#you see the plan is to not get hit
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i'm kissing every production i.g employee and furudate-sensei for giving us the haikyuu dumpster battle movie. lives were changed. i cried real tears. there's no doubt that i'll be back for the next movie.
open for better quality | no reposts
#kozume kenma#hinata shouyou#haikyuu#fanart#myart#doodle#brainrotted so hard i had to draw smth to get the emotions and thoughts out of my head#shoutout to a certain someone for actually screaming with me after i finished the movie-#and waiting for me as i looked up these references for the Iconic scenes#something just hits different seeing this match in animated form#the progression the emotions the nostalgia-#not gonna spoil in case anyone plans on watching but. just know it was Good.#and i had a hard time picking which scene to redraw#it was this one. the birdcage one (which i've seen so many others redraw wonderfully). or the 'shouyou. stay interesting' scene#went w/ this one bc the dynamics#i can finally listen to the ost now hahaha#spyair came back with another banger for us thank you kings#cw knives#haikyuu the dumpster battle#forgot to tag that oops
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i bet non konoha-nin sit around like "so what would YOU do if the yellow flash appeared on the battlefield" and tori's answer in oto was usually some version of like, "okay clearly both running and fighting are losing options, i would simply convince him to let me go" and if pressed bc that's a dumb/insane answer, she'd be like "okay fine. i would convince him i'm more valuable captured than dead"
flash forward like three years and she's in konoha and at least one oto-nin has been like "wait so that wORKED?"
#konoha-nin also have similar discussions but it's more like 'do you think you could get a hit in sparring the hokage'#and tori's answer is increasingly convoluted plans which involve things like#'i invent a new jutsu on the spot. no one will see this coming. he can't strategize against it if even i don't know what i'll do'#unfortunately the older she gets. the more likely it seems she could.... do these things???#reborn au#toriverse
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SAGESUNE MIKU >:DDD
#i rise from the dead once again!!#sorry about the long periods of time in between me posting#school is absolutely kicking my ass right now and i havent had any time to draw the creatures :(#ive also just been feeling unsatisfied with my art as of late#its probably just too much time online looking at other peoples art making me feel bad about myself#even though im improving as fast as i can it doesnt feel like im getting any better#but i know from experience that that feeling doesnt go away with time#so i guess ill always see flaws in my art no matter how hard i try to get better#man. that got really depressing :/#anyways SAGE!!! i love her she is my favorite of all time and im going to draw her so much yall dont even KNOW :D#ive got tons of other stuff planned too so watch out >:3#i could hit you guys with 6 paragraphs of au lore any day now#sonic the hedgehog#sage robotnik#AWWWHHHGG SHE HAS HER OWN LITTLE TAG IM SOBBING#anyways#sage sonic#hatsune miku#i guess#whoof im scared to post this#or maybe im just exhausted#probably both :/
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RealAgeAU Drabble - Godly Intervention
You guys have voted and picked.
THE LORE!
So here we are. With lore :3
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Get in here @spotaus
*---------------*
Reaper glances around for a moment as he searches Outertale. Trying to not be seen by any universe goers. He should be somewhere here...
Reaper makes sure to stay out of sight. best to not spread panic when he is seen in public.
Luckily this shouldn't be too hard.
Error is very predictable with where he hangs out.
The only reason it took Reaper this long to do this is because he is busy and at work.
He floats to the next asteroid and spots the one he had been looking for. He goes over and sees Error just tugged away between the rocks as he works on something in his hands. it looks like a beanie but it is rather small. It is very unlike Error to make somethign the wrong size when he sets his mind to it.
Error doens't even look up "No i don't know where the paint drinker is."
Reaper crosses his arms as he floats next to him "I am not looking for Ink. I was looking for you."
Error hums and keeps looking at his knitting "Will congrats. you found me. I am busy."
Reaper leans against the rock "This is not something that can wait Error."
Error sitll does not looking up "I am not in the mood for more god lessons Reaper."
Reaper just watches the other and speaks "I know you are hiding him."
Error's hand spasms before he continues knitting. One of the loop is now not the right size but Error ignores it "I don't know what you are talking about."
Reaper sighs "Error I know your magic. I know you put a wall of some sort around an universe. And I have seen the code change in other universes as well. I know you moved stuff around. You aren't nearly as sneaky as you think you are." and he glares at him "Which is why i am here. You need to be more careful."
Error actually stops and shoots him a curious glance "What?"
Reaper just stares at him "You need to be more careful and clean your tracks better. Your magic is very obvious and it is bond to get noticed by other gods." he gives him a look "And Fate and Balance both will be deeply unhappy if they find out."Balance had not been happy when it became obvious that Dream, and so assumingly Nightmare, picked something outside her domain.
Fate hadn't minded much until it became clear that by their picks both of them could change the endings of certain stories.
Long and short of it. Both are deeply unhappy with the twins. But Dream had managed to find his inner punk and just told them he doens't see how that is his issue anymore as he doesn't work for or with either of them.
Again. Fate and Blance are very unhappy. Especially if they find out that Error of all gods knew where Ngihtmare has been hiding this whole time.
Error keeps frowning at him and looks to the side "How did you figure out?"
Reaper sighs as he rubs his neck "As i said. I felt your traces of magic all around. but i didn't know why. Then I saw a viewing window and could hear Killer shouting for Nightmare about dinner. I left before i learned more." plausable deniability. Makes it easier to lie to gods as long as a part of your answer is still the truth.
Error curses and nods "Fuck yeah. I will keep an eye on my windows... Not used to having people come by."
Reaper nods "You are lucky that Ink has the memory os a sponge."
Error snorts "please. If i was lucky he would ahve a working memory and i would havne't to remind him of the importance of destroying every few weeks... or our fucking truce for that matter." he glares into the distance.
Reaper sighs "Look. All I am saying. Stay safe and try to be more cautious. If Fate and Balance find out you are in trouble."
Error laughs "hah! Not like it matters. They hate me anyway."
reaper shoots him a serious look "They can seriously hurt you Error. your domain is connected to theirs."
Error shrugs "euh. They didn't care enough to stop the war between Ink and me. Why care about this?"
Reaper knows why. The two hate losing. and the twins finding a way to sneak out of their overwhelming domain? Yeah, they see that as losing.
Reaper sighs as he turns. He did what he came here for "I just figured you should know."
Error frowns "How much did you see? through the window?"
Reaper tilts his skull. strange but sure. "I saw nothing. just heard Killer calling for nightmare. I left right after that."
Error sighs in relieve and nods "good... Why are you even helping me?"
Reaper gives error a look before shrugging "You and Geno are friends." which is the loosest way to describe their situation and weird soul split kinda brother situation.
Error snorts loudly as he shakes his own skull "Your crush on him is hilarious by the way." he looks back to his knitting thing and starts to undo some of the work to get to the out of order loop. "And you call me obvious." Error snorts to himself.
Reaper glares at him "Just be less obvious." and he quickly leaves.
Sigh.
he will catch both of them for more god explanation and training later. He needs to do stuff.
*---------------*
First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble
#utmv#realageau#reaper sans#error sans#No baby this time.#Instead? you get LORE!#also reaper and error interacting :D#a short one today but it is mostly just a way to set some stuff up :3#also some afterdeath#for the heart <3 specifically mine#Also no. Reaper does not know that Nightmare is baby. if he had known reaper would not be talking to error but to the gang because#THAT IS A GODLING?! How are you planning on raising a godling?!#error figured that reaper doens't know the big big thing about nightmare is is trying to play it cool.#He is going to hit himself later for leaving the viewing window open#He just isn't used to people coming and going from his anti-void! It is't suposed to be easy to travel!!#yet error keeps meeting people who can!#Okay this was the lore drop :3 See you guys later and around.#(and ssh i forgot to add a title i fixed it don't worry)
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actually yeah i've been meaning to do this. bloodborbe homies. give me your headcanons and/or theories for rom. now 🫵
#who was she. what were the circumstances of her ascension.#was she with the church.#relationship with willem. with mico. with anyone else (caryll yurie damian to cite a few but really anyone else)#because so far i have Nothing on her. i have a few things but they're more about how she influenced other characters#there's a lot of possibilities ! and i have yet to decide which one(s) i want to follow...#and i get to listen to your hcs >:) master plan#so don't be shy 🫵 even if you don't follow me and see this by chance 🫵🫵 hit it#rom the vacuous spider
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✨Him✨
What is he thinking about? You tell me
#tolkien#silmarillion#jrr tolkien#melkor#morgoth#silm art#tolkien art#digital art#my art#i bet he got a bit to interested in mairons look instead of mairons war plans#pushing my melkor lost his ability to create color since he had to be pretty as that was how the humans described him#and he had to have been hit with a drastic change in his form(s) for the theft of the silmarils#and i hc him as original blue eyes#i also hc ainur cant change their eye color like they can change how much sclera iris and pupil show but thats it#so being used to see him as blue eyed suddenly meeting a cloud of black smoke with red eyes you gotta assume the worst#so yes i still think he can change his form although it gets harder the more he pures himself into arda and the more insane he gets#and he has his preferable he feels best in#and of course it will be a form without pigmentation#mairon cant decide if he wanna sleep with him or study him under a microscope
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The way some people characterise Buffy in fics like you described genuinely put me off Buffy fandom for years, it was absolutely everywhere, in Spuffy fics, in faith/buffy fics, it felt like I couldn't read a fic without the obligatory 'Buffy apologises to whoever the fuck for being so mean' and I just stopped, it was so baffling
For real its so weirdly pervasive. It genuinely blows my mind bc I totally get the urge to use your fic to call out a character/plot point you don't like, more power to you. Like I'm constantly imagining rewrites of the scenes where Xander is at his most insufferable but no one in-show is verbalising obvious holes in his bullshit (my big one is that besides a one off line from Buffy that everyone in the show ignores and a DELETED line from Giles is that NO ONE calls him on his absolutely infuriating "I was jealous of Angel being with the girl I like and I'm gonna have the gall to pretend it was bc I saw him turning evil coming" BULLSHIT)
But like. Buffy? You came out of this show and the person you had beef with and want to call out is BUFFY? THE VAMPIRE SLAYER? The protagonist of all time? Bc she's mean sometimes :( people try to apologise for trying to kill her and she's so unsympathetic :( she carries out her responsibility as the Slayer whether she wants to or not even if the person she's targeting is a character I like :( why won't she apologise. why won't she apologise. why does she insist on taking up space. why can't she just be nice all the time. yes my ao3 tag is princessspuffy why do you ask. yeah I know their relationship is abusive but I think Spike would forgive her :)
#NONE OF YOU DESERVE HER. SHE SAVED EXISTENCE AND YOU SAY SHE SHOULD HAVE SMILED MORE KILL KILL KILL#anyway. normal about her.#buffy summers#buffy the vampire slayer#im not a spuffy hater i love their mess but spike is easily the most common Why Wont Buffy Be Nice To Him i see#even though SPIKE loves her bc she DOESN'T let him off easy#'im a monster but you treat me like a man' was about the kiss in intervention#he hit on her and helped her fight and played nice with the scoobs all season#but he was clearly doing it to GET something and buffy is obviously completely unresponsive to that#but he lets himself get tortured almost to death for buffy and dawn and doesn’t seem to plan on telling them about it until buffy tricks him#THAT was real. the first real selfless good thing he did for her. AND SHE KISSED HIM FOR IT.#buffy has IMMENSE capacity to forgive people who she can see are actually trying#she just has zero patience for coddling self pitying murderers bc she learned from her first boyfriend#if you choose to do wrong she'll stop you but if you choose to do right she SEES that and she remembers it#she responds to action not words. you are what you do. and even if you're a monster#if you try to do the right thing she'll treat you like a man
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Part two of the thing and uuh also final one
Of this interaction. Because this is far from all I can give, my brain almost imploded from all the ideas
#after some very heated talks between the two brothers Vash said he would leave the house for a good time#suggesting they both needed time apart and Vash needed to learn how to live without Kni#very reluctantly Kni agreed (even if he didn’t V would have done it anyways) with the single condition of letting him know the general#details about his livings. the adress. who he was living with if he decided to room with someone and at least their phone number in case#of an emergency. Vash agreed to this and put the limit there bc Kni wanted to know more but he said no I won’t tell you about their life tf#WW who is comfortable living at the orphanage doesn’t find convenient commuting for over 2 hours everyday to get there#so he is looking for a place to stay. Vash mentioned wanting to share a rental home w someone to split the spendings#and so the stars aligned and they were already planning their moving four days after meeting each other#because that’s Vashwood for you#imagine the delight of being either WW or Kni and finding out about each other thanks to Vash again#neither of them want to tell Vash about what they think of each ither. Kni to keep some sort of face and ‘peace’ with his brother#and WW doesn’t want to leave a bad impression saying he was the cause that the brother of the guy he was planning to live with couldn’t see#with his right eye for a whole week. so they hate their guts and Vash doesn’t know the why though he can grasp a general idea.#but he always hits bullseye making both WW and Kni glance at each other silently with their eyes saying#“DID YOU TELL HIM?’’ ‘’DID-YOU-TELL HIM??’’#trigun#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun stampede#vashwood#trigun fanart#vash#wolfwood#nicholas trigun#nai saverem#millions knives#Trigun Uni! AU#lenssi draws
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Happy Chrismac [alt + doodle under cut]
#clemart#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#mac opsys#winn dos#haha did you see whatidid with the name do you get it ahah hits you in the arm . get it.#do not look at the bg its just giant brush strokes its there so you glance at the image and go wow! colors#also this is a tiiinyyyy bit late..i didnt actually have drawing planned for today bc i ran out of time but i decided to rush this#anwyays happy holidays thumbs up emoji
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has anybody else thought about how jk could easily manage sofia's parts of slow dance or is it just me?
#jikook#bts#everybody is working to insert jk in who where i just don't see it (other than the seven parallels)#and not talking much about what i see as WAY more obvious nods most especially in rebirth#like jm sings about wanting to be worthy of someone - maybe someone who just became a huge SOLO global popstar?#and mentions 'real love' - what was the name of that chapter in the bangtan book again?#and the feminine pronouns not present it's just the nebulous 'you' that in jimin songs often stands in for 'army'#(and one very specific 'fan' who has said he is ALSO army)#it's the 'i wanna be with you'#the answer for jk's 'i am still' with its unspoken additional 'still with you' layer#and then we get slow dance and we're back to the nebulous 'you' - on an island he-#oh wait what was that about a pair that traveled to an island? and filmed some stuff there that we'll see soon? hm#the reason this set me off though is the lines about 'cancelling my plans' to live to 'the tempo of our favorite song'#the falling deep into lines etc etc#because we know what happens when those two get together - they lose track of time everything else fades away#it's why they haven't done lives. why 'you and me' are 'up all night' why jm knows that as soon as jk is around#his self-discipline will crack and he'll fall into the pattern he tried to head off by separating from jk while making face#and we *know* jimin wrote on this song#frankly if he *hadn't* gotten a female feature everybody would be JUMPING on this song as a jikook anthem#the inclusion of sofia works perfectly - like hammering the pin back in a grenade#but i was reading those lines and thinking how high she went and going who else could sing this ...?#huh. who do we know of who can sing *anything*? and who has a range that can hit and blend with jimin's perfectly?#so. i dunno. y'all do your delulu the way that works for you and i will do my delulu my way lol#personally i think the eyes in the mv look like a screenshot from the love wins all mv but that's only me#i think the parallels with seven work more#and speaking of parallels (there are so many) i think this album was built to ensure jm is on equal footing with a certain someone#it's the commerciality of it - as though jm was like we will be together in this as well#when he seems not to be super interested in global domination but still 'special' enough to be on the same level with his love
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QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK
#my brain treats these things the same as it does spamton. almost. i want to see them dead i want to chew on them. i want to kiss them gentl#y and tuck them in bed and sign up adoption papers for them. i want to hit them with a baseball bat. i will take a bullet for them#yknow?#you get me.#again an experimental fun quick drawing#that i ended up ... popping off on. oops.#i have... 0 self control in art#fun fact originally this was gonna be a painting but i went hmm what if i do the thing#ive been doing with sketch lineart on paper but... digitally? angular and sketchy and sharper#aw yea#guz art#toontown corporate clash#low baller#also i had to post this on clashcord and bail instantly because the second i see angst for stuff i like that i havent made myself#i lowkey start breaking down oops#i dont do well with other fans of things that im not familiar with.... my brain works in mysterious ways !#i say this as my next drawing i plan is literally oc angst ... oops !#something i aint done in a while....i only ever do vent stuff i never post if anything. i try not to be like.... venty edgy like that it#just. aint for me. well i say while i ramble on and vent constantly. oops. but yknow what i mean - not let my art reflect that? be goofy#with the stuff i do? but like yeah either way. lore gettin angsty. have we gotten to the point in our lore / rp yet? no. is it kinda an#inescapeable point? yes. i loooooove making my characters suffer the consequences of their actions#WHY AM I TALKING SO ELABORATELY ABOUT THIS. THIS IS A LOW BALLER DRAWING.#BY TALOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BRAIN!! OH WELL if you like these. thanks for reading you are swag. you probably went thru#like. 5465465341564 thomas 'fights' now havent you#oh well gotta have a place to dump my thoughts somewhere!
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I PASSED MY DRIVERS TEST W ONLY ONE POINT OFF thank you mr yiling laozu it was all up to you
#*blows a kiss to the sky* thank you my love#but seriously am proud of myself I did sooo well even tho the cars gas was soo sensitive and its breaks soo were not#thank god. THANK GOD. I don't think my ego could have taken another hit#or my wallet 😭#plus now I get to go camping the way I planned. jumping up and down#will try to go get my license after work tomorrow 🤔 or maybe I'll just go tuesday when I don't work anyway#we'll see how tired I am 😭#ghost posts#text
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Honestly really sad about the fact Natlan has some of the coolest outfits and animations ever .. but everything about the characters is plain colorist and stereotypical. Mualani is super cute, Kinich seems interesting, Xilonen is super pretty, Ororon is really cool. ..But then you look at their designs. And realize that they just stripped a culture from the real world of the actual people behind it, being POC.
All I can really recommend is to not pull Natlan characters and keep yourself as F2P as possible. They obviously are trying to beg on their knees for players considering all of this really cool stuff they're sending out, and because of the fact Shogun AND Kazuha somehow got a rerun before Shenhe despite running really recently. They're compensating. Don't let their compensation win.
#genshin impact#genshin impact Natlan#natlan rant#like honestly fuck natlan#unfortunately genshin is currently one of the only things that makes me happy so i cant fully drop it.#but im planning on not spending a dollar during natlan banners and im not pulling them. im saving for a venti rerun instead.#im hoping if they see Natlans sales hit the fan that they'll be willing to do something about the shitshow of natlans characters#its doubtful considering they've already advertised these characters as the picked designs. but. maybe they'd make more at a later date#ones that are actually culturally accurate.#stealing someones language#stealing someones culture#their architecture#but then saying “oh no sorry youre too dark so you wont sell well in our game :((” and whitewash everything is just fucked up#and people dont get that. people think it's okay because its a chinese company#completely ignoring the fact a game like Dislyte exist. which has IMMACULATE diversity in both skintones and bodies.#it's not an excuse. youre just dickriding the rich company.
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Stampede aka another episode of luffy turning haters into dick riders just with his kind and big heart
#i might understand all the robin law fanfare... its been 26 minutes of stampede......#frobin reigns supreme imo still.....#VICEADMIRAL MOMONGA TOCAME LA PORONGA??? HELLO#THE LOG POSE TO LAUGH TALE???? and hancock arrived ❤️❤️#usopp saving luffh omg.....#blonde buggy..... why are we doing this to out beautiful women...#fujitora is on his own frequency... here you go a meteorite.. whatever happens to all of you and our troops happens goodbye#mihawk intervened bc zoro couldn't do it omg.... nami keep watch he is going to end it all tonight jesus#also persona following mihaw for a second movie ajdjaks.... i love them together honestly#brosalino is the kuma guy's uncle????? nepotism......#calling this guy the heir of the demon.... taking blame off ace akdjsksn.... you know whats funny in movies garp is very like thoughtful and#comprehensive of others peoples issues and then you get to how he raised luffy and like.... wouldn't that have been good there....#and with ace too lmao.... i mean he didnt have abandonment issues but just wait and see to a 10yo asking if he is worthy of living idk...#i get the meaning of it and what he meant but we all know ace didnt get that at the time until luffy got there#usopp.... see how when oda writes the movies it feels different.... first steong world with namo and now stampede with usopp...#the relationship moments really hit.. i was gonna comment about zoro and the cursed sword but that was just focusing on him#well this one wasnt written by oda but supervised i will take it....#hina taking the kids aldjakskal...... smoker and hina best straight ship behind frobin imo..... baby 5 x sai number 3 spot#sabo....... actually thank you bc smoker thinks he can take anybody#hancock and buggy AJSJAKAKLQQ omg usopp dont cry....... luffy will KILL that guy for making usopp feel like that lmao YEAAAH!!!!!#law smoker sabo the luffy lover squad..... each in their own way lmao#hancock its been so long how are you <3 omg law what are you doing here <3 my brother sabo hello.#crocodile made the plan of course.... luffy lover member too#usopps bullets omg....#sanji and zoro against lucci omg..... YEAAAHHHH#wait a second straw hat crew costume by uniqlo design team??? THE DRIP!!!#luffy seeing ace beside luffy with the fire goodbye.... he is EVERYWHERE#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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the amount of math i put into figuring out my PTO is honestly so funny. i've probably spent like 2 hours this week and last week just playing with the leave calculator spreadsheet my coworker gave me. this morning i added a sheet for 2026 so now i'm calculating my PTO out that far. i basically already have a plan of how i'm taking time off for 2025 so as to maximize my time off in 2026. i dont think this is a normal level of attention to detail but at least i'm having fun
#(at my job i can accrue a certain amount of PTO that then becomes 'use or lose' because only so much carries over each year)#so by the mythical year 2026 i could in fact end up with 121 hours of use or lose by the end of it#aka i am Forced to take off 15 days (121 hrs) that year or it'll just be wiped#oh dear oh no! however could i manage to take 15 days off! <- DESPERATELY wants to be in this position as soon as possible#my issue is that i keep taking too much time off so i havent hit the maximum cap yet lmao#like if i just chilled out i could reach it next year#but chilling out is not in my vocabulary. i have places to go and people to see#therefore i cannot reach use or lose in 2025 BUT i can reach it in 2026....if i don't end up spending too much of what i accrue first#so i have vauge plans next year that havent solidified and i keep trying out stuff to see how many hours it would leave me with#historically my methods of maximizing time are:#1) work a flexible schedule with 9 hour days one pay period in order to get a day off for 'free' (this is how i'll get black friday off)#2) work over time and bank those hours as 'credit' time. i can have up to 24 hours/3 days worth of that stored#(i can easily do this long term by just like. working an extra hour every week and it'll add up lol)#3) receiving a time off award if management loves me enough (i normally get a free 8 hours award each year but i can't bet on this)#4) earning travel comp time by working overtime via work travel (such as your flight getting in at 8 pm or whatever)#5) earning normal comp time by attending a work event outside of normal hours (i.e. that time i worked on saturday)#these are all ways to get time off without dipping into PTO so that i can let the PTO accumulate#......as you can see i'm Very normal about this
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