I Saw the TV Glow is such a uniquely, devastatingly queer story. Two queer kids trapped in suburbia. Both of them sensing something isn’t quite right with their lives. Both of them knowing that wrongness could kill them. One of them getting out, trying on new names, new places, new ways of being. Trying to claw her way to fully understanding herself, trying to grasp the true reality of her existence. Succeeding. Going back to help the other, to try so desperately to rescue an old friend, to show the path forward. Being called crazy. Because, to someone who hasn’t gotten out, even trying seems crazy. Feels crazy. Looks, on the surface, like dying.
And to have that other queer kid be so terrified of the internal revolution that is accepting himself that he inadvertently stays buried. Stays in a situation that will suffocate him. Choke the life out of him. Choke the joy out of him. Have him so terrified of possibly being crazy that he, instead, lives with a repression so extreme, it quite literally is killing him. And still, still, he apologizes for it. Apologizes over and over and over, to people who don’t see him. Who never have. Who never will. Because it’s better than being crazy. Because it’s safer than digging his way out. Killing the image everyone sees to rise again as something free and true and authentic. My god. My god, this movie. It shattered me.
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the thing about larys strong is that i think he's been lonely his entire life, lonelier than even he realised/admitted to himself. he craves connection, someone to see him for who he is. and that's what's been guiding most of his actions throught the entire time we've known him.
when he saw alicent being unheard and unseen, he tried to form a connection with her as he saw himself in her (through manipulations of course, but his intention there when saying "i could be your ally" were sincere). but she rejected him (by refusing to see him as a man, by being horrified at his true self (the harrenhal fire), etc) and thus he grew to resent her and want to control her/humiliate her like she "humiliated him", probably thinking it was enough because of the power she gave him.
but then viserys died and alicent's power died with him.
spoilers for season 2 of house of the dragon below the cut
i think his "love" for her... changed or was put on the back of his mind after 2x04, especially after he sees the moon tea and she's in pain. when he asks her about criston, his reaction to her words is as if he is confused, as if he's recalculating what he thought of her because he's seeing her in a whole new light.
and maybe he is seeing her truly for the first time ever.
he said "you and i are the same", was always listening in on her conversations to gather information, maybe even convincing himself by doing so that she truly was like him. but, i think that, when larys says "you have not been yourself" is his way of saying "who are you? are you who i've always thought you were or someone i do not know?" and has to change his view of her, of what he convienced himself he saw in her.
maybe he sees that he's been living in a lie made of his own words.
so, when the council scene happens, he pities her and rejects her idea, because it has no ground and she's grasping at straws. (i do think he does feel sorry for rejecting her but he also doesn't have enough solid ground with aemond as regent (his position in the small council is fairly new) and slighting aemond would cost him the power he has, so he stays quiet and looks away).
however, he also manages to drive a nail to alicole's coffin but he walks away without looking back at the mess it left.
they then don't share a scene at all for the rest of the season.
from then on all his scenes are with aegon, and we see a side of larys we haven't seen before.
ageon gave him power (of course larys manipulated aegon with the Hand comment) because of his "loyalty" following blood and cheese (i still believe larys "let it happen") and made him his master of whispers. he placed larys in the small council (when alicent never did in the 6 years she acted as regent) and gave him status outside of the dungeons. he "brought him [larys] out of the shadows" in a way.
the show has made a point to tell us, since episode one of season two, that larys has been looking at aegon the same way he used to look at alicent in season one, staring him down as if he could see what he's made of, constantly analysing and calculating how to best approach him.
he made small attempts at conversations and funny lines ("that castle is more crippled than me") as the whole alicent thing is going on.
and then the battle of rook's rest happened.
with aegon barely holding on, we have a scene where larys is honest, vulnerable, sincere maybe for the first time ever (yes there's manipulation, but also genuine compassion). he sees the struggles aegon will have to face because he lived them himself.
like with alicent in the weirdwood, he tried to form a connection with aegon. but where alicent "rejected" his true self, aegon instead listened to what larys was saying, saw the truth in it and raged, which made larys feel seen and heard, beyond manipulation and twisted words, probably for the first time in his life
larys, for all his talk that love is a downfall, craves connection, the desire to not be alone in the world. he does feel love.
and whereas alicent rejected his love and was disgusted by his true self, aegon welcomed his help, invited his advice, and embraced his aid to become stronger
i think larys will be loyal to him as long as aegon allows his love and it does not fester into resentment, like his love for alicent did
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another concept that I think would be interesting to explore in fic, is What do the Rimworld colonists think of the player?
What are you to them?
You design the colony, and they will build everything you lay out, no questions asked.
You decide what their priorities should be, and even if you make stupid decisions that put their lives in danger, they will follow that order without question.
You can give them a long to-do list, and the only reason they'll stop before completing it (aside from you telling them to stop), is if they physically cannot continue, because they're ready to collapse of hunger or exhaustion. Or are in such a bad mood they have a mental break.
Why are they so willing to obey you? What are you, that they trust you so unflinchingly, and let you dictate their lives?
You are capable of being in multiple places at once, as demonstrated when part of the colony is in a caravan several days' travel away, and yet you can instruct both groups in the same moment.
Time does not flow over you the same way that it does the colonists. There are times where you notice things too late, yes, but there are also times when, the very moment disaster strikes, you have a plan as though you were able to deliberate for hours during the span of a breath.
You have not aged. You were here when the first pod crash-landed, you bore witness as their children were born, you watched over them as they grew into adults, and you were there still, as they reached reached old age. You will be there for as many generations as exist in this land.
What are you?
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Had a thought I wanted to share (CW for noncon+Yan stuff)
Idia being so obsessive and horny and making a sex doll that looks just like his darling, and using an enchanted onahole to ensure it feels exactly like them - even reacting and tightening just like them~
The one issue is that (either on purpose or accidentally) it turns out his darling can feel everything he does to the doll.
Omg yes!! This trope works so well for Idia. Not only is he using the doll for pleasure, he’s also treating it as practice for when he (hopefully) gets to fuck the real version sometime in the future. Even though creating something like this is no sweat for a genius like him, Idia feels like he’s really outdone himself. As synthetic as everything is, it’s still very soft and lifelike, functioning just like his darling beloved’s tight hole. He uses it more times than he'd like to admit, but he just can't help it. It feels too good, and there’s no way he's confident enough to talk to you in person, much less even broach the idea of dates, relationships, or sex. So this doll will have to do for now, and it certainly works wonders. It’s so warm and wet inside, and the doll's hole hugs his cock so snugly. He likes it even more because he can dress the doll up in your clothes just to pretend it's really you underneath him.
Unfortunately, there’s more to the doll than he knows.
You’re in class when it first happens, lazily scribbling away in your notebook while Professor Trein drones on about magic history. It’s the strangest, most invasive sensation. One minute you think you might fall asleep out of sheer boredom, and the next you’re jolting awake when a slick finger traces along your hole before sliding in. You’re staring hard at your notebook, wondering if that really just happened. But then another finger is easing in, and now these phantom fingers are beginning to work you open. Thankfully, that’s all that occurs. You manage to escape class right as the bell rings, your lips bloody from how roughly you bit down to silence your noises, hurrying to the washroom to see what's causing this. The minute the door shuts behind you, though, is when the fleshy head of someone’s cock is prodding at your hole. You can't see it, but it’s there and it's pushing inside, inches stretching you so slowly before whoever it is swiftly bottoms out, promptly knocking all coherent thoughts from your brain.
You’re fucked silly against the wall by an invisible dick and it takes all of your restraint not to make the lewdest sounds you can possibly produce. By the time this person has finished using you, your hole is spattered with cum and you think you might just faint from the overstimulation. Luckily for Idia he has a surprising amount of stamina when he’s in the mood. Unluckily for you, you’re going to be spending the rest of that day bedridden for…reasons. :) and he always cums inside no matter what, so you’ll be very exhausted and very filled by the end of everything.
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something that really gets me is that we see so much of york being wholeheartedly dedicated to carolina
we see him staying up late to watch over her, following her orders to a tee, not leaving her side when she’s in a coma, coming back for her and rooting for her even when she loses
AND YET his choice ISNT to stay with her!! he’s such an interesting character bc from that choice alone - to not only turn against her but ask her to change her ways - we see how he truly believed in carolina and believes that she is good. we see so little of him outside of the context of carolina and yet we know so much about him from actions like this!! york wants to be good and to do right, and he will make sacrifices for that, even if the bridges he has to burn in order to do so haunt him forever
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