#you can’t tell me they wouldn’t be

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Next Uncle’s Day rolls around and Roy doesn’t mention it to Jamie, of course, because Roy’s not in charge of planning this party, is he, all he has to do is show up and act excited about whatever colourful gifts will be inflicted upon him this year. Only, once he’s sat in his sister’s kitchen Jamie isn’t there and he keeps on not being there and when Roy finally breaks and asks Phoebe when he’s showing up Phoebe looks a bit confused and says you didn’t seem that happy to have him here last year so I didn’t ask him this time and Roy has no fucking idea what to say to that because it’s really fucking stupid to be sad over someone who’s absolutely NOT your best friend failing to show for a made-up holiday, and this whole thing isn’t REALLY about Roy anyway, it’s about Phoebe, so um.

Roy gets it together and nods and mutters yeah, all right, but it’d be fine though, you know, if you wanted to invite him next year

and no sooner has he spoken than THE DOOR FROM THE OTHER ROOM SWINGS OPEN AND JAMIE STRUTS INSIDE, grinning in TRIUMPH, like ha! you lasted all of half an hour before you started asking about me, I fudging knew you wanted me here, you grumpy old man

and Roy stares and stares and turns to Phoebe in utter betrayal but she just shrugs serenely, Jamie said it’d be fun to surprise you and anyway it wasn’t very nice of you to say he wasn’t your best friend last year, Uncle Roy

He said I wasn’t his either! Roy CANNOT believe this is happening to him.

Calm down, Uncle Roy, or you’ll have a heart attack before you can open my gift, Jamie says, smiling broadly and sounding so very, very smug.

His eyes are soft, though. The gift is very thoughtful. Roy will not admit it, but it makes a good time even better, having him there.

Roy’s sister just watches the entire thing unfold, thinking that nothing in Roy’s life has ever vexed and delighted him quite as much as Jamie Tartt does, and it’s all sorts of deeply amusing and very sweet.

[bighornerherder]

This payment is WILD, the package is just a dinky old poker chip. Anyway, wish me luck everyone!

[chloesimaginationthings]

Michael can survive (almost) anything in FNAF

[weewoo911]

Buck taking grainy, zoomed-in pictures of every single helicopter he sees and sending them to Tommy like “dis u babe? 🥰”

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 352

“Mother, I crave violence,” a small child interrupts the video call, practically clambering up into Nightingale’s chair. They look around five or so, with white hair and red eyes. Albino perhaps? 

“Ah, apologies, let me take care of this real quick,” Nightingale turns the microphone off when he gets a few acknowledging noises, picking the small child up and moving them from the room. 

“Cute kid,” Barry acknowledged from behind his coworker’s head, having been helping move things. Actually, the kid looked kind of familiar, though from where, who knew. Hard to remember everything with how fast his thoughts usually went. “I didn’t know Nightingale was a father…” 

Then again the specialist was notoriously private, and set most meetings online thanks to some sort of medical conditions. So he supposed it would make it easier to be a stay at home dad if he was there already…

[alittlefruitcake]

[ditzybat]

Jason: am I tweaking or is that Dick, dabbing up Simone Biles, before getting ready to perform high beam?

Tim: I dunno, but is that Roy for team USA in the archery category?

Jason: fuck I should’ve competed for shooting

Tim: I should’ve competed for judo, boo 🍅

[thoughtsandmusingsandideas]

Furina, who while devoted to the creator, knows that they are not all powerful nor all knowing- after all, they still referred to her as Focalors, they still treat her as an archon and one of their acolytes.

Furina, who regularly questioned her faith and her loyalties- after all, she was attempting to fool the Heavenly Principles, the loyal attack dog of the creator, but at the same time, why didn’t the creator try and stop the prophecy? If the creator had the power, and truly loved all their humans and archons, why let Fontaine drown?

Furina, who when an impostor appeared, received the same order as every other archon- hunt down the imposter, the heretic who defied their revered creator, and destroy them and their treasonous behaviour.

Furina, who during the search, wondered if she would be hunted down with the same vigor if others would learn of her duplicity.

Furina, who found you in a grotto only able to be accessed underwater, who saw the way the creatures of the sea attempting to help you patch up the wound in your side, spilling golden blood, and realized her faith was misplaced with far more ease than any other archon could have mustered.

Furina, who helped her creator heal in that grotto, apologies soft and regretful on her lips. She should have realized sooner; After all, she knows how easy it is to impersonate a god.

[beebox-illustrations]

I’ll finish the rest up till next Sunday🌻✨

Have a great weekend :)

Part 2:

[samaraxmorgan]

Your Roommate Sukuna

“That Time I Gave Him Covid”

Modern no curse AU, Sukuna X Reader

Synopsis: This housing crisis sure is no joke huh? Rent is just too expensive to live alone, so you put out a listing for a roommate and ended up living with none other than the tattooed bad boy Ryomen Sukuna! This is part of a series of drabbles and oneshots showing glimpses into you and Sukuna’s living situation!!

Contains: pure fluff, Sukuna makes you watch The Human Centipede but nothing is described in detail, pining at the end but he’s in denial

Word Count: 1.08k

Series Masterlist - My Full Masterlist

Look, a day off is nice, and a few days off could be a real treat, under just about any other circumstances. You’re sitting at the kitchen table, sipping coffee that you didn’t even need to add sugar to because the bitter taste can’t affect you when you literally can’t taste it.

You noticed the symptoms a couple hours ago, scratchy throat, can’t taste, can’t smell; you had an extra Covid test under the kitchen sink since you bought a two pack a couple months ago, and unsurprisingly you tested positive. And now you’re stuck in your little apartment for a week, trapped in the confined space with your oversized roommate who’s going to be just thrilled to hear the news.

He’s literally gonna kill me.

As if on cue, you could hear Sukuna’s footsteps thumping down the stairs, his eyes meeting yours as he turned the corner and a look of confusion spreading across his face.

“Don’t you have a job?”

You snort, oh he’s not gonna like this, “I’ve got bad news bud.”

“Don’t ever call me that again.” He shoots you a glare as walks into the kitchen, pulling a glass out of the cabinet.

You roll your eyes, a sheepish grin creeping at the corners of your lips as you prop your cheek onto the palm of your hand, “We have Covid.”

“Who’s we?” He doesn’t even look at you, his back facing you as he pulls a carton of milk out from the fridge and fills the glass.

Even though he can’t see it, you give him a quizzical look, “We literally live together? My germs are all over the place.”

He turns around, leaning his back against the kitchen counter and looking down at you in your seat with a nonchalant expression, “I’ve got a good immune system,” He brings the glass up to his lips and takes a sip, “I’m fine.”

You know he’s full of shit, cocky bastard can’t genuinely think he’s above getting sick, right? You look up at him dumbfounded as he casually sips his glass of milk, he’s got a completely blank expression.

When’s the last time we even bought milk? That has to have been sitting for a while now. Oh, oh wait…

Hah, yeah he’s so full of shit. He cocks a brow at the smirk you didn’t realize had grown across your face.

“What’s so funny, brat?”

“How’s the milk taste?”

He shrugs, clicking his tongue in his mouth, “Fine.”

“When did it expire?”

“It didn’t,” He raises the glass to his nose and smells it with no changes in his expression, he picks the carton up and turns his wrist to read the back of it, “It’s good ‘til-”

He stops himself short, his mouth dropping into a small surprised oh, you can’t even attempt to suppress the giggle that escapes you.

You let your arms slide down outstretched across the kitchen table, your cheek pressed against the smooth wood, “I guess we’re quarantine buddies.”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you.”

I figured as much.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Your face is buried in your hands, shielding your poor, absolutely tortured eyes from the TV. Eerie music with muffled screams and maniacal laughter emit from the speakers and fill the room as Sukuna outstretches his leg to reach your side of the couch, prodding at your arm with his foot.

“You’re not even watching.”

“This is horrible.”

“This is payback.”

You peek through your fingers, immediately wanting to gag at his disgusting movie choice. The Human Centipede, really? He’s watching it so casually, somehow managing to have the stomach to eat popcorn as well, albeit most of the popcorn has been tossed into your hair from when he caught you squeezing your eyes shut during the teeth pulling scene. Now that was brutal.

“Can we please watch something else? Anything?” You whine into your hands.

“I’ve got the DVD for Cannibal Holocaust.”

You let out an exasperated sigh, flopping your head backward onto the couch cushion.

It’s gonna be a long week.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

“Woman, how in god's name do I move?”

“You click where you want to go, and,” You lean forward and tap your finger onto your laptop's screen, “Click here.”

“That’s so fucking stupid.” He grumbles under his breath.

You roll your eyes but to be honest, you’re impressed he was actually willing to play one of your games. It seems the last few days of being stuck together have broken him down a bit, and now you’re leaning against his arm watching him attempt to maneuver around The Sims on your laptop.

Sukuna lets out a frustrated groan, “This game sucks, you can’t even kill people.”

You draw back in surprise, “Have you never played Sims before?”

He turns his head towards you, looking completely baffled that you’d even ask, “No? Obviously.”

Oh he’s in for a treat.

Within an hour he’s drowned 4 people, burned down someone’s mansion, got a call to come meet a child that he didn’t even know was his, and let out an absolutely delighted “Oh? What’s this?” when he found the tools to make prison bars. You can’t say you’re surprised by any means, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t amused.

You’re watching his eyes flicker around the screen, brows furrowed in concentration and his sharp canine digging into the side of his bottom lip as he oh so meticulously picks out the least comfortable looking beds for each little prison cell. You’ve been slowly slouching against his side more and more over the last hour, and he either hasn’t noticed or is too invested in his mass murder scenarios to even care as sickly fatigue has your head resting on his shoulder and your eyelids feeling too heavy to keep open.

Little do you know, he’s well aware of your weight pressing into him; but, he’s willing to let it slide this time, deciding that you’ve pleased him enough for him to hold back from pushing your sleepy body onto the ground. Even though it would be hilarious to see the look on your face when you wake up to your back flopping onto the plush rug beneath you, and even funnier to watch you try to slap at him as he holds both of your wrists in one hand, he’s willing to spare you just this once, although he couldn’t possibly fathom the reason why.

It’s not because he’s growing a soft spot for you, no, because that would be ridiculous.

A/N: I wasn’t planning to start with this one BUT I couldn’t stop thinking about this scenario so I guess we get him sick immediately asakjjaan Dividers by @adornedwithlight

Let me know if you want to be added to a taglist!!

[looney-mooney-studio]

Thinking about that one joke in the Book of Bill that implied Bill might be the biological father of the Flynn kids. Thinking about how Linda Flynn had a secret career as a famous astrophysicist at one point. Thinking about how we don’t know exactly what Bill was doing in the 90s, and how he seems to want to skim over that part of his life, after Ford broke up with him for good but before the twins showed up in Gravity Falls.

Thinking about how Bill frequently hung out with famous musicians. Thinking about Linda, a brilliant young woman fresh off a bizarre pop star career, wanting to make a name for herself that ISN’T Lindana, might have found a new direction with an old friend (before he showed her his true colors.)

Thinking about Bill, fresh off a devastating breakup, trying again one more time to get SOMEONE on Earth to make him a portal. Trying to make the plan WORK. Trying to get a home for his friends in the face of a home dimension that was being destroyed (again). Having someone who’s COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from the man he was obsessed with, but who was no less brilliant and no less capable. (But, unfortunately for him, MUCH less gullible.)

Thinking about how Linda doesn’t want people to know about her former career as a famous astrophysicist. How she keeps this secret, even better than she did her past as Lindana. How she keeps the lid on this even TIGHTER. How she’s almost bitter about it. As if something HAPPENED.

I’m not saying Bill Cipher WAS Linda’s partner of at least five years, even going so far as to start a family with her before she saw his true colors and filed some sort of Uber-effective inter-dimensional restraining order against him, one-upping him so hard that he doesn’t even wanna think about it, but. Holy shit. Imagine

[drasticemotions]

rip dean winchester you would’ve loved cowboy deadpool

[spirit-lanterns]

CW: Groping, inappropriate workplace NSFW

Omg you guys know how if you go to the hospital, you have to wear those paper thin gowns that literally expose your ass?

Imagine Ruan Mei makes you wear those gowns whenever she wants to experiment with you. But even though you don’t really have to wear them, she makes you wear them anyway because she secretly loves to admire your bare ass from behind. Sometimes if she’s feeling bold, she’ll give your rear a firm squeeze or better yet, slide her fingers down to graze your pussy and give it a few strokes to see you tremble.

Then if you yelp and ask her what she’s doing, she just nonchalantly goes “checking some vitals, dear.” even though the experiment she’s doing with you has nothing to do with your lower areas…

Secret pervert Ruan Mei 😳

[karter-kat]

I’d watch the mukbang

[casually-eat-my-soul]

Fix it for The Hobbit : Battle of The Five Armies

Thorin: I am Turing you greedily man away and ignoring you in your time of need

Bilbo: Who are you, Thranduil???

Thorin, going through the five stages of grief, the shock of being compared to Thranduil immediately kicking the goldsickness out of his body: I have changed my mind

[the-witchhunter]

DP x DC: Puppy Love

Waiting for my friend in the emergency room(they’re fine, we’ll not fine obviously but not actively dying) so might as well write on my phone

So if there are two things I’m adamant about it’s that Alfred should still be alive and that DC SHOULD GIVE JASON BACK HIS DOG

For those poor souls that do not know, Jason had a dog name, and this is 100% true, Dog. Jason is canonically bad at naming things so he named his dog Dog. And the storyline between him and her is actually really touching. He rescued her from a dog fighting ring where she was used to bait dogs. Jason earned her trust showed her kindness and she loves him for it and it makes me emotional. GIVE JASON BACK HIS DOG YOU MONSTERS

She’s not dead just got written out by giving her to someone, but still, that man loves and pampers Dog, gave her an engraved nameplate and everything

But consider Cujo, the ghost of a dog being trained to be a guard dog, put to death long before his time wanting the thing that made him happy in life: his toy. Danny finds him, bonds with him and helps him get back the thing he loves most, and Cujo loves Danny for it.

A story as old as time, a boy and his dog, or in Danny’s case a boy and his ghost dog.

So imagine this: Danny moved to Gotham with Cujo and things are going great, except for one thing.

Cujo has a little crush

Now normally this wouldn’t be a problem, but Cujo is a ghost. Aka he can walk through walls. So when Cujo wants to visit his lady friend, he just bolts right through the wall, and leads Danny on a merry chase.

Meanwhile Jason is confused to come home to his penthouse only to find Dog cuddled up with a smaller green dog that isn’t Beast Boy. The other dog is friendly and gets along with Dog, but it’s driving him crazy wondering how he got in without tripping an alarm. Then there’s a knock on the door

Jason opens the door to find an out of breath guy about his age with black hair, blue eyes and windswept hair that might have been intentional if it hadn’t been for a few leaves stuck in it.

And that’s how Jason met Danny

Cut to this happening a few more times and then turns into organizing little “dates” for their dogs and the while falling slowly in love with each other romcom style

That’s right, this has been a romcom about two dog owners falling in love because their dogs are literally obsessed with each other

Bonus: Danny giving Cujo “the Talk”

Danny, wagging his finger: Don’t make a rosemary’s baby, understand?

Cujo: Bark

Danny: ... good.