#yknow . do you get it person possibly reading my tags

[crunchy-rocc]

biggest hope for tsc is that jeremy knox has a janky car he loves with his whole heart

[cestacruz]

Mmm Jeanne

[space-station-nursery]

◜ ❗𓂃 Space Station Reports ‧ ❕ ◞

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DO NOT INTERACT WITH @KODASWRLD

now that that's out of the way, we will be discussing NSFW briefly in this post, please make sure you are reading when in a safe mindset. All moots will be tagged at the end for further reach, i apologize to anyone i ping who does not like to be pinged[/g] however this is a serious topic to me and i want this to reach as far as possible

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Beforehand:

Hello kiddos, this is a more in-depth report from the one we made [here] about the up and growing agere creator Kodaswrld. I found their[i cant remember their pronouns rn] blog a few months ago, and absolutely fell in love. I loved their dividers, their text posts, and all the freestyling on their blog!

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September:

On september 10th, 2024, we created a post called "Agere Backpack ideas"! The next day [Sep 11th, 24], while scrolling through a creator i also thoroughly enjoy, i saw a post they had reblogged.... It was our backpack ideas, but it wasnt written by me... in fact, it was re-uploaded by someone who i thought created interesting content. I commented under the original post to take it down as we did not consent to our work getting re-uploaded. They deleted our comment. A few days later after fd calmed me from my panic attack, we sent an ask to take down our post as we did not consent to our content being reposted. At the start of our blog, i did have "do not rewrite" on our blog, however because nothing ever happened, i took it away when we changed into the space station nursery. They deleted our ask. a week or more later [unfortunately i dont remember at this point anymore] They closed asks under the guise of "getting hate"

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Current:

After everything happened, fd scoured around to create a blacklist. At this time, i had finally calmed down, and was ready to blacklist. Before we got to it tho, i saw a post created by another agere creator in which Koda had stolen from. This creator asks that all followers or people interacting report if their content was being reposted, as koda had taken one of their posts, and it got SIGNIFICANTLY more notes, as well as Koda copying their DNI banner, just changing the font and small images on the side:

Original post that Koda stole, at the time, post had at max 200 notes, minimum 150. OP name and pfp covered for privacy

Copied post made by Koda. Notice the amount of notes it has [if you check] 740 notes

---

This is not the only instance of this happening with Koda, and no "but they add credits" is not a viable defense here. We did not tell them they could do this, and they did not ask, by the looks of all posts, they didnt ask ANYONE to use their posts. The little credits at the bottom is also hard to see, especially by those who are visually impaired. I had an almost blind friend check out their post, and that friend couldnt even see the credits without us zooming in and circling it for the friend to see. Thats a problem. And people who see it but dont think much of it [like me] will not click the credits. I didnt. and i apologize to those whom i contributed to as apart of the problem

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So what else needs to be discussed?

Well, before we get to the NSFW they interact with, lets go with the tracing and stealing. Thank you to the person that sent us this [will not name for the safey of the individual but they are free to comment and let you guys know! They sent a non anonymous ask but still, yknow?]

So-.... Proof?

This is a screenshot sent to us that shows a user by the name of @/b4bybear_ , crediting their BF and CG @/SEABUNE for creating an image we all know and love, and have MOST LIKELY SEEN amongst agere intros [all blue markings have been made by me]

As you can see in the second image, the user is written on the bottom, exactly how its written on the twitter post. This image is widely available, and many many individuals use it..... However, Koda didnt seem to care

As you can see, Koda NOT ONLY traced, changed a singular item, and erased the original creators credits, they then wrote their own name on the bottom and claimed this post as their own. And no, changing one thing on an art post while still tracing everything else is not "creating your own content" or "taking inspo" This is blatant copying. This is further than just stealing text posts, they are stealing

ART from other sources [nsfw below]

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And now, the NSFW....

Kodaswrld does have their following open, meaning that littles, middles, and anyone visiting their blog can see who they interact with. These are some of the blogs they currently follow, and content they post/reblog:

@/slvttyfied

@/firstladyofjuicycouture12

Whilst being 18+, there is nothing wrong with interacting and following NSFW content and blogs. However if you are running a blog with a minor following [not small amount of people, minors. people 17 and under] you should not have your follows seen if you are interacting with this kind of content. Minors are curious, and you are exposing them to things they do not yet need to see or know about. Especially when kinks/hard kinds are involved. I am 21 and fd is 22. We will NEVER, allow nsfw blogs or rebloggers to interact with our content

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Final thoughts:

Through our mini blacklist, we have found out that koda knows what they are doing, and are actively avoiding discussing it. We also learned that they ship real people [called rps or "real people shipping"], and for having almost 800 followers, do not deserve it. Please, spread this far and wide, show your friends, you moots, reblog it even if it doesnt fit your aesthetic. This person NEEDS to be stopped.

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Our moots: @oftlunarialmoon @nostalgic-woodwind , @zimswife , @deesblanketfort , @angel-bunnie @aprilsmabelmaple , @diaryofalittlestar , @h3ll0everybby1 , @xx-raines-space-kindergarten-xx [hi raaaaine]

[hana-no-seiiki]

but like midnight darling with popular boy! reader though (inspired by our lord and savior @heartfullofleeches ‘s post about breeding)

for new readers: midnight darling is where my yan! college based ocs come from. you can read more about them via the first tag to this post or my masterlist

everyone would be goddamn pregnant. literally and figuratively. you’d think reader would be cautious enough to use protection since they sleep with so many people but nope! it just feels better when they do it raw yknow?

it’s come to the point that the goons made a system to prevent you (and by extension them) from getting an std at the very least by examining every single person on the campus daily.

dw they’re rich they can handle it.

in any case, by the time you reached your third year you’ve already impregnated most students and all of the teaching faculty with wombs. you’re literally a baby away from causing a crisis equal to those dodgy fertility clinics and the government from hounding your ass.

for some reason none of the rich kid’s parents sue you because like child, like parent they are super obsessed with you and particularly the genes you’d provide their family. besides it’s nothing a quick cover-up can’t handle.

like the only reason you haven’t been sent to jail is because you have connections to many people in power (mostly parents that wanted your sperm).

you had your doubts about your safety until you overheard in a dinner with crisanto salvador (main yan! rich kid) of his dad asking him if they could somehow implant a womb in the poor guy just to hold your baby. (which actually leads to advancements in reproductive technology in the future, im seriously tempted to change the mc’s canonical sex since it makes sense now oh god-)

there are some of the insane yans that use your child as a threat to keep you theirs in which you retaliated by using other yans to save your children.

cold-hearted or not, those babies are completely innocent and your responsibility, so as much as possible you do everything in your power to keep them out of harm’s way.

…

there’s definitely an underground market for your jizz i’m sorry-

©️ hana.no.seiiki - yun | 2023

[cryptar]

yknow i say im a huge multishipper but i wouldnt actually consider myself much of a shipper at all. just open to the idea of trying everything once. the term has typically romantic connotations and follows the assumption that i think, and want, these characters to be good for eachother.

I'm, personally, less interested in the prexisting chemistry than i am in the puzzle of figuring out what differing circumstances could potentially cause two characters who have seemingly nothing in common to become eachothers everything.

This could explain my favorism towards rarepairs and more convoluted dynamics, and my aversion to popular, fluffy pairings that have already been explored a thousand times over, there's no work for me to do there.

Not to mention that when a ship becomes too popular it starts cannibalising itself, and lots of good, interesting characterisations are lost in the sea of people bending characters into pre-orchestrated, saccharine dynamics. alot of which are usually downright fetishy in nature, particularly in mlm pairings.

I mean i would say being able to get ooc and self indulgent is downright mandatory for making a good fic, but there's only so many times i have to read a fic about a big, overprotective, manly-man top who does all the work and the shy, small, swoony, softhearted femme-wifey-bottom before it starts to just be lazy.

I actively have to go out of my way to search 'switch' tags if i want true-to-the-character, mutual emotional reciprocation. which i really, really shouldn't have to do as an ace person who actively skips through nsfw.

And it's not that popular wlw pairings aren't guilty of these problems aswell, but those tend to lean more into the 'soft lesbians who can do no wrong' stereotype, which always completely (butch)ers all nuisance that makes the ship worth shipping in the first place.

As well as that's if they're even the focus of the story at all and aren't just shoved to the side by the main mlm couple. mlw pairings can be culpable of both these things, with the added risk that you find out the author made a twitter post with the characters in front of the 'super straight' flag.

Though i also wonder if me being aspec plays any part as again; im not as interested in the romantic aspects as i am in the possible hurdles they may face throughout the potential relationship.

Anyone else feel like this?

[vargskelegore]

new person, same old mistakes. || scotty x black!fem!reader ♡

author’s note: back from my break + a new fic that isn’t shuri! however it still is a letitia character LMFAO. this time i’m writing about her role as scotty in the mini series cucumber & banana! me and @erensslut​ watched it together, had a blast, nd now i’m writing about this crazy lil girl. please watch the episode before reading this fic because it’ll make more sense.

this is dedicated to the black girls who felt weird about scotty going after someone that was..... yknow. LMFAOOOOO. also, reader wears wigs!! it’ll be useful info later on.

originally this was in my drafts for a very long time because of the tiktok discourse surrounding letitia fanfictions. now that the drama has died down, i feel more comfortable to post this. warnings are stated for a reason. enjoy!

warnings: stalking. scotty is a stalker, if you couldn’t tell from the episode. don’t like it, don’t read. i’m not gonna sugarcoat it LOL.

plot: even after moving on from yvonne burgess, seemingly becoming a different and changed person, scotty seems to find another girl to latch onto. this time a vans employee in the mall.

word count: 2.1k

taglist (I FINALLY MADE IT, YALL. also some people i unfortunately couldn’t tag?? it wouldn’t let me ://): @lovelyaliengirl  @szalipcombo ​ @anonymous-platypus1 @randomhoex @axailslink @yvesredhair @marssmorales @thesecretwriterblog @gialove11 @demie90s @skimm0nzz @mlmilani​ @skimm0nzz​ @cloudyydr3ams @natsgirlfriend​ @verachii​ ​

the mall. it was a wonderful place to be. kinda. malls were beginning to become a dying breed, and they tended to only spike when it came to holiday season. annoying kids running around, adults frantically trying to find gifts to buy people last second, and so much more.

well, it was holiday season, and all of those things listed above were happening at that very moment for you. see, you work at vans. it’s not much money, but it is some money. you definitely don’t get paid enough to have kids running around the store all the time, or people trying to steal, but you couldn’t be bothered to do anything about it.

it was a busy day, of course, and so helping people out was never an issue since it was your job. “excuse me, ma’am? i’m trying to find shoes for my son-- he skates.” a short, older lady came up to you and you smiled back at her and nodded. “oh, of course. come, show me what type you were looking for?” you used your customer service voice as you waited for her to lead the way.

as you two were walking, you couldn’t help but to think about how things were going lately. lately it had felt like you were being watched. it was a weird instinct, but a possible, truthful claim. you had told your co-workers about this before, but they laughed it off. to them it wasn’t serious. just a practical joke.

you could feel that feeling of being watched again. in the background, you could faintly hear someone calling for you.

“hello? miss? i have the shoes.”

it took you a moment before you focused again, shaking your head and sighing, you pretended to be tired. “oh, gosh, i’m so sorry. i’ve been working since this morning so i’m very tired! back to what we were doing.. what size did you want these shoes in, so i can check the back--?”

“a size eight, please.” you smiled and nodded, before making your way to the back to grab the shoes. about six minutes passed, and you were back with the shoes for the customer. you led her to the front of the store to check out, and you turned your head to look through the display window, where your displayed shoes sat. then, all of a sudden, your stomach did flips.

your instinct was right. you were being watched.

in the very distance-- where the food court lies- there was a girl. she couldn’t be too old. short, straight hair. she was tiny to say the least, like she really couldn’t hurt a fly, and she was interested in you. really interested in you.

it all started two weeks ago, when she tagged along with her friends to go to the mall. nothing serious, she just came with since they invited her. there wasn’t much she could buy in the mall, so window shopping was her best option.

and that’s when she saw you.

you were incredibly gorgeous. the way you smiled at people that walked inside of the store, how attentive you were, the way you walked around.. and all you were doing was your job. you work in retail, so everything that seemed normal to you, was perfect to her.

you were completely oblivious to this girl and her behavior, until you weren’t. see, for the first week, everything felt normal. you went about your job and duties normally. but on the second week, you were really starting to feel watched. you weren’t sure if it was because of you watching horror movies recently, but now everything felt off.

meanwhile, here was scotty. trying to get as much information on you as possible because she was so interested in you. she’d ask her friends to go to the mall practically every weekend just so she could see you, but she realized you weren’t always there when she was there.

it only clicked with her some time later that you definitely have a work schedule. which only meant she had to start coming on weekdays now, no biggie.. for her. not for you, though. that was when your weird stalking feeling started to come in- when she started coming on weekdays.

there were so many times when scotty wanted to come into your store; but she never knew what to say. ask for assistance, maybe? nah. vans were so expensive, why would she even bother asking for something she knew damn well she couldn’t afford?

regardless, she admired you from a distance. she managed to pick up a few facts about you whenever you walked out of the store on your break, walking and talking with your coworkers.

“ma’am, i’ve been standing here waiting for assistance and you haven’t even rung me up.” the lady you were helping earlier scoffed, and you snapped out of your slightly terrified demeanor. the girl you saw earlier was no longer there. she must’ve ran away the moment you two made eye contact.

“i am so so sorry, don’t know what’s up with me.” you awkwardly laughed, lying. you knew exactly what was wrong but you didn’t even want to think about it.

you continued to ring the lady up, but your heart was pounding, and your mind was going crazy. you handed the lady her bag, and she snatched it, looking at you like you were crazy. honestly, you felt like you were going crazy. maybe you were just seeing things from the lack of sleep. it was all a blur.

you sighed, leaning on the counter as you looked back out the display window.

“hey, y/n?” you slightly jumped, looking at your manager with a slight embarrassed look.

“sorry for frightening you-- i think you should go on break. you seem so out of it. i’ll cover for you, just go get something to eat or drink.” your manager explained, and you sighed, nodding and grabbing your bag.

you walked out of the store, slightly shaking. ‘why on earth did you leave the store? you now have a higher chance of being hurt!’ you told yourself in your head, but you simultaneously ignored your own words at the same time.

you stood outside the store, looking around frantically before pulling your phone out and looking down at it. you opened the weather app, hoping to god you looked busy.

meanwhile, in the bathroom, there was scotty, panting like crazy as she stood in a stall, slightly shaking. you were never meant to see her. she was only supposed to be admiring you from a distance, not calling the store’s phone number or anything-- or that’s what her coworkers told her to do. be less creepy. that plan absolutely backfired.

just as scotty was about to exit the stall, someone entered the bathroom. it was you. she looked up from the floor to see you, and you turned your head to see her. just as you were about to holler out, she put a finger to her own lips and motioned to the other people in the bathroom.

you looked at her like she was crazy. because other people were in the bathroom, she was about to motion for you to leave the bathroom with her- but immediately decided against it because she realized how that would even look.

you two awkwardly stared at each other before a lady exited the other stall, looking weirdly at the two of you as she washed her hands. scotty looked down at the floor again, and you looked back at your phone, trying to seem like you were just chilling on your break.

the silence was.. terrible to say the least. that woman took her sweet time washing her hands, and she used the hand dryer instead of paper towel. after about five minutes, the lady walked out of the bathroom, looking back at the two of you weirdly, before turning back around and leaving.

out of your peripheral vision, you watched the woman leave. once you were certain that she was gone, you sighed, and looked back up at scotty, who was still staring at the floor.

“i can explain, really i can. i’m sorry.” her voice was incredibly soft-- timid. you weren’t expecting it. in fact, you were taken aback. you couldn’t speak for a moment.

she slowly looked back up, looking at you with a face that was genuinely sorry. you sighed and nodded. “you can explain yourself-- but not here. and not in an entirely closed off area. i’m keeping my phone with me in case you--”

“i understand, and i would never do anything like that. honestly. we can go to the front of the mall if you feel safer.” she was quick to respond, and the attentiveness made you less scared.

nodding again, you walked out of the bathroom and she followed behind. you two made your way out of the mall, and you texted your boss to let him know you’d need a minute, and he responded happily.

as you two were making your way outside, scotty was incredibly terrified. this happened before and she didn’t want you to respond so negatively.

you sat down on a bench that was near the entrance, and she sat next to you, keeping her distance out of respect.

“explain.” you simply said.

“i know how bad this looks,” she began, and you scoffed, nodding as she looked down at her hands. “and i’m sorry. this isn’t.. the first time this has happened.” you looked at her, an expression that was mentally asking her if she was crazy.

“um. i saw you about two weeks ago.. doing your job. i thought you were really beautiful, but i was too afraid to say anything so i.. just kinda watched you from a distance.” her voice got small at the end. you didn’t say anything, feeling as if she wasn’t done talking.

“i understand how bad this looks, so if you’d like for me to avoid coming to the mall when you work, i understand.” she was silent after that, giving you the floor to talk.

“i guess i’m just trying to figure out.. why? like, why me?” this question was a gateway for scotty to go into a monologue, but she tried to keep it as short as possible.

“you’re beautiful. you’re always so nice to customers and it’s comforting to know that if i walked into that store and.. i guess, you saw me in there, you’d be nice to me too. your hair color always matches your shoes-- i think it’s so unique. you have a new makeup look everyday too. you just put so much effort into your appearance and i admire it. even if you wore no makeup, you’d still look perfect.” she rambled.

your heart was racing and you didn’t even realize it. you had it all wrong about this girl. she didn’t mean any harm but it definitely came off that way. it took you a moment to say anything.

“you don’t have to say anything either, i’m happy to just leave you alone and--”

“what’s your name?”

scotty looked at you, furrowing her eyebrows. “uh-- my name is scotty. scotty.. well-- it’s actually vivienne scott, but everyone calls me scotty.” she sputtered, fidgeting with her hands.

you nodded. “well, scotty. i’m gonna assume you know my name already; but just incase, it’s y/n. i’m really flattered by.. what you noticed about me. and the compliments, too. and i’d love to get to know you better, but just.. don’t do this anymore, please? you had me paranoid for like an entire week.” scotty was quick to nod and agree.

“of course, i’m so sorry.”

“apology.. accepted. i’m willing to be your friend.” scotty’s heart slightly fluttered-- friend was not the title she wanted, of course, but she was willing to work her way up to more than the title of friend. she smiled. “i’m really happy to hear that.”

“are you up for meeting with me on my lunch break tomorrow?” you asked, and scotty, slightly shocked you even asked her that, nodded. “oh, i’d.. love that, actually.”

“great. my lunch is at 11:00, and it ends at 12:00. it was nice having an actual convo, scotty.” you softly smiled before getting up and walking back inside the mall.

“oh yeah, definitely. thank you for the information.. bye, y/n.” scotty stayed seated at the bench, and watched as you walked back inside, the way your hips naturally had a slight sway as you walked.

but scotty already knew when your lunch break was and when it ended.

[sincerelylivvv]

pairing: rafe cameron x fem!reader

summary: rafe is at a total loss when he finds out you're sick; the thought of losing you was once something he constantly avoided, but now is the only thing on his mind

warnings: reader is dying, some language, mentions of religion

wordcount: 2,796

a/n: based on the song 'pray' by sam smith. it's not specified exactly what the reader is dying from, but yknow, she is dying. feel free to leave some feedback! if possible, i may write a another part. if you have any requests, send them in! and super sorry if this is hard for anyone to read, if you are uncomfortable, please do not feel the need to continue reading. If you would like to be tagged in any future fics, just let me know. I love all of you

I'm young and I'm foolish, I've made bad decisions I block out the news, turn my back on religion Don't have no degree, I'm somewhat naïve I've made it this far on my own

Rafe Cameron was no stranger to being alone. He learned at a young age that you can't depend on anyone fully; there's always someone wishing ill on you and then waiting to kick you when you're at a low point. Through the years, he's turned to not-so-healthy habits to cope with how shitty his life was. He was young, careless, stupid. But he figured how much shittier can his life actually get? He dropped out of college, his family hated him and even his friends grew to have a certain distaste for him.

He remembers how his family used to attend church on Sunday mornings. When he was a kid, he'd be in a different section of the church with others close to his age. They'd participate in whatever activity was going on at the time and through the couple hours they were there, would be given snacks to keep them from going hungry.

Through all of the poor decisions he's made, he was still content with himself. He made it this far on his own and knew he could go farther if he pushed himself enough. He never was the kind of person that would back down from a challenge. His now? To become someone his father could say he was proud of. Or at least a person that didn't cause distaste within his toxic family.

He thought heavily about leaving the island, thinking a new start would be good for him. A different place with different faces; people who know nothing of him than what he let them know. He could go back to college or maybe start a job straight off the bat, which may be a better option for him due to the circumstances he finds himself in. He doesn't have much money, no one to confide in, and no certain direction to go in.

Until he met you. You were the daughter of a multi-millionaire businessman. Your dad first started out small, starting a mediocre landscaping business, and eventually had the opportunity to go to college. After majoring in both business and communications and secured a job on Wall Street. He then went on to start a chain of five-star hotels located throughout the country, and eventually sold his landscaping business. He met your mom after she applied to work at one of the hotels and the rest is history.

He met you at a party. You and your parents were on vacation and staying in the house your dad bought as a gift for your mom. He remembers how excited and at ease you were, with a cup of the spiked juice in your hand. Your hips were swaying along to the beat of the music, laughs tearing out of your throat in utter joy; and he was captivated as soon as he saw you.

He wished he could say he was the one to go up to you, but that wasn't how it turned out. You and your friends had been walking towards the drinks, which just so happened to be close to where he was standing, and in a complete accident, you knocked his drink out of his hand when walking by him.

"Shit! I am so, so sorry about that," you rush apologetically. "I wasn't watching where I was going, and God everything is kinda swaying right now. I can go grab you another drink-"

"Nah, don't worry about it." He smiles. "Accidents happen. And you look a little past the point of tipsy. No offense."

The laugh that tore out of your throat made his stomach flutter; it was beautiful and graceful and everything he was the exact opposite of. "Trust me; none taken," you grin back.

But lately, that shit ain't been gettin' me higher I lift up my head and the world is on fire There's dread in my heart and fear in my bones And I just don't know what to say

That moment on the beach was the moment he knew he wanted you; forever and always. It was the start of a beautiful and bountiful relationship, which he was by no means accustomed to. He was used to short-lived relationships, more so hookups, so this was all to him.

You caught on to that pretty early on, as hard as Rafe tried with you, he fell a little short sometimes. But he did try really hard, there were just those few key tells he had that made you contemplate whether he had ever been in anything serious before. And eventually, it was brought up in conversation, and just like you had thought, he had never done anything like this before. Not that it bothered you; relationships weren't easy, especially if you were new to them, but you were patient with the boy.

Though he had bad trust issues, he grew to learn how to open up with you. You were there for him no matter what; always so kind and understanding with everything he talked to you about. It was strange for him, unfamiliar. But he was grateful nonetheless.

The day he found out the news hit him like a train. And though he thought he knew what panic attacks were, which maybe he did, he never had one as bad as this. His vision became very narrow with black spots clouding his eyes every now and then, and the world around him was both moving too fast and too slow all at the same time.

It hurt you to tell him, but it hurt him even more knowing there was nothing he could do to help. All you've done for him, and he would never have the chance to give back to you.

You tried your best to stop the sniffles that came from you, desperate to hide the sadness that was written on your face. Your hands cradled his, warm and soft over ones that were rough and brittle, and you gently pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "Is there anything I can do, Rafe?" Your voice was quiet and calm, and Rafe sat shocked at how you could be so relaxed.

"How are you so…so at ease when you're-" His voice breaks, sobs quickly pouring out from him.

"Oh, Rafe." You maneuver to sit on his lap, thighs on either side of his, and your head now lying on top of his own as his tears wet the sweatshirt you're wearing.

His clammy hands cling to every inch of you, desperate to hold on to you for as long as he could. Maybe if he held you long enough, you wouldn't leave. The both of you would carry on as if you wouldn't be gone in a few months, and the pair of you would do what he dreamed of doing with you.

But that wasn't the case, you would be gone, and a part of him with you. He wondered what he did to have such heartache brought on him, to have the only good thing in his life taken from him and would be forced to move on as if you weren't gone. As if he was still whole.

"It'll be okay, Rafe."

Maybe I'll pray, pray Maybe I'll pray I have never believed in you, no But I'm gonna pray

Rafe never would have thought he'd be back in the church he grew up in. But he thought if there was a God, maybe He would have some empathy and listen. The both of you started going together in the beginning; it took you off guard when he asked you about going, but again, you wanted nothing but to support him. Eventually, you got too sick to go. So, two then became one.

He never prayed so hard. In fact, he never prayed at all. Even when he was forced to go as a child, he never prayed. But he wanted to keep you here and all to himself. He knew it was selfish, but he came to the decision that he never was one for selflessness.

It was after a Sunday service that he thought he'd stop by to see you. Stepping out of his truck, he approaches the door to your house with a fresh bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand. First, he heard your dog bark, little Daisy, and then he was met with the warm eyes of your mother.

"Rafe!" The woman exclaims, joy radiating from her body. "Come in, come in," She ushers him inside. "How've you been? Y/F/N told me you were thinking about working for the company."

Rafe nods, "Yeah, we've been talking about it. I guess it'll…I don't know, depend on how I am after-" He stops and the woman in front of him flashes a sad, knowing look.

"Of course," She agrees. "No rush at all. There will always be a place for you. You have my word." She gently pats his shoulder, and all is quiet for a few moments before she makes a 'tsk' sound. "Well, Y/N is in her room, for now. She's been asking to go on a walk around the garden for a while. Maybe you could join us," She proposes.

"Yeah of course," Rafe smiles. "Mind if I go see her?"

Rafe's brow cringes and his shoulders drop. "Yeah," He mumbles. 'I know the feeling,' he thinks.

"Well, best not to keep her waiting." Your mom motions to the steps.

You had been staring out the windows of your room when you heard the light knock on your door, and before you could even speak, Rafe pokes his head into the room. "Mind if I come in?" He grins.

Your tired face lights up upon seeing him, and with rapid nods of your head, Rafe makes his way over to you.

"Pretty flowers," You comment. "Who're they for?"

"A pretty girl," Rafe answers and lands a swift kiss on the crown of your head. He pulls away and smirks cheekily at you. He then bows his head once more and begins peppering light kisses over your face, basking in the giggles that flew from your mouth.

Eventually, he presses one last kiss to your lips before pulling away once more, sitting down the flowers he once held on the nightstand beside the hospital bed your father had put in your room.

He sighs as he sits down in the chair beside you. "How you doing, sweet girl?"

You do your best to shrug, "I'm doing good. A little tired." You try to smile, but Rafe is quick to notice the twinge of pain that briefly crossed your face.

His eyes dance across your face; your color has dulled slightly, and your eyes are heavy and defeated. "I'm sorry," He finally says. "Your mother told me about your walk today, though. That's something to look forward to." He's fast to change the subject, not wanting to think about how bad you're doing and how broken he is at the sight of you. He hates seeing you in such a state; a girl who was once so full of love and life and everything pure in the world was now lying sick in a bed.

You grin a little, "Yeah, I'm excited. I've been dying to get out of this bed." You then wince at your words, "Yikes, bad joke," you attempt to laugh it off upon seeing the flash of pain across your boyfriend's face. "Well, um will you be joining us?"

Rafe chuckles, grabbing onto your hand and rubbing soothing circles on the back of it. "Wouldn't miss it."

I'm not a saint, I'm more of a sinner I don't wanna lose, but I fear for the winners When I tried to explain, the words ran away That's why I am stood here today

Rafe knew he wasn't that great of a person; not one anyone would go out on a limb to save, but he still had a sliver of hope that some miracle would save him from the nightmare you and he were facing.

Every night and every Sunday morning, he gave his best shot at asking, begging, God to save you. He always talked about knowing he didn't deserve such a huge ask, but that you, at the very least, deserved something better than this. He would include all the plans he still had with you; proposing and getting married, having kids, spending the holidays with you, but above all, growing old with you.

He hoped that his plea would at least sway someone enough to pull through will a miracle; he had even stated a few times that he would be more than willing to take your place. Just as long as you stay and you're happy.

His pleas of hope and desperation are the only reason he's always stood firm in that church that he hated so much There wasn't enough money in the world to make him go to church, but that was before he met you. And it was sure as hell before the revelation that he was gonna lose you one day and there was nothing he could do about it.

Won't you call me? Can we have a one-on-one, please? Let's talk about freedom Everyone prays in the end Everyone prays in the end

Rafe was beyond angry.

He recently found out from your father that you were only getting worse, and the doctor that had been taking care of you revealed that there wasn't anything more that could really be done

So all that time he spent praying for you? He got nothing out of it.

Sometimes, he thought that it was kind of funny how he once begged his father for things, most small, but never got it, and then had to beg and plead with someone else for your well-being and still didn't get anything.

The most recent night he saw you was the worst. You looked bad before, but now? You looked terrible. Your face began sinking in, arms and body became smaller due to you not eating much. And even when you did, you threw most of it up.

You hardly talked now. You were always somewhat quiet but still knew how to have a loud, breathtaking presence. That wasn't the case anymore, though; you were hardly ever awake, on account of you not having much energy, and when you were, you wouldn't say much. Usually just a quiet 'hi' and then would look out your window.

It killed Rafe to see you in such a state. To not be able to have a conversation like he used to. But he learned that while you may not be willing or able to talk, you still enjoyed listening to him. He told you all about the apartment he was able to get, with the help of the job your father gave him, and how he got a dog he named 'Posie', and even brought in pictures of her to show you. She was an older King Cavalier Charles Spaniel, and almost completely deaf, but he loved her, and so did you. Sometimes, he'd even bring her over for a playdate with Daisy, which always brought a brighter look to your face.

He didn't know what particularly triggered it, but he finally, completely and utterly, broke down. On the floor of his bedroom, heavy breaths and thick tears fell all too quickly. It was the type of crying that went from loud, heart-wrenching sounds to nothing at all. And with all the strength he could muster up, he begged, unknowingly for the last time, for someone to help you. This time, not specifying who, just someone bigger to help the sickness that still plagued you.

'Just a fucking one-on-one, please', He thought over and over again. The mantra was recounted in his head for what felt like forever, until he eventually fell asleep.

That was until he picked up the phone call, in which your mother finally told him you had gotten better, only to finish with the words, 'she passed during the night…in her sleep. I'm so sorry, Rafe.'

tagged: @scenesofobx @casualcloddeputyherring @x-lulu

[crossroadsnumber1doctor]

{ this post is entirely ooc }

Hello there! Welcome to this Roleplay Blog out of a million however you might have gotten here. First, something important to get out of the way before getting into the actual intro info:

i am not part nor affiliated with the official BOGGIO team, personally being just a fan of the game / characters, and therefore nothing of which I say or do here should be taken as canon, this is simply a roleplay / parody account of one of their / PHIGHTING!'s characters. I can't possibly know every single detail about, well, anything and will very likely mess things up especially since I don't have a twitter and therefore can't exactly access any twitter posts made about phighting lore and such unless it's directly shared with me. Most of what's here is either taken by Soda's tumblr QnA, the Official Phighting Wiki ( the fandom.com one is outdated ) or my own personal Headcanons.

If you're still here and would like to continue reading this intro then without further ado lets get onto it ( click readmore )

( this is going to be a very long post )

---

This is primarily just another silly little RP / Ask / Parody Blog for Medkit from the game PHIGHTING! on Roblox. I'm not exactly the best roleplayer however and might possibly get a tad out of character from time to time if I'm not careful, which I do apologize if that ends up happening.

It might also take me a while to answer and respond to stuff due to the fact that I tend to like to think for a good while before deciding to do so ( or i might just straight up forget / get distracted in which case you are welcome to direct my attention back to it ).

I'll likely also send in some Roblox screenshots and such both IC and OOC. ( with something to differentiate which is which of course )

Although my art's not exactly the best I will likely try to respond with a simple doodle or drawing from time to time because well it's fun to do and I feel that it could make some things seem more interesting and such. :)

Most of the drawings and SS's here are simply my own but I will make sure to provide credits and such if I use someone else's stuff for my own purposes of course!!

Aslong as you aren't NSFW ( gore / graphic stuff is fine by me but will be tagged just incase anyone else isn't fine with it or is made uncomfortable by it ), Racist, Transphobic, Homophobic, A proshipper / comshipper, abelist, aphobic, zionist or otherwise just not really that good then I'm completely open to interactions most of the time! If I don't answer right away then I'm probably busy / distracted but I will try to get to it as fast as I can when I do notice it. I don't mind AU or OC interactions but try to let me know the context behind relationships and such beforehand!

I am relatively fine with shipping aslong as it, yknow, isn't bad, forced or a proship / comship or anything but due to personal preference and the fact that I do headcanon Medkit as Demiromantic I would prefer to take it slow at first atleast. I might also ask for reasoning though that's just out of curiosity if it's something I'm not familiar with.

The Mod / Blog Runner doesn't exactly take things too seriously most of the time and swears a lot so that'll probably reflect in OOC posts. I have pretty bad bad grammar / English aswell so if there's any particularly bad mistakes do make sure to point them out so I can fix them.

Not sharing the main blog for the time being but if you do recognize me then.. Hiiiii!

All in all, I am looking forward to interacting with this community and seeing what happens! :D

---

Pronouns for Medkit - He / Him

Pronouns for Mod / Blog Runner - He / It / They / Xe

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Caution;

Do take in account that due to the nature and backstory of the character that this blog revolves around it will likely touch on some topics of extreme violence or atleast the aftermath of said violence, PTSD, Paranoia and Cults / Cult Life.

All of the above will atleast have an attempt to be properly tagged whenever directly mentioned / brought up. Please do let me know if I miss anything or need to use different / more tags.

More will be added to this if seen fit

Although for most of these I either have personal experience and / or tried to do excessive research about please do also let me know if I can do / portray something better!

---

Key;

Normal Text in any way -> OOC

Chat + Italics -> Narration / Actions

" Green Chat in Quotations " -> Speech [ Italic Green Chat in square brackets ] -> Thoughts

Bold text in any of these likely just means that it's important or atleast that it should be a focus point. Small text will likely be less important or whispering / mumbling / in a quieter tone of voice depending on the context.

Will add more if needed

---

Headcanons;

Suit / Main Reference made by myself.

If text too hard to or unable to read due to coloring here's the text left -> right, top -> bottom

Farsighted

Long Fur + Fands due 2 being blackrock born demon

Long, long-furred tail

Other than longer fangs nothing too remarkable about mouth

he / him under a transmasculine flag

Small Holes in gloves allowing unsheathed claws to stick out

Other;

Due to his current circumstances Medkit probably isn't really looking for love or a romantic relationship in the first place, nor would he probably be able to completely trust anyone viable for that position to get close enough or those feelings at the moment. That doesn't exactly mean he CAN'T but it's very unlikely.

Probably tired most of the time and all the caffeine from the coffee probably isn't helping. And back pain. Can't forget the back pain. This dude literally sleeps on a desk i cant imagine how that back feels.

Medkit usually doesn't let anyone other than the people he trusts on his blindspot / left side while idle and able just so that he can keep an eye on what's going on, frequently preferring to have that side closer to walls and other obstructions otherwise. Also likely so that he knows that someone would be watching on that side while he can't.

[raventhewolf9]

About Me and stuff!

If you came here from @therealsimontally, That is in fact me! Yeah that's the blog I made accidentally and it's now my primary blog and I can't fix it oops

Hi! You can call me Simon or Rowan (or Willard or Will or Luke or Phoenix or Raven, I have a lot of names). I'm not fantastic at doing about me things, but I will try my best!

I'm agender and use any pronouns, but I prefer it/him/they. I'm asexual (apothisexual, to be more specific) and panromantic.

Nonhuman (shapeshifting feline; werecat) (more information: https://www.tumblr.com/raventhewolf9/765704724851884032/a-list-of-all-my-nonhuman-identities)

Pet regressor (DO NOT SEXUALIZE THIS /srs)

Triple-A battery (Anxious, Autistic, ADHD)

Possibly depressed (not professionally diagnosed)

My interests include Will Wood, Tally Hall (and their side projects), Camp Here and There (no spoilers!!), Gravity Falls, The Owl House, Amphibia, and a bunch of other stuff that I'm not going to list because it's like!! a lot!!

I enjoy listening to music, drawing, reading, writing, watching TV, cooking, playing with my cats, doing quadrobics, making masks, making dragon puppets, and just doing crafts in general.

I don't post much on tumblr-- I mostly just reblog stuff that I like, but I'll post the occasional rambling or something

Boundaries

I am a MINOR!!! Please keep that in mind when interacting with me

Also, please use tone tags when interacting, I often have trouble understanding tone through text.

NO TALLYSHIPPING!! (or just shipping real people in general!! or just proshipping in general!! no proshipping!!)

Also!! Do NOT!! talk about sexual stuff around me!! As I mentioned before, I am apothisexual (sex-repulsed, if you didn't already know) so that stuff really gives me the ick and makes me uncomfortable so PLEASE avoid talking about it around me

Please only interact with me if I know you or if I interacted with you first. Because of recent events, I'm rather paranoid of people I don't know, sorry ^^" (Feel free to like or reblog my posts, but I'd rather you not try to start a chat with me unless I know you.)

If I see a blog I think is cool, I'll often spend a while scrolling through it and liking posts. So if you get a ton of likes from me all at once, that's probably why-- Sorry if it comes off as weird or anything, it's just a thing I do ^^"

I use an excess of caps and exclamation points when excited, please keep this in mind and sorry if it bothers you

PLEASE do NOT ask for donations in my AMA. I do not have any money to give you (I'm so sorry /gen), and it makes me uncomfortable because I feel like I'm a bad person because I can't donate. Also, I can't tell whether the asks are real people or bots. I hope your situation gets better. <3

DNI

Basic DNI criteria (any sort of bigots, radqueers, p3d0s, z00s, proshippers, etc)

Joe Hawley supporters

Joe Hawley haters / erasers / harassers / dehumanizers (Yes, he's done terrible things, but he's still a real person and doesn't deserve to be harassed, it doesn't make anything better or help him recover / improve)

18+, N$FW, p0rn blogs (should be obvious but I'm putting it here anyway)

Bots

Robin / Riab / Red / Carson / ILOVEROSSFEDERMAN (If you know you know; if you don't know, feel free to ask) (I don't thiiiiiink he has tumblr? but better safe than sorry, yknow?) (It's not like he'd respect me telling him to DNI anyway, but I'm still putting him on here)

Tag Guide

#Simon's Ramblings -- Spilling the contents of my strange little mind onto Tumblr for all to see. Or, in other words, talking about whatever I want

#Simon's Vents and Rants -- Growling or yowling or hissing about things that I'm upset or passionate about.

#Simon Reblogs -- Self-explanatory

#Simon Answers -- Answering asks I get in my inbox

(note that I only started using these tags recently, older posts will not have them)

[i-write-hurt-not-comfort]

Aww!!! I love your new Ayato story. To be honest, when I read the tags and the description, it was very hard for me to imagine a combination between Ayato and drugs, but I was very wrong, because now I started to get addicted to this story as well as Ayato. The idea feels so real and doable. I'm even now convinced that if Ayato was human in the canon universe, without those supernatural powers and vampiric sadism, he'd handle the situation in a similar way, since there's no way he'd be the asocial loser in class (-: However, his super beauty as a vampire doesn't work here, and it wouldn't be realistic just to exist to have friends :-*

hey anon! thank you so much! i'm excited to continue it, hoping i get another chapter in before christmas. here's the fic for anyone wondering, it's called the basketball diaries and i'll ramble a lil bit here, don't mind me.

putting it under a cut for discussions of drugs

so i've been writing drug addict fics for a real long time now and i generally consider myself able to make any character into an addict, primarily due to my wide scope of knowing and under the pretext of "it can happen to anyone", and in dialovers, i've now written shu, reiji, laito, subaru, ruki, kou, yuma and azusa. hence i moved to ayato.

ayato has gone up a lot in my heart since i first found dialovers in 2017 and especially since my re-obsession era in 2021. the more i read him, esp LE, the more i learn about his strengths and weaknesses. he's vulnerable, he's got academic trauma. he wants to do well, he does, but he's scared of trying because he doesn't want to make himself look stupid.

and contrary to the ayato can't read joke on my DL server, ayato can read and i think he's pretty smart if he really wants to do something. i.e. his MB after story he DOES get a degree but it's for yui's sake. he has to have a reason. and without said reason, he's void of motivation and frankly doesn't really know HOW to try.

you're right, ayato acts like a silly goofy big strong vampire because he's convincing himself he's The Shit. he bigs himself up as Yours Truly, pretends he's the best, because his entire self-worth growing up was based on the assumption he was going to be The Best. and if he's not The Best, then he's a failure.

when you combine that mindset with a situation where he obviously isn't going to be the best, you have a perfect recipe to write a drug fic i think.

he can't possibly be that guy with no friends, he wants to be liked and the best. but most importantly, he has a deep intrinsic desire to be the best academically too. but he never learnt to study, he has zero self-worth, and starting uni away from his closest brothers (laito n subaru in this case) in a difficult degree is challenging. couple this with the fact i gave him ADHD bc ADHD ayato has my heart, he's lost. and because being the best in his mind is more important than his own health and sense of self, he'd be willing to do anything to maintain that. and if he found a drug which does that for him, why wouldn't he use it, yknow?

i won't spoil too much about the fic there by mentioning yui's role in this (bc yui doesn't appear until ch11 unfortunately), but this is an overview of why i'm so excited to write an ayato addict fic finally.

on a similar note, next up Might be shin, actually. shin has potential, mostly from stuff in his LE. because of endzeit, shin very much has this mindset where he needs to prove he's sick in order to get validation. like he needs to be sick to prove something about himself. obviously if this weren't canon then endzeit can't be a thing, but i could talk for hours and hours and HOURS about the "needs to be ill to get validation of health" trauma (mainly due to personal experience) and it'd be really interesting to write in the context of drug addiction!

[vivi-scera]

hey what's up! i wanted to drop in and say ur mellonear fanfic was AMAZING. easily one of the best works in the tag 💕. please please tell me ur going to write more for them. i just can't get over the amount of detail you put into it... if u don't mind talking about it... i just want to know how ur mind works pretty please 🤲

who— can you guys pls come off anon i'm begging and crying!!!

anyway THANKS SO MUCH. here i was bitching and moaning to my friends that that piece didn't turn out as well as i would've liked. can think of 2 or 3 fics off the top of my head that i love way more. but i'm so glad you liked it <333

and sad to say i am, in fact, not writing more for them <\3 i feel like i've said everything i can say about them? i mean they have like 10 lines total together how much more could i possibly extrapolate sdkjflhsf. i'm not a huge au writer tbh i pretty much only like working within canon. but you'll be happy to know i do plan on writing another death note fic (an au one though, surprisingly). just not for meronia. not telling which pairing but. near is in it trust. obvi it'll have meronia subtext.

and thank you thank you for the compliment about the details even though >.< i thought i didn't put in nearly enough. literally read that semi-canon side story in its entirety and only put in 2 things from it. and one of the things i straight up plagiarized <3 but we're gonna say i just referenced it.

i think i mostly just wanted to focus on how like childish yet mysterious they were. imagine you're kira, a functional god, and these 2 kids are running around without your knowledge trying to thwart you. you don't know what they look like, what they know about you, what they are to each other, what their names are, etc. etc. (they also represent the two halves of your would-be lover but we're not gonna go there). at the end of the day, they don't even care that much about YOU, a god (because they already had their own and well. you killed him)!! i guess i wanted to further emphasize that the stakes (for catching/stopping kira), for near & mello, weren't that high. at least,, not as high as beating each other (SO romantic). it was as if it were, as i referenced, just a game to them!! but a game sort of rigged against them, favoring the wammy industrial complex ofc. (the house always wins wink wink). but also,, it's all very tragic in the sense that they really have no other way to look at things. just child soldier things yknow.

idk there was some insane untapped story-telling potential there in the canon. the set-up sort of gave near & mello their own godhood statuses and stripped kira of his own. if i were to rewrite part 2 of death note i'd either keep it all strictly in light's pov or keep it all strictly in theirs. it did a disservice to the story/characters, imo, by attempting to keep the same dynamic/pov going from part 1. i'm not gonna lie and say the 2nd part was as good as the 1st sorryyy. because they were somewhat misutilized i never even considered the (incestuous) implications until someone ;) started posting about them ofc. then i thought about how much their dynamic reflected my personal favorite pairing of all time (knowers know) so i kind of took some preconceived notions and applied them. actually i was originally writing fic for afore-not-mentioned pairing and i'm pretty sure i just used lines from that to get started lmao.

anyway that's all i got atm. if i think of more i wanna talk about i'll write more <3 thx again for the ask!! feel free to ask more ofc ;3

[groggygrimalkin]

TW SA and Abuse,long heavy personal post

I guess I'm in a sappy mood so I'll talk about why Homestuck means so much to me. For a year I've kinda wanted to make a video about it, and maybe I will, but for now I just wanna talk abt it. I'm not tagging this as hs but serious trigger tag ahead please tell me if you want to tag this as anything

Okay so I got into Homestuck around 2011, I was being pretty heavily abused by my grandma and mom and also neglected by them which is a very weird ass combo, but a story about someone playing a game and having such close friends appealed to me (I also thought Homestuck was an anime before finding the comic and would look up like "Homestuck episode 1" and get mad when I couldnt find it lmao). Now keep in mind I was a child so like media literacy wasn't my strong suit but I still retained and understood a good ammount of stuff mainly about characters. Anyways as a child naturally does I started talking about it with all of my friends and tried to get them into it, and one friend got REALLY into it. The best I can describe it is like that episode of the Cuphead show where Mugman likes piano and Cuphead gets into it and immediately overshadows him. But I was still happy to have someone to talk about it with. My favorite characters at the time were Meulin, Nepeta, and Damara and I would happily talk about them, but the person would shit on me for liking Meulin claiming she was a bad person and constantly pointing out all her flaws, it annoyed me because they're favourite characters had TONS of flaws they didn't acknowledge but for some reason me loving Meulin was the worst thing ever. I also loved the Midnight Crew and later to my chagrin they did too. I kept reading as updates came out and soon Homestuck became their entire thing, I remember going over their house because at a certain point they were my only friend and they talked to me about Homestuck like I didn't introduce them to it. But yknow, okay, whatever. We would ship our ocs with Canon characters and pretend to be characters and stuff, pretty standard until one day they came over my house and insisted on being Dualscar. They wrote a fic about him doing it with one of my ocs and I was just kinda happy for the attention. Anyways we were rping in real life and I don't remember when, or how, but they had me pinned to the couch and were insistent I let them touch me because we were role-playing and they were Dualscar. Now I've always lowkey been ace, especially in my younger years, so I was pretty uncomfortable, and even if I wasnt asexual someone having you pinned down insisting on touching you when you're not consenting isnt a fun time. Anyways they did stuff like this a few times more in various places and would get mad when I said no to their advances. But for some reason I kept hanging out with them. They were gross and rude and pushy but the only friend I had. I remember them basically assigning me Diamonds Droog kin which I didn't care because I liked Droog(still do) and would pretend to be Slick and suprise suprise would try and molest me. I began to get bitter towards Homestuck, something I once loved was being used against me in one of the worst ways possible. It was a weird time because I would just begrudgingly read the updates I once loved. Anyways when I was 15 they molested me again and it was the worst one, like I wouldn't let my family members hug me for years type of bad. I remember the exact video I was watching when it happened, Game grumps playing Silent Hills PT. I couldn't watch that video for years after. I also remember them showing me really fucked up porn between characters and when I asked like "Hey isn't that weird?" They did the ol' "Ugh it's just fictional!!" Sheit. Anyways at a certain point Homestuck was just ruined for me. I finished it just to say I did and when people asked me if I liked it I would lie and say I didn't. Thankfully I broke it off with them after nine fucking years of knowing eachother. For years I continued to say I dislike homestuck until I got like 22...I stumbled upon Hiveswap and it was funny all of the troll and Alternia facts I could remember, I was hesitant at first and was still like "Ugh but I don't REALLY like it!!" And then I saw....Them....

It was a weird feeling accepting that "Yep I like Homestuck I've been lying to myself for years" and I bought friendsim. I was hooked emmediately. It was like a flood of love I had for homestuck when I started in 2011 all came rushing back, the person who hurt me didn't matter, all that mattered is that I was enjoying it again. Tbh like alot of stuff from my first read was sort of still in my mind, so I stuck to watching recap videos and reading segments I couldnt remember and holy shit there was so much I missed as a child. And then I got Hiveswap and BAM I'm hooked even more, and then

AND THEN...

I rewatched and re-read the first intermission...

And it was set in stone that I'm a Homestuck at heart. It was like walking into a bar I hadn't been to in years and all of my old friends were there to welcome me, I was enjoying something again that used to bring me so much comfort before it was ruined for me, but it didn't have to be anymore. I think I sobbed when I realized that. It feels nice to enjoy something that for years was soured for me.

Uh yeah that's why homestucka and hiveswap means so much to me. Opening this blog has been an amazing way for me to get into the fandom which I never have before. I'll probably be an old man talking about leprechauns and trolls but I'll be happy.

[auspex]

I wanted to send in an ask for the in-character ask meme for mark but i couldnt think of anything, so instead i ask you to ramble about one of the things regarding mark that makes you lose it! Stuff you're totally so Normal about in a Lying way!! It's so fun hearing about that stuff as well as WHY it makes you lose it, yknow?? does this make sense??? hope it does lmao

k im breaking out this ask cause im doin bad. if you dont know or care about mark dont bother reading htis - i found that sometimes my mark tag shows in the general vtm tag and im sorry.

im so normal about how vampires live forever but also live in constant danger (usually)

on the one hand Mark knows he has eternity

on the other hand he knows that in a few nights it could be his last

but the man lives off denial and so he focuses on the first one.

this intersects w some of his... motivations in interesting ways

for example a main one is who he considers it his responsibility to protect sampson. but ok 1: he is a ghoul, so he'll live forever but does he want to? 2: its a dangerous world so protecting him is a big task and can he do that forever? and 3: what happens if sampson does want to live longer but turns against him either emotionally or in a deeper way? what then.

like basically the situation he's in... can it last forever? probably not. will mark grapple with that fact? No <3 its fine for now cause he isn't even a year in yet but it will be a problem at some point...

another one is serving Julius. so far julius has not asked anything too heinous of him but if there truly is eternity that's not gonna last forever. also, mark doesnt know this, but I Do, that when the pyramid falls, the blood bond may traumatically break but that does NOT mean Julius is gonna let go - only become more coercive, with mark more aware of the shit spot he is in. i am going to go absolutely insane when that happens. mark is gonna have a mc'freakin breakdown and if sampson isnt his friend at this point idk what he will do cause thats the only person in his life who could possibly understand.

Ok and finally just how literally like. ok so. mark struggles against the beast like every kindred does and GENRALLY does well because of a promise to himself after he murdered a guy in hunger frenzy, that once he gets That Hungry (mechanically hunger 4) his top goal will be reducing it and at hunger 3 its one of his highest goals. Like he has to believe he can keep it in check. but with eternity... mistakes happen. like there isnt any way he could prevent himself from ever making a mistake like that again. he is in such denial about it though. and when he fucks up again he'll be forced to accept that it will happen Another time, and Again. itll be so delicious <3 (like the blood i mean what)

Anyways.

mark believes he is taking a long view of things but he truly is NOT. he's just using that idea to Cope. he tells himself he has to settle things in his territory, w sampson, w such and such julius task, then he can sit down, study like he wants to, keep things in check ; but here is the thing. vampire society isnt like that. things are gonna shake up eventually. because you either die fast in one of those shake ups, or you live forever always long enough to see another one.

he is telling himself to just go a little longer, push a little harder, and then he can rest. then itll be ok.

but that might not ever come.

he has to learn some coping mechanisms soon... or have friends. hes not in a place where he could actually step away and get a break.

he's getting there on the friends bit w his coterie mate rose cause she agreed to stop dating Lucky (LOTS OF CONTEXT NEEDED WHY THIS IS IMPORTANT BUT IT IS ) and that meant a lot to him and he'll be more willing to open up to her in the future- but i think that will still require some sort of come-to-jesus moment where hes like. Oh shit im doing really bad actually.

which he is

but if you ask him, he will just say theres a lot going on and he's somewhat stressed <3 omg

anyway thanks @eric-the-bmo for my life

[strange-creachure]

so..

didnt want to make a huge deal of it at the time bc anxiety and what have you, buuut since yesterday marked 2 full months from this thingy (perhaps most impactful in my life so far lol), figured i'd do a little post anyway?? felt appropiate what with it being pride month and ya know :zoomies:

(tldr, have two rad little lines going across on my body and feeling more light and normal (in the best kind of way) than i have for years :catlove:)  i'm in an incredibly lucky place living situation wise (s/o being in a position where he could take a loan for us, and finland being a country that doesnt generally indiscriminate these kind of things as much) where i could get a good ol operation that single-handedly yoinked off my serious dysphoria and -related anxiety and its been (and still is) so incredibly freeing and pleasant and carefree vibe when ur body feels and looks the way you felt it should have always been. especially when, (tw: dysphoria) increasingly for the past couple years its felt just so incredibly.. wrong? to an extent you felt constantly sick?, for reasons you cant even quite explain?, for features your biology imposed on you without any word on your part, and the societal norms or whatever that came with it??? and just.. the entire lack of choice or being unable to do anything about it?? absolutely worst. do not recommend. unfortunately a fairly common experience in the lgbt circles (that i keep hearing) and something a lot of people have to deal with, unfortunately. so in a very stark comparison, post-op and recovering and just /living/ without those restrictions or weights on ya, it's pretty freakin rad. having authority on the silly little meat vehicle again haha. (recovery wise feel entirely normal and well by now, just the whole 'having a both physical and very taxing mental weight off of the shoulders that i'd not realised how long its been there' has had me feeling very childlike joy and the like, yknow. maybe some of u could tell from the text brrrr nyoomies for a while now huhu :zoomies:) dunno if this is "too personal" or unnecessary or kinda silly to share, but kind of jus wanna put it out there in case there's the odd person in there who feels the same way, incredibly awful for reasons you cant quite explain or even grasp - i promise you're not inherently broken or "wrong", there is a reason for it, gender or neurodivergency wise or otherwise. it sure took me a while, and while it's an unique road for everyone, u can get there, one way or other. for example im more comfy with my brain funnies than i've been in years just from reading more and getting to know likeminded people and overall understanding things better, and that alone has helped me a lot. dont necessarily feel the need to transition anything further body wise either; dont consider myself a trans person, and dunno what kind of label or tag would even fit my gender other than just?? kind of vaguely nonbinary i guess?? since im just.. omee? default person shaped? and for the longest time, it feels good and normal and /right/. dunno. wanted to share the excellent good vibes despite this whole mess of a world situation lol. #textwall #manywords  happy pride y'all! every single one of you friendshapes is very important and appreciated ❤️

for context! i'm huge fan of people who are happy with their bodies; its the best possible place to be! and such, want to confirm I dont have and never had anything against female chest in general, im genuinely glad some people can carry themselves with pride and joy, it simply wasnt a concept my brain could accept for me; personally they looked and felt really wrong on me, despite being physically healthy and "normal"; nothing were wrong with my pre- chest shapes except them residing on my body.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

A few things, one do you personally believe Evan has like a fake account and is checking up to see what he fanbase is up to online?

I swear to god I can’t help but worry I’ve interacted with him once without even knowing it and made a complete fool of myself Ajdjjfjfjf

Two, so you think he’s ever been on/knows what Omegle is? (I may or may not pop on there every now and then in his tags to try and find him. Say hi, thank him for existing and dip haha 😅)

Three, do you think Evan genuinely is okay with fans approaching him (when appropriate of course) or think he would approach them by chance??

Like for me I’d prefer him to approach me if I’m wearing any AHS merchandise. Because I don’t wanna bother the man and have him get bombarded by fans, I’d honestly be happy just getting a few words ‘conversation’ in. Maybe an autograph and quick hug if he’s down, probably not a pic together though. As much as I’d love one with him the man deserves to be treated like a human being when he’s not working yknow? (Not saying I wouldn’t love a pic and not hating on fans that do ask for one and whatnot. I just would want to be respectful and not make him feel uncomfy. While he’ll never remember me (maybe he will who knows) I’ll remember him and I don’t want to be remembered as ‘the one fan who was weirdly too polite or some shit) I dunno I’m weird not to mention the very unrealistic and cruel scenarios my head creates. He deserves the world and anyone who meets him should feel incredibly lucky (I’m not putting him on a pedestal, but he’s so genuine and kind. I only want him to get that same energy back is all.)

He has no idea but he’s part of the reason why I’m still here (I know that sounds silly) Mentally I’ve been through a lot still going through a lot. So I’ll hop on YouTube and watch his interviews or watch AHS or clips of him as his characters. Stuff like that it’s bittersweet sometimes but it helps me feel close to him and gives me hope I’ll meet him so I can HOPEFULLY thank him in person. 🥹❤️‍🩹

first off, anon i'm glad you're still here <3

i think evan could possibly give into the very human curiosity of seeing what people say online - maybe not frequently but once in a while. it's hard to say. maybe he's been burnt and decided it's better to avoid at all costs. i do doubt that evan is on omegle these days but back in the day it used to be something we pretty much all did lol

i think in the right circumstance, evan is probably fine with a respectful fan interacting with him. i think most people would be so long as the interaction is appropriate. i always think the most important thing is to recognize time and place and also reading body language. celebrities are humans, too. they may have bad days, may be in a rush, may be with other people who could be made uncomfortable.. so you just have to read the situation and discern if this is a good time to come over and say hi. i think it would be great if he got back to doing conventions so fans would have an opportunity to tell evan how much we love him!

[dykeza]

Edit: this post is too long it’s going under read more so I don’t feel as evil tagging it okay thanks. Hi guys it’s me the asshole again can I say smth possibly controversial and tone deaf? Okay thanks .

I think a terrible amount of backlash towards SSO is done under the assumption that SSO is a small team that became a large Horse Game Corporation with a monopoly on Horse Games in the last 13 years . This is not true. SSO is still a small game worked on by a small team (there’s frequent posts on their instagram featuring basically the whole team— including like the Singular Lady that models all the horses. Like that’s One Person, Maybe More but Not A Lot More). Just bc it has more polish does not mean it’s suddenly not made by a small team in a likely rented office space who strive to pay their workers fairly. Lots of ppl on Reddit saying shit like “I wonder if the higher-ups at the sso company make it so the designers can’t do whatever they want :(“ There aren’t any higher-ups. It’s important to me that you know that. SSO hiking prices and lowering rewards and releasing smaller and smaller updates CAN be a bit shitty, I’m not saying it’s not. I’m saying there’s nuance that’s lost when a bunch of primarily older teenaged and adult women and queer ppl— (I am aware how insane that sounds but I don’t think many straight cis dudes are rockin with the horse game, and if they are they’re not the majority) —are yelling in Instagram comment sections about how shitty the SSO dev team is because they (checks notes) have to raise the prices of their horse game because they have to maintain a livable wage for themselves, pay rent and utility bills on their machines and spaces that they need to even make the game, and pay for marketing and other expenses, in a global post-Covid hyper-inflated economy. So woe is you that star coins cost more. A 10k star coin gift card used to be 108 dollars around my neck of the woods (America) and now it’s 79.99. That’s less money btw in case you can’t do math because you’re too blinded by your rage over game designers, artists, developers, and coders being paid more than peanuts to update the same fucking game for 13 years WEEKLY. Okay man. Whatever. Old man yelling at cloud over here. A lot of this has been building for months-years now but the Medieval Arena update really like, made it apparent to me for some reason. Maybe it’s cuz I like the update I think it’s cute I think it’s nice and small and quaint. But like— it’s So Obvious that the Medieval Arena and all its little additions and the future ones were made by a small team of people who just, wanted to have a fun Renaissance Fair in their game that they make. Bc yknow, again, they’re updating and making a game that they are paid to update and make because they want to update and make it. Sorry you don’t like shitty jousting mechanics and a cute lil fairground . Do you also hate the sun for shining? Oh you miss the old events? Oh you hate that sso is all corporate and lifeless now? Should we tell everyone? Should we invite Bella Hadid? Have you even once considered that maybe the people who make the game are People making a Game, and they can do whatever they want with their game? You, yes you, can also do whatever you want. You have the hands that create. You don’t get mad at an artist with a canvas and paints for doing art the wrong way, right? So why is it okay to get mad at an artist with a computer and a coding software for doing art the wrong way? Every horse, building, character, clothing, tack, tree, bush, boat, car, and all the hundreds of other things in this game are made by hand by dedicated people but yeah, you’re mad that they Chose To Do Something THEY Wanted To Do over doing the thirteenth birthday event in a row to appease a bunch of people who never seem to be happy with their art anyway. Fuck off. Sorry for yelling. I’m not sorry but sorry for yelling. Please die.