#you don't gotta interact or anything....
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Please just ignore this peddler until further notice, thank you
#🔮.the peddler mumbles#just not doing well#and don't wanna burden you all or anything#but sometimes you just got to tell the void to feel betted#and unfortunately this is the void#so if you ever see my spiraling posts or whatever#you don't gotta interact or anything....#and if you do youre more than lond#*kind#but yeah#done rambling now
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#me thinking edvin actually did something bad seeing ppls comments but he's just living his life and did nothing lol#people really always find things to complain about and then wonder that he posts and interacts less with us#congrats you're part of the problem#how dare he attend a fashion event with his gf and experiment with fashion at said fashion event#how dare he didn't post a picture where he's smiling that must mean he's super mean now#you gotta smile and always be grateful to your fans even when they act shitty and you don't actually owe them anything#no matter if he's proven time and time again that he cares so much and is the sweetest loving person#i honestly am living for his 'rebellious' giving no fucks phase and i hope he really doesn't fucking care what ppl are saying#i hope he keeps living his life that gets people mad and posts whatever he wants you go boy! don't let em stop you!#personal#edvin ryding
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Maybe the fog’s here because I want it here.
Is that why I opened the windows?
Maybe I asked the fog to come…
-MAG170: Recollection
#furry art#anthro art#fursona#ink markings#vent art#avoiding tagging the show the lines are from bc the art has nothing to do with the podcast lmao#the rest of these tags are rambling you can stop reading now no worries !#it’s just getting gross outta my head and onto paper#I’m so bad at conversations and I know it’s my own fault but it feels isolating#I gotta get better at talking but I’m just afraid to reach out to people#no idea how to talk that isn’t infodumping#I just wanna talk about my OCs or my fandoms or just…. anything but feel like no one wants to hear that shit lmao#sometimes I feel like the people in my life would rather interact with anyone other than me lmao#I feel way better after drawing this out tho#bless the arts#i know i know i need to be the one to reach out more#and i know my anxiety stems from my parents hardcore ridiculing me whenever i talked to much#and my exes ignoring me at the drop of a hat for whatever new thing piqued them#but its hard to know that logically and get my brain to cooperate#and not think that I'm automatically annoying every person i speak to#although maybe it's also better because anyone who gets stuck in a room irl with me knows i don't shut up lmao#maybe its for the best i can never manage to do it in text
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billions also comedy gold presenting winston as a scapegoat for abuse culture fans when it's like but hey it can't be actual scapegoating if you Enjoy It or consider it Justified or experience Reassurance from Its Opportunity For A Group Cohesion Substitute For A Cohesion Based On An Inherent Equal Degree Of Belonging, The Absence Of Which Allows For, Encourages, Reinforces, & Rewards Scapegoating
it can't be Bullying if someone's Weird or you Just Don't Personally Like Them or Nobody's Actually Stopping You, Maybe At Least If They Don't See Too Much Of It, Maybe Others Are Supporting It
it can't be Abuse if you're just doing things Normally or are Following Rules or Aren't Feeling Malicious And Aren't Getting Divine Revelations Otherwise and probably it's just that a lot of abnormal people are being whiny &/or unfair &/or the Real malicious ones. kinda just like how that scapegoat is the real person ruining everything and really just forcing you to treat them like this
#might note hardly limited to billions; the series doing bog standard suffocatingly common [Being Normal can't be abusive] replication#nor is their Unaware Replication Of [it can't be ableist if i'm not reacting to ppl who walked up & said Hi I'm Autistic]#well abuse & traumatic treatment can't be Everywhere. like how umm sexism can't be everywhere. neither can white supremacy. ableism. cmon.#oh please not everything can be political. Just Be Normal. which makes it ''apolitical.''#now we all agree abuse can't ever be made palatable; insulated; easy. now ppl doing it never said it wasn't That bad.#if they did they must have been maliciously lying. whereas when i say it can't have been That bad; i mean it :)#and if that person says it was; well they must be lying. or clueless. or a pussy. or scheming to destroy me. Must be. Gotta#& we wouldn't be able to look around & see contexts of imbalance. who's vulnerable. who's life gets smaller. who's supported automatically#who's supported if someone even posits they May have done anything like No; Impossible; now instantly definitely get their ass#you can just go on all day about the ''um i'm just the Realistic Normality vessel'' arguments made boundlessly in bad faith#being like ohh Everyday Interactions / ''Normal'' Semi/Public Situations Can't Be Uncomfortable Imbalanced Dangerous Abusive....#if they are that must be So Rare & created only by Rare Bad Actors with Malicious Mens Rea (itself a great concept to make any act Okay)#something framed as Extreme must be an outlier. could never be part of everyone's everyday life & some much more than others.#could never be what's defined as Normal (associated with Superiority) like how Abuse can't be shit i'd think of as Normal#like how damn if ya don't just wanna kill the autistic coworker and everyone agrees & would clap & cheer if you did And That's Great#you'd have to feel Weird / Abnormal about it! b/c Weirdness & Abnormality is what's bad!#like the autism or the cptsd (the Real abuse can only be: inflicting the existence of a victim's survival skills on Superior Normals)#or whatever else gets pathologized with Polite ABA arguments about how it's not ''social skills'' so hide it or suffer the consequences#winston billions#having that perspective too like oh [our blessed successful conformity] [their barbaric xyz Issues]#if the best you can argue for or against smthing is as Normal or Weird respectively like. no. what's behind that door#the authority figure/s who must be supported lest this all crumble. vs the ruinerrrrrr#billions recognizing winston & tuk the next most shitted on would probably get along & have a mutually supportive friendship#billions also recognizing that mutual support better not be Allowed to get that far. lest this all crumble#like look see we Knew it. we knew the bottom tier ppl who don't really belong in the group who we bully & scapegoat are Always Ruining It.
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HALLEJUAH!! I REMEMBERED HOW TO ACTUALLY FINISH WRITING SOMETHING FOR A CHANGE!!
Of course, it's not any of the fics I wanted to finish. I went back to what is essentially my bread-and-butter now and wrote a short-ish, random OrangeHook fluff. But considering how much writing's been a struggle as of late, I'm just glad that I successfully finished something. I was back in one of those stretches where I couldn't seem to write much of anything. And this fic isn't about their age difference or Hook being a cuddlebug, so...progress?
Unless I decide I completely hate it (which is always a possibility) expect something to drop on Valentine's Day, tis the season, after all.
#What is wrong with you Sam you should not be allowed to write#Small victories you know?#Will I ever get sick of OrangeHook?? Apparently not#Can't even remember the last time they interacted on screen but that ain't stopping my brain LOL#On a more serious note - I really do hope that I can get back into the swing of things and make some real progress#On the bigger fics I want to work on#I want to finish the messy angst OrangeHook fic at some point even if it's unlikely to appeal to anyone#Annnnnd deep down in my cold dead heart I still wanna make an honest attempt at that DG Dead Dove fic#Even though that would be even more unappealing + a huge undertaking because that bitch would be loooooooooong#Also I had a slightly less angsty OrangeHook idea recently about them having their first fight and I wanna write that too for some reason#And there's still a part of me that really wants to continue Business/Pleasure because I have soooo many ideas for that AU#But that would require me to get over my inability to write smut#And I don't know how to do that (would appreciate any advice on that if you've got some...)#But at the same time I don't wanna beat myself up for not being able to write much - if anything - most days#This is a hobby after all - it's supposed to be fun#There ain't no deadline and it's not like I'm letting anybody down#Just gotta do at my own place#And write whatever absolute trash I want to write 😈#My tags are always so obsessive like SHUT THE FUCK UP SAM#But if you've actually read all these - hey. Thanks. Love ya 😘
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when i was in my second year of high school i sat next to this guy in history whom i didn’t rlly get along w/until i saw him writing love letters to his girlfriend and offered to fold them into hearts for him. i wonder what he’s up to.
#and now i am thinking abt how the differences in latinx n asian cultural values were probs what led us to not interact#(by 'us' i mean just like the general latinx n asian social halves at school)#like they probs thought i was looking down on them at first (strong asian value of academic achievement)#(also that chinese habit of never speaking your thoughts n feelings aloud bc i will keep all my feelings right here n then someday i'll die)#but like... i guess once i made it clear i was willing to help them (n not just leave them n their grades for dead) the dynamic changed too#i remember my hispanic classmates were often so much more *earnest* and open w/their feelings n affection#like i feel like high fives n dramatic gestures of greeting in the halls btwn classes are kind of obnoxious. you feel?#but once there was that understanding that i wasn't looking down on them i'd get those 'EYYYYYY *HIGH FIVE*' in the halls from them#n like looking back i think it's just a cultural thing bc there was like one asian student who did that but we all were like#'oh yeah. she's Like That(tm). it's not a... *bad*... thing..... (but we all think it's out of place socially n some think it's annoying)'#you ever just think abt cultures different from your own and sit in your baffled state for a while#bc 'we just don't do things like that. we just *don't*.' like not in a derogatory way or anything. just pure bafflement.#like who were the chinese parents who decided that being open w/your feelings (w/your children but also in general) was a no-go#how did we come to value emotional privacy to this extent. there's gotta be a philosopher i can point to#was it you confucius??? i bet it was you confucius#this post has been in my drafts since oct 21 2021 lol i think i should probably release it to the queue now#it's so old it uses the old post format editor#花話
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i've kind of been thinking about the unwhitewashing edits i do on the winx source,, over the years, multiple people have outright said that they sometimes skip over posts where i fix their skin tone because they see the art style (s8, wow, etc) and immediately assume it's whitewashed then realize it's not after seeing it's the source blog or the caption and it's making me think,,, that's probably a big reason why so many people in the fandom constantly reblog/support whitewashed fanart. it's like they're not even seeing the skin tone, they're just seeing the art style and the character?
#not to sound bitchy but that's gotta be a white people thing#like the First thing i do is like at the skin tones??#and im not saying this in a oo im better than you kind of way#i mean it genuinely#if youre in the wi.nx fandom looking at their skin is the first thing you should Always do#doesnt matter who the artist/editor is. ALWAYS look at their skin first#its not just the unwhitewashing edits like if im posting anything where i fix their skin whether its edits icons or gifs#some people Don't notice unless the caption specifically calls it out#and like. i really do think that says a lot about how wi.nx fans interact with art and edits#like the in s8 gifset i just posted i didnt specifically call out the fact its unwhitewashed#and even though flora was in the first gif. people didnt notice! they saw that it was s8 and immediately ignored it#and like. on one hand i Get it but also? the unwhitewashing is Not subtle like its very very obvious that i fixed their skin tone#its just so weird to me that some people dont notice? like.. How?? how do your eyes just glaze over the skin??#id love like an actual explanation because i Dont get it
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i wanna write my season 4 fic but i don't wanna retread canon scenes because i just think that's boring (possibly more to me as a writer than to readers, idk, i haven't thought about it that deeply) but because of its nature as a limited canon rewrite and some of the components being changed certain scenes NEED to be retreaded but i'm still like if i don't care will anyone else??? also it's just not as fun playing with scenes that have basically already happened because the things the characters say and do are already set in stone and diverging from that too heavily would be weird when this is a fic that's literally striving to emulate canon but also just lifting lines isn't Fun for anyone because we've all Seen that scene already. like??? ugh
#why is having mike figure out that he's cursed so difficult#like he's SCARY smart#it's not ooc or anything#idk. it might be the secondhand anxiety monster again#the perils of relating too hard to your leading character i guess#and of having to wrangle the character reactions#like i don't despise nancy or anything but she would be so fucking difficult about this#we know how they interact. it's not great#and there are all these People#some of whom have known mike for like yeeeears#and i'm not working with the limitations of television so i couldn't in good faith skip lucas' reaction to mike AND max being in peril#it's just uuuugh#like would they even? grasp? what this symbolises for the state of mike's mental health????#they're either a bit dim or don't know him (or don't... act like they care about him honestly. nance. shape up)#so i kinda doubt it#and then there are max and mike who see each other but they're difficult so they've gotta fight about it#why am i rambling in the tags when i could be writing this STUPID SCENE‚ you ask?#because i don't wanna#like i do but i don't#you know how it is#wip: butterflies and bullshit#bnb posting
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✿
FRIENDSHIP. childhood friends / work buddies or coworkers / family friends / friends with benefits / smoking buddies / adventure buddies / fake friends / recently friends / party buddies / friendship of need / dying friendship / circumstantial friendship / partners in crime / old friendship / [ your muse ] is the good influence / [ your muse ] is the bad influence / [ my muse ] is the good influence / [ my muse ] is the bad influence / opposites attract / ride or die / frenemies / roommates or flatmates / penpals / exes to friends / enemies to friends / other
ROMANCE. childhood sweethearts / [ your muse is mines ] childhood crush / [ my muse is yours ] childhood crush / exes / exes to lovers / forbidden lovers / highschool sweethearts / secret relationship / opposites attract / long distance / unrequited [ from your muses side ] / unrequited [ from my muses side ] / unrequited [ from both sides ] / skinny love / friends to lovers / enemies to lovers / spurious relationship / power couple / newly entered / soulmates [ metaphorical ] / soulmates [ literal ] / awkward / turning toxic / toxic love / cheating [ on your muse ] / cheating [ with your muse ] / other
ANTAGONISTIC. dangerous to each other / dangerous to others / unpredictable / rivals / petty / developing into sexual or romantic tension / based off family matters / based of off circumstance / based of professional matters / based off misunderstanding or lies / conflict of ideology / betrayal / hero - villain dynamic / enemies / fight club / friends turned enemies / lovers turned enemies / exes turned enemies / other
#* ANSWERED .#* MORTANGE .#listen i know how césar feels about armand n O w#he's got a bit of a thing against vampires#one of his deaths is related to them#so you know. gotta destroy armand somehow#he just gotta#but i think it'd be fun if they had met before#even if they just met at the same spot for a couple of months#though i don't know if armand would be into the same shady dimly lit spots as césar#but having some moment that united them one way or another#a short period of time where they actually had a few pleasant interactions and enjoyed each others' company#before césar realised what armand was#and he's extra motivated/petty because he feels betrayed#anything to amp up the angst....but please#feel free to ignore/edit whatever feels right to you!!!
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going in the skk tag is a double edged sword bc on one hand you get to see lovely art and funny memes but then you also see the worst takes on earth
#you guys have gotta stop reducing all of dazai's bonds to just chuuya#i get where you're coming from. sort of. but also. that's dumb I'm sorry#odasaku did not die for you to ignore him for the sake of a ship like that 😔#(also it's not just him like. he has been shaped by so many others in his life. still is being shaped by them. not only chuuya)#I'm gonna assume that these people are only here for the ship and then I'm gonna count to 10 and calm down bc they're not worth my energy#(not that there's anything wrong with consuming media just for ships. but personally. i don't wanna interact with you in that case)
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Recently I have been struggling to make any plans, even though it doesn't involve anyone else but me. Because what if I'll feel so bad tomorrow I can't get out of bed?
Mid 20s be like.
#and I mean shit like “oh I don't feel like doing it today I can do it tomorrow”#and it's not in relation to anything serious#and still I'm like “no I gotta do it now what if I can't exist tomorrow”#this is scary because this is not paranoia but a real thing that can happen to me at any moment#and it does happen more and more often these days#and this is when I don't have to actually make any plans#what will happen when I'll have to interact with real people?#can my body stop#i just want to live#and by the way this does mess up with my adhd#cause adhd be like “we gotta do it the last moment”#and I'll be like “but what if the last moment is right now and we just don't know it yet”#you would think that'll make me productive#hah#of course not I'm just ending up not doing anything lol
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I swear to god, why do I have transphobe/terfs occasionally following me and rebloging stuff? go away
#I don't have time to check everyone interacting with me#and i don't have shinigami eye#but i occasionally do check and block#it's funny how most of those like my stuff but never reblog anything#afraid your little cult is gonna see you appreciate what a transfem is doing?#I think i had a vent tag at some point but i forgot it#whatevs it's late gotta sleem#sleep
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no, More active effort, More conscious consideration
#boo we HATE your [the implicit perspective that anything taking less effort / less thought is Good / an Improvement]#and it's like Getting Good at anything. Some element does become easier to navigate successfully?#great so now you can forever move on to devoting more conscious effort to Another element / really further evolutions of the same process#build on whatever understanding. if you realize something you thought was Correct seems not to be?#congratulations: it was inaccurate / too limited all along but now You know that. Better#thinking about [effort] thinking about [communication] means emitting a psychic blast doing all the Languaging of honing ideas#and b/c interactions are two way streets you get no guarantee anyone will listen / put effort into considering what they're picking up#it's a delight when someone Does happen to feel you're worth effort but everyone could be doing that on principle. they are not lol.#some actually not [jfc] comment on an akd interview like#they speak w/such precision they're used to not being listened to or understood like#well we'd have to ask them ofc but i won't even argue w/that concept lol#having One Chance To Get A Word In Ever like but you don't really when ppl misunderstand you which is an inevitability#and then made more likely by any number of factors. including not considering you worth the effort of Trying to understand#if they misinterpreted what you're conveying no they didn't; that's just What You Meant. double empathy style#gotta be out here figuring out The Approach when the outlier is ppl who do Not [only think you're worth effort as An Obstacle]#alleging how when you like urself you will now Earn Friends like the more i respect myself the more idc if i'm Interpersonally Beliked#the interpersonal relationship that Is guaranteed relevant of ''we're both people in the world & so already in relation in just that way''#i love to Socialize by being in public ''alone'' like clearly no i'm not & like getting to take up my bit of space / do my bit of a thing#while this fits into everyone else also having their presence; doing their thing; is >>>>> being with a group as its nth wheel for no reaso#the effort of what communication works w/what person in what situation#the effort of what navigation of the inherent mutual effect of your sharing [whatever System (like; physics style)] works out best / better#when ppl imagining this are still limiting it to Certain Interactions b/w everyone anytime as the ''ideal''....#sesame street was out here like. sometimes there's people wanting to be alone / who are ''unfriendly'' & they're still part of things#once again it's like kermit thee frog knows what's up. mister macabee old timey barkeep what should i do#furiosa as well lmao i should watch fury road again. i can sense it#you can't have much of a chitchat with her. and yet
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man ik that i just said i'll be more active again a few days ago but my mom n i started having an arguement yesterday and it's going deeper n deeper with more n more issues coming up and. it's just fucking over my mental health so. yeah. if i'm less active i'm alive and physically well just feeling like shit. <3
#don't worry too much tho i expect to get better by... hm. maybe next week#seriously tho it will pass. ik it will. but rn i am feeling the absolute worst and have no motivation for anything#especially not social interactions#sorry guys#wish it was different#i don't really want advice or to some extent not even comfort atm (ty to anyone who would over but i probs gotta decline)#my mental health just is not it rn but like. it has not been it periodically for the past 8 years so it's not like i'm not used to it#.....i should not be feeling that way but that's an issue for another day#but really rEALLY i don't want any of you to worry okay i will be better again soon and ik myself enough to know that i won't do anything+#that harms me so. i will be fine
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Fluff, Drama, Lighthearted or Dark
FMA, Wonderland, Ygo or anything in between
I wanna plot gdi.
Look I love short n sweet interactions, quick asks and small threads they're all great but I'm going to be perfectly honest. I Miss plotted stuff.
I miss a single lengthy thread, or continues story beats and plots over multiple. I want progression.
Character Growth- for all muses, the world and story building, relationship growth/bonding. The good, the bad, the happy , the sad and everything else that comes with those types of threads.
Quite frankly that's what I want more then anything in regards to Kisara, future of the blog, general desire/rp interest.
This isn't to say I want to stop or won't continue doing small stuff, answering asks and sending that. I'm always for those especially as good buffers whether as a break from a current thread, a lull in motivation, life getting in the way of being able to focus on lengthy things you know whatever.
I'll always be 110% on board for any and every interaction nor am I discounting the enjoyment they've brought in the past, I love everyone one of you guys and everyone of our interactions has been a joy to do and always will be.
But I'm gonna be real it has been far to long since I last did like a properly plotted thread, a fun long continuous thread that didn't end up dying out or forgotten real quick.
Just wanted to let everyone know this is what I've really been feeling and really wanting to try and lean into more not just for her but in general with my rping as whole this year.
But especially here cause in part the fragmented one shot mini threads while always fun they kinda end up all over the place and I'd love to be able to start creating some kind of time line? do interactions that will actually carry over from one to the next, consequences for actions, lasting affects of things good or bad between threads (which I already have been trying to do that with some of her interactions and not just let them sit in a unconnected nebulous zone of their own heh)
#I hope this doesn't come off as rude or demanding or anything#I kept quiet but this has been on my mind for awhile#Was always afraid as coming off as pushy or potentially worse ungrateful for the rps/interactions#that have been done#because I'm not#I adore each and every interaction no matter how big or small they all mean the world#just knowing you want to interact with my little girl#but I fear that in part she herself has kind of become stagnant with all her interactions#being relatively brief and more or less the same nothing to push forward#and even if that wasn't true I just adore being able to essentially work together and write story for our muses#plus by plotting and giving more for the muses it may also make it easier/ add to even the small stuff you know#Gotta start small to get big but when doing big stuff still need the small now and then heh#so yeh small threads/short interactions/ask based on offs ect none of that is going anywhere#I've just really wanted to try and get into a more plotted/story proegression type of direction? focus?#I don't want to end up feeling like I'm in a rut of the same old things#and of course I understand life exists motivation or lack there of can come and go or be directed who knows where#and all of that#but even if it means having to slowly get that train going before it can head full speed down the tracks I don't mind taking the time#that's all okay#but let's work together to get it going then
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noo house parties r fun :(( only if u invite normal people tho. You can play ur own music, get drunk for cheap, move the furniture to dance, play with house animals, worst part is cleaning up tho…
1. cleaning up
2. you're actually expected to talk with the people, have shared topics and interests etc. you can't just shut off and enjoy the abuse of your eardrums and all nerves and while staying miles away from reality because these people are here to socialize
3. no anonymity, no sense of isolation in the crowd, because it's not a crowd, everyone knows who's who here.
4. gotta keep that integrity, no fake personalities or identities. those people probably will see you a second time after this party and have met you before many times
5. people that you plan on seeing again will know how you act when drunk
in conclusion it's literally better to party with strangers. meaning crashing strangers house parties or large upscale clubs or shabby bars with dancing or elegant galas idk idc. either way when you know no one it's so much more isolating, introspective. my train of thought make sense now??
#i can get behind the music thing though. guess you just gotta make sure you go to tasteful places idk#i don't party much but obv i had experience with friends and with strangers and it's just so much more comfortable with strangers to me#i can be whoever#i can do whatever#and i'm not obliged to anyone for anything. i can come at any point not saying hello. i can leave at any time not saying goodbye.#i can change my name. i can not talk to anybody at all#shit's freeing#shit's good#that's also why i like going to concerts shows or any events alone#i'm sorry i just adore being a stranger! only when i'm not caught up in what interaction i owe to whom can i actually focus on myself#and do what i want#which is why i left the house to go out into the big wide world in the evening in the first place isn't it#so.#answered#anon
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