#you had me 25 years ago
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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#vel 17#hanging out in my silly bedroom drinking too much water to handle#thank you so much#i'mma do something i dont think ive done in years and like#give commentary in the tags & shit#i think simply put ive been trying to find ways to talk about my stellar combo of ocd a panic disorder and cptsd for a long time now#& i still honestly have no clue#once i wasnt surfing from place to place last year i really just locked myself in here#and that was 10 months ago (7 months after it got really fucking bad). ive been feeling like this pretty much since i turned 25#finally being able to process what the people in life had to tell me was a years worth of legit psychological abuse#but now thats even getting outside my comfort level at the moment and ive been recontextualizing my whole life over here#ive barely been posting pictures outside of my bedroom cause ive barely left it#if you see this it means it escaped my drafts and i was bold enough to publish this tagspeak#i am merely just trying to expel ocd ruminations dont mind me 🪩#but idk. talking like this makes me feel gross and i'm starting to realize people don't usually feel it to THIS extent. like i feel nauseou
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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What is it about me that makes old white men think I'm a conservative? I need to know so I can change that.
#like. I'm very visibly faggy as shit???#is it that they're trying to play chess and assume it'll piss me off#because i just play along#I'm fascinated by other peoples' points of view and will indulge them if i can get info#it's fun#but the washer dryer guys are stealing the units from my apartment's laundry room#and they talked to me about how trump is the only person i should vote for for 25 minutes#they said the current inflation is Biden's fault directly. even though it began like 20 years ago?#any pushback i did give (posed as devil's advocate) was met with some 'you're too young to know' bs#as if I'm not creeping towards 30 years old. as if I'm 12.#as if this man didn't tell me he flunked out of high school and i have a master's degree?#not that degrees mean shit. but this guy flunked out of public education in the 1960s.#he also called people in factories in south america and asia 'unskilled workers' and implied only whites can be skilled workers??#like dude. you lease washers and dryers to apartment complexes. you can't talk about unskilled labor.#he also said we should turn the post office into a private company and promptly shut up when i said I'm a postal worker 🙈#at some point he asked about my husband and i said i don't have one or any intentions of having one#and he used that as evidence of how biden fucked up america#said i should have a husband and kids by now#said I'd probably jump off a bridge if i had any of that and he said it's clearly biden era brainrot (in different words)#interesting conversation#still cannot fathom why conservatives think I'm one of them
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#vent#man I need to scream about this so bad...#so just like ignore the tags if you dont wanna see me venting about the abuse and ableism and biphobia my bf and i are facing#A year ago me and my bf moved out together#for reference we were 24 and 25 at the time and wed been dating 8 years#my bfs parents absolutely flipped out. like complete meltdown#his mom called me and yelled at me calling me all kinds of names and saying she thinks im manipulating her son#screaming at me and anything I said just made her get more mad#His dad also hid his keys so me and my sister had to drive him to work#she called my parents too to try and have them break us up#which just made my parents say my boyfriend is welcome to stay with us if he feels unsafe#which ive never heard them offer to someone so it was BAD bad#well we moved out anyways and my bf has been way happier and healthier since leaving his parents#well new year comes around and they call him and have this huge conversation about how theyve realized they were wrong#and how they want to apologize to me and how theyre proud of him and they think he did the right thing#well my bf finally agrees to talk to them again after a year of no contact so he and his mom go to lunch#and immediately his mom says actually no i dont want to apologize to deo#she's weird and her art is weird and I dont like her#and i think she's taking advantage of you because she cant drive#she insulted my family and said he should break up with me because I'm disabled#she said i have no right to draw gay people and that it's weird I write gay stories#just. incredibly mean.#and the worst bit is that she's abusing my bf like this in my name#saying she wouldnt be like this if i were different. a different girl or a different person or less 'weird'#its been horrible and I'm so tired. at least we're moving again so she wont know where we live#a year of this shit man#delete later#sorry to the people who already know about this I'm just really struggling with it and having a hard time moving past it
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everything around this housing shit basically boils down to: what I said would be fine 2+ years ago isn't necessarily what's fine now
#red said#we're planning on putting an offer in on a house.#we are 2.3k short on the deposit just now. 2 years ago i lent a loved one 1.8k which was earmarked to go in my ISA#my ISA adds 25% to everything in it when it comes to buying a house#but i can only put in £200 a month so it would take 9 months to dripfeed that £1800 in#actually it's a year cause i already put a minimum of £50 a month in#so back when i lent that money. i had 9 months of money still in my account dripfeeding in.#so i was like look. don't worry about it. it literally won't start affecting me until that money's already in the ISA.#but that was. over 2 years ago. the drip dried up in like mid 2022.#and so i am. upset. to find that the EXACT AMOUNT I'M SHORT BY is 2.3k. which is. 125% of £1800.#which i can't now do anything about even if it's paid back because i can't put it in the ISA in under a year.#which means I've functionally lost £450 and I'm gonna have to borrow the whole amount from other people#when i literally HAD THAT MONEY.#like it's fine. we will figure that out. and i don't regret making the loan. but it's just a mean trick the universe is playing#that I'm EXACTLY THAT AMOUNT SHORT#and it's kind of a kick in the teeth hot on the heels of Aimee's belief that saying 2.5 years ago under different circumstances#'I'll give you 2 months notice before i move' holds true now with no need to reassess#cause they're very different things but I'm both cases it's like. i said those things were fine THEN in a very SPECIFIC SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES#and now it's not then!!!! and circumstances are different!!!!#and good faith 'that's fine's in 2021 are fucking over me now because it's NOT 2021 ANY MORE AND IT'S NO LONGER FINE#it WAS legitimately fine and now it is NOT.
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the fact that I now have a voice recording on my phone of me breaking down crying while trying to sing The Best Day… horrendous
#you can literally hear me laughing at how dumb I sound while I’m sniffling my way through the bridge and final verse lol please end me#okay so FIRST OF ALL it is a difficult song to sing without sounding like you are in middle school and straining at your lung capacity#SECOND OF ALL when you are 25 and depressed and trying VERY HARD to have a good relationship with your mother#WHILE YOU ARE BOTH THE EMOTIONAL PUNCHING BAGS OF THE MEN OF THE FAMILY#and then suddenly the end of the song brings in your father and brother and you have to say nice things about them��#difficult!#ANYWHORE I did another recording and I sounded fine and it is now sitting in my mother’s inbox for when she wakes up for work 💅🏻#because she picked this song (and Never Grow Up) as her two favorites and she said a while ago that she misses me singing in the shower#now I go back to flouncing on my bed and dungeon crawling because! fun fact!#I have not had voice lessons in almost ten years and my voice is a little shot from smoking and also Being Loud At Work#so even though I did some warm ups! holy fuck doing an hour straight of recording NGU and TBD until I was pleased with the results… yowch#how the FUCK was I a chorus kid every day for like 8 years#my stuff
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I think a LOT about how the idea of being a parent terrifies me - how easy it would be to mess up someone's life because I have my own unresolved issues - but something I DO love is that role of being an older sister figure to people. Like, if I could drive (lmao) I'd totally be into big brothers and big sisters. When I was 25 I ended up in this chat group for a kpop concert lmao and the group ended up being mostly 15 year old girls lmao and it was the first time I was really aware of my age and how to be a good non creepy adult person in a teen-centric space. To this day I'm still friends with several of them (it's been like 9 years?! They are nearly the age I was when I met them OH MY GOD)
I love them a lot and watching them navigate adulthood and overcome their struggles and become these young women I'm so proud of 🥺 They still message me to talk about their struggles, their mental health, they cheered me on when I got my ADHD diagnosis and we talk about fear of medication and trialing them and idk idk it brings me a lot of joy I guess?
I love that kind of mentorship role, I love the role of older sister who has been there done that and has experience to share. I was (plsyfully) mom to one of them until she patched up her relationship with her real mom 🥺 Like idk parenthood scares me and I know it's not for me, but I get it. I understand what it means to people, and I'm glad I've been able to experience that sense of nurturing. I think that's the appeal of big brothers big sisters type programs? There's so many ways to be family to someone that don't involve birthing. Adoption and fostering for those who DO love that aspect of parenthood. But also just being able to be a trusted figure in someone's life, to help them navigate things that are overwhelming or scary.
I grew up in fandom spaces full of adults and until i was one myself, I never really comprehended what it meant or the kind of responsibility an adult has to someone sharing a space. I don't mean that we all must be responsible for children in our spaces (there's whole discourses on this and the lack of child friendly internet spaces) but rather, idk. In a world where you can't trust if people are creeps, I'm really glad I got to forge cool bonds with cool kids who grew up to be even cooler adults. I'm so proud of them, dammit
#ashlie.txt#I'm also so glad i met them 10 years ago before the whole 'omg no one older than 25 should be in fandom' bullshit happened lmao#even in my job i love mentoring!#i just love fostering that kind of relationship where you can be a comfortable pillar you know?#i wish when i was younger I'd had someone older to validate my feelings and experiences lol#esp when my parents made me feel like i was too sensitive too dramatic too emotional that i felt and cared too much#the whole reason i started writing this post is one of those girls has been having a rough ride with her mental health#but she's on a trip visiting one of the other girls and seems to be so happy and having so much fun#and seeing her making new memories to hang on to makes me overwhelmingly happy for her 😭😭😭💕
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I met a girl when I was fresh out of high school in undergrad who frankly, annoyed me quite a bit, but I also had an inkling to continue to be compassionate to her given a few things about her life/background/family
I ran into her two years ago. Last week, her daughter turned 1. This girl, let’s called her “P”, is a really good example of why I never feel comfortable mocking trad wives
Her perfect trad husband, who was a shining young figure in the local religious community, volunteered in all sorts of groups, well loved in his workplace and everything else, beat her up at 1 month post-partum. I reached out to her after seeing her desperately asking for a stroller on a page, confused and slightly concerned knowing both of them came from wealthy backgrounds.
The reality for lots of tradwives living “perfect lives” is this: P was immediately ostracised. All the wealth of her husband and her family meant absolutely nothing if she wasn’t in favour and doing what she was told. Her child and her well-being didn’t matter. P, at 25 years old, was basically deemed an oopsie, and left on her own to figure out how to pay for herself, a baby, find housing, and every other task you can think of.
Having known many of these women (and supported many of these women), another factor most people don’t consider is this: they are intentionally raised to be helpless. When I immediately offered my support to P, she really needed it. This young woman needed to be guided through how to apply for government assistance, how to weigh up rentals and apply for them, how to apply for jobs, how to sign up for childcare. How to sign up for your own power and internet, and how to connect them.
It wasn’t that she was “stupid”, or incapable, or spoiled. While it looks like they’re being sheltered, in reality, these women are practically being held hostage. Sure, they might be allowed to learn things that are expected of them (see: basic cooking, baking, cleaning, child rearing, women’s bible studies, hosting, and so forth) but they are heavily controlled from family life into marriage life, and they are never given the opportunity or the reality of what many of us would consider basic adult tasks.
She’s doing okay now. Her daughter turned 1, is happy and healthy. They live frugally, but they have a roof over their heads and the essentials. I often babysit for her so she can attend counselling, or go to a woman’s support group. She is painfully aware that she has so much to learn about how to live as an adult.
I don’t envy tradwives, but I don’t find any joy in mocking them either. Even when they live the most picturesque lives, they’re also practically living a real life Jenga game. If (and often, when) it comes tumbling down, they’re screwed too, and they often have 0 skills to help themselves or find community (that again, isn’t carefully curated).
#if anything I would say I pity the majority of them#material living aside - what an awful way to live.#katie rambles#tw domestic violence#tw abuse#ask 2 tag
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i discovered stardew valley mods pretty early on playing (but i think i already finished the community center by then) and it irreversibly changed my experience and i still can't tell if it was for the worse or not. like i used the cjb item spawner to get so much gold and got endgame items with it... a few years later i would use the same cheat commands on the same save to have. less gold. to actually have to work towards goals
#spud.txt#idk if this is terribly interesting#the recent update broke a lot of mods and i took the chance to cut down on mods. if not counting content packs like reskinning stuff i only#have 25 mods#counting everything i now have 85 when it used to be 200+#when 1.5 happened i actually used cjb to spawn in all the clothing items. and then json assets broke all the custom clothing i had in 1.6#so i threw away the whole closet and turns out actually tailoring the clothes is so much more enjoyable...#it's so easy and tempting to bypass game challenges using mods like you can freeze time in caves and clear 100 desert floors that way#this isn't a dig against modding though i just wish i got into it later in my sdv career so i would leave some challenges for myself#mods can add new content like locations and characters and dungeons it's really neat#the update also got me thinking about. all the modding drama that went down. and turns out it was at least 3 whole years ago#idk the minute details but i think it started with sdv expanded who got caught including other people's mod content in paywalled files#this spread to nexusmods and partially sdv discord mods who defended the sdve author#and then nexusmods did the whole mod collection thing that threatened to zombify people's mods even if they took their stuff down#this led to a mass exodus from nexusmods and to moddrop#i think a lot of people have gone back to nexus though i wonder what happened#i feel so old...
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oh…
Oh
#made this a while ago but it still makes me grab for him when i see it#ive had this bear since the Moment i was born and im cuddling with him rn 25 years later#i love you teddy thank you for everything 🥹🧡
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Do you remember what you were doing when you were fifteen? I remember. When I was fifteen I used to love comic books and drawing and spent a lot of time wondering about what I wanted to be when I grew up and what school to go to. I loved spending time with my friends and going to the library. The genocide has taken all of that from the children of gaza. One day you’re hanging out with friends and doing homework and studying for your future, and the next day all of your books are buried under the remains of your house, your school, your home.
Ibrahim (@ibrahim-family) is only fifteen years old. He has lost access to education, his home, and his safety, and now he has to spend his time trying to fundraise for his family’s safety.
€4,840 out of €10,000 goal
He lives in Gaza with his family, and only a few days ago a bomb near him injured one of his relatives and martyred two others. Every day in Gaza is dangerous, every hour could be the last. No child should have to go through this. Children should be safe enough to worry about exams, not whether or not they’ll wake up to news of more loss. Think of yourself at fifteen, now think of everything you’ve experienced and done since then. Every achievement, every class, the birth of younger cousins, birthdays, weddings. even the small things, like a good meal you’ve had or a movie you watched. that’s what’s being taken from every child martyred in gaza. their whole future, everything they should get the chance to experience and do.
When I asked Ibrahim if there’s anything he wants me to tell everyone in this post, he said that he is very very sad and scared and that he has just lost relatives. Ibrahim has expressed to me more than once that when he goes to bed he’s afraid he won’t wake up in the morning. Even after losing his relatives, he doesn’t have time to grieve in peace, because he’s always in danger himself. It’s not safe for him or his family in Gaza.
Please help Ibrahim and his family be safe. I’m very worried about Ibrahim, because donations have been slow. My heart breaks for him every time he tells me he’s scared. He is so young and has so much life in front of him, he deserves safety. I ask you if you have anything to give, please help bring Ibrahim and his family to safety so that he can rest and recover and go back to school to follow his dreams.
thank you for reading, if you can’t donate please share this post so it may reach people who can ❤️
this fundraiser is vetted by @gazavetters, number 25 on the spreadsheet
@90-ghost @tamamita @dirhwangdaseul @butchniqabi @vampiricvenus @heritageposts @neechees @furiousfinnstan @khanger @autisticmudkip @appsa @strangeauthor @akajustmerry @spaceboytoi @dlxxv-vetted-donations @ibtisams @feluka @toesuckingoctober @sawasawako @fluoresensitive @anneemay
#free gaza#free palestine#mutual @id#gaza#gaza genocide#save gaza#evacuation fund#palestine#save palestine#b00st#txt
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*Spidey and the Sinister Six having their usual fight*
Doc Ock, landing a hit: You’re getting slow Spider-Man! Age finally catching up to you?
Spider-Man: You wish! I haven’t even hit my 30s! From those costumes I can already tell I failed to save you guys from those midlife crises! Sorry by the way.
Vulture: Watch it wallcr- wait… Did you just say your not in your thirties yet?
Spider-Man: Surprised that this spiders so young and spry? Well-
Electro: Dude I’ve been fighting you for at least 5 fucking years! How old even are you?
Shocker, joking cause he’s the only one who picked up no grown adult acts likes Spidey: Don’t swear in-front of the boy you don’t want him to pick it up.
Rhino: Christ! You’re tellin me I almost crushed some 12-year-olds skull all those years ago?
Spider-Man, regretting his quipping: I was not that young! Like just starting freshman year but-
Sandman, horrified as he’s the only one with a kid and dad instincts(as of my iteration): I could’ve killed a kid…
Shocker, genuinely curious: Are you even old enough to drink? Cruel to kill a man who ain’t had his first drink yet.
Electro: Please tell us you’re at least over 25 as of this fight. Hell, I’ll take over 21!
Spider-Man:….
Sandman, realizing just how young he really is: Oh my god.
Spider-Man: My birthday’s coming up soon so I guess it counts?
Doc Ock, exacerbated: It. Does. Not!
Vulture: What would your mother think if she knew her son was out here risking his life telling poorly constructed jokes?
Spider-Man, offended cause it quips slap: 1. My jokes are great 2. She and my dad are dead so-
Sandman, hysterical cause holy shit he almost killed a kid orphan: OH MY GOD!
#they now think he’s some homeless orphan fighting crime cause it’s the only thing he has#my fav hc are the villains earlier in spideys career are completely against harming kids#so to figure out the hero of New York was like a child they plan to torture before unmasking and killing is well#not great on their minds and little sense of morality#I wanted to write a fic about this but ao3 is dead so take this flash dialogue fic instead#I need to sleep for work#doc ock#sinister six#doctor octopus#otto octavius#the sandman#flint marko#the rhino#Alexei Sytsevich#the shocker#herman schultz#electro#maxwell dillon#the vulture#adrian toomes#peter parker#spider-man#spiderman
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Lessons
˚ʚfwb!Bang Chan x fem!Readerɞ˚
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ summary: Just a regular session of your best friend helping you learn Korean <3
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ word count: 1.6k
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ warnings: fem!reader, nicknames; ‘honey and good girl,’ pvssy slaps, playful ass&thigh spanking, Chris calls himself Daddy once lol, rough sex, creampie (try to pee after sex pls <3)
˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ notes: max and I spoke about this a few weeks ago and it was soo hot so I wanted to write something for it,,, but then I lost motivation for it for a while😭 anyways hope u enjoy <3
OH and thank you for 700 followers!! (im late so now so ~25 away from 800) :''') I have something planned for if/when I hit 1k hehe, Love u guys :>
DO NOT republish or translate+post my work!
After you had moved to Korea, you made it your sole goal to be completely fluent in Korean as soon as possible. You knew the basics and some vocabulary that got you through day-to-day encounters, but holding an actual conversation past introductions was rather difficult. So, this is how you found yourself in your current situation. Your best friend and fuck buddy of 2 years giving you weekly Korean lessons.
And this? This was a normal thing between you both. Sitting in his lap practicing while he sits there explaining things and kneading your thighs mindlessly. It was a normal occurrence! The only difference is you usually wore sweats or some sort of bottom that would cover your legs more. Today was one of the hotter days of the week, so you disregarded the extras and opted to only wear one of his shirts, nothing else.
His hands rubbed eagerly up and down your thighs, squeezing the flesh like he does with soft pillows. Again, it was normal, but today he seemed to be restless with his movements. You couldn’t help but let out a shaky breath when he mindlessly squeezed the flesh of your inner thigh rather roughly while he translated a word you couldn’t figure out. “What is up with you today? You’re more touchy-feely than usual.”
“Sorry haha. Had a long day so I’m fidgety.. And you know I can’t resist you in nothing but my shirt.” You only hummed in response. You believed what he said, but you also knew that he wasn’t stupid and that the apology was not for his roughness as much as it was for how riled up he knew you were getting. He was never actually sorry about being physically affectionate with you, but you both knew how you tended to get very horny when his hands were on you so desperately.
“Mmmm.. Let me play with you a little while you read, okay?” You shake your head and push your study items away, pulling a laugh from him when you mumbled out ‘Fuck that, I need you.’
“None of that hahaha. Focus on the reading, honey.” He said, placing a kiss on your cheek before leaning down and biting into your neck. You groaned and leaned back into him, grinding against him in an attempt to make him fold in your favor. He let the first few grinds pass as he left hickeys along your neck, but the second your hands cupped him through his shorts he grabbed your hips to still your movements.
“Hey.“ The commanding tone in his voice caught you off guard and had your hands immediately stop in their tracks. “Stop that. You’re going to finish reading this text and then I’ll fuck you nice and good.”
“It’s not that serious, Chris. It's just a few paragraphs, we can do it after or just skip out this week.. Plus it’s your fault I’m this horny anyways.” The attitude in your voice makes him narrow his eyes, and then he grabs your chin and angles you to look back at him.
“Watch your tone. And I’m not gonna tell you again,” His hand grabbed both of yours and placed them on the table before moving to spread your legs open for him. Then, he finishes his sentence and enunciates each word with a harsh smack to your bare cunt. “Finish. Reading. The. Article.” The last one comes off harder than the others and it pulls a squeal from you, making your hands shoot down and wrap around his wrist while your legs slam shut against his hand. He grabs from your inner knee and hooks your legs over his, keeping you spread for him, and he pulls your book closer again.
You can feel the teasing smile on his face after he places a kiss on your cheek and then speaks against it. “You only have one article left, honey. The quicker you read it, the quicker I can bend you over and fuck you into the table~” You can’t help but whine and nod. Once you look down at the material again, Chris’ hands that were previously rubbing your inner thigh move back to rub along your wet folds.
Then for what feels like the next hour, but was really just 20 long minutes, you slur out the words in front of you as best as you can. Chris’ left hand swapped between drawing circles into your clit and pinching your nipple, while his right hand shoved fingers against your walls. And every couple of minutes he would swap between kissing your neck to sucking hickeys into your collarbone. However, you weren’t allowed to cum and any time you mispronounced something or took too long to read a word, a stern slap was sent against your clit. As long as you continued to read well, he would pump 3 of his fingers in and out of you.
By the time you’re halfway through the material, your mind is foggy and you’re almost drooling on yourself from the constant edging. By the time you’re on the last sentence, your legs are shaking and you're slumped against him letting out quiet moans. Your neck and collarbone were so red from his incessant suckling, and you were desperate to get this over with. And then, when you finally finished, he stopped all movements to place a soft, congratulatory slap on your thigh and massaged your hips.
“Good girl… Now was that so hard?” With that, he hurriedly clears the desk before helping you stand and then standing himself. The chair you both rested on was kicked backwards and your whole world spun as he suddenly pinned you to the desk. You whined as his hand held a tight grip in your hair and pushed your face into the table. His free hand playfully squeezed and slapped at your ass a few times before you heard his shorts and boxers hit the floor.
You sighed out his name as he teased his tip through your folds, silently pleading with him to hurry it up. “Shhhhhh… ‘Atta girl. You did so well, baby. Now let me take care of you, yeah?”
He finally sunk in and nothing but low, whiny moans left your lips as you clenched around him. His free hand grabbed a handful of your ass, squeezing it in appreciation while he slowly sunk every inch he had to offer. Once he bottomed out he gave you only a little bit of time before his thrusts started, albeit slowly at first but quickly ramping up due to his own impatience. It doesn’t take long for him to change to an unforgiving and rougher pace, his hand still holding your head against the table.
“Fff-fuck.. Christopherrr-”
“Yeah yeah, baby. Daddy’s got you. ‘M nice and deep, just how you like it right?” You missed the way he smirked when you let out a desperate ‘Uh-huh’ in response, but you could feel the way it encouraged him when his hips slammed against yours with more eagerness. He keeps this pace up for a while until he feels you tighten around him, and then he changes to slow, deep thrusts that make your eyes roll into your skull.
The hand in your hair slides on top of yours on the desk, intertwining your fingers, and he leans forward to place his forehead between your shoulder blades, “Mmmm keep squeezing me, Honey. Fffuck, juuust like that..”
When you’re tipping over the edge, he places a kiss on your sweaty skin and moans against it. “That’s it, baby. Cum for me and I’ll fill you up just how you like it, okay?” You want to nod, but everything hits you at once so you can only cry out against your desk.
As your orgasm starts to fade into overstimulation, he fixes his posture and focuses on his hip movements. A squeaky moan falls from your lips as he suddenly bottoms out and the hold on your hip tightens. He threw his head back and bit his bottom lip as he came, attempting to muffle his whiney moans. He rides out his orgasm by sometimes pulling out and snapping his hips harshly against yours.
“Fuck… If that’s how we end the studying session from now on, I might consider this payment.” He jokes.
You let out a breathy laugh and he starts to pull out slowly, pushing you into the table as he did so. You take the moment to catch your breath when you realize he’s gone quiet and there’s the light feeling of breath on your thighs. Your head snaps back and you realize he was kneeling in order to watch his cum slide down your folds.
“Hey!” you whine and place a hand on his forehead, pushing his face away only for him to resist, so you use your feet to push him harder. He laughs at your embarrassment and stands up, pulling you to sit up as well and lifting the shirt off of you. He uses it to wipe you down before throwing it into your hamper and grabbing one of his spare shirts from your dresser. He steals a kiss before covering you in the shirt, then drags you to the living room to watch a tv show together.
You two spend the rest of the night on the couch, watching tv and relaxing in each other’s warmth. It’s no surprise when soft snores are heard and you look down to see his sleeping face squished into your chest. You huff out a laugh before you snuggle him closer. Then, your eyes get heavy until they inevitably close, and you fall asleep too.
Taglist:
@jiminssluttyminx @changisworld @juskz @linohumina
#sian’s writing#skz smut#stray kids smut#stray kids x reader#stray kids imagines#bang chan smut#bang chan x reader#bang chan x reader smut#bang chan imagines#chan smut#chan x reader#chan x reader smut#chan imagines#skz x reader#skz x reader smut
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guess who’s finally gonna really try so super hard to learn how to drive :)
#I have my permit for the 2nd time & I am DETERMINED this time man#First I had a learners permit in highschool at 17#I was in a god awful place mentally. A combination of suicidal ideation & intrusive thoughts about crashing kinda made me give up learning#Then I got a motorcycle permit to try and drive a motor scooter#But the safety course was like “hey btw most of the danger comes from cars not paying enough attention to you & you can’t do shit about it!#So I got massive anxiety about it and could only drive on small back roads. + motorcycles feel So Much Faster which made the anxiety worse#I ended up letting that permit expire too#Now I’m finally at a point where I’m not super busy and have less car anxiety and WAAAAYYY less depression#My suicidal ideation is gone & my intrusive thoughts don’t affect me nearly as much#And recently I got more free time for a little while so I studied for the class C permit test again & a couple days ago I passed :)#And today I drove a car for the first time in like 5 years & it was ok!#I have like 25 days till classes start & not really much of anything on the schedule until then#So I’m gonna try my best to practice a decent amount this month & hopefully get a behind the wheels lesson in from a good instructor#And hopefully should be comfy enough to drive to & from school with my dad in the car#I have classes 4 days a week so that’ll be guaranteed practice on some bigger roads#There’s also a few ways to get there so I can start w the route that’s 70% small road and work my way up to practice big roads & freeways#Trying my very hardest to beat the Can’t Drive Gay accusations
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