#im not rly in the mood to have a debate right now so to those who oppose my viewpoint i say i’m sorry you’ve been exposed to things

[iloveyoublue]

actually i already posted this with everything i’m about to say in the tags but i’m having v strong emotions about this topic so i’m not gonna hide my words there anymore i wanna TALK about this shit

(side note i can't even describe the catharsis im feeling witnessing my fav tumblr creator openly speak on this issue and share my exact opinion, broke my inactivity streak to come back for this)

'the imagined possibility of your own pain should not be worth more to you than the lived reality of someone else's' LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!!! so few of the arguments i see are from genuine survivors of the topics in question, and so many of the arguments i see are DIRECTLY SPEAKING FOR THESE PEOPLE??????

as someone living through a genocide in real time and more personally being a victim of dv it is WILD to me that murder/extreme violence and constant fear/ threat of bodily harm is outside someone's idea of normal… i live in ENGLAND where we have strict gun laws + are not in a war zone + are a relatively safe country and yet i walk down the street to see photos of victims of local police brutality or mugging gone wrong or targeted violence against women. my deepest sympathy to anyone currently living in america because i can’t imagine the terror you are feeling with current events

also i'm shocked that what this person has taken from the debates on the subject is ‘wow they're gonna FORCE me to consume this content they're gonna MAKE me read about this : (‘ like ???????????? genuinely how do you make that leap?????? i am seriously confused and more than a little concerned for them because do you really have that little respect for your own peace of mind? are you so glued to your technology that you've lost fundamental human instinct of: oh no this is bad my anxiety response go brrrr, okay let's not look at this anymore

dont get me wrong, i have so much love to everyone who DOESNT want to read this kind of fiction - im sending you all the support and care in the world, and if you see something that makes you uncomfortable that sucks man, seriously. have a nice cup of tea and a brain bleaching cat video, call a friend or a therapist or even journal your thoughts out. but that doesn't give you the right to censor other people's reading material. ESPECIALLY not victims'.

i am not intending to shame ANYONE; whether you are disgusted by this kind of content, or comforted by this kind of content. what i AM intending to do is draw attention to the rise of censorship and the direct link that has to modern day fascism

regarding your post about people feeling uncomfortable with reading certain topics i think its quite the opposite of them not realizing its not a material reality. it actually feels too close to home, a bit too real (considering we hear and read about cases every day) and you are aware that it happen to you everyday so it makes you feel uncomfortable to think about. on the other hand topics like murder, war crimes, etc. most people are alienated from them feeling safe that it wont happen to them (now thats a thing that happens only in stories) and reading about doesn't spark the same type of panic.

but also even if that wasn't the case.. what do you think its supposed to happen when somone is uncomfortable? just keep reading, shoving discomfort down their throat because of other people? Yes i understand that there are victims who have survived it and i will try my best to accommodate them and treat them in the way they want to and i will even swallow my discomfort down and read about the experience but that wont change anything. i will still be afraid of the possibility that will happen to me, i will still squirm when i hear about another case and then try to avoid in the places where i go to enjoy myself (like ao3)

also in terms of victims i imagine that as much as there are some who would like to read and write about their experience there are other who would want to distance themselves from the memory. Isn't it just preference at the end of day. why do people must be guilt tripped to to read something they dont want to.

😭 this is of the most braindead annoying messages i’ve ever received on here i’m actually almost impressed. fucking obviously i am not suggesting that CSA victims read triggering material on purpose that would be insane (💀). but my post wasn’t about victims! i was in fact complaining about emptyhead non-survivors who say things precisely like this!

1. describing murder and war crimes as literally “now that’s something that only happens in stories!” is such a glaring indictment of your worldview… these things are realities for everyone living outside of the imperial core. even within the west, if you’re a transwoman of color, if you’re a DV victim, an addict, an unhoused person, or poc and interacting with police– you are not alienated from extreme violence! it’s very real & present experience! for you to say that reading about systematized violence is “safer” because it’s “less real” especially when we are in the middle of a genocide is literally stomach churning 😭. you should go donate to winter relief for gaza and never speak up again

2. not everything is about you! perhaps this is harsh but i do believe that if you haven’t experienced csa/sa (or been close to the issue), then reading about it cannot be “triggering” to you in the same way it would be for, say, someone with actual csa ptsd. you might feel uncomfortable, but you are not in danger of having a trauma response. sensitivity is beautiful, but i think in moments like these you could stand to be a little bit braver, and a little bit more sturdy. nothing fictional can hurt you. feeling discomfort and fear at the contents of a story is not the same as real pain- it is healthy to practice experiencing these emotions through the safe medium of fiction.

so much of this ask is painfully egotistic… but in a naive, almost endearing sort of way? you dismiss others experiences with the wave of a hand: “yes victims but what about my SQUIRMING”, “but what about the mere possibility it might happen to ME”! i want to remind you that i am a csa survivor complaining about the difficulty of discussing these subjects with non-survivors, and you are a non-survivor inserting yourself into this space to ask “what about MY discomfort?”…. well! terrible, violent, undoingly horrific events happen every day! it is not helpful to act like victims of SA are somehow uniquely traumatized in some special, singularly awful way. no “type” of trauma is inherently worse than any another. people survive and recover from all kinds of experiences, and i find this beautiful & empowering, and frequently the subject of great art. it is worth confronting your own personal discomfort (💀) with that art in order to sit with and face the lived reality of those experiences. doing so will help you develop a more complex and empathetic worldview.

not everything is about you! 🙂‍↕️ the imagined possibility of your own pain should not be worth more to you than the lived reality of someone else’s. this ask was exhausting let’s all read averno by louise gluck to calm down

[autisticstarseed]

if u could, perhaps, bless us with all the applicable symbols from that fic ask for hvh 👀

ooOoOOOoOO Rub s gay hands togehter omg ty friend 😍;;;;;;

💡 - What was the motivation behind the story?

hHH i hadnt written in 10+ years so when i latched onto this plot idea i just thought itd be a good time to jump the shark and try it again !! i just wanted smth really edgy and depthful bc im emo and the rest kind of snowballed

💎- What was your favorite part?

osdlfksd;lf it’s hard to pick a fav but the drunk scene was definitely the most fun to write at least

⛰️-  What was the hardest part?

THE SCENE WHERE THE GANG IS KIDNAPPED BY ENKI,,,, i debated toning down the violence but in the end i knew where the story was going (and where its still going) and that its gonNA be kinda dark so why hold back now ig

🎭- What was the feeling or mood you were going for?

BITTERSWEET AF,,, sort of just treading the line of ‘hopeful’ and ‘hopeless’ at all times to fully portray the feeling of being at your lowest, but with that classic tss ‘silver linings just around the corner’ kind of undertone

🏟️- Who was your intended audience?

mostly all the adults that watched tss as a kid and felt like spirituaLLY MOVED BY IT cuz i really tried to tap into that Emotion Tee Em we all felt when we found out that zak was [redacted]

🔬- Was there one scene you were building up to/knew you had to get just right?

hHH theres actually a LOT of scenes like that and i think a lot of my general motivation to keep going comes from that ‘WAIT FOR IT WAIT FOR IT’ vibe slkdf:SDF but the Plot Twist tm in the latest chapter was definitely a big’n, and theres a few more of those still to come :^)

🗝️ - What were you thinking when you wrote it?

kjdjFSDs:DF tbh whenever i start really writing, [’im shifting into soup mode’ seinfeld meme voice] im shifting into maladaptive daydreaming mode

🎥- Were there any tv shows, books, or movies that influenced this verse, if any?

:^) devilman crybaby pls forgive me for everytHing

📈- Was there a clear character arch you wanted____ character to go on?

i actually have a short list of what i somewhat consider to be the story arcs in my notes !! mostly just for organization and obvs i wont list the future ones but so far we’ve seen the kushtaka arc, the enki arc, and now we’re in what i call ‘the annunaki’ arc.

🎢- Were there any scenes you were nervous about? For audience reception or otherwise?

ALL OF IT JSHDJSKD, but again a lot of the enki scenes i was worried would be too edgy TM, and the whole annunaki plot as well i was worried might be too ‘out there’ for ppl, but it takes the story exactly where i always wanted it and lines everything up perfectly so i went for it lol. i was also ofc worried if people would like ila or not bc oc but most ppl love her actually which is so 😭❤️

☠️- Did you consider killing off any of the characters? Did you?

8^) [mickey mouse voice] this is a surprise tool that will help us later ,

✉️- Did you title your chapters? What title do you like best?

yes! the next one actually has my favorite chapter title yet, but so far i like ‘so strikes the harpoon’ since its a throwback to the first couple chapters

☀️- Was there symbolism/motifs you worked in?

o every single paragraph is an overly thought out middle school poem im entering in the talent show actually

🎵- Did you have a playlist/piece of music that went with this story?

Yes !! i have HVH insp part 1, Part 2, and an extra one for all those songs that have the vibes but just dont fit enough to make sense in a playlist

📜-Do you want to write something like this again in the future?

probably ! ive learned i definitely like the edgy/darker and emotionally driven stories with ongoing plot, so that trend will almost definitely continue. idk if ill write a dystopia again anytime soon, but i think my future stuff will at least retain that long and heavy vibe

💁- Did readers influence/change any part of this story?

oh yEA like basically i was ready to quit after the very first chapter before it was even written and kinda just got it all out on a whim of motivation but was expecting to flake on it like i tend to do with projects, but the invested response to it was just so uplifting that its what ive been riding on all ten chapters and im so grateful for it :’)))

✏️-Would you go back and change anything if you could?

hHHHHHHH yes and ok this is terrible but i actually tend to avoid re-reading my older chapters until i hAVe to bc i suffer from that sO much ,,, , its just little things like tiny words i wanna change or bits i wanna take out/put in and once or twice ive even caught a mistake or plot hole/smth i forgot to add that i rly do have to go back and edit and i just turn to dust every tim e

⭐- What’s a scene/paragraph you’re proud of?

i really liked the northern lights scene!! it was meant to be a pivotal moment of that ‘bittersweetness’ vibe i was talking abt and it was another one of those scenes i had been planning for a while;;;

“ I think of how much the rest of the family would love this. This isn’t like the moon and the sun, where I can see it and know that even if it looks different, they’ll see the same one soon enough, wherever they are. This reminds me only that I am not with them. It stings. It seems unnatural for something so gentle and natural to appear before us as if we aren’t in complete, total fucking chaos. After all we’ve been through, and the sky still dances. “

📣-What was the best piece of encouragement you got?

AVERY ALL OF UR LIVEBL OGS AND COMMENTS GIV ME SUCH L I FE, ,, ,, CRYIGN CAT FA ce

🔦-Did you learn anything while writing it? About yourself? Writing?

isdfhSDF YEs, part of my hesitation to write came from this thing where i always just assumed there was a wildly high standard of writing in fandom spaces like in original literature spaces, where you had to have like 10+ sentences to a paragraph and you had to describe every tiny detail of a setting and you had to follow every single grammar rule or it was unreadable but like. genuinely its like sculpting with words as long as you have a shape ppl get the idea which is such a weight off my shoulders lol, its still a lot of work but so much fun to know i can to an extent do what i want and ppl actually like it like that. i also learned that like most other writers i have to cause my favs emotional and physical pain,

🎁- Any writing advice for people who want to write something like this?

hhHHHH 1. please do it its so fun just give in to the edge my guy , 2. try to get comfortable re-reading your chapters, for me its like when ppl listen to themselves sing/act but im trying to do better bc its so much more consistent when i keep it fresh in my mind and it also boosts confidence when u can pick out the things u like instead of the things u dont, 3. trying to have at least one scene in mind for each chapter that ur excited to write so u can have motivation to update faster! for me it doesnt have to be smth i think would excite the audience either like it could be the most basic thing but just having an idea of it and knowing i want to see it come to life rly helps me stay on top of it all

TY SM FRIEND THIS WAS SO FUN x x )

[666shiki]

85 Questions tag

i was tagged by @saphore love you babe MWAH

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people

last:

1. drink: SPRITE BABEYY

2. phone call: my brother........ the call lasted for literally 17 seconds lmao

3. text message: man i get you............

4. song you listened to: NCT 2018 - Black on Black

5. time you cried: yesterday..... bc i was really soft for seungkwan.. LISTEn i saw a really cute gif of him i cant help it

ever:

6. dated someone twice: nah

7. kissed someone and regretted it: yea : D

8. been cheated on: noo

9. lost someone special: yep

10. been depressed: hasn’t everyone? (lmao caroline this is so accurate im just gonna leave it)

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: noo i usually feel like throwing up the next day

favorite colours:

12. neon red/blue/yellow

13. lilac

14. mustard yellow

in the last year have you:

15. made new friends: yea !

16. fallen out of love: yea:D

17. laughed until you cried: also yea

18. found out someone was talking about you: what.. no? what does this even mean SJODFOKSD

19. met someone who changed you: YESSSS GODD and im thankful for every single one of them

20. found out who your friends are: yeah

21. kissed someone on your facebook tumblr friends list: nope

general:

22. how many of your facebook tumblr friends do you know irl: 2

23. do you have any pets: a tortoise and two dogs !!

24. do you want to change your name: no i actually really love my name

25. What did you do for your last birthday? nothing.. went to school? dskksf i dont really care about my birthday

26. what time did you wake up today: around 10am

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: idk probably was crying at the cute seungkwan gifs

28. what is something you can’t wait for: UHH.. nothing? i never rly wait for anything since nothing happens anyway

29. what are you listening to right now: Seventeen - Oh My!

30. when was the last time you saw your mom: like 2 minutes ago she gave me french fries :]

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: noo i dont think so

32. something that gets on your nerves: EVERYTHING LMFAOOOO im constantly mad about everything even tho i dont always realize it but most of all myself

33. most visited website: youtube and tumblr

34. hair colour: black? that kinda looks like dark brown in the sunlight

35. long or short hair: uhh.. short? medium? im like debating whether i should cut my hair or let it grow sdfkjsdf

36. do you have a crush on someone: i mean aside from idols uhh..... hmm idk kinda? kinda not.. im trying not to let my feelings grow for them ssjhsjhdhsdh

37. what do you like about yourself: my eyes and my eyebrows >:) my friend said that she likes my eye shape? and i fking died love YOU

38. want any piercings: YESSSS god PLEASE but the problem is i would forget to take care of them

39. blood type: idk dude

40. nicknames: raada and raadamus occasionally huora

41. relationship status: been living that single life for 16 years

42. zodiac: scorpio

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv shows: riverdale atm i guess.. i rly love ahs and oitnb too

45. tattoos: no even tho i REEALLY want one:( or two.. or five

46. right handed or left handed: right

47. ever had surgery: nope

48. piercings: none

49. sport: that’s a silly word :) (caroline.. MOOD)

50. vacation: i want to travel to northern finland and japan ! and recently i just really want to go see caroline even tho thats unrealistic but a bitch can dream

51. trainers: the fuck are those

more general:

52. eating: FRENCH FRIES BABEYYYYY

53. drinking: SPRITE BABEYY

54. i’m about to watch: idk bitch probably gonna see if my fav youtubers have uploaded anything

55. waiting for: DEATH

56. want: ohh dude sooooooo many things.......

57. get married: unrealistic!

58. career: i want to do art idk what kind but id love to be a character designer for games or something. GAME ART! thats what id love to do but again .. unrealistic

which is better:

59. hugs or kisses: depends on who the person is

60. lips or eyes: both

61. shorter or taller: either

62. older or younger: older

63. nice arms or stomach: idk either??

64. hookup or relationship: relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

have you ever:

66. kissed a stranger: no

67. drank hard liquor: noo ive drank normal liquor tho

68. lost glasses: i dont have any sdfsdf

69. turned someone down: kinda?

70. sex on first date: no

71. broken someone’s heart: i hope i havent

72. had your heart broken: idk.. kinda

73. been arrested: no

74. cried when someone died: yes

75. fallen for a friend: no? no

do you believe in:

76. yourself: man... on good days. yes

77. miracles: yes

78. love at first sight: yes

79. santa claus: he died years ago

80. kiss on first date: yeah

81. angels: yes !

other:

82. best friend’s name: Jemina and Julia..... and another Julia

83. eye colour: green babeyyyyyy

84. fave movie: it used to be As Above So Below but tbh i havent seen it in years so idk

85. fave actor: Choi Minho best actor of all time

i’m gonna just tag @jenofiles and @lukkilucas