#you know deep in your gut it wont be you in the end

[l0vergirls]

your favourite fictional character having a canon love interest makes for some good reader insert angst

[yurinaa-world]

Can I request Jing Yuan, Dan Heng and Sundy with an anxious!cozy!s/o who secretly terrifyingly observant and calculating? ((👁-👁) level ie. looking deep into your soul level observant.)

At times it slips (ex. Admitting to being obsessed with complex puzzles that most people can't even fathom or subtly tipping them about someone's intention before the boys pick up on it) reader panics a bit.

Reader is conflicted because on onehand, they know whats going on and they wont get tricked easily BUT they hate how they know too much at times. Thus fuels their anxiety.

They either have to isolate themselves for a while or wear cozy oversized garmets as comfort (aka all the time)

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓈: Jing Yuan, Dan Heng, & Sunday x Gender-neutral reader

𝒮𝓎𝓃𝑜𝓅𝓈𝒾𝓈: with anxious and cozy reader

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈: Fluff and spelling mistakes,

𝒥𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝓊𝒶𝓃

Over time he’s picked up more details on your behaviour, you're so observant to the point you don’t realize that your face says what you're thinking. Just in the middle of a conversation with you, he can see how you look around taking in everything around as if you were a cute detective. 

He doesn’t mind that you want to be alone or that you just want to sit in silence, seeing You'll get overloaded and get a headache. He does worry you end up staying up late and being lost in thoughts, forgetting that it’s already 3:00 am. (He might just grab you, cover your eyes and force you to bed to get a good night's sleep).

He finds your cute oversized clothes then formal (because you like to look so comfortable in them), your hair is all messy, your tired voice, sometimes the shirt is off one of your shoulders because it is way too oversized for you but it’s still comfortable.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“What might my dear be thinking about instead of sleeping?”  

You don’t even realize that he’s there until he wraps his arm around you and pulls you against his side. “I can’t sleep, I'm thinking about something.”  You turn towards him and find him already looking at you with a look that’s both gentle and tender. 

You feel like something is wrong, squinting your eyes at him—you just have that weird gut feeling—looking around his body to find ‘something’ you are not sure what it is until you look at his shoulder—it looks way too stiff than usual, your hand grabbing his shoulder a bit roughly only to hear him let out a small groan.

“Did you get hurt?” You ask softly, letting go of the shoulder in an instant,  looking at him worriedly, “Can't let anything escape your gaze?” He smiles slightly though, leaning forward and kissing the side of your head lightly before you cover his mouth with your hand, frowning on your face.

“Are you sure you’re fine?”  You ask again, this time more serious than earlier. He shakes his head and kisses your hand once before removing it from his mouth. “I promise that I’m alright.” He says in a soft voice,  caressing your cheek.  This makes you look away shyly,  the warmth spreading across your cheeks.

“it’s time for you to go to bed.” “I don’t need you telling me that-“ he grabs you and pulls you close into him, shoving your face in his chest so you couldn’t see anything “Sleep.”

𝒟𝒶𝓃 𝐻𝑒𝓃𝑔

He’s amazed by how you still remember the small details in a conversation that even he can’t remember. He thought at first you were like him, observant, and quiet but you surpassed and beyond everything you expected from him.

You spend most of your time in his room and not your own, not that he doesn’t mind at all but just looking over from his books to see you looking around his room trying to see small details while messing with a complicated puzzle in your hands.

He takes you away to calm you down when you’re in a conversation to hear what you want to say because of the face you had on, eyes wide and slightly nervous while looking at your nails and back at the person. (he got you out of that conversation so quickly)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Looking down on your puzzle with your brain bustling with ideas and taking notes of small details around his room that usually aren't noticed (and you might also be watching him read one of his books and might have been staring for too long that you locked eyes by accident and looked away). Quickly shifting the pieces of the puzzle when you get caught yet neither of you say anything, that doesn't stop you from gazing at him from the top of your eye.

"Dan Heng why are you reading that book when you already finished it?"  you asked softly/ "It's a well-written book with good character development and story building." "Is it that good that I want to read for the 3rd time?"  he responded while looking up from his book to look at you. "you just said it was only the 3rd time so I'd assume it is still good enough to read again." 

"But Dan Heng don't you ever want to read new things?." you understand everything and why people do it but you're just curious about what a person thinks of what they're doing and the reasons for their actions. He doesn't mind asking him questions and he'll answer each one with the best of his abilities. 

“Sometimes people like to reread things because they don’t want something to end.”

“Oh is that what you're doing?—oddly enough you always are in that spot specifically while reading that same book.” You say before murmuring another part. “You always remember everything don’t you.”

𝒮𝓊𝓃𝒹𝒶𝓎

You’re just like him. He doesn’t expect anything less from his soulmate, it’s as if you were hand-made for each other. Your mind is so calculating and observant, the dream you are. He’ll adore you, he’ll tease you, smile with you, he’ll experience everything with you.

He raves about the small cute glances you do when you think he doesn’t notice or when you take your eyes off from whatever you might be doing just to look at him working. He can feel your loving gaze before you go back to whatever you might be doing. (He might just confront you and see your embarrassed expression)

Don’t worry about anything, not even the person you’re warning him about, he’s already dealt with long before you got the chance to tell him.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Sunday aren’t you worried?” 

You don’t understand how he’s never worried about anything, just so calm even when you're alone with each other. “what would I be worried about my dear?” you feel him taking into your heart, arms around your shoulder, your back pressed against his chest.

“Didn’t you see how suspicious they were acting?” you say with hesitation in your tone, your fingers tightening onto the fabric of his shirt. you feel him nod as a response from behind you. 

“I know something’s up, I feel it in my gut just wanted to warn you”. you mumble the last sentence,  turning to face him, he looks down, and his hand goes to the side of your cheek already making you feel comfortable.

“No need to worry yourself over me,”  he leans down and kisses you on the cheek,  smiling sweetly at you, a warm feeling spreads through your chest. 

“I've already dealt with everything.”

if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!

[mikobeautifulheart]

He cheated but he still loves you.

yandere Gojo x reader - 700 words-ish (guessing) and unedited.

TW: Kidnapping, cheating (sort of non-con but there really isn't anything explicit)

There's a sadistic part of Satoru that loves the thrill of cheating. He knows he has everything he wants, money, looks and an unlimited supply of girls who would do anything for a night with him.

But what sealed it for him was having a pretty girlfriend sitting on the couch at home waiting for him every night. You were just as desirable as him, if not more. Everything about you was just so perfect, so innocent, so sweet and naive. The perfect partner.

He knew cheating was wrong, it would absolutely break your heart if you ever found out but it only made it more exciting.

Coming home a litter bolder everyday he was getting a little bolder. Smelling like other women's perfumes, smears of lipstick on his neck, girls jewelry and accessories left on your dresser; it was starting to become obvious to you that you weren't the only one.

"What do you mean babe? I only have eyes for you." He'd say when you brought it up.

"Trust me, I wouldn't want anyone else." He played with a strand of your hair gently pulling you closer and into his chest as you watched a movie together on his couch.

he'd smile to himself every time he cheated and effortlessly pushed your doubts away, it was all to easy.

And for a while you fell for it. The fact he would never cheat you-

You felt your eyes widen slightly as you saw him on top of another girl in your shared bed. it took everything in you to not cry on the spot but instead you quickly closed the door and left the house.

When the light seeped through the door Satoru knew it was you- you had finally caught him and there wasn't a way to change that. This is what he wanted, isn't it? To show you that he had other women, that he could have whatever he wanted. So why did it start to sting his heart when you left silently, the closing of the front door echoing through out the house.

It was irritating being guts deep in another girl but seeing you in his mind making him scoff. But it's what he wanted, he chose this, why wasn't he anymore satisfied?

All of a sudden knowing that he would lose you- that he couldn't have you anymore infuriated him to no end.

He left half way through irritated, throwing his clothes on hastily before telling the girl to never contact him again before walking through the front door.

He spotted you sitting alone on a park bench.

"You'll catch a cold." He said draping his jacket over your shoulders.

At first he was looking at the few passing cars through the darkness before looking down to see your tear stained cheeks.

"Goddamn it-" He mumbled under his breath.

"Look doll, I'll admit it, it was a pretty shitty thing for me to do, but I still love you so please come back-"

"Come back?" You cut him off.

"In what world do you think I'd come back? I knew it- all these months you've been cheating on me-" Your voice broke slightly, pulling at his heart strings.

"And you just expect me to come back? There's something wrong with you Satoru because you would have to be crazy to think that I'd ever come back."

He wont admit it but when you blatantly rejected him he felt like his world came crumbling down, a part of him wanted to leave you for a while and wait for you to come crawling back, but the other part of him knew that wasn't going to happen.

You got up and took his jacket off, leaving it on the bench before you started to walk off.

"Wait-" He grabbed your wrist.

"Let go of me-" You tried to pull your wrist back.

"You can't leave me" His voice was no longer the nonchalant cool tone he used to brush off his actions, it was desperate and filled with regret.

You kept trying to pull your wrist back but he'd just pull you closer.

"You can't leave me." His voice cold now pulling you flush against his chest.

"Satoru let go of me" you said pushing against his chest trying to escape his grip.

You felt the your heart drop when you were effortlessly flung over his shoulder.

"S-Satoru put me down!"

He didn't respond, simply holding you tighter as he walked back to his apartment, unfaced by your protests and squirming.

A small gasp escaped your lips as he dropped you on the messy sheets of his bed.

"I don't care if you hate me. I don't care what you think, your mine." He said coldly moving on top of you and resting his head in the crook of your neck as you struggled to escape.

He heard your breath hitch when his cold fingers glided on the warm skin under your shirt only making him smirk.

"Stop moving so much, your making it really difficult for me."

He trailed kisses down your neck.

"Try all you want but if you ever leave this place- if you ever leave me, I'll make sure you never walk again.

Sure cheating gave him a thrill but your resistance was so satisfying, he didn't feel like cheating anymore.

THANK YOU FOR READING ♡

AUTHOURS NOTE: I haven't been active in a long time lol I wanted to write this for a while but never did, My requests are open and I am working on a few drafts for those who are waiting. Reblogs are welcomed.

***Also divider from: @saradika-graphics

[rinnstars]

white mercedes!

he’ll always be here when you eventually come back

itoshi rin x reader: toxic dependent rs LOL + on and off rs, inspired by charli’s song, angst(?) but you get back tgt, both pov!, not proofread + likes n reblogs r appreciated! <3

its a cycle - a cycle that rin has grown too fond of, too familiar of, too used to. of course, he knows its unhealthy, not that anyone tells him, its a secret he’ll keep deep in his heart. he tells himself, its just familiarity - the way your face buries in his chest, hands tugging at his shirt for comfort that he swear as makes his heart swell up, the way your name rolls off his tongue so perfectly like it was meant to be, the way you always come back no matter what. its meant to be in its own sick ways, and it gives him a sick feeling that thrums against his heart when you inevitably come back - as if you know you’ll be his no matter what.

he thinks he can forget everything when you ring him up after another bad ending to a date or relationship (he prays to no one in particular for it to end each and every time, cursing them too), when you come back home to his familiar apartment that you know the passcode and have the keys to in your bag at all times, when you melt yourself against him, fitting with him like a puzzle piece. he can forget the way you practically ripped his heart out with your bare hands when you tell him the inevitable words: “lets break up”, he can forget the way he swears the world turns black with puzzle pieces with the way his ears and ringing and his head throbs, he can forget the way you look at him like he’s nothing, like he’s just temporary, a toy to you when you feel a little lonely, when things don’t go your way. he can forget that he’s just temporary comfort in your arms, forget that you don’t love him the way he loves you, forget that you’ll be gone and in love with everyone else but him he swears. he can forget that your lips had touch someone else’s just hours ago, he can forget your hands had lingered and roamed someone else’s before, he can forget that you don’t only look at him with that look in your eye that he wishes to keep in his own museum of memories. he thinks he can forget all the hurt you put him through when youre together - forget the emptiness in his heart when you go to another party, find someone else, and be anywhere else without him that now feels full with your touch that practically feels like a drug to rin., forget the tears that streams down his face and stains his face that your fingers trace so softly as though an apology when you stop texting back, a reflection of you being busy with someone else yet again, forget the sleepless nights wondering where you are now that youre right beside him on his bed.

but deep down, he hopes tonight, you’ll stay a little longer. more than just what he should expect now - more than just warming his bed and his heart and his body, more than just another temporary comfort where you’ll be gone tomorrow morning or night, more than what he knows you’ll ever be able to give him. maybe each and every time he lets you stay - its his confession in his own way, of unsaid “i love yous” that he knows wont be reciprocated by the end of the week, of unsaid wishes of you staying by him for the rest of his life even in this twisted way that he loses more and more hope of every cycle, of unsaid pleadings for you to just stay with him in his world. but he knows too, that by the end of tonight, he’ll drive you to work, and your replies will slow down, and he’ll be left all alone in his apartment by the end of tomorrows night - or even if he’s lucky, he knows its inevitable, a month of loving you and being yours before the house of cards comes crashing down and all he’s left alone are the ashes of you and him: all alone in his room that he can still practically see the ghost of, feel the phantom touches of yours that he swears is imprinted on his body, lying in the gory mess of his guts all thrown up and ripped out of him when you inevitably say your goodbyes. yet, he keeps opening that damn door whenever it rings with that familiar tune, accepting those cursed phone calls that restarts the cycle, giving you his already scratched up and bruised heart for you to make a mess even more. its love - letting you step all over him without a single word and still letting you do it for the rest of his life until one day you’ll grow tired of this comfort (he hopes you never will, its the only thing he can offer after all). its love - letting you stay over and mess up his life, leave him with bruises on his neck and hands with your kisses and bites that he’s always so mesmerised by, as though youre letting it known that he belongs to you (even if he doesn’t because you end up leaving). its love - letting you run away each time and still letting you come back without any hesitation even if logically he should (because the pain is worth the warmth you always give him whenever you come back).

and you don’t want to admit that its love you feel for him - its fear you feel when your heart inevitably only beats a little faster when youre with him, its anxiety you blame it on when your stomach pools with butterflies when youre in his arms, and its guilt you feel when you inevitably run away again. love is overwhelming - being with him is too much, you don’t feel that sensation that practically brings you to that high, not with alcohol, not with partying, not with anyone else. its strange, the first time you feel it with him, and you don’t want to admit that its love - as though its forbidden (everyone with a mind begs you to just stay with him), as though its one-sided (you know it isn’t, you know he loves you too: he tells you and its pain that courses through your whole body), as though it was never meant to be (only because youre too scared to stay).

its not love, you tell yourself, when you inevitably come back to his apartment that you’ve memorised the address and route to from work, from the club, from anyone else’s house you just don’t feel at home with. its not love, you tell yourself too, when you go out with everyone else but him, your heart hurting as though its conveying to you its wrong, its wrong to be with anyone else other than itoshi rin. and its not love, when you spend the night looking at his face that you try to memorise every curve, every line, every bit of it before you inevitably have to leave, when you spend the night awake breathing in his warm and familiar scent that almost lulls you to sleep if not for your dedication, when you spend the night awake loathing the fact youre going to leave the next morning.

deep down, you know you can stay - its what rin wants underneath all the walls he’s built sky high that he lets collapse when youre with him, its what rin wants when he lets you in each and every single time no matter what time it is, when he lets his fingers and gaze linger a little too long for it to be deniable anymore. and you should - he always has your favourite snack stacked up almost as if trying to appeal to you even though he follows a strict diet for his career, always have your shirts and pants all neatly folded in the closet when you come back, always have your side of the bed neatly arranged, your figure practically already imprinted on it.

and its fear that grips at your heart when it just feels so right. you know you’ll mess it up, not that you haven’t millions of time when you already have him at the palm of your hand. you know youre no good, the first break up was a clear reflection - in your mind, its bloody, gory and messy, the hearts of you and him strewn onto the grown, soaked with tears and black blood that still paints your memories. yet, you two keep finding each other, as though magnetised by some sort of twisted fate that wont let him escape your sick love. you end up always at his place anyways - after a bad breakup with some nobody whos face is blurry and hazy in your mind as you look at rin’s, after a night out that leaves you throwing up your bloody black and red guts into his toilet as he rubs your back so gently, a complete contrast to the way youre violently throwing up, after another date that sees through your disinterest and leaves you right in the rain that rin somehow fights through with an umbrella to shield you from the rain and maybe from the world too, your hands holding his shakily as though hes the one who will inevitably disappear on you.

but today, it just seems so different - his touch on you feels fleeting, as if hes already ready to let go, his eyes seems a little more watery than usual as though hes only counting down to your eventual farewell, his familiar bracelets that matches with you nowhere to be tugged at when you intertwine your hands with his as though you two are no longer together. you think it just might be over - its inevitable, of course hes sick of this stupid cycle you cant help but continue each and every time to feel safe and secure, of course hes lost feelings now that hes seen the real you, of course hes tired of you who has done thing but leave after youve gotten your way. and you want to say its alright: because youve never loved him the way he should, because you cant be what he wants, because its not love you were made for. and yet, youre selfish, god you know you are: when you come back each and everytime and melt into rin’s arm thst is deserving of so much more, when you leave even when you see the tear stains on his face and shaky voice memos he leaves you wishing you to be nothing but safe, when you repeat the cycle.

“rin… y-youll always be here right?” you hate how your voice shakes, your feelings unintentionally boiling and spilling over more than it should ever, you hate how vulnerable you sound whenever youre with him because deep down you feel safe and yourself with him that you dont with anyone else, you hate how youre asking for confirmation from him, because you know he’ll say the same thing each and every time.

“of course.” and rin hates how he will never change the answer to the inevitable question because he loves you and always will, hates how he can never leave this twisted grip that feels like thorns in him whenever he holds you that pricks at his heart and lungs, hates how he feels you might be slipping away from him with the way you hesitate yet again, restarting the cycle that he loathes and wish nothing but to leave on some days.

“… rin. let me stay, more than just tonight.”

you know its selfish, to trap him in the twisted thorns of your love, to keep him withh you away from the rest of the world, to make it official only to end it again inevitably when you yourself get terrified of the same thorns that claw at you the same way it claws at rin that he never minded. its selfish to promise to stay, to be his soulmate again, to be his again at all when you know deep down youll leave - simply because you feel him leaving, because you feel hes getting tired of it, because you know he deserves better.

and yet, you dont miss the way rin’s eyes seem to light up from its earlier dull look that pains you from the thought of him crying over you, dont miss the way he unconsciously tugs at your shirt, clinging closer to you with the reassurance, dont miss the way he lets out a breath that he has held this whole time. and you know deep down, he’ll always let you stay: even when you leave again, even when you dont stay, even you keep breaking his heart. and in a twisted way, you love it: because it means he loves you too even if you cant bear to tell or show it in fear, because means that he wont get tired of you to be the one who leaves, because it means youll always have him forever one day when you put your fear aside and embrace him the same way you do now.

and rin doesnt miss the way your voice seems so afraid and shaky when you ask of him as though youll ever be afraid of him saying no, doesnt miss the way your eyes too light up even with those dark eyes circle that he wishes to fix when he takes you back in again, doesnt miss the way you bury your face in his chest either when he says yes to you being his again. and he loves it: because it means you love him too even if you keep running away for god knows why, because it means one day youll stay forever in his embrace, because it means youll deep down never be sick of him with the way you always come back into his arms.

maybe youll go back on your promise, maybe you wont - but for tonight: youre rins, and rins all yours.

[girasollake]

˚♡ ⋆two of cupsੈ♡˳

pairing: neteyam x fem!mangkwan!reader

!disclaimer! there is pretty much nothing we know about this clan but since i saw they are like ‚spiritual masters’ or something i thought i would use their name because it fits the story!

requested: no

type: angst/fluff

summary: (i am so bad at writing these) the reader is part of the clan you mostly hear about in legends, they are spiritually connected to eywa, more than any other tribe. she has to run away after the sky people destroyed her village and she meets a boy. his energy calls to her and she doesnt know why. both of them are children of clan leaders and both of them need to find a mate due to their age (both are around 18-20), they feel the pull towards each other and dont know that their fate was already written in the stars (its me, im the stars)

warnings: death of a loved one, injuries, mentions of blood and wounds, breakdown, grief, a happy ending

a/n: i hope you guys will like this one because i came up with the whole clan for the sake of the story lmao, but even if you wont like it i still hope you enjoy reading it!// gif is from pinterest, all credits to the owner!

word count: 5,818 

[there may be some errors, because i’m too lazy to check it lol]

╰┈➤ a little glossary:

*Faysawtute! Wiya! - These sky people! Dammit!

** Oel ngati kameie, Olo’eyktan, Tsahik - I see you, Olo’eyktan, Tsahik

***evi - kid(in an affecionate way kinda)

You weren’t sure how you ended up in that place. The last thing you remember is running away from the sky people who had somehow found your village, the screams of your people started echoing in your brain. You sat up and analyzed your surroundings carefully - the forest around you was vast and mysterious, you have never went into this part of Pandora before. You needed to find your friends, your parents, your ikran, but the only things you could see were trees and bioluminescent plants. A hiss escaped your lips when you stood up, blood was running down your leg and you noticed a big wound it was coming out of, a stab wound. All of this wasn’t unfamiliar, you have fought against the sky people before, but this time they were hungrier for blood than ever, targeting your tribe and searching for you. Your clan had knowledge others didn’t, your people had a special connection to Eywa which presented itself in the fact that your hair was white. You were hiding in the shadows, often migrating and avoiding direct contacts with others, to other tribes yours was just a legend. You almost never engaged, only when it was necessary, and even though you should have gotten rid of the strange enemies from the other planet ��� your father decided to keep moving and put the fighting behind you. You didn’t blame him, there has been enough bloodshed and there were only 87 of you left, well, now probably less than that.

‘Faysawtute! Wiya!*’ You cursed and pressed on your wound as you walked over to the nearest plant with long leaves.

You tore one of them out of the plant and used it as a bandage, as well as some small vines you found nearby. A faint sound of an animal could be heard in the distance and you were thankful you still had your bow and arrows; your knife however was nowhere in sight. You sat down on the ground, closed your eyes and pressed your palm to the ground, you needed to feel her so that she could lead you to one of the sacred places. A few deep breaths calmed your body down and you opened your eyes rapidly, your ears going down – you felt her. After standing up you started following your gut, you had learned to trust it as much as possible. You tried to stay focused on the energy flowing through your body as well as the one flowing through the forest, but those beautiful plants had caught your eye way too many times for your liking, causing you to lose that focus.  With each step you felt weaker and even more tired, the journey was taking too long, you felt as if you had been walking for eternity. The sun started showing up, soft light reflected in your sleepy eyes and something in the horizon suddenly caught your attention, you stopped in your tracks. A big tree, with white long vines and a strong aura you could see from far away - the source of power. You smiled to yourself and resumed your walk, you couldn’t give up now, she would heal you at last. When you finally reached the tree, you collapsed at the bottom of its trunk. Your hands took one of the vines and connected it to your queue making a tsaheylu. Your pupils dilated as the purest energy of all flowed slowly through your weak body. Next thing you remember was darkness.

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

A sound of flapping wings caused you to open your eyes. You quickly disconnected from the tree and ran behind one of the larger roots to hide. As you were putting one of your arrows on the bow you heard the stranger approaching you. You stood up and pointed your weapon at them, but this wasn’t an enemy - it was a young Na’vi boy, probably close to your age. His bow was also ready to fire an arrow at you and you could tell he was confused too, because his eyes were scanning your body in a rapid pace. When you finally locked eyes, you lowered your weapon. However, he was still holding his up, cautious of you and your actions. But you knew better, you knew he wouldn’t hurt you; it was visible in his eyes that he was not a killer.

‘Who are you?’ He finally asked. ‘Are you an avatar?’

You tilted your head, confused about the new word he used, ‘What’s an avatar?’

He lowered his bow and hung it on his body, ‘Come.’

You didn’t move.

‘You’re Omaticaya, right?’ A question left your lips.

He nodded and opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it just as quickly.

‘What’s your name, boy?’

He grimaced at the last word, ‘Neteyam.’

‘(y/n)’ You replied.

For a moment you were standing there in silence, contemplating if you should ask for help. After all, you had nowhere to go to.

‘What are you doing here?’ He asked suddenly and stepped closer, which made you take a step back.

‘I got lost.’ You sighed. ‘The sky people found my village and the last thing I can remember is running away.’ You looked up at the tree. ‘I woke up in the forest and followed Eywa’s energy to find one of the sacred places to heal myself.’

‘Heal?’ He tilted his head in confusion once again.

You nodded, ‘I need your help.’ This time it was you who stepped closer. ‘I have to find my parents.’

He nodded, ‘I’ll take you to my grandmother, she’s Tsahik.’

Your ears perked up as you started following him to his ikran, ‘Who is the Olo’eyktan in your clan? Your grandfather?’

‘No, he died before I was born.’ He got on his ikran and offered you his hand. ‘My father is the leader.’

‘Hm.’ You quietly said and wrapped your arms around his chest gently.

You started wondering if you should tell him that you have that in common – being future clan leaders, that is. You knew the pressure, the responsibilities, the expectations and you could talk to him about that, but you wanted to keep that a secret for just a little longer. You could feel his strong energy, there was a certain feeling of calmness radiating from him and you swore it called to you. You have just met him, but he felt like an old friend, someone you never forget.

The ride was pleasant, you were curiously looking around and admiring the view. You thought he would take you to his home, somewhere in the forest, because after all the Omaticaya were a forest clan. It was surprising to say the least, when you landed inside a huge cave in one of the mountains.

‘I thought you were supposed to be tree people?’ You furrowed your eyebrows as you were looking around the village.

Neteyam helped you get down from the animal and softly laughed, ‘We are, but our home was destroyed.’ He looked down. ‘I never got to see it.’

You rested your hand on his arm and rubbed it softly, ‘I’m sorry, Neteyam. I am sure it was very beautiful.’

He sent you a soft smile which you reciprocated. Your eyes were locked with his, but he broke the eye contact due to something or rather someone coming from behind you. You turned around, a man was slowly approaching you, an elderly woman following after him.

‘That is father and grandmother.’ Neteyam stated from behind you.

‘Oel ngati kameie, Olo’eyktan, Tsahik.**’ You made the proper gesture and felt their tough gaze on you.

They greeted you in the same way and then looked at Neteyam. You knew exactly why they were confused just like he had been. It was because of your hair.

‘I come from the Mangkwan People.’ You announced in order to avoid unnecessary questions.

The Tsahik walked over to you and inspected your whole body, especially one part of it.

‘It’s been a while since I saw one of you.’ She said calmly. ‘Where is the rest of your clan?’

‘I don’t know.’ You sighed. ‘That’s why I’m here, I need to find them and I need help.’

She looked at Neteyam’s father who gave her a firm nod.

‘You can stay with us child.’ She informed you. ‘What are you called?’

‘(y/n) te Magte Leta’ite.’ You whispered your full name and the woman gasped softly, but didn’t say anything.

Neteyam exchanged a look with his father, both uncertain about the Tsahik’s reaction. The Olo’eyktan made a gesture towards his son to come closer and he whispered something into his ear. The young heir nodded and turned his attention to you.

‘Come, I’ll show you around.’

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

After a brief walk through the village, which mostly consisted of you trying not to pay attention to the people whispering as you walked by, you arrived at what you figured would be Neteyam’s home.

‘This is where we sleep. There is not a lot of space but I can give you my own area if you want to rest, I’ll just share with my brother.’

‘Oh, no, it’s okay. I can sleep on the floor, I don’t mind it.’ You chuckled. ‘No, but really, you don’t have to give up your space for me, I’ll be good with anything.’

He smiled at you and his eyes followed your movements as you were admiring the inside.

‘Forgive me for staring at you so much before.’ You turned around to face him. ‘I’ve heard legends about your clan and I was surprised that..’

‘I’m real?’ You softly laughed. ‘It’s okay, I know you don’t see people like me every day.’ Your happy expression faded away.

‘What’s wrong?’ He approached you.

You sat down without looking at him and he did the same, ‘There isn’t many of us left.’ You turned your head to look into his eyes. ‘That’s why you don’t see us often. We always run away, hide in the shadows, we don’t engage in anything… I’m sure your grandmother remembers the times when my clan would happily help others when in need, but times have changed. All I know how to do is run away.’

‘You don’t have to do that anymore, I’m sure your clan would be welcome here. To stay with us.’

You lifted one corner of your mouth, ‘Thanks, tree boy.’

‘Who is that, brother?’ Your focus shifted from the boy sitting next to you to the girls standing in the entrance.

‘(y/n).’ You answered before he could open his mouth. ‘May I know your names?’

‘I’m Kiri and this is Tuk.’ She replied and looked down at the smaller girl hiding behind her leg.

‘Come here, I don’t bite.’ You smiled at them.

They carefully came closer and sat in front of you. Their reaction was similar to everybody else, their eyes weren’t looking into yours, but above. You curiously looked Kiri up and down, there was something in this girl you couldn’t quite put into words, a powerful energy illuminated from her body.

‘Dad wanted to talk to you.’ She said to Neteyam.

‘Oh, okay.’ He quickly stood up. ‘I’ll be right back, treat her nicely, she’s our guest.’

He left their home, your gaze followed him as he got lost in the sea of other Omaticaya people. Meanwhile, Tuk was still taking in your strange looks, a confused frown was on her face.

‘You want to touch it?’ You asked her and she nodded eagerly.

She crawled closer to you and started playing with your hair, ‘It looks like it glows! Does it glow in the dark?’

‘Sometimes.’ You replied with a funny expression on your face.

‘Can you show me? Please!’

‘Maybe one day, okay?’ She nodded in reply.

‘Do you need someone to patch you up?’ Kiri asked.

‘Sorry, what?’ You gave her a confused reply to which she gave a nod towards your bandaged thigh. ‘Oh! I forgot about that. It’s okay, it’s fully healed.’

‘How do you know?’

‘Because Eywa healed me.’ You replied while taking off the leaves and vines, Tuk was still playing with your hair.

‘What?’ Her ears perked up and she sat up straighter. ‘What do you mean by that?’

‘When I connect to the source, such as your big sacred tree, I can transfer Eywa’s power into my body to heal myself.’ You explained like it was nothing. ‘See? All good.’ You showed her your thigh which  now only had a small, faint scar in the place you were stabbed.

You looked up to see her puzzled expression and it took everything in you to not laugh.

‘You need to teach me how to do it.’ She finally whispered.

‘I can try, but it’s a difficult craft. It requires patience, meditation, and strength, spiritual strength. My people start training the moment they connect with Eywa for the first time and it takes years to master it.’ You told her. ‘But I feel that you have all that is needed. I’ll teach you when the time comes.’

‘Really?’ She covered her mouth in shock. ‘Thank you!’

‘It’s nothing.’ You smiled and looked over at Tuk. ‘Are you having fun?’

‘Mhm!’ She exclaimed. ‘Can I braid some of it?’

‘Of course.’ Her smile warmed up your heart.

It’s been a while since you sat down and had your hair done by anyone, so why not let the little kid do it? You shifted your gaze to look outside and saw Neteyam talking to a girl. A light clench could be felt in your heart, why was your body doing that?

‘Is that your brother’s mate?’ You asked and gave a nod towards them.

Kiri turned around to see who you were referring to, ‘He hasn’t chosen yet. Mother is expecting him to do that soon but he keeps postponing it, he says he has to be sure.’ She explained and you felt a relief inside. ‘And that is Nelao, mother thinks she would be the perfect Tsahik, but I disagree.’

‘Why?’ Your curiosity won. ‘She looks nice.’

‘She does, but I just don’t feel like she’s the right fit for my brother.’ She murmured. ‘Nelao overheard my mother talking about her being the new Tsahik. Because of that she’s so certain he will chose her that she doesn’t even leave his side.’

‘You would be a better Tsahik, (y/n).’ Tuk peeped in.

You tilted your head and giggled, ‘I would be, indeed.’ You paused. ‘And I will. Perks of being the daughter of the clan leaders.’

‘Your parents are Tsahik and Olo’eyktan?’ Kiri gasped. ‘Why didn’t you say it before?!’

‘I like being secretive.’ You smiled. ‘Revealing too much information at once isn’t a good idea, trust me.’

‘You can be our Tsahik if you want to.’ Tuk added.

‘Tuk! You can’t say things like that!’ Kiri scolded her sister.

‘Why not?’

‘Well, for once, she may already have someone betrothed to her.’ Kiri explained and turned her attention to you. ‘Do you have someone promised to you?’

You shook your head, ‘No.’

You wanted to add more, but you bit your tongue. Your parents have shown you a few young men to marry, but none of them felt right. You had to feel it inside and you couldn’t choose just because they expected that, it was your decision after all. And it’s not like you didn’t try, you hung out with some of them, talked with them, laughed with them, and yet none of them matched your energy in a way you longed for.

‘See? She can be our Tsahik.’ The little girl muttered and Kiri just rolled her eyes.

‘I’m sorry for my sister.’

‘It’s okay.’ You giggled. ‘Don’t be sorry for her, be grateful that she’s here to make your day more interesting.’

She smiled at you, ‘She sure is.’

‘All done! Do you like it?’ Tuk asked and showed you a few braids she had done.

‘They are perfect! Thank you ‘evi.***’ You gave her a quick hug to show your gratitude.

‘Kiri can you show me where you clean yourselves? I think I need to wash away the dirt.’ You turned to the older sister.

‘Oh my, of course! I’m sorry I should have asked you if you needed anything! Can I offer you some new clothes?’

‘If you’d be so kind.’ You smiled.

The three of you got up and you followed them hastily. On your way out you locked eyes with Neteyam who was still talking to Nelao, he shot you a quick smirk which made you look down and break the eye contact.

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

After changing and cleaning yourself up you sat down on the edge of the cave. You were taking in the view unfolding in front of your eyes.

‘Where are you mom?’ You whispered and felt someone approach you from behind.

‘We have not had a chance to meet. My name is Neytiri, I am Neteyam’s mother.’ The beautiful woman spoke up.

‘(y/n).’ You smiled and bowed your head to greet her.

‘Can I join you?’ You nodded in approval.

She sat down next to you, ‘Beautiful, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, it’s extraordinary. I love looking at Pandora from above.’ You replied.

‘You have your own ikran?’

‘Yes, but I don’t know where she is. I was hoping to go search for her in the morning with Neteyam if that’s possible?’ You asked and quickly looked down. ‘Or any warrior for that matter, it doesn’t have to be him.’

Neytiri smiled sweetly, ‘I’m sure he would love to help you.’

You shyly raised your head and while looking into her eyes reciprocated the smile. For a moment both of you were sitting there quietly, enjoying the darkness with some glowing plants in the distance. Your ears perked up when you remembered a strange word Neteyam had said to you before.

‘What’s an avatar?’ You asked your companion out of the blue.

She looked at you confused, ‘You don’t know?’

‘No, I am not familiar with that word.’ You answered. ‘Neteyam asked me if I was one and I didn’t know what it meant.’

Neytiri roughly explained to you the concept of the word, she also used the term dream walkers. You also found out that her husband was an avatar before, which surprised you, it’s weird you haven’t noticed his additional fingers.

‘Your husband has a strong spirit, strong heart. I could feel it.’

‘He does.’ She whispered. ‘It’s late, we should head inside.’

You nodded and stood up to follow the woman inside their family home.

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

When you woke up there was nobody in the tent with you. While you were stretching a big yawn escaped your lips. There was some water left next to you in a small pot, you picked it up and took a few big sips. You wiped your mouth and stood up to go outside and search for any of the familiar faces. You approached Neteyam who was giving some food to his ikran.

‘Hi.’

‘Hi, did you sleep well?’ He looked at you.

‘Um, yeah, it was a good night.’ You mumbled. ‘Are you going to help me today? With finding my ikran and my people?’

‘Oh! Yes, right, I have this thing here for you.’ He pulled out some sort of device. ‘This goes around your neck and this into your ear. Those are comms we use for communicating. ‘He pointed to the one he was wearing. ‘I’ll show you how they work.’

He installed everything on you and explained step by step to you how to use it. The whole time you tried to stay composed and steady, but his fingers brushing your skin were not helping. After that you both got on his ikran, the first place you wanted to check was the one you woke up at and that’s where you navigated him. You were using your memory and it was hard doing it from above since you were inside the forest while looking for a way out. Neteyam was patient with you, he landed a few times in the wrong places because you thought each could be the right one, thankfully one of them was. You got off the ikran and immediately noticed your blood on the grass. It was faint but because of daylight you could see the trail you were running through that night. You followed the blood with Neteyam by your side.

‘Mom! Dad!’ You shouted into the forest but received no response.

Suddenly a faint ikran roar erupted through the trees. Your ears perked up and you quickly ran towards the sound while making noises to lure in the animal.

‘Wait for me!’ You heard the man shout behind you, but you didn’t stop.

Soon you noticed something blue moving between two trees and you slowly approached it.

‘Ra’ia.’ You whispered and came closer to your ikran.

You noticed she was covered with a net and that was the thing disallowing her to move. You spotted your knife next to her and grabbed it to free the animal. Now everything made sense, they must’ve shot that net at you which caused both of you to fall down, you somehow freed yourself and dropped your knife while running away.

‘I’m sorry I left you Ra’ia.’ You whispered while you were hugging her neck and stroking her skin with one of your hands. ‘Thank you Great Mother for keeping her safe.’

‘Is that your ikran?’ You heard Neteyam’s voice.

‘Yes.’ You nodded. ‘Her name is Ra’ia.’

‘It’s suits her.’

‘Thanks.’ You chuckled. ‘We should check my village now.’

He gave you a nod and started calling for his own animal.

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

The place was a mess. Your started to feel heavy when you noticed limp bodies of your people laying on the ground. You took a deep breath and wiped away the tears already falling down from your eyes. With each person you examined you felt your heart break even more. However it broke down completely when you noticed your father’s  broken bow, his hand wrapped around the weapon. You swallowed a big lump and took cautious steps towards him.

This can’t be real. He’s okay, he has to be okay.

‘Dad?’ You whispered when you finally reached his side you moved his body, he didn’t move. ‘Dad, come on.’ You cried. ‘Wake up! You can’t do this to me!’ You shouted and started shaking his body.

A pair of arms wrapped around you and started pulling you away.

‘No!’ You shouted. ‘NO!’

Neteyam embraced you in a hug which you were trying to break out of, ‘Let me go! He’s okay! We have to get him help!’

‘I’m sorry, (y/n).’He whispered and held you tighter. ‘There is nothing we can do for him, we need to go.’

You were crying your eyes out, your screams were stopping in your throat along with the tears you were choking on. You don’t know how long Neteyam was trying to calm you down, it could’ve been 20 minutes or 3 hours, you had no idea. His palm was stroking your hair and his chest was wet from your tears, but it was working, he finally managed to help you steady your breath and stop crying.

‘Can you help me bury him?’ You looked up at him with glossy eyes. ‘Please, Neteyam.’

‘Of course.’ He replied and kissed the top of your head gently.

There was a sacred place, a small tree close to your village where you would bury the dead. Neteyam helped you carry your father’s body there, you whispered a quick prayer to him and to Eywa. You connected your queue to the sacred tree and experienced a vision. Instead of seeing your father you saw your mother in some kind of metal home, perhaps a capsule? It was strange and covered in various plants. You gasped and collapsed right into Neteyam’s arms. You looked at him and explained where you think your mother may be.

He widened his eyes, ‘I think I know where that is.’

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

‘Mom?’ You called out. ‘Mom are you there!?’

You moved closer to the entrance of the shack and looked through the broken window. Your mother was nowhere in sight.

‘She’s not inside, do you know if there is anywhere she could-‘

‘(y/n)?’ You heard your mother’s voice coming from the bushes.

You moved closer to the sound, ‘Mom? Yes, yes mom, it’s me.’

Her fragile silhouette emerged from the plants and she instantly collapsed into your arms, crying.

‘Your father..‘ She cried. ‘He..’

‘I know, ma, I know…’ You started caressing her tangled hair. ‘It’s going to be okay, ma.’

‘You need to find someone to lead the clan, you need to find a mate, daughter. We have to find the others as soon as we can, it is the only way.’ She explained and looked up to rest her sad eyes on Neteyam. ‘Who’s that?’

‘That’s my friend. We’re going to take you to a safe place.’ You explained. ‘The Omaticaya will take care of you, of us.’

‘No, no, we can’t. They are going to be hunting us. They know what we can do and they don’t like it.’ She stammered.

‘They are hunting my people too.’ Neteyam finally spoke up. ‘I can’t guarantee you will be safe in our hideout, but going there is the best thing I can offer you right now.’

‘We have to go, ma.’ You helped her stand up. ‘It’s okay, come on.’

The flight to the Omaticaya camp was peaceful, with no surprises from the enemy, but you felt your mother’s broken energy the whole time and it was draining you. You felt her pain, it was mixing with yours and creating a dreadful combination. There was also her unwillingness to go with you so she complained for most of the ride. When you finally arrived you were greeted by Mo’at, who immediately recognised your mother. She took her away from everyone and they both disappeared in her tent. You sighed and turned around to face Neteyam.

‘Thank you.’ You said. ‘For helping me. With finding my mother, Ra’ia and my..’ You paused, tears were starting to form in your eyes.

‘Hey, hey, you don’t have to thank me for this.’ He took your hand into his, caressing your knuckles softly with his fingers. ‘I’ll help you anytime you need me.’

You smiled up at him, ‘Do you-‘

‘Neteyam!’ A voice called out which made him drop your hand. ‘Is that this new friend of yours everyone is talking about? My name is Nelao.’

She grabbed Neteyam’s arm and hugged it to her body. The sight made your heart feel like a needle was going straight through it. You told her your name and complemented her own.

‘Thank you. Yours is quite unique as well.’ She looked up at Neteyam. ‘Shall we go? You must be hungry!’ She turned to you. ‘You’re welcome to join us, of course.’

You shook your head, ‘Maybe later, but thank you for invitation.’

You started walking away and looked at the man one more time, to your surprise you locked eyes with him once again. Then Nelao pulled him away as they headed to feast with the others. You approached Mo’at’s tent in hopes to find out how your mother was doing.

‘We have to find the rest. My daughter needs a mate, we need a new leader, Mo’at. I cannot believe all of this is happening.’ You heard your mother’s broken voice through the thin tent material. ‘I lost him, it hurts so much.’

‘I know what it feels like. I lost my husband because of these demons too. Your clan is welcome to stay with us when they are found.’ Mo’at spoke up. ‘Accept our help, Leta.’

‘It’s not nice to eavesdrop, you know?’ Neteyam’s voice startled you.

‘And why are you not participating in the feast?’ You tilted your head to the side.

‘I just..’ He paused. ‘Can we talk?’

You nodded, ‘Why didn’t you tell me you are the next Tsahik?’

‘What?’ You asked confused. ‘How-‘

‘I overheard your mother saying it to you before, she wasn’t particularly quiet so it’s not my fault.’

‘Right.’ You gave him a nod and smirked. ‘Do you want to go for a ride?’

‘If I do, will you answer my question?’ He tilted his head.

You shrugged, ‘Come and find out.’

You giggled and started running away to get on your ikran. Neteyam shook his head and followed your steps.

‘Where are we even going?’

‘You’ll see.’ You replied and took off, the man right behind you.

Throughout the flight you were constantly messing with him, whether that would be shoving him from the side or disappearing behind a mountain to scare him. He was pretending to be mad, but you knew he liked it. When you saw your destination you increased your speed. He tried chasing you trying to outrun your ikran, but to no avail.

‘It’s even more beautiful at night.’ You whispered when you landed.

‘It is.’ He replied, but he wasn’t looking at The Spirit Tree.

He was looking at something else or rather someone.

‘Come on, let’s go sit under it.’ You grabbed his hand and ran towards the tree.

For a moment you were just enjoying each other’s presence and looking around at the bioluminescent grass, leaves and vines. Well, you were the one looking around when his gaze was mostly lingering on your form.

‘So?’ He broke the silence which made you sigh.

‘I didn’t want to be defined by that. You out of all people should know the burden this role carries.’ You paused. ‘All the responsibilities, risks, duties… I just… I sometimes wish I wasn’t next in line.’ You looked at your hands. ‘Especially now when my mother urges me to find a mate immediately. Someone to step in for… You know.’

He nodded, ‘Yeah, I know what all of that feels like.’

‘But I can’t just take anyone and I think she doesn’t understand it. I have to feel it inside, it has to feel-‘

‘Right.’ He interrupted you.

‘Exactly!’ You exclaimed. ‘At least you already have someone to mate with.’ You whispered.

‘Huh?’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘Are you talking about Nelao?’

You nodded, ‘She seems really nice. You should be grateful your mom chose someone like that for you.’

‘She is nice, but at the end of the day it is not my mother’s decision.’ He responded. ‘It is mine.’

He raised his palm and rested it on your cheek.

‘And I don’t want Nelao.’

You felt heat going up to your cheeks and his face was slowly getting closer to yours. The kiss was slow and passionate, but most importantly – it felt right.

You were the first to break the kiss, ‘Are you sure about this?’

‘Are you?’ He asked.

You nodded your head eagerly, ‘You know, from the moment I saw you, your energy has called out to me.’

‘My energy?’ He chuckled.

You softly punched his arm, ‘Do not laugh at me! Last time I checked, I was the one seeing and feeling what you don’t.’

‘Oh, and that makes me worse than you?’ He tilted his head playfully.

‘Yes.’ You giggled and connected your lips with his eagerly.

After a while both of you pulled out your queues and observed how they connected with each other. The feeling was almost euphoric, something you have never felt before. You felt Neteyam’s energy, you saw it so vividly in your mind, all of his good and bad sides, everything about him was in front of you like an open book. All of it melted into your own body, your own energy mixed with his as you became one. There was no denying that all of this felt right.

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

You woke up in the morning only because someone towered over you and their presence was enough to awaken you. You slowly opened your eyes and you felt Neteyam’s arm on your stomach, your back pressed to his chest. When your vision cleared up you looked up and saw your mother’s angry face.

‘Did you mate with this boy!?’ She screamed, which made Neteyam and you quickly sit up.

Jake was standing behind her and guided her to take a step back. Neytiri was also present, but she was behind the two, a small smirk spread out on her face.

‘Answer me, daughter.’

You stood up, your fingers intertwined with Neteyam’s, ‘Yes, mother.’

She scoffed, ‘You were supposed to find someone from our clan!’

‘It is my fault.’ Neteyam spoke up. ‘I was the one to-‘

‘No, it isn’t.’ You shook your head.’ It was all because of Eywa. We met before her and we mated before her.’ You told your mother. ‘From the moment I saw him I knew we were meant to be together, his energy called me, it lured me in and I could not resist. The feeling was stronger than anything else.’

Your mother shook her head, but deep down she knew exactly what you were talking about. She had felt the same thing when she first laid her eyes on your father. She looked up at Jake who just shrugged his arms.

‘There is nothing we can do about it.’ He told her. ‘It is done.’

‘There is nothing wrong with uniting our clans.’ Neytiri spoke up. ‘I must say, I think it’s necessary. Especially in those dark times.’

You smiled at her and she reciprocated the gesture. You turned to your mother with pleading eyes.

‘Please, ma.’

She was looking between the two of you quickly and her gaze finally rested on your mate.

‘Fine.’ She closed her eyes and sighed. ‘At least it’s done now. All we have to do is find the rest of the clan, but I must say, the boy I chose for you will not be very pleased about this.’

‘Ma!’ You scolded her.

‘The boy she chose for you?’ Neteyam asked.

‘She chose like 5 boys for me.’ You chuckled. ‘But they don’t matter anymore, do they?’

‘I guess they don’t.’ He smiled at you.

‘We should head back to the camp.’ Jake said. ‘And please, don’t sneak out in the night, I don’t want your siblings to follow your footsteps.’

‘Yes sir.’ Netayam nodded.

Everyone turned around and started walking towards their ikrans, you and Neteyam following after them.

‘I knew this would happen.’ You heard Neytiri whisper to her husband.

‘Who didn’t?’ He quietly replied.

You chuckled and turned your head to Neteyam. You gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

‘Want to race to the camp?’ You asked and started running to your animal before the man had a chance to process your question.

He shook his head and ran after you. He would always run after you.

© girasollake, 2023

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thank you!! xx

taglist:  @hockeyboysarehot​ @esposadomd​ @astr1dblogs​ @greengarsstuff @black-and-white1​ @softpia​ @writingsbybirdie​ @slythermania​ @mariiyoushi​ @rakwunz​ @hirokosoul​ @goldenchunkycat​ @margoniezniez​ @bluesprings18​ @decaffeinatedmom01​ @swords4mob​  @quietshyashlyn19​ ( if you liked/commented on my post about this fic and you are not here, please check your settings because i couldn’t tag you <3)

[danaduchy]

all texts from Judy

How's it going? ¡Hola! How you doin, V? Find those voodoo boys yet? * Sure did Hope you found what you were looking for? It was pretty interesting. Helped em out a little * That I did Helped them expand their turf, had a little run-in with netwatch, took a trip down cyberspace lane and met an AI * Didn't think you cared all that much… Course I do! After what you did for Evelyn… You're not just some rando anymore

* Not yet I can imagine * Been kinda busy As are all. Well good luck with your search * You know, same ol' same ol' Uhh… sure, alright O_O Dont really wanna get into details right now Sure, whatever works for you, but V… Take care of yourself, OK? I don't want you to end up like Ev * What about Evelyn? Any improvement? No changes. She's trapped deep in her brain somewhere. Must be goin through hell * It wont come to that Good to know Sorry, gotta run See ya

Ev's send off Hey Buried Ev today Colombarium near North Oak Thought you might wanna know * How do you feel? I intend to get thoroughly shitfaced today * Thanks for letting me know Right, no problem. Take care.

Got an idea Hey, V! Hey. Wanted to thank you again. Ya know, for helping me with Clouds Don't wanna think about what coulda happened if you hadn't been there Anywho, I think I got somethin that might help us Can't go into detes yet, but I'll holler at ya in a couple days Oh, and have a FABULOUS day! ;)

Morning! Mornin, sleepyhead Had to run, didn't wanna wake u Left you some breakfast. Eat up!

Thank you Knock knock Whatup? How's things? * I'm good * You know how it is Why? Somethin the matter? Had a great time in spite of the circumstances. All thanks to you Maybe we could do it again, just without spillin any blood :/ * Anytime Can't wait ;) * But thats what I'm good at… …True. Anyway, still waitin for Maiko to spill the detes on our meet Call you when I know more

Thanks again Heyo, V Everything ok? * Yeah, I'm good * Same as ever * Somethin happen? I'm all right… Thanks again. You know for what ;) You're a good friend. Just want you to know that Maiko still hasn't called. Should be anytime now Let you know when I get somethin fresh

All set Hey V. Maiko just called. We're all set. This afternoon, out in front of H8. Assuming you'll be there? Take care till then. And thanks… Again. It really means a lot to me.

Waiting on you Something urgent come up? Oh well, I'll just wait. Just be here before 8am

Come back Hey come back! I'm not gonna wait forever!!

We're waiting Still don't have time? We're waiting

Later then… Musta been in a real hurry… I'll try to come up with something, like, doable, but also fuckin mindblowing Be in touch. See ya soon

Umm… yeah So… looks like you weren't into it Oh well. Guess that's that then… About to finish packing and then I'm off. Buh-bye!

Bye Won't keep you long Ditching NC soon… I'm done with this sorry-ass excuse for a city Whatever you're up to right now - good luck [You have been deleted from Judy Alvarez's contacts]

Your payment Heeeyo! Sendin you the €$, just as I promised ;) Thank you, thank you, thank you for your help! Laterzzz!

WTF?! Nicely played, V. Very mature Whatever happened to the fearless merc named V? But you didn't have the guts to look me in the eyes Miserable * I was in a rush * I was really craving some fries Save it, V Don't message me again * Can we just talk about this? I'm sorry OK, I'll leave you alone. I'm really fucking sorry * You're really just gonna ghost me now? C'mon Judy, srsly? Fine, no means no I guess…

Our BD Heya, V Starting tuning our virtu - got me thinkin about you again. Got no idea how much Im digging this right now. Splicing two emotive tracks together is super hard - theres a lotta noise I need to filter out for this to come out baby-soft, but the contrast in our reactions… I mean, it'll give you shivers. Don't even have to amplify the emotional tracks. N O V A * Yeah.. sounds super cool No, it's fuckin AWESOME. And the best thing is, it's not pretentious or nothing. Totally relatable * Thats cute Cuteness has nothin to do with it, mi calabacita * Hehe, looks like someone's havin a good time Laugh all you want, calabacita. Its nova anyway * Calaba-wha? Nvm, nothing xD * Seriously? You callin me a pumpkin? Callin me FAT?! Noooooooo silly XD Nicer than callin you a gonk though Alright, I gotta go. Byeeee

Memory Hey calabacita! Still playin around with our virtu - found a still you might like

* Woah not bad Glad you like it * You enhance this? Just a teeny bit, nothin crazy Dunno, I like it. maybe I'll frame it and hang it up on the wall Could do the same for you if you want * Deffo. I'd love one Alrighty, I'll send it over when it's ready * Not really my thing, sorry Hehe, and you still ask why you're a calabacita <3 Okidokes, don't wanna keep ya. Catch ya later ;)

Helloooo Yooohoooo Know wat rymes with judy? BOOTY uh-huh uh-huh your so cuuuutee * Hey… you OK? You sound… weird * Lemme guess - you're wasted Jus out wit some ferns. frieends. * Okaaay, so you are drunk * Definitely drunk Weeeeeell… maybe jus a littl bit? * You could at least send me some stills * Just don't go too crazy, alright? * Pics or it didn't happen Sure <(((*> …fine, knock yourself out :D

I'm so sorry I'm sorry. And a little embarrassed -_- * How are ya? Sounds like you had a fun night Feel like some took a chainsaw to my brain * Maybe I should start putting you on a leash Start keeping my girl in line xD Try it, go ahead and I'll… I dunno. I'm too tired to come up with a comeback * Anything I can do to help? Nah, I'll be fine. I'm just tired. * I miss anything fun? Nah, not really. Just a girls night out. Couple substances, neverending tequila… you get the idea. Roxanne says hi, btw. Or did she? Talk to you later. Gonna go back to bed Before I forget, I got something for you. Sent it to your apartment. Sorry again… -_-' G'night

Got something for ya Heyoooo Got a lil somethin for ya. Should help get you get on your feet - who knows, maybe it'll come in handy down the line It's waitin for you over at mine - near the kitchen counter ;) * Awesome. Thanks Don't mention it :) * What is it? Not big on surprises, are ya? Nothin super special, don't get your hopes up. Couple of energy bars to keep your battery charged ;) Oh and I found a 12 gauge. Got it some time ago from the Mox. Don't really see myself needin it * Sounds great, I'll try it out * No such thing as too much iron Like a fly to ointment… Shoulda figured :P Watch out for yourself, OK? I know you've got shit goin on and that you're playin a high stakes game… But you're too young for me to be visiting your grave. Just sayin Welp, that got a little darker than I intended. Anyway, just be careful

Noticed something… Just opened my wardrobe and my favorite MaxTac uniform's gone! Someone's been naughtyyy! I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson ;) Hope at least you can put it to good use Errrr maybe I shouldn't say that. Especially when I'm not around ;) Nvm. Forget I said anything!

About the car Here's a good one - how do you know when NC's too crowded? When your ride disappears and you have to fuckin walk. ON. FOOT. Hope you enjoyed the ride. Next time just give me a heads up :P

Later V Hey V I'm leaving, V. For good. Can't stand it here any longer Wanted to tell you before, but you were gone. Sorry I guess it's better this way. Leavin everything behind, old hangups included. Once and for all Hope you come out of your thing in one piece Bye, V [You have been deleted from Judy Alvarez's contacts]

Hello from Oregon! Check this out

Hellooo from breezy Oregon!! * So is that the key to the meaning of life? The beach? xP Nah, more like sittin on my ass and doin nothin for once. It's relaxing Sorta. As much peace and quiet as you can get with my grams * Visiting your grams and gramps? Yeah showed up on their doorstep a few days ago. Dunno if they were happy or confused… Pretty nice being with family. Good people, good food, zero bullshit How's life in NC? Hangin in there? * Peachy as ever Still got that relic. But I'm workin on it * Could be better. Could be worse Still breathin. Guess thats somethin… You'll figure it out, V. You always do Gotta go. The elders are summoning me

On the road

Road's full of adventure

Hey from Seattle!

Seattle's calling! * Why Seattle? * What're you doing there? They got a pretty nova virtu studio here. Wanted to check it out from up close Maybe I'll rent out space for a couple days, play around with their tech, do some experimenting. We'll see But I'm not plannin on stayin long * Why not? Didn't leave NC just to end up right where I started. Least not right now Cuz otherwise it'll just be the same shit, different place * Where to after? Gonna head east. Roam around the country a bit Prolly wont have a sig for a while Hang in there, alright? * I'll try I'm sure you'll manage just fine * No promises Shoulda seen that comin. But I'm sure you'll manage just fine If I'm ever back in NC, we can crack some beers on the roof and you'll tell me everything And I probably won't believe any of it xP Anyway… Bye, V.

random ¡Hola calabacita! Thinking about you <3 Wanna guess what? * Wait, are you trying to sext right now? Because in that case, I'd better find a nice quiet spot… Wow what year is it, 2000? Please, you know braindance gets the job done muuuuch better. * Mmm, think you should show me sometime ;) You got it… Course, it's still not as good as realspace. * Ain't nothin' like the real thing baybaaaay Haha, true true * Yeah, think I saw something like that in an old movie once. Super weird :/ Aaaah, yeah, think I know the one. Classic. And yeah, nothin like the real thing ;) Now I forgot what I was gonna write. Ehhh, maybe it'll come back to me. Talk soon :) * Hmm… Wondering if I can do a double backflip with a full twist? The answer is yes. Good to know! But… no. Was just thinking if you were an animal, you'd be a dog. * Cause I'm cute and cuddly? Yeah, obvi… But you're also loyal. Woman's best friend and all that. * Cause I'm your fierce protector? Yeah. And the best friend I've ever had. * OK gimme a sec, there's gotta be a joke about tongues and licking in here somewhere… … you're the woooooorst I lvoe it xD Anywho, enough distractions, back to work for me * That if I were an animal, I'd totally be a dog. Because I'm cute, loyal and love to lick eeeeeverything wow Not sure if I should be blown away that you read my mind, or offended and disappointed at your crass attempt at a "joke" * Be blown away! I dunno, the licking… Please, you love it ;) I… yeah I do xD * You're complex, you contain multitudes, you can feel both at once. Haha true, I can xD

God pls no Shit Shit on a fucking shit cracker OK so… I uh, I was talking to my grams and I accidentally told her about you I'm just warning you, she might try to contact you… I'm sorry -.- Didn't give her your detes obviously, but she's got mad detective skills for her age. Honestly don't know how she does it. I'm so so sorry. * shiiiit Exactly * Haha big oops. You think it'll be that bad though? Just picture the DataKrash, that's the sort of destruction she's capable of. * Don't worry, I got this. OK…. And I got my fingers crossed for ya You do realize you can't shoot your way outta this one, right? * Hilarious Learn from the best ;) * Ugh, you win Like I always do :P So what can I expect? Basically a 5 ft 2 pitbull trained in advanced interrogation techniques But she's really sweet once u get to know her! * So I can't just ignore her, right? I mean you could try, but… Not really possible with her. * Come on, no way it's that bad I mean it, your little ol' abuela can't be that scary. Yeah… positive thinking, that's the way. Let's just say you've been warned. Please please please be nice and let me knwo how it goes, ok?

So my grams * Holy shit, Ainara Alvarez is one tough cookie I know, just got off the holo with her * You weren't joking about your abuela * Still breathing! Just got off the holo with my grams * Hope she didn't datakrash me She loves you <3 * And? I think she's a bit sceptical. …but she's always like that so :P * Do I even wanna know? Nothin' to worry about Don't think you two really hit it off Man if you two ever meet, it's gonna be good O_O Thanks for talking to her, V. I know she can be alot You're the best Just talked to my grams wow is she pissed. Take it you just blocked her? Yeah, I'm sorry. Hm, ok… * I panicked and blocked her omg Now I get why she compared you to Maiko * I can't deal with this drama right now Drama? OK… I'm sorry Listen… I know you got a lot on your plate right now. My abuela's not your top priority I get it. talk later

<3 So V… I need to tell you something. * Shoot. Just gotta get something off my chest * You're an NUSA sleeper agent And you just got burned. Bad. All you can do now is wipe your files, cover your tracks and flee this city of broken promises, never to return. WHAT?! O_O Great story, but no :P * Sounds like the start of every breakup text I've ever gotten What?! NO! Shit, didn't realize how that sounded Anyway, it's just that… Ok so you know I'm not great with feelings and stuff… But I've been thinking about the past few months and I wanna say thanks, V. For being with me, for everything you've done. And just for being you You're great. Just wanted you to know that. But now I gotta go hide somewhere, I'm all flushed -.- <3 * Awwwww my sweet little vulnerable leelou bean Jesus christ stop xD it's not funny!!! * <3 :) * No YOU'RE great. Quit it with the charm bub You're making it worse!

Yo, what up? * All good The queen of curt replies -_- Ok, well you know where to find me and how to make up for blowing me off. I don't like being taken for granted. * Stuff's been going down - I'm on a super-weird gig in Dogtown. Kay, so two things to unpack - "weird" and fucking DOGTOWN?! Start with the first. * I thought that's what you found attractive about me? ;) I signed up for the full package, so can't complain :) Not even about the expiry date…? You're really good at distracting me from work -_-  We're all fucked in the end anyway, right? But I like to think that at any given moment we're both immortal - and those are the moments that count, every single time. Damn, that's deep * I like the idea of immortality in the now. It's like with animals - they don't know they can die until they're faced with real danger. Then they forget. * I don't think I'm in the same headspace rn because I'm working. I'll hit you up when I'm done :) Sure thing. Judy out. *  I'm just getting warmed up Cut the foreplay and spill the detes already You're really good at distracting me from work -_-  Oh, sorry Miss Professional-all-of-a-sudden I'm at work too - it's just sometimes I need to take my mind off it to not go crazy

* Can I text you when I'm done? * Glad to know I'm what's keeping you sane :) Sooooo… Whatcha doin? Nothing much - on a gig like any other Aaaand her highness has returned. I won't press for detes >.< * Probably shouldn't. Don't wanna put you at risk - better safe than sorry. Ok, putting jokes aside for a sec - sounds pretty serious. You sure its safe? Should I worry? Cuz you know, it's Dogtown - not exactly the safest place, is it? * You dont need to - I'm a big girl. Can take care of myself. I know, I know, I'll stop mothering you. If you say everything's fine, then I believe you :) * I'm chasing a promising lead for the biochip - it's worth a bit of risk. Ok, well, I'd assume that you've got a handle on things, so I won't lecture you. I'll just keep my fingers crossed. But if thinkin nice thoughts about you is any help, then just know that I am <3 Keeping me safe by sending positive vibes? A kind of hobby of mine. I take it pretty serious. Maybe something'll come of it. * Guess we'll see - maybe with your help I'll wrap up sooner…? * It works. Scientifically proven. Initiating transfer of "Positive Vibrations" Level: 500% xD Can feel something already - it really does work <3 Told ya! Lemme know when you get a free evening :* * I'll tell you later. Pros don't spill while on the job. Maybe over pizza and beer when its all over? * I'll let you know, but this one's lookin like a marathon. * You got it ;)

Got this thing… Hey, you ever hear of a case where someone disconnects from their wreath but gets stuck believin they're the person they were reliving in the BD? V, can't have this on my plate right now. Go to a ripper. What happened?? * Actually… nvm. It's nothin. False alarm Oooook, if you say so. But you know I'm here if any real alarm bells go off * So, hypothetically, say someone has trouble returning to their normal self after using a BD… that like a problem? Scale of 1 to 10 * Scratchin my head over here. New choom of mine had an accident recently. A localnet power surge overloaded his wreath and toasted the circuits. Guy's been livin his life thinking he's this BD star ever since * New choom of mine had an accident recently. A localnet power surge overloaded his wreath and toasted the circuits. Guy's been livin his life thinking he's this BD star ever since Sure, yeah, not unheard of. Could be a compulsive user, maybe a massive hardware failure… in my line of work we like to call it Dissociative Identity Defective 'Dance Onset. Or DIDDO for short If the condition doesn't sort itself out you need to use what we call the divided attention method. You show em one thing that's uniquely personal and another that represents the personality they've taken on. The resulting cognitive dissonance should snap em out of it (fingers crossed) Good thing you reached out. DIDDO can become permanent if you let it linger too long

You busy? Heeey, calabacita <3 What's goin on? How you been doin? * Hey, not bad. Same old stuff "Not bad" means "good" in my book! Which is great, cause I was thinkin… * Could be better. Been too long since we saw each other :( Oh no! My poor V, gazing out the window, pining after me! We gotta do somethin about that ;) * Yeah, fine. Johnny says hi Oh wow… didn't know Johnny was even aware I exist :P So anyway, why am I writing to you… Maybe I could come over to your place? * Of course!! Know my address in megabuilding H10? I think so… worst case I just ask a neighbor XD * Definitely! Know my apartment in Northside? Course I do. Watson's my home turf, you gonkbrain :P * For sure! Come to my pad in Japantown <3 Will do, just hope no tygers pounce on me XD * Preem idea! I'll be waiting at my apartment in the Glen! Ooh, the Glen? Swankyyy. Can't wait :-* * Yeah! Come on by my Corpo Plaza setup, y'know, downtown Hot damn, ok! Hope I won't be too underdressed XD * I thought you'd never ask :P I'm in Dogtown! Uhh… Dogtown? Seriously? Think I'll pass. Can we meet somewhere else? See you soon!!

Hola, V :D I've missed you. Can I come see you soon? Hey there :) Can I get another invite to your place? Hey hey <3 Y'know, got a little free time… Wanna meet up? Whaddaya say… Me? Your place? ASAP? * You have to ask?? Swing by my megabuilding apartment! Omw! * 1000%! Let's chill in Northside :) Be there in a millisec! * You. Me. Japantown. Now. Oh hell yeah! * Call your cab now and meet me in the Glen! * Umm, obviously. ;) Meet me at my Corpo Plaza place * If you wanna come to Dogtown…? It's not that I don't want to… I'm just terrified for my life is all. Maybe come back to NC to see me? * Sorry, but now's not a great time. Don't be mad, I'll see you soon, k? :) Oh c'mon, I ain't mad! But I'll hold you to that ;) * Mhm, calabacita… bet you know what I'm thinkin :P

I loved seeing you. Seriously. Thanks for finding some time for me. Gimme a holler when you find some more <3 * Thank YOU for being there for me :) Oh c'mon, stop bein so damn perfect all the time ;) * You know I will, prolly sooner than you think ;) Already got a countdown started :P * HOLLER Haha! Got me blushin so hard it feels like my cheeks are on fire Kisses, hugs and snugs! xoxo

Hey Jude :) Interested in hangin out? Ok, I'm all yours! Maybe I can come over? Can't just this sec, calabacita. Sorry :( I'll let you know soon tho when I'm free! You're the best! Whoa, V! Thanks for the preem ride! Where are we headed? And when?? Will we even fit inside?! Hahaha * Haha, who knows where the road will lead us! <3 * So you like it?? Phew… :D xoxo Thanks, V! This bouquet meant to symbolize our love? Y'know, lasts forever, non-biodegradable, that sorta thing? ;) Aaand you might just be the first person to ever compliment my calves… * It's criminal I don't compliment them more :-* Ok… haha, thanks for preem gift, V :) * And that's plain unacceptable! you ain't wrong there :P

Got a sec? * Hey Judy, doin swell, thanks for askin Sorry… just been shit day. Feels like nothing's going right. * No need to be sorry, was just messin with you * Maybe I can help with that, get your day back on track Where do ya wanna meet? * Sure do I'm at Lizzie's Talk to Mateo when you get here. I'll come up and join you. Roger that, see ya soon * Something wrong? No, why would you think that? Can name a few reasons First off, no enthusiastic "Hey calabacita!". Second, not one :) or ;) to be seen Third, it's rarely just one message and done with you. When Judy texts, my screen blows up in blue lolol xoxo ;) Oh V, don't you know just how to put a smile on my face :) * Dunno, just don't sound like yourself

Hey calabacita :P Thanks for a great night. Hell, thanks for everything you do. I really needed that, V. And I know you could see it… Prolly know me better than I know myself Let's do it again sometime, yeah? Sooner rather than later I hope :) * Anytime! * Can't take all the credit. Had preem time myself. Hard not to when you're around :) Just gimme a buzz when you get the time and the urge again Oh I will. But first… gotta shake this hangover… XD

Heeey, I've missed you! Interest you in a drink or a dance? Hopefully both? Hey hey <3 I ever tell you how fine you are? Whaddaya say, wanna make this city our bitch tonight? Psst… been thinkin about me lately? Cuz you're all I got on my mind ;) I'm free tonight… You? Wanna blow off some steam. Think you can help me with that? * You even have to ask?? Where we startin tonight? Meet me at Lizzie's! Just let Matteo know when you show and he'll ping me! * You know I can't say no to you. ;) Same as last time? Hell yeah! C u at Lizzie's!

A short trip came up Hey, got somethin of a short trip comin up. Won't be in town for a bit. A month max Seriously? :( well, shit, miss you already * But think how happy you'll be once I'm back ;) True, guess that helps… a little :P * The time's gonna fly by, then you'll get to see the new me Like, literally What's that supposed to mean? Fill ya in when I'm back in town. For now, gotta go.

Pick up! C'mon pick up Hellooooooooo Pick up, pleeease V? Hello? Please just pick up! Wanna go somewhere? Yo, V, you ok? Been a sec since I got a buzz from you Got some time on my hands and thought maybe you'd wanna meet up? There's this preem lookin exhibit on 20th century tech. Prolly the only chance in our lives to lay eyes on a VCR :P There's that, plus someone kinda misses you… ;) Helloooo? Can you answer please? Even one word? Got me worryin V? Said you'd be gone a month and it's already been, what, four?… What's goin on, V? Why didn't I ask where you were goin… Said you'd come back 21 missed calls from Judy Alvarez

[sparring-spirals]

I got to say I really liked the episode (despite only having watched exu calamity of the exu series) and I think maybe Matt needed a breather after so many fast paced, lore filled episodes.

however, I am kinda bummed that the fcg processing has been put on hold for (at least) two weeks now and that means that, despite them being great actors that truly merge with their characters at the table, their reactions will be much less raw and there’s a chance some of them will forget tidbits of information, emotions they felt when it happened because they (as role players) will have had time to process it out of the game and it might create a dissonance in the game. tbf I kind of felt the difference even between the end of ep 91 and the beginning of 92 but it made sense because technically they were still running and couldn’t afford to process. idk. I have hope that we’ll still see that raw emotion, but I fear it won’t be as impactful as it could’ve been, especially if they’ll have to put the “reporting for duty” hat on immediately when they get to the camp

I think being a little bummed about the sort of unexpected hiatus on the Bell's Hells/Post F.C.G processing is super understandable! As someone who also really did enjoy the Crownskeepers return (hello im still yelling about Opal internally), I'm kind of in the same camp of being kind of thrown/disappointed about not getting to really dig into/sit with the Bell's Hells post-F.C.G loss. Like, LOVED the Crownkeepers, fascinating second half, kind of meh on the specific timing.

I'm holding my reservations about whether they're going to have to keep running/moving once we return to their portion of the story, since hey, until it happens (or doesn't!), we don't know, so I don't feel like getting too in my head about it until then.

That said! I do think that in general the cast puts characterization and staying true to the emotions of the character/story as a very high priority within the campaign. I think you're right that it won't be the exact same as if they had done a big emotional blowup/goodbye/processing scene in the same ep where they lost F.C.G, or immediately after. I don't think that means it has to be less impactful, just that- yeah, they'll have had more time to actually think/process it.

But they're also all professional voice actors who have, IMO, thus far shown how much they think about the inner lives of their characters and enjoy really digging deep into the emotional/interpersonal aspects of roleplay.

My assumption (my hope?) is that with additional time to think about + process a devastating/deeply emotional loss for their character(s), they'd choose to lean into that more, and not less. It wont be the same as the immediate raw reactions, thats true! But i dont think that means it has to be less impactful, even if they (as people) have had more time to process, and will be choosing how their characters, fresh off the loss, react. I dont think thats a guarantee it will be less impactful/emotional (maybe the additional thinking would actually enhance the reactions being true/insightful to the characters vs gut reactions from cast), but it will be different.

But if the cast chooses to lean into the heartbreak/emotions, and the circumstances of the BH in the upcoming ep enable it, I'm sure they can still kick my ass (emotionally), timeskip or not.

In general, I'm cautiously optimistic about what could happen next! Even if I don't love the timing thus far. I think there's still plenty of ways for me to get what I'm hoping for wrt F.C.G/BH. :] There are plenty of ways for me to get let down too, probably, but until it happens, or doesn't, I'm opting to not get too doomery about it. We'll see.

I uh. Hope that helps? A bit? Being bummed about specific things you were hoping for being off the table is totally reasonable. just hoping to lend an alternate way of viewing it, if desired.

(i wrote the sentence: "don't be lamenting your chickens before they hatch" and then went "what the fuck" out loud. i spent 4 hours at work today just doing systems diagramming and my brain is fried. clearly. keeping this here for my own entertainment.)

[lonelychicago]

ficlet? 👀 for the office chair one or the liked an old insta post one 👀❤️

we work in the same office and you have a goddamn squeaky chair and you wONT FUCKING STOP SQUEAKING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT ANNOYS ME

this is sort of a different first time meeting where they both work ar dispatch &lt;3

Eddie will admit that working as a 9-1-1 operator can be stressful. You only have your voice to save someone's life and on most occasions your mind has to focus on a million little things at the same time you calm someone down from the edge and call backup to arrive at the scene. 

It can be overwhelming and a lot to deal with. But he figured, well he's an ex-army medic and he'd worked on literal warzones with bullets coming at him. 

How hard could this be? 

As it turns out, he never saw Evan Buckley coming.

The man is gorgeous, sure, and he's funny and charming and he knows how to get the good kind of coffee around here and not whatever shit show they have in the break-room. 

And Eddie might have had a tiny crush when he first started working there. Just a little bit.

But Buck is also annoying as hell. 

Being a 9-1-1 operator is stressful on itself— but even more when Evan Buckley sits on the desk next to yours. 

They're at a pretty safe distance that their calls don't overlap and they can hear the people on the other side of the line just fine without having to yell or ask the other one to shut up. 

But. 

Buck's chair squeaks. Like, really loud and obnoxious and the man has the habit of moving around a lot. 

Eddie is half sure he's doing it on purpose at this point. 

Buck doesn't squeak the chair while on calls or anything, but when they have a few moments of peace and quiet and Eddie is taking a deep breath to center himself— 

Squeak. 

"Buckley, I swear to God, if you squeak that chair one more time—" Eddie snaps, taking his headset off. 

Squeak. Squeak. 

Buck slides his chair with his foot until he's just a few centimeters away from Eddie's desk and throws him an amused, infuriatingly charming, smirk. "It's not my fault the chair squeaks, Eds." He squeaks it again and Eddie fixes him with a stare. 

"You could, you know, not do it on purpose." 

"Mhmm, I could." Buck tilts his head to the side and squints like he's genuinely considering that option, and grins at him— boyish and beautiful and Eddie hates his guts so much, jesus. "But then where's the fun in that?" 

Eddie purses his lips, making sure there's no incoming calls when he turns around to face Buck completely. 

"What do I have to do for you to stop squeaking that damn chair?" 

And at that, Buck straightens in his seat and lights up— brighter than the sun, brighter than any star in the sky that Eddie has ever seen. "Go on a date with me?" Buck asks, eyes suddenly devoid of any amusement or snugness and instead glinting with hope and uncertainty, a smidge of insecurity in Buck's usually cocky smile. "I mean, if you're really that annoyed I'll fix it anyway and I'll stop. You don't really have to go on a date with me if you don't really want to—"

"I do." Eddie cuts the man off before he can spiral further. He clears his throat and looks up at Buck with a shy, hopeful smile himself. "I'll go on a date with you." 

"Sweet!" Buck almost punches the air in a fit of enthusiasm and Eddie can't help but chuckle. "I, uh, should go back to work. Save lives and all that, but —"

"Let's have dinner after shift? I know a place nearby that makes the best enchiladas in L.A after my Abuela, of course." 

Buck looks like a kid on Christmas morning, smiling so wide and cheeks flushed. "It's a date." 

He takes his squeaky chair back to his desk and Eddie turns around, putting his headset back on and pressing the answer button on an upcoming call. "9-1-1, what's your emergency?" He says, and he puts his mind back to the task at hand. His heart is fluttering in his chest, though, and he can't help but look forward to the end of shift.

Maybe that stupid squeaky chair wasn't as bad after all. 

[fang-revives]

Yes please drop your Jay White match recs I would owe you my life!!! Those gif sets of White and Okada have been rotting my brain for the last two days now I need to know what their deal is 😭

HIIII!!! Sorry it took me a day-ish to get to this but I’m so excited to drop some match recs! 

So the gifs driving us all up the wall are mainly from the conclusion of Wrestle Kingdom 17 (link: https://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNTkzMjA1ODM0OA==.html?playMode=pugv&frommaciku=1 ), the main event! In many ways, this is the denouement for Jay White, the last step towards a devastating spiral that would see him exiled from NJPW just two big matches from this moment. It was also the first match I saw that really made me obsessed with them, so of course, I recommend it passionately as a first go even if it is at the end :) 

Post match comments are also basically required viewing, featuring Jay at his most pathetic and gut-wrenching (https://youtu.be/UxIM0FkYoSY?t=693 )

I think the overarching thing to understand about Jay and Okada’s whole deal is that it’s a very simple wrestling story at its core. Okada is the golden boy, the ace, the native heir to New Japan’s wrestling legacy. Jay is the gaijin, the heel outsider, good but willing to do whatever it takes to put himself at the top. But they both bring really really good layers to their roles that brings something new to every time they clash in the ring. And they’re both just, of course, really fucking good in ring, as top guys have wont to be. 

Jay is compelling because he is in many ways equal parts caring and conniving in his role as Bullet Club leader. He takes the time to have fun and gas up his teammates, even get goofy with them in a way that hardline Bullet Club leaders shy away from– but every so often this insecurity rears up that drives him to pre-emptively stab back. This is also present in his in-ring work– he starts as a cocky upstart heel who can truly out-wrestle opponents and cheats in a kind of cheeky “because I can” way. But into the 2021 ish you start to see him using the cheating as more of a crutch because of his insecurities, and it’s eating away at him. By the time this WK17 match has happened, he’s IWGP champ, yes, but he’s also pre-emptively backstabbed two core members of his Bullet Club and his kind of a deranged wreck. 

Okada’s whole deal really starts with Hiroshi Tanahashi – and I haven’t deep-dived their series, but there’s a pair of great summary videos if you want the supplemental reading here: https://archive.org/details/showbuckle-pack/The+Battle+for+Ace+of+NJPW+Okada+vs+Tanahashi+Part+1.mp4 .  What I love about Okada is that even though he’s mainly in kayfabe a cocky little shit grown into the role of New Japan’s ace, off-duty he’s a really silly weird dude (no, really – Shinsuke Nakamura in his autobiography referred to him as “the weirdest guy he’s ever met”. Let that sink in, I’m sure Shinsuke has met so many weird dudes). Anyways, in the few moments where Okada is off-duty as ace, he’s done some real compelling and memorable character work. 

Which brings me to the actual next set of match recs – the Balloon Okada / Jay White’s initial rise to prominence in NJPW. This was a fantastic co-incidence of storytelling that really cemented being obsessed with their rivalry to me. Jay had just come back from excursion as “Switchblade”, and was coming in hot; with a title challenge to Tanahashi right from the get-go, teasing joining Bullet Club only to ratfuck Kenny Omega (then Bullet Club leader), and nab the IWGP US belt. And he joined up with Okada’s faction, CHAOS. 

Okada was just coming off of the IWGP-belt reign of his life, a record-breaking reign after he finally unseated Tanahashi to ascend as the ace. But when he lost the belt to Kenny Omega, it triggered a super weird mid-life crisis in him, the “balloon Okada” era. He dyed his hair an ugly red. He changed his gear to long bois (which everyone hated! Covering up those thighs is a crime!!!), he yells SCOOBY DOOBY DOO as he’s jumping off the ropes. He was weird. Because he didn’t know who he was without that belt. Here’s my favourite summary article about that: https://www.how2wrestling.com/articles/okada-and-the-portrayal-of-a-crisis 

So with that, I recommend for you three other matches! 

Destruction in Kobe 2018, Tanahashi vs. Okada but Jay is there I pinky promise. Also heck Tana and Okada are just Really Fucking Good so enjoy :)  (https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1kW411z7Sv/?spm_id_from=333.337.search-card.all.click ) 

Wrestle Kingdom 13, Okada vs. Jay White (https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1j4411F7g9/?spm_id_from=333.337.search-card.all.click ) 

G1 Supercard, Okada vs. Jay White(https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV15b411u7Q8/?spm_id_from=333.337.search-card.all.click ).

If you’ve ever heard Jay bray about “selling out Madison Square Garden” that’s this match! It’s also super fucking funny that he credits that all to himself considering Okada is like. The Guy in Japan lol <3 love him 

There are some other matches narratively in between – if you’re really in for it you can check out Jay getting the IWGP belt off Tana. But for the OkadaJay highlights, these would be a great place to start. Something about a rivalry that shakes you out of your worst moment (Okada) and gets that fighting spirit going in you again…

Anyways, if you’ve read all this, thank you, and enjoy! Would love to hear how you liked the matches, and let me know if you find any other recs, it’s very possible I haven’t seen em yet – big back-catalogue :”) 

[niqieta]

Things that i find useful during my highschool years🌟🌟

I can't really say that i have the best grades and everything during my time in highschool but i did find a way to balance both studying and socialising so you can have fun in highschool!!

🌟 D.I.Y (do it yourself )

No im not saying that you should be building anything silly! What i meant was that you should do everything yourself during your study sessions. From notes and researching past questions, do it yourself. Sometimes its easier for me to store certain information when im handling them firsthand and help me review better last minute because i know where everything is written, where every information was explained because i spend so much time doing it rather than read the premade notes online📝

🌟 Make it fun!!

The first thing you're gonna understand is that studying is stressful af, like no shit. But just because it is doesn't mean we can make it fun-stressful right? Things like silly acronym, modified lyric of a catchy songs and even hilarious characteristics of your friend can help you along the way! Lets say what if i want to remember the metal reactivity series. That thing is looonggg af to remember and a hassle to so why not change it into silly mmemonic?

🌟 Letting go ≠ failing

Fool around, watch movies, play games, anything honestly! Letting loose doesn't equals to a bad result. If done in moderation can actually help you have a better time in studying. You can't cram 50++ in your brain and expect it to understand all of it without giving it time to rest. Treat yourself once in a while! Sometimes even just a cup of hot chocolate after an hour of doing essay would do the trick☕✨

(p/s: letting loose is NOT the same as procrastinating!!! Remember guys, rest in moderation 😭)

🌟 Eat healthy, think pretty

You know how they say that your gut is connected to your brain right? (Do they really say that???) . There's a day where you've got no appetite but still need to eat and so you just eat random snack you found in the fridge? Yeah, stop that. Like literally hun. Before you go all " you cant expect us to eat a balanced neal everyday😡😡". Baby girlies, we can eat those mouth watering, feet curling treats for alllll i careeee. But we need to learn on when to avoid them. I remember that one time i binged eat a whole jar of preserved mangoes the night before a test and ends up not remembering anything that i studied. *Shivers* eghh wouldn't want to experience that again! So avoid food that are:

High in sugar

Caffeine

Sour

And as my mom always say🙄🙄 high in msg (yes, those mouth watering instant mee😢)

🌟 Dont bother with other people

Oh my goshh, you're so dependable~ like an older sister🥺... Guys never, and i repeat, NEVER involve yourself in other people problems unless you want to waste your time with things that probably wont help you much. If you're thinking im telling you to be selfish then yes, you're absolutely right. Be selfish!!! If it simple things like giving advice or just simply being there for mental support then go on, i support you wholeheartedly but if you're directly involving yourself and being the middlemen 😐 naww take a big step back. You're not gonna risk your emotional and mental health over other people feud!

🌟 Find your own pace

With all the class rivalry going on you must be tempted to follow the class rythm, especially if its fast paced because you'll feel like you left out right? Here's the thing babe, every people have their own learning techniques and that means each have their own understanding pace. Some people store information quickly and others not so much. And honestly that's fine! Its not about who finishes the syllabus first but its about who understands them better. How do you expect to score your written exam if you barely understand the topic you're working with? So my advice is that you take a deep breath and find the study techniques that fit you the most and apply to everyday use. Once you realise it you probably has finished the whole topic without you know it!

🌟 Give em love and att yea?

Everyone has that one teacher who looovess to give and give and give you loads of notes. Yeah i know, it's a hassle to go through each and everyone of them right? But if you're letting them be and not touch them just because you have your own ur sitting on a goldmine babes. Those notes/question sometimes contains crucial information that you didn't realise you were missing the whole time. Other times the module that you just did for fun ends up having the exact type of questions that come out during midterms. Shocking right? Even if they're inanimate you need to treat them as if they we're alive. Give them attention, read them, mark them,scribble on them. You must love the knowledge if you want to gain it. How do you expect to gain something from someone that hates you?

And that's it for today folks! I know its not much and there's probably a thousand post that looks the same as mine but hey, Im just doing this for fun based of my experience yeah? Bubbyerrr🏃🏻‍♀️💨💨

[bridgyrose]

How would Team STRQ react if they saw Raven stuck in her own portal?

“We.. should help her, right?” Summer asked. “She is our teammate.” 

Qrow shook his head. “She’ll get out of this on her own like normal.” 

“But what if she doesnt?” 

“Then we move on-” 

“I heard that!” Raven yelled as she fell through a portal over and over again, glaring at her brother. “You knew what I was doing!” 

“And yet, you decided to trust me anyway to not be right above you when you created that portal.” Qrow smirked and walked over to his sister, not bothering to try to help her. “Besides, its not my fault that you managed to get impatient-” 

Raven growled and grabbed Qrow on her way down, pulling him in the portal after her. “Then you see how it feels!” 

Tai rolled his eyes and sat down on a fallen log. “So, how long do you think they’ll do this?” 

Summer sat down next to him and shrugged. “Maybe an hour? Though, Raven does know she can just… turn her semblance off, right?” 

“Probably, but for now she’s preoccupied with trying to beat her brother now. Though, at this rate, that does mean we’ll probably end up failing our test, wont we?” 

“Probably.” Summer sighed and got up to make her way over to the portal. She took a deep breath and spoke a soft word under her breath. Rocks, twigs, and dirt started to float in the air as Qrow and Raven came to a standstill from their fall. “Raven, drop your semblance. Now.” 

“R-right, I can do that.” Raven pulled her thumb out of Qrow’s mouth and pushed herself away from him, foot into his gut as she focused on her semblance and closed the two portals. “There, we’re done.” 

“Good.” Summer grinned and let her own semblance go, watching Qrow and Raven drop to the ground with a thud. “Now pick up your weapons and lets keep going to clear out the grimm. Remember, if we fail, we have to do this all over again until we do it right.” 

Raven winced and picked herself up, glaring when she saw a chunk of her hair in Qrow’s hand still. “Do we fail if we dont return with Qrow?” 

Summer stopped and gave Raven a chilling smile as she looked over. “If we fail to do any part of this right, I’ll make sure you never sleep again. Got it?” 

“Y-yes ma’am.”

[recycledraccoon]

What happens next? What happens when The Bad Kids do what they do best and save the world? What happens when the RAGE is suddenly gone?

Would they ashamed of themselves? Of what they did? Of who they became?

.

.

You were a naive teenage freshman, and two teachers you trusted were manipulating you into a monster. You didn't notice, distracted by typical teenage problems and petty insecurities. You didn't fight it. You walked willingly down the easy path and became pawns in their grand plan.

You know how it started. This is how it ends.

(YOU HATE THEM THEY ARE IN YOUR WAY AND YOU ARE GOING TO KILL THEM AND PROVE YOURSELF BETTER FINALLY! THERE IS NO MORE WAITING YOU ARE CROSSING BLADES AND FLINGING SPELLS WITH UNRELENTING WRATH AND DEADLY INTENTIONS-)

They fight you. Their teamwork is flawless in a way your party's has never been. Their awareness of the battlefield and their control over it makes it all the more apparent that this battle is a raging wild thunderstorm trying to break apart a mountain standing tall and insurmountable. The mountain does not so much as bend, for all that you blast holes and carve deep into the rock. The mountain does not bend, nor bow, much less-

The storm will always break first.

It ends like this-

(WHY ISNT THIS WORKING WHY ARE THEY STILL FIGHTING THEY WONT DIE THEYWONTDIETHEYWONT-PAIN. IT HURTS! IT HURTS! NO!! NO NO NONONOPAINNOPAINNOPAINNOPAI-)

You die.

.

.

.

.

Dying like this is vengeance. It is retribution.

.

.

.

But it is not JUSTICE.

.

.

.

Let's try again.

You wake up.

(Doubt shepherds you back through the dark.

Justice and Conviction, like sunlight warm and golden, breaks over the horizon.

The rage implanted inside you dissolves into golden light to join the dawn.)

You are a Dragonborn, no longer little or weak by any means, but it still feels like nothing ever changed at all from that very first day. You feel very small, rubbing at a chest that is incredibly tender and sore.

Before your blurry eyes, are The Bad Kids. Battered, bruised, bloody. Standing tall, heroic, and undefeated.

The Cleric of Doubt and Paladin of Justice both have brought you back to breathing, and you watch in awe and horror as all of your friends are awake too.

Idly, you realise they also rub at their chests near immediately. You look down and find no red star-like gem of rage embedded there. Only ugly, fully healed scars like a jagged star.

(What have you done?)

Later, there will be questions and officials and repercussions. Justice for you will look like second chances, and the hard unending road of righting the wrongs you have done.

Death is the easy way out.

Redemption is hard.

For right now, the heroes before you are wearily celebrating, cracking jokes and rubbing blood off their faces. All the while your party is still gathering your bearings, and you have no idea where your glasses are.

Shame rolls in your gut and even as you and your friends sit together you can barely look at each other.

Finally, words are exchanged, a clearing of the board. It doesn't fix anything of what you've done, but you know without doubt if you ever try anything again they will not bring you back a second time. You settle in to wait for whatever authorities will be coming.

(Later, while you are in a cell waiting to find out what happens next, your party will be told that the friend you killed was brought back, the curse preventing her revival broken. You are not the only one in those cells to weep, loud and ugly and so so relieved.)

A pair of cracked glasses appear in front of you, held by a hand with bloody knuckles. You put them on, blink as you adjust to the cracked glass but vision once more clear. You see the bloody knuckles again, and with a jolt realize those are the hands that killed you. You died under the crunch of a furious fist you never anticipated.

You look up.

When you saw her for the first time, she was a cute, if sometimes awkward, elven girl in your Thursday classes. You kept seeing her, even as she became renowned and remarkable, even as you had been slowly getting angrier.

The first time she ever smiled at you, you had hated her already. She had been very pretty, and if you had been anything less than actively planning to kill her, you think her expert spell craft but awkward stumbling of words and red cheeks would have left you utterly enchanted in truth.

Later, before you fight and die, the look she gives you is cold and piercing, determined. The only red on her cheeks is blood that had splattered there.

You look up.

The Elven Oracle, the most powerful divination wizard you have ever met or will ever meet again, stands towering above you for all that you know logically she is at least a foot shorter than you.

Her blonde hair is a mess, clothes dirty and ripped and stained dark in some places. Her eyes flicker with the magic of the powerful Oracle she is, as she stares down at you.

(You wonder what she sees about you in those flickers.)

She frowns, lips pursed for a moment, but her hands clench and you think for moment she might punch you to death again. Or yell at you maybe, but is biting her tongue.

Instead, with one last look of piercingly cold eyes that could kill, she turns to join her friends, leaving you behind without hesitation or second thought, or even a last word.

(Good for her.)

You are a horrible coward. Selfish and capable of cruelty that makes your shame increase tenfold. She had smiled at you and chilled a drink in your hand. She defended you and called you cool to her friends that day in the cafeteria. You took advantage of that, of those tender early feelings, and crushed them under an angry, undeservingly bitter, heel.

You are a horrible selfish coward, and you don't think you've ever seen anyone more beautiful in your life than her, even as she walks away from you.

You can't ever imagine she will ever smile at you again now. What future will there ever be, where she sees you and her eyes aren't cold and scornful? Nothing more than a bitter memory to be forgotten and set aside for better things. How could she ever see anything you say or do as genuine ever again? You certainly wouldn't.

(The way your heart pounds in your chest, fast and heavy, feels like yet another sin on your sagging scaled shoulders. There is an intense moment of painful, shameful yearning that you swallow down, down, down and away. Watching her back as she walks away will be more than you ever deserve to have gotten in the first place. More than you think you will ever deserve again in whatever life you scrap together after this.)

Life, as ever, continues after that day like it always has and always will.

You go to prison for a time, as what you and your friends did as minors- manipulated or not- are legally responsible for in the aftermath is decided. You go to therapy, serve a very forgiving sentence, and when you go on parole your time is eaten up by both mandatory and voluntary community service.

You try to get better. To be better. You think you and your party are true friends now, bound together by bitter shame at what you've all done and gone through together.

(The first person who visits your party while in prison who isn't a member of any of your families, is Lucy Frostblade. Even as a Cleric of a Sorrowful God, you don't think you've ever seen her more sad than sitting across from all of you, warded glass between. There are no apologies that will ever be enough.

But Lucy has always, always been braver and stronger than any of you. The power of her conviction is something wondrous.

She always tried to be that fire to keep the cold and dark at bay, even as it risked burning her. By all the gods, you had burned her to ash, and yet here she is again. Alive and renewed. A campfire relit and flickering in the distance, promising safety and warmth.

Despite everything, Lucy sits across from all of you and promises to see you through this.)

Days go by. Never again are the seven of you known as The Rat Grinders, except in past tense when speaking the history of your sins. You don't go back to being High Five Heros, but you grow into something new together.

You still fight rage some days. It makes you feel sick and scared. You always are afraid of what is genuine emotion and what is lingering from the star-scar on your chest.

You still think about her sometimes.

(Selfishly you hope you are a distant memory to her, and she never thinks of you and your cruelty to her again. Even more selfishly, even more shamefully, there is a tiny part in your heart where you wish she doesn't forget you like you know you won't forget her. It's better to smother that part of your heart into deeper and deeper depths, hoping beyond hope that painful yearning doesn't overcome you and cause it to rise up again. She deserves a life without having to deal with people like you.)

The thing about The Bad Kids, is how ironic their name is given how genuinely and unabashedly good they are.

Lucy remains their friend, even as she helps the rest of them on their steady journey back from evil.

This means it's inevitable that the two once rival parties meet again. It's awkward at first, but The Bad Kids give them shit and rag on them as easily as they extend kindness. You will meet more people and realize that you are not the first villains in their lives they've forgiven.

You give the beautiful Elven Oracle as a sincere apology for the past as you can. She quirks an eyebrow at you, and as lovely a sight as it is, the shame is greater. You don't know if she believes you in the slightest. You don't want to find out.

You do your best to not bother her at all, on the occasions the two parties meet.

(Try as you might, you are powerless to stop your eyes from locking onto her the second she enters any room you are in. You always look away as quickly and casually as you can, frazzled heart pounding like a traitor. It's harder to not watch whenever she walks away, the memory of the day she walked away from you locked in your mind like crystal glass.)

You keep moving forward. Life goes on. You keep a pair of cracked spectacles in a box in your closet. On the bad days, when you hate yourself the most, you look and remember that you have been given kindness and a second chance by people who hated you. If they gave you a second chance, you feel it would be in poor taste to not extend yourself that same courtesy.

You and your friends become legally speaking, free souls. You get qualifications and find work that feels right for you. There are some things you and your friends never joke about again, but you find new things to fill in those gaps.

You move on. You're not sure if it's working sometimes, but you keep moving anyway. Relationships become easier, you try new things and meet more people. You have a whole life left to live. One day you find yourself capable and confident, which is a bit of a surprise. You try every day to be as sincere and honest as you can.

(Sometimes, you feel a powerful, almost familiar, gaze on you. You were a coward once. You never took on a quest you thought you couldn't beat, the fear of failure hanging above too great. It's been a long time, and you are a very different person now. You are still too much of a coward to ever turn around to find that gaze.)

One day, you agree to go do a job as a favor to a friend. Your field is specialized, and you enjoy working in a field that makes your brain work, writing out pages and pages of complicated maths and spell work. Either way, you have the qualifications and are confident you can get it done and settled far faster and better than anyone else your friend could have asked.

You go to the job, and are caught off guard and flustered when there happens to be a beautiful Elven woman also working on the project. She looks up at you with a powerful gaze, a cocked eyebrow and a smirk that feels a little like a challenge, a dare.

(You want to run away, hide, calm the heart that you find to be a selfish, shameful traitor even after all this time. It pounds in your chest hard enough your afraid it might just kill you.)

You walk in to get started, hands already reaching for a folder of information being handed to you from a college as you gets the run down, ready to work.

Minor thoughts on Oisin and how he seems primed to fuck over Adaine specifically. The flustered ping-pong balls that were a plan all along. The quoting her own words on the previous Elven Oracle back at her in regards to the storm.

I mean...imagine you're a skinny little dragonborn wizard, in a class with a cute elven girl. You don't talk to her, but one of your adventuring party members is pissing thinking that party is getting preferential treatment, so you KNOW about her. You watch from the corner of your eye or from a spot on the back of the class whenever she's actually there. Partway through the year she goes to jail, and when she comes back she and her adventuring party save the world from a dragon. (A dragon of whom your Grandmother had been fond. ((Also, coincidentally, the Vice Principal.))) One of them created a god.

(Your entire party is being groomed into rage by two of your teachers.)

You're in her class again. She is the Elven Oracle, already an accomplished adventurer. She and her friends are popular. She's very pretty. She does not know your name. She does not know who you are, just a skinny dragonborn a few seats back.

You go on your Sophomores Year Spring Break Adventure and don't bother to think about her party at all.

(You and your party are going to kill a god. Your teacher is going to ascend to godhood in their place and you and your party will have Made That Happen. You are angry and determined with each final blow you deal.)

You return from Spring Break angry and with a sore chest.

You find out the elven girl's party has resurrected a dead god and the live streamed the entire fight. They must think they're so much better than you and your party. You'll show them.

(Your friend refuses to change her faith. She cancels the paperwork. The rest of you kill her, confident she will make the right choice and join you again as a proper Champion for your new god. You help kill her. She does not get back up. You hide the body and none of you can say anything. You're so so angry.)

The world descended into darkness and you can do nothing. The sun finally breaks across the sky again right before Junior year. You and your party have made plans and are on the cusp of greatness. You've gained muscles to spare and ink on your scales in carefully selected runes, no longer just a skinny little dragonborn.

(You have a new cleric. He's not your friend. He's a haystack hick from that cult-church from Freshman year, and he's here because the god you're going to kill needs a Champion and he fits the bill, nothing more.)

The first day of school the plan starts to be put in motion. Immediately that party of kids is interfering, in your way. It rackles. You push on anyway, seething inside even as you act the part of being reasonable.

You go to a party at the houses of one of her friends. You've been practicing making spell runes on the inside of ping-pong balls. You're ready.

The pretty Elven girl in your class finally looks at you. She approaches you, gives you a drink, and chills it in your hand. She has to ask your name. You have shared certain wizarding classes with her since Freshman year, tho she was barely there. You have to tell her that.

You chat. She clearly gets flustered, calls you great, and flees back into the house. Your friend teases you for others to overhear. It's a convenient excuse to use your geometry and apply physics to miss every single shot and lay your trap. The drink isn't so perfectly chilled in your hand anymore.

(You talk to her. Play nice. She isn't smooth, but she smiled at you and maybe a part of you is vindictive in seeing her flustered. It's a shame she turned down the diamonds, as dragon madness would have been so poetic. You steal her summons to steal something from the house. She didn't know your name. Didn't remember you. You feel justified. Your anger burns cold like frostbite, like static in the air. You purposely don't wonder if that first miss was intentional or genuine.)

You see each other in class sometimes.

You plot and kill monsters the woods. You will win the battle. You will win the war.

Your parties have a standoff in the cafeteria. You play your part to diffuse the situation, your teacher has been harping on your friends to stop antagonizing the other party. You feel her mind touch yours gentle probing of intentions, her friends all around her as you lock eyes.

(The devil's honey your group gets from that bee girl all goes to your teacher. He is preparing himself to ascend to godhood, and he needs it for his prayers.)

She is searching for your intentions and feelings. You tell her only 'Sorry'. She believes you. You are not entirely sure why. She and her party will hopefully die during their Last Stand exam, and have no way to revive themselves in time, be trapped there until after elections.

Maybe she just wasn't perceptive enough to see the deception.

(You hate her and all her friends. You have had no devil's honey. She believes you. Briefly, you wonder if it was a lie at all.)

They catch you. They know. Your team goes to ground and waits out the remaining days 'til elections and the culmination of everything you've been working for.

It rains at the party, and you have no more masks. You are angry. She must never have been that good of an Oracle at all, and you take joy in mocking her with her own words from long ago.

She's nothing more than an elven girl in your class who was full of herself to remember your name.

(There is nothing left now to stop you from being as openly angry as you like.)

[imaslothandsowhat]

the insurmountable fucking pain that my dad causes me by his behaviour is appalling. I'm becoming a person I despise to be, the person I so desperately do not want to be but he keeps pushing me and he keeps sucking out my blood and my sanity. he keeps embarrassing me, keeps hurting me, keeps causing me pain and misery and suffering. i love him but I also so deeply hate him and despise him.

another fight where a simple correction of his communication could've saved everything but he is so fucking deep in his ways that he refuses to see his fault anywhere. he keeps pointing at my mom, as if she spends endless nights dripping poison about him to be so I can hate him but he did it all to himself all himself. shortly, fucked around and found out.

i didnt want this day to turn out this way but I couldn't just fucking handle it anymore. he makes mistakes after mistakes that hurt and wound and cut and gut you deeply that you cant fucking stand up and you are just left there, bleeding your fucking guts out, your fucking heart out for a person that you so desperately try to give another chance, another chance, another chance, try to not think too hard about the good things never mounting up to all the horrors he brought into my life. i cant even go for the details bcos its all pointless. there is no logic, there is no way out. i just cant do this anymore. my throat hurts from screaming and I kept thinking that this kind of shit wont really affect my health but it does, it destabilises me horribly and I cant bounce again from it like I used to. but I should have never in my life bounced back from this shit bcos this trauma that was caused upon me is holding me at a tight leash with spikes from the inside, causing me to bleed out and scream from pain whenever I try to free myself from this collar.

i cant even write about it properly, i cant use this pain and trauma and this person in my stories to try to get over the trauma bcos the trauma is ongoing, its never fucking ending, its rooted deep in me and I cant carve it fucking out without fearing to shatter entirely.

i was never married, i barely had any relationships (and they were disastrous and traumatic on their own) and I have horrible social anxiety, I hate men so deeply and so sincerely that i don't know was it ever a farce to fit in or was it just brewing inside me since forever and i just found out the proper and best way to get my rage out.

im trying to calm down, trying to ground myself but all I want to do is to cry and grieve for everything I wish my father could have been and everything he will never amount to be.

a therapist once told me that i just have to accept it and make peace with this injustice. but I'm so full of rage and full of fight against the injustice not just for me but for everyone that I don't even know how it is to sit down and accept this pain and injustice that's being directed my way without a fight. i can't go down without a proper fight, I can't allow myself be defeated without fighting for my fucking life. i cannot just lie down and accept this bcos my pride and my sense of self is not wired this way.

i don't know what to do and i hope today will not turn into a huge fight day. I've had enough of this for a quarter of my life. I've had enough of this leech sucking away my blood and my youth and my love and my sanity. I've had fucking enough and I can't take this shit again.

fathers are the poison in a daughter's life. and daughters do not forgive.

[thedemonprincezephyr]

The Prince of Shadows- The Never Ending Legacy of the Void pt. 2

 There it was, my home, engulfed in shadow. Ethereal cracking in the ground protruding from the house splintered in every direction, seemingly spinning into tendrils of dark matter. Other than the 'breathing' the ground was doing, and the black-light sun, nothing else in the world seemed to be effected by the shadow. I stood there in awe for a moment trying to gather myself long enough to go inside the building. Just as I was standing there, my friend Sam appeared next to me.

     Samuel was a strapping young lad, about 6 feet, 22 years old like me; Toned muscle wrapped around his body, carving out his silhouette. His piercing blue eyes, like marbles derived of the ocean, stared at me worryingly.  

    "Levi......LEVI!" his voice seemed like it was rapidly approaching from a distance. Just as he started yelling to get my attention I snapped out of my trance and looked at him.

    "Huh?" I verbally auto-replied. "What's up dude, what are you doing here?" I cheerfully ask as I bring him in for a hug.

"We had a thing tonight, remember? We were supposed to go meet up with Damon and his crew for the show and bar" he paused a moment. "Are you okay, man?" His worried tone shook me to my core,  "You were just standing here staring at your house for a minute."  

"Y-yeah..." I began saying, then realized that at some point everything had gone back to normal, "Yeah I'm cool, man" Lying through my teeth so Sam wont press about it further, knowing him it would be an all-day conversation if I had let myself get into it. How was I supposed to even begin to explain what just happened to me? "S-sorry about the, uh, the show... I was excited for it just got... side-tracked. Still wanna  go for a drink? I'll buy if you drive."

"Nah man it's cool, Damon's friends weren't saying the best things about you, assholes if you ask me." he brushed it off like it was nothing. This isn't new, people tend to have a general dislike for my presence most of the time. I'm not much of a talker to people I don't know so when I go out, I kind of just...exist. So naturally, the "quiet-kid" trope gets thrown at me a lot. I've learned to mostly ignore it but it still gets to me. How could it not?

I invited Sam in for a couple drinks and offered to throw a movie on or to play video games, and we chose a movie. It was Halloween season, so naturally we opted for a scary movie to watch. I chose my favorite: As Above So Below. Just after the scene where they had to crawl through the tight, bone-filled hole, I excused myself to the restroom. As I finish washing my hands and reach to turn off the light, something felt very off, a heaviness filling the air, like an intuitive warning. Obviously I chocked it up to my anxiety getting the better of me, so I shrugged it off. 

I sat back down next to Sam, slumping into the couch cushion, watching the screen intently. The crew in the movie traverses the hell-scape of the tunnels underneath Paris, and they reached the final room where they discover that they needed to go back through everything again. As the main character re-lived all of the terror she had just gone through, I looked over to Sam as this was his first time watching, so I wanted to know what his reactions were. What I saw was the shape of a face, and two impossibly deep, void-like holes affixed to the screen. His facial features, the cute button nose, the warm, gentle smile he carries on his face, now nothing but a rounded, fleshy mannequin face, albeit the holes...

The creature that replaced Sam jerked its gaze in my direction, as the two voids made eye contact with mine, the world around me dissipated like dust in the breeze. The shadow of the void started to contort and disfigure the creature, its jaw widened like it was screaming in pain, but no noise could escape its form. It engulfed the thing until it, and everything around me was a void. The gut-wrenching feeling of nothingness consumed me in a whirlwind of panic, but alas, I too couldn't make a sound, like someone had stolen my ability to speak. Suddenly I blinked and was transported to my car, on the side of the highway, staring into the "sun" again. I shook my head in confusion. Darting back to my car, but as I sat down in the driver's seat, I looked up to find a clone of myself staring right back at me, those same voids replaced my eyes as they did Sam's. I sped home like my life depended on it, because for all I knew, it did. 

This time, my house wasn't shrouded in shadow like before. This time, for all I knew it was normal; And again, as if rehearsed, I stood there in awe of the lack of something wrong. And Sam Snapped me out of it again, but this time as I turned to look at him, we were sitting on the couch, in my house, watching the credits of the movie roll across the screen. 

"Where do you go when you do that?" he asked, as if a doctor asking for symptoms. 

"I.... I really don't know." Okay, obviously I knew but I can't tell him. I loved him too much to rope him into my troubles. Plus, any normal person would send me straight to the psych ward had I told them. So what? I'm just supposed to sit there and bear the strange happenings as if they were any other day?

|T   h   a  t  s     c o r r e c t|

Sam left and I sat there nearly going mad trying to figure out what the hell today was. You can't keep doing this to me 

| I     d    o        a    s        I       w      i      s     h     p     3     a     s  4 n      t |

No... nope, not doing this today. I went to the kitchen and slugged a few gulps of liquor before going to bed. I hit my dab pen a couple times so that I would fall asleep faster. Have you ever been falling asleep and feel as if you're actually falling? I fell for what seemed like forever, waiting for the ethereal ground or jolt to wake me but instead the falling sensation slowed, and slowed, until it felt like floating in space (or at least what I assumed the feeling to be). I could see myself, my arms, legs, torso, but nothing else. I tried pinching myself to see if I was awake, definitely was. I wasn't able to move. Just breathe. The feeling of dread washing over me.  This is it. This is where I die. A life of being in the shadow wasn't enough and now I'm going to die in a literal shadow. How ironic.

[krs724490]

10/2/2023

I did the things. I didn't do them with love or care or intention, but I did them. Today I feel fat, unlovely, ashamed, sad, tired, stuck, self-conscious, uncomfortable in my body, and very unworthy. Unworthy of compliments I got about looking fit. Unworthy of Graham's attention. Unworthy of going on a date with him. Broken. Today I feel broken. Also. Unable to do life because I'm not ready, I'm not healed. I can't handle things. Any of the things.

I had the best meal I've had in awhile tonight. Because I picked it myself. Tomatoes + basil + chicken + onions + avodacos. The portion I wanted. The ingredients I wanted. Without weighing and measuring. It tasted good. I knew I made the right decision. I didn't abuse this meal. I didn't eat it from a poor place. It felt right. For the first time in I can't even remember how long. A meal felt right.

They say progress isn't linear. I know that all too well. Today I was a little bit of everything. The tone that lies underneath it all is that I am on my way. I can feel that loudly. There is a deep seated knowing that the light is coming at the end of the tunnel. There is such thing as being cured. As making an old story simply that, an old story that no longer runs its course in your brain. I believe in that because I know Evie. I know the author of Women, God, and Food. and most of all I know myself. I trust myself. With God's help in the way God is in my tummy, in my gut. I will work this out. This is the first time I can type that in confidence and not in fear, not in force, not in hesitation. There is not an ounce of doubt. God in inevitable. I am inevitable. Truth is inevitable. and the truth is, I am not broken, I am not diseased. I am a human being that has human emotions and somewhere along the line I reached for something to soothe them. But I know I dont have to do that anymore. I know I'm capable of not doing that anymore. This is the truth. All else will melt away. The only thing that may cause me to eat in the future is doubt in myself. The story I'm currently getting trapped in is "I am inbetween food programs and unsure what to do. Since there is uncertainty I am nervous, I dont know what's right and wrong to eat with food. So I will get nervous about this odd transitional phase and then just eat because its easier than sitting in the discomfort of the transition." When really I can acknowledge this uncertain time and know that eating over it wont make it go away. I can eat what I need to eat. Just notice when it starts to move towards compulsion. God thank you for this awareness.

To myself - yes, my dear. It is uncomfortable to not know, to not feel guidance from a mentor. But you already know all to well that you have everything you need right in your belly. Acknowledge the discomfort of not having guidance, and choose God anyway. I love you.

[futurefind]

//smth smth re: last post on Sa's tankiness, and also calling back to the 'curbstomping' Tomas gives her in the OshiplotTM ? While I don't remember Why baby Nori decided on those exact wounds (besides nebulous wump enjoyment), they nonetheless PREFECTLY work out for their intent—

Not just winning in a fight against Sa, but getting her out of the way, non fatally, for the immediate future (and it is for sake of immediate plans, due to Sasume being able to physically recover as fast as within a month).

Aka: have a crude run down of the "template" for that curbstomp fight, including the Injuries 8)

(major, if surface level, discussion of injuries ahead!)

0. Tomas trauma jumpscare?? Tomas trauma jumpscare!!! Important not just for ~drama~ reasons, but because it throws Sasume off so severely, its critical to how (horribly) the fight ends besides his own nebulous & suspicious power acquisition

1. A gash across the left thigh. Simple, yes, but it's a chip towards what's most important against Sa — her mobility. (Moreover, it also forces her to lead/rely on her blind side's leg.)

2. A deep stab to her right shoulder — specifically, underneath and along her collar bone. This fucks with her entire arm and her primary hand, meaning WHICHEVER side she tries to rely on, she can't.

And then, specifically BECAUSE Sasume is not being deterred in any capacity? And just slapping some ice on it and keep going? Is where the Real yikes ouch shit comes in.

3. Tomas pins her hands together and stabs through both of them (at approx "45°" angle, from thumb to pinky), meaning on top of everything she can't use her fucking hands.

Except... she can and she does, or rather she TRIES to— coats her uninjured fingers in ice and brutes force an attempted grip by controlling that ice.

4. She gets stabbed in the gut, through and through, more towards her left side. Because, despite Aiming to kick her down with minimal injury, NEAR fatal seems to be the only option (and does, This Time, actually work).***

Bonus round/"FAQ" wrt that slew of asterisks on no. 4:

"Usually", if one wanted to find her/'interrupt' and save her? This is where it'd be done. Except... nonzero chance that may be how and WHY Sasume gets skewered, since while Tomas gets distracted with the cavalry, she tries to sneak up on him — and Tomas's reflexes combined with multiple parties now being involved means he takes her for a newcomer and goes near fatal FIRST before Realizing (For extra Angst points, he may have reflexively stolen Shinrei and stabbed her with that — or perhaps he stole her 'savior/s' weapon instead...? 8) )

If you wanted to go even more extreme / angsty (and even more of a curbstomp): Sasume Is indeed found... strung up and impaled on her own sword. HOWEVER in these such cases, rather than being a message For Sasume, this fight/end result is a message VIA Sasume. I.e. to her allies or those who frequently employ her for their plots, etc. If Tomas is still involved, he only did and was aware of the actual FIGHT (and did not do the display), and his nebulous antagonist/villain allies are wont towards being far more public and overtly villainous than in other cases

Tomas does not NEED to be here. He's the default, sure, but if the whole Oshiplot can't fit or the specific antagonists who'd do so in xyz plot don't fit HIM? Yeah make it an npc. Tomas cropping up is just a plot device for sake of Sa-related plots, anyways — and she's OP enough to easily become a thorn in anyone's side

"Why is Tomas willing to curbstomp her if he doesn't want to kill her" Shhh 🤫spoilers! If your muse/s have reason to know any deeper lore on the Oshiplot I'll share, but!! By default? Who knows!! she knew him as a kid (pre orphanhood) and he knew her parents and chances are betrayed and killed her mom, after all