#you know whomst would actually do that?

[yuri-is-online]

Can I request a part 2 for when the guys leave some of their stuff in the guest room? Can it be with Azul, Jamil, and jade please? Thank you!

While cleaning the Ramshackle guest room, the prefect occasionally finds items that remind them of their guests. Sometimes that is because those items actually belong to them and need to be returned, other times it's just a happy coincidence. Either way, the item needs to be delivered, might as well invite them over again? Or just chase them down, whatever is most convenient.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, I was a bit surprised to get this request! In a nice way~ No warnings for this one, just pure fluff. The first one can be found here and more fic can be found on the Masterlist.

Antique Coin

Azul Ashengrotto is a well put together young man. His suits are pressed, his shoes are neatly polished, his rooms are always orderly and without dust.

Which is why he notes immediately when something is even mildly out of place, and completely falls apart once he's in the privacy of his own room. He knew he never should have paid attention to that stupid article Floyd had shared in their group chat, coins being symbols of good luck wouldn't make him relatable to anybody and now he's missing one of his best coins! How stupid could he have been to think that-

"Hello, this is Azul speaking." He snatches up his phone without even checking the caller ID and immediately begins sweating when he hears your familiar breathing (he swears he's not a creep, really! He's just noticed that whenever you speak on the phone, not that you do that often really just when he can work up the nerve and hey this is technically the first time you've called him! Progress he's making progre-)

"Hey there, you got a moment?" Azul can feel the heavy sweat drop on his forehead. He's done enough research to know conversation starters like this are never good.

"I'm a bit busy right now." He tries to lean casually against his desk and glares at the book that has the audacity to fall off his desk and startle you. "Is this terribly important or can it wait?"

You, laugh? Is it nervous, or is it affectionate? Does even know what that sort of laughter would sound, is it bad that he finds your voice terribly beautiful even if it's mocking, even if it's- "Um sorry, but are you missing a coin?"

"A... coin?"

"Yes! I remember you saying you collect them and this one I found in my guest room smelled a bit like the ocean so. Yeah. I thought it might be yours." He smiles.

"My dear, you know I'm just going to say 'yes' and take it from you." You laugh again, how silly that last one was nerves. This one is affection, his hearts are fit to burst with it so it must be. "I'll be there in thirty minutes. If that’s acceptable?"

"Of course! I'll be here." Perhaps that article wasn't completely wrong after all.

Red Feather Accessory

There are few things Jamil hates more than being sick. Assassins don't have sick days, or maybe they do. Maybe they have better benefits than he does. Maybe he'd make a really good assassin in some alternate universie like that one video game series from your world you told him about once, the one with the emblems and gangrene? He doesn't remember much of the conversation Kalim tricked him into having by saying he wanted to hang out in your guest room yesterday.

"But you were so happy to see them!"

Because of course, that had been Kalim's justification. And sure, he probably had been really happy to see you. He'd been running quite the fever and he can't imagine you made that temperature any better.

"Good morning, prefect." He manages it smoothly, you look properly embarrassed to see him this early, your eyes flicker to his hair and linger just a moment longer than normal. "Sleep well?"

"Mostly." You try to focus on his face, but his hair is clearly distracting. Your eyes keep darting back to it, Jamil expected to be embarrassed, but this is oddly empowering. "Is there a reason you're here so early?"

"I think you know why I'm here." You don't, he can tell that much from how you swallow. "Can I come in?"

"Sure?" You move just the bit and Jamil let's himself inside, the doors in Ramshackle always look so damn similar. Just how do you find your way around in here? "Um, Jamil?"

"Yes?"

"Do you know why you're here?" You look lovely

"Of course." He laughs. "I left a hair accessory here yesterday when Kalim decided to visit." How odd, normally you'd flinch if he worded it like that. Instead you just look sort of blurry.

"I see." You're close now, but he can't see you through this weird fog that's filling your hallways. You push back his headband and press the back of your plam to his forehead. "Oof. Well that's not good." Your arm encircles his shoulders and boosts him back up to his feet. He supposes he can afford to lean towards you, there's enough plausible deniabilty in what he's said already to keep his feelings to himself.

"C'mon." You do your best to boost him and march back towards the door. Jamil is smiling similar to how he does when he gets one over on Azul, but you doubt he's planned this. He's so feverish that his skin has gotten clammy. "I already took your hair pin back to Scarabia, ok? Let's get you back to bed."

"That's so kind of you." His hoarse voice tries to purr. "Perhaps you'd like to stay for breakfast?" Thank the seven Grim isn't awake yet. You'd never hear the end of this from either of them.

Encyclopedia of Tea

Books are expensive, you can count on one hand the ones you own unrelated to your school work scattered around your dorm. They are precious to you, signs of your life in a world you don't belong in. A way to tell something about you if someone decided to look at the little shelf you had finally put up in your guest room.

And someone had, because you know damn well this book isn't yours, the process of returning it is guaranteed to be a headache but the longer you hesitate the more ammunition the book's rightful owner will have to accuse you of stealing it. Assuming that's what Jade's goal was anyway, it seemed like something he would find funny to do. You could picture him slipping the book onto your shelf with that calm look on his face.

Jade's face isn't what you would call wildly expressive. He smiles pleasantly most of the time, seldom do you see him frown. Even now when his forehead is knit in concern there's nothing really resembling the scowl you saw during Azul’s overblot.

"Hello Jade, forgotten something?" You hold the book up and shake it slightly. His eyes widen, and his smile drops into something more nuteral. This expression is adorable, it stays as Jade speaks, allowing you to admire it longer

"Oh?" He blinks, Jade wakes easily enough so your own expression flickers to concern at how slow he seems for just long enough to give him back his confidence. "It seems the simplest solution was correct. Thank you, prefect." He reaches for the book, hands lingering near yours as his eyes focus on the title of the book. He is painfully slow in taking it back.

"Do you really take this everywhere with you?" Your hand involuntarily flexes as you retreat back into your personal space. Sometimes you wish you could read minds, it would make this heavy feeling in your heart more explainable. Let you notice the way Jade's teeth display for you and not hide inside your own insecurities, how he wishes you would keep your eyes on him.

"Of course, it helps to have some light reading on hand when things get slow." He wishes you had kept the book long enough for it to retain your scent or some of your warmth. Perhaps now that he's set this precedent, he can fake it. Leave his jacket or his scarf? But no, that wouldn't be believable. He's Jade Leech, the Vice Warden of Octavinelle. You would never believe the real reason the book ended up where it did. His dreams are his to dwell in alone.

"Perhaps as thanks I could prepare one of my favorites for you? To clear the debt so to speak." For now.

[moeblob]

it is almost midnight why am I still drawing art ...

[nauroo]

Since the person was apologized to, I won't name-drop. But the fact, the twitter crusade against bi lesbians has already lead to a discord raid. Where different types of slurs and telling people to kill themselves happened already I feel like it says a lot, it was already harassment. But now it's just stepped up the level of harassment. Take time to learn history, it took me 5 minutes to look and understand. This is not a new term, it's been used at LEAST since the 70s, and radfems were not happy about it then either. Forgetting nby and other genders exist and trying to erase them because you don't like how someone id's is so stupid Stop caring so much, you'll be happier. Now if a pedo or zoo attempted to say that makes them queer then yah we rally and kick them out. But bi lesbians are not a big ordeal and people need to chill out And far too many on that list I've heard are minors. So you know, great, let's harass actual minors as they learn about themselves. Nothing can go wrong there /s

[ace-malarky]

oop I have asks I will get to them but also I have family over and yaddayadda probably the last time we'll all be together (mortality's a bitch) so like. capitalising on that so I haven't forgotten I just. haven't been around. Who knows when I will have time!

... maybe tomorrow I don't think I have to like Be places until the afternoon but the housework is also piling up lmaoooo

[astonmartinii]

day two: i saw mommy kissing santa claus | fernando alonso social media au

pairing: fernando alonso x fem lawson reader (liam's mom)

first he tries to take him out on track and now he takes his MOM?

christmas song: i saw mommy kissing santa claus - jackson 5

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

liamlawson30

liked by fernandoalo_oficial, yukitsunoda0511 and 104,505 others

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liamlawson30: a full time f1 driver and i still can't escape the christmas duties

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user1: momma lawson is such a jumpscare every time

user1: a jumpscare in my PANTS

user1: woah why am i blocked by fernando alonso ???

yukitsunoda0511: you're so ungrateful i would decorate anything for momma lawson

yourusername: have i ever told you you're my favourite yuki ?

yukitsunoda0511: hehehehehehe

liamlawson30: huh ???

maxverstappen1: i hate to burst your bubble chicos but momma lawson told me in brazil that I'M her favourite sooooooo

liamlawson: MUM?

yourusername: i can't help my maternal urges i had to tell him i was proud of him !!!

estebanocon: she also told me she's proud of me

pierregasly: and me!

yukitsunoda0511: SHE'S OUR MUM NOW LIAM

liamlawson30: WHAT IS HAPPENING ??????

user2: the f1 grid is so weak sauce - you saw momma lawson and thought maternal figure first and not MILF

liamlawson30: can yall shut the fuck up there's too many of you to block at once

user3: don't have such a hot mum then ???

liamlawson30: HOW IS THAT MY FAULT?

user4: i'd actually be more annoyed if i were you liam because you clearly did NOT get her genes

liamlawson30: mum they're calling me ugly :(

yourusername: you're the prettiest angel in the paddock to me bub

alexalbon: i assume my invite to the lawson christmas festivities is still valid

liamlawson30: obvs and you have to bring lily, mum's rules

alexalbon: we'll bring the sangria @yourusername

yourusername: u guys are stars !!!

liamlawson30: why would we need sangria? that's not very christmassy ?

alexalbon: oh my sweet summer child

user5: what do they know 🤨

yourusername

liked by liamlawson30, fernandoalo_oficial and 82,091 others

yourusername: christmas is serious business in this house

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user6: A MAN???

user7: first of all that could just be liam

yukitsunoda0511: he's no where near that tall

user8: also y/n is a boy mom but not THAT kind of boy mom

liamlawson30: okay 1. the house looks great i can't wait for the christmas break 2. WHO THE FUCK IS THAT ?

yourusername: ummmm language?

liamlawson30: oh i am sorry - whomst is that GROSS ASS MAN WHO HAS HIS GROSS ASS PAWS ON YOU

yourusername: liam, let's not be rude online he's probably reading this

yourusername: let's make a good impression!

liamlawson30: how about we give NO IMPRESSION EVER

user9: oh liam is going through it

maxverstappen1: i for one am excited to meet our new dad

liamlawson30: BACK OFF DUTCHIE

maxverstappen1: that's not very nice liam, i'm telling dad

liamlawson30: you know what i don't want that red bull seat anymore

fernandoalo_oficial: those decorations are definietly fitting for a woman like yourself

yourusername: why thank you nando

liamlawson30: what are you doing here?

liamlawson30: is bothering me on track not enough?

fernandoalo_oficial: you have no idea

liamlawson30: huh ???

user10: my spider senses are tingling

user11: so we all know who the man is right?

liamlawson30: so tell me???

user12: bro is afraid of context cues

alexalbon: leave him it's funnier to watch him try and work it out

liamlawson30: ALEX?

fernandoalo_oficial

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fernandoalo_oficial: call me santa because i found my mrs claus

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user15: i just fell to my knees in a walmart

user16: i don't know which one i'm more heartbroken about losing

user17: don't be dumb it's obvs momma lawson

liamlawson30: EH????

liamlawson30: FERNANDO ALONSO?

liamlawson30: @yourusername YOU'RE DATING FERNANDO ALONSO?

yourusername: yes! are you not happy? i thought you loved fernando?

liamlawson30: I DID?

liamlawson30: like i liked him as a driver? i thought it was cool that he's a world champion? NOT DATING MY MUM

yourusername: well i wasn't going to stay single forever bub

liamlawson30: BUT WHY HIM? EVERYONE CALLS YOU A MILF YOU COULD GET ANYONE

fernandoalo_oficial: liam i think you'll find i am a CATCH

liamlawson30: well i'm not calling him dad

fernandoalo_oficial: for now you can call me santa ;)

liamlawson30: PLEASE FUCK OFF

fernandoalo_oficial: well for that you're on the naughty list

liamlawson30: what are you gonna take me out on track again???

fernandoalo_oficial: i wasn't... but now you mention it

liamlawson30: MUM MAKE HIM STOP :(

yourusername: well that went great!

user18: let me grab my popcorn real quick

user19: this is so messy ... i love it!

user20: poor liam got a full time seat, immediately got on fernando's shit list and now has him a step dad ???

liamlawson30: idk which cosmic entity i pissed off but can they PLEASE STOP

user21: real question is what garage is y/n going to be in for the next race...

user22: oh god...

maxverstappen1: personally i think she'll be in her favourite driver's garage but that's just me...

yukitsunoda0511: both of her sons are in the RB garage?

fernandoalo_oficial: have you ever considered i am sexier than all of you

yourusername: considering they're my KIDS that's probably a good thing ???

visacashapprb

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visacashapprb: we won the momma lawson custody battle

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user23: the way she was never not gonna be in her SONS garage but this is cute tho!

user24: idk but sky constantly cutting to fernando standing outside of the garage blowing her kisses has cracked me up

user25: he's so down bad... ur 42 STAND UP

fernandoalo_oficial: i didn't know there was an age limit on love ???

liamlawson30: LOVE?

yourusername: obviously i would be in my baby's garage :(

visacashapprb: we didn't doubt you momma lawson but we did see you sneaking over to ... them

liamlawson30: mUM?

yourusername: you were in debrief? and the coffee at rb sucks :(

visacashapprb: but we have complementary red bull!

yourusername: do i look like i'm at the age that i can be drinking red bull all the time?

visacashapprb: yes!

fernandoalo_oficial: are you flirting with my girlfriend?

visacashapprb: NO!

yourusername: so you don't think i'm pretty?

visacashapprb: admin is going to have a breakdown i'm logging OFF

user26: even the social media admins have a crush on momma lawson?

redbullracing: well of course

scuderiaferrari: we're not blind?

mercedesamgf1: we're only human <3

fernandoalo_oficial: just how many of you do i have to fight?

astonmartinf1: you may have won the battle but you have NOT won the war

visacashapprb: it's ON

user27: they're on here fighting but do they know that both y/n and fernando are currently live on sky sports with jenson ...

visacashapprb: HUH?

user28: the way jenson roped liam in as well and brother does NOT want to be there

user29: the way fernando had his arm around y/n and liam literally pushed through it to stand between them

user30: this whole lil family are quickly become my faves

liamlawson30

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liamlawson30: her siri play i saw mommy kissing santa claus and then schedule my SUICIDE

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user32: glad to see we're keeping very cool, calm and collected

user33: liam really is the irritable queen representation on the grid

user34: i mean after the last few races if i saw fernando at the bottom of my stairs dressed as SANTA i would also be bamboozled

yourusername: my two favourite boys home for christmas, it really is the most wonderful time of the year <3

liamlawson30: i literally said i want to kill myself in the caption?

yourusername: i'm ignoring that

liamlawson30: well what you can't ignore is the fact i can see fernando putting all of MY CHRISTMAS CHEESECAKES IN HIS CAR?

fernandoalo_oficial: THERE IS NO THREATENING SUCIDE IN THIS HOUSE OVER CHRISTMAS

fernandoalo_oficial: save that for when it matters - holding it over your team!

liamlawson30: okay?

yourusername: see liam - endless advice :)

user35: this endless advice being to threaten to kill yourself anytime your team wrongs you ???

user36: @charles_leclerc please take notes

maxverstappen1: for my own peace of mind i'm going to ignore this also

liamlawson30: i'm not going to kill myself max ?

liamlawson30: i won't give fernando the satisfaction

maxverstappen1: oh i don't give a fuck about that

maxverstappen1: i was talking about momma lawson saying YOU are her favourite

liamlawson30: of course i am - it's FERNANDO WHO SHOULDN'T BE

maxverstappen1: why wouldn't fernando be a favourite, he's my favourite old guy as well

fernandoalo_oficial: why thank you max - you're invited to christmas!

liamlawson30: you can't just invite people to christmas at my house

fernandoalo_oficial: i think you'll find it's my house now

liamlawson30: i'd slash your tires but i actually do want you to leave!

user37: i love how momma lawson just lets them scrap it out in the comments

yourusername: gotta let them get it out over the internet so they're normal in person, like a dog getting their zoomies out

user38: i fear you have the patience of a saint

yourusername: i love them both so much i just got let them get through this phase

user39: how long until you actually get annoyed

yourusername: if they argue through another episode of real housewives of beverely hills the get along t-shirt is coming out

yukitsunoda0511

liked by pierregasly, alexalbon and 304,509 others

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yukitsuonoda0511: liam may complain but i would NEVER miss a christmas with momma lawson

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user40: oh to be making gingerbread men with momma lawson

yukitsunoda0511: we made the whole grid :)

user41: wait that's so cute

yukitsunoda0511: and we recreated all the crashes this season hehehehe

user42: see this is why i wasn't shocked about her being with fernando - they're clearly just as chaoatic as each other

liamlawson30: it's not cute, she made their gingerbreadselves kiss :|

fernandoalo_oficial: why when she could have the real thing?

yourusername: hehehehehe

liamlawson30: LEAVE ME ALONE

user43: i kinda hope liam never gets over this

user44: well the way that twitter got hopeful after they were talking during the drivers parade but then liam was out there during the race blaming fernando for things lance was doing LOL

user45: convinced he could see a bright ass ferrari and still be like 'fernando is out to kill me'

yourusername: we love having you yuki <333

yukitsunoda0511: you think i'd miss your festive sushi night? over my dead body

yourusername: it's a tradition now :3

user46: she really has been momma bear for so many of the younger drivers i'm so excited to see how many she can pick up now liam has a full time drive

fernandoalo_oficial: do NOT GIVE HER IDEAS

yourusername: but nando they're all so cute

fernandoalo_oficial: i only just got you i don't want to have to share already :(

yourusername: i'm all yours baby don't worry

fernandoalo_oficial: i'm yours forever x

fernandoalo_oficial: also no adopting franco he 100% has a crush on you

francocolapinto: SORRY NOT SORRY XXX

user47: no kick off from liam after those cute comments? progress?

user48: maybe he's finally been defeated by them lol

liamlawson30: i'm tired

liamlawson30: and they don't even listen to me

fernandoalo_oficial: you're 22 years old liam i'm not gonna listen to you when you're stomping your feat in lightning mcqueen slippers

yourusername

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yourusername: my santa baby remembered i wanted a ring

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user49: holy mother that is a ROCK

user50: fernando said i'm gonna make you mine and i'm gonna make sure people KNOW and are jealous

user51: i always forget he's been an f1 driver since before liam was born and is rich AS FUCK

liamlawson30: okay i'll accept fernando now i guess

fernandoalo_oficial: finally !!! i knew you loved me really liam

liamlawson30: it's mainly because you bought me a car for christmas

fernandoalo_oficial: well i thought it was a nice gift but now i just feel like a weird sugar daddy

liamlawson30: but i guess i also like that you make my mum super happy

fernandoalo_oficial: well i love her so i'd hope so

liamlawson30: i'll still never call you dad even if you're married

fernandoalo_oficial: normal service resumed i see

user52: you know what? i'll call that progress!

yourusername: liam won't tell you guys but he did cry just as much as me

liamlawson30: i'm a tough guy !!!!!

liamlawson30: and also SORRY i am happy for you :(

yourusername: you were just going through your teenage rebellion phase in your 20s were you?

liamlawson30: yes!

fernandoalo_oficial: i have never felt love like this and can't wait to spend forever with you

yourusername: you made me the happiest girl in the world at the happiest time of the year

fernandoalo_oficial: you saying yes is the best christmas gift i could ever ask for

yourusername: there's no way i could ever say no to you

liamlawson30: i can tell - why did you get him a cat for christmas? we're a dog family :/

yourusername: LIAM???

liamlawson30: whoops! 😬 spoiler alert

fernandoalo_oficial: you got me a cat !!!! amor !!!!!

yourusername: well a proposal put my suprise of bruno to shame :( (we're going to pick him up tomorrow)

fernandoalo_oficial: don't talk about my favourite son like that - i love cats and i love you <333

liamlawson30: i was just being nice to you and now i relegated to below a CAT?

yourusername: that's bruno to you sir

liamlawson30: i actually can't win

fernandoalo_oficial: ANYWAY i love you y/n thanks for giving me a furry son and for being with me forever xxx

yourusername: i love you more xxx

user53: is it ever not a rollercoaster in this house

user54: i don't give a fuck this christmas gave us the return of cat dad fernando and y/n lawson-alonso ???

fin.

note: day twoooooooooooo enjoy for the first of december! i had a great day because chelsea won and i got my DREAM f1 podium for qatar xxxx

[maspers]

Okay but can you IMAGINE if the earrings had gone to Alya like Marinette wanted them to? 

Instead of having a "designated responsible hero", Scarabella and Chat Noir would just be a pair of gremlins high on life because THEY'RE SUPERHEROES OMGOSH they would spend half their time geeking out and basically exuding chaotic sibling energy the entire time. 

They would reveal their identities to each other right off the bat because neither was paying attention when they were told not to, and Tikki just groans. Alya and Adrien quickly bond over being new kids at school who have superpowers, and everyone else is baffled.

Alya decides to try Clark Kenting and run the Scarablog, and Adrien is like "that's an amazing idea I'll help!" and shenanigans ensue. Marinette (who knows Alya is Scarabella since she snuck the earrings to Alya before any of this started) has befriended Alya as in canon but HASN'T told her that she knows her identity, so she gets dragged into the Scarablog staff and ends up doing most of the fieldwork and vlogging, desperately trying to do anything to cover up Scarabella's and Chat's identities (she knows Scarabella's, but doesn't know Chat's) while trying to avoid getting distracted by Adrien, who she's crushing on big time like in canon. 

For his part, Adrien gets totally enamored with Marinette because Ladybug isn't there to distract him and because Scarabella is already more sibling material than lover material, but he thinks Marinette dislikes him and his brand so instead tries to woo her as Chat Noir and more shenanigans happen. 

Nino, however, is low key crushing on Scarabella, and joins the Scarablog staff to try and learn more about her. Alya finds this amusing and kind of adorable, but doesn't really reciprocate for a while because she and Nino don't get locked in the zoo. She does let him investigate on his own, because she thinks pursuing the truth is a noble endeavor and in the meantime the blog can use his skills. Marinette starts silently screaming because GOSH DARNIT the identities are supposed to stay secret! 

Chloe is a huge fan of Scarabella and Chat Noir. She keeps trying to force herself onto the Scarablog team… But Alya is having none of it and throws her out. Chloe engages in spying shenanigans and tries to force Sabrina onto the team in her stead, but that just results in Sabrina getting character development. 

Lila shows up. Nino, desperately trying to learn more about Scarabella, falls for her lies hook line and sinker (sorry Nino, someone has to) but since Alya and Adrien both know each other's identities they see through her lies and (with Marinette) burst her bubble almost immediately. However, since Marinette actually has free time she can do her job as Class Pres and calm Lila down (a la zoe-oneesama's Scarlet Lady AU), and soon Lila shows up on the Scarablog's door offering to investigate Hawkmoth. Her main goal is fame and fortune, but eh Alya knows a good tool when she sees one. Chloe is fuming, and soon Lila gleefully engages in Spy vs Spy shenanigans with her. 

Fu is like "WHOMST IS SCARABELLA" and tells Adrien that Scarabella isn't supposed to be the Ladybug wielder and Adrien briefly angsts about it but is like "who cares have you met her she's literally a great hero and that's what matters" 

Fu is undeterred and keeps trying to give Marinette more miraculouses and she just keeps them in her room and doesn't use them

[thatbadadvice]

Help! I'm A Private Person!

Neil Gaiman, Journal.NeilGaiman.com, 14 January 2025:

Over the past many months, I have watched the stories circulating the internet about me with horror and dismay. I’ve stayed quiet until now, both out of respect for the people who were sharing their stories and out of a desire not to draw even more attention to a lot of misinformation. I've always tried to be a private person, and felt increasingly that social media was the wrong place to talk about important personal matters. I've now reached the point where I feel that I should say something. As I read through this latest collection of accounts, there are moments I half-recognise and moments I don���t, descriptions of things that happened sitting beside things that emphatically did not happen. I’m far from a perfect person, but I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone. Ever.  I went back to read the messages I exchanged with the women around and following the occasions that have subsequently been reported as being abusive. These messages read now as they did when I received them – of two people enjoying entirely consensual sexual relationships and wanting to see one another again. At the time I was in those relationships, they seemed positive and happy on both sides. And I also realise, looking through them, years later, that I could have and should have done so much better. I was emotionally unavailable while being sexually available, self-focused and not as thoughtful as I could or should have been. I was obviously careless with people's hearts and feelings, and that's something that I really, deeply regret. It was selfish of me. I was caught up in my own story and I ignored other people's. I’ve spent some months now taking a long, hard look at who I have been and how I have made people feel.  Like most of us, I’m learning, and I'm trying to do the work needed, and I know that that's not an overnight process. I hope that with the help of good people, I'll continue to grow. I understand that not everyone will believe me or even care what I say but I’ll be doing the work anyway, for myself, my family and the people I love. I will be doing my very best to deserve their trust, as well as the trust of my readers. At the same time, as I reflect on my past – and as I re-review everything that actually happened as opposed to what is being alleged – I don't accept there was any abuse. To repeat, I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone. Some of the horrible stories now being told simply never happened, while others have been so distorted from what actually took place that they bear no relationship to reality. I am prepared to take responsibility for any missteps I made. I’m not willing to turn my back on the truth, and I can't accept being described as someone I am not, and cannot and will not admit to doing things I didn't do.

Dear Neil,

You, sir, are nothing other than fundamentally misunderstood — indicated in every sense by this, a smart and good post that you published on the whole-ass internet for literally the entire world to read.

The important thing is that you're learning! And you deserve infinite credit for that. Not nearly enough people appreciate how much you've learned about yourself in the course of ~ allegedly ~ committing sexual assault against multiple, probably crazy, women and the aftermath thereof. Less enlightened men would disregard the experiences of women who have highly specific and detailed accounts of being sexually abused, but you are open to the idea that the women who foolishly believe you assaulted them were simply mislead by your interminable charm! For which you cannot be held responsible! What a gift you are, friend; your generosity and open-mindedness are unparalleled.

Truly, whomst among us has not been where you find yourself now? Come, enjoy the company of friends who understand the brutal loneliness that results from being misunderstood by hysterical bitches who fail to appreciate the privilege of having your masterful fingers shoved up their asses without notice!

Again and again, women love men like you too much. They want you to be emotionally and sexually available! And that is just so, so much to ask. You have a lot going on! It's not a ding on them — of course they find you irresistible, being as you are an intellectual titan — and they may find themselves confused and intimidated by your sexual prowess, unaware that you exist in a world beyond pedestrian notions of consent. That is what makes your work so particularly meaningful and powerful.

You write about a man who does a bad thing, but you do the other good thing! You do a good thing, but in your work, a man does a bad thing! This is the stuff of sheer brilliance, capturing the sturm unt drang of the human condition — or, at least, of the humans whose conditions matter most, which is to say, men of your creative stature.

The sorry truth is that despite your best efforts, no one understands you, the author of 40-plus years of written work in which you had every fucking opportunity to emulate literally any character of your design who was not an unrepentant rapist. Whomst among us has not struggled with such quandaries? Whomst among us has not wondered: Should I rape women in the presence of my child, or should I just the fuck wait a minute and destroy my marriage by other means? Should I order a cinnamon bagel, or an egg sandwich? These are the questions men such as us must grapple with in a world where cancel culture has run rampant, and where people are liable to believe anything they hear from over half a dozen unbridled harpies (story idea! make sure Katee Robert doesn't see this, she seems like a bitch with designs) whose indeterminate fantasies have been aggressively fact-checked by risk-averse media legal departments.

You're right and everyone else is wrong, and that's exactly the take-away that everyone will have from reading this thing that you posted! Great work, great instincts, great writing. It's like Stardust, but hotter. You know what I mean.

A+ all around, no notes other than: you should share this with more people directly so they have the clearest possible idea of where you're coming from. Don't hold back, bud!

[sunderwight]

With moshang I think I'm equally fond of the possibilities/concepts where either Shang Qinghua is ludicrously attractive to demons in a broad sense (but doesn't realize it), or, where Shang Qinghua is just some weird little gremlin and everyone else cannot wrap their head around why THE Mobei Jun is so smug about seducing this man.

Or a combination, where no demon in their right mind would ordinarily look at Shang Qinghua and perceive a sex icon, but because such a high-ranking demon has clearly done so, they go "well there must be SOMETHING going on there" and then look closer and before they know it they're on the slippery slope to being horny about a guy who could help file their taxes or arrange to have their clan base's faulty plumbing fixed.

Basically it's all good. Demons en mass going "yeah yeah big scary dudes who punch good are a dime a fucking dozen around here, but do you know how hot someone who can skillfully use an abacus is?" vs demons going "the ice king is a respectable ruler but he has garbage taste in men, we all just smile and politely nod while he insists the weird rat guy he fixated on as a teenager is a catch" vs demons going "I really don't see the appeal -- wait he did what? he killed how many guys at once with 1 trick? he betrayed WHOMST? and lived?! and he knows how to get my door to stop making horrible squeaky noises?! okay yeah figures the king would marry him" but every option is a winner.

I'm also a big fan of both Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua being not very attractive to demons in general, but it also being really common for demons to get super weird about first crushes and fixate hard on them, so in that sense they are completely normal choices for a couple of high-level demons to marry. Like the demon populace can appreciate the emperor actually landing his hot teacher and the king successfully marrying his teenage sweetheart. It's an idealized fantasy in terms of the scenarios, even if the actual guys are just weird humans. Nearly every average demon has lifelong daydreams about successfully seducing their first crush, so regardless of who those crushes turned out to be it's still a power move for LBH and MBJ to actually succeed.

Bonus if the fact that both SQQ and SQH are peak lords from the same sect leads to a bunch of demon kids developing crushes on the other remaining, unattached peak lords, and chaos ensuing. Especially for Liu Qingge. I think it would be funny for him to gain a flock of teenage demons with crushes, whom he keeps trying to fight off, only to discover that beating them up does NOT discourage them at all (actually makes the crushes worse). Or Yue Qingyuan getting mobbed like he's a pop star any time he makes a diplomatic visit to the demon realms. Sha Hualing deciding that she's just waiting for Liu Mingyan to become a peak lord before they make things official, since That's Obviously How It's Done, or Qi Qingqi doing a head count one day and realizing she suddenly has a bunch of unfamiliar "guest" disciples who sigh at her a lot and have funny-colored eyes...

[bnyf]

╭﹕୨୧﹒ yandere pirate x willing mermaid reader ♡

┊ warnings : yandere content and themes, unhealthy behaviors, relationship and relationship dynamic, suggestive, stalkholm syndrome, kidnapping, size difference

╰﹕୨୧﹒ authoress note : requested ♡ still having trouble writing smut but i'll get there! thank you anon for requesting apologies for how long this took ^_^

greedy fucking man. so, so greedy. he's so manly too. such an earthly being with all his earthly cravings. him and his men, moving from island to island to plunder every village and kingdom of it's golds, treasures and riches.

god, men were such pleasure bonded creatures. men are greedy.

and yet you admired them, and yet you loved them, wanted to be like them, walk in their shoes. you had no idea just how cruel men were. but you were about to find out.

you'd always swim up to the surface to watch humans, to study and observe what they were like. sure, your father had told you all the tall tales about how horrible humans were, yet you choose not to believe him. foolish.

worst yet, you wanted to be like those beings, which scared your father and made him ban you from going on the syrface again. but when did a dumb little fish like you ever listen to the echos of the back of the hallow head of yours? better yet, those who know better like your father?

exactly. that's why your now his property.

whomst? you may ask? the very same greedy pirate, that barbaric man, that your father warned you about.

you were not supposed to be on the surface, espcially at night. but you wanted to spy on the pirates who'd crashed in for the night. pirates don't usually park there boats up on land but when they do, it's probably to plot a raid.

and then little ole you got carried away, trying to steal a few goods from the humans when you were shamelessy caught by no other than the crew's captain. a large, muscular, bulk of a man. his eyes gave everything away though, those dark orbs held nothing but humanly desire and evil in them.

"well, well, well," his barren of a voice rumbled from his chest, speaking to you in a low tone. "are you lost, little mermaid? shh, it's alright dear, i won't hurt a sweet little thing like you. i promise. but, i won't return you either, since you're in my territory, you belong to me. finders keepers, amiright?"

he snatched you up like nothing and dragged you even further away from the ocean. and you helplessly wiggled in his grasp. from then on, he ordered his men to build a little portal fish tank, just good enough for you to fit and swin from point A to point B.

you were restricted heavily, being only allowed to see him and speak to him. any crewmate who dares hold any sort of interaction with you would be slaughtered mercilessly and their body thrown overboard. to say the captain was infatuated with you would be a mere understatment. that man wanted to curl up into your mind and preoccupy it 24/7.

you were treated like a pet. fed, bathed, and completely taken care of, all your needs and wants were meet each time, all you had was to do was say it and he'd present it. he has too much gold, jewels, diamonds, lavish silks, treasures, ect. anyways. he doesn't like sharing but now with his littld mermaid darling here? he might as well rip out his heart and present it to you. he wants to share his entire life with you, and hopefully you'd want that too right?

his words like poison, his calloused hands that have killed to many to count always wrapped around you, those insane eyes drinking you down like a gold glass of water on a sunny day, and his long beautiful unkept hair, braids messt and all tickling your face.

his voice made you wonder if he were a siren in disguise.

"have you had enough for the evening darling? or is your appetite insatiable like mines?" he cracked a chuckle, his lips touching your ears. that man did not care if he was wetting his clothes everytime he had to get phsyical with you. and that meant two things actually, if you know what i mean~

you of course noded. at this point you've accepted this and have become completely compliant. you were strange to him. sure. women would fling themselves at him, he had no qualms with getting laid but you? you were confused, then curious, now complaint and it made him wonder if you wanted this all along.

it made him confident actually. he didn't hold back to be weird, touchy or crazy over you. because you liked it, right? you loved when his hands roamed your body, when he explored you, his crazy words like "if you dare look at another man on this boat i'll punish you serverly... after i've killed that motherfucker of course."

and

"you belong to me, you're sole purpose is to bear my children, entertain me, and enjoy all the amazing pleasures this world has to offer. do you understand? if you do, say 'yes husband'."

and you did. you nod in agreement to him and uttered those words like it was nothing. he loved you for that. he didn't have to do to much to break you, you were already broken to begin with.

but he wanted to see just how far gone you were... so, one lovely midnight, after a harsh day of pirate work (read: plundering, killing, raiding, conquring all that belonged to him, rightfully.) your beloved husband took you to the sea for the first time in ages, watching you seemlessly swim about as your scales on your tail shimmer like diamonds in the pale moonlight, and that beautiful iridescent color shines through it, as though it's almost transparent. he can see through your lower half a little like an angel fish.

he only marvels at your wonderfulness. but when you swam up to him, placing your hand on his beating chest and looking up at him with nothing but love and admiration. something in him just... snapped. you were so much smaller than him, most your body mass being your tail. his strong arms reach for your waist his mind was going insane with lust. a beautiful being like yourself had such feelings for him despite the fact that he kidnapped you and kept you away from society.

was it stalkholm syndrom?... well, whatever it was now he knew for sure you were just as insane as him and it wasn't just fear why you were complyubg to him.

there was no formalities whatsoever. not even a plain subtle kiss, he straight on kissed your lips and stuck his tongue inside your mouth. a wet, messy make out session before you'd feel his length poking you.

it will be an entirely long night for you both.

[butchhamlet]

Inviting you to go off about Hamlet not dithering for no reason. I agree completely but I love to hear your thoughts always

in my recent dive back through my hamlet tag, i found this post, which makes this answer kind of redundant. but being me i am going to say it anyway. tl;dr: hamlet's Big Mistake* is not delaying; it's doubt; it's his total inability to be certain he's doing the right thing. which i think under the circumstances of "there is a ghost" is pretty reasonable, actually.

*obligatory "trying to apply hamartia/fatal flaws to shakespearean tragic characters is kind of a crapshoot because shakespeare rarely creates a guy with Just One Fatal Flaw" but also, even if you WERE going to assign hamlet a fatal flaw, it should still be doubting and not delaying.

let us remember the circumstances:

>ghost appears, claims to be my dad dropping in from purgatory, tells me to literally murder a man

literally not at all the wrong move to take a second to breathe here. whomst among us is getting this information and immediately going to kill 1. a living breathing human being 2. who is part of our immediate family and probably someone we know very well 3. and who is also THE MONARCH IN CHARGE OF THE STATE WHO HAS CAPITAL PUNISHMENT POWERS. as K @stripedroseandsketchpads said in the linked post, it's very easy for the audience--who in shakespeare's day would have been familiar with revenge tragedy's generic tropes, and who in our era knows that hamlet is a play about killing your evil uncle--to think, "is he fucking stupid? isn't it obvious?" but however knowledgeable about theater hamlet is (very), he's not waking up in the morning with the assumption that he's living Inside Tropes. (i do think he's aware he's in a revenge tragedy by the middle/end of the play, but that's another post for another day.)

point being: jumping straight to murder is a CRAZY ask. even from your shitty ghost dad who you address as king more than dad. plus, if ghosts are real, it does stand to reason that they might be evil/trying to get hamlet to damn his soul, because clearly supernatural and satanic things are not off the table. the ghost might be dad, but it might also be the devil, or maybe even a hallucination caused by a fit of grief. so the first step here is not "murder right away," it's "get some proof more substantial than a Maybe Ghost."

so:

>pretend to be crazy >get some proof

and, okay, fine. the pretending to be crazy is... a decision. based off the amleth story, we can infer the rationale is "keep claudius from realizing i've figured out the murder, because if he knows that, he will kill me." re: the monarch who can KILL PEOPLE WHENEVER HE WANTS because he HAS SOLE POWER. but hamlet, perhaps All That was a little bit much.

nevertheless: hamlet starts being crazy at the top of act two. he sets the mousetrap scheme in motion in the second scene of act two. that's not that much of a delay, dude. that is one (1) scene of arguable "dithering," and he's not doing NOTHING, he's establishing his antic-disposition cover. you could argue that a lot of time has passed, but the timeline of hamlet is so blurry. we do not know that. he's covering his bases, okay?

and then he gets down to business! he has to yap about it first, but he surveils claudius during the play! and THIS is where the problem arises--he doesn't put off investigating; rather, he can't STOP investigating. because no amount of evidence is actually able to convince him to Do It. this isn't procrastination; this is a deep inability to be certain that he's on the right path. and this is a case where certainty matters, because if he's wrong, murder is a mortal sin. and also regicide. people get killed for that. like badly killed

2.2 is hamlet setting up the mousetrap thing. 3.1 (to be or not to be) occurs in the time before the players set their shit up, a delay that is not his fault. 3.2 is the mousetrap. 3.3 is claudius in the church, and then--

>talk to my mom >impulsively and paranoidly murder the royal advisor > > >oh jesus fucking christ i murdered the royal advisor

"hamlet's flaw is inaction" okay. well. i would say manslaughter is an action. in fact it is Such an action that it gets him banished for an entire act of the play. and thus we cannot really call anything after 3.4 a delay, either, because he's not sitting around twiddling his thumbs, he KILLED A MAN AND GOT EXILED TO ENGLAND.

the one place you can argue for hamlet dithering here is 3.3, with claudius in the church. hamlet claims he doesn't do it then because he doesn't want claudius to go to heaven for Died While Praying Virtuously. if you believe him, fine. if you think this is kind of a load of bullshit to cover that he doesn't want to do it--sure, okay. if he doesn't want to do it, it's because he still doesn't feel like he has enough evidence to justify it. the evidence he has--the evidence he thought would make him certain--is claudius freaking out during the play. but let us remember that the murderer in the mousetrap is the player king's NEPHEW. for all hamlet knows, it's actually entirely possible that claudius is freaking out because he thinks this is a threat from hamlet, not a staged callout post.

"but we know claudius killed king hamlet because--" because he says so. in his soliloquy. to the audience. which we can hear because of the structure of theater. which WE can hear. which hamlet CANNOT! and so hamlet has set up this elaborate rube goldberg machine to allow himself to Attain Certainty that he's doing the right thing. and yet no matter what happens, he can't reach that certainty for real.

and he never does, actually. in the last scene of the play, watching his mother die after drinking poison, he'll still demand everyone bar the doors to seek out the treachery--he's still leaving open the possibility that claudius might have nothing to do with this (as if claudius doesn't spend acts 3-5 way past jean ralphio levels of suspicious). and yet hamlet still doesn't seize on the obvious, because no amount of proof can be enough for him, because fundamnetally he doesn't trust himself. he doesn't trust his perception. he doesn't trust his judgment. in the end, he doesn't even kill claudius for killing hamlet senior. he kills claudius because claudius has poisoned HIM (and laertes and gertrude). arguably, he dies without ever being fully certain claudius actually killed his father.

now, we can all come up with our own interpretations of WHY hamlet doesn't trust himself (because nobody else seems to? because everyone thinks he's crazy? because he's worried he might be crazy? because he's religiously conflicted?). i think most of you can guess my answer. but we don't get an explicit why and that's not the point of this post. the point of this post is that however you read it, hamlet's not procrastinating. he is trying, desperately, from a place of intense political and emotional duress, to grasp any amount of empirical evidence before he kills another person with his own hands. and he can't.

anyway! anybody here take the yale-brown scale lately?

[dreamerdrop]

Garak deserves to be forcefemmed. As a treat

It would be forcefem for like two seconds flat before Garak is like “oh, actually—“

But whomst would forcefem the beautiful lizard. Julian wouldn’t do it. Odo might bring up his feelings about gender being absurd but he wouldn’t like, go any further than that. They’d both be FINE with Garak being a woman, of course, but they’d both be the sorts to think “if I pressure Garak about her gender I might be forcing her into something she’s not comfortable with and I need to be mindful of her boundaries”.

… Keiko. Keiko would be in on this. She’d be picking out gorgeous dresses and handing them to Garak and going “you know, you would look lovely in this too actually, have you ever worn anything like this yourself?” and when Garak gives an inch, Keiko takes a mile and starts offering pedicures and telling Garak “ah, I wish I had more women I was friends with around here, I’ve been so desperate for a fun girls night, but… Well, you’re practically a woman in spirit, you know?” and “It’s such a shame that you’re a man sometimes, you would really make such a beautiful, wonderful woman, you know.”

She does all of this after they’re talking about flowers and pollination cycles and Garak makes some weird comment about wishing to be a flower rather than a pollinator and Keiko just smiles like the cheshire cat because heyyyy, she can help with that—

Other options are Ziyal, who had thought she was a lesbian until she met Garak, and then realises she is indeed a lesbian after all and she is still into Garak.

Or Lwaxana Troi. She just goes for it, starts calling Garak a gorgeous woman out of the gate. Feigns that she simply got confused about Cardassian gender presentation, of course, she meant nothing by it, but then it occurs to everyone that she’s been calling Garak a woman for days and Garak has not corrected her once.

Worlds most gorgeous lizard lady.

[neil-gaiman]

hi neil! me again. won't be asking you for friend of dorothy origin sources this time promise. i also saw your talks at slu w a friend but they seem to have lost my question card so ill try here!

as someone whomst ppl seem incapable of being normal about, either worshipping the ground you walk on or despising you w a level of vitriol that seems disproportionate to your flaws, what advice do you have for aspiring writers who themselves might garner similar audiences on how to navigate intense parasocial relationships?

I guess the biggest piece of advice I have is it's only Chinatown. And for Chinatown, you can substitute Twitter or Tumblr or whatever.

I remember about seven years ago watching a post I'd made on Twitter turning into a dogpile. And it was particularly weird because in order for people to get upset enough to dogpile they had to pretend I meant something that I obviously didn't by it. And there were lots of people in the dogpile going "well, it would be rational not to take this absolutely literally but we now need to get shouty" and I was about to get very upset when my newish baby flipped himself onto his back for the very first time. And the Twitter nonsense became very trivial. And a day or two later it was forgotten.

There are people who have a relationship of some kind with someone they think I am, and those people don't really know me. And they aren't really part of my life. Whether they hate me or they love me. My friends are and my family are.

Or to put it another way, I remember a decade ago posting on Twitter that I was lonely. I had gone off on my own to write and I hadn't seen anyone in a few weeks. Someone replied incredulous that I could be lonely with hundreds of thousands of people following me and replying on Twitter, and I replied asking if anyone could bring me a cup of tea. But nobody did.

Nobody will.

And that's okay.

(And that's not to diminish actual relationships where you haven't met the person you are talking to in the flesh. But it's also, as the many catfish scams demonstrate, also not always the relationship you think you are in.)

[thechekhov]

Chekhov Reads Dungeon Meshi: CH46

D....dark Laios?

I mean, you DID consent!

The fact that ghosts can pass through walls and take other things with them... it kind of elicits another type of organism. Like, what can pass through cell walls? What other parts of the body can just yoink stuff from one place and bring it to another?

Congrats! It's all just been a dream!

I'm sorry what the SHIT?!?!?

Well, I-- .... yeah, I GUESS.

Though it looks more like one of those carousel horses.

I think this is probably still inside the dungeon. Very... DEEP. Inside the dungeon.

What? WHAT?! These things are like regular animals down here???

Oh, I--hm. I see.

Ordered by WHOMST?

Is this just an entire society of (humans??? ghosts?) that lives here in the dungeon deep? Is there still a king under the mountain? Are the rumors of the king dying not true at all?

........or are these people and descendants of adventurers who came in but were never able to leave? And the fact that Senshi points out that none of them are old.... are they ageing?

Laios, Senshi n--...... welp. There they go.

Bless this man and his absolutely non sexual obsession with monsters. But.

Izutsumi, who is a human-level intellect beastkin (though she's low on wisdom and patience....) is being very.... beast-ly and soft here. She's being magically compelled, presumably, to chill the fuck out.

Which means all these monsters are also under the same effect? Isn't that a little fucked up? They're basically under a permanent drugged effect.

Also. Hm. 'short lifespan' is....relative. Short lifespan compared to what? Immortality?

Orcs know this place exists....?

These people planting things for fun means they're absolutely trapped here like spirits.

Keeping up appearances for. Whom.

These poor people have no new incomers to talk to, huh.

Oh, I uh---- ................ hm. THat's not at all what I was imagining either.

Fashion is cyclical after all I guess....

Mmmmm. Mmmm-hmmmMMM.

WHEEEEZXE

Knowing I've finally hit these two absolutely iconic panels... amazing.

......I guess it can only do so much to make her docile...... she still doesn't like Laios.

Why does he look familiar...?

....so Derghal had a son. And a grandson. So then why is there a bid for the throne...?

Laios. Laios, is milking the minotaur the ONLY thing you did? Or was there more to it? Laios.

It's interesting. That bartender said he was 600 when he started his now-400 year old ale. So. That means they're 1000 years old.

That means that they're about as long lived as elves? Haven't gone mad yet. But that's still a long time.

That's kinda worse, yeah, but a loss of the self is a type of death, in a way...? So....

The most throwback of all time.

Actually, I feel like that's been there for a while, although it didn't always look EXACTLY like a lion's head. I feel like the little living armor he keeps in there made it that design? But how would it do that on purpose?

this is what it looked like some chapters back. Yeah, it's been sculpting into a lion's mane for a while now.... Ohohohoh playing the long game are we? 👀

Ah, it's not a wolf. How tragic for you, Laios. It'll never work out.

Also, damn, those wings sure be lookin like Falin's very non-dragon wings. What a wild coincidence. I'm sure that doesn't mean anything. :)

laughing hysterically. This poor guy can't get a break. He's been running from responsibility and inheritance for his entire life and it still catches up and trips him purposefully.

There is definitely a certain amount of tragedy there, yeah. These people aren't asking Laios for help because it's easier. They're legitimately stuck in a nightmare scenario. Unless you're someone who can get pleasure from other avenues, living all that time without the basic needs will drive a person mad. Elves live just as long, presumably, but they're still able to eat, I assume.

I'm honestly more surprised they're all as sane as they are.

.......King of Forgor.

[linzerj]

Just getting this idea out there so that maybe I'll actually finish writing it one day, but -

I've been on a Legend of Zelda kick recently. Currently replaying BOTW. Never played AOC but I've watched gameplay and all the cutscenes so I know what happens. Planning to play that and TOTK again soon. But I've got this idea cooking in my head.

Theres a post that talks about "what if you could find the Divine Beasts in the Depths", and another funny post that was just "what if Teba was the sage of Wind and not Tulin?" And I remembered when BOTW had just come out, and then AOC after, and people were speculating about the characters, like Teba, being the New Champions and getting to bond to the Divine Beasts.

That didn't happen in canon, but. Hear me out. What if even just one of the Divine Beasts bonded with a New Champion... like say, the one who doesn't become a Sage?

Teba, Sidon, Riju, and Yunobo return from their adventure in the past/alternate timeline/whatever, having saved those Champions and that Hyrule from destruction. Their own timeline is still the same, but they continue on as they do in canon.

Except they all meet up shortly after returning home, and one of them (Sidon or Riju maybe) asks "hey did anyone else try going to the Divine Beasts only to get rejected" and while the rest are like "yup wonder what that's about, sad" Teba is like "no wtf are you all talking about I was settling back in with my wife and kid."

But something about it sticks with Teba. He goes home, looks up at Vah Medoh, and thinks, 'it probably won't work but I may as well try just to confirm.'

...Vah Medoh accepts him as its new pilot.

I'm unsure as to whether or not Revali's spirit will still be there for a quick hello - but if he is, he'd be like "whomst?!" And Teba would be like "if you were still alive I'd definitely adopt you because thanks to some time travel shenanigans i know that you desperately needed a parental figure in your life".

Mostly everything else proceeds as is canon up to the start of TOTK - except for the other Divine Beasts continuing to chill at their resting places, because upon hearing about Teba successfully bonding with Medoh, the others want to keep trying.

But, for whatever reason, Hylia decided that you cannot be both a Sage and a Divine Beast pilot, so the Beasts acknowledge them but never quite accept them as their pilots.

Then, TOTK. Then the chasms. Then, the other 3 Divine Beasts taking a plunge into the Depths.

Teba freaks out a little bit, but Medoh is circling Rito Village and is fine, except now there's these random floating islands but also a fuckass blizzard that's making it almost impossible to keep everyone fed, and Teba's just been saddled with Elder status so he's super in charge and Tulin is in a bit of a "I can do anything let me prove it let's go" phase and is trying to convince Teba to use Vah Medoh to fly up and stop the blizzard, but Teba is way too busy trying to keep the village from falling apart to go right now -

Then Link shows up, and Tulin runs off, and Link follows him, and the two go up and find the Stormwind Ark and fight Colgera and as the magical blizzard finally ends, Teba is just like "what the fuck".

Tulin tells him he's become a Sage, and isn't that cool dad?! And Teba is like "you're 12 and you're going to help fight a demon king?!?! Wtf?!"

But then at some point, Tulin (who knows the other Sages from that time he was in AOC, and meeting them a few times with his dad after) one day looks up from his breakfast and says "oh hey Sidon just became the Sage of Water! I saw it through my connection with Link!" And that's when it clicks into place for Teba why the Beasts never quite accepted the other "New Champions" - because they were destined for something else.

But Vah Medoh is still here. And it's pissed that it's fellow Beasts are gone and it also wants to blast Ganondorf in the face.

Unfortunately, Teba can't let it blast the castle when Link and co go to confront the Zelda illusion, because Tulin is there, Link is there, Sidon and Riju and Yunobo are there, and it's not the real demon king yet anyway.

Teba is grumpy about it, about letting Tulin go off and risk his life when he's a child and Teba is an adult, but then a huge dark dragon explodes out from the chasm below the castle and Vah Medoh is all too happy to fire upon it, knowing it's Ganondorf and wanting some sweet revenge of its own.

Teba's just surprised he can see the dark dragon, it's huge but he'd heard tales of only the young, or those chosen by thr goddesses, could see dragons. Maybe it's because of Vah Medoh that he can see this one, and the little light dragon that comes in and - hey is that Link?!

Maybe it ends with Teba going down to the Depths with Link to visit the other Divine Beasts, and suggesting that the locations stay known so that future generations may try to awaken them. They don't really need the Beasts anymore since both Calamity Ganon and Ganondorf have been defeated, but Medoh doesn't want to turn off and is happy just chilling at Rito Village with Teba. The end.

I have like 2.5k of this already written, I just wanted to use this post to write more of the ideas for the fic structure before I go to bed lol. And this idea probably doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense canon-wise, but it doesn't need to because the only reason this exists is because i love Teba and wish he'd gotten more screntime (or at least some spoken dialogue in the cutscenes!) in TOTK.

[sciderman]

Hi Sci, I hope you are healing amazing, I have an idea but I do want to see the opinion of an expert of DP an Spidey (you).

I love musicals, and I do believe that a story with those two as protagonist in a musical environment could be something silly but with a lot of potential.

Although I do not know a lot of music theory, I imagine how the plot could work.

A weird phenomenon is occuring that everyone sings and dance just because, while Wade enjoy it, Peter hates it (He has his own self image issues, and the possibility of Spiderman singing and dancing, is an idea that terrifies him), so Deadpool and Spiderman team up to investigate this phenomenon and stop it. (In this scenario both heroes are aquantainces, although Deadpool wants to be besties).

In this story there is gonna be a lot of action, comedy, but what it is more important is the character development, both will have to face their self worth issues, so they can grow individually but also their friendship (with a bit of sexual tension).

What do you think?, what would you add so the story can achieve it's full potential (the musical part is not as important as the plot development)

hot and sexy concept! consider:

similar to the laws of most musical universes, when a character bursts into song and dance it is usually to express a big emotion or desire or truth that the character has been holding down deep inside. hence: spider-man is terrified that if he breaks into song, it'll reveal his secret identity or any other such million different secrets peter would prefer to keep locked away where nobody can find it

wade thinks it's fun and cool and chooses to sing even when he isn't actually really being compelled to - in fact, no music swells when wade sings - he just chooses to do it. he makes up songs on the fly and they aren't the big showtunes that everyone else is getting when they burst into song - nope, there's no backing track, save for maybe some buskers that he hassles to accompany him. there's no thought-through melody or even profound lyrics - and he fumbles on rhymes, but he doesn't let it stop him. he wants a showstopper tune so bad. but all he rhymes about are like, foods. and whatever he sees in front of him, and like, nothing profound. so the orchestra doesn't care for him.

there are a few times when peter's aside, on his own, and the music begins to swell - and only when he really, truly feels like he's on his own, he's about to open his mouth to sing and it's interrupted by wade every single time. at times wade knows there's about to be a musical number and tries to edge in or turn it into a duet but the orchestra just fumbles out as soon as wade's janky lyrics start. and wade's like, dancing like untz untz untz on the stage trying to keep it up but the music fizzles out and he sighs, defeatedly.

so we're following this character whomst the orchestra gravitates around trying to force a song out of but peter absolutely will NOT bite and/or is always interrupted - and a character who desperately wants his song and dance but the orchestra won't let him have it

they're constantly at odds because wade thinks this is awesome and he kind of doesn't want to stop the villain responsible for it because? a world where people randomly burst into showtunes? that's awesome. and spider-man's just with the reasoning that his identity is at risk. he has so much to lose. and what about all the people who have secrets to hide? what about people who will be put in danger? you wouldn't get it. mr i-only-sing-about-tacos.

wade's bummed. goes off alone, all sad. has this little aside where he tries, so so hard to have his own song. the orchestra swells. he opens his mouth, but the key is wrong. he fusses and asks the orchestra to play in an e-minor. he clears his throat and he tries again. still off. can we get it a little more upbeat. better. let's introduce some maracas... yes.. okay... now we're getting it. some saxophone, if you please. needs more cowbell. and wade's shaking his hips and REAAALLY feeling it and he's about to open his mouth and

the ground shakes and we're about to finally be acquainted by our villain,, and it's a musical battle and fists just aren't cutting it. peter's trying to beat the shit out of the villain but keeps getting blasted back by music. wade cottons on that they need to fight fire with fire and tries to get the orchestra back on his side but his lyrics are Not fire and musical yo mama jokes only take you so far.

eventually emotions come to their high, maybe when they're finally facing the big bad, peter can't help but finally let out his song - maybe it's a duet, if you want to be gay about it. peter sings his truth and it blasts our villain away, babey. they save the day.

after this, wade and peter return back to an nyc that isn't bursting into song every 5 minutes and peter's so, so fucking thankful. they shake hands. wade pulls peter into a hug. they're at train station.

a busker is playing a violin. wade starts to sing.

peter begs him not to.

a percussionist on stage joins in.

wade puts his whole deadpussy into it.

wade finally gets his own heartfelt closing number about all the feelings he felt and all the things that he learnt, and how he and peter will always be friends forever.

(peter: i'm leaving)

[traegorn]

This long ask came in, and it's so ridiculous I'm going to have to chop it up and respond to it piece by piece.

Because it's that's fucking dumb.

I will, in fact, get pretty hostile in this -- because I've been getting a shit ton of this. So, before we start -- I am not a Christian. I am not fond of a lot of what's been done in the name of Christianity. This is not a defense of anything ever done in the name of the Christian Church.

But I am sick and tired of uninformed bullshit, and this ask is the latest in an unending pile of this nonsense I've gotten this week.

So buckle up, buttercup.

So time to brace myself for something stupid. Like reusing "monuments and temples" is like a textbook example of syncretism, but let's see what their examples are.

Stolen from who, buckaroo? Stolen from fucking who.

I'm pretty sure I've seen the unsourced meme all three of those claims come from, and literally there's no evidence. You're going to go into some Horus bullshit, aren't you? Written by someone who outright lied about actual Egyptian mythology.

You're just making shit up here -- like the twelve disciples? Say what you will, but those were, like, actual guys. Crucifixion was literally a common means of execution by the Romans. Why would they "steal" that when it was the way a lot of folks were executed.

Does your ass not possess an ounce of critical thinking skills?

I need you to fucking think about this for a few seconds.

If a tradition came into being in the last few hundred years, whomst the fuckst do you think came up with it? If the people who invented it were Christian... it was created by Christians. Like pull your god damned head out of your ass. "Gee, we don't have a lot of written records about what non-Christians did around the solstice -- but somehow centuries after the Christianization of Europe we're just going to somehow know about an ancient Pagan tradition and steal it! For reasons!"

There are pre-Christian traditions that have been incorporated through syncretism, but also... a living culture sometimes invents new shit. It happens.

"Elves and flying raindeer and a magic man who can come into your home are not the result of syncretism." Well some of those are the results of Department Stores and Capitalism, so you're like half-right on accident there.

Santa is actually a classic example of the fusion of multiple figures -- mostly Father Christmas and Saint Nicholas. Saint Nicholas was a a fucking actual guy who got stories made up about him and embellished through folklore. Father Christmas may have been adapted from a pre-Christian figure from the British Isles, but it's one we literally know nothing about if its true.

...and decorating the hearth... is literally syncretism. That's, again, like textbook. The church didn't tell people to do that. People just kept doing that in spite of the church.

You have a fundamental misunderstanding of how culture, history, and even religion work.

You overripe aubergine.