#you can't assume that's a bad thing
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I love how on Tumblr, "media literacy" has become "Um, just because someone writes about this doesn't mean they're endorsing this. I hate all these media puritans ruining everything."
I'm sad to inform you that knowing when and whether an author is endorsing something, implying something, saying something, is also part of media literacy. Knowing when they are doing this and when they're not is part of media literacy. Assuming that no author has ever endorsed a bad thing is how you fall for proper gander. It's not media literacy to always assume that nobody ever has agreed with the morally reprehensible ideas in their work.
Sometimes, authors are endorsing something, and you need to be aware when that happens, and you also need to be aware when you're doing it as an author. All media isn't horny dubcon fanfic where you and the author know it's problematic IRL but you get off to it in the privacy of your brain. Sometimes very smart people can convince you of something that'll hurt others in the real world. Sometimes very dumb people will romanticize something without realizing they're doing it and you'll be caught up in it without realizing that you are.
Being aware of this is also media literacy. Being aware of the narrative tools used to affect your thinking is media literacy. Deciding on your own whether you agree with an author or not is media literacy. Enjoying characters doing bad things and allowing authors to create flawed or cruel characters for the sake of a story is perfectly fine, but it is not the same as being media literate. Being smug about how you never think an author has bad intentions tells me you're edgy, not that you're media literate. You can't use one rule to apply to all media. That's not how media literacy works. Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Aheem heem. Anyway.
#anyway this is just more of that lefty shit where 'well i can't be racist because i'm gay!'#'well i can't be media illiterate because i love villains!'#not how that works babes#'well I KNOW bad from good so i can't be affected by media!'#'everyone else also knows bad from good and defines it the exact way i do!'#'so if i think this is bad then the author must also think this is bad!'#i have bad news ....#also how do you know bad from good? who taught you that? hmm?#did you fall out of the womb knowing? or did you pick up some things on the way here?#'i just know' no you don't! that's what i'm saying!#assuming one thing is always true is the opposite of being a conscious consumer of media soz#assuming someone thinks and knows the exact same shit you think and know is not media literacy!!
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it's been 9 years i think we can all collectively agree now that Flowey has never been a master of psychological manipulation.
No shame to him, he's a kid who's been recently awakened from death and probably became very socially detached thanks to the nature of resets,
but you can't tell me that Papyrus didn't/wouldn't have caught on if he had been planning to take the souls at the end of true pacifist. Flowey is not a good liar. In any case, this does lead to monsters being freed, so was Papyrus really wrong to play along?
And who's to say this all wasn't Papyrus simply playing into whatever would set Flowey on the path he takes in true pacifist, trusting that the human and him would work it out? Flowey can have his power display and then realise what really matters. sometimes you gotta work through your problems the hard way
local kid with zero issues of abandonment/isolation whatsoever
#papyrus#flowey#undertale#this fandom has a thing with assuming that the adults are easily fooled by the kids into evil plans#see: the “chara has been evil since forever” takes#im bad at articulating my point but I hope it's clear what I'm getting at#Papyrus wouldn't get preachy with him he'd let him make the choice in the end (which he does.)#you have to keep in mind that Flowey is a very traumatised child. you can't just barge in and tell him what to do#it's ok hes working through it. and yea it does involve violence but hes like 12 it's fine#fluo rambles
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there is a difference between being born to a throne, maliciously vying for a throne, stealing a throne, and having a throne thrust upon you when you are already in the midst of an identity crisis. And I fear Loki's place in the line of succession has people unable to differentiate between any of these
#you can't really argue he planned the extent of Thor's downfall#that was all Odin#Loki didn't force Thor to invade Jotunheim he isn't even the one who gave Thor the idea -- Thor did that all on his own!#that he was doing waswasa @ thor didn't help but wasn't really crime worthy on its own#Thor himself took time convincing the other warriors to be okay with the trip despite the treason and danger involved#like. what. Thor can't differentiate good advice from bad and is emotionally volatile and reckless and that's Loki's fault?#THOR was the one who got them past Heimdall too#the entire ordeal inadvertently showed off the favouritism Thor was receiving in comparison to Loki#even though Loki was the one supposedly so easily influencing Thor to such an extent#call Thor a puppet the way he--wait. no. that sounds weird. uhhhhh#you get the point#people will claim Loki was all up in there rearranging Thor's mental processes to cause his downfall#when really it was Loki doing the bare minimum instigation and watching things only devolve from there#because Thor WAS reckless and immature ?? and he WAS quick to anger and enjoyed exerting his power with violence ??#Loki didn't STEAL THE THRONE FROM THOR he literally just is implied to undermine the coronation#that's not even confirmed but we assume it's true that he let the frost giants in near the casket etc.#Loki has his own actual crimes that he did against Thor and hugging his bro's arm and saying 'you're soooooo strong and correct' was not on#even if you manage to argue Loki was cheering Thor on for the invasion (he wasn't) it was clearly to dob Thor in with Odin#which he did when he had some guard inform Odin#that Odin's chosen punishment was for Thor's disobedience aside stop blaming Loki for the damage ODIN inflicted on him#focus on Loki making up lies to Thor about how Odin died instead like at least Loki DID SOMETHING for that#you can even ascribe as evil a motive as you want there bc Loki was slipping fr#twirling his hair and telling Thor he's smarter about the realm's safety than the king was on the normal scale#you want to talk morals go look at how eager Thor was to invade mass destroy and massacre in the other realm#and expected Odin to 'finish them off! together!' bc he was power high on whatever bloodlust pheromones battle apparently imitates for him#sigh. this is why you can't have nice things Thor. no Loki you're barely any better. sit down. have a cookie.
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Done with our favorite Spider-Boy! Spiderling? Spider... What was his name again?
Avengers paper cutout 6/?
#avengers paper cutout project#art#sorry it's been FOREVER since I did a thing for this series lol#lowkey I've had this done for like... a month... maybe 2 months...?#and just didn't post it because I wasn't 100% happy with it#but well. when someone has a bad day and you want to cheer them up a little you can't be chasing perfection I guess#I also want to do more bird art soon!#just haven't been feeling creative lately due to Certain Life Events:tm:#but today was the first decent day I've had in a while where I didn't go home and then immediately fall into a doom scroll spiral on the co#the couch#stupid tag word limit#anyway yeah hopefully you'll be hearing a little more from me soonish#and by soonish i mean like another 2 weeks probably...#look even when I'm feeling decent I am SLOOOOOOW at this lmao#uhh anyway there's only natasha left out of the OG6 so she's up next#actually probably similar color scheme for peter assuming it'll be a black gun on the hourglass bg#but I kinda hate the black lol it makes the edges look so bad!#we'll see maybe I'll find a picture of her with a different looking gun and use that as an excuse#enough tag rambling I need to post this and then get ready for bed lol#hope y'all enjoy my silly little art#which i guess is kinda seasonally appropriate now??#IGNORE MY RAMBLING UP THERE THIS WAS MY SECRET PLAN ALL ALONG MHM MHM I PLANNED THIS SO WELL
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dragon's dogma fans... put in the tags what gifts you like receiving the most when people send back your pawns, for either game honestly!!! + as a bonus, what do you prefer to see as rewards for pawn quests?
#clyde.txt#dragon's dogma#dragon's dogma 2#dd2#ddda#i literally struggle so badly with what gifts do send it gives me decision paralysis and i get too shy to hire people's pawns 😭😭#but ppl have really generously been hiring my pawns lately for badge stuff and i wanna be able to return the favor...#and it's just good to know what people like getting!!! personally ferrystones are always nice for me... or good healing items#i was gonna make like a google form but i'm so lazy... so just say in the tags if you feel like it 😏👍#i don't really ever care what pawn quest rewards are and i assume ppl feel similar... but like i said... some guidance or feedback can't be#a bad thing!!!
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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sometimes i am reminded of strange comments i receive on my art and i am still baffled.
[ID: Tags reading "your alice looks like shes adicted to heroin and I love that" end ID]
like. no, people who are addicted to drugs shouldn't feel shame over their appearances, ofc. but also Why Would You Say This To Me.
#ramblings with major#tmagp#drugs mention#addiction mention#i feel like i might've made this post before ages ago but i can't remember#in any case 'this character design makes her look like she's been ravaged by the effects of substance abuse' isn't really a compliment#especially since i wasn't exactly. going for that. at the very least it's a very strange thing to say.#also what part of this makes her look that way to you. is it the paleness of her skin? how skinny and lanky she is?#please tell me it's not her crooked teeth.#if it is i might have to kill you#(obligatory Don't Seek This Person Out And Bother Them Please)#again there's no shame in physically bearing the evidence of addiction#but its like. idk presumptive?? like Only People Who Are On Drugs Look Like This and it can't be for any other reason like. idk. genetics.#its just a weird comparison to make/thing to assume i guess. imagine saying this to an actual person#'youre so skinny/pasty/have such bad teeth i love it are you on heroin' like could you imagine#like clearly the person is happy about this design choice. im. im glad about that. but just. what.
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Violet and Purple are not the same color
#what you assume to be one thing doesn't mean it is#the first one is softer#it does seem confused? as if it forgot something important#hasn't slept well lately#can continue working on it tomorrow#these bad dreams keep coming back#Father said they are tied together#you can go separate ways and still be connected#I can't go to sleep#good night. good night. good night. good night. good night. good night.#tomorrow is another day#starbstalks
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I was painting and the religious-fanatic teacher came to me and started asking questions about my work. I answered them and I was ready to go on with my day and she goes "we used to talk more when you were well..."
And I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at her like "wtf" because lady you are under 2 wrong assumptions here:
I would let YOU of all people be aware of my mental state or personal life or anything that concerns ME at all.
That we had some kind of amicable relationship to begin with? No, I don't know how you got the wrong impression since I just ever talked to you after I disagreed with your views, criticized you and almost fought with you because you said something both incredibly stupid and triggering... just because I've kept things civil doesn't mean I don't consider you anything other than a pretentious asshole.
The audacity of this woman, to think she can come to me and act all motherly and attentive while trying to get her nose in my personal life while bringing up a past bond which never fricking existed????? What like do you miss our disagreements???
And I just told her, "But... I'm good tho" which is not 100% true, but that's none of her business anyway
And she goes "yeah but you were even better"
BITCH????? No I wasn't? I'm not doing super now but I've vastly improved since last year so idk are you tripping or something???? And then she says something else about my work and keeps talking to me and I'm being civil and cordial because I'm not a rude asshole even if he doesn't even deserve this courtesy for the way she treats us.
Idk what's wrong with her, like she thinks I'm some kind of "problematic kidTM" for the way I look who needs salvation?? Which is not true, I don't need you as a mother. I already have a loving family and friends. Thank you and get the hell away from me????
And even if I were looking for someone's help for anything, I would NEVER in a hundred thousand years go to her for it. Not even for a broken nail lol.
She would probably tell me to go to church and confess or some shit. She already told me to call a confessor for my grandma because she had a little accident when she heard me talking about it with someone else... fkn hell.
#the art school adventures are back#she makes me irrationally angry#steel rambles#I hate it when people assume things about me#and when they try to get close when I've made it clear I don't want them to#because fucking hell I know how it plays out and these people ever have goog intentions even if they think they do#becaus eyou don't force someone to get close to you#it either happens ornit doesn't#also because these peopel try to get close to me WHILE assuming wrong things about me so I just can't have normal interactions#because they're just so fucking certain they understood how I function and even having a heart to heart conversation doesn't do shit#they just can't see me as anything else#and it makes me fucking angry too because I hate being misunderstood but I also can't let the people understand me#because then I'm too vulnerable to them and their manipulation#so idk I guess I prefer being perceived as a “problematic youth” instead of letting her any closer because fuck no she gives me the creeps.#or bad vibes#yeah creeps is too strong of a word#honestly I'm tired of fighting and always feeling on the edge#and it doesn't get easier#or better#but i hate it.
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I feel like the post I just reblogged pointing out the all-or-nothing in how many people interact with their deconstruction of systems of oppression is resonating for me right now with so many different moments in my life where someone decides that because some part of myself has access to some of the levers of control/influence/etc that come with the relationship to power, and decides what that must mean about all the other parts of me that might be explicitly refused access to those same levers.
It has happened in so many spaces/aspects of my life, and it can be so hard to feel safe and seen and trusting of others when that's my chronic relationship to being perceived - half truths and obfuscation.
It doesn't really change regardless of who's doing the assuming either. Like, where they land in relation to systems of power may influence which direction they lean in their assumptions about me, but even that is often inconsistent. Both sides of the equation (those who share my marginalizations and those who exist in spaces of closer proximity to power) will still do it nonetheless.
When I was doing my liminal social identities work in undergrad, this was actually a big part of the conceptualization we explored of traumtic alienation of self as individual from self as collective, and what it can do to people to exist in this liminal relationship with your environment and the people in it. As I'm starting to gather my thoughts about my stress modeling, this conceptualization is bubbling back to the surface. I'm finding myself meandering through it on both a path specifically my own, and in an effort to better understand what other paths may be available to people during their version of the process/experience.
Selfhood is so fragile, and so in need of balance between self-construction and co-construction for us humans, and that gives us so many beautiful, even spiritual, experiences of meaning making and generativity of self. It also createa many pivot points where we may find room in our path for vulnerability or blurring of self. As much as these pivot points can be distressing, I think they also sometimes become our foundations of change/personal evolution, when we find that through the distress of existing in shift, something meaningful is occurring or observable in our experience of self-in-transition.
I think something I've valued especially about my own relationship with self is its transience. It doesn't always end up somewhere I would be happy to sustain, but it always allows me a degree of comfort in complexity that I think has made my body-mind a safer place for me overall.
#one day i will understand how to convey self in a way that is Mine and also Effective Communication#but lord knows it ain't today#it's always so interesting to me the way people decide to position me in their social/power schema#the funny thing i think is that even as a toddler people seemed to assign me a seriousness and gravity of social value that was both#irrational and inexplicable and in many cases wildly inappropriate#apparently one of my auntie's got in a bad way of 'consulting' me like her personal spiritual guide when I was like#two years old????#and she had to be like#you can't keep talking to my toddler about this stuff#that's an extreme one but like#it's also in line with the trend#i don't think people realize how dehumanizing it feels to be Assigned Moral and Social Weight and Value like that#it makes it so painfully clear to me that i am expected to manage to accommodate everyone's needs while never having#or at least never expressing or acknowledging in the presence of others#any needs of my own regardless of their impact on me#sometimes I think people assume that I went into the fields I did as like. a white knight type motivation#or like#that going into the field is what's made me the way I am#and like.#not really. it's more that I knew my role in life was 'other people's emotional regulation/go-to anchor' as long as I've had self-concept#and at a certain point you've been playing that role long enough that your options are either#become a subject matter expert and contributer to the field#or fucking kill yourself#because you certainly can't keep doing what you're doing#i dunno. i guess i just wished there was anyone in my life i trusted to see me as the fully complexified and messy human I am#i might feel a little less like i'm the only real thing in my life#anyway i think i'm gonna go. dissociate out of existence for a while before i get the kind of suicidal that's going to worry wifey#i don't think i can cope with needing to regulate her out of an anxiety response right now and i understand that means i can't need care atm#you ever just get the feeling that you're drowning under the weight of the needs you just can never seem to meet? i do.
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neurotypicals are so frustrating,, i keep forgetting that "can you do x" means "go do x"
#yesterday i was At Work#i opened alone (we are so fucking understaffed)#at like 945 (coworker came in at 10) these two women-#who until now have done NOTHING managery. they have walked around and talked to each other and asked questions#come up and in a pissy voice like um why hasn't group started#i say i'm the only one back here#'well can't you start ONE group?'#no...im the only one back here#'can you start individuals?' yeah i'll ask [host lead]#(annoyed voice) 'um why do you have to ask her?' because i'm not a lead so she's in charge?#(angry voice) well WE are GENERAL MANAGERS and we are TELLING YOU to do SOMETHING like START INDIVIDUALS#like. chill i am literally just some guy and i am the only guy back here#i also feel its worth noting that apparently since they caught me in the hallway they assumed i hadn't been doing anything#when in reality i hadnt sat down since i got to work. all i did was doing things. there is more to my job than Watch Dogs. especially when#im the only guy doing any of the anything#and i couldnt start individuals immediately because i had to do spot cleans. because i prioritized Not Letting Dogs Sit In Their Own Shit#before dog getting some playtime#like. yes i am a Lower Level Employee. yes i havent worked here that long. but i have worked here longer than you#and im gonna take a wild guess that i care about the dogs more than you#also worth noting that i got no breaks that day (if you work a 6+ hour shift you get a 30 and a 15 at my work)#so i sat down for a total of 5 minutes and that was to take a piss#for context. i worked 7 hours. 6:15am to 1:15pm.#so i have a Bad Feeling about these new general managers. really hope im wrong and this is a one-off thing but. ohhhhh boy
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I think it's really funny when fundies are also super into the crunchy lifestyle like bestie your whole system is based on a dude with magical powers born from a virgin you can take a tylenol and stop feeding your infant raw milk now
#I always bring it up#but me @ my aunt that scoffed at me for using my nebulizer while actively having a severe asthma attack#and I mean severe I had to use double my dosage before I could breathe without wheezing and coughing again#I 100% should've been in the hospital#I respect the crunchy life when it's shit like colds and scrapes and aches#absolutely not when it's an asthma attack or PCOS#and doubly not when your CHILD is the sick one#I assume most of the crunchiness comes from the adversion to medicine over prayer#because that implies that there are things that can't be prayed away#And it implies that if you pray and stay healthy that's proof of your worth and praying power#So when someone does get sick and/or die well that's just apart of his plan at least you can say you didn't fight his plan#It's not a preventable illness if you ignore/don't learn how to prevent it /j#every day I wake up and learn another disease raw milk can give you /j#ED tw#And everyday I use to wake up to my stepmom doing a different 'diet'#They 100% encouraged eating disorders both in restricting and binging#Feel bad? Eat food and pray about it! Feel good? Fast and pray about it!#Either way you should feel like you're on the Truman Show with every bite you take#your health becomes a moral issue not a natural one#it becomes a temple and not your vessel#ex christian#religious trauma
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just read a review of the lego movie from 2014 and it is genuinely a horrible piece of literature and through perusing the comments underneath the review, I have gained an intense dislike of the reviewer. it's not even that I liked the lego movie and he didn't it's just that a lot of the stuff he says is factually incorrect, really stupid-sounding, or he doesn't provide any real reason, and in the comments, he reacts to even the friendliest and politest constructive criticism as if it's a personal attack on him.
#listen I DON'T CARE THAT YOU DIDN'T LIKE THE MOVIE#I mean I'm slightly saddened because I did like it#but he straight-up says it's fully actual physical stop-motion animation at the beginning (factually incorrect)#then later says you won't appreciate the movie unless you like lego a lot and know all about it#specifically saying 'if you can tell the Lego Wild West town from its pirate ship from its spaceman set' (direct quote)#like um idk bro... are you saying you can't???#also this does insinuate that there is one specific set for each of these#which is also factually incorrect but I'm not really mad about that#and then in the comments he kept trying to defend himself by saying stuff about how the movie has a 90%ish rating on rotten tomatoes#and therefore 10% of people didn't like the movie#which is actually. an insane oversimplification of statistics. that's like saying if there are 10 children with an average of 4.5 apples#per child and each child can have a maximum of 5 apples#then 9 of the children must have 5 apples and the other 1 must have none#the 90% in fact includes a large number of people who rated it at 3.5-4.5 stars which is means a lot of them really actually did like it#and just didn't think it was the best movie ever ever in existence or maybe they just had some small qualm with it#the final straw was that someone left a very nice very kindly written piece of constructive criticism asking if maybe the reviewer would#consider saying what about the humor he didn't like (or what kind of humor it was) next time so that the viewer would know whether they#would like it or not as well and I read this and thought 'surely he will respond courteously to at least this one' and he said.#basically 'it's not that the kind of humor didn't suit my tastes. it just wasn't funny'#WHAT THE FREAK#WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT#ALL THIS GOING ON AND ON ABOUT WRITING A NEGATIVE REVIEW BECAUSE IT'S YOUR ACTUAL OPINION AND NOT BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO BE CONTRARY#BUT I THINK YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT AN OPINION IS??????#it's MY opinion that it was funny#it's YOUR opinion that it wasn't#you don't get to arbitrarily say that the only reason you disliked the humor was because it was 'bad'#even ethics aren't this black and white#there was another thread where a commenter pointed out that the reviewer seemed to assume there was such a thing as a universal definition#of a good movie and he repeatedly refused to explain himself. like in an 'are you stupid. this isn't worth my time' way#but I won't get into that
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you don’t have to answer this ask but wow how are you supposed to be the bad guy fucking apologizing for reacting badly to being told to kill yourself?? i hate this website
well okay hold up i never said i was the bad guy. i said there were misunderstandings on both sides and that i was sorry for an issue in one part of how i handled it. just one.
#ask tag#not counting#like um. i do understand that maybe this person's sense of humor is way different then mine okay#but like. they said that they didn't mean it legitimately and once they saw it was haarmful they apologized#for me to say ''i am glad i understand your side of the story and you understand mine'' i am not saying i'm the bad guy#there's really no ''bad guy'' in this situation as i see it because the world is more nuanced then that y'know#like. sometimes people have a sense of humor that you can't pick up on. it doesn't mean you shouldn't state your point of view#and say ''that wasn't how i want people to talk to me and i also won't let you do that''#also the only part i really ''apologized'' for was that i used a term for them that was uncomfortable#i assume for gender reasons. and i understand where that comes from. if someone called me ''girl'' while arguing i wouldn't like it#whenever i said sorry after that i did my best to try and word it in a way like ''i am sorry this happened but it's not my fault''#like how when. idk. someone's grandma dies and you say ''sorry for your loss'' you're not saying that you killed their grandma#you're just saying that you feel bad that the thing happened but not that it's your fault#and yes. i do agree that the situation may have been fixed if they just said it was a joke but hindsight is 20/20 right?#anyways. that's my take on the situation.#and like. idk. if they apologized and told me how they saw it. i'm gonna believe them because i have had WAY more malicious people here#like idk. there have been anons who have said wayy worse and there's no discernable reason for why they would#like that one anon who told me that i should get my arms chopped off or something. idk. i deleted it before i could commit it to memory#and that was on purpose#but like. my point is. there's worse people. and if i focus all of my energy about being mad over a person who made one joke in bad taste#idk just seems like a waste of time#at least that's my perspective on the situation. never said i was the bad guy. just sorry it happened#also sorry it happened so late at night for me! i need an ibuprofen and a bagel now
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i don't think i really get angry, maybe a bit annoyed sometimes, but mostly i just get sad instead. i had a long conversation with my friend about how our minds work and also became conscious of how quiet my mind is. kind of numb. idk it used to be loud but i think that could just have been being a kid
#but also like idk i don't think i know myself very well (yet)#and saying this and that about how my mind works is kind of arbitrary i could be so wrong#because most mental functions are subconscious so it's difficult to really name and categorise them#oh also i'd suspected i had aphantasia before but i assumed that people 'seeing' the things they imagined#didn't actually SEE them. like an actual picture inside your head#i can imagine things but i don't SEE them i just can imagine how it would be to see them#so i assumed that's what people meant#but apparently people do SEE things?? like actually see them?#which hey wtf such a scam that i cannot#like wtf do you mean you see more than just black when you close your eyes. what????#and when i said this to my brother he said the same thing about it 'oh obviously people mean this when they say they imagine things'#but it's difficult to really know because you can't swap minds with someone#and unless you're both very well spoke and understanding it's very difficult to conceptualize a different way of thought#anyway it all just made me realise my mind is very quiet. very very quiet#not a bad thing? i think conscious effort contributed to that. a little dissociation and depression too maybe#but oh who even knows lmao i'll grow up and get to know myself better#one of my biggest wonders is if i have seasonal depression. i have absolutely no idea
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I used to always get mad at The Mountain Goats because they're like a Trojan horse to me. I see some banger lyrics on a tumblr post and go oh word 👀👌🏿 and then I go listen to the song and get slain by a Greek army, which in this case is my lack of interest in that musical genre
now imagine that Trojan horse is the latest Hozier album and maybe you can imagine how mad I am
#like of COURSE you had me at ''i carrion / icarian'' but then i went to listen to it 😭#listen i'm happy for him and for y'all but i think i knew this was gonna happen eventually#too many of his songs have lullaby vibes. like honkshoo type shit. i ofc listen to way more genres than just metal but#i think the visceral-feeling components that make metal what it is are indeed the foundation of my tastes.#like. i need my music to punch me in the soul in some way laksmfdlakjflkjg#it can't just be lyrically bc then that's just. that's just a poem. that's a different thing altogether#and yeah i CAN just read these lyrics as poems. which is what i'm doin. but they're NOT poems they're SONGS#anyway. it's too bad but at least the first album + would that i + sunlight will always exist#his accent cute tho i'll grant y'all that#(i also have only heard 3 songs so far and am assuming the rest of the album doesn't deviate that much. change my mind?)
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