#you choose every day who you will be
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#choose who you will be#hope#hopecore#hopepunk#hopeposting#it's not over yet#you can still choose#you choose every day who you will be#you choose every second who you will be
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I'm slowly making my way through a new project- editing the entirety of the album PUNCH by Autoheart to the Life Series.
I was originally planning to post all of the edits in order of the songs on the album, but I instead made the Lent one first and am too excited to keep it in my drafts any longer while I work on the first four songs of the album (especially since we're coming up on finals seasons and the amount of time I'll have to work on these is gonna plummet so fast). So instead, I'll be posting them as I make them and make a masterpost of them all in order at the end.
That being said, I hope you enjoy this! I'm really proud of it and a lot of work went into it.
#life series smp#trafficblr#third life smp#last life smp#double life smp#limited life smp#goodtimeswithscar#grian#desert duo#autoheart/life series project#my edits#my art#everyone has to be so nice to me about the audio desync-ing in some places it does that whenever i export it and i can't fix it </3#i COULD tag this one as ship but im not gonna#i DO mean it like that. but like it's just canon clips it can be read however you so choose#also if youve been following me for a little bit youll know i did part of this edit once before#i did the bridge when the afk session came out#and then that plus cherrifire's crane lives project inspired me to assign the whole album to the series#and i was ORIGNALLY planning to do a project like she did w/ the thumbnails#but i couldnt get myself to actually DO IT and also i did map out an entire animatic to factories at one point.#which. on the topic of that. factories or anniversary will be the next ones#anniversary has been started but not fully mapped out whereas factories has been fully mapped out but not started#we'll see which one catches my eye enough first#but all the songs HAVE been assigned so if nothing else i know the gist of what i'm doing for every song#this will definitely be a multi-month project though since one of these takes me a few days to finish#though finals season approaching also means winter break is approaching so who knows! maybe ill bang all of them out in december#(DO NOT HOLD ME TO THAT OH MY GOD)
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something simple to try to get out of art block (it didn't work)
#alek art#ninjago#zane julien#2024#i am very unhappy with this and sooo in order to feel better i am going to talk about him#system zane is very real to me. i always give him six main alters (but i do believe there is more lol)#systems cannot just pick and choose who front depending on the day i am very aware (i am a system) its more on the nose symbolism#the fifth one crossed out is the ice emperor. in canon he exists in zane's mind as an “alter ego” of sorts which is crazy to me#character has canon dissociative episodes... amnesia... and several different “personalities” / identities? sounds familiar idk#i talked a lot about this hc on my long ass zane hc post thanks for the ask btw npderzane#its not an au its just how i see him so just imagine every zane i draw as system zane. ill only specify it in the tags if its system related#that one post thats like. 'being a did system sucks which one of us poured instant coffee in the bathtub!' thats the average zane experience#he wakes up and everyones like “mannn zane you were going crazyyy on prime empire yesterday” and hes like ??? i did not play any video games#and then he looks at the calender and 6 months have passed. semi true story that happened to me#also alters having incredibly different food preferences is funny. zane doesnt eat anything ever vs boone who eats raw meat sometimes#zane having really weird characterization? and its very inconsistent / bad writing uhhh alek explanation is hes a system and nobody can mask#man its 1 pm :|#i hate this drawing so much i dont even want to look at it but it took time so ill post it#i also have another zane drawing in my drafts i should post. from like 2 months ago???
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What can I say? They're my favorite.
#twdg#twdg clouis#clouis#twdg clementine#twdg louis#sometimes they creep back into my mind and i'm like 'ah yes' like a crow admiring a pretty stone they found years ago and kept#also thank you pi for the screenshots. i used to have a whole folder full of them but that was when i was doing themed nights#the source for these is me i just have a random document full of dynamics and ship things i enjoy because.....i dunno i like keeping track#and so many of them apply to clouis but there's also an overlap of with clouis and rose/alistair [my warden from origins and alistair] like#alistair's romance route is like an evolved matured and extended version of clouis sksksks gee i wonder if i have a type#look you present me with a character who deflects with humor and isn't taken seriously by the rest of the group and the longer you know the#the more you realize how high they've built a wall around themselves and how *unwell* they really are and how they're not as sunshine#as they present themselves and also they avoid leadership and responsibility until they grow closer with someone who pushes them#and they end stronger and more balanced as a person while finding the affection they've craved#and also there's the daddy issues#present me with that character as a romantic option and i'm in no questions asked okay i don't want the mean broody one that's meh to me#i want the one that has every reason to be broody but chooses not to be because they have a completely different defense mechanism#and a warped sense of themselves and self-esteem issues they leave unaddressed until forced to face them#i'm just saying i'm aware that i have a type i'm always going to gravitate toward clouis nearly checks all the boxes#also the lack of clouis these days? my crops are thirsty and i have too many ongoing projects to do anything about it other than this sksks#so until i make time to finish my long ass louis/clouis analysis this is the best i can provide for now
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thinking about what we lost when megatron stopped turning into a gun. like if you were made to be a weapon only aimed by other people would you not crave bodily autonomy. if you were made to be a show of force would you not find it hard to resist what you are. if you were made to be a pistol would you not miss being held.
#t#tf#megatron#every single time i see any continuity’s origin im like damn megatron IS right.#and ehhh like tankformers still get the ‘built as a means of destruction’ thing but theres something we really lost with him not being a#handheld pistol anymore#if you were built with a silencer would you not want to take up space as an act of resistance#and like. what if the gun who relied on other people to be useful still was someone who wrote poetry. who dreamed of a better world.#of a world where nobody needed to build guns like him.#and tankformer megatron ISNT THE SAME. I MISS GUN MEGATRONNNNN. but hes still right no matter what. teehee#oh and btw. ive been specifically thinking about gun megatron lately bc i said to myself. what if earthspark megatron’s cybertronian alt was#a gun like the old days. they dont have to show it. and then i thought about prowl holding gun megatron and its like.#i bet that would feel really nice to him….#choosing to believe in mass displacement for all continuities <3
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Why would you make them say boyfriend girlfriend aren't they boyfriends
yes they are both boys and therefore boyfriends. but also based on the society in which he lives i don’t think naruto would have a real understanding of being gay besides “some boys look like girls. and i like sasuke so much that it makes everyone uncomfortable”.
i think he would probably initially try to cast sasuke in the role of “my girlfriend” despite also finding sasuke very traditionally masculine in many ways. and i don’t think sasuke would especially mind because sasuke does not care about gender or what people think of him
#see naruto apologizing to his father for not being able to marry a proper woman#despite girls throwing themselves at him#and also when the sage of six paths says Naruto You Already Know Who Big Brother Indra was reincarnated as. you know who your soulmate is#and naruto looks away in shame despite having spent the last several years obsessing over sasuke and chasing him and withstanding beatings#for him. he is also slightly ashamed of his love for sasuke. because he knows it marks him as different just like the tailed beast in him.#anyway he would choose sasuke over this fear every day of the week. but the concern is still there. oh naruto ..#he wants a family because he’s never had it and he wants to be normal and loved because he’s always been hated. but he would choose sasuke#over all that
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THE number one most irritating thing about life is deciding when you're meant to speak or make eye contact and when you're not, and for how long and how many phrases you're meant to say at a time
#i know i make this post every week. i know this#but it's just constant!#all my other problems are either solvable or no one has ever solved them in the history of humanity you just have to live with them#but this one is soooo omnipresent and it takes up 80% of my brain space at almost all times#and it's not like i can really condition myself out of it because consciously Not thinking about it is the same as thinking about it!#try to think about my surroundings but people are a part of the surroundings!#how i avoided this level of constant decision making as a child is i just didn't speak to people besides my family unless i had to#i've read people's experiences who were like 'you need to decide when to put on your normal face and how to present yourself'#'being able to choose will give you more autonomy' and like! yeah! guess why i'm able to support myself and live an independent life#that doesn't mean making those choices every second of the day is enjoyable!! or really sustainable over decades and decades!!#rhghghgjhhbhhhhghghhhhghh#hisses like a cat going to the vet
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(Idk if someone asked this already) since we’re on the topic of gender
sci what is gender to you and how do you see it in you and how you express it in your art?? (Just a young queer artist who wants some light shined upon them 🥺)
i 'unno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#gender is soup#sci speaks#i'm so sorry i know you might hope for something profound but... i think when i'm put on the spot like this i can't say anything really#i think whatever i am is definitely pervasive in everything i write#but like.. gender means something different to wade than it does for peter.#just like it'll be different for everybody. we make different associations based on our experiences and our trauma.#like.. wade associates femininity with love. because of his mother. associates masculinity with violence. because of his father.#peter associates masculinity with responsibility. because of uncle ben. associates femininity with confidence. because of aunt may.#i think there's all kinds of reasons why we choose to present the way we do. and what gender means to us.#just like we'll associate a colour with something. or a smell with a memory. it's complicated.#i don't think i'm some kind of expert on gender things but... i just find it interesting to explore. the psychology of it.#i don't think it's supernatural. it doesn't come from nowhere. but it should be a playground.#i don't think anyone in this world should be restricted to a certain role to play. i want to try all the roles and see how it fits.#see how well i can play them.#maybe because i haven't found one that quite fits. so i want the opportunity to try whatever i can. see what feels right.#i think it would be fun to be a wife. i think it would be fun to be a husband. i think it would be fun to be a firefighter. i think it wo#shrugs. different outfits for every day. different roles to play.#today i'd like to try...#i think it's like kids learning how to be adults by playing pretend. by playing roles.#i'm learning more about myself and other people and fitting into the world by trying on different roles.#kids playing house. you be the mom. i'll be the dad. yadda yadda.#i still feel like a bit of a kid who hasn't figured out how to be an adult yet. so i'm still trying out roles to see what fits.
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can ppl in this fandom like... stop... implying that transmasculinity in hcs or (especially) canon is shallow or misogynistic or even transmisogynistic on princible, like literally just by being prescent in someones mind or in the text. like that doesnt fuckin feel good. thats kind of really nasty to imply. if its not okay to say about other trans experiences, maybe dont say it about this one either. why is there a weird little exception here. yall KNOW how much that sucks to hear all day every day. what the fuck
#my t#idk how to tell the hs fandom that every piece of trans coding in roxy in hs1 can be read as transmasc too. like transfem and transmasc#at the same time from the EXACT same reasons. its almost like we all share experiences just by way of being trans. weird i know#its almost like being trans rlly truly highlights what it is to be human and how we are all in fact at the end of the day human together#i just want everyone to stop trying to 'poke holes' in other fans trans hcs FULL STOP across the board no matter who they are#or what the hc is. its needlessly hurtful and more often than not trips into real peoples dysphoria which then#makes the target more likely to lash out. so the person poking them abt it can do a ''SEE? THEYRE ALL MEAN ONE OF THEM#WAS MEAN TO ME JUST NOW'' routine. its so obviously a 'im not touching u!!!' playground maneuver like holy fuck grow up#if you wanna fight for transfem/me folks right to just exist random fans personal headcanons is not the fuckin time or place#the XY in roxys name could be read as her having been DMAB or it could be hussie having a long running giggle about him preordering#his own transmasculinity. roxys colour being pink could be bc shes a girl or it could be compcis!!!#roxys desperation for a bf is from loneliness in canon but its often read as her feeling like she needs one to be a real girl#it can ALSO be read as another aspect of him struggling with compcis and comphet esp w/ his fantasies abt being 'a mother'#yknow what i never fuckin see that rlly highlights the fact that this is just a shitty 'girls rule boys drool' thing? theres like. no#discussions on the potential of roxy being any kinda intersex. absolutely none. he could be mtftm for all you fuckin know#but oh yknow being mtftm is A Shallow Read so we cant have that. hs is only for girls didnt you know we need to terf- i mean turf#out every single instance of queer mascness bc its Evil in the text didnt you know#god help the fandoms word of god token trans boy dirk strider for 'choosing' his eternal misery while everyone else is enlightened#by way of transforming into a girl. bc we must place girlhood on an inhuman pedistal of perfection and niceness and joy and rainbows#like what IS this mahou shojo brand gender essentialism???? im fuckin sick of it#can we remember that girlhood isnt & wasnt safe or joyful for everyone & that that can translate into how we curate our fandom experiences
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happy birthday to the man, the pig, the legend, whose character said NO USERS with his whole chest so loudly it reduced the city that tried to use him to a smoking bedrock crater and altered my brain chemistry and concept of self-worth forever
#happy birthday technoblade#Technoblade25#c!techno#miss him every day - some more than others#and i'll always wish that there was more time#but if he had a hundred lives he'd choose to be technoblade again every time#and in that sense it was an honor to share even a little of the life he loved so much#he changed mine for the better and i wish i'd been able to tell him#as someone who struggles with anger#who's been made out as nothing but a bully and a monster because of that anger#to the point where even i started believing it#this scene reached directly into my heart and headbutted my soul#you have worth!! you have value!!#you are not a tool or a resource or a threat to be used!!#you are a person!!
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being obsessed with yakumo is a job and baby i’ve never called in a sick day!!!!!
#nu carnival#yakumo ♡#you could not pay me to ramble this extensively about anything else#but yakumo’s trauma?? his childhood?? his growth?? his fears and insecurities and how they affect his current relationships??#his abandonment issues and jealousy and darker desires???#and how he’s so scared he’ll hurt others even though it’s far more likely he’ll be the one getting hurt??#how he’s not violent or scary at all but after years and years he’s been conditioned to think he is??#the significance of his relationship with eiden??#the significance of his ‘platonic’ relationships with the other clan members??#how important his grandparents were in raising him??#how his desperate want to hide his serpentine features and be ‘normal’ is a perfect allegory for autism??#the fact that he’s been treated horribly in the past and yet still chooses every day to be kind??#how he probably definitely has bpd??#the burden he has to carry just because of who his ancestor is??#the fact that it almost seems like what he does doesn’t matter because the actions of his ancestor will always be looming over him??#how he’s been hurt so many times both physically and emotionally and yet his heart is still so open to loving others??#how he has a tendency to push down his traumatic memories until he thinks they no longer affect him??#and how even when he’s suffering because of that trauma he would still rather suffer alone than bother someone and tell them??#how slowly but surely he’s unlearning all of the harmful ideas burned into him since his was a child??#and how he’s learning that people do love and care about him and he’s not a burden and he deserves love and care??#and that the serpentine traits he tries so desperately to hide aren’t as disgusting as he was meant to believe??#that his dark desires don’t define or control him and that it’s okay that he has them??#that just because he has them at all doesn’t make him a bad person???#why he makes soup for his loved ones so much!!!! yes that is important actually#i will sit and write about that for hours and hours for FREE#my favourite fictional character of all time he’s so so real#he’s so well written and his trauma and growth are handled with such care and consideration
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Expression practice via that meme template
I can feel my patience slipping away,,,
#my art#My sona#Don't actually think I've shared my new sona before....#Whoops well new sona I've had a while#Sona who is entering their villain arc#Every day I am taught no good deed goes unpunished 😊#And everyday I find it harder and harder to choose goodness 😊#Soon there will not be any kindness left in this body 😊 you'll have beaten it out of me 😊#And so when I snap and bare my teeth clawing at your throat and scream of how you've wronged me#When I bring you to tears reducing you to your knees sobbing in misery and despair just know#I never wanted to be this way. But you didn't like me how I was before did you?#Or did you just think you could keep beating me like a trained dog#Ehhhh kinda went off on one in the tags whoops I'm just bleh feeling many some kinda ways /neg#Called the little folder with all my layers something edgy like “Do you really fucking think we're friends?” or some shit#Because I was feelings#As my dad famously says “Other fucking people”
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I get a little indignant when i look up the lyrics for a song that has very straightforward and understandable meaning to anyone who has experienced a modicum of emotional pain in their life and there are websites like "Song Lyrics Explained" like ohhh some people have never had their heart broken I see.
#my stuff#if you look me in the eyes and say you don't 'get' Sleep Token's Apparition or Take Me Back To Eden in general...#like what even is there to say. they're about waking up from bittersweet dreams abt ppl you can't see anymore for reasons you didn't choose#and longing to return to experiences that cannot be recreated if the people you love don't make the effort to hold onto it like you do.#i am quite literally sick with longing and grief these past couple days and these are the only songs keeping me halfway sane#this all could have gone so very different. i know where you are. i know how to reach you. but i can't. you asked me not to.#so i have to cope with the knowledge that you're a short walk away almost every day and yet I'll probably never see you again#and it's not because i did anything wrong you're just the sort of person who can't be friends with someone after a romance#and your goodbye was absolute shit and i hate it and i want some fucking shred of acknowledgement that i deserve better!!!!#i want to know you aren't just trying to forget me entirely!! I want to be remembered!! I am remembering you!!
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#everything’s fine and I’m fine I’m just saying this to say it rn#I don’t know what I would choose to do if he WAS still alive and I COULD still report officially#but a large part of me is really really glad that that mayor is dead. and I don’t ever have to hear him or see him at events or feel his#unusually long weird fingernails and iron grip while telling me to smile for pictures ever again#a part of me would love to confront him#but most of me is just glad he’s gone and can’t scare me or make life hell for my parents ever again#he never should’ve gotten away with all the things he did for so many years. but he did.#now that we’re here in the present. it’s a gift to get to move on from it knowing he’s not still out there at least#he was a gross greedy person with police and government power and never should’ve had those positions for so many decades like he did#but that being said. he can’t ever speak to or touch me again.#I’m not grateful now. I wasn’t grateful then after he stopped pretending either. but I’m glad I get to walk away and never live near#any subdivision or building or anything else with his name or picture#ever again. and he’s never able to touch another child ever. good riddance. you gross greedy poor excuse for a public servant.#now I’m gonna go try to write some of what I’ve learned into a fic to help my future self and others#who do you think came out on top at the end of the day mayor L?#I came out of this with friends and kindness and gentleness and healthy rage. you died just as greedy and fake and paranoid as you lived.#I hope you got better towards the end. for your wife and family’s sake.#I get to protect others from people like you for the rest of my life. and I’ll win.#because I deserve it and every current kid deserves it too.#shh katie
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i miss stupid rafaela
#why is exam season always missing the worst people alive who probably havent thought of me in months hours#and i have been banned from texting her but i want to scream so i will do what she'd caricature of me and be immature#and scream about it here#you were supposed to be my sister i genuinely loved you like one what is wrong with you why do i still love you deep down#whatever.#btw i've known about your new blog since basically the day after you made it. im just choosing to try to have some self respect for once in#my life and not contact you because you dont want me to#i guess a part of me will always love you. because i take sisterhood seriously and cant just unlearn that i saw you that way#even if ive mostly moved on#the relapses still fucking suck#but yeah. that part will always hope we can reconnect some day. i know its pathetic but i guess that's me#when i tell someone i will always love them i mean it with my whole heart. ik if you asked id forgive you in a heartbeat#but i also kind of hate you now. and i dont think about you most days. but every so often the universe will remind me of how deeply i loved#you and that sucks#you're pretty much the grudge by olivia rodrigo to me#not the first person i associate with that song but it does describe how i feel about you a little too well#rafaela 🎶#blatantposting
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anyway i love to wake up wanting to roll over into you and then remembering you're not here, because you're at home and i'm at home, and the reality of geography is such that i can only hug one of you at a time and it's really just extremely unfair to me, who wants to be able to hug either of you at the time of my choosing, not as determined by travel budgets and work schedules and fucking borders.
#things jess says#cultivating relationships that defy easy categorization every day of my life#(while also whining about it because god i fucking miss you and then I feel guilty because he's here at home with me#and i know i am a lucky sod with a primary partner who gets it and has no interest in making me choose#but goddamn)
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