#you really start to hate the system with a true passion

[cedarspiced]

hi! i'm someone who works with a state department that's supposed to distribute some of the above resources!

there are in fact plenty of resources for employment help in my state! we even offer free workshops to help people find a job!

but to participate in a job workshop, you have to show up to a physical building.

what happens when you can't get there? what if you don't have a car, and there's no public transit to get there, and you can't afford a rideshare? what if you do have a car, but can't afford the gas to get there?

the state of course also offers unemployment benefits. you can apply fully online! all you have to do is make a weekly claim, and the state will deposit benefits right into your bank account. easy, right?

but what happens when your previous employer decides they don't want to pay for your unemployment, and object to the state on the basis that you quit, or were fired with a good cause? what if you get denied because you accidentally checked the wrong box on your claim? what if the online claim system straight up glitches and tells you that you didn't dot your i's when you did? (all things that i've seen happen before btw)

well, your claims get put on hold while the unemployment department decides whether or not they think you deserve benefits based on your employer's claim. you don't receive ANY money until you get approved for benefits again a month or two after you initially claimed. that's at least a whole month that you may not have any income at all!

and THAT'S a best case scenario if your claim gets denied. if the unemployment department can't make a decision on their own, your case then gets passed to the hearing department, which itself can take anywhere from a week to a month. then, if all goes well, you get to have a hearing (usually takes a month or two to even get a hearing scheduled, and then another couple weeks to have the hearing) with a judge, who then decides if you deserve benefits within two weeks of the hearing taking place.

at best, that's 3 months and 1 week with no income.

at worst, that's 4 months and 2 weeks with no income.

of course, all of that is even assuming you have internet access. if you don't, you have to go to the same building where the job workshops are held, and we come back to the same problems listed earlier.

so yeah, frankly, i think it would be a lot easier and a lot cheaper for everyone involved if the government did just cut everyone a check each month. not a blank check, but enough money to be able to reasonably support a household.

[sflow-er]

So many thoughts on the fabulous Barbie film, but especially on how anyone who thinks it’s “hateful towards men” clearly isn’t getting the message.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

[Credit for both gifs goes to their makers!!]

I mean... Ken��s arc is secondary to Barbie’s, and rightly so. This is her film, and her message deserves to be the main takeaway.

That being said, I just find it really sad that the people who could’ve definitely used the point of Ken’s arc just let it go right over their heads. Maybe it’s because they aren’t great at reading subtext, or because they just balk at anything presented as feminist, I don’t know.

Because to me, Ken’s arc is about as far from “hateful towards men” as you can get. It’s a multi-layered depiction of how restrictive, outdated views of masculinity can hold men back and make them susceptible to harmful ideologies that promise easy solutions for all their problems but only make those problems worse and hurt others around them.

The first layer is an allegory for real men don’t show their feelings. In the movie, this is represented by Ken’s need to look tough and cool all the time, and to keep his insecurities and sadness bottled up. Barbieland is a utopia where being happy is a social norm, and the main Barbie also starts to struggle with that. The difference is that she eventually tells her friends, and they all support her. Ken just puts pressure on himself not to look weak - in front of Barbie, or in front of the other Kens.

Which brings us to the second level: a competitive and inherently hostile view of the other Kens, aka. toxic male relationships. Some of them are friends, and all of them work together for a while to build the Patriarchy, but they don’t actually bond for real. Even their boys’ nights are mainly about getting back at the Barbies for all their girls’ nights (which really were about bonding). When push comes to shove, the Kens still see each other as competition, which is one of the reasons why the Barbies are able to play them against each other.

Another reason is the third layer: the idea that Ken only has value if Barbie loves and admires him. It starts out as unrequited love that makes you feel sorry for him...until he turns bitter. He basically starts on the path that could lead him down the incel/mra rabbit hole and into a mindset where Barbie owes him love and admiration and the relationship he wants in exchange for his devotion to her. He decides that everything would be better if Barbies were subservient to Kens, but of course that’s not true. None of the Barbies’ newfound admiration for their Kens is real, and his own Barbie still rejects him.

All this is of course underpinned by the final layer, which is Ken’s lack of self-respect and sense of purpose. He’s got a pointless job, he’s not particularly qualified for anything, and he just feels kind of lost in Barbieland - a society run by successful Barbies who are living up to their full potential. That’s why he gets so caught up in the idea of the Patriarchy, which is supposed to make him successful, get others to respect him, and give him a sense of purpose. (This can be generalised to all kinds of harmful ideologies in the real world, e.g. the alt-right movement.)

However, the success he achieves is superficial and not based on any real passion; he even admits that he wasn’t happy in his new position and already lost interest in the ideology. The (forced) respect of others does feel good for a while, but it only goes so far. At heart, the whole thing is still mostly about his feelings of inferiority and unrequited love for Barbie, and instituting this harmful new system did not resolve those for him.

So what does? In essence, breaking out of all these harmful patterns and internalising the idea that he is enough.

He ends up reflecting on his feelings, finally puts them to words (or rather, song and dance), and manages to connect with the other Kens through those feelings. He even cries in relief and acknowledges that it doesn’t make him weak. He and Barbie finally have a proper talk, he lets go of their (non-)relationship, and he listens when she says he needs to figure out his real self. He starts to see himself not through his job, his girlfriend, or even his competition with the other Kens, but as just Ken, who is enough.

I honestly can’t think of a less hateful message to send men and boys.

[walpu]

Hello, first of all i want to say i really like your work and your writings 💞 Can i request some sickness headcanons with Aventurine when dating reader? Preferably hcs about how he would act if he was the one sick, and if the reader was sick. Thank you!

Thank you so much 🥹

Hope you'll enjoy it!

sickness headcanons with Aventurine

characters - Aventurine notes - gn!reader, hurt/comfort, no beta

I think Aven has a weak immune system due to the hardships he faced as a child. It's quite easy for him to catch a cold even if the weather is nice.

Hates it with a burning passion.

I mean it always sucks to be sick but he hates it for a bunch of other reasons as well.

It's time-consuming and he's a busy person, that's what he tells everyone.

And while it's true, the main reason is that he simply hates being so weak and vulnerable.

He has a private doctor who treats him but Aven doesn't fully trust them either.

He usually just takes his meds and tries to walk it off. Not like he can afford to take a day-off anyway.

When the two of you start dating and you notice that he doesn't feel well, he would try to brush it off. No big deal, baby. Just a bit tired. If we cuddle I'll get better <З

He trusts you, he truly does. However, it doesn't mean he wants you to see him miserable, weak and with a red stiffy nose. He doesn't like this image of himself so what if you won't like it either?

If he has a fever he will try to distance himself from you. Doesn't want you to get seek as well, he truly doesn't wish to be a cause of your discomfort.

Plus, what good can he give you when he's like that anyway? A bit off-topic but I just keep thinking about his "you can use me however you want me even betray me <З" line and his lunar new year card where he's like "yeahhh if you spend the day with me you'll be lucky for the rest of the year soooo" babygirl i promise you don't need to bribe me or be convenient just to have some company

Would never refuse your care though. Simply can't do it, he's a weak weak man. May whine a bit at the beginning, trying to convince you that this is not necessary, but as soon as you sooth him and maybe kiss his forehead he gives up completely.

Suddenly forgets all about the possibility of you getting sick if you keep being too close to him, will cling to you like a kitten.

"Your cuddles are the best medicine~" my ass.

Would follow all of your instructions even if they're questionable.

Wants to be spoon-fed too. Anddd tuck him in. And kiss his forehead. And stay by his side until he falls asleep.

He's needy okay. He never had anyone who would care for him when he's so weak so he cherishes every moment. May even get a bit upset when he's feeling better.

Would ask you to look after him for a few more days juts to make sure he's 10000% okay. Keep dotting on his tho because what if he'll get sick again because of the lack of cuddles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're the one who's seek he'll overreact.

Like even if it's the smallest thing, he'll insist on calling his own private doctor to check on you.

You're the best thing in his life, his promised dawn. Of course he'll look after you. Even if looking after you means being a clingy mother hen.

No excuses, he'll take care of you. Even if you have seen worse. Even if you're very busy. Even if it's not that big of a deal.

The problem is. He's never looked after a sick person before.

His every attempt to nurse you back to health is overwhelming. Tries every single method he can find in the internet so please stop him if needed.

Insists on cuddling you all of the time. Generally tries to do everything you do for him when he's sick since you're literally his only example.

If you receive too many work-related phone calls from someone he would not hesitate to pick up the phone before you and say that yeah y/n is busy right now, they are sick, so the optimal solution would be for the caller to deal with their own problems, surely they are not so helpless to rely on a sick person to do everything for them :)

Just wants for you to be alright as soon as possible.

[caintooth]

From a transmasc who loves transfems more than I hate transmisogyny: If you are AFAB you should not be calling yourself transfem, a transwoman, or a transgirl.

Let me start this by saying that I agree, obviously, that our society needs to stop caring about AGAB. Ideally, we should not be assigned AFAB or AMAB to begin with, and we should all be able to use the language we feel suits us best. If you are both trans and a woman, it does seem like it makes sense to call yourself a transwoman, doesn’t it? Even if you were AFAB?

But let’s have nuance, please. Let’s start by acknowledging this: a world in which our AGABs have no impact on our social roles / perceptions / interactions is NOT a world we live in yet. No matter how badly we may want to simply be feminine and masculine and androgynous and outside of connection to a binary system and AGABs entirely, we have NOT achieved that sort of liberation. To pretend we have- to act as if your AGAB has no impact on the way you are perceived and treated- is an extremely privileged game of imagination.

The most common argument I have seen from AFABs using transfem / transwoman language for themselves is that they are someone who is both, by all definitions, transgender and a woman. This may be because they previously transitioned into manhood or transmasculinity, and did not identify as a woman or as feminine at all during that time, but now, for whatever reason, have started identifying as a woman / feminine again. Or they may be a person who identifies with any variation of non-binary woman, bigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, demigirl, etc. Any identity which is either “I used to not be a woman, but am a woman now,” or “I am a woman, and another gender or lack thereof, too.”

I understand. In whatever version of this scenario, they are both transgender or have transitioned at some point, and are currently feminine or a woman. It does really sound like transfem or transwoman should be the correct language to use in this scenario!

I am non-binary, transmasc, and was indeed AFAB. I get it. I am transgender. I am not a woman, but I am also, sometimes, a woman. I am transgender and I am a woman. And I spent years of my life fighting against femininity, only to find that finally being allowed to be openly masculine has helped me embrace femininity again. It seems this is not an uncommon experience. But I am not now, and never will be, a transwoman.

Because the word transwoman has very, very specific meaning. “Meanings can change,” and “words have more than one meaning,” you say? Yes, that is true! And it should be! Change and embracing of nuance is so important to our community. And nobody should be policing the language anybody else uses.

But that being said, please. Embrace this nuance, if you are so passionate about words having it. People who were AMAB and are women have extremely different experiences than people who were AFAB and are still / are again, in whatever form for whatever reason, women or feminine.

Being a woman who was AMAB has unique culture, intersectionality, and vulnerability. Countless transwomen have asked people who were AFAB not to use the language of actual transfemininity, because it is such a different experience than being trans and feminine separately. Let me make this clear.

People who were AFAB are expected to be and rewarded for being women. If we perform womanhood in an unpalatable way, yes, we do experience misogyny. If we are also transgender, yes, we do experience transphobia. But neither of these things, even when experienced at the same time, are the same as transmisogyny, which can only be experienced by people who were AMAB.

This is because of the patriarchy. Gender Issues 101. Manhood and masculinity are seen as the ultimate power. Womanhood and femininity, as less. So, yeah, I get your confusion here. People who were AFAB, especially if they are also trans or are women or feminine in the “wrong” way, will indeed always be seen as lesser than men, for the fact of being AFAB alone! Absolutely nobody is saying that misogyny and transphobia against AFAB people are not massively violent forces in this world. Nobody is saying people who were AFAB have it “easy!”

But again, again again- people who were AMAB and are women experience a form of violence and hate very different from the kind we as AFAB people do. You know as well as I do that the patriarchy does not view women who were AMAB as actual women. It instead views them as failed men. And to those indoctrinated, that is a crime worse than womanhood. It is the ultimate insult: “They are not women. They are clearly not men, either. They are third. Other.”

AFAB people who are trans or perceived as “failed women,” no matter our actual or internal connection with femininity or womanhood, are viewed by society negatively, yes, but not as third or Other. Because, despite the wording, “failed women” are still actually viewed as women. This is because the patriarchy views people who were AFAB as inherently flawed by mere circumstance of birth. We are inherently capable of failure, because we have already failed by not being born cis men… And cis men, on the other hand, are viewed as ideal, perfect, god-like, and thus not capable of failure at all.

Let me reiterate. Due to transphobia and the rigid structure of gender within the patriarchy, when people who were AMAB declare “I am a not a man,” they are denied the status of woman. But, due to misogyny and the position of men as supreme, flawless beings within the patriarchy, when people who were AMAB respond by saying “I am a woman,” they are also denied the status of man. It is this also which is so significant. They are viewed by the patriarchy as Other in a way that people who were AFAB never will be, because we will always just be viewed as women, which is at least human.

The fact that people who are AFAB will only ever be viewed as woman is a separate issue, with separate conversation around it. Because I understand, as one of them, that we may identify with a concept of thirdness and of Otherness. We, like women who were AMAB, are not men! We feel a kinship there!

But I think I have explained well why our experience of Otherness is not the same as Otherness experienced by transwomen who were AMAB. No matter how deeply we feel third, Other, different, strange, weird? Even if this is, from the depth our soul and core of our being, not how we want to be treated? Society is still willing to view us, at the very least, no matter how much we hate it, as women. Which, like I said, is at least one way to be seen as human.

Women who were AMAB, however, are only ever treated as Other. Not even as human beings. Do you see how this is different? Do you see how this is worse?

The two questions we are trying to answer in this post are, first, why is it wrong that some people who were AFAB want to call themselves trans women or trans feminine? Which leads us to, second, why would they want to in the first place?

Transwomen who were coercively assigned male at birth are, in fact, women. They are not Other. They are not third. They are human beings and the patriarchy is wrong. I know this. The wider queer community claims to know this, too.

But we must not let our desire to affirm transwomen in their womanhood cloud our eyes to the fact that the vast majority of the world still holds extremely violent and dangerous mentality towards them.

When people who were AFAB use the language of transwoman, transfem, and transgirl for themselves, they are equating their experiences to that of AMAB people. They are, in a way, fetishizing transwomanhood. They are saying, “I have seen those called transwomen also called weird, and strange, and third, and Other. I feel that way myself, sometimes. Words like ‘genderqueer’ and ‘genderfluid’ and ‘bigender’ and ‘demigirl’ and etc., though perfectly established and expressive of my gender, do not express to others the quality of inhumanity which I feel I am a victim of. They do not express my uniqueness. But transwomen are seen as inhuman, and unique in their suffering. I am going to associate my feeling of inhumanity with their word, too. I am going to make sure this association continues, so that my pain is acknowledged, too.”

It is a violent co-opting of language. It is self-victimization. It is denial of differing axises of oppression. You are allowed to hurt, to feel Other, and denied of your humanity. But what reason do you have to equate your experience of hurt with a more marginalized group’s oppression, besides selfishness? Especially when you have been asked, repeatedly, to stop.

This behavior creates an unsafe environment for actual transwomen, who deserve community with people who acknowledge the unique experience of transfemininity! Who should be able to comfortably find other actually transfeminine people to make friends with and confide in! Who should be allowed to have their own spaces, communities, and safety nets!

Transfeminine people deserve security. Sorry for the word play, but I literally cannot imagine anything more insecure than stealing language from transwomen.

[nihilistem]

Hey! I read your study tips both posts regarding adhd . (Feel free to ignore )

I am still undiagnosed and I think it's adhd but i do not have the resources nor the environment or support system to do anything about it .I am a high schooler preparing for entrance exams and i really need to like get my shit together and i feel like i have wasted sm time already but i really do want to get better. When i sit to study i just can't focus if I keep my phone in some other room then also i would just sit and stare at my books without accomplishing something. I am trying really but it's feels like my brain is frozen and my body is moving .my brain keep screaming guilty and ashamed but i can't seem to do anything about it.your study post actually i related to a lot because pomodro kind of seems to be working for everyone but me and the you described the exact same things I do

I know this is a lot to ask for please feel free to ignore but how do I stop Letting my emotions take over and study consistently because I only have one chance at the exams

Oh my, first of all I’d like to say that, as cliché as it is, I know exactly how you feel. I was undiagnosed for so long (I was only diagnosed a few months ago) and I didn’t even know that the adhd things I experience on a regular basis wasn’t normal or neurotypical for so long.

first up : I know this is difficult, but please do not say such things about yourself. I’m not gonna get into the whole thing, (cuz I have done a post on that already) but it’s true that the more you drill that bad stuff into your brain, the more it’s gonna stick. We need our brains to be in the best condition possible to study efficiently and saying bad stuff about yourself that isn’t even true is just going to hinder your performance. You got this. I promise you’re not lazy. Your brain just isn’t motivated by the same things others are, but we can work with that simple difference.

I’ll make a separate post on how not to let your emotions take over, but for now …

adhd study tips for those trying to get into the habit.

— by a stem student with adhd.

here’s my first post on adhd study tips.

— don’t put your phone in a different room. Instead, download an app that prevents you from using other apps on your phone.

there’s plenty of apps that do this but the one I prefer is ypt because all its features are completely free and it stops your timer when you exit the app unless you enter ‘allowed app mode.’ I don’t know about you, but if I find that I’m just zoning out on my textbook then I end up stopping my timer and deleting the record because I know I didn’t actually study, and this motivates me to actually get some work done. The timer also gets me motivated to keep going for longer so I have physical proof of my focus time and studies. It will feel good to even have just 1 hour of study time on it, I promise.

— even if you’re not interested in your studies, try your best to find even one thing that interests you.

novelty, challenge and interest are some of the best motivators of the adhd brain, so use it. I know that sparking your curiosity for a subject you hate seems impossible, but hear me out.

ever since I was young, I was exposed to books and I drew everyday. This caused me to become very passionate about the arts, but since I had adhd and didn’t know, I failed all my classes and specifically hated chemistry because it was specifically designed to be everything that I can’t be good at due to my poor memory and the need to memorize a TON of concepts. Then during class one day, I was doing chemistry work with my friends and felt frustrated that they could easily balance equations and work out which compounds were acids or bases purely by its chemical formula. And that’s what sparked me to start reading my textbook to see what the big deal was. How was it possible for one to just know when something is a acid solely from looking at a bunch of letters? This started a chain reaction; I found my answer, and found that the process of finding my answer and learning this new information was fulfilling. So I looked at all the other chemistry topics, and it turns out chemistry was fun. I was supposed to be an art student but now I’m majoring in chemistry and biology, all because of that sense of challenge and curiosity I was given that day.

tdlr; I was bad at chemistry but I’m now majoring in it because I felt challenged by a friend and was curious to know how they could solve chem equations easily.

All it took was a bit of curiosity. It’s a very powerful thing to the adhd brain. And if you use this as a motivator for your studies it might even cause you to hyper-fixate on your work, which means you’ll naturally spend more time studying just to find all the answers you’re now dying to know.

— use the pomodoro timer, but think about the things that you have to do that seems a little impossible to do under 25 minutes.

This fulfills the ‘challenge’ category I mentioned in the previous tip.

Let me explain; I subconsciously started doing this to myself without anyone telling me this and it’s helped me a LOT. Here’s an example;

“This chapter’s too long, it’s impossible to read through everything and understand the key concepts in just twenty five minutes.”

is it, though?

So I was off to the races, genuinely reading through every page and taking note of every single heading or bold or italicized word so I will be able to summarize the entire topic by the time the twenty five minutes is up.

And it doesn’t even matter if you don’t make that twenty five minute mark, because you’ll feel a sense of defeat and try it again with another chapter/topic.

this accomplishes two things; one, the work you’ve been putting off or zoning out on is now probably 20% - 50% completed and now you feel motivated to continue. Two, this method will train you to be faster in learning or studying new material or even just completing work in general, depending on what you’re challenging yourself to do.

— dress up, do your hair, study at a library or cafe you love (and possibly make pretty notes.)

I’ve talked about interest, I’ve talked about challenge, and now I’m gonna talk about novelty.

Do this with purpose! But what do I mean by that?

I’m sure you’ve come across studious girls in media or even people on social media making videos and taking pretty photos of their day out to study. Usually they’re dressed the part and even if they’re not, there’s a certain vibe, aesthetic or aura about them that is just so desirable that it makes you wish you were doing what they were doing. And if you don’t feel this way, find content creators or media that do make you feel this way.

How will this help me? Well, there are actually a few reasons but the first one that comes to mind is that this is also an adhd tip used outside of studying. Combining a task you don’t want to do with a task you’d like to do is a faster and more efficient way of convincing yourself to do long, difficult or even tiring tasks. Another is that doing this would also mean you’ve technically gotten yourself to desire studying, something more commonly known as romanticizing studying. If you make studying look fun, glamorous or even desirable for yourself then you’re sure to get to the hideous parts of it. Think about being a straight A student, someone who’s always wearing nice clothes with great hair and such a focused work ethic. Once you desire to be that person and you dress like that person, you’ll start to do the things that person will do.

— use the pomodoro timer but set it to even shorter bursts instead. (e.g. 15 minutes work, 5 minutes break.)

Or hell, on my worst days I set it to 5 minutes work, 5 minutes break.

The whole point of this exercise is to just start, because that’s arguably the hardest part about studying, you can’t get yourself to actually start or to actually focus. So promise yourself a five minute break after a very short amount of time of reading.

— skip straight to the questions of a topic, try to do them and identify the information you need to get the answer right.

For example, I came across a bio question that was rather simple but I didn’t know the answer to because I haven’t revised the topic for a while, and the question was, what is needed in the body for anaerobic respiration to take place? And the answer was simple, but I didn’t know because again, I didn’t study the material before answering the paper.

one’s brain can have the habit of being complacent especially when you don’t wanna do work, so diving head first into the questions and realizing that you don’t know jack shit would be a good wake up call for you and your brain—and this can connect to the second point that I made because you might find that you’d be eager to get the answer right all on your own, and become curious as to what the answer is.

important to remember …

erase everything bad that you were told or led to believe about studying. I promise that if you look for ways to make it engaging for you and form a habit, studying can be something you don’t dread or worry about everyday. You are capable. This is the start of your journey. Yes, the question of ‘what if I get distracted again’ will always be there but think about what could happen if today is the first day you’re not distracted. If you don’t at least try to start now, you will have zero chance of being able to actually focus and study. But if you try, the worst that will happen is that you tried. If you keep trying, it will happen. I promise.

If you need any more tips regarding adhd, (or being undiagnosed,) please do let me know. I’ll do my best to help.

[bullet-prooflove]

headcanons 12. Grudges and vendettas (yes. yes this is just me giving you a reason to talk about how much natalie pisses him you off)

I feel like this could go on forever with Jimmy because he does not suffer fools, esp ones that fuck about with his wife.

Grudges:

Natalie – hates the fact she can’t do her job without getting overly emotionally involved often to the detriment of others. Is super pissed off when she tries to drag others into her drama, eg: Anita over Children’s Services queries, Will over the medical trial, Crockett over her feelings for Will, Jeff Clarke over her dead hubby.

Will – previous grudge – close friends now. – Absolutely hated his maverick attitude, felt like Will’s sole purpose was to make his life harder in the ED until… Those news rules got imposed preventing them from treating people who needed it, it really pissed Jimmy off that they couldn’t help people because of a financial factor. He really enjoyed Will’s creative application to the problem, also the way he handled the Matt scandal. It made him realise Will actually had the good of the patients at heart and it was more about doing what’s best for them than ego.

Anita’s mentor Danny,- if that man comes into the ED, he absolutely refuses to be the one treating him.

Social services in general for the way they treated his wife, basically using her up and spitting her out. For him it’s very much an example of how the system is completely broken.

The coffee guy from the café down the street who put his phone number on Anita’s coffee cup despite seeing the wedding ring. Jimmy will not leave a tip for this joker and will give him the most complicated order imaginable just to see him stress.

CFO of Chicago Med – He hates this guy, esp after the scrubs thing. He likes things run efficiently and that guy really fucked a lot of things up for them in terms of the supply chain and treating patients, to Jimmy that’s unacceptable. If they ever end up on the same elevator, Jimmy’s reminding him of the importance of patient care.

Connor Rhodes – mutual respect now – but at first he was pissed because Connor kept using the hybrid OR for shit it wasn’t meant to be used for and it was running up costs in the ED that Jimmy had to explain or make deficits for in the budget. When he very forcefully explained this to Connor who hadn’t realised this the two came to an agreement.

Jack Dayton – he hated 2.0 with a passion because it kept telling him what to do during surgery and despite knowing better he would argue with it. When he tried to explain the probs with this to Jack and Grace Song he was brushed off about his concerns because he know docs like Sam and Dean would go out of their way to avoid it’s backseat surgery.

Stevie Hammer – he will never forgive her for breaking Will’s heart a little. He was just starting to get back on his feet after Hannah, put himself out there a little and then she went back to a husband who didn’t love her, because he offered her a better medical position. For Jimmy it really showed her true self.

Maggie – initially because he found her nosy, but he understands now she cares deeply for the people around her and it’s done out of love. He was very sorry to hear about her and Ben and it put the shits up him a little, because to him they were the perfect couple and he never saw the divorce coming. He’s extra attentive to his own marriage after that.

Doris – He dislikes the fact she’s really gossipy. Him and Anita once had a very heated discussion she overheard and before lunch time, multiple people had made comments about the state of his marriage, offering him advice.

[glitterguts13]

Do you have any favourite of hcs (any kind) of aventurine?

Oh, I have so much to say about Aventurine it's not even funny, so here comes a jumbled mix of thoughts.

TW: topics of slavery, self-harm, sexual abuse, and suicidal ideation. Please read with caution!

Aventurine struggles with genuine physical and emotional intimacy. Having been used, abused, and tortured all this life, mentally, sexually, and physically, he's grown to learn that people are to be kept at arm's length the whole time.

Because of this, Aventurine became very hyper-sexual to deal with the trauma. To him, if he starts it and stays in control, he can't be hurt. This isn't true at all, but it's the only way he knows how to handle people who start getting touchy with him because saying 'no' never worked in the past.

If someone does manage to break down his walls and form a genuine emotional bond with him...he really doesn't know what to do. He showers his partners with gifts and money, is extremely sex driven, and doesn't have any consideration for his own well-being. He's so worried about losing them, that he gives too much.

Aventurine doesn't know how to ask for things he wants. In the sense, he doesn't know how to say "Please, just hold my hand." or "Will you brush my hair?" These simple little acts of love that he desperately craves, but can't ask for because he's worried he's being needy.

For fucks sake just hold this man and remind him that his worth isn't tied to his wealth or his body.

The hand that trembles, hold it tightly and press it to your lips. He'll fall to pieces.

Aventurine is torn between desperately wanting a family and being terrified of having one. He wants a partner, children, and a home to come back to that's filled with love, warmth, and laughter...but he knows how quickly he could lose it, and just how big a target is painted on his back. It keeps him up at night, debating back and forth on if he should pursue his desire or leave it to rot like the rest of his dreams.

Topaz is the closest thing to a 'friend' he has inside of the IPC. While they're hardly besties, she's at least someone he can relax around and share a few drinks with. She's not given him any reason to distrust her, but I don't think he would ever fully rely on her either.

Has played his fair share of Russian Roulette, and leaves disappointed each time he wins.

Also, are we all just going to ignore that little tidbit where they mention he was strapped to an electric chair?? I can't even begin to imagine how that fucked him up both mentally and physically.

That being said, Aventurine has a lot of self-harm and pain-seeking tendencies. I won't go into details, but when he gets low, his mind begins to spiral and he has to find something to snap him out of it or else it just gets worse and worse until he's ready to make sure that gun is fully loaded.

He's grown better about it over the years, but he will never fully be able to heal and recover. Especially not as long as he's in the hands of the IPC. Ratio is the only one who catches wind of Aventurine's self-harming tendencies, but he doesn't have a clue on how to help him, so he keeps quiet.

The brand on his neck is a source of contention. He has the money to have it removed and covered up. He hates to see it, but in the same breath, he's almost afraid to lose it. If he does, will he lose sight of his past? Where he came from? He isn't ashamed of his past, but he also doesn't like the very clear reminder of it either. Jade makes passion comments on it often, and it makes his stomach twist everytime.

Donates obscene amounts of money to children in need. He will never let a child suffer, and while he clearly can't dismantle the entire fucked up system set in place, he's bought the contracts of many child slaves and freed them anonymously. He wants to save them all, but it just isn't possible, and it's one more thing that keeps him awake at night.

[midnight-scugs]

Machines of Wartime AU character study #1: Unparalleled Innocense

Buckle the fuck in folks this is gonna be another long one because I'm passionate about how I characterize them here. Long post again, so more info comes after the cut. Note for reference and clarity that throughout this post UI will be referred to with they/ae pronouns quite interchangeably, so instances of either set are in reference to them.

No real major content warnings here, although I'll give a small warning for self destructive behavior, as well as a more minor precautionary warning for brief mentions of neglect and dehumanization from their admins.

UI is, essentially, a high energy constant stimulation seeker at their core, and a lot of what they do shows it in some way. It's a major reason (along with far less personality shaping going into their generation) behind why they used to be quite mean here before making steps towards improvement. They were never taught a healthy outlet to seek stimulation, so they will try pretty much anything to see what sticks; pretty much anything that gets a form of reaction from others is included in what does stick.

Spreading rumors and other bits of info makes people react, whether good or bad. This means results. People who learn them often further spread them. This means even more results. And when you build a reputation for yourself as "the mean rumor spreader", these results will get back to you all over again. Messages, reactions, more people coming to them to start shit; it's all results and reactions and stimulation. It's an easy way to get what ae want... even if it means people thinking less of aer for it. But hey, can't get lonely if you're constantly too stimulated or too busy seeking more of everything to really think about how nobody quite genuinely likes you! It's easy when you don't let yourself focus on feelings, just shut down any attempts at self awareness!

The reason they're like this, in reality, primarily comes not from being truly mean or spiteful at their core, but just from being built in a way where lack of proper guidance or true care from their creators after creation has left them both feeling a little abandoned ("why bother behaving when nobody cares about me anyway") and physically incapable of tolerating understimulation ("if I'm not doing enough it almost physically hurts"). They have incredibly high processing power; a measurable amount more than even Pebbles, and Pebbles and UI are respectively the first and second iterators of their generation to be created. If they're not using enough of that processing power, it drives them up a wall a little; they genuinely cannot stand being in a state where they're not receiving enough stimulation of some sort. They hate boredom and lack of activity and even just sitting still for too long. Movement, sound, reading messages, running 5 background processes at once, taking on multiple high intensity projects, whatever; it's all the same as long as it gives aer what their systems crave. More stimulation. And saying and doing shit to get reactions is heavily related to that; it's negative stimulation seeking behavior that was never properly taught as "don't do this it's not healthy", because quite frankly aer admins don't care what ae do, as long as ae have a high work output. They're just an iterator after all, right?

And then we come to why they're not really like this anymore, way more toned down in how they act. One big reason is simply time and maturity; they've gained more life experience and kind of just grown away from this sort of behavior in favor of better outlets. They're still young and reckless, but not as overwhelmingly so after a good few decades of time to live and grow. They've seen that it makes people not like them to act like that; even now they still have no real friends due to their reputation. It makes them lonely now that they've calmed down enough to actually think about how others view them instead of living in the moment; they don't want to be lonely. They don't want to be sad. Ae don't want to experience negative emotions, because feelings as a whole tend to be very intense for aer and bad ones really suck to deal with. And they want to get away from these feelings.

Another big reason is because of Pebbles, as was alluded to a little in this post. He's their partner, he cares about them, and they care about him too. For one thing, they don't want their own behaviors to reflect poorly on him by proxy; they're self aware enough now to see that this could happen, and they don't want anyone else to be made to feel like a bad person simply because of being associated with them. They don't want this for someone they love. For another thing, he honestly just makes them feel seen. He can see that they struggle quite badly when understimulated; but unlike aer admins who simply ignore anything that's not work and results and responsibilities, he actually cares enough to help them find a healthy outlet to, well, actually properly stim instead of leaving them to seek unhealthy, and ultimately self destructive since it blows up their ability to maintain friendships, methods. He views them as an entire person deserving of respect, not just a machine with a purpose. That's why they're actually together quite a lot; he's willing to give them what they need to get that stimulation in a more healthy way, whether that be engaging them in direct conversation or letting them constantly fidget with his clothes or just giving them a good squeeze because ae like the feeling. He loves them and cares about them and will go out of his way to keep them happy and engaged and focused on more positive outlets. He involves them in projects a lot because they're actually a very good worker when they care about the task at hand, and they love being delegated tasks to engage with! Giving them more tasks + generally more ideas on how to properly and healthily stim is exactly what they need, and he gives it to aer. It's a big part in why the two of them have a very strong relationship now, the level of genuine care and respect they've cultivated for each other.

They're actually getting a lot better now! They've mostly moved away from the more toxic sorts of behaviors they used to display, since they now have much better outlets. They're not a completely different person personality wise; they're still quite socially driven, and ae do love a good bit of interesting information. They're just mature enough now to not spread things they shouldn't. Ae still don't have true friends really, but they're working towards that and finally starting to gain acquaintances who actually like them and value them for who they are as a person. And they're a lot happier for it; they feel seen and valued and like they have actual reasons to try and be better now. They are loved, they are seen, and they are better off for it.

TL;DR UI is essentially a high powered supercomputer with ADHD that went completely unmanaged for a long time, and as a result they started seeking out negative stimming behaviors. They were never shown anything more healthy as an alternative. They matured over time and were finally shown better stimming methods by someone who cares about them, and it's helped them grow and improve a lot.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

hey mara i'm actually a sub but i don't know how to contact you privately there. your last letter to me mentioned i should start my publication, so i've finally decided to pull the trigger. the only problem i really have right now is that i feel as though i communicate through a language that isn't my own.

i was drawn to your account because of this reason. we believe in very, very fundamentally different things, but you speak through a word that reminded me of my own. but ideally i would want to carve out a place for myself, that doesn't have the surface baggage of reminding someone of something unintended, with no similar meaning -- that muddies the message.

maybe this is a weird ask. just wondering if you might've had a similar experience, and any advice you would want to give. hope you're well

hello again anonymous; you should be able to just message me on substack using their direct message system;

my answer will be a little blunt/harsh because i think it's important to answer "with heart un-occluded" so we don:t misunderstand the intentions of each-other; for me: i have zero interest in helping others further their beliefs or deepen a personal search for a faith that is not adhering to the readings from Outside, from the patterning--it's a sentiment mentioned in the prior answer: the language had to be curated slightly because I don't like inviting a congress over my faith though it were a general exploration of the esoteric, philosophical, christian, such-and-such;

^ that is at the surface of everything, and i'd like that to be understood; but: i also don't want to discourage people from "following their own hearts" or to foster natures that would cause a person to stagnate unhealthily; give up on passions, excitements, whatever; i don't think these two are mutually exclusive, but i will stand firm by not wanting to be used as a platform for another to delve; so, to your question: you will always be misunderstood, and there will always be confusions and miscommunications--it makes me think of the Boogiepop episode i like to quote at people and tell to watch,

people, and others, exist almost indistinguishable from air and water: basically every-where and necessary to live, but completely corrosive. that corrosion extends to thought and language, too; if you want to carve out a place "for yourself" outside of your own internal thought: you have to open it up to the weathering of others, and in-turn: open yourself to being weathered by others; if you wish to be a perfect niche to yourself there is no better cave to lose yourself to than a pure disconnective carcass with a language untouched by any of this illusion;

to your pursuit: simply follow it--Christianity should make people groan when it is referenced, but I like to think of the willingness of Enoch to be God's wild fanatic in the eyes of society, though unrespectable and deranged to 'the city,' out in his wilderness he is a pure and wild element devoted to something unafraid of the hate and thorn of others: I think that is respectable.

Be respectable to yourself first, anonymous, and keep in mind (with a Christian groan) that the first death is guaranteed no matter the belief or language; you yourself are a great work slowly carved from a precious stone and each passing second you chip away a final form composed of small Sin and small Virtue--try to make each second a virtuous one, and be true to your dumb hand carving out that dumb little final image, cause it's all you, anonymous: dumb and precious, and lets leave it at that.

it:s episode 6 of Boogiepop and Others.

[miwhotep]

It's always a lonely feeling when you end up liking that character everyone hates with passion - and you even understand the reason for that passion. I am a Moriarty the Patriot fan for more than 3 years, but I never interacted with the fandom due to having Milverton as a favourite - well, my obsession with him actually started as a child, reading Sherlock Holmes stories and he was my favourite villain. So I was happy when I first encountered him in the YuuMori manga... and I was sad to see his character going waste because the author didn't take time to properly write him. But I started wandering on the what-ifs anyway.

His character kept intriguing me, because we basically know nothing about him. I decided to enrich his character myself - at least, with headcanons. Why was his hair fully white when he was too young for that? Going through a great trauma can turn a person's hair white - maybe he wasn't always the true evil he claimed to be, he just turned into one due to the things happening to him. Remember, despite being in a powerful position, he was no noble. Maybe he was once someone, too, who got broke by the class system and turned to evil thanks to that.

I have a headcanon for his origin story (and a fanfic I never posted).

He wasn't always had that fancy name, he just took that on later. He came from a lower-class family, growing up with a mother who got bedridden due to how the noble who employed her treated her. He somehow learned reading as a child and thanks to this and his wit, he was able to get a better job as a journalist at a newspaper. He was a really idealistic, young journalist who hated the class system and the way the newspapers lied to the commoners to serve the nobles. He became a journalist to give justice to commoners. He came across a murder where a commoner was unfairly accused of the crime - while actually a noble commited it. He promised the commoner to help him clear his name, but neither the police or the newspaper he worked for wanted to reveal the truth, because they were afraid of the noble. In the end, the noble hired an assassin to kill young Charles' mother (and fiance) for trying to get in his way. When his family got murdered in the flat where they lived, noone in the house helped them, despite hearing their screams, because they were afraid. Charles felt that everyone betrayed him at that moment - even the commoners he was fighting for.

After this, Charles met the child Liam who tried to comfort him and told him that he can't fight the nobels through idealism. He suggested him to blackmail nobles so they will do what he tells them and through this, he can get into a powerful situation and make a newspaper what's on the commoners' side and write about their stories. Charles took the advice - but his heart was already full of pain, hatred and the feeling of betrayal for both nobles and commoners. His dark feelings, the necessary evil method he tried to set things right with and slowly coming to a powerful situation fully corrupted him - and in the end, what remained from him is a ruthless creature who takes pleasure in ruining everyone's lives, the way his life was once ruined, too. He likes turning heroes into villains to show that everyone can become a monster like him - who was also a hero once.

He is actually a dark version of William - a once necessary evil who was unable to keep his heart uncorrupted due to the actions he tried to change the world with, and became true evil.

Well, that's the first part of the big Milverton lore existing in my head. I decided to maybe try to interact with the fandom after all, due to that one person who after all those lonely years, actually interested in my thoughts.

[thestrangestperson]

TINY WEE PSA

Hi! Are you trying to write some British people? Here are some random thoughts about exaggerated Britishness (With heavy chat about Scotland because I know Scotland the best):

"I'm going to the store!" Store is not a popular word for a place to buy things. People from the UK will generally say "shop". If they're just going to get milk or something, they may go to the "corner shop" - which people from NY especially will know as a "bodega"

"Hand me an eraser." While some people do say eraser, "rubber" is more common. This is amusing to me because to people from the US especially, it's very different in meaning.

If your character is visiting someone, it's very common to be offered tea. "Fancy a cup of tea?" or more casually "Fancy a cuppa?"

Pub ≠ bar. Pubs include bars, but are also places to get a meal. People do go there to drink ("Get a pint") though, and some pubs don't serve children or allow them in. Many do, however.

There are 100s of accents across the nation, more than just typical posh English, Welsh and Scottish. Please pay attention to your character's background and dialect. The city of London alone has 4 major accents. (For Good Omens fans, Crowley and Aziraphale are both sensationally posh. Aziraphale speaks "The Queen's/King's English" which is notably more formal and collected - Crowley does not.)

Some good swears include "Bellend", "Pillock", "Knob" and "Twat". In Scotland we also have the tamer "Daft(ie)" and "Tube"! Any object can become an insult: "You FUCKING MICROWAVE"

Some good pet names include "Love", "Pet" and "Poppet"

Along with tea we have a carbonated drink called Irn Bru. This is ESPECIALLY popular to Scots but you can find it in England. It is bright orange and fruity in taste.

We buy milk in pints

The chocolate bar Freddo is typically how we measure inflation these days. (I wish I could say this was a joke but tabloids love the chocolate test)

It does rain a lot. Like a shit ton. There are sunny days but nonetheless. The way to start conversation is ALWAYS weather. "Lovely weather innit?" always works, especially in terrible weather.

Sarcasm and dry humour are very popular.

IT IS A PETROL STATION, NOT A GAS STATION

A lot of people smoke or vape. This is very evident especially in cities like London and Edinburgh.

People from southern England especially are typically very removed and tend not to pay attention to anyone else. It's a massive "Not my problem". They can be very friendly by all means, but typically keep to themselves and don't talk to many people.

Biscuits rule the world, especially custard creams. (Jk, they're very loved though)

The school systems are different from that in the rest of the world. Even to one another. The Scottish, Welsh and English education systems are different - but are all composed of Primary school and Secondary school.

Typically people are either passionately wild for the Royal Family or REALLY dislike them.

Terraced and semi detached housing is very common. In Scotland we have "closies" which are blocks of flats that home lots of people, and are typically very square and deshevelled.

McDonald's did not arrive here until the 70s. People were confused by it to begin with.

Fish and chips is a stereotypical yet popular dish. Many people refer to going to a fish and chips shop as "Going to the chippy". Often they do not have seating, and are takeout exclusive.

Britain is a geographical reality, composed of Scotland, Wales and England. The United Kingdom is political and composed of Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales and England.

Irish people may not enjoy being referred to as "British". Furthermore do not call a Welsh, Scottish or Irish person "English". This is a bad idea and will make people mad.

Day in the life of a true Brexit geezer is a documentary. (Jk)

Basically everyone "hates" the English. Whether this is playful or genuine varies from person to person. Even the English hate the English.

Older women especially have very strong feelings about Princess Di (She was so beloved)

For Good Omens fans: Soho is a small tiny little area in the BOROGH of "The City of Westminster". This is a borogh at the heart of London. You can walk Soho in a day.

Most cities don't have boroughs, but do have wee areas which are basically suburbs or collections of areas.

In schools, it's very common to refer to your teachers as "Sir" and "Miss". This also applies outside of school for young people, but generally is seen more in schools.

"Mate" is the most common way to address a male presenting person passive aggressively, along with "Love" for female presenting people. "Mate" is more common and works both ways.

"Pissed" means drunk. "Oh, he's pissed" = "Oh, he's drunk". Increasingly you'll find people say "pissed" to mean angry, especially young people. However "peeved" is what was originally used to mean angry.

[crow-caller]

Hey! I want to preface this message by saying that I mean absolutely no hate by it, and I genuinely respect your content hugely and think you're an amazing person. However, in your most recent video you made a comment about autism that I, as an autistic person, have a different perspective on, and thought it might be interesting to you.

You said that being autistic doesn't automatically make someone disabled and I disagree. A disability is anything that makes it difficult for an individual to function in normal society. This means that, whilst autism is indeed a neurotype and is not inherently bad in any way, it is still a disability as our society is entirely based on social structures and social norms that are completely antithetical to how autism as a neurotype functions. Essentially, whilst autism is a neurotype, the way that autistic people are expected to conform to neurotypical standards makes it a disability, as it makes it significantly more difficult to function.

I and many other autistic people who are extremely high masking and have low support needs still consider ourselves to be disabled not because of our neurotype, but because of how society is structured to our disadvantage.

I know that it was just a passing comment and I genuinely don't want to be rude at all, but this is something that I'm extremely passionate about because of my own neurology. I love your videos, and I hope you have a good day :))

So, this is something I've got a lot of comments on!

Let's start here: I am ALSO autistic and disabled. I probably should have made it clearer.

This is a very interesting subject really and comes down to how we define disability in terms of medically, socially, and more. I'm not an expert, but I happen to live with someone who does study autism academically (and is also autistic and disabled). (My flatmate is helping me correct this wall of text too.) (also, this is VERY long and not like, trying to prove you wrong, it's just more I feel like giving a lot of context, especially for people who aren't very aware of autism related issues)

Firstly also, it's 100% valid to view autism as a disability or identify as disabled via your autism. I don't consider my autism to be a disability, but it is something which can be disabling.

Autism as a disability though is complicated, and to call it not a disability again relies on how you actually define disability. Your points here are very true, but also rely on a social system of understanding disability. The world isn't built for autistic people and that can cause disabling effects. If the world was built ideally for an autistic experience, would autism still be able to be counted as a disability? This is called the social model of disability and is a newer thing.

Traditionally disability has been considered in terms of the medical model, not the social. This views disability in terms of there being a disorder or deficit in capability for an individual which requires treatment or intervention. With autism, it isn't really ideal to use the medical model because it inherently implies autistic people are in some way lacking.

But then there's also the legal definition of disability. Autism is legally often classed as a disability because disability is a protected category that affords certain protections such as against discrimination. This is also how autism is able to be used to gain access to special accommodations such as in uni. While labelling autism a disability in this more legal system sense is important, this is primarily because there is no other protected characteristic it could fall under at this time.

Ideally, I'd say 'neurodivergence' is a better category, though it's a term which has a lot of debate on what that means. Usually, it'll include autism, ADHD, dyspraxia, and dyslexia. All of these are things which can be disabling in certain circumstances per the social model but are harder to place in the medical model as disabilities.

I call autism a neurotype to reflect the idea it is fundamentally another way for the brain to be wired. A good example of this is what is called the 'Double Empathy Problem': Autistic people are often thought of as being impaired in terms of social communication and empathy because they are often viewed from a neurotypical perspective. However, the same is equally true in reverse: non autistic people often struggle to socially communicate and empathize with autistic people. Meanwhile, autistic people are able to communicate with other autistic people equally in much the same way neurotypicals find it easy to communicate with other neurotypicals. The trick to it is that autism is a neurotype, and what appears to be deficits and flaws is merely a difference in communication style between two neurotypes.

Is the theory, at least. This is pulling into flatmate help, who again studies this sort of thing at PHD level.

It's complicated, really. It has nuance. I hope it's been interesting!

Basically, I'm really aware I should have had more context in what I said. Especially since I pulled out the term 'neurotype' which isn't exactly common lingo. It's ultimately up to every individual autistic person to decide how to label themself and doesn't require any intervention from academia to find an answer. It's just this is actually a very hot topic of study and a rather interesting one. I definitely will be adding a new pinned comment meanwhile on youtube to at least clear up I wasn't an ablebodied neurotypical handing out judgements on the autistic. this is just my life.

[waywardsunlight]

Second headcanon. This one got really long. Sorry not sorry.

Luz finding glyphs so easily while Belos took forever isn't because Monarch (King's dad) liked Luz or didn't like Belos.

It's because Luz actually likes the system, and Monarch has no power outside the In-Between.

Think about it:

Belos is a witch hunter who's been stuck in a world he hates, full of people he hates, and suffused by a system (magic) that he hates. He hates the Demon Realm so much that he spends the better part of 400 years plotting and enacting a genocide. That's dedication.

This guy would not want to go looking for magic, and he would most assuredly not enjoy using magic in any capacity. In Watching and Dreaming, he literally calls the Demon Realm "this perdition". You know, Hell.

Belos spent literal centuries becoming a mass murderer. This is not a sign of a happy person who likes where he is, and he's not going to devote his energy to figuring out a system he hates that much.

In contrast, Luz shows up and is so immediately enthralled that she asks to become a witch's apprentice the FIRST DAY she spends in the Boiling Isles. DAY 1.

This girl up and decides to drop her entire life back home to learn magic (from a wanted criminal no less!!), and we see her study it obsessively throughout the show. Luz thinks magic is a delight.

Luz doesn't need to be shown the glyphs because her passion for merely existing in the Demon Realm is more than enough to let her find the glyphs and figure out the magic system.

Additional evidence: in Any Sport in a Storm, Luz says part of the reason she loves the Good Witch Azura books is because of the "convoluted magic system"; in Thanks to Them in one of her video diary entries, she says she "can read and write Witch Tongue in five different dialects". This is a girl who loves magic as much as anyone can love a thing.

I also feel like it cheapens both Luz's and Belos' characters and arcs if Monarch was actively trying to help or hinder either of them. The show goes out of its way to shit on the Chosen One trope, and Luz getting active help from a god during the entire show would feel very Chosen One-y. Similarly, it's very in character for Belos to blame an external force (The Titan hiding glyphs from him) for Belos' personal failings (his inability to find glyphs) because Belos is a raging narcissist. Don't take that away from him!

Finally, we saw from Yesterday's Lie that the most you seem to be able to do from the In-Between is talk through reflections. If Monarch were able to do more than that, why would he not have? He's been dead for probably millions of years, because life had to evolve the ability to use magic while living on his body (Young Blood, Old Souls). There was plenty of time for him to try to do more if he were able to. He even says in Watching and Dreaming that he's "been stuck here for quite some time, but at least I can keep an eye on my child...". That doesn't sound like something you'd say if you had any influence over the physical world.

Clearly, yes, he could do more in that he gave Luz his powers and resurrected her, but that also killed him, so it was a single-use-only kind of move.

I think this covers it.

Yeah! I saw this art possibly from the show/cut materials of Philip chopping down plants to find the plant glyph (I haven't seen this in ages, I don't remember where it came from/ I can't verify it so I might guess it's fanart), where you realize that bc Philip's coming at this from a colonial approach and seeing everything as a threat to his way of life unless he can study it and Luz coming at this with awe and a love of a world she's in, it makes a lot of sense that it's easier for her to find glyphs.

I think it's the whole 'Slitherbeast doesn't attack unless you hurt it' thing, that's also true for the Selkidominus and the people of the Boiling Isles. They're all existing on the island and are welcoming to outsiders but when Philip starts chopping down plants and hurting people, the island and the people respond to that negatively and make it harder for him to find the glyphs.

[forgivemeyourhonor]

Walking through the picturesque streets of Cardinal Hill, you find Julian De Los Santos, the 46 year old criminal defense attorney originally from Chicago, Illinois. Living alongside them in such a small town, you know that they're tenacious and dogmatic, but what you might not know is that they are a witch, and that they’re hiding something… ― Raúl Esparza, bisexual, male, and he/they.

previous threads - visage - musings - wanted connections

current threads - mood board

Name: Julian De Los Santos

Alias: Juli, Jules, Jay

Gender/Pronouns: Male, He/They

Age: 46

Birthdate: 03/10/1944

Big Three: Pisces, Virgo, Taurus

Occupation: Criminal Defense Attorney

Height: 5’9”

Hometown: Havana, Cuba → Chicago, IL, USA

Family: mother (Rosa De Los Santos), father (Markos De Los Santos), eldest brother (Markos De Los Santos Acosta), older brother (Sergio De Los Santos), older brother (Basilio De Los Santos), younger sister (Valeria González), younger sister (Yara De Los Santos),

Friends: N/A

Relationship Status: single

Sexuality: pansexual icon

Other Relationships: N/A

At 46 years old, this criminal defense attorney navigates the legal system of Cardinal Hill, where he has sought solace ever since one fateful night that forced him to leave his city of Chicago behind.

Born in Havana, Cuba -- his early days saw too much turmoil. At the age of five, his family was forced to seek refuge from the conflicts of their native country. Business in Chicago was booming so this is where they settled. This journey -- the journey to Chicago meant they had to briefly say goodbye to their loved ones. Especially Julian. Two weeks before they migrated Sergio, Julian's older brother had become incarcerated as a result of a political demonstration gone awry. He was forced to stay in Cuba until his sentence was completed. This had such a lasting and powerful impact on his childhood that feelings of pain and misfortune remained with him and continue to do so far beyond his tender years.

Julian's parents, Rosa and Markos De Los Santos -- were a dedicated nurse and a powerful patent attorney. These hard workers instilled in him the values of perseverance and responsibilities. He excelled in academia and was driven to pursue law just like his father. But he didn't want to work tirelessly for companies or The Man, so he decided early in his academic career that he wanted to specialize in criminal law. He hoped to make a difference in the lives of those who, like his brother, found themselves ensnared in the gaping maw of the justice system.

Despite being quite successful, the echoes of his life in Chicago haunt his daily life. When he was just 31, nearly ten years into his practice, a tragic misstep would leave him reeling for decades. He made the difficult decision to relocate to Cardinal Hill. Julian hoped to escape the memories that haunted him and start fresh. The ghosts of his pasts are really never far behind and they influence his work as a criminal defense attorney -- shaping his understanding of true justice and redemption.

In the idyllic town of Cardinal Hill, Julian is known not only for his excellent legal expertise but also his compassionate approach with every client. He never shames, he only seeks to provide the solace to Cardinal Hill that it has given him. He fights passionately and tirelessly for the underrepresented. Driven by a deep-rooted belief in second chances - for others and for himself.

Julian De Los Santos continues to wade the challenges of his profession while he grapples with his family legacy, his identity and his own conscience. He stands at the crossroads of his present and his past, seeking to meet the man he was and the man he continually strives to be.

Headcannons

In Cardinal Hill, Julian becomes unlikely friends with an older library employee who was once a lawyer herself. Sharing her experience with Julian, who at some point started hating the law and called it lifeless. The old library provides another place of worship for him.

Julian struggles in his romantic life. He often pushes people away because he believes that anyone who gets too close will either suffer because of him or they will eventually leave. He's usually drawn to people who have their own past troubles and forms bonds over shared experiences.

When the pressure becomes too much or the guilt is too loud sometimes Julian will wander the streets of Cardinal Hill at night to clear his head.

Julian is Catholic and often struggles with his faith since the incident and he attends Mass regularly because of this. He struggles with feelings of unworthiness and he often confesses to a sympathetic priest.

Despite the slight turmoil it causes, Julian kept all of his late father's law books. He often revisits them and the footnotes in the margins to remind him of the man he wants to be.

Julian still writes letters to his older brother in hopes that one day he'll be able to read them -- wherever he is.

He carries around a rosary in his pocket as a comfort whenever he feels overwhelmed. He finds solace in counting the beads, allowing it to ground him in moments of guilt or anxious thoughts. It's a small act that helps him seek clarity.

One of his clients in Chicago taught him what Zine's are and he was inspired to make one and to his surprise it went really well. To this day he still makes them when he has free time -- divulging his thoughts on the law, redemption and morality. His Zine's resonate well with most people and it gives him a great sense of community.

He is the youngest of his brothers and sometimes that makes him feel inadequate or like the runt of the boys.

However, he is the only witch out of the brothers and that fills him with a sense of pride. His mother is a witch too and taught him everything he knows, which he happily passes down to his two younger sisters who he loves more than anything.

To find comfort and connection to his Cuban roots he takes a few cooking class and gets really into it, actually! He often cooks traditional meals and invites neighbors over for dinner parties.

[carnivorousyandeere]

Student Council Intros

Short descriptions of their positions, personalities, interests, and relations to one another. I will elaborate more on their specific yandere tendencies in another post soon~! requests about them are also okay <3

President: Hailey (she/her)

Eldest of the triplets

Undergraduate

Double Major in Math and Business

Queen bee, popular, pretty, ambitious, ruthless. Dedicated follower of the clean-girl aesthetic; bloodless, antiseptic, minimal, devoid of any evidence of actually living. Competitive, cutthroat.

Totally having the time of her life in college and her sorority!! (Maybe…?)

Probably destined to climb a corporate ladder somewhere.

Short; light green eyes; shoulder-length blonde hair (dyed)

Likes: being heard, being in charge. Being the center of attention, admiration, and jealousy. Tennis, running, smoothies, scrunchies, being just mean enough to watch people squirm but not mean enough to get called out on it

Dislikes: being challenged (well… depends on context), being away from her sisters (literal sisters not the sorority sisters), anything super messy or woodsy/outdoorsy

Vice President: Kaylee (she/they)

Youngest of the triplets

Undergraduate

Law Major

Minor in Latin

Devil’s advocate, casual, incisive, irreverent, witty. Competitive, though not as much as Hailey. Argumentative, blunt, analytical, but also committed to the bit.

Kinda hates college but wasn’t sure what else to do after high school.

Short; light green eyes; dark brown hair in a pixie cut (not dyed)

Likes: debating, arguing, true crime, reading the wackiest court transcripts she can get her hands on, chess, drama and theatre

Dislikes: math, science, being compared to her sisters, the law enforcement system and most of the judicial system too tbh (corrupt from the start and ineffective)

Advisor: Emerson (they/them)

Kendra’s older sibling

Graduate student and T.A.

Studying architecture

Typically calm, easy-going, and thoughtful, although busy places can overwhelm them. Generally asocial, but kind, and cares deeply about the people close to them. Punctual, organized, artistic.

Heavily burnt-out from school, but their deep love of architecture as a subject keeps them going.

Tall; dark brown/black eyes; hair in thick, long, jet-black dreads.

Likes: sketching, watercolor, prismacolor markers, learning about architecture, reorganizing their collection of markers

Dislikes: being a T.A., loud environments, most strong smells, bright lights, inconsiderate and closed-minded people

Treasurer: Rayleigh (she/her)

Middle triplet

Kendra and Jace’s friend

Undergraduate

Double-Major in Biology and Geology

The rare shy extrovert (?). Talks your ear off when you get to know her. Passionate and excitable, tends to be literal-minded. Comes across as very anxious and high-tension if you don’t know her well.

Wasn’t too sure about college at first, but she’s really starting to open up some and enjoy herself more.

Short; light green eyes; long light brown hair with highlights and stuff (dyed), but also her dark brown roots showing

Likes: her friends! :D, archaeology, fossils and “living fossils,” SHARKS, anything outdoorsy, anime, documentaries

Dislikes: being the center of attention, alternately having to compete with her sisters for scraps of attention, debating, writing papers for humanities classes 😣

Secretary: Kendra (she/her)

Emerson’s younger sister

Rayleigh and Jace’s friend

Fashion Design Major

Another shy extrovert? Emotional, excitable, creative, always up to try something new, once you get to know her. Otherwise comes across as very quiet, deep-in-thought, serious, or maybe a little spacey?

Loves college overall even though the professors in her major can be real assholes.

Short; dark brown/black eyes; keeps her jet-black natural hair in an afro sometimes, and pulls it back and up into a puff a lot too. Has a collection of pretty, colorful hair bands for this reason.

Likes: anime, cosplay, writing, daydreaming, blue jean material as a medium for her art, heels (not comfortable but she wants to feel taller 😭)

Dislikes: anything super outdoorsy, math classes (“I already know all the math I need for my patterns! 😫”), a lot of the required classes tbh (“Booooring.”)

Honorary Member: Jace (he/they)

Rayleigh and Kendra’s friend

Undergraduate Researcher

Biology Major

Shy, reticent, cautious. Just wants to keep his head down, but their friends keep dragging them into stuff like the student council… for better or worse. Analytical, meticulous, curious.

Hates college, but is determined to graduate anyway.

Short; dark brown/black eyes; short, black, shoulder-length hair.

Likes: camping, hiking, rowing, campfire food, stargazing, ALGAE (their research topic)

Dislikes: most people, his voice (started T somewhat recently and is embarrassed by the voice cracks 🥺💕)

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 172

Chapter 172: "Free"

Oh, Peter's about to fall alright but it ain't gonna be graceful. Also, so silly of him to think that a knife would be enough to kill Emma. The girl survived being stabbed by Leuvis for fuck's sake, the hell is a small blade gonna do? Ain't no way the boys would even let him get close enough to do any sort of damage to Emma either.

As much as I hate him, that slight pause he takes before he breaks out into that stupid, over-exaggerated grin is hilarious.

I love that Emma responds just as passionately as Gillian did at the start of the flashback, showing us how real her feelings are and that she's not just saying this to appease everyone. So many people (within the story and among readers) believe Emma to be this kind and generous soul and while it's completely true that she has a heart of gold, she's also capable of harboring such negative emotions. She's just real good about not always acting upon them.

This whole page is full of pain and I don't wanna dwell on it long since it'll only upset me, but damn, these kids are gonna need some therapy once they reach the human world.

She wants the killing to stop so badly that she'll even hold back on any more violence and I love her so much for it. Of course I wouldn't want her to experience such depressing emotions either. Our girl deserves to be happy and free!

I think of Nigel's words so often, honestly. Also, a rare moment that Ray & Ayshe share a panel. Literally the only reason why I wanted included that row of everyone. Just to look at 'em.

Emma is absolutely a dreamer and we adore her for it. Seriously, you gotta be so strong to be this optimistic while living in such a cruel world. Being soft ain't bad either, she's just got lots of feelings! And it's great how often the kids bring up doing everything they can so they won't have any regrets. I really gotta start living by that idea. & that panel of surprised Emma & Ray is so precious.

Okay my Isabella bias it totally jumping in here but I wouldn't necessarily call her or the other moms & sisters weak. If they gave up their lives at the gate when they were shipped, then maybe, but those ladies fought so hard during their caretaker training to stay alive, ya know? Sure they might not have taken any chances to change how the world works, but with how much they feared for their own lives, I wouldn't blame them. I get where Emma might be coming from though, such as being weak in terms of following the orders of the farm system. But yeah, no one really had control over their own lives in this world with fear being such a prominent force behind everyone's actions.

Kinda amazing how many Emma Ratri fics and fanarts have resulted from this one panel by simply existing.

I dunno about that, honey. Yeah Peter cries after James' death, but he seemed perfectly fine giving the order to the clan to kill his brother anyway.

Favorite panel/moment:

It fills me with great joy seeing the boys continue to protect Emma throughout this long conversation. Probably the only reason why Peter held his hands up the entire chapter despite Emma lowering her weapon and eventually dropping it on the ground.