#you really start to hate the system with a true passion

[cedarspiced]

hi! i'm someone who works with a state department that's supposed to distribute some of the above resources!

there are in fact plenty of resources for employment help in my state! we even offer free workshops to help people find a job!

but to participate in a job workshop, you have to show up to a physical building.

what happens when you can't get there? what if you don't have a car, and there's no public transit to get there, and you can't afford a rideshare? what if you do have a car, but can't afford the gas to get there?

the state of course also offers unemployment benefits. you can apply fully online! all you have to do is make a weekly claim, and the state will deposit benefits right into your bank account. easy, right?

but what happens when your previous employer decides they don't want to pay for your unemployment, and object to the state on the basis that you quit, or were fired with a good cause? what if you get denied because you accidentally checked the wrong box on your claim? what if the online claim system straight up glitches and tells you that you didn't dot your i's when you did? (all things that i've seen happen before btw)

well, your claims get put on hold while the unemployment department decides whether or not they think you deserve benefits based on your employer's claim. you don't receive ANY money until you get approved for benefits again a month or two after you initially claimed. that's at least a whole month that you may not have any income at all!

and THAT'S a best case scenario if your claim gets denied. if the unemployment department can't make a decision on their own, your case then gets passed to the hearing department, which itself can take anywhere from a week to a month. then, if all goes well, you get to have a hearing (usually takes a month or two to even get a hearing scheduled, and then another couple weeks to have the hearing) with a judge, who then decides if you deserve benefits within two weeks of the hearing taking place.

at best, that's 3 months and 1 week with no income.

at worst, that's 4 months and 2 weeks with no income.

of course, all of that is even assuming you have internet access. if you don't, you have to go to the same building where the job workshops are held, and we come back to the same problems listed earlier.

so yeah, frankly, i think it would be a lot easier and a lot cheaper for everyone involved if the government did just cut everyone a check each month. not a blank check, but enough money to be able to reasonably support a household.

[walpu]

Hello, first of all i want to say i really like your work and your writings 💞 Can i request some sickness headcanons with Aventurine when dating reader? Preferably hcs about how he would act if he was the one sick, and if the reader was sick. Thank you!

Thank you so much 🥹

Hope you'll enjoy it!

sickness headcanons with Aventurine

characters - Aventurine notes - gn!reader, hurt/comfort, no beta

I think Aven has a weak immune system due to the hardships he faced as a child. It's quite easy for him to catch a cold even if the weather is nice.

Hates it with a burning passion.

I mean it always sucks to be sick but he hates it for a bunch of other reasons as well.

It's time-consuming and he's a busy person, that's what he tells everyone.

And while it's true, the main reason is that he simply hates being so weak and vulnerable.

He has a private doctor who treats him but Aven doesn't fully trust them either.

He usually just takes his meds and tries to walk it off. Not like he can afford to take a day-off anyway.

When the two of you start dating and you notice that he doesn't feel well, he would try to brush it off. No big deal, baby. Just a bit tired. If we cuddle I'll get better <З

He trusts you, he truly does. However, it doesn't mean he wants you to see him miserable, weak and with a red stiffy nose. He doesn't like this image of himself so what if you won't like it either?

If he has a fever he will try to distance himself from you. Doesn't want you to get seek as well, he truly doesn't wish to be a cause of your discomfort.

Plus, what good can he give you when he's like that anyway? A bit off-topic but I just keep thinking about his "you can use me however you want me even betray me <З" line and his lunar new year card where he's like "yeahhh if you spend the day with me you'll be lucky for the rest of the year soooo" babygirl i promise you don't need to bribe me or be convenient just to have some company

Would never refuse your care though. Simply can't do it, he's a weak weak man. May whine a bit at the beginning, trying to convince you that this is not necessary, but as soon as you sooth him and maybe kiss his forehead he gives up completely.

Suddenly forgets all about the possibility of you getting sick if you keep being too close to him, will cling to you like a kitten.

"Your cuddles are the best medicine~" my ass.

Would follow all of your instructions even if they're questionable.

Wants to be spoon-fed too. Anddd tuck him in. And kiss his forehead. And stay by his side until he falls asleep.

He's needy okay. He never had anyone who would care for him when he's so weak so he cherishes every moment. May even get a bit upset when he's feeling better.

Would ask you to look after him for a few more days juts to make sure he's 10000% okay. Keep dotting on his tho because what if he'll get sick again because of the lack of cuddles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're the one who's seek he'll overreact.

Like even if it's the smallest thing, he'll insist on calling his own private doctor to check on you.

You're the best thing in his life, his promised dawn. Of course he'll look after you. Even if looking after you means being a clingy mother hen.

No excuses, he'll take care of you. Even if you have seen worse. Even if you're very busy. Even if it's not that big of a deal.

The problem is. He's never looked after a sick person before.

His every attempt to nurse you back to health is overwhelming. Tries every single method he can find in the internet so please stop him if needed.

Insists on cuddling you all of the time. Generally tries to do everything you do for him when he's sick since you're literally his only example.

If you receive too many work-related phone calls from someone he would not hesitate to pick up the phone before you and say that yeah y/n is busy right now, they are sick, so the optimal solution would be for the caller to deal with their own problems, surely they are not so helpless to rely on a sick person to do everything for them :)

Just wants for you to be alright as soon as possible.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Hello! How are you?

Basically, I have seen this in many spaces where people are anti hp (the series and the mc), they bring up the fact that harry isn't a great mc because by the end of the series he made/brought no changes in the wizarding world. He didn't change the system, didn't do anything about the house elf slavery, (they mention the fact that after the war harry contemplates asking kreacher to bring him a sandwich!! and that he wasn't as passionate about freeing them as Hermione was), and so on, I don't remember everything.

Mostly, they mention that he becomes a ministry lapdog and ended up joining the same system which oppressed him (like you, i hate that he becomes an auror btw) and by the end of the series everything is the same and he didn't bring any monumental change like he doesn't have the power or interest to do so.

So, my questions to you are - what are your thoughts on these opinions?? Do you think it's poor writing by jkr?? Or it wasn't relevant to the core plot?

I don't really like speculating what JKR was thinking when she wrote something, because I have no way of actually knowing, but book 7, in certain parts, always felt to me like she was ready to move on and wanted to be done with it.

I think by the time she got to writing book 7, she just kinda wanted the writing process to be over already. So, book 7 has always been a mixed bag for me — when it's good, it's really good, but it also has moments that drag and are utter stupidity.

I think the epilogue is a bit of that race to be done with it already.

Like, there is a fan theory she wrote the epilogue before the book, and honestly, I can belive that.

But, I think the Harry becoming an auror isn't bad writing in the books — it's bad writing post-books. Sure, the epilogue implies the system didn't change as much as it should have (Albus worrying about being sorted into Slytherin, Ron confounding muggles with no consequences, Percy's treatment, etc.), but I think it wouldn't have been as egregious and offensive as it is to most fans who dislike it if it wasn’t for a lot of JKR's periphery canon she wrote that added a lot of details about the characters' futures that just made everything worse (plus the CC play).

Without the epilogue, the ending of DH doesn't say anything about what Harry would do. Yes, he isn't passionate about freeing house elves, but this isn't new and is true to his character. He isn't perfect, and that's not bad writing, it's staying consistent with his characterization up to this point. The ending without the epilogue leaves the reader off with plenty of potential to work with for their imagination and write fic about Harry's future. I actually like the end note of the series pre-epilogue because it fits. It works with Harry as a character who just wants something simple to eat and go to bed. He isn't concerned with instating new policies and shit, because it would be out of character for him to concern himself over these things in that moment. Harry is not a politician and he never wanted to be one. I feel like the fandom expects a lot from Harry that would be out of character for him to do without external factors pushing him into a political role. (Don't get me wrong, he'd be a decent politician, but that would be because he won't play the same game as everyone else. And he'd never choose to be a politician without being forced/pressured/otherwise convinced into the position).

The epilogue itself, while, closing off some options and proving the wizarding world still has many many issues, doesn't actually mention the Golden Trio's (or Ginny's) professions and still leaves us with a lot of open room for interpretation. Harry isn't stated to be an auror in the epilogue — it's JKR's writings after the books that made him an auror and Hermione a minister and kinda butchered Ron altogether (book 7 started the job of butchering Ron's character, though...). Even if the epilogue doesn't paint the best picture of the future of the WW, it's still open enough to work with if you really want to. It's the stuff she published after the books that made everything about the wizarding world's (and Harry's) future so much worse for me.

I do think, the epilogue is bad writing in that it doesn't add to the story and I think makes book 7 (and the whole series) worse overall, but I would've hated it less if it wasn't for all the information she added in after the fact (that didn't actually add anything, just ruin and destroy).

And a lot of her periphery canon writing show how much she doesn't remember from her books. I talked about it when it comes to fahion and the term "warlock", but she tends to, not really know her own world building and she contradicts herself a lot. This tendency is at it's worst with book 7 Wandlore, a lot of her Pottermore articles, and, of course, the Fantastic Beasts films and CC (some of her commentary in the Hogwarts Library books collection as well). So, I take any periphery canon stuff as additional to the books and optional depending on if they make sense with the books' canon or not.

So, I'd say, the problems for me are more with post-books stuff, and not the content of the books themselves. Becouse yeah, Harry mentioned wanting to be an auror in years 5 and 6, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't change his mind once he realizes what it entails

15-16 year old Harry talking about wanting to be an auror actually fits his character. Not because I think the job would be great for him, but because of his low self-worth. Moody/Barty told him he has the talent to be an auror and Harry is ridiculously insecure in himself. When one of the first adults to tell him he is talented and good at things to his face told him he'd make a good auror — of course that's what Harry would focus on!

Even if Moody/Barty was discovered to be a Death Eater later, he was still someone Harry looked up to. Harry who thinks he isn't particularly good at anything:

“Well, I’m not going to tell you,” said Moody gruffly. “I don’t show favoritism, me. I’m just going to give you some good, general advice. And the first bit is — play to your strengths.” “I haven’t got any,” said Harry, before he could stop himself. “Excuse me,” growled Moody, “you’ve got strengths if I say you’ve got them. Think now. What are you best at?”

(GoF, Ch20)

Was told he'd be good at something (being an auror) — so it makes sense he'd want to pursue it initially. I think Harry is likely to not want to stay as an auror though. I love to headcanon him as an auror program dropout, honestly. That he starts and then leaves. Which is possible with book 7 canon (including the epilogue).

The books actually don't contradict some changes or changes-in-progress in the WW (including the epilogue). It's just been 19 years, not even a whole generation, big systematic changes rarely happen this quickly, so while some of the patterns are worrying, you can work with it, I think the epilogue is bad, but it's not the worst that happened to HP books.

The worse problem is that JKR kept writing contradictory things instead of leaving the books be once they were done.

(Not that the books don't have their moments of contradicting themselves, they do. There are plot contrivances, stuff that makes zero sense, and plenty of plot holes, but when it comes to Harry's future and the WW's future as a whole, the books are not the main culprit here, the epilogue was a witness that did nothing to help at the scene of the crime at best).

[masteraqua]

let's talk about radiant garden!

hello and welcome back to another installment of KH3 Retry, my chaotic thought experiment where i try to fix everything i hate about the game

i've said it before and i'll say it again: radiant garden should have been the playable hub world instead of twilight town. there are so many plot threads wrapped up in this world, so many paths that cross here, and it's a shame that kh3 never bothered to explore them in any meaningful way

instead, all of the world's depth is flattened into set dressing for tedious exposition, with all the things that made it memorable either cut entirely or moved to twilight town, a poor substitute which is itself lacking in any meaningful development

so let's talk about it! i have a veritable mountain of ideas for what radiant garden could have been like in a universe where it continued to matter after bbs

take my hand

even beyond the general lack of final fantasy in kh3, which is its own can of worms, brushing the restoration committee aside and reducing all of their hard work to an unplayable HD recreation of the bbs map is downright bleak. as much as nomura wants to, you can't just sweep legacy characters under the rug and expect me to forget about them. i'm glad they at least got to appear in re:mind, but it doesn't change the fact that their absence feels like a massive, gaping hole in reality, like the universe has written them out of existence. i'm sure sora can relate

the problem is best summed up by ienzo:

yeah. that's called regression, and it sucks.

so on that note, please disregard (almost) everything that happens in radiant garden in kh3, because we are starting from scratch babeyyyy!!!

this got really long so i broke it down into sections covering different topics

-----

introduction

the town, finally livable again, looks not quite like the utopia of its past, but still beautiful, with the gardens of its namesake in full bloom and the streets filled with smiling faces

the debris has been cleared away to make room for zigzagging rows of houses and apartments, all built in a mish-mash of styles, sizes, and colors—a mosaic of the lives lived outside of this world. from a distance, the vast array of colors resembles a flowerbed, vibrant and alive

baskets of multicolored flowers hang from windows and the beginnings of vines grow around corners. now that the aqueduct system has been restored, life has really begun to flourish all around

patchwork stone walls and bridges weave through the town and line the border. outside the city walls, the water levels have risen and settled, but you can still see remnants of crumbling, moss-covered architecture poking through the surface

finally: the castle, once a pristine but imposing fortress, has been repurposed as a community center. the gates and guards have been removed so that the townspeople can visit freely, and indeed the balconies and halls are usually busy. just like the rest of town, plants bloom in abundance along its facade, nurtured by the light

the library has been reopened and other public services have moved into the castle to help with day to day life. however, some areas are closed off to the public for safety reasons

-----

characters

we'll start with cid—a brand new helipad and gummi garage have been built into one of the castle's tallest towers, and, naturally, he's in charge! now that the restoration is complete, he can focus on his true passion: flying contraptions :) he offers special blueprints for completing gummi ship challenges (including races, maybe??). he also runs a revamped gummi shop, with assistance from chip and dale

speaking of chip and dale, they've been busy. on top of inventing the gummiphone, they've also set up an inter-world network to connect the computers in disney castle and radiant garden, among other places, so they can share data, including the data from jiminy's journals

as a result, data riku gets a cameo as the equivalent of the network's clippy

over in the castle's lab, ienzo and leon are sorting through all of ansem the wise's notes for anything that might help sora or the town. they're working together, but the alliance is...uneasy. ienzo, dilan, and aeleus were, of course, with the people who kidnapped and experimented on civilians before inviting the darkness that destroyed everything. leon only agrees to their involvement on the condition that he supervises, and he always keeps his gunblade within reach

while leon manages the lab, yuffie manages aeleus and dilan as captain of the guard—or, as she calls it, Supreme Ninja Guardian. goofy congratulates her on the promotion! the two men don't particularly enjoy reporting to a teenager, but they also don't put up a fight because yuffie is actually quite reliable despite her antics, and she knows the town like the back of her hand. mainly they deal with any stray heartless that the claymore defense sytem doesn't catch. they feel that it's the least they can do

back in town, a new and improved shopping district has opened up, which is where you'll find aerith's gardening shop! you can trade her common cooking ingredients for specialty ones that she grows herself. when she's not running the shop, she's usually tending to the flowers around town or helping with the community garden

merlin's house hasn't changed, but it has moved, as is his tendency. it's now situated in a park on the outskirts of town, away from all the hubbub. since it's no longer being used as a base of operations, all the computer junk has been excised so he can finally have some peace and quiet. he's recently come into possession of a new project, which we'll get into later

after the events of this game, when ansem the wise has returned to radiant garden, he retires to live out the remainder of his days in peace, leaving the lab in ienzo's hands. the town has moved on without him and has no need for the rulers of its past. his former apprentices, especially ienzo, visit him from time to time, and i think he'd get on well with merlin

-----

axel and kairi

okay so axel and kairi! remember how both of them are from radiant garden? well instead of locking the two of them in a hyperbolic time chamber while the plot stalls out, how about letting them hang out here and bond over the things they have in common?

imagine axel's history with me. lea knew kairi's grandma as the kind old lady down the road who would hand out treats to all the neighborhood kids. he and isa once played a childish prank on her and got in heaps of trouble with their parents. they had to apologize to her in front of a crowd, which convinced them to never pull a stunt like that again (instead, they pivoted toward sneakier, much more dangerous stunts)

axel is also roughly the same age as leon (based on kh1 concept art and inference) so they probably went to school together, though they hung out with different crowds. leon remembers lea as an obnoxious class clown, but axel remembers squall as a broody punk. i think they'd get along now. imagine the banter

since they're not doing any dumb keyblade training

axel takes kairi on a tour of the town and shows her where her grandmother's house was. unfortunately, the lot is now empty, having been cleared of the wreckage. as tribute, kairi picks some of the nearby flowers and lays them in the place it used to stand

her conversations with axel help to clear up some of her hazy memories, which is something she's always been a little scared to do, but now something for which she's grateful. axel's just glad that he's doing something good for once

as kairi's happy memories begin to resurface, so too do the bad ones, and eventually they lead her deep within the castle to the ark where xehanort upended her life. she finds another one of xehanort's reports here with cryptic hints about what his intentions really were—something related to what he calls "the other side" of light and darkness

this concept is vaguely familiar to ienzo as something he overheard in the castle as a child, but he doesn't know any more about it. with any luck, something will turn up in ansem's notes

and then there's subject x, the girl axel and saix befriended inside the castle as children. i'll talk more about this further down

-----

gameplay

one of the defining features of the rebuilt radiant garden is that all the new architecture allows for a variety of ways to get around. you can take the stairs and bridges, of course, but you can also glide along the aqueducts, climb over rooftops, and swing across steel beams

i have a specific vision of being able to parkour your way up and down the outside of the castle on a series of jungle gym contraptions

it should also be noted that i have nothing but disdain for kh3's wall running ability, as i feel it takes all the fun out of platforming, so go ahead and pretend that doesn't exist

in addition to the gardening shop, the new shopping district houses the item, weapon, and accessory shops (manned by, who else, donald's nephews) as well as a moogle emporium for synthesis and keyblade upgrades

i'm also moving remi and the bistro here since twilight town is getting the axe. nothing else about them or the cooking minigames is changing, because they're fun and cute and i like them as is <3 i think scrooge decided to open shop here to stimulate the town's burgeoning economy. it's his way of helping

the outdoor movie theater can come too since it's related to the classic kingdom minigames. just stick it in a corner somewhere

-----

the castle

while the castle was being renovated, leon and the others uncovered even more secret passages, because this building is a lovecraftian nightmare. this is one of the areas barred off from the general public, but leon says that sora can go check it out whenever he has time. he might even join the party? 🤔

the passages lead deep into the earth and appear to be so old that ansem the wise may not have even known they existed

i've gotta tread lightly when it comes to lore that might be overturned in the future, but basically i want this to be an optional dungeon, à la cavern of remembrance, that hints at a connection to scala ad caelum and/or daybreak town. but the specifics are undecided

maybe the dark inferno boss can be moved here?? gotta think more about that one

also related to exploring the castle, i think we should get to see the chamber of repose and the prison cells connected to it, possibly by way of the new passages. both of these things play a role in the story

the chamber represents the part of xemnas that remembers being terra, which is something i want to flesh out more in this AU, to give xemnas more of an identity than master xehanort's goon. perhaps he and anti-aqua (see here for details) have a confrontation? imagine aqua discovering her armor in xemnas's secret clubhouse, imagine how conflicted she'd feel about him being her enemy

as for the prison...

-----

subject x

the prison cells once housed a girl known only by the designation of "subject x," a girl whom team nort seems very interested in these days

when subject x vanished, apprentice xehanort's experiments were brought to an abrupt halt. now, ansem SoD, ever the scientist, is spearheading the search to find the test subject that got away so he can finally complete the research he started all those years ago

saix, meanwhile, has been waiting for this opportunity since the day he joined the organization, and so volunteers to assist. if he plays his cards right, he may be able to kill two birds with one stone: find his friend, and commit subterfuge

but while ansem SoD is convinced that his old master had something to do with the girl's disappearance, saix is more perceptive. he had never trusted xigbar to begin with, but now the man is acting even more suspicious whenever the topic arises

at some point i want saix to go pester axel and try to deliver a covert message about the organization's plans, including subject x. he's a double agent, after all

axel doesn't have much reason to trust saix, but he takes the hint and goes to check the prison cell where they talked to her. what he finds is evidence that she must have been taken by someone within the castle, i.e. a keycard or something

basically i want saix and axel to have a more active role in this plot thread, seeing as it's the reason they joined the organization in the first place

unfortunately the subject x stuff can't really be resolved in this game since we still don't know her identity for sure. but since she's definitely from the union x era, i'm thinking maybe i can leave a clue in that optional dungeon, along with all the other stuff related to the age of fairytales

-----

hundred acre woods

also when those secret passages in the castle were uncovered, they found something else of interest: another volume of the winnie the pooh books, which merlin has been studying. it's in pretty bad condition, and while he's been trying to restore it, he's hit a wall, and so asks sora to check it out from the inside

inside, sora discovers that the books contain a shared universe, but the pathway to the first book is blocked due to the damage to the book's structure

it's implied that there's a whole series of these books, which merlin has been trying to collect for millenia

i'm cutting the entire plot of kh3's hundred acre woods because it goes nowhere and i hate it. what i would like to do is find a way to shoehorn in the plot of the tigger movie, but i haven't thought it through

in any case, you can count on more minigames 💃

-----

miscellaneous thoughts that didn't fit anywhere else

i wonder how riku feels about being back in the castle where he experienced his darkest moments. i go back and forth about this

in case you're wondering, my headcanon is that cloud isn't from radiant garden. i haven't decided if he's showing up in this AU, but if he does, it'll be in a different world. maybe he keeps in touch with aerith though?

with all that said, i would be down for a rinoa cameo! kh2 got my hopes up ;__;

i have an inkling of a potential tron/rinzler cameo by virtue of the bug blox appearing in san fransokyo. haven't worked through all that though. maybe the inter-world network intercepts a rogue signal that corrupts some data in the hollow bastion OS or something, idk

speaking of which, i know i also want to loop yen sid in to the network, simply because i never want to see the inside of his tower ever again. this could have been an email etc. etc. and if i have anything to say about it, it will be

i guess i could connect twilight town as well, but the problem is that nothing happens there, which is why i wanted to remove it in the first place

[caintooth]

From a transmasc who loves transfems more than I hate transmisogyny: If you are AFAB you should not be calling yourself transfem, a transwoman, or a transgirl.

Let me start this by saying that I agree, obviously, that our society needs to stop caring about AGAB. Ideally, we should not be assigned AFAB or AMAB to begin with, and we should all be able to use the language we feel suits us best. If you are both trans and a woman, it does seem like it makes sense to call yourself a transwoman, doesn’t it? Even if you were AFAB?

But let’s have nuance, please. Let’s start by acknowledging this: a world in which our AGABs have no impact on our social roles / perceptions / interactions is NOT a world we live in yet. No matter how badly we may want to simply be feminine and masculine and androgynous and outside of connection to a binary system and AGABs entirely, we have NOT achieved that sort of liberation. To pretend we have- to act as if your AGAB has no impact on the way you are perceived and treated- is an extremely privileged game of imagination.

The most common argument I have seen from AFABs using transfem / transwoman language for themselves is that they are someone who is both, by all definitions, transgender and a woman. This may be because they previously transitioned into manhood or transmasculinity, and did not identify as a woman or as feminine at all during that time, but now, for whatever reason, have started identifying as a woman / feminine again. Or they may be a person who identifies with any variation of non-binary woman, bigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, demigirl, etc. Any identity which is either “I used to not be a woman, but am a woman now,” or “I am a woman, and another gender or lack thereof, too.”

I understand. In whatever version of this scenario, they are both transgender or have transitioned at some point, and are currently feminine or a woman. It does really sound like transfem or transwoman should be the correct language to use in this scenario!

I am non-binary, transmasc, and was indeed AFAB. I get it. I am transgender. I am not a woman, but I am also, sometimes, a woman. I am transgender and I am a woman. And I spent years of my life fighting against femininity, only to find that finally being allowed to be openly masculine has helped me embrace femininity again. It seems this is not an uncommon experience. But I am not now, and never will be, a transwoman.

Because the word transwoman has very, very specific meaning. “Meanings can change,” and “words have more than one meaning,” you say? Yes, that is true! And it should be! Change and embracing of nuance is so important to our community. And nobody should be policing the language anybody else uses.

But that being said, please. Embrace this nuance, if you are so passionate about words having it. People who were AMAB and are women have extremely different experiences than people who were AFAB and are still / are again, in whatever form for whatever reason, women or feminine.

Being a woman who was AMAB has unique culture, intersectionality, and vulnerability. Countless transwomen have asked people who were AFAB not to use the language of actual transfemininity, because it is such a different experience than being trans and feminine separately. Let me make this clear.

People who were AFAB are expected to be and rewarded for being women. If we perform womanhood in an unpalatable way, yes, we do experience misogyny. If we are also transgender, yes, we do experience transphobia. But neither of these things, even when experienced at the same time, are the same as transmisogyny, which can only be experienced by people who were AMAB.

This is because of the patriarchy. Gender Issues 101. Manhood and masculinity are seen as the ultimate power. Womanhood and femininity, as less. So, yeah, I get your confusion here. People who were AFAB, especially if they are also trans or are women or feminine in the “wrong” way, will indeed always be seen as lesser than men, for the fact of being AFAB alone! Absolutely nobody is saying that misogyny and transphobia against AFAB people are not massively violent forces in this world. Nobody is saying people who were AFAB have it “easy!”

But again, again again- people who were AMAB and are women experience a form of violence and hate very different from the kind we as AFAB people do. You know as well as I do that the patriarchy does not view women who were AMAB as actual women. It instead views them as failed men. And to those indoctrinated, that is a crime worse than womanhood. It is the ultimate insult: “They are not women. They are clearly not men, either. They are third. Other.”

AFAB people who are trans or perceived as “failed women,” no matter our actual or internal connection with femininity or womanhood, are viewed by society negatively, yes, but not as third or Other. Because, despite the wording, “failed women” are still actually viewed as women. This is because the patriarchy views people who were AFAB as inherently flawed by mere circumstance of birth. We are inherently capable of failure, because we have already failed by not being born cis men… And cis men, on the other hand, are viewed as ideal, perfect, god-like, and thus not capable of failure at all.

Let me reiterate. Due to transphobia and the rigid structure of gender within the patriarchy, when people who were AMAB declare “I am a not a man,” they are denied the status of woman. But, due to misogyny and the position of men as supreme, flawless beings within the patriarchy, when people who were AMAB respond by saying “I am a woman,” they are also denied the status of man. It is this also which is so significant. They are viewed by the patriarchy as Other in a way that people who were AFAB never will be, because we will always just be viewed as women, which is at least human.

The fact that people who are AFAB will only ever be viewed as woman is a separate issue, with separate conversation around it. Because I understand, as one of them, that we may identify with a concept of thirdness and of Otherness. We, like women who were AMAB, are not men! We feel a kinship there!

But I think I have explained well why our experience of Otherness is not the same as Otherness experienced by transwomen who were AMAB. No matter how deeply we feel third, Other, different, strange, weird? Even if this is, from the depth our soul and core of our being, not how we want to be treated? Society is still willing to view us, at the very least, no matter how much we hate it, as women. Which, like I said, is at least one way to be seen as human.

Women who were AMAB, however, are only ever treated as Other. Not even as human beings. Do you see how this is different? Do you see how this is worse?

The two questions we are trying to answer in this post are, first, why is it wrong that some people who were AFAB want to call themselves trans women or trans feminine? Which leads us to, second, why would they want to in the first place?

Transwomen who were coercively assigned male at birth are, in fact, women. They are not Other. They are not third. They are human beings and the patriarchy is wrong. I know this. The wider queer community claims to know this, too.

But we must not let our desire to affirm transwomen in their womanhood cloud our eyes to the fact that the vast majority of the world still holds extremely violent and dangerous mentality towards them.

When people who were AFAB use the language of transwoman, transfem, and transgirl for themselves, they are equating their experiences to that of AMAB people. They are, in a way, fetishizing transwomanhood. They are saying, “I have seen those called transwomen also called weird, and strange, and third, and Other. I feel that way myself, sometimes. Words like ‘genderqueer’ and ‘genderfluid’ and ‘bigender’ and ‘demigirl’ and etc., though perfectly established and expressive of my gender, do not express to others the quality of inhumanity which I feel I am a victim of. They do not express my uniqueness. But transwomen are seen as inhuman, and unique in their suffering. I am going to associate my feeling of inhumanity with their word, too. I am going to make sure this association continues, so that my pain is acknowledged, too.”

It is a violent co-opting of language. It is self-victimization. It is denial of differing axises of oppression. You are allowed to hurt, to feel Other, and denied of your humanity. But what reason do you have to equate your experience of hurt with a more marginalized group’s oppression, besides selfishness? Especially when you have been asked, repeatedly, to stop.

This behavior creates an unsafe environment for actual transwomen, who deserve community with people who acknowledge the unique experience of transfemininity! Who should be able to comfortably find other actually transfeminine people to make friends with and confide in! Who should be allowed to have their own spaces, communities, and safety nets!

Transfeminine people deserve security. Sorry for the word play, but I literally cannot imagine anything more insecure than stealing language from transwomen.

[nihilistem]

Hey! I read your study tips both posts regarding adhd . (Feel free to ignore )

I am still undiagnosed and I think it's adhd but i do not have the resources nor the environment or support system to do anything about it .I am a high schooler preparing for entrance exams and i really need to like get my shit together and i feel like i have wasted sm time already but i really do want to get better. When i sit to study i just can't focus if I keep my phone in some other room then also i would just sit and stare at my books without accomplishing something. I am trying really but it's feels like my brain is frozen and my body is moving .my brain keep screaming guilty and ashamed but i can't seem to do anything about it.your study post actually i related to a lot because pomodro kind of seems to be working for everyone but me and the you described the exact same things I do

I know this is a lot to ask for please feel free to ignore but how do I stop Letting my emotions take over and study consistently because I only have one chance at the exams

Oh my, first of all I’d like to say that, as cliché as it is, I know exactly how you feel. I was undiagnosed for so long (I was only diagnosed a few months ago) and I didn’t even know that the adhd things I experience on a regular basis wasn’t normal or neurotypical for so long.

first up : I know this is difficult, but please do not say such things about yourself. I’m not gonna get into the whole thing, (cuz I have done a post on that already) but it’s true that the more you drill that bad stuff into your brain, the more it’s gonna stick. We need our brains to be in the best condition possible to study efficiently and saying bad stuff about yourself that isn’t even true is just going to hinder your performance. You got this. I promise you’re not lazy. Your brain just isn’t motivated by the same things others are, but we can work with that simple difference.

I’ll make a separate post on how not to let your emotions take over, but for now …

adhd study tips for those trying to get into the habit.

— by a stem student with adhd.

here’s my first post on adhd study tips.

— don’t put your phone in a different room. Instead, download an app that prevents you from using other apps on your phone.

there’s plenty of apps that do this but the one I prefer is ypt because all its features are completely free and it stops your timer when you exit the app unless you enter ‘allowed app mode.’ I don’t know about you, but if I find that I’m just zoning out on my textbook then I end up stopping my timer and deleting the record because I know I didn’t actually study, and this motivates me to actually get some work done. The timer also gets me motivated to keep going for longer so I have physical proof of my focus time and studies. It will feel good to even have just 1 hour of study time on it, I promise.

— even if you’re not interested in your studies, try your best to find even one thing that interests you.

novelty, challenge and interest are some of the best motivators of the adhd brain, so use it. I know that sparking your curiosity for a subject you hate seems impossible, but hear me out.

ever since I was young, I was exposed to books and I drew everyday. This caused me to become very passionate about the arts, but since I had adhd and didn’t know, I failed all my classes and specifically hated chemistry because it was specifically designed to be everything that I can’t be good at due to my poor memory and the need to memorize a TON of concepts. Then during class one day, I was doing chemistry work with my friends and felt frustrated that they could easily balance equations and work out which compounds were acids or bases purely by its chemical formula. And that’s what sparked me to start reading my textbook to see what the big deal was. How was it possible for one to just know when something is a acid solely from looking at a bunch of letters? This started a chain reaction; I found my answer, and found that the process of finding my answer and learning this new information was fulfilling. So I looked at all the other chemistry topics, and it turns out chemistry was fun. I was supposed to be an art student but now I’m majoring in chemistry and biology, all because of that sense of challenge and curiosity I was given that day.

tdlr; I was bad at chemistry but I’m now majoring in it because I felt challenged by a friend and was curious to know how they could solve chem equations easily.

All it took was a bit of curiosity. It’s a very powerful thing to the adhd brain. And if you use this as a motivator for your studies it might even cause you to hyper-fixate on your work, which means you’ll naturally spend more time studying just to find all the answers you’re now dying to know.

— use the pomodoro timer, but think about the things that you have to do that seems a little impossible to do under 25 minutes.

This fulfills the ‘challenge’ category I mentioned in the previous tip.

Let me explain; I subconsciously started doing this to myself without anyone telling me this and it’s helped me a LOT. Here’s an example;

“This chapter’s too long, it’s impossible to read through everything and understand the key concepts in just twenty five minutes.”

is it, though?

So I was off to the races, genuinely reading through every page and taking note of every single heading or bold or italicized word so I will be able to summarize the entire topic by the time the twenty five minutes is up.

And it doesn’t even matter if you don’t make that twenty five minute mark, because you’ll feel a sense of defeat and try it again with another chapter/topic.

this accomplishes two things; one, the work you’ve been putting off or zoning out on is now probably 20% - 50% completed and now you feel motivated to continue. Two, this method will train you to be faster in learning or studying new material or even just completing work in general, depending on what you’re challenging yourself to do.

— dress up, do your hair, study at a library or cafe you love (and possibly make pretty notes.)

I’ve talked about interest, I’ve talked about challenge, and now I’m gonna talk about novelty.

Do this with purpose! But what do I mean by that?

I’m sure you’ve come across studious girls in media or even people on social media making videos and taking pretty photos of their day out to study. Usually they’re dressed the part and even if they’re not, there’s a certain vibe, aesthetic or aura about them that is just so desirable that it makes you wish you were doing what they were doing. And if you don’t feel this way, find content creators or media that do make you feel this way.

How will this help me? Well, there are actually a few reasons but the first one that comes to mind is that this is also an adhd tip used outside of studying. Combining a task you don’t want to do with a task you’d like to do is a faster and more efficient way of convincing yourself to do long, difficult or even tiring tasks. Another is that doing this would also mean you’ve technically gotten yourself to desire studying, something more commonly known as romanticizing studying. If you make studying look fun, glamorous or even desirable for yourself then you’re sure to get to the hideous parts of it. Think about being a straight A student, someone who’s always wearing nice clothes with great hair and such a focused work ethic. Once you desire to be that person and you dress like that person, you’ll start to do the things that person will do.

— use the pomodoro timer but set it to even shorter bursts instead. (e.g. 15 minutes work, 5 minutes break.)

Or hell, on my worst days I set it to 5 minutes work, 5 minutes break.

The whole point of this exercise is to just start, because that’s arguably the hardest part about studying, you can’t get yourself to actually start or to actually focus. So promise yourself a five minute break after a very short amount of time of reading.

— skip straight to the questions of a topic, try to do them and identify the information you need to get the answer right.

For example, I came across a bio question that was rather simple but I didn’t know the answer to because I haven’t revised the topic for a while, and the question was, what is needed in the body for anaerobic respiration to take place? And the answer was simple, but I didn’t know because again, I didn’t study the material before answering the paper.

one’s brain can have the habit of being complacent especially when you don’t wanna do work, so diving head first into the questions and realizing that you don’t know jack shit would be a good wake up call for you and your brain—and this can connect to the second point that I made because you might find that you’d be eager to get the answer right all on your own, and become curious as to what the answer is.

important to remember …

erase everything bad that you were told or led to believe about studying. I promise that if you look for ways to make it engaging for you and form a habit, studying can be something you don’t dread or worry about everyday. You are capable. This is the start of your journey. Yes, the question of ‘what if I get distracted again’ will always be there but think about what could happen if today is the first day you’re not distracted. If you don’t at least try to start now, you will have zero chance of being able to actually focus and study. But if you try, the worst that will happen is that you tried. If you keep trying, it will happen. I promise.

If you need any more tips regarding adhd, (or being undiagnosed,) please do let me know. I’ll do my best to help.

[bullet-prooflove]

headcanons 12. Grudges and vendettas (yes. yes this is just me giving you a reason to talk about how much natalie pisses him you off)

I feel like this could go on forever with Jimmy because he does not suffer fools, esp ones that fuck about with his wife.

Grudges:

Natalie – hates the fact she can’t do her job without getting overly emotionally involved often to the detriment of others. Is super pissed off when she tries to drag others into her drama, eg: Anita over Children’s Services queries, Will over the medical trial, Crockett over her feelings for Will, Jeff Clarke over her dead hubby.

Will – previous grudge – close friends now. – Absolutely hated his maverick attitude, felt like Will’s sole purpose was to make his life harder in the ED until… Those news rules got imposed preventing them from treating people who needed it, it really pissed Jimmy off that they couldn’t help people because of a financial factor. He really enjoyed Will’s creative application to the problem, also the way he handled the Matt scandal. It made him realise Will actually had the good of the patients at heart and it was more about doing what’s best for them than ego.

Anita’s mentor Danny,- if that man comes into the ED, he absolutely refuses to be the one treating him.

Social services in general for the way they treated his wife, basically using her up and spitting her out. For him it’s very much an example of how the system is completely broken.

The coffee guy from the café down the street who put his phone number on Anita’s coffee cup despite seeing the wedding ring. Jimmy will not leave a tip for this joker and will give him the most complicated order imaginable just to see him stress.

CFO of Chicago Med – He hates this guy, esp after the scrubs thing. He likes things run efficiently and that guy really fucked a lot of things up for them in terms of the supply chain and treating patients, to Jimmy that’s unacceptable. If they ever end up on the same elevator, Jimmy’s reminding him of the importance of patient care.

Connor Rhodes – mutual respect now – but at first he was pissed because Connor kept using the hybrid OR for shit it wasn’t meant to be used for and it was running up costs in the ED that Jimmy had to explain or make deficits for in the budget. When he very forcefully explained this to Connor who hadn’t realised this the two came to an agreement.

Jack Dayton – he hated 2.0 with a passion because it kept telling him what to do during surgery and despite knowing better he would argue with it. When he tried to explain the probs with this to Jack and Grace Song he was brushed off about his concerns because he know docs like Sam and Dean would go out of their way to avoid it’s backseat surgery.

Stevie Hammer – he will never forgive her for breaking Will’s heart a little. He was just starting to get back on his feet after Hannah, put himself out there a little and then she went back to a husband who didn’t love her, because he offered her a better medical position. For Jimmy it really showed her true self.

Maggie – initially because he found her nosy, but he understands now she cares deeply for the people around her and it’s done out of love. He was very sorry to hear about her and Ben and it put the shits up him a little, because to him they were the perfect couple and he never saw the divorce coming. He’s extra attentive to his own marriage after that.

Doris – He dislikes the fact she’s really gossipy. Him and Anita once had a very heated discussion she overheard and before lunch time, multiple people had made comments about the state of his marriage, offering him advice.

[sugutoad]

part 2 matchup for @eurydiceauxenfers

GAME OF THRONES MATCHUP

Feelings

Jaime felt something the first time he saw you— not desire, not amusement, but peace, and that scared him more than anything. Here you were, all bloodied up, but instead of laughing at you when you passed away, a sense of relief came over him as he held you close. He had made peace with being hated as the Kingslayer, even admired, but never understood. You asked him why he’d really killed the king, not with fear, not with awe, but with genuine curiosity.

But he kept you at arm’s length—teased you, tested you, challenged you—and you never flinched. You argued back, a small smile on your lips as you looked up at him. He pretended not to care, but the way you lit up when talking about your work, the rare times you laughed so hard you snorted, the way you offered your cloak to a coughing child without hesitation… It burned in his mind.

It wasn’t until you got hurt again—not grievously, but enough to bleed—that somethung came to him. He held your body as you insisted, breathless and stubborn, that “It’s fine, Jaime, I can still walk.” And he believed you could. He helped you anyway. His hands were gentle but his voice was tight. “Don’t do that again,” he’d murmured. “You don’t get to throw your life away. Not when I—”

He didn’t finish.

He realized it later, alone, holding a bloodied scrap of your bandage like a relic. He was in love with you. He wanted you safe, and free, and happy. Even if it meant watching you walk away. But gods help him, if you gave him the slightest reason to stay…

(something about Jaime and his feelings for you when he sees you hurt…)

—

You fell for Jaime slowly, then all at once. It started when he stopped laughing at you.

Most men did—laugh when you spoke too passionately, when you fumbled through court or forgot to curtsy. But Jaime didn’t. He watched, observing but not unkind. He listened when you explained why wildfire terrified you. Sometimes, he unconsciously stood too close when lords mocked your work—close enough that they remembered he was still Jaime Lannister.

You fell in love when he showed you his scars.

He didn’t speak, just guided your fingers across his ruined hand, his sword arm, the old burn on his side. You didn’t recoil. His breath hitched. Jaime Lannister, who hid every emotion behind his bravado and smirks stood vulnerably infront of you, almost as if he was a new man and you swore your heart skipped faster.

A Daughter?

You and Jaime did not want a child— not when ne was a part of the Kingsguard and you were someone who did not appreciate Westeros’s system, hoping to wait until it was better to raise a child. So with this, take it as after everything, a new au where the war does not exist or an accident that somehow happened

Her name is Elenya. Jaime chose it, oddly shy about it—“It’s from a song my mother use to sing to me about, something about stars.” You loved it immediately.

She is your daughter in the shape of a sunbeam.

Elenya has your eyes. Not in color—they're bright green, with gold flecks that gleam when she laughs—but in soul. Her hair is darker than Jaime’s, a dark golden, but her nose — her perfect nose that Jaime almost cried at when he saw — was undoubtedly yours. She had your smile and all your brain.

She’s sharp and stubborn and deeply sensitive. She throws tantrums when her blanket has a wrinkle, sobs when a song ends, and demands bedtime stories with three different endings, because she can’t choose just one.

And Jaime indulges every single wish of hers.

He brushes her hair into little braids every morning which makes the servants giggle—"Ser Jaime, you’re going to war, not court"—and he only growls, “This is more important.” She falls asleep on his chest most nights, wrapped in his white cloak. He reads her old tales—some true, most exaggerated—and always skips the endings where the hero dies.

But she’s your daughter too. She copies the way you organize your satchel, insists on watching you stitch wounds (“so I can fix people too, Mama”), and sings nonsense lullabies to sick animals. She’s already memorized every herb in your garden and insists chamomile tea can fix everything.

She adores stories. She writes her own plays, full of dragons and maidens who are heroes who use their brains instead of swords. She’ll talk your ear off about Targaryen lore or The Age of Heroes or how the stars might actually talk to each other.

But her logic is sharp, too. She asks questions like: “Why can’t women fight?” “Why is it brave when Father risks his life, but reckless when you do?” “Why did the gods make people if they knew they’d suffer?”

You blink, overwhelmed, and she just tilts her head. “I’m not trying to be difficult. I just want to know.”

She gives love like you do: acts of service, physical touch, and gift-giving. She’s constantly bringing people things—flowers, polished rocks, little scrolls with her thoughts or stories. She’s always holding someone's hand, linking arms, cuddling up. She has no idea how to say what she feels out loud (Jaime’s daughter, after all), but she shows it in everything.

Best Friend

Your best friend, although younger than you by 5 years (listen, you and Jaime always had an age gap in my mind) is Margaery Tyrell. She sees everything about you and loves you more for it.

Margaery is clever, ambitious, warm, and always composed—but she adores people who are a little messy, a little chaotic, a little unpredictable beneath the surface. She’d find your intensity refreshing, your dry wit hilarious, your obsessions charming, and your moral compass deeply comforting. She’d also be the one to tug you back when you’re spiraling into perfectionism—reminding you that you don’t always need to fight so hard to be enough, especially when she becomes Joffery’s Queen. She’d adore how hardworking you are and find your passions fascinating.

“Tell me again what a hydrocarbon is—slowly this time.”

Relationships

Cersei sees you as a threat to her control over Jaime at best. At worst? As a younger woman who dares to have both a brain and his heart. She hates how deeply Jaime listens to you, how easily you laugh together, how your mere presence chips away at the possessive hold she’s tried to keep on him her whole life. But here’s the thing—Cersei respects you. Resents you, yes, but she recognizes your intelligence, your fire, and your refusal to grovel. She once tried to intimidate you at court; you quoted Tacitus back at her and smiled. She’s still not over it..

Tyrion loves you. You’re one of the few people who challenge him without cruelty, who match his wit without trying to humiliate him. He thinks your perfectionism is adorable and your rants are his favorite thing—he’ll absolutely get drunk and ask you to teach him phrases just to flirt badly in a dead language. He’s fascinated by your relationship with Jaime—it’s the first time he’s ever seen his brother be soft without losing his edge. Tyrion flirts with you just enough to amuse you but never crosses a line. There’s a sibling-esque relatioship between you two: trading notes on ancient philosophy one moment, plotting petty revenge on Cersei the next.

Tywin underestimated you. Until he didn’t. When he first heard of you, he dismissed you—too small, too eccentric, too opinionated. A curious pet for his son to fawn over. But then you spoke. In council. Or court. Or some backroom confrontation where you calmly dismantled a legal loophole or medical argument with frightening precision. And Tywin… blinked. He doesn’t like you. But gods, he respects your mind. You're not afraid of him, at least you don’t seem afraid, and he hates that. Especially because Jaime, his golden boy, now quotes you. Defers to you. And Tywin knows better than anyone how rare that is.

Brienne doesn’t know what to make of you in the beginning onky that you’re kind to her. You never make her feel like a spectacle. You always thank her.And when you and Jaime start falling in love, Brienne sees it first. She watches the way he looks at you when you’re explaining something he doesn't understand, how he listens like it’s a sermon. She trusts you with him, and over time, she lets you in. You don’t mock her for her oaths. You admire them and in return, she feels safe with someone without feeling insecure about anything. Brienne becomes a fiercely loyal friend, the type to spar with you gently or help you sneak into places you’re absolutely not supposed to be for “research.”

Ship Song

sunlight by hozier

Moonboard

[a-taut-thread]

Machines of Wartime AU character study #1: Unparalleled Innocense

Buckle the fuck in folks this is gonna be another long one because I'm passionate about how I characterize them here. Long post again, so more info comes after the cut. Note for reference and clarity that throughout this post UI will be referred to with they/ae pronouns quite interchangeably, so instances of either set are in reference to them.

No real major content warnings here, although I'll give a small warning for self destructive behavior, as well as a more minor precautionary warning for brief mentions of neglect and dehumanization from their admins.

UI is, essentially, a high energy constant stimulation seeker at their core, and a lot of what they do shows it in some way. It's a major reason (along with far less personality shaping going into their generation) behind why they used to be quite mean here before making steps towards improvement. They were never taught a healthy outlet to seek stimulation, so they will try pretty much anything to see what sticks; pretty much anything that gets a form of reaction from others is included in what does stick.

Spreading rumors and other bits of info makes people react, whether good or bad. This means results. People who learn them often further spread them. This means even more results. And when you build a reputation for yourself as "the mean rumor spreader", these results will get back to you all over again. Messages, reactions, more people coming to them to start shit; it's all results and reactions and stimulation. It's an easy way to get what ae want... even if it means people thinking less of aer for it. But hey, can't get lonely if you're constantly too stimulated or too busy seeking more of everything to really think about how nobody quite genuinely likes you! It's easy when you don't let yourself focus on feelings, just shut down any attempts at self awareness!

The reason they're like this, in reality, primarily comes not from being truly mean or spiteful at their core, but just from being built in a way where lack of proper guidance or true care from their creators after creation has left them both feeling a little abandoned ("why bother behaving when nobody cares about me anyway") and physically incapable of tolerating understimulation ("if I'm not doing enough it almost physically hurts"). They have incredibly high processing power; a measurable amount more than even Pebbles, and Pebbles and UI are respectively the first and second iterators of their generation to be created. If they're not using enough of that processing power, it drives them up a wall a little; they genuinely cannot stand being in a state where they're not receiving enough stimulation of some sort. They hate boredom and lack of activity and even just sitting still for too long. Movement, sound, reading messages, running 5 background processes at once, taking on multiple high intensity projects, whatever; it's all the same as long as it gives aer what their systems crave. More stimulation. And saying and doing shit to get reactions is heavily related to that; it's negative stimulation seeking behavior that was never properly taught as "don't do this it's not healthy", because quite frankly aer admins don't care what ae do, as long as ae have a high work output. They're just an iterator after all, right?

And then we come to why they're not really like this anymore, way more toned down in how they act. One big reason is simply time and maturity; they've gained more life experience and kind of just grown away from this sort of behavior in favor of better outlets. They're still young and reckless, but not as overwhelmingly so after a good few decades of time to live and grow. They've seen that it makes people not like them to act like that; even now they still have no real friends due to their reputation. It makes them lonely now that they've calmed down enough to actually think about how others view them instead of living in the moment; they don't want to be lonely. They don't want to be sad. Ae don't want to experience negative emotions, because feelings as a whole tend to be very intense for aer and bad ones really suck to deal with. And they want to get away from these feelings.

Another big reason is because of Pebbles, as was alluded to a little in this post. He's their partner, he cares about them, and they care about him too. For one thing, they don't want their own behaviors to reflect poorly on him by proxy; they're self aware enough now to see that this could happen, and they don't want anyone else to be made to feel like a bad person simply because of being associated with them. They don't want this for someone they love. For another thing, he honestly just makes them feel seen. He can see that they struggle quite badly when understimulated; but unlike aer admins who simply ignore anything that's not work and results and responsibilities, he actually cares enough to help them find a healthy outlet to, well, actually properly stim instead of leaving them to seek unhealthy, and ultimately self destructive since it blows up their ability to maintain friendships, methods. He views them as an entire person deserving of respect, not just a machine with a purpose. That's why they're actually together quite a lot; he's willing to give them what they need to get that stimulation in a more healthy way, whether that be engaging them in direct conversation or letting them constantly fidget with his clothes or just giving them a good squeeze because ae like the feeling. He loves them and cares about them and will go out of his way to keep them happy and engaged and focused on more positive outlets. He involves them in projects a lot because they're actually a very good worker when they care about the task at hand, and they love being delegated tasks to engage with! Giving them more tasks + generally more ideas on how to properly and healthily stim is exactly what they need, and he gives it to aer. It's a big part in why the two of them have a very strong relationship now, the level of genuine care and respect they've cultivated for each other.

They're actually getting a lot better now! They've mostly moved away from the more toxic sorts of behaviors they used to display, since they now have much better outlets. They're not a completely different person personality wise; they're still quite socially driven, and ae do love a good bit of interesting information. They're just mature enough now to not spread things they shouldn't. Ae still don't have true friends really, but they're working towards that and finally starting to gain acquaintances who actually like them and value them for who they are as a person. And they're a lot happier for it; they feel seen and valued and like they have actual reasons to try and be better now. They are loved, they are seen, and they are better off for it.

TL;DR UI is essentially a high powered supercomputer with ADHD that went completely unmanaged for a long time, and as a result they started seeking out negative stimming behaviors. They were never shown anything more healthy as an alternative. They matured over time and were finally shown better stimming methods by someone who cares about them, and it's helped them grow and improve a lot.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

hey mara i'm actually a sub but i don't know how to contact you privately there. your last letter to me mentioned i should start my publication, so i've finally decided to pull the trigger. the only problem i really have right now is that i feel as though i communicate through a language that isn't my own.

i was drawn to your account because of this reason. we believe in very, very fundamentally different things, but you speak through a word that reminded me of my own. but ideally i would want to carve out a place for myself, that doesn't have the surface baggage of reminding someone of something unintended, with no similar meaning -- that muddies the message.

maybe this is a weird ask. just wondering if you might've had a similar experience, and any advice you would want to give. hope you're well

hello again anonymous; you should be able to just message me on substack using their direct message system;

my answer will be a little blunt/harsh because i think it's important to answer "with heart un-occluded" so we don:t misunderstand the intentions of each-other; for me: i have zero interest in helping others further their beliefs or deepen a personal search for a faith that is not adhering to the readings from Outside, from the patterning--it's a sentiment mentioned in the prior answer: the language had to be curated slightly because I don't like inviting a congress over my faith though it were a general exploration of the esoteric, philosophical, christian, such-and-such;

^ that is at the surface of everything, and i'd like that to be understood; but: i also don't want to discourage people from "following their own hearts" or to foster natures that would cause a person to stagnate unhealthily; give up on passions, excitements, whatever; i don't think these two are mutually exclusive, but i will stand firm by not wanting to be used as a platform for another to delve; so, to your question: you will always be misunderstood, and there will always be confusions and miscommunications--it makes me think of the Boogiepop episode i like to quote at people and tell to watch,

people, and others, exist almost indistinguishable from air and water: basically every-where and necessary to live, but completely corrosive. that corrosion extends to thought and language, too; if you want to carve out a place "for yourself" outside of your own internal thought: you have to open it up to the weathering of others, and in-turn: open yourself to being weathered by others; if you wish to be a perfect niche to yourself there is no better cave to lose yourself to than a pure disconnective carcass with a language untouched by any of this illusion;

to your pursuit: simply follow it--Christianity should make people groan when it is referenced, but I like to think of the willingness of Enoch to be God's wild fanatic in the eyes of society, though unrespectable and deranged to 'the city,' out in his wilderness he is a pure and wild element devoted to something unafraid of the hate and thorn of others: I think that is respectable.

Be respectable to yourself first, anonymous, and keep in mind (with a Christian groan) that the first death is guaranteed no matter the belief or language; you yourself are a great work slowly carved from a precious stone and each passing second you chip away a final form composed of small Sin and small Virtue--try to make each second a virtuous one, and be true to your dumb hand carving out that dumb little final image, cause it's all you, anonymous: dumb and precious, and lets leave it at that.

it:s episode 6 of Boogiepop and Others.

[miwhotep]

It's always a lonely feeling when you end up liking that character everyone hates with passion - and you even understand the reason for that passion. I am a Moriarty the Patriot fan for more than 3 years, but I never interacted with the fandom due to having Milverton as a favourite - well, my obsession with him actually started as a child, reading Sherlock Holmes stories and he was my favourite villain. So I was happy when I first encountered him in the YuuMori manga... and I was sad to see his character going waste because the author didn't take time to properly write him. But I started wandering on the what-ifs anyway.

His character kept intriguing me, because we basically know nothing about him. I decided to enrich his character myself - at least, with headcanons. Why was his hair fully white when he was too young for that? Going through a great trauma can turn a person's hair white - maybe he wasn't always the true evil he claimed to be, he just turned into one due to the things happening to him. Remember, despite being in a powerful position, he was no noble. Maybe he was once someone, too, who got broke by the class system and turned to evil thanks to that.

I have a headcanon for his origin story (and a fanfic I never posted).

He wasn't always had that fancy name, he just took that on later. He came from a lower-class family, growing up with a mother who got bedridden due to how the noble who employed her treated her. He somehow learned reading as a child and thanks to this and his wit, he was able to get a better job as a journalist at a newspaper. He was a really idealistic, young journalist who hated the class system and the way the newspapers lied to the commoners to serve the nobles. He became a journalist to give justice to commoners. He came across a murder where a commoner was unfairly accused of the crime - while actually a noble commited it. He promised the commoner to help him clear his name, but neither the police or the newspaper he worked for wanted to reveal the truth, because they were afraid of the noble. In the end, the noble hired an assassin to kill young Charles' mother (and fiance) for trying to get in his way. When his family got murdered in the flat where they lived, noone in the house helped them, despite hearing their screams, because they were afraid. Charles felt that everyone betrayed him at that moment - even the commoners he was fighting for.

After this, Charles met the child Liam who tried to comfort him and told him that he can't fight the nobels through idealism. He suggested him to blackmail nobles so they will do what he tells them and through this, he can get into a powerful situation and make a newspaper what's on the commoners' side and write about their stories. Charles took the advice - but his heart was already full of pain, hatred and the feeling of betrayal for both nobles and commoners. His dark feelings, the necessary evil method he tried to set things right with and slowly coming to a powerful situation fully corrupted him - and in the end, what remained from him is a ruthless creature who takes pleasure in ruining everyone's lives, the way his life was once ruined, too. He likes turning heroes into villains to show that everyone can become a monster like him - who was also a hero once.

He is actually a dark version of William - a once necessary evil who was unable to keep his heart uncorrupted due to the actions he tried to change the world with, and became true evil.

Well, that's the first part of the big Milverton lore existing in my head. I decided to maybe try to interact with the fandom after all, due to that one person who after all those lonely years, actually interested in my thoughts.

[thestrangestperson]

TINY WEE PSA

Hi! Are you trying to write some British people? Here are some random thoughts about exaggerated Britishness (With heavy chat about Scotland because I know Scotland the best):

"I'm going to the store!" Store is not a popular word for a place to buy things. People from the UK will generally say "shop". If they're just going to get milk or something, they may go to the "corner shop" - which people from NY especially will know as a "bodega"

"Hand me an eraser." While some people do say eraser, "rubber" is more common. This is amusing to me because to people from the US especially, it's very different in meaning.

If your character is visiting someone, it's very common to be offered tea. "Fancy a cup of tea?" or more casually "Fancy a cuppa?"

Pub ≠ bar. Pubs include bars, but are also places to get a meal. People do go there to drink ("Get a pint") though, and some pubs don't serve children or allow them in. Many do, however.

There are 100s of accents across the nation, more than just typical posh English, Welsh and Scottish. Please pay attention to your character's background and dialect. The city of London alone has 4 major accents. (For Good Omens fans, Crowley and Aziraphale are both sensationally posh. Aziraphale speaks "The Queen's/King's English" which is notably more formal and collected - Crowley does not.)

Some good swears include "Bellend", "Pillock", "Knob" and "Twat". In Scotland we also have the tamer "Daft(ie)" and "Tube"! Any object can become an insult: "You FUCKING MICROWAVE"

Some good pet names include "Love", "Pet" and "Poppet"

Along with tea we have a carbonated drink called Irn Bru. This is ESPECIALLY popular to Scots but you can find it in England. It is bright orange and fruity in taste.

We buy milk in pints

The chocolate bar Freddo is typically how we measure inflation these days. (I wish I could say this was a joke but tabloids love the chocolate test)

It does rain a lot. Like a shit ton. There are sunny days but nonetheless. The way to start conversation is ALWAYS weather. "Lovely weather innit?" always works, especially in terrible weather.

Sarcasm and dry humour are very popular.

IT IS A PETROL STATION, NOT A GAS STATION

A lot of people smoke or vape. This is very evident especially in cities like London and Edinburgh.

People from southern England especially are typically very removed and tend not to pay attention to anyone else. It's a massive "Not my problem". They can be very friendly by all means, but typically keep to themselves and don't talk to many people.

Biscuits rule the world, especially custard creams. (Jk, they're very loved though)

The school systems are different from that in the rest of the world. Even to one another. The Scottish, Welsh and English education systems are different - but are all composed of Primary school and Secondary school.

Typically people are either passionately wild for the Royal Family or REALLY dislike them.

Terraced and semi detached housing is very common. In Scotland we have "closies" which are blocks of flats that home lots of people, and are typically very square and deshevelled.

McDonald's did not arrive here until the 70s. People were confused by it to begin with.

Fish and chips is a stereotypical yet popular dish. Many people refer to going to a fish and chips shop as "Going to the chippy". Often they do not have seating, and are takeout exclusive.

Britain is a geographical reality, composed of Scotland, Wales and England. The United Kingdom is political and composed of Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales and England.

Irish people may not enjoy being referred to as "British". Furthermore do not call a Welsh, Scottish or Irish person "English". This is a bad idea and will make people mad.

Day in the life of a true Brexit geezer is a documentary. (Jk)

Basically everyone "hates" the English. Whether this is playful or genuine varies from person to person. Even the English hate the English.

Older women especially have very strong feelings about Princess Di (She was so beloved)

For Good Omens fans: Soho is a small tiny little area in the BOROGH of "The City of Westminster". This is a borogh at the heart of London. You can walk Soho in a day.

Most cities don't have boroughs, but do have wee areas which are basically suburbs or collections of areas.

In schools, it's very common to refer to your teachers as "Sir" and "Miss". This also applies outside of school for young people, but generally is seen more in schools.

"Mate" is the most common way to address a male presenting person passive aggressively, along with "Love" for female presenting people. "Mate" is more common and works both ways.

"Pissed" means drunk. "Oh, he's pissed" = "Oh, he's drunk". Increasingly you'll find people say "pissed" to mean angry, especially young people. However "peeved" is what was originally used to mean angry.

[crow-caller]

Hey! I want to preface this message by saying that I mean absolutely no hate by it, and I genuinely respect your content hugely and think you're an amazing person. However, in your most recent video you made a comment about autism that I, as an autistic person, have a different perspective on, and thought it might be interesting to you.

You said that being autistic doesn't automatically make someone disabled and I disagree. A disability is anything that makes it difficult for an individual to function in normal society. This means that, whilst autism is indeed a neurotype and is not inherently bad in any way, it is still a disability as our society is entirely based on social structures and social norms that are completely antithetical to how autism as a neurotype functions. Essentially, whilst autism is a neurotype, the way that autistic people are expected to conform to neurotypical standards makes it a disability, as it makes it significantly more difficult to function.

I and many other autistic people who are extremely high masking and have low support needs still consider ourselves to be disabled not because of our neurotype, but because of how society is structured to our disadvantage.

I know that it was just a passing comment and I genuinely don't want to be rude at all, but this is something that I'm extremely passionate about because of my own neurology. I love your videos, and I hope you have a good day :))

So, this is something I've got a lot of comments on!

Let's start here: I am ALSO autistic and disabled. I probably should have made it clearer.

This is a very interesting subject really and comes down to how we define disability in terms of medically, socially, and more. I'm not an expert, but I happen to live with someone who does study autism academically (and is also autistic and disabled). (My flatmate is helping me correct this wall of text too.) (also, this is VERY long and not like, trying to prove you wrong, it's just more I feel like giving a lot of context, especially for people who aren't very aware of autism related issues)

Firstly also, it's 100% valid to view autism as a disability or identify as disabled via your autism. I don't consider my autism to be a disability, but it is something which can be disabling.

Autism as a disability though is complicated, and to call it not a disability again relies on how you actually define disability. Your points here are very true, but also rely on a social system of understanding disability. The world isn't built for autistic people and that can cause disabling effects. If the world was built ideally for an autistic experience, would autism still be able to be counted as a disability? This is called the social model of disability and is a newer thing.

Traditionally disability has been considered in terms of the medical model, not the social. This views disability in terms of there being a disorder or deficit in capability for an individual which requires treatment or intervention. With autism, it isn't really ideal to use the medical model because it inherently implies autistic people are in some way lacking.

But then there's also the legal definition of disability. Autism is legally often classed as a disability because disability is a protected category that affords certain protections such as against discrimination. This is also how autism is able to be used to gain access to special accommodations such as in uni. While labelling autism a disability in this more legal system sense is important, this is primarily because there is no other protected characteristic it could fall under at this time.

Ideally, I'd say 'neurodivergence' is a better category, though it's a term which has a lot of debate on what that means. Usually, it'll include autism, ADHD, dyspraxia, and dyslexia. All of these are things which can be disabling in certain circumstances per the social model but are harder to place in the medical model as disabilities.

I call autism a neurotype to reflect the idea it is fundamentally another way for the brain to be wired. A good example of this is what is called the 'Double Empathy Problem': Autistic people are often thought of as being impaired in terms of social communication and empathy because they are often viewed from a neurotypical perspective. However, the same is equally true in reverse: non autistic people often struggle to socially communicate and empathize with autistic people. Meanwhile, autistic people are able to communicate with other autistic people equally in much the same way neurotypicals find it easy to communicate with other neurotypicals. The trick to it is that autism is a neurotype, and what appears to be deficits and flaws is merely a difference in communication style between two neurotypes.

Is the theory, at least. This is pulling into flatmate help, who again studies this sort of thing at PHD level.

It's complicated, really. It has nuance. I hope it's been interesting!

Basically, I'm really aware I should have had more context in what I said. Especially since I pulled out the term 'neurotype' which isn't exactly common lingo. It's ultimately up to every individual autistic person to decide how to label themself and doesn't require any intervention from academia to find an answer. It's just this is actually a very hot topic of study and a rather interesting one. I definitely will be adding a new pinned comment meanwhile on youtube to at least clear up I wasn't an ablebodied neurotypical handing out judgements on the autistic. this is just my life.

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 172

Chapter 172: "Free"

Oh, Peter's about to fall alright but it ain't gonna be graceful. Also, so silly of him to think that a knife would be enough to kill Emma. The girl survived being stabbed by Leuvis for fuck's sake, the hell is a small blade gonna do? Ain't no way the boys would even let him get close enough to do any sort of damage to Emma either.

As much as I hate him, that slight pause he takes before he breaks out into that stupid, over-exaggerated grin is hilarious.

I love that Emma responds just as passionately as Gillian did at the start of the flashback, showing us how real her feelings are and that she's not just saying this to appease everyone. So many people (within the story and among readers) believe Emma to be this kind and generous soul and while it's completely true that she has a heart of gold, she's also capable of harboring such negative emotions. She's just real good about not always acting upon them.

This whole page is full of pain and I don't wanna dwell on it long since it'll only upset me, but damn, these kids are gonna need some therapy once they reach the human world.

She wants the killing to stop so badly that she'll even hold back on any more violence and I love her so much for it. Of course I wouldn't want her to experience such depressing emotions either. Our girl deserves to be happy and free!

I think of Nigel's words so often, honestly. Also, a rare moment that Ray & Ayshe share a panel. Literally the only reason why I wanted included that row of everyone. Just to look at 'em.

Emma is absolutely a dreamer and we adore her for it. Seriously, you gotta be so strong to be this optimistic while living in such a cruel world. Being soft ain't bad either, she's just got lots of feelings! And it's great how often the kids bring up doing everything they can so they won't have any regrets. I really gotta start living by that idea. & that panel of surprised Emma & Ray is so precious.

Okay my Isabella bias it totally jumping in here but I wouldn't necessarily call her or the other moms & sisters weak. If they gave up their lives at the gate when they were shipped, then maybe, but those ladies fought so hard during their caretaker training to stay alive, ya know? Sure they might not have taken any chances to change how the world works, but with how much they feared for their own lives, I wouldn't blame them. I get where Emma might be coming from though, such as being weak in terms of following the orders of the farm system. But yeah, no one really had control over their own lives in this world with fear being such a prominent force behind everyone's actions.

Kinda amazing how many Emma Ratri fics and fanarts have resulted from this one panel by simply existing.

I dunno about that, honey. Yeah Peter cries after James' death, but he seemed perfectly fine giving the order to the clan to kill his brother anyway.

Favorite panel/moment:

It fills me with great joy seeing the boys continue to protect Emma throughout this long conversation. Probably the only reason why Peter held his hands up the entire chapter despite Emma lowering her weapon and eventually dropping it on the ground.

[kuro4thegays]

ahahaha relatable on a very personal level. i hate interacting and speaking face to face with real people. texting feels like heaven. i also hate going out too much to the point parents call me a vampire (i accept it cuz i feel so with how much i hate sunlight). and dw i totally get you. my mentality isn't the best istg. depressed most of the time with the straightest face ever so no one can read how panic and disoriented my mind is. loving 2d men cuz they aren't real. if they were real i would get shot in the forehead, im a loser.

about your cute question. honey, honestly its been very long since i first found you. i sent the 1st ask without tagging with the bunny icon because i just thought that i would slip through your life pretty quickly. of course another day when i was desperate about how little bottom male reader content was, i searched the tag and i saw your work. literally please im a fucking bottom i need to be bred not fuck those men. i have to block a lot of top reader and it becomes a hobby now.

pretty sure i absolutely adore "steam" the most. it felt relaxing and... yeh i cried a bit when i first read it. felt like being held in an invisible hug. btw, i've noticed this, because the tag system in tumblr is very messy, can you spare some time to make a master list? it's super hard to find all of your works because not all of them show up when i search "archive". 🐰

Lol my family calls me a bat, so you're not alone on that one. And with depression, yeah, I'm stuck living a double life at this point. 2D men are my true passion.

I think I might have started this blog out of desperation too. Like at some point I figured out that I'm probably not going to get that much bottom male content if I don't make it myself and like why not share it? My first work was actually a rewrite of an older one(it was so cringy I'm not sharing that with anyone). It might have been a irrational midnight idea, but I'm glad I'm here. Really happy that you liked Steam though, useful information for the future...

Oh, and the masterlist, hahah.... I told myself that I would make one when I write at least three fully finished fics... Currently I'm on five and just forgot. But certainly thank you for reminding me. The weekend is coming up so I'll probably have time to spare.

[sillyxaly]

Alright alright

Its late and I wont sleep before i tell this to someone so yall gotta listen

This post (idk how to make it pretty on mobile and im not finding out at midnight) suddenly made me realize why im sticking around in MHA.

Like I knew but I didnt know. I have probably skipped whole Arcs of that show, because I simply do not care about the kids who are the main cast. Dont come at me. I dont care. Aside from a few minor exceptions I care little to not at all about the kids. I used to activly dislike Izuku at the beginning and it just clicked in my brain why. Izuku, at the start, embodied that boundless hope that superhero society was perfect and like his whole life would suddenly be amazing if he got to be one of them. Which is pretty accuratly the picture that society painted. The superheores are amazing and they are something you aspire to be. Going into that show with Izuku as the protagonist id go so far as say they were flawless. Absolutly amazing. I didnt hate Izuku as much as I hated that.

I watch MHA for the villians. Shigaraki most precisely. I love that man with a burning passion that no hate comment could ever dream of tearing from my soul so if you read this dont even try. And I love him for the flaws. He is the flaw that hero society always had. Its what he always pointed out, what all of the league of Villians point at. This perfectly flawless system is just a light so bright it blinds you so you wont see the enermous shadow.

We spent so much time watching those young kids try to be part of that light and finally we are where I always wanted to be. We are exploring the darkness. I was thriving through they few "My Villian Academia" episodes and I have been ever since, not only because I feel my little broken band of misfits are gettinf more screentime, but also because the other characters have slowly started to aknowledge them as people. My personal point for it and also the point where my emotions towards Izuku drastically changed were all but one. It only took Izuku to see Tenko Shimura and aknowledge him as the scared and lost child he was and still is. Something along the lines of "I dont want to ignore that boy" was said in last weeks episode I believe. That sentiment has been in Izuku since the last season and it was literally the only thing I needed to go from "You're at most bearable to me" to "Thank you. I like you."

For so long these kids who grew up in this society and even the actual adult heroes as it seemed have painted this world in black and white. Were the good guys. They arent. And finally they too are actively questioning how true that really is, something I have been doing since first seing Tomura Shigaraki in action.

I actually like MHA now because it was dragging for me to get here, but now I am and I am in love with it. I am in such desperate need for these villians to be seen by the protagonists because nobody else ever tried to help them (im not counting All for One hes a manipulative shitty little guy and it was never genuine help to begin with) and they need help and I have an issue with fixing people and I want them to get help! And its just... freeing for me to have our pratogonists actovely start to realize that