. Camille's nails raked down his neck and back, leaving small trails of pleasure and pain that only fueled his desire further. He gripped her hips tightly, holding her close as they lost themselves in each other's touches.
He lifted his head to capture her mouth, tongue brushing against her own as he plunged deeper into her mouth -- imitating their movements. Their tongues danced together sensually while their bodies moved in rhythm on the bed beneath them. As he felt himself nearing climax, Jameson pulled back from the kiss to look into Camille's eyes - filled with lust and desire - before letting out a long growl.
"You like that, baby?" She asked him softly and Jameson nodded, words escaping him as his grip tightened on her hips. They'd been sleeping together long enough that she knew what it meant. She pushed her hands against his shoulders, legs unwinding from around him as he went crash back onto the bed. "Go ahead. Give it to me, Jamie." she whimpered.
Camille's nails dug into Jameson's skin as she rode him, leaving small crescents that stung but only made him harder. He groaned deeply, his hands finding purchase in the sheets as he arched his hips and thrust into her. He felt every curve of her body against him, every undulation sending shockwaves through his dick.
"That's what you want?" He asked her through gritted teeth. "Yes!" She responded, nodding her head. "I deserve it. I'm your good girl."
He couldn't take it much more. His head fell back onto the bed, eyes closed, but his hands knew where to go. He lifted them from the sheets, grasping her hip with the left and relentlessly rubbing at her clit with his right thumb. Camille's legs tightened against his outer thighs as she crumbled forward and came on top of him with a shout.
With a final thrust, Jameson cried out as he came inside her, their bodies trembling together in unison. As they came down from their high, Camille cuddled against Jameson's chest, their hearts beating in sync. She nibbled on his earlobe softly before pulling away slowly with a satisfied smile on her lips.
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He sat in the dark in his living room, the only light coming from the faint glow of the city through the curtains. The house was silent, save for the occasional creak of the old floorboards settling. Jameson fiddled with the watch on his wrist, loosening the band and twisting it around, but he couldn’t bring himself to take it off.
Camille had gone to sleep hours ago, slipping into sleep with the ease of someone unburdened. For a couple of hours, he managed to forget…everything.
But when it was over, and Camille’s breathing had evened out beside him, he lay awake, staring at the ceiling. The weight of his thoughts returned with a vengeance, and they all centered on one person.
Imani.
The way she had looked at the party—poised but distant, like she was shielding herself from the room, from him—was burned into his memory. He couldn’t stop replaying the moment she left, her face unreadable as she slipped into the car. He had been overwhelmed by her presence, thrown off balance by the sight of her after so long.
When she had walked away, leaving him and Camille standing there, all he could do was grab a passing glass of champagne. Then another. He had swallowed down two before he realized what he was doing—regressing, using alcohol to dull the sharp edge of his emotions.
He had told Camille he wanted to leave. She didn’t hesitate, her concern for him evident as she agreed. But as they made their way out, they ran into Imani on the street.
The moment replayed in his mind like a loop he couldn’t escape. The brief, stilted conversation. The way she looked at him like she was holding back a storm of emotions. And then she was gone, slipping away into the night.
Her face was trapped in his mind now, every detail vivid and unrelenting. The way her lips pressed together as if holding back words. The flicker of something—pain? anger?—in her eyes. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.
All he wanted to do was fix it.
But that wasn’t his job anymore.
He brushed a hand over his head, exhaling sharply as he tried to shake off the thoughts. The urge to call her was overwhelming, a near-physical pull, but he knew it would be a mistake. One glimpse, one rushed conversation, and he was right back where he’d been months ago—thinking of her, wanting her, needing to know if she was okay.
He needed to get a damn grip.
Jameson sat up, running his hands over his face. The watch shifted on his wrist, its weight a constant reminder of the past he couldn’t quite let go of. The room felt too quiet, too still, and his thoughts too loud.
He stood, padding softly out of the living room and into the kitchen, boxers slung low on his hips. He poured himself a glass of water and leaned against the counter, staring out at the city lights.
He had made progress this year, clawing his way out of the darkness that had consumed him after their breakup. He had rebuilt his life piece by piece, and Camille had been a steady presence through it all. But tonight had unraveled something in him, and he hated that it was Imani who had the power to do that.
He sighed, setting the glass down. He couldn’t keep letting her haunt him like this. He wouldn’t.
74 notes · View notes
swiftfootedachilles · 1 day ago
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honestly i was so mad when i watched that orgy scene in s11 and at the whole monogamy situation bc wdym they're not already monogamous without having to talk about it? as if they're not borderline obsessed with each other and also jealous asf and they constantly was being pulled apart from each other through the whole show, how can ian or mickey want somebody else after all shit they went through? i just hope that they didn't actually fuck anyone and just banged in the bathroom or smth😭also when i see fics with gallavich/omc? 💀 saw this from a popular writer and i was like hell nah im not reading ts
no for fucking real those 2 are the most jealous men to ever walk the planet
on one hand i get it. they both had insecurities that made them feel like the other wouldnt want to only sleep with them for the rest of their lives. ian is the only guy mickey canonically dates and has sex with multiple times. mickey felt like ian would eventually leave him like he had in the past also multiple times.
so in the first episode the monagamy conversation seemed normal to me. they literally both specifically say "i dont want you to fuck anyone else" and mickey was obviously just waiting to see ians answer because he wanted to do whatever ian wanted. if he did write down "open relationship," it wouldve been because he thought thats what ian wanted. personally i think he didnt write anything down because he was still trying to grasp the concept of him and ian being a "normal" married couple that communicated heathily and didnt run away and flirt with/fuck other people when they got scared.... plus he actually cant spell monogamy hes a dyslexic with an 8th grade education
so that episode was fine on its own. if they wouldve left it at that, it wouldve been a silly cute moment in their bumpy marriage. but then the writers had to make that stupid ass orgy episode. first of all why the shit would they NEED to be friends with other gay men, and WHY ARE THE ONLY OPTIONS TO EITHER BE THEIR FRIENDS OR FUCK THEM??? IT LITERALLY MAKES NO SENSE. DID THEY NOT JUST DECIDE IN EPISODE ONE THAT THEY WERE GONNA BE MONOGAMOUS?
i actually cannot stand how the writers (and the fandom by extension) cant let gay characters have their boundaries and be left alone. why the fuck do they have to be open to straight sex and orgies and nonmonogamy and being verse WHY CANT GAY PEOPLE HAVE BOUNDARIES. CAN YOU IMAGINE IF THERE WAS RANDOMLY A SCENE IN SEASON 11 WHERE TAMI ASKED LIP 'HOW DO YOU KNOW YOURE STRAIGHT IF YOUVE NEVER GOT FUCKED IN THE ASS BY A GUY?' AND THEN HE ACTUALLY WENT OUT AND DID IT??? YOU CANT IMAGINE IT BECAUSE IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN THEY ONLY DO THIS SHIT WITH GAY CHARACTERS!!!!
the inability to understand that gay people can also have preferences and hard limits actually blows my mind. and if you dont like it youre somehow a prude or dont understand the characters. actually i fear i understand the characters more than the writers do.
and im okay with showing characters experiment! but its very telling that in Shameless, it only happens with queer characters who are pretty fucking firm in their sexual identity and boundaries. why did debbie have to fuck a gay guy in season 11. why do ian and mickey have to be verse why do ian and mickey have to be polyamorous. why did ian have to fuck a woman to "truly know" hes gay. why did svetlana have to all but announce shes a lesbian but still date kev instead of just date vee. why does this only happen to gay characters!!!
the trope of queer men specifically being easy and dtf is why the AIDS crisis was so deadly. because queer men are so open to sharing sex fantasies and sharing partners and sharing needles, right? its just a gay problem, and its better for all of us if theyre dead anyway, so lets ignore it until it goes away
maybe not every queer man needs to be written as a polyamorous verse switch bisexual-under-the-right-circumstances only-married-for-tax-reasons-not-because-they-love-their-life-partner idk! this is a haters only area so if you dont like me hating why are you here⁉️
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snoopyliker · 2 days ago
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thinking about aromanticism in fandom again who couldve guessed im gonna nonsensically ramble dont expect this to make sense
but it really is interesting to experience fandom with a completely different outlook to relationships and seeing how allos react to things
i think one of the more fascinating to watch in terms of fandom was pangili and being like hm. what allos interpret as romantic is interesting. cause for me i’ll see an interaction and im like aww thats so me and (insert friend) and then you’ll go into the fandom its all romantic shipping of the two based off that interaction and ur like hm. and also sidenote i was about to type “Not that i have a problem with the shipping” and like i hate that i have to clarify that all the damn time anytime i talk about this shit. cause u just knoowww someones gonna be like oh so u hate gay ships? u hate? kissing? u hate gays? like no man. its just interesting to witness fandom shipping culture from the standpoint of someone who isnt allo i’d say. so much shit gets said where youre just like thats silly. “that couldnt be platonic” “u dont say that to friends” urrr scope of relationships is so narrow. tell ur friend you’d die for them and adore every detail on their face, it cures all.
even MAN. outside of fandom this is something idk. so fascinating ITS FASCINATING TO SEE HOW ALLOS EXPERIENCE LIFE. i was watching a vlog with a friend today and she randomly went “yeah i get why people think these two are dating” talking about two cc’s in the vlog and i was like huh? cause i just had no clue where that came from and she went “i mean look at how hes joking with her. if i didnt know better i’d assume they were dating too” and to give context these r two cc’s who have been friends for like over a decade and are not dating. stated many times by the ccs themselves. and then i was like oh. the way he joked with her? and then i replayed the interaction and it was like. just how normal friends joke around with each other? and she was like see? and i was like man what the fuck are allos on. obviously thats a scenario with a guy and girl so i feel like naturally people r just more annoying about those friendships and thinking every relationship between men & women is romantic but i was so taken aback. i genuinely could not detect an ounce of anything romantic there…. because it wasnt, it wasnt romantic, theyre friends, it was friends joking around. am i crazy
i think i just dont understand romance or like More specifically amatonormative thinking. its all just so foreign and doesnt make sense in my head. wdymm you cant flirt with ur friends without it being romantic? what planet do u live on?
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prettyboykatsuki · 3 days ago
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IM HERE IM HERE i basically said that like. yknow a while ago you were talking about getting the shit beat out of you sexual style and how hiori’s fetish is literally injured girls…. i was connecting the dots -iz
IZ. IZ. WAIT. DONT SAY THIS TO ME I WILL GO CLINCALLY INSANE. WAIT WAIT STOP. I DONT WANT TO FUCK HIORI LIKE THAT DONT DO THIS
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iloveyoublue · 8 hours ago
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actually i already posted this with everything i’m about to say in the tags but i’m having v strong emotions about this topic so i’m not gonna hide my words there anymore i wanna TALK about this shit
(side note i can't even describe the catharsis im feeling witnessing my fav tumblr creator openly speak on this issue and share my exact opinion, broke my inactivity streak to come back for this)
'the imagined possibility of your own pain should not be worth more to you than the lived reality of someone else's' LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!!! so few of the arguments i see are from genuine survivors of the topics in question, and so many of the arguments i see are DIRECTLY SPEAKING FOR THESE PEOPLE??????
as someone living through a genocide in real time and more personally being a victim of dv it is WILD to me that murder/extreme violence and constant fear/ threat of bodily harm is outside someone's idea of normal… i live in ENGLAND where we have strict gun laws + are not in a war zone + are a relatively safe country and yet i walk down the street to see photos of victims of local police brutality or mugging gone wrong or targeted violence against women. my deepest sympathy to anyone currently living in america because i can’t imagine the terror you are feeling with current events
also i'm shocked that what this person has taken from the debates on the subject is ‘wow they're gonna FORCE me to consume this content they're gonna MAKE me read about this : (‘ like ???????????? genuinely how do you make that leap?????? i am seriously confused and more than a little concerned for them because do you really have that little respect for your own peace of mind? are you so glued to your technology that you've lost fundamental human instinct of: oh no this is bad my anxiety response go brrrr, okay let's not look at this anymore
dont get me wrong, i have so much love to everyone who DOESNT want to read this kind of fiction - im sending you all the support and care in the world, and if you see something that makes you uncomfortable that sucks man, seriously. have a nice cup of tea and a brain bleaching cat video, call a friend or a therapist or even journal your thoughts out. but that doesn't give you the right to censor other people's reading material. ESPECIALLY not victims'.
i am not intending to shame ANYONE; whether you are disgusted by this kind of content, or comforted by this kind of content. what i AM intending to do is draw attention to the rise of censorship and the direct link that has to modern day fascism
regarding your post about people feeling uncomfortable with reading certain topics i think its quite the opposite of them not realizing its not a material reality. it actually feels too close to home, a bit too real (considering we hear and read about cases every day) and you are aware that it happen to you everyday so it makes you feel uncomfortable to think about. on the other hand topics like murder, war crimes, etc. most people are alienated from them feeling safe that it wont happen to them (now thats a thing that happens only in stories) and reading about doesn't spark the same type of panic.
but also even if that wasn't the case.. what do you think its supposed to happen when somone is uncomfortable? just keep reading, shoving discomfort down their throat because of other people? Yes i understand that there are victims who have survived it and i will try my best to accommodate them and treat them in the way they want to and i will even swallow my discomfort down and read about the experience but that wont change anything. i will still be afraid of the possibility that will happen to me, i will still squirm when i hear about another case and then try to avoid in the places where i go to enjoy myself (like ao3)
also in terms of victims i imagine that as much as there are some who would like to read and write about their experience there are other who would want to distance themselves from the memory. Isn't it just preference at the end of day. why do people must be guilt tripped to to read something they dont want to.
😭 this is of the most braindead annoying messages i’ve ever received on here i’m actually almost impressed. fucking obviously i am not suggesting that CSA victims read triggering material on purpose that would be insane (💀). but my post wasn’t about victims! i was in fact complaining about emptyhead non-survivors who say things precisely like this!
1. describing murder and war crimes as literally “now that’s something that only happens in stories!” is such a glaring indictment of your worldview… these things are realities for everyone living outside of the imperial core. even within the west, if you’re a transwoman of color, if you’re a DV victim, an addict, an unhoused person, or poc and interacting with police– you are not alienated from extreme violence! it’s very real & present experience! for you to say that reading about systematized violence is “safer” because it’s “less real” especially when we are in the middle of a genocide is literally stomach churning 😭. you should go donate to winter relief for gaza and never speak up again
2. not everything is about you! perhaps this is harsh but i do believe that if you haven’t experienced csa/sa (or been close to the issue), then reading about it cannot be “triggering” to you in the same way it would be for, say, someone with actual csa ptsd. you might feel uncomfortable, but you are not in danger of having a trauma response. sensitivity is beautiful, but i think in moments like these you could stand to be a little bit braver, and a little bit more sturdy. nothing fictional can hurt you. feeling discomfort and fear at the contents of a story is not the same as real pain- it is healthy to practice experiencing these emotions through the safe medium of fiction.
so much of this ask is painfully egotistic… but in a naive, almost endearing sort of way? you dismiss others experiences with the wave of a hand: “yes victims but what about my SQUIRMING”, “but what about the mere possibility it might happen to ME”! i want to remind you that i am a csa survivor complaining about the difficulty of discussing these subjects with non-survivors, and you are a non-survivor inserting yourself into this space to ask “what about MY discomfort?”…. well! terrible, violent, undoingly horrific events happen every day! it is not helpful to act like victims of SA are somehow uniquely traumatized in some special, singularly awful way. no “type” of trauma is inherently worse than any another. people survive and recover from all kinds of experiences, and i find this beautiful & empowering, and frequently the subject of great art. it is worth confronting your own personal discomfort (💀) with that art in order to sit with and face the lived reality of those experiences. doing so will help you develop a more complex and empathetic worldview.
not everything is about you! 🙂‍↕️ the imagined possibility of your own pain should not be worth more to you than the lived reality of someone else’s. this ask was exhausting let’s all read averno by louise gluck to calm down
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juicebaxis · 1 year ago
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"oooh you should join debate club" "ooo I love debate so much there's nothing better than a good debate" bro shut the FUCK up
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daftmooncretin · 1 year ago
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last three seasons spn are crazy. its just dean being borderline suicidal while sam tries to fix it by basically dangling his keys at him and going : “dean look! cowboys!” “dean look! strip club!” “dean look! haunted action figure.”
Meanwhile castiel is like i see that dean is suicidal, this is clearly my fault so i will remedy this by dying.
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puppppppppy · 1 year ago
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my attempt at making a fursona
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mothmans-left-buttcheek · 2 days ago
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I know I have no reason to do this but I'm adding commentary to my wife's writing again, mostly as an advertisement to encourage you to read her fic. Light spoiler warning so if you want to understand my reactions go and read the fic!!
“You ever read clan of the cave bear?” OH MY GOD I REMEMBER THIS SHIT FROM THE FIRST TIME
“He’s sad because no girl on earth can handle his huge fucking winer.” THERE IT IS
“Eddie screamed.” Me too the first time I read the og chapter I stg I was literally rolling over
“… and then you go and fuck it all up writing about sad peepee man over here.” Average media with a male ever tbh
Tag yourself, I’m “a yellowed glass relic perched haphazardly on the front seat’s armrest”
“Unless…” he teased, “You wanna… you know, be a good girl and go to second period…?” EDDIE SAY MORE THINGS
“What say you to us having a little alone time in my rather… unorthodox school hang out spots?” GIRL HAMILTON THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW, DONT THROW AWAY YOUR SHOT
“Yeah. Lover’s Lake.” Gnawing at the bars of my FUCKING CAGE. THEY'RE GONNA BE LOVERS. AT LOVERS LAKE. A LAKE WITH LOVERS.
“Alejandra laced her fingers with his, eventually grabbing onto his arm as they weaved through throngs of students.” AHHHHHHHHHH
"Dune's pretty much one of the major foundations for like, every science fiction world out there.” NERDDDD/jk
“Without Dune, they’d have Han Solo pushing either booger sugar or disco biscuits instead of spice, considering it was what shaped the sci-fi genre of the 70’s." Damn wait you right, this lore drop teaching me shit
“She had been buried deep in the desert sands of Arrakis ever since second grade” NERDDDDDD/again jk
“I… I don’t really talk to a lot of other girls.” TALK TO MEEEEE PLEASEEEE IM ON MY HANDS AND KNEES BABY GIRL
“Got called a “wetback Elvira” Pretty sure Elvira usually has a wet back HEYOOOO
“You know… I like you too.” Eddie murmured.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
“… even if I’m the weird kid you just met…?”… “Especially because you’re the weird kid I just met.” Yeah girl this man is odd, the bar is on the floor with him lol
“Slowly, Alejandra’s hands left Eddie’s and cupped his cheeks, and she found herself pressing lips against his. Eager to find out.” GUYS MY WIFE AND MY HUSBAND ARE KISSING THIS IS GREAT
“Pinche mamon!” She hissed.” YOU RIGHT! SPEAK ON IT!
"Good girl.” He whispered, leaning in towards her, “You keep your mouth just like that…” EDDIE SAY MORE THINGSSSS
“I am not... yet, I occurred. ” A Dune quote to top it off is SO FUCKING FIRE
Bloody brilliant, so cute and nerdy and a lil spicy and just a very good revision of the og, I love seeing Allie finally painting the original writing in her full spectrum of color <3
A Freak and A Basket Case: The Seven Inches of Satanic Panic Edition
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Chapter 3: Here Comes The Feeling
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“ Oh God, where were you when I needed you?
I know that you, no,
You would never have betrayed me… ”
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A/N: I’m back, bitches.
I took a break between Gladiator fics to pretty up chapter 3 of my OC fic. This was a really fun one to gussy up, especially during the rewriting of the Dune flashback. I don’t know what kind of hold Dune has on me, but it’s very much still there. However I’m more hung up on the 1984 version, Kyle MacLachlan has me in a chokehold.
Hope you all enjoy. Thanks so much for sticking with me so far.
Masterlist | Previous
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Credits: Dividers by @strangergraphics-archive
Tag List: @melodymunson @writhingg @jozstankovich @rxqueenotd @trashmouth-richie @i-trash-about-things @ali-r3n @somnambulic-thing @mothmans-left-buttcheek @theold-ultraviolence
Warnings: Direct reference to specific instances of period typical racism, references to drug use, some smutty themes
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“You ever read Clan of the Cave Bear?” Alejandra asked.
It was such a non sequitur. She heard an obnoxious snort threaten to turn into laughter.
“No, what… what the hell is that?” Eddie was red faced. Giggling.
“Prehistoric science fiction, bro.” She said in a low voice, “Caveman shit.”
“Cavemen?!”
Eddie guffawed. Covering his face with his hands as his giggles threatened again.
“It’s not funny!” She whined, unable to control her own cackling.
The distinctly pungent, acrid odor of Eddie’s own stash of what he called “longbottom leaf” (really, just a bad code name for his own recreational reefer) had already gone stale in the enclosed space they found themselves in. The shared smoke had gone stale in her baby lungs, and Alejandra coughed as she laughed.
“I’m so… ha! I… I’m sorry…” Eddie insisted, taking a deep breath and exhaling through pursed lips. “I’m sorry. But you said… you said it’s about cavemen?”
It took Alejandra a while to maintain herself. Spittle had shot down the wrong pipe and made her nearly gag. Holding up a finger, she made sure it all hacked out, inhaled deeply, then nodded with a grin.
“Yeah like, a girl from the Cro-Magnon people gets adopted by a group of Neanderthals and she becomes this hunter who’s all bad, right?” She said, moving her hands as though she was holding a spear, “Then she gets kicked out of her cave after giving up her son to start her own path, and the second book opens up with her in this valley where she tames a horse and a lion cub. Real girl power shit. But it’s crap.”
“Why crap?”
“Because the girl then turns into this air headed romance novel heroine, and she meets her perfect jock caveman boyfriend.” Alejandra said. “And the book gets all torcido in the second novel. You wanna know what her boyfriend Jondalar’s biggest flaw is?”
Eddie raised an eyebrow, clearly entertained by Alejandra’s retelling of the best selling prehistoric fiction novel.
"Lay it on me. What's the great character flaw of Jondalar, the Flintstone-era Mr. Perfect?"
“He’s sad because no girl on earth can handle his huge fucking wiener.”
Eddie screamed.
Honest to god screamed.
Screamed like a banshee being gutted, and then dissolved into the worst fit of laughter she had ever seen. Eddie collapsed against the van door, laughing so hard Alejandra could have sworn she saw his butt cheeks clenching in his worn Wrangler Jeans. The kind of clenching that comes from trying not to laugh so hard you accidentally fart.
Eddie took a deep breath, trying to compose himself, but the idea of a sad, dimwitted caveman crying over his mammoth dick was too much.
"I swea… I… I swear… Oh Jesus H. Christ!” he paused, wheezing before he finally inhaled and managed to speak, “God dammit. What the fuck is this… How in hell did edgy caveman sex even get the go ahead from a publisher?!"
“Evidently Jean M. Auel had a lot of money and a lot of free time to be traveling to sites where they dug up remains. So the first one was just creative enough to get published, then the second sold purely on sex.”
Alejandra sat up straight on the leather seats of Eddie’s 1979 GMC Gaucho. Her fingers danced along the leather of the back bench seat, silently enjoying the tactile wonderland where the top grain of the leather had begun to disintegrate.
“Like… imagine though?” She said, voice lowering to a conspiratory whisper, as if Jean M. Auel herself was squatting outside of the windows listening in, “You spend all kinds of money to actually learn how to make stone tools and a lean to, and then you go and fuck it all up writing about sad peepee man over here.”
Eddie laughed even harder, his shoulders shaking and his face now burning red as a tomato.
"Peepee man, oh my fucking God... all that free time and money to learn about the Stone Age, just to turn it into a cringe-fest with Jondalar and his mammoth-size... oh shit!"
There was a frantic scrambling to prevent disaster after Eddie’s muddy Reeboks knocked over a full ashtray— a yellowed glass relic perched haphazardly on the front seat’s armrest. A few old roaches flew with the stubby blunt in a sea of ashes onto the already filthy floor. Eddie looked at Alejandra, looked at the mess, then began howling again with laughter. She burst into laughter too, a delayed reaction when she realized what happened.
When they both finally looked up at one another after a moment of calm, she noticed Eddie was staring directly at her, smiling widely.
“Damn… you're a bundle of laughs when you're stoned, aren't you? I’ve never met a dork like you who was so captivated by prehistoric wiener.”
“What?! No! I don’t want Jondalar’s unwashed dong!”
“Oh you totally do. What, you like ‘em big like a third leg?”
Pressing his lips together in a firm line, Eddie made a buzzing elephant-like sound, sticking his forearm near his crotch and flapping upwards for emphasis.
“Stop it…” Alejandra threatened, shoulders shaking with barely contained laughter, “Don’t make me laugh… I… I’m gonna pee…!”
He was about five seconds away from laughter himself. Biting his lower lip to stop the sound.
“Oh? You want me to stop? Because believe it or not, I’ve got a whole arsenal of stupid shit I can whip out to see how bad you really need to pee… I just don’t have the mammoth trunk package you want me to whip out—…”
A loud yelp erupted from his throat, followed by laughter when Alejandra began swatting him with her Carhartt jacket. The fabric made a snapping sound as it connected with his skin. Eddie wasted no time to hit her back with his denim vest.
They looked like two jocks in the midst of a locker room towel brawl, the jackets making a solid thwack against bare skin amidst their howling and animalistic grunting noises that started up after Eddie started screeching like a capuchin.
Before the van, before the two of them shared the reefer, Eddie had still been holding Alejandra by the waist back at Hawkins High. The two of them were hellbent on basking in the presence of one another, interrupted only when the bell rang to dismiss first period, and Alejandra had honest to god pouted when she heard the obnoxiously loud clanging.
“Don’t make that face.” Eddie had grinned, “Who says we’re going to second period?”
“Huh?!”
“You really think I’m going to let you go to class? Away from me? Hell no, we’ve got better things to do. You’re sticking with me today, lamb chop.”
His voice dropped down into a conspirator’s whisper, hot breath ghosting along her ear as he spoke again.
“Unless…” he teased, “You wanna… you know, be a good girl and go to second period…?”
“Hell no.”
“Didn’t think so.” He grinned. “After all, we only just started getting properly acquainted. What say you to us having a little alone time in my rather… unorthodox school hang out spots?”
He gave a light squeeze. A promise of an exciting adventure.
Alejandra scowled.
“… Bro, I don’t even wanna be at school.” she murmured. “I hate it here.”
His expression softened.
Maybe it was the hint of vulnerability in her voice, or the fact that she looked wilted and drained from her attempts at biting back at the masses. Whatever the reason, it didn’t matter. Lamb chop said she didn’t want to be here, and Eddie seemed determined to make it happen. Desperately trying to please her, from the looks of things.
“Yeah, okay… no, I feel you. This dump was never designed for us cool cats. Let’s face it, we’re too cool for school, lamb chop.”
For a moment Alejandra looked around. Confused as to who Eddie was talking to. Who the hell around here was cool besides him? Certainly not her.
“New game plan: let’s ditch class and go on an adventure. Just you and me.” He said, holding firm to her waist.
“Okay but like… What’s there to do here?”
“Hawkins is our oyster. There’s a lot we can do. We could go cruising, drive to the park, or the lake. There’s even an abandoned scary house on Denfield we can break into. Perfect place to get chased by ghosts, while accompanied by a psychedelic synth number. Hell, sky’s the limit. Anywhere’s more exciting than this shithole.”
“… there’s a lake?”
Alejandra knew lakes. Liked them even. Abiquiu back home was a particular favorite. With the outcropping of mountains in caramel and umber surrounding the blue water in summer, it was a perfect wilderness retreat. Surely, this Hawkins lake would at least be as picturesque with its midwestern greenery and lush forest.
“Yeah. Lover’s Lake. It’s quiet there on a school day. Especially now in the morning. Perfect for an adventure. You in?” Eddie asked.
“I wanna go!”
She sounded like a damn kid. So eager…
No one had ever invited her anywhere before like this. Plenty of her classmates back home ditched class and never faced consequence. One girl back in Pojoaque took off during a pizza party in Geometry— simply because she didn’t bring any cash to chip in— instead she just walked out of the room like nothing while Alejandra sat there watching at her desk, gaping like a fish.
She always wished she had the balls and audacity that girl had. Now she had the opportunity to grow a pair.
Eddie was grinning at her attitude.
“Atta girl! We’d better be sneaky about it, though. I don’t feel like catching hell from dirty old Higgs for a joyride.”
He didn’t wait for her to put out her hand. Eddie grabbed her sweaty palm and began walking to the front doors, dragging her along to follow.
Alejandra laced her fingers with his, eventually grabbing onto his arm as they weaved through throngs of students. Every now and then they looked behind them to see if anyone noticed their flight from Hawkins High. For the most part students and faculty alike avoided Eddie like the plague. Especially now that they saw him coming; with his features set in a resting bitch-faced scowl. A mousy stage five clinger like Alejandra wasn’t even a blip on their radar.
Once outside, the humid summer air punched them both in the face. By the time Eddie led her over to his van, parked all the way in the far corner of the lot, Alejandra was sweating and dying to get in it. She wiped the back of her neck with her hand, letting the cotton duck fabric of her jacket soak up the sweat like a thirsty wick.
Eddie finally parked the two of them in front of the vehicle, holding out his hand. The “ta-dah” was silent, but implied heavily.
“Allow me to introduce my valiant steed: Large Marge.” He said in a deep voice, “Your white-… well, uh, green horse for the day.”
“Large Marge?!”
They both burst out laughing. Eddie even did the Paul Reubens laugh— the one that sounded like a drunk version of The Road Runner, and Alejandra doubled over wheezing.
“A la ve, eres muy pendejo, bro.” Alex laughed.
Immediately she tried the door handle. Just gave it a yank without even making sure the door was unlocked (it was) and hopped into the passenger’s side. Eddie didn’t hesitate either, he just did the Peewee laugh again before he hopped in, slamming the door behind him and making the engine sputter to life when he stuck the key in the ignition.
Without looking in the rearview mirror to make sure anyone was behind him, Eddie peeled out of the lot the second he put the gear in reverse. Alejandra hadn’t even buckled in her belt before he was doing fifty in the school zone lane, hitting every speed bump and pothole on the way out.
"Jesus H., all it took was a Peewee Herman reference to get you in my van?! You're either fearless, oblivious, or just damn crazy," he laughed, rolling down the driver’s side window. “Did McGruff the Crime Dog teach you nothing? I’m pretty sure the first lesson was: don’t get in a strange man’s big ass van.”
“At this point I wouldn’t even care if you were Baron Harkonnen himself.” she said, re-adjusting her belt so it wasn’t strangling her, “I’d still go with you.”
"Well, I promise I'm nothing as sinister as Baron Harkonnen. Just a humble dork who appreciates good humor. Although, I do sometimes dabble in the melange trade." He winked at her as he steered the van.
The ever turning record of thought in Alejandra’s brain scratched to a halt.
Hold on…
“Hold the fucking phone… you… you actually know who the Baron is?” Alejandra asked, looking incredulous.
No one had ever been familiar with her references to Dune, and here was Eddie just casually dropping lines about the Siridar-Baron, and spice melange…
"Of course. Who doesn't know who Baron Vladimir Harkonnen is?" he replied casually, one hand steady on the steering wheel while the other fumbled for a cigarette in the pocket of his denim battle vest.
He must have done it a thousand times. Mesmerized, she watched as— with practiced ease— Eddie steered with one knee, lit his cigarette with one hand using a dented Zippo lighter, sucked in the sweet tobacco of filtered Camels, and blew the smoke out of the window he was cranking down with his remaining free hand.
"Dune's pretty much one of the major foundations for like, every science fiction world out there.” He said nonchalantly, one hand returning to the steering wheel, “It’s got everything. Space, politics, giant sandworms... Without Dune, they’d have Han Solo pushing either booger sugar or disco biscuits instead of spice, considering it was what shaped the sci-fi genre of the 70’s."
“Yeah but…” she protested, unsure how to voice what she was thinking.
"But what? You seem surprised I know of Dune's existence," Eddie said, scratching his chin as he turned onto Mulberry.
“I kind of am.” Alejandra admitted, chewing on her jacket cuff, “I never met no one who could really keep up with my weirding ways…”
She had been buried deep in the desert sands of Arrakis ever since second grade; ever since her father had been tasked with reading her a bedtime story.
Sick with pneumonia and bronchitis, the doctor told her parents that she had to be kept home at least a week, possibly two if the antibiotics did not work. And they hadn’t worked all that well.
Alejandra was inconsolable.
Second grade was so fun because Mrs. Viola made it fun, and at recess Alejandra always played Candy Candy with her best friend Yesenia— and this week it was Alejandra’s turn to be Candy. Yesenia had even promised to let her hold her stuffed raccoon toy.
Instead, her parents kept her home, and force fed Alejandra this disgusting bubblegum pink antibiotic syrup that made her gag. Dad wasn’t working at the time, it would be another month before he started back up with hauling. So instead of dealing with just mom and Jaime, Dad was there to make caldito and read to her from one of his hardcovers from the Waldenbooks in Dallas that he’d bought two summers ago.
The way Dad played the characters was magical. Alejandra loved the gentle intonations of his voice as he read in the Voice of the Kwisatz Haderac: Paul Usul Muad’Dib Atreides, his very birth orchestrated by one of the fearless women of the Bene Gesserit space witches.
Arrakis was Alejandra’s second home. An escape from the world that did not understand her. When she grew into adolescence and longed to be accepted, she filled her lonely days with yearning to ride through burning sand dunes atop Shai-Hulud. She wanted to hold the Gom Jabbar with Alia Atreides as she killed the evil Baron Harkonnen, and to drink the water of life with Lady Jessica to become the next Reverend Mother of Arrakis, the cunning harbinger of an abomination.
She even wanted to join Stilgar and Chani in their holy war, feeling like a Fremen child herself as she had been born and raised in the desert dunes just as they were… Alejandra knew the sacred importance of water, of self sufficiency among the burning sands, and of a culture that often dealt with the realities of the drug trade and the higher powers that orchestrated them.
Six novels and eleven years later, on all levels except physical, she was still very much buried under the spice tinged sands of Dune. If one bothered to look closely, she fancied they might have seen the way the sclera of her eyes had begun to tinge just the slightest hint of blue…
"I've read the first book and seen the David Lynch movie, I went with one of my friends last year." Eddie smiled, glancing over at her briefly before returning to the road, taking a long pull on his cigarette.
“You’re not the only person in Hawkins who's been tainted by the Weirding Way. So I’ll be privy to any little Bene Gesserit mind tricks you try on me, you little space witch.”
"You know, you're really different from anyone I've ever met before. I mean that in a good way."
It took her a second to remember that she was in Hawkins, not on a desert planet or even a desert state. Instead she was laying back on a leather bench seat, in the back of a green 1979 GMC Gaucho named Large Marge, smoking pot with a guy that looked exactly like Eddie Van Halen.
“I’m different?”
She was shocked. Almost offended. What? Was it not normal to get philosophical about prehistoric caveman fiction?
“That’s… that’s kinda cliche, don’t you think…?” She groused.
Eddie shrugged, his smirk turning into a lighthearted grin.
"Maybe it is cliche, but I mean it. You're not afraid to speak your mind, even if it's about some fictional dude's wiener."
Alejandra couldn’t help the giggle that came out, covering her face.
“… I guess so…” she finally admitted bashfully. “I guess I just didn’t realize people don’t talk about book characters like it’s some hot school gossip. I… I don’t really talk to a lot of other girls.”
It sounded shitty. Even she could admit that.
“I… I don’t really have friends.” She whispered, her face red.
It sounded selfish and shitty, like she hated other women for simply existing. When in reality, she wanted another girl to talk to. Above all else, Alejandra really was just like any other young woman. She craved affection, and attention, perhaps even more than was normal.
At times, she wanted to be part of the cliques she was always excluded from. Cliquey friends came with so many benefits: at any given time, you had an entourage with which to laugh and look cool with. Someone always was free to go with you to the bathroom, sometimes everyone all at once.
Cliquey groupies giggled and gushed over cute boys, and fixed each other’s curls in the mirror before class started. They traded gum, scrunchies, and various fads that circulated in and out of the school halls. Last year, friendship bracelets were the big thing that everyone got into, and girls would have hundreds of them layered on their wrists. It was a caste system of the teenaged-mind’s creation; whosoever did not fit in was not always publicly humiliated, but rather silently shunned.
Alejandra had shamefully made her own to wear on her wrist, but it was awkward getting asked who she was matching with— or, god forbid, getting confronted for copying another girl’s “colors”— so she stopped wearing them altogether.
"Hey… hey, lamb chop."
Eddie’s warm hand brushed against her bare shoulder, raising the goose flesh against her skin. She looked at his hand, refusing to make eye contact directly.
"You shouldn't say that.” Eddie said gently, “I'm sure there's plenty people in Hawkins who want to be your friend. You just... you need to find your people.”
The hurt of his words stung in her heart.
Find your people?
All she had done that first day was piss people off, and look where she ended up. Shoved into a locker for it. Screamed at. Got called a “wetback Elvira”. Got tripped, and caught her jacket on a doorknob. With the way small town rumor mills ran, she knew any attempts she made here on out to make a friend would be FUBAR— Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.
“I don’t know… I don’t… I don’t think there’s really anyone on earth, let alone here in Hawkins, who wants to be my friend.”
Eddie paused for a moment, the deafening silence making Alejandra’s heart clench.
"I'd be your friend." He said after a moment.
Alejandra tensed up. Gulping. Not wanting to look him in the eyes.
“Really?” She whispered.
"Yeah. You're smart, you're funny, and you've got a love for fantasy. Those are all… that’s badass, dude."
She turned away. Looked at the bucket seat in front of her, thence to the parking break, thence to the floor and the scattered ashes infused with butts and roaches.
“Are you serious to me right now?”
Her voice was so small, so helpless. As if she couldn’t believe it. She said this as if she couldn’t even imagine Eddie, for all his laughter at her antics and his handsy nature, even wanted to consider being her friend. The idea was laughable. There was no way he liked her like that. Maybe she was just a fun time? Something silly to do on a Monday morning instead of school.
Maybe, she thought, maybe he was just secretly some deadbeat dude who wanted dirty sex and was promising friendship in exchange. Using promises of companionship and understanding as legal tender to exchange for her “goods and services”. Playing up acting like a good person, just so he could stick his smelly cock in some panocha, as her brother would often so eloquently warn her about.
For all she knew, Eddie could be just a typical pig. Wanting a warm hole in between looking for someone better looking, more conventionally attractive, to show off on his arm.
But Alejandra wasn’t sure what was more sad: the fact that she was making a judgement based on unfounded allegations, or the fact that she was so desperate for attention, that she was actually considering giving it up just so Eddie would speak kindness to her.
Eddie's grip on her shoulder tightened. After avoiding him so long, she couldn’t anymore when he turned her around to face him. Red rimmed, watery brown eyes bored holes into hers, curtained by black brown, wild curls.
"Yeah, really.” He murmured, “I'm serious. I'd be honored to have a friend like you."
He gave a soft, genuine smile, with his laugh lines cutting deep divots in his cheeks. Alejandra let out a breath she wasn’t aware she’d been holding.
“Well that’s real cool because I really like you and-…” she immediately slapped a hand over her mouth, a squeak erupting from the throat when she realized she had just admitted the quiet part out loud.
The reefer had made her tongue loose. Ordinarily she would have kept the affection she felt for Eddie under wraps until the day she died. Old Alejandra would have made an ass of herself agonizing over shooting her shot. Probably would have gone to her grave regretting never telling Eddie that she was starting to feel the dreaded “like” feelings.
Eddie's smirk faded into a look of surprise as he heard the words come vomiting out.
"Alejandra..."
He said her name softly, his eyes searching her face and taking in the flushed expression.
"You... you really like me?"
She didn’t look at him, just kept her mouth covered as she looked down shamefully. Slowly, she nodded her head yes.
“You know… I like you too.” Eddie murmured.
“You do…?”
“Yeah, I do. I like you a lot.”
“… even if I’m the weird kid you just met…?”
“Especially because you’re the weird kid I just met.” He scooted closer, cupping her face in his hands.
“You think you’re the only one in this van that does weird, out there shit? We’re both weird. We’re both freaks. I don't care if you're weird. I like it. I like you."
Her hands hesitantly reached up, palms over his as she stroked his fingers. Every little sensation was like magic. From the worn feel of his callouses, to the jewelry adorning his fingers, it was all so uniquely him. So very much Eddie, that her fingertips finally moved of their own accord and ran along the grooves and ridges of his many rings, finding comfort in the shapes and feel of the metal designs.
“… really warm…”
Eddie's breath hitched as he felt her hands on his. He let out a low, soft laugh.
"What’s warm? My hands?"
“Yeah…” Alejandra nodded. “And your rings too… People… people say that rings are cold but… yours… the metal band is warm…”
She looked up at Eddie, and noticed something magical happening.
When the morning sun hit just right, his iris glowed a warm amber, like cognac. And when the cognac of his eyes illuminated his face, she could see all the beautiful little lines he possessed: the eye bags, the early signs of crow's feet in the corners of his eyes when he smiled, those goddamn dimple divots on either side of his mouth… Even the way he smiled was mischievous.
She couldn’t help herself. Brown eyes darted down to his rosy lips, chapped and a little dry, but plump. Kissable lips.
Did he taste like cigarettes? Weed? Maybe minty, like toothpaste?
Slowly, Alejandra’s hands left Eddie’s and cupped his cheeks, and she found herself pressing lips against his. Eager to find out.
At first he stiffened, totally caught off guard by the movements. It took a second or two, but at last he began to reciprocate, immediately wrapping his arms around her and pressing her further into his chest.
This didn’t feel real. Alejandra couldn’t believe she was really doing this… A moment ago the two were having the time of their lives. Nearly pissing themselves with laughter, enjoying the bantering back and forth and being real friends.
His lips were chapped. Bitten perhaps during a bout of nervous habit, but… oh, so warm…
His fingers tangled in her curly hair, a wet lathing at her bottom lip as his tongue gently stroked across. Eddie was pulling desperately at her too, as if trying to get her to hop onto his lap, and Alejandra responded by eagerly scrambling onto him. She frowned when she realized he was licking at her bottom lip sloppily, rapidly, as if he was an eager Saint Bernard looking for peanut butter.
“What are you doing…?” Alejandra asked.
Eddie blinked, pulled out of his momentary stupor by the question. He quickly tried to explain himself, a hint of guilt in his voice.
"Fuck... I didn't mean to! I just... I thought... Oh shit, I'm sorry-..."
“No like… what are you doing with your tongue?” She asked, genuinely confused.
Eddie shook his head and blinked at the same time. As if resetting.
"It's... I’m kissing you? Y’know, like, Frenching? You stick your tongue out and... and kind of…”
What the fuck was he talking about?
It took her a hot minute. A really hot minute to figure it out, and just before Eddie made like he was going to push her off him, she clung to his arms.
“Like wait no, hold on… is that… is that what they’re doing on tv…?” Alejandra asked softly.
Eddie nodded awkwardly. Unsure of what to say.
"Yeah... yeah, it is. When you kiss and... then you kinda slip the tongue. It's called... making out…"
“I mean I know what making out is called but like… I didn’t know that’s what was happening… inside.” She said, feeling a little stupid.
"Are you telling me you've never kissed someone with tongue before?"
“… I’ve never kissed anyone in my life… let alone done that tongue thing.”
“Jesus H. Christ, you’re a fucking virgin!” Eddie laughed loudly and obnoxiously, as though reveling in the revelation of the awkward secret.
Now it was her turn to huff indignantly, only staying because Eddie had put his arms around her and held her in place.
“I’m sorr… sorry!” He wheezed. “I’m sorry! No… no that’s not funny.”
“Pinche mamon!” She hissed.
He shook his head, wiping a tear from his eye as he smiled at you gently. His hands began rubbing at her bare shoulders, enjoying the sight of her in a sleeveless, linen summer dress.
"Would you like to try it again...?” He asked softly, “The tongue thing?"
She curled soft legs around his thin waist, Chuck Taylors pressing into the armrest of the leather bench seats of the van. His body responded automatically, intimates standing to attention in a single fluid contraction of throbbing hot flesh through denim…
When she felt him get hard, how could she stay mad at him?
“Yeah… teach me, how do you do the tongue thing…?” She asked.
He gently pressed his forehead to hers, faces mere inches apart.
"Well, it's pretty simple."
He paused for a moment, leaning in slightly closer as he spoke in a soft, low voice.
"Gimme the Gene Simmons, like this..."
He slowly stuck his tongue out, the tip brushing against Alejandra’s lips. She giggled, mimicking him and laughing when his long tongue flicked against hers.
“Then what?” She asked. Words were a bit garbled because her tongue was still lolled out.
"Well, lamb chop, once our tongues are out, we... we kind of… You know…”
He paused, his eyes locked on her lips before leaning in a little closer.
"Start licking each other..."
“O-oh…”
Eddie smiled at the quiet, accepting response.
"Don't worry, we'll go slow. We don’t have anywhere to be." He said, eyes never quite leaving her lips.
"Close your eyes, lamb chop. You don’t keep them open when you kiss."
She obediently closed them, lips parted slightly as she felt Eddie’s warm breath caress her face. He evidently decided he would skip the gentle pecks and go for the tongue thing right away, so she kept her mouth a little open this time.
"Good girl.” He whispered, leaning in towards her, “You keep your mouth just like that…”
It was then she realized that not only did he taste like the Camels he smoked, but he also tasted like cheap beer, chocolate, and some kind of cereal she couldn’t quite place. All a myriad and fucked up mishmash of different flavors and scents that either complemented, or contradicted one another.
And Alejandra loved every single minute of it.
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“ The flesh surrenders itself, he thought. Eternity takes back its own. Our bodies stirred these waters briefly, danced with a certain intoxication before the love of life and self, dealt with a few strange ideas, then submitted to the instruments of Time. What can we say of this? I occurred. I am not... yet, I occurred. ”
- Frank Herbert
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sugarcoatednightshade · 1 year ago
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thinking about how Humans Are Space Orcs stories always talk about how indestructible humans are, our endurance, our ability to withstand common poisons, etc. and thats all well and good, its really fun to read, but it gets repetitive after a while because we aren't all like that.
And that got me thinking about why this trope is so common in the first place, and the conclusion I came to is actually kind of obvious if you think about it. Not everyone is allowed to go into space. This is true now, with the number of physical restrictions placed on astronauts (including height limits), but I imagine it's just as strict in some imaginary future where humans are first coming into contact with alien species. Because in that case there will definitely be military personnel alongside any possible diplomatic parties.
And I imagine that all interactions aliens have ever had up until this point have been with trained personnel. Even basic military troops conform to this standard, to some degree. So aliens meet us and they're shocked and horrified to discover that we have no obvious weaknesses, we're all either crazy smart or crazy strong (still always a little crazy, academia and war will do that to you), and not only that but we like, literally all the same height so there's no way to tell any of us apart.
And Humans Are Death Worlders stories spread throughout the galaxy. Years or decades or centuries of interspecies suspicion and hostilities preventing any alien from setting foot/claw/limb/appendage/etc. on Earth until slowly more beings are allowed to come through. And not just diplomats who keep to government buildings, but tourists. Exchange students. Temporary visitors granted permission to go wherever they please, so they go out in search of 'real terran culture' and what do they find?
Humans with innate heart defects that prevent them from drinking caffeine. Humans with chronic pain and chronic fatigue who lack the boundless endurance humans are supposedly famous for. Humans too tall or too short or too fat to be allowed into space. Humans who are so scared of the world they need to take pills just to function. Humans with IBS who can't stand spicy foods, capsaicin really is poison to them. Lactose intolerance and celiac disease, my god all the autoimmune disorders out there, humans who struggle to function because their own bodies fight them. Humans who bruise easily and take too long to heal. Humans who sustained one too many concussions and now struggle to talk and read and write. Humans who've had strokes. Humans who were born unable to talk or hear or speak, and humans who through some accident lost that ability later.
Aliens visit Earth, and do you know what they find? Humanity, in all its wholeness.
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rosetterer · 3 months ago
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if you are mad that bucktommy is getting more attention than henren, you should be fucking furious that a non-canon mlm ship has been getting more attention than henren for YEARS
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stiffyck · 7 months ago
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Saw a post that made me furious yesterday so if people STILL don't understand this:
Aspec people are queer.
And no, it's not our love that makes us queer, it's our LACK of certain types of love that make us queer.
There is of course aspec people who are queer both because of their love and their lack of love, but being aspec is queer because of the lack of love.
Saying "but aspecs love too! Their love is also important! Aro and ace people have love and their love is also important!" is not the support you think it is for a lot of aspec people.
My love for my mother isn't what makes me queer. My love for my friends isn't what makes me queer. It's my lack or romantic love that makes me queer. Yea love is important to me, especially platonic love, but that is not what makes me queer.
And let's not forget about loveless aros.
For the love of god stop going "but aros love too!" just so you can relate to us somehow or just so you can include us. We don't need love to be included.
And because some people are going to take this as a personal attack: no, there is nothing wrong with being gay. There is nothing wrong with love is love. Love is important to a lot of people and I am not saying love is bad.
Happy pride everyone
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