#you had me both cracking up and having an emotional breakdown over this one

[tiredgeekgirl]

ummm so puss in boots the last wish is a masterpiece??

Okay spoilers ahead obviously. You've been warned.

So I've dealt with intense anxiety and stress over the concept of death for a few years now. Most days it's fine, but sometimes something gets set off in my brain that sends me spiraling into a state of intense panic over the idea of death, or, to put it more accurately, eternity. As a follower of Christ, I know deep down that death is not something to fear bc when I die I will immediately be taken to spend forever with Jesus, who gave his life for me and spared me from the snares of sin and gave me an invitation into His kingdom. Logically, I shouldn't fear eternity. Unfortunately, as long as I'm living here on earth, I'm stuck with a limited, imperfect human brain that cannot possibly grasp the concept of life with no end, and can't imagine how I could possibly have eternal joy that doesn't dwindle, and can't get used to the idea of not getting bored. My limited mind leads me to think that life will be boring and lonely in heaven bc my family may not be there with me for years if I go before them, etc. idk if that all makes sense but basically, even though eternity in heaven is usually a wonderful concept for me, my fear of the unknown and the limits of my human brain end up triumphing over the joy of that idea.

We see Puss break down in an intense state of panic over death multiple times in the movie, and every time the memories of his life flooded through his mind during those panic attacks, I started to cry bc I do the same thing. When I'm having an anxiety attack over death I think about my sisters, my childhood, my friends... everything I'll be missing when I die. And even when I'm not thinking about death I so often reflect on my childhood and get so depressed on how all these years have gone by and I'll never get to revisit them, never get to relive the wonderful memories I have of the past. My heart was racing just like Puss' when I witnessed his anxiety in the movie bc I was seeing myself in him the whole time, and I knew exactly what he was going through and how he was feeling.

And then we get to the ending of the movie, and I'm telling you, I genuinely thought Puss was going to die. I was so invested in the movie and felt like I was right there with the characters, and found myself saying, "Don't be afraid of death, Puss." And that was when it hit me. I was telling this fictional character the very thing I've needed to tell myself for the past three years. (That's also when I broke down sobbing in the theater lol).

It's okay to be afraid of the unknown. But I can't let it consume me. A life spent constantly worrying about death and how I'm getting closer to it with each passing day is never a life well spent. And I know my fear is really my human thoughts getting in the way and the enemy using anxiety to prevent me from feeling the joy I should feel over eternity, though some days it's harder to find the strength to overcome those things. But I've found that prayer and reading scriptures about fear really help me through those anxiety attacks. God is so amazing and I know in my heart eternity will be wonderful! Sometimes I have to use tangible things my human mind can wrap around to help ground myself, and even if they don't compare lol. But yeah, I know this is something I will be able to conquer, and I know heaven is beyond what we can imagine and isn't what my human mind paints it as when I try to imagine it.

Anyway, I felt like applauding in the theater after watching this film. Those who worked on this movie, thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving this to us. I don't think I've ever felt so seen while watching any movie, let alone a DreamWorks movie about an anthropomorphic cat lol. I just know this will be a fave of mine forevermore, and after the Bad Guys and now this, I can't wait to see what else y'all have up your sleeve.

1000/10, can't believe Puss in Boots 2 dethroned Megamind as my favorite DreamWorks film.

[aryxchse]

the same type of blue. | percy jackson x daughter of hera! reader.

a / n : the history book on the shelf, is always repeating itself. and i won't shut up about how logan lerman and his wife being sally and poseidon in my head

warnings : emotional, i can't warm up to paul im sorry, sally and poseidon should've been an endgame but idek how, mentioning past, you looking like sally, crying, some of the hera cabin power mentions that i had in mind

the moment sally jackson met you, was the moment she saw her teenage self in your eyes.

you were this funny and bubbly girl who was too nice for your own good. you had these mother instict in you that later she found out it was because of your mother being hera. you would always say what type of marriage you imagine with percy and how many kids do you want. one boy and one girl, doesn't matter who's the older. the girl was going to have percy's eyes, but the boy will have yours.

and it always put a smile on her face to listen you talk about your dreams so comfortly to her. because she saw herself in those dreams. they were once her dreams too.

percy looked and acted too much like poseidon for sally's own good. he would unknowingly make his dad's jokes, and would call you 'darling' like he did to her back then. all these little details would remind sally her past love.

it was a barbeque day for the jackson-blofis family at the montauk cabin. where you were obviously invited, and poseidon, obviously was not. he liked to show up in family gatherings once in a while, to spend some time with his son or suprisingly, estelle.

you and sally prepared the table as the boys made the meat while laughing at something. paul and poseidon had this awkward friendship that always made you giggle. and percy would chat with his biological dad more often, since he felt more comfortable with him. don't get me wrong, he loved paul. all of you loved paul. but poseidon's warm energy made him easier to talk.

you never thought you'd have a dinner with a god but here you were, eating a meal with one of the most powerful gods ever existed. poseidon was really good at making people forget that he's a god, the one that rules the seven seas.

after the dinner, percy and you started to clean the area as paul went inside to watch this new game he followed, you didn't really paid attention. sally stayed outside, smelling the sea's calming scent, her bare feet dipping in the sand.

she looked over were poseidon and estelle was playing. he made sand castles with her as he laughed like a true grandpa. it made sally chuckle too, seeing him acting all fatherly with her daughter.

"he wants to make up for it," you said, and it made sally slightly jump. you apologised while putting a hand on her shoulder. "you know, since he couldn't look out for percy and you."

sally's eyes started to water up, but she managed to crack a smile. "how do you know this?" she asked. you shrugged, "i can feel a parent's feelings, even if they're a god. weird power, i know." you chuckled at the end with her.

"he didn't had any choice," sally muttered, looking at the sea again. you nodded. "i know, but he still feels bad. he really loves you sally, still like the first time." your whispering words made sally want to breakdown right then and there, but she only sighed.

"baby!" percy called behind you, smiling like a little kid. you both turned around as you made your way to percy, giggling. once again, it reminded sally the good times. but she wasn't alone this time, poseidon could also see the similarities between them. how you had sally's hair back then like how she used it, and how percy was a literal copy of himself.

sally sat next to poseidon as he sat there silently, watching his son and his girlfriend chase eachother around the beach, just like he and sally did. estelle was asleep in his arms, the calm energy he radiated making the girl fall asleep immediatly.

"they're just like us." poseidon whispered, not looking at the woman he still loved. sally smiled, not that he would see. "yeah. but a better version." she responded.

"one that ends happily unlike us." he agreed, too afraid to look in her eyes. sally didn't said anything, and the past lovers watched their son having the time of his life with the girl he loved.

suddenly percy lifted you up on his shoulders and ran into the water with you, still being clothed. you whined the moment you swimmed up. "percy it's not fair!" you yelled at him between your giggles.

"m' wet too baby, see? there's nothing unfair in this!" percy laughed with her, hugging her waist tightly so that she won't slip away.

"you used to do that too," sally whispered to poseidon, smile hurting her cheeks at this point. poseidon mimicked her facial expressions as he nodded quickly.

"and you would always whine like her." he chuckled, making the woman laugh along with him.

percy stepped out from the water with the help of the waves, still holding you in his arms in bridal style. while he made his way into the cabin, he spinned you around once in a while to make you laugh.

"he's really your son." sally chuckled, watching the couple enter the cabin.

"he's our son." poseidon corrected. he finally faced the woman, and saw the tears perking in her eyes through a smile. this was sally jackson, the woman he loved the most. smiling through everything.

he made the tears go away with a flick of his hand, too afraid to touch her. "a proof that our love was real, not a dream i had."

[lifemod17]

thoughts on 'Unaired EP'

IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-

below the cut in case you don't want spoilers <3

Nobody's Soldier

THE FUCKIN FALSETTO IS DRIVING ME INSANE ITS LIKE HE LACED THIS SONG WITH CRACK

"Benzos and gasoline" line is WILD (it is so hot for no reason wtf Andrew)

the little break that happens at 1:43 with. i don't even know what that is? like a sort of distorted / reverbed guitar bend / riff? either way, LOVE THAT.

also lets give it up one time for the organ, that is SO GNARLY, YOU CANNOT DENY IT!!!

hearing the live version vs. this recorded one is different, I literally went "OMFG WHAT IS THIS PART" starting at 2:53 when he gets all whisper-y WHY IS IT SO HOT

Listen man, I am a sucker for a good pause, and that pause after the bridge has me UNWELL.

SLOWING IT DOWN for the ending will never not be iconic. you don't see that happening a lot!

the intake of breath on the outro??!! tumblr user lifemod17 is NOT FARING WELL

July

so full of hope and promise and really just about having that thing or that someone to look forward to. The definition of "postpone that funeral"

THE SYNTHS??? FORGIVE HIM FATHER FOR HE HAS SYNTH!!!

"JUST KNOWING THAT'S GETTING ME THROUGH"?!?!?!? I wanna throw up. that is a Tonee-ass line. yeah 'July' is DEFINITELY taking the crown. This is my favorite from the EP.

i WAS right! he says 'prada' because it just made so much sense with the 'wore me out' line.

the whole second half had me in SHAMBLES. the lyrics were already insane but also throw in his soft voice mixed with the FUNKY & GROOVY beat?? I fear it is so over for me (I was genuinely screaming into a pillow and needed to sit down even though I was already sat and also I didn't know what to do with my person so I was just laying there and looking up at the ceiling while fighting off tears. I was SHOOK.)

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and makes me want to roll downhill a field and pick flowers to give to strangers

Have I mentioned the pen game? Because it is on level 9000. His pen was on fire when he has writing this

B A S S O U T R O GOT ME ACTING TF UP

That You Are

I was not expecting the lyrics to be "that I'd be anywhere that you are". im sorry but that is devastatingly beautiful and rips my heart out brb sobbing

my wig quietly and peacefully ascended from my head.

it's a lot more raw, production wise. the vocals aren't super clean, but I actually really like it this way!!! it makes the song that much more precious, gentle, intimate

Bedouine's vocals NEVER DISAPPOINTS!! She always has a way of transporting you with her music- makes you feel like you're floating above water

I needed to sautee the yearning for this one, its so pretty but hits you right in the feels

The fact that this is speculated to be the contender for the spot of 'I, Carrion (Icarian)' I'M GONNA CRY AGAIN Andrew please do an EP breakdown cuz I need to know!

that little instrumental interlude towards the bridge is so lovely and the entire song really! I think they did a good job of splitting the vibe 50/50 <- I say this because I listen to Bedouine a lot and the vibe of her songs is definitely here. it just really shows that they both wrote this together. its not a feature, its a collab

We're all gonna cry and then afterwards we're all gonna hug cuz this song just inflicted so much emotional damage upon all of us

[gunkreads]

Interesting to look at the power dynamic between Ianthe and Coronabeth (less "dynamic" more "leash") through the lens of Patrick Rothfuss' "inherent" vs. "granted" power idea. To summarize: inherent power is the stuff you can do naked and alone in the wilderness (e.g. knowing how to make a fire or cast a spell), while granted power requires a social or interpersonal structure through which you can exert your will because of trust, station, or some other social contract (e.g. having a servant or an army). The following will be a misconstrual of Rothfuss' exact textual intent, but I'm tweaking the idea to match this relationship.

Ianthe is a good mix of both, but mainly inherent; Corona is almost entirely granted, with very little inherent. Crucially, Ianthe is inherently powerful before she's granted any power and Corona is granted power before she's inherently powerful. Yes, of course, Corona is obsessively dependent on Ianthe--it seems fairly clear that she believes Ianthe is the one granting her all her power, which is largely true--but because Corona is both Hot as Fuck and Incredibly Cool (as far as most in-universe perspectives are concerned), people around her are willing to grant her influence at the drop of a hat. Notice how, even with several far more qualified and authoritative opinions in the room, Corona still manages to get her thoughts in the door in Canaan House? Notice how her charisma has kept her and Ianthe's ruse afloat for their entire lives? It genuinely doesn't fall apart until Corona has a complete breakdown. Even with Blood of Eden, who don't seem to want to value her as more than an intelligence asset, seem to actually respect her opinion. This reads like a red flag, to me, indicating that her charisma is obscuring her general lack of functional competency (just like how it works in real life).

Starting in Gideon the Ninth and cementing in As Yet Unsent, we see how Coronabeth is genuinely upset at her lack of inherent power. She's learning the rapier to make up for it. Of course, by Nona the Ninth, she's reentered a power structure at a hierarchical tier that mostly negates her need for inherent power. But what we're seeing here is her frustration manifesting: she's tried as hard as she's able, past her emotional blocks, to shed the power she believes Ianthe has granted her, and to (in her mind) reach her own inherent power.

But Corona doesn't understand inherent power. She's never really had it, not in the way she sees those around her exert. Naberius is top-tier as a House Cavalier. Ianthe is one-in-a-million as an adept (well, two with Harrow around). Corona tries to learn to fight, but can only compare herself to Naberius, which is supremely unfair. She reaches and reaches and reaches for inherent power, something she can do after everyone's left her behind, but she never really grasps it in a way that means anything to her. This leads to the belief that any inherent power she may gain for herself will feel granted.

The problem we see, of course, is that she's building a snow fort (reputation and power in BoE) to stop a lahar (reputation and power in Ianthe's eyes). Sure, she can actually experience something adjacent to self-esteem while she's building the snow fort, but once that lahar comes by, it's over. She's swept back up into her dependency. She realizes that the power she was granted by BoE feels like nothing in comparison to even a smidge of respect, even if it's laden with condescension, from Ianthe.

Corona's reliance on Ianthe parallels Ianthe's reliance on herself. By the time she's reintroduced in Nona the Ninth, Ianthe has been taking a good long crack at this whole "Emperor's Authority" thing and... seems to find it repulsive. Ianthe is all hands, all fingers, sticking them in where work needs to be done and expecting to complete that work before she has to withdraw to do something else. She was raised on the "shut the fuck up and work" principle, where Corona was raised on the "keep talking so nobody notices what's happening" principle. One of the key differences between the two is that Ianthe has been consistently seeing the results of her own inherent power for her entire life. She can hold the results of a project in her hands and feel pride--even if most of the pride she feels is the Deadly Sin kind.

Now that Ianthe has graduated from "inherently powerful" to "inherently powerful, so you're in charge of people", she has to cope with the idea of having somebody else do it. She cannot conceive of "somebody else" doing a job as well as she can. It's just not her lived experience. She's always been the best necromancer in the room, with the best talker in the room at her beck and call. Sure, the charisma she nets by having Corona around is granted power, but it's important that she doesn't see it that way. Corona is HER mouth. Corona doesn't get her own thoughts, and if she voices any, it's a flight of fancy in Ianthe's mind.

Because of the fact that Ianthe doesn't understand granted power, she believes that any power granted TO her is inherent. It's a supremely selfish perspective brought on by years of the self-satisfactory view that everyone else is relying on you, and it's not even hard to do what they need.

The sisters as a pair are obviously deeply mismatched, but I think Ianthe's ascendance to Lyctorhood marks a threshold being crossed (as in the Monomyth) where Ianthe begins to live in a world that Corona cannot touch in any way. There's a level of influence granted by charisma and speeches and hotness in the regular world of the Nine Houses, but once Ianthe ascends beyond that, Coronabeth is vestigial. Ianthe no longer needs charisma and speeches and hotness; she's acquired the physical power and been granted the influence to make all of those redundant. She speaks or thinks and things happen. There are only like five or six people left who can even pose a challenge to her, and half of them are Resurrection Beasts, which don't even count.

This leaves Corona collapsed coughing in the dust, two county lines behind. What the hell is she good for? The same stuff as before? No, in her mind, she's just a sexy leech that Ianthe pried off when she became a Lyctor. A leech without a food source shrivels and dies. She attaches herself to BoE, but after a lifetime of sucking the rich blood of Ianthe's necromantic talent, Corona wastes away on the anemic influence of the new group. Simultaneously, Ianthe has put on nail-shaped goggles, and by god does she have a big hammer. Now that her mouth, Corona, is gone, she has to lean on the belief that she's powerful enough to handle everything she used to get Corona to do with raw power. It's almost sad, but she's such a bitch that it's just pathetic.

I did not proofread this.

[georgiapeach30513]

The One to Sacrifice, Part 4

Summary: too much has happened

Pairings: Raleigh Becket X Reader

Rating: explicit

Warnings:  explicit language, explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, PIV sex, oral sex (F receiving), cum eating, mentions of an unwanted pregnancy, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 4.6K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics

Your fingers tap on your desk rhythmically. A jaunty little diddy that’s been in your head, and you’re trying to find a perfect combination of jumps. Triple lutz. No, double axel for that beat. Over and over in your head before you angrily huff, and burst out of your chair. You’re not a skater anymore. That dream was taken away from you. Not really. You chose this life.

Tanzy needed you though, and you needed her in ways that nobody knew. The first time you held her you couldn’t even breathe. It was such a struggle, and Mike offered so many times to hold her while you centered yourself, but you wanted to just look at her perfect little features. Her fingernails already had white tips on them, giving her the look of a manicure. The way her hair curled perfectly around her face, framing her sweet features and making her look like a doll.

You were always the one that would make sure her bum didn’t get diaper rashes. Mike took on the financial burden more. He was present, but you were the main caregiver. Until you were the only caregiver.

You weren’t going to fail this time. You promised yourself and Tanzy that you would not fail. And then you did. You couldn’t raise her alone, and now you’re back here. With the guilt and shame of how much you failed. And no big brother to talk it through with. You couldn’t tell your parents because they wouldn’t understand.

You sigh, falling onto your bed face first. You need a bigger one. What adult sleeps in a small full size bed? What adult that was geared to be on the Olympic team, and end up back in their parents house? You hate yourself. Always making every mistake. Because you can’t get the routine right.

You feel a dip down on the bed on both sides of your body. Twisting your head to the side, you view his fist pressing into the bed. “Raleigh, go away.”

“Why?” you groan as his weight settles on you. Not his full weight, but enough to ground you. “You’re in your head, Pix. Just breathe. Life isn’t a routine. And you don’t have to be perfect to be amazing.”

He always said the most appropriate things. He noticed you when life was moving all around you. He’d stop what he was doing just to make sure you weren’t having a a mild breakdown. His nose nuzzles into your neck. Heating up your skin, and you sigh so long. Sliding your hands up to meet his, and he grabs ahold of them. You begin to relax in his awkward embrace. You didn’t deserve him.

You lost count of how many times Raleigh had to do just this. Encase you in his warmth and weight. Like he was a wall of protection from the outside world, “Pix, what happened?”

“Life,” he gulps when he hears the crack in your voice. Can feel your body trembling. To tell someone would be to admit that it was real. The secret could die with Mike. But living with this shame was killing you, too.

“Hon,” his breathing turns to kisses on your neck. They’re not needy or sexual, they’re comforting. Letting you know that whatever you say, he’ll listen. “Tell me what happened in life.”

“If I do, you’ll hate me,” he’s silent, but continues covering you in love in the only way that Raleigh could. By now he thinks he knows your darkest secret. But he doesn’t. “I just,” butter him up. “I just got you back,” you know how wrong it is to play into his emotions. But there is a part of you that wants to tell him, so you’re not alone.

“I can’t lose you,” you whisper, squeezing his hands.

“You won’t. I can take it. It was in the past,” he’d be surprised at the secrets that people can keep.

“I didn’t leave for the Olympics. I left because…”

“Johnny,” you don’t have to respond. He knows it to be true. Even though he knows Johnny was the reason for your departure, he wants to hear it from exactly what happened, “What did he do?”

“I wish people would stop saying that. It wasn’t him, it was both of us,” you exhale a haggard breath, and Raleigh holds you tighter. He isn’t going to leave you. Yet. You haven’t even got to the worst part. “We got…we got sloppy.”

He growls, intensifying his hold, “And…Raleigh, I’m sorry.”

“Say it. Tell me what happened.”

You don’t want to, and you don’t want to carry this burden alone. “I got pregnant,” a whoosh of freedom passes over you, and your tears speed up. The worst betrayal towards Raleigh was already out. “And I-I-I-I didn’t — didn’t want her. I was scared. And alone, and Johnny was leaving. And he didn’t need a baby, and I was going to train for the Olympics. And I saw him flirting with another girl when I was going to tell him. So I ran. And Mike caught up with me, and it was already done, and I was inconsolable. Nothing has ever hurt worse both physically and mentally. And Mike talked to me, and I…” you can’t tell him. Telling him would make everything a reality, and he wasn’t ready for that. You weren’t ready for that. Or the responsibility.

Your breaths heave when Raleigh’s weight moves off you. If he wasn’t so fast you would start begging. But instead of leaving he sits on the bed, and pulls you into his lap. Letting your legs wrap around him, and he squeezes you in an embrace, just like you need. He wasn’t leaving. The worst was over. Raleigh knew, and still he held you like you are his to protect.

“I’m sorry,” you cry on his neck. “I didn’t — I never wanted to hurt you,” and yet you did. The one person who could always see right through you. The one one was always there. You hurt him in ways you can never understand. He’s hurting and still he comforts you.

“Shh, I wish you could have told me then.”

“You don’t…do you think I’m icy?” He pulls you back, gazing at your tear stained face. “Like my heart is always cold?”

“I think you’ve never allowed someone to love you. Like the adoption had something break in you, and you never want to allow someone to in and give them opportunity to love you, and you love them back,” you grimace. Is that really what is happening? “You had me right here, and instead, you got into a sexual relationship with someone that didn’t care about you. Because if we had sex, it would hurt you if anything happened to us.”

You have no words as you look over his face. You weren’t thinking that when you and Johnny first had sex. You were frustrated, wanted him, and he made himself available, so you gave freely. And yet this man was always climbing in your window, and in your bed, and all you did was make out. And…on top of the clothes stuff. He was never aggressive with his need ot have you.

Everything was over the clothes, and you want to prove to him and yourself you can allow someone that truly cares about you into your body. Your lips slam into his, and you don’t hold back. You need to feel something real. And he doesn’t hesitate in returning your kiss ravenously. Hands roaming to your ass, and he pushes you onto his growing bulge. Raleigh deserves this.

He deserves more than you, but if he wants you, he can have you. Your needy body grinds over his length, whimpering softly every second. Feeling him get bigger. Harder. Your mouth waters because you’ve never seen him. Anytime he got hard, he’d go into the bathroom, never asking for you to assist him.

“Raleigh,” you moan, and pull off your shirt. He stares at your chest like a teenage boy seeing tits for the first time. You didn’t bother wearing a bra, or pants. You were going to be going to bed soon. Reaching behind you, you bring both his hands to your front. Guiding them to your chest. “I’m all yours.”

In hindsight, this is probably the worst time to have sex. You’ve just exposed your darkest secret; that you cheated on Raleigh with his kinda friend, got pregnant by him, ran away, and now you’re offering up your body as a consolation prize. You didn’t care. It’s so fucking selfish, but you need to feel something real.

He dives into your tit, circling his mouth around one, while his other hand gropes you. Twisting and pulling the nipple slightly, while he suckles from the other. His ocean blue eyes staring up at you, while you bite down on your lip, and your hips gyrate into his aching cock. He’ll deal with the Johnny situation later. Right now, he’s starving for you.

Lifting up off the bed, he carries you towards the door to turn the lock, “I’m not leaving out this window. I’m going out the front door,” you don’t care. You need his hard body on you. You fight and claw to get his shirt off his back and into your floor, but he tosses you on the bed, and you yip. He stares too hard at your breasts pebbled and peaked. The one glistening with his saliva. The best vision he has ever seen, and you are right in front of him.

“Make me want to fuck you,” you’ve never done this before. Be sexy. But he deserved it all. Whatever he wanted. You keep your eyes on him as you start to pull down your panties. Slowly letting the satin roll off your skin, and you toss them at him. His thumb traces over the gusset, and he growls. A deep possessive, needy growl. He’s starving for your body.

He looks away from you for a split second to toss it in the hamper, and with your knees bent and up in the air, you let your legs fall to the bed, and you spread your pussy lips apart. Splitting your fingers as you rub over your clit, and keep your eyes on him. He’s ready to blow immediately. But he watches. Unzipping his pants, he takes slow steps to walk out of them, and grips his cock over his boxer briefs, and you drool. He’s big. Thick.

“How,” he clears his throat as he releases himself. Tugging at his boxers until he’s bare. His tip shining with a bead of precum. “How wet are you,” he manages before gulping, and you plunge a finger into your heat. Pulling it out, you hold the sticky wet appendage towards him, and he stuffs it into his mouth. Sucking off every bit of your honey, and crawls on his knees. Higher onto the bed until he’s in between your thighs.

Face right at your entrance and he presses chaste kisses up your seam. Moaning with every touch of your skin. He is hungry for your body. He keeps things sweet, despite the both of you being naked, and you’ve never been so intimate with someone. Never had someone so close to you. Your only experience with sex was with Johnny, but this — it is making love. Worshiping you.

Flattening his tongue, he swipes it over your leaking cunt, and looks up at you from between your thighs with a smile. “Can you come from my mouth alone?”

“What?” you answer breathlessly, and he nuzzles into your pussy. Continuing to look up at you as he soaks his face in your juices.

“I’ve waited a long time to see, taste, smell, and feel this perfect pussy. It’d be a shame for me to just cram myself in you. Let me take my time,” giving him a nod, he dives in, and laves up your juices. Sucking your lips into his mouth before moving to your clit. He kitten licks the little sensitive nub, teasing a finger at your entrance before circling the bundle of nerves, and he sucks.

His finger spears into you, and he adds a second one quickly. Stretching you out as he marvels at the way your body hugs him. Sucking his fingers back into their depths. Seeing you in this position, in this way, succumbing to his ministrations, he’s got to make this fast because he feels as if he could erupt. Curling his fingers he watches your face change beautifully with your pleasure. Mouth open, hands on your tits working your nipples, and you’re trying so hard not to make a noise.

Your hips roll into him, and it’s just so right. Your body reacts to him. Needs to feel him. Your velvety walls flutter around his fingers, and he goes faster. Rapidly pumping in the digits as he hits a spot inside of you that makes your toes curl, and heat bloom in your belly. “Please, Raleigh.”

“Desperate girl. Come,” you work in tandem with him, and you search for something bigger than his fingers. Gripping your nipples harder, he bites onto your clit, and your body goes into orbit. Lifting off the bed as you audibly whimper, trying to close your legs, but he pushes them further apart. Watching as your body clenches around him.

He quickly crawls up your body, and runs his head through your slit. Coating himself in your creamy release, and you see that regretful smile, “I don’t have a condom.”

“I’ve got an IUD. Just…pull out,” he has so many questions about what being sloppy with Johnny means, but he knows he has no right to know. And he’s not sure if he wants to. But knowing that Johnny could have felt himself spurt into you, pisses him off.

He holds his spongy head at your entrance for too long, and you start to get twitchy. Ready to pout up at him, and then you feel him being sucked into you. You stutter as a sharp inhale rocks your body, and you lean up to look at where you two connect. Staring as his body splits you in two. Your puffy lips spread further apart as he pushes deeper. Deeper. Deeper. Not stopping until you swallow him to the hilt, and he adjusts his weight.

Laying more on top of you, in that way he understands you love, and his hands grip tight to your head board. “Pix, I know it’s early, but…”

“Don’t, Raleigh.”

“I’ve never stopped loving you,” tears well in your eyes. It hurts that you can’t give him all of your heart like you can your body. Maybe eventually. “And this feels so fucking right. I didn’t even push in. Your pussy invited me in. She sucked me into her soul, because you love me, too. You crave me inside of you. You might not be able to say it right now, but I’m patient.”

He draws his hips back, pulling his cock out of your sensitive walls, and you miss him. Willing to beg him to push back into you, and he does. Moving slowly, so you feel each wet centimeter of your bodies melding together. His steel melts into you with ease. Pulling himself out, he slams in. Making you chirp and stars twinkle in your vision.

Over and over again he inches out slowly, and dives in hard and deep. Your fingers grip to his back and slice through his skin. He seethes before he chuckles. “Mark me as yours, Pixie,” his voice is so deep it sounds like a grunt, and you feel him in your throat. Pushing harder and deeper each time he enters you.

Your body can’t take it without gripping onto him. He’s so close every inch of his sculpted body is stimulating you. His warmth. His veins. His breath. His cock. “Raleigh,” you start panting. This is too intense. “Raleigh, I’m…”

“I know you are. Let go. Come on my cock. I need it,” you grab him on his shoulders, and slide down. The coil in your belly winds up tightly. Painfully tight. And one look into his beautiful eyes, and you let it twist undone. Biting on his arm as your walls hold him in a vice grip. Everything you’ve been holding in ceases to exist. There’s only you and him, and the peace that comes with an orgasm.

Outside of your brain, a calming euphoria spreads through your limbs. Raleigh’s thrusts quicken. He jackhammers into you, and your body heats again. Bouncing the two of you on the bed, “Pix, I’m not going to be able to stop with you,” he coos, feeling you wind up again. Chirping with his fast movements. This feels just as good.

You get right at the edge. Ready to dive off the cliff, and he pulls out. Getting to his knees with one hand wrapped around his cock, fisting his member, and the other makes tight circles on your clit, and you preen. Gasping as your body dives off the cliff and his hot cum shoots over your mound. You look down at the mess of your pussy, and you gather it with your fingers, and suck Raleigh’s essence off.

“You’re amazing,” he pants out, kneeing himself up your body. He teases his cock at your mouth, and you swallow him whole. Sucking off the taste of the two of you on his softening dick. He moves back down to stare at your entrance, and you widen your legs again. Smirking at him when he spreads you apart.

His moves up and down your swollen cunt, before dipping even lower. The most intimate parts of you spread so wide, “You’re gaping.”

“Don’t be vulgar!” He chuckles, standing up. He licks his lips before yanking the covers down, and you whine.

“What?”

“I’m not sleeping naked in this bed with you. Grab your shirt and boxers.”

“You’re still going to be naked,” you cock up an eyebrow until he understands. Throwing you his shirt before he pulls his boxers back on. “Door locked or?”

“Unlocked.”

—

Raleigh glances over at your sleeping body. Something had woke him up, and he’s aware it’s you not holding onto him. His shaft starting to get hard knowing that your cunt is right there and exposed to him. He starts to roll over to embrace you before he hears slashing and swishing of blades on ice. He didn’t think Frank still came out to his family’s house to ice skate anymore, and he’s ready to tell him to shut up. He’s finally got his girl.

Getting out of bed, he looks out the window, his blood turns to ice because the car he sees isn’t Frank’s. It’s Johnny’s. He stops skating abruptly, and stares up at your window, seeing Raleigh’s large frame illuminated with your oil diffuser. Raleigh hopes that Johnny can see his smile as he walks back to your bed.

Wrapping his thick arms around you, and he holds you tight. Your back arches, pressing your ass against his front, and your voice softly moans when you feel his head push against you, “Pix, you keep doing that…” lifting your leg a bit, you show him your needy hole. “Honey.”

“I should keep you warm or something.”

“Yes. Yes, you should,” he feels his blood rush to his cock just at the idea of feeling your silky skin again. Johnny couldn’t see it, but the fact that he’s still out there skating around while Raleigh is sliding his cock into you while you sleep, tickles him. Let that fucker feel the way he feels. He can’t wait to make him pay for what he did to you.

Johnny closes the door of his car, spinning his key fob around his finger as he saunters into the garage. He gives a nod and a wink to the girl behind the desk, and gets sight of an old, not much of a friend. “Becket! I’m back.”

“Why the fuck are you here?” Johnny looks around the garage, and then back at Raleigh. Holding his hands up in confusion, “Seriously. Leave.”

“You know, we agreed to add different wheels to my car. Ordered them, paid for them. I got a call that they were here.”

“I’ve changed my mind,” Raleigh continues to look under the hood of the car he was working on, trying to ignore the man that wasn’t getting the point. “Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? Get. Out.”

“Bro, we both know where you were last night. No need to get all fucking possessive. I got it. I’ll back down. She’s your girl.”

“And yet, you were still there last night. Skating on her parent’s pond. The rink wasn’t open?”

Johnny squints. Scratching his brow, he tries to think of what could exactly be going on. It’s true that he had gone to your parents’ house to hopefully see you, and then he saw Raleigh in nothing but his boxers. He didn’t think you and him were much, but more than Becket. Whatever. You made your choice, “I don’t think I understand?”

“Really? Let’s start with you fucked my girlfriend.”

“No, not recently. That was a decade ago, Lurch. I won’t look at her. I won’t touch her. Well except when she brings the kid, and — What the fuck,” it happens too fast for him to realize why Raleigh is walking towards him. He grabs his nose, wincing as blinding pain shoots to his brain. “I think it’s broken, asswipe. What the hell is your problem?”

“You, Storm! You had to come back.”

“It was kind of court ordered.”

“You had to weasel your way back into her life, and you’re using Tanzy.”

“She’s kind of my goddaughter.”

“And you took her fucking virginity.”

“Is this what this is all about? I had her first, so you’re the big bad macho man that gets her last? Aye aye, Captain. I won’t even think of your precious, Pixie. What did you do fuck her for the first last night and have to get all caveman,” Raleigh slams Johnny up against the car. Pressing his forearm into his chest. Any higher, and he’d be on his neck. “I don’t understand what’s going on!”

“I didn’t fuck her. That’s what you did. I love her. You’re the one that fucked her and knocked her up,” Raleigh’s nostrils flares, and his chest heaves with every breath. But Johnny is dumbfounded.

“What?” Raleigh curses under his breath, while Johnny searches the man’s face. “What did you say? Becket! Repeat that,” he says calmly, but Raleigh pushes himself off Johnny. He starts pacing around the garage while Johnny remembers the night Mike called him screaming and calling him every name in the book.

It’s why Mike had gone with you. Who’s best friend was pissed at him. Why everything fell apart so quickly. Johnny didn’t have a chance to breathe, and you were gone. He was going to take you on a real date, but you’d left. “Tanzy?”

“What?” Raleigh answers breathlessly.

“Is — is Tanzy even Mike’s?” Raleigh stumbles backwards as he glares at Johnny. You would never. Tanzy was Mike’s daughter. You were her aunt. She wasn’t…

“I’ve gotta go,” Johnny’s voice is so soft, and there’s only one person he needs to see right now. He’s tired of whatever secrets and lies that are happening right now. It’s time for you to come completely clean. You owed that to him.

“Ahh,” you scream. Dropping the apple you were cutting for Tanzy. Her spoon clinking on the glass bowl, and you both turn towards the back door, and Johnny beats on the window again, rattling the wood.

“Pix, open the damn door!”

“Tanzy, here. Go sit with Pappy,” She looks at you sadly, peering at Johnny, and you point into the living room. You didn’t need her in here for whatever Johnny was about to say. He didn’t come here. It wasn’t good, not with what you told Raleigh. He never could keep his fucking mouth closed.

“Pix!”

“What?” You sling the door open. His chest heaves, and his eyes are rimmed in liquid. You can’t have this conversation with your parents here. Or Tanzy. One door always leads to another, and then another. It’s why you didn’t want to come back. “I’ll get my coat.”

“Is…?”

“Not here!” You whisper scream. Motioning him to go on. Raleigh. You have half a mind to tell him not to bother climbing up to your window. Now here’s something else you have to deal with. Johnny’s dramatic emotional self.

Walking out of the house, Johnny is leaned up against his car. Trying to be casual, but his face says it all. He’s hurting, and confused. Without speaking, you walk straight to the car, and get in the passenger seat. He continues to hold his stance before pulling open his own door and dropping into the seat, “Drive to the rink,” you wouldn’t have a conversation here. It was too close.

He’d need to keep you distracted somehow. Everything runs through your brain. Everything. From that first kiss, until the time you had him in his room. The way he couldn’t stop looking at you as he thrust into you. For the first time it didn’t seem like fucking. It seemed like his sweet secret. He was gentle. Petting your face, and pressing the softest kisses on your lips.

The car ride is silent, and Johnny takes up two spaces, but the parking lot is empty. It’s after hours. “I need to borrow some skates,” you tell him as you run out of the car. Still he’s quiet as he unlocks the door, and you sprint to get something on your feet. Almost thinking Johnny had left you.

You step onto the ice. Doing a quick spin, and see him walk in with his own skates, and you do a few laps. It is the easiest way to run away from him for now. Letting the seats rush past you. Their colors melting together, feeling like the mush in your brain.

You launch yourself up into an axel when he steps onto the ice, and he skates over to you. “As many questions as I have. You talk. I’ll listen.”

“What’s this about?” He glowers at you. His intensity isn’t as angry as it is confusing. “Well?” You aren’t going to bother with this if he didn’t even know. You need to hear it explicitly from him.

“You were pregnant?”

“Yes.”

“And you ran?”

“Yes,” you try to skate away, but he grabs onto your wrist and pulls you into him. He’s so close it hurts. It’s stifling. “Johnny, don’t…” and still he pulls you closer. Tightening his arms around you.

“Whose Tanzy’s father?” You feel your body go limp, and if it wasn’t for Johnny holding onto you, you’d fall.

“What?”

“I’m really doubting this stupid ass story about some woman that left Mike Weiss with a fucking kid. So I need you to come completely clean with me immediately. Who is Tanzy’s dad?” His grip on you tightens as he pulls you more into him, but he gets blurrier. What was the last thing you ate? You were going to eat apple slices. No. You were cutting those for Tanzy.

What was for breakfast? “Pix, I deserve the truth,” did you even have lunch?

“Johnny,” your voice is so soft and breathless as you try to get out of his grasp.

“You not answering has got my mind spinning. Please?”

He learned some manners. You’re dreaming. You’re drifting away. So far away. This isn’t Johnny. It’s a blurry blob of someone that sounds like him. Even his voice is distant. A dream that you run awkwardly away from. Just like everything else.

Run away.

Next

Masterlist

@tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @musingsfromthemitten @distractingbeth

@peaches1958 @seitmai @smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @charmed-asylum

@cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @patzammit @valhalla-kristin

@kmc1989 @peaceinourtime82 @rogersbarber @kmm-fluv @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory

[mamaestapa]

Chapter twenty-three sneak peak...

"You never called me back." Izzy said, voice laced with slight disappointment as she spoke, "I get you're busy but, I need to know if this will work Joe."

Joe nodded in response, "I know and we will, but," he glanced around the table full of his teammates and friends before bringing his face closer to Izzy's, "Can we talk about this later? I don't want Y/n to know."

You felt your heart drop to your stomach at the mention of your name. The conversation you were having was now long forgotten as you gave your full attention to Joe. You turned towards him, folding your arms over your chest and letting them rest on your belly as you looked at him.

The red head, Izzy, made eye contact with you as she spoke, "Sure sweetie. Don't forget to send me the details." Joe nodded at her words as he spoke, "I'll send them to you tonight so you'll be prepared. Thanks Iz."

Prepared for what? You didn't know exactly, but you'd make it your mission to find out and get to the bottom of it. Izzy smiled at you, saying a soft hello and congratulations before she sauntered away from the table. Your lips parted as you just watched her walk away from Joe like nothing happened. Your thoughts were running wild, all of them going to the worst possible case scenario. There was no reasoning with yourself on this one.

Joe was cheating on you. He had to be.

You looked at Joe with an expression full of hurt and confusion. How could he do this to you? How could he do this to your little family? You just got back on good terms with Sam and now you have to deal with this.

"Joe?" You squeaked out softly, making your boyfriend turn around to look at you. His face filled with worry as he looked at you. Joe took in your hurt expression, teary eyes, and flushed cheeks. You looked like you'd just seen a ghost and were about .2 seconds away from a breakdown.

"Y/n," he said softly, tone growing worried, "what's wrong?"

You were fine just a few minutes ago. You were upbeat, happy, laughing with Tee and seeming to enjoy the team dinner. Right now, your whole demeanor took a full 180. Joe figured it was just the hormones making you feel this way, after all you have been having some mood swings lately.

You scoffed at your boyfriends obliviousness, "What's wrong?" You shook your head, "You're seriously asking me what's wrong?"

It's definitely not mood swings.

Joe parted his lips as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Y/n, baby I don't know what's going on but-."

"Was I not enough for you?" You asked, voice full of hurt. You placed your hands on your bump as you looked directly into Joe's confused blues, "Were we not enough for you?"

"I-" Joe stuttered, "I don't know what you're talking about? Of course you are. Both of you are."

You wiped a tear away as you sniffled softly, trying to compose yourself and not make a scene in the restaurant. You were feeling so many different emotions and it was a matter of time before they all came pouring out.

"Then who the hell is Izzy? What kind of arrangement do you have with her Joe, hmm?" Joe's face fell at your words. Now he looked like one that had just seen a ghost. "Y/n, you weren't supposed to hear that."

"Yeah I figured." You said, voice cracking with emotion as you tried to sound bitter. Joe's Adams apple bobbed as he gulped. His mind was going crazy with thoughts on he was going to explain this to you. He knows what it looks like to you.

"Was I ever going to find out or were you going to keep sneaking around behind my back?"

The hurt in your voice and the distraught look on your face had Joe's heart breaking. He stayed silent. He couldn't find the right words to explain himself, at least not in the middle of team dinner. You shook your head at his silence. You stood up from the table and gathered your things. You walked away from the group, leaving a few pf your friends and Joe's teammates stunned as they saw the tears rolling down your cheeks. That's all the confirmation you needed.

the angst in this one…you guys are not ready👀 not as bad as the earlier chapter angst but still just enough

i’m so excited for you to read the full thing, which will be out tonight or tomorrow!

[oliverreedmasterass]

Jake being nervous before performing with Mirador and Josh comforting him…

Addison!! Here ya go :) (My first draft of this was like 10x goofier than this, hopefully it's more touching than stupid now)

Must I Go Bound?

Words: 4.5k

Warnings: language, mental breakdown, Sam's feet

“Jake!” Josh hollered from the backstage area of the St. Louis arena. “Shit,” he cursed under his breath. “Where could that fucker be?” 

Josh had been pulled to the side by one of their roadies, asking if he could snag Jake to get his in ears fitted. Josh figured it would be relatively easy to track down his twin but, after twenty minutes of searching to no avail, he was starting to get worried. 

In the lead up to Jake’s debut with his pal, Chris Turpin, as the band Mirador, Jake had seemed like he was more excited than nervous. Compared to the shy teenager who had to turn his back to the crowd, this older version of Jake commanded the stage with such ease and grace that Josh knew it was only right that he start a new band. 

Josh had even shared a nice breakfast with Jake that morning at a local cafe, cracking each other up while brainstorming monologues Jake could give during his performance. 

“You’re gonna have to thank Greta Van Fleet for letting you guys open,” Josh had told Jake, which made him boom with laughter, wiping fat tears from his eyes. 

So, when they went their separate ways, Josh to get fitted into his jumpsuit, and Jake to practice his guitar a bit more, Josh assumed that things were going great. But, after practically tearing the arena apart searching for his brother, Josh knew something was up.

Jake was the master at masking his emotions, afterall. 

On his third loop around the concourse area, Josh ran into Chris, who looked equally on edge. 

“Jake?” they asked each other. At that, they both frowned. 

“I can’t find him,” Josh shared. 

“Me neither,” Chris shook his head, his eyes darting around in the hopes that he would catch a glimpse of his missing bandmate. “We’ve got our final soundcheck coming up soon. I really don’t want to go out there by myself.” 

“You’re not going to,” Josh promised him. He gave Chris a pat on the back and then hustled for the doors leading inside the arena. The hoards of seats surrounding him were all empty and, through the flashing lights, Josh could barely make out any of the sections above him. 

Stupid Jake always wearing black, Josh grumpily thought to himself. If only the guy could wear neon and a sign above his head that read, “HEY JOSH, I’M RIGHT HERE!” 

With a sigh, Josh started to walk up and down the rows, hoping he would eventually stumble across Jake. 

It took about ten minutes of wandering until he literally stumbled over his brother in section 117 row 4. 

“What the?” Josh hollered as he sprawled to catch himself. After regaining his balance, he fumbled for his phone so he could shine a light on what had tripped him up. It was frankly a concerning sight. Jake, still dressed in his street clothes, was curled up on the floor, next to a pile of discarded french fries that had been missed by the janitorial staff the previous night. His hair swirled around his blank face that was gazing at the seat in front of him, unblinking. “Jake!” Josh attempted to get his attention, waving his hand in front of his eyes. He remained motionless. “Shit,” Josh thought aloud. “Are you dead?” It was hard to see through Jake’s loose-fitting clothes if he was breathing or not, so Josh opted to kick him in the stomach. 

“Oomph,” Jake coughed out. 

“Come on, dude,” Josh softened his tone. “You gotta get up for your soundcheck.”  

Jake continued to lay stiff on the concrete. Josh was desperate to get some kind of reaction out of him, so he plucked a cold and soggy french fry from the ground and started to poke it into Jake’s left nostril. His brow furrowed when he realized that Jake’s mouth didn’t even curl into a frown at the sensation. 

“He’s entirely catatonic,” Josh realized. “Fuck.” 

Josh first started to run back to the concourse to grab Chris, but then decided that it would be better if he took Jake with him, so he squatted back by his side. With a loud grunt he managed to lift Jake’s ragdoll body over his shoulder and started the tough trek up the stairs. Well, at least Josh didn’t have to worry about doing any additional cardio before their set. 

He did a half-lap past the shuttered food stands before he stumbled across Sam and Danny, who were playing with Rosie. 

“Why are you holding Jake like a sack of potatoes?” Sam called to Josh after throwing Rosie’s tennis ball over Josh’s head. Josh squatted a bit to avoid getting pelted with the ball and, in his moment of weakness, wound up juggling Jake in his arms. Danny and Josh both gasped as they watched Jake tumble from Josh’s grip onto the floor in a tangled mess. To the surprise of no one, Sam burst into laughter. 

“God, is he okay?” Danny gaped at Jake. Josh kneeled by Jake’s limp side and carefully cradled his head in his hands, guiding it over to his lap where he could lay more comfortably. Josh snapped his fingers in front of Jake’s eyes, but the guy didn’t even blink. 

“I think he’s going through it,” Josh decided. Sam approached his side and squatted down so he could be closer to Jake. 

“I remember him pulling something like this the first time we played at Fischer Hall,” Sam nonchalantly remembered as he stroked his mustache. “I had to stomp on his foot to get him to snap out of it.” 

“I just shoved a french fry in his nose but that didn’t work,” Josh looked at Sam in sadness. 

“You did what?” Danny’s voice shook before collecting himself. “We need to get him back to the green room before anyone finds him.”

“He’s got soundcheck in, like, fifteen minutes,” Sam said after glancing at his Hello Kitty watch. “At Fischer Hall I had to do an entire line dance on his feet. I don’t know if I’ll have enough time to do that now.” 

“You’re not gonna do that,” Danny corrected Sam. “We can’t go breaking Jake’s feet.” 

Sam hung his head in disappointment. Josh had zoned out through their bickering and, when he came back to, he realized that he had been absently combing his fingers through Jake’s long hair. Jake must have really been out of it, because he was usually unbelievably sensitive about people touching what he called “God’s gift.” 

Danny looked around at his band and huffed. He hated how he always had to be the one to take the lead. The Kiszkas were frankly a mess more often than not. 

“Come on,” he ordered as he leaned down to grab Jake and stretch him over his shoulders. Josh, Sam, and Rosie trailed a few paces behind him as he led the charge towards the backstage area. Danny had a plan. 

The three men huddled in the bathroom, surrounding Jake who was flopped over on a folding chair, his eyes still glazed. “Are you sure this is the best idea?” Josh whispered to Danny. Danny tossed the shower head from hand to hand while staring Jake down. 

“I think it’s the only way,” he decided. “Pull the lever, Sam.” 

Sam twisted the knob, letting a powerful stream of cold water release from the nozzle in Danny’s hands. He took in a deep breath and then raised it to Jake’s eyeline, releasing the flood of water straight into his face. Danny, Josh, and Sam all watched, their breaths hitched to see if Jake would come back around. While his eyes flinched at the water and he sputtered every so often, he showed little sign of life. 

“Stop it! Stop it!” Josh waved his arms over his head. “This isn’t doing anything. And now he’s soaked.” 

“He was kinda smelling bad though,” Sam pointed out. “So it wasn’t entirely for nothing.” 

“There’s got to be another way,” Danny grumbled, deep in thought. Then, his eyes brightened. “I’ll be right back,” he excused himself, and then hurried away. 

While Danny was gone, Josh attempted to pat Jake dry with a towel and Sam grabbed a blow dryer to fix his hair. “Hey, I’m pretty good at this!” Sam called out as he pointed the blow dryer towards the back of Jake’s head, making his wet hair fly out in all directions. Josh wanted to point out that Sam was transforming Jake’s hair into a frizzy mess, but he kept his thoughts to himself. 

A few minutes later, Danny rushed back into the bathroom, holding Jake’s old reliable out with one hand. “You see this, Jake?” Danny asked his friend, slightly out of breath. Jake gave no response. Danny shot Josh and Sam a concerned glance. Jake usually lost his mind if he saw anyone other than his road tech handling his guitar. “I’m gonna mess with your guitar, Jake,” Danny tried again. Sam couldn’t help but bug his eyes. Danny was really putting his life out on the line in order to get Jake back. When Jake didn’t even bother to raise an eyebrow in Danny’s direction, he cursed to himself. “Okay,” he tried again, “you leave me no choice.” With a trembling hand, Danny reached into his back pocket and retrieved a pair of wire clippers that he had found laying by the sound board. He maintained eye contact with Jake as he opened the clippers and hovered them over his E and A strings. “I really don’t want to do this,” Danny warned Jake with a firm tone, hoping to get any kind of response from him. Nothing.

Snip. 

The room went silent. Danny’s chest heaved up and down as he braced himself for the worst, but nothing came. Jake continued to stare at a spot just above Danny’s head, looking like there wasn’t a single thought behind his eyes. 

“I think we need to call an ambulance,” Danny decided.

“Wait, hold on,” Sam cut in. Before anyone could stop him, he sent his bare foot flying heel-first down on Jake’s toes. 

“Sam, no!” Josh and Danny both hollered at him. 

“If it worked once, it has to work again!” Sam huffed out in determination. “I’ve got this!” 

Danny placed Jake’s guitar on the bathroom sink and had to physically pick Sam up to move him and his dangerous dogs away from his brother. “I said quit it!” Danny groaned out in irritation. Sam decided it was in his best interests to flail his feet around in the hopes that he might make contact with Jake again. 

“I’m gonna lock you in a closet, Samuel!” Danny warned his friend. 

“I dare you!” Sam called back, his feet still flying. With a scowl on his face, Danny hauled Sam out of the room. The sound of a heavy door slamming shut echoed through the bathroom, followed by cries and scratching noises. Danny stomped back into the room, wiping his hands off on his pants. 

“I need a cigarette.” 

Josh arched his head up to study his friend. “But you don’t smoke, Danny.” 

Danny sighed, leaning up against the sink. “It seems like a good time to start.” 

A knock rapped on the outside of the door, and Danny and Josh whirled around to see who it was. Danny was about to yell at Sam to get back into the closet when he saw that Chris was standing in the doorway, gaping at the sopping wet Jake. 

“Oh, that doesn’t look good,” Chris murmured. Josh’s stomach dropped; he had really hoped that Chris wouldn’t have to see Jake in his catatonic state. It was sure to make him feel all the more on edge before their big debut. 

“It does look bad,” Danny acknowledged, “but we’re working on it.” 

“By ‘working on it,’ does that include locking Sam in the broom closet?” Chris asked, jutting a thumb back out towards the hallway. “Because I heard him yelling some pretty rude things about you in there and wanted to see what was going on.” 

Josh hated to be the bearer of bad news, but he figured that Chris had already put most of it together. After releasing a deep sigh and smacking his hands together to get everyone’s attention, Josh motioned towards Jake. “He’s going through it.” 

“Obviously,” Chris deadpanned, staring at his bandmate. Before Josh or Danny could say anything else, Chris moved up to Jake’s side and kneeled in front of him, grabbing his damp hands. Briefly, Chris turned back to address the rest of the room. “You sprayed him with the showerhead?” Danny and Josh both shrugged. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Chris sighed and focused his attention back on Catatonic Jake. “Hey,” Chris softly spoke to Jake. “I know you can hear me in there.” 

Jake stared forward. Josh was pretty sure he hadn’t blinked in well over 20 minutes. 

“I get that you’re nervous for tonight, and that’s a totally reasonable thing to be feeling,” Chris continued. “Hell, I’m scared shitless too. But those people who are lining up outside right now love you. Like, cult-levels of love. I’m serious. You’re one of the most talented guys I know, and I’ve been looking forward to getting out there with you and showing everyone what we’ve got. We’ve been working our asses off for this, and you deserve to be in the spotlight. Whatever you’re afraid of, it’s entirely in your head. You’re a rock star.” 

Josh could tell that the weight of the situation was starting to take a toll on Chris. He had been praying under his breath that Chris’s heart to heart would break Jake’s spell, but it didn’t seem to be enough. Chris came back to his feet, straightened his suit, and let his shoulders fall. 

“I’d better get out there for our soundcheck,” he excused himself. As he walked past the sink, he stopped in front of Jake’s guitar and gaped at the cut strings. “And I better restring this thing,” he added, taking the guitar with him. 

“Thank you!” Danny called after him, but Chris gave no other response. 

“Hey, Danny,” Josh broke the silence in the room. Danny turned to look at him. “Can I have a moment with Jake alone?”

“Of course,” Danny was quick to oblige and made his way back into the hallway, where he could make sure that Sam and his feet hadn’t broken free from the closet. Josh shut the bathroom door and took a seat on the toilet across from Jake. 

“It’s just you and me,” Josh spoke levelly to his brother. “No Danny, no Sam, no Chris. Just us.” 

He stared deep into Jake’s whiskey-colored eyes, trying to signal to him that everything was going to be okay. 

“This is a step way out of your comfort zone,” Josh continued. “But that’s how we grow. I mean, you were the one who told me back in high school that my doubts and fears were the only things holding me back. The same thing applies here.” 

Still nothing. Josh turned his gaze away from Jake and focused on studying his hands, which he was twisting around in his lap. 

“I don’t know what’s going on inside your head right now, but I’ve been there too. I’ve had those scary thoughts before, that I’m not good, that I’m wasting people’s time, that I should save the humiliation. But, Jake, you have to remember: you love to play. And people love to watch you play. You’ve got this unspeakable talent, and you don’t give yourself enough credit. You’ve built this life for not only yourself, but the rest of us from the ground up, which is, like, insane. Watching you play out there, whether I’m on stage with you or not, is what makes this all worthwhile. Seeing that big smile of yours, there’s nothing like it. Don’t you want Chris to get to experience that too?” 

Josh could have sworn that he saw Jake’s eyes shift. Suddenly feeling empowered, Josh kept sounding every thought on his mind. 

“I’m not sure if it’s about singing in front of people, playing songs that you haven’t put through rehearsal a whole lot, or what, but you’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about. You’re gonna go out there and blow everyone away.”

“It’s not that,” Jake’s voice surprised Josh. With a short gasp he snapped his head up to face his twin. Jake’s eyes were now studying the ground, his shoulders hunched. 

“What was that?” Josh asked, scooting to the edge of the toilet seat to get closer. Jake seemed to be thinking, and then spoke a dial louder. 

“It’s not that,” Jake repeated himself. “I’m not worried about singing or playing new stuff.” 

“Then what is it?” Josh tried to meet his eyes, but was unsuccessful. Jake looked as though he was trying to spot every speck of dust on the tiled floor beneath his feet. The silence hung between them, but then Jake wiped his hand down his face. 

“It’s about playing without you.” 

Josh’s heart dropped. 

“Jake, I’ll be there with you for our set.” 

“I know,” Jake huffed, raking a hand through his frizzy hair. “I just know that it will feel wrong, like there’s a part of me that’s missing.” 

“I’ll be in the wings the entire time you play,” Josh promised. “But this is your time to explore the unknown, Jake. We’ve been at this rodeo for a while. I think it’s about time that we change things up.” 

“You’re right,” Jake murmured. 

“The second you get out there, you’re going to have the time of your life,” Josh assured him. “You and I both know how much you love seeing the audience eat up your every move. Well, you’re gonna get that on steroids. And, it’s not like you’re going out there alone. You’ve got Chris and your band with you too.” 

Jake nodded and his eyes finally met Josh’s. Josh gave him a sad smile when he saw that Jake had some tears welling up. 

“I almost feel like I’m leaving home all over again,” Jake admitted. “This is really hard.” 

“Oh, come here,” Josh motioned for Jake to join his side. It was a relief to see Jake comply and stand to his feet, shuffling into his arms. “You’re gonna be okay,” Josh soothed him, stroking his back gently. Jake placed his damp head on Josh’s shoulder, and Josh didn’t have the heart to tell him to move it since it was ruining his jumpsuit. “Man, if I had known that opening for us was gonna put you through this much, I would have vetoed the whole idea,” Josh tried to joke. He was glad that he heard a light chuckle come from Jake, in between his staggered breaths.  

“I’m surprised you didn’t put your foot down,” Jake said into Josh’s shoulder. Josh had to frown at that. 

“And summon Super Bitch? I would never do that to my brother!” 

“You do it to Sam all the time.” 

“That’s because Sam deserves it.” 

Jake let out a laugh that Josh could tell meant he was going to be okay. He released Jake from his grasp and, as Jake stepped away from him, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror above the sink. “Oh god,” Jake stopped in his tracks to gape back at his reflection. “What the hell happened to my hair? It looks like a lion’s mane.” 

“Sam blow dried it,” Josh tried to carefully explain. Jake turned back and glared at his brother. 

“You let him do that?” 

“You were literally catatonic, Jake. I figured if anything would make you snap out of it, maybe it would be that.” 

Jake tsked as he fingered through his poofy hair, and then he let his hand drop to his side, defeated. 

“I’m gonna have to take another shower,” he realized. 

“I’ll leave you to it,” Josh offered, making his way to the door. As he was about to turn the handle, Jake called to him.

“Hey!” Josh whirled around to face him. “Thanks,” Jake gave a small smile. 

“Anytime,” Josh grinned. And with that, he stepped out into the hallway and gently shut the door behind him. He breathed a sigh of relief when he heard Jake click the lock on the handle and turn on the shower. Danny was quick to join his side. 

“Did you break through?” he was unable to contain his curiosity. 

“I’m a miracle worker, darling,” Josh joked. From inside the bathroom, they could hear Jake going through some of the vocal warmups that Josh had taught him. 

“Oh thank god,” Danny heaved. “I was bracing for the worst. I told Chris I could step in for Jake if he needed a hand, but we both knew that wasn’t gonna end well.” 

“Jake definitely owes us financial compensation for emotional distress,” Josh agreed. 

“Me-me-me-ME-me-me-me,” Jake belted from the shower. 

Josh and Danny both seemed committed to waiting outside the bathroom for Jake to make sure that he didn’t run on them again, but it didn’t take long for their attention to shift elsewhere. They had been in the middle of discussing what jumpsuit Josh could change into since the one he was wearing had gotten soggy when they saw Rosie run down the hall. Danny bent down to pet her, but she trotted straight past him, towards the closet where Sam was still locked. Rosie made her way to the door and let out a short bark. 

“Atta girl, Rosie!” they heard Sam’s muffled voice congratulate her from inside the closet. Josh and Danny both watched with their mouths hung open as Rosie dropped a key from her mouth and used her paw to swipe it under the gap at the bottom of the door. Within seconds, Sam had jiggled the handle and freed himself. “SUCK IT!” he hollered the second he stepped foot back into the hallway. “YOU CAN’T CONTAIN SAMUEL FRANCIS KISZKA!” 

“It didn’t take me 28 years to learn that one,” Josh grumbled to himself. 

Seemingly entirely unbothered by the fact that his best friend had manhandled and thrown him into a closet, Sam plodded back to Danny’s side and rested an arm on his shoulder. “So,” he started, looking between Josh and Danny. “Where’s Jake? I gotta get back to stepping on him.” 

“He’s showering,” Josh answered at the same time as Danny said, “You wouldn’t dare.” 

Sam glimpsed between the two of them and shook his head with a chuckle. “So which one of you opted to do the line dance on his feet?” 

“Neither of us!” Danny called out. “What the hell is wrong with you?” 

“You can’t blame me for devoting my time and energy towards something that I know works,” Sam stated like a know-it-all.  

“You’re gonna end up on a watchlist one of these days,” Josh mused to himself. It was a miracle that Sam had only been arrested once. His younger brother seemed entirely unbothered by his observation since he gave Rosie one more loving pet, and then pointed towards the green room. 

“I need to get my camera set up for Jake’s set,” he excused himself. “I’m gonna be Mirador’s tour photographer by the end of this shit.” 

“You wish,” Danny called after him as he sauntered away. 

It was good timing that Jake got out of the shower after Sam had left the vicinity. Otherwise Sam probably would have found himself in an unfriendly headlock as penance for what he had done to Jake’s hair. Jake opened the bathroom door in nothing but a towel and gave Danny an apologetic smile. 

“Hey,” he greeted the tall drummer. “Sorry about everything,” he added, while making a grand gesture with his hands. 

“I get it,” Danny reassured him with a shrug. “You’ve got a lot on your mind right now.” 

“Actually,” Jake countered, “the only thing that’s really on my mind is where my Mirador stage outfit went.” 

“That’s what I like to hear,” Josh congratulated him. 

About thirty minutes later, Jake was back in the green room with the rest of his bandmates, tuning his guitar that Chris had fixed. Across from him, Josh beamed at Jake in his loose black suit and silk top that exposed the string of pendants around his neck. Jake looked like he was entirely in his element, that he was exactly where he needed to be.  

Chris, Sam, and Danny were in the middle of an intense ping pong match that involved playing with bananas instead of paddles, but that was cut short when their tour manager popped his head into the room. 

“Ten minutes to stage, Mirador,” he shared before whisking away. 

Josh could tell that Jake’s body language stiffened ever so slightly at the realization that his performance was coming soon, but he tried hard to hide it from the rest of the room. While it worked on everyone else, Josh could see straight through his facade. That was one of the perks of being twins with the guy. 

“Can you step out with me for a second?” he stared at Jake and nodded towards the hallway. It didn’t take much coaxing to get Jake to follow behind him. 

The second they were out of the sight of everyone else, Josh engulfed Jake in a tight embrace, which Jake was quick to return. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, get rid of it,” Josh sternly told him. “Even if I’m not out there on stage, I’m always with you, okay?” 

Jake squeezed him tighter. “Okay,” he agreed. 

“You’re Sir Jacob Thomas Kiszka,” Josh reminded him. “And don’t you fucking forget it.” 

“I won’t,” Jake couldn’t help but laugh. “I was knighted and everything.” 

“Damn right,” Josh released him from his grasp to look him down. They had grown so much, even in just the past few years. Josh couldn’t formulate into words how proud he was of his brother. They had overcome so many hurdles and came out much stronger than he could ever imagine.

The roadie from the start of their drama-filled evening came up behind them and cleared his throat, holding out Jake’s in ears. “I’ve been looking all over for you,” the guy said through grit teeth, obviously at his wit’s end. “Can you let me know if these fit okay? Not that I can do anything about it, I’d just like to feel like I did some part of my job today.” 

“Oh god,” Josh clutched at his head in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry about that one, Ralph. We kind of got caught up in some other stuff.” 

“Whatever,” Ralph grumbled. 

Jake quickly tucked in his in ears and gave Ralph a big thumbs up. “They fit perfectly,” he told him. “I’m all good to go.” 

“You bet you are,” Josh pulled Jake back into his side. Jake leaned into his embrace and couldn’t help but let a wide grin stretch from cheek to cheek. 

[meretrifles]

further public library of ruina rambles (i've got plenty of time to think about this shit and new material every workday):

it starts when a fairly high-ranking city official stumbles across her when she's just barely started, someone powerful enough to make it very clear the city could wreck angela's shit at this stage if they chose to. but you know, they say instead, it's interesting that this is a library. actually by law we're supposed to have a public library, but we haven't managed to keep one open in quite some time. if you took on the role, we might be persuaded to ignore these... irregularities. what do you say? angela knows full well this is a trap, but doesn't have much choice if she wants to live. also, a would roll over in his grave, not that she thinks about that or anything.

the abnormalities are still there. in fact they're still booked and put on the shelf where anybody can find them. who knows, maybe they were looking for a pug monster.

angela tosses any measured plan she had to wake up the librarians directly out the window within a week, they're all out by the time roland shows up. she takes a management role and does not look back. do not ever call her 'manager', though.

all the librarians technically have their own roles, though they can also get pulled into whatever is needed at any time; in irl libraryland, this is known as the "other duties as assigned" curse.

angela is still trying to reclaim the light, but due to the public libraries act, she can't book anybody unless they actively attack staff, guests, or library property while in the library itself. this throws more of a wrench into her plans than she expected but still happens with depressing frequency.

as a result of the vast amounts of emotional stress and instability added by all this, librarian meltdowns are back. which generally trigger angela because a) everything and b) excuse me, you dare pull your fucking bullshit for the eleven billionth time WHEN MY SUFFERING IS RIGHT HERE REEEEE. so it turns into a giant 3-way fight between librarian, angela, and team could we maybe not die today tyvm. they all know approximately half of each other's buttons (and think they know 3/4), it's a giant clusterfuck but everyone lives and maybe at least some of them learn something.

roland figures out like the equivalent of halfway through something that was really just as true in canon: he can't top this. none of his plans were truly worse than this garbage fire. and now he's trapped in it too. his mental breakdown is slow and inexorable.

the irl public libraries in general... are desperate to fill all the gaps and cracks in the infrastructure they see. we do all want that one perfect book. the answer to the question. what that book with the blue cover was. to be a place where kids can run screaming freely and people can study in quiet. to give mittens to the cold and find housing for the lost. we want that one perfect answer. it doesn't exist. it can't, it isn't possible. the book you loved in childhood won't read the same as an adult. the children who can't keep quiet will hurt the children who can't stand noise. you can't have both the drug dealers and the people trying to get clean, the marginalized and the bigots, all equally welcome. there is no one perfect book. so what i wonder is... what happens if you stop looking. if you stop trying to be everything, and be what you are without regrets. i suspect that what you are (that "just a library") is actually quite enough, and if you stop focusing on doing more than you can, you'll find that around and within you are the answers you actually need. this is both literal, a metaphor, a political statement, and a statement of the theme/endgame of the AU.

[sinisterexaggerator]

That Hondo/Bane post....I would like to see (read about) the baby (babies?) *eyes emoji*

OH NO. LOL. Are you sure, anon? It’s an idea for an AU I had but it is very not-safe-for-work, total crack scenario, and involves alien biology and eggpreg/mpreg because how ELSE are you going to get these kids?

Essentially, I plan to write an entire Cad Bane series that will cover his life from pre-bounty hunter days to death ( or not death?? ) the way *I* see it and with the ships *I* want. One of those is Cad Bane x Hondo Ohnaka, which I dub Banaka.

Like, what's the point if you can't make your favorites kiss each other?

Anyway, if I allow it, I could branch off into an AU scenario and things get weird.

Expand your disbelief here. Duros and Weequay are, lets say compatible. They both remind me of reptiles, Hondo more so like a bearded dragon with the frills, but let’s say both species can lay eggs. Maybe both have an internal dick and a cloaca. Maybe Duros can act as either gender depending on the situation. Heh Heh. Anyway, you can bet Hondo does most of the pitching and Bane fucking LOVES it.

Bane didn’t know Weequay and Duros are compatible. Neither does Hondo. Let’s assume they are totally, madly in love in their Cad Bane and Hondo Ohnaka way, and in comes Cad feeling different. Pants too tight, they won’t fit, he’s extra irritable. Lo and behold his eggs were fertilized. Now he’s gotta carry the clutch to term.

Hondo is freaking out. He’s beside himself. He doesn’t know what to do. He’s scared. Bane is too, but he’s trying to hide it. I imagine he’s emotional. His back starts to hurt. He’s not as fast as his movements slow down the heavier he gets. Everything you might experience during this time, but it’s Cad fucking Bane.

Oh, and Hondo also feels terrible. This is technically his fault. He may try to shift the blame at first but ultimately accepts their predicament.

His caretaking side kicks in. He waits on him hand and foot. He tries so, so hard to do good. He’s there for him every step of the way. It is SO SELF-INDULGENT AND SO DAMN CUTE.

He lays his eggs. He protects them with his life (Bane) because attachment is real even though he never asked for these damn brats.

They hatch. Hondo is a GREAT FATHER. He lets them crawl all over him, sits them on his knee and tells them stories, bathes them, puts them to bed, keeps them out of blue dad’s way so he can nap, and as they get older … he teaches them skills.

Pickpocketing, thieving, how to tell a believable lie, how to escape binders, how to swordfight (maybe), how to easily distract someone, etc, etc.

Maybe one or two also take to Bane – I am going to say he lays 6-10 eggs here – they have a whole brood -and he winds up teaching them all about bounty hunting. Hondo gets the idea he can create his own ARMY. The Ohnaka gang will truly be a gang!  He wants more. Maybe he can convince Cad to give him more. Maybe they get married and live happily ever after LOL.

Also, I had a name in mind for the subspecies. “Durwee,” SO CUTE. Maybe they have slightly smaller heads, Weequay’s skin ridges, but their flesh is blue. Maybe they have the same red eyes, but frills! Maybe they grow hair from he base of their skulls like Weequay and Hondo teaches them all how to braid!

That is the breakdown. Maybe I will write this one day. Maybe. Shoutout to @allsystemsblue for helping me brainstorm.

[dearweirdme]

as a taekooker and tae bias i would love to see more discussions on jungkook, i know it honestly depends on what takes u receive, but i enjoyed reading ur answer on his softness a lot! i’ve been a taekooker since i actually got into bts which was a little over 7 years ago, and one of the recurring conversations is how similar they are, same person just two different names, but i do love a good breakdown of them as individual people too. people admit easily that taehyung is a harder character to crack, which i definitely do agree, but perhaps people feel jungkook is a lot more open because when he is he RLLY is. still, he’s just as private and holds back a bit

Hi anon!

Oh, I love to talk about these things. People are all so interesting really. We are all alike, but at the same time we are also all very different. This is going to be very incomplete, and it’s absolutely only my observations.. someone else might tell you very different.

Jk is such a lovely person. My bias might be Tae, but I love watching Jk. He just comes across as so honest in his reactions. The way he pouts when he’s disappointed, the way he bursts into a laugh when something is funny, he’s not afraid to cry when he’s sad, he just shows his emotions so well. There’s different ways to be open. Jk doesn’t share a lot of details about his live. But I think he is very open about the way he feels. If we take Tae for instance, he does it the other way around more. He posts more pics, he shows more of his friendships, but he doesn’t share his emotions as easily. I think Tae protects himself by keeping his emotions in check, and I think Jk protects himself by keeping details about his live. Why do they do that. People want to feel safe and they protect the parts of themselves that are most vulnerable. Both Tae and Jk have a sense of otherness. They have both been described as being strange, weird, eccentric. For Jk this often is because of more visible choices of him (tattoos, piercings, eccentric way of living with mattresses all through his apartment).. I think the scrutiny he got because of those things hurt him. He likes to do stuff his own way. He hurts when people judge him because of that. For Tae this is different. He has been called different for more invisible things. Like the way he thinks, or how he explains things or how he reacts. I think that is what hurt him most and why he has learned how to control his facial expressions. Both guys are really soft.

I think Jk is a very feeling person overall. He likes to experience things. Likes to feel the rush of adrenaline, likes to feel different sorts of fabric, like to cuddle, likes comfortable clothing, likes candles and lights. He likes to experience different sensations overall I think. But he also gets overwhelmed, because all those sensations are felt deeply. He is sooo often the one that falls asleep.

I think Jk has had it really tough at times. Being dealt the title ‘golden maknae’ at such a young age is not only an honor. It is also a burden. For an already competitive person like Jk, he must’ve felt so much pressure to keep proving that he was worthy of that title. I am so thankful for him having had the other members to support him. You can tell that he has earned their respect despite being the youngest. They come to him for certain things, they trust his judgement and his skills. And on a level as high as BTS’s that really says something. He is a kind and compassionate person… he cries when other people cry. He is also so hilarious. That man cracks me up with his reactions so often.

I can never understand people who see Jk as nothing else but a hot body. I see so much more in him that at times it takes specific moments for me to remember that he is indeed also hot.

I do feel Tae is harder to crack. It is because he guards his emotions more I think. He is so good at keeping a straight face, but there are many times when his reactions do shine through… and he also does let us in when it feels safe.

[shytastemakerthing]

Hello! I saw that your matchups were open and I’d like some please?

For twisted wonderland, some romantic and platonic maybe? Idk. I kind of don’t know what I’m doing lol

Things about me bc that’s probably important:

- I am very……..very scatterbrained. I can remember what happened 10 years ago but not last week. Yesterday is nothing to me. My memory is either crystal clear or blurred completely, there’s no inbetween.

- Sometimes whether it’s late at night or just after a good movie I have what I call “crack energy” where I’ll start laughing hysterically at the most mundane things or at random things that I say.

- I have a lot of nervous tics, like picking dead skin on my fingers and rocking on my feet but I also have a few verbal ones as well (idk what else to call them, I make these random noises that change slightly depending on my mood).

- Depending on the circumstances I can either be extremely adaptable and rise to the occasion (like emergencies or when someone needs first aid) and in others I end up having a lot of anxiety than is healthy to the point where I’ll start to shake/count money wrong (the line at DQ starts to get pretty long). But either way, I’m very good at trying things out at least once.

- I?? I love frogs and snakes and all sorts of critters. I also love macabre decorations like animal bones used to decorate picture frames? I live for that. Mushrooms have been among my favorite types of fungus for years, I love seeing how people have studied them.

- while I’m not the most athletic person, I do take a Brazilian jiu jitsu class twice a week and I’m close to testing for my final belt in a self defense class. It’s really fun, but violent (In my first class I learned the guillotine choke which has become my favorite since then).

- No matter what happens I try to look on the bright side of things, although with a slightly morbid twist. Like, for example, “if this campsite floods and we’re swept away, at least we’ll be a cool news story to read about” or something. Also, I love to travel and visit people.

- I am very affectionate, but when a certain time of the month rolls around I am very VERY emotional, and it’s awful the two days leading up to it. When I’m really angry at something I have what my family calls a “death glare” that my brothers are apparently terrified of. It’s only something I can properly pull off when I’m properly mad, and I I can’t think about it either or else it doesn’t work. If I’m not angry, I might be crying over something small (usually the result of a whole bunch of other things spilling over into a breakdown.

- I have a weighted stuffed octopus and it’s become one of my most prized possessions. I have a lot of stuffed animals but it’s become my favorite bc I love feeling weight on me for some reason.

Hope that was enough, have a good night amazing human!!!

Hello and thank you for your request!! I hope you are well and in regards to this request, I did both a romantic and platonic match up!

Enjoy!!

Romantic:

I match you with........

Jade Leech

🍁 As soon as he heard about your love for mushrooms, you gained an invitation to join thr mountain lovers club as well as an invitation to come and help him take care of his terrariums pretty fast. He is committed.

🍁 You both often find each other swapping cacts about various mushrooms that you have learned about all while watching each other as if you both just hung the stars in the sky (Floyd sees this and gags..... he's lonely)

🍁 Speaking of Floyd, Jade has had tk take care of him for a good long while and his own personality so needless to say, he can handle you being scatterbrained better than anyone else. Honestly, he says that Floyd is so much worse so this is actually pretty nice.

🍁 To help with how your brain can be in recalling much of anything, he has left quite a few little sticky notes all around for you to find with needed information. Every single day, there is one on your door reminding you to take necessary breaks and to eat something.

🍁 Now, these anxious habits of yours? He has plenty of much better alternatives for you to help with this, mostly goes for picking your dead skin. He would happily whisk you away for an easier and far more relaxing mean of getting rid of it, free of charge. He is very well intune with your emotions and anxiety to know when it all begins even before you do. Anxiety has gone down because of this eel.

🍁 He does not mind your affectionate nature (again, Floyd), and to be honest, he quite loves it. Just make sure there is no one else around to see such softness and we will be just fine.

🍁 And when that lovely time of suffering arrives (IYKYK😭), he has everything that you need before you even say it.... EVERYTHING. Water? Check. Snacks? Grabbed all of your favorites on the way here. Pain mess? He keeps them even in HIS dorm. If a mess has been made? He has already has a warm shower running for you and while you're standing there, he has already changed the sheets and got dirty ones in tbe washer, fresh sheets on the bed, followed by your favorite drink, snack, book, and/or movie ready. Then helps you wash up, gets you in fresh clothing and now you're relaxing comfortably in bed wktn your loving eel.

🍁 Overall, if there is anything you need, Jade will a absolutely have it ready for you. He loves when you hike with him for new mushrooms or surprise him by showing up at the lounge, or even just your presence alone, he is very much happy.

Platonic:

I match you with......

Azul Ashengrotto

🐙 I saw that you have a weighted octopus plushie and that settled this debatebfir me as for a platonic matchup. (I want one now but y'know....*cries in broke*)

🐙 Azul would be the absolute KING at heloig through your nerves and anxieties. Look, he may not look it, but he has plenty if these issues himself, and he has found many helpful ways to work through them that he will be sharing with you, free of charge because you're able tk keep Jade in check, which also helps to keep Floyd in check.

🐙 He saw your weighted octopus plushie and nearly lost it because it was probably the best thing that this poor boy has seen (somebody please give the octopus a hug, he needs it). He has gotten you more.

🐙 As his dearest friend, as he likes to refer to you as, you do get discounts at the lounge. And ONLY you. It's not much as he still wants to bring in the madol, but hey, something is a lot better than nothing.

🐙 Speaking of Madol, if he hears your struggling a hit lately, of are just running a bit low and are in need of some things, he is on his way to your aide, no contract needed (honestly, he stopped trying after a week after seeing you would never sign one, and you're also dating his vice housewarden, who happens tk be his right hand mand, who also happens to be his childhood best friend).

🐙 I can see Azul as someone who would like some macabre things. He lived under the ocean, the ocean is a very dangerous place, and you use what you have. Skeletal remains are among those things, so this live of yours would not bother him. He'd even help you collect.

🐙 Overall, a friendship with the hoursewarden of Octavinelle and the leader of the infamous trio has quite a lot of benefits for you. Not that you are complaining. Great perks, discounted food, and so much more. It's certainly worth it.

[oumaheroes]

Carried To Safety

Day 17 of Whumptober

Characters: England, America

Context: Part of a longer Alfred Arthur WIP

Day 14

----

‘Come on, lad.’ Engine smoke bit at Arthur’s eyes, making him squint through tears to see what he was doing, ‘Alfred, come on!’

Alfred made another weak movement to get up, rocking his body to the side to push onto his hands but he fell back with a yelp of pain when he tried to move his legs.

‘I can’t.’ he said, wincing and looking up at Arthur in panic, ‘My leg’s fucked; my knee-’

‘You can! You fucking can!’

They were running out of time. Arthur pulled at Alfred more insistently, fingers digging into his shoulders and yanking at him to get out of the tangle of material that he was wrapped in. Alfred smelt like sweat and smoke, face ruddy and glistening from the pain and the heat of his engines, undulled by his plummet earthwards. Arthur pulled him forwards, slinging Alfred’s arms around his neck to give them both purchase.

‘Ready!‘ Arthur heaved without pause and Alfred screamed, turning into deadweight in his arms made worse by his parachute still holding him. Arthur staggered but gritting his jaw he managed it, dragging Alfred backwards to free him.

‘We need to move,’ Arthur dropped Alfred and cut the last few lines of the parachute from him, ‘We don’t have long before they come and investigate.’

Alfred lay panting on his back and only shook his head when Arthur rounded on him again.

‘Alfred!’

Panic made Arthur bite more than he should, made his words harsher when harshness wouldn’t help them at all. No words would help, no matter how he said them, but fear caught into him, the stakes raised with Alfred being so injured, and pointless emotion slipped through out of his control. He needed to calm down, he needed to think.

‘There’s a village nearby,’ he said, crouching down to meet Alfred’s eye. He unclipped his helmet to help cool him and smoothed his hair back off his forehead, his muddy fingers smearing into Alfred’s sweat and staining his skin, ‘Alright? A village; couple of abandoned houses and an old church. We just need to get there and you can rest.’

‘They’ll look there,’ there was a slight whine to Alfred’s voice, something old and familiar and boyish, ‘That’ll be the first place that they look!’

‘We can find a shed, camp in the woods-‘

‘Just shoot me now and get it over with.’

‘No!’ Arthur’s shout surprised them both, Alfred cracking open and eye as Arthur recovered himself to say more insistently and calmly, ‘No. No, I’m not doing that.’

‘For fuck’s sake-‘

‘Alfred, I am not- don’t you ever ask me to do that. Don’t you dare.’

‘Dad-‘

Alfred hadn’t called him that in years. Centuries maybe. Arthur’s breath caught and he had to press his lips together, an old grief and guilt awakening an old wound he didn’t want to acknowledge- that admittance of the breakdown between them, that there was one at all. That they weren’t what they were the last time Alfred had called him that.

Alfred reached out, holding onto Arthur’s ankle where he was crouched by his head, ‘You know you gotta let me go. That’s the only way outta this.’

Day 18

Full Masterlist

[kiwiraccoon]

Numb, Emptiness Chapter ii

Ateez OT8 x OC

Summary: after witnessing the death of her family, her uncle sends her back to South Korea to live with the eight guys he had saved over the years. They seem to be almost, if not just, as mentally messed up as she is, and the goal is for her to help them and them to help her. Time heals, but it’s already been 11 years of suffering for her, can they really help?

overall notes: MDNI mental health: depression, anxiety, ocd, antisocial, agoraphobia, personality disorders, mental breakdowns. mentions and descriptions of gruesome deaths, gore. polygamy, shared female, suggestive, fluff, smut?, building relationships. THIS IS NOT MEANT FOR THE WEAK HEARTED OR UNDERAGE!! this not meant to depict real Ateez but an au, not about their real selves or real struggles, I took ideas from their real selves but again not meant to be negative towards them or anything against their image… THIS IS JUST MY MORBID MIND RUNNING WILD!

Word Count: 2865

It’s evening now and I sit holed up in my room hiding from each and every one of the occupants of this building. My mind races taking over the music that flows through both of my ears once again. Why did I do that? How did he get that close to me? 

I can’t understand how I so quickly extended an olive branch to a stranger who could easily mask his true intentions like I do with my emotions. The only explanation I can come up with is the shared struggle with our thoughts, how they rip at our sanity no matter how hard we try to conceal them in a steel case. Yet the only case we find is made of fragile glass. My music soothes my thoughts enough to keep them from breaking the glass, but the cracks continue to taunt me, reminding me that even the smallest slip up could cause it all to come tumbling down. Leaving sharp pieces scattered around waiting for me to step on them and let the poison that coats them into my bloodstream. 

Mingi is a stranger, just as much as my therapist who ruined me, and all the other ones that tried to solve my ‘issues’ only to fail. They all tried the same things, show and do things that would cause great amounts of positive emotions. And when that didn’t work they turned to negative emotions. They all wanted me to express just one emotion, yet all they found was my blank stare. My family did it too, they all tormented me for years just to see one emotion take over my form. Everyone abused me like a free punching bag to alleviate all of their own struggles. All because I couldn’t express my emotions. And none of them knew inside I felt it all.

I could feel the pain, isolation, trauma, tears, fear, and heartbreak. My own family tormented me, trying to scare me randomly, yelling at me, telling me how much they missed me, explaining how much they hate my emotionless state. All just to see something, even just a tiny twitch. How much it hurt me to hear they ‘missed me’ when I was right there just behind a wall. I hated the wall in the beginning, tried to tear it down as well, but the second they started to do things physically, I thanked that wall. 

That’s when I promised to never let anyone touch my wall, but Mingi did. He touched it with a caring hand, one that said ‘I know why you’re here and I hope you will let me in one day’. My wall gave in. Let him have a little hole to peek inside and see just a tiny amount of care towards him. And when I realized that I stood from my spot next to him, waited for my ear bud to return to my hand, and left. 

I think I’ve been in my room for hours, but I needed to be alone. I needed to process the fact that my mind, the one that has been locked away for eleven years, just let someone, a stranger, inside. Even only for just a tiny peek. Why do I still care for people when I can’t even express it? Why do I torment myself? 

I even answered Wooyoung, and helped Seonghwa. Why? 

“Dinner!” Someone yells from outside my door and instead of going to get food I sit still. I watched my door like a hawk daring someone to even try and open it. I locked it and even put the chair from my desk in front of it. I refuse to let more people in, I can’t let them break me too. 

Mingi unknowingly felt like home to me, and that scares me. I never felt like I had a home besides with my uncle, and for someone else to give me that comfort, I couldn’t allow it. The last time I let someone feel like that for me, they turned out to be a ploy from my family to get me to express something. That person never cared, they just enjoyed the money. I won’t be a toy again. I won’t be a job and I won’t be a cash grab. I won’t.

Hours go by of me just drowning myself in my music and once I hear the silence around the building I stand from my spot in the bed. The dip that holds shows I’ve been in the same spot for hours in my own little world of pain, confusion, loss, and uncertainty. I carefully move the chair from its spot underneath my door handle and twist the lock from its hold, allowing myself to pull the door open slowly. My music still bleeds into my mind but at a lower volume to allow me to listen for anyone who might be awake and walking around. When I’m met with nothing but my music I move to walk out of my room only to slightly hit my foot against something on the ground.

Looking down I see a glass of water sitting in front of my door with a sandwich sealed inside a plastic bag. I lean down and pick up the items turning back into my room. Without second guessing myself I lock my door the same way it was before taking this food, that I think came from my uncle as it was my favorite sandwich in the bag and my name written sloppily, back to my bed. I sit in my hole once again and slowly eat the comfort food, drowning out my thoughts even more as I refuse to think anymore. 

I set the empty glass down next to the plastic bag that now sits against the top of my bedside table waiting for me to put it away, but I fear meeting someone accidentally on my way. So instead I turn off the lamp beside me and switch my phone to play music through the speakers, not forgetting to put my headphones in their case. I slip under my covers more, essentially hiding myself away from the monsters that are my thoughts and traumas who constantly torment me. Sleep consumes me, bringing me into my dream world where I can express my emotions and show those I care about how they make me feel. One day I will be able to break this mask and shatter it into pieces that can never be put back together. Hopefully soon.

“Kai?” Someone knocks at my door, awakening me from my peaceful world of dreams, “we have breakfast if you want any.” I know that voice. Wooyoung sighs and walks away, I know he possibly has more questions, but I can’t help the fear that rises in me. There’s never been someone who genuinely wanted to know me, and as much as I want to believe he is that person I can’t. I won’t fall into another trap.

After two days of being locked in my room, my mind reminds me I’m not in America anymore, my family can’t force someone on me anymore, it’s only me. My uncle understood me and never pushed me, he wouldn’t send someone to torment me. Maybe I could try again today, just later. I make my way to my connecting bathroom to shower with my phone playing music through its speakers as the Bluetooth one died right as I woke up. I take my time washing away all of my negative feelings, I can’t let them win anymore. I want to be better, I want to really feel, I want to be me.

Finally in fresh clothes and a light amount of makeup to soothe myself I walk into my bedroom to make my bed and put my desk chair back where it belongs. My chair only moved to the side these past couple of days, everytime I opened the door I found food and a drink. Whoever left me these things cared and I first believed it was my uncle until I still got something during lunch when he was at work. I never brought my dishes out of my room creating a pile that rests on my bedside table reminding me that I let my negative thoughts win for so long. They won’t anymore.

Reaching the surface by my bed I grab my headphones to place in my ears and balance the stack of dishes on my arms to bring down and clean. Balancing them on my one hand to unlock the door completely and walk out without bothering to look around to check for anyone as I don’t want to let myself hide away again. I walk to the beat of the music, immersing myself in the sound to ground myself and create a sense of power in myself. Each step I take I feel my courage building, my mind no longer having power over me.

The kitchen is empty when I walk in, allowing me the space to clean my dishes that resemble my trauma away, I want it to go down the drain and never resurface again. Get lost in the sea that is healing. I no longer have to go through constant pushing, torment, or abuse. I will get better, I want it. I notice some extra dishes in the sink that Seonghwa hasn’t gotten to yet, so I clean those as well. What I don’t notice are the eyes that catch me cleaning the dishes, but he doesn’t allow me to catch him as he leaves the second the last dish is put away in its place.

I stop at the fridge to grab a drink and luckily an apple to hold myself over until lunch, before walking out to the living room and finding the chair I sat in two days ago left open. I take my seat avoiding the eyes of those in the room, I guess they are shocked to see me. My eyes look over the books once again and take the same one from before turning to the page number I last remember. I hear a sigh from next to me and look over to see Mingi looking down at his phone, but he does nothing except stare. Again I take a headphone out, clean it, and extend my hand to Mingi.

I can tell he is in his head, if I could beat my thoughts I will help him beat his. Mingi looks up at seeing my hand in the corner of his eye, making his eyes meet my dull ones as a smile spreads across his face. The headphone gets placed in his ear and my music continues, nothing is said because there is no reason to. The comfort I feel around him is also felt on his side, I can tell by the way his shoulders relaxed when I sat down, the way he took a deep breath, and the way I pulled him out of his daze easily.

“I wanna listen too!” Wooyoung yells coming over to where we sit and sitting on the ground right between our chairs looking up at me expectantly. My bored face looks into his childlike one wondering why he would even want to listen to the music.

Mingi chuckles from his spot and looks over at me asking if it’s okay for him to listen to the music, I give a small approving nod not seeing any harm if Mingi doesn’t mind giving up his music. Wooyoung eagerly places the earbud in his ear and if I could laugh I would at the way his face shows shock. “You listen to rock?” 

“I listen to everything.” I say simply turning my attention back to the book laying on my lap, internally enjoying the bonding moment between us three.

“She listens to rock, rap, r&b, pop, punk, literally everything. It surprised me too.” Mingi explains reaching to take the earbud back from Wooyoung. The younger allows him as he sits in wonder letting questions run through his mind.

He hums to himself pondering which question to ask first, but when he looks around the room and sees the others have left he decides quickly. “Why do you always listen to music?”

“You ask a lot of questions.” I respond, simply closing the book with my finger in between the pages to keep my place.

Mingi chuckles and Wooyoung smiles, “I have a lot I want to know. Eventually you will tell me.”

“It’s true, he won’t stop asking until you give in, better to do so sooner rather than later. He will get annoying.” Mingi explains with a teasing smile on his face while slightly pushing the younger’s shoulder.

Wooyoung gasps, “hey! I’m not annoying!” His voice is loud and full of shock but also a playful tone seeping through.

“Yes you are!” Someone yells from the kitchen and I recognize the voice to be the one that comforted Wooyoung when I didn’t respond to his question the first time I met him.

His shoulders slump, I take a moment to situate myself in a more comfortable position before responding to his question. “I'm not used to people wanting to know me for me and not for personal gain. I listen to music because my mind always has negative thoughts, I want to drown them out.”

“Always?” He asks, his full attention now on me just like Mingi.

“Always.”

“Is that why you were locked in your room for two days?” He asks not thinking about how the question might come off.

“Wooyoung.” Mingi says in warning.

I open my book back up thinking of a response that won’t sound harsh with my lack of tone. I can’t find a good answer and everyone takes it as I was offended by the question. Mingi scolds Wooyoung while he tries to apologize for asking such a forward question. Meanwhile I remain in my mind thinking of the correct way to say why I wanted to be alone, but nothing comes off as friendly. Wooyoung takes this as his hint to leave and before I can notice he’s gone leaving just Mingi and I alone.

“Where did he go?” I ask finally looking up to meet eyes with Mingi who looks at me worriedly.

Mingi sighs, turning more in his chair to face me, “he left, he thinks he made you upset.”

I shake my head and turn in my chair to face the only other person in the room to explain myself. “I’m not upset, I couldn’t think of an answer that wouldn’t sound rude. You know, with my lack of emotions and all.”

“Do you lack emotions entirely?” He asks, his own curiosity beating him and causing him to ask the tough questions.

I shake my head again, “I feel everything, inwardly. I just can’t express them, no matter how much I want to.” The way my voice sounds makes me cringe, I want so badly for my words to come out softly with a hint of sadness but instead they are just boring words.

“Do you know why you can’t?” He asks his phone now put away entirely and his hands clasp together on top of the arm of the chair, proving that his entire being is paying attention to me and my words only. He cares and he wants to know.

“Trauma.” I shrug, letting silence fill the air for a moment as I think of how to explain my life to someone who cares enough to actually listen instead of torment me. “I was eleven when it started, ever since then everyone I knew, except my uncle, tried to force strong emotions out of me. Whether that be happiness or pain, they didn’t care as long as I expressed it. They made it worse, I went mute for years, selectively.”

“Thank you.” He responds, reaching out to grab my free hand and hold it in both of his.

“For?” I ask looking to meet his eyes as mine had downcasted to look at the cover of the book in my hand. I had only told my uncle of the pain they put me through, I didn’t think I could tell anyone else. Yet here I was telling a complete stranger who felt like home, something I’ve never felt before.

He smiles a comforting smile and squeezes my hand, “for trusting me enough to tell me something serious, I hope you know I don’t mind that you can’t express your emotions. There’s some part of me that feels like it can tell what you're feeling deep down, that’s enough for me.”

For the rest of the morning we sit in the living room doing our own things in each other’s company, him playing on his phone and me reading. Both of us listen to my music and enjoy the distraction from our thoughts that consume us to the point that we break. I won’t let that happen to him anymore and I hope it doesn’t happen to me anymore. One day neither of us will have to worry about them again, that’s a new promise I will make to myself.

[fallenangelontheceiling]

Roy Kent's Astrology Chart

Based on info from the FIFA game. This might be the most fitting astrology chart for a fictional character I've seen, thanks synchronicity.

He has his Moon in Scorpio which is full of intense, enduring emotions, prone to possessiveness, a need for deep emotional connection, can't stand superficiality. And where is all this energy? Buried in the 12th house of the subconscious. 12th house moons are used to repressing their emotions and have a hard time pinning down exactly what they're feeling, they're scared if they crack open that door a flood of neediness will pour out. They are often incredibly empathetic and try to take care of others at an emotional distance (social workers, working with other people's kids, etc.)

The Moon is ruling his Cancer 8th house of sex, so that 8th house energy also ends up in the subconscious of the 12th house (“I could never be that free"). His North Node is there so part of his soul growth is to emotionally connect with others deeply (it doesn't mean just sex).

The early nurturing was interrupted in some way. This especially seems the case since he has Chiron, the wounded healer, in tight opposition to his Moon.

Aquarius Mercury square Pluto doesn’t give a fuck about pissing off authority and would rather give a stony silence than lie.

Scorpio rising at the 29* degree. Tall, dark, and handsome. Intense. Never smiles. Known for that hip thing he does during sex.

Since we keep talking about sex... Let's get to the Libra Pluto/Saturn/Mars all conjunct. Mars in 10th is a good placement for an athlete. Mars in justice loving Libra hates a bully, although they usually try not to make waves until they absolutely have to.

Now there's sooo much to be said for the Saturn/Mars conjunction so I'll try to be brief - Saturn is restraint and Mars is action, there's tension between the two energies, but once the native commits to hardwork they can become very disciplined and accomplished. This is considered the classic Man's Man aspect. (All the James Bond actors have had a Saturn-Mars aspect.) Now add in the obsessiveness of Pluto and you have a recipe for a formidable athlete. Or a serial killer? Maybe just a healthy dom kink? Regardless, this combination makes him more proactive than the typical Libra Mars.

The fact that they all trine his Sun speaks to him being a natural leader who can actually express himself well (3rd house) when he puts himself out there.

His Venus in Capricorn likes to show affection in practical and tangible ways. Much like his Scorpio Moon it will not settle for superficiality, it wants to build something real once it commits. However it can become sensitive over matters of status or reputation. Unfortunately his Venus isn't making any easy aspects. It is square the Mars/Saturn/Pluto combo which means there's tension between his romantic (Venus) and sexual (Mars) nature, as well as hesitancy to express himself (Pluto and Saturn). (This suggests someone who may’ve been romantically awkward in their youth and coasts on status.) Relationships - both platonic and romantic - won't be easy, but are absolutely necessary to mature (Saturn) and grow (Pluto).

He has his Rising, Sun, and Moon all in Fixed signs (Aquarius - Fixed Thoughts, Scorpio - Fixed Emotions), giving him a stubborn nature, resistant to change, or at least change needs to happen gradually. The Sun - Moon square speaks to conflict between his emotional needs (Scorpio - closeness, protectiveness) and ego needs (Aquarius - detached, explore life from a curious but comfortable distance), it feels like in order to satisfy one need the other must be sacrificed.

Jamie's chart is here. If you want me to do a really simplistic synastry breakdown I did notice a few interesting things. @disasterbijamietartt

[sirenemale]

Thoughts on dovewing or hollyleaf? I say this as a dovewing kinnie

Cracks my knuckles

THEY'RE BOTH HUGE FAVS OF MINE. Back in my kin era I kinned them both hahaha. Hollyleaf is my ultimate favourite warrior cats character I'm so normal about her PROMISE. I'm gonna go on for ages but my affection for these characters is mainly bc of my own interpretation and projection on them (As is the case with most wc fans I feel).

I'll start with Dovewing! The way her emotional issues were brushed aside was INSANE to me. To me she was such a normal kid thrust into this immense world ending drama that she was told she had to stop, because she got power she didn't ask for, that overwhelm her senses and emotions constantly. She's neurodivergent & desperately trying to mask for her clan. Lionblaze, Jayfeather & Ivypool are not kind to her, I think she should have been the one to get drawn into the dark forest. It'd actually make good on the idea that the 3 could have become tools for evil, it makes good on her care for other clan cats and her frustration over not being able to help them when she knows they need it. I just like her, she's sweet, I think she's very grounded and deserved better. Issues with her and tigerheart aside I think her choosing Shadowclan and settling down with him was really cute, I'm glad she left for a better environment for herself, I hate that Ivypool never stopped being cruel to her. I also am addicted to the tension of Lionblaze and Jayfeather overlooking her bc she's younger and bc she's just Not hollyleaf. Like it's so tragic it's so rough and I resonate with her immensely for that. Like no one is being outright cruel but you can Tell you aren't what they want, and that kind of thing eats at a person, and I think it ate at her when she wasn't around cats she felt seen around (Tigerheart, Purdy ect). She lost her childhood and basically lost her sister, realized how much she wasn't living up to what anyone wanted her to be, and she chose to leave for herself. I like her. I care about her. Um. Niftysenpai's dovewing mv is one of my favourite wc videos ever.

Okay Hollyleaf GOD. My take on her is like INSANELYYYYYY projection heavy but like. To me she is ultimate victim to the clan structure. She grew up under a dogmatic and strict religion and society and takes pride in moralizing about the code to others, she takes pride in being powerful and ambitious, she wanted to be a med cat because it was important. Idk if I made this up but I swear I remember Leafpool saying she wasn't very delicate with herbs, and I love the idea of these ambitious and powerful traits being admired in the clan and also reviled if the cat in question is "Evil". I like the idea of Hollyleaf feeling an immense pressure to balance herself, recite the code to prove she was good, prove she's not heavy handed or fight hungry like the text sometimes implied. Ngl I kind of really like the idea of her having a bit of the bramble/tigerstar complex. So the fact she takes so much purpose in the code only to find that her own birth breaks the rules? Finding out she wasn't part of some god given prophecy like her brothers. It's brutal. Me as a guy with religious trauma thoughts went cuhrazy. I find her spiral and breakdown so so so so compelling, I love the idea of her still trying to live by increasingly distorted versions of the code. Justifications of killing ashfur, regret, guilt, shame, repenting to the gathering ect.

I do wish she had gotten a better conclusion? I don't think the tunnels plot line or her coming back only to die was like. Anything at all. Idk what I would have written instead, tho I am making a pmv with her so u will see my take on her eventually in video. There's a lot of hollyleaf videos I really like but Cheetehz's hollyfawn map is the closest I've seen to hitting my view of her. Someone who has tried so so hard to prove herself and be of use, keeping her head up and crushing down some part of her that's hurt by failing those expectations. I like her breakdown being a straw on the camels back moment instead of a surprise.

[hanjsquokka]

hey! i may or may not have found out my crush had a gf while i’ve liked him (😔😔) so i’m pretty deep in my feels- if you could do a like scenario similar to mine but when seungmin finds out and comforts the reader about it? you can play with it however you like, but it’d mean a lot to write it.

thanks so much!!

<3333

Ahhh I totally feel you there! I still remember when I found out that the guy I had a crush on for four years (I'm such a loser lmao 😭) had a girlfriend. This was short since I'm a bit slow on motivation rn but I hope you like it anonnie <3 (Also projected a few of my own feelings into this ajkdjs)

I feel like Seungmin is the kind of person who's like actions speak louder than words. He'd notice every single detail and not say anything but rather show his affection through small actions. Idk why but this just makes me feel so soft :(

kim seungmin × gn!reader , fluff , comfort , 0.5K words

Honestly, you should've known. You should've known he was taken. No guy as perfect as him could've been single. Perhaps it was fate's way of telling you to move on when you saw him in the coffee shop, his arm slung over a girl's shoulder, laughing at something the two of them found so funny their faces were pink. Maybe you would've dropped your piping hot coffee in your hands if you didn't turn away quick enough, trying to erase the image from your brain but it played over and over again, taunting you, mocking you for getting your hopes up so high you thought you had a chance.

In the midst of your solo pity party (watching your favorite TV show), your doorbell rang. The incident happened a few days ago, but you felt so… defeated. There was no one to blame. No one was at fault. And you couldn't even dislike that girl because you knew her. She was such a kind person, you could never hate her no matter how much the jealous side of you wanted to.

“Oh, Seungmin, what are you doing here?” You asked when you padded over to the front door in your fluffy socks, decked in your comfort hoodie and sweatpants.

Seungmin didn't say anything for a few moments before he lifted up a bag he was holding. “I got something…” He said quietly, stepping into your home and slipping his shoes off.

The two of you settled onto your couch, you curiously waiting to see what your friend bought. Your mind was temporarily distracted from the gloomy mood you were previously in.

“You said you wanted to try these right?” He revealed a box of small cupcakes. You easily identified them as the products of a new bakery that opened, one that you had been dying to go to. You often told him the same, pointing to it from across the street as you walked side by side.

“Min… you didn't have to…” You swallowed back whatever emotions were building up inside you — either from the pure kindness of Kim Seungmin that he refused to admit openly or from your earlier breakdown caused by your failure of a love life.

“I wanted to.” Was all he said, placing a cupcake generously topped with frosting and sprinkles. You watched him take one for himself before you bit into the pastry, the sugary cake bringing a small smile onto your face. “Knew you'd smile.” He cracked a grin which only made you smile widder, letting out a small laugh. You fell into a comfortable silence with him, both of you relishing the baked delicacies he bought until he spoke up again. “There's… going to better guys than him.”

Your mouth hung open. “How do you…”

“You're wearing that hoodie with those socks and watching that show. You think I didn't notice?” He asked, as if it was the simplest thing ever — spoiler alert, it wasn't, at least not for you. You were shocked. Since when did he pay so much attention? Since when did you not notice? Just how much of an open book were you and how good was Kim Seungmin good at reading? “Close your mouth or you're going to attract flies.” That snapped you other of your little daze, hitting his shoulder while he laughed. He calmed down after a moment and cleared his throat. “I'm serious about that though — you'll find someone better.”

You looked straight into his eyes. Maybe you already have.

©hanjsquokka | copying, translating or republishing my work is strictly prohibited