kiwiraccoon

[kiwiraccoon]

what if…

Tell me… what if I said I was back? Would you be happy? Would you have any requests? Would you still love me the same?

[kiwiraccoon]

In the Works

Wrong Door (Hongjoong)

No Time For Coffee (Seonghwa)

In the Twilight Pt. 2

[kiwiraccoon]

I have some ideas for the idols mentioned, but I also know what I want the next chapters to be. I have gotten back into writing and I would love to know what my lovely readers want next 🤭

[kiwiraccoon]

Numb, Emptiness IV

Ateez OT8 x OC

Summary: after witnessing the death of her family, her uncle sends her back to South Korea to live with the eight guys he had saved over the years. They seem to be almost, if not just, as mentally messed up as she is, and the goal is for her to help them and them to help her. Time heals, but it’s already been 11 years of suffering for her, can they really help?

overall notes: MDNI mental health: depression, anxiety, ocd, antisocial, agoraphobia, personality disorders, mental breakdowns. mentions and descriptions of gruesome deaths, gore. polygamy, shared female, suggestive, fluff, smut?, building relationships. THIS IS NOT MEANT FOR THE WEAK HEARTED OR UNDERAGE!! this not meant to depict real Ateez but an au, not about their real selves or real struggles, I took ideas from their real selves but again not meant to be negative towards them or anything against their image… THIS IS JUST MY MORBID MIND RUNNING WILD!

Word count: 1576 (I’m sorry it’s short)

The feeling of someone reaching for my headphones drags me out of my mind space causing me to instantly grab their wrist in a tight grasp leaving my knuckles white. I look up and meet the stern eyes of my uncle telling me to let him go and allow him to speak to me. Hesitantly I let go of his wrist and allowed him to stop my music and pull my attention onto him, still doing my best to ignore anyone else who might be in the room. “Next time, and I hope there won’t be, don’t lock your door like that.” He leaves no time for me to respond, making sure I know it’s not a request but an order while putting the headphones back in my ear. I keep my eyes down as I hop down from the island countertop and make my way back to my room ready to clean up my mess.

The second I walk into my room I’m hit with the smell of cleaning products still lingering in the air and no reminder of what happened not too long ago. I don’t have to relive my breakdown by picking up the broken pieces of my mind in the form of a mirror. I don’t know who did it, but what I do know is when I find out I will do everything I can to thank them. They saved my mind from another breakdown, one that would be much smaller but still there. I take a moment to walk into my bathroom and make sure all of the mess is gone, a mirror no longer hangs on the wall. In its place a note sticks with some clear tape.

You deserve all the good things in life. You deserve to feel. You deserve to express yourself. You deserve to be cared for. You deserve to be loved.

No name is written to let me know who left me the affirmations, and I’m grateful for the lack of one. It allows me to say the words myself without hearing someone else’s voice. I can remind myself that I am deserving. I speak the words under my breath a few times until a small smile pulls at my lips. The smile reminds me that I do have control again, my life is mine, and my emotions are mine. I turn back to my room and finally look around, multiple times. It’s then I notice something on my made bed, a little stuffed animal with a note sitting on its head.

Next time you feel alone with your thoughts, hug him tight. His name is Shiber. -San

This handwriting is different from the other note telling me that the person who wrote the affirmations isn’t San. I stare at the little dog while trying to process the information. Someone I hadn’t spoken to once has gone out of their way to give me a piece of comfort through their stuffed animal. Another smile tugs at my lips as I pull Shiber up from my bed and into my arms to hug him tight just like San said. I had to admit the comfort I gained from the interaction was something I never felt before. I felt cared for, seen, and understood just by one small gesture. 

“Thank you.” I whisper into the stuffed animal as I hug him tighter while falling back into my bed to enjoy the moment of peace and clarity. Music still floods through my mind but the extra comfort helps to make the moment feel less like a distraction and more like an outstretched hand for me to hold on to.

I don’t know how long I laid there hugging Shiber, but I do know it was long enough for someone to come knocking on my door loud enough to break through my music. I stand up holding the stuffed animal in my arms to open the door while removing my headphones from my ears. “Yes?” I ask when I open the door to see who knocked. I can’t tell if my face has returned to its bored expression or if it has changed but when I meet the eyes of Mingi he pulls me into a bone crushing hug. “What’s wrong bub?”

He hugs me tighter to his body making sure I don’t slip away from him. “I was so scared, when I heard your screams. I couldn’t get in to check on you. God I was so scared.” He confesses into my shoulder letting tears slip from his eyes onto the thin fabric of my long sleeve shirt.

I pull away from the hug to tug him into my room and close the door to give our conversation some privacy. He looks at me in confusion while tears roll down his face. I just try to make a small smile form on my face while I pull him to my bed so we can sit together in a comfortable place. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You’re smiling.” He notes letting me know that my emotions are showing.

I smile a little bit more at the fact I can show some emotion. “I broke free.” I look around my room remembering a cute little plushie that is no longer in my arms. I see Shiber on the ground and quickly pick him up to return him into my hold for comfort once again. 

“Is that what happened?” He asks, smiling through the tears.

“Uh yea. At first, all the negative thoughts were winning until I had enough. I had nothing to hide from anymore. No one was actively hurting me anymore.” I admit hugging Shiber tighter while burying my face into the soft pillow. 

Mingi moves to wrap his long arms around me letting me still hold on to Shiber while he also comforts me in the vulnerable moment. “I’m proud of you. You went through a lot and you managed to come out stronger than anyone I’ve ever known. I hope you know I’ll always be here even when you’re annoyingly happy all the time. Which is the goal.”

“What goal?” I ask pulling out of the hug again to meet his eyes.

“My life goal is to make you happy, I never cared if you showed it but I just wanted you to be happy truly. And that’s why I was so scared when I heard you breaking down. Your screams sent my body into fight mode, I wanted to break down your door so badly. I was ready to tackle anyone who got in my way.” The way his eyes shine with sincerity makes tears form in my eyes. I have never felt so loved and cared for before by anyone other than my uncle. Mingi unknowingly became one of the most important people in my life just by being here.

I pull Mingi into a hug without Shiber between us, my arms wrap tightly around his shoulders as his go around my waist. We keep close for a while just enjoying the moment together to know we are both okay and we are both happy.

“Kai di- oh sorry.” Wooyoung quickly pulls away from peeking in the door and slightly closes it leaving a slight crack. 

“Yes Wooyoung?” I simply ask not feeling any negativity due to his presence.

He pops his head back in through the door with a sorry smile on his face, “I was just wondering if you still wanted to eat some pizza?”

I let out a small chuckle and I watch as Wooyoungs face goes from embarrassed to surprised quickly and before I know it he is tackling me onto my bed in a bear hug. He laughs in the hug ignoring Mingi scolding him for invading my personal space. “You just laughed!” He leans up on his arms hovering above me with a stupid big smile on his face. He is in disbelief at what he just heard and what he sees. Me smiling and laughing at his face and I can’t help but life my hand up and poke his prominent cheeks.

“I did.” We chuckle together and he slaps my hand away in a joking way before pulling me back into a strong hug. “You’re crushing me Woo.”

“Woo!? You just called me Woo!” He freaks out again now completely sitting up above me looking at me as if I just committed arson on his favorite clothing item. I nod and smile as much as I can, which is only a little bit. “WAIT! You… you’re smiling and laughing!!!” He yells absolutely losing his mind.

“Quiet down!” Mingi hisses at his younger friend, he knows everyone has now heard. And telling by the loud footsteps coming up the stairs they are all coming to see what all the fuss is.

Wooyoung looks apologetic and starts to say his apologies until he is interrupted by the rest of my housemates running. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“What happened?”

“Is Kai okay?”

“Why are you yelling?”

“What’s going on?”

So many questions asked, causing me to laugh at the chaos ensuing in my small room. This shuts everyone up as they all look at me in confusion. No one says anything just listens to me laughing uncontrollably, they all looked to worried when they walked in and now they hold nothing but confusion on their faces.

“Is she laughing?” I hear Jongho whisper to Yunho standing beside him.

[kiwiraccoon]

Behind You (Final)

San x reader

Description: their home was coming together with her decorations and his renovations. Time was going by faster than either of them realized and San wasn’t ready for their small moments to end. Little did they know, their life was about to change forever.

Word Count: 1522

Notes: first person POV, y/n, use of nicknames “honey” “dear” “baby”, supernatural talk, honestly just fluff and wholesome, panic attack, slight maybe only one curse

I awaken to the sweet smell of fresh wood and newly cleaned bedding. We have been fixing up the building for months now and we were reaching the end. The moment we could open the doors and bring life back into the building. I have been anticipating this moment for a long time. The workers we have hired worked diligently and made sure everything was up to code but also perfect. I of course went back behind them just to be sure because I wanted this place to be better than what it was before. 

“Good morning Dear.” I hear from behind me and feel arms pulling me in closer to their body surrounding me in warmth, comfort and love. 

“Good morning Honey.” I snuggle into him for a moment before trying to make my way out of bed to start the day. Key word, trying. His arms pull me in tighter, preventing me from leaving his hold. “Honey, we have to get up.”

“Not yet.” He mumbles burying his head into my neck and placing soft kisses against my sensitive skin. Involuntarily I giggle from the feeling causing him to turn this cute moment into a tickle fight. He turns me on my back and straddle my hips to tickle my sides and keep me from running away. I lose my breath quickly and the second he notices my hands are pinned above my head while we laugh together and regain our composure.

“Sannie, you know we still have things to do today?” I ask once our laughter turns to silent breaths and longing looks that I know will turn into much less innocent actions. He groans and lays his head on my chest while squeezing his arms under my laying body to hug me close.

“Just one day for us only please?” He whines and I can’t help but fall ever harder for him, that is until I start to feel sick.

“Baby let me up now please.” He hears the urgency in my voice and moves away instantly allowing me to run to our bathroom as fast as I possibly could. Before I know it I’m dry heaving into the toilet and hugging my new best friend.

San runs in and pulls my hair back away from my face while also rubbing a hand on my back to soothe my pain. “Was it the tickle fight?” We both chuckle at the question knowing that definitely isn’t the reason.

I start questioning the reason in my head. Food poisoning? No, my mom made sure I knew to only eat fresh food. Flu? I feel my head and notice I’m not burning up, I can’t possibly be actually sick. I’ve only been in this building and no one sick has been allowed in. Period symptoms? Oh my god. “Hey Sannie, what's the date?” I ask between breaths.

He pulls out his phone I got him a while ago, “uh it’s the 19th?” He questions and as the words leave his lips my skin runs cold. There’s no way. We have used all kinds of protection. Of course we agreed we were going to spend our lives together, but we just wanted a little more time to just us.

“Okay I’m fine, can you go make us breakfast? I’ll be out soon.” I try to get him out of the room for me to take a test, I don’t want to worry him if it does end up negative.

He stands up from his kneeling position beside me, “Will do honey, call me if you need anything seriously.”

“Aye aye captain. I love you.” I say turning away from the toilet.

“I love you too baby, now clean up and make yourself feel beautiful, even though you always are in my eyes.” He says with a loving smile turning to walk away.

“Even right now?” I ask loudly to his retreating figure. I know his answer but I do enjoying hearing it.

He laughs, turns around to face me again, and responds, “always means even right now when you’re hugging a toilet and not me. I definitely won’t hold a grudge.” He laughs while he leaves and I can’t help but laugh as well. He will honestly hold a grudge, he’s the type to feel jealous over a blanket touching more of me than him, it’s honestly the cutest thing ever.

As soon as I hear the bedroom door shut I run to the cabinet and thank whatever being possessed me into buying pregnancy tests even when we aren’t trying. I do what the instructions say and place the test on the counter face down while I wait. Instead of standing there doing nothing I do some hygienic tasks to occupy my mind. Then start to do some makeup when my timer goes off. Instead of racing to see the results I take a breath and finish my makeup. 

There’s no need to stress, if it is positive, I’m with the love of my life, the person literally made just for me. If it is negative then it’s just not the right time and I can figure out why I’m sick later.

“Alright you can do this,” I whisper to myself as my hand hovers above the test. I notice my shaky hand and take in a deep breath to calm my nerves. “It’s gonna be okay.” My whispers fall on deaf ears as I turn the test over and see the two lines clearly on the test. I throw the test away from me as if it were the plague and stare at it in complete and utter shock. 

This can’t be real.

This can’t be happening.

I’m too young.

I’m not ready.

What if I’m not a good mother.

What if I can’t teach my child the way my parents taught me.

I can’t do this.

I can’t breathe.

Oh my god I can’t breathe.

I fall to the floor with a crash as I try to catch my breath, there’s no way he didn’t hear me. He’s coming here right now. I wanted to tell him in a cute way. I have so many ideas. It’s all ruined. Everything is ruined.

I’m having a panic attack.

“BABY!?” San yells from outside the door and I can hear him running towards the room I’m currently feeling stuck in. “What happened!? Baby!!” He yells and bursts the door open to see my body curled up against the side of the tub rocking back and forth as my eyes stay locked on something across the room. Though he doesn’t follow my sight and instead sits next to me to pull my body against his and start to calm me down.

He tells me sweet nothings, reminding me that I’m safe and with him. He tells me how much he loves me and how much he wants me in his life. He tells me that nothing could possibly ruin what we have. And that’s when I let it slip in the moment of panic.

“I’m pregnant.” I whisper into his chest that he has me cradled against. It’s as if all time stops around us, and there’s nothing but the panicked breathing from me and his multiple deep breaths.

He starts placing kisses all over my head and face before he gets up and starts jumping, in my confused state I just stare at him like he’s crazy. “We’re having a baby, baby!!!!” He yells and can’t stop bouncing, the excitement in his voice heavily contradicts the anxiety and panic swimming through my body. He crouches down to my height again and kisses me like his life depends on it.

“Sannie?” I ask once he pulls away and wears the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on his face.

“Yes baby?” He pauses, then looks at my stomach, “and other baby.” He finished with a giddy smile that makes a small one tug at my lips.

“Why are you so happy? How are you not worried? I mean we are so young and it wasn’t planned?” I start to ramble before he covers my mouth with his hand and stares at me with nothing but love and excitement.

“I’m not worried, I’m not scared, and I’m more than just happy. I love you with my entire being and we get to bring into this world someone made of both of us? I couldn’t be more happy and excited. I couldn’t be more in love with you and the idea of our own little family starting. We are going to be the best parents ever, I mean look at us. We just built a five star hotel from dust. We love each other more than we ever thought we could. And we are the power couple of the century. We got this baby.” He finishes with a sweet kiss on my lips that sends my heart racing from something other than panic but from an overwhelming amount of love.

“What the fuck would I do without you?” We both laugh.

“I don’t know baby, but you know I’m always right behind you. I love you.”

[kiwiraccoon]

Guys 😭

I promise something soon I swear, I recently got promoted at work and have now moved to manager so I have more responsibilities and I’m just TIRED when I get home. Plus an open house Saturday that I have to prepare for alone, oh and yk just life 😭 something soon I swear 🤍

[kiwiraccoon]

I’m sorry!

I know the wait is long for the next post BUT I’ve been working to make money for the Ateez concert 😭 and because I’m moving out soon… SO I promise more coming soon

until then… what idol has been your favorite to read about and get major delulu?

Personally… my favorite I’ve written is between In The Twilight and One Last Dance

[kiwiraccoon]

Do you post a masterlist for in the twilight??

I will post a master list specifically for In the Twilight as soon as I get more parts planned out, right now I am working on Numb, Emptiness 4 and Behind You (San) Final part. 🤍

[kiwiraccoon]

In the Twilight

Ateez x OC

Word Count: 2678

Summary: She lives with eight men, it was planned by all their parents. They spend hours together and hours apart. They do things together, for each other, and on their own. She reads by her window and they join in. They fall in love first, and she falls harder one by one.

Notes: FLUFF that’s all

part 1

The pages on my book glow in the twilight of the setting sun through my window that I sit next to regularly. The words stick out against the beige pages and I lose track of time while reading. It’s a common occurrence causing the boys to interrupt my time to call me for dinner. If they didn’t I would skip the meal unintentionally.

“Your dress will get wrinkled like that.” A voice calls out from the other side of our decently sized library. He walks into the room with grace that calls attention to him even if he doesn’t want it.

“Will it now?” I jest, a smirk growing on my face as I close my book with just my finger holding its place. He continues walking towards me and I can do nothing but watch his elegance. I’ve learned much from him about etiquette, and how to hold oneself in a pleasing manner. If it weren’t for him I would be curled up on my windowsill and slouching in a very uncomfortable position.

He chuckles, “It will.” He moves to stand near where I sit allowing himself to see the beautiful landscape I find myself wanting to paint from memory many times.

“Did you come here for something?” I ask not out of annoyance, a feeling I never have towards him, but out of curiosity as he usually has something in mind for us to do when he does gain the courage to interrupt my time.

“I’m just enjoying the view.” He says softly looking out to the landscape and I look down smiling, opening my book once again. I know he has an idea but refuses to pull me away from my book when I am not at a perfect stopping point. He understands my love for words on pages and their stories better than any of the others.

“There are other windows, Seonghwa.” I say with a small laugh at his antics, but continue reading as to finish the chapter quickly.

“But none have this beautiful view.” He says simply, and without looking I can feel his eyes on me rather than the view outside causing a small smile to form on my face.

“It is quite nice isn’t it.” My pages turn as he ponders his next words. I can feel the way he wants to ask me a question but his morality refuses to let him ‘bother’ me. I always found it cute how he would wait for hours if he had to just to be sure he wasn’t intruding on my time alone. The way he would either grab a random book of his own to occupy his mind with or simply just sit on one of the couches and enjoy the ‘view’ before him.

“Indeed,” he breathes in for a moment obviously fighting his inner turmoil. “Uh… Do you have a book mark?” The way his voice shakes but also peaks in both curiosity and worry makes my smile grow once again and pull my eyes to him.

A chuckle escapes my lips, “nope.”

“Well then,” he clears his throat and steps closer to where I sit, “do you mind remembering the page you are on?” I see the way his Adams Apple bobs as his swallows down his stress. I never truly understood why he felt so scared or uncomfortable with gaining my attention. But I admire his consistency even if I do wish sometimes he would just give in to his desires and whisk me away without a question.

“May I ask why, Seonghwa?” I put emphasis on his name as I memorize my page number and close the book. Without missing a beat I hear a slight laugh blow through his nostrils as I haphazardly toss my book into my windowsill and turn my body to face him more. 

His hand reaches out in request for mine, “I would like to show you something.” The smile on his face never fails to make my heart stutter, he has one of those dazzling smiles that anyone would give their all to see again. Or just leave them wishing they could have the beautiful image painted in their mind just for them to see.

“Oh alright then.” I take his slightly larger hand in mine and let him pull me from my seat. He places my hand in the crook of his elbow as he leads me out of the room and to this mysterious place I can’t wait to see.

“What were you reading?” He questions breaking the silence and creating a comforting atmosphere, well more so adding to it as I have never found myself even slightly on edge in his presence. Over the years we have grown close, maybe it was because we saw each other often through our parents meeting or maybe just because for some reason we are just puzzle pieces who only fit comfortably with one another.

When our parents sat us down and told us we would be taking over the residence we both smiled to each other and silently agreed to celebrate later alone. This was before we found out about the others, but even then we still celebrated in the moonlight with our favorite wine. “ A beautiful romantic scene.”

“Will you tell me about it?” He smiles down at my encouraging me to tell him about the scene he so wishes he didn’t drag me away from but couldn’t wait much longer.

“Well, a charming prince took his beautiful princess to the gardens in the middle of light rain to dance… and then you showed up” I smile back up at him to show him that I didn’t mind and simply enjoy his presence no matter the time.

He slightly squeezes my hand against his arm, “I’m sorry to interrupt.”

A soft giggle escapes me and causes me to cover my mouth before responding, “I like your interruptions.”

“Is that so?” His smile grows more and we make our way out of the long hallways and into the larger rooms of the main area.

“Mmhmm.” I hum, “you always take me somewhere nice.” It’s common that he would whisk me away to a nighttime stroll through our garden, or even through our many halls just to let us get time alone and enjoy each other's presence. But other times he would take me out for a horseback ride and we would find ourselves in a beautiful landscape that would make me gasp and him laugh. I would spin around and dramatically fall into the grass laughing while he would slowly walk over and look down at me as if I hung the stars. He believes it to. Especially when we stargaze at night, he swears I placed each star just for him to look at, and I wish I did but I would do it so much better.

“Are there any interruptions you don’t like?” He asks.

“Wooyoung, Yunho, and Jongho sometimes.” I admit chuckling as he gasps when I say Yunho’s name. “Let me explain. Wooyoung always takes my books away when I’m at the best part then reads them himself, Jongho just sits there silently and stares I usually don’t mind but sometimes I can only feel his eyes and I can’t focus, and Yunho. Well, he makes the silliest jokes at the worst times. I will be reading a really intense or sad moment and all of the sudden he’s making a joke about one of our cats falling earlier in the day.” 

“And yet you never tell us to go away.” He shakes his head and pulls me towards our massive ballroom leaving a confused look on my face. 

“I could never… the ballroom?” I ask now pulling away from his arm and spinning a round the open space that has recently been cleaned. I can see decorations around the room along with the placement of large tables specifically for the food and drinks to come.

“We have the ball tomorrow.” He reminds following me around the large space elegantly.

“Ah right, tomorrow. I almost forgot.” 

“You forgot. Do you have a dress?” He corrects, and asks me a question he knows the answer to. Seonghwa is always prepared, possibly even weeks in advance. Sometimes I worry if he even spends time just to himself and not worrying about what’s to come and how to help all of us to prepare.

I laugh at his question, “I know you have made me one already.” More often than not he spends most of his time creating clothes for us, but he enjoys making me dresses the most. I remember him saying that creating dresses gives him more room for creativity than a simple suit for the guys. And I can’t help but agree and have zero rebuttal.

“You know me well.” He pulls me to him softly be the arm and smiles down at me. I swear his smile if enough for me to die happy but I would be doing an injustice to all the other guys in this estate. All of them hold a piece of my heart whether they like it or not. 

“Always,” I whisper patting his chest before looking around the room and smiling to myself. “It’s beautiful in here.”

I see him shake his head slightly in the corner of my eye. “You light up the room more than you know.”

“Oh really?” A blush finds its way creeping up my face and I turn away from him pretending to look around the room again. I don’t know why but suddenly I feel nervous under his gaze. Maybe it’s the intimate moment we are sharing, but we have shared many before. So many that compliments are normal conversation topics for us, and even though I get flustered never once has my blush made me want to turn away.

“Yes.” He places a finger under my chin and turns me to look at him once again while giving me a small smile with a smirk mixed in. He clears his throat, “do you have someone accompanying you?”

“All of you usually accompany me throughout the night, you know, I never have just one.” I state smiling at the memory of what they all tend to do throughout the night of a ball. Hongjoong accompanies me during the toast and first dance. Yunho makes me laugh when I grow bored. Yeosang and I whisper amongst ourselves about the music. San helps me relax when I feel there are too many people. Mingi steals me for a dance when he feels I haven’t danced enough. Wooyoung tugs me to the balcony at just the right time to get fresh air and chat. And Jongho takes me to my room when he notices my fourth yawn. Finally, Seonghwa makes me feel like I belong yet stand out all at the same time.

“Would you mind if I whisked you away for a dance this time?” He asks knowing he rarely gets a chance to dance with me thanks to the others. And for some reason he now feels the need to do so, but I can’t help but think how cute his invitation is.

I smile and tuck a piece of hair behind his ear and whisper, “I would never mind, Seonghwa.”

He leans his head down to connect with me and close his eyes letting out a sigh of relief, “good.” 

In the moment I can’t help but think how perfect it would be to just give in to temptation. “How about a dance now?” I ask pulling away to look into his eyes that always remind me how pure he really is.

“There’s no music?” His eyebrows furrow causing me to let out a small laugh and shrug.

“We don’t need music.” I pull him into position and start a simple dance enjoying the moment of peace and serenity with the one person who gives me that feeling just with his presence. He leads me into the dance and we hold eye contact the whole time, fully embracing a moment we claim as ours.

“Is this like your book?” He questions with a little smile on his face.

“No this is our own moment not written on pages but in history. Everything that is done is history whether it was written down or not.” I explain fully believing my words and hoping he understands what I mean. I want us to make history together, our own history that maybe no one else will ever hear but it doesn’t matter to us.

His teeth shine through his smile, “you have a way with words.”

“Well I do read and write often.” I jest smirking at his smile. Our relationship will forever amaze me at how we can be serious yet challenging to each other in a joking way no matter the situation. Whether it’s alone in the middle of the night or in the dining hall with the others watching our interactions. Of course one would insert themselves and steal our thunder but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I could listen to you speak all day.” He admits leaning our heads together once again letting his vulnerable side show in this moment. He has shown it many times with me and every time I can’t help but do my best to memorize every single moment even if it’s only fleeting.

“My voice would grow hoarse.”

“And yet I would still listen and when you can’t speak I will still be near.” He replies swiftly throwing me for a loop, it usually takes him a moment to think of what to say and now he knew exactly how to respond. With words that left me stumped and flustered more than normal.

I pull away and look into his eyes with a furrow in my brows, “now it is you who has a way with words.”

He laughs at my response and continues our dance. There is nothing but our breath and footsteps creating the music around us. Music would do nothing but pull us away from our own thoughts that run wild in the intimate moment that I can’t quite understand is doing to my emotions. “Would you like to see your dress?”

“No,” I reply simply.

“Why not?” His brows furrow as his spins me around in front of him.

“I know it is beautiful because it is you who made it.” My words catch him off guard and I can only tell by the way he only slightly loses his footing. 

He again clears his throat before regaining his footing and meeting my eyes. “Why do you think that?”

I send a smile his way and grip onto him a little tighter hoping he can feel my emotions through my touch. The emotions I can’t quite understand fully myself. “I always follow you because I know that whatever you see fit for my eyes to lay upon must be beautiful in your eyes and I wish to appreciate all the things you find worthy.”

“Yourself?” He asks quickly looking into my eyes more seriously and pulling me slightly closer.

My head tilts slightly to the side quickly, “what about myself?”

Our movements slow as the dance reaches its end. “I find you beautiful.”

The blush I had just cleared my face of rises once again and I can’t help but lean into his chest to hide away. He chuckles at my response and rubs my back to soothe any embarrassment I might be feeling. “And I appreciate myself maybe not as much as I appreciate you and the others but enough.”

“Appreciate is not the word I would use.” Our dance ends and we just hold each other close as we finish our conversation.

“What word would you use then?” I ask and start to pull myself away but he refuses to let me go pulling me in closer.

“Admire, adore, treasure, the list goes on.” He admits.

“Then I do ado-“

“Ah there you are! I have been looking for you!”

[kiwiraccoon]

progress :)

Mingi is written and now on to seonghwa but let me just say… it’s not what yall are expecting ;)

[kiwiraccoon]

Never Again

Gang member Mingi x reader

Word Count: 1335

Summary: you and Mingi fight, and when you run away an opposing gang member catches you in the alley way on your way out and tries to force drugs down your throat. Mingi, on his way to get you back, sees and loses his shit but calms only once you say his name.

Notes: MDNI, cursing, angst, fluff, drugs forced, attempted kidnapping, gang violence, gang related topics

“That’s it!” He yells throwing his phone down to the couch beside him trying to release some anger without breaking anything. A habit I helped him break.

“Oh that’s it? Alright fine.” In the heat of the moment I gather just my phone jacket and keys and start to walk out the door hoping he might say anything to stop me.

“Fine.” He says with the anger shaking his voice. If I were anyone else he would have said more and if this were a drug deal he would have either beat them to a pulp or used that brand new gun I got him and ended it before it got worse.

Instead of saying anything more I leave our apartment, his apartment and head straight for the elevator. In my fit of anger I can’t even comprehend the time. It’s dark out that’s all I know, and being in a relationship with a gang member I should know to never go out alone at night, but my clouded judgement does nothing but push me further out the glass doors.

The empty streets do nothing to clear my mind, and the damp air does little to help my breathing calm. “So fucking stupid!” I curse under my breath kicking a pebble with my heeled foot. “All of this over a damn drug deal that they don’t have enough information on! That’s it! God forbid I fucking care. My bad I didn’t know I shouldn’t fucking worry that the love of my life could die. Oops. Fucking ridiculous.”

My whispers to myself add to the silence of the night around me. That is until I get pulled into an alley way not far from the apartment, “what the fuck!?”

“Shut up!” A gruff voice says from behind me pulling me in close to their chest and holding me so tight my lungs struggle. He slams me against the brick wall and pins me against it. His face is covered by a mask but his eyes I can see. This black that makes my skin crawl.

“Who the fu-“

“Shut the fuck up!” He says again with so much anger that I think he’s the one who just had a break up argument. Instead of covering my mouth he grabs something from his pocket and through my hazy vision I can just make out that it’s small and held between his fingers. He raises it to my mouth and tries to shove it in but I do that best I can and bite his fingers hard.

He curses and drops the pill to look at his fingers to see blood. “You bitch.” I go to say something but in a second he is thrown off of me and air is brought back into my lungs. My vision is so blurry from tears and anxiety that I can’t see what is going on and I’m so afraid that my hearing has gone silent. 

I slide down the wall and just let sob wreck through my body. I let out all my anger and fear and say the one name I wish could save me now “Mingi.” I continue sobbing into my hands whispering his name and saying my apologies for walking away.

Someone tries to pull my hands away and I freak out thinking the man won and came back to drug me again. “Baby I’m here. I’m here. It’s me baby. I’m here for you. Come here.” His strong arms pull me into him and instantly know who it is. He waists no time in picking me up and carrying me away to what I hope is back him.

He continues to whisper sweet nothings to me and hold me close occasionally rubbing my back while his other arm holds me up by my thigh. I cling on to him as if my life depends on it and refuse to open my eyes and face reality. 

“We’re home baby.” He whispers and slightly let’s go to see if I will drop from his hold but I hold on tighter. “I’ve got you baby.” He holds on tight again and carries me to what I assume is our bedroom until I hear the sound of the shower. “Come on let’s get these off.”

I finally let him set me down on the counter but I keep my eyes closed shut, I don’t want to open them and find out all of this was just a drug induced dream. As soon as my clothes are off he picks me back up and I feel that he is still fully clothed. Under the water I realize this is reality and open my eyes to see the shower wall and let out a sigh of relief. “I got you baby. I won’t let you go.”

“Your clothes.” I say and notice my voice is weak from all the emotional distress.

“It’s okay. I’m going to set you down okay?”

“Okay.” He sets me down and turns me to face away from him. Mingi washes me hair with care and makes sure to massage my head just the way I like that calms me down. He takes some time to place kisses on my head and shoulders telling me he loves me and that he’s here.

“Mingi?”

“Yes baby?” He asks finishing washing out the conditioner from my hair.

“I’m so sorry.” I say and turn around the hug him tightly around his waist. He doesn’t hug back at first from the shock of my words.

“What?” He pulls me away to look in my eyes and push any stray hairs away from my face. “Baby you have nothing, absolutely nothing to be sorry about.”

“But I-“

“No. I don’t care what you think in that beautiful head of yours, you did nothing to be sorry about. That motherfucker took advantage of you and tried to fucking drug you. And I was so worried about my pride and ego that I was pushing you away and it led to this. If anything I’m sorry, but he should be the most sorry. He should rot in hell. He would be there if you didn’t say my name. I was seeing red.” He pulls me back into him and hugs me tightly. “I’m so sorry baby. Let’s get you dried off and in bed, okay?”

I let my tears fall as I nod and let him pull me out of the shower to wrap a towel around me. He sets me down on the counter again and leaves for a few minutes to change his clothes and grab some for me. He comes back in a large black t-shirt and sweat pants and dresses me in my favorite hoodie of his along with underwear. He brushes my hair just the way I like and wipes my face clean with my products. After he’s down he moves us to the bed and cuddles me close.

“It’s not your fault.” I say into the darkness still clinging on to him and nuzzling into his chest.

“Yes it is. If I did-“

“No Mingi. It’s not anyone’s fault. Couples fight, we fought. But neither of us knew what would happen so it’s not our fault. Please don’t blame yourself. Please.” I beg and sit up to face him. In the darkness I can just make him out and can see that he is looking at my every move.

“Fine but never again. We won’t fight again, we won’t walk away again, and this won’t happen ever again. No one will ever touch my baby ever again. I will protect you with my life at all costs, okay?”

“Me too baby.” I say and stick out my pinky finger, “promise?”

“Pinky promise.” We lock fingers and then he pulls me into a kiss, on that has my using his chest to hold my self up and his hand in my damp hair holding me close.

“I love you Mingi.”

“I love you more than you will ever know.”

[kiwiraccoon]

I’m freee

College semester is over… I have more time 😉😉

What do you want next these are the ones I have ideas written down for…

[kiwiraccoon]

in the works…

Mingi (gang member) imagine

Numb, Emptiness (chapter 4)

Behind You (final part)

[kiwiraccoon]

Through the Phone

Mingi x reader

Summary: y/n meant to text her best friend but ended up texting him and somehow Soulja Boy is all Mingi can think about? (Idk what happened if I’m honest)

Notes: fake texts… idk what else besides Soulja Boy - Kiss Me Thru The Phone

[kiwiraccoon]

Surprise Date

Bang Chan x reader

Summary: Chan plans a surprise date and distracts you while you’re trying to get ready. (Request)

Notes: just cute fluffy stuff

[kiwiraccoon]

I’m back!!

I’m finally feeling inspired again and started doing some fake texts 👀 let me know any themes you would like to see!

[kiwiraccoon]

Protective

wooyoung x reader

summary: Wooyoung spams you out of worry only find out you’re out drinking and he gets overprotective

Notes: text messages, mentions of drinking, protective woo