#you can reach out to other people and try to make them less lonely
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mordcore · 1 year ago
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oh huh
the people who keep trying to make others reblog their art also call themselves content creators
i wonder if that means anything?
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ceramicbird · 10 hours ago
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so either all my old friends changed their numbers at the same time or i'm inherently unlovable
#''reach out to people you haven't talked to in a while'' would be a great piece of advice when you're extremely lonely#if anyone fucking responded!!!#and i'm not talking about the people who bullied me or treated me like shit in school i mean people who were perfectly lovely#and always kind to me and they seemed like they at least liked me a little bit#and maybe they're busy. but it's all of them. and not just one or 2 people!! it's literally all of them!!!#either no response or just one and i never hear back after that#i'm sort of making friends in college? ish? i've had people to talk to in lab this semester and i'm incredibly grateful for that#especially because they're a million times more honest and kind than than anyone i talked to in high school#i don't have any way to reach them after this semester unless in end up the same (very late) lab with them in the next#i'm too scared to ask for their numbers for fear of coming off too strong or having a repeat of this#the problem is that i don't know what i'm doing wrong#it's been like this since i was a little kid. almost everyone who is kind to me or friends with me usually ends up doing so out of pity#i'm more socially adept than i've ever been! i'm much more positive than i've ever been!#i make a conscious effort not to talk too much about myself or to be too weird and i try to listen and help with everything i can#maybe it's the fact that i put on being sweet and cute and nice and friendly and funny to a degree that i absolutely am not#but when i don't is when i don't make or keep any friends for any length of time#i'm absolutely overly obsessed with getting people to like me. almost everything about me especially irl is in an effort to do that#i don't know if it's autism or what. because even other autistic people find me offputting.#this has been a problem even before i started elementary school. like there has to be something wrong with me.#anyway. i'm trying to vent on here less because i own a journal but putting things where other people can see them is better sometimes ig#some fucked up part of me that hopes people who have hurt me will see it and feel bad for what they did or whatever#even though they definitely won't on my tumblr that doesn't use my legal name lol#anyway. whatever lol
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shanastoryteller · 9 months ago
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Happy Valentine's Day 💘
Can I get something from Hades?
a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18
Zagreus is right next to him, so close that their arms brush as they walk, but Thanatos has never felt further from him.
"Try this!" he says, beaming as he reaches up and plucks something that looks like plum but is more red than purple from a tree hanging heavy with fruit, it's branches so long that he doesn't even have to step off the road to grab it.
Megaera snatches it from his hand, looking it over suspiciously. People give them a wide berth as they walk through Zagreus's city, but people wave and bow and shout greetings as they pass.
Even in Elysium, there's not this much joy. People are happy here. It's not endless fighting and torment and a fruitless search for glory. It's people living in ease and comfort, creating and lounging and laughing.
Megaera bites into the fruit much the same as she'd bitten into Zagreus and frowns. "This doesn't have power like the ones on the surface do."
"Why would it need to? The ones one the surface are to keep people alive and strong and to help them make it through winter. Down here they're just tasty," He takes the fruit back and bites into himself before holding it out to Thanatos. "Eurydice manages the gardens and fields down here, more or less. We grow normal stuff too, that's just not as fun for me."
Thanatos bites into the fruit, places his teeth over the indents Zagreus's left behind. It's more tart, like a cherry, but with the bite of something like citrus. It's also not without power, but it's more like a pom or a bracing cup of coffee than the boons of his surface fruits.
"And what do the others do?" Megaera asks, licking the juice off her lips.
He gestures around them. "Sisyphus does most of the city planning, although sometimes people just build stuff they want, which is fine, but if it interferes with his, I don't know, organization, I end up having to move it to some place he deems suitable. Patroclus sort of just does whatever, you know?" He frowns. "People come to him with stuff, because I'm not around a ton, and he's pretty good at keeping the other two from going too overboard when I'm not around. He's like a mayor."
"What about Achilles?" Thanatos asks.
Zagreus grimaces. "Patroclus's husband is Patroclus's decision. I have the diamonds to buy out his contract, and it's not like there's any concern about him staying in Elysium now - he's one of mine. Eurydice loves Orpheus, I think, but she's still pretty pissed at him, but he's welcome too. Sisyphus will probably ban him from the lyre if he tries to play mopey music though."
Megaera says what Thanatos doesn't want to say. Can't bring himself to say. "What about us?"
Zagreus pauses, the sun that can't be the sun warming his skin and brightening his eyes. "What about - what do you mean? You work for my father. I know that."
"So you have no work for us to do?" she challenges, stepping closer so she can snarl into Zagreus's face.
He spreads his hands, like he's helpless, like that's something he can be when he wields the power of a god of the pantheon even without a throne. "It's not really - I don't tell people what to do, none of this was really planned. Even Eliana kind of just - people just do things and I let them, really."
"And will you?" Thanatos asks, desperate and lonely and longing and trying not to show and of it. "Let us?"
Zagreus stills, shooting him a lopsided smile that almost makes him feel like everything isn't crumbling from underneath him. "If that's what you want."
When it comes to Zagreus, all Thanatos does is want.
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cherryrikis · 4 months ago
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ONE LESS LONELY GIRL - 005 ! big balls and lots of courage
PAIRING idols riki x fem reader
SYNOPSIS fans always point out the chemistry between you and riki, and it only continues to grow after you become mc’s together on music bank. but as your feelings rise, so does the tension. and people begin to notice, so you try not to let riki know how you feel. but unbeknownst to you, he feels entirely the same way.
authors note this is my redemption arc after last ep🔥 ps thank u guys for all the encouragement/motivation on the last update, i actually feel so much better today
previous <> masterlist <> next
it had already been a month since your first day as music bank mc’s, and the two of you have grown so much since then. you often felt more confident when reading the script, and were able to feel more comfortable together, despite already having the chemistry from the start.
today, riki was just finishing up, thanking kard for coming onto the show before making his way towards you backstage.
“today was so exhausting.” he sighed, setting down his mic and script sheets next to yours.
“good job today. you guys are so overworked with your promotions, but when we’re on mubank, you never let that show.” you point out. “i’m gonna go get changed, but i’ll see you next week?”
riki watched you walk away from him, going closer toward the dressing room. he paused as he debated on whether or not he should act out on his thoughts.
“fuck it..” he cursed under his breath. he had been building up the courage for the last 2 weeks to ask you for your number. there were so many missed opportunities, but he decided, today would be the day.
“y/n!” he called out, before running up towards you.
you both stood in the middle of the hallway, right in front of the door of your dressing room.
“yes riki?” you asked with slightly widened eyes.
“can i.. do you think i could.. uhm- sorry. by any chance, could i get your number?” he asked nervously, breaking eye contact as he began to play with the silver rings on his fingers.
“why do you need it?” you played dumb, tilting your head in faux confusion.
“oh? just for uh, you know. communicating schedules and so we could go over scripts together. just so it’s easier to uh, communicate.”
“hm? you could just come to our dorm you know. we live in the same building after all.”
riki pouted. “y/n! why are you doing this?” he whined, running a hand through his hair.
“i’m just teasing, baby. here, give me your phone.” you laughed.
he watched you intently as you dialed in your number, before pressing the green call button. “now i have your number too. we can text each other whenever we want.” you smiled, before opening the door to your dressing room.
“wait, y/n?” “yes, riki?”
you held the door open with one hand, keeping your other arm to your side. he stared into your face with a doe gaze without even realizing. riki’s eyes held a warm expression, with a slight glimmer visible in them.
“nothing. see you at the dorms.” he smiled before licking his lips.
carefully, you stepped forward to go closer to him. so close, you could feel his breath against yours. riki’s eyes fluttered shut as he felt you come closer, but it was much to his surprise when you turned the other way.
“huh?” his skin turned red as you reached up to cup his face. you pressed a soft kiss onto his left cheek, before pulling away.
“goodnight riki.” you grinned at the boy in front of you for a final time, before closing the door. he stayed in front of your dressing room for a few moments, before walking away to return to his own.
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TAGLIST (italics = couldnt be tagged) @hannicorpse @luvvhaerin @chaevibes @en-verse @ren2jay @choppedballoondetective @heartheejake @imanalien143 @istglevi-gotmesimping @yndairy @eleanorheartschishiya @lonelylandofan @gweoriz @jaemified @onlyhyunjin @softpia @frecklesbrownies @riksaes @wensurr @rikifordmiami @brideslit @ant-onie @yumilovesloona @aeminju @hoonics @catecita @clampclover @rei4sunoo @addictedtohobi @rikidaze @baekxo07 @xotyla @melancholy-z @rikisgeef @jung1w0n @tocupid @onlyseung @i03jae @iheartshopping @istphanie @queenriki7 @academiq @1117promises @nctislifue @haechansbbg @rairaiblog @nabia-bia @pkjay @lixiebokie @hiekoo @r1kizerr @d-dilemma @kingofthekards @iilwji @hoonatic @woorcve @enhaz1
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myfairstarlight · 3 months ago
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I've started to see takes saying Colin deserves better than Penelope, and claiming she "got away with everything", and to that I must say:
Whistledown was never created out of jealousy or anger. It was born from a lonely girl who wished to be part of a society that rejected her, so she wrote about it.
Penelope never pursued Colin. This wasn't some nefarious plan of hers like that take makes it sound like. He's the one who did all the chasing. Penelope was very much planning on distancing herself from him and the Bridgertons after last season. He's the one who couldn't let her go
She literally offers the annulment knowing there might still be people angry at her for Whistledown. That's her taking accountability and absolving the Bridgertons from dealing with her mess. Guess what he does again? He refuses, fully accepting the challenges ahead. Now that's marriage. And standing by his cancelled wife.
She decides to come clean in front of the whole Ton despite everyone around her trying to find an out for her. She could have taken the easy way out, lie to get the rest of the blackmail money needed, but she refused to drag the rest of the Bridgertons into this.
"Penelope faced no consequences" she is wracked with guilt for half the season, her closest loved ones turned away from her, and she got blackmailed. This is also a romance show the queen was NOT going to behead her as punishment, actually, go watch Game of Thrones instead
She was already changing the column to be more uplifting towards women and less confrontational with the Queen (even as the other debutantes talked shit about her, and the Queen threatened her). She was aware that her previous tone in her writing may have led to more problems. She is atoning for her past mistakes already.
Really looking back the only real mistakes she made was with Marina and Eloise. These were exceptions to what she usually writes as she exposed their secrets, not gossip. That's an important distinction to make. One the show itself does not make, actually.
You can add what she wrote about Colin too as an exception, since she was being petty and angry, and she regrets it immediately
She confessed everything to Violet. Granted, we do not see the letter, but she did come clean to the head of the family (since Anthony already left, otherwise I bet she would have told him too)
The one thing I agree with is that we had no closure for the Marina situation, despite her being mentioned several times.
But overall, she was remorseful, and she tried to fix things. She reached out to Eloise several times before they reconcile, she changed her column, and she now wishes to use her column to give a voice to the voiceless, the same way Whistledown helped her find a voice.
And Colin, well, he's only ever wanted Penelope, even after the reveal. Because Penelope remains the only one who truly understood him and supported him for being himself. Meanwhile Penelope is trying to be better. That's the key word, she wants to do better, so no she does not "get away with everything" because there was never malicious intent from her in the first place, but for the damage she did do, she wants to make up for them. And yeah, she's a goddamn mess, but as he said, she is his mess.
However, Colin did deserve better, but in terms of writing and screen time especially in part 2. We were told, more than shown, about his struggles, which is a bit of a shame when compared to Penelope's (and yet people still misunderstand her character, so).
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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 11 months ago
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Dirty Work 2
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Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as bullying, familial discord/abuse, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: You start a new gig and find one of your clients to be hard to please.
Characters: Loki
Note: Let me know if you want more. Didn't get too much on Part 1 but I have ideas so...
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)
I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖
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Your third week begins in the same place. Before the iron gate, the code unlocking the green maze within. You’re still just as impressed as your first day there. To you, it’s like a fantasy. Entirely unattainable but it’s right there. You can look, but you can’t touch… not beyond cleaning.
You linger outside, not thinking. You admire the tall tulips and the hedge trimmed to resemble some landmark you can’t quite place. You could see a place like this in an Austenian film or perhaps something Victorian. You don’t have an eye for the difference.
You key in the code for the backdoor and continue on. You put covers on your shoes and grab a fresh set of gloves. You’re getting into a pattern, though each client differs slightly. You put your things away and bring your water bottle with you. You bought a cool strap that keeps it against your hip, a small splurge with your first paycheck. The rest went to bills.
As you start on your usual journey through the many rooms of the airy house, you wonder how its sole resident isn’t lonely. Or perhaps he is. He doesn’t seem the type to admit to it. You turn your thoughts back to your work. You try not to think of him, truly, you don’t know much of him.
You take a candlestick and polish it. You move on the small globe; an ivory orb on a silver axes, the outlines of the continent carved into the surface. As you put it back, you notice something. An item you can’t recall being there before. You reach for it but stop as you realise it’s a camera.
You retract your hand and move on to dust the shelf itself. Does he not trust you or was it there before? Of course, somewhere like this would need security. There was a story just the other day about a break-in, but that was closer to your father’s where those culprits dwell.
The second floor is always easier. It seems even less lived-in than below. All but the study and the main bedroom. You flit in and out, checking points off the list until you’re content. You can only hope he will be too.
As you descend, the epiphany tickles your brain. It’s the first shift he hasn’t appeared. It’s easy to assume he’s busy. You don’t expect him to hang around. As if he would supervise you. Besides, that’s probably what the cameras are for.
You pack up and get your single refill of water. You leave the way you came, as you have twice before. The keypad flashes red to signal the lock is in place. You haul your kit higher on your shoulder and tread slowly along the little path along the side of the house.
You look at the gazebo trimmed in hanging ivy. It’s beautiful. You’d like to venture up and sit on that bench. Just sit and watch and smell and feel. You force the thought away and turn back along the stonework.
You’re going home. Not to pollen but tobacco smoke. Not to lush gardens but wilting strands in soggy mud. Not to immaculate floors and pristine decor but to stained walls and broken springs in your mattress. 
Home, to another man that makes you nervous.
🧹
Your father is as he always is, smoking on the couch. You say hi as you come in with a bag of groceries, the prize for what was left of your check. He grumbles and flicks through the channels. You go to the kitchen to put away the food.
You’re almost at the end of your first month, a third of the way through your probationary period. Hopefully after that, you can pick up more clients. You shut the cupboard and go back to the living room. Your father coughs into a crumpled tissue. He sounds horrible. You can’t say so, he doesn’t seem to care.
“I got some fresh produce,” you announce proudly, “I’ll steam some veggies with the chops.”
“You get fries?” He growls.
“Uh, no,” you admit, “I thought we could eat something healthier–”
“I don’t like steamed veggies,” he drops the remote and grabs his pack of smokes.
“Oh, sorry, I was only thinking–”
“Don’t lie and say you were,” he snorts as he pulls out a cigarette and taps the end of the pack. “Go on, I’m tryna watch this.”
He nods at the television and you follow his gaze to the rerun of All in the Family. He’s seen them all before. You take the dismissal and retreat up to your room. Like you always do.
It’s always been like this. You don’t hate your father but sometimes it feels like he hates you. You put your kit and your water bottle on your dress and change into clean clothes. You lay in bed and close your eyes, trying to let go of the tension in your muscles.
You don’t remember your mom but he does. You assume that’s why he’s like this. It’s not you, it’s what happened. Tragic. A loss he won’t talk about.
You rub your forehead and let your arms fall to bend on either side of your head. You only ever saw one picture of your mother. You don’t think you look like her. She was pretty. And young. You were always too afraid to ask about her but you could tell she was younger than him. No one could’ve expected her to go so soon.
You close your eyes. It’s a strange sort of grief to miss someone who is only a shadow in your mind. Not even a voice, just this ghost you know by name. Mommy…
You blow out a deep breath in an effort to bid away the sadness. That was so long ago. This is now and you have a lot to worry about.
🧹
The Laufeyson house greets you once more with its elaborate brickwork. It’s starting to feel familiar, like a habit to put in the new code and walk along the winding path around to the back door. Six more numbers and you’re inside; shoe covers, gloves, bottle, and the list.
You always check the new email sent by the agency. There’s always something small and new squeezed into the bullet points. This week, you notice the first task is laundry. 
‘Retrieve hamper from hallway. When hamper is left outside door, it means clothes must be washed.’
Easy enough. You go upstairs first and take the tall hamper from beside the door frame. It’s heavy and there’s no wheels to aid in your struggle. The laundry room is downstairs. Your descent is treacherous, one step at a time as you haul the basket down step by step. If Mr. Laufeyson is there, he can’t happy with the noise.
You finally get to the machine and follow the instructions about cycle type and separating colours from whites. However, there is only the bedding to be cleaned. You load the linens in and take a moment to figure out the touchscreen. Your father’s machine has a dial that only works on one setting and gives off a dingy stench.
You leave the basket in front of the washer and retreat to start your usual progression through the urban manse. Mop, sweep, dust, vacuum, polish; hallway, kitchen, dining room, sitting room… Nothing unusual or unexpected.
As you cross the narrow foyer to the den, the sunshine glows a warm orange through the slender windows on either side of the front door. The patterning of the glass reflects prettily on the floor. Despite your best efforts, you can’t help but imagine residing somewhere so brilliant.
You sigh and carry on. You’re sure to open the long drapes to let in the late spring sunshine. It’s not so bad working in the light and you can see where the rare spec of dust is hiding. You go to the tall shelf beside the record player and pull out the albums to wipe beneath them. Music would be jarring in a place always so silent.
You slip the albums back into place, pulling out one to admire the cover; Ane Brun. You’ve never heard of them. You read the track list curiously. You know you shouldn’t be wasting time.
“I don’t believe I’d have anything to your taste on my shelf,” the mocking slither has you pushing the album in line with the rest.
You almost apologise but you remember. You don’t speak. You just clean. So clean.
You glance over at Mr. Laufeyson as he struts in, a book held in one hand as his other is tucked in his pocket. He wears his usual pressed attire; a dark button-up and even darker slacks. You note that he has no tie that day. A single curl dangles by his temple as the rest of his black hair is precisely combed back.
You return to your tasks, gently wiping the cover of the record player and along the stand. You  hear the book drop onto the low table before the sofa before his footsteps continue on; closer. He approaches as you get to the next shelf, a collection of EPs in unmarked sleeves.
You wince as he stops near you, flipping up the cover of the sleek record player before stepping back to peruse his selection. You do your best to keep on as he looms. The air is thick and suffocating. Should you go to the next room and come back?
He slips a record free of its sleeve and places it carefully on the players. He moves the needle over and flips the switch, a crackle before the sound drones from the tall standing speakers. Acoustic guitar with a gritty feel to it. The sudden addition of a woman’s voice jolts you; her tone is peculiar but not unpleasant.
When I woke I took the backdoor to my mind And then I spoke I counted all of the good things you are
He backs away without a word. Not an explanation. You finish cleaning the second shelf and dare to glance over. He reads his book on the couch, unbothered by your existence. That isn’t too unfamiliar.
You finish the space but leave the vacuuming for later. You wouldn’t want to ruin the music. You go into what you can only call a sunroom. The french doors peek out onto the garden and a patio set with a large dining set in white iron and glass.
The music drifts in and keeps you company. It almost makes the work easier. You make quick work and go to check the washer to switch over the load. Once you have the dryer figured out, you begin on the second floor.
It’s only as you come out of one of the guestrooms that you notice the silence is returned. You turn down the hallway and near the next door. You enter the study with your usual reverence. Something about the space is intimidating. 
The large leather chair with its dimpled back and the even bigger desk; slabs of marble set into polished ebony. Shelves of a similar material, decked out with numerous volumes and the occasional ornament. Some appear even to be genuine artifacts. The rug at the centre is patterned in Persian style.
Behind the desk are a set of doors that open onto a balcony. The drapes are drawn shut. You find that is often the case. It’s a sombre and dark space hidden from the bright gardens without. Your tasks here are minimal. You use the hand vacuum and dust the shelves. You aren’t to touch the desk at all.
A shadow startles you as you drag the cloth along the edge of the bookshelf. Your eyes round and you look over as Mr. Laufeyson enters. You blanch but he doesn’t acknowledge you. He sighs and goes to the desk, sitting in the chair and wheeling it closer. You narrow your sights on the shelves; focus.
You feel a tremble but quickly shake it away. This is his home, he must be able to exist within it, but this feels strange, almost deliberate. Is he trying to make some point? To scare you? You remember the mention of those who came before you. Did they quit or did he dismiss them? Regardless, you can’t afford either.
It isn’t that difficult to follow the rules. Don’t speak? You haven’t much to say. You get closer as you advance along the shelves to the back of the office. He lets out another long exhale. His chair creaks, once, twice, and again.
“Hm,” he rolls back and swivels, an action you observe from the corner of your eye. He tuts and wheels back to the desk, resuming tapping on the keys of his slender laptop. The glow limns his silhouette sinisterly.
You rustle the drapes as you pass them and cross to the opposite shelves. As you brush over the spines of the books, you nearly drop the cloth. His low hum frightens you as he mimics the same melody that played from the speakers below. His tone is deep and sonorous, even delightful.
You squeeze the cloth and pause before regaining your composure. This cannot be a coincidence. The camera and now he’s following you. Or so it seems. Does he distrust you? What reason have you given him?
You are mindful to wipe down the bronze statue of what you assume is a viking warrior. You place it back staunchly, making sure your work is entirely visible to him. You are honest and you like to think you do your work well. Or at least, you try to. Perhaps if he sees that effort, he won’t be so suspicious.
As you head for the door, he quits his humming. His chair squeaks again.
“You are rather more thorough than the last,” he muses.
You stop and turn your head. You nod. He’s baiting you to break his number one rule.
“And you take orders well,” he adds blithely, “that is rare these days.” He taps a key again, “as you were.”
You take the dismissal in stride and flit off to your next task. It isn’t much, maybe only a statement of fact, but it’s something. He isn’t unhappy with your work. So far, neither are you.
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damnfandomproblems · 1 month ago
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Fandom Problem #6149:
You know what I hate? When people make clear headcanons for characters and try to pass them off as truth, objective, etc, rather than headcanons that honestly are a bit reach-y compared to the more apparent explanation. If you see, for example, a character in canon that was abused like crazy, both physically and mentally, and ends up being lonely and not interacting with people that often, the context clues obviously point to their occasional social awkwardness in canon as being a result of their abusive experiences, not something like autism. In this case, when people say "they're obviously autistic!!!" and totally ignore all the tangibly-presented reasons in canon for the character's awkwardness, like those reasons don't even exist or exist, at the very least, in tandem with whatever the presented reason is, it pisses me off. I'm not going to like, go into peoples' inbox and bitch them out, but it pisses me off. Occam's razor. The simplest explanation is the most probable. It's ridiculous to reach for some other explanation then say that's the most probable one no-holds-barred, when canon gives clear evidence otherwise. Can it be ruled out? No, but it obviously is way less probable than the alternative.
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heartfullofleeches · 1 year ago
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Creep Yan meets the sweet angel that is Clown Darling-
It was an accident. They swear it to their grave.
A left instead of a right somewhere down the twisting, spacious corridors of the convention center. They could've sworn they followed the receptionist's directions down to the letter, but playing back her voice in their head they're starting to believe she just made up whatever she could to get them to leave. What should have led them to the hall holding the annual concert for their favorite idol group had in actuality brought them to a another venue with an entirely different type of star.
The clown's smiling face was plastered on every wall. Children and young adults of all ages walked in hand with their guardians wearing the same face paint or best imitation of the entertainers outfit they could readily obtain. There were others closer to their age, but none as out of their element as them. Collectors exchanging priceless goods: bonding over favorite moments from what sounds to be a show. Is this what they're like with people who share the same interests? When they're apart of the crowd it feels normal, but how could a kid's show have such an effect on grown adults? They feel like such an outcast - and they know others know they are too. They can hear the words behind every stare throw at them.
"What are they doing in here...."
"Creeps like that are exactly what it's difficult to bring kids to public events."
"Freak."
They stumble through the booths, searching desperately for the exit they lost sight of shortly before realizing where they were. Tears obscure their vision as they collapse next to a row of chairs left out for guests. The concert had to have started by now and at this raise they'll never make it before the doors close. They finally had the chance to see their favorite group in person and now it was gone. Why did they ever think the universe would give them a opportunity for better after an eternity of hell. At this rate it would be better to just go home....
Hic....hic...
Soft cries bellow from the body sitting next to them. They wipe at their eyes with a striped handkerchief, careful not to smudge their face paint. From their mismatch shoes to their brightly colored clothes it was easy to pin them as another cosplayer, but there was something more... authentic about their wear. They cry silently into their hands without spilling a tear.
"Are....are you okay?"
The clown looks up at them, sighing heavily. "Oh, I'm alright. I'm just sad because you're sad. I've seen so many happy faces today and you're the first I've seen upset. It's enough to bring a tear to anyone's eye."
They tighten grip the strap of their bag. "I... can go somewhere else..."
"No, no!" The clown bounces to their feet and takes their hands - startling them. "I'm not saying that because I want you to go away. I'm saying that because I want to make you feel better, silly! Why don't we start with you telling me what's wrong?"
"It's nothing.... You don't want to hear about stuff like that it's depressing."
"Hm... can I at least try to make you happier?"
"You can try..."
"Great! Repeat after me."
The clown clears their throat as they kneel.
"When I'm feeling lonely, or think I just might frown. I think think a thought that means a lot and then I feel less down.
The clown's smile reaches the painted circles on their cheeks. "Its the song I teach all my new friends. Now you try!"
"When I'm feeling lonely...."
"Or think I just might frown."
"I think a thought that means a lot."
"And then I feel less down." The clown squeals as they clap they hands together. "Yay! You did it! And very well if I may add. How do you feel now?"
They pause for a moment, lips moist as they think about their mother's chocolate cake. There's still a slice left in their fridge. "A little better...."
"Now, tell me a thought that makes you feel better."
"Well... I really like listening to music...." Their smile is gone as soon as it came. "I actually came to see a concert today, but I got lost...."
"Concert? You mean like those sweet girls next door? Haha, you can hear them right through the walls? I guess it is difficult with all the screaming kids. Come on, I'll take you!"
They place their ear against the wall. Sure enough, music and the roars of the crowd blare through the structure. They cup their hands around their ears to hear better and decipher if their favorite song has already played - yanked from their seat before they can properly make out a single note.
"Come on, Come on!"
The clown giggles, clutching their hand as they skip and excuse their way through the crowd - promising younger guests their full attention upon their return with a quick hug and a free sticker. It's all the time the person they drag with them has to recuperate before being pulled along again.
"Wait... please... I can't...."
"We're here!"
Catching their breath, they look up to see the still open doors of the concert hall as people pour in and out. The bouncers stop a few of them to inform them of the doors' closing in five minutes. They made it... They actually made it... Tears of happiness catch in their lashes, sweeped away by a striped cloth.
"Are you still sad? I know you missed the opening act, there's still more..."
"No... These are happy tears... Thank you.. Thank you!"
The clown's laughter reaches the deepest depths their heart. "Anything for a friend! Come see me again if you're ever in any trouble..... Oh! I almost forgot something!"
The clown reaches into their pocket and pulls out a small, plastic badge. They pass it over to their new friend who inspects the smiling rainbow and letters engraved into it.
"Y/n the clown's helper of the day."
"That's a little token I give to the best of my little helpers..." The clown lends in, covering their mouth with one hand as they whisper. "Don't tell the kids - I give one to everybody."
They reach into their bag, grabbing their wallet. The clown quickly stops them.
"It's free, Silly! If you wanna pay me back, just have a good time, okay?"
The clown winks before walking off back to their hall - but not before passing out stickers to the bouncers who thank them for it and the water bottles they brought earlier. The dumbfounded individual they leave behind looks down at their hand - then the open doors of the concert hall. They sheepishly reenter the venue they came from, approaching the first merch with physical discs they see.
"Hello, I'd like to buy a copy of all available seasons you have."
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sheep-shearing · 2 months ago
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"Get ready, we're having a tea party at the Demon Lord's Castle."
Half visible from their spot in the bed, they could see Lucifer leaning a hand on the door frame, sporting a handful of papers sure to be Mammon's contribution to the weekly bills. A quick creak snapping the door shut again had the human moving to get ready for the ineviavtable interogation sure to occur from the recent shenaigans.
Really, it was their own fault for being hasty. A choice they made, time and time again. Nonsensical situations and events, always a new danger looming on the horizon. Between the people they loved and their own life, they would always choose their loved ones. A pity said loved ones had an opinion on that.
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The Demon Lord's Castle gardens were beautiful, as if Barbatos would allow for any less of the Little D's that maintained it. A little table, almost comically small for the three demons gathered around a human who could never outpace them all. Lucifer flanking them, Diavolo across from them, and Barbatos readying Hellrose tea with blank smile beside Diavolo.
As ever the leader, Diavolo leaned forwards and began, "Last week, you endangered yourself. This is not a new situation, you've also attempted prior to protect the others with your own life. I would like an explaination."
Straight shoulders and calm voice, trying not to be too forceful while retaining authority. This wasn't their Diavolo, gentle and kind and lonely, always reaching for a connection he didn't quite have the social grace to make. This was the Demon Prince, dealing with a threat to the human he considered his to protect. A threat they seemed to be posing to themselves, recently.
There really wasn't an opportunity to get away from this. If it wasn't the Royals, it would be the the Angels, the Brothers, or the Sorcerer. May as well start a fire, if it's bound to be an unavoidable problem. Moving from problem solving to damage control, it's always been their specialty.
"I'm human. We live, what, a century? I've given my life candle to Beel, I think the food here has poisioned me enough a Chinese emperor would be jealous, and my life is in near constant danger."
Lucifer stared, Diavolo stared harder. Barbatos had stopped pouring and was now white-knuckling the teapot under his gloves. Hopefully it wasn't one of his favorites.
"If someone has to go, I'm the one who should. I won't live like you." Spoken with the monotony of someone who could only speak like they played pranks with Death itself, they continued their ramble. "I love you. I love the Devildom. I can never be safe here, but it'll always be better than the Human world because the people who love me are here," They paused a moment, "If I need to die to keep you all safe, I will."
It felt, not good, but better to admit. Unfortunate that no one else seemed to take it well.
Lucifer was gripping their thigh tightly, an abnormally distressed look usually reserved for the worst of their families rampages. Diavolo had taken their hand, and was leaning far enough across the table it had begun to lean. Barbatos' smile had dropped alongside the cracks beginning to appear in the pretty little teapot, painted flowers splintering under the weight of his grip.
"I believe I should see you to the Young Lord's guest room, little lamb." The teapot was set down, and quicker than they could see, Barbatos was offering a hand at their side. Taking their hand as the other two released them, Barbatos quickly escorted them out, leaving Lucifer and Diavolo behind with the broken teapot, now cold.
The two quietly looked to each other, grim and considering and ever too nonchalant.
"Solomon was once mortal too."
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cipheramnesia · 6 months ago
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Part 2: The Lonely Extermination of Athena Six
Awhile after Dr. Stevenson left, and after Dr. White's visits were rarely more often than once or twice in a month, Athena began to notice the iron cage. It grew very slowly between the earth and the sky, deep shadow bars tinting narrow strips of the world. The first ones she saw were in the sky, on a day where she could feel the sun inside her room. She felt the slim bands connect to each other overhead.
The small transistor radio at the nurse station had a square of dark bands around it. Dark lines grew from light fixtures and intercom speakers. While she sat with an orderly doing a geometry workbook that Dr. White was supposed to supervise, Athena noticed dark lines on the overhead fluorescent lights. The orderly said it was okay for her to go back to her room and read, so she sat at her desk to re-read a set of old fantasy novels. They were about a prince who was always beset by tragedy and sickness. Now matter how much good he tried to accomplish, he always hurt someone important. In some of the stories he traveled to other versions of his story and met happier versions of himself, or sometimes sadder versions, but mostly happier. Athena thought there were probably happier versions of herself somewhere.
The dark bands grew and crossed and multiplied. The more of the bands she could see, the harder it became for her to find the dancing light. She wasn't supposed to make the light dance anymore since Dr. Stevenson's accident, and the times the orderlies caught her, they stuck a needle in her and she fell asleep right away. That was also okay, but the lights made her happy, so she played with tiny sparks against her wall, too tiny for the camera in her room to see. Except with the dark bands the lights were harder to coax put and she was usually exhausted after trying.
Eventually the grid of darkness covered the sky in its iron cage. She only sometimes saw little dark smears from the radio or people's eyes sometimes. No one else noticed the grid, but she could tell because her thread was less bright and the omnipresent iron bars were visible through the walls and ceiling. She wished she could take them down and so she practiced more and more to control her lights. They were still waiting for her, only a little more out of reach, but she got stronger and reached further every day.
A little while after the grid was in place, Dr. White visited her. He was always very nice, but Athena noticed he didn't listen very much to what she talked about. He seemed to care more about if the orderlies and nurses liked him, but she could tell they didn't anyway. He opened up a box and laid two flat rectangles of woven metal on the table, then pulled his hands away quickly. Athena noticed he always did that.
"Athena, for the next few weeks we're going to try some new games and I think you'll like them very much." He gestured at the smaller, darker screen. "Closers call this a spark buffer, do you know about them?" He kept his arms close to his body, she shook her head for no. "It's okay, not a lot of people do." He gestured at the larger screen, with shiny metal weaving, and some kind of stone under it. "This is possibly a new prototype, and I hope you can help me make sure it works right."
Athena looked blank. "I don't know how... how it works."
"Don't worry," he laughed the fake laugh a little. "All I need is for you to make the dancing lights, and make them touch the buffer."
"The cage makes it hard," she said. "Can we go somewhere out of the cage?"
"Cage? What... I'm not sure what you mean."
Athena just shook her head and Dr. White slotted the new buffer into a small box. He stood up and took several steps back, suggesting Athena begin, so she did.
It was harder than ever before but eventually a flicker of light danced in her palm for an instant. Then there came a spark out of the buffer like a mosquitos into a bug zapper, and her light blinked out. She jerked back her hands as well, feeling a sharp stab of pain at her fingertips.
Dr. White wrote notes and she sucked her fingertips because they hurt. He said "Okay, let's repeat it and then try the other one."
Athena wished Dr. White would go away again.
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clanwarrior-tumbly · 1 year ago
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Could I request a reader who has an espathra. Espathra is from Reader's grandma who used to be a model and singer. Espathra is walks like a diva but is an absolute sweetheart. Reader joined the academy as a student and told the trio (Arven, Nemona and Penny) the reason why I joined the academy was because I never liked those private schools as I was always bored and hated dealing with the others as the students tend to annoy reader or be mean.
Arven
Tbh when he first saw your Espathra strutting down the streets of Mesagoza, he rolled his eyes.
He's well aware of how sassy and aggressive wild ones can be, but he assumes that even those tamed by trainers aren't any different (and sometimes a Pokémon's personality can rub off on them, too).
Once he gets to really know you both, though, he quickly realizes how friendly your Espathra is around people--even Mabosstiff.
Ofc they're still sassy, although they don't have a single mean bone in their body and don't try to reach across the table to steal his sandwich ingredients.
During lunch, you share how they once belonged to your grandma--who used to be a famous model and singer until she retired, deciding to leave her treasured partner in your care.
Arven never watched much TV growing up, so he never saw her performances. He just shrugs and says "that's kinda cool, little buddy."
But he grows concerned when a random kid intrudes on your picnic, asking about your grandma and wanting to pet the Espathra.
Suddenly the psychic type makes them shut up by immobilizing them on the spot....as he sits there wondering why tf you allowed them to do that.
You explain that's exactly why you transferred schools--specifically from a private one in another region to the Academy here in Paldea.
The students there kept bugging you, asking for your grandma's autograph and getting angry when you refused to take something they wanted her to sign or deliver fan mail as though you're some messenger Noctowl.
In short, they only ever talked to you if they wanted to contact her...and that made you feel quite bored and lonely, never gaining any real friends.
Luckily, Arven was already your friend long before he knew any of this.
He can definitely empathize with people constantly bothering him because of his connection to his "famous" parents.
Nemona
Not only has she obsessively watched the gym leaders' battles on TV, she also followed each of their social media accounts for years.
And on Tulip's page, she discovers that both her and your grandma did a collab for a new makeup brand inspired by their Espathras.
At the time, she didn't know you at all, but after hearing your last name and seeing your main partner Pokémon--she pulls you aside after class, eyes sparkling.
"So [y/n]..you're related to THE-?"
"Yes." You brush her hand off your shoulder, already knowing where this was going. "If you want an autograph, go to her retirement home and ask for her. I'm not your messenger."
You storm off, your Espathra giving Nemona a soft apologetic look, before they follow you, hair swishing gracefully.
However being the stubborn girl that she is....she eventually catches up to you, huffing and puffing and apologizing endlessly.
All she wanted was a simple battle with your Espathra (she almost called it your grandma's Espathra but quickly corrected herself--something you appreciated her doing).
It takes you by surprise, but you listen to her wishes and end up defeating her final Pokémon with a brilliant Lumina Crash that lit up the night sky.
After the battle's won, you explain that her attitude when you first met reminded you of the kids who bothered you back at your old school--which became the reason you transferred to Paldea to begin with.
You found her annoying.
Now? She was slightly less annoying since she genuinely wanted to befriend you, and not because you're related to a retired celebrity.
Penny
Team Star's had their fair share of feisty Flittles invading their outposts, always having to chase them out or risk being attacked just for gathering berries for their Pokémon.
Arceus forbid an outbreak of Flittle ever happened...
Because of that, Penny's always been skeptical around that evolution line, convinced that most Espathras are hostile.
The ones down in Area Zero's caverns especially made her nervous.
However, yours is a special case as they showed no aggression towards her, Arven, or Nemona.
You really owe it all to your grandma, mentioning how your Espathra used to be her partner in concerts and modeling for magazines.
They enjoyed being by her side and were content with retiring to Paldea after she ended her career on a high note.
She always talked about how they've adored singing since they were a little Flittle, and that they inspired her to keep going whenever she felt overwhelmed by the paparazzi and self-doubt.
How you wish you had her confidence at the private school you used to attend...but it became too much to handle after so many kids annoyed you simply because you're related to her.
You begged to be transferred out of there--for your sanity and for Espathra's, too.
After telling Penny all these stories, she definitely sees a different side to the Flittle line now, realizing that maybe not all of them are aggressive sassy berry thieves.
But when a grunt comes over (only overhearing that you're related to somebody they used to watch on TV all the time), Espathra just immobilizes them on the spot.
It frightens Penny, but the ostrich just smiles calmly at her.
You laugh and pet their beak, reassuring her it's nothing to be scared of--that kid simply won't remember ever asking you for your grandma's autograph.
From there on, she sends a message to all of Team Star not to make the same mistake that grunt did.
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horizon-verizon · 1 month ago
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People who see the dragons as nukes who must die are completely misinterpreting the story. Let’s apply this analysis to the books though. Does Daenerys receive 3 deactivated nukes as a gift in her wedding day ? Does she press a nuke against her pregnant belly and the chemicals inside of it reach out to her unborn child ? Does she lay 3 nukes in her husband’s funeral pyre to honor him ? Does she lovingly hold and breastfeed 3 nukes ? Does Jon Snow wish that he had a nuke to fight off the freezing cold ? Does Arya consider nukes to be her friends ? Does young Tyrion beg his uncles for a nuke so he can be less lonely ?
Dragons aren’t single purpose objects, they’re living, thinking, breathing creatures, and Daenerys specifically views them as such, she literally thinks of them as her children. Historically, the dragons were essentially enslaved by the blood bond and the problem was that they were used by people who viewed them as weapons first and foremost. Daenerys (a character who is extremely invested in liberation by the way) being mother of dragons, specifically, as in giving them life and literally nursing them herself, is meant to show how her relationship to the dragons is unique from her ancestors. They aren’t just a bunch of flying weapons to her.
Dragons are the living embodiment of a primordial natural magical force (fire), and their extinction was caused by misogyny, human ambition, greed, and by people in the story doing exactly what the “dragons are nukes” crowd does, which is look at them as just Big Weapon (e.g. Aemond and Daeron), and said extinction is heavily implied to be the reason winters are getting harsher (“the summers have been shorter since the last dragon died, and the winters longer and crueler”, “the real enemy is the cold”).  Calling them nuclear weapons is wayyyy missing the point. It was the greater Valyrian sin of trying to control and dominate nature/magic and bend it to their whims that lead to chaos (hello The Doom and hello Valyria Fanboy Euron), which manifested in the dragon lords like the Targaryens as them controlling dragons, but “dragons are nukes” flattens the theme and misses the forest for the trees, and it’s why you get absolutely mind numbing takes like “yeah George brought back the dragons after centuries of extinction just to kill them all off again after two years in existence because Magic Bad”.
I talked about dragons, their symbolism, etc. HERE.
George at one point did compare dragons to nuclear "deterrents" when he speaks about Dany being the most powerful person in the world in 🔗a Vulture article:
When civilizations clash in your books, instead of Guns, Germs, and Steel, maybe it's more like Dragons, Magic, and Steel (and also Germs). There is magic in my universe, but it's pretty low magic compared to other fantasies. Dragons are the nuclear deterrent, and only Dany has them, which in some ways makes her the most powerful person in the world. But is that sufficient? These are the kind of issues I'm trying to explore. The United States right now has the ability to destroy the world with our nuclear arsenal, but that doesn't mean we can achieve specific geopolitical goals. Power is more subtle than that. You can have the power to destroy, but it doesn't give you the power to reform, or improve, or build.
and GRRM does bring it up to express that dragons are so destructive that one can't use their fire for everything, for every problem when it might spell so much disaster. I think you can use dragons more often if the situation will not spiral out of control--Dragonfire does not persist when one attempts to put it out (like with wildfyre) so its destructiveness is not in the exact same scope or horror as a radioactive nuclear missile that can leave behind radiation/devastation for years afterward...nor does it have the sort of reach these modern weapons have.
Dragonfire remains relatively within tighter confines of its targets unless you got really dry ground and don't put it out in time. The reason why dragonfire is compared to nuclear warfare is because like nuclear weapons now in the real digital-age, modern world, for the world it exists in dragonfire is the most powerful possible weapon of war.
It's about how Dany or anyone uses and regards dragons and others' own conceptions of magic and strength/danger that will make/break how they will perceive dragons. Not that dragons are innately evil; you sound like an overly superstitious and hypocritical Seven septon/over zealous Christian that way.
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nanowrimo · 1 year ago
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Pro Tips from a NaNo Coach: How to Write a Clean(ish) Fast Draft
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NaNoWriMo can seem like a daunting task sometimes, for NaNo newbies and veterans alike. Fortunately, our NaNo Coaches are here to help guide you through November! Today, author Jesse Q. Sutanto is here to share her advice on how to set yourself up for noveling success:
Dear Nano-ers,
My first book took me three years to cobble together. During that time, I joined Absolute Write—a free writers forum which I completely love and recommend to all aspiring writers—and I made a friend who convinced me to try doing NaNoWriMo. I was completely unconvinced, but I am a people-pleaser and I can never say no, so I agreed to try it for my second novel.
My second novel took me less than a month to write. It was a complete mess, but it was also a revelation. Often, I felt myself falling into that writing Holy Grail—the hole which consumes you, makes you forget the rest of the world, and absorbs you completely in the world you are creating on paper. I loved the process deeply, and never looked back since. All of my subsequent books have since been written in a matter of months. 
And you know what? They were all a horrific mess. I did not learn how to do a clean and fast draft until my NINTH book, and I don’t think I would’ve ever learnt without the help of NaNoWriMo. So here are my tips on how to best tackle a sprint-a-thon like NaNo. 
1. Try to come up with a loose outline.
When I first started writing, I was a pure pantser. I had no idea what was going to happen before I sat down to write. This is a completely legit way of writing, but I have since learned that it is massively helpful to have an idea, even a vague one, of what you are trying to say with your book. What was really helpful for me was to sit down for just five minutes before writing each scene and try to envision what I wanted the scene to achieve. Once I had that in mind, the scene became much easier to write. 
2. Break down your writing time.
Ever heard of the Pomodoro technique? In order to hit 50,000 words a month, you need to write around 1,600 words a day. That is a heck of a lot of words to write! Break it down. Set 10 or 15-minute timers and use that to your advantage. Trust me, if you told me to sit down and write 1,600 words, I would be like, “Omg that’s too much!” But if you told me to just write for 15 minutes, that feels a lot more doable. 
3. Give yourself permission to write trash.
Before each writing session, I actually say out loud: “I am going to write trash.” And this gives me permission to write whatever comes to my mind without judgment. You can always edit later, but for now, focus on letting the words out on paper. 
4. Lean on others for support.
I made the mistake of thinking that writing is a lonely vocation. In fact, it is one of the most social things I could do. Social media, while a double-edged sword, has done so much for the writing community. I have found all of my close writer friends through social media, and I chat with them every day and consider them my close, lifelong friends. Don’t be afraid to reach out and make connections within the community. You are not alone. 
Jesse Q. Sutanto is the award-winning, bestselling author of Dial A for Aunties, Vera Wong’s Unsolicited Advice for Murderers, Well, That Was Unexpected, The Obsession, and Theo Tan and the Fox Spirit. The film rights to her women’s fiction, Dial A for Aunties, was bought by Netflix in a competitive bidding war, and the TV rights to Vera Wong was bought by Warner Bros, with Oprah and Mindy Kaling attached to produce. She has a master’s degree in creative writing from Oxford University, though she hasn’t found a way of saying that without sounding obnoxious.
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lolishdes · 1 year ago
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❝Serendipity❞ || Diluc x Reader
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✧A/N: Guys I wanted to write about older Reader and older Diluc, can you even blame me? Also, think of this as a palate cleanser after my previous work hehe
Sorry this took a while, the week has been busy and I had to put so much thought for this fic, wanted this to be great for you guys!
✧Warning/s: Smut
✧Synopsis: One night stands were supposed to only last for one night, that's why they're called that! But how is it you find yourself in a tricky situation as you find out that your one night stand happens to be your business partner too! 
✧Word Count: 5.4k words
Minors kindly don't interact!
Oh how you wish the ground would just swallow you whole at this very moment.
There are things you expected for this day to go, that your time in Mondstadt would be a fruitful one or perhaps it would be an utter disappointment. However none of those expectations included seeing the man who just had a one night stand right in front of you and is about to make a business partnership with you! 
“It's a pleasure to see you, Miss Y/N."
–––––––––
For most of your life as an adult you've spent your time focusing on your business. It was something you were determined to succeed in. Especially being born in the desert, there was only so much opportunity for you out there. So you worked hard for it all,  but such passions have their own sacrifices and setbacks. You have secured yourself financially and you do uphold good relationships with friends and family. However such good relationships are unsuccessful when it comes to your dating life. 
Back then you were dead set in solidifying your business, long hours in the office and sleepless nights. And this not only affected you but also the person you were dating, they said that there seems to be no place for them in your life. So time and time again, lover after lover, they all eventually left. 
After some time you realized that romantic relationships are simply not for you. You suppose it's for the best, this way no one gets hurt but yourself as you sink into that lonely feeling. 
Now that you're in your 40s there have been less people trying to approach you with romantic intent. Maybe it's because society has labeled you as some sort of ‘old hag’, someone who has already reached their ‘expiration date’ or something offensive like that. But that doesn't bother you that much, as you mature you realize that it's best to just enjoy the moment, to have fun one night stands with attractive strangers– so that for at least one night you'll feel the arms of another. 
Currently you are celebrating in Lambad’s Tavern with a few friends as you have just recently successfully launched a new branch in Inazuma City. Quite proud that your spice business has been growing especially fast– and soon it would reach Mondstadt’s lands since you also bagged yourself a potential business partner!
“A toast to our amazing friend, Y/N!” The clinking of glass and loud ‘Cheers’ Can be heard all around the table. You felt shy by their enthusiasm, it was so sweet that they're doing this for you. Kaveh takes a sip of his wine before speaking to you. “Honestly Y/n you're on a roll right now.” You laugh at that. “What's that supposed to mean?” “Oh come on! It's not easy to pull off a place there in Inazuma. They are way too strict with their transactions! And here you are settling one of your branches in Inazuma City no less.”
You playfully rolled your eyes. “You're making it sound like it was easy for me, I can assure you it wasn't. It was kind of a nightmare actually.” you sigh just thinking back at the months you've spent there in Inazuma, getting papers approved and other transactions necessary before you were given the go sign to start building the branch. 
Dehya took a swing of her drink and had a teasing smile on her face. “As if it wasn't obvious already, I will never forget that day you returned to Sumeru with the most god awful eye bags and ran into a pole on your way haha!” Deyha laughed out loud and you could only groan at the memory.
As if the fatigue from work wasn't enough already, the ride home was so rocky with the most atrocious weather to boot that it had your head spinning. Dehya was the first one to meet you once you docked at Port Ormos, she waved a hand at you when she saw your board down the ship. As you waved back at her you excitedly ran to her, you seemed to miss the light pole right in front of you. Dehya will never let you forget that day. 
“Yeah yeah whatever! Gods are you annoying.” Dehya lets out another laugh. After Nilou took a bite of her Samosa she looked at you with slight concern. “But about your health, I hope you did get the proper sleep you needed once you got home” You gave her a reassuring smile. “Of course I did, and anyways It wasn't a total nightmare there in Inazuma. After getting the go sign we went straight to building. There weren't any big problems along the way. Maybe because of a certain architect and his genius consultations and design.” You wink towards Kaveh’s direction. He left out a ‘pfft’ in disbelief by the compliment.
“Uh excuse me, the conversation was not about me, why don't we go back to running into poles or whatever.” Kaveh waved his hand in a dismissive way while taking a sip of his wine. A series of laughs follows and you just sit their mouth open and a hand to your chest, as if wounded by his diversion back to the embarrassing memory. 
By the corner of the tavern a certain gentleman had his eyes on you, his eyes glued to your direction even as the blue haired man in front of him kept yapping about how exquisite the wine was. “ It seems that you've mellowed down, Diluc.” Kaeya teases his brother as Diluc shifts his gaze away from you. “And what is that supposed to mean exactly?”
Kaeya grins towards his brother. “Oh nothing, it's just that you've never openly expressed such interest towards other ladies before. Look at you now, enchanted by her like a moth to a flame~” Kaeya turns behind him and stares at you. You continue to laugh with your friends, never noticing the two gentlemen. 
“Why don't you speak to the lovely lady when you have the chance, yeah? After all, we will be off to Mondstadt by tomorrow evening.”
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By the end of the night you all had your fill of wine and food. As per usual Kaveh drank way past his limit, he even started mumbling gibberish while he walked as if he had two left feet. Nilou and Dehya insisted on being in charge of taking Kaveh back home, saying something in the lines of it was their duty at this point to drag him back to Al Haitham. As you waved goodbye to your friends, with Kaveh in the middle and his hands on both Dehya and Nilou’s shoulders, he lifted his head up and said his goodbye to you, his words slurred. 
You giggled at the sight and watched as they slowly walked away farther from you and the tavern. Once they were completely gone you sighed in contentment and turned behind you where the scenery of the forest was. It was already late at night so the streets weren't full of people anymore, but that's good since all you want right now is to bask in the ambiance. Shops were already closing up, boats docked as they sway lighty to the wind, and the stars seem to shine brighter than usual. 
Back when you were younger you would have never imagined seeing such a beautiful sight, thinking that only the familiar sight of sand would greet you everyday of your life. By the distance you see a couple walking together by the dock, they seem helpless in love, as if too busy in their own worlds to bother with anything else. A twinge of envy rises within you, but you try your best to push it away. After all, who would want that? Haven't you learned your lesson already, that kind of relationship just isn't for you…
“It really is beautiful here, isn't it?” 
Tall, dark, and handsome was not what you expected when you turned your head. The man has the most gorgeous pair of eyes, his tied up hair cascading elegantly down his back, a stubble adorned his face, while his posture held confidence. He looked like he was around your age. His eyes never left the scenery even when you looked at him, you simply smiled politely as you gazed back at the scenery. “Yeah it really is, I love Sumeru especially at this hour.” The wind was slowly picking up, making your hair sway with the wind.
The gentleman turns to you with a pleasant smile, he reaches out his gloved hand towards you. “Diluc, and you are?” ‘Diluc’? Huh, familiarity rings at the name. You reached your hand out as well and shook hands with Diluc. “Y/N, a pleasure to know you're at least not impolite.” You jest at him, he chuckles in response. “Well, I do hope I maintain a good impression.” “Oh? And why is that?” “Well…” He trails off his sentence and brings your hand close to his lips, he gives your hand a light kiss. His red eyes shifted towards you. “Let's say I simply want to enchant this one lady that has caught my eye.” 
Heat starts to slowly creep into your cheeks while a tingling sensation can be felt all throughout your hand, the hand that Diluc so delicately kissed. 
Just then a couple started running past both of you and you immediately removed yourselves from another. You looked away from one another in embarrassment and behind both of you heard the couple passing by. “Come on! The theater is at its high right now, we can't miss it!” “Haha right behind you dear!” as their footsteps and voices faded farther Diluc and you just stood there in silence, a little embarrassed and unsure. 
Just then an idea and just a bit of courage emerged within you. “Say, would you mind accompanying me to Zubayr Theater?” You were a bit hesitant to ask him, but for some reason there was just something pushing you to spend a little more time with Diluc. The red head seems to light this idea and his eyes shine a little. He offers his arm to you, to hook your arm with his. “Shall we?” You are more than happy to take the offer as you wrap your arm with his, the familiar warmth coming back to you again. 
As you both entered Zubayr Theater, you were greeted with colorful lights and laughter all around. Children and elderly alike were dancing and feasting on delicacies. And by the huge stage was a band that was playing all sorts of instruments while they maintained a lively beat that people can dance to. You begin to have a rush of excitement and unbeknownst to you, Diluc can see your eyes sparkling in elation. He directed his hand to the center where the people were dancing. “Would you care for a dance?” You looked at him. “You know Sumeru dances?” “Well, it's only due to a certain dancer that I learned how to conduct these dances. So, shall we?” Without hesitation you nodded enthusiastically and pulled Diluc to dance. 
And he stays true to his word, he dances to the beat of the music and syncs with you perfectly. As he twirls you around you can't help but be a little more charmed by this man, your hands were on one another for many hours as you both laughed heartily. This feeling of excitement and joy towards an individual was one you haven't felt in a while...it felt so foreign, yet not unwelcomed. Usually you'd spend your time like this towards someone you considered as your lover, and yet here you are treating this complete stranger with your guard down. 
After some dancing you enjoyed some snacks at nearby stalls, while eating you both converse a little more, telling some stories any of you may have. You found out that Diluc is from Mondstadt and back in his younger days he used to be in the Knights of Favonious as a Cavalry Captain. And you on the other hand told tales of your childhood back in the desert and some trials you have faced. While speaking you didn't notice the way Diluc would look and listen to you attentively, making sure that while you speak he has his full attention on you. 
There were even stalls nearby with fun games, Diluc was exceptionally good when it came to darts, he was able to hit the target successfully and gave you the prize which is a cute Aranara plushie.
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At some point you found yourselves back at the docks of Sumeru City. Both of you sat on the wooden planks while you removed your shoes, dunking your feet in the water. Only the sounds of buzzing from insects can be heard as you and Diluc bask in the comforting silence and the presence of one another. There were smiles on both of your faces, you were playing with the water beneath you, lightly splashing the water around. 
Diluc looked at you tenderly, he thought you looked absolutely beautiful at this moment. The way the wind catches your hair, the lovely smile you wore, and how the moonlight seems to accentuate your features. He is completely captivated by you. It was only you and him at that moment, hearts pounding within in anticipation. 
“About what you said a while ago…” You start as Diluc looks at you. “Which part? I believe I said too many things during our time together.” He chuckles. “About being interested in me, I don't think you should waste anymore energy on me.” “And who said anything about this being a waste of energy?” He was quick to reply back but you only looked down at your hands. You smiled bitterly. “I’m sure there are many beautiful young ladies out there worth your while.” “Well I have the perfect candidate right here.” “I’m not young, Diluc.” 
“But you are beautiful.” 
Words seem to be stuck in your throat after he said that. It was unfair that he was saying all this, making you feel happy and special and for what? The night will only end in one way and after that you'll forget the other even existed. That's how it's always been. But unlike the others they never gave so much of their time to you, to actually get to know more about you…
“And I don't mean beautiful as in your looks only, but also your laugh…” He trails off, his hand inching closer to yours. “...your smile, and most importantly your utmost determination towards a better life despite the odds being against you. I really respect that about you.” He was only an inch away from touching your finger tips when suddenly the wind picked up. 
The night was already cold but the wind made it even colder, you start to rub your shoulders to ease the chilly air. Diluc sees this and starts taking his thick coat off. “Ah, there's no need—” “Please, take it.” You were a bit reluctant but nodded anyways, Diluc proceeded to drape his coat around your shoulder. You held the coat closer to your body, not only do you feel warmer now but the strong scent of the gentleman enters your senses. It felt somewhat comforting for some reason, you can smell hints of oak and vanilla. 
You looked at Diluc and was about to thank him, however words left your mouth when you saw Diluc was already looking right at you. Your faces were practically inches away from one another, noses almost touching. You could feel your heartbeat start to quicken from the anticipation. Diluc observes your face a little more, checking to see if this was okay for you, if in any way there was a reason that he should be falling back right now and apologize– but no, there wasn't. You seem to want him just as much as he wants you. 
Slowly he inches closer to you, the tips of your lips practically feeling the heat already. And as he closes the distance between you two, you finally share a tender kiss. You both close your eyes basking in the warmth of the other's lips. His left hand found itself cupping your cheek, deepening the kiss a little more. Your heart leaps in joy and even though you already had a coat on, you could practically feel the goosebumps all over your body. 
As you both pulled away you were left breathless, you rested your head on his shoulder to catch your breath. You both giggle at this, probably from embarrassment, but mostly due to the butterflies forming in your stomachs. Diluc looks at you softly, but a hint of nervousness was present. 
“Say, would…would you mind accompanying me a little longer tonight?”
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The way to Diluc’s room was a bit of a blur, all you remember was how fast you two were walking while his hand was on yours. While walking your hearts kept pounding, the anticipation was tortuous but eventually you both arrived inside. Usually you weren't this…nervous? When it comes to having sex with someone, usually it's all hot and heavy and clothes are dropped in a snap. But this time you were slow as you walked in and shook your shoes off.
Diluc was just behind you as he closed the door. Inside the room most of the lights were turned off, only the dimmed lights of some laps were providing you with light. But that only adds to the atmosphere. You were about to take the coat off your shoulders but Diluc got his hands on it first. Neither of you spoke, but there was no need for that really considering that the heavy tension did all the talking. 
He took the coat off and dropped it on the floor, his hands slowly roam down to your hips, taking in every beautiful curve of your body. While his lips found themselves on your neck, kissing and teasing them oh so gently. It was a little agonizing with the pacing that he had chosen, you were getting hotter by the second.  “Diluc what–” “Shh let me take care of you, please?” His voice was low yet tender, you could only nod and let him do what he wanted. 
After he is done teasing he leads you to the bedroom, gently dragging you to the soft sheets of the bed. He entered the room first and sat on the bed, his legs spread a little wider while you stood up and looked down at him. He smiles and pats his thighs, asking for you to take a seat. “Come here, darling.” You compiled and sat on him while facing him.
Despite the lack of light, the moonlight creeping through the curtains does well to highlight Diluc’s features. He had a few wrinkles under his eyes, showing his age. Your hands land on Diluc’s face to swipe away some strands of hair away from his face, while you're doing this Diluc just observes you, enjoying the fact that you're taking in every detail of his face. 
“Hmm is there something you're trying to find on my face?” He chuckles when you slowly back off from his face. “It's just that… you're really attractive.” You start removing your top, unbuttoning the buttons before dropping it on the floor, leaving you only with your bra. “You think so? I can say the same thing about you, especially…” He grabs a hold of your thighs and puts you down on the bed. “When youre right here in my arms~” Diluc smirks above you and adjusts your legs, keeping them at each side of his hips.
You grind yourself on him, you can feel some hardness down there. Diluc lets out a groan and proceeds to kiss down to your almost bare chest. He unclasps your bra to suckle on your nipples, he teases one of them with his lips while the other is being pinched and rubbed. You pant as a response and grab onto his hair, this made Diluc groan, he seems to enjoy his hair being touched. 
He then travels down your body, the tip of his nose slides lower while you can feel his hot breath on your skin. He stops just above your hips, you were about to unzip your shorts, however Diluc stops you before you could sit up.
“I insist.” He says in a deep voice as he bites the zipper between his teeth and zips it down, he then completely removes your shorts off you to reveal your panties. Without a care he discards it on the floor before diving in to press his nose on your puffy pussy lips. He can feel your wetness even through the thin fabric. You can feel his hot breath and the stimulation of his nose, you whine out. “Luc, stop teasing.” He hums at your complaint, the vibrations of his voice stimulating you more. He hooks your panties and removes them to expose your pretty pussy.
It wasn't quite wet yet and Diluc is still left unsatisfied. But that's alright, he simply dived down and started eating you out like a starved man. At first he starts licking you, making sure to tease and prod every part that his tongue can reach, then after that he begins to suck on your clit, earning a whine out of you. His hands grip both your thighs, making sure that they spread wide since you end up unconsciously closing your legs.
Your moans and whines are delicious, your hands are on his hair and fisting him, holding on for dear support from the delirious pleasure. Just seeing the way you feel good makes his cock hard, yet despite the unattended hard on between his legs he does not touch himself just yet. How could he? He's way too busy pleasuring you to even think of himself. He needs to see and hear more of you.
The pleasure only increases from there when you feel a finger enter you. “Oh archons Diluc!” Your back arched a bit from the sudden intrusion. Diluc kept going with both his mouth and fingers teasing your cunny. If that wasn't already enough You could hear Diluc groaning and moaning from below, he seems to be hot and bothered just like you. "That's enough Luc, come here, please…” And who was he to deny you really? 
He starts removing his own clothes, when he was left with only his boxers you could see the form of his cock. He starts pumping himself but then you sit up. “Wait, let me.” Diluc looks at you but compiles anyways, he removes his hand from his cock. You start spitting and licking your hand, making sure to put as much saliva as you can and start stroking him, as you do this Diluc’s breath hitches. With your free hand you cup it on his cheek and share a kiss with him, you could hear him softly moaning and groaning. 
With you stroking his cock and your luscious lips devouring him he can't help but feel oh so hot and bothered. He even believes that he could cum right here right now if you don't stop any moment from now. He pulls away first and rests his forehead with your, he was panting with his eyes closed. “Okay stop, any more and I just might cum–” He was interrupted when you pushed him down on the bed, with you straddling above him. Your hand travels down his beautiful body, your nails dragging down on his skin.
“Let me return the favor, yeah?”
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Usually after such a passionate night you would immediately leave early in the morning, to forget their faces and move on with life…However this time it's different, you can't help but look back at that one special night with Diluc. The sex was amazing of course, but was it wrong to have felt that it was more than just sex? Your head gets all scrambled up just thinking about the situation too much. It's been two weeks since then, you won't see him face any longer thus such an individual is out of your life. All that matters now is to meet and hopefully score a partnership with this wine tycoon from Mondstadt. 
“It's a pleasure to see you, Miss Y/N.” The redhead said before you, his eyes were cold and his form was towering over you. Beside you was the Cavalry Captain, the one that told you all about this partnership. “I’m so happy that you could come, Miss Y/N. This is the renowned Diluc Ragnvindr, owner of the Dawn Winery. He has anticipated your arrival!” 
You pray to any god out there that hears you to save you from this dreadful situation. You hesitantly reach out your hand towards Diluc, nervousness was evident on your face. “Mr. Ragnvindr a pleasure to meet you as well.” Diluc's eye didn’t leave you even as he shook hands with you. And although you want the ground to just swallow you whole right now, there's a sense of…happiness? Lighting up within you as felt Diluc’s touch. 
“Now, since the introductions are finished, my job here is done. I have more work to do back at headquarters, may the wind lead you to a prosperous partnership.” Oh gods no, please Kaeya stay! As the man walks away from you two, you're left alone with the Wine Tycoon. You swallowed the small bit of dread within you and acted accordingly, to pretend as if you've never met before, yeah! You're sure Diluc would do the same.
“Well then Mr. Ragnvindr shall we go straight to business?” “Ah yes of course, Miss Y/N. Kindly follow me.” Relief washes over you, this day should go smoothly. Just then Diluc offers you his arm. “Why don't we walk through these Grape Vines as we discuss, yes?” You looked down at his arm. “I would love that, however I can't possibly–” Suddenly he comes closer to your ear, the invisible barrier you had gone. He whispers “I insist.”
A chill runs down your spine. The memories of him between your legs flashes in your mind and your cheeks burn in embarrassment. You hesitate as you hook your arm with his, slowly you two walk along the beautifully grown grape vines. 
The fruits were lucious and some even ready for harvesting already, you look at your surroundings in amazement. For a brief moment you were distracted, Diluc was too as he watched your reaction. “Wow, I've never seen grape vines like these, they never looked so healthy and succulent!” Your hand touches a couple of grapes, inspecting its quality.
“Dawn Winery provides only the best quality for its customers.” Diluc responds right away, he too inspects the grapes around him, proud that he has amazed you, and to at least ease off your nervousness away. The last thing he wants is that look of uncomfortableness on your face  and to have your eye practically screaming for help. 
“Why?”
Both of you come to an abrupt stop. His eyes were looking at yours, a look of frustration and hurt mixed in his eyes. “Diluc I–” “I was worried about you.” You paused and looked down at your feet. Diluc looks at you and sighs. “I apologize, I just…the day you left, you didn't just leave my side but you also left with my heart.” Your heart beats faster hearing that. “I know we never discussed meeting each other in the near future, but I thought my intention towards you was clear. Not only that but how would I have known if you were alright? Did I hurt you anywhere or if you were okay mentally? ”
Your hand forms a fist as you clenched down hard. “You didn't have to worry all that, what we had was a simple one night stand Diluc.” “Was it really just that?” “Yes, it was. We left that room satisfied and that's all that matters.” “That's bullshit and you know it.” “It's not, and anyways why are we talking about this? None of this matters!” 
“Well it does to me!” You avoid his gaze, you can't look at them , you just can't. Because deep down you know that once you look back at his eyes you'll fall right back at this stupid spell he somehow put upon you.
“Look at me please.” When you looked as if you were not budging he steps closer to you, his gloved hand approaches your face as his index finger drags along your cheek tenderly. In a whisper he speaks. “Please look at me, darling.” He sounds so gentle, as if pleading for your attention.
You decide to give in, you can't just not look at him, right? After he asked so nicely too…but at the same time damn him for asking with that soft voice of his. You slowly tilt your head upwards and are met with that gentle smile of his, the same one he gave you before sharing your first kiss under the moonlight. 
“There she is.” You were left breathless as he rested his forehead on yours. Both of you closed your eyes , soaking in each other's presence, after weeks of not seeing each other, desperate for touch. “Gods I miss you so much and you don't know it…” Your heart gets a little wounded hearing that, he sounds so hurt…
“I'm so sorry ‘Luc.” Your hands found themselves on both sides of Diluc’s face, your thumbs rubbed on him in comfort. “I didn't mean to hurt you, truly. I was just unsure and…afraid? I can't quite understand myself, but all I know is that I don't want to be hurt anymore ‘Luc. Heh kind of ironic isn't it?” Diluc furrowed his eyebrows at that. “Well I’m not here to hurt you, please give me a chance…give us a chance.” His hands rest comfortably on your waists, but this just gives more proof on how compatible you two are. It just felt so right that he's here. 
You sigh before you smile back at Diluc and pounce toward him, you land your lips on his happily. This came as a surprise for Diluc, but it was a surprise  most welcome. He sighs from the kiss and wraps his arms on your waists tighter, keeping you as close as he can. 
–––––––––
“You know, I knew we would see each other again.” Diluc said as you both walked while holding hands. “Oh?...Wait, don't tell me you knew me from the start?” “What no! Honestly I didn't anticipate sleeping with a potential supplier and business partner haha!” Diluc laughs softly, the last thing he wanted was a sticky situation, and yet here he is. “Okay so how did you know about me?” “After you left that night, I tried finding you around Sumeru City and I had to find you fast since hours later I would need to leave and head back to Mondstadt.” 
You looked at him, tilting your head. “And? Did you find me..?” “Sadly no, however I did have your name investigated as soon as I settled down here.” You slapped Diluc’s shoulder playfully. “Ew you investigated me? Creep.” You laugh as he looks at you, as if offended. “Well excuse me that I couldn't find you, my mystery girl just suddenly disappeared without a trace after spending the most wonderful night with me!” “Okay you sap, what happened next?” Diluc simply smiles as he continues. 
“I brought it up to Kaeya and that bastard simply grinned, he told me that your business was the perfect candidate he deemed worthy for Dawn Winery. I never anticipated he chose you as Dawn Windery’s supplier, after all there were so many in Sumeru and not only that but Kaeya never revealed to me your name early on, he said to just trust his choices and forced me to drink with him…” 
“Huh a sly one that one is…but perhaps we should thank him?” “Perhaps, but first..” Diluc suddenly picks you up and carries you with both his arms. “We have some unfinished business, why don't we head inside Miss Y/N, hm?” 
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cherryrikis · 3 months ago
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ONE LESS LONELY GIRL - 009 ! 24/7 chemistry
PAIRING idols riki x fem reader
SYNOPSIS fans always point out the chemistry between you and riki, and it only continues to grow after you become mc’s together on music bank. but as your feelings rise, so does the tension. and people begin to notice, so you try not to let riki know how you feel. but unbeknownst to you, he feels entirely the same way.
previous <> masterlist <> next
a day had passed since the incident occurred, and you were dreading going to music bank today.
it wasnt that riki made you uncomfortable, because he never did. it was more about the fact that he was trying too hard and ended up physically hurting you. this made you realize you needed a bit more time away from him.
the two of you stood side by side on the stage, ready for the winners ceremony. typically, you and riki would be shoulder to shoulder, constantly meeting each others gaze. but the gap made between you both made it painfully obvious that there was something going on. for the entire day, even as you announced the winners, you never once looked at him.
but you could still feel how he looked at you.
“congratulations on your win! you guys did so great today.” you greeted saerom as the rest of the members followed her off stage.
“thank you so much y/n! im just, so happy right now.” saerom smiled, fanning her eyes to keep the tears from falling. she was still in shock from the win.
chaeyoung came up from behind her, with a big grin as she teased saerom for crying. “you’re such a baby. anyway, y/n! there’s my fave 05 liner. it’s so great to see you again. im really sorry about the dating scandal though.” she pouted.
“o-oh. it’s no problem, really.” you waved. “it’s great seeing you too!”
saerom was ready to speak up again, but she spotted riki who was slowly approaching from behind you. “well. it’s been lovely talking to you, but we should get going. thank you so much y/n!” she bowed before leaving, gesturing for chaeyoung to follow.
“he may be stupid, but he’s a keeper. make sure you don’t let that one go.” chaeyoung whispered as she not so discreetly pointed at riki before leaving.
he came up to you just as soon as the girls left. “talking about me, huh?” riki teased. “but, seriously. can we talk?”
you slightly moved your head to look at him, only to turn back around with a groan before continuing to walk away.
but he was persistent. you heard his footsteps, heavy against the floor as he sprinted towards you. “y/n? i’m sorry. i just miss you.” riki paused once he realized you had stopped moving.
“riki.” you sighed. “please, can you just give me some time? i miss you too, but i just need space. with everything going on, and yesterday being as embarrassing as it was, i think i just need a break.” you said apologetically as you looked into his doe eyes.
his hands reached for your own, holding them gently. “it’s alright. i’m so sorry, again. i’ll give you as much time as you need.” riki pouted. carefully, he leaned down to kiss your cheek before pulling away, walking back in the opposite direction.
you were left standing in the middle of the hallway, wondering if you made the right choice.
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TAGLIST (italics = couldnt be tagged) @hannicorpse @luvvhaerin @chaevibes @en-verse @ren2jay @choppedballoondetective @heartheejake @imanalien143 @istglevi-gotmesimping @yndairy @eleanorheartschishiya @lonelylandofan @gweoriz @jaemified @onlyhyunjin @softpia @frecklesbrownies @riksaes @wensurr @rikifordmiami @brideslit @ant-onie @yumilovesloona @aeminju @hoonics @catecita @clampclover @rei4sunoo @addictedtohobi @rikidaze @baekxo07 @xotyla @melancholy-z @rikisgeef @jung1w0n @tocupid @onlyseung @i03jae @iheartshopping @istphanie @queenriki7 @academiq @1117promises @nctislifue @haechansbbg @rairaiblog @nabia-bia @pkjay @lixiebokie @hiekoo @r1kizerr @d-dilemma @kingofthekards @iilwji @hoonatic @woorcve @enhaz1
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zedif-y · 1 year ago
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…Sometimes, Joel isn’t sure it’s worth it.
It being– well. Him. Which, bloody hell, that just sounds depressing, innit? He’s not– he’s fine, really, in all the ways that matter. Good looking, smart, humble. What’s not to love. He’s fine, great even, so there’s no need for any worrying. No need for that at all.
He just wonders, you know? Everyone does. (Probably.)
But also, he’s phrasing it weird. It’s not that he questions himself, it’s more like… Hm. 
Let’s use a metaphor, all smart-like. Joel thinks of himself as a lot of things: The howling, blood-hungry chase of wolves, the business end of a knife. That razor-sharp feeling of teeth sinking into flesh. A forest fire out of control.
(Yeah, yeah. He’s got issues, whatever.)
That’s not the point. The point is this:
Joel’s more of a hunter than the hunted. At least, that’s what he likes to think– don’t even argue. He knows he’s unhinged, revels in it, thrives in it. Hard to put out a fire without getting burned.
And that. That’s the thing.
Because Joel thinks that sometimes he burns too bright. Like a flame– no, like the sun. A point of pride on a good day, something to hide on the worse ones. Fire doesn’t get to keep things. It burns what it touches, spits out the remains. Charred and blackened and what-have-you.
The thing is he can’t make a home without smelling the faint scent of smoke, ash lingering in the air that makes him cough and wrinkle his nose. He builds a foundation, lays down the plans, thinking maybe, this time–
He’s always wrong. Stupid, stupid. He’s always blummin’ wrong.
The thing about Joel is he’s never held something that didn’t crumble into ash. The thing about Joel is that he doesn’t know when that’s gonna end.
So is it worth it, then? To be his? 
He knows the tight grip of loneliness, the heavy chains of solitude. He knows what it’s like to curl up on the floor with his dogs— don’t you dare laugh— his back screaming at him for the night spent on a cold floor. Loneliness is as familiar to him as bloodlust, but he’d rather rip out his teeth than admit it, swallow his own tongue.
(A thought comes, and it’s stupid– no, really. It’s stupid. Stop asking.)
(Why do people think the moon’s lonely? Joel wonders, a scowl on his lips. The moon’s got like, loads of friends. The stars are right there.)
(You get too close to the sun and your wings melt.)
(Joel tugs at a piece of loose string, and he thinks that maybe the sun just wants a friend.)
(…See, he told you it was stupid.)
Joel doesn’t want to be alone. Alone alone, not regular alone. Nobody does, okay? Sue him, it drove him mad.
Whatever. Whatever.
Joel doesn’t want to be alone, not again, not ever. But he gets close to people and it’s like he can just see them burn, wax pouring down their backs and plummeting to their deaths. He gets close, gets attached, and suddenly everything’s burning all over again, and all he can do is laugh and try to put it out as it sizzles at his fingertips.
Until everyone he loves is swallowed by the sea.
(Maybe a submarine, he thinks, eyes-wide and half-crazed. Maybe that’ll be safe, he should try that next game. He should.)
(Maybe’s better than nothing.)
So yeah, Joel wonders if it’s worth it, having anything at all. He wonders if it’s worth the effort, wonders if it’d hurt less to have nothing to lose– though he already knows the answer, and for goodness sake, he wishes it were different.
Joel sighs. This whole thinking thing is exhausting.
To be his is to burn. To reach out is to doom them. But Joel’s too selfish– too much, too bright, too hungry– not to do it anyway.
…Dammit, this got depressing anyway.
Joel swallows through the lump in his throat, and he reminds himself to breathe.
He’ll keep trying, is what he thinks in the end. He’ll keep trying. ‘Cuz what else can he do? Mope, cry about it? What other choice does he have?
Maybe one day he’ll make something, and he won’t have to see it be destroyed. Maybe one day he’ll go out peacefully.
Maybe one day people will stop making their wings out of stupid, meltable wax–
Yeah, okay. He’s getting sick of this metaphor too.
But like– he can’t help but think, you know, about that fall. About Icarus, and how he laughed as he fell into the sea. People say he was happy, even in the face of death, even as his wings burned and turned into soot.
A joy worth losing. A friend worth dying for. A home worth its destruction.
Tentatively, he lets himself think: That maybe, at the very least, that’s what it means to be his.
The thought makes him relax. (If only for now.)
…He hopes so. He really, really does.
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