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piningforstan · 8 months ago

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Too Sweet

Summary: Stan has lied and cheated and fought his whole life, and he’s not exactly sure when he had time to do whatever it took to deserve you.

Pairings: Stanley Pines x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: mention of an age gap, suggestive adult content but nothing graphic, fluff with some light angst

A/N: Inspired by Hozier’s song by the same name!! I seriously need an edit of Stan to it

Also, an age gap LI with Stan (like they’re in their 30s or 40s) just really does something to me. Stan mentions “women” once in the story but otherwise I wrote it with the intent of being GN.

A shift of the mattress roused him from his fitful sleep. Stan cracked open an eye. The flickering alarm clock told him that he’s only been asleep for a few hours, he vaguely remembered creeping into the bedroom sometime after three. Dreaming peacefully then, free of punishing nightmares, you now stood with your back to him, stretching your arms up over your head.

His gaze traveled appreciatively from your head to the slip of skin revealed by your t-shirt lifted ever so slightly. Pale morning light slanted into the room in thin bars thrown across your face. You hum to yourself as you pull on your bathrobe and shuffle into the bathroom, Stan watching you from heavy lidded eyes the entire time.

A groan climbed up his throat. He threw one arm over his face.

What was he doing?

He didn’t miss the time when he would wake up alone, head muddled by alcohol. He missed the time when he did not feel so goddamn guilty. Your presence reminded him constantly that you were too…good for him. He had lived a long, shitty life and it never bother him — his decisions, his lifestyle — when he was by himself. But now you were here.

Not only were you younger than him, you had never done a fucking bad thing in your life. You went to bed at a decent time and always woke up early to watch the sunrise, you faced everything with unflinching enthusiasm. You smiled and laughed and danced without inhibition or regret. And, worst of all, you looked at him and loved him in spite of his mistakes and wrongdoings.

When the bathroom door opened he quickly pretended to be asleep again, the knot in his stomach tightening as you stopped to press a kiss on his cheek on your way out.

By the time he actually woke up, he didn’t even want to acknowledge the time, Stan shuffled into the kitchen to find his family immersed in a heated debate. Mable stood on her chair with Waddles on the table, gesticulating wildly while you and Dipper argued with her.

Upon spotting Stan, Mable cried out, “Grunkle Stan! We need your help.”

Stan scratched his chin. “What is it, kid?”

“If Waddles was going to wear pants —”

“They would be like this, right?” You intervened before Mable could finish, drawing a line around the pig’s midsection then gesturing towards his back half. Dipper nodded, signaling his approval.

“No, no, no, no,” Mable said, “it would be this way. To cover all his wittle wegs.”

She indicated the imaginary pants around his entire body, covering the entirety of his lower half. Stan stared in disbelief as the debate lapsed into an argument once more.

“I need coffee,” he grunted.

Without even stopping, you pressed a steaming mug into his hand, then raised your eyebrows expectantly.

Stan sighed. “Why is the pig wearing pants? That lucky son of a gun has been naked since the day he was born.”

“Just hypothetically,” Dipper said.

Turns out, Stan’s opinion wasn’t actually needed. Rather, you and the twins set to speculating about the possibility of pig pants without including him. Eventually he just collapsed into one of the ancient chairs and sipped his coffee, willing his headache to go away. He noted affectionately how passionate you were about this topic of choice, always ready to leap into whatever strange scheme his family concocted.

After some time Mabel loudly exclaimed that she was going to knit pants for Waddles to “prove everyone wrong!” and the debate dispersed. Dipper stormed off muttering, leaving Stan alone with you.

You looked still deep in thought as you collected your own now cold coffee and sat back down. You poured in about half the container of sugary creamer.

“You should’ve been on my side,” you sniffed. Stan knew by the hint of a smile on your mouth — god, your mouth — that you were teasing.

“My policy is always no pants,” Stan said. “No doubt about it. No pants.”

You rolled your eyes. “Clearly.”

Stan shifted in his seat, grinning at you. He never bothered putting on pants in the morning, just his reliable ol’ boxers.

“Hey, you’re lucky I’ve got these on. Anyways, you weren’t complaining last night by —”

“FORD!” You quickly exclaimed.

Stan’s grin only grew more pronounced as his brother strode into the room. If Ford had heard the tail end of your conversation, he didn’t mention it. More often than not Sixer was so completely in his own world that he barely knew he had company.

Stan liked how your cheeks were still pink as you bid Ford good afternoon. Afternoon. Fuck.

Panic spiraled through him.

“I’ve got a tour to give —”

You waved your hand while sipping your coffee. “I rescheduled it for…” you consulted your phone, “thirty minutes from now. Better hurry, old man.”

“Thanks, kid. You really saved my bacon.”

“Again,” Ford muttered.

Stan shot him a glare but still hurried out of the kitchen to get changed. He glimpsed Mabel in the living room, crisscrossed on the carpet, measuring Waddles for his pants. The pig snorted pleadingly in Stan’s direction.

“Women,” Stan said, “always making guys like us put on pants.”

Stan would have to be his brother to count on his fingers how many times you anticipated something he needed. The coffee. The tour. A distraction for the tourist when the googly eye of one of the exhibits popped off. A redeeming interpretation of his reaction to Waddles’ pants after spitting out his beer. Then, to top it all off at the end of the day, encircling your arms around his middle and sagging into him. His heart surged with profound emotion.

“Ah, c’mere, kid,” he mumbled against your hair. You smelled like home.

Stan held you tight. Too many times he had let the good things in his life go, slip right through his grip. He was determined not to lose you too.

He fumbled to find the words he’s been meaning to tell you all day. “I, um…thank you. For today.”

For every day.

The words stuck in his throat.

“For what?” You blinked at him. The need to protect you, to preserve your happiness and well-being, seized him so strongly that it took him several moments to compose himself.

“Ya know.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Saving my ass. Yer, uh, too sweet for me. Ya know what I mean?”

How many more times would he say ya know? Did he know any other words?

Your face lights up anyways. “I love your ass. I will always save it. Don’t want anything happening to it.” You squeezed said ass playfully and he smirked in response. “But seriously, Stan, you don’t have to thank me. I love you. That’s what you do for someone you love.”

Stan bristled. No matter how long he had been with you, after several months of skittering around each other, he wouldn’t get used to those words leaving your mouth. His parents had never uttered them, nor his brother. Hell, he rarely said it, can only remember saying them to you.

If he ever said them to anyone else — any past lovers or ex-wives — it was in a placating nature, never like this. Never real.

“Anyway, you do lots of things for me too,” you tell him.

“Do I?”

You lay your head back on his chest. “I always fall asleep before you do and you always make sure to tuck me in and refill my water when you come in. You make me laugh and you make me feel safe.”

You kept listing examples but truthfully he had stopped listening. Stan realized he did do these things, things that he didn’t even think about doing, he just did.

“—maybe you’re just too sweet for me,” you finish, drawing him back.

“Ha!” Stan laughs. Hopefully it’s more convincing than it sounds to his own ears, self-deprecating instead of secretly pleased. “Better not let anyone else hear you say that or I’d have to give them a knuckle sandwich.”

“THEY FIT!”

You closed your mouth. Whatever you were going to say is swallowed by the sounds of Mabel’s excitement. Stan smiled at you as you grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the sound of Mabel’s demands — come here! come here! — and Waddles in his new pants.

He committed everything about you to memory as you stooped down to admire Waddle and commend Mabel for her hard work. Stan knew that you would fit in perfectly with his family. He never would’ve guessed that someday he couldn’t imagine his family without you in it, couldn’t even conjure a day without you there.

Maybe you were too sweet for him.

But he was sweet on you.

#stanley pines #gravity falls #stanley pines oneshot #fanfic #writers on tumblr #writing #I just love this old man so much #HES CONSUMED MY THOUGHTS OKAY

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livwritesstuff · 1 year ago

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i hit 100 followers while i was asleep (absolutely bananas imo but i’m so thrilled y’all are enjoying my steddie dads verse bc i’ve literally never had so much fun writing before) so here's a sneak peek of a wip featuring the Harrington fam

Eddie does not understand sports.

He may be approaching fifty years old and way past his old ways of rejecting every notion that doesn’t perfectly align with his own interests, but even after all these years, the wires in his brain simply cannot wrap themselves around sports no matter how hard he tries.

And he does try because, naturally, he has three daughters, Moe, Robbie, and Hazel, all of whom play sports.

To be clear – his kids can do literally anything they want, bar none.

He’s still in goddamn awe with the whole arrangement that is the life he lives every day – kids and a house and a job he loves and all that with Steve Harrington of all people. There’s no way Eddie would start fucking all that up by projecting his own weird quirks onto his children. He refuses to be the kind of parent that prevents their kids from doing anything just because they don't get it. If the girls want to play sports, they’re gonna play sports. Nothing wrong with that.

Still, sports are one of those things he takes the back seat and lets Steve hold the reins for, especially now that thirteen-year-old Moe is pretty deep into the whole basketball thing.

Steve understands the politics of the game, both on the court — like knowing which refs are gonna be biased towards which team and noting Moe’s play-time each game — and off. He schmoozes the coach, he’s friends with all the parents, all the things Moe, at thirteen, doesn’t even notice and Eddie, while aware of it, doesn’t understand. He still can barely follow the games themselves (and he goes to as many as he can, though he and Steve are outnumbered by one and with the prospect of the girls carting themselves around still a distant fantasy their schedule is insane so he can’t make them all). He does his best to follow his husband’s lead but Steve doesn’t always react to things the way Eddie thinks he will. He doesn’t bat an eye when a kid gets smacked in the face with a ball, nor at the impossibly loud thud when someone hits the deck (look — he gets the floor is hollow, but it is loud). He’s completely unbothered by the fit Moe throws every game whenever she’s inevitably benched for having an attitude with her opponents or her teammates or the coach or the ref or just about anybody who tries to get in her way.

As is what happened at Moe’s game yesterday.

Eddie hadn’t seen it — well, he’d seen it, but seeing something and understanding what he’s actually looking at are two totally different things. From what he gathers, Moe had missed an easy shot and gotten pissed off in her own little way about it, so she’d launched herself at whoever on the opposing team had gotten their hands on the ball after it ricocheted off the backboard. Unfortunately for Moe, the team they were playing had a reputation for being a little too aggressive for a middle school league, so when she’d hit the ground, she hit it hard. Moe had been pulled off the court by her coach (carded, maybe? Eddie still isn’t sure how that works in basketball) and scowled on the bench for the rest of the game.

Steve had tried to reason with her on the drive home (an interesting choice, in Eddie’s opinion).

“Darling,” he’d said, “I totally understand being upset about missing a layup, but I don’t know how to get it through your head that intentionally fouling someone isn’t the way to go about resolving that emotion. I love you and I support you, but I’m getting tired of watching you play for three minutes and then sit on the bench for the rest of the game.”

“Talk to the coach then,” Moe had grumbled.

“About what?” Steve exclaimed, “Moe — you do it on purpose!”

The conversation had ended not long later because Moe decided to give them both the silent treatment (a clear sign that she knew she was in the wrong even if she didn’t want to admit it) and Eddie thought that was the end of it (for that game, at least). Then, Moe threw them a curveball by spending most of that evening in the bathroom throwing up, at which point she admitted that her head had caught more of that fall during her basketball game than she’d originally let on.

Steve doesn’t mess around with head injuries (for obvious reasons), so the next morning he calls Moe out of school and brings her to their pediatrician to get checked out.

A couple hours after Robbie and Hazel boarded the school bus bound for their elementary school, Steve and Moe return home.

“So what's the verdict?” Ed asks as they enter the kitchen.

“She's concussed,” Steve announces.

“Like father, like daughter.”

“No sports, no bright lights, no reading, no school, no phone,” Steve says pointedly, and Moe only scowls harder. She’d been using the incident as a leveraging tactic in her crusade to get a phone. Not being able to play sports was a no-brainer; they’d all seen that one coming, so even as recently as this morning, she’d been claiming that she’ll “die of boredom without a phone,” while she recovers.

Even as recently as this morning, she’d been largely unsuccessful.

“Thirteen-year-old children do not need phones,” Steve had told her, “If someone wants to talk to you, they can call the house, and if it's urgent enough that it needs to be right now, you can get walkie talkies.”

“No one uses walkie talkies.”

“Your dad and I used walkie talkies all the time.”

“Uh, pretty sure it was just the one time, Steve,” Eddie pointed out.

“Yeah! And it worked out great!”

CONTINUE ON AO3

#did it work out great? or is steve's memory of 1986 a little fuzzy in 2014?#eddie is trying his best #basketball is very hard to follow if you don't know the game #as I have learned :/#steddie #liv’s steddie dads verse #steddie dads #steve harrington #eddie munson

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oh-look-at-her · 1 year ago

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"Use that on me."

Pairing: billy the kid x reader

Warnings: profanity, PinV, unprotected sex (don't be stupid, just babyproof it), dom! And sub! Dynamics, gun play, creampie, degradation, mocking, name calling(i think), small oral fixation if you squint, reader is female

tell me if i missed anything!

Description: despite Billy being a cowboy, he's a sweetheart, especially to you. He treats you like you're a porcelain doll and always makes you feel worshipped. You follow him on his unconventional journeys and tonight, you're staying in an abandoned shack in the woods and your mind wanders to unexplored waters.

A/N: Alright, it's finally here! I'm sorry, it took a bit longer to write than I thought it would when I posted the teaser of this story. I originally planned this to go a bit different, but I'm overall pretty happy with how it turned out even if it did take its own course of action a bit. The ending is a bit rocky, I know, I'm also sorry for that. Regardless of all that, I hope you guys like it! I'd love to hear your opinions or points I can improve on! Lastly I want to say; bear with me, English is not my first language, but I think I checked about everything. I appreciate feedback and if I have anything wrong, please don't hesitate to tell me!

"Use that one me." there it was. It spilled out. You had been thinking it for the last week and now it just slipped out. You were sitting up from the floor which you had covered with blankets in an attempt to make it more comfortable. You had been staring at Billy's gun holster for a while. He had been innocently going on about the road ahead. The journey that would start the day after.

"What?" he hadn't noticed how you kept eyeing his gun. He hadn't noticed how your eyes had glazed over with lust, just thinking about what he could do to you if he tried. He most certainly hadn't noticed how it made you restless. Your body tingled and your skin was on fire.

"I want you to be mean to me. I want you to fuck me like you mean it...and I want you to use your gun on me." A rush of adrenaline had taken over your mind. Or maybe it was just arousal? Who knows? You most certainly don't care.

Billy looks concerned. "W-what? Why?" He mumbles.

You look at him reassuringly. "Oh baby, you know you're always so sweet to me and I love that. But... I don't know, I just..." you don't know what else to say, but it looks like he's understood what you meant.

Billy looks at you for another moment, a bit dumbfounded, before getting up from the floor and walking towards the chair over which his gun holster was hanging. He slowly wraps his fingers around the base of his gun and takes it out of the holster. He looks at it intently before looking back at you.

"You want me...to use this one you?" You nod. "Why?"

You ponder that for a moment, thinking back to all the times he's held that gun up to people's heads. The look in his eyes...was mesmerizing. The lowering of his brows, the tilting of his head, the tug of a smirk on his lips.... So, you tell him exactly that.

He chuckles for a moment at your confession, looking down at the weapon in his hands. It’s a low chuckle, one you had never heard come from his lips before, sultry and enchanting. Your mind runs crazy at the sound. He kneels down in front of you, as you're still sitting on the floor and he looks at you for a moment, analyzing your features.

"You sure about this, Darlin'?" He asks in that same goddamned tone of voice. You nod eagerly at his question, your thighs discreetly rubbing together for any type of friction you could get.

He notices the small movement but doesn't say anything as he gets closer to you, until he's right on top of you and you're face to face with him. He looks into your eyes lovingly for a moment before putting his attention towards the gun still in his right hand.

Slowly, he traces your collarbone with the tip of his gun, testing the waters. When you breathe out a sigh of content, his eyes meet yours again and he knows that what he's doing is exactly what you want.

He slowly traces the gun from your shoulder to your collarbone again. From your collarbone to your neck and from your neck to your jaw. All the while, keeping eye contact with you and noticing how you're reacting to it.

You close your eyes, humming as a small content smile graces your lips. Billy watches every movement you make with the utmost interest. It spurs him on as he brings the barrel of the gun to your lips. You open your mouth obediently, something he hadn’t expected but he didn’t awfully mind. He pushes the gun to lie on top of your tongue. You twirl your tongue around it and Billy can’t help but think about what that pretty tongue of yours would feel like on his cock.

He feels the room getting hot and his pants tightening at these thoughts. But, fuck, are you pretty with your mouth open for him. His innocent girl with a gun in her mouth all because she begged for it. He never could’ve imagined this happening, the poor boy. Not in his wildest dreams. He was surprised, maybe even a bit repulsed at first, but seeing you like this for him is something he can most definitely get on board with.

You go on to suckle gently on the gun and it drives Billy absolutely insane. “Fuck, baby, you’re so pretty like this.” He murmurs to you and you smile. He pulls the gun from your mouth and admires the sheen of spit on it. “Absolutely disgusting.” He whispers to himself and your thighs clench together once more at his words because it is disgusting. You are filthy for wanting him to do this to you.

You just don’t care. You want him to do these things and you couldn’t care less about whether it’s bad or not. If anything, it spurs you on. It’s humiliating, but so, so good.

“Take that off, baby.” He gestures to your nightgown. You quickly obey, surprised by his sudden demanding tone of voice. The usual sweet Billy is no longer there and right now, you very much do not mind. You slip the nightgown off your shoulders, exposing your chest and Billy’s eyes catch on the sight before drifting further down as you push the nightgown off of you. You’re bare before him now and his eyes continue to wander. He’d never done that before. He said he always wanted to be respectful and didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

He was right, it did make you uncomfortable, but not in the way he had probably imagined. You grow shy under his gaze, but secretly, you love the way he’s looking at you. Hungry, like a predator admiring its prey and playing with it. But that’s not what makes you uncomfortable, no, the growing heat between your legs is what is making you uncomfortable and Billy had barely even touched you.

God, what would it be like when he finally does touch you? Your cheeks flush pink at the thought. Billy notices, of course he does. “What is it, honey? Don’t tell me you’re gettin’ flustered already. Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen and I can’t even look at her for a bit without ‘er gettin’ shy?” He’s teasing you, mocking almost. You furrow your eyebrows in frustration at his words and he chuckles. He moves to lie down next to you.

“Come here.” He demands, patting his thigh. You obey quickly, scrambling to move on top of him and straddle his lap. You’re naked on top of him and he’s fully dressed. When you’re travelling, he always stays fully dressed at night, just in case someone sees you both. He lets you wear a nightgown as you please, though. Right now, this proves to be a big contrast and it’s setting your mind on fire. You paw at his clothes and a smirk graces his lips at the desperation on your face. He likes it.

He holds up the gun that was still in his hand, tracing it from your belly to your chest. He smoothes it over your hardened nipple, making you shiver at the feel of the cold metal against your unusually warm skin.

“Might I remind you that I am the one with the gun in their hand right now, darlin’?” he props his left hand to rest behind his head as he continues to move the gun over your smooth skin. Your collarbone, your belly, your neck, anywhere he could reach. The suspense builds up and you can feel your stomach doing backflips as you close your eyes, soothing into the metal touch. But then…. click.

One short ‘click’ sound makes your eyes shoot open. He loaded the gun. Your eyes dart towards his face, a daring smirk on his lips, knowing exactly that that sound would’ve startled you. A shiver runs down your spine at the realization that the gun is actually dangerous right now. He could accidentally pull the trigger and hurt you….you like it.

“What is it, baby? You scared? I won’t hurt you, darlin’. Not unless you ask me to.” Those last words drive you insane and he can see you can’t take it anymore. You paw at his clothes once more, but he gives in this time. He gently lies the gun down next to him and sits up with you still on his lap. You stare at his hands as they slowly but surely unbutton his shirt, finally revealing some delicious skin to you. Once he’s unbuttoned the shirt, it takes everything in you to not start biting and sucking at his skin as he takes it off.

Billy sees the look in your eyes resembling hunger and he smiles to himself. He looks at you for a moment, letting you admire him, before saying; “If you want me to take these pants off, you’re gon’ have to get off of me, baby.” He chuckles as you eagerly climb off of him and he finally takes off his pants, leaving you staring at his obvious hard-on through his underwear.

“Yeah, you want that off too, baby?” he asks in a degrading tone of voice, mocking your desperation as if he hadn’t purposely been building up the tension inside you.

You nod frantically, a small whine escaping your lips at the thought and the degrading tone of his voice. Bily’s surprised at the sheer desperation of you. I mean, just look at you! Sitting there on your knees on the ground right next to him, breathing heavily and a slight sheen of sweat already covering your body, your nipples hardened and eyes low to solely focus on him. It’s driving him insane.

He quickly takes off his underwear at your confirmation, finally lying naked before you. You drink the picture up like you’re a traveler in the desert that hasn’t seen water in days. You climb onto him, your eyes locking with his before pulling him in for a kiss. The kiss is full of desperation and desire as you swirl your tongue over his bottom lip and lick into his mouth as if you’re delirious at the taste of him (which you must admit, is not entirely inaccurate). He deepens the kiss by pulling you in by the neck, his hand having snaked behind you to firmly grasp you and move you as he pleases.

When you come up to catch your breath, he looks at you mischievously. He wants you so bad… but he wants to play with you for a bit. After all, you did ask him to use his gun on you.

He suddenly flips you both around so he’s on top now, grasping his gun in the process so you don’t land on it. It is still loaded, after all. You look up at him adoringly and it melts his heart for a moment. You try to pull him in for another kiss, but he stops you and lets his gun sit on your lips again.

“Just hold on, honey. Didn’t you tell me you want me to use my gun on you?” you nod, eager to find out what your darling boyfriend has planned for you. He smiles at your obedience and then focuses on the gun still resting on your lips. He slowly drags it down again. Down your jaw, your neck, your collarbone, your nipple, your belly button… He’s nestled between your legs now, the tip of the gun resting right underneath your belly button.

His gaze flashes to your pussy, your clit already red and swollen, begging to be touched and your pretty hole already so wet with anticipation. “Look at that, baby. You’re so pretty and wet for me, aren’t ya?” he dips his head down slowly and unexpectedly licks a stripe from your hole to your clit, moaning at your taste and making you mewl at the sudden pleasure.

He looks up at you, admiring the pretty look on your face at his sudden action. “hey baby?” you answer with a breathy ‘yeah’. “can I try somethin’?” you pause for a moment, curious as to what this ‘something’ is, but you quickly say yes at his proposal. He smiles and sits up, slowly dragging the gun with him.

The gun traces down… slowly down to where your pretty clit is aching for Billy to just touch. When the cold metal touches your clit, you squeal softly in surprise, the sensation foreign to you. Bily quickly asks if you’re okay, but the only answer you give him is a low and breathy moan accompanied by a smile.

He traces the gun lower… all the way to your pretty hole. The barrel of the gun catches on it and teases your entrance slowly, warming you up to the feel of it. Soft moans and whines erupt from your mouth and Bily can’t get enough of the sight before him. You, your legs spread out for him, his gun between them, your pretty face while you make those delicious sounds for him. It spurs him on to do what he does next.

He stops teasing your entrance with the gun for a second, but before you can protest or whine about it, he slowly pushes the tip of his gun inside you. Yes, he did it ever so slowly, but he’s having you mewl and moan for him so easily. He slowly keeps pushing the gun inside you (while still making sure you’re okay the entire time) until it’s in as far as it can get. At this point, you’re a puddle for him, all lust and desire for him and your brain has turned to mush.

The gun is soaking with your juices at this point and you feel so good all filled up by it. Billy slowly starts moving the gun out of you until only the tip is left inside you. A guttural moan rips from your throat when he pushes it inside you fully again. He starts fucking you with it, setting a slow but deep pace that has you squirming for more. His dick is growing impossibly hard at the sight before him and he can’t take it anymore. He slowly pulls the gun out of you now, carefully depositing it off to the side.

He slowly drags his finger through your folds, gathering your wetness before stroking his cock with it, spreading your arousal over it. The sight of him pumping his cock in his hand right in front of you has you delirious.

“Baby…” you mewl, reaching for him. “What is it, honey?” he asks gently, “What do you want?”

“Please fuck me.” You say directly and he smiles at that, leaning down to met your gaze. “Yeah?” he asks, slowly dragging his cock through your folds, teasing you and making your moan softly. Your hips buck up into him and he laughs at you. He laughs at you, how mean. You enjoy it, though. You like it when you feel degraded by him.

“Yes, please honey, please…” you beg and he smiles before finally pushing inside you. He stretches you out slowly. Your mouth hangs open and your eyes roll back, a guttural moan escapes you when he bottoms out. He pauses for a moment to let you adjust, but god, is he stretching you out good.

“Fuck, you feel so good, baby. My pretty pussy is so wet for me.” he slowly starts moving in and out of you, making you mewl.

” And all because I fucked you with my gun?” His thrusts speed up and you scratch his back as you moan with every one. He grabs your thighs and proceeds to wrap your legs around his waist, making his cock hit a spot impossibly deep inside you.

“You’re filthy, you know that?” he sets a brutal pace, his thrusts hitting that spongy spot inside you so well every time. You cry out and he admires the expression on your face, brows furrowed, jaw slack, eyes rolled back, a hot blush spreading across your cheeks, a sheen of sweat coating your skin.

“Gettin’ off on me threatening you with my goddamned gun" he curses and he can feel you tightening around him at his words, having caught on to the fact that you like it when he says these things to you.

You’re going insane at this rate and you can feel the coil in your stomach tightening already. “I didn’t expect my sweet girl to like those things.” he states, obviously out of breath. "Turn around, baby." He demands before pulling out of you. You whine at the sudden emptiness, but you do as he says, propping yourself up on your knees and resting your head down on the makeshift pillow below you.

He kneels behind you, admiring the way your back is arched and the way your pussy is soaked for him before teasing your entrance with the tip of his dick again. You're about to complain about him not fucking you yet when he suddenly pushes inside you and bottoms out in one thrust.

Your face is pushed down into the pillow and your eyes roll to the back of your skull as he keeps fucking you, setting the same brutal pace as before. He bottomed out every single time, sending waves of pleasure to your core and you can feel your orgasm starting to build quickly.

You try to tell him that you're close, but all that leaves your mouth is moans and rambles. Your brain is foggy with pleasure, but he gets what you're trying to say. "What is it, darlin'? You close? What do you need?" He asks in a mocking tone of voice. You just answer with a whine.

He chuckles at your reaction before reaching in front of you to slowly rub at your clit. You mewl and squirm at the sensation, feeling the coil winding impossibly tighter. Billy's thrusts grow sloppy and you can tell he's about to cum as well.

He sets a fast, calculated pace at rubbing your clit. "Fuck, baby, you're squeezing me like a vice." You whine at his words. "I'm gonna cum inside you." he curses at the thought. "Fuck, I'm gonna fill you up so good, honey."

He's thrusting into you at an ungodly pace and his skilled fingers rubbing your clit is just too much. You cry out as your orgasm washes over you. Your cunt clamps down on Billy's dick, coating him with your cum.

he moans and fucks you through your orgasm. "Shit, baby, I'm gonna come." The movement of his hips stutter as he comes, filling you up just like he said he would, slowly pushing his cum deep inside you with every thrust.

You whine. You're overstimulated and you can't take any more. you claw at his back and he slowly pulls out. "Hey honey, you okay?" he asks gently, cupping your cheek with his hand. you nod and sigh, too tired to keep your eyes open.

Billy lies down next to you, holding you close to him. your sweaty bodies tangle as you both calm down and you both lie there for a while.

"Well." Billy starts after a bit. "That was... unexpected." You chuckle at his words and murmur a small 'yeah' in return.

"Why haven't we done that before?" He asks incredulously. You outright laugh at his question.

"Did you like it then?"

"Absolutely."

Tags: @harvey-malfoy

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eva-stator · 1 year ago

Note

I think I can try to answer anons questions about the characterizations. Apologies in advance because this is LOOOOOONG.

First things first, to be in the SAS means more than just being a soldier. The British SAS are the literal top of the top, cream of the crop of their special forces. They are compared a lot with DEVGRU (seals) and Delta Force. Less than 1% of armed forces members can pass selection and complete their training. They are all, in their own ways, very hardened individuals. They’re all extremely intelligent in several skills, and equally competent. (This isn’t to stroke off the special forces. They are not superhuman and are never immune to dying from their own mistakes or pure bad luck. It’s extremely dangerous to be in counter terrorism or do raids like they do, and a not insignificant amount die of dumb mistakes or unavoidable circumstances. But they’re not to be fucked with either)

Soap is sniper, demolitions expert. These require math skills and chemical knowledge. He’s intelligent, stoic sometimes but more spirited. He wants to help. He gets angry when bad things happen, and he seems to really care about civilians. He’s got a strong sense of right and wrong, and voices his opinions always. He pushes buttons and boundaries, but he’s no braggart. Equally, he is intense. His humour is actually kinda dry and teasing, banter style humour. He’s not actually very silly.

Ghost is more ambiguous. He’s more rugged and detached. More introverted. He only starts joking with soap in alone, more than halfway through the game, so his trust is gained through time and effort. His humour is dry, sometimes dad jokes and sometimes fucked up jokes. Overall, he’s emotionally detached and goal oriented. He’s got a bit of the sillies though, just a taste.

Gaz is an extremely important main character. He was vital in all games, including the first mw reboot game in 2019, his character was made before soap and ghosts were. (Which is why his deliberate exclusion is a goddamn travesty). He’s spirited and strong, his skills of resistance to interrogation, escape and evasion, as well as VIP protection means he’s an intelligent independent mind. While injustices anger him, he’s got a level head and can cede to reason and keep that anger supressed, as well as be an important voice of reason. He can also be sympathetic and guiding, as seen in the mission where he guides a civilian through an extremely dangerous situation to safety.

Captain price is a staple character for the series. He’s confident but also slightly unhinged. He’s experienced, maybe a bit detached, he doesn’t give a god damn about consequences unless he gets what he wants or completes his goal. He will throw every law out the window. He will abandon basic morals and principles. He’s extremely dangerous and not to be fucked with or questioned. Hes called John “war crimes” price by the fandom for a reason. He has his more gentle side, but it’s rare and he will only show it to people he seems worthy of it, like Farah Karim or Kate laswell. He saves people but he does it roughly, he never seems to handle civilians with kid gloves, and he’s kinda rough and detached from them. He’ll save your life, but he’ll probably break your arm in the process and definitely won’t apologize for it. It’s important to note he knows what he does is fucked up. He knows people don’t like it. He gives people a way out, lets them choose if they really want to fully jump in the mud with him. He also smokes cigars with car windows rolled up. Absolutely evil action. He’s also my favourite and I love him in a way that you love a grizzly bear.

Obligatory Kate mention. Kate is a cia agent who is basically the leash that keeps John from acting out too hard. She reins them in, keeps them informed. She’s level headed and a quick thinker. She knows how the game of war is played, when and how to play by and within the rules and keeps everyone from breaking them in ways that could spiral out of control. She also knows when to let them do shady shit, and how to get them out of the messes they get themselves into. She is a very strong character, mainly in mind but also in body, and will get her hands dirty if she has to.

TLDR these are deceptively complicated characters, as in, it’s easy to mistake them as pretty surface level. They’re also easy to mistake with their fanon characterizations, which while fun, are often headcanons that the fandom has taken and run with. They’re also, not always very accurate depictions of the characters. If you wanna write them right, you gotta watch and listen to their mission dialogue.

These are generally simplified introductions based on what I observed playing the games.

Tip and trick, if you’re writing a dialogue line, imagine the characters voice saying it out loud. Say it out loud yourself. If you can fully hear the character saying the line, it’s probably a great line. If you can’t picture them saying it, tweak it until you can. This helps me a lot.

Thank you :)

Also love the kate mention

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baerverteidiger · 6 months ago

Text

Warning - What you are about to read may be offensive to you.

"The Truth"

In the United States, we live in a society that "promotes" pedophilia.

Why would I say this?

I live in the United States and have grown up watching television, movies, media, and more.

Most of the people on television and movies are young men and women in high school/college and/or they resemble someone of that age.

When we watch commercials and media, children are put into these advertisements to "entice" us to buy and/or eat their product.

When we watch the "new" Star Trek Movies... we ONLY see people that look to be fresh out of highschool or college (some of the actors look like they could still be in high school!)

To me... Every single place you look, every single person looks to be young, skinny, and child-like.

(My examination of media)

-----

Why would I say all this?

First... we have thousands and thousands of individuals in prisons and jails convicted of pedophilia.

We have TONS of people whom have sexual ideations for the youth and SOCIETY wonders, "Where did all of these pedophiles come from?"

In my honest opinion, I believe all this pedophilia comes from "Media."

----

If I was a straight man and had a wife, I would imagine that I would want a woman with large tits and wide hips.

Why?

Women are meant to have wide hips. Women have wide hips so they can give birth to children.

Women are also meant to have large tits. Women use their large tits to feed their child after giving birth.

We NEVER see women with wide hips and big tits on television ANYMORE!!

A classic example of this was in, "Star Trek: Voyager"

Seven of Nine used to be put into a TIGHT FITTING outfit that accentuated her big chest and her wide hips. Not only that, but much of the cast were all older individuals that DID NOT look like young adults.

Nowadays... EVERYBODY looks like YOUNG ADULTS whom are pre-pubescent! Even Star Trek actors all look FRESH OUT OF COLLEGE and glamourized!!!

What ever happened to glamourizing "ADULTS!"

To all those women whom COMPLAIN about women ALWAYS being sexualized... Wouldn't you rather ADULTS be sexualized and NOT children?!

We in the United States... DO NOT HAVE ADEQUATE MODELS FOR ADULTS ON TELEVISION!!

We do NOT see VOLUPTUOUS FULL FIGURED WOMEN ON TELEVISION AND MEDIA!!!

----

Society really wonders... "Why is pedophilia SO RAMPANT?"

The truth is RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE!!

I am going to say this plain and simply... Hollywood, FCC, and the powers that be... ARE PROMOTING PEDOPHILIA!

I cannot tell you the last time I saw a FULL FIGURED woman that was voluptuous and sexually appealing on television... EVERYBODY LOOKS LIKE GODDAMN CHILDREN.

------

There are many examples in the "Animal Kingdom" that correlate to what I am saying.

Many animals STRIVE to mate with the largest and most beautiful male or female.

But... the example that I think of the most...

Humans are like flowers.

Flowers start off as a small seed, which geminates and starts to grow. As time goes on, flowers become BIG and BEAUTIFUL.

This analogy of flower to humans is THE EXACT SAME.

--------

Another major reason why I do NOT like our society living in this "pedophile society"....

We are making "under-developed" and "under-fed" people... OUR ROLE MODELS.

These role models are UNREALISTICALLY skinny! They do NOT eat ENOUGH FOOD to sustain a GROWING BODY!

I have heard conversations of adult women whom say, "I couldn't even eat a whole "Happy Meal" and look at how skinny I am!"

That bitch is being serious?! A "Happy Meal" is meant for CHILDREN! An adult woman will NOT even finish a meal for a CHILD?! This is NOT my type of ROLE MODEL!!

Don't you see what is WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!

Everybody resembles high school kids and under-developed young girls.

And... Society wonders, "Why there are so many pedophiles around the world?"

----

Now... I am going to play "Devil's Advocate"...

Young girls start having periods around the age of 10-16. This fact alone MUST mean... that girls reach sexual maturity at the age of... 10 or 16, right?

WRONG!!

Girls still have to GROW and DEVELOP their mammory glands. They also need to grow to their physical potential to GIVE BIRTH.

-------

When I walk into a crowded room of people... I see young kids and scrawny puny little punks, whom think they are tough shit and everybody wants their genitals.

Society glamourizes these young adults...

I find it to be APPALLING that some meek and meager little runt is being "glorified" for being a dweeb with no muscle mass and looks like some pre-pubescent cunt.

--------

Like I said...

People will likely find this post offensive, but the fact is real...

Pedophilia runs rampant in society and around the world.

There are NO SEXUALLY STIMULATING FULL FIGURED MODELS, because we live in a "Pedophile Society."

----------

This post is NOT about hate. It is about EXPOSING pedophilia and EXPLAIN how our ROLE MODELS and MEDIA creates THESE MONSTERS whom kidnap little boys and girls WORLDWIDE!

Tumblr employees whom do NOT Blaze this are ENCROACHING ON MY FREEDOM OF SPEECH!!

#baerverteidiger

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sanders1665 · 3 days ago

Text

We're not people anymore—we're pixels, posturing avatars in a never-ending gladiator match of validation. Each tap, each swipe, another offering to the algorithm gods. Welcome to the feed, baby. Step right up. Strip yourself down to marketable traits and watch the likes flood in like dirty money through a cracked Vegas slot.

The feeds are everything. The feeds are nothing. They're just human vending machines now—stick a coin in, out pops someone’s trauma, their tits, their kid’s birthday, their dog’s death, their hot take on NATO, their #GRWM grief routine. It’s all content. All of it. And goddamn it if we’re not feeding each other into the beast with smiling faces and monetized hashtags.

Political leaders don't debate—they stream. War criminals with ring lights and branded hoodies. Soldiers of the dumb leading armies of dopamine addicts. Left, right, center? Nah. It’s all just teams now. Just jerseys. And behind the jerseys? Content creators. Megaphones with egos. Opinions wrapped in sponsored segments.

And TikTok? That’s the town square where Shakespeare got replaced by someone lip-syncing about their break-up while bouncing in yoga pants. Instagram is just soft-core capitalism—filter your face, filter your life, but don’t you dare filter your reach. Got a modeling gig? Great. But make sure you clock in at CVS this weekend because fame don’t cover rent unless it’s viral.

Facebook? Like a community notice board run by madmen and bots. Join a group? Sure. Want to bond over asbestos? Enlighten your soul with naked yoga and essential oils that cure cancer? It's all there. Fifty million dopamine churches, each one with its own gospel, its own snake oil priest.

And X—oh, X. A cesspool dressed up in silicon armor, run by a man-boy who thinks he's Tony Stark but acts like a bored Reddit mod with a God complex. Every take is a flame war. Every thread a minefield. And we keep scrolling through the carnage, thumbs twitching like lab rats on speed.

Scroll. Scroll. Scroll. There’s a plane crash. A school shooting. A fucking cat wearing sunglasses and playing piano. A celebrity redemption arc. A breakdown. A comeback. A murder. A make-up tutorial. A ghost sighting. An alien. A child dancing at a funeral while someone vlogs their grief.

We’re in a constant state of voyeurism and exhibitionism, both at once. The orgy of self-exposure, the bloodsport of public opinion. You want private content? Pay up. You want the truth? Scroll past it. You want peace of mind? You’re in the wrong century.

This isn’t a society anymore. It’s a contest. A rat race on LSD where the finish line keeps moving and the prize is a poisoned trophy.

So here’s my message, not that they’ll hear it—too busy counting followers, likes, clout. To the influencers and the brand consultants, to the blue checkmark prophets and the dopamine pimps:

Fuck off.

Give me back sanity. Give me back privacy. Give me back a world where your value wasn’t measured in engagement metrics and trending hashtags.

We’re drowning in noise. And somewhere deep down, someone still remembers silence.

But not today.

Because the feed’s still scrolling.

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jdorian · 6 days ago

Note

Mel and Langdon for the ship game?

aww hi v <333

oh, now this one is a tough one. i love their dynamic in any flavours it comes and i definitely see the appeal, but ultimately i'm on the fence to how to answer this lmao

i would say this is one of my casual ships, where i ship it, but not hard enough to do anything about it if that makes sense lmao

1. What made you ship it?

listen. listennn. you don't just give me this human form of a sunbeam and then let her crawl into the heart of this sarcastic impulsive ADHD workaholic drug addict and then expect me to to just go "yeah nah that doesn't sound plausible" lmao

i'm sorry, but the way Frank hadn't just had a room but an entire mansion decorated for Mel in his heart within mere hours of knowing her? are you kidding me??

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

i guess this is my favourite thing about the show as a whole too, but the way the characters are so goddamn layered gives so much space to play with them and with these two especially because wow.

like, Mel imprinted on Frank so hard, he disappeared for an hour and her entire posture changed!! and on the other end of the equation, Frank has been looking across rooms to make sure he knew where and in what state Mel was at all times, she only had to prove him once that she's up for it and Frank was praising her, openinly showing nothing but awe and care for her and just their physical closeness and how comfortable they are with each other speaks louder than anything i could say here tbh

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

apparently some people think shipping people who are married to another character is somehow treacherous and wRoNg and i'm here to say: it fucking isn't. it's fake. they are barbie dolls. everyone can play with them however they'd like. and more specifically, dude, Frank's wife deserves a break from him 😭

also, no idea if this is unpopular, but i loved Taylor saying that she thinks Mel is asexual, cuz i think it adds another layer to this ship that could be so worth of exploring if people weren't so afraid.

okay, so maybe i'm not that casual about them after all, what of it.

ask me about ships

#kingdon #the pitt #ask #insecuregodcomplex #💛💛

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recklessmark · 2 years ago

Text

You stand nervously with your back pressed against the wall as the players trickle out of the exit. The audience starts screaming and chanting the name of the team they root for.

Two teams. Two rounds. One champion.

Your heart races faster as you see two figures finally skate out from behind the corridor. A small smile tugs your lips when Jeno stops where you’re standing, but it quickly falls as you realize Mark is with him, too. He has a sly smirk plastered on his face while Jeno’s clenching his jaw so hard you think he might break his teeth. There’s this feeling that has been setting you on edge since today’s morning, and judging by the look on their faces, your intuition is true.

Jeno sets his hockey stick down, letting it lean against the wall. His helmet is hold against his hip.

“Hey, what’s wrong babe?” You ask him worriedly.

But before he could muster an answer, Mark chimes in. “Well I might have started a bet and your boyfriend is being a pussy about it.”

When your eyes fall on Mark, he’s having his stick parked across his shoulder, his other hand holding his helmet. As much as you want to deny it, Mark looks smoking hot in his hockey gear and that infuriating smirk on his face doesn’t help calming the frantic beats of your heart either.

“Watch your fucking mouth,” Jeno almost growls as he suddenly swivels on his skates and gets into Mark’s face.

The older doesn’t back down, instead he even leans in further, dark eyes staring at Jeno’s. “You’re just scared you’re gonna lose.”

Your eyes widen at the sight of these two men. They’re always like this whenever they have a match against each other. But this time, it seems the thin line that separates them from setting off a shitstorm has been crossed. Thoughtlessly, you jump in between them, both of your hands gripping their biceps.

“Are you done? The game is beginning in a few minutes and you guys are here acting like goddamn kids fighting for their toys.”

Both of them stare at you for a beat on silence before you notice Jeno’s eyes focus on where you’re holding Mark’s bicep. Panicked, you jerk your hand away at the same time Jeno pulls you into his arms. Roughly, he pushes you against the wall and catches your lips with a vicious kiss. You gasp, your eyes widen in surprise. The intense gaze of Mark, which is probably magnetic, catches yours and you’re unable to look away or close your eyes. Your skin crawls, not from how roughly Jeno’s kissing you, but from the way Mark’s watching you. It’s like he’s a predator, and you’re the little targeted prey.

Only when you feel your lungs are screaming for oxygen, does Jeno release you. Your jaw mildly aches from how he was holding your face. Then he turns to Mark, licking his lips with a vicious grin.

“I’m not gonna lose, motherfucker.”

“He better not,” Mark tells you, eyes never leave yours. “Because if he does, I’ll have no choice but to ruin you for everyone else, including him.” He let loose a sinister smile. “I’m curious how sweet Jeno Lee’s girlfriend tastes.”

It then dawns on you what kind of bet they’re having and how bad their rivalry has escalated. The fact that they didn’t even include you or your opinion in their fucked-up arrangement actually makes you feel like a small toy in their hands. And you don’t exactly hate that, instead you’re glad that your heart hasn’t jumped out of your ribs from how excited you are.

“And please give an applause to our captains, Jeno Lee and Mark Lee!”

Not even bothered to put on their helmets, both of them strut onto the arena like Gods. You press a hand against your chest, unable to decide whether you want your boyfriend to win or not. If they’re crazy, you must be beyond insane.

a/n: i just can’t get those pictures out of my head 😭

#mark lee smut #mark smut #nct smut #mark scenarios #jeno smut #jeno scenarios

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jqmalikhsgib · 9 months ago

Text

insta blurb twelve

🍒🍒🍒🍒

ynstyles

5,673,000 Likes

ynstyles slut 4 harry is gonna be tattooed on my forehead!

view all 32,623 comments

harrystyles slut 4 yn is already tattoos on my ass so why not?

harrynews same babes!

ynrry mother!

zayn oh—

corbstyles i think im gonna be sick

harryforpres i need him in ways i never thought i needed a man

slut4harry im gonna pretend this was a personal shout out from yn!!!

ynstyles

6,738,000 Likes

ynstyles famous for loving you. hated for the same.

view all 43,095 comments

ynrry you two are so cute and your story has so much depth. like you both went through so much. i can’t understand why people don’t love you!

harrynotstyles i love them! they’re cuties 😍

sunflowervol6 i need them both!!

stanselandstyles i think they’re all just jealous. the only explanation

annetwist :( we love you darling. just know that, okay?

zayn fuck them all!

henhenhendall if you weren’t so fake and admit you couldn’t give three shits about harry. you only care about his fame and fortune and you prove that each fucking time.

hendallendgame @henhenhendall and the simple fact that he cheated on her multiple times! the man was clearly bored and didn’t want her anymore. it’s almost as if she got pregnant on purpose with their daughter so he’d feel more guilty and stay. she’s so desperate

ynstyles @hendallendgame @henhenhendall let me just tell you something that no one knows! i was literally divorcing harry. i had filed and sent him the paperwork. he literally cried on the phone every single night, begging me to not break up our family. i didn’t care what he had to say for three whole months. i just wanted him to be there for our kids! but after a while i missed him and i knew he was working on himself so i told him we could try and work our shit out. i wasn’t ever gonna spill anything but i just talked to my husband and he said it was okay. one of the people he cheated on me with was your favorite model. oh yeah, that’s right, misses kendall jenner herself. so kindly fuck off and leave my marriage alone! i love harry more than anyone in this goddamn world! fuck anyone who believes otherwise 🤷🏽‍♀️

tmz

10,008,644 Likes

tmz uh oh! yn styles went on a rampage with two harry styles fan accounts. she talks about divorce but more importantly she spills one of the women styles cheated on her with. looks like miss jenner has some explaining to do! click the link in bio to find out more!

view all 55,834 comments

harrynews the fact that i had a feeling. i love harry but, yikes!

women4women i am not surprised. hopefully yn leaves this man one day

longhairharold wow. i wouldn’t know how to feel if i were yn. to cheat on her with someone of that high class and beauty. don’t get me wrong, yn is prettier in my opinion but, she’s the complete opposite of everything yn is. i just—why harry?

stylesfamily i feel so bad for yn

harrystyles i messed up and i regret all my decisions! i will not be explaining anymore. my wife and i have moved on and we’re gonna raise our three beautiful kids and the fans who still constantly come for her will be blocked! please leave me and my family alone. and always, treat people with kindness

#jqhotchner #jqhotchner masterlist #harry styles x black!reader #harry styles blurb #harry styles x you #harry styles series #harry styles x reader #harry styles fake ig #sea view jqhotchner

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s1aywalker · 10 months ago

Text

꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ just fake it through the day and the night is your god. ꨄ

↷ ✩ —— video store clerk sam monroe headcanons. (sfw)

warnings: brief mention of weed, profane language (sorry i can't help it).

𝜗𝜚˚⋆ sam monroe who is admittedly terrible at his job. he lives by the philosophy of the customer is always wrong. but what he lacks in customer service skills, he makes up for in love of movies... especially horror.

𝜗𝜚˚⋆ sam monroe who gets fired from the store what seems like every other week. whether it's because his drawer was suspiciously short, because he didn't show up, or because too many customers have called complaining about his poor attitude and how he smells like a skunk.

𝜗𝜚˚⋆ sam monroe who rolls out of bed in the late afternoon to show up for his closing shift ten minutes late with his boots unlaced, still wearing his smeared eyeliner from the night before.

𝜗𝜚˚⋆ sam monroe who soccer moms can't stand because he always has some splatter gore flick playing on the display television behind the counter. the snot nosed kids hug mommy's legs and hide their face in her back while they're checking out. meanwhile, she's shooting sam death glares and he seems oblivious. when really, he just doesn't give a fuck. she goes home with her bambi and spy kids tapes, and immediately makes a phone call to his manager... another tally on his shit list.

"all those bitchy moms are lucky," he mumbles to you while his fingers absentmindedly toy with the silver labret stabbed through his skin. but there's something playful, amused tugging crookedly on his lips as his gaze remains focused on the flickering television, while screams of terror crackled from speakers. "this isn't shit. if i wanted to traumatize their little brats, i'd put on maniac... i left my nametag at home, anyway." but, of course, it isn't difficult for the higher ups to piece together the puzzle.

𝜗𝜚˚⋆ sam monroe who thinks it's fucking hilarious to recommend the worst selections imaginable to customers that won't know what hit 'em. another reason for him to be fired, honestly. he sees a teen lingering a little too long in the horror section and when they ask for something that'll scare their friends this weekend... according to his manager, faces of death was not the correct answer.

𝜗𝜚˚⋆ sam monroe whose favorite customer is you.

𝜗𝜚˚⋆ sam monroe who always makes it a point to come out from behind his throne that is the checkout counter every time you come in. he wants to bug you, to breathe down your neck to see what you're going to rent because he's nosey and too impatient to find out what it'll be whenever you decide to bring your handful of selections to the front. and he wants to throw out his own recommendations, too, while he straightens out a nearby shelf.

𝜗𝜚˚⋆ sam monroe who can go on for hours about movies when he's talking to you. he's very strongly opinionated... to a fault, honestly. because he won't bite his tongue when you examine a tape he's seen and didn't like, or when you bring up enjoying some new horror flick that, in his mind, has nothing compared to a good gory classic. he'll argue with you on it, and remain firm on his stance, with a mouth that seems and sounds mean, but it's never really directed towards you.

"the grudge fucking sucked, don't you dare get that." he snorted, snatching the new release out of your hands with more aggression than necessary. it's shoved back into its slot as he begins scanning over the neatly organized shelf labeled horror, a black painted nail dragging along spines for something specific. "they americanized it for no goddamn reason... here." the search was over as he pulled out the haunting japanese cover of ju-on. "watch the original... and call me if you piss your pants."

𝜗𝜚˚⋆ sam monroe who only pretends to be annoyed when you come in ten til close with no reason other than to keep him company during the deserted hour. he says you should have just called him to hang after he clocked out, but really, he's glad you're there, because he's seen the movie he has on at least six times.

𝜗𝜚˚⋆ sam monroe who stands behind the counter while you're propped up on the surface during a lull, security cameras be damned. he was supposed to have mopped the bathroom and locked the doors by now... but mouths keep running and laughter becomes louder than the shitty movie that has now been forgotten and reduced to background noise with a chilling soundtrack.

𝜗𝜚˚⋆ sam monroe who is inching closer to your perched position and closing the gap with a bag of sour gummy worms in his hands that he says the store won't notice missing. the plastic corner is ripped open with his teeth to share and it's a bribe, a ploy to get you to stay longer.

𝜗𝜚˚⋆ sam monroe who finally convinces you to rent the evil dead trilogy. it's one of his favorites, and of course he's going to suggest you make a marathon out of it, with him tagging along for the blood soaked journey. he promises to bring your favorite candies and the popcorn with extra butter, and he promises to not talk through them... but he accidentally grabs the regular popcorn instead, and he can't help but go on and on about every single fun fact about the series that pops into his head while he gradually scoots closer.

#꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ ch: sam monroe.#꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ alyssa writes.#꒰ა ♱ ໒꒱ alyssa edits.#im actually writing a whole Thing i promise but! headcanons first!#spicy ones next xo.#sam monroe #sam monroe x you #sam monroe x reader #hayden christensen

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nonokoko13 · 1 year ago

Text

SPOILERS SXF CHAPTER 93 ❗❗❗

So, chapter 93. Starting with Anya scores...

THAT'S MY GIRL!!!! CONGRATULATIONS BABY!!! 🎉🎊🥳

(Let's take a moment to appreciate what a good and supportive friend Becky is too 💖)

As I expected Anya passed classical language (with a huge improvement!) but in the large, tedious walk on Hell that is school not everyone can get exceptional grades in every subject unless you're a Desmond apparently and Anya, as many people who preceded her and will come after her, failed math.

I have seen many people make theories about how certain older student who we shall discuss next could be her tutor. However, my theory is that she will receive help from Bill in the future

It makes more sense: both already know each other, Anya has more chances of Bill accepting or suggesting to help her than the-one-I-shall-name-later and overall Bill seems more communicative and better at socialising and explaining himself. Let's not forget he received a stella in math after all. So for me Bill seems like the most plausible option (maybe we will get jealous Damian with this friendship?)

Back at the Forgers residence the Authens pay a visit to congratulate Anya as well. When I read Sigmund's sentence about how rewarding is to have a payment for your hard work my mind automatically thought "But sometimes no matter how hard you try you don't get a reward. Sometimes the result is just not worth the effort" (I think many people has a canon event that reveals them that, specially when you're in highschool, middle school or college)

And right after thinking that he agreed with me lol. My mind really anticipates things before finishing a panel

Speaking of hard work and grades, I'm taking this chance to give my opinion: a system based on giving stars to those who have the highest grades while those who fail face the possibility of being expelled is awful. Not getting a star and comparing yourself to your peers already make horrors to your self esteem, imagine a child getting expelled for repeatedly fail a exam that may not be adapted to their needs (or getting many tonitrus for things your teachers disapprove of you but you didn't know it was wrong or for something about yourself you cannot control. For example a kid with ADHD unintentionally interrupting someone, disconnecting in the middle of a conversation or making noise with their leg when they stay still for too long. No need to go as far as talking about neurodivergent kids, look at that chapter where Anya got a tonitrus for not having a handkerchief. Who the fuck is punished for that when you're an adult anyway)

Enough of that, back to the chapter. Let's talk about what hyped me the most: Demetrius finally appearing on screen!

We already had crumbs of him before. Given Damian inferiority complex when comparing himself to him when he had talked about school and Twilight noticing his exams barely had any mistakes back in the chapter where Daybreak was welcomed to this world, him being a exceptional student when it comes to academics isn't surprising in the least.

Many say he's ugly and exactly like his father but I disagree. Donovan looks like a goddamn Frankenstein if Frankenstein was ugly, Demetrius take after his dead eyes look but he's pretty like Melinda. Not conventionally pretty like Damian or Melinda but kinda pretty. Like a zombie with sleep deprivation but in an endearing way. It's not his fault he's built like a Tim Burton or Don't Starve Together character... anyway I'm sure his appearance can grow up on you, hopefully (;´ ▾ `)

About the theories regarding this panel

It may be true something's going on, maybe he was really experimented on... But I can't stop thinking he was in that very moment "No thoughts, head empty" mode

I mean, he looks like a walking corpse in dire need of a proper nap, can you blame him if his thoughts are mainly focused on studies when Donovan probably spent time with him only for the sake of producing a good grades, not independent thinking machine as his heir? "He watch him study all the time."

I don't think it was necessary for a tragic incident to change Donovan and made him distant from his family. I suspect he has always been like that, perhaps even before having Demetrius, so it was less a traumatic big event and more the exhausting everyday life Demetrius has been having as far as he remembers of being supervised by his father in order to be the best at school and everything that turned him into the probably burnt out teenager he is.

Same with Melinda, being married to somebody you might not have even loved when you first got together, a man who doesn't try to understand others or seem capable of caring for anyone, a man who is not precisely publicly known for his kindness (remember Millie and Yor's boss when Donovan was brought up?)... Being married to that kind of person for years and then having kids with that person and have to keep being related to them for at least until your kids graduate sound like a miserable life indeed

The Desmond have a common theme going around that is understanding the world around them, or rather the lack of it. I can say for sure that Demetrius feeling overwhelmed simply with a bunch of kids and thinking he can't understand people have its roots in Donovan

• For Donovan is his narrow minded belief that nobody can't understand — therefore neither trust — each other because people is different; and as long as that phrase of "two people can't think the same" lives to the reality it finds itself in reaching a common ground is impossible.

• Donovan influenced Demetrius. Perhaps Demetrius doesn't share his father belief and that's not why he can't understand others, maybe it is because he was possibly deprived of a normal childhood where he could socialise with others of his age without his father expectations onto him.

Many academic gifted children reach a part of their lives where their habit is to think inside the box of "Good grades is all I'm good at or all I should care about; good grades = doing fine; it's all about what you can prove to those who expect something from you, not what you can prove to yourself to make you feel satisfied and happy".

When people who raised you condition you to act, live and think the way they wanted you to do is difficult to break and separate yourself from that. Plus he's going through the middle school phase, from personal experience that makes you x10 times angsty and complicated to understand yourself, much less everyone else.

• With Damian it is less discussed and pointed out because he's been able to have a relatively normal —if anything very neglected — childhood up to this point. He has friends, he acts like a kid of his age, his life doesn't revolve around his grades all the time... But that's the bare minimum of what a good childhood should be like.

It may be because of his age, but he doesn't see the bigger picture of his family. He can't see what is wrong with them (yet) because in his eyes nothing is wrong. Sure, he feels lonely and works hard for his dad to notice him, but that happens in many families right? He's not even in denial, he doesn't phantom the idea that what his family is, how they behave towards each other or towards him, isn't normal.

Don't make me start with how his future plans is following Donovan's footsteps in politics because he's trying that hard to approach him. He works hard at school because in his mind being like Demetrius or how he believes Donovan wants him to be would bring them closer, receive an understanding relationship from his dad when we know there might not be genuine affection between them from Donovan's side to start with.

He's teaching himself that love is conditioned by your "worth" or by whether you get to the expectations your loved ones have. That reminds me of what Sigmund told Anya because it sounds like a foretelling of Damian's life: [...] And one day you'll experience the frustration of realizing that hard work is not always rewarded. He doesn't many things and his age may explain it but it doesn't justify, if he continues thinking like that he'll have his hopes crushed and may turn out like Demetrius.

• As for Melinda, is difficult to talk about the point she stands in the understanding theme. Unlike her family she does seem able to understand people, perhaps because she wasn't raised like her kids have been. She's aware that her husband party made a lot of damage to their country, she seems aware and attentive to what surrounds her.

I don't think she cannot be understanding or perceptive, I think it's the other way around: the people she's surrounded by cannot understand her. Neither Yor, Anya, Damian, surely Demetrius and Donovan neither, her "friends" of the association she's in... Not even us can't understand the reason why she's so conflictive about Damian yet.

In just one appearance Donovan made his belief clear, thus giving us an idea of what type of feelings he has towards Damian. We can get so much of his character as a person with one chapter, but Melinda has appeared more than him and her true self is unknown. Donovan is reserved in a physical way, he isolates himself by not going outside and socialising, but he's not against the idea of explaining a stranger his stance in life. Melinda surrounds herself of people and listens to them but she keeps to herself.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to see more of Demetrius and the Desmonds. Hope we get more screen time of them, unless Endo has decided to drop such episode only to give us a one-shot chapter next and not elaborate further before introducing a complete different arc 💦

Although with what we have I'm already bought and entertained enough. Our favorite family is great but hooray for secondary characters being given depth and spotlight in this manga 🥳

See you next chapter reaction! If I made another one after other 25 full moons. I'm probably forgetting to talk about something...Oh well

#spy x family #sxf #manga spoilers #sxf chapter 93 #sxf spoilers #spy x family spoilers #chapter analysis #anya forger #bill watkins #donovan desmond #demetrius desmond #damian desmond #melinda desmond #becky blackbell #emile elman #ewen egeburg #GOD YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS EMO KID TO ARRIVE #my speculation of his looks was completely wrong and I'm glad it was. He looks prettier with not having a ikemen face #maybe it's just me and my liking for unconventional faces or faces different from the normal face an artist give to their ocs tho #idk. he looks neat to me #reminds me of owls and lemurs ✨#Maybe that's not the compliment I think it is given I also like George face because he gives me Frankenstein vibes #(not the same as Donovan's Frankenstein vibes btw)#♡ — shut up noko #Dementrius does sound like he would listen to MCR if there was MCR equivalent in sxf world. Look what parent issues and 0 naps do to a mf #Donovan let your family have a life without physical or spiritual presence or the consequences of it leaving a mark on them challenge #(impossible)#sigmund authen #almost forgot to tag Einstein looking grandpa #demetrius probably have 0 friends too. poor guy

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arysthaeniru · 2 months ago

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I finally watched the Like A Dragon TV show, and man. Woof. Real mixed bag.

Now, I wasn't immediately biased against the show like most Yakuza fans were, when I heard they were deviating from canon a fair bit. I'm not somebody who's slavish to canon or timelines or lore or anything. I don't care if they change details or characters if it leads to a tighter, more coherent show. This is why Elementary is the superior modern-day Sherlock Holmes adaptation, despite deviating heavily from details/lore in the original books. This is pretty much always been my fundamental opinion about any adaptation--different things work for different mediums.

Also, judging by my nearly 200,000 word fixit fic I wrote--I'm not exactly fond of the plot of Yakuza 1. I was pretty excited to see something a bit different, taking the basic elements of Yakuza 1 and updating them to make coherent/thematic sense.

So, let's start with the things I liked. I was so excited about the first scene of the first episode, as a woman lover. Yumi and Miho are characters??? Real characters with personality and agency?? I was so goddamn excited, because that's literally all my Yakuza fanfic has been-me trying to bring women to life (and the gay agenda). It also felt like really good foreshadowing--oh look! Here's Yumi planning and executing a heist perfectly (Nishiki and Kiryu are the ones who fucked up!), cut to 10 years in the future, where she'll do the same thing again, with much bigger stakes. It felt resonant and promising. I feel like throughout the show, Yumi and Miho felt like real women, with real personalities and desires, and the very first scene helps build that up.

I also quite liked the change to Kazama! I liked him as the caretaker of the orphanage, I liked him as the retired Dragon of Dojima. I like that the 'Dragon of Dojima' was the title given to Dojima's best prize fighter in the ring. The moniker 'Dragon of Dojima' NEVER made sense for Kiryu , especially after the backstory of Yakuza 0 kind of fucked up the way that Kiryu's backstory worked when the game first released in 2005. After Yakuza 0 and Kiryu's animosity with Dojima, the moniker was weird and felt shoehorned in. This show's interpretation felt like a much more natural title--and I liked the obvious, immediate, dramatic irony that Kiryu and Nishiki look down upon and resent Kazama their guardian, while also idolizing Kazama's dirty past as a yakuza. It felt resonant to the main theme of the Yakuza series: that family keep making the same mistakes as each other, over and over again. You can try all you like to protect your children and family from harm and from the truth--but they will make all the same mistakes that you did, over and over again, because the Yakuza world is this drainpipe down which lives are ruined. I liked that! I liked how desperate to stop them Kazama is throughout this show, and yet how powerless he is. Kazama in the main game was too powerful and omnipotent, so his inaction in the main game felt cruel, because of how powerful and influential he was within the yakuza world. By recasting him as a civilian who has no influence, it's tragic and absolves him of the complicated role he plays in Kiwami 1.

(It's why I hate Episodes 5/6 where they, without fanfare, undo that status quo with no explanation or reason, but it seemed initially promising!)

I liked the relationship between all four of the Sunflower Kids, it felt easy and natural, the characters all had decent chemistry (except Yumi and Nishiki's actors, who never interact EVER until Episode 5....we'll get back to that.) Miho's actor is DELIGHTFUL, and you really do get the sense that she was the emotional glue of the group that held them together. Her death being the catalyst for everything going wrong is not only well-framed by the narrative, but feels plausible because of just how well they set her up as bubbly and personable.

They removed the politician plotline and Jingu entirely. Neither element ever really fitted into the original game's story well, and although I did my best with it in my fanfic, I agree with the TV show's choice to excise it completely.

Also, as convoluted as it was, I liked the events that lead to Dojima's death. Clearly, the showrunners wanted to avoid the whole 'Yumi-gets-raped-loses-her-memory-from-the-trauma-and-Nishiki-kills-Dojima-on-a-whim'. I think that was a good choice! Yumi's rape is never given real weight within the game's story, so removing it entirely is fine to me. I liked the show writers collapsing the two storylines about Nishiki's murders into one.

Dojima is now instrumental to Miho's death, and cons Nishiki out of a great sum of money, instead of that rando subordinate that was introduced in Kiwami 1. I really like that Nishiki didn't shoot Dojima out of recklessness, but out of a desire to see him dead for using Miho as a pawn in his gamble for money. I think it's better characterization for Nishiki, and it's a great springing off point that leads us to Nishiki and Kiryu both despising the yakuza in 2005.

I like Miho and Kiryu's parallels throughout the show, as these people who are committed to overworking and living in the moment. Neither character cares especially much about the future--they're living in the present, and that's something the show both glorifies and makes tragic in a really interesting way. (Also, it really vindicates my own characterization, where I parallel Kiryu/Yuko and Nishiki/Yumi as foil of each other). I also like that Kiryu and Yumi are the ones present at her funeral and in her last moments, while Nishiki is embroiled in the money problems, the yakuza intrigue. Instead of spending his last moments with her, Nishiki goes after revenge. It's good! It's such a compelling flaw to give Nishiki's character.

Nishiki's actor in general is just a delight! Both young goofy Nishiki and cold, adult Nishiki are played so well! Clearly whoever wrote this script was a Nishiki fan, there's so many small little lines and details that aren't from the games, but feel so in-line with the games. I really like that at the beginning of the 2005 segment, while he's not exactly on GOOD terms with Yumi or Kiryu, he's at least paying lipservice to the idea that they're his family. He's Yumi's boss, and he does a sake ceremony with Kiryu to welcome him back to the yakuza. It feels more realistic, rather than the complete betrayal that the games gives him. It's good!

I like the actor for Date! He was truly giving it his all. I also liked the Florist's den looking more realistic-he's still got all his creepy surveillance, but he doesn't have the world's most absurd underground hideout anymore, with the tackiest aquarium I've ever seen. It's a more more plausible little internet cafe set-up. I LOVE his squad of surveillance grannies, its tone fits in with the goofier shit in the video games, and it's one of the only moments of levity in this VERY serious show. I also like them painting the Florist as an exploitative scumbag-it's weird that Yakuza 1 tries to make you Date's best friend, but also is like 'so that guy who fucked over Date and other civilians, the Florist of Sai? he's a good guy, don't worry about it.' Preferred it this way!

And I really liked that they didn't fuck around with 'Yumi-is-pretending-to-be-her-nonexistent-older-sister', and this meant that Kiryu and Yumi got to interact a bit as they tried to solve the plot! It was nice! I liked seeing them try to figure out what it's like to be adults in each others' presence again. The one scene where they're eating in a izakaya together and Kiryu compliments her on being a good eater--there's such a tenderness and fondness to the scene that is so rarely present in any of the 2005 segments, that it genuinely took me by surprise.

I think....that's all I liked about the show. The rest of it was. Hoo boy. My ranting and fury under the cut.

Many people have also pointed this out, but I have to agree: this show's Kiryu is #NotMyKiryu. I got used to the fact his actor looked a bit lankier and more conventionally attractive than I wanted him to be--but this Kiryu is abrasive, aggressive and vainglorious--both in 1995 and at the beginning of 2005. I could maybe justify a story where he starts young, proud and foolish in 1995, and then matured to become the Kiryu we know in the games by 2005. But to start the 2005 segments with Kiryu not even being curious about his old friends, Kamurocho, or the prospect of a yakuza war felt wrong! Kiryu is a man who is kind and who cares so deeply and openly about things! And although this Kiryu is strong and silent, and loves his family, he's lacking that basic decency and kindness towards strangers that makes Kiryu Kazuma a compelling character in the first place!

Which is a shame, because the actor really grew on me, especially after seeing that little karaoke segment he's recorded as a spoof. He's got the sauce, he CAN convince me that he's Kiryu--the script is just so poorly suited for him.

On a solely visual level, I felt like the action scenes were kinda boring? The closest we get to interesting fight choreography is the one time that Kiryu is boxing against this capoeira artist in 1995? But every other fight has no visual panache--which is a shame, for something that's adapting a game with some very cool fight scenes. I wanted to see some visual representations of cool heat actions on screen!!! While I certainly like how no-nonsense all of Kiryu's fights in 2005 are--how he's fully unfazed by any opponent, I do think that just because Kiryu is bored of the fight, doesn't mean we should be. I would have liked to see some more interesting fight choreography, especially for the repetitive underground fighting scenes we constantly see, which are all kind of boring.

Because the plot is so breakneck and frenetic, as it transitions back-and-forth and back-and-forth from the past to the present, there were precious few quiet moments in the show. I LOVED what little we got between the Sunflower kids, but there was a real missed opportunity to characterize Kiryu better, because of their insistence on excising the sidequests entirely. The show could have really used some quiet scenes of seeing Kiryu do karaoke, or talk to the okamas in the Champion District, or help kids collect their trading cards, or play racing games--the scenes that establish that Kiryu is an earnest, open, honest man who loves the world, even when the world has been cruel to him. In a world filled with grumpy antiheroes who eventually learn to do this right thing--Kiryu was refreshing! He's a man who already knows what the right thing is--the conflict is his dismay at how much of the new world DOESN'T know what the right thing is. It's frustrating to see the TV show cut out all light-heartedness in order to make it a serious TV drama. Yakuza as a series is distinctive and at its best when tonally dissonant. The games move from great tragedy to great absurdity at breakneck speed--it's a commentary on the absurd nature of Kamurocho and the floating world--something that has been part of literary depictions of Japanese red-light districts for quite some time. It's a fundamental part of the Yakuza series' unique aesthetic, and taking that away leaves us with this generic yakuza soap opera.

And like. I KNOW that by this point, older gruff man has to learn how to parent a small, young girl is a tired trope. It's a tired trope in video games and it's DEFINITELY a tired trope in TV/film. But goddamn it, Yakuza 1 did it back in 2005, it wasn't boring back then, and you didn't need to change it! It is THE central emotional thread of Yakuza 1, and it's one of the only themes in Yakuza 1 that actually meaningfully hits. Kiryu and Haruka's parent-child relationship is the core of this whole series. All of the substories in Kiwami 1 CONSTANTLY underpin that this game is questioning: what does it mean to be a father? Kiryu's relationship to Nishiki and Kazama is premised around the question, 'what does it mean to be a good parent?' AND THEY CUT IT OUT ENTIRELY!? Kiryu rescues her once, and then Haruka literally NEVER talks to him! Ever!

It's not like this is replaced by Haruka interacting with Yumi or Aiko, her actual mother. Haruka is simply written out of the show altogether. Haruka exists to be rescued and then be kidnapped. It's tragic. It's boring. It's sad. They cast a charming little child actress to be Haruka too, it felt like a deeply wasted potential.

Speaking of Aiko. I praised them for getting rid of the Yumi-pretends-to-be-her-nonexistent-sister plotline, because it was bad and stupid. They instead replaced it with Yumi-now-has-a-real-sister-who-keeps-ghosting-her-and-also-is-a-dick. Aiko's bad. Aiko's just sort of shitty and selfish and fucks around the show with no motive for doing anything, and with a seeming omnipotence re: plot points. How does Aiko even know that Yumi is looking for her in order to come up with her initial scam? How does she know enough about Reina to be able to get Reina sent to jail? How does she always know where Yumi is, despite Yumi being seemingly unable to ever find her competently? They never really commit to Aiko being a real villain, giving her just enough sympathetic moments (like her dying to save Yumi, and her attempted suicide) for you to not entirely hate her--but then they refuse to give Aiko enough characterization for that humanization to matter. Aiko's main character trait is that she will do anything for a quick buck, no matter how many relationships in her life she ruins as a result. But she never once has a thesis for why money is so important to her. She never has that speech Nishiki does in canon about how being poor makes him feel powerless and resentful. Aiko is just a disappointing combination of tropes about selfish women. A pointless waste of space and a bad backstory for Yumi. I agree with the show-writers' urge to get rid of the fake-sister plotline, but just make Yumi steal the money! Make Haruka her kid! Don't introduce characters who take up precious screentime and suck the life out of the screen every time they show up.

Speaking of things that sucked the life out of the screen--let's talk about the dumb serial killer Demon plot. I don't know what it is with Amazon shows where they are desperate to have some sort of big twist about who their mystery villain is? First there was Rings of Power, where the screenwriters dart around going 'is THIS Sauron?' every five seconds. Now here, where the question of who the Demon was kept being brought up constantly, and without any real stakes or tension. They kept using all the Noh imagery with the masks and the Demons all using knives--clearly to make fans think it was Majima, but like. Of course it fucking wasn't. Of course it was Nishiki. Nishiki is the villain of the game.

But because they want you to think that the Demon is Majima, MAJIMA ISN'T ACTUALLY IN THIS FUCKING TV SHOW. He shows up for like ten minutes in the flashbacks, and he literally NEVER matters to the story. He's in the show purely because the writers didn't want to leave him out. Majima and Kiryu don't even MEET in the 2005 timeline, and in the 1995 timeline KIRYU IS THE ONE WHO ANTAGONIZES MAJIMA. What a weird read of their dynamic! I have no idea who made this decision, but it is reprehensible. Great actor, but what a fucking waste of space and time. Leave him out altogether, rather than have this pisspoor showing where he is entirely irrelevant and also doesn't even make an impression. At least Takeshi Miike's Majima, for all the sins of that movie, was both relevant to the plot and was a fucking riot on screen. you couldn't take your eyes away from the performance. But this interpretation of Majima commits the worst crime--he was boring. And if there's one thing Majima shouldn't be, it's boring.

The Demon is stupid and does stupid things. I loved that part in Episode 5 where the yakuza are meeting up in a Chinese kitchen, clearly speaking to the actor they intend to be Lau Ka Long. He accepts money to go and assassinate Nishikiyama--then instantly everybody involved is killed by the Demon and his people. It's such a pointless scene, done solely to reference Lau Ka Long for people who've played the games, and then the plot does absolutely fuck all with him, killing him immediately. Lau Ka Long has none of the menace and fear he inspires in the regular game (which...maybe for the best, since the game leans into some REAL racist stereotypes about Chinese people), but it doesn't replace it with anything. The scene is empty and hollow.

In general, the Demon is a silent antagonist--so every time the Demon is on-screen, you have the same fight scene plays out. Yakuza characters try to target Nishikiyama or Kiryu, the demons show up and do some violence, the yakuza character for that scene asks the Demon to take off the mask, the Demon refuses, brutally murders them, carves the weird pentagon into their chests, and leaves.

What the fuck is up with that? Why did Nishiki pretend to be an occult killer at all? Why didn't he just....you know...kill people? With a gun? I'm not saying I couldn't have been sold on this idea. But they didn't try selling it to me at all.

They could have had Nishiki complain about how he needed to create a boogeyman against whom he could prove his own wit (so he could reach a position where he can destroy the Tojo Clan). You could have had Nishiki slyly boast about how, in order to avoid suspicion in his blatant targeting of all his political enemies, he made up a fake serial killer with an occult symbol, so people would think a crazy cult killed them, instead of putting-two-and-two together about why these yakuza died. We instead get a big fat....nothing.

All of the Yakuza characters figure out Nishiki is the Demon in Episode 5, WITHOUT ANY OF THEM ACTUALLY HAVING TO DISCUSS THE PATTERN OF DEATHS OR THINK ABOUT IT AT ALL. EVERYBODY JUST SUDDENLY HAS THIS REALIZATION, ALL AT ONCE, INCLUDING KIRYU AND YUMI WHO ARE NOT TUNED INTO THE DEMON SHIT AT ALL, AND EVERYBODY JUST INSTANTLY TURNS ON NISHIKI AT ONCE. FOR VIBES ALONE. I'm not kidding. It's insane. It feels like they cut out a huge chunk of show here, because this feels like it might have been a out-of-place but competently written murder story in a previous draft, for when they had eight episodes. I bet their budget got cut though, and they had to cut all of that out. The result is unfinished, choppy, and dumb.

Also...the Omi Clan play a MUCH bigger role here than they do in Yakuza 1, and I think it's a bad and stupid role. For one, the Omi Clan are now saddled with being the ones stupid enough to have 10 BILLION FUCKING YEN STASHED IN CASH. But wait--it gets worse! They don't even have the excuse of Yumi and Kazama working together to defraud the Tojo from their influential positions within the organization. No! The Omi Clan is stupid enough to send 10 billion yen onto the road with only FOUR MEN AS GUARDS. Four men who are stupid enough to be defeated by Aiko and her stupid boyfriend. I know that TECHNICALLY, Nishiki's behind this, but that's glossed over so quickly that it turns to farce. It's ludicrous. What the fuck???

The Omi Clan don't even really seem to want their money back, instead deciding for...no reason at all, that regardless of if they get their money back or not, they're going to start a clan war with the Tojo and kill them all. In broad daylight. ???? Why? They just decided to attack Tojo in their home territory, without any money or resources? Are they STUPID?

This show is clearly angling to get a sequel, judging by the final shot of the show and the suspense they're trying to build up there, but now they've gotten rid of the main antagonist of Yakuza 2, The Omi Clan! They all get arrested/beaten up by Majima at the conclusion of the stupid clan war in Episode 6. What the fuck do you do in your shitty sequel now?

They included the Omi Clan, just to have a familiar name. It bears no resemblance to the actual yakuza organization we see in the games. They're just antagonists, for the sake of having a big epic fight at the end of the show. And this proclivity to include something by name, because it references the games, but then to fully squander or waste them in these two-bit shitty roles, happens CONSTANTLY throughout the show.

It happens with Shibusawa, it happens with Shimano, it happens with Shindo, it happens with Sagawa, it happens even with fucking REINA! Just these namedrops because they're important names--but just doing nothing with them at all! Shibusawa is a smarmy little two-bit yakuza mentor who exists to die in front of Kiryu and Nishiki. Shimano is this smarmy, douchey low-level yakuza who seems to be fighting against Nishikiyama entirely AND SIDES WITH KAZAMA IN ORDER TO DISMANTLE THE TOJO CLAN IN THE LAST EPISODE. Which is something that Shimano would rather commit suicide than do. Shindo is a random thug who exists to get punched and then killed. Sagawa is just a random namedrop of an Omi patriarch who briefly kidnaps Kiryu/Yumi, and doesn't really matter at all to the story at all. Reina is Yumi's boss--but that's it! She doesn't matter, she doesn't do anything interesting or say anything to the girls about what a woman's role in the yakuza world ought to be.

I don't hate it when adaptations change the story and characters. I'm usually pretty positive about it! But this isn't a thoughtful reinvention of characters. It's a lazy reference for reference's sake, because the scriptwriters thought it would be too difficult to incorporate these large personalities/storylines into the script, so they decided to just namedrop them. That'll make the fans excited, right? Just hearing the name of a Yakuza character means they'll have a Pavlovian response and that'll make them forget that this is a bad show with horrible pacing, right?

And the new characters they add are just...weird? What's with the random white people? What the purpose of that white businessman that Kazama knows but Dojima doesn't? Why does his white sister have so much fucking weight in 1995? They take up so much fucking room in the flashback sequence--only to not matter at all to the main storyline? I briefly thought that the white lady was the Demon, because they keep zooming in on her face. After all, hannya in noh plays are representative of scorned/wronged women--and she's brutally assaulted and her brother is murdered horribly, so I wondered if that was maybe where they were going? But nope. It never matters. All that matters is that they owned the land for the Millennium Tower, and then they're dead and never matter again. It's edited SO weirdly.

Speaking of women--as much as I was happy about the way the show tries desperately to flesh out Yumi and Miho as real people, it's not quite successful at it. In the 1995 timeline, there's a brief scene where we see that everything about hostess life makes Yumi uncomfortable--the drinking, the flattering men's egos, the pretense of being sexually available. Unlike Miho, in the show, Yumi is not a natural hostess. This is in direct contrast to the games, where Yumi is depicted over and over again as the PERFECT hostess. I was intrigued by this change at first, especially since Miho is shown to be the natural instead, despite only being 15-16. I thought it might say something about performance, about women's roles within the misogynistic structure of the yakuza? Or if they didn't want to have too much of a take, that this characterization might lead to some sort of tension between Yumi and Miho, that Yumi might be jealous of Miho's natural ability, or angry that circumstances have put them in a situation that exploits Miho's youth. But nothing comes of it! Yumi and Miho's differing opinions about hostessing never boil up into something significant. And in 2005, Yumi's a successful hostess, who works/owns a prestigious bar at the top of the Millennium Tower, and she works for Nishiki's sector of the yakuza, and everything's fine. She never talks about hostessing in the 2005 timeline, despite that being her main job. It never once matters to her character. It's BIZARRE. I just keep thinking--why include that scene of her discomfort then? This show's editing is so ODD.

As for the relationship problems between Nishiki and Yumi--well. It's pretty weird. In the 1995 timeline, we get touching moments between Nishiki and Kiryu, Nishiki and Miho, Miho and Yumi, Yumi and Kiryu, and Miho and Kiryu. Nishiki barely has a relationship with Yumi. It doesn't really matter that much in the first 4 episodes, they all like each other as a group, and you buy it. Which is why it's so weird that after Miho's death, he gets mad at Yumi for not doing enough to stop her illness and THEN gets mad at her for liking Kiryu and then tries to forcefully kiss her. Unlike other Nishiki stans, I'm not the sort of person that denies Nishiki's incel behaviour--I do think it's a fundamental aspect of his character and inferiority complex. He loves Yumi and Kiryu equally, and it is more socially appropriate for him to go after Yumi, and it infuriates him that when it comes down to it, Kiryu and Yumi like each other a bit better, shutting him out of the equation altogether. But there is like NO setup for this dynamic in the show.

Even though I HATE that tutorial sequence in Yakuza 1 with a burning passion for how fucking boring it is--it does set up the emotional stakes of why Nishiki's so MAD about Kiryu and Yumi. It's Yumi's birthday, something that Nishiki has been planning for for months. He's staked out an expensive jewellery present, he's saved up his salary for it, and he's certain it's going to be a slam-dunk gift! However, Nishiki being a cis man obsessed with wealth, hasn't actually paid attention to Yumi's taste--it's flashy and bright, because that's what Nishiki himself values, and thinks all women will value. Yumi isn't a person with tastes to him, he;s bought into her hostess persona. Kiryu, on the other hand, doesn't even know it's Yumi's birthday until Nishiki starts bragging about the present. He has to go get a last minute present, and the only reason Kiryu even gets her anything even vaguely close to her taste is because Reina (who actually pays attention to Yumi as a person) tells him what to buy. Nishiki, not knowing what Reina did for Kiryu, KNOWS that Kiryu's present is a last-minute purchase, one without any thought behind it, and yet, despite it all, Yumi likes it more--something that baffles him. Boring as it is, this scene is crucial characterization that shows us that Nishiki does put in effort to woo Yumi, but doesn't really understand her, and it breeds resentment and jealousy that Kiryu effortlessly obtains both women and yakuza status without trying, two things that Nishiki has to sweat and bleed to get anywhere close to. It's the crux of who he is.

The show doesn't do ANYTHING close to that. Nishiki barely pays attention to her in 1995, and then kisses her while crazy with grief about Miho, and gets mad when she doesn't reciprocate his sup-until-that-point non-existent feelings. It is not this burning underlying resentment that stokes his entire character anymore, and as such, it feels pointless. It exists solely to make the relationship between Nishiki and Yumi tense in 2005--but not in a way that's actually compelling. It just means Yumi has a reason for telling Kiryu to not trust Nishiki (even though he's not actually done a SINGLE thing to betray them yet.) It's weird. Why not cut the more useless scenes I highlighted before to build this up instead, if it was going to matter? But it also DOESN'T matter in 2005! In 2005, Nishiki's NOT actually angry about Kiryu and Yumi's relationship, he's mad about Miho! He wants to destroy the Tojo Clan for their role in her death and he wants Kiryu to die because he blames him still, for not losing that fight. Yumi doesn't thematically matter in 2005, despite her increased screentime, and it feels so pointless.

(Also, I hate the whole long extended sequence of Yumi and Kiryu talking about nothing for like a whole FIVE MINUTES after Nishiki runs off to go and kill Dojima in Episode 5. It's pointless, it's boring and the actress for Yumi is not quite good enough to pull off any of these complicated emotions. I dislike how impotent they make her, she just sits around and cries and blames them both for not doing enough. It drags so much and contributes nothing).

Speaking of Kiryu's role in Miho's death--small nitpick here, but I do wish they'd made Nishiki's unwillingness to drug Kiryu his own choice, instead of making Yumi/Kazama call him out after he fails to drug Kiryu subtly enough? I wish Nishiki had been torn between drugging Kiryu or saving his sister's life--and had organically chosen to trust Kiryu to throw the match on his own. I hate that it highlights Nishiki's incompetence as the only reason why he resorts to asking Kiryu anything. I think it's MUCH more devastating if Nishiki begs Kiryu to lose of his own volition, and Kiryu still can't convincingly throw the match, even though he wants to. I think it would be more tragic, it would have more sauce. As is, the scene paints Nishiki as more pathetic than morally compromised/ruthless, which is what I think they were going for instead.

Finally, I think I'm just a bit confused by the ending? It feels...odd? The ending of Yakuza 1 is DEVASTATING, that's kind of the point. This pointless, stupid yakuza war takes away every member of Kiryu's family: Kazama, Yumi and Nishiki, leaving him to pick up the pieces with Haruka. It's a condemnation of greed--the Millennium Tower exploding and the money spreading across all of Kamurocho is the literal culmination of how pointless this entire battle was. The narrative is attempting to show Kiryu that he cannot return the yakuza to a golden age of glory--all he can do is find his own peace and protect those he loves. It's a lesson that Kiryu refuses to learn, of course, but then, that's the tragedy of the Yakuza series. But everybody's alive at the end of this show. Kazama, Yumi AND Nishiki all still live. It's....weird.

Especially with the sequel baiting--with Kiryu relaizing in the last shot of the show that Kazama was the former Dragon of Dojima--what does the show expect to do with that? Have some dumb thing where Kiryu, Nishiki and Yumi team up against their dad? I just don't understand how the showrunners thought the rest of the story would progress in a reality where Kiryu doesn't have any sort of relationship with Haruka, in a world where all of his family is still alive and well, and in a world without an Omi Clan? Like...what do they plan on doing? Something stupid, no doubt.

Also Kazama's actions in 2005 are dumb. I hate how he's like 'we must pacify the Omi by selling out Nishiki,' but it's NOT EVEN A CLEVER OR USEFUL PLAN. The one thing the games try to establish about Kazama is that he's a mastermind, he's clever and he's manipulating things. Kazama double-dealing with the Omi Clan in the original game is not out-of-character, even if it is a surprise. But here, where he's retired and has no influence anymore, the fact that he can suggest something like this AND GET HIS WAY, is absurd???? I thought his animosity towards Nishiki, while certainly cold in the games, made sense, considering Nishiki's open resentment of both Kiryu and Kazama. But Kazama and Nishiki barely interact AT ALL in this show. So his whole 'Nishiki is the Demon and I have to rally everybody else to oppose him' feels weird. He clearly feels paternal things for Yumi and Kiryu still--why did he not even TRY to talk to Nishiki in this version? It's just....cold? Empty? Which is such a shame, because by making Kazama the orphanage director, there's a lot to say about power and happiness being diametric opposites, and how Kazama chose happiness, and how he's trying to convince his kids to do the same. But he doesn't really ever try to convince Nishiki of anything, he jumps straight to wielding power that Episode 1 shows us he DOESN'T have. It's bizarre.

It really contributes to my theory that there were supposed to be two more episodes to this show, because the pacing and the plot points are just so all over the place. Whoever tried to edit around the patches made a valiant effort, but you really can't edit around lengthy plotlines without things being thrown off.

Ultimately, the yakuza tv series is just not very good--and is honestly the worst possible thing an adaptation can be--Boring.

#yakuza #yakuza tv series #like a dragon tv show #like a dragon #kiryu #nishikiyama #sawamura yumi #all the people who say this show has nothing of merit whatsoever are exaggerating #but it's still not very good sadly

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