#you can still even have him die. just make it more than him being Evil™ and never expanding on it

[eve-was-framed]

okay this is gonna be a bit of a long rant (with some SA and CSA mentions so pls don’t read if that will be too much for you rn) but I’ve been thinking a lot about the “male loneliness epidemic” lately and I have some Thoughts ™

we live in very isolating, depressing and scary times. we live in a hyper-individualistic capitalist hellscape that seems to punish people who need community support. and I truly believe that we as humans should try to help each other out in the ways that we are able to.

but I lose 100% of my empathy for lonely depressed men when they start using their own personal issues as an excuse to peddle ideologies that advocate for rape, pedophilia, child marriage, sexual slavery, and even murder of women and girls. I don’t fucking care how sad you are, if you advocate for other humans beings to be subjected to the cruelest treatment possible then you either need to get serious help or die (and not take anyone with you when you do).

you do not have a fucking paramount on suffering. you are not the only ones who experience loneliness. I know you think women get to just pick and choose whichever romantic partner/friends we want, but that is false, and also being seen as nothing but a sex object by men is so incredibly isolating too. that’s not real love and connection, that’s only being valued for what we can provide for men. so many people feel so alone and it genuinely is a big problem.

I was raised in an extremely misogynistic cult that preaches that grown men are not responsible for anything they do to little girls bc “they’re wired that way.” I had very bad things happen to me before I was even old enough to realize what it meant. and you know what the excuse always is? “well it happened to him when he was younger too so he can’t help that he does it to you.” I learned very early that male suffering is viewed as more important than the suffering they inflict on innocent people. and despite going through this, despite seeing nearly every woman in my life go through something similar, despite all of this, I still would never ever sympathize with any ideology that preaches rape, slavery, sex trafficking, pedophilia, white supremacy, etc. and that doesn’t make me some super hero, it makes me a mildly normal person.

so no, nobody “pushed” you into your evil ideologies, nobody made you do that. if true suffering at the hands of the opposite sex is really the root cause of inceldom then almost every single woman I know would be the most insane incel you’d ever meet in your entire life. but they’re not, even though many of them are lonely and long for true companionship, none of them feel so angry and entitled to it that they want to murder and rape men or little boys. not a single one. the root cause of inceldom is, and always has been, male entitlement. men who were raised to believe the world and every woman in it exists to serve them in some way, but then grew up and realized that actually nobody is owed sex and you don’t get to force women to marry you and have kids, because we are human beings who deserve to be happy too. and this makes them so mad that they start thinking it’s okay to do whatever they want to whoever they want, because after all, nobody on planet earth could ever suffer as much as incels do when a woman tells them no.

I’m fucking sick of it. stop saying “they pushed me to this” and start taking even an ounce of accountability for your deranged, entitled mindset.

[silverraes]

10 BL Boys I Want Carnally

10 BL Boys That Make Me Feel Things™

(not sexual, not romantic but a secret third thing)

okay so I wasn't exactly tagged in this but I saw several people doing this and I'll take just about any excuse to scream about my favorite characters so I'm just going to very sneakily join in on this trend 👀

there is absolutely no ranking to these bc I couldn't rank them if I wanted to

(also I changed the name a little bc my ace ass is literally physically incapable of wanting anyone carnally but I still have lots of thoughts lmao)

1) Tharn (The Sign)

I mean. is literally anyone surprised that this is where we're starting?

he's the nicest person out there. he can kick your ass if he wants to. he lost his parents at a young age and is absolutely convinced that everyone he loves is doomed to die and he keeps seeing visions of people dying and he's told again and again that those he has wronged in a past life - which he doesn't even remember - are still out to get him and yet he has so much kindness left for the world??

also he can be such a little shit and knows exactly how to tease Phaya back I love him so goddamn much.

(also that mole-)

2) Kim (Kinnporsche)

was he also on my characters I'd hit with my car list? maybe. and what about it.

I love him so much. he's such a badass but he's such a loser. famous singer who falls for a fan he was supposed to be investigating but is too emotionally constipated to admit it. badass son of a mafia family who can kick ass but only if he wants to. who does it like him honestly

(it also helps that he's played by just about the prettiest man alive)

3) Babe (Pit Babe)

did I start watching this show ironically? yes. is every mention of alphas and mpreg and that mama/papa thing hitting me like a brick and causing me 9000 psychic damage every single time? also yes. did I absolutely fall in love with the show and just about every character in it? you bet your fucking ass I did.

but I especially love Babe. he's just so babygirl. special alpha man who has to act tough and strong but just wants to be babied by his dumbass loser (affectionate) alpha boyfriend. like, he's actually so goddamn soft?? I love him.

4) Guy (Bake Me Please)

I think we all knew this was coming. I was literally gushing about him for half of the episodes. Guy my beloved. that show did not deserve you.

he spends the entire show supporting his crush's every decision and trying to make sure he's okay literally how could you not love this man

(yes he was a petty bitch for like 5 minutes there but he immediately apologized for it the next episode. properly. unlike certain other people-)

5) Sprite (Twins)

he's so himbo coded. himbo of all himbos. the himboest. not a brain cell in that head. he's my little dumbass I love him.

he deserves so much better than what he's being put through. someone please just love and support him for who he is. and also take him away from that family

(please talk to your boyfriend tho I am begging)

6) Wei Wuxian (The Untamed)

MY BELOVED. I could write essays about him. he's such a great character I love him so fucking much. if you ever had to bear witness to me talking about him.. I am so sorry.

sassy emo bitch with a flute and a tragic backstory who's seen as evil by just about everyone but only ever had the best intentions. absolute fucking dumbass. kicks ass. always smiling despite the circumstances. loves his siblings so damn much. doomed by the narrative. what more could you possibly ask for

7) Zhou Zishu (Word of Honor)

I'm trying so damn hard to keep this list to one character per show and it really took me a while to decide if I wanted to include him or Wen Kexing but ultimately it was Zhou Zishu for me

just.. god. him. assassin sect leader just trying to retire who keeps getting dragged into the biggest bullshit but doesn't really mind bc the bullshit comes with a mysterious pretty man. also that whole god damn nail thing. I have so many thoughts and feelings about that but this post would get too long if I got started on those-

(also actually pulling the "I'm literally dying" card to get out of chores is so fucking valid of him. more characters should do that)

8) Milk (Choco Milk Shake)

he is quite fucking literally a reincarnated cat, of course I love him. I could list reasons for why I love him but it would be the exact same reasons just about every cat person on earth lists for why they love cats so. but here's a quick summary, just in case:

petty. dramatic. knocks over glasses. silently loves you so fucking much.

9) Tew (My Dear Gangster Oppa)

I really did not expect to love him this much? greenest of green flags (except for the plot line we shall not talk about). can and will kill people and is fine with it (seriously it is so refreshing to see a mafia character not having a huge moral dilemma about being in the mafia). both a badass mafia man and a gamer guy who doesn't know how to talk to people and is absolutely whipped for his gamer bf.

also scars make a person just about 110x more attractive I don't make the rules. even if the scars are weird and yellow, it's the thought that counts.

10) Tian (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

I? love him??

I just love how he sets out to do something for someone he didn't even know because he feels like this person deserves that much at least and how he ends up genuinely loving and caring for those kids and the village and this inner conflict he's having the entire time but hiding oh so well and how he actually calls out his parents on their rich people bs and-

tagging everyone who reads this far and wants to do it. seriously. I mean it. if you want to do this, please go ahead and say I tagged you. I love reading everyone's thoughts.

[fictionkinfessions]

i miss class 1a so. damn. bad.

and i dunno if i should feel guilty about it, because i was THERE, i should have been able to do something to prevent. well. All That. but instead i was just extremely present during one of the most traumatizing periods of history those kids experienced.

in my canon, i remember explaining that Being a Hero™ isn't nearly as glamorous as it looked on tv, and i tried to warn them about how little privacy you have for your entire life, how it's a military career so you have to commit war crimes upon request, how it's a career that only ends when you die or when you get a disabling injury that prevents you from moving forward. it just was not the helpful job that it was presented as by the propaganda.

and like!! that's how it was when i was going to UA!! nearly forty years had passed without any meaningful change or progress!!! my entire career and everything i did to try and improve society as a whole were almost meaningless!!!

i hate to find myself agreeing with Shigaraki so often, but while his methods were wrong his grievances were absolutely correct. he should have been saved as a child, and a society that can leave a child to suffer alone and orphaned on the streets is a society that has failed. i just completely failed him when i was trying to make a world that saved little boys like him because i was exactly like him. i wish i could blame it on AFO but that was just. i don't even know what happened, i tried so hard to make a world where people felt safe and secure enough to reach out to each other. it was supposed to inspire mutual aid!!!! All Might isn't a person it's an idea, all of us were supposed to be acting 'how All Might would' not just me!!

i just miss class 1a so bad because every time i told them "it's not selfish to quit" and "it's okay to change your mind and live a happy life" then they would double down and do something tooth-rottingly sweet and caring. that group of crazy kids were more ethical and heroic than the entire HPSC combined. i feel guilty missing them because i remember that i spent half the time or more basically just shitting on their career choice and dreams, but it felt so evil to just not warn them. i felt like i had to protect them, and nobody else in the world seemed like they were trying to do that.

sending the fucking children onto the front lines, my ass. i have a kin mem of physically quirkless fist fighting Nezu for that one. like what the fuck, man, i fucking trusted you. the unforgivable action of allowing the first years with provisional licences to fight on the front lines of a war. im beyond words. i think it becomes apparent how much i was grasping at straws because of the Iron Might arc, but i just don't know. none of those wonderful kids deserved to go through that. maybe that's what this confession is, an apology.

Class 1-A, I am so sorry I couldn't protect you in the ways you deserved. I am so sorry your high school experience was cut off and marred. You all deserved better, from the world, from UA, and from me. I'm sorry you had to tuck your childhoods away and take on responsibilities that were too big even for your heroes and caretakers. I'm sorry you all learned how traumatic a hero's work is. It still feels like there was a way to avoid it. I'm sorry you didn't experience the peace and joy that you should have. I'm sorry you had to grieve. Each and every one of you were such wonderful people and beautiful souls and it hurts so bad to remember how much you all had to go through. You deserved better and I'm just sorry.

#✴️💙🦸‍♂️

[thefirstflowers]

Not to sound judgemental, but every time I see jokes about how God knows A/C love each other and She's just waiting for them to get together I die a little bit inside.

I mean I know we haven't seen Her all that much, but everything we have seen just points to her being an asshole. I really can't see the appeal of making Her look like just a silly little guy™, when She honestly just seems awful.

I feel like Her treatment of Job is enough in and of itself. Imagine creating something, giving it the ability to love and care for things, and then being so cruel as to take those things away. And for what? For a bet to prove that our love and our suffering are such small, insignificant things that we would just readily throw them away for a chance to worship Her?

And then there's the Fall. Forget the fact that we still don't know exactly how it happened, the blame still lies with Her. There are plans for creating Earth even before the Fall, and we know that Earth was created to be the fighting ground for the final war between Good and Evil. So either She planned for the Fall to happen or knew that it would and did nothing about it.

And you could argue that all of those things, the War and the Fall, was just the angels taking things into their own hands, but even then She just watched Her creations destroy each other.

At best, She's an absent parent. She abandoned all of us.

And even the biggest assholes among the angels are products of that abandonment. Obviously that isn't goint to stop me from hating them, but still I can see how much in need of guidance they are.

Who knows what Crowley and Aziraphale would be like now if they never came to Earth. We did more to shape them into the people they are now than She did.

And this is coming from someone whose abusive parent did try to paint himself as just a silly little guy™ having fun (like we were both just middle school kids teasing each other, and not him being y'know abusive), so I might be a bit biased.

But even if you don't have personal experience with that kind of thing, you can see how the Fall affected Crowley. How can you see him happy while he's creating his nebula, and not hate God for what She did/let others do to him? She turned his love for creation into fear from punishment.

Why else would his first instinct when Earth is in danger always be flight? She taught him that protecting something he cares about always comes with a price.

And I don't even care if She always wanted things to work out the way they did. That would be even worse actually. She caused them so much unnecessary pain, and in the end She's just going to pat Herself on the back and call it a day?

[celestialvexation-arch]

Really?? OK then: so, the basic premise was that it was to be a horror comedy.

It was written back in the day when some remnants of the Slenderverse community were still around, so, naturally, the idea was to make a sort of parody of most Slenderverse series, be it the Platonic ideal of all Slenderverse creations that is Marble Hornets, or one of the subsequent series like Everyman Hybrid or Tribe Twelve.

This basic idea was mixed with all those viral posts about how Gen Z wants to die and how they wouldn't even notice anything freaky happening, etc. As you can guess from that, the main characters were a bunch of Gen Z, with exactly one exception - the token millennial character, exactly one year older than the rest. He was also the straight man of the whole thing, because every horror and every comedy need a genre savvy straight man.

The actual plot of this thing (named Maximum Homiecide) revolved around the main character, Paul Jake, going on a trip with his friends to film an ARG (called Horny And Dying for reasons I literally cannot remember right now) - all the friends (except for Daniel the millennial) were exaggerated stereotypes surrounding Gen Z: There was Skye, the valley girl e-girl; Aiden, whose personality I cannot remember right now; and one more guy whose name I've forgotten but whose only personality trait was that he films vertically (this was before Tiktok), which is why he had to die first (for his vertical sins but also because he was the first character to film and the vertical orientation would make people stop watching. Presumably.)

and there was, of course, Daniel: the genre savvy straight man with an interest in the occult.

And there was Paul Jake himself - the prototypical stereotype of Gen Z, without a care in the world, the kind of guy who makes prank videos and the shittiest rap music you've ever had the displeasure of hearing.

Of course, there were a few other characters as well: notably, Slenderman. Who was supposed to be played by someone on circus-level stilts. Other notable character was Diogenes. As in the philosopher Diogenes. This character was literally just the soul of the Greek philosopher. He got trapped in an Old And Evil-unleashing Book™ that the characters were supposed to find in an abandoned cabin. I don't remember how this happens in the script, but he becomes Slenderman's minion in exchange for a body. His task is essentially to sabotage the main characters. The problem is that they just don't care and honestly don't remember that this guy with black eyes and claws wasn't a part of their friend group to begin with. The only one who protests is Daniel. Daniel and Diogenes get really weird and vaguely homoerotic later in the script.

At one point, Skye tries to get a date with Slenderman. She keeps referring to him as "Tall daddy."

At least two separate people become disciples, but I'm unsure which ones. I think that it kept changing in the script. At one point the plan was to actually have EVERYONE be a disciple but wear the same mask, for comedic effect.

Oh yeah, at the end it turns out that Paul Jake is actually not a human at all but some kind of weird insanely powerful being masquerading as a human (think the Shaggy memes that were popular a few years back). This is foreshadowed by off-handed remarks that are brushed off as Gen Z humour.

[superkooku]

Thank you for the tag 😛

So here's my opinion on the subject :

For starters, your story is fundamentally different from Greek mythology.

There is that Disney™ charm and innocence that, while perfectly fitting the story, is completely absent from the myths, that aim for more epic, tragic stories, or for allegoric representations of real life.

So it's already very difficult to compare. I did find some stuff, though.

1. Aster as Orpheus

(though I agree that both love their wives immensely and would do anything to protect them)

Aster as "Epic the musical" Odysseus ? Maybe. Jay made him a bit more conventionally heroic than in the myths. Odysseus is a hardened soldier, whose body count is pretty high (especially with a whole lot of suitors and dead Trojans).

I don't want to try babying Aster, ofc, especially since he matured, but he's still softer than Odysseus.

(and thank you for making me picture Aster doxxing himself to Polyphemus 😂)

Orpheus is a way better pick, especially since Aster is a musician in your human alternative universe. And Aster seems to love music.

Plus Orpheus is the student (and sometimes son) of Apollo. Apollo is the god of many things, including music, medicine, arts and the sun*.

With Aster being a star (and befriending the sun), it's even better.

*Helios is the main sun god. It's more secondary for Apollo.

Fun fact : Orpheus' voice is stronger than the sirens'

Fun fact n°2 : his voice is so enchanting than even the wildest beasts calm down and listen to him. Heck, even the trees are charmed ! Reminds me of Aster's magic.

Though it's clear that whatever death Aster has is way happier than Orpheus'... just make sure he doesn't come across crazy women in the woods and normally he's safe 😂.

Fortunately, after Orpheus died, his soul was reunited with Eurydice's.

2. KOW!Asha as Antigone

Medea isn't that bad of an idea, honestly. But I also have another pick : Antigone.

Again, let's ignore the unhappy ending.

Antigone : she fought with her king/Uncle Creon and was deeply against injustice, though for wildly different reasons. She was so determined that she was ready to die (and did) for her values.

She was a courageous young girl.

Other potential candidates

+ The muses : goddesses of the arts, who inspired heroes. There isn't a muse of drawing, but if I had to pick one : Polymnia. She's the muse of rhetoric and poetry.

And I wouldn't really compare her to Ariadne. Though it would be neat to mention that Dionysus offers her a crown of stars as a wedding gift.

3. KOW!Magnifico as king Pygmalion or Tantalus

Thank you anon for precising "DISNEY" Hades. In the mythology, they don't match at all.

Hades is the rightful lord of the underworld (even Elysium, which is kinda like an ancient Greek heaven).

He does his job very well and never tried to kill his brothers.

Which king did Magnus resemble more ?

King Pygmalion, not to be confused with the sculptor who fell in love with his creation.

Like Magnus, he was power hungry and murdered his uncle and his sister's (Dido) husband. He then steals all their riches and Dido's forced to run away.

Ngl, I had to dig pretty deep to find this one. More well-known kings are either not evil (like Odysseus, Midas), or ambiguous (Minos, Agamemnon).

The only really "evil" kings are Cronus and Tantalus. The latter is more interesting because, according to Ovid, he murders his own son and, out of hubris, serves him as a meal to the gods in order to test their omniscience.

Greek authors find other reasons for his punishment, but he always ends up in Tartarus.

(and no, Zeus isn't an evil king 😅. He did some... more than debatable stuff, but he was worshipped as a god of justice and he is also the rightful king. So, yeah)

And Creon, who I mentioned earlier, isn't an evil king.

4. KOW!Amaya as Medea

You already mentioned her, so I'll keep it short.

Though Medea isn't as evil as Amaya, I can see the inspiration in KOW (especially in her earlier life).

Then there's what I told you earlier about the cursed necklace of Harmonia.

Also, obvious similarities: they're both powerful witches who fled their kingdoms.

(and both aren't in good terms with kids...)

And Jason abandoning her for someone else, except his new wife is actually innocent and a victim of Medea's rage. While Harmona admittedly deserved at least some punishment.

Other picks :

+ Circe : another witch who, ultimately, isn't as evil. If we count Ovid, she changed Scylla into a monster because she loved the god Glaucus (who in return loved Scylla).

If we don't, she doesn't fit as much.

+ Queen Ino : tried to kill Athamas' children after marrying him. Queen Ino's the first evil stepmother 😂. Before Lady Tremaine and the evil queen, we had Ino.

(well, the second bitter stepmother, if we count Hera. But she's not an evil queen.)

Ino also had her fair share of suffering, mainly because she took care of her nephew Dionysus. And Hera didn't like it very much.

Bonus point : Typhon and Echidna

The only thing close to an "evil couple" in Greek mythology.

They gave birth to many monsters and Typhon almost defeated the Olympians, thus taking over the Earth. But Zeus defeated him and now he's in Tartarus.

All in all

I struggled a bit, ngl. Greek mythology is fascinating to study, but because 90% of its characters are morally nuanced, it doesn't fit the Disney tone.

(That didn't stop them from making Hercules. I won't complain, since I really liked that inaccurate movie).

But here's my answer.

I reread the backstory of the villains and at the end you mentioned that Amaya is Persephone and Magnifico is Hades (from Disney). I was wondering which of the ancient Greek gods (or other characters from Greek mythology) do you associate Asha and Aster with?

So I kept looking for greek love stories with happy endings... And as ya'll can imagine that's a pointless endeavor, most are tragedies, and the few happy ones we do have don't fit with Asha and Aster.

So instead I decided to just pick greek characters that remind me of Asha and Aster, regardless of who those loved.

I'd say Asha reminds me most to Medea

Now hear me out, I know what you're thinking (If you're familiar with her myth)

"But Anny! Medea killed people!"

Yeah yeah I know, that's not what gives me Asha vibes in her, quick summary for those who don't know:

Medea was a princess, that fell in love with a "hero" named Jason

(She only fell in love with him because Hera made her fall in love with him, so she would help him survive the many trials her father was putting him through, Jason was like Hera's champion, that's why she gave him this lil intervention)

So Jason took Medea home with him, after she literally saved his life, and they had two kids together. But later, Jason decided he wanted to marry another princess, like, one still in power instead of Medea that was a run away princess.

Medea obviously got furious that her husband would marry someone else just for the perks. But she didn't just sit down and took it like many other maidens in greek mythology would, nuh-uh, she started plotting her revenge.

She elaborated a plan to kill both their kids and Jason's new girlfriend, through clever scheming and also potions- because did I mention she makes potions? Yeah turns out Medea was also a big inspiration for me when writing Amaya, she's kinda my favorite girl in greek mythology.

So WHY does she reminds me of Asha? Well simple, Asha stood up against injustice and did everything she possibly could to outwit the villains and had plenty of moments where her quick thinking saved her by a hair (Flashback to the climax of Kingdom of Wishes). Asha plans things out and speaks her mind, she and Medea are both strong, not physically, but in their wit.

I guess I could also compare her to Ariadne since she was also clever by helping Theseus escape the minotaur labyrinth, buuuuut Ariadne isn't as cool as Medea, like come on, at the end of the classical stage play she RIDES HELIOS FLYING CHARIOT LIKE A FREAKIN GODDESS JUST TO TAUNT JASON!!! SAYING SHE TOOK EVERYTHING FROM HIM!!! THEN SHE PROPHESIZES HE'LL DIE ALONE!!!! AND THAT THE GODS ARE ON HER SIDE!!! BECAUSE HES A LYING LIL OATH BREAKER!!!

Anyway, it gives me the vibes of Asha flying on her hand drawn flying carpet to defeat Magnifico and Amaya, and then saying "No one believes your lies anymore" while they're being turned into stone, she's just a badass like that.

As for Aster, maybe it's the Epic: The Musical fan in me talking, but eh, Odyseus.

Simply because I can totally see Aster going through hell and back to find Asha, the same way Odyseus did for Penelope, and also because I can see him being dumb enough to give his full name and address to a cyclops he just blinded. But as more and more shenanigans happen (And by that I mean most of his army freaking dying) he becomes more willing to be more ruthless for the sake of his men that are left and so they can go back home, similar to how Aster matured and even got a lil sadistic in the end there when he decided to turn the villains into stone.

Alternatively, I could also let the Hadestown fan in me win and say he reminds me of Orpheus, but that makes me too sad, considering what happens to Orpheus and Eurydice in the end. Let's say if you cut Orpheus turning to look back, yeah that relationship is very Aster and Asha vibes.

@superkooku you like greek mythology right? Do you have other ideas?

[just-placebo-estate-things]

Tag Yourself (Placebo Edition)

Vee:

Pure condensed anxiety

Could kill you but would cry the entire time

Spent his childhood as a bridge troll

Damours:

Said “no” to society

Comes out of the shadows to help you like a mythical guide

Lowkey protective

Caunter:

Pyromaniac

Fidget 100

Crime as a bonding experience

Maynet:

Evil robin hood

“Do Not Perceive Me”

Has mastered the poker face

Ferrieres:

Survives on a steady diet of gossip

Horse Girl™

Collects figurines

Montaigu:

Would sell you to Satan for one corn chip

Sexuality: money

Hates everyone except for like one person

Wissant:

Mom-shaped

Could 360 noscope you no problem

Small body big voice

Tournebut:

Stable interests? I don’t even know her

Gets a crush and immediately regresses to being a flustered schoolgirl

Trying her best

Emory:

GPS implanted directly in brain

Biology nerd

Pigs are good

Margas:

Mad online, mad offline, mad all the time

Oops all repression

Will kill for you without hesitation if he likes you

Fairfax:

Not a fan of nature

Punches extremists

Politely asked the grim reaper to leave him alone and it worked

Montgomery:

God simp

Gullible

Awkward™

Reynauld:

Holy dad

Attempts to be the sensible one

Reliable when not engaging in Rat Behavior

Guyot:

Himbo

Works out to get good at hugging

Doesn’t like fish

Corneilles:

Has just completely given up and is mad about it

Saw god

Brooding as a hobby

Rosebud:

Judging you

Egotism as a coping mechanism

Goes by his nickname only

Gaveston:

Calculated chaos

Supplies the cursed knowledge

Made one (1) mistake years ago and will never forgive himself

Siggy:

Be gay do crimes

Here to make things worse

Dead inside and outside but still kicking somehow

Bertie:

Hopeless romantic

Writing a fix-it fic for life

Probably on an FBI watchlist and not just for her search history

Carnet:

Capitalism

Names everything she comes across

Pestering as a love language

Marches:

Can only express one (1) emotion per lunar cycle

Screwed up so bad that ghosts had to stage an intervention

Reluctant mom friend

Verdun:

Looks like she could kill you and would 100% kill you

Must be the best or she’ll just die

Has a husband but is also married to the grind

Lynom:

In a constant state of “fight me”

Living in denial

Strongk

Dismas:

MVP dad friend

Killed god

Tired but also a chaos enabler

Piquiri:

If looks could kill you’d be dead

Earned 1st place in having trust issues

Bad luck magnet

Corbiere:

Fancy street tricks go brrrrrr

Raccoon energy

Kisses the homies

Venois:

No talk

Hates excessive loud noise

Loves his dog more than he loves most people

Loges:

Is the law

Beware of dog

“I can fix him”

Mauroaurd:

The sane one

Pampers his dog 24/7

Doesn’t like alcohol

Warci:

Does it for the bit

Loves his wife

Is your dad now

Pip:

Personified trauma

Music god

Needs a hug but will also stab you if you get near him

Nesdin:

Catboy

He protecc he attacc

Cannot heely away from the feelies (but he does try)

Marchmain:

Big boy. Buff

The one responsible member in the group project

He forgor :(

Marci:

Riddle Hour Is Every Hour

Everyone’s chill cryptid uncle

Vibing

Merteberge:

Philosophical

Has come to terms with the inevitability of death

Youngest in the group but is somehow the leader

Fontemai:

Did a Leeroy Jenkins once

Physically fought his demons

Funny accent

Noyers:

Grandpa vibes

DIY king

Doesn’t like war

Perci:

Hyper strict

“Get off my lawn!!!”

Job is life

Bosanquet:

Stays up all night reading

Mommy issues

Smarter than you

Montfort:

Is brother

Edgy loner

Art as a coping mechanism

Fribois:

TIME FOR TEA TIME FOR TEA

Token extravert

Cottagecore gay

Lucy:

Gifted kid syndrome

Will kill you if you don’t vaccinate

Necrophilia pog

Malv:

Group baby

Just wants to be taken seriously

Keeps having to watch everyone she loves die

Lilie:

Old(?)

Likes being carried around

Who is she

Bele:

Monsterhecker

Only in charge because she’s the oldest

Had a rebellious phase (and may still be having it)

Ville:

Religion bad

Sweet and shy but will start swinging without hesitation

Listens when you vent

Pasquier:

Will feed all you heckers

Beautiful cinnamon roll to good for this world, too pure

Immediately knows when things are sus

BONUS:

Cheney:

Fuzzy

Firm believer in the power of friendship

Chivalry died with him

Riebou:

Group brain cell

Gives scoldings (affectionate)

Pigs are bad

Odette:

Got tired of waiting for her husband to return from war

Plant whisperer

Do no harm take no crap

Edith:

Daddy issues extraordinaire

Social skills replaced with street smarts

Learning the hard way that life is so painfully complicated

Thelma:

Whore 

Milf

Tells you exactly what she thinks

[lightningwaters]

[poisonouswritings]

M4 JEALOUSY HEADCANONS!! Fluffy,angsty,soft,whatever you decide! All I could ask for is them to be long if you could make them? Not necessary tho! I just personally like reading long headcanon lists/writings

GN!Reader, I will try to make it long but we'll see how it goes, pre-relationship, I added songs!! Listen to my shitty music tastes or perish!!! /j

Felix Escellun

Pouty boy pouty boy pouty boy

Somehow I feel like Felix is actually the least jealous!! But he is the most scandalized!!!

He's more self-confident than his initial 'dredging for spirits in this veritable backwater' rant would make you think. He's been in a successful long-term relationship (aside from the whole death thing) so he kinda knows how to be self-assured and everything.

But Felix is a little bit of a Gremlin™ and he just has a flair for the dramatic.

Someone starts trying to chat you up and Felix literally just grabs your hand and drags you away because He's Still Working Up The Courage To Ask You Out Give Him A Couple Days

I just think it genuinely is funny if like,, he grabs your hand, laces your fingers together and says Listen, Dear, He Has Something He Wants To Ask You. But He Has To Prepare Himself. Can You Trust Him On This? You Can? Splendid!

And I mean yeah he's blushing the entire time but he's also leaps and bounds ahead of the other three so like

Good for Felix. You get it king. Take your time you have some trauma to work through and realizations to dawn on

He gets you guys matching jewelry or something and you wear it in public so that way when someone hits on you and Felix comes over and the person sees you guys are matching

they get the idea and back off

and Felix is just giving this little evil cat smile

(i'm specifically picturing this specific face)

I just love Felix being a chaotic little shit please

That's not to say he doesn't have insecurities. There are plenty of times he wonders if you'd be better off if he stopped pursuing you so someone else could. Maybe someone who's smarter or stronger. Maybe someone who wouldn't let their partner die in battle

,,, yeah he still needs to work through his grief over Rime.

but he is determined!!

And you know better than anyone that when Felix wants something, he will spend however long it takes to get it/reach the point he needs to reach. You being in Astraea is living proof of that.

In public he likes to (gently) take your elbow and/or hand.

Would he use magic to casually drop the trousers of someone who's oggling you? yeah. He would.

He's petty and also he's a little bit of a prankster so like He Will Take Any Opportunity To Cause Chaos

But ultimately he really is the least jealous. Except for if/when Scylla starts flirting then he's throwing hands

Song for him would be,, for some reason I almost wanna say Cooler Than Me by Mike Posner ?? Does that even count as a jealousy song tho? I think it does.

Anisa Anka

I just wanna mention once again how much I love Anisa

Anyways

This is when Anisa is still trying to maintain some professional boundaries so she's extra jealous because she likes you and she feels like she can't do anything about it >:(

Angy Annie >:( with her hair all poofy and her face all red and her nose all scrunched in frustration

Saaros just snickering into their journal because they already know what's gonna happen and it makes the buildup funnier

You guys are out at the market and someone offers you a free sample and you're like Oh Thanks!! and Anisa casually grabs it and is like Oh I'll Feed It To You So Your Hands Don't Get Dirty :) like okay Annie thank you baby love you

Someone doesn't even hit on you,, like you're wearing your cosplay (aka Starsworn uniform) and someone comes up and compliments you!! Because it's well made and looks nice y'know? And you guys are having a conversation about sewing techniques and types of fabric or whatever because this person is trying to make their own outfit or something and Anisa is just casually sliding into the conversation because Hey She Knows About Fabric Too! And she can totally impress you with her fabric skills :)

Anisa is just,, a little competitive? Like yes in general but also after everything with her father she feels like she needs to prove that she's worthy of affection and love so like

She's Squaring Up but in a respectful and knightly way

You guys are out walking or whatever and she notices some people looking at you and she offers you her arm because Oh She's Supposed To Be Your Escort In This Strange World You've Found Yourself In And She's Just Being Polite :)

Saaros lagging like ten steps behind you guys and they're just gagging into their journal because Holy Fucking Shit Can You Guys Just Get Together Already This Is Horrible For Them

Someone does hit on you and Anisa is just Throwing Off Hate Vibes right behind you.

But then as soon as you turn around to face her she's all smiley sunshine because she's supportive!

And you turn back around to face the other person and she is once again immediately back in Rage Mode.

Anisa is shy about touching you but she doesn't mind touching your outfit. So you can constantly find her adjusting your cloak and brushing off your shoulders and generally giving you lil touches.

I just think it's funny if you know what she's doing but she's still playing innocent.

If you do start hitting on someone then she'll stand aside (though she does linger nearby just in case things get dangerous) and not interfere.

Oh me oh my, my sweet self-loathing tropes, poor Anisa is bothered and beating herself up. Not particularly for not making a move on you (since she's still trying to be professional and respect boundaries) but for falling for you in the first place when she knows she can't have you. She tries to tell herself it's better this way, that you deserve someone who's strong and brave and honest. Someone who hasn't lied to the world with every breath they draw. Someone who doesn't have darkness in their DNA.

But it still hurts.

And if you go on dates?? I'm not saying she and Saaros are gonna discreetly follow along under the guide of wanting you to be safe but it's really so Annie can torture herself and be sad, but I am saying that you can clearly see that Anisa is wearing a really terrible wig and Saaros is just super boredly pushing an ice cube around the table and watching it melt.

The day after she asks how your date went and at this point you're kinda just messing with her so you start talking about it with a heart-eyes voice (whatever that would sound like) and she's just,,,

'🙃 oh MC I'm so glad you had such a lovely time' and on the inside she is Not Okay

If she had access to Spotify I think she'd be listening to like,,, Her by Dodie. Just very kinda 'this person means everything to me but they don't see me in the same way and it sucks but i love them anyways' type of vibes.

Saaros is in the background just waiting for everything to fall into place so Anisa can stop moping

Sage Lesath

I think Sage is my favorite to write jealousy stuff before because I absolutely love seeing anti-attachment (playboy-esque) characters getting an emotional pipe to the knees when they realize that not only are they in love, but they have no idea what to do about it because it's never happened before, and also they're forced to address their own self-worth issues and they just fuckin crumble a little. Little bit. Itty bitty bit.

Anyways let's talk about the fact that he brings you to the bar kinda often (since he spends a lot of time there) and you get hit on!! Probably at least once every time you guys go out! And every time it happens Sage is just >:(

I think,, that,,, Sage would be the kind of guy to where someone is hitting on you and he just casually slides up and throws an arm around your shoulders and be like :3 Hai :3 What Do You Want With My MC :3 Yeah That's Right They're Mine Back The Fuck Off :3 like he doesn't say it but he has that energy.

Does Sage realize how hypocritical it is for him to be jealous when he has his reputation? Yes.

But that's the other thing, I think that if you were to like,, have sex with someone,, he wouldn't really mind. What he is bothered by is the idea that you might meet someone better than him and then you'll realize how horrible he is and you'll leave him

Do I think Sage has abandonment issues? Yes. Actually I think all the Starsworn have some degree of abandonment issues but that's neither here nor there

Since Sage is a regular at the bar (or at least a lot of people know him) I think he might even like,, tell people to keep their greasy hands off you,,, not because you're his or anything (he's painfully aware that you aren't) but because 1. a lot of the people here are like him, aka they're horrible drunks, and 2. because you're going out to enjoy a drink, not deal with shitty pick-up lines

It's his job to tell you shitty pick-up lines

No but back to what I was saying I think Sage is constantly touching you. Arm around your shoulders, shoulder pressed against yours, knees bumping under the table.

If he's drunk and someone comes to talk to you he just growls and softly headbutts your arm because He Is A Cat And You Need To Give Him Attention Already !!! but he doesn't actually talk. He just makes little noises.

Listen okay cats will scent marks things that make them feel safe/comfortable and so Sage is constantly scent-marking you so that other ilephtas don't try anything. And since he's constantly touching you somehow his fur gets all over you and that sends the message to humans. Especially when he's next to you all the time.

If you start flirting with someone, then Sage won't interfere. He wants you to have fun and do your own thing. He'll swallow his jealousy as much as he possibly can but he also,, might,,, not be able to stay in the room. If you talk to him about it afterwards he'll try really hard to be supportive and make jokes about it and whatever but on the inside he just feels all twisted up in his tummy.

Ultimately he wants you to be happy,, he's just,,, sad that it couldn't be him.

Spends the entire day sulking a little bitty bit

Possibly in your bed. I've said it before and I'll say it every time it's relevant, I think that Sage (as a cat) finds your scent comforting and when he's upset he kinda just goes into your room and mopes. Has the added benefit of getting his fur everywhere on your bed because he's petty like that.

And then you get back to Fathom like 'Oh I met my friend's partner and they're super sweet they're such a cute couple' and Sage immediately regains +10000 happy points

He refuses to acknowledge that he's jealous. When Tulsi asks him about it, he innocently says that he's just looking out for you and wants to keep you safe!! He is a Good Wholesome Boi!! :3

Tulsi honestly isn't sure whether Sage realizes how transparent he is or not. She ultimately decides he isn't because he's really stupid and stubborn.

His song would be Bad Love by Halsey or Hey Jealousy by Gin Blossoms

Rime Varela

Okay anon but what if I,, like,,,, like instead of making this about you and Rime (as a traditional M4 post would be) what if I made it about Rime being jealous of you because he still loves Felix?? Cause I could do that. I won't. But I could. Maybe I should.

And in that very particular vein, his song would be When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars

'Oh Oz why don't you do both?' because I don't have enough brain cells to do that!! I'm a chronic idiot!!! Don't expect too much from me, friends, that's the lesson here.

Anyways let's circle back to the actual prompt!!

Between Anisa, Sage, and Rime, I actually can't decide who has the most self-loathing. But I think that it initially comes through the strongest with Rime because at this point (since it's pre-relationship we can assume it's before LoS has announced his re-emergence) he's the only one that knows LoS is alive and planning something.

I'm,, really,,, really upset we're not getting a Rime route. Not even because of the romance but because I want to know more about his (working) relationship with LoS and just,, how that happened. Like did Felix's spell actually work at all or was it entirely just LoS that brought him back? I actually do not know. Maybe it's mentioned in Felix's route but right now I can't remember so like,, I I dunno. Not really the point.

The point I'm making is that not only does Rime have jealousy problems, he also has a lot of self-hatred because he's evil and obviously you deserve better than that so he's like,, not having a great time with these feelings. Especially since his initial thing was like,, killing you?? And then he falls in love with you and it's like Fuck.

Once he accepts that he's in love with you and wants to ask you out then he's punched in the face by the fact that, Oh Yeah, You Have Suitors

I mean,,, i mean,,,,,, didn't dev call Rime a yandere several times before,,,,,,,,,,,,,, and i know i don't really do yandere stuff but like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

*Rime pulls out a knife*

no Rime put it away

*Rime reluctantly puts it away*

Sorry I had to get all 2010s Wattpad for a second there because that's the last time I wrote yandere stuff and Yes, It Was Cringe

Anyways Rime probably does have some passing thoughts of violence but no he's not actually gonna do anything. Maybe I'll do a legitimate yandere thing if someone asks nicely but not today

Rime is just angrily and confusedly vibrating in the corner because What Does He Even Do About This Situation. You guys are supposed to be enemies.

Someone is hitting on you and Rime just casually tells them to Fuck Off Or Perish

That's just his attitude in general

Rime,,, who still has feelings for Felix but also loves you,,, you and Felix are dating,,,,, he doesn't even know who he's more jealous of,,,,,,,,,,,,

Song would be When It Was Me by Paula De Anda

[awordwasthebeginning]

Saw Cats (2019) the other day.

Review, as co-written by @ofboredomandbohemia, under the cut for any nutters who actually want to see it without being spoiled.

The beginning

[looking up cinema times] “10:40PM? 18+ only? Do I want to know?” - “It’s so cursed. Dark Cats.”

The characters

The main character, Victoria, has exactly one facial expression, and she can’t sing. But she can dance, which is why there are several random ballet solos in there. She shows up after being thrown out by her humans, everyone gives her shit for not yet knowing her True Cat Name(TM) (despite the fact they didn’t really explain how to get your third name?), and is nevertheless thirsty for her. She gets the VIP seats throughout the entire film so you can always see her lounging in the front somewhere.

The grey cat, whose name we didn’t get until we looked it up, is apparently Dame Judi Dench’s son. He seems to be in charge at least some of the time.

Mr Mephistopheles Mistoffelees *wince* is a cat with magical abilities, because why not. But sometimes he has performance issues which can only be solved by the other cats singing an Encouraging song about him.

Dame Judi Dench can’t sing. I’m sorry. She wears a fur cloak over her own fur coat.

Rebel Wilson’s cat, on the other hand, wears human clothes underneath her cat fur?!?! She is also the one who gets to make all three of the awful cat puns. And she eats a cockroach with a human face and four human arms.

James Corden’s cat gets fat-shamed. By Rebel Wilson, who is the same size. I didn’t even know cats had a concept of over- and underweightness.

Rum Tum Tugger Jason Derulo is just playing himself, and he wants to lick Victoria’s foot. Get your foot fetish out of this furry fantasy, dude.

The twin cats (”Is she Irish?” - “I dunno but he can’t sing”) tie Victoria to the furniture (?) in a house and wait for her to be eaten by a dog.

There’s the tap-dancing fetish cat, who got this nickname from another review. He tap-dances. Which is good because it means that unlike the other cats, he wears shoes and you don’t have to see human feet tap-dancing on train tracks in front of a beautifully CGI’d London skyline.

Sir Ian McKellen also just plays himself. “I was a Shakespeare actor, you youngins just don’t know how to act properly anymore!”

Bombalurina “So Taylor Swift is a stripper cat” drugs the other cats with catnip while singing that “Macavity’s Not Thääääre” - bitch, neither of us are English but we can do a better English accent than that.

Idris Elba plays the evil Macavity. He dusts all the other contestants to some boat on the Thames. His basically-naked-but-”covered”-with-fur body and Taylor Swift’s furry boobs are going to be the death of me.

Griselda Drizella Grizabella shows up three times, sings, and leaves, and it looks exactly the same every time, only with increasingly more cats around. For some reason, the other cats...slut-shame her for seeking fame? and teaming up with Macavity a while back, even though she’s clearly having a rough time.

The plot

I know they sang an entire song about it but I still don’t know what the hell a Jellicle cat is

The names sound like leftovers from a Riverdale production meeting

“Wait, they said that Old Deuteronomy had already lived eight or nine lives. But whoever gets chosen tonight is the only one who is reborn? How does that work?” - “I think in this world you just die when Dame Judi Dench tells you it’s your time”

“Hey, new cat, you don’t even go here, wanna come to our ball?”

Jennifer Hudson Ascends(TM) to Heaven in a chandelier (”Did they just kill that cat?”) and Idris Elba tries to tag along but for some reason his teleportation powers don’t work on top of a statue

Victoria rubs up against Dame Judi Dench.

While Magic Cat and Muckefuck Munkustrap exchange a look in the back. (”They’re so gay!” - “They have to be.”)

TL;DR: way hornier than expected, vague plot, weird choices as to which body parts are human and which are feline.

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

okay so I know this is probably, like, the exact opposite of the showrunners’ intention, but they gave us basically zero information on President Loki so I can do what I want

and what if he was either more onboard with Thanos’s plans due to being even more messed up, or he had a more specific plan of his own that involved Midgard uniting a lot more voluntarily under his rule to fight Thanos, so he decided--no big showy invasion. he’s going to get people to choose him, and it’ll take a lot of lying and manipulating but he’s a prince, he’ll figure it out, he knows how to put on a show. Thanos is willing to be patient because Loki convinces him things will work out better this way.

the thing is he starts in America, and it’s 2020 because of reasons, and he starts out with a lot of assumptions about how things are because he’s at least mildly familiar with Midgard, and he’s not American so he hasn’t actually bought into the propaganda that the US is the Greatest Nation On Earth™ but he figures there’s probably some truth to it, enough to make use of it.

so he starts his campaign, and he’s kind of taking it seriously but also not really because they’re just short-lived mortals and they’ll be easy to fool and honestly the stakes are high but this will still be the most fun, low-pressure thing he’s done in decades

except starting his campaign means he actually has to...talk to people

and he’s like. wait. wait hold up. I know from imperialism and propaganda but at least Asgard mostly takes care of its people?? and massive numbers of you have basically bought into the idea that you’re the Greatest Nation On Earth™ because, what, you’re free to work yourselves to death so a few billionaires can use suborbital flights as dick-measuring contests?? you’ve let yourselves be convinced that the regulations protecting you--that in many cases people literally died for, not that long ago--are somehow infringing on your rights because they sometimes prevent those billionaires from working even more people to death?? you’re being ravaged by a literal plague and the response from a significant portion of your various governments is basically “the poors can just die, who cares,” and a lot of you are okay with this?? you’re letting billionaires destroy your planet and you’re also kind of okay with this?? you’re essentially held hostage by a single religion that screams about oppression when they’re required to treat queer people like people?? you dump massive amounts of money into a broken healthcare system because you’ve let yourselves be convinced that anything better is Evil Communism, and you’re okay with a huge proportion of your tax dollars being wasted in a bloated military and an equally bloated militarized police force instead of literally anything else that might make your lives easier??

what the fuck???

so he’s like, I knew this place was ridiculous but this is so much worse than I realized, what the fuck does Thor think he’s doing acting like a few instances of superheroism are actually making a difference when everything about just this one country is so cartoonishly fucked up, I am actually going to fix a whole bunch of these problems and people will actually love me for it, and he starts building his platform on things like universal healthcare and a living wage and mandatory sick leave and strong protection from discrimination and making the obscenely rich pay their fair share and actually fuck it, universal basic income

and at first people are like...well a lot of this sounds nice but these are pipe dreams. except he does have plans, actually, and they make sense, and he’s good at debates, and he’s really good at uncovering hard proof of shady shit his opponents are doing, and his support just...keeps growing until it becomes obvious that he’s likely to win

...which is when the TVA steps in, prunes him, and resets the whole timeline, because him winning and making a lot of people’s lives better and uniting Earth against Thanos isn’t part of the Sacred Timeline and so it isn’t allowed no matter how many lives it would save

and Loki, who is still pretty messed up from his time in the Void and his time with Thanos, finds himself in a different Void with no hope of a way out or even a way to improve his situation, and he realizes that this is it, this is his purpose in life, he’s only ever allowed to be the villain and if he tries to do something different, fight his fate, win people over, do something good, he just gets sent here to die

and he kind of...loses it a little. maybe a lot. he refuses to die here out of sheer spite but there’s also no point to anything, and all he can think to work toward is the throne of this Norns-forsaken place. it’s a throne of ash and rusted metal and charred plastic and it’s completely meaningless, but so is everything else. so is he.

it’s nothing more than what he deserves.

Loki: Pledge your loyalty to me and I’ll give you what you need.

Citizen: Universal healthcare?

Loki: You don’t have that?

Citizen: Meal services for low income households?

Loki: [gasp]

Citizen: Free dental and vision care?

Loki: Isn’t that covered by healthcare?

Citizen: Increase the minumum wage every year?

Loki: They don’t already do that?

Citizen: Fund reservations?

Loki: Eye-

Peter: Free college textbooks?

Loki trying not to cry: Oh, you poor things!

[cultofthepigeon]

"Torb's been lovable all the time" Literally how? He was an asshole since launch and an omnic racist (even has a breakdown when he sees that omnics in Numbani are free)

:^) oh sweaty

Let’s get the big thing out of the way first. Despite what tumblr fans seem to desperately want, anti-omnic racism isn’t comparable to real life racism in any way. Idk if fandom is just completely incapable of enjoy anything unless its social commentary, if they’re projecting this shit to try and seem Woke(tm), or if they just have a very weak grasp on how real life discrimination works. Omnics are powerful and have capabilites on par with, if not surpassing humans. The initial omnic war almost wiped out humanity, as explaine din in-world news articles. There is no minority group irl that has done this, and to say such is pretty fucked up. The war, by the way, was not a revolution despite what half the fandom seems to think. It was caused by Omniums being taken over by god AIs ,that pumped out militerized omnics, mostly bastions. It wasn’t a revolution so much as a mass mind control. And while this means omnics aren’t evil and are perfectly sympathetic, and while they’re current plight has complex sociological and moral issue that occasionally mirror real life issues, they’re not comparable to any real life minority group. There’s also the gaping whole in lore that doesn’t explain where non-bastion omnics were during the war, nor where they come from now. That’s mildly unrelated but I’m still pissy about it. 

Now back to torb.

His distrust and dislike for omnics comes from literally having to fight omnics to try and save the world. He’s probably had to watch a lot of people die because of it, which alone would excuse him of his distrust. I’m not one of those people who likes to diagnose fictional characters, but you could make a solid argument for him having PTSD.

There’s also the fact that he helped to build the omnics, and watching his creations turn and begin to murder thousands if not millions of people has left him with overwhelming guilt, as expressed in his initial comic.

Are omnics able to be trusted? As far as we’ve seen, yeah. But Torbjorn has been through circumstances that make it understandable for him (and others) to distrust them.

Let’s also not forget that characters like Zarya, Reaper, and the Junkers say just as much shit about omnics as Torbjorn but for some reason don’t get as much hate. Hmm weird I wonder why.

Omnic racism out of the way. Moving on.

We first meet him in his comic where he single handedly (heh) climbs into a skyscraper sized mech thats destroying a city, because he doesnt want it to kill any more innoccent people. Inside he finds an old collegue is piloting it and is disgusted by him trying to profiteer off of the destruction. He even says he’s more disgusted with him than he is by omnics, because omnics at least have no empathy (as far as he’s concerned) and so therefore at least have an excuse. He spend the entire comic just trying to rescue a small country. That’s it. 

Now back to the game. We’ve already covered his anti-omnic lines above but lets look at some others.

He asks D.va if he can check out her mech. Asks mei if he can check out her snowbot. Teases Satya about having something on her dress. Banters with Reinhardt. Is impressed by Pharah’s armor. Says a bunch of weird sounding Swedish idioms. Geeks out about the Russia factory. Hell lbr his melt down in Numbani and Nepal are hilarious!

One of his main skills in game is passing out protective armor to his teammates. His emotes include sitting, laffing, and clicking his heals happily. He drink molten lava and then burps.

He’s got a skins that are him in biker gear and pirate costumes. 

All of this is before the Binary comic, before the Christmas comic, and even before the Halloween comic.

Before we find out he’s a loving dad who spends the holidays with his friends and family, and looes to hear Reinhardt’s stories, and is a grump who warms up to people, and is willing to change his attitude towards specific omnics based on how they act, and will stop people from hurting an innocent omnic.

Before ALL OF THAT, Torbjorn has canonically been

a man who distrusts omnics for understandable reasons

an engineering geek

a goofball

a biker

a quirky Swedish dude

a friend who likes to rib his buddies

a guy who will risk his life to help save people

Like,

if you haven’t seen what a loveable dude Torby has been this entire time, that’s on you

[roseverdict]

oh hey here's some more of This

The Groundhog Ninja and the S2 Ninja start running around to prevent the baddies of the previous seasons. Garmadon is Having A Time. He still does the stuff that’s most plot-relevant, from an in-universe perspective because of the venom and from a reader’s perspective because this thing would go ALL the way off the rails if he didn’t, but he’s very visibly a Sensei G having a Long Series of Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Days.

Baddies to prevent and/or otherwise alter the showdowns with:

The Serpentine: Free them in an act of peace. What they do next is up to them, but at least don’t make them candy-thieving henchmen, Lloyd.

Pythor, specifically: Unfortunately, as Good Guys, they can’t just leave Pythor trapped in the Anacondrai tomb. They let him out, but with the Serpentine as a whole significantly less hostile to humanity, he gets shunned pretty fast. Still steals the staffs once he realizes the venom in them can make him a map. May or may not be successful. Is 100% definitely visibly losing it faster than canon, now that he has no followers.

Harumi: When or if the Great Devourer shows up to eat the city, the displaced ninja do the same plan as before while the groundhog day ninja focus on Evacuating Every Fucking Building As Fast As Fucking Possible. There is a moment where Lloyd, Cole, and Zane stumble across the heart-wrenching scene as Harumi’s parents put her in the elevator, and they step in to break them out. Insert angst as Lloyd realizes what SoG!Harumi must have been doing before she fell with a collapsing building.

The Overlord: that face when your local Golden Ninja is powered up by 2.25 times as many ninja. also echo zane is there

The Digital Overlord: Either this flat-out doesn’t happen (borg advised by the ninja to Not Build There) or it happens and the power of Two Zanes keeps them both from exploding while also obliterating the Digilord.

Master Chen: my main man has no clue what to do with multiple masters of the elements of creation. May have also been busted before he can even begin the Tournament of Elements since their modus operandi at this point is taking all the terrible things that have happened and Not Doing All That, and since Garmadon had to sacrifice himself in canon to put an end to Chen…

Morro: Ooohhhhshdhdsfhhhsd this one’s where we start getting funky with the timeline. Without Garmadon sacrificing himself to open the Cursed Realm, release the Anacondrai Generals, and stop Chen (and unshrink Pythor, if he wound up shrinking at all), Morro doesn’t get a chance to escape for season 5.

Nadakhan: I mean. Technically Jay wished for the s6 timeline to be undone, but then the entire SHOW’S timeline got undone. The squad may spend their time searching out the teapot instead of chasing a possessed lloyd around. Plus, yknow, Djinnjago can’t get dragged down with the Cursed Realm if the Cursed Realm is never dragged into Ninjago and given the super soaker treatment.

The Hands of Time: Another one that probably got busted through earlier on due to Those Are Their Fucking Parents You Piece Of Shit Villains. Acronix shows up at the monastery 50 years after leaping into the time vortex and is immediately surrounded by Everyone™ and he is promptly Arrested™. The Hands of Time being busted earlier on also means that the Kais and Nya get their parents back, their parents have an extra Kai, Wu doesn’t get yeeted through time and space and aging, and everybody’s okay!

The Oni Trilogy: Well, unless my muse goes off the shits in the other direction, Harumi never goes Quiet™ and she doesn’t have any reason to despise the ninja, AND Garmadon doesn’t even die to get resurrected as an evil husk! The squad still heads to the first realm with the Ultra Dragon to kick Iron Baron in his iron balls though. Then they prepare to punch some Oni in the FACE

Scrolls of Forbidden Spinjitzu: these get fuckin REKT like. the moment the squad calms down after the adjusted pilots. they look at wu and go “ok so first order of business-”

Prime Empire: They track down Unagami’s chip and Milton Dyer and they force them to go to family therapy.

Master of the Mountain: The ninja receive their invitation to Princess Vania’s birthday and Cole rolls up first with his Spinjitzu Burst like “ok first off let’s stop enslaving the people under the mountain”

Seabound: the squad holds kalimaar at gunpoint

Crystalized: Well first off we have no idea how this is gonna end so jot that down, but also without Evil Harumi, Mr. E (and F), any chances for the Mechanic to become more than a comic relief villain, any accomplishments for Pythor, or any REVEEEEEEENGE for Aspheera, like……...who would even be invited to the Council? Would there even BE a council?

i've always liked time loop fics but now i just have the idea in my head of the s15+ ninja mentally getting yeeted back to the pilots or something

samukai shows up and kai and nya kick his ass in 2 seconds flat