#you are just selfish and demanding to them!

[novaursa]

A Tower's Tragedy

- Summary: After Gwayne is forced to break up your secret affair, a tragedy follows that no scholars will ever record.

- Paring: niece!reader/Gwayne Hightower

- Note: Be aware of the angst and death of the reader.

- Rating: Mature 16+

- Tag(s): @sachaa-ff @alyssa-dayne @oxymakestheworldgoround @deniixlovezelda @duck-duck-goose2 @zizouu23 @aadu2173 @holdingforgeneralhugs

Alicent Hightower sat stiffly in her chair, her hands gripping the armrests as if they might anchor her against the storm brewing inside her. Her son, Aegon, had just departed after yet another tiresome lecture, leaving her drained but determined. She could not afford to rest—not now, not after what she had uncovered.

The soft knock at the door barely registered before she called, “Enter.”

Gwayne Hightower, her younger brother, stepped inside. His hair was neatly combed, his armor polished to a mirror's shine. The image of a dutiful knight. Yet Alicent’s keen eyes, so much like his own, saw the stiffness in his movements, the way his gaze darted away from hers as he approached.

“You sent for me, sister?” His tone was careful, as if he already suspected the nature of this summons.

“Yes, I did.” Alicent gestured to the seat across from her. “Sit.”

He obeyed, lowering himself into the chair with a knight’s precision, though his posture betrayed unease. Alicent let the silence stretch, her eyes fixed on him with the unyielding intensity of a mother who had caught her child in a lie. Gwayne shifted under her gaze but said nothing.

Finally, she spoke. “Do you know what they are saying about you in the servants’ quarters?”

Gwayne’s brows furrowed, his confusion almost convincing. “No, I do not concern myself with idle gossip.”

“You should,” she replied sharply, her tone like the crack of a whip. “For it is your actions that give them something to gossip about.”

He stiffened, his jaw tightening. “Sister, I have no idea—”

“Do not lie to me, Gwayne,” she interrupted, her voice low and cutting. “I know.”

The color drained from his face, and for a moment, he looked every bit the young boy she had once scolded for stealing candied almonds from the kitchens. But this was no childhood mischief. This was a scandal that could unravel everything.

“I… I do not know what you mean,” he said, though the falter in his voice betrayed him.

Alicent leaned forward, her eyes narrowing. “Do not insult my intelligence, brother. The Red Keep has eyes everywhere. Did you truly think I would not hear of your… indiscretions?”

Gwayne said nothing, his hands gripping the edges of the chair until his knuckles turned white. Alicent pressed on.

“My daughter,” she hissed, her voice trembling with equal parts fury and disbelief. “Your niece, Gwayne. How dare you? How could you?”

He flinched as if struck, his gaze dropping to the floor. “It was not—”

“Not what?” she snapped. “Not intentional? Not serious? Do you take me for a fool?”

“No!” he exclaimed, finally meeting her eyes. “No, Alicent, I would never— It is not as you think.”

“Then tell me,” she demanded, her voice softening but no less dangerous. “Tell me what it is, because I cannot fathom how a sworn knight of my father’s house could betray his vows in such a manner.”

Gwayne exhaled shakily, running a hand through his hair. “I… I did not intend for it to happen. But she is… she is not a child, Alicent. She is a woman grown.”

Alicent’s lips thinned, her nails digging into the armrests. “She is a maiden of seventeen, and your blood, Gwayne. Do not speak of her as if she were some tavern wench.”

“I would never treat her as such!” he protested, his voice rising in indignation. “I care for her—deeply. I would never dishonor her.”

“And yet, you have,” Alicent said coldly. “Do you know what they call her now? What they whisper when they think I cannot hear? They call her ‘Hightower’s harlot.’ Do you think she deserves such cruelty? Do you think she deserves to be tarnished by your selfishness?”

Gwayne’s face contorted in anguish. “I never wanted to hurt her,” he said, his voice breaking. “I love her, Alicent. I love her.”

The queen froze, the words hanging heavy in the air between them. Love. How many times had that word been used as an excuse for folly, for ruin? She had seen its effects firsthand—in her own life, in her children’s lives. And now, here it was again, threatening to destroy everything she had worked so hard to protect.

“Love?” she repeated bitterly. “Do you think love will shield her from the scorn of the court? From the wrath of her father? From the consequences of your actions?”

Gwayne looked as though he wanted to argue, but he held his tongue. Alicent rose from her chair, her skirts rustling as she moved to stand before him. She placed a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look up at her.

“You must end this,” she said firmly. “Whatever has passed between you, it must stop. For her sake, if not your own.”

He shook his head, his expression pained. “I cannot. Alicent, you do not understand—”

“I understand more than you think,” she interrupted, her voice softening ever so slightly. “I understand what it is to love someone you cannot have. But you must let her go, Gwayne. Before this affair destroys you both.”

He looked at her, his eyes filled with a desperation she had not seen in years. “And if I cannot?”

“Then I will do what I must,” Alicent said, her tone hardening once more. “You may be my brother, but she is my daughter. And I will not allow your foolishness to ruin her.”

For a long moment, neither of them spoke. Finally, Gwayne lowered his head, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

“I will end it,” he said quietly.

Alicent nodded, though her heart ached at the sight of him so broken. “See that you do.”

As Gwayne rose to leave, she called after him. “And Gwayne… if I hear of this again, I will not be so forgiving.”

He paused in the doorway, his back to her. “You will not hear of it again,” he said, his voice heavy with sorrow.

When he was gone, Alicent sank back into her chair, exhaustion washing over her. She closed her eyes, her mind racing with thoughts of what might come next. The damage had already been done, but she would not allow it to spread further. She would protect her daughter, no matter the cost.

The morning was crisp and gray as Gwayne Hightower mounted his horse outside the gates of the Red Keep. The city was just beginning to stir, merchants opening their stalls and beggars shuffling into the streets. His escort of four knights sat astride their mounts, ready to accompany him on the long journey to Oldtown. The weight of his armor felt heavier than usual, though he had forgone the usual green and silver cloak of his house. There was no pride in this departure. This was exile.

He glanced back toward the castle one last time. The Red Keep’s towers loomed high against the sky, their sharp spires reaching toward the heavens like cruel fingers. Somewhere within those walls, you remained, perhaps still weeping from the conversation the night before. He had not meant to hurt you, but obedience to Alicent’s command had left him no choice.

“I love you,” you had whispered, tears streaming down your face, your voice trembling as if the confession itself might shatter you. “Does that mean nothing to you?”

“It means everything,” he had said, his own voice breaking. “And that is why this must end.”

The memory of your anguished cries haunted him now, an echo that refused to fade. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the vision. It was done. He had done what was required of him, what Alicent had demanded. He would leave for Oldtown, put distance between himself and the court, and pray that time would dull the ache in his chest.

As the gates of King’s Landing receded behind him, Gwayne forced himself to focus on the road ahead. The journey to Oldtown would be long, but perhaps the monotony of travel would offer some solace.

The group had made camp by the time the sun dipped below the horizon, casting the world into hues of deep orange and purple. The crackle of the fire offered the only sound besides the occasional rustle of leaves in the wind. Gwayne sat apart from his men, his gaze fixed on the flames. He had scarcely touched his supper, his appetite stolen by the storm of emotions within him.

“Ser Gwayne,” one of the knights called, breaking the silence. “A rider approaches.”

Gwayne stood, his hand instinctively resting on the hilt of his sword. The rider came quickly, his horse lathered with sweat, and when he dismounted, Gwayne recognized him as a messenger from the Red Keep.

“Ser Gwayne,” the man panted, his face pale with exhaustion. “I bring grave news from King’s Landing.”

Gwayne’s heart sank. “What has happened?”

The messenger hesitated, his eyes flickering to the knights around them. “It would be best if I spoke with you privately, my lord.”

“Speak plainly,” Gwayne commanded, his voice hardening. “What news do you bring?”

The messenger swallowed hard, his hands trembling as he reached into his satchel and produced a scroll. “Princess Y/N… she… she has passed.”

The world seemed to tilt beneath Gwayne’s feet. “What do you mean, passed?” he demanded, his voice rising with desperation. “How?”

“She…” The messenger faltered, unable to meet Gwayne’s gaze. “She flung herself from the battlements of Maegor’s Holdfast. Her body was found on the stones below.”

For a moment, Gwayne could not breathe. The words crashed over him like a wave, drowning him in their weight. His knees buckled, and he stumbled back, catching himself on a tree. The knights exchanged uneasy glances, unsure whether to intervene.

“You lie,” Gwayne said, his voice trembling with rage and disbelief. “She would not… she could not…”

The messenger shook his head, his expression filled with pity. “I am sorry, my lord. The Queen herself confirmed it. She bade me deliver the news to you.”

Gwayne’s vision blurred, his mind racing with a thousand questions. Why? Why would you do such a thing? Had his rejection wounded you so deeply? He had thought his words harsh, yes, but necessary. He had believed that time and distance would heal the pain he had caused. But now… now there was no time. No distance. Only the cruel finality of your absence.

The camp was silent as Gwayne sat by the fire, his head in his hands. His knights kept their distance, whispering amongst themselves but leaving him to his grief. The messenger had departed, leaving behind only the cold reality of his words.

“She is gone,” Gwayne muttered to himself, the words tasting bitter on his tongue. “Gone because of me.”

He thought of your smile, the way your eyes lit up when you spoke of dragons and poetry, of the stolen moments you had shared in the shadowed corridors of the Red Keep. He had loved you, though he had never dared to say it aloud. And now, that love had destroyed you.

The fire crackled, sending sparks into the night sky, and Gwayne’s sorrow turned to anger. Anger at himself for his weakness, at Alicent for her interference, at the world for its cruel injustices.

“This is not justice,” he whispered, his voice shaking. “This is not mercy.”

The next morning, Gwayne rose before dawn, his face haggard and his eyes hollow. He gave orders for the camp to be packed and for the journey to Oldtown to resume. But as his horse trotted along the winding road, his thoughts remained fixed on the Red Keep, on the battlements where you had stood, and on the stones where your life had ended.

In his heart, Gwayne swore an oath. He would not forget you, nor would he forgive those who had forced this tragedy upon you. Not Alicent, not Otto, not even himself.

The journey to Oldtown stretched before him, but the road behind him was littered with ghosts. And he carried the heaviest one in his heart.

[mcjhay]

Narcissists aren't soulmates. A soulmate is someone who builds you up, supports your growth, and brings out the best in you. They're someone who understands you deeply, loves you selflessly, and shares in your joys and challenges. But a narcissist does the opposite. They're consumed with their own needs, desires, and ego, leaving little room for true partnership or genuine connection.

Narcissists may charm you at first, making it seem like they're everything you've ever wanted. But over time, the mask slips, and their selfishness becomes clear. They manipulate, control, and drain the energy out of you, making it all about them. They don't nurture your spirit or care about your happiness the way a real soulmate would.

A soulmate is there for the long haul, through thick and thin, giving just as much as they receive. A narcissist takes, and takes, leaving you feeling empty, questioning your worth, and doubting yourself. They make you feel like their love is conditional, based on what you can provide them, rather than unconditional, which is what real love should be.

A soulmate uplifts you, helping you grow into the person you're meant to be, while a narcissist keeps you small, focusing on themselves at your expense. True love is balanced, compassionate, and kind. It's two people working together, not one person constantly demanding to be the center of attention. That's why a narcissist could never be a soulmate, because they lack the capacity for the kind of selfless, deep connection that real love requires. May we all be great!🤲

[deliciousmicroplastics]

genuinely so pissed about gender reveal parties like what if your kid was intersex? what if they turned out trans? you cannot predict the type of person they will grow up to be and frankly it is revolting that cis people throw parties about genitalia and legislate the rest of us into the closet

[skunkes]

that "i wish that being aware of a mindset being ridiculous would make it easier to snap out of it" post hitting hard every single day

[utilitycaster]

You know what's interesting to me? For all people keep claiming at every juncture that perhaps Bells Hells will come around on the gods and see the harm they do (which, as discussed extensively, is, half the time, simply not intervening) not only have they never done so, but also they never quite cross the line into saying the party should join the Ruby Vanguard or aid them - and indeed, they defend against it - so what does this achieve? It feels like they're asking for a story in which the party stands idly by, which isn't much of a story nor, if I may connect this briefly to the real world, a political stance anyone should be proud of.

That's honestly the frustration with the gods and the "what if the Vanguard has a point" conversations in-game. What do we do then? Do we allow the organization that will murder anyone for pretty much any reason that loosely ties into their goals run rampant? The group that (perhaps unwittingly, but then again, Otohan's blades had that poison) disrupted magic world-wide, and caused people who had the misfortune to live at nexus points to be teleported (most, as commoners, without means of return). While also fomenting worldwide unrest?

Those were the arguments before the trip to Ruidus; with the reveal of the Vanguard's goals to invade Exandria, the situation becomes even more dire. Do you let the Imperium take over the planet?

And do the arguments against the gods even hold up? If Ludinus is so angry at them for the Calamity, what does it say that he destroyed Western Wildemount's first post-Calamity society for entirely selfish means? (What does it say about the validity of vengeance as a motivator?) What does it say that Laudna told Imogen she could always just live in a cottage quietly without issue before the solstice even happened? (Would this still be true if the Imperium controls the world?) What does it say that when faced with a furious, grieving party and the daughter she keeps telling herself was her reason for all of this, Liliana can't provide an answer to the question of what the gods have done other than that their followers will retaliate...for, you know, the Vanguard's endless list of murders. (That is how the Vanguard and Imperium tend to think, huh? "How dare your face get in the way of my boot; how dare you hit me back when I strike you.") She can't even provide a positive answer - why is Predathos better - other than "I feel it", even though Imogen and Fearne know firsthand that Predathos can provide artificial feelings of elation. Given all the harm Ludinus has done in pursuit, why isn't the conclusion "the gods should have crashed Aeor in such a way that the tech was unrecoverable?"

Even as early as the first real discussion on what the party should do, the fandom always stopped short of saying "no, Imogen's right, they should join up with the people who killed half the party," it was always "no, she didn't really mean it, she just was trying to connect with her mother." Well, she's connected with her mother, and at this point the party doesn't even care about the gods particularly (their only divinely-connected party member having died to prevent the Vanguard from killing all of them). So they will stop the Vanguard; as Ashton says, the means are unforgiveable. As Laudna says, it's not safe to bet on Predathos's apathy. As Imogen says, she's done running; the voice that she used to think of as a lifeline belongs to someone she doesn't trust. So I guess my question is: if they're stopping the people who are trying to kill the gods (and defense of the gods isn't remotely their personal motivation)...do you think the next phase of the campaign is Bells Hells personally killing the gods? Reconstructing the Aeor tech and hoping none of their allies notice? How does this end? Does your ideology ever get enacted? Or is this entirely moot and pointless and the story ends with Bells Hells saying "well, I'm really glad we stopped the people who [insert list of Vanguard atrocities from above]; none of us follow the gods or plan to, but honestly, the status quo we return to is preferable to whatever nightmare Ludinus had concocted in his violent quest for power and revenge"?

[trans-xianxian]

saw a post about how jiang cheng isn't selfish because he's done all of this stuff for his loved ones and it's like yeah. jiang cheng loves very deeply and that's. exactly why he's selfish. jiang cheng being selfish doesn't equal jiang cheng being heartless or unloving. his goals are to selfishly keep his loved ones, most notably wei wuxian, to himself at the expense of their own personal autonomy. when jiang cheng goes to the burial mounds and begs wei wuxian to give the wen remnants up and come home, he does it because he loves him, but he also does it because he's a selfish coward who puts his own wants for wei wuxians safety and companionship above wei wuxians personal wishes and the lives of the wens. these things are not mutually exclusive in fact they are intricately connected

[pitconfirm]

I think I genuinely do really like max and I do really like Charles but the exaggerated fanfic personas of them being like… super stoic mafia boss and sweet little quiet femme bottom sub baby makes it impossible for me to engage with either fandom 😭😭

[githvyrik]

not to say that I enjoy the inevitable conversation I have to have with people about how my mom is dead but since it’s been so long it is. kinda funny. bc they’ll say something where I have to respond with “oh she passed away actually” and sooooo many of them foolishly ask how she died and I get to ruin their day further by telling them she killed herself. and then they fall over groveling for my forgiveness for daring to ask like bro it is not a big deal you had no idea please it’s fine

[brionysea]

i'm gonna finish the mike edit today. watch me

[slippery-minghus]

oughoughoughhh maybe i'm just not in the right headspace to be reading it right now but the "the beginnings of self-definition" chapter of susan forward's toxic parents book is fuuuuucking me up

[thebiballerina]

I mostly concur with the above reblogger, but I wanted to add one thing:

I wouldn't say that anything you do will have zero impact. There are SOME things you can do that will have an impact, if you choose to put your time and energy into this issue. (Which you are not obligated to do, to be clear, unless you have some sort of role or job which implies that sort of responsibility.)

You aren't necessarily helpless. But subscribing to OP's mindset is a really good way to make yourself helpless.

I've seen that mindset, repeatedly. I had that mindset, at one point in time. You know what changed that, more than anything else? Becoming an actual activist.

The activists who hold on to the mindset that a mental health break is selfish? The ones that can't or won't emotionally distance themselves? The ones that don't acknowledge their right to care for themselves because someone, somewhere is suffering worse than them? They don't last, and they don't help.

The good ending for that road is to burn out, and then not be able to help anymore. The bad ending is to fall heavily into compassion fatigue, and then be so desensitized and unable to care that you cause real harm. Or there's the other bad ending, which is that you neglect yourself so thoroughly that you end up hurt, sick, or dead (and maybe hurt others while you are at it). You might even manage to do all three of these things.

If you want to make a real impact on more than a minuscule scale, you not only need to allow yourself mental health breaks (which, yes, sometimes include disengaging completely), you need to accept that they aren't selfish at all. They are sometimes the only way you'll be able to preserve your ability to help. Feeling personally affected by an issue is valid, and sometimes unavoidable, but it doesn't correlate to how much of a difference you make.

Hurting yourself doesn't automatically help others. Many of us have heard metaphor which references the airplane safety instruction to put on your oxygen mask before helping others do so. It's a good metaphor. A suffocating person isn't going to thank you for the valiant gesture of suffocating yourself alongside them, when you had the option to save the both of you.

I believe in sacrifice, in some cases. I believe in acknowledging my privilege. But sacrifice generally implies that you are giving something up to help someone else. If you are just giving something up… it's more suffering in the world, not less.

Do you want to actually help? I bet you there are activism campaigns that would love to have you, in a variety of forms and levels of commitment. Including entirely remote efforts, if you aren't in a position or location to engage in in-person efforts. That goes for any cause, not just this one.

And you'll make a lot more difference in that sphere if you prioritize your impact, instead of your devotion to the issue.

i think anyone who is genuinely worried about their mental health bc of the situation in gaza probably needs to reformat their way of thinking about it. the answer is not to take a “mental health break” where you pretend whats happening in gaza doesnt exist and stop being vocal and refuse to hear people around you who are vocal. the way to do that “mental health break” much more effectively and not selfishly would be to remove yourself from constant streams of idiotic and/or murderously evil people. stop watching tiktok debates. stop reading genocidal reddit comments and news articles from sources you KNOW want palestine dead. stop putting the focus on the murderers and keep your attention on sympathy and love for the murdered, on hope and optimism (even if naive) and activism to do your part in making things better. dont get me wrong the murderers still need to be dealt with but if you as an individual feel like you’re getting too overwhelmed with despair to be helpful, the answer is to shift your focus away from those causing the despair, not to ignore and abandon those who have to actually live through it.

[apocalypse-bones]

Feel like a fucking zoo animal

[shhhhimwatchingthis]

Sort of bums me out that so many people didn't seem to Get the Cat King so here are my thoughts:

So let's start with Edwin's crime. He uses something the cat desires (a sardine) to lure the cat to him and then uses an enchanted string to trap the cat with magic. He demands the answer to a question in exchange for its release. Edwin knows it is dangerous to use magic on a cat, that it violates Rules but he does it anyway.

Binding a creature and agreeing to set them free under a certain condition is very Classic Fairytale. its also a favourite trope of Neil Gaiman's (he did not write this show but his influence is there). In both the Sandman and his novel Stardust (and the film adaptation) trapping a creature with magic and demanding a task/favour in exchange for their freedom is an extremely important plot point. Edwin binding a cat and demanding an answer in exchange is exactly in line with this Fairytale trope

And so is the Cat Kings response. The Cat King is a trickster. What he does to Edwin is exactly what Edwin did to one of his subjects. He entices Edwin, he binds him with magic and when Edwin demands to be free he turns his own words against him "why all the fuss for one little spell?" Edwin did something wrong. He imposed his will/magic on another creature and the Cat King is punishing him for it in a way that is poetic. Its fairytale. its trickster. its classic.

I've also seen people complain that the task Edwin was given 'count all the cats' is 'impossible'...except its fucking not. Edwin does it. He does it so well he actually BEATS the Cat King ("you didn't count yourself" Are.You.Kidding.Me. Classic!Fairytale!Vibes!)

The Cat Kings choice to bind Edwin to Port Townsend is good on so many levels. From a storytelling perspective it forces characters who can travel anywhere in the world to stay in one place, and increases the stakes for these characters who are supposed to be on the run. From a genre perspective...its an excellent use of fairytale tropes using both Rules of magic, a protagonist who is unkind to a seemingly weak creature who is punished by a more powerful law, a binding, a task to complete, etc

Which just leaves the character perspective which it ALSO does really fucking well and introduces the final aspect to the Cat Kings character. He's seductive. He is responsible for Edwin, 100 years old ghost boy, finally unpacking his internalized homophpbia. he is the catalyst (cat pun not intended)

He pushes Edwin, challenges him, at times literally forces the truth out of Edwin, but he really never does violate his consent. Significantly Edwin is attracted to him, like its an important part of his character that he is. He may not like the Cat King but he is attracted to him!

The Cat King is such a great example of a trickster, a morally grey character who imposes a sense of justice on Edwin after he crosses a line, but also has his own selfish interests and meddles. Hes so important to the plot of the show, to Edwin's character arc, to the genre.

And he's just fun. Unapologetically queer, powerful, complicated. Silly little outfits. Petty cat behavior. Deep heart.

Some of you just didn't get it. And I'm sorry for you. because the Cat King is Excellent actually.

[im2tired4usernames]

God I never get a fuckin break from being a housewife to a house that's not mine or a parent to children that are not mine

[exhaled-spirals]

« When I think back on the year 1915, it seems to me that I still hear my friends tell me despondently: "I can't think of anything else! I can't read, I can't work, or find useful distractions (...), I only ruminate about our times, incessantly, until I'm nauseated (...). I've just had two hours of liberty—there was a time when I would have offered them to Tolstoy or Pascal. Today I read about [the war], or European colonial methods; issues that are entirely beyond my reach, but how to think of anything else?"

And perhaps we shouldn't strive to think of anything else; the point is not to turn our backs on our times, but to consider them calmly and thoughtfully. (...) It may be that the philosophy which absorbs you leaves no room for indulgence. Perhaps you feel yourself full of bitterness and rancour towards your fellow men, perhaps you have made up your mind to see in their activities nothing but greed and selfishness. (...) Do not be too eager to prove yourself right! Above everything, do not rejoice in being right in so dismal a fashion. (...) My only ambition is to beg the world to look for anything which can lighten the present and future distress of mankind, to find what interests the soul in a life burdened with troubles and disillusionments, to honour more than ever the faithful and imperishable resources of our inner life. (...)

The storm rages on, the events escalate, worsen, never cease. Never have they seemed more complex, more severe, more demanding. More dangerous. Wherever we turn, an opinion holds up its head and vehemently solicits our belief. (...) Our convictions, our certainties, are at each other's throats. (...) Yet mankind, even in these terrible hours, is only seeking happiness. Men have set off to conquer happiness, clutching in their hands the tools which will forever destroy it. (...) The wrong direction the world has taken is so obvious, so cruel, so vast (...)

Regardless, I would suggest not to lose hope—so long as a single wallflower still opens, in April, over the ruins of the world. Like algae, like mosses, like these laborious lichens which attach to the very ruins their infinite need for happiness, we will find joy in our present affliction and we will grow it, like a wind-battered plant in the parched soil of a wilted world. »

— Georges Duhamel, La Possession du monde (translation mine) Written in 1917 as he worked as an army surgeon.

[girltalkcollectives]

Double Standard Dictionary: A Guide to Things That Are Only "Problems" When Women Do Them

Let's have an honest conversation about something that drives me absolutely crazy. You know those little comments and judgments that somehow only seem to apply to women? Yeah, we need to talk about that.

The Professional Edition

When men vs. when women do the exact same thing:

He's assertive → She's aggressive

He's focused → She's cold

He's passionate → She's emotional

He's dedicated → She's obsessed

He's confident → She's arrogant

He's strategic → She's manipulative

He's busy → She's neglecting her life

The Dating Double Standards

The classics that never seem to die:

He's dated around → She has "a past"

He's a bachelor → She's "left on the shelf"

He's selective → She's picky

He's career-focused → She's married to her job

He's a social butterfly → She's attention-seeking

He's "finding himself" → She needs to settle down

He's direct → She's desperate

The Appearance Police

The endless contradictions:

Look professional, but not too try-hard

Be attractive, but not attention-seeking

Wear makeup, but keep it "natural"

Be fit, but not too muscular

Dress well, but not too sexy

Look youthful, but not immature

Age gracefully, but never look old

The Emotion Edition

How it's perceived:

His anger is justified → Her anger is hysteria

His sadness is deep → Her sadness is dramatic

His stress is from hard work → Her stress is from "not coping"

His excitement is enthusiasm → Her excitement is over-the-top

His concerns are valid → Her concerns are paranoid

His anxiety is pressure → Her anxiety is weakness

The Family Chronicles

The never-ending judgment:

He's babysitting → She's just parenting

He's helping around the house → She's doing her job

He's focused on work → She's neglecting family

He needs time to himself → She's selfish

He's weighing his options → She's wasting time

He's figuring out what he wants → Her clock is ticking

The Office Politics

Things I'm tired of seeing:

Men get mentored → Women get hit on

Men network → Women "sleep their way up"

Men are busy → Women "can't handle it"

Men are thorough → Women are perfectionists

Men delegate → Women are lazy

Men need work-life balance → Women are uncommitted

The Social Scene

The ridiculous expectations:

Be fun but not too wild

Be social but not too friendly

Be smart but not intimidating

Be successful but not threatening

Be independent but not difficult

Be strong but still need help

Be confident but still humble

The Success Paradox

What we're dealing with:

Be ambitious but not threatening

Lead but don't be bossy

Achieve but don't outshine

Negotiate but don't be demanding

Succeed but stay likeable

Excel but remain modest

Win but make it look effortless

The Reality Check

What this actually means for us:

Constant second-guessing

Walking on eggshells

Energy drain from overthinking

Imposter syndrome

Reduced authenticity

Limited self-expression

Unnecessary stress

The Way Forward

What we can do about it:

Call it out

Name the double standard

Question the logic

Point out the inconsistency

Support other women

2. Break the patterns

Reject unfair labels

Define success personally

Set our own standards

Celebrate authenticity

3. Change the narrative

Share success stories

Highlight achievements

Create new networks

Mentor others

To Every Woman Dealing With This

Remember:

You're not "too much"

Your achievements are earned

Your feelings are valid

Your ambitions are worthy

Your standards are important

Your voice matters

Your path is yours