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angellissy · 3 years

Note

Hey :) I’ve never requested anything before so I’m sorry if i do it wrong hahah

But could I request something where instead of ward faking his death it’s rafe who has to do it and none of the pouges know about your relationship until it’s you crying in the dock instead of Sarah. And when you and the piggies go on the “rescue” mission to get Sarah off of the boat you see rafe and eventually end up staying with him and leaving your friends

I’m sorry if this is really long xx thank you for taking the time to read my request

R E A C H I N G F O R T H E S U R F A C E

SEASON TWO SPOILERS!

rafe Cameron x Reader

warnings: angst with a big a, canon rafe (maybe a bit softer), toxic relationship, rafe playing the victim card, death and talks of suicide.

a/n: I feel like it is of importance that I tell you all that I have done everything in my power not to romanticize the rafe cameron character and if I have then please kindly let me know because sometimes it can be hard. However I still need to say that I am writing through the eyes of the “reader” who very much still cares for this boy, which also means that the way the reader deals with things might not have been your way. If any more warnings should be included in the beginning, feel free to let me know. I hope you enjoy this fic which I am actually very proud of. A big thanks to @snkkat who is my proof reading buddy. Also thanks for sending in the request, I LOVED writing it! <3

They say that when you die your life flashes before your eyes, but how about when you watch someone else die? For as you watched him die, the life and moments the two of you had shared flashed before your eyes like a string of reminders of a life and love lost. It felt as if there was no air for you to breathe, you weren’t even sure how long it had been since you managed to take a full breath. Your mind was running in circles, trying to grasp what had just occurred, replaying the scene over and over again until you were not even sure what reality you were in. With a hammering heart and a split soul, you were kneeling on the dock, just minutes after watching your first love take his own life. You could not even remember how you had gotten out here in the first place, you just wished that you would have stayed behind as all your friends rushed toward a disaster in waiting. Perhaps that would have spared you some of the heartbreak, spared you from hearing him scream that he loved you one last time, spared you from seeing his boat go up in flames. But no, you were sure that for as long as you lived, you would see that blazing inferno whenever you closed your eyes.

There were arms around you, an attempt to soothe your shaking body, it only made you feel more trapped in a memory you would never escape. Those arms lifted you up and suddenly you were walking, mixed in all the anger and sadness there was a surprise that your body was even able to function. It felt as if you were outside of your body watching everything occur, you watched as Kiara and JJ helped you sit down on a sofa and as they draped a blanket over your shoulders. You watched it unfold, but you couldn’t feel it and there was no way that you would be able to respond to their worried questions. Instead, you were stuck in a mind that replayed everything Rafe had ever said or done to you as if that somehow could manifest him back to life. That stuck-up boy with the golden hair had been your first boyfriend, complicated as the relationship may have been, it had been the first time you ever experienced something close to love. Just days ago you had stood before him, tears in your eyes and heart in your throat as you called the relationship off. For a very long time, he had not been the boy you fell for, but rather a ghost of who he once was. Where he had once been sweet and tender with you, there had only been cold stares and words sharp enough to cut through ice. You were not oblivious to the fact that he struggled with issues you could never comprehend, but you refused to be an accomplice in his undoing. Time after time you had tried to be the person he could cling to when the world sat heavily upon his shoulders, but you soon realized that love and affection could not solve all problems. Oh, and you had loved him so much that you would have done anything for him to smile at you the way he had when he uttered those big three words for the first time. He had watched you with eyes that held so much adoration that you thought that they would never dim, that they would shine brighter for each time his eyes found yours. But eventually, they had dulled, and so you had realized that you would not sacrifice yourself no matter how much you cared for him. It did not matter that you had called things off with him or that you had decided to leave him in order to save yourself, for the knowledge that he was actually gone made it feel like someone was clawing at your heart and trying to rip it apart. It felt like no time in the world would be able to heal the pain in your chest or dry the tears falling from your eyes.

Time was indeed a funny thing, how seconds turned into minutes and how then those minutes became hours. Hours that you spent reminiscing over a life you thought you had given up before it was lost forever. You clung to the memories of him as if they were the lifebuoy keeping an anchor from pulling you down in a sea made up of your own sorrow. You knew that you were staying in your own made-up memories of a relationship with more bad times than good, but a part of you felt that you could not grieve the person he had become. For he had been vile and horrid, and if you acknowledged that, you would feel guilty for the sadness overwhelming you. So yes, you stayed in your made-up reality and wept for the boy that could have been. As hours turned into days, your friends made every effort to comfort you and try to get you out of the room that had become your place of mourning. Their tries aggravated you, for they did not understand the feelings rushing through your body at such speed it made you lightheaded. Each one of them had hated Rafe Cameron with at least one bone in their body and you knew how some of them had looked the day he died as if they were content that he was finally gone. Relieved that he could no longer plague them with taunts and threats that might have become reality was it not for his passing. You might have understood this, had it not been for the grief and guilt plaguing every bone in your body.

As days turned into weeks, you eventually came to appreciate their efforts to help you. It was like your vision was starting to clear and you could finally start trying to live your life again, and the first step to doing that was always to surround yourself with people that made you roar with laughter. Their ventures to try and find the Cross of Santo Domingo, were helpful, to say the least. Those adventures were as distracting as they were terrifying since the outcome was never given. Your mixed friend group of pogues and kooks had actually found that damn cross as well. Who would have thought that a bunch of high school kids would be able to find a historic relic? The answer would have been no one, and that is why you don’t underestimate kids with no limits. The cross had been in your grasp until a greedy and manipulative Ward Cameron came along and grabbed it. Ever since that particular happening, things started going south fast and it all ended up with Sarah being kidnapped by her own guardians. It also ended up with the rest of you stowed away like cargo on the ship she was on. While John B and Pope carried out their plan to find Sarah and the famous cross, you, JJ, and Kie sweated from every pore as you waited to hear from them. You had zoned out, staring mindlessly into one of the walls of the container, in the background you could hear your two friends talk about their dreams for the future. Something about going on several surfing trips at various destinations with each other, and that part made your heart ache. Sure, after everything he had done, a future with Rafe had not been one of your dreams. Still, as you listened to your friends talk, you could only remember a time where he had been everything you wanted in life. You pressed your palms upon your face as if you somehow could force every memory of him to remain in that little part of your brain where you were hoping they would become forgotten. A loud clank dragged you out of your thoughts and you looked up just in time to see Pope and John B climb in through that small window opening, followed by a woman you had never ever seen. Shortly after that, problems started to arise and soon all of you were scrambling out of the container in hopes of not being detected by the workers on the boat. They were in obvious search of all of you, which made you sweat even more than you had done inside the container. All of you received different plans on how to tackle the situation, yours was to act as a lookout for John B as he searched for Sarah.

You followed him down to what you could only assume was the boiler room since steam was thick in the air and you took your place by the door as he ventured further down. His desperate cries for Sarah echoed through the room and you dearly wished for a response to be heard, but there was nothing except the sound of his shoes against the floor. Thump, thump, thump and then utter silence until John B utters a name that made it feel as if the floor was pulled away from under your feet.

“Rafe.”

One of your hands finds the doorframe, a poor attempt to steady yourself as you try to figure out if this is a trick played by your grieving mind. You take a few breaths and as the silence is once again interrupted by two raised voices, you follow John B’s path down into the room. The heart in your chest is beating so hard that it feels like you are going to throw up, and it only gets worse the nearer you come. At first, you only see your friend, but then you look past him

and

your

heart

stops.

Rafe Cameron had died in front of your very eyes, so either the gods were playing a nasty cruel joke or you had lost the battle with your mind. You shut your eyes just to open them again, and no matter how many times you did it, he still remained. What happened next was a bit peculiar to you, for weeks you had drowned in grief where sadness was the constant emotion, but as you looked him in the eye and saw that he was very much alive, rage and anger crushed into you with the force of a thousand waves. You stepped toward him, only for an arm to shoot out to stop you, and John B added to his gesture by saying “Don’t”. Laughter bubbled in your throat, for who was he to tell you what you could or could not say to your “dead” ex-boyfriend who seemed to never stop causing you grief.

“Find Sarah.” John B hesitated for a few moments before following your unspoken order to leave you and Rafe alone. It wasn’t surprising considering that his worry for Sarah would always overpower anything else. Once again you looked into Rafe’s blue eyes, remembering a time when you used to stare in them for so long you would see specks of green and grey. Had you searched for those colors now, you would probably have found them. However, you were trying to decipher whatever feeling that was shining in them, was it anger? No, his other features were too soft for that and the hand holding his weapon had gone slack as he watched you. Maybe it was relief? No that was not it either, for why would he be relieved to see you? You were not the one who had died and left the other behind. You stepped even closer to him, the simmering anger inside of your veins made your hands shake and he looked at them briefly as if he wanted to take them in his. Your hands clenched into fists and you watched as his shoulders dropped the tiniest bit, and suddenly you knew exactly what was shining in his eyes.

Love, and sadness. Your heart started to speed up again, and you knew that once you opened your mouth, the anger and grief that had become part of you, would tumble out in words that you would never be able to take back. But he had done something much worse, so he would listen, you would make sure of it. Your lips parted slightly and he must have seen it for his words came first.

“I- fuck I am sorry okay? But I had to do it, you wouldn’t understand but I had to do it, it was the best for everyone.” As he says this you can’t help the sound that slips through your lips, it was supposed to be a laugh but it sounds more like a sob. His eyes flicker between you and everything else in the room as if there was anything in here that could save him for this conversation. You move your hands toward your chest and his eyes watch as you press them hard against your chest, against the heart that won’t stop breaking.

“Best for everyone?” Your voice is the combination of a whisper and a ragged breath “Did you have my best interest in mind when you let me believe you had blown yourself up?” He winces and makes an attempt to say something but you hold up a hand to stop him. “Did it ever occur to you how your little stunt would affect the one person who still, despite everything, loved you?” This time, your voice has started to rise towards something like a scream, and how could you not scream when there is so much sadness inside of you that it felt like just looking at him would turn your body into a pool of water.

“You broke up with me, so don’t start acting like a victim where you aren’t one.” His features are starting to morph into those he carries when anger overcomes him, but you will not back away from this. Your hands are in your hair, pulling at it as if that would help you make sense of this situation. “You broke my heart long before I broke yours.” You can’t help the way your voice breaks or the tears that start falling from your eyes.“You needed and still need help and until you receive that help, you are prone to hurt anyone in your vicinity.” Now it is his turn to drag his hands through his hair and his breaths come faster and faster until you realize that he is starting to hyperventilate. He sinks to the floor and you follow, not sure how to help when it feels like his state is mirroring your own. With cautious movements, you place your hands on his shoulders, and the shaking of his body sends trembles throughout yours. For a while nothing happens, you just sit there with your hands on his body and watch him fall apart. Perhaps you should have been glad that he was suffering, after everything he had done to you he deserved it. But you couldn’t feel anything other than anguish and as a sob escaped his body every restraint you had kept on yourself broke and you hugged him towards your chest. You could never save him, but he clung to you as if you had the power to undo every wrong he had ever done. After a while, he looks up at your tear-streaked face and one of his hands reaches up to cup it. You want to look away because you can see everything in those eyes of his, every regret and every wish he has ever had. His forehead leans towards you and you feel his hot breath against your skin. As you breathe in the scent of cologne and feel his skin against yours, you feel overwhelmed by the fact that he is actually here. You notice that his lips part and for a second you are scared that he is going to kiss you, but he must know that there is a limit to your patience with him so he just whispers words with the promise of what could have been. “I wanted to be good for you.” A small smile takes place on your lips and you close your eyes as you try to restrain the well of emotions inside of you. “I know Rafe, I know.” He breathes out a little, almost as if he is relieved that you are aware that he tried in a world and with a mind constantly working against him. You knew, but you also knew that there was someone else out there for you. Someone who would love you in a way that Rafe would never be able to, in a way that would not send the two of you to the bottom of the ocean. Whoever was out there would make you swim. For so long you had wanted to believe that Rafe was the one, despite all his flaws you would have given anything for him to be your future. It was a relief to know that you could and deserved to have more. But you also knew that you needed to do something before that could happen.

“I will stay-.” Before you could even finish your sentence he whipped his head up to look at you with such hope you never wanted to continue talking. You swallowed hard and forced yourself to go on. “I will stay with you just to make sure you receive the help you need.” His whole body deflated and you had to bite your lip in order not to cry again. Eventually, he nodded and you closed your eyes in relief. You knew that this had to be the right move, no one else would listen to him or make sure he got help, so you needed to be the one to did. Just enough so that you finally could start swimming towards the surface.

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blzzrdstryr · 3 years

Text

Reveries of turmoil

Yandere!Childe x fatui!reader

[Previous chapter]

Just as you predicted that short and stifled conversation was a portent of future changes. Childe stopped trying to talk to you outside the business, he even avoided your eyes in those rare moments when you looked at him first. Normally obnoxious and persistent Harbinger seemed to deflate in your presence, as his swaggering and blustering attitude disappeared within mere moments.

You would be overjoyed for this turn of events, if you didn’t have any experience of dealing with and tolerating Tartaglia. Childe, as you already established, is a chaos personified, an erratic whirlwind that twists and ruins everything in its way wrapped in human skin and caged by human bones. It wouldn’t be a surprise if some nasty complications arose out of this faux armistice and sneaked upon your unsuspecting self.

Ajax wont do anything drastic, you reassure yourself - the Rite of Descension gets closer and closer with each passing day, he just can't afford to fail this, meaning that he will have to keep you on-field. It would be logical to do so, let you work, but logical sometimes means predictable and nothing about Ajax is predictable.

Fortunately he continued to keep this strange distance as days passed. Was your little episode and words you said to him enough to stop him in his pursuit? Maybe it truly hurt him, maybe it made him see how miserable he was making you, maybe his obsession with you ceased to exist, it’s flames fizzling and going out just as fast as they ignited. You doubt all of it, yet continue to hope for the better, despite the evidence of the opposite shoved in your face.

Ajax will never let go of you, not in the way you want. He killed and tortured people right before your eyes, sometimes had you assist him in doing so. Most of the time this was done in Tsaritsa’s name, for the future of Snezhnaya and her people, just another working assignment regardless of the blood curdling screams and alien agony.

However, in some rare cases the torment of others isn’t something that is totally impersonal to you, sometimes you’re the main cause. Childe is possessive, terribly so. He watches over you like a dragon guarding his gold, scaring away other possible admirers. And if his title and reputation wasn’t enough to keep away whatever poor sod who decided to tempt the dragon, well, other way more grim methods were used.

You never personally witnessed these kinds of torture, but you heard rumours and sometimes saw the bodies after, images that keep reappearing in your nightmares. Maybe this lull is nothing but a quiet before the storm, a short breather after he commits some unforgettable atrocity again.

He personally summons you the day before the Descension. You brace yourself for incoming nonsense, except nothing comes. “Agent [Last]”, he says, his voice tense and restrained.”I need you to attend the Rite of Descension with me. You will be disguised as a civilian", and then he dismisses you, no hint of mind games he likes to play in sight.

You want to hope that he changed, you succeed and fail at the same time - this new Ajax is pleasant, he’s cold and disinterested, just like any boss should be, yet you just can’t relax and focus wholly on doing the job - it’s a privilege only those who haven’t met Tartaglia can afford.

He’s a sea, treacherous and ever changing, calm and serene in one moment, yet violent and crushing in the other.

You spend the day torn between the anxious thoughts of Tartaglia and what he might do and the preparation for upcoming ceremony - it's a once in a lifetime event, it's Tsaritsa’s will and hope, it's Ajax’s eyes focused on you. You can’t afford to fail, you have no right to do so.

Wearing a simple Snezhnayan overcoat with nothing hiding your face is surely strange after years of donning a fatui uniform. Tourists and Liyuens alike pass by, not paying you any attention. Both vision and delusion glow under the thick fabric, asking you to use them.

You walk faster.

The top of the Yujing Terrace is lit with sunlight and full of human sounds, as merchants and other workers haste to finish their tasks and join the people at the top. You look around, quickly noticing the familiar ginger - he stays half-turned to you, his eyes focused on the figure of Tianquan. You quickly avert your gaze, as if not recognizing him, and shift it towards other people - you spot two vision holders among the crowd too - an electro and geo one, and a strange person cladded in the exotic clothes with some sort of flying fairy(?) floating around.

You walk to the altar placing Liyuen flowers nearby the multiple offerings of food, wine and gold, their simple white petals contrasting against the gaudy luxury of the rest.

"Qingxin flowers?", someone suddenly says, a speck of genuine surprise evident in the phrase. Their voice is too close for your comfort - you quickly turn on the heels, alarmed by a person somehow sneaking up on you only to be met with a pair of the golden eyes.

It’s a nicely dressed Liyuen gentleman, with the air of wisdom and elegance surrounding him, an inner dignity shining from beneath, and most importantly the one you saw wearing a vision at the back of the coat. You try to look as calm as possible, despite the senses telling you otherwise - after years of service any vision holder unadorned by the Fatui colors is perceived as a threat.

“Yes, it is”, you quip back, not wanting to look suspicious: “Is this improper? Qingxin as an offering?”, you mimic a light concern - something that would be appropriate for the foreign merchant who might have offended the god of commerce.

“No, not at all”, Liyuen laughs: “just in all of my years, I have never seen anyone offer these flowers”.

“Huh”, you smile, looking at the man before you. Is he a simple liyuen you thought of him at first? He has Geo vision - the symbol of Archaic Lord’s recognition - and the way he said “all of my years” carry more weight than usual, a mark of something hidden beneath the mundane phrase.

“Something tells me, you must have attended every rite of Descension”, you continue, the starter vague and innocent enough - a perfect way to fish out more information. For some reason, his golden eyes widen a bit, it’s subtle and quick enough to go unnoticed by most people, but you’re not the most people - all Fatui agents are trained to catch even the smallest changes and educated in multiple fields, physiognomy included.

What could have caused such a reaction and why did he react the way he did? The Rite of Descension is a prominent event in the life of every Liyuen, even if it’s annual, as thousands of thousands of people traverse great distances to see their god fly down from the heavens and grace his subjects with the wisdom of countless years. You remember seeing Liyuens living in Snezhnaya consistently take a leave every year for a week, when the prominent date showed on the horizon, missing working days and no doubt a lot of nerves, only to see the archon of their homeland.

So why did that man looks so surprised?

“You’re quite perceptive, aren’t you?”, he responds, voice calm and pleasant, despite the masterfully hidden surprise: “And yes, I have always tried my best to be at every Rite to this day. Rex Lapis shares his experience with his people, so it’s an incredibly important day. And what about you? What brings a foreigner here?”, he makes a gesture at your obviously snezhnayan clothes.

“Well, I am a travelling merchant as you can see”, you raise your hands, showing him more of the coat: “Having blessing from the God of Commerce won't hurt, right?". He, again, reacts in the way you haven't anticipated, a handsome face adopting a contemplating expression for a short second.

"Rex Lapis rewards diligent people, work hard and he shall bless you too", he says with an air of wisdom around him, like an old enlightened monk passing his knowledge to the disciples surrounding him: "And you shouldn't keep your vision beneath the layers of cloth. I feel its chill just standing here, who knows what it will do to your body?".

Then he simply turns away and goes to the exit of Yujing terrace, and it’s your turn to suppress the rising agitation - how did he know, where’s he heading now?

“Wait”, you say: “why are you leaving?”

“I dedicated my whole life to my job, which consists of a collection of small and incredibly repetitive tasks, they took up most of my attention and I slowly, but surely became a creature of habit, deaf and blind outside its limited field of experience and comfort zone. Time never stops, so I decided to leave the work I’ve been entrusted with, and I want to start it by breaking my strongest habit - religiously attending every Rite of Descension”.

“Ah”, you reply, equally impressed by his speech, and feeling that you are talking about two completely different and unrelated topics: “well, good luck on that”.

More and more people flood the terrace as one of the main threats to your plans finally arrives - stern and ambitious, Ningguang looks as elegant and intimidating as ever, geo vision and the tassel attached to it, shaking with every graceful step. She throws a short glance at Tartaglia - he stands surrounded by the rest of the agents - yet her face doesn’t change even a bit, whatever hostility she may hold for your faction masterfully suppressed.

You quickly look around - tourists and citizens arrive at the last minutes and milleliths come with them. Soon, all of the exits are heavily guarded by at least four soldiers, all carrying spears and clad in armour - surely a necessary precaution, given the presence of Fatui and their Harbinger.

There are no milleliths among the crowd though, not in the on-duty uniform at least. You study the group again, this time looking for anyone with weapons, as someone lightly pushes you away - it’s that foreigner again. “I am sorry, we need to go closer”, the pixie-like creature apologizes, as it flies after the stranger, and you conclude that there are no armed people, except you, Tartaglia, milleliths, Ningguang and that strange person.

“The hour is upon us”, Tianquan starts, after looking at the bright sun above, two women around her slightly bowing down, as she invokes the power of geo. The gold glow surrounds and illuminates her whole figure, before condensing into hard rocks of the same shade. They shine and fly around her for a bit, leaving the yellow trails behind before starting to spin around the shrine in the middle of the rock table.

Soon the golden inscriptions on the shrine start to glow too, before it sends a bright orange beam into the blue sky. The crowd "Oh!"s and "Ah!"s as the clouds deform around the pillar of light.

Tension, so thick it can be tasted, descends in the waves upon the Terrace as some - carefree and ignorant - hold their breaths in excitement and anticipation, whilst the rest focus in caution - Fatui and Qingxin alike. You shift, taking out both vision and delusion out of your coat, as your eyes frantically shift between Tianquan, Tartaglia and the spiraling clouds above, your whole being ready to aid Childe in his mission.

And then something unexpected happens: a majestic dragon does descend to his people. By falling straight to the ground. Serpentine body slumps around the crushed offerings, elongated tongue escaping the confines of the maw.

A long second of absolute silence passes before Ningguang collects herself, checks the body and orders milleliths to close off all the exits, as the crowd erupts into turmoil and chaos realizing what exactly has happened. You disguise amongst the panicking masses, hiding two glowing orbs in the deep pockets of your coat,before looking at Tartaglia again - he in turn intently stares at the blonde foreigner, who quite clumsily tries to sneak past the soldiers.

Milleliths catch onto that running after the stranger and you use this opportunity, turning invisible in the same second. People around you are too panicked to question your sudden disappearance or the unnaturally cold breeze swaying past them, as you make your way - Childe has already departed, chasing after the group of soldiers, and Ningguang is seen leaving too, giving the last orders, before turning to the Yuehai pavillion.

You contemplate for a second, unsure what to do - Tartaglia has ordered you to aid him in case of Qixing intervention, there was nothing about the death of your target and the glimpse into Tianquan’s actions might be a key to solving the mystery of said departure. The thing that you plan to do is opportunistic, reckless even - who would have known that Ajax will rub off onto you? You chase after Ningguang, careful to keep yourself invisible.

Who is Rex Lapis’ murderer?

She goes up to the aged man standing at the stairs of the pavilion, they exchange a couple of words before Ningguang steps up on the little floating island and it starts to levitate! You run after her, still unsure what to do - the platform is too small, Tianquan will no doubt feel the chill coming from you, but the opportunity to learn what Qixing are planning is too good to miss.

In the end, you come to compromise, jumping after the rising platform, as your hands clutch into its rough protrusions and you grit your teeth, enduring the pain and cold from the vision overuse. The little island rises higher and higher, as people and buildings underneath turn into small dots. Your fingers start to slide off a couple of times, yet you grab onto the island with a renewed strength everytime that happens, asking Tsaritsa to let fortune favour you.

The platform finally stops moving, and you pull up, once you hear her heels clicking away.

Jade chamber, as it turns out, exceeds all rumours, luxurious and opulent, shining above the prosperous city, it glows under the sunlight with a golden radiance. You would have stopped to admire it if it wasn’t for your goal. You sneak after Ningguang, following her to the office as she takes out papers and folders from the shelves. She focuses on them, as you carefully step near her, glancing at what she’s reading - it’s reports of fatui activity throughout the months, leading to this day, thankfully vague and very far from reality.

Does it mean that she also has no idea of what or who caused Rex Lapis’ death and tries to find his killer? Or does it mean that she looks for a way to deduct Fatui's next actions?

You don’t have time to contemplate, as the frost worsens and you feel cryo energy exhausting from the overuse - one more minute and you’ll become visible. You quickly walk away - you don’t have enough time to reach that platform, so you do the most logical thing - fling yourself out of the window, opening the wings of the glider halfway the jump.

You push the most of your invisibility, letting go of the cryo powers once you're only a couple of meters above the ground. In the end you find yourself tired and frozen to the very bones, slowly coming back to the Northland bank.

***

You approach the building as the Sun begins to set - its pink-orange rays dying everything in the warm glow. The bank looks glorious like that, sinking in the reddish tones, it looks like an illustration out of children’s books - a place of something miraculous, a place of something hopeful.

“Hi”, you throw to the tired Vlad and he nods, after suppressing an escaping yawn: “Is boss here?”

“Yeah”, he croaks, drowsiness evident in his speech: “came back like an hour or two ago. Can’t really remember”.

“Huh.. Well, thanks”, and with these words you enter the bank, pushing the doors and preparing yourself for the confrontation to come.

After chatting with Ekaterina and confirming that yes, he is in his office, you head for the staircase, all of the information you learned today buzzing inside your head.

Childe sits, hunched over the papers, as you enter, not paying you even the sliver of attention. For some reason he’s in a different clothes.

“Eleventh Harbinger”, you start the standard greeting, all formal and stiff: “this subordinate has finished the task”.

This finally prompts him to raise his head, cold blue eyes look at you, no hint of the usual obsessiveness in sight: "you may speak, agent" he succinctly says, putting the writing feather aside. You quickly report to him all you have seen today, without your own thoughts involved - they’re just baseless theories, after all.

“So you say, Tianquan was reading the reports about Fatui activity. Haven’t you destroyed those reports earlier?”

“Those papers contained nothing about the current situation, they were actually far from reality, I doubt that any of those reports survived the fire”.

“Seems, I’ll have to take your word for it”, a sigh, he leans closer in his seat, propping left cheek on the palm: “Why did Tianquan look at them? What was she trying to do? Pin her crime on us?”, he glances at you again, gesturing that you can speak your mind and you do.

“Highly unlikely, sir. From the short time I spent watching her and her reputation, I have an impression that Qixing Tianquan is a person who prefers to plan her every action. If she or any other Qixing higher up, were the one who murdered our target, then every needed preparation would be done months, if not even years in advance. She would somehow cast us as the killers right at the ceremony, in front of thousands of Liyuens, making us a scapegoat for public outrage and creating alibi for herself”.

“So, that’s how you think”, he hums, blue eyes deep in thought: “Your entire conclusion is based on the mere impression. With Tianquan’s ambition I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the one behind this...”, a vague hand gesture: “catastrophic situation”.

“When I sneaked inside the Jade chamber, she looked very frantic, it didn’t show on her face, but her movements were harsh and quick, lacking any of her elegance. She looked like she tried to keep herself together”.

“Anyone would try to do that, especially after killing a god”, he looks somewhere to the left, no doubt imagining battling the dead archon: “Well, my conclusion isn’t based on anything solid either. We don’t know who killed Rex Lapis, but we still need to somehow obtain his gnosis”, the last part isn’t addressed directly to you, it seems that Ajax just decided to voice out his worries.

“You can go”, he says, standing up from the table. You are touching the door handle, when you hear him asking:”what’s with your hand?”. The tone is nothing like that time, yet shivers still go up your spine when you remember what happened that day.

"Frostbite, from my vision", he comes closer to you, hand outstretched to yours: “Can I?”, he asks and waits for your faint nod, before gently pulling it closer to his face.

“It’s a second degree”, he mumbles, inspecting the white-blue discolorations and small angry blisters - the skin throbs and aches at his touch, yet most of it remains numb, muffled, like sounds underwater: “You should get it treated”.

“I should”, you agree, eager to leave this room and situation: “I will ask medics for some..”

“I already discharged them”, his hand suddenly shifts, now resting atop of the door handle, his frame suddenly looming over you: “I have a medkit here, with the ointments and balms. Maybe you should stay here and let me patch you up?”

Why did you even think that Childe could change?

***

Ajax has you sitting on his chair, with sleeves rolled up to the very elbows, as he frets around you - checking the temperature, pulling the warm water closer to you and taking out needed medicine out of the kit. It’s mostly silent, except the tune he quietly hums - Childe looks peaceful and content like this, maybe he likes caring for you.

“Does it hurt?”, he takes a discolored finger, probing around the blister, as the warm hydro energy engulfs your damaged hand. The burst of sensation explodes at this action - pain, tingling, throbbing, even relief.

“Bearable”.

“Understood”, Childe gets back to his task, continuing to rewarm your hands, still humming that tune as he does so. He takes out the healing ointment, when the healthy color and warmth returns to your limbs and spreads it on the skin, bitter herbal scent filling the room in an instant.

“[First]”, he says, as he rubs the place between the index and middle fingers: “I think we need to talk. About that day and your reaction”.

“And what about it?”, you respond, too quickly and snappy for the calm-facade - the memories of that day, of what you thought he will do to you, of how he witnessed you falling apart - all of these are too much, a maelstrom of conflicted feelings rising every time your thoughts stray to this topic. He finishes applying the balm and now switches to the bandanges, wrapping treated hands in them.

“Don’t you think you treat me too harshly, [First]? I understand I may have been… unpleasant in the Past, but I thought we moved past that. What have I done to warrant such ire?”, he says it with his usual smile, but there's a tense, heavy tinge in his words. It’s subtle enough to miss, but you knew Ajax since you both were fourteen, so the strain doesn’t go unnoticed.

Everything, you want to coldly respond, but you stop yourself again - Ajax is still a Harbinger, even if he trailed your steps at the training camp like an overeager and highly murderous puppy not even a decade ago, no matter your own feelings or sentiments or even experiences he still holds that power over you, whether he realizes it or not.

“There were.. things”, broken bones, coppery scent of blood, someone else screams: “training with you wasn’t pleasant for sure”. Childe laughs at the last part, yet the tension clouding in the air doesn’t dissipate, turning more tangible instead.

“I see”, a long pause: “I want to prove you're wrong, I want to prove you that I will never do something against your will”.

You already did. You stay silent at that, anger and fury and frustration boiling underneath, burning and scorching your insides like a magma moments before the eruption. His hands finally wrap the last layer of bandage, tying the ends into a neat little bow, yet he doesn’t let your palm out of your hold, as his lips hover over it, breath burning the skin even through the fabric. And then he releases it, not doing anything.

“Good luck with that”, you finally suppress the inner storm, and stand up from the chair, quickly heading to the door. The place where he almost kissed your tingles and throbs with a renewed strength. Your cheeks burn for some reason.

#Yandere Genshin impact #Yandere genshin #Yandere Childe #yandere genshin x reader #Yandere tartaglia #yandere genshin impact x reader #yandere childe x reader #male yandere #yandere #yandere x reader #my writing

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pure-kirarin · 3 years

Text

Killer x reader (having a stressful day) English / French

Disclaimer : This will be in French and English. It was written originally in French and translated to english. I added the french version at the end of the post if anyone is interested.

A/N : こんばんは ! ♡ リクエストしてくれてありがとう~ @holykillercake san. This is my first time writing something both in English and in French. Alsooo, writing something for Pasta-husbando ! I hope that you will like it >o< I never noticed that Kirarin & Killer both have “キラ”, this explain why Killer’s hair is so healthy and shiny...Anyways~ 始めましょう !

-ENGLISH-

«- Relax. »

The moment his fingers touched your skin, your shoulders unclenched as if a weight or a burden had dropped off them. Your muscles were stretched to the limit; An underlying tension, no doubt, you were carrying the stress of a whole week on your frail shoulders. «- Y/N. » Just your first name, nothing else.

It was his way of asking you what was bothering you and you understood it. You were there, you had just come to his room, sitting on the sofa and there he is – as it has now became a habit – behind you, offering you a massage. Fairy fingers put pressure on your shoulders, fingers that could as well kill as take you to heaven. Never once you have felt afraid. His touch was comforting, familiar.

« -Don't worry. I just had a stressful day...The usual. You melted under his touch. You felt his fingers tighten at your remark and you could make out his thought pattern. -No Killer, nobody bothered me. You won't have to kill anyone. -I wasn't planning on killing anyone. You couldn't suppress a small laugh as you guessed his confusion. He was extremely protective of you, even if he hid it pretty well. Dear lord, just his presence was enough to put you in a better mood. -Yes, yes, of course. And what about the guy from last time ? » You reminded him of your last party, or rather, the party where you both had to babysit Kid once again. A man a little too drunk had taken advantage of the crowd to put an indiscreet hand on your lower back. Needless to say, Killer broke his arm without blinking – a reflex. To be fair, Kid would have reacted even worse, the redhead and you were like brother and sister.

His fingers reluctantly left your shoulders, he got closer to the large bookshelf, as big as one of the room's walls.

Killer was an avid reader, he had books from different origins. You were always in awe in front of his wide knowledge. When did he have all the time to read these books ? Certainly during nights of insomny. He came back and sat down next to you, in his hands, you recognized the book "A Thousand and One Nights", the cover was thick and decorated with a golden frame. You smile excitedly, you and Killer had this habit; whenever you felt bad or couldn't sleep, he would read you fairy tales. He had read dozens of them to you ; The Little Prince, Alice in Wonderland, the Tales of Hoffman. But your favorite was always “A Thousand and One Nights”. (Arabian Nights) This book cristalised your love. Whenever you couldn't sleep, you would join the man in his room and he would tell you, like Scheherazade, the astonishing tales. Before you even knew it, you had fallen under his spell. He patted his knees and you rested your head just there. His voice carried you to the sands of the east. A voice extremely gentle, mesmerizing. This intimate moment was enough to eradicate all your worries. One hand was carrying the book, while the other stroked your hair and cheeks in turn. His voice told you about the adventures of Sindbad, the famous sailor from Bagdad. He had bought this book from an old bookstore in Alabasta and it introduced him to the oriental beauty. When he finishes reading the tale you get up slightly and snuggle up in his arms. He circled your waist with his as you stayed there for a moment. -I love it when you tell me about the adventures of Sindbad. I feel like I'm seeing a side of you that no one else can access. -And that's true. You are the only one who wants to hear these stories. He strokes your hair. -All credit goes to you. You are an excellent storyteller. -And you are an excellent listener. » He smiled behind his mask, maybe if he took it off, you could've seen the rose-color that tinted his cheeks.

He appreciated how you cared about everything he said and everything he loved. You were the only person in the world he shared this with, who he could stand sharing all of this with. The stress of the day was now nothing but a vague memory. Only one thing was missing. You wanted to get closer. You wanted to look at him and kiss him. The adventures of Sindbad were not enough. « -I want to look at you... » You breathe out, your voice was no more than a sigh, a slight whisper that made him smile behind his mask. Smile that you don't see but that you could imagine. You didn't have to see him, you just had to pay attention to his chest rising with the rhythm of his breathing. You now knew how to decipher every gesture and the slightest variation in his voice. But it didn't stop you from wanting to look at him. You knew each other more than anyone, but you always wanted more. You wanted him entirely to yourself. You wanted him to lay bare his feelings just as you did, because he was your comfort zone and you wanted to be his. You sit, your slender fingers brushing against the hard surface of the mask. You feel his breathing stop. « -For me... » you add, insisting.

It wasn't the first time you'll see him without a mask, but could you be satisfied? He even kept it on in his sleep. Your fingers start caressing the golden locks. « For you. » He repeats, his voice was firm but penetrating. Coming from behind the mask, it was somewhat veiled. Someone else would never have guessed his hesitation but you? Easy task. You couldn't suppress a smile, one of a child that was promised a sugar cube. You were now sitting next to him on the sofa, wrists on your hips, catching your breath, eyelashes barely batting.

The mask was now resting on the armrest. Your eyes layed on his perfectly sculpted face and the purplish lips that you were dying to kiss. Did he hide his face, like Medusa hers, out of fear of petrifying you? «- Killer ... You are so...beautiful. » No need for words, a finger rested on your parted lips. Your gaze was enough, words were sometimes too overwhelming. His azure eyes shone behind a curtain of golden hair. You hesitate, a second then two, before coming to sit on his knees. He was surprised by this proximity but it didn't bother him since he put your hand on his chest. His skin was warm, his heart was beating considerably faster. He didn't say it, that gesture meant "I love you" and you knew it. - Thank you for being there for me. » Your face was inches from his. His lips barely caressed yours before kissing you fully as his hand rested on the back of your neck to deepen the kiss. Once again, the gesture spoke better than the words. I love you. I want you. I want you to give me all your stress, all your pain, I want to carry it for you.

- (Y / N) ... A sigh ... I lo- Suddenly, the door thudded open. You didn't have to look back, you knew, both of you knew who that was. -Killer! When are we gonna eat I'm sss---... Wait what, FUCK- - Can't you knock on the door for once? You grabbed a pillow and threw it at Kid, who was already turning around, embarrassed to have interrupted you. He disappeared as quickly as he had come, uttering a myriad of obscenities in his way. Killer buried his head in your neck, embarrassed to be found in this compromising situation, although it could have been way worse. You cursed Kid inside for interrupting you.

-Killer, what were you saying ? He puts his mask back on murmuring a « nothing »

-But I swear I heard you say it. You were going to say « I love you », right ? You teased

-If you heard it then why are you asking ? He was extremely thankful for wearing his mask at that moment.

-Because I want to hear it again ! -Too honest, you were too honest for his own good. -I love you. -W-wait I wasn't prepared ! You were now the one to blush. Killer wasn't the kind to express his feelings all the time and that openly, so it meant a lot to you.

« Cute » was all he thought of you in that moment. He got up holding you tight against his chest ;

-Well, I think that Kid is really going to throw a tantrum if he doesn't get to eat. You must be starving as well. Would you like to help me in the kitchen ?

-Of course I would. But first put me down. -I am scared that is out of the question.

He simply answers as he proceeds to hold you over his shoulder, heading towards the kitchen. - French -

«- Détends-toi. »

A l'instant où ses doigts entrèrent en contact avec ta peau, tes épaules s'abaissèrent comme si un poids ou un fardeau en disparaissait. Tes muscles étaient tendus à l'extrême ; Une accumulation de tension sans doute, le stress de toute une semaine.

« - (T/P). »

Juste ton prénom et rien d'autre.

C'était sa manière de te demander ce qui te tracassait et tu le compris. Tu étais là, tu venais tout juste de rentrer dans sa chambre pour t'affaler sur le sofa et le voilà qui -comme à son habitude- t'offrait un massage. Il avait des doigts de fée, comment des doigts pouvaient-ils aussi bien tuer que t'emmener au paradis ? Tu n'avais jamais eu peur de lui. Son toucher était réconfortant et familier.

« -Ne t'en fais pas. C'était juste une journée stressante. »

Tu fondais sous son toucher, sa présence derrière toi était rassurante. Tu sentis ses doigts se crisper à ta remarque et tu pus deviner son schéma de pensée.

«- Non Killer, personne ne m'a embêtée. Tu ne devras tuer personne.

-Je ne comptais tuer personne.

Tu ne pus réprimer un petit rire en devinant son trouble. Il était extrêmement protecteur lorsqu'il s'agissait de toi, même s'il ne le montrait pas. Bon dieu, rien que sa présence était assez pour te mettre de bonne humeur.

-Mais oui, bien sûr. Et le type de l'autre fois, on en parle ?

Tu ne manquas pas de lui rappeler votre dernière soirée ensemble, ou plutôt, une énième soirée où il fallait prendre soin de Kid. Un homme un peu trop alcoolisé avait profité de la foule pour poser une main indiscrète sur le bas de ton dos. Inutile de mentionner que Killer lui avait fracturé le bras sans ciller. Remarque, Kid aurait agit pire, le roux et toi étiez tout deux comme frère et sœur.

Ses doigts quittèrent tes épaules à contre cœur, tu le vis qui s'approchait de la grande bibliothèque qui occupait un des murs de la pièce. Killer aimait énormément lire, à vrai dire, il avait tellement de connaissances et il avait des livres de différentes origines. Tu étais toujours admirative devant son savoir.

Il revint et s'assit à côté de toi, entre ses mains, tu reconnus le livre « Mille et une nuit », la couverture était épaisse et ornementée d'un cadre doré. Tu souris avec excitation, Killer et toi aviez cette habitude ; à chaque fois que tu te sentais mal ou que tu n'arrivais pas à dormir, il te lisait des contes. Il t'en avait lu des dizaines maintenant ; Le petit Prince, Alice au pays des merveilles, les Contes d'Hoffman. Mais ton préféré restait toujours « Mille et une nuit ».

Ce livre représentait ton énamourement. A chaque fois que tu n'arrivais pas à dormir, tu rejoignais l'homme dans sa chambre et il te contait à la manière de Shéhérazade les contes étonnants. Avant même de t'en rendre compte, tu étais tombée sous son charme.

Il tapota ses genoux et tu posas ta tête là où il l'avait désigné. Sa voix te transportait vers les sables d'orient. Il y mettait tant de douceur. Ce moment intime était assez pour éradiquer tout tes ennuis. Sa main portait le livre, tandis que l'autre, caressait tour à tour tes cheveux et tes joues. Que tu étais chanceuse de l'avoir. Sa voix te racontait les aventures de Sindbad. Il avait acheté ce livre lors d'une escapade à Alabasta et était tombé sous le charme.

Lorsqu'il finit de lire le conte tu te relevas légèrement et tu te blottis dans ses bras. Il encercla ta taille des siens et vous restèrent un instant dans cette position.

-J'adore quand tu me racontes les aventures de Sindbad. J'ai l'impression d'accéder à un côté de toi que seul moi peut voir.

-Et c'est vrai. Tu es la seule qui veut entendre mes contes.

-C'est tout à ton honneur. Tu es un excellent conteur.

-Tu es une excellente audience. »

Il sourit derrière son masque et ne manqua pas d'en rougir. Il aimait comment tu t'intéressais à tout ce qu'il racontait et à tout ce qu'il aimait. Tu étais la seule personne au monde avec qui il partageait cela, avec qui il pouvait se permettre de partager cela. Le stress de la journée n'était plus qu'un vague souvenir. Une seule chose te manquait. Tu voulais plus de proximité. Tu voulais le voir et l'embrasser. Les aventures de Sindbad n'étaient pas assez.

«-Je veux te voir... »

Tu expires, ta voix n'était plus qu'un soupir, léger murmure qui le fit sourire derrière son masque. Sourire que tu ne vis pas mais que tu pus deviner. Tu n'avais plus à le voir, tu n'avais qu'à prêter attention à sa poitrine qui s'élevait au rythme de sa respiration. Tu savais maintenant déchiffrer chaque geste et la moindre variation de sa voix.

Tu le connaissais, vous vous connaissiez plus que personne mais tu en voulais toujours plus. Tu voulais qu'il s'offre entièrement à toi. Tu voulais qu'il mette à nu ses sentiments comme tu le faisais avec lui, parce qu'il était ta zone de confort et que tu voulais être la sienne.

Tu te redresses, tes doigts graciles viennent toucher du bout des doigts la surface dure du masque. Tu sens son souffle s'arrêter.

« Pour moi... » tu répètes, insistante. Ce n'était pas la première fois que tu le verras sans masque, mais pouvais-tu en être satisfaite ? Il le gardait même dans son sommeil. Tes doigts se perdent maintenant dans sa chevelure dorée.

« Pour toi. » Sa voix était ferme mais pénétrante. Venant de derrière le masque, elle était quelque peu voilée.

Une autre n'aurait pas pu deviner son trouble mais pour toi ? Tâche facile. Tu ne pus réprimer un sourire d'enfant auquel on promettait un morceau de sucre. Tu étais maintenant assise à côté de lui sur le sofa, les poignets sur tes hanches, le souffle coupé, les cils battant à peine.

Le masque reposait à présent sur l'accoudoir. Tu pus découvrir son visage parfaitement sculpté, ses lèvres violacées. Cachait-il son visage, comme Meduse ses yeux, de peur de te pétrifier ?

«- Killer...Tu es magnifique. »

Pas besoin de mots, un doigt vint se poser sur tes lèvres entrouvertes. Ton regard était assez, les mots parfois l'encombraient. Ses yeux azur brillaient derrière un rideau de cheveux dorés, ils étaient fuyants. Tu hésites, une seconde puis deux, avant de venir t'installer sur ses genoux. Il fut surpris par cette proximité mais elle ne le gêna pas puisqu'il vint poser ta main sur sa poitrine. Sa peau était brûlante, son cœur battait considérablement plus fort. Il ne le dit pas, ce geste signifiait « Je t'aime » et tu le savais.

«- Merci d'être là pour moi. »

Ton visage était à quelques centimètres du siens. Ses lèvres vinrent caresser les tiennes à peine, avant de t'embrasser pleinement tandis que sa main se posa sur sur ta nuque pour approfondir le baiser. Encore une fois, le geste parlait mieux que les mots. Je t'aime. Je te veux. Je veux que tu me donnes tout ton stress, toute ta peine, je veux la porter pour toi.

-(Y/N)...Un soupir...Je t'ai-

Soudain, la porte s'ouvrit en un fracas. Tu n'eus pas besoin de te retourner, tu savais, vous saviez de qui il s'agissait.

-Killer ! C'est quand qu'on mange je meu--...PUTAIN mais...

-Tu peux pas frapper à la porte pour une fois ?

Tu attrapas un coussin et tu le lanças en la direction de Kid qui se retournait déjà, gêné de vous avoir interrompu. Il disparut aussi rapidement qu'il n'était venu en prononçant une myriade d’obscénités.

Killer enfonça sa tête dans ton cou, gêné d'être découvert dans cette situation compromettante, quoique ça aurait pu être pire.

-Tu disais quoi, chéri ?

Il remit son masque tout en murmurant un « rien du tout ».

-Mais je jure que je t'ai entendu le dire ! Tu allais dire « Je t'aime », n'est-ce pas ? Tu le taquinais un peu trop pour son bien être.

-Si tu m'avais entendu, alors pourquoi demandes-tu ?

Il était extrêmement heureux d'avoir son masque sur le visage à cet instant précis.

-Parce que je veux l'entendre à nouveau. Si honnête, un peu trop pour son bien.

-Je t'aime.

-Qu-quoi ? Je n'étais pas préparée à ça ! Tu étais maintenant celle qui rougissait. Killer n'était pas du genre à exprimer ses sentiments tout le temps et ouvertement alors ça signifiait énormément à tes yeux.

« Trop mignonne. » C'était ce qu'il pensait de toi en ce moment. Il s'est levé tout en te gardant contre sa poitrine.

-Bon, je pense que Kid va vraiment causer un désastre s'il n'a pas à manger. Tu dois mourir de faim également. Tu ne voudrais pas me donner un coup de main en cuisine ?

-Bien sûr que oui. Mais tout d'abord...Est-ce que tu pourrais me poser à terre ?

-ça c'est hors de question. Il répondit simplement tout en te mettant sur son épaule et en se dirigeant vers la cuisine.

#Killer x reader #one piece x reader #one piece scenarios #one piece imagine #massacre soldier #one piece killer x reader

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slowly-writing · 4 years

Text

Wouldn’t Change A Thing

Alex Danvers x Deaf!Daughter!Reader

Word count: 1197

A/N: all the dialogue in this is signed rather than spoken. I would like to preemptively apologize for any inaccuracies, I have a very limited knowledge of ASL and deaf culture. I hope you all enjoy

Requested by anon: Pt. 1 Okay, thank you. May I please request an Alex Danvers x adopted!teen reader where R is deaf and sometimes Alex has a hard time getting her attention. This makes R feel guilty that she isn't an "easy kid" or that she's "special needs". So R tries to be more vigilant and it's putting a lot of stress on her. A notices and begins to worry, but before she can confront R about it, the DEO gets attacked while R is there. During the chaos A calls out for R to look out for falling debris but R gets hit

Pt. 2 P.s. R is okay, just a few broken ribs but she feels terrible about not being able to hear Alex's warning.

You had spent a lot more time in the orphanage than the other children. You would watch as they moved in, tears always present in their eyes and a visible fear of their new environment. You watched them get comfortable. You saw them start to smile again. And then you saw them leave.

This cycle went on and on, and you stayed put. You knew why nobody wanted you. The second a new family walked into the building everyone else knew. They all yelled to each other and could greet the adults first. When you finally caught on all you could do was wave. None of them knew sign language, so they left you be. That was until Alex came.

The day Alex came to the orphanage was one you remember clearly. You were already in the playroom when she got there. You were sitting in a corner of the room away from the rest of the kids, absorbed in your book, and that’s what she noticed first. All the other children were playing together, but you were all alone and all she wanted to do was protect you. So she made her way over to you.

When she placed her hand on your shoulder you jumped. You turned to see her lips moving and you frowned. With a sigh you tapped your ear and shook your head, expecting her to turn and walk away. Instead she sat on the floor next to you and started signing.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” she signs and your face lights up

“You sign?” she smiles and nods.

“I do, I forgot some. Can you teach me?” she asks and you agree quickly. The rest was history.

xxxxx

Alex waves her hand in your direction but you’re too absorbed in your homework to see her. She lets out a soft laugh as she walks over, shaking your shoulder and getting your attention. You always get so absorbed in everything you do.

“Sorry, mom. What?” you sign and she smiles.

“Don’t be sorry. Dinner is ready,” she tells you and you glance to the table where everything is set.

“Did you burn everything again?” you ask and she rolls her eyes.

“Did you hear the fire alarm?”

“I didn’t hear anything,” you say simply and she rolls her eyes again.

“You know what I meant. And no, I didn't burn it.” she retorts as you both dig in.

xxxxx

The next day when you get home from school you look over the living room. You normally sit on the couch to do homework but if you sit in the corner you should be able to see most of the apartment. That way, if your mom wants to get your attention she can. Then she won't have to deal with the hassle of you not knowing she wants to talk to you. You nod to yourself, deciding that’s the best idea and sit down to get the work.

When your mom gets home she frowns at you sitting on the floor but doesn’t think much of it. Teenagers are weird, you probably just thought it’d be more comfortable. She shrugs it off for now.

“Hey, kid. You want to come to the DEO? I have some work to do,” she explains and you nod.

“Ok. Let me get my stuff,” you quickly grab your backpack and shove the rest of your work into it as well as your phone charger and a book in case you get bored, and then the two of you are heading back out the door.

“Hi y/n! How are you today?” Kara signs excitedly from across the room as soon as you and your mom enter the command center.

“Good! I missed you,” you reply before running up to hug her. She smiles and picks you up as she hugs you, something she’s done since you were little. It never fails to bring a smile to your face. When she sets you down you feel your mom tap your shoulder.

“I‘like be in my office, ok?” You nod and she turns to walk off. You talk to Kara for a bit more before she has to return to her Supergirl duties. Once you’re left alone you sit at an empty desk and pull out your homework. You’re zoned into your math assignment when chaos erupts.

An alarm begins to sound through the building and commanding officers are running through yelling at everyone to arm themselves and prepare for incoming. Everyone begins moving at once, except for you. You’re still trying to find the value of X.

Seconds later a group of white martians come through the balcony window, tearing down pieces of the walls and hurtling them towards the agents firing at them. A chunk of concrete flies through your peripheral vision and you look up. The sight causes you to jump up and you scan the room, looking for the safest escape. You decide to make a break for your mom’s office, she’ll know what to do.

You glance behind you and when you see a martian with it’s sight set on you you take off. Through the chaos you don’t notice your mom on your left trying to get to you. She sees the pillar falling before you do and on instinct she screams for you to look out, but it’s no use. When you get hit by the debris she freezes and when you don’t get back up her blood runs cold.

xxxxxx

When you wake up again you notice you’re in the med wing. You can see some of the destruction through the glass doors, but there doesn’t seem to be a threat anymore and that comforts you. What comforts you even more is your mom sitting next to you with a relieved smile.

“How are you feeling, love?” she asks and you shrug before responding.

“Sore. What happened? I was running but I don’t remember anything else.”

“The white martians attacked, we got them under control but you got hit by some debris. I yelled for you to look out but obviously you couldn’t hear me,” your mom tries to joke but you just frown.

“I’m sorry. If I had heard you or the alarms or anything then this wouldn’t have happened. I’m sorry I’m such a difficult kid,” you tell her and she shakes her head. When you try to look away she grabs your chin, redirecting you line of sight back to her before responding.

“None of that is your fault. You’re deaf. That’s not your fault and it’s not a bad thing. It makes you different, but different is good. Aunt Kara is different and everyone still loves her. She’s a superhero. Different is good, y/n.”

“But it’s hard-” you try to argue but she keeps going.

“No. But nothing. Everything good in life is hard. Parenting is hard, whether your child is hearing or deaf. I love you and I wouldn’t change a thing about you,” you wipe the tears from your eyes as she finishes, letting her words sink in. She loves you, and she doesn’t want anything to change. Neither do you.

tag list: @rvgrsbrns @rororo06 @prizmix-and-friends @worlds-in-words @im-salt-but-not-salty @5aftermidnight @riotmaximoff

#alex danvers imagine #alex danvers #alex danvers x reader #alex danvers x daughter!reader #Alex danvers x deaf!reader #deaf!reader #Alex danvers x deaf!daughter!reader #supergirl #supergirl imagine #CW Supergirl #supergirl reader insert #wouldn't change a thing #supergirl x Deaf!reader

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lightsinthedistancee · 4 years

Text

Fragmented Memories: Poe Dameron x Reader

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Summary: “He’d put up with the screaming, the crying, the depressive attitudes. He’d tolerated your initial hostility, the way you flinched when he touched you. He took care of you, made sure you ate, got you to sleep. Your love had stuck by you through all of it.”

Poe sticks by Reader through a traumatic event in her life.

Warnings: Implications of Past Sexual Assault, Smut, Profanity

If you wished to be tagged on future works, just leave a comment/reply below or do the form on my masterlist for specific preferences.

A/N (PLEASE READ): Hey guys, I don’t know exactly why I was compelled to write this piece, but I did my research. Tbh, I was hesitant on posting this due to the sensitivity of the subject. Belittling, devaluing, or misrepresenting the experience/struggle of a sexual assault survivor is something I absolutely do not want to do. I am fortunate enough to not have experienced any sexual assault/harassment in my life, meaning I don’t know this experience first hand. If you have any knowledge or find any inaccuracies, feel free to let me know in a comment, and I will fix it. If anyone finds this offensive or as a gross misrepresentation, I will take it down out of respect for that person without hesitation. Enjoy!

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You laid on top of him, your pilot, your love. Sometimes hovering, sometimes resting your whole weight on his form. The air was warm, firm, like a sheet of protectiveness conforming to you. His breath was hot on your skin as he let out soft, unashamed whimpers occasionally.

You peppered soft kisses along his neck and jaw, savoring the feeling of his hands roaming your body, caressing you, feeling you. His touch was gentle, like smooth silk and velvet on your nerves.

He moaned as you ground down on him, feeling his hardness that complemented the desire you felt. You hadn’t felt that desire in a long time—for a particular reason.

This was your first time.

But no, not like that. Not in the sense of what ‘first time’ generally meant.

This was the first time the two of you had made love upon your return from the captivity of the First Order. Your first time after you’d been violated, defiled, made to feel worthless. Like nothing. After having your body used without your permission.

You’d returned a shell of yourself, doing your job for the Resistance with a ruthless, cutthroat efficiency, for you’d blocked everything else in your head out. Locked it all up. But the damming of all your emotions had its side effects.

Poe had put up with the screaming, the crying, the depressive attitudes. He’d tolerated your initial hostility, the way you flinched when he touched you. He took care of you, made sure you ate, got you to sleep. Your love had stuck by you through all of it.

You’d treated him like dirt at first, like something you wanted to get rid of, but simply couldn’t shake. The memory still triggered a guilt in you over a year later. Still, he’d stayed, had held strong as the stability and anchor in your life.

Sex had been unfathomable for the first year, and he’d respected that. He never pushed you, and he never urged you to do things you didn’t want to. Before your capture, your time spent between sheets with him had been passionate, caring, all fiery desire.

And then, it’d faded to nothing upon your return.

Recovery started small at first. A few weeks for you to let him kiss you. A month to let him hug you. Four months for you to let him see you naked again. Six to let him sleep in the same bed as you. Thirteen to let him go down on you again.

And all that led to here, where you were pressed against him, fingers intertwined as his fingers worked their magic between your legs, coaxing out your wetness.

“Alright, baby girl?” he murmured, checking in on you.

You nodded. The two of you had talked of this for weeks before the present moment. What was off limits, what made you uncomfortable, what was absolutely forbidden. “Very alright.”

When you started to moan and move your hips back against his hand, he sat up, pulling you close to his chest. “Ready?” His soft brown eyes searched yours, looking for any signs of discomfort or uncertainty. His concern made you adore him all the more.

You nodded in response to his query, the pleasure at your core begging to be acted upon. He made you feel safe. He always did.

“If you need me to stop, just say something. You need to talk to me.”

“I know.” You said it with a resolute conviction, trusting him in every way. Despite your trauma, a part of your brain still recognized him as the man who had saved your life countless times, who had consoled you in your darkest moments, who had loved you when you felt unlovable.

And with your readiness, you slowly sank down onto him. The feeling was overwhelmingly familiar, in both a good and bad way. It reminded you of passionate nights nearly a year and a half ago. It also reminded you of cold prison cells that came with an impending dread of some guard of officer walking in to have their way with you.

You didn’t realize that you’d zoned out. You came back to reality at the sound of him saying your name. His hands were on your cheeks, gently grasping your face. “Do we need to stop?” he asked, his eyes worried.

You shook your head, both in response and as a way to rid yourself of the dark memories. “No. I’m fine.”

He frowned. “Are you sure?”

You nodded, offering up a small smile and rolling your hips slightly to prove your point. He gasped, gripping your hips, his face buried in your neck.

He let you determine the pace, giving you the control, letting you do things on your own terms. You were moaning, letting out soft whines every time your clit brushed his pelvis. Only when your hands began to claw at his back did he begin to experimentally thrust back, gauging your reactions. All you did was moan louder.

Soft mutters of your name escaped his lips as he breathed shakily. He hadn’t been with anyone else. He would never cheat on you. Needless to say, it’d been a long time since he’d been inside someone, and he wasn’t going to last long.

But you were closer. He’d already had you fairly close to your finish before he’d slid inside you, and each touch to your clit was bringing you nearer and nearer until you were gasping his name. “Fuck, Poe…I’m gonna….” You were unable to finish your sentence before you were going rigid, riding out the waves of your pleasure as he groaned at the feel of your walls clenching around him.

That was the last straw for him, and with one more thrust, he came, his hands knotted in your hair.

You breathed hard as you laid limp on his chest, still feeling the dull throb between your legs. He shifted, lying down and taking you with him, holding you close to him. It reminded you of how desperately you’d missed this: to feel close to someone after sharing such an intimate act.

But as the dopamine and oxytocin wore off, a feeling of horror and something slightly worse began to set in. Fragmented memories flashed through your mind, disconnected, incomplete, yet still enough to set you off.

And then, you were crying. Soft, silent tears, so small and undetectable and helpless that Poe did not even notice them till he felt the liquid on his chest.

You knew that he was, above all, panicked, due to his body language. He said your name like a question, a plea for you to assure him that he was not the reason for you tears.

He was, but only indirectly. At the core of the situation, was you. You and your trauma that made you despise yourself every day for not being able to get over. That you beat yourself up for. You knew that it was a normal reaction, that there was nothing wrong with it, but a part of you would always sum it up as your weakness.

Poe was talking to you, but you barely heard any of it. Only hid behind the veil of your tears.

“Sweetheart,” he murmured. His hold around you now seemed hesitant, unsure of his actions. You rolled out of his arms, settling on the other side of the mattress curled in a ball. The skin-on-skin contact, all of a sudden, felt less like a comfort and more like a threat. “Baby….”

You didn’t respond, once again locking him out.

There was a feeling coming over you, one you were all too familiar with, a feeling of isolation and desperation. It was a feeling that nothing else existed: that it was just you, your trauma, and your pain. Dear old abusers that would seemingly be with you till the very end.

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““Fragmented Memories” originally posted on AO3 on 12/24/20.

Taglist: @synical-paradox @dark-academics-and-florals

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #star wars #poe dameron fanfiction #Star Wars fanfiction #tfa #tlj #tros

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astrology-with-charu · 4 years

Text

20 Jan 3:38pm ET Mars Conjunct Uranus 6º44’

Aquarius Season Begins ! Focus of Feb 2021 by sign :

So we have talked about it, warned about it, fret a little about it and at the same time felt a little excited about it. Mars Conjunct Uranus is here. As its not just a day long transit we have felt this about a week or so coming in and would continue to feel for a week on the way out though it wouldn’t ever be fully out. Fixed aspects are such they are never out of our system.

They create long term shifts in fixed corners of our psyche.

This is the most interesting aspect and to some its scary & erratic as well as it acts out of character or norm and its unpredictable. I have this aspect in my natal chart in a square and I can tell you people who deal with me have that kind of varied response too. Some find my actions interesting, some erratic, some strong willed and some think I am downright nuts - mission accomplished, keep them guessing 😉 When Mount Etna slowly but surely exploded its lava out after seething for a while it reminded me of this aspect. Whatever is hemmed in surely explodes - thats one thing thats certain of this aspect - Need for Freedom.

We take what we want from each aspect and each person so I am going to try and see if we can draw the best of this aspect. It happens every year & in Taurus it helps over seven years release fixity in comfort zone corners of our life in food, in money, in assets, in economy, in voice, in talents. The special and unique thing about it this year and about 2021 as a whole is that this aspect are / will aspect the 5 planets in Aquarius over Jan and Feb - nothing real or noticeable happens without a square - I mean what’s the point if it wont be in your face 😉. You cant ignore a square, its not easy but it makes sure you notice it and do something about it cause otherwise it just hurts too much to live with it. It actives us to make the shift.

So if you feel the pain in places you used to draw comfort from, know its your body and psyche giving you hints like boulders to make that shift.

I noted where and what this aspect is happening in my 2021 note as thats something where every fabric of your being would look for more freedom and shift in. How will it play out though, where would it manifest is another story cause those 5 planets in Aquarius in this season will help you put the sand in the sandpit for you to play in and display your need for freedom, brilliance and change. Mercury will also be going retrograde in Aquarius (30 Jan-20Feb) so you will have some rethink, rework before you put the first layer in - this process will go on this year as Saturn and Jupiter go back and forth over it helping you create source of your next 20 years of growth using this first layer of sand you are putting in Aquarius season.

Videos by sign done before :

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLv3tUTLu8-MT2IvHWqfAHwrOXVpEPjfxw

Across signs Mars Uranus is a volatile energy so physically you would want to be careful with devices, knives etc especially fixed signs : Taurus, Aquarius, Leo and Scorpio especially planets around 7º.

Let’s begin - by sign what are you about to begin:

#Aries : Network, platform, investment gains, group of influential

Looking to have a platform or a group of influential people or a fan base or a set of like minded people - your tribe who can work on the new vision you have of your life. That’s where it will manifest. What’s the driver and what’s the Mars Uranus restleness and brilliance - its in your money, confidence, self respect and assets house. You seek freedom in financials, radical self confidence in your personal assets and its a drive to prove your worth to none other than yourself. It’s you wanting to play and have fun with assets and money without being tied down. Creating all of it from the things that bring you bigger vision of life and helps you connect with people on larger scale instead of being confined and limited in your outlook to life. So you would work on money & asset shifts and manifest it in form of a platform or a network or a group of like minded people working on a larger vision - also through investments beyond a job, gains from investments. Detachment from fixity of assets and any kind of source of income that inhibits your freedom would seem urgent and essential. It might almost feel manifestation of your vision is impossible without it. Money becomes a means to freedom and you look to stop trading money for time as how you spend your time becomes more meaningful. A step towards that vision is what this season is about.

#Taurus : Job, career, leadership style, your title

Looking to start a new job or a new way to do a job or a shift in title - what you are know as and known for, shift in how you are a leader of your life. Driver is you don’t want to be who you were before. You want to detach from your past life in some ways as you would like to be more authentic to yourself, be more of you instead of what others want you to be or see you as. As you “show yourself” so as to speak - the existing mode of how you express yourself - which is normally our profession, our formal title - would also shift with it cause you want it to. Mars Uranus right now might make you feel very rebellious - wanting to jump out of your skin - sorry I don’t know why the werewolf analogy is popping in my head - you are beautiful inside out - but as risk of offending you I will use that analogy. It’s about you about to pop out - if you are a wolf inside and have been a sheep outside, it wont work for you especially not in your job. Yes it can be an erratic display, a conflict, a fight with authority but you know what - its long overdue probably. We can manage how it looks but not how it is - how it is , is how it is. So it would be a bit of truth time and time to move to what’s more real to you as you make a new start this season in your work.

#Gemini : Travel (jeez talk about being a tease), adventure, higher education, publication, putting your content on a platform, teach, higher mind

Geminis are going places, wanting to start something that gives them adventure, gives them that high vibe they crave. Aquarius season activates a very positive and to some extend radical part of their chart - this is what makes them so brilliant and interesting. They get radical also positively. They look like they are thinking of ten things at a time seemingly lost on all ten but inside they are synthesizing how to take over the world. This is where Gemini converge all they have learned and put it into a book, into a publication, on a platform, they teach, they engage with people who are different and far from them using tech and state of art platforms, they create state of art platforms to publish information thats useful and meaningful. Their drive is this Mars and Uranus bringing all thats within to right in from of them - they don’t feel scared any more of endings, of facing any demons within or outside, of facing their own fears - they have got to do it cause they are after finding their place in this wide wide universe. They are after establishing meaning of their existence and wanting to make it valuable beyond imagination. They want to wrap all their hidden talents, hidden insecurities and light it all on fire to get out in the open. It’s almost like they are asking - let me see how my worst fears play out - let me see what was I really afraid of. So I don’t ever have to use that word “fear” ever again anymore. Preach Gemini we are all ears!

#Cancer : Give & take in partnerships, Karmic, depth, healing

You know they say those who hurt so much, learn to heal others of their hurt. I always think of Cancerians when they say that. Cause why else would God or higher powers make them feel so much... unless it was to help them understand how every living being feels in every living instance. Human emotions isn’t the only thing Cancerians are expert on using their intuition on - they are sensitive on knowing the undercurrent of society and even financial world if they apply themselves to it. They are brilliant in seeing things below the surface but they create a protective layer even against their own intuition sometimes cause sometimes what they see hurts them. That sometimes makes a Cancerian stay in dysfunction longer than they should. So its a new wave of detaching ourselves from what’s karmic what’s bad for us and our intuition has told us so many times but we have been shielding ourselves from our own knowing. Its time to start a new ledger and put a knot on all old karmic ties so you establish a blank slate. A new start in much more powerful way of being when it comes to partnership, seeing the writing on the wall and handle give and take differently in relationships, use your depth and intuition in financial matters where you know things way ahead of time. Using your knowledge of matters unknown to others by putting that knowledge out on a platform, on a screen, for wide population to see. Sharing your depth, your knowing, your ideas with a larger set for their benefit versus reserving all your heart and love for one. Uranus and Mars will introduce you to unique people, offer you opportunities to work on new and state of art platforms to put your knowledge on and help you detach from past patterns in relating to others. Love is a tough topic, actually not love but intimacy and that depth & returns you seek in relationship is cause may be for far too long we have been mistaking unease, dysfunction, pain and karmic for depth and love. Love is not supposed to feel like pain. This is process of relearning it all by detaching from dysfunction. Starting new without the heavy.

#Leo : Clients, contract, commitment

Restless restless Leos have been looking for that thing, that thing they don’t know what thing, but that thing in their work, in their business, in their title, in the way they rule that domain of theirs - that links what they feel inside with a manifestation outside. They feel like a king or a queen inside - larger than life, magnanimous, caring for the people who benefit from just their smiling confident gaze. That’s their true self, that’s who they were born to be. But then life got in between and daily annoyances, need to pay the bills and take care of people got in the way. Licking the wounds of not being themselves for far too long, Leos have been waiting to roar. Fixed signs are triggered and Leos are on top of the list cause they crave and need to break out of these shackles that hold their mind down and make them be who they know within they are not. The place they would want to be themselves the most would be in how they handle their job, their work and especially in the one on one interactions with their clients and partners. You are preparing a stage for your enormous potential. It could be by working towards a new contract that allows to access to the client or people who you crave to connect with or gives you the kind of freedom and eclectic freedom and brilliance in work you crave. You want your clients, your partners, your platform to benefit from your ideas and brilliance. You need a mode to convey that - may its not in the traditional job or may be a traditional job needs to follow some new rules to make that happen. Either ways if there is not a way you will make a way - such is the fixed intensity of your Mars Uranus in your career - it will make you jump through jobs, rebel at jobs, create unique roles, create unique career - till you have got it. What would you start new to make it all happen - a new contract, a new commitment, a new partnership or a unique disruptive partner which helps you explore your own psych to see why any of the titles not fitting who you feel within. May be cause what you want doesn’t exist right now, may be cause you are a creator and not a follower, may be its time to stop looking for someone to create what you want and make it yourself.

#Virgo : Order, job, project, coworkers, work place, mind body connection

When Uranus first entered their house of higher mind over two years back, it was almost like something very subtly but surely shifted in them. Whatever they thought they knew about life and where theirs’ is going at least changed. It’s a weird thing - philosophy - its supposed to be nebulous, non physical thing but its one thing in our life which if shifts - everything consequently has to shift to adjust it. As their philosophy in life shifted and is in process of fully changing who they are - Virgos have to adjust the most important thing in their life to adjust that to go with it - their own daily routines, the thread of life that runs their physical existence - their processes, their work environment, who they work with and what kind of projects they work on and most importantly how they take care of your body. Its a cause of friction when your life philosophy and who you are within has expanded but you still continue to work with the same people or employ the same people you did before or the way you handle your body and your routines stay the same. When your higher mind has been set free you need to start a new chapter in your physical reality as well - new start in your own daily routines, when you work out, where you work out, how you take care of your body, what kind of projects you work on, who you work with or who you hire, what’s the structure of your work place, what’s the kind of workplace you go to. Its got to reflect it all - your daily environment has to mirror your higher vision else you will feel a friction in your body and that friction would show up in form of non stop conflicts with coworkers or unease in health. Use this season to break a pattern and start anew.

#Libra : Risk appetite, love, passions, children, joy

People have a lot against pandora box - I love the unexpected nature of it all - I love the fact that it shows that side of us that we knew was in us but it wasn’t oh so kosher to show up cause of others. But when you close it - the gifts go back in as well as does hope, joy and passion. The very balanced and my beautiful Librans can write their own book on balance and the evils of opening such boxes but what if it was knocking on their own doors. Uranus and Mars wakes up a dormant yet very important part of Librans thats not only powerful, its essential to help them make their passions come to life. Some call it kundalini release some call it that coiled serpent - one thing thats common in it all is that its not something that anyone attaches with a Libra archetype. Its raw passion, even anger, jealousy, need to be powerful, establish that right give and take in partnership, knowing your own worth and not being shy of making it evident and asking returns that corraborate that. Its somewhat essential to release that - cause its also the part of you that helps you go after your desires, helps you take a bit of risk in your love and professional life, helps you give birth to what you love and would cherish as your legacy. So thats where we begin - driver is to come into your own power, to release archaic ways of give and take in partnership, to let the patterns play out as they should and not on basis of how good or bad they look. What you start new to give that drive an outlet is a new passion, a new appetite for risk in life and that could be in form of a new love, a new hobby, a child, a business thats like a child - its you giving birth to what you would love, cherish and is an extension of your love for self. This is excellent season for you Libra as its your house of joy which is woken up but its facing a hesitance - a bit like resistance to ones own happiness as it requires you to go out of your element to get there. It requires you to not hide the powerful side of you when you deal with others and let them know what you know.

Don’t reduce yourself to make mediocre feel comfortable. They aren’t elevated, we become mediocre in the process.

#Scorpio : Home, family, ancestors, place of living, comfort

People don’t understand why a Scorpio needs to be sure before going into something or going “steady” and why they have to “sense” out things. Sage the hell out of their aura cause they are about to occupy mine for a lifetime says my Scorpio rising.

People don’t get that as much as we are eager to act and ready to face any consequence, we have a fixity in our relationships and partnerships. Partners and relationships never leave Scorpios even when they leave. But the “please no drama” zone of partnerships to be honest has become a bit of battlefield lately. What are we fighting for though. More freedom, more authenticity possibly. But may be more passion, more expression, more dynamism. Its such a contradiction isn’t it - the area we seek the most stability in - we also seek the most excitement and freedom in as well. That kind of freedom can only be based in trust, can only be based if we feel stable in our footing. Feel sure of the ground we stand on and then we can build all the existing relationships, connect with unique partners and clients / networks with. Aquarius season and this year of Saturn Jupiter in our house of home, family, place of living is aiming to do just that. Beef up the home metaphorically and physically. So this season we do something new in that direction so we can take more risks in our business and personal partnerships. We embellish our home, shift houses, countries, find a home within home and find the resources that beef us up from within or find that tribe we can call family that help us get there. Nothing above the surface can fly higher without that home as much as we would want to run away from it. So it might be time to put roots, find that place or do something make your family comfortable in some ways so you have a sure footing within - by purchasing real estate or changing your lease or shifting something in the house or deciding which country you would live in. Normally modern family structures and home structures suit us, possibly away from place of birth or away from parents in some ways - Scorpios cherish the closeness that comes from letting them have their “space” - may be time to find a bit of space so you can think, create and draw strength from. Beef those roots up.

#Sagittarius : Communication, immediate environment, commercial skills

Like a fish out of water, Sagittarius might have put themselves in a zone totally out of their comfort zone cause what they themselves don’t understand right now is that traditional isn’t cutting it for them as much as they are trying. Old isn’t vast enough to let them be who they need to be. The kind and level of commercial success and to some extend the kind of impact they are looking for doesn’t come from traditional careers. They are looking to create something unique and its coming in tough by sticking to old work environment or even that environment might have stopped suiting who they are becoming. Its a process that started over two years back when Uranus first started in their house of work and health - creating a bit of environment of restless brilliance which is just waiting to pop but not yet finding possibly its outlet. Not yet finding that outlet cause may be using the old skill sets and using the old teachings / learnings or old modes and methods of selling / communicating. When you cannot stand the confinement of your surrounding, usually your immediate environment needs a shift - as does the people you see on a daily basis, the road to work you take, the car or vehicle you use and the platforms / devices you use for communicating your perspective along with the words that you are communicating. This new start this season is an up skill to a new commercial reality by changing what you talk, what you sell, what your talents are. I love that unique brilliant futurist sign of Aquarius sits in mind of Sagittarius - it makes them say what they think but also say what they see far ahead of time. They blurt out outstanding thoughts... well without a thought. Possibly a new course can be pretty helpful just to open your mind to new way to commercialize those brilliant thoughts. Perhaps a new neighbourhood or new surroundings can open the mind to more suitable environment that help you commercialize. Perhaps a new platform or new communication devices help support your work in the way you would like. Perhaps a new route to work could help support the new health routine you are looking for. Anything that opens your mind to new economy would be a helpful hand in your journey to get more freedom in your work and provide a platform for you to express your ahead of time ideas. But speak, sell, communicate, connect, commercialize - its time to.

#Capricorn : Money, assets, networth and self worth

I have said it before and I am going to shout from the rooftops till everyone knows, I love love the Uranus transit Capricorn are getting on. Its so freeing - its going to free their sense of joy, their ability to connect with the fun playful innocent child within which has been forced to grow up way too fast with the last few years of transit. Uranus in your house of joy and passions is screaming to release all thats fun, confident, talented, creative, passionate about you. You feel driven to take the risks you have not taken in love, in money, in business - it creates this radical confidence in your ability to bring things to life, in your ability to give birth to the unique thoughts within. And it all, as with everything else with Capricorn, has got to be something real - something touch it feel it. The manifestation of it all to start with could be seen in your financials , in your assets, in things you are going to buy or invest in. Aquarius season starts a new cycle in your networth and self worth. New source of income, new asset, new investment, new purchase that would add to your networth and a new sense of self that helps you go after getting true value of your talents. You might even go after aquiring some talents that help you create more value e.g. in stock markets. You are on a new journey where you want to be free of guilt in being happy, in being fruitful, uninhibited smile - whatever brings that on, bring that on!

#Aquarius : You

Everyone’s talking about you or of you, you don’t necessarily like that... you didn’t ask for it but may be you did - its all been going stale for a while so you did ask for it all to become interesting and it all started being a bit more interesting two years back and now its just all changing way too fast. More importantly think I am changing too fast and rest is changing with me cause my comfort zone is shifting - cause well I wanted to do something different. So here it is that time to start new life, new you in your season - Happy Aquarius Season to you and happy birthday to Aquarius Sun. It just is how your season would be for next few years but this is a landmark one as lot of energy concentrated in your sign is being challenged by your own inertia to change things cause you feel the comfort zone will be lost in some ways - not registering there is no comfort zone anymore. When a kite has taken a flight there is no ground to rest on so its better to learn to fly breathlessly a bit cause stopping isn’t an option at this stage. Unprecedented growth is the reward awaiting of you taking over the reigns of your life in your hand. You have taken a journey where you are fully owning everything in your life, now so don’t look back - start another new chapter in that new direction you have decided to go on. There could be physical volatility in home, family or place of living - its like some constant ground you stood on is shaking - cause its limiting your ability to go where you need to. Its like you need to almost forget where you came from to become who you need to be - leaving the nest is one thing, forgetting the patterns that physically kept you there is another. This is like you are literally being reprogrammed as a person - physically in your body, in your fitness, in what kind of a leader you are and how you show up to the external world. And as part of that reprogramming, your old patterns would have to be irrevocably erased. Whatever it takes!

#Pisces : Peace, healing, health, recognizing your hidden talents & place in universe

Most brilliant creators go to isolation away from everyone to create their masterpiece even though the masterpiece is for the enjoyment of the very people they are going away from. Its like somehow they need to connect with themselves before they can give to others their best work. Its like for it all to be kosher pure chaste and brilliant it needs to be all free of any influence. Do you feel the need to shut all that noise sometimes so you can hear what the universe is trying to talk just to yourself - so you can find why you came here - what is your role and what are you here to serve. Uranus in your house of mind, create such sensitivity and brilliance in your mind that you feel sometimes an idea a minute coming - yet not having an outlet for it all sometimes just leaves a restless feeling that makes it impossible to settle down or sleep sometime. What if you needed a beat to put it all down, what if you needed to create your island so you can in that silence synthesize all that the rest of the connections have inspired you to think of. I am in no way suggesting its time to go on a mountain but I am saying there are two parts of you - conflicting parts of you fighting it out right now. One is teaming with day to day bustle, so much talk, so much information, so much connection, so many ideas, so many people in surrounding acting erratically. Yet not being able to leave that cause I know I can create here something unique, I am learning so much commercially, I am meeting so many unique people, I am actively engaged in my mind and body. Yet this can make you exhausted and scattered. Aquarius season and this year helps you find that corner behind the stage where all the real work happens. You work on a network project behind the scene there, you find peace in your thoughts there, you possibly connect with your hidden skills there, you meditate, put yourself in unique healing positions and potions to bottle all that brilliance into something of value, something of impact, something that can benefit many people. Gift that place behind the stage this season by starting a practice, finding your spirituality again, work on a behind the scene project thats your vision, deal with your fears and inner world. Its going to completely change how you deal with that active, bustling yet brilliant external life of yours. All innovators do this and you are one. All innovators also decide to give away & serve before they get & gain.

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majorshiraharu · 4 years

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Sentences: 10 and 24, with Kix. Reader suffers from social anxiety. They at first tell him that it's a bad idea that they came to the gathering that has lots of people, so Kix finds a quieter place to talk to the reader, reassuring them it's okay and that he won't pressure them into staying there, but in the end they ask for his help to try and be braver to talk to more people.

10 - “Please don’t make me socialize.” 24 - “I will if you will.” ------------------- Kix x Gender Neutral Reader Comfort -------------------

Warnings: Anxiety Panic Attack -------------------

Kix takes your hand and leads you towards a group of people who were talking, you could feel your hands become sweaty and your vision blurred, "Please don't make me socialize!" You say pulling your hand out of his before stepping back some, trying to calm yourself, but it was all too much.

"I told you this was a bad idea!" You say in an angry but quiet tone, you weren't actually angry, instead you were panicked. You've always had a fear of large groups especially when you'd have to interact and talk with multiple people.

It was getting to be too much, even if you'd only just arrived there with Kix your brain was already overloading as your body started to sweat and shake more.

"I need to go now," you said turning around to leave, Kix follows you for a few steps before taking your clammy hand in his, rubbing his thumb across the back of it to calm you. Pulling you off to the side and down the small hall, away from any of the other guests. The sound of everything still looming in the background but not as overbearing as it was a few moments ago.

Sliding down the wall you sit on the ground, your legs are weak and your heartbeat is strong, too strong in fact, it feels like it's going to break your chest. As you look around small stars appeared in your vision, and your head felt light.

Kix places a hand on your shoulder as he whispered to you, it was something sweet and grounding but you could understand exactly what he was saying.

"Y/N, hey listen to me, you need to calm your breathing if you don't you'll pass out," he said moving his hand to cup your face, finally pulling you back to reality.

"Kix..." You mutter trying to gain some focus through the defending sound of your heart beating as you lungs tried to get what air they could.

"You're having a panic attack Y/N I need you to focus on your breathing okay?"

"Uh...yeah..." You say looking at him, he takes your hand pulling it towards himself and placing it on his chest, "Just breathe, you're safe."

His hand was warm and soft just ever so gently pushing yours against his chest so you could feel it rising and falling with every breath, as his heartbeat stayed level.

"I'm sorry that this happened, I never meant to cause you trouble," Kix said not sure how to apologize, feeling guilty that he asked you to come with him.

"Kix it's not your fault," you say knowing exactly what he's thinking right now, the look in his eyes changes some but he's still clearly worried.

"I asked you to come, if I didn't you wouldn't be in this situation."

"Kix I wanted to try, to try and get out of my comfort zone, it just didn't turn out like I hoped."

He moves to sit next to you, still holding your hand, "I'm used to be around my brothers and we were all trained and bred to be more suited to stressful environments... sometimes I forget that not everyone is like us and handles things differently."

"I know, and that's okay, I didn't tell you how bad it was because I didn't want to go alone or not at all. I should have made my feelings more clear."

"Most of my medical knowledge is limited to my brothers and what I've learned for myself, but I'm sure some of the stuff can help you too."

You listen to him as he talks, mentioning that if you wanted to try and go back in that he'd be right there this time to support you, explaining that a good way to break free of your anxiety is to ground yourself, he offered you his hand saying to squeeze it twice if you wanted to leave or where getting too stressed. Accepting his offer you say you want to go back, that you want to be more social and talk to more people, asking if he could help you be brave.

He agrees, his face still showing a great deal of concern, "Uh... are you sure you want to go back, we don't have to," he says as he helped you to your feet.

"I will if you will," you said with a warm smile on your face, at first his expression was confused and still worried, but it soon switched as he smiled back at you.

"I will, he whispered leaning over to kiss your cheek before taking your hand, this time allowing you to lead the way. Making sure he was right there with you to keep you comfortable and help you through your fears.

#clone medic kix x reader #clone medic kix #clone trooper kix x reader #clone trooper kix #kix #kix x reader #clone trooper kix request #kix fluff #clone medic kix fluff #tcw

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theprocast · 5 years

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There may be many things that you wished you did differently in your life but don’t be hard on yourself because some of those aren’t meant to be regretted. Here are 9 things that you could have done that you should never regret doing: 1. Don’t regret falling in love with the wrong person. At first, you would literally feel that you are stupid for even investing plenty of emotions to them at all, that you’ve just wasted your valuable time when you could have cut them out of your life the moment you’ve seen the little red flags but here’s the thing, you are meant to fall in love with the wrong person before you finally become the best partner you are also wishing to have. A relationship that did not work out is learning that you did not want to hear at the time. 2. Don’t regret leaving people who are unhealthy for you. Toxic people can do great damage to you physically, emotionally, and mentally so do not ever feel sorry for walking away from them. They’ve already done enough, don’t let them continue to destroy YOU. 3. Don’t regret failing. Be it in different kinds of relationships or business, you should never regret failing. Instead, be proud of yourself because failing indicates trying and trying is as always, a good thing. With failure comes a learning experience, maturity, skills, resilience, and new knowledge. You may have bled and gained wounds but have you ever thought how effective is growth without working to achieve it? 4. Don’t regret taking a break. Taking a break is something you don’t think you need, but you do. If you don’t, you might erode productivity, lose focus, dampen creativity, diminish enjoyment, act like an alien, and eventually burst. Don’t regret taking a break because there are times in life that taking a break is necessary to recharge, to see things clearly, and to just breathe. 5. Don’t regret staying at a job you dislike. Even though you are fully aware that you deserve to work somewhere that makes you feel satisfied and fulfilled, sometimes you are forced to stay at a job because you need the money. That is no secret to everyone but sometimes, the best thing to do is tough it out until you already have the means to change your situation. Some times staying at a job you dislike has surprising benefits such as learning more about yourself and your limitations, you learn to resist, fight, and struggle against your job, and a lot more. Sometimes, staying in a bad position is necessary for you to pave a road to the best one. 6. Don’t regret taking a risk. The unknown could be scary, thrilling to some. But taking a risk is something you should not regret because only by then would you be able to go out of your comfort zone and see different horizons you have never seen due to the position you were in. No matter the outcome, you will surely grow and continually become resilient and confident. 7. Don’t regret spending some time alone. Being alone does not necessarily mean you are lonely. And sometimes, the greatest thing you could do to yourself is to spend some “me” time. Reward yourself of simple pleasures of life. 8. Don’t regret facing your fears. Honestly, you don’t need to conquer every fear that you have. But it is important to do so from time to time to slowly gain control over things that are manipulating you. Your fear of heights gets in the way of your hiking trip with your closest friends but if you deal with it, you now have one fear crossed in your “fear list”, you gained a new surprising adventure, and you obtain a feeling that you could do anything you want. Who would regret that? 9. Don’t regret giving second chances to people. You are not wrong for giving something or someone a second chance but one thing to keep in mind is that not everybody deserves it. And if they wasted that chance, remember that you are not to blame. Wasting it is their decision and not yours. But if you gave someone a second chance and they wasted it, then you gave them another chance, that is something you would regret because by then, you should know better. You shall never regret your past decisions because, in some way, you’ve benefitted from it. You are where you are because of it. Everything happens for a particular reason that we might not know as of now but there is a grand design He is preparing for us that we don’t realize. Give things a try and always see the good in every bad.

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make-me-imagine · 3 years

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Hello love ♡

First of all, I want to congratulate you on your 5500 follower milestone! That's incredible♡! I love your writings, Mera, and I think that your ship celebration is a wonderful idea!

Could I please request a male matchup for Marvel, Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings/Hobbit? With the additional "What you did for your first date" and "Ways they show you they love you without words" headcanons for all three of them? I'm female, she/her.

To begin with, I'm full of contradictions, utterly boring, very insecure and highly complicated. I would say my strongest personality traits are my kindness, calmness and sympathy. It's almost impossible to scare or upset me, because I always see the good in a person and recognize where anger, frustration and despair come from. There's no cruelty in me at all. I'm open and impartial towards everything and everyone, without any judgment or prejudice. I also have a calming/grounding effect on other people and animals, which is great because I honestly love all sorts of animals (I'm also a vegetarian because I refuse to intentionally hurt any animal). I have a faszination for chaos and rebellion, but am quite submessive/timid and a clean-/control freak myself. I'm always well-meaning and there to help others. I despise people who enjoy the suffering of others, just because they have the 'power' to. I'm very open-minded and I think that every opinion matters and that whatever someone has to say is important, at least to them and therefore for me. I will never ignore someone's sorrows and suffering and I try my hardest to help and comfort as best I can. But, even though I see the good in everything, I'm very insecure myself and have little love and understanding for myself. I have a very bad self-esteem and not a particularly positive self-perception, which mostly defines my actions. It makes me believe that I'm a burden to others and that I annoy them. I feel like I'm not "worthy" of love/there's nothing lovable about me, that there are too many problems in contrast to the little good things. Nevertheless, I would never change myself for anything or anyone, I'm who I'm. For me, dealing and interacting with people is really difficult, because I'm so clumsy and nervous around them and easily feel like I'm making a fool out of myself. Another reason is that I fear to be rejected and thrown aside when someone sees how boring, problematic and annoying I actually am. You would be surprised how timid and reserved I'm; I'm sure you wouldn't notice me in a room full of people if it wouldn't be for my different appearance (I'm always wearing only black, have dyed my hair a little and two ear piercings). I almost never like the "typical" heroes and righteous characters. And somehow I have such a undergoing disdain for any figure in the police and law department. Because I'm easily sad and not a funny/joking person, I like and enjoy people who aren't too serious themselves. And I'm the most loyal person you'll ever find, once you earn my trust, I'll always be on and by your side, no matter what. I've always felt like I don't belong anywhere, like I'm the only cat in a room full of dogs. That's probably why I have a soft spot for the weirdos, outcasts, loners and "crazy" ones. Though, in my opinion, the definition of normal, crazy and real are very subjective. My whole life I've felt kinda judged, misunderstood and unwanted. People often falsely think that my unassuming nature is naivity and take my social-insecurity for aloofness and coldness. I'm also quite opinionated and aware of what I want, how I feel and who I am. I'm often questioning my surroundings, the traditions and rules and I have no problem challenging others, even authority. I'm a perfectionist, which often leads me to overthinking and that can be equally good and bad. I'm absolutely clueless in romance and totally oblivious to flirting because I'm 100% inexperienced in this stuff, but I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic.

-Luna 1/2

Hey Luna, I hope you like what I came up with. You provided a bit more information than was necessary lmao, I forgot the word limit for asks was extended. BUT, it was enough to give me a good feel for who to ship you with, so I hope you like them!

All ships are under the cut:

Marvel:

I ship you with Clint.

Clint was my immediate thought when reading your information. He is very loyal and kind-hearted and I think would be most drawn to those who are kind, loyal, and have strong morals. He would try his best to show you how great you are through your insecurities, he loves you for who you are and sees no flaws in you. He would be very good at showing his care and love for everything you are. He does not need words to know how you feel as he is very good at seeing through you and knowing what you feel without them.

What you did for your first date:

You would have a fun yet casual day out date.

First you would go on a walk through a nearby park, talking and joking about everything and nothing.

Then you would go to a musical instrument museum.

He loves music too, so this would be great for both of you.

You got to see the evolution of music and instruments and listened to various kinds of music.

You spent hours in the museum together.

To finish the date of you went to a restaurant, you chose the place to go too since he knew you were vegetarian and he wanted you to share your favorite place and meals with him.

Ways they show you they love you without words:

He loves physical touch as well, so he would often express himself through various physical actions.

Placing a kiss to the back of your hand, or head.

Hugging you close to him randomly.

Wrapping you up in his arms on the couch when watching movies as he randomly kisses the side of your head or face.

Best Friend:

I think your best friend would be Steve. He is a very kind and compassionate person and would be very brotherly to you. he would never force you out of your comfort zone and would often check in on you. He can sometimes be a bit serious, but it never pushy towards you. He is very caring and helps you to accept yourself and things around you.

Harry Potter:

I ship you with Harry.

Harry is a very encouraging and accepting person and I think he would see the best in you and would never stop showing and proving to you that you are worthy of love and compassion. He would find you to be beautiful and never sees the flaws that you try to convince yourself that you have. I think he would be one of the best people to show you that you matter and are beautiful.

What you did for your first date:

You first met at Hogwarts, and since there was not much choice in dates he chose something simple that he knew you would enjoy.

You left during dinner and took an evening stroll around the grounds.

You stayed out past curfew and sat on a nearby hill watching the stars together.

When you began to get sleepy you snuck back in and he walked you back to your room.

Ways they show you they love you without words:

He brings you your favorite snacks and drinks randomly.

Randomly drapes his cloak or jacket over your shoulders when you are cold.

Will take your hand in his and rubs his fingers softly over your skin.

Hugs you from behind randomly.

Will play your favorite music throughout the house when he knows that you are stressed or sad.

Best Friend:

Hermione. She is very good at making you feel better about the world and yourself. She is always open to going on long walks and listening to you rant about anything or just to talk when needed. She is good at giving advice and never lets you feel inferior to anyone.

Lotr:

I ship you with Aragorn.

Out of everyone, I think Aragorn would be the best suited for you. He is kind, and patient and sees the best in everyone. He would see the best in you and is very good at showing it to you too. He will always make you feel wanted and needed. He does not let anyone take you for granted and will always stand up for you. He loves that you love music and will sing for you when you are stressed or having trouble falling asleep.

What you did for your first date:

Aragorn being Aragorn, woud take you on a horse ride to a beautiful forest.

You would go exploring and walking through the meadows.

He would share his knowledge of various plants with you and pick you flowers along the way, making you a small bouquet.

Once it got late, you two sat on the top of a hill and watched the sunset, waiting for the stars to come out before making your way back.

Ways they show you they love you without words:

Surprising you with flowers randomly.

Holding your hand as you walk through town on a quiet evening.

Bringing you various plants and taking care of them for you.

Planting you a garden with all of your favorite plants and flowers.

Hand-making you a special pendant to wear or hang somewhere in your home.

Best Friend:

Out of everyone, I think you would form a bond with Eowyn. She is caring and quiet, and is very easy to get along with She is very good at making people aware of their worth and of feeling wanted. She would never make you angry or disappoint you. I think you two would become so close that you consider each other family.

#ask #ship #ships #ship request #5.5k ships #lunamooney2406

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illfoandillfie · 4 years

Text

going under a cut because its long lmao

tarot cards: Queen of Cups, 3 of swords, king of pentacles, knight of wands, 2 of wands, 10 of wands, king of pentacles, the world

okay, before i jump into these cards i just wanted to note that while i was shuffling i had a few cards sort of flip over or like stick out at the wrong angle and i definitely saw the 9 of swords and 8 of swords which both speak to the hopeless/stuck feelings you’ve been having. but neither card fell out or was drawn they just sort of showed themselves to me which means that these feelings aren’t likely to stick around. It’s definitely tied more to your current energy than your future energy.

While i was drawing these cards I was asking about what’s coming in your near future so I was thinking the next few months but timing can be hard to place so if things don’t happen immediately, don’t worry about it, it doesn’t mean they never will.

So, now to the actual cards. First up the queen of cups and the 2 of wands. I think this is a call for compassion and kindness, probably towards yourself. The two of wands is about a desire for the unknown. Making plans, deliberating, hesitating. And the queen of cups is calm and comforting and compassionate. Together these are a reminder to not beat yourself up for what is out of your control. Sometimes circumstances keep us from getting what we really want. Sometimes it’s our own fears or uncertainty but sometimes it’s to do with family or work or the state of the world. But, sometimes the delay can be a blessing. It’s a good time to reflect on what you want and plan for how you can bring it about. The queen of cups can be read as a visionary. She is wise and devoted and is tied to dreams becoming reality. If things don’t seem to be progressing, use this time to take care of yourself and get in touch with your own needs and desires. Figure out what you’re looking for so that you recognise it when you see it.

Next up is the 3 of swords and the 10 of wands. Admittedly, neither of these are especially happy cards. The 3 of swords in particular is tied to heartache and suffering, disruptive forces, and absence. You feel as if something is missing and its weighing on you. Similarly the 10 of wands is symbolic of burdens and suffering but it’s a hopeful card. It’s also about success, though it might come at a cost, and accomplishment. This is a promise that things will turn around for you within the near future, that they’ll get better. It won’t be easy, sometimes it will be a great struggle as if you’re carrying more than you should be, but there is success at the end of it.

Because next up we have double king of pentacles. I gasped when the second king came out because it doesn’t happen very often and I remember the king of pentacles came up in your previous readings. As I’m sure I have said before, the king of pents signifies abundance, prosperity and security but i won’t go too deep into what qualities he’s tied too since i’ve said it before. What I will talk about is why he’s appeared twice in the same column. So, if we look at your cards so far, we have a mix of hurt and hope. And i think thats why the king of pents is in there twice. Because his absence is part of the hurt right now but his potential arrival is part of the hope. He represents both what is missing and what you’re trying to find. But, hopefully his showing up here is a sign that he could approach soon. Like I said in our chat, it’s not guaranteed and you need to put in effort to meet him or, if you think you know who it is, to connect with him, but I do think his appearance here twice is a good sign.

And finally, the knight of wands and the world. The knight of wands is about action and adventure and energy. He’s on the move, he’s confident and excited and fearless. And the world is about fulfilment and harmony and completion. It’s assured success. It might come after a long journey but it will come. Interestingly the knight of wands is also linked to travel and departure and altered plans. He can represent absence as well as distance so again we have that duality of hurt and hope. This may be a sign that the king of pents was meant to come towards you sooner but circumstances changed and he’s had to change course. It could also be a message for you to try to overcome whatever limits you are placing on yourself to manifest this relationship. At a very basic level or could also just indicate that the king of pents, whoever his is, is linked to travel somehow - maybe he travels for work or he just likes taking trips or maybe you’ll meet him while commuting somewhere. Either way, stay open to the possibility of meeting him. Stay hopeful that it will work out. Because, as scary or hard as that 3 of swords may feel, there is a lot to be hopeful about in here.

a couple of other things i want to point out:

We start with the queen of cups and the last card of that row is the knight of wands. their energies are very different. the queen is soft and tender and empathetic. She’s calm and soothing and still. the knight is bold and courageous and ambitious. he’s about movement and taking chances because he feels bulletproof. this could be a message about what you can do to help manifest your king. Take action, put yourself out there, don’t be afraid to cut loose and show your passionate side. (Or, because its hard not to be afraid, fake it until you make it. act confident until confidence is second nature.)

Then, the second row. It starts with the 2 of wands which is a card that usually depicts a man holding a globe to signify his desires. And then we end with The World. If that’s not a hopeful message then i don’t know what is.

okay, onto your oracles.

I started with a crystal spirit and you got number 6 - Aqua Aura Quartz. It represents: Connecting to infinite potential, a renewed sense of purpose, wonder, and awe. I don’t always quote directly from the guidebook but theres a little second in there that i feel really fits with your situation so i’m gonna quote it. It says: There are eight billion people on this planet, yet soul mates somehow find each other, friends and lovers show up in the most unexpected places, and love makes itself known just as you are beginning to doubt that is is out there for you. Aqua Aura Quartz Spirit’s message to you today is to become childlike with wonder. Believe in magic. Believe in the power of love to find its way to you no matter how dark the house, for love is everywhere and you have not been forgotten. As an aside, if you’re into numerology the number 6 may hold significance for you - it could be related to your life path number or it could be an important date (6th of feb/march? something in june?).

After that I pulled a Moonology card and you got Full Moon in Scorpio - It’s time to release negativity. This is definitely a sign to try and shake off the hopelessness you’ve been feeling. I know that’s probably easier said than done but it would be worth it to try.

While we’re on the subject of the moon and astrology, I got 2 Arcana of Astrology cards the Waxing Crescent Moon and the Ninth House. The waxing crescent represents growth and initiative. Growth comes in two phases. firstly, the obstacles which are negative patters from the past and secondly, the actions which are changes made to move forward. This card indicates that now is a good time to focus on that second part of growth. Focus your energy towards what you want to accomplish rather than what has happened in the past. Then the ninth house which is the realm of philosophy. It’s about knowledge and truth and the desire for understanding. This card is letting you know that now is the right time to look outside your comfort zone and explore new ideas or opportunities. Interestingly the ninth house in astrology can also involve travel and exploration which definitely ties in into some of your tarot cards.

Next we have a Dragon Path card - number 8, Magic and Manifestation. These dragons are here to help you turn your dreams into reality. Because you pulled this card I also pulled you some cards from my Making Magic deck. Originally I just wanted 1 but 3 popped out at once so I took them all. These cards all depict a sigil or symbol that can be used in spellwork or that you can focus on to help manifest what you want. They are: Love Charm - Attract a lover, soul mate or life partner / Triple Spiral - Listening to divine wisdom and joyfully learning life’s lessons. / Goddess - Healing feminine energy. Obviously love charm is a good fit but I think the others are as well. A lot of these cards have related to healing and moving forward and then the triple spiral really seemed to fit in with the knowledge thing in the ninth house and potentially with the visionary aspect of the queen of cups.

Tarot: 3 of cups, 3 of swords, 3 of wands, queen of pentacles, ace of swords, 4 of pentacles, 6 of cups, 2 of cups.

Okay. so onto the second part of the reading. With these cards I was trying to focus on getting more info about you person, the king of pents, the soul mate, whatever you want to call them.

So right off the bat I have to point out the 3 different 3s. I can assure you these cards were well shuffled and it wasn’t like they all came out in a clump together, it was one and then some shuffling and then the next and then shuffling and then the third one. I was very surprised to have so many 3s come out together. The 3s represent sociability and group communications as well as coming change. The only one that isn’t there is the 3 of pentacles which is usually related to group work - people collaborating and working together.

So lets start with that 3 of cups. This card is about friendship and community and happiness. Often it depicts a group of women drinking and dancing together so it’s very much about gatherings and parties and social settings but at a deeper level its about knowing someone has your back, that you’ve got people you can trust to help you. It’s being clarified by the ace of wands (these are Friends themed playing cards and each has the name of an episode on them so i’ll include those, in case they hold significance - perhaps one of the storylines will be relevant. The ace of swords is The One Where Rachel Finds Out). The ace of swords is about breakthroughs, clarity, the truth, and having a sharp mind. It may be that someone you know will help you clarify the situation or that a breakthrough will occur at a party or other social event. This could also be saying that, when you eventually meet this person, they will become a valued friend, someone who you can trust, someone you can turn to.

Then we have that pesky 3 of swords card again, same as in the previous part of the reading. All that heartache and pain again. This time it’s with the 4 of pentacles (The One With All The Wedding Dresses) which is about holding what you have close. In worst case scenarios the 4 of pents can reference hoarding or holding onto something for fear of losing it but at it’s highest vibration it’s about protecting what is yours. Together this could be a message of “no pain no gain”. Without going through the grief of the 3 of swords you can’t appreciate the security or conservation of the 4 of pents. This could also be a sign or warning for you or your person about not letting pain of the past manifest in overly clingy or needy displays once you are together. On the other hand it could be about turning past hurts and present worries into affection and care. In relation to your person, these cards may symbolise that they’re financially stable or prone to being careful with money. Perhaps they have been through patches of having little to live off so are careful with how they spend what they now have.

Then we have the 3 of wands and 6 of cups. The 3 of wands is related to growth and expansion and looking ahead. It’s about preparation, getting ready for something. The 6 of cups (The One With The Proposal) id related to familiarity, happy memories and healing. Often this card comes up in relation to past life connections (if you’re into that) or people you’ve previously met. There’s momentum here. The 3 of wands suggests you’re getting ready for them, looking ahead to when you may meet and the 6 of cups suggests moving on from past pain or trauma that’s been holding you back. In relation to your person these cards suggest there could be an element of familiarity between you - perhaps you met once a few years ago or you’ve heard about them from a friend and feel as if you have an idea of them already. The 3 of wands also has a connection to travel so, again, it might be that they travel a lot or have travelled in the past or they’re someone who enjoys visiting new places and seeing new things. It could also be that they’re a joyful sort of person, perhaps a bit silly or jokey.

And then we have the Queen of Pentcles and the 2 of cups. I think it was in one of your previous readings that you came up as the queen of pents. Certainly, if this person is the king of pents it makes sense for the queen to be you. And especially with the 2 of cups (The One With Ross’s New Girlfriend) clarifying it. As I’ve said before the 2 of cups is about connection and partnership and unity. It’s pretty much the ideal soul mate card. So, that’s a pretty great note to end this part of the reading on.

And lastly, the oracles. I didn’t intend to pull quite so many but this is what came out so this is what we’re going with.

First up here’s what the 3 heart shaped cards have to say: When it comes to matters of the heart, there is no right or wrong. Every choice you make expands your understanding of life and love. / Time - You are trying too hard. Give it time. / Embrace - Through each other you find the missing pieces. So there’s definitely a sense of slowing down, not rushing or trying to force something that isn’t there. But there’s also reassurance that this connection is reachable and will be deep and what you’re looking for. Soul Mate, Twin Flame, that kind of thing.

Then we have 3 romance angels: Make The Effort - Great love is worth taking the steps you’re guided to take. / Let Your Friends Help You - Ask for and accept support from others. / Forgiving And Learning - As you release and heal the past, you experience more love in your present moments. Interestingly while the previous cards were saying to give things time, these ones seem to suggest making active moves to make it happen. I think there’s a balance required. One that you will intuitively be able to work out. Somewhere between sitting at home and waiting for him to magically appear, and going out with every guy in your town or city. If you meet someone or know someone you think could be the right person, take whatever steps you feel are right. I also think the Let Your Friends Help card is important considering how many 3s we got in the tarot cards. It may be that this connection is possible through a friend or family member who can set you up or will help you approach them. And the last one has that same healing energy we’ve seen a few times in this reading.

You also got 2 Spellcasting oracles. Happiness and Manifestation. Both of these make sense really. They both indicate a positive outlook and happy outcomes. Manifestation can also be about patience as it’s not an instantaneous thing which ties into that Time heart card.

And finally I got 2 Destiny cards as well - Boldness and Compassion. These could be traits that your person will show but interestingly they can be linked to the knight of wands and queen of cups from the beginning of the reading.

#card readings

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feralpumpkincatgirl · 5 years

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literally nobody asked but here's sone tips for driving

A Disclaimer:

I got my permit and license in Oregon. What I say here might not be entirely 100% applicable in other states and especially other countries, so make sure to read up on the driving laws for your particular region! Driver's manuals are usually free and can be found in pdf format, to my knowledge.

GETTING THE FUCK STARTED

Make your first drive in an empty parking lot. School parking lots are ideal for this, as they're usually fairly spacious, accessible, and mostly empty on weekends.

Neighborhoods with wider streets are also a good for beginners as there's relatively little traffic and usually have a good variety of routes to take.

Pay attention to the road while you're a passenger, it'll teach you the more major roads in your area once you're ready to take them on!

PARKING

In larger lots, the ideal situation is to be able to pull in (go forward into) a parking spot and then drive through an occupied spot to get to the other side of your row of parking. This way, you never have to shift into reverse while parking.

When pulling into a spot, drive on the opposite side of the lane of the spot and turn *real* sharp towards it when the mirror on that side roughly lines up with the parking line.

If you can't pull through, it's safer to back into a spot so you can pull out without having to reverse out and increase your isk of hitting something. Sadly, I don't have any tips fo this, so practice in that emptry school parking lot from before!

Smaller lots are usually safe enough to pull in and back out of a spot.

When pulling forward out of a spot woth cars on either side, wait until the back doors at least are completely clear of the cars on both sides of you. The same goes with backing out of a spot, but instead of going by the back seats, wait until your body is clear. Why, you ask?

There's some tips for parallel parking in Driver's Ed- which I encourage taking if at all possible, it's not that bad I promise- that I don't entirely remember, but it went something like this: Line up with a parked car a few feet away and reverse at an angle, then straighten out until you've aligned with the curb. Follow the same rules as a regular parkin space to judge when to turn.

LIGHTS

I don't know about other places but in Oregon you can turn right on a red light, as long as you stop before turning and yield to oncoming traffic. Use this to your advantage.

If you're about to enter an intersection and the light turns yellow, just keep going. You're supposed to make every reasonable effort to stop, and giving yoursef whiplash and stopping halfway in the intersection is not reasonable.

Speaking of stopping in intersections, don't. Even if the light is green, don't go until there's enough room on the other side of the intersection to fit your car because I can personally tell you that being stopped in an intersection is THE Most Terrifying Thing.

If you see a flashing arrow, treat it like a red light in a right turn lane. You CAN turn here, but you have to wait for oncoming traffic.

THE OPEN ROAD

Try to avoid driving in rush hour traffic until you're more experienced. Just trust me on that.

Signage trumps all other laws. If the sign says "You can't turn right on red here, motherfucker!" that means you can't turn right on red there and you're also a motherfucker. Follow signage.

Sometimes you'll encounter a yellow-orange sign with a number on it. That's the advisory speed. My general rule of thumb is that you can start by going 5 mph over it (which shouldn't ever put you above the speed limit) in perfect conditions, and take away 5 mph from that for every bad condition on the road until you meet it.

Bad conditions include but are not limited to: Rain, night, obstructed visibility around curves (like trees, buildings, and hills), tight curves in general, and fog. For is worth double. Ice/snow isn't worth trying to drive in without chains.

Try to memorize a route before you leave, especially if you're driving somewhere new.

My Driver's Ed instructor once gave me a piece of sage wisdom: "If you tink you MIGHT need to use your signaln use it." So use it.

LIFE IS A HIGHWAY

Highway driving is the scariest type of driving, but remember that it's also the simplest. For the most part, it's literally just staying in your lane, but there are a few things you need to do.

First, you need to get on the highway. While on the on-ramp, hit the gas until you're up to highway speed and look for an opening to change lanes into the highway proper.

Speaking of lane changes, this is just about the only time you need to worry about something in your blind spot. Usually you should have pretty good visibility approaching a highway, but it's good to physically turn and look behind you before you change lanes. Make sure to use your signal when changing lanes.

You'll also usually need to change lanes to get off the highway. Same principles apply, only it's more likely you'll need to check your blind spot. Slow down to the speed the off-ramp tells you.

There's this funky thing called, I Shit You Not, velocitation where after you've been driving fast for a while you want to keep driving fast and disregard the speed limit. Hell, it happens even switching to neighborhood roads. Watch your speed in both circumstances.

THE ANXIETY

Driving is anxiety-inducing for the first while, I know. I cried at the orientation for Driver's Ed, and I almost never cry. Here's some tips for that.

If you're worried about the permit test or the written driver's test, they're both piss easy. I can't speak for the driving part of the driver's test because I never took it.

Taking Driver's Ed is a huge help. There's still anxiety in there, of course, but it's in a controlled scenario and it gives you a good excuse to leave your comfort zone. Plus, at least for me, I didn't need to take the driving portion of my license test because I passed Driver's Ed!

If that's not an option, think of it like a video game. You're not great yet, but that's because you're just learning the controls. And once you've got the controls down, you start to learn strategyn and it gets easier and easier!

Also, I'd recommend leaving your phone at home during the earlier practice runs and silencing it whenever you're driving. It's one less thing to worry about distracting you, and I found it was a huge help.

Start small. Drive on little half-hour loops, start driving for small errands, drive to/from school/work, it all adds up.

GENERAL TIPS

Don't tailgate. Ideally you want to put four seconds between you and who you're following (which you can count by starting a count from when they pass an object and stop when you pass it)

On the subject, if you'rd following a big semi truck or a bus or something like that, make sure you can see their mirrors! that ensures both a safe following distance and also keeps you Safe from plowing straight into its dummy thicc vehicular ass

You've seen that one post that's just full of memes about shitty BMW drivers? Yeah that's real and that applies to most luxury cars, ESPECIALLY of the sports variety.

Notable exception to this, at least in my experience: Teslas. I don't know why Tesla drivers are more cautious than most luxury car drivers but I'm guessing it's because of the snobby culture around them that makes people not want anyone to touch their Shiny Expensive Tesla or else they'll call Elon Musk himself to smite you

Honestly there's a flavor of driver for every type of car out there. I've personally found that SUVs are the worst tailgatersand sedans tend to pull out at the worst times.

Adjust your side mirrors so you can only barely see your own car in the reflection andtry to center your rear-view mirror as much as possible. Also, adjust the seat to what's most comfortable but give yourself at least 16 iches between the steering wheel or your face. There's an airbag there, and in the extremely unlikely circumstance you get in an accident, it Will likely kill you if you're any closer.

It's not required, but it's safest to keep your headlights on whenever you're driving. Even in daylight, it attracts more attention to your car so other drivers can see you coming!

That being said, never turn on your brights. Unless you're out driving at night in the fuckin' boonies you'll never need them, and they can actually create worse visibility than regular headlights in fog.

now go and drive fucker! you've got this!

(P.S. feel free to add any other tips onto this!!!)

#driving #how to drive #psa #driving tips #long post

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