#you make me glad I live in Hell. Our love is a story sweet to tell. Yeah you cast a special Satanic spell. Over my heart. Love is a journey

[fundor333]

[aspoonofsugar]

Lust and Love in "House of Asmodeus"

House of Asmodeus is the perfect climax of season 1 and my personal favourite song in Helluva Boss. Not only it is a banger and it introduces Asmodeus and Fizzarolli's characters, but it is key for themes and characters alike. Let's see why!

THE PERFORMERS

The protagonists of House of Asmodeus are three couples:

Moxxie and Millie

Asmodeus and Fizzarolli

Stolas and Blitz

What do they represent? They are the theme, the anti-theme and the negation of the negation:

The theme is the stance the story is supporting. In this case, "love".

The anti-theme is the stance that runs opposite to the theme. In this case, "lust".

The negation of the negation is the stance, which is worse than the anti-theme. In this case, "loneliness".

Each couple embodies one of these ideas. Not only that, but in general they explore the topic of relationships, by considering two aspects:

the microchosm: the bond itself, the couples' ability to communicate well and to find a common ground

the macrochosm: how society sees the couples and their reactions to these expectations

So, let's explore House of Asmodeus! First, I will offer a general analysis, where I will highlight the basic ideas and motifs. Secondly, I will go deeper into each couple.

LOVE VS LUST

M&M embody love (the theme). After all, the song starts with Moxxie singing a romantic serenade for Millie:

Moxxie: I love you More than the brimstone loves the fire More than Beelze- loves her -bub More than a maggot loves gangrenous stubs You make my spirit sing Yeah, you make me glad I live in Hell Our love is a story sweet to tell Yeah, you cast a special Satanic spell over my heart Love is a journey we decided to start Yeah, I hope we'll never ever be apart I love you (x7)

It is a celebration of the couple's pure love, but it gets interrupted by Asmodeus and Fizzarolli, who mock M&M. They represent lust (the anti-theme) and want to sing about it:

Asmodeus and Fizzarolli: joining in, mockingly I love you (x5) I love you (x3) Asmodeus: You singing love songs in my lustful lounge? Fizzarolli: Ozzie's ain't the place for sentimental sounds! Asmodeus: What'd you expect from a proprietor like us? Fizzarolli: Your demon host, Asmodeus, the embodiment of lust! Asmodeus: Give me a thrust!

The entire song is a juxtaposition between these two ideas, not only in lyrics, but also in visuals.

Moxxie and Millie's parts are full of warm colors, like pink and yellow:

Moreover, a lot of romantic cliches are used: the serenade for an anniversary, the pink hearts, even a kiss on a flying platform with intertwined tails:

Asmodeus and Fizzarolli's color scheme is instead colder, with a lot of blue and purples (Asmodeus's colors):

What is more, the couple keeps referencing sexual practices and erotic games and they even improvise a fake striptease on stage:

Basically Moxxie/Millie and Asmodeus/Fizzarolli celebrate different kinds of bonds through opposite performances. M&M offer an instrumental love song, which is classic and sweet in lyrics and sounds. OzziexFizz instead put on a show full of brilliant tricks and jazzy tunes.

What about Stolitz?

They are still part of the performance, but they are so in a passive way, just like they are passive in their own relationship. Their bond is stagnant and unclear, so they lack the words to celebrate it. This is why they do not sing and instead become props in Fizz and Ozzie's show:

Fizzarolli: Is that Blitzo? So, you're showin' your face? Hey, everybody! This guy's a total disgrace!

Asmodeus: Who's that at your table? Is your date a demon prince? Stolas, is that you?

They are even given a specific red color scheme, which highlights their uneasiness:

And by the end they are humiliated:

You sold your life for a thrust! Now, that's the spirit of lust!

Stolitz embody the spirit of lust, but in a negative way:

Blitz is mocked by Verosika for being bad at sex. He is basically told he is bad at lust.

Stolas is called out by Asmodeus for giving up his life in exchange of some cheap pleasure. Not even artful lust, but just a quick thrust.

Basically, Stolitz is presented as a mess. A relationship rooted in lust, which can't even fully enjoy it. That is why they are the negation of the negation. Neither love nor lust. A bond, which ends in loneliness.

STOLITZ: YOU ARE GONNA DIE ALONE

Blitz and Stolas are mocked for their (lack of) lust:

Verosika Mayday: Oh, Blitzo? I used to date him (date him, date him) I'd stroke him, I'd fellate him (fellate him, fellate him) Yeah, but when it was my turn (my turn, my turn) He did no reciprocatin' (what a dick bag) A selfish Imp in the sheets And just as bad in the streets A reckless, heart-breaking freak!

Asmodeus: Woo! My dark lord, how the mighty do fall! You used to have a smoking wife, a kid, you had it all I hope you didn't give it up so you and him could get it up~

Blitz is bad in the sheets and Stolas sold his priviliged life for some cheap arousal. However, in both cases the point isn't really lust, but something far deeper and more vulnerable:

Fizzarolli: Is that Blitzø? So you're showing your face? Hey everybody, this guy's a total disgrace! Some nerve you got to comment on a relationship Last I checked, your love life is a pile of shit!

Stolitz are not bad at sex. They are bad at relationships:

-Blitz is fine in bed, but he is scared of deeper relationships, which is why he ghosts Verosika:

Blitzo: EVERYONE'S SHITTY! Hello, we live in Hell! Why am I suddenly the bad guy for sucking at relationships?! (...) Verosika: How do you think I felt? When the fun guy I was dating decided to just bail on me because I made the shitty mistake of saying I love… Ugh! It was the most embarrassing feeling. To be vulnerable for once and… you really just know how to send a message in the shittiest, fucking way.

Verosika insults Blitz's sexual prowess, but what she is really angry about is Blitz's selfishness and emotional immaturity.

-Stolas's story with Blitz isn't just the whim of a pompous Goetia, but it is Stolas's first real attempt at happiness. He hides his romantic dream behind a lustful persona, but deep down he wants to belong with someone:

Stolas: You wanna know what I want? I want to know what it's like, to not be alone. I want to be someone's someone. I want to feel wanted. But like, in a romantic way, like I'm standing out in the rain at a train station and someone is shouting: “Harriet! Don’t get on that train, it’s going to London and I cannot be without you!”

He wants more than occasional lust. He longs for a real relationship.

So, for both Blitz and Stolas lust is a mask. It is an easy coping mechanism that lets them enjoy a relationship without truly committing. They do not really have to put in the effort with each other, so they do not risk rejection. After all, rejection is scary:

As Blitz hallucinates: Stolas: You're going to die aloooo-one! Fizzarolli (hallucination): You're gonna die alone, Blitzo!

Stolas: Prince, all alone, upon your throne Your power is so frail You raise your voice You have no choice Inside your gilded jail

Both Blitz and Stolas are scared of dying alone, so they gravitate towards each other. At the same time, they see no real future for their bond. As a matter of fact they can neither have a detached lustful relationship like the one Fizz and Asmodeus (apparently :P) have nor an openly romantic one like Millie and Moxxie's. In general, they can have no relationship because:

1- When it comes to the microchosm, they can't communicate:

Stolas: We could talk, or… watch a movie, or… maybe cuddle? Blitzo: Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time. But, I just, I-I can't do it tonight, okay?

They want and believe different things. Stolas slowly realizes he wants more than just a night of passion once in a while. Blitz doesn't believe he and Stolas's utilitaristic bond can ever become something different.

2- When it comes to the macrochosm, they belong to different social classes:

Wally Wackford: Are you sleepin' with an Imp?!

Stolitz are not Imps like Millie and Moxxie, who are expected to end up together. Rather, they are like Fizz and Ozzie. As a result, the Jester and the King of Lust come to embody the only kind of relationship Blitz and Stolas can hope to achieve:

Blitz can reach Stolas's level only if he is useful to the Goetia. Just like Fizz's talent as an entertainer makes him a suitable business partner for Ozzie.

Stolas is justified in sleeping with an Imp, only if it is devoid of any feelings or deeper emotions. Just like Ozzie presents his utilitaristic relationship with Fizz. Entertaining, but purely physical.

Except that Fizz and Ozzie themselves are obviously more than what they seem. They too are using lust as a mask.

FIZZ X OZZIE: THE EMBODIMENT OF LUST

This is how Fizz and Ozzie want others to see them:

Fizzarolli: Ya mind? Trying to have an unemotional bang sesh here! Asmodeus: Yeah! Cuz we're so NOT in love! Fizzarolli: Yeah! Love. Is. STUPID!

This is how they actually are (and how everyone sees them):

They have to hide their genuine love behind an emotionless lustful facade. In other words:

1- When it comes to the microchosm, they are fine:

They clearly love each other, get along well and want the same things. They are even able to communicate decently, as shown later on in MAMMON'S MAGNIFICENT MUSICAL MID-SEASON SPECIAL (ft Fizzarolli).

2- When it comes to the macrochosm, they struggle:

Asmodeus's status as the sin of lust makes it difficult for him to openly commit to a relationship with Fizzarolli. This is why the two of them have to initially hide their involvement with each other (even if they are awfukl at it).

So, Ozzie and Fizz are fine with each other, but Hell can't accept their relationship. In a sense, the social pressure they feel is even worse than the one Stolitz experience, as Ozz and Fizz are far more famous than Stolas and Blitz. This makes so that OzziexFizz's mutual declaration of love nicely contrasts Stolitz's lack of one.

Blitzo: He's just a fake, privileged asshole! Fizzarolli: Sounds like you just hate him for bein' a prince. Because no one, and I mean no one pretends to care that much just for a cheap lay. Blitzo: Point is, royal demons don't give a shit about guys like us. They're all the fuckin' same. Fizzarolli: That's not…! A-always true…

Fizzarolli openly calls out Blitz's excuses about his relationship with Stolas and tells him being royal means nothing in the face of love.

Mammon: Ha-ha, hooo. Look who's acting like a big fuckin' hero. Careful what you say, Ozzie. Wouldn't want your little secret getting out, would we? Asmodeus: I don't care anymore! Fizzarolli: Ozz? Mammon: Because if you let him quit, I could tell everyone here that you- Asmodeus: What? That I love him? Well, I do!

Asmodeus publicly announces his love for Fizzarolli, which is what Stolas initially struggles to do.

At the same time, Ozzie and Fizz's development happens in season 2. By the end of season 1 they are still struggling with their problems and hiding the nature of their relationship. This is why they symbolically lose to Moxxie and Millie.

M&M: I LOVE YOU (THE THEME)

M&M are the winners of the thematic confrontation that takes place in House of Asmodeus. In particular:

Moxxie does not change his song to fit Asmodeus and Fizzarolli's tune:

Moxxie: I want to… Fizzarolli: Yeah, what do you want? Butt stuff? Piss play? Bondage? Moxxie: Make gentle love to you

Millie ruins Asmodeus and Fizzarolli's big finale and asks Moxxie to finish his song:

Millie: I think you were trying to sing something for me, Mox. Moxxie: Yeah, I was.

They sing the way they want and do not let Fizzarolli and Asmodeus degrade their relationship. They are able to do so because their relationship is strong both when it comes to the microchosm and to the macrochosm.

1- The microchosm

Moxxie and Millie have shown multiple times to be fond of each other. Not only that, but they are complementary and supportive of each other. So far, their major conflict happens in Unhappy Campers because Moxxie lets his insecurity (his major flaw that he shares with Blitz) get the best of him. However, he is quick to get over it once he is called out by Millie:

Millie: For once, I feel like… tears forming like I'm important. Like I'm someone to be proud of… And I had hoped that my husband would be there to support me half as much as I've supported him this week!

Moxxie: I am very proud to introduce to you peeks over to Millie, who was now being moved by Moxxie's appearance Someone with abilities never before seen on this Earth. Someone with the raw athletic skill of an Olympian. The voice of an angel. gestures to Millie as the spotlight now shines on her The acrobatic technique of an indentured 12-year-old Russian ballerina. And a body that - JUST. DOESN'T. QUIT. The best, and most supportive person I've ever known and the love of my life. My wife- Brotheeeeer… Millerd!

When they face a problem, Millie openly tells Moxxie what's wrong and Moxxie is quick to do better. Their fight is solved and their usual dynamic is re-established.

2- The macrochosm

Moxxie and Millie are two Imps, so they are expected by society to be together. And yet, they too struggle with others disliking their relationship. Specifically, both their families are against their union:

Millie's parents think their daughter deserves a stronger and more traditionally masculine husband

Moxxie's father wants to use his son as a tool for his criminal empire and tries to force him into an unwanted marriage

However, Moxxie and Millie are able to resist their families' pressure.

Millie: Moxxie, I'm fiiiine! I got worse than this during the flower tufts at my brother's weddin'. But I caught that fuckin' bouquet, and it was fuckin' worth it! You just have to get out there, and fuck up that brownnosin' cocksucker for me!

Moxxie: I said I'm not doing it, sir. I've spent my whole life being afraid of you, but I'm not giving up the only good thing I've ever had just so you can keep your fragile little sense of control over everything. Millie is a good woman, a better woman than I deserve, and there's nothing that scares me more than hurting her.

Millie affirms she is proud of her husband, whereas Moxxie resists his father for Millie's sake. Moreover, both Moxxie and Millie call out their respective parents in law for their partner's sake:

Moxxie: Y'know, she protected me. And maybe I'm not a strong beefy dickhead, but Millie has the strength enough for both of us! You two are getting on her case about being hurt by a psychopath you hired?! Shaaaaame on you!

Millie: This ass is MINE!

So, even M&M, who should be free from social expectations meet them. Still, they overcome them out of their wish to stay together.

In the end, this is why they are victorious in the musical skirmish at Ozzie's:

Moxxie: I love us I love us just the way we are Don't have to pretend to like to do things we don't I've always got you around to laugh at my stupid jokes I'll never take you for granted I'll always give you my best And if you can offer the same Fate will handle the rest 'Cause I love you 'Cause I love you

Differently from both Stolas/Blitz and Asmodeus/Ozzie, they do not hide neither themselves nor their love. Through each other, they are free to be their real selves and this gives them the strength to face the world's judgement. This is how they are able to stand proud in front of the king of lust. They do not need Asmodeus's approval because they have each other.

Ironically, they end up being the most openly lustful couple:

Their song is a metaphor for sex (just look at Moxxie's vagina-shaped guitar) and their ginal kiss is the only sexual act to happen on stage.

What does it mean? Simple: Moxxie and Millie are openly showing the nature of their bond. As a result, they are more lustful than even the embodiment of lust himself. After all, isn't Ozzie's about showcasing your deepest desires with no shame? Well, this is what Moxxie and Millie do. In juxtaposition, both Stolitz and Fizz x Ozz mask their wishes and feelings.

So, M&M finish their song and the public cheers for them. Their exhibition gives Ozzie and Fizz a moment of intimacy:

They happily celebrate that part of their bond they can't show and that is similar to Moxxie and Millie's.

Stolas and Blitz are instead left silent and confused because they are reminded of what they lack.

IDEALS AND REALITY

Theme-wise House of Asmodeus is a dissection of relationships, lust and love. Character-wise, it is a call out for Stolas and Blitz and a push for them to change.

Stolitz dream a relationship like the one M&M have. They want the ideal:

Blitzo: No, it's fine! I-I can come with the two of you, help you celebrate your boring as fuck monogamy. Moxxie: Uh, no. The reservation is for us. Blitzo: Uh huh! Moxxie: Just us. Blitzo: Mhm! Moxxie: Without you there. Explicitly without you there. Blitzo: I'll wear something nice. It's a big deal after all. See you lovebugs later!

Gabriella: Ay, why won't you love me Alejandro? Stolas: That's a mood, Gabriella.

Both Blitz and Stolas try to experience happy love stories by proxy. Blitz through Millie and Moxxie that he stalks and Stolas through the love drama that he binge-watches. This is their way to cope with loneliness. However, real relationships happen because the people involved put in the work. So, Stolas and Blitz can never obtain their dream love-life, if they do not face their flaws first.

Fizz and Ozz remind them of this in two ways.

On the one hand they openly call out Blitz and Stolas's flaws. Fizz highlights Blitz's troubles with relationships, wheread Ozzie draws attention to Stolas's privilege and unsolved family situation.

On the other hand they themselves are far more similar to Blitz and Stolas, then Moxxie and Millie are. They are one Imp and one Goetia, for starters. Moreover, Fizz and Blitz share similar issues, which stem from their childhood. Stolas and Asmodeus instead are trapped by their status.

In other words, Fizz and Ozzie destroy the ideal and force Blitz and Stolas to change and grow. Symbolically, they do so by attacking both M&M and Stolitz's relationship. However, Moxxie and Millie in the end don't give a fuck. Nothing that Fizz and Ozzie do have any long impact on them nor on their relationship. This isn't the same for Stolitz. Some quick jabs are enough to make their current dynamic collapse. That is because Moxxie and Millie share a real relationship. Stolas and Blitz instead share a fantasy and they need to turn it into reality.

[di-42]

September's Scrumptious Fictions

Another month where I wish I could have read more fictions! But definitely some gems in the ones I did read, among which a couple of stories that touched me at a very a deep level, and I'm so, so glad I read them!

As usual I will tag the writers whose Tumblr usernames i know, so they can know they bring joy to their readers. Hope you enjoy these lovely stories as much as i did! If you do, please, please, please, let the writers know!

WIPs:

Wavelengths & Frequencies by @shadesofecclescakes and imposterssyndrome @maaikeatthefullmoon (Rated E, chapters 9/?)

If you feel like you're going through one of those phases where you need to curl up on a sofa with a cup of hot chocolate and something good to read, something safe and reassuring, then this fantastic fiction is for you. It's a human AU enemies-to-lovers fiction where Aziraphale and Crowley can't stand each other, but work for the same media corporation as radio DJs and have to attend charity events together. The characterisation is spot on and the humour great. And what an incredible soundtrack! I honestly can't tell you how happy each notification of a new chapter of this story makes me!

You're The Bad Guys by Nebz_AlphaCentauri @alphacentaurinebula (Rated E, chapters 12/?)

Cold War human AUs in which Aziraphale is an MI6 agent ans Crowley a KGB agent. They get assigned to the same mission in Berlin in 1981. They're on opposite sides. Great characterisation and suspense! And great nods to canon!

Love Lost Is Sweeter When It's Finally Found... by Hopeless_old_romantic_67 (Rated E, chapters 13/?)

After the Second Coming has been averted God allows Crowley and Aziraphale to live as humans for as many loves as they want, but with no memory of who they really are. Welcome to a Quantum Leap-y fiction, inspired by the video Past Loves by Børns. Unlike me, most of you will probably get all the names refernces!

My own WIP And I Did (Rated E, chapters 9/14)

Post season two fiction featuring Supreme Archangel Aziraphale and Grand Duke of Hell Crowley. Satan tasks Crowley with leading Hell to the End of the World. God tasks Aziraphale with leading Heaven to the End of the World. They both have made their choice and they were never going to make a different one.

Complete works:

Wrong Turn by anticyclone, D20Owlbear (Rated Teen, 37,565 words)

Honestly, I don't know why this fiction touched me so much. I just couldn't stop thinking about it for days after I finished it. It's a post season 1 fiction where Crowley suddenly finds himself in a parallel universe at the time the apocalypse is just about to happen. The Crowley and Aziraphale in that universe have a different history to our Crowley and Aziraphale. All our Crowley wants to do is to go back to his universe and his very own angel, but how? As you follow the main plot and focus on Crowley's thoughts and actions, you'll start slowly feeling the other story get hold of you, and it won't let go until the very end and beyond.

Happiness, More Or Less by mllekurtz (TheKnittingJedi) (Rated M, 21,445 words)

If you read only one story out of this list, make it this one. This human AU moved me so very much I cried. Crowley moves into his new flat in Soho, only to discover the flat in haunted by the ghost of the owner of the bookshop downstairs. I won't tell anything else about the plot other than it does have a very sweet happy ending, and it gets there via a rollercoaster of emotions. This is really one of those fictions that leave me in awe of the fandom's talent and creativity. Read it, read it, read it!

Time Marches Forward by @bellisima-writes (Rated M, 129,182 words)

Post season two story with an incredible plot! This story has multiple POVs, including Adam's, who's one of the main characters, and rightly so! Aziraphale is in heaven as supreme archangel, while on earth Adam and Crowley form a very strong bond. We follow their journey in the two years between the end of season two and the second coming. Lots of angst with a very happy ending!

One Shots:

Accidental Sleepover by MetalMiez (Rated Teen, 11,525 words)

Set after season one, this fiction is a sweet account of how Crowley and Aziraphale get to confess their feelings to each other. There are references to season two, but in this what-if universe it never happened.

We Keep Love In A Photograph by @itsscottiesstark (Rated G, 2,066 words)

A very sweet and credible account of what might have happened next on that night in 1941, and what Aziraphale and Crowley's thoughts might have been.

One Perfect Day by PirateFanatic (Rated Teen, 4,821 words)

Canon universe story where Crowley and Aziraphale are safe. In fact, they are about to go to a wedding. As Aziraphale dresses up, Crowley moans that he doesn't want to go, but Aziraphale doesn't give him a choice. And, in the words of the writer, with good reason.

The Bentley And The Pumpkin by graywings @smua70 (Rated G, 1,559 words)

Such an incredibly sweet and fun story, told in the Bentley's POV! The poor car was feeling lonely there in the South Downs, away from the hustle and bustle of London. But not to worry, she'll have her happy ending!

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

Holy moly, your last story had me feeling feelings.

The sentence about the unborn baby being jealous got me thinking tho, what if their kid inherited some of Donna's possessive traits, like always wanting to be by y/n's side, much to the chagrin of poor Donna, who hasn't been able to cuddle reader at night without a (sometimes two) little body wiggling into their bed. And as their daughter grows, she kinda sees Donna as a threat, someone who takes her moms attention away. Donna doesn't rightly know how to deal with the feeling of love for her child, and annoyance at not having reader for themselves.

UNTIL one day when reader and child is taking a walk through the forest, and a couple of men comes up and threatens them, only for mama Donna to turn up and rescue them. Both Donna and her daughter have a revelation that day: Donna from how scared she would be if anything happened to both her love and her child, and daughter from how she now sees Donna as her mama too, who would always protect and love her. And they make an unspoken pact about protecting reader always xD

You don't have to write this if you don't want to, I just got the mama Donna brainrot lol

Thanks for feeding us starving queers some quality Donna content

Yesss!!!! Thank you for your words, and for your request! I'm glad to read you enjoyed that one!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!! :))))

A long road to motherhood

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: G!P Donna (implied), slightly dark themes, Donna's POV

Word count: 7,112

Summary: How I can be jealous of my own daughter?

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! This is a sequel to this one!!! I love you all!!! :))

As they say, time heals wounds.

After almost losing you, after seeing how life became more and more distant from your sight, I was able to get you back.

A miracle, the sign that my sins were forgiven, I couldn't say what exactly it was. I have always thought that coincidence doesn’t exist, even when I met you, a bad deed that was rewarded, a trip to hell of having you immobile in a bed. I could never forget the two weeks when I almost lost you, when my whole world almost collapsed, because of me.

But no, life stopped torturing me, you woke up, you woke up wanting to make me feel good, to forgive me, to continue loving me as I didn't think you did.

If I had to keep a memory in my mind, only one, I would choose the moment in which I turned my head and saw your eyes open, your sweet look from that stretcher, life shining in your eyes again, looking at me.

I made an effort not to torture myself, to not let the nightmares make my nights impossible. It could be because I was still mentally ill, I couldn't separate myself from what life had given me, but I had to be strong. It was no longer you and me. There was someone, someone much more important to care for, someone to fight day and night for with my demons, with my jealousy, with my stupid and sick way of being: our daughter, Giovanna.

Born from my mistakes, from my pathological possessiveness, that girl represented everything pure that was missing in my life. My family, our family had been formed thanks to the biggest mistake of my life, thanks to that horrible afternoon in which I took what I thought was mine.

Luckily, the girl kept me away from your screams of terror, from the way you resisted my actions. Little by little I began to forget it, especially when I saw that childish smile in the girl's eyes. She had no hard feelings. If her birth was a mistake, it would be the best one in my life.

Maybe not the way she was conceived, but I could feel proud of the change that little Giovanna Beneviento made in our lives. I almost lost you because of my selfishness, but I got you back because... Well, I couldn't say why exactly. Maybe you forgave me, maybe you never could. I didn't know, with you it was impossible to know.

The years passed, the girl grew up and with her everything we had formed by chance, because of me, settled into routine, like a new way of living, of caring, of loving...

“Asleep,” you said amused, entering the bedroom, closing the door, wearing that smile on your face, the one I didn't think I deserved.

Luck smiles on the wicked, it smiled on me, the luck of having you, of having you and our daughter. I was not worthy of such honor, such light that had appeared in the darkness of my life.

“She’s alright?” I asked, getting under the covers. You nodded, motioning with your thumb, joining me.

“Yes, she's with Angie,” you answered, kissing me quickly. I frowned, with an amused look.

“That doesn't answer my question,” I whispered, kissing her shoulder, thanking with my lips that you never left, that all my flaws seemed like just an illusion to you.

“Well, I told her the story of the princess and the eel, it is her favorite,” you said with an interesting look. I shook my head, laughing at that attitude you had, that attitude that didn't disappear even in your worst moments. I didn't deserve you.

“The princess and the frog,” I corrected, narrowing my eye, with a sinister smile. You laughed, disapproving of my correction with a wave of your hand and a tired sigh.

“No, no, Donna,” you whispered, with a mocking tone. “You heard me correctly. Eel.”

“What difference does it make?” I asked curiously, admiring your imagination, your ability to make Giovanna fall asleep every night with those made-up stories. Only you could do it.

“Oh, I'm glad you’ve asked me...” you whispered, darkening your voice, making me pay more attention to you. “Well, when the princess kisses the toad, it becomes a prince, right?”

I nodded, listening to you with curiosity, trying not to let my eye go to the scar on your arm, the one that showed the worst two weeks of my life, the ones in which I was on the verge of losing you, because of me.

“Well, in my story, when the princess kisses the eel, the prize is… an electric tickle attack!” you said loudly, attacking me mercilessly, running over my body with your restless hands, making me laugh involuntarily.

“(Y/N)...” I said, grabbing your wrists to end your torture.

“Do you like my story?” you asked, climbing onto my lap, with that shine in your eyes that made me tremble, get excited. You were so perfect, so sweet... So... Fiery.

“Is that the end?” I asked, hugging your body, keeping it close to mine, rocking it. You pretended to think about the answer, which came in the form of a tender, but hot kiss on my lips, one that made me sigh.

“Well, that's the all-audiences ending,” you purred in my ear, forcing my hands to scratch the fabric of your pajamas as a result of the subtle but perceptible movement of your hips against mine.

“Is there an alternative ending?” I asked with a low voice, impatiently putting my hand in your pants, keeping your gaze, which drifted to my lap while you nodded.

“Yes, but it can't be told,” you whispered, reacting to my touch with erratic movements of your body.

“Maybe you can show it to me,” I said, with a smile close to your lips, noticing your nervous breathing, your desire to love me once again, to let yourself be loved, this time for real, that time without arguments, without terrible ideas going through my head.

“Maybe I can,” you whispered, melting into me in a passionate, hot, wet kiss, dancing with my body, caressing my hair, my back, comically fighting with your pajamas so they would disappear from our path.

 “Mom, mom!” a shrill voice sounded behind the door, causing you to move, to turn away from me with scared eyes.

Small steps approached the bed and with the strength that a 6 year old girl could have, Giovanna climbed up to meet us.

“Gio, what are you doing here?” you asked, your face blushing. “Why did you get up?”

“I've had a nightmare...” the girl murmured, looking at me out of the corner of her eye, with a strange feeling that made me raise my eyebrow.

“Oh, a nightmare?” you said, taking the girl in her arms. “You just fell asleep, darling.”

“Yes, but I had the nightmare,” she said, looking away. Was she lying?

“Oh, poor Gio, the evil monsters again?” you asked with a tender voice, placing the little girl between the two of us.

I couldn't help but sigh tiredly. It might seem like a tender moment, a moment when our daughter needed that coveted motherly love. Well, it could be like that, but I knew it wasn't.

When she was born, she was a good baby, who cried like a normal baby, who let herself be rocked, who fell asleep in my arms. That changed over the years. Somehow, as if she had noticed the absence of her mother in the first moments of her life, she could no longer live without her.

Always with you, the girl was always with you, she cooked with you, she bathed with you, and, of course, she slept with you.

The nights stopped being a small bastion of intimacy between us when Giovanna had enough capacity to reason. Sometimes I thought she did it on purpose, to annoy me. She couldn't think that way. I really was trying not to think that way.

“Yes, mom...” the little girl sighed, causing another hug from you and a look of helplessness that you gave me over your shoulder. “Can I sleep here?”

“No, tesoro,” I said, taking the girl in my arms, in a furious outburst at that interruption.

I wouldn't have acted like that if it hadn't been the countless times it happened. “Come on, let's put you to bed.”

“No! I want to stay with mom,” the girl protested, breaking free from my grip, crawling comically across the bed to reach your arms. You laughed, shaking your head.

“(Y/N), tell her something,” I said, showing clear displeasure at the situation. My patience grew as the girl did, but lately it was slowing down, maybe too fast.

You shrugged, hugging our daughter, who seemed to be having another of her usual tantrums.

“Oh, come on, Donna, poor thing. It's okay. She can sleep with us,” you said, giving in to the little girl's emotional blackmail, to those fake tears that ran down her cheek.

“It's okay if it were the first time, (Y/N)” I said, sitting on the bed. “She has to learn to face her fears.”

“Mamma mean... Mom, mamma is mean...” Giovanna said, hanging on to your pajamas, looking at me with eyes that I wished I had never seen. They seemed full of hatred, irrational hatred. Why did she remind me so much of me?

“No, don't say that, honey, mommy Donna isn't mean, she cares about you,” you sighed, cradling the little girl in your arms.

I laughed nervously and crossed my arms, shaking my head. Despised by my own daughter, was this the punishment that awaited me for my horrible acts?

“Well, then she has to let me sleep with you,” the girl said, without bothering to look at my face.

“She's going to do it, right, Donna?” you asked, looking at me. I couldn't do anything else. I had to nod in defeat, for my own daughter.

“Oh, okay,” I huffed, getting under the covers.

I looked at the girl, the girl looked at me and did something that made me sit up again. Her face radiated the sweet taste of victory, sticking her tongue out at me mockingly.

“Hey!” I protested, annoyed by that unpleasant gesture. “(Y/N), the girl stuck her tongue out at me.”

“Oh, come on, stop it and let's go to sleep,” you said tiredly, turning off the light on the table, enveloping the room in the deepest darkness.

I wanted to protest again, to punish Giovanna for treating me that way, but I did nothing, as always. I just crossed my arms again, pressed against the edge of the bed.

Silence finally reigned in my head, and in my ears. Frustrated and nervous, I thought about everything that was happening, about my daughter's unfair attitude towards me. You said that perhaps she had inherited that possessiveness.

 I trembled to think that it could be that way.

Of all my flaws, that was the worst. Just thinking that my daughter could become someone like me... My entire body trembled with terror at that idea, my stomach clenched as I imagined it. Giovanna had inherited almost all of my looks, that wasn't a bad thing. But that her mind worked like mine, that she thought she had to have you to herself...

No, that was something that horrified me, something I tried to ignore in each and every one of her tantrums.

With my eye open, thinking about that possibility, I spent part of the night, well, until a small foot hit me in the face, snapping me out of my own personal torture.

“Mamma, move, I don't have room,” the girl protested, causing me to grunt, pushing her small leg away with an angry gasp.

“You have plenty of room, Giovanna,” I said with a serious voice, perhaps too serious for such a young girl. She didn't seem to care and she continued kicking my body until she forced me to fall off the bed with a thud.

“Mamma, you fell,” my daughter whispered, with a malicious tone, with a tone I hated hearing.

A mocking laugh reached my ears. It wasn't the girl. It was you, (Y/N).

Did you really find it funny that my daughter looked down on me like that? My dark mind lurked in my thoughts, but I was stronger, at that moment I could control my impulses, although I didn't know for how long.

“Do you find it funny? Your daughter kicked me out of bed,” I said furiously, suddenly getting up from the floor.

“No, no, not at all,” you said, not knowing how to hide the mockery that appeared in your words.

I sighed again, running a hand through my hair, shaking my head.

“You know what? You can stay there, I'm leaving,” I said furiously, grabbing one of the cushions from the bed, leaving the room, stopped by your mocking hand on my wrist.

“Come on, Donna, stop acting like a child and go back to bed,” you said, your voice tired. I opened my eyes wide, offended by that reproach.

“Do I behave like a child?” I asked, with my hands on my hips. “Tell your daughter, she hasn't stopped until she kicked me out of bed and...”

“Donna, stop it,” you scolded me, leaving me glued to the wooden floor. “I don't know which of the two is more childish, really...” you sighed, turning around, letting me go.

I opened my mouth to say something, but my insides were churning furiously. I knew I was right, but I couldn't help but feel that it was internal rage, an uncontrolled rage that clouded my disturbed mind was the reason for all your suffering. I would never hurt you again, (Y/N), ever again.

“Buoa notte,” I whispered before disappearing down the hallway, walking towards the office.

Lying back on that old sofa, I thought about whether all of that was really a punishment, if the happiness I felt from having you next to me, from having a family, was just the illusion of reward, instead of a macabre game of hell itself.

“Hello, hello, hello, exiled again?” a familiar, too familiar voice asked, Angie, who entered the office with an amused step.

“What do you think?” I asked, settling down on that horrible sofa, looking away from that annoying doll. “If you did your job well…”

“What job?” the doll asked, jumping into my stomach, with a maddening voice that I didn't need to hear.

“Giovanna has had nightmares again,” I commented in a low voice, forcing Angie to get off my body, turning around, trying not to stick the wood of that sofa that little by little was becoming my new bed.

“Oh, I didn't know,” she muttered, climbing up again, just to annoy me. Why would my own conscience want to annoy me? It seemed like everyone was against me, as always.

“You didn’t know? You sleep with her,” I said incredulously, suspecting something I already knew. Angie shrugged, shaking her head from side to side. “Piccola bugiarda…”

“Don't blame her. She wants to be with her mother,” the doll said, downplaying the fact that my daughter was a little liar, something admirable at her age, but equally irritating.

“I'm her mother too,” I protested, sitting up, saying out loud a truth that my own daughter seemed to deny from the moment she said her first word, from the moment she decided not to separate from you.

“That's quite obvious,” Angie murmured, making me roll my eye and cross my arms, pressing my nails into my skin.

“But it seems like I’m not... Giovanna doesn't see me as such,” I said with a lower voice. “Cazzo, Angie, I can't even spend a moment with (Y/N) alone...”

“Oh...” the puppet sighed, forcing me to look at her. “I don't think you're jealous of your own daughter, Donna.”

“What? Of course I’m not,” I said immediately, separating that possibility from my head, the possibility that had been tormenting me for some time.

“Well, it seems like it,” Angie rebuked, earning a strong push from me to took her off the couch.

“Don’t say nonsense. I'm sure it's a phase or something...” I muttered, grabbing the cushion to channel my anger into that piece of fabric instead of losing my nerve.

I hadn't lost my mind for too long, I wanted you to be proud of me.

“Well, well, what you want is to be alone with (Y/N) to make more babies to get on my nerves,” the irreverent puppet commented.

I huffed tiredly. Of course, Angie was part of me. She was just as possessive and jealous as me, as Giovanna...

“You don't understand,” I said in a dark tone, looking away from her. “I adore our daughter but I would like to have time for (Y/N) and me and… Besides, I'm afraid of…”

“Of what, Donna?”

“I’m afraid of Giovanna being like me”

That night I barely slept. The erratic thoughts in my head wandered freely thanks to the lack of your body hugging mine, your heat dissipating my demons. No, I couldn't be jealous of Giovanna, I couldn't feel hatred towards the person I loved most in the world. Or maybe I can, I didn't know, I was incapable of controlling everything that was going through my head, I was incapable of not seeing myself in my daughter's hateful glances.

“Good morning, darling...” your soft voice, your caresses on my hair woke me up from my recurring nightmares, some in which my old self took control of my actions, some in which I hurt you, again. “Have you been able to sleep?”

“Yes, well, I'm used to that horrible couch,” I murmured, yawning, sitting up to return those precious caresses, that kiss that I wanted to give you to calm my senses.

“Donna,” you sighed, with a sad look, lack of that fun that always guided your life. “Come on, don't be mad.”

“I'm not mad,” I said defensively, bringing my knees to my chest. “How did the little princess sleep?” I asked, unable to prevent irony from coating my words.

“Well, well, it seems like she doesn't have nightmares anymore,” you commented, oblivious to the mockery of my question, or rather, wanting to be oblivious to it.

“Yeah, sure,” I said, shaking my head, with a fake smile on my face.

“Don't be like that with Gio, she's a little girl, it's normal that she wants to be with her mother,” you explained, never ceasing in your attempt to calm me down with your caresses.

 I wish it had been that easy from the beginning, I wish your love could have put an end to my jealousy.

“With you, of course,” I murmured angrily, squeezing my fist tightly, a fist you grabbed, undoing its shape before it hurt me, again.

“Don't have a hard time, my love. You know what Giovanna is like, she's like…”

“Like me,” I interrupted, making you sigh intensely and lower your gaze. That was what you were going to say, it doesn't matter if you denied it.

“Yes, but not in the way you're thinking,” you said, lying, I could see it in your eyes, you were lying.

Liar

“I need to take a shower,” you commented, leaving aside that interesting and dangerous topic of conversation. “Why don't you give the girl breakfast? So you spend some time together.”

“She’s going to to bite me,” I murmured, unintentionally earning another of your tender laughs, another of your quick kisses on the lips, caresses and kisses I never deserved.

“Stop protesting and act like a mother,” you said amused, leaving the office.

I growled, uncovering myself and going to look for that little monster.

“Come on, Giovanna, drink the milk...” I said, tired of the girl's obvious refusal.

Already dressed, I prepared to fulfill the task you gave me, bathing the little girl and giving her breakfast. To say it was easy was a dirty liar. It was not.

Giovanna's protests grated in my ears. She loved her mother, she loved you.

“I don't want to, where is mom?” Giovanna asked, in a childlike posture, crossing her arms and dodging each of my attempts to bring the glass to her mouth.

“Mom is taking a shower, come on, obey,” I said, already tired from that infernal bath, from the kicks and punches of protest from my daughter, from our daughter. If she didn't look so much like me, I'd think she was just yours.

“I don't want to,” the girl said, looking at me proudly. I snorted, getting angry.

“Giovanna...” I hissed threateningly, sternly. She shook her head. “Come on, don't make it more difficult for me.”

“What have you done to mom?” she asked, leaving me stunned, leaving me breathless because of that horrible accusation.

“What are you talking about, tesoro?” I asked incredulously at those words, at that question. Did she remember she existed because I forced you to? It didn't seem possible.

“Mom's not here, I'm sure it's your fault,” the girl repeated, without looking at my face, gracefully avoiding my attempts to get her to eat breakfast.

“Don't talk nonsense and have breakfast at once,” I said tiredly, ignoring that horrible accusation.

“I don't want to, I want mom to come,” Giovanna said, kicking in the chair, threatening with another tantrum.

“I told you... Mom is taking a shower,” I whispered, losing my patience. “Eat breakfast or I won't let you play with Angie.”

Apparently, the threat of punishment had an effect. The girl clumsily picked up the glass, drinking some milk. I sighed in relief, but not for long. With a mocking sound, the milk in her mouth shot into the worst possible place, into my face.

I blinked in shock at this evil act and tried to ignore the boisterous laughter of the Angie doll, who seemed to be writhing on the floor, amused at my expense.

“It's over, you're punished,” I said furiously, grabbing the little girl's arm, who protested with an exaggerated scream.

“Let me go! Mom!” the little girl yelled, disconsolately calling her mother, calling you, her savior.

“Stai zitto, Giovanna,” I said furiously with a dark voice, but maintaining my composure, wiping my face.

“Lasciami in pace!” she screeched in response, moving erratically.

“Io sono la tua mamma, ascoltami, Giovanna...” I whispered, stopping that protest as best I could, being totally incapable.

“Tu non sei la mia mamma, sei una stupida!” she screamed, insulting me, making it clear that she didn't love me, that she only loved you.

That was a hard blow for my fragile mind, too hard.

“Hey, hey...” your voice resonated to calm that bloody battle, appearing from the hallway with a gaze fixed on the girl, with a frown. “What's going on here? If you're going to fight, at least do it in my language, will you?”

 “Your daughter, (Y/N), that's what's happening,” I said furiously, unable to get rid of the strong accent that anger made me have. You approached, shaking your head, running a hand through my hair.

“What happened to you? Has a cow fallen on your face?” you joked, making the girl laugh in amusement, being picked up by your protective arms.

I didn't know what to say, I simply tried to fight against my wounded heart, against the tears that threatened to slide down my cheek.

With a growl, I walked away from you, quickly, ignoring your calls.

“Donna! Hey, Donna! Come here,” you shouted, calling me. I turned to look at you, but I could only see the girl's triumphant eyes, ones that almost made me lose control.

I ignored your screams, going down to the basement, running quickly towards my room, containing the rage that was beginning to build up in my fists.

Furious, I kicked a chair, kicked the bed, and pulled my hair. The situation was unbearable but... No, I couldn't lose my mind in front of you, of our daughter. I couldn't go back to being that evil woman who ruined your life, the one who forced you through her deranged mind. I didn't want it to come back, but I couldn't stop it.

“Maledizione!” I shouted, releasing all my anger in a punch that hit the mirror of the old dresser. Blood flowed from my hand. The pain was intense, but not compared to the damage to my delicate, sensitive, sick heart...

How to deal with the love I felt for you, and for my daughter? How to handle those horrible feelings that haunted me? I loved Giovanna. I loved her more than my own life, even if she didn't feel the same way.

Jealousy, possessiveness, yes, there was no longer any doubt, it was my fault. Giovanna was born for that reason. She came into the world because of my pathetic and crazy obsession with keeping you by my side. Just as it happened with me, it happened with her. My desire not to lose you, to keep you close to me had passed to Giovanna, turning her into my reflection, into an adorable version of the monster that I considered myself to be.

The situation was getting out of control. I should never have been a mother, I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to have you by my side. Your words, the love you said you felt for me were no longer enough.

That was my punishment for keeping you. That was my punishment for all the harm I did to you, creating something wonderful, a beautiful daughter, only for me to be nothing to her, just a nuisance, a threat that stood between her mother and her.

I looked at the blood that flowed from my knuckles, that blood that reminded me that I was still a human being. I shook my head, I buried it in my arms and there, in the solitude of my room, far from my family, far from the most important things in the world for me, I cried inconsolably.

“Quando ci vuole, ci vuole, mm?” I repeated that phrase looking at myself in the broken mirror, demanding a bit of fortitude from myself, gaining enough strength to get up and return to your side.

No matter how hard the path was, my duty was to walk along it. That was my penance.

“You shouldn't treat mommy that way, honey... She loves you very much.” Your voice caught my attention, making me hide before revealing myself again.

“She doesn't love me, she just wants to take me away from you,” the girl said, sobbing. That made me squirm again, but I managed to stay calm.

“No, that's not true, darling. Donna would do anything for you, for us… Remember how she made you Mrs. Freckles? She's your favorite doll, right?” you asked, giving Giovanna that doll, one that I made her when she was three years old, when she didn't hate me.

“Yes...” Giovanna said, hugging the doll tightly. That was the closest I'd come to her to give me some love the last two years. I cried again thinking about it.

“Besides, you don't remember but... Thanks to your mom, you're healthy and strong now, I'm sure you didn't know that,” you commented, with a soft voice, cradling the girl, calming her tantrum.

Giovanna shook her head, curious.

“I don't remember,” she said, with her hand on her mouth, in an adorable way. Well, at least it made me smile.

“Of course not, you had just been born and I... Well, I got very, very sick... I couldn't take care of you, but do you know who did?” you asked, with a voice similar to the one you used when you told her a story.

 The girl shook her head.

“Donna, your mommy, she took care of you until I got well again. She fed you, changed your diaper, sang lullabies to you to make you fall asleep...” You explained, making the knot in my stomach grow stronger. I didn't want to remember those two weeks, I didn't want to.

“Mamma Donna?” the girl asked, lowering her gaze.

“Yes, honey, she was very kind to you, you should be a good girl and return her favor, don't you think?” you said, with a softer voice.

The girl seemed to think about it, but finally, just as I suspected, she shook her head.

“Go to play with Angie, okay?” you said when you looked at me out of the corner of your eye, when you realized my presence. “Then we could take a walk in the forest, would you like to?”

“Yes, yes, a walk!” Giovanna said, excited about the idea, running around the room, passing by me without even looking at me.

“Donna, darling,” you sighed, walking slowly towards me, looking down at my wound, still bleeding. “Oh, my love… Have you hurt yourself again?”

I nodded, trying not to look at her, feeling ashamed, feeling that I was the monster you seemed to fall in love with once again.

“Gods, what have you done? Come, let's heal you,” you sighed, with that look you had when my mind went crazy, something that hadn't happened for too long.

Slowly, with a sad look, you bandaged my wound, not wanting to say anything, looking at me from time to time, with pity, thinking you had lost me again.

“Giovanna said I wasn't her mother,” I murmured while you worked on my wound. You looked at me, sighing, closing the bandage around my hand, holding it in yours.

“Don't pay attention to her, she's a little girl. You know that children say a lot of nonsense,” you commented, lifting my chin so you could see my face damaged by crying.

“It's not nonsense,” I said, furious again.

"Of course it is. Giovanna loves you, even if she doesn't tell you, I know,” you said in a soft tone, trying to convince me to abandon that shameful jealousy, that lack of your love that girl was forcing me to feel.

“You think so?” I said, turning around, looking on the coffee table for one of the many drawings my daughter made and showing it to you superbly. “Where am I here?”

“Oh, well...” you said, taking the sheet of paper, looking at the figures of Giovanna, Angie and you. “Oh, look, here you are,” you said smiling, pointing to a small black figure in the corner of the paper. I raised my eyebrows.

“There are lint in this house bigger than that black stain,” I said ironically, becoming defensive again.

“That black stain is you,” you joked, nudging me. I looked at you with a burning gaze, making you step back.

“Exactly, I'm just a black stain in our daughter's life, and in your life,” I murmured, looking away.

“No, that's not true, you know I love you very much Donna. You know that I...” you said, almost begging for me to listen to you, too late.

“I have to work on my dolls,” I said, getting up from the couch, rubbing the bandaged wound on my hand. “Thank you for healing me.”

“Donna, honey, wait...”

Nothing you said could be enough to calm the tide of my dark thoughts.

Just a black stain, a monster that wanted to separate my daughter from her mother, that was me in that family, nothing else.

“We'll be back before it gets dark,” you said, kissing me on the cheek as you said goodbye, heading out the door. “Come on, Gio, give mommy a kiss,” you ordered the girl, who was tugging impatiently at your dress.

“I don't want to,” the girl murmured, taking refuge between your legs. “Come on, mom, come on.”

You looked at me, apologizing for her, I shook my head. Not even Angie stayed with me.

With nothing better to do, I leaned on the porch railing, watching you walk away, letting my mind think that this might be the last time I saw you. In my hands, I held the black veil with which I used to cover my face, imagining a fleeting hope that would allow me to go with you.

I'm just stupid, like my daughter said. I didn't deserve the fantastic family I had. I never did it, it was all my fault.

“Look, Donna, what a kick... It's incredible...”

“Do you think we should paint the room? It's a bit dull for a girl, or a boy...”

“I want to see what it's like...”

As I looked somewhere I didn't notice, I remembered those moments, those horrible moments of your pregnancy, horrible, yes, but also tender, adorable. I was to blame for your suffering and your smiles. The harm that little Giovanna did to you was the first of my punishments.

I sighed, letting a tear fall onto the wooden floor, shaking my head, denying myself the truth of a terrible thought. You would be much better off without me.

“Donna, Donna!” A shrill voice derived that horrible thought from my head. My Angie doll appeared from the trees, clumsily running towards me.

“Angie? What's going on?” I asked, shaking my head as I ran to pick up the puppet, who was panting comically from that impromptu run.

“(Y/N), (Y/N) and Gio are in trouble, you have to help them, quickly!” the doll shouted, pulling the fabric of my dress. I, scared by that phrase, calmed the puppet by shaking it so it would stop babbling.

“What? In trouble?” I asked scared, with my body trembling with fear.

“Some bad men have trapped them in the forest, you have to do something, run, run!”

Frightened by that revelation, I put the black veil over my face, lowering the doll to the ground. My gaze darkened.

Nobody touches my family.

“Okay, take me there, Angie,” I whispered.

The doll nodded and led me by the hand into the depths of the forest.

“Do you want to stay still, you damn brat?” A deep voice reached my ears. This horrible vision appeared behind some bushes.

Two men, probably from the village, were holding my daughter, holding you in the same way while you kicked, trying unsuccessfully to get out of their grasp.

“Ah! Damn! She has bitten me!” The fatter one yelled, protesting against Giovanna's surprising attack against his hand.

“Let my mom go, you silly! Let her go!” the girl shouted, now in the arms of that evil man.

“Damn child!” the other man shouted, trying to keep you still.

“Gio!” you screamed, watching how the girl kicked tirelessly. My whole body burned with rage. “Let her go, you asshole, she's a child!”

“I will if you give me what I want, young lady,” the bandit murmured.

“I already told you that we don't have money!” you screamed again, growling, fighting with the hands that went to your neck.

“I think so, look at that girl's doll, it must be worth a lot of lei...”

“No, Mrs. Freckles!” Giovanna yelled, when that vermin snatched her doll.

“You're screwing up quite well... You don't know where you've gotten yourself,” you growled, your eyes burning with helplessness.

I couldn't take it anymore.

“Mamma!”  Giovanna  said when I, with a calm, threatening step, appeared from the shadows.

“Ah!” the fat man shouted, receiving a well-deserved kick in the crotch from my daughter, something that made me smile.

“Damn... What the hell...?” the man murmured, now moaning in pain, while I picked up my frightened daughter in my arms.

“Oliver, look who she is...” the man holding you said, pointing at me, who was trying to comfort the little girl's crying.

“Oh, shit...” the fat man sighed, eyes wide open, kneeling in the snow. “Lady Beneviento…”

I didn't say anything, I just sighed, cradling my daughter who, for once, clung to me disconsolately.

“Donna,” you whispered, with a triumphant smile.

“Greg, I think you should let the girl go,” the kneeling man said. His friend, unfortunately for him, didn’t seem to pay attention to him.

“Are you stupid? She can't hurt us, she's just a nutcase,” his partner said, with a crazy look, putting a knife to your neck. “Don’t, don't move or the girl dies.”

“Greg, no...” the fat man said, pulling on his partner's clothes.

“Are you a coward or what's wrong with you?” this Greg guy snapped, smiling in a horrible way, holding the sharp blade to your delicate neck. “One, one step back, you doll psychopath…”

Of course, I didn't obey.

“Don't insult her, dude... Don’t do it...” his partner lamented, closing his eyes and bowing his head.

“Get up, now we have the control. She won't do anything if she doesn't want the girl to get hurt,” that stupid man said, making me laugh. “Give us everything you have if you don't want us hurt her. I will do it, I swear...”

“No, you won't,” I whispered, extending my free hand toward them.

“Ah! Snakes!” the fat man shouted, rolling on the ground. “They are everywhere!”

The girl looked at me smiling curiously, just like you, who was no longer trembling.

“What do you say, Giovanna? What do you think can scare that stupid guy so much?” I asked amused, looking into the scared eyes of the man who was still holding you.

“Mmm,” the girl murmured, changing terror for amusement. “Coccodrilli!”

“I like it,” I said with a dark look, walking towards that man who was threatening you. His eyes changed to ones of terror, especially since his partner continued to struggle with his hallucinations.

“No, no, wait, wait,” he said, letting you go and putting his hands up. “It, it was a misunderstanding, I... Ah! It has torn off my arm!” He said horrified, when he finally succumbed to my powers.

You ran to my side, into my arms, with a smile of relief, the three of us watching that pitiful spectacle together.

“They’re everywhere!”

“It ripped off my leg! Help!”

I approached them slowly, putting a hand on your shoulder, holding little Giovanna in my arms.

“The next time you mess with my family I won't be pious,” I threatened, giving as much fear as I could, being that monster I hated so much being, to protect my family.

“That’s right!” the girl said “Fools!”

The rats fled at last, leaving a small moment of tension behind them.

“Gods, Donna, you showed up,” you whispered, removing the black cloth from my face, kissing me quickly and then our daughter. “Gio, are you okay?”

“Mrs. Freckles!” the girl screamed. I lowered her to the ground so she could run towards her doll, now with a broken arm.

“Don't worry, honey, Donna will fix it,” you said, you now being the one holding the girl, as expected. “Come on, let's go home…”

The way back was silent. Your hand in mine expressed gratitude, love, what I didn't think you felt for me. Even Giovanna's distrustful look seemed to change, looking at me embarrassedly over your shoulder, as if she were sad, or sorry for something.

The next day the routine continued, but not before talking at length about that incident. Miraculously, Giovanna didn’t seem to have nightmares that night and, surprisingly, according to you, excited by my bravery, you allowed me to make love to you, for the first time in many months.

That small release seemed to mark the beginning of a new stage, or maybe it was just that the girl was too sleepy to want to annoy me. I didn't know.

Like every day, I worked on my dolls, well, that time, on poor Mrs. Freckles, repairing her arm in silence, with the only sound of the workshop clock keeping me company.

A tug on my dress distracted me. I hadn't heard her, but my daughter had entered the workshop like a silent breeze. I assumed she wanted to check the state of Mrs. Freckles' injury.

“Mamma...” she murmured, with her head bowed. I sighed, smiling, pretending that I had no hard feelings, pretending I didn't care about her attitude toward me.

“What do you want, tesoro? She's almost fixed,” I murmured, looking at the doll again. The girl tugged at my dress again, now catching my attention.

Giovanna didn't say anything. She just moved her hands up, opening and closing her fists with a sad look, asking, surprisingly, to be held in my arms.

I, without hesitation, obeyed her silent request, sitting her on my lap while I fixed her favorite doll.

“Will she recover?” she asked, observing my work. I smiled sincerely, nodding.

“Of course,” I said, amused. “Mrs. Freckles is very brave, don't you think?”

Giovanna nodded profusely, with a hand on her mouth, a hand that I slowly withdrew, so I could see the precious daughter I conceived.

“You are also very brave,” she murmured, as if something was stopping her from saying that. I stopped sewing, looking at my daughter's sincere expression. “You saved us.”

“I only did what I had to do, tesoro, protect my family,” I said with a slightly serious tone, accommodating the girl in a more comfortable position.

“I have a gift for you...” Giovanna whispered, taking one of her little hands to the pocket of her dress and taking out a sheet of paper.

I picked it up slowly, frowning when I saw one of Giovanna's drawings. Mysteriously, I seemed to be the protagonist.

“Look, mamma, it's you, see?” she explained, pointing to my dark figure in the  middle of the drawing, rising triumphantly over two evil bandits. “Look, that's mom and me, smiling because you saved us.”

“Giovanna, it's... Amazing...” I sighed, trying not to get too excited, looking over and over again at the surprising details of that drawing.

“You will always protect us, right?” she asked with a low voice, as if she was also about to cry.

“Of course, tesoro,” I said, wiping away a tear that finally ran down her cheek. “Mom and you are the most important things in my life.”

“And will we always be?” the girl asked, a little more worried.

“Always, my love,” I said, with a smile.

“Won't you let them hurt mom?” she asked again.

 I shook my head.

“Never,” I said, with a more serious tone. Giovanna smiled and, with an unexpected gesture, jumped into my arms, hugging me tightly, with an affection that I could never imagine or deserve.

“I love you so much, mamma...” she whispered with a tender voice, finally making me emotional.

“I love you too, my beautiful girl...”

[goodnightmemes]

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE (1994) SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ So you want me to tell you the story of my life. ❜

❛ What were you going to do? Kill me, drink my blood? ❜

❛ I'm flesh and blood, but not human. I haven't been human for 200 years. ❜

❛ I couldn't bear the pain of their loss. I longed to be released from it. ❜

❛ You lack the courage of your convictions. Do it! ❜

❛ Don't be afraid. I'm going to give you the choice l never had. ❜

❛ Your body's dying. Pay no attention. It happens to us all. ❜

❛ No words can describe it. Might as well ask Heaven what it sees. No human can know. ❜

❛ You'll get used to killing. Just forget about that mortal coil. You'll become accustomed to it, all too quickly. ❜

❛ There's nothing in the world now that doesn't hold some...Fascination. ❜

❛ The dark gift is different for each of us. But one thing is true of everyone. We grow stronger as we go along. ❜

❛ That's more like it! Anger! Fury! ❜

❛ Remember: Life without me would be even more unbearable. ❜

❛ You must know something about the meaning of it all. ❜

❛ They know about us. They watch us dine on empty plates and drink from empty glasses. ❜

❛ Forgive me if I have a lingering respect for life. ❜

❛ Perfect! Just burn the place! Burn everything we own! Have us living in a field, like cattle! ❜

❛ What if there is no Hell? Or they don't want us there? Ever think of that? ❜

❛ You're in love with your mortal nature. You resist what can bring you peace. ❜

❛ We're predators, whose all-seeing eyes give them detachment! ❜

❛ It's your coffin, enjoy it. Most of us never get to know what it feels like. ❜

❛ Kill them swiftly if you will, but do it! For do not doubt you are a killer! ❜

❛ My philosopher. My martyr. "Never take a human life.” ❜

❛ Pain is terrible for you. You feel it like no other creature, because you're a vampire. ❜

❛ Evil is a point of view. God kills indiscriminately, and so shall we. ❜

❛ A little child, she was. But also a fierce killer, now capable of the ruthless pursuit of blood with all a child's demanding. ❜

❛ Remember, never in our home! ❜

❛ Time can pass quickly for mortals when they're happy. With us, it was the same. The years flew by like minutes. ❜

❛ More melancholy nonsense. You grow more like [name] daily! ❜

❛ Do you want me to be a doll forever? ❜

❛ Can't I change like everyone else? ❜

❛ Be glad I made you what you are. You'd be dead now if I hadn't. ❜

❛ You will never grow old. And you will never die. ❜

❛ I thought of all the things I'd done and couldn't undo. And I longed for one second's peace. ❜

❛ He will never let us go. ❜

❛ What is it now? You irritate me. Your very presence irritates me! ❜

❛ Is that supposed to frighten me? ❜

❛ I came to make peace with you. Even though you're the father of lies. I want things to be as they were. ❜

❛ Why do you say such things? ❜

❛ I promise I'll get rid of the bodies. ❜

❛ We forgive each other then? ❜

❛ Good night, sweet prince. May flights of devils wing you to your rest. ❜

❛ Should we burn him? Bury him? What would he have liked? ❜

❛ You've been a very, very naughty little girl. ❜

❛ We deserve your vengeance. ❜

❛ For what could the damned really have to say to the damned? ❜

❛ There are no vampires in Transylvania? No Count Dracula? ❜

❛ I've searched the world for an immortal and this is what I find! ❜

❛ No one will harm you. I won't allow it. ❜

❛ Vampires who pretend to be humans pretending to be vampires. How avant-garde. ❜

❛ Do you know what it means to be loved by Death? ❜

❛ You die when you kill. You feel you deserve to die and you stint on nothing. ❜

❛ But perhaps...this is the only real evil left. ❜

❛ I know nothing of God. Or the Devil. I have never seen a vision, nor learned a secret that would damn or save my soul. ❜

❛ You fear too much. So much you make me fear. ❜

❛ There is but one crime among us vampires here. It is the crime that means death to any vampire: To kill your own kind. ❜

❛ Danger holds you to me. ❜

❛ Love holds you to me. ❜

❛ You would leave me for [name] if he beckoned you. ❜

❛ Is that what I should do? Let you go? ❜

❛ If you want to save her, send her away! ❜

❛ The world changes. We do not. Therein lies the irony that finally kills us. ❜

❛ I need you to make contact with this age. ❜

❛ A vampire with a human soul. An immortal with a mortal's passion. ❜

❛ You are beautiful, my friend. [name] must have wept when he made you. ❜

❛ I knew him. Knew him well enough not to mourn his passing. ❜

❛ Your evil is that you cannot be evil! And I shall suffer for it no longer! ❜

❛ I haven't tears enough for what you've done to me! ❜

❛ Oh, God! I love you still! That's the torment of it! ❜

❛ Who'll care for me, my love, my dark angel, when you are gone? ❜

❛ Bear me no ill will, my love. We are now even. ❜

❛ What has died is the last breath in me that was human. ❜

❛ Your only company will be your screams. ❜

❛ Maybe it was to quench those tears forever that I took such revenge. ❜

❛ You can teach me this? To be without regret? ❜

❛ What if all I have is my suffering? My regret? ❜

❛ I know you regret nothing. You feel nothing. If that's all I have left to learn, I can do that on my own. ❜

❛ You've come home to me then? ❜

❛ I'm a spirit of preternatural flesh. Detached. Unchangeable. Empty. ❜

❛ That's it? No, it can't end like that. ❜

❛ What I wouldn't give to be like you, to have your power, to have seen the things you have seen. ❜

❛ You want a companion. You want a link to the outside world. That's me. Take me.❜

❛ Do you like this? Do you like being food for the immortals? Do you like dying? ❜

❛ I assume I need no introduction. ❜

❛ Still whining. Heard enough? I've had to listen to that for centuries. ❜

[marcussour]

Some random thoughts about last night episode:

Loved seeing the Crown Keepers for this 2-part thingy, sad to see them go out like this. I would've loved for this whole storyline to play out over a regular, say, 4 episodes arc of EXU; like, don't get me wrong, I loved this idea of switching parties mid-episode and exploring the other half of the story and how Dorian ended up coming back, but the whole "what they were doing between EXU:Kymal and episodes 92 and 93" felt a bit rushed and condensed due to those restrains.

On a similar note, what happened with Deni$e? I know that having Aimee play 2 characters simultaneously would've been a lot (and also, an incredible power move and probably hilarious). Apparently I misremembered what Deni$e's saw through the portal at her exit in episode 63, 'cause I was sure that Dariax was there in Westruun, but it was more like, she was gonna try and find him, not that she saw him there. Glad that she still got a mention when Dorian reunited with Bells Hells.

Crown Keepers, oh sweet, poor, Crown Keepers. I expected something akin to a bad ending, but somehow they splitting and going their separate ways ended up hurting more than if all of most of them had died, instead of just Cyrus (RIP Cyrus, you delightful himbo with gambling problems).

Something I've been wondering if that we're gonna get some type of Avengers-like team up between the different champions of the gods. I know most people are expecting the big team up to end up happening between Vox Machina, the Mighty Nein and Bells Hells, but this whole idea of the gods talking and taking their champions to join the fight against Predathos got me thinking if we're gonna get some type of god squad EXU going on. We know Opal and Fy'ra are together now and probably on route to somewhere; there's also whatever Morrigan's gonna do now (and is she just an empowered champion but not THE champion of the Matron like Vax, or does she have multiple ones like other gods?). And we know of other champions like Teven Klask and Zerxus for Asmodeus (and come one, who wouldn't want Luis to be back as Zerxus), or Arkhan for Tiamat (tho in this case, considering he's Joe Manganiello's character, and how he was canonized in D&D lore, maybe he's off the table).

On a similar note, it does got me thinking about the fact that Vex, Scanlan, Pyke and Yasha are all champions of their respective gods (though in Vex and Scanlan's case, my guess is that it was only a temporary thing).

Back to the Crown Keepers, sad to see Dariax and Dorian separated. Like, I get the why (tho I would've loved to see Dariax with Bells Hells), doesn't mean I like it. Also, I guess it's kinda telling of Dorian to always make similar exists when confronted with a heavy emotional weight: the way he left Dariax playing in Zephrah felt pretty similar to him leaving the toy floating back in Jrusar when he left Bells Hells. I like the thematic consistency of him leaving a place kinda like a breeze or a gentle gust of wind.

Also, our blue boy is going through some stuff. Seeing him snap like that, love the complexity that Robbie put there, but also, got me worried about some decisions he could make.

Loved the reunion with Bells Hells of course and the brief glimpses of them catching up. Wish it could've gone for a little longer, I get the why (no one wants the live play equivalent of a clips episode).

Excited for next week, and for whoever's gonna be present and the camp in Bassuras and to see if they're going after Ludinus in Aeor or something else (also, I would be shocked if Sam's new character doesn't appear by then).

[tamelee]

Can I just go on a rant about how much I hate them forcing naruhina down our throats? Like idk if you know about it, but there's a really popular naruto game for playstation called "naruto ultimate ninja storm", and there's 4 of them. The first one covers all of the events of part 1, the second one everything in shippuden up to the pain arc, the third one everything after that right before the war, and the fourth one is the whole war and the final fight. After the fourth one's events, they made some side quests in the adventure mode which briefly shows some of the characters lives after the war, but no one's story is as forced as hinata's. Not only can you not skip it like you can skip the others, but there's literally MULTIPLE small quests that have to do with her and ppl tryna pathetically force her and naruto together 😭 even SAI (??) to make things worse, sasuke, an objectively really important character both in the story and in naruto the MCs life, is nowhere to be seen. Ik he's traveling at this point but they could've easily shown him writing letters to naruto or maybe have naruto go on an adventure to meet him somewhere, but nope. Instead they have sakura playing matchmaker and telling naruto to take hinata around the world to different important places in naruto's life to show her his adventures (including the final valley!! that really pissed me off 😡) and the whole time naruto's just confused why he has to do alla that 😭 like that cringey quest not even working makes the whole thing even more annoying and pointless. It felt like they were kinda incorporating the last movie's storyline into the game. And the one with sai has him literally call hinata an angel and every other konoha girl the devil bc they dared to call out naruto's flaws, but good little missy hinata bug eyes princess hyuga kept finding good in every one of his bad flaws so she must be a sweet little angel 😭 she worships him like he's a God and they call it being in love. I mean naruto and sasuke are in love with each other and neither worships the other so 🥴 the quest was basically the konoha girls getting together to tell hinata about naruto's flaws so she can know him better if she wants to pursue a relationship with him. like the whole thing is so fucking cringey and weird idek where to begin with it. Like first of all who the fuck are all the girls tryna tell hinata about naruto as if they even know him that well? Besides sakura who still doesn't even know him well enough to give that kinda advice. But also why the hell is sai complimenting the hell out of hinata as if he even knows who she is? Like other than the last movie he has no idea who she is and canon shippuden sai is under the impression naruto's in love with sakura so it makes no sense for him to do this. Another one has hinata's sister analyzing naruto to see if he's good for her and once again naruto's just confused. In fact he doesn't even know who she is until she tells him and he realizes they look alike 😂 This whole thing is so obviously the very definition of forced. First we have to witness her in canon and now I can't even play a game peacefully without miss "n-n-n-n-n-n-naruto-kun 👉🏻👈🏻" or other ppl praising her highness being shoved down my throat 🙄 I like that they made naruto confused the whole time tho, at least that was ic. Wish sasuke was in it more tho. I'm glad at least they didn't have that happen to him cuz that would be too far for me 😭 I don't wanna have to witness weirdos approaching sasuke to shove sakura up his ass like they do with poor naruto. Anyway rant over, I'm gonna read narusasu fics to fill the hole in my heart now :/

Hi <3

“Can I just go on a rant about how much I hate them forcing naruhina down our throats? Like idk if you know about it, but there's a really popular naruto game for playstation called "naruto ultimate ninja storm", and there's 4 of them. The first one covers all of the events of part 1, the second one everything in shippuden up to the pain arc, the third one everything after that right before the war, and the fourth one is the whole war and the final fight.”

Ofc, you can always come and rant <;3 (I myself had to hold back so much to not go on a major Hinata rant after reading this though 😒) Ah yes, I actually planned to play the fourth one and the one that’s coming out (storm connections). Other then having seen some gameplay and trailers I’m not too familiar with the games yet.. I do find it interesting that they always exploit teen-SNS for promotional material even if their adult-selves are the subject of the promotion and how Naruto's always next to his son when they're around the same age, lol.

“After the fourth one's events, they made some side quests in the adventure mode which briefly shows some of the characters lives after the war, but no one's story is as forced as hinata's. Not only can you not skip it like you can skip the others, but there's literally MULTIPLE small quests that have to do with her and ppl tryna pathetically force her and naruto together 😭 even SAI (??) “

You can skip sq’s except for Hinata’s 🥲? Well, I’ve never seen ‘the Last’, but that’s exactly what they do in that movie, right? The entire plot is to force a version of a dumbed down Naruto that suddenly lacks all development and emotional intelligence for the sake of miss princess to then “screw” (Boruto; bolt) them together through Naruto's utter confusion and canon retcon because he'd never otherwise, lmao it’s so pathetic. Instead of giving us a proper blank period story they come with this bs. So I’m guessing the story in the game went the same direction... 

“like that cringey quest not even working makes the whole thing even more annoying and pointless. It felt like they were kinda incorporating the last movie's storyline into the game.”

Ah yeah. 

“to make things worse, sasuke, an objectively really important character both in the story and in naruto the MCs life, is nowhere to be seen. Ik he's traveling at this point but they could've easily shown him writing letters to naruto or maybe have naruto go on an adventure to meet him somewhere, but nope."

He is canonically just as important as Naruto to tell the story (harmony), but do you really think that if they've actually shown Naruto meeting up with Sasuke during the blank period that it's then possible in any way to make the sequel happen the way it is now and force every traumatized-from-war-etc-19yo to marry and have babies as quickly as possible? No.

Every time I start typing the reasons why I end up ranting so I gave up, but you'll understand why, yes? 😆 Too much happens when they're around each other, both in text, subtext, body language and emotion. If you want anyone to believe Naruto and Sasuke are happily married with wives (they're not happy) then they should avoid this. Alas.

"Instead they have sakura playing matchmaker and telling naruto to take hinata around the world to different important places in naruto's life to show her his adventures (including the final valley!! that really pissed me off 😡) and the whole time naruto's just confused why he has to do alla that 😭” 

Nooo ffs! Poor Naruto!!!!!! 😩😩 But yeah, this does sound like the things I read about her movie where Sakura plays matchmaker so her and Hinata can 'help' each other (sure girlie, well played), where she smacks Naruto and calls him an 'idiot' idek how many times because they are trying to tell him he's in love with someone he's not... ... but VotE??? They really went there huh? (literally) 😒 Lol I’m just imagining Naruto talking excitedly about Sasuke or even Iruka during his tour, because anything important has nothing to do with her personally 😆 “oh yeah, I had my first kiss in class... it was with 🥰Sasuke🥰 actually, but you know where that is... aaaand here we are in the middle of Konoha, hehe, Hinata remember you wanted to commit suicide here for your own sake because you wanted me to acknowledge you for a minute? Except you disregarded everything else because you knew you didn't stand a chance anyway and you didn't mind trading that one minute of selfishness for the life of your Hyuuga-slave who would lose his head for you disobeying him and putting yourself in danger? And also ignoring what I and everyone else said and wished for because you just had to be so fucking selfish.... uh, your own words hehe, and you didn’t give a shit if I would feel guilty for the rest of my life for seeing a friend die in front of me, for my sake because you were the only one not trusting me? Even though I was in despair for not having an answer to the Akatsuki for a responsibility dumped on me, ah! Not because I wouldn't be able to do anything but you clearly don't have any faith me at all which is something I struggle with a lot because I want everyone to trust me y'know? Like the village does now... at least my power.. :/ ... I mean I guess.... and also because my trauma caused me to bear this responsibility of keeping what I thought was my only source of acknowledgement (the villagers) safe until I met Iruka and Sasuke, but then you said "fuck all!!!"... yeah no I almost heard you say it hehehe and it almost caused me to kill the entire village if it wasn't for my dead father????? Yeah HAHAHAaa eh, anyway let's move on. Oh! Over there, when I was with 🥰Sasuke 🥹🥰, lemme tall you about 🥰Sasukeeeee🥰-”

“And the one with sai has him literally call hinata an angel and every other konoha girl the devil bc they dared to call out naruto's flaws, but good little missy hinata bug eyes princess hyuga kept finding good in every one of his bad flaws so she must be a sweet little angel 😭 she worships him like he's a God and they call it being in love. I mean naruto and sasuke are in love with each other and neither worships the other so 🥴 the quest was basically the konoha girls getting together to tell hinata about naruto's flaws so she can know him better if she wants to pursue a relationship with him. like the whole thing is so fucking cringey and weird idek where to begin with it. Like first of all who the fuck are all the girls tryna tell hinata about naruto as if they even know him that well? Besides sakura who still doesn't even know him well enough to give that kinda advice.” 

Oml. Here I went off-topic initially to complain about the villagers of Konoha who bad-mouth Naruto and all.. but we get how ridiculous it is that they are the ones thinking they know anything about Naruto when he represses everything for other people's sakes, right? Right. Also, lol, not only does Naruto have to give her an entire tour, she also goes to a Ted-talk to learn about him 😆? Isn't it the other way around in that movie where Naruto is stuck in a genjutsu (which is impossible at that point/retcon) to get a power point presentation about her to brainwash his dumbed-down self? "You love Hinata 101" That's kinda funny ngl. Girlie stalked his ass her entire life and only steps out of the shadow if she can profit from it in terms of acknowledgement and yet even after they are married knows nothing about him nor can say much about him to Boruto and leaves that task to Sasuke because she only knows what everyone else knows which is nothing more past the superficial surface HA!

“But also why the hell is sai complimenting the hell out of hinata as if he even knows who she is? Like other than the last movie he has no idea who she is and canon shippuden sai is under the impression naruto's in love with sakura so it makes no sense for him to do this. Another one has hinata's sister analyzing naruto to see if he's good for her and once again naruto's just confused. In fact he doesn't even know who she is until she tells him and he realizes they look alike 😂”

Well yeah, what do we expect from Sai.... Ajgharoguhwrgj I've seen things about characters 'doubting' whether Naruto is good 'enough' for princess Hinata even though... *gestures aggressively at the Manga*. They're used as mere trophies at this point :/

“This whole thing is so obviously the very definition of forced. First we have to witness her in canon and now I can't even play a game peacefully without miss "n-n-n-n-n-n-naruto-kun 👉🏻👈🏻" or other ppl praising her highness being shoved down my throat 🙄 I like that they made naruto confused the whole time tho, at least that was ic. Wish sasuke was in it more tho. I'm glad at least they didn't have that happen to him cuz that would be too far for me 😭 I don't wanna have to witness weirdos approaching sasuke to shove sakura up his ass like they do with poor naruto. Anyway rant over, I'm gonna read narusasu fics to fill the hole in my heart now :/“

Yep, but yeah I personally am happy that Sasuke is not made to be a part of that including the parts in Naruto's life that should've been a happy memory when they all end up in a disaster. That would've been contradictory would he have been by his side. I know many people have disagreed with me in the past but I stand by what I said; seeing them both miserable makes sense. It's also not what I wanted, but at least those parts are IC given we're already at this point. I don't want to bore you with a lot of marketing talk, but this is all part of its strategy. Kishimoto is the author and creator of the original Manga, but he isn't a businessman. Nor are the people in business necessarily storytellers. Professional storytellers (except for Jun Esaka, 'author' of retsuden, who's probably someone's niece or something) are hired to accomplish a goal. Everything beyond the original story goes through an entire web of business-related processes which by itself has nothing to with Kishimoto or the story but is often designed to expand a franchise and doing anything possible to make members of the audience into consumers and active participants to broaden the experience. Hence why games and such are media channels used for 'exclusive' content. These are considered a part of what we call content-mapping and they usually separate goals or subjects that need extra attention... Also, bet most of you didn't know that 'the Last' came with over 30 different types of exclusive merch and even 2 separate books to boost Hinata :') It's insane really. The main character isn't the main priority because it depends on the strategy.. which is kinda really screwed when you think about it because I do wonder how it would've played out if Naruto and Sasuke were 🥹 So yeah, it all makes sense, but it's not fun. Hope you were able to find some good fics though *-*🧡

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - chapter 12 - Emmy’s POV

After our challenges along the way, both to Baldur’s Gate and back to Waterdeep, we finally make it back home and unfortunately have to part ways with Wyll and Karlach. I hope they find a way to visit us again soon.

“We have to head back to Avernus, but luckily we won’t have to be there much longer,” Wyll says. “After our wedding, we will be looking for a home here in Waterdeep. I won’t lie, I enjoy the scenery and architecture here. Let us know when your baby shower will be, and we will be sure to make it. Just ring up Withers.” I chuckle, slightly sad that my friends need to leave for the time being but thankful they’ll always be around.

“And you guys let us know when the wedding will be. We’d be happy to come,” Gale says. “Thank you both. For everything.” Hugs are exchanged and just like that, they’re both summoned back to the Hells to fight off creatures that wouldn’t dare to be seen here on Earth. Gale and I walk back to the tower, our hands holding one another comfortably as we walk into the evening sunset. The soft breeze and salty scent of Waterdeep brings me back a sense of comfort that I missed, even though we were only gone for roughly five days…longer than what we originally planned.

We finally make it back home, and Tara is waiting for us outside the front door. It’s as if she knew we were headed back home, or maybe she is just conveniently hanging outside. Either way, she looks thrilled that her favorite humans have made it back safely to live comfortably in her presence.

“By the moon and stars! It felt like ages since you’ve been home. I was worried sick, you hooligans! Sheesh! So,did you lovely people get the answers you were looking for?” Tara asks, flying around the living area ecstatically.

“Well, answers we weren’t exactly expecting, but news nonetheless,” Gale says. “I’m just glad it wasn’t a fatal disease or something of the sort.”

“Let me take a wild guess – you’re going to be a daddy! Just make sure I get attention too, once the little person is here. I’m not asking too much, just occasional pets and a bowl of cow’s milk every now and then. Read me a bedtime story on the Astral Planes. I’ll do everything to help out, though. Except the diaper changes. Those are on you, Gale. Alas, I only have paws, and I get nauseous easily.”

“Wait, how did you know about the baby?”

“Like I said, just a lucky guess.” She giggles and flies away into the kitchen. Gale rolls his eyes.

“Oh, for the love of… Tara.” I smile, admiring the cozy home we’re finally back in, thankful to be alive and safe in the comfort of the tower. I thought I missed adventuring, but turns out I only missed my companions. Oh, and it’s a delight to have Tara around; I don’t know how Gale did it all those months after the nautiloid crash.

“Well, my love, I am going to the library to write to my mother about the news. Would you like to join me?” I finally hear excitement in his voice about the baby, and I’m sure he’s ready to see his mother again. I smile and take his hand, then he proceeds to lead me upstairs.

“I just have a feeling our parents will show up out of the blue,” I tease. “Who knows how long they’ve been wanting grandchildren?”

“Oh, without a doubt!” We make it to the library and I sit next to him at the desk, both of us surrounded by the various books in his magic library. By magic library, I mean all the books are related to the study of magic. As we sit to write, Tara flies back upstairs with us and gets comfortable in my lap. Ah, sweet Tara.

Six months pass. Six months of horrific pregnancy symptoms, the worst one being fatigue. Six months of nesting and getting the house ready. Six months of Tara following me around everywhere to make sure I’m alright while Gale is teaching at Blackstaff. No signs of Raphael or any other devil ready to corrupt the peace that is currently my life. No more bad dreams these past few months, just several relaxing baths a day due to body pains and a constant hunger for fettuccine.

During these months, my mother came to visit, as well as Gale’s mother. We enjoyed the company of our families and it’s safe to say both sides were thrilled about a new baby being around, especially Gale’s mother. Each time she visits, she brings a new gift for the little one. My mother brings us delicious foods grown from her garden and homemade soup.

It’s here – the day of my baby shower! Gale’s mom showed up yesterday due to a schedule conflict (alright, she may have thought it was yesterday and not today, but we enjoyed seeing her regardless). Every friend except Lae’zel, Jaheira, and Minsc show up to the shower, thrilled to celebrate. Astarion tries to act like he isn’t excited, but deep down, he definitely is.

“You know, the old me would have never thought to ask this, but…may I feel your belly?” Shadowheart asks, smiling. “I used to never want kids, but the thought has crossed my mind lately.”

“You’re like my sister. The maid of honor at my wedding. Someone I love with all my heart. Of course you can touch my belly,” I tell her. She places her hand gently on the globe of life, her eyes widening as she feels the baby kick her hand. I smile back at her, admiring her love for my unborn child, and realizing how truly beautiful she is. Happiness looks good on her.

“Thank you. I got to feel…movement. It made me so happy.” Gale smiles and gains comfort in knowing we have so many supportive people here around us for the little one.

“Okay, okay, ignore what I said before,” Karlach says. “You know, when I said I wanted to wait until the creature was a little older for me to babysit. I could settle for this.” Gale gasps sarcastically.

“Are you, Karlach Cliffgate, saying you’d allow us a date night while the baby is still little and not six years old?”

“Maybe I am, Dekarios.”

“You can just call me Gale, that’s fine too.” I chuckle, releasing a sigh of relief as I enjoy the presence of our friends. The celebration, the love, the laughter… I love feeling at peace, though this pregnancy could be a little less intense.

“Don’t get too excited or you’ll burn the place down. We don’t want another ‘Blushing Mermaid’ incident,” Astarion says. Gale and I look at Astarion with puzzled expressions, then at Karlach, wondering what on Earth she did and why. I’ll be brutally honest though, it doesn’t surprise me that she would burn down an entire bar by accident.

“Wait, what happened at The Blushing Mermaid?” I ask, fighting laughter. “An intoxicated Karlach, perhaps?”

“Well, back when I had that shitty engine, I may have burned the whole place to the ground. Minsc and I were having a competition on who could roar louder, and…I took it too far. The owners had no idea it was me, thank the stars. Astarion, you have nothing to worry about. I can no longer catch on fire, thanks to my new engine.”

“Wow, what a delight. Though you know me, I’m always down for some hedonistic debauchery.”

We all eat rather delicious food, reminiscing about old adventures and talking about what our futures may hold. Wyll and Karlach will soon be our new neighbors, Shadowheart and Astarion have no plans to leave Waterdeep. I look at those two and wonder if they’re secretly together, or if they’re more like siblings who happen to be roommates. I try not to stare at them both, but I really want answers here. I have to constantly tell myself to mind my own business.

Gale and I stand up for a toast. While everyone is drinking either a wine or martini, I’m over here with my delicious mocktail that tastes of peaches and a hint of raspberry. I don’t miss alcohol honestly; I’ll stick with my sweet fruity drinks that will get me ‘drunk’ just from the sugar alone.

“Thank you all for celebrating with us. You are the best friends I could ever ask for, and our little one will be surrounded by such amazing – uh, people and humanoids,” I say, giggling. “He or she will be loved beyond measure, and I’m thankful for such a great group of people.”

“On top of that, we appreciate all the gifts for our child. Being first time parents, we weren’t exactly sure what all we needed, and we are so thankful for everything you’ve given us,” Gale says, raising his glass. “To our new baby, our friends, and a good life ahead of us.”

“Cheers! If either of you need anything at all, please do not hesitate to let me know. I wish you the best for a safe delivery,” Halsin adds. If we were to ask anyone for advice on children, it would definitely be Halsin, though I’m not sure if he would have any advice on infants. With him being a three-hundred-fifty year-old elf, I don’t doubt that he does.

“Thank you, Halsin.”

As all eyes are on me while we give the toast, an overwhelming sensation courses through my body; a feeling of lightheadedness and tickling of the brain. More vertigo, but it appears to be different than what I felt before; something familiar.

Praise the Absolute.

The Absolute will always live.

Die, Die, Die!

Become one of us.

Fuck. Is this some sick joke? Surely I don’t have the tadpole in my head still, because what the Hells was that? So many voices are invading my mind, trying to fool me into something wicked. The room begins to spin more rapidly than before, and my surroundings become a blur. Some sort of psychic interference, perhaps?

“Oh, she doesn’t look so good,” Astarion says. “Emmy?” Gale touches my shoulders, but I can barely feel his hands; it’s as if my body is going completely numb.

“Baby? Are you okay?” His voice fades as I begin to collapse on the floor, and all I can hear is a voice in the distance saying “oh shit!”

After several minutes of unconsciousness, I find myself waking up to everyone in my face as I’m lying on the floor. The world isn’t spinning but my head hurts like no other. Probably because I collapsed on the wooden floor.

“Oh, thank goodness you’re okay,” Gale mutters with a stressed tone, taking a deep breath. He looks as if he had just been sobbing. Astarion pats him on the back in a sincere way, to comfort him and rid him of the anxiety. I’ve never seen him act that way toward Gale before. “I thought…I thought you were dying. What happened?”

“Oh Gale,” I murmur, trying to recall what happened. My voice is weak and a little raspy as I try to speak. “I…I don’t know what happened. All I remember is that I heard these voices in my head about the Absolute, and then next thing I knew, I collapsed.” I swallow, feeling a nasty flair of acid reflux in my throat. “Could it be the– no, surely not.”

“The tadpole?” Astarion asks. “How would that be possible?”

“What else could it be?”

“Someone or something messing with your head, perhaps?”

“Do you recall anything happening when Raphael abducted you several months ago?” Wyll questions, a bewildered expression on his face like the others. He brings up a good point.“Anything at all?”

“Wait, you got abducted by that heinous devil?!” Shadowheart exclaims. I suddenly remembered she wasn’t there when it happened. Her and Astarion had left for Waterdeep before the entire ordeal occurred. Still, I should have told her.

“Yes. I’ll tell you more about that later. I’m just now having strange issues, so I doubt it has to do with anything that happened in the House of Hope. I’m alright now at least.” I do feel better, besides my unusual craving for ice water. I take a deep breath as Gale helps me up, and luckily I don’t have any waves of vertigo now. What a strange occurrence that was. I hope it was just post-trauma dissociation, but who knows anymore.

“Ah, nothing like the potential of becoming a mindflayer…again…when you’re about to have a baby. Splendid,” Astarion says sarcastically, and then proceeds to look at me with worried eyes.

Despite the spontaneous and unfortunate fainting that left everyone worried, especially my poor Gale, the baby shower ended up turning out wonderfully. The questions still remain: What the fuck happened? Is there a tadpole that I’m somehow not aware of? Do mind flayers still exist?

[natelawtism]

pal, Speak more about your love for nate i DARE YOU (/pos) (i genuinely wanna hear about it)

DONT GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON THIS. but you already have. So I hope you're prepared for an insane rambling. (ALSO IM SO GLAD YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT HELLO?????)

There's so many things I love about Nate Lawson. he's always plaguing my mind and hasn't left for months (as you can see). Currently all I can think about is how he loves, and how he expresses that love! Since he's. It's so unique to him and how he is.

Like I've said before, he literally said "I'll relax when I die". He is such a workaholic and he's so scared of love and affection.

YET! His love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation (stated on his wiki). That's so... sweet to me. He fears anything or anyone getting "too close" but feels safe and secure in an environment where he can be loved and held. He needs someone to tell him they love him, but he's afraid of that fact.

That fact bleeds into how closed-off he is about affection. The fact that he rarely holds the player's hand, the fact that he INSISTS that he will not have his first kiss until it's the absolute "perfect moment". The fact that his ending CG is him giving the player a hug after they graduate!

And even then, the player encourages him to leave his comfort zone without pushing boundaries. Of course that doesn't mean that JB DOESN'T push boundaries, but a lot of the time on dates the mc encourages him to be more open and treat the relationship as what it is. She asks to hold hands and if he says no, she instead pivots to "can I walk closer to you on our way back?" it's something within his boundaries but out of his comfort zone! Something so they can both be close without Nate getting scared and rejecting the situation.

I GENUINELY CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS BOY AND WANT TO HOLD HIM. He's my everything. He truly needs someone and somewhere he can relax, no matter how adamant he is about not relaxing or wasting time.

I believe he needs someone just as persistent as him, but also lax as a partner. Someone who can stand their ground and push against how stuck in his ways he is, but knows when to let something go about his boundaries. Not in a way where they argue with him, but in different ways. Someone who can find a loophole to get him to relax, or try and comfort him to convince him.

Someone who won't give up on trying to help him, and tries to help him because of their love for him. They want him to grow because they know how wonderful he is. They want him to heal.

Asking me to talk about my love for Nate is BASICALLY an invite to talk about my yumeship so I'm gonna ramble specifically now.

I think that Rowan gets Nate into the habit of holding hands tbh. It's like a year into their relationship at LEAST but I think they, naturally, have different progress than Nate and JB (because JB is her own diff person lol). I believe that part of the fact Nate and Rowan get into the habit of holding hands is the fact that Nate kind of... finds himself getting comfortable. When he realizes this, he FREAKS THE HELL OUT. But that's kind of a story for another post. The holding hands isn't public (at least for a WHIIIIIIILLEEEE), but it happens in private settings or on dates when no one they know is around. It's VERY SPECIFIC settings, but it's small contact that makes both of them feel loved. The mushy feeling in Nate's heart makes him nervous and scared when he thinks too much about it, but with Rowan he begins to let himself .. Just live. Even if it's small steps of doing so.

[jerzwriter]

Writer Appreciation Day

I've reblogged many of my favorite writer's works today, and I wish I could do more, but I'm already over my time limit (work and all!), which is simply a testament to how many incredibly talented writers we have in our community! If you have not checked them out, do yourself a favor and DO SO. These people all give their talent lovingly to us... for FREE.

But there are a few more writers I simply must give a shout-out to, and work will need to wait a few more moments! In no particular order:

Open Heart:

@tveitertotwrites Thank you for sharing your various pairings with us, and you know I have a soft spot for anyone who loves Tobias! Thank you for the weekly questions, which I am woefully behind on, to! I appreciate the way you try to lift others while sharing your gifts with us.

@peonierose Thank you for giving us the sweetness that is Bryce and Luna, and thank you for being such a force of positivity within our fandom. It's not unnoticed, and I'm so glad you're here!

@socalwriterbee God, I'm always happy when Tessa makes an appearance! lol Sorry, I'm of the school of thought that Ethan Ramsey NEEDS a Latina to keep him in line, and our community is woefully lacking in Latine MCs. I especially love the divorce au (because... angst...) but all of your fics are delightful. Thanks for sharing them with us.

@coffeeheartaddict2 While you're now in the CoP world, too, it will always be your OH works that resonate with me. I especially have enjoyed the lookback you've taken in the Hopkins years. You really have done a fantastic job of fleshing that story out. Thank you for sharing with us, and thank you for your ongoing support of so many creators in the fandom!

@the-pale-goddess, I do miss having you here! Let me tell you, some of your angst still tugs at my heart, and for an angst lover like me, that really means something! If you ever get the urge to indulge us in more Tiffany x Ethan, I will totally be here for it!

@headoverheelsforramsey Sweet Sruti, I hope life is being kind to you. I know you have a lot on your plate right now. You may not be active, but your sweet, beautiful Meera continues to live in my heart. Thank you for all you've given to us, and you are missed.

@utterlyinevitable Dom, how I miss you being here! I still have to catch up on some of your fics from earlier in the year (I recently remembered I still need to do that, and it's now on my to-read list!), but I will always love the gifts you've left us. You were always willing to go places where other creators wouldn't, and I admired the hell out of that. You're missed!

@a-crepusculo Dear, dear, sweet Mia... how I miss you my friend. I know this is all in your past now, but I'm forever grateful for what you left behind. Things have not been the same without you. xo

@thefirstcourtesan I was so delighted to see your Bryce fic this year! I've never really gotten to partake in your fics, and how I wish you had the time to give us more (I'm greedy lol). But I had to give you a shout-out today because you deserve it!

To @zealouscanonindeer and @rafasgirl23415 thank you for continuing to write for the fandom and bringing it new life! We're lucky to have you!

Crimes of Passion:

@starsarewithinme meeting you through the CoP fandom has been a highlight of my fandom year! I'm so glad you started writing (and I have much to catch up on!). I love the work you do! While I love your Trystan and MC Rose, I especially love that you take on other parts of the story that concentrate on other characters outside of the romantic realm. Especially with all the drama the Thorne family can give us! Thanks so much for sharing your creativity with us! :)

@reveluving and @shreyamistry, I have enjoyed your CoP fics so much. I know you have not done many, but I hope that changes because they're so good! Thank you so much for sharing them with us!

Other Choices Fandoms:

@aallotarenunelma I know we write for different fandoms, and if I ever get to reading some other stories, hopefully that will change, but I really appreciate all you bring to this fandom. Your writing that I have read has been wonderful and the love you have for your characters shines through (I still have the one I requested saved, and I swear, I'm getting to it - this past month has just been brutal!) Thank you for being here and sharing your passion & talent with us!

@aria-ashryver I haven't gotten to read your works yet, mostly because I have not read Immortal Desires, but when I remedy that, I will. Just based on the descriptions I see when posting for CFWC I know I will love the creativity, and positive queer representation is SO needed in our fandom. Thank you so much for providing it and for being here! :)

@angelasscribbles We're in different fandoms, so I have not read as much as I want to (should have), but how I love what I have! I need to catch up on Law's End because I think it's just brilliant, and as soon as I have time (HOLIDAYS? PLEASE???) I need to read some of your poly stories because they sound fascinating. I have seen a lot in the descriptions on CFWC, and I need to get on this! Thank you for sharing your talent with us, and for doing so much to spur creativity in our fandom - but most of all - for being my sister from a different mister. I will FOREVER be amazed (but I'm no longer shocked) about all the weird coincidences in our lives. <3

I'm sure I've forgotten people, and I truly apologize if I have, but I want to thank every creator in our fandom for all they give to us!

@choicesfandomappreciation

[peonierose]

Hi Sweet P! Dropping in for a little Valentine's Day fun...

Bryce gives Luna a card for Valentine's Day. Does he pick out a mushy or funny one? Is there anything special he writes inside?

I’m a Sucker for You!

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Bryce Lahela (M!MC) x Luna Auclair (F!OC)

Words: 1,400+

Rating: Fluff

Summary: Bryce and Luna spend some time on Valentine‘s Day (even though they’re not the biggest Valentine’s Day fans). With one or two presents in between.

A/N: Thanks so much @cariantha for this sweet ask love 💗 I came up with this little story, hope you’ll like it 💗

I also linked Lunas & Bryce’s engagement story called ”How were we ever strangers“ (if you’re curious 🥰)

Side note: I’m participating in the @choicesficwriterscreations for the Valentine‘s Day celebration.

The doorbell chimed. And I looked up from the papers I was grading to get up from the couch to get the door.

”Just a sec. Pregnant woman waddling to the door.“ I can hear shuffling outside the door.

I breathe out as I slowly walk towards the front door. No one said carrying twins was easy. With my hands on my 8 months pregnant belly, I huff out small breaths as I walk slowly. Waddling like a penguin is more like it.

I’m close to my due date. Only one month away from welcoming our two little angels into the world.

I open the door and only see a big bouquet of peonies in front of me.

Yellow checkered vans sneak out below and I grin. I know exactly who’s holding a bouquet of my favorite flowers.

The flowers get lowered to reveal a smiling Bryce.

I grin at Bryce and take the flowers from him before giving him a kiss that lasts longer and is sweeter than anything in this world. When we pull apart we grin at each other.

”They’re so pretty B thank you. You really know how to make a girl happy.“ I nestle my nose inside the flowers and my nose touches the soft, velvet petals and I inhale the scent of the floral bouquet of peonies. Sweet and intoxicating.

”You’re my only and favorite girl. Well, a woman really. Since you’re one hell of a sexy soon-to-be mama.“

Tears well up in my eyes.

He grins, kisses me on my forehead and walks inside our house. His soft lips linger for a second longer and I close my eyes relishing the feeling of Bryce being close.

The scent of his cologne and clean fabric softener wafted toward me. Settling something deep inside my soul.

I look up at him with a smile.

”I thought you were just getting breakfast. This is a lot bigger than breakfast.“

Bryce grins wickedly. Holding a bag from our favorite diner and puts it on the kitchen counter. I grin at him.

”I’m glad you like my surprise. I know Valentine’s Day is not exactly our favorite day. But I still wanted to give you some flowers. I thought adding chocolate was a bit much.“

He grins.

”Yeah. I have you as a dessert B.“

Be winks at me. His eyes glint like molten chocolate in the sunshine.

He walks into the living room as I put the flowers into a vase and put them on the kitchen counter.

Bryce looks at the papers on the couch and puts his hands on his hips. Glaring at me disapprovingly with arched eyebrows.

”Lunes! We talked about this. No more working. Meilani said to rest. That also means no grading papers.“

”Actually if I remember our convo correctly you talked. I just listened and nodded to the words that came out of your mouth.“

He sighs and shakes his head grinning, not sure what to say since he knows he can’t win this argument.

I grin at him and settle down into the couch cushions and put my feet up. Trying to find a position that won’t put the twins directly on my bladder.

Bryce sits down next to me and puts my legs over his. I sigh in contentment.

”That feels so good.“ I lie on the couch, eyes closed. Then I hear Bryce chuckle.

”By the way did you find the card tucked inside the flower bouquet?“

Making me re-open my eyes and stare at him drowsily and almost half into dreamland. Damn, I was dreaming of unicorns. Maybe I can draw one and be a bit more creative later.

”What card? I didn’t see a card.“

”Hold on I’ll get it.“

Bryce puts my legs gently on the couch and gets up.

He comes back with a lavender envelope and hands it to me. I sit up a bit and open the card tucked inside.

I read over the words.

”Today is Valentine’s day and I know it’s not your favorite holiday. Would you still be mine? Because to be honest Lunes I’m a sucker for you. Now and always.“

-Bryce

I look up and grin at him before I beckon him with a finger to lean in closer to me.

When he does I pull him towards me by his shirt and give him my thanks in a kiss. A mix of slow and sweet, but passionate at the same time.

He grins against my lips. And when he pulls back a glaze has filled his eyes. He’s still high from my kiss. I wiggle my eyebrows at him. Which makes him dive in for another kiss cupping my face into his hands.

He slowly pulls away and looks at me. Before he gets something out of his back pocket. And when he opens his hand around the object he reveals a lavender velvet box.

I look up at him with wide eyes.

”B?“ I say a question in my eyes.

He turns red and clears his throat. Clearly he’s nervous.

”I know we’ve been engaged for some time now and I always felt bad because I didn’t give you a ring to wear.“

Before I could object that a ring doesn’t symbolize the love I have for him, he held up his hands and I closed my mouth shut.

”I know what you’re going to say so hear me out. When you asked me to marry you all those months ago I was so happy. I was going to ask you to marry me on the same day, but you moved first and asked me before I could ask you. Making that day the happiest day of my life. But when I prepared to ask you, I didn’t have a ring back then. I’ve been looking to give you a ring ever since. Something that says this is you. But I wasn’t lucky with finding one, and it’s been weighing on me. Because we’ve told everyone we’re engaged. We’ve booked your cousins wedding planning business to help organize our wedding. But I don’t know I felt bad that you didn’t have a ring to show for it. So that’s when I got the idea to pay your friend Jordan Miles a visit, you know the one who makes custom jewelry pieces. And I asked him to make you this.“

He opens the box and I gasp when I see the ring inside. Completely at a loss for words.

Its oval, white gold shape spoke immediately to me. A green gem nestled in the middle. Surrounded by a ring of white gold and pastel pink stones.

Bryce takes it out of the box and slips it onto my finger.

”Oh my god B. Why? When I asked you to marry me it wasn’t because I expected a ring and show it around. Not that I’m not going to showcase this baby.“

I wiggle my eyebrows and he laughs and kisses my hand with the ring displayed on it.

When he looks up I cup his face into my hands, I brush a strand of his longer getting hair out of his face. Gazing up at him, not having expected an engagement ring. It’s like I said I didn’t need a ring to show my love for Bryce. Love isn’t equal to materialistic things. It’s in the everyday of our lives. Sharing breakfast together, laughing about silly jokes. Falling asleep next to each other. That's love for me.

”What did I do to deserve you?“ I stare into his deep caramel brown eyes. Feeling so many emotions tugging at my heart. Focusing on the soft and mellow ones.

”You loved and accepted me for who I am. You make me a better person Lunes. I want to live out the rest of my life with you by my side and our beautiful twins,“ he puts his hands on my stomach and I cover them with mine.

”I love you B. More than anyone else. Because you take me with my flaws and all. I’ve never expected to feel this strongly about anyone. Yet here you are loving me every day, surprising me with flowers and gifts, not just on Valentine‘s day but every single day. I couldn’t be more happy to have you by my side.“

I trace my fingers over his soft lips as we smile at each other. Reveling in the feeling that this beautiful, successful, super hot man is mine. And that I’m his.

We’re completely encased in our own little bubble. Made of love, trust, and joy.

It’s moments like these that make me feel most alive.

When we’re together. Alone. With no interruptions. Just surrounded by the love that keeps pouring out of us and fills our souls with so much light.

Bonus:

[dimplessjoon]

Namjoon Food Poisoning

@kaisah09

Amazing story I have request can you namjoon having food poisoning really really bad namjoon threw up multiple times namjoon really really dizzy namjoon nearly fainted at the living room while maknae line sleeping and suga jhope and jin going to grocery store namjoon having no appetite bts members are really really worried about their leader so they take care of him they keep eyes on him and they being overprotective to their leader.

**Emeto Warning**

Thank u for the request. I hope you like it.

Namjoon's POV

I don't know what I did to deserve this, all I know is that right now I will take anything over this. I have spent the entire night in front of the toilet bowl and my whole body aches. My back hurts and all my muscles are sore due to sitting and sleeping on the floor, not to mention my throat is killing me due to throwing up the whole night. I was feeling bad since yesterday afternoon, I don't know what I ate that got me so sick, all I know is that this feels like hell. Luckily we have the week off, all the members are in the mood to relax, we were even thinking of hanging out together and going somewhere but now I don't think I'll be able to even go out of the bathroom today let alone go out with the members. The others know that I was not feeling well yesterday, but as far as they are concerned I just had some indigestion and I want to keep it that way. I am so glad that we don’t share rooms anymore and that we all have bathrooms attached to our rooms so that they won't know how sick I am. If they find out they will become very protective and spend their entire break taking care of me. There is no way I am letting them do that, they have been working so hard and they deserve this break, they shouldn't have to waste it because my stomach can't handle some bad food.

I rubbed my stomach to provide it with some comfort and get it to calm down after the latest fight I had with my body. I have lost count of how many times I have thrown up already, a lot of those time I just ended up dry heaving. I don’t think there is anything left in my stomach but my stomach is still not calming down. Suddenly I hear a knock on my door.

“Namjoon-ah, hyungs made breakfast hurry up and come out.” Hoseok says

“I’ll be out in a few minutes Hobi.” I reply.

I know that there is no way I can skip breakfast, without making the members suspicious, even though just the thought of food makes my stomach turn. I get up from my spot near the toilet and brush my teeth and wash my face, to make sure I look presentable. After making sure I don’t look as bad as I feel, I go to the dining room. All the members are already at the table and have started eating. They made pancakes, I usually love them but now the sweet smell of the pancakes leave my stomach wanting to expel all its contents. I wish everyone a good morning and go to take my seat. Everyone wishes me back, and Jin Hyung puts the food on my plate.

“Morning Joon-ah, does your stomach feel better today?” Hyung asks while giving me the plate.

“Yes, I feel fine hyung. Thanks for the food.” I lie not wanting them to know that I was sick.

“That’s good, go on and eat your breakfast, I know you like pancakes.” Yoongi hyung added.

I nod while giving him a small smile, even though I know the consequences of eating is going to be me in the bathroom in front of the toilet bowl again. Everyone else started having conversations of their own and I just zone them out and focus on the food in front of me. I know I have to eat at least some so that my brothers don’t worry about me. I start eating slowly, the food tasted great and the warm pancakes soothed my throat but they fell weirdly into my empty stomach and I know it is only an amount of time till I see them again. Slowly but surely I empty my plate. Everyone else is already done with their food and were just waiting for me to finish.

“I’m tired and I am going right back to sleep. Thank you for the food hyungs.” Taehyung said.

“Yes, the best way to spend a day off, sleeping, I am gonna go take a nap too.” Kook added.

“Same, wake me up when it’s tomorrow morning.” Jimin said and the maknaes left to their rooms, to sleep away the day.

“Ya don’t forget to eat lunch and dinner you three.” Jin hyung reminded them as they left.

“I swear to god these kids, well Joonie the three of us are thinking of getting some groceries for the dorm and then going out to eat later, why don’t you join us.” Hobi asked with him famous sunshine smile.

As much as I would love to spend the day with them, I know I can’t, I already feel my stomach doing flips.

“That’s fine Hob-ah, you guys go ahead. I am tired and want to get some rest.” I reply while smiling, hoping they won’t force me to come with them.

"Oh ok, Joon-ah take care of yourself." Jin hyung said.

I thank heavens that they didn't caught on to my lying. I say bye to them and go into my room. My stomach has been rumbling and I have started to feel nauseous again. I lie on my bed and hope that my stomach calms down. I don't have the strength to throw up again. I am able to control my stomach for 40 minutes but after I run straight to the bathroom and take my position from the night before. I start throwing up harshly, my stomach not even giving me a second to breathe. I don't know how long I spent hunched over the toilet, all I know is that after it ended I felt like shit. I could barely breathe and I'm feeling dizzy. I finally realize I won't be able to handle this on my own. I need my hyungs. I don't know how long it has been since they left but I need them with me. I slowly get up and try to stop the room from spinning. Then, I went to get my phone, I looked around the room and I couldn't see it anywhere I must have left it in the living room. I use the wall for support and make my way to the living room. I find my phone and dial Jin-hyung knowing he is most likely the one to pick up his phone. I have been getting even more dizzy and now I realize I should have told the others I was sick, maybe I won't be in this situation then. The phone rings for a while until I finally hear hyungs voice.

************************************************************************

Jin's POV

"Joon-ah, whats up?" I ask, wondering what the leader wants right now. I was sure he would be catching up on his sleep. God knows he needs it.

"Hyung, I feel dizzy." Namjoon's weak voice responded. That caught my attention.

"What, Joonie? Are you okay? What happened?Where are you? Where are the kids?" I ask worried about my dongsaeng, my worried tone is noticed by the other two and they ask me what's happening.

"Hyung, I feel sick, I threw up and now I feel dizzy. Please come back home." Joon says his voice making me panic more as he sound minutes away from passing out. I stand up and start rushing to the car while ushering the other two to follow me. They are confused and ask me what was happening, but they follow me regardless.

"Ok Namu, hyung is on his way back. Right now I need you to go to one of the maknaes. Go to Jimin, Tae, Kookie, anyone alright? They'll take care of you until we are back home all right." I say

"Hyung, I don't feel good." Namjoon replies with a slight whine in his voice. I am about to answer him when I hear a thud.

"Namjoon? Namjoon? Joon-ah answer me." I say panicking we are already in the car and Yoongi and Hoseok must have realized the something is wrong because Yoongi starts driving fast, after he asked me where to go. The panic in my voice making the other two even more anxious. I don't hear any reply from him. Shit, Shit, Shit.

"Hobi, call one of the maknaes quick." I say, while still trying to get Namjoon's attention.

"Hyung, is Namjoon ok? What happened?" Hobi asks while calling Jimin.

"He's apparently sick, and was feeling dizzy. But now he isn't responding. I think he fainted." I explained the situation to them when Jimin finally picked up. Hobi put the phone on speaker.

"Hyung, what's up?" Jimin asks, sleep still evident in his voice.

"Jimin, I need you to go find Namjoon, he called Jin hyung saying that he was sick and dizzy and suddenly the line went quiet. We need you to check on him." Hobi says, Yoongi still rushing back to the dorm we are still 20 minutes away.

"Shit, okay hyung I am going." Jimin says and we can hear the rustling of the bedsheets.

"Kookie, Tae get up now." we hear Jimin say when suddenly Jimin shouted "Hyung."

"Joonie hyung, wake up omg, Hobi hyung Namjoon fainted in the living room. God he's burning up." Jimin says.

"Ok, Jimin try to wake him up and take care of him, we are on the way back home." I say. I know the kids can handle Joon being sick normally but now that he isn't awake I'm afraid they are gonna panic. Hell even I am panicking.

"Joonie hyung." I hear Kook's shout in the background.

"What the hell happened?" Tae adds on.

"Ok, hyung I got it. Don't worry I'll take care of Joonie hyung. Come back home quick." Jimin says before hanging up. Right now I just want to go home and make sure that Namjoon is all right.

************************************************************************

Jimin's POV

I expected a relaxing day, with me sleeping the majority of the day and then maybe having a movie night with everyone. What I didn't expect was a frantic call from Hobi, telling me Joonie hyung fainted. I was terrified when I heard that and rushed to find Namjoon. I shouted to wake up Tae and JK, cause I know if Joonie hyung is sick I'm gonna need their help. When I finally see hyung, I rush over to him, he was on the floor and it was obvious he was sick. His face was so pale. I can't believe none of us noticed his condition this morning. I should have noticed. As soon as I touched him, I could feel the heat coming off of him and I knew I had to act. Namjoon was burning up. I hang up the call with Hobi, and by that time the other two members have woken up and taken the situation in.

"Guys, come on help me carry Namjoon hyung to his room." I say trying to handle the situation properly.

As they are helping me they ask what happened and I explained what happened over the last couple of minutes. It is obvious to say the three of us are worried. Whenever Namjoon is sick he tends to hide it, and if we find out he usually acts like everything is fine. By the time we realize the severity of his sickness he is on the verge of collapsing or has already collapsed like today. I don't know why he just doesn't tell us, we have told him so many times that he needs to tell us when he is sick, but does he listen, of course not. We get Namu Hyung back to his bed and tuck him in.

“Tae, go get some wet towels. We need to lower his temperature. And Kookie get some fever reducers for when he wakes up.” I say assigning them with things to do, because otherwise they will just stay their panicking.

They both left to get the things, I also go and get the thermometer to check his temperature. I check his temperature and by that time Jungkook comes in with the medicine and some water for Namjoon when wakes up.

"How high is the fever?" JK asks

"39°C(102.2°F), it's high but not that bad." I reply.

Taehyung also comes back in with the wet towels, and puts one on his forehead to try and lower the fever. We all sit on the bed and try to be as close to Namjoon as possible, while we waited for him to wake up.

************************************************************************

Namjoon's POV

There was something cold on my forehead it made me feel comfortable. The coolness felt nice against the rest of the body, which was feeling unbearably hot. There is also something running through my hair and it provides me with comfort. I can feel that there are some people around me and I can hear slight whispers, but I am too tired to try and decipher what they are saying. Soon enough, my curiosity got the best of me and I slowly opened my eyes. The whispering stopped and as I looked around I could see my dongsaengs next to me.

"Hey Hyung, how are you feeling?" Tae asks me, while Jungkook helps me sit up a little and gives me some water. Thankfully, I don't throw it up right that second.

"I've been better." I reply, I know lying won't get me anywhere.

"You scared the shit out of all of us." Jimin says trying to lighten the tense atmosphere.

"Sorry, what happened?" I ask, I have a vague memory of calling Jin hyung but I don't really remember anything else. Luckily, my stomach has calmed down a bit, so I don't need to throw up.

"You called Jin hyung telling him you didn't feel well and that you felt dizzy and then you fainted during the call, causing the hyungs to panic. They called me and explained the situation and when we went in the living room we found you passed out on the floor, and well here we are." Jimin says.

I can hear that he is trying to keep his voice calm. God, I ruined everything, didn't I, now they are going to have to spend their entire time taking care of me. I am so stupid.

"Stop it, I can hear you blaming yourself. You getting sick was not your fault. The only mistake you made is not telling us you were sick." Jungkook scolds me lightly.

"I'm sorry guys, I didn't want to worry you." I say looking down.

"Aish, hyung, we are always worried about you. You are our amazing and hardworking leader who needs to learn how to ask for help. Of course, we are going to worry about you." Jungkook replies, causing all of us to laugh a bit.

Tae removes the wet cloth from my forehead and puts his hand on it.

"You feel cooler than before, so thats good, what else is bothering you hyung is it just the fever?" Tae asks.

"My stomach's been bothering me, and a threw up, to be honest I didn't even realize I had a fever." I say.

"Hyung" they all say but are cut off voices coming from outside.

"Namjoon, Jimin, where are you guys?" we can hear Jin hyung from outside.

Before we have a chance to reply, Jin hyung comes rushing into the room followed by Hobi and Yoongi. They way they were breathing it was obvious they all just ran up to the dorm. Their frantic hyungs lead the maknaes to start laughing. I feel a bit guilty that they are so worried because of me but it is still kind of funny.

"Namjoon-ah, are you okay?" he said switching places with Jimin and Yoongi and Hobi also coming near me.

"I feel better hyung." I reply, the maknaes also calm down a bit.

"Aish, Namjoon-ah you almost gave me a heart attack. Don't ever do that again." Jin hyung said, and I give him a nod.

"Ok, hyung you can lecture him later. Joon-ah tell hyung what's bothering you." Yoongi asks taking control of the situation.

"I honestly, don't feel that bad anymore. I feel fine." I reply and it was the truth I think my stomach finally realized that there was nothing left in it to empty.

"Hmm, did you guys give him any medicine?" Yoongi asks the maknaes.

"No, not yet, he just woke up." Jungkook responds.

"We should give him some fever reducers." Jimin adds

"Wait Hyung, you were saying you threw up, how many times did you throw up, and did you throw up after breakfast." Tae asks

"Honestly, I lost track of how many times I threw up, and I did throw up after breakfast." I reply

"Wait, so you have been this sick since yesterday. Joon you said you had indigestion not that it was this bad. Not to mention you lied to me this morning." Jin hyung scolds.

"I know, I am sorry guys, I should have told you. " I reply

"Also, hyung you should have come to one of us when you felt bad instead of calling Jin hyung. Don't get me wrong I'm glad you asked for help, but we were at home and we could have helped you." Jimin says

"I am sorry Jimin-ah, I don't know what I was thinking at that time, but it would have probably been better if I came to one of you." I say. I now get that I made a lot of mistakes and this could have ended very badly, if I hadn't called Jin hyung who knows when everyone would have realized when I was sick. I might have even had to go to the hospital.

"It's fine hyung, just next time tell us when you start feeling sick. Now let's focus on getting you better." Jimin says while cuddling up to me.

This time I learned my lesson, and I will tell them when Im sick. Right now I just want to bask in my member's attention. I am so lucky for them.

Cross posted on Wattpad.

[abbatoirablaze]

Burning Up, Chapter 2

Word Count:  1.5k

Warnings:  personal injury

You felt embarrassed. 

You felt beyond silly. 

It had been nearly four days since the party, and you and Curtis had been texting non-stop. 

You really hadn’t believed that he was a firefighter up until the point you’d seen him board the truck and disappear into the night.  But there he was in all his glory; a real, living, breathing fireman.  And it secretly drove you wild. 

He seemed to be reveling in the fact that you loved his profession though, going so far as to invite you to see the station.  You, of course, couldn’t refuse the offer.  But you also wanted to make a good impression. 

Which was how you ended up parking your car in the lot and grabbing the tray of cookies you’d made for them. 

Anxiety coated your nerves, making you overthink every little detail. 

Was your dress nice enough?  Was the light amount of makeup you put on too much?  What if they didn’t like the cookies?  Should you have made cupcakes instead?

But a knock  on your window made you jump, nearly dropping the wrapped tray of cookies back onto the passenger seat.  Smiling on the other side of the window was the friend that you’d briefly met. 

“Johnny!”

“Hey there sweetheart,” he chuckled as you opened the door and handed him the tray of cookies, “glad to see that you took up Everett on his offer to come by the station.”

Your eyes widened, “he-he told you that I was coming?”

“Told all of us to be on our best behavior,” he teased, already calming your fried nerves, “he really wants to make a good impression on you.”

“I don’t think he has to worry about anything!”

He smirked, gently nudging your side, “got a thing for the firefighter, little flame?  Tell me, is it the uniform?”

You felt a blush rise to your cheeks once more as you instantly felt like you were falling into a comfortable friendship with the relatively unknown, but flirty man, “Johnny, stop!”

He smirked a little bit more, “you’re too sweet and reserved…perfect for Everett.”

“STORM!”

The voice made you jump into the air yet again, and suddenly you were happy that Johnny had taken the cookies from you, because you knew that would have made you drop them all over the ground. 

“HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU!” the man growled in an authoritative tone, “THE STATION IS NOT YOUR HOOKUP SPOT!”

“Not mine, honestly cap!” he said quickly, holding up a hand, “scouts honor.  This is Everett’s girl.  She-“

“Everett?” the man asked, confusion lacing his features, “Curtis isn’t seeing anyone.  He-“

“Met her at that Halloween party with the smoke machine,” Johnny reminded the dirty blonde, “she’s the schoolgirl that gave her his number…the one that’s had a smile plastered on his face every day since then.”

The man chuckled before his brow raised, “and she brought him…cookies?”

“You guys don’t like cookies do you?” you nervously asked, “I-I’m sorry.  I knew I should have made cu-“

“It’s fine, kitten!” the captain chuckled, “the boys around here will eat a woman out of house and home if she let them.  My wife knows all about that from when we were dating.  My best friend and I used to work at the same station, and she learned that the best way to a fireman’s heart is through his stomach.  Hell, me and Buck-“

“Cap…I don’t think Everett wants you scaring off his new girl with stories of ‘the good old days,’ or nothing,” Johnny laughed, “not that your stories aren’t funny…it’s jus-“

“I-I don’t mind…”

“Steve Rogers,” the captain smiled, holding out his hand to you, “you’re welcome at the station any time, sweetheart…haven’t seen Everett smile so much in my entire career with him…the amount of smiling he’s done staring at his phone…you’re welcome here, kitten.”

“Th-thank you sir!”

“You know…I’m starting to think you’re stalking me.”

Your attention turned towards a door near the back of the garage.  Curtis was standing in its frame, making the doorway look smaller than it really was.  You couldn’t fight back the smile that worked its way onto your face as he walked out to you. 

Your breath caught in your throat the closer he got to you.  It felt like there was electricity in the air as the small hairs on your arms stood on edge, “Hey…”

“Hey…”

“Well, I’m going to take these upstairs to the kitchen…and I’m going to take cap…” Johnny said awkwardly, “Maybe you want to give her a tour of the station?”

“Oh…uh, yeah…” he smiled bashfully, “do you want to see the firehouse (Y/N)?”

“Sounds great!”

You bit your lip as Curtis led you back through the garage to what he called ‘the grand finale’ of the tour, the fire truck.  

He’d shown you the entirety of the station; where they hung out in a common area, the kitchen and offices, the bunks, and he even let you slide down the pole after showing you how to properly do it.

“Alright, so there’s really nothing to it,” he offered sweetly, wrapping his arms around your waist to put you in front of the pole, “you’re going to hitch your legs around it, and hold on for the ride…”

You looked down at the hole in the ground, the pole sturdily sitting in the middle of it, but a much larger part of you was too afraid to do it, too unsure of the uncertainty that lay below.

“Curtis?”

“It’s okay,” he whispered down into your ear.  One of his hands trailed away from your waist, and down to your leg; his calloused hand on your bare, toned thigh making you shiver.  Instinctively your back arched as he lifted the leg, hitching it around the pole.  You heard him muffle a groan and take a step back, his hands falling away from you, “I-I can do it first if you want…show you how to do it…”

“Y-yeah…yeah.  O-okay.”

You unlatched yourself from the pole and took a few steps back.  When you looked back at Curtis he was blushing.  Your eyes trailed down and you noticed a growing bulge in his jeans.  Your thighs clenched as you began to see the outline of his massive appendage.  A blush rose to your own cheeks as you looked away while he stepped up to the pole and slid down without sparing you another glance. 

Your heart raced as you thought about the outline from his jeans; your mind racing to re-produce the unsavory thoughts you had been having about him the past few days.  No longer was it you innocently riding his thick thigh…now you were whining needily for his massive cock, begging him to split you in half.

“(Y/N)?”

You shook yourself from your thoughts and looked down at him through the hole.  He instantly turned beet red and looked away. 

“I-shit…shit…sorry.  I forgot about the dress!” he muttered. 

Your eyes went wide, and you took a step back, embarrassed that he’d seen up your dress to the sex red lace you were wearing beneath it in an attempt to feel sexy seeing Curtis for the first time outside he party. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t think about that…”

You looked up at him, surprised that he was referencing the pole.  A blush rose to your cheeks again as you tried to shake it off, “i-it’s okay.  I shouldn’t have worn a dress…”

He chuckled, “I mean…you didn’t know that you were going to be sliding down a pole…”

“You’re right,” you teased, “someone should have given me some warning.”

Curtis blushed yet again, “sorry.”

“Speaking of warnings…Johnny mentioned when I got here that you warned all of them to be on their best behaviors?” you teased yet again.  His blush deepened and you smiled, feeling like you finally had the upper hand, “I thought you were Mr. Self-assured…sexy firefighter?”

“Maybe I just wanted a little extra assurance,” he smirked, going to lean against the front of the fire truck, “I mean-“

But his words were cut off the second he touched the truck, the loud alarm going off around him.  It made him freak out, missing the hood and sliding down the front of the truck, his head hitting the grill on the way down.

“Oh my god, Curtis!” you squeaked, your eyes going wide as the large firefighter cut his brow on the grill.

You followed his gaze as his hand went towards his brow, and saw a few of the guys, Johnny included, giggling as the alarm to the truck turned off.  But their alarm turned to concern when they saw their friend bleeding.

“Fucking asshats!” Curtis growled, “shit…I’m bleeding…I-I gotta go upstairs and get myself cleaned up!”

“Let me help,” you offered gently, reaching for his free hand, “I’m actually an ER nurse…I-I can stitch you up…”

“Okay,” he smiled sadly, upset that his date ended in him getting hurt, but happy that you were wanting to be there for him, “thanks, (Y/N)!”

“Of course, Curtis…”

Chapter 3

Tag List:  @tenaciousperfectionunknown, @lohnes16, @wintasssoldier

[invisiblegarters]

The End of the World With You Ep 6

Note: TW for discussion of suicide below. 

Ha, I knew that Meguru was just aching to get Ritsu alone. I had a feeling that it was something to do with his sister, too. Were they lovers, I wonder?

Ha literally no one believes that Ritsu didn’t have something to do with the sister’s death. I would feel bad about this but this is also the dude who tried to have his cake and eat it too with Masumi (although again, I maintain the only thing he did wrong there was not being up front about what he was looking for - he knew Masumi wouldn’t go for it and he selfishly wanted to keep him for whatever reason, and that’s wrong. The end). More importantly, this is also the dude who let a literal teenager take a death pill because he was curious to see if it would work. So honestly the fact that everyone believes he’d be callous enough to just ignore a woman who was struggling with depression and have that result in her death doesn’t surprise me. I don’t really think it’s fair - none of them yet knows what exactly happened at the moment - but it’s understandable. Ritsu’s not a good guy. He’s spent his whole life living selfishly so there’s no reason anyone would expect this to be different. 

Man I am glad that my teenage years are behind me. Feeling everything that deeply is exhausting. 

Masumi is such an older brother, I swear.

Welp, that will certainly put a damper on travel plans. They will definitely need gas now if they plan to keep Masumi with them after that tumble - I don’t think he’s gonna be walking. 

I like how panicked Ritsu sounds. Maybe there’s a real boy in there after all. 

And yep, Masumi has a busted leg. Called it. 

See this is the thing that always makes me shudder when it comes to apocalyptic stories (aside from losing the Internet, aaaaah). Doctors and hospitals are now a relic of the past, right? Someone hurts themselves and they can’t just pop round to the nearest A&E and get it looked at/taken care of. It reminds me a bit of The Stand, where one of the characters gets appendicitis and there’s literally nothing that they can do for him, and they have to resort to letting a man whose only experience with putting things together is formerly working in a calculator factory do surgery. Imagine getting a stupid scrape that then gets infected and there’s no way to take care of it. *shudders again*

So even though Masumi is making light of it, Ritsu’s reaction makes a whole hell of a lot of sense (although maybe our resident maybe magic boy will prove Masumi right and take care of it). And by the way kudos to the actor, because not only does he look terrified out of his mind, he sounds it. Love the little shake in his voice. 

Fine time to have a crisis about your own shitty personality, Ritsu. Although I geuss if you can’t reevaluate your life choices at the end of the world, when can you?

To be fair, I don’t actually entirely believe that it was the end of the world that kickstarted this particular crisis. I had the impression that Ritsu had the suicide pills before the world got ready to end, and if that’s actually the case, well. That says something. I still don't’ think I like him, but I definitely find him more interesting now. 

Aw that kiss was soft and sweet. There really is no point holding grudges at the end of the world, is there? I do like that Masumi decided to leverage Ritsu’s clear guilt and worry over him to get him to tell Meguru what happened with his sister. 

Oh. Oh that poor girl. I like that they have the same actor playing both Madoka and Meguru. I wonder how much of the guilt Ritsu feels is due to Madoka’s story with her ex paralleling what happened with Masumi. A lot of it probably also has to do with him not being there for her, which...hm. I don’t necessarily agree with, I think. I get the need to blame himself because there will always be that what if hanging over his head - if he had just been a little less preoccupied with himself, could he have stopped her, etc - but at the end of the day no one can be responsible for someone else’s mental health. Ritsu is not a great guy by any stretch, but I don’t know if I’d add this particular thing to his list of sins. 

And yep, called it. Ritsu very much wants to die, and clearly has for a while. 

Oh, and that whole story just set Yuma right off didn’t it. “Go away, you damn meteor!” 

I guess if he is a magic boy they’ll find out in four days. 

I have to say, I really appreciate that this drama isn’t shying away from tackling the hard stuff. I don’t know if that’s what I expected when I first started watching - oh, I expected some existential questions because most end of the world fiction gets there eventually, but the rest of it? I just don’t know. I feel like this drama took a hard left when Ritsu asked Masumi to help him dispose of a corpse and it hasn’t really stopped since. Now that Utsukare S2 is over it might be my favorite thing currently airing (although Jack o’ Frost is bringing in a close second. Damn, Japan). 

[caffeine-clouds]

I love the new chapter

I have so many thoughts.

Amy is such a good friend holy fuck ur a queen I adore you, finally someone with emotional intelligence

God on one hand I want to give Sonic a big hug but also Jesus Christ you fucked up so bad honey

Like it hurts so much bro because he didn’t mean anything he said, he projected like hell.

I wonder how they’re gonna calm this situation down, poor Shadow is like a caged animal right now, even though everybody is just trying to help him

Rouge i love you so much, she’s like two seconds away from committing assault and battery on this man

Sonic’s inner crisis about his sexuality is so strong man, poor goober

I adore this story so much

Eeee, glad to heart it! I think we all need an Amy in our lives - patient, understanding - she was what Sonic needed. She's helping Sonic figure out how to make amends after, as you say - he fucked up so bad and projected XD The suffering of Shadow continues - this man does not know where he is and why all the strange people around him are screaming lmao Oh she was - if you gave Rouge a sharp object, she would have definitely used it Poor Sonic indeed :( That's so sweet!! Genuinely makes me so happy that you're having a good time with the fic!! :)

[mencnfire]

I just wanted to take a second to say that you're amazing - I know I sometimes feel like a broken record with all your blogs, but I sincerely mean it. You have a gift for picking these muses up when they do not have much canon information available and you somehow find the perfect balance between keeping them true to their canon roots and being something you have shaped into existence.

Your writing is always inspiring, and you're so fundamentally unique at what you do; I think you always find humanity where one might think there was none but you're also not afraid of delving into the ugly, nasty parts of a character and acknowledging their wrongdoings. I am always amazed at how beautifully nuanced and detailed your portrayals are and frankly, there is a reason I will follow you anywhere regardless of the fandom. :)

I know things are not easy right now (believe me - I know) and while I wished we both remained ignorant to this shitty aspect of living, I wanted to say it gets better (and that it won't be so bad every day). I'm here for you and I'm proud like hell of you for facing this a day at time. We got this, Han. You're good enough; you matter; you're loved and frankly you're an unique person that I'm forever grateful for having found here. <3

POSITIVE ANONS IN THE INBOX! 💌

(( that gif is literally me every single time i see u also kinda fits cause my muses are a little like dr evil sooooo

you're too kind to me, mari & i don't deserve your kindness one bit because the person who deserves it the MOST, is you ! i'm forever thankful for you partnering with me and writing alongside me when i write these dudes. i know not everyone would be chill with characters who range from a violent, genocidal tyrant to a sadistic, torture-loving colonel to all other sorts but you've always given me the chance and the platform to explore these men. & what you say right there validates me and makes me feel glad that i can get, like, the route i'm taking with these men somewhat across. like, i love exploring all sides of them - their good and their bad and i'm so appreciative that you see that.

i, of course, have forever loved everything that you've done with melissa. i feel like, everything i love in rp - you do. you've always come up with the best plot lines and the best stories. she's a realistic character who has the flaws and likability of a real person & i love that. like, i've forever loved how you make melissa this woman who ( lets be real ) i'd LOVE to be friends with. she's kind, compassionate, smart but also sexy, seductive, a little cunning. the verses we've had before now where she's taken the evil queen approach or even downright using lautrec - i just love. i love that i can approach you with the whackiest plots or aesthetics or ideas and you just run with it. i've always felt we're so compatible with both our writing & as friends that we just have this really special dynamic and i'll forever love and appreciate it.

and finally; yeah, you're right - we have got this! i've made no secret of the struggle the last few months have been, my head's been jelly at the best of the times and a depressive wreck at the worst. i know i perhaps haven't been the best person to chat with or be around; i haven't been as active, i haven't written as much as i usually do. but, just know that i appreciate you, sweet. i appreciate the asks, the messages, the threads we have and the plotting we do. i know i might seem a little weird right now but i will forever love you for being you and i will forever appreciate your friendship. i know that you've had a lot on your plate and to that, i say, i know you can do this. you've accomplished so much already & though you might not know it, i'm seriously in awe of how you live your life and the things that you've done. you're the sort of person that i look up to & alongside all of your strength, you remain kind. mari, you're a real treasure. thank you for being you & thank you for this message. <3 ))