#anyway. now jeanne again but physical

[cestacruz]

Mmm Jeanne

[nasuversekinkmeme]

Weekly Roundup: Prompts (I fucked up but that's like from one week ago)

Tsukihime

Diferent Anon than the current Tsukihime petplay one, I offer the oppisite: Arcuied puts Ciel down like old yeller, is delighted that she can old yeller her over and over again.

Arcueid is convinced she's a kitty girl and thus gets deeply offended when every "what animal are you" quiz she takes tells her she's a golden retriever (which she is)

Arcueid becoming Neco Arc played completely straight as some sort of horrofic Jekyll and Hyde style transformation.

Kohaku starts a recruitment drive for new maids for the mansion, and everyone (regardles of gender or even species) in Misaki Town finds themselves drafted - whether they like it or not

Fate/Zero

Waver gets a break for once

Fate/Extra

Smut, Someone attempts to hack BB, but the super AI is far too above such petty human tricks. She definitely resisted all the attempts to change her personality and her perception of normal, as you can tell by the fact that her panties have massive dildos spreading her vagina and her ass at any and all times, just like she definitely always has and didn't suddenly start doing the day of the for sure failed hacking attempt. She's also definitely always loved having her face fucked by men and women and enbies alike, as is perfectly normal. Her face is meant to pleasure anyone and everyone who wants her to! Gosh, that's just logic. It's why she has a mouth and throat and tongue in the first place!

Smut, Mostly I just have a hypnosis kink and enjoy the idea that a machine can only do what it's programmed to do, regardless of what it was programmed to do yesterday. Anyway BB gets a software update and "remembers" that it's polite for her to eat her Master out every day, especially because her Master for sure didn't make her think that was normal, because it just always was.

Kama and/or Kiara face their greatest challenge yet: someone who is asexual. The Beasts of Lust lose and lose hard.

Smut, Nero bondage (I think it still counts if it's something that prevents them from moving) where she forces another character into the Roman Candle Execution Method they pioneered IRL - aka trapping them in a wax coating that restricts their movement (here with the exception of the various body holes) with the caveat that holes are unsealed so Nero can have sex with them. May or may not involve the person/ candle actually being set alight or suffocating in the wax during being fucked The person doesn't actually have to die.

Fate/Stay Night

Archer grows tits. He's still male. He's still a dude, he's masc, he's comfortable being called a man. But now he has tits and he likes them. Anyways now instead of fourth place for biggest chest he's second only to Passionlip.

Hopping off of the archer spontaneously grows tits anon from earlier- he is now the first axis man to get a swimsuit alt because of it.

Guinevere gets summoned, and Lancelot tries to leave her alone to avoid starting any drama, only for Guinevere to demand to see him because she never stopped loving him

Fate/Apocrypha

Astolfo, in a rare moment of lucidity, congratulating someone on their transition. Ideally, phrased ambiguously enough to make it unclear what sort of trans they are, or how far in the transition they are, just that Astolfo is happy with the progress and glad for them to have moved closer to their truth.

Sieg, having been alive and independent for less than a week and whose closest friends are Jeanne and Astolfo, thinks that wearing feminine clothing is completely normal. Upon being summoned to Chaldea, promptly tries on those cute skirts Asolfo likes to wear.

Sieg and Astolfo sleep together. Not as in the euphemism-for-sex sense, they just fall asleep in the same bed cuddling each other, high emphasis on them being physically affectionate and tender and also adorable.

FGO

Smut, Several servants whose claim to fame includes "good at sex" decide to try and figure out who is best at it. They need an impartial judge to agree to get fucked silly by all of them. Gudao/Gudako "mysteriously" goes missing not long after (spends the next weeks getting fucked into the ground by all of them).

Guda finally after everything gets a nice peaceful-ish death! Unfortunately instead of immediately being sent to any after life they have to be isekai'd (again seriously for real this time) so the various afterlife reps can have a custody battle over their immortal soul...

Smut, Nitocris under her Medjed sheet, maintaining the perfect poise and bearing of a pharaoh, exactly the same as all days. Which is rather impressive, seeing as the only thing she's wearing under it is a dildo up her ass. Heavy emphasis on how genuinely nobody else knows anything is any different than usual, with the possible exception of her girlfriend Scheherazade. Who might've been involved in the escapade.

I wanna see Blackbeard covered in blood. Whether it be defending his collection, saving his master, reenactment of his death or that one Black Sails scene, getting his red wings etc I don't care. I just want that nerd drippin in the red stuff

we have fairy knights of the round. but there should be a round table of dogs , naturally lead by Sir Cavall II

There's only room for one loud angry trans man in Chaldea! Mordred and Caenus duke it out! Whether or not the "sparring match" devolves into furious sex afterwards is up to the writer.

BB decides to host a reality show with challenges.. but every challenge is cruel one way or another, like facing your worst fears… BUT IT IS TEN TIMES WORSE. The prize for winning is getting to bed Gudao AND a grail

WG Scenario where after Flauros possessed Lev, he started losing weight from not eating as much as his host used to. Roman points this out during a checkup and it makes Flauros paranoid that this sudden change will make the Chaldeans suspicious of him and realize their coworker has been taken over. So he starts eating more to gain back the weight but overdoes it and winds up as big as Goredolf. Bonus points if a Chaldean hits on him as he gains more but it just makes him think they're onto him.

Smut, heeey maybe the watsonian reason why shiva isn't available for summoning is because there's quite a lot of woman at chaldea interested in pegging him , in addition to teaching Kali & Durga about femdom.. and you have gudako , who is gonna put him in a mating press or die trying.

Morgan and Mash have been in a sexual relationship for a bit now, which they excuse as just being a casual thing (Not the right way to court a queen after all, that’d be incredibly improper…), except Mash has started accidentally picking up her fashion cues with the black lace, occasional blue lipstick, and- oh that’s a collar. Nobody wants to say anything, even if it’s congratulatory, as they don’t wanna get Berserker-looped.

Smut, Everyone has their own sexual rhythm for providing penetration, but Lancelot (Saber)’s is Rock Your Body by Justin Timberlake, and it really weirds Raikou out, because he legitimately doesn’t realize.

the realization that kadoc has fully grown accustomed to chaldea's chaos did not occur when he started a pirate radio station with jalter in order to put BB channel out of buisness, instead the realization hits kadoc when he accidentally calls archer moriarty Dad. and to make things even more funny , fran is cool with having kadoc as a foster brother.

Woodwose somehow ends up at a furry convention

The reason why Blackbeard hate for fighting and actually working is because his thirst for piracy was what made him abandon his wife and lose his life. So in a Dodrinya type situation Chaldea summons Edward Teach(B.B. true name), the greatest pirate who has ever lived, and it's Blackbeard's wife and they have an awkward reunion

all the doctor servants just fucken die due to the amount of apples gudao/gukao consume in this up coming lotte events. they then respawn after the two weeks are up and promptly beat they to death with medical supple.

Consider, Sex Pollen, but Guda is allergic to pollen.

Oberon gets fucked until he starts calling himself Titania.

All the lostbelt kings are lamenting the loss of their lostbelt together, except for Qin who just came back from their own perfect recreation of their lostbelt and is confused on why they’re all sad

since gudako and Morgan are married this means Sith becomes an sibling older due to gudako's kids(kid Gil, Illyea, nursery and jack). Jack super happy to have an older sibling but Sith is against this until jack brings her black-beards head because he was talking mad shit about her older sister. Sith now responds when jack calls her big sis and calls her litte sister from that day on.

Kiara tries to tempt an ace Gudako with garlic bread. Gudako can't eat gluten so the attempt fails miserably.

Noncon, incest, I can't take this anymore I need to see Duryodhana's stupid loser ass get nonconed by Bhima or by a mob I don't care he just deserves to get put in his place (bonus points if you use his line for getting hit by np)

Its Mother's Day in chaldea and in a bit of a twist Morgan gives presents to her phh children since she feels bad for what she did in their timeline

someone be insane about hanahaki with me, theres a botanical fucking garden in ritsuka fujimaru's lungs and people who some of the flowers grow for are dead aaaaaahhh. none of that "its only curable if they love you back" or "removing the flowers kills your ability to feel" though. guda has to get rid of the flowers in their lungs and they gotta confess to do that but again, many of the people they grow flowers for are dead by gudas own hand from the lostbelts going down.

Bradamante is the de facto straightman of the Paladins of Charlemagne, but when left to her own devices/is without any of her ilk, she’s as much off a silly bimbo as the rest of them

Now summoned as a servant rather than a full fairy, Barghest discovers that she no longer gets sick from eating chocolate, and that she has an INCREDIBLE sweet tooth. In order to satiate her appetite, she gets Medb to channel Knocknarea’s spirit origin for access to her chocolate fields, in exchange for Barghest now serving as her Hound and Brave. Cue a Petplay/Weight Gain scenario about their treat-based relationship economy.

Smut, Koyanskaya’s tail isn’t real, it’s a buttplug (of egregiously large proportions, but that’s beside the point), and she’s started selling them. If you keep it in however, a set of Fox ears begin to grow, and your teeth begin to sharpen… hey, what do you mean Gudako just got gifted one?!

Silly omegaverse courtship between master and castoria where guda is desperately trying to court this beautiful fairy idiot with elaborate rock art that is too circular for her tastes, all the food they can make safely while severely impaired from rutbrain, random objects they think she would like, and eventually when they manage to create cool rock art that pleases the lady a sick ass breakdance. Whether or not they fuck in the end is up to you I just like versegm's ideas

Kingprotea practicing to control her strength so she can safely give her Master a headpat. Lots of practice dummies get varying degrees of comically destroyed as she carefully dials it in.

All the Sakuraface servants get summoned all at the same time sharing Sakura's body. Sakura's many many new headmates get up to comedic hijinks as they spend so much time fighting each other for control that Sakura's actually not really stopped from doing anything.

FGO again

Smut, Tai Gong Wang valentines but he actually goes through with what he was alluding to and we are treated to him and Guda having steamy outdoor sex (Guda's gender,.kinks, who tops, ect. is up to the writer)

Smut, Post Valentine's Gudako confronts Oberon over his shitty return gift. The two argue ending in hate sex. What happens next is up to the writer but it's gotta end with Oberon, completely sucked try, exhausted, and questioning if Gudako is related to the Merlins in some way (i.e part succubi)

Smut, You think Gudako is a top? WRONG! She's actually a hardcore masochist that loves being dominated. The crueler the partner, the better.

Let’s stop putting the pining on Mash, let Morgan be the one who has to search endlessly for her first knight whom she no longer remembers.

Okita, noticing that her coughing has only gotten worse to the point that she can no longer fight, begs Nobu to take her head. Nobu does not know what to do

Nightingale, known magic denier, is summoned under the caster class on accident, and is forced to learn how to do wizard/magical girl stuff. She gains a couple ranks in the Insanity skill by proxy.

Artoria stops Medb from consuming a pot brownie, finds out it's "forever weed" laced and has to try and hide the fact that she's super high from Merlin, every member of the round table in chaldea, Morgan, guinevere and other who have somehow been summoned by medb just for this occasion and the master themself

Due to their bond Gudako ends up seeing Angra's memories in her Dreams, specifically who he was before becoming the incarnation of all evil and the torture they did to turn him into that

guda this explaining pronouns to an older servant(whoever you want) while jack is in the room minutes later jack says they want to be non-binary because it represent all the kids that make them up and it sound cool.

loli, Sherlock begs Helena to put him on a leash and collar and walk him around and Helena decides to overperform by taking him out through the Chaldea halls late at night. Humiliation and being out to the writers discretion

Smut, Tamamo and her Master (Hakuno, Gudako, I ain't too picky) engage in BDSM for the first time, with Tamamo as the dom. Tamamo has the experience, though, and so teaches her Master about how it usually goes and how safe words work and such. Lots of emphasis on the process of teaching a newbie how to engage in the kink safely.

The trauma of the Lostbelts actually gets to Ritsuka. They end up repressing the memories of certain events (Mash's death, the destruction of the Lostbelts, fight with ORT, ect.), and would have moments where they disassociate. It gets worse after the Olympus lostbelt as they then would occasionally lay in bed unresponsive for hours to even days.

(writer chooses how the servants deal with this, and wether they want to go full angst, hurt/comfort, ect.)

columbus rolls the worst joint ever witnessed by man god and demon and is immediately executed for it

Canonically not understanding how to treat mental health issues, Nightingale prescribes Gudako bimbofication pills

oberon gifts morgan a gift of just bugs. Now he’s being chased by the faerie knights and now gudako must at least stop them from murdering oberon for his antics

kriemhild wants sieg to change his name. the next day, turns out his name is Hans Schmidt now. And kriemhild has to tell sieg that ‘no, he didn’t have to change his name’

ABDL - Raikou gets fed up with how pervy and non-innocent Gudako acts, and decides she'll have to fuck her until her mind regresses to a more innocent age.

Izou and Ryouma get stuck in myhouse.wad

Fujimaru gets summoned in Requiem, recognizes Erice who is extremly confused about it.

Cu gets into an argument with salter rider maid supreme, decides to one up her at maiding. Not one hell of a butler, one hell of a MAID. He is wearing a MAID dress and doing maid stuff to be clear hear. Shenanigans ensue. He can fuck around along the way if he wants. But he must defeat Salter at maid shit. Any version of cu but setanta is cool for this.

Any fandom

Any character getting turned into a small dress up doll and then being dressed up.

not quite a prompt fill but like, as to how mutting could work(reverse bitching that was requested a while back that mod named) i think it could happen if you just kept your face in peoples holes for long as you can as frequently as you can. eat pussy/ass like you get paid by the hour to do it. probably through someone elses heat or even your own. until you grow a cock to fuck them with. or just become an alpha. whichever is cooler for you.

Some sort of mystical force gets fed up with all the various non-berserk, completely coherent berserkers and decides to rectify that. As practise, it drains Jalter's mind and sanity and increases her physical fitness to the point she makes Heracles look like a reasonable little shrimp

[ursie]

If you were in charge of a disability anthology for either Marvel or DC, which characters would you want featured in it?

Omg hmmm I’m not as well versed in marvel as I’d like nor can I name a huge amount of canon physically disabled characters but hmm

Marvel :

Rictor and Shatterstar disabled4disabled kings

Scott Summers also think it would be cool to touch on Logan’s chronic pain again

Xi’an

Robbie Reyes and his brother Gabe!!

I forget her civilian name but silhouette!!

If written well I think a Wanda and Billy story about mental health would be great if not written perfectly I would literally rather die than see someone slander them again for being mentally ill-in that same line if written well Lorna if not die

God a good Jeanne-Marie/Aurora one..literally could you imagine it I can’t but I can dream

Ok call me a clown but genuinely Tony is disabled and I would like to see that acknowledged sometimes

Forget his name but Thors disabled civ persona!! Along with Jane!!

Clint disabled king

Matt and Maya!!

Could we please have a story about Bucky being disabled in a mildly realistic way 😭

Pre serum Steve would be interesting too!!

Would be cute if one touched on Jubilees learning disabilities too!!

DC

I want to say Oracle Babs but genuinely it would be so distasteful doing a anthology book putting her in there and then going right back to erasing her disability like 😭

Dick!! Like as a physically disabled man but would be nice just seeing mental health and physical health being acknowledged in the batfam as like all of them are heavily coded if not canon disabled anyway

Specifically though autistic Cass and Bruce hours now

Vic!! Literally would love if comics remembered Cyborg is an allegory for a disabled man and that him being a cyborg is literally just prosthetics again 😭

Booster and Roy kings of having their disabilities erased for no reason

Ted!!

Joey and Rose disabled legends!! Slade dni

Honestly a ntt part would nice because literally everyone there..

Guy! I remember your canon brain damage king

Genuinely a Green Lanterns one that acknowledges everyone’s mental & physical issues and doesn’t just revolve Jessica because she’s not the first disabled gl like. 😭 would be nice

I think Aquaman should get to be sexy for a chapter and yes he’s a villain and Manta being Autistic was direct ableist correlation in the comics but also I would like to see it again

No thought pieces on Arkham I’m done w thought pieces on Arkham. These are comics it’s the genre yes they’re mentally Ill they’re also very much trying to kill everyone no Batman is not secretly ableist I do not want to see it it’s like complaining about child sidekicks is it good? No but this is the genre there are rules to it like villains be villains move on all of that said! Arkham poker night

Mia my girl I miss you

I think it would be nice to bring the Gotham academy back if only for Olive and Maps to have epic disabled moments for a couple pages

[switch]

Out of curiosity , if , let’s say, Vlad got a singularity focused on him, what would you like to see in it?

wah, what wouldnt i want to see… at this point i take anything that’s actually in character…

just him getting focused on in anything would be big…. pretty sure he’s the only apoc servant at this point who hasn’t been a main character in an event or story chapter… well, fgo’s new servant output is in hell forever now, so maybe there’s more hope for older servants like vlad to get content…

anyway, hm, i don’t really have any coherent ideas so much as individual “stuff that i feel like is missing from his depiction so far.” it’d be nice to see vlad’s full on dracula form show up in fgo (and hopefully clear up some of the “why he look the same if LoD active” confusion), though there’d probably be some weird logistics with what design they’d use. they could really afford to go into more detail about the specifics of his vampirism. we still don’t even, like, technically know if he has to drink blood, what happens if he doesn’t, where he gets it if he does, etc.

at this point i’d also want to see some call backs to certain parts of his characterization in the apocrypha LN, (the concept that he performs emotions, the emotions he does feel being described physically, how he views enemies, the episode he had at jeanne, that’d he’d be inclined to instakill someone for saying someone else should be in charge, him getting into it over religion, etc etc.) this is all stuff that was in narration text and/or was outright cut from the adaptations so i worry that it risks getting forgotten about in his fgo character entirely. at least something to introduce these parts of him to people who wisely didn’t read the LN.

fate’s also pretty much entirely skimmed over vlad’s uhhhhh eventful childhood, aside from the absolute briefest possible mention of what happened to his immediate family (>dad killed >brother killed >went to war against other brother >refuse to elaborate >leave), but it’s never really acknowledged or explored the situation they were in at the time. i get that vlad is generally the type to move on and not regret things, but some reflections on that or on his feelings about his brother nowadays would still be interesting…. at least depending on what fate would do with it anyway (even moriarty got to have a childhood backstory moment……)

it could also address what the fuck happened with his summoning in orleans since neither of the orleans manga felt like it!

i’d also like to see vlad actually get to fucking kill any named character for once. the only person he’s ever killed in fate that wasn’t an unnamed random or a trash mob was darnic that one time. i know power levels are made up and don’t matter but it’s so disappointing reading over and over again about how powerful he is and then he never gets to kill anyone or win any fights that matter… plus i miss fucked up scary vlad….

also i’m biased as ever but of course i would want moriarty to be there somewhere too lol, i still really want a fully in-character vlad moriarty conversation to happen……. would love to see the purely accidental similarities in their situations acknowledged at all………

i also would like to see vlad strongly implying he has feelings for the protagonist again but as we all know it is illegal for male characters to do that outside of My Room

agh, but really though, it’s even mentioned in his character profile how riled up he can get if he gets an actually really loyal master, please show more of that… his recent appearances in events haven’t really had any interactions with mc….

[vnckocurzyca]

New chapter new analysis

I’m publishing it one more time because it didnt show in tags for some reason???

I put it under “read more” so maybe now.

I finally read translation so I can finally write something about the new chapter. I know people’s strong feelings towards it and I think it’s totally understandable huh

I, personally, liked this chapter even if I think it was creepy as fuck. But I know Jun’s work and how she writes her stories and I know that she purposely made it really uncomfortable. I think this chapter was made to be upsetting because what happened during it was kinda important?

Warning; LONG POST (contains spoilers to new chapter)

First thing - Noe was forced to see some Vanitas’s memories. Of course by Misha eyes, but still it’s Vanis past. And as we know already, Vanitas REALLY didn’t want Noe to know about anything his past-related. He even threated him that he would kill you if Noe would someday try to drink his blood. So it’s opening for totally new conflict. We have two options

Vanitas would come to place and see Noe drinking Mishas blood and it would be horrible

Vanitas wouldn’t see it and Noe would live in sting of remorse and we know how emotional Noe is and it would be also horrible. And this option also has 2 options

Noe would finally tell Vani that he drank Mishas blood and it would be horrible

Misha would tell Vanitas that Noe drank his blood and it also would be horrible

When Noe started drinking Mishas blood he walked into a trap and there is no escape now. Vanitas is going to KNOW this and its going to be a problem, because knowing Vanis past, memories and emotions was a borderline in their relationship - Noe didn’t get a permission to step over it. And now he just... steped, because of Mishas blackmail.

Also the whole scene was made to be creepy - we can clearly see that Noe is distraught and scared and uncomfortable. We can hear his thoughts, we can see his terrified face

He is terrified for A LOT of reasons. A lot.

He is scared of Domis life. He don’t know what is going on with her and she is unconscious and she can literally DIE. Domi is his best friend, his childhood friend and nearly all family he has left. Domi is the closest person to him and he can’t just lose her like he lost Louis.

He DON’T WANT to read Vanitas’s past without his permission and knowledge. Its awful, it’s non consensual and non-con it’s something Noe hates, because, even if he would like to know Vani’s past (what he said back before Gevaudan arc) he don’t want to know it without Vanis consenst and he didn’t push. And now he is forced to see them, to betray Vani’s trust.He, probably, hates himself thanks to it.

He is blackmailed, bullied and intimidated which is bad on it’s own. He has absolutely NO CONTROL over a situation, he is absolutely subordinated and can’t do anything to change his situation. It’s scary.

He is forced to drink blood, which is a really intimate and delicate activity for him. He hates being forced to drink blood and forcing to drink blood, and, additionaly, Misha is a kid. Or, at least, he look like a kid (it’s hard to say his age for sure and how many years their past with Moreau happened). It’s gross, creepy and weird and Noe feels it. We can see him backing away from a fucking kid.

Jun did it purposely. Combine all of it, to made the horror moment for him, probably to break him in front o Misha.

The running thing in Vanitas no Carte is motif of Noe not having any control over anything in his life (even without his noticing). Noe never had a control over anything.

He didn’t have a control over his life during childhood, ie when he was sold on auction

He didn’t have any control over Louis’s death and curse. He couldn’t do anything to save him or to save other kids back then. He could do nothing.

He don’t have any control in general - he was trained by the Teacher to be his pupil. Noe don’t even know how big control Grandpa de Sade has over him and his doings.

He didn’t have any control when Domi found him at Orloks. She just kidnapped him to Altus.

He don’t have any control over his relationship with Jeanne - anytime he wants to talk to her or about her he is interuptted.

He didn’t want his blood be sucked by Ruthven and he didn’t want to Swear.

He don’t have any control now. He didn’t wanted to know Vanis past non consensualy, he didn’t wanted to drink Mishad blood, he don’t want to see Domi in this situation.

It’s a writing continuity. We are being told how little control Noe has over his (and others) life. It’s becaming a plot point. MochiJun knows what she is doing. She purposely made the whole chapter creepy and unsettling. She need us to know that what is happening right now is wrong - not only drinking blood from a 1/4 naked kid, but also the rest. Everything. That this chapter is traumatic - we literally touched Noes trauma, Domis trauma and Mishas trauma over a few pages and panels:

Dominique - we can see how she reacted to Louis death, how she wanted to make Noe feels better, why she changed her hairstyle and outfit, how she hated herself because it was her brother who died, not her. We can see it now - she is depressed, she hatees herself and would prefer to die over Louis. She was easy to catch for Misha.

Noe - we can see that he can do anything for Domi because she is his last friend, his family, last thing (person) he has. He can’t lose her, he is desperate and traumatized over Louis death so he can do anything, even suck Mishas blood and know Vanis past even if he hates it and its wrong for him.

Misha - we can see thanks to his flashbacks that it was hinted he was (if I undertand english correctly, sorry, it’s not my first language) se*//ually abused as a child. He thought his mother was possesed by devil, it was traumatizing on it’s own, but he was also dressed as a girl, physically abused and hit by his mother and used during her “sessions” with clients. Then he was kidnapped by Moreau who, probably, was experimenting on him just like on Vanitas - so Misha was abused again. And later Vanitas killed “father” what also traumatized him. His behaviour towards Noe it’s not really that suprising - its horrible and sad and heartbreaking knowing why Misha is that way, but its logical. It has sense. It’s just how his trauma made him.

Sooo do I think what happened in the chapter was good or okay? No. It was creepy and made me feel sick. But do I think Jun is bad for making it this way? No. I think her work is great, because she actually did planned it logically. She delivered TONS OF INFORMATIONS by only one chapter. Tons, about a lot of characters - Misha, Vanitas, Noe, Dominique, even Roland (he know Misha is one thing, but, also, why he was so beaten up? What happened my man? Who hurted you?) It wasn’t just gross pedo-fanservice some people accused it to be. (even if it was gross anyway och my gos this scene with Misha standing over Noe was frightening, I was just as scared as Noe, I felt like I was in his place and I was looking at Misha)

Also! I’m pretty sure one of the reason for Misha undressing his collar a little bit was for us (and maybe Noe too) to see his possesion mark on his arm. For some reason we, as an audience, need to know this.

But! We also get a lot of different informations -

Domi is a royal guard and is working in castle, so she probably knew Luca before and had contact with him or some other royal people. i think it’s interesting that she worked at castleas a royal guard.

Luca probably likes Domi and was worried about her. Also after knowing she is missing he decided to took direct actions, he is not passive.

Misha has Vanitas of the Blue Moon’s possesion mark on his hand. It’s really interesting, especially when we know that its his prosthetic arm. Somebody tried to cut his arm with a possesion mark and I bet it was Vanitas or Misha himself. Yet it DIDN’T work, mark of possesion is still here, above his prosthetic.

Noe “don’t know anything about Vanitas”. It was an important sentence. It was something that Noe need to know narratively speaking. It’s pushing the story forward, because Noe’s and Vani’s relationship is the core of the story. It was literally told in the first chapter that it’s a story about their journey.

Misha had a lot of bruises on his whole body after he was rescued. We knew he was beaten, but we could also see it’s evidence.

Mishas face when Noe drank his blood was similar to his mother face when a vampire drank his blood. It wasn’t accidental, we were shown his trauma and how it’s affected him.

Next thing I noticed:

In this panel, Misha looks A LOT like Vanitas. Og course he has child features and chubbier face, he has white(?) hair and eyelashes ets, but his mimic, his gaze, how one of his eyes is covered by hair and his words. Its literally how Vanitas’s panel would be draw. It’s really Vanitaish.

We also got some questions, like:

What happened to Misha and how he lost his hand?

What Luca ordered Jeanne? (probably to check out real Paris and maybe find Domi or Noe)

Why Mishas mark of possesions was so important for us to know?

Is that Roland met Misha in the past important?

Why was Roland so beaten up?

There was also one more thing. Jun is operating in her story not only by making parallels betweend her characters (ie Teacher and VotBM, or Astolfo nad Vanitas, or Louis and Domi etc) but also contrasts. The biggest contrast motif on the story are probably Vanitas and Noe thanks to not only their history, but also their appearance, personality, design of their clothes, their height, their names (Vanitas being related to death and vanity, Noe being related to saving and something biblical etc). Their whole characters are made constrast. And so we got here:

Vanitas and Misha are not made parallels, theyre made contrast.

Misha is looking from the upside, Vanitas is looking from the above, Mishas hair is white, Vanitas hair is black, Vani has a shadow over his face, misha is lighted. Misha has white eyelashes, Vani has black. Misha looks calm an suprised, Vani looks stressed. Their whole “atmosphere” is different. Even if Misha is bruised in this panel he looks clean, even angelic, when Vanitas looks... bad, he has dark circles under eyes, wrinkled eyebrows, bandage etc. They’re made to contrast themselves, not to be compared to. It’s the next hint about their role in the story I suppose. That they’re not similar, they’re not the same and there is something basically different about their roles.

I would also like to write about shadow and light work in this chapter, but I’m just really tired right now, soo here it is! My analyze od the new chapter, or, at least, the most important parts of it (for me). I liked it in general, but it was... stressed and I was anxious about this chapter for the one whole day. But in general I think Jun did gods work with delivering informations she wanted to delivere.

[skayafair]

VnC Plot Theories and Questions

Here are some of my ideas and questions about the VnC plot. There’s going to be part 2, in which I’d like to explore the connections of VnC universe to the real one and how that affects the plot (spoiler: greatly). I’m relatively new to the fandom and don’t know if all those points have been already discussed so feel free to give me links and - discuss! That’s what this post is for, I’m dying to talk about all this!

SPOILERS UP TO CHAPER 51

- How long ago did the Babel incident happen? What century at least? Chloe was waiting in her castle for several hundreds of years. The 15-16th century, like the time when the real Paracelsus lived?

- Queen Faustina, Naenia, The Vampire of the Blue Moon, Jeanne.

What is exactly the vampire queen? Is she the first vampire of the crimson moon? Her power is endless, only her counselors have a succession (Luca and his predecessors). The queen honestly looks way more like a local goddess rather than an actual queen: she’s one and only, any vampire cherishes her like a deity and will go feral if someone’s impolite regarding her as if it was a heresy.

Is she even a ‘she’?

As far as I understand, Neania is a Malnomen of Queen Faustina, the queen who forgot herself and is acting upon her curse. Right now it’s her who distorts the names. However, there’s a question: the curse-bearers have happened way before the outbreak Vanitas is investigating atm, and as far as we know, the queen disappeared at the same time the outbreak occurred. So, who was distorting the names before Naenia? How long does she exist at all? Was Faustina cursed way before her disappearance but the symptoms were kept at bay until the council couldn’t manage it anymore? According to the fairytale, the curses are Luna’s fault but we never saw them doing any of this. Unless they have sort of a split personality or a curse themselves?

As we know, Luna is neither male nor female (which made me think of Bathomet but I’ll get to it later), they didn’t know who and what they were, until they did and regretted it dearly. We also know Noe thinks the Queen and Luna look very much alike. And when we saw the queen’s hand atop of her blanket in her bedroom while Luka was by her side, that hand was pitch black and looked just like the VotBM one.

That was the first part of the mystery.

The second part is that the Queen looked very young when her physical form stabilized. 

We know she was tried to get rid of - her body was demolished and her spirit (???) - or whatever was left - became Naenia. I’m not sure whether Naenia is corporeal or not, but she becomes one when stabilized and all this time she is in such a severe pain that she doesn’t want to get back to this world. She doesn’t want to remember herself and the way she died.

Why exactly was she killed?

Anyway, she must not be brought back at any cost either. Vanitas mentioned that if she comes back, there won’t be neither a vampire nor a human to overcome her. Besides, all the vampires felt when she reappeared. Did they feel her dying?

I wonder if she’s some sort of a bee queen. (I hope not, I really got enough of that with the Pandemonium in Chrono Crusade.)

However, whe know exactly who killed her: Ruthven, Veronica de Sade and Luca’s older brother (who seemed to play an important role in this mission and bore the most of the backfire, and I wonder why the safest place for Luka is beside him now?). Probably all other members of the council took their part in this, too. 

So the Queen is not to be brought back, but Lord Ruthven tries to bring SOME queen into this world anyway. Someone with long fair hair just like hers is growing in a glass vessel at his lab. 

And, as we know, Jeanne also got out of some glass vessel just like this one. And she had very long fair hair, too. I wonder why didn’t anyone there notice the similarities… how often do the vampires see their queen again? 

Ruthven keeps Jeanne within his sight and even saved her from being executed when everyone wanted to. He’s obviously trying to use her, but in what way?

To cut the long story short, I think there was smth terribly wrong with Faustina - so wrong they had to kill her or at least weaken her as much as possible. But the vampires worship her like a Goddess, so she had to be present one way or another, the council couldn’t keep what happened to her a secret forever. So they needed a replacement, and that’s what Ruthven is working on. A clone? That explains his sponsorship of Dr. Moreau’s experiments.

And Jeanne’s one of the failed ones. Or is she? Maybe she was let out on purpose?

- What did Ruthven teach his students? He honestly looked more like a messiah in a cult rather than a scientist and a teacher.

- What order did he give to Jeanne?

- Looks like his ‘curses’ orders cause a bloodthirst just like Naenia’s ones, although way weaker. Which makes me wonder: does any strong vampire have an ability for such curses? If so, why just the VotBM was hated and feared for it? And how old is Ruthven?

- Where did the VotBM fairytale come from? Who created it? Ruthven reminds me of Jack Vessalius a lot by his place in the plot (remember how Jack fabricated the prophecy?). He’s everyone’s hero and a very shady person in reality. He used to have the best intentions and beliefs, like Noe, and was disappointed in them - however, this didn’t stop him from finishing the war between the humanity and the vampires and bringing peace to them. He looks like someone who’ll do everything and anything for what he believes in and sets as his aim, and I wonder what the aim is. I can’t help thinking it’s something grand and ‘for everyone’s sake’ in his POV but can play out pretty terrible for actual people. I think he cares for the vampires - and maybe for the humanity as well - but may go too far in it and forget his morals (he already had to in order to get to the top of society and gain some power).

- I strongly suspect Naenia aka Faustina, the Teacher and Luna are closely connected. In what way though? I wonder if Paracelsus is going to turn out to be a composite image after all.

- Also I see the reflection of those three in Jeanne, Noe and Vanitas and that makes me think back to the Sablier and the Riverra’s trios.

- Vampire rampages.  Yes, the vampires were ostracized and feared when the Babel has just happened, later there was the hunt and a war. BUT. They’re long over. There’s Lord Orloc to control vamps now, and humans consider them a fairytale. 

Astolpho and Vanitas’ families were killed no more than about a decade ago though. And there wasn’t just one crazy cursebearer - no, according to the fate of Astolpho’s sister, there was an organized group of vamps sane enough to keep their ‘food’ alive for some time. They were laughing and talking. They behaved like people - not like mad beasts. What were those vampires then? 

- What happened on THAT DAY?

- What happened to Michael and who’s his err supporter? Ruthven again? Or Marquis Machina, judging by Michael’s hand?

- What is Charlatan? Looks like this isn't just Naenia. Does its carnival exist in reality or is it just an illusion in the victim’s head since it comes and goes so fast and seemingly out of nowhere?

- Why did the Teacher need Noe? What role is set for the Archiviste?

- Where did the Archiviste go? Were they all killed? Why and by whom?

- I have a feeling in the end someone will try to bring the world to its natural order and either lock or erase the world of formulas, so that there are no vampires anymore, everyone’s back to being human. And someone’s going to be left in that locked world - Vanitas. Remember he has to be touching a vampire to cross between the worlds and Noe can’t forgive himself for the fact that he didn't grab Vanitas’ hand? (I’ll repeat as much as I have to - I don’t believe he’ll settle with this when his whole ark is “I can’t save anyone I want to save, I can’t change anything”. Unless… but later.)

- Why are Vanitas’ memories forbidden to be read? Is it because they’re Lunas as well and they knew something crucial about the world order? Did Ruthven try to get to the same knowledge through Faustina? He also needed Chloe’s world changing machine - why when he’s such a strong vampire himself? How much does he want to change in the world if his power alone is not enough? Is it the queen - or the world itself?

[jingyismom]

got tagged by the wonderful @mylastbraincql to post 10 Things About Myself, which, are there even 10 things other than cql and writing fanfiction??? let’s find out

1. i don’t want to be one of those people who are like ~i love languages~ but...i do. oops. i’m only fluent in english and french (my college degree), but i’ve put work into at least the basics of...well. this is under a cut so let’s just go: latin (a whole minor’s worth), greek (classical and modern), mandarin, american sign language, spanish, german, sanskrit, and arabic. i particularly love medieval french. i kind of wanted to be a linguist but academia is a hellscape, so i’m just a hobbyist language learner and that’s pretty fun. i need to really work on my spanish and start korean next, but right now my brain is deep in mandarin mode (thanks c-dramas).

2. i wish i had the tenacity and drive to be a musician. i love playing music, my mom started teaching me when i was 4 so i should be super good right? wrong. i still play piano like a 4yo. string bass is my ~instrument but it’s been years since i played it seriously. i am mediocre at guitar and an enthusiastic but unstudied singer. maybe some day i’ll put real work in again but for now that executive dysfunction’s a real bitch, so even thought i am a Music Person, singing in the car is about as wild as i get.

3. i was a substitute teacher for 4...5? years. 4 years of regular substituting here after 1 year of working as a language assistant/substitute english teacher in france. teaching is excellent fun and i love it dearly but the field of education is currently pretty soul-crushing in the US, so i have been trying to figure out what...to do.

4. the town where i lived in france was where jeanne d’arc was captured (i was already a huge fan, and getting to kneel where she prayed her last free prayer was...something. i’m not even religious), and one town over from pierrefonds, the castle where they shot bbc’s merlin. alas, they had just finished shooting the final season when i got there. but it really does Look Like That. once, when i was bringing some friends to see it, we missed our stop and got off the bus at a countryside cemetery (i am a goth, this is my jam), and walked back to pierrefonds, since it was a sunny day. until it started hailing. we took refuge in a spooky, empty church from the 1100s and got to explore some of its catacombs and reliquary. it was an absolutely perfect day.

5. i have never not been a Big Fan of something. i have an entire shelf of Tolkien volumes that has lived in my room since the 6th grade. i used to go to warped tour and san diego comic con every year. i have slept on the sidewalk in line for things...many, many times. but this is somehow the first time i’m...trying to participate in the fan community? trying to contribute and talk to people? it’s wildly nerve-wracking but also SO rewarding because everyone? is so? nice??? i love you all

6. i’m a distant cousin of George Gordon, Lord Byron, and EXCEEDINGLY proud of this fact. he was so ridiculous, and stupid, and marvelous, and queer. sometimes i’m like, it couldn’t have been wilde? or shakespeare? but i do love my horrible cousin. it was shocking studying in athens where they have actual monuments and museum exhibits dedicated to him...i was like...this guy? this drug-addled sex addict? okay...okay, good for you, cuz.

7. really all i want is to make people laugh. i feel like i come across weirdly stiff on the internet, and i have apparently horribly intimidating vibes with new people, but really...i am basically just jack black. i don’t mean that positively or negatively it is just neutrally true. i am a clown.

8. i wish i had cool physical skills like martial arts or dance or even a sport but...my body is...uncooperative. i am not necessarily clumsy or uncoordinated i am just Too Tired. oh, and also i have a funky little arm birth defect which is mostly unnoticeable, just makes me a bit awkward and painful. instead i do grandma things like knitting and sewing, which are cool in their own way. it’s very satisfying to make something with your hands. i’ve made an entire (simple) ren faire costume and edwardian ballgown, as well as lots of various odds and ends. oh and i’m pretty good at makeup! i did wedding makeup for a friend, and not in a “wedding of questionable taste” kind of way. i did lots of research and several practice runs and it was all a very classy vintage affair.

9. if you ask me to pick between books and movies i Cannot. i just...love stories. i love seeing them and hearing them and reading them and telling them. there’s nothing better or more important than stories. whether it’s pacific rim or hamlet, philadelphia story or dogsbody, i cannot live without it.

10. i used to work as a street character at a renaissance faire. please do not hold this against me. if you want some ABSOLUTELY WILD stories (”baaa means no”), just ask

this was wildly difficult and i feel like it swings wildly from depressing and self-effacing to ridiculous bragging but i would like to see my mutuals do it anyway! i’m just gonna randomly tag @valarinde @milkcrates @universesvisiting @cendiar @habibinasir @fapamir if you want a fun little distraction but seriously if you see this and want to do it, i tagged you! you’re tagged!

[jerrylewis-thekid]

I will try to be as short as possible. For several reasons I feel very close to Jerry Lewis: I am an only child, I saw little of my parents because of their work and, as a child, I played with my imaginary friend the "Fairy of the house". I talked to her and played hide and seek with her. I was raised by my maternal grandparents who lived with us. My grandmother I called her "mom". She died when I was 9. My grandfather died when I was 17. My mother died ten months. After that time, I took heavy tranquilizers to sleep, no longer have scary nightmares and calm anxiety. She was practically a legalized junkie. After about a year I found the strength to throw those crap drops in the trash and I never picked up again. My damned sensitivity has always made things difficult for me. Who is NOT an only child cannot understand what it means to be one. ******** The same morning that, finally, I had the strength to leave my first boyfriend, violent with me both psychologically and physically, I asked a girl next door if I could go out with them. She accepted. Maria (false name) I met her two days later. Right from the start we found each other nice and she began to prefer me to the other three girls (we were a group of 5 girls all single). She was only four years older than me but dressed a bit "like a married woman" as we say. In short, he seemed much older than me. He had green eyes and naturally curly dark hair. I am also brunette but with straight hair (in those days), iridescent gray - blue eyes and, not being very tall, unfortunately I have always shown less years than I am. I followed fashion more than her. I was 25 (but everyone gave me a maximum of 18), she was 29. We bonded immediately, only after a few weeks we went out more often just the two of us leaving the others at home. At the time I was much happier than now, I've always liked to laugh, joke, say funny things, make fun of everything. We were laughing all the time. Gradually she and I began to look a little like each other ... She cut her hair short making it almost straight. I told her not to because her curly hair was beautiful but she didn't take suggestions. He always did what she wanted. I cut my hair into a medium short bob by curling it with a perm or a hair curling iron. In short, I styled them as were his naturals. Without agreeing we often went out dressed in the same colors. Only the style remained different, she never wanted to adapt to fashions. I've never seen her in black sheer stockings and high-heeled pumps. I always wore those. The people in the village were now starting to consider us sisters. When someone we knew met us on separate streets (in the morning when we were doing our errands around the house) he asked her "And where did you leave Artemisia?". Of course, the same thing happened to me too. For the country we always had to be together. In five years of friendship we have never shook hands, we have not kissed my cheek even at Christmas or their respective birthdays. It was just a "best wishes!". Stop. But we liked being in the company of the other. We practically isolated ourselves from the other three and only the two of us were going out. We walked in the public garden, like everyone else, happy hour and similar things were not used in those days. She started inviting me to her house to attend the Christmas Eve dinner and, in the summer she would take me with her and her family (she had a sister, two brothers and nephews) on day trips. I felt that I had found a family and above all that I had found a sister. She began a troubled relationship with a boyfriend, her former friend. One who liked women a lot. It was a story he wanted to keep secret. I cried with her every time she was sad for him, I was happy for her when, the day after a meeting with him, her eyes were sparkling. I didn't need her to tell me that the evening had gone well, I just had to look at her. I understood when she was worried, when she was angry, when she was peaceful. I just had to look at it, it was an open book. One day she asked me if I could be her

assistant. She had been a catechist for 15 years (we are Catholics), she was left alone and needed help. I accepted mostly to do her a favor, I was not so convinced. But I started to like dealing with catechetical children, after all, I always felt like a 10-year-old girl. But Maria did catechism in a very serious way, she never smiled at the children ... She had a friend who was a few years older than her, she was a notary and she was well known and well liked in the village. In my country if you don't have a degree you are nobody. She was already there before me. One day, indeed a bad day, this woman, whom I call Jeanne ... was designated as president of the catechetical group. She was an atheist but evidently this was of little importance. Jeanne immediately chose Maria as her right hand, she became the secretary of the group. And it began to change. With me. We spent less and less time together. Those few times that we went out, Jeanne, Maria and I, I began to discover a Maria that I did not know. The two of them literally made fun of each of the group's catechists, their actions, their families. With a nastiness never seen before. Maria and I used to keep gossip about other people out of our laughter when we went out. I've always hated gossip. But with Jeanna Maria it changed. And it was starting to change with me. Everything I said or did bothered her, she got really angry with me. One afternoon I called her asking if she wanted to go out (we hadn't seen each other for a week) she replied that she had a headache. Ok, I got dressed and went out anyway to go to the pharmacy and take a walk anyway. It was a summer afternoon, a real shame to stay indoors. On the way I met them. I said nothing, I stopped for a few seconds, looked at Maria and she immediately told me, as if to justify herself "Jeanne wanted to talk to me, it was important!" I greeted them without saying anything and went home crying. Okay, do you want to go out with her? Tell me. But don't lie to me, I thought. I can't stand lies. Since then he never asked me to go out all three together. She and I saw each other less and less and when we saw each other she no longer told me anything as she did before. We no longer talked to each other and above all we no longer laughed together. Once I asked her why she had changed with me and she, still in that angry tone of hers, told me that now she felt like an important person, because Jeanne had asked her to help her. That is ... "do you feel important because you ONLY have to pass books, documents and video tapes to the catechists for meetings with the children?" Because that was his job. "Sure" she replied. "She is a notary and she chose me. You don't even have a diploma." "Maria" I said to her, "look, you also don't have a diploma and I remind you that I left school only after my mother's death to stay close to my father". She replied "Here, now you are starting to blame me for everything I have done for you (what ??), I have given you more affection than you ever had from anyone and now you take advantage of it !!". And if he went, he left me on the street. I was making her understand not to leave me alone, to continue being what we had always been and she was accusing me of wanting to take advantage of it. And what about? She did not show up for more than two weeks until the Sunday of the swearing of the catechists in church arrived, which marks the beginning of the catechetical year. It was mid-September. I didn't call her in those two weeks because I was hoping she would calm down. When he got angry with people he didn't accept any kind of clarification. That Sunday morning I didn't want to go to church, I was morally down but I felt that I had to do my duty as assistant catechist. I went to mass. Halfway through mass the rite began. Catechists and assistants were called one at a time to the altar for the oath. When they got to us they called Maria but not me. They passed on calling the next catechists. The church was crammed with children and their mothers who clearly knew both Maria and me.

She walked towards the altar, my heart was in my mouth. My children asked me "Artemisia you are not going?" with a surprised expression on his face. I just replied "I don't know children, maybe there has been a mistake". But I knew it wasn't like that. When she went back to the pew I continued to say nothing to her, she would have been angry with me in church in front of everyone. When the mass was over and we left the church, I approached her, remaining calm and, trying to smile at her in the best possible way, I asked her "Maria what happened, why didn't they call me?". As I expected she got angry, and almost screaming (we were in front of a bar full of people inside and outside) said that I hadn't gone to catechism in those 20 days "and this morning you showed up all dressed up and elegant in church just to be seen by people! ! ". I was stunned ... "Maria didn't tell me I had to come to catechism, I knew that catechism would begin after today's mass!". She said nothing, she went away leaving me once again alone in the street. I was sure he was going to Jeanne's house. I was not wrong. She went into her house, soon after I rang the bell and I too went upstairs. As soon as Maria saw me, she told me a whole series of things that I don't even remember anymore and left all angry. I sat down and burst into tears. Jeanne asked me what had happened. I told her everything. She told me I was wrong to follow her (she was right, I realized later) but added to let her go. "Let things settle", she told me, "give it time." "I'll talk to her and let you know." I'm still waiting. Anyone who knew Maria and me (practically more than half the country) when she asked me what had happened and why she and I had argued (in my small town you don't need gossip newspapers, things are known within 24 hours at most) I always replied "destiny wanted it like this". If I wanted to try to recover something, I knew I had to shut up about everything. Also because she was the best known in town. His father and brother had been in politics for years and everyone knew them. I stayed at home most of the winter. I had immense anger inside me. If I had a gun I would have gone out on the street and started shooting randomly, I wanted to physically harm people. I called the other three girls asking if I could go out with them but I quickly realized it was better to stay at home. The funny jokes I had always said had turned into razors. I offended everyone. Not being able to speak with Maria I treated badly anyone who was in contact with me. I didn't go out with anyone anymore. I locked myself in my shell spending time at home reading, thank God, there was the Internet and blogs. I just wanted to understand WHAT I DID HER. What was I wrong about. Meanwhile, one Sunday morning, in the square, I saw Maria talking to a boy I liked at that time and she knew it. After about ten days I saw this guy in church, he came up and said "I heard you go around saying that I like you (huh ??), you must know that you don't. I like another girl and you know why I like her? she is beautiful!". He laughed and walked away. What Maria said to her to make him say those words I'll never know. The whole winter passed. The whole following summer passed, September returned. I get a phone call, she was the oldest catechist in the group, 65 on paper, ten in the head. I've always loved her since I met her. I call her Tiziana. He told me he wanted to talk to me. I went to his house. She wanted me to be her assistant "I know that you and Maria have quarreled. She is speaking ill of you with all the catechists but I have learned to know you and I know that you are not as she describes you. I would like you with me. Maybe you will also find the way to make peace but you have to stay in the catechetical group ". I asked her what the hell Maria was saying about me. He replied "you better not know". I took some time to decide and finally accepted. Doing catechism with Tiziana was wonderful, it made me understand the value of a laugh. Every encounter with the children was fun and laughter. I

felt more relieved. And more positive. Unfortunately, at the meetings with the group leader and the other catechists, Maria continued to avoid me. Jeanne had been relieved of her post because one evening she had appeared at the church, on the altar, dressed in semi-transparent leopard-print leggings from which black splips could be glimpsed. And with a short shirt that left nothing to the imagination. You can dress however you want when you are elsewhere but if you are in a place of worship you have to respect that place, no matter what place of worship it is. May returned. The usual annual spiritual retreat of the catechists returned. One weekend he closed in a hostel talking about faith and peace in the world. On paper. I decided to go, always with the secret hope of finding a chance to talk to her alone. On the morning of the second day I was going to the reading room. I passed a room with the door open, someone was talking. I immediately recognized Maria's voice, her back was to me (I was standing at the door of the room I was about to enter), she was talking to two other catechists "Artemisia, leave her alone, she's AN UGLY SUBJECT". So he said, a bad subject. I was not a person or animal ... no, a subject. Inanimate. One of the two women saw me, motioned to Maria who turned around, her now usual look full of hatred directed at me appeared in her eyes, she screamed "what are you doing spying on? Go away!". I ran away, took refuge in the nearby chapel, luckily it was empty. I was crying. Finally in the evening I returned home. In the following September I told Tiziana that I no longer wanted to continue with her, I could no longer bear to see Maria. I had to stay away from her as much as possible. Later, I sometimes met her in the municipal villa. Me with other friends, she with another friend. When we met, she always looked down. But I no longer saw her smile. I lost that smile too. 23 years have passed since then. After years I have found a truly sincere friend. She is married but takes the time to go out with me. He is the same age as Maria but looks much much older. More than a sister, it reminds me of a mother. She gives me many small gifts, she also likes to photograph, before the covid we often went out to photograph, spending half days together. She is of Neapolitan origin, therefore cheerful and chatty like all Neapolitans. I feel good with her. He is always there when he "feels" that I need support. In July last year I moved here where she lives, leaving a country too full of bad memories. I know with absolute certainty that I will always be able to count on her. Unfortunately I can't love her. I can not anymore. I feel good with her when we see each other but I don't feel the need, almost physical, of her company as it happened with Maria. And it hurts me. But the betrayed trust does this damage. I don't know why I decided to write this, the story of Dean and Jerry awakened memories that I thought were buried. Here I can write it, on Facebook no. His two brothers still follow me, when they met me on the street (they or their wives) they always greeted me asking how I was. Once one of them gave me a historical book he had written about the town where I lived until last year. Writes from God! He invited me to his house, his wife offered me coffee and sweets, he gave me the book, I wanted to pay for it but he didn't. Nobody took the argument of the fight. I greeted them and left. @zivasanxiety @felinesetmilktea @prolen @jerrylevitch @solsikkepop Something happened once ... "paranormal" ... I am orphaned of a mother, she is orphaned of a father. I don't know whether to write it, I don't want you to think I'm crazy ...

[bemused-writer]

Given the most recent romantic developments, on what level do you think the feelings between VanitasxNoé are compared to VanitasxJeanne? How could the attraction Vanitas has for Jeanne be different from the one he has for Noé?

Okay, so, for this answer I’m going to be working under two assumptions that may or may not prove to be true in the future, but bear with me: 1) Vanitas’s and Jeanne’s feelings for one another are true and 2) Noé and Vanitas will be the slowburn, end-game pairing of the series.

With those two assumptions out of the way, let’s compare and contrast the two relationships!

Vanitas/Jeanne are a really interesting look at what consent is, how misogyny can impact a relationship, and what happens when you actually change as a person for the better.

When Vanitas first forced a kiss on Jeanne, it wasn’t consensual and everyone who bore witness to it was repulsed. When Vanitas offered his blood to Jeanne at the Bal Masqué  and in the alleyway afterwards they were in “gray territory” regarding consent; Vanitas kind of had her backed in a corner, but she ultimately agreed to his deal.

Their date was when things really were consensual (the blood drinking was consensual and they’d both opted to be present), but the circumstances around their relationship were still deeply disturbed.

And now we have their latest interactions: Jeanne took Vanitas off guard and their consent was once again in the gray zone, but this time it was because of Jeanne, not Vanitas. She tackled him, drank his blood, and kissed him, all without a by-your-leave.

Vanitas and Jeanne keep giving and taking, but so far never as equals at the same time. The power dynamics between the two of them keep changing. At first, Vanitas had the power in the relationship. Now, I think it’s safe to say Jeanne does. Neither of them anticipated any of this and there’s been very little actual communication between them. It’s been heated, passionate, spontaneous. Frankly, they don’t really know one another that well.

But are their feelings true? I would say yes, they’re true, but that doesn’t necessarily equate to a healthy relationship. Still, Vanitas definitely cares about Jeanne and he really does want to help her; he’s made her a few very important promises after all. He’s always found her physically attractive, but now that she’s asserted herself he realizes there’s more to her as a person than he originally thought.

For Jeanne’s part, she has admitted to thinking his blood tastes good and there’s the very practical truth that he’s a convenient outlet for her blood addiction. He’s also beginning to reveal a more honest side of himself and he’s helped her when she had no one else to turn to. All of that elicits powerful emotions and no doubt went a long way towards changing her initial impression of him.

But will they be able to stabilize their relationship? It certainly wouldn’t be easy and they’d both have to really commit to it. I could see them at least trying, but more likely I think they’re going to maintain this on-again-off-again relationship where they both grow to care about each other more and more but become more and more frustrated as they realize they don’t quite fit.

So, that’s my current take on Jeanne/Vanitas. What about Noé/Vanitas?

Their relationship has developed much more normally in comparison, though the circumstances surrounding that development are definitely strange. Let’s have a (relatively) brief overview.

Noé and Vanitas had a rocky start with Vanitas essentially stalking Noé about Paris and Noé flat-out saying he doesn’t like Vanitas all that much, but they wind up working together anyway. Furthermore, they work together extremely well. The first volume features a Vanitas that is exuberant and a bit manic. It’s notable that only starts to change in volume 2 when he realizes there’s more to Noé than he anticipated. Still, he continues to chase after him and whatever misgivings he may have about Noé‘s connections and ancestry appears to be swept under the rug. While we don’t actually get to see Vanitas’s thoughts on the matter, I think it’s fair to say he saw Noé as the solution to all his problems at first and then was forced to admit Noé was a vampire and a complicated being at that. In other words, a person.

After the Bal Masqué is when we see Noé really start to change how he views Vanitas. Before that, he saw Vanitas as a nuisance. Then he saw Vanitas as a savior that would resolve his past regrets. But after the Bal Masqué, Noé sees Vanitas as a person and that is what sets the stage for how they progress in the Catacombs arc.

The amount of bonding in the Catacombs arc is so numerous I couldn’t possibly hope to summarize it all here, so I’ll just mention a few important bits. Vanitas opens up to Noé quite a bit and gives him some insight into his history with vampires and then Dr. Moreau himself. They’re forced to rely on one another, to really know one another, just to survive. Afterwards, they quite literally lean on one another.

The Gévaudan arc separated them quite a bit, but at this point in the story it only serves to emphasize how much they’ve come to rely on one another. Vanitas does little else but worry over Noé in his own disgruntled fashion for the entire arc and is surprisingly gentle with him when they finally do reunite. It’s all very subtle, but very telling of their progress together. The fact that Noé saved Vanitas in the previous arc and Vanitas saves Noé in this one shows they have an equitable relationship; they need one another as equals.

Of course, their relationship isn’t without its own hurdles. Vanitas doesn’t tell Noé what he’s thinking most of the time, Noé doesn’t really understand Vanitas, but the difference is that, weirdly, they talk things out. Vanitas will spend more time trying to explain things to Noé than we’ve seen him do with anyone else and Noé spends a great deal of time analyzing him and trying to understand his viewpoint. They’ve also been living with one another for a few months at least; that means they’ve been interacting in a day-to-day living scenario and have had no choice but to get to know each other very well.

Most of the positive changes we’ve seen in Vanitas are all because of Noé. As for Noé, Vanitas is making him open his mind to different possibilities than the ones he was already comfortable with.

But things are slow-going with these two because there wasn’t that same burst of passion that Vanitas had with Jeanne. They still haven’t even admitted, out loud, that they’re friends. The possibility of there being anything more likely hasn’t crossed either of their minds (probably; we don’t see Vanitas’s thoughts) and due to the era, in part, it would probably take a big “aha!” moment for it to seem obvious, especially for Noé. But, and this is important, we’ve been given indications that there’s something beneath the surface throughout all these arcs.

Noé has outright admitted to thinking Vanitas’s blood smells good, has asked him if he could drink it, has admitted he’s jealous Jeanne beat him to it, and has gone from trying to get rid of Vanitas to swearing to remain at his side. He even accepts Vanitas’s desire for revenge without judgment and changes his entire viewpoint on salvation because of him. It’s also because of Vanitas’s relationship with Jeanne that he’s started to even wonder what love is.

As for Vanitas, he’s more talkative with Noé, more forgiving of Noé, and more tolerant of Noé than he appears with most other people. The amount of lines Noé has crossed with Vanitas are numerous, and yet Vanitas not only keeps him at his side, he worries over him to boot. Dante has definitely noted the change in behavior and I’m sure he’s reaching his own conclusions about it.

So, if these two are going to have a relationship, it’s going to be a long ways off, but it will be built up in a slow, cohesive way that I think will be really interesting and will juxtapose the chaotic development of Vanitas/Jeanne.

However, Vanitas/Jeanne is very important for all three of these characters. Vanitas and Jeanne are going to learn a lot from each other: they’re going to learn what they’re looking for in a relationship, what to expect out of a partner, what demands to make, what consent is, and, quite possibly, what love is as well. Even if they don’t stay together, their relationship will have a lasting impact on both of them.

As for Noé, he isn’t going to piece together his feelings for Vanitas (if he has any) all on his own. He prefers to analyze things from afar before reaching any conclusions, so he needs to see other relationships to have any way of sorting out his own.

So, ultimately, the difference between Vanitas’s feelings for Jeanne and his feelings for Noé are that for the former it’s intense, passionate, and confusing, while with the latter it’s gradual, thoughtful, and unexpected.

[miscellaneous-miraculous]

Painted Lady Chapter 6

Read on AO3 here

Adrien made his own nest on the couch while he waited for Marinette, complete with his Ladybug blanket, Marinette’s big cat pillow, and several textbooks. Alya and Nino had both gone to sleep figuring that Marinette would just want to crash whenever she got home, but Adrien wanted to get head start on studying anyways so he decided to wait up. The next two days were bound to be busy, akumas were unpredictable, and he needed all the time he could get studying for his Analog Electronics and Quantum Mechanics courses. The senior capstone for his business major would take up time, but from how his physics capstone had gone, it wouldn’t be too hard. His two lighter classes, one business and other a general requirement, had the later finals, so he wasn’t even going to think about them until after he got through the others – maybe some light skimming if he had time. But once those were over, he would be done. Part of him was still panicking that he didn’t know what he was going to do after school. There were a lot of things he wanted, things he liked, but they didn’t all connect easily.

The only constants were Marinette and the miraculous. Whatever Adrien did, he wanted to be by her side. For now, that meant staying in Paris and retrieving the butterfly miraculous from Painted Lady. He had already switched his major several times, entering as a business major per his father’s demands, then to switching physics, then going to a physics and business double major as he apprenticed with Tom and Sabine during the summer. “I guess flexibility is the next thing to consider?” Adrien said, voicing his thoughts to Plagg. “I have to be able to leave for akuma attacks and Marinette and I both want kids someday. I want to be able to spend as much time with them as I can.”

“I say you become a professional cheese maker,” Plagg said. “Then no one would think it was odd if you smelled like camembert all the time.”

“Very helpful,” Adrien rolled his eyes, a faint smile tugging at his lips.

"My wielders haven’t always been welcomed with open arms you know,” Plagg said. “A lot of them didn’t stay in one place for very long. This is a little new for me too.”

Adrien flopped back onto the couch, closing his textbook for the night. Rather than talking, Plagg curled up on his chest and purred softly. It still shocked him sometimes, to realize Plagg had the ability to purr. It shouldn’t have, given that Chat Noir had the ability and definitely didn’t come from Adrien, but Plagg didn’t do it often. He still remembered when Tikki had first seen him and Plagg interact for a while. She’d looked so happy, her eyes practically shinning. ‘Plagg isn’t usually very affectionate with his wielders, he must really trust you.’

The door clicked open and Marinette walked in, pulling him from his thoughts. Her hair was frazzled, a few scraps of fabric sticking to it with static electricity, and there was a large coffee stain on her shirt. “Hey,” she smiled, giving a limp wave. She kicked off her shoes, letting the bag she carried slide off her shoulder and onto the floor. “Alya and Nino asleep?”

“Yeah, they waited up for a while, but they didn’t want to fall asleep at your show.” Adrien closed his textbook. “Speaking of which, you look about ready to collapse, want me to carry you to bed?” He wiggled his eyebrows mischievously.

Marinette gave a soft laugh, rolling her eyes, “I think we’d both rather I showered first. I haven’t gotten one in three days.”

“We’ve seen worse,” Adrien shrugged. Garbage themed akumas didn’t exactly lend themselves to clean battles. “Your pajamas and towel are on the bed though, fresh from the wash.”

“It’s still Sunday, right?” Marinette asked, wide-eyed in a sudden state of panic. Wednesday was their usual laundry day.

Adrien laughed, “Yeah, I just did an extra load.” He knew Marinette loved the feeling of clothes fresh from the dyer, especially when she felt dirty.

“I love you so much right now.”

“It’s just laundry.” Adrien blushed, pushing his glasses back. It wasn’t really a big deal, but Marinette was looking at him like he’d just professed his eternal undying love for her (which he would in a heartbeat, but that wasn’t the point). Then again, tired Marinette would also sell her firstborn for a cup of coffee, so maybe she wasn’t the best judge.

Marinette walked over, squishing his face between her palms. He could see the dark circles under her eyes, and the tips of her fingers were covered in band-aids from poking herself with the needles. She only did that when she was really tied. “A literal angel on earth,” she said, her face serious, then she gave him a quick peck on the lips before heading into the bathroom.

Tikki flew out from the bag she had left by the door, looking happier than usual. “Plagg, it’s happening! She’d developed another power!”

“Already?”

“While she was working on her project – it was just, pure creation. I haven’t felt it in ages, Plagg, ages!” Tikki spun in the air. “I can’t wait to see which power it’ll be.”

“Marinette unlocked another power?” Adrien asked.

“Yes, I’m not sure if she noticed, she was so absorbed in her work, but whatever it is will manifest the next time she transforms. Oh, I can’t wait!”

“She got the luck last time, I bet you a slice of camembert this one’s the wings,” Plagg said.

“Not the shield?” Tikki asked. “That’s what Lành and Jeanne both got first, and Marinette reminds me most of them.”

“I thought the turtle was the shield?” Adrien said, his brow knotted.

“Eh, the Ladybug and Black Cat both have a version,” Plagg said. “They all function a bit differently, and the turtle’s is a lot stronger and more versatile, but the Ladybug and Black Cat need something for when it’s not active.”

“Do we have versions of the other powers then too?”

“Not really,” Tikki said. “Protection just is a concept that plays into many things. Wyazz was the first to come into existence after Plagg and I after all.”

“Huh,” Adrien said. He’d had classes where people debated the mechanics of Ladybug’s miraculous cure and Chat Noir’s cataclysm, whether it was magic or science. Adrien didn’t see why it couldn’t be both, the two could coexist in the same universe. The Kwamis themselves sometimes made his brain spin though. He’d tried to talk to Plagg about it once but the kwami wasn’t all that helpful. “I’m going to go get ready to sleep.”

Maybe he could convince Marinette to transform later just to see what the new power would be, Plagg and Tikki had gotten him curious. They had said there was no way to force a bond to come faster, but maybe if Alya could find a way to tap into ‘pure illusion’ somehow? Marinette understood creation which in turn made her understand Tikki, so wouldn’t the same idea work for Alya and Trixx? But what was illusion at it’s core? It couldn’t be something as easy as going to see a magic show or Alya would’ve done that already – and he wasn’t sure she hadn’t tried, so it had to be something more.

By the time Marinette came back, he wasn’t any closer to solving it and she noticed his pout. As she got under the covers, she pressed a kiss to his temple, “Is something wrong? You’ve got the same look as when you’re trying to solve physics problems.”

“It’s miraculous stuff, we can talk about it some other time,” Adrien said, not wanting to distract her with half-baked theories right before her final. Instead, he wrapped an arm around her waist, his head resting on her chest. “After everyone is blown away by your amazing designs.”

“I don’t remember half the stitches I’ve done since yesterday,” Marinette said, and Adrien could hear the catastrophe building in her voice.

“I’m going to cut you off there,” he said, moving back to press a finger to her lips. “Your designs are awesome, Marinette, and I bet you could fix any disaster with a safety pin and one hand tied behind your back. You’re going to be fine.”

“I’m going to be fine,” Marinette repeated, nodding to herself. “I’m going to be fine.”

“Yeah you are,” Adrien said, pulling her close again. Marinette snuggled closer, yawning as Adrien put an arm around her waist. He gave a her a light kiss, “Goodnight, ma cherie.”

Marinette was asleep before she could respond.

Continue on AO3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23580646/chapters/62459155

[smokeybrand]

Master Class

The BlueStacks thing worked and i have access to my FGO account again! Man, it’s been a year apparently. I thought it was less than that. It’s weird returning to this game after so long. Everything is so different. I had to re-acclimate to my account. I rolled into the end of that Battle of New York event so i missed that. Might partake in the rerun. I got a ton of the 15 missions to finish but I'm definitely putting those off for about a week because of leveling. I missed out on Abby and that f*cking sucks I wanted SO badly to try and roll my adorable Old One. Maybe next time. As a way of just re-familiarize myself, i wanted to run through the available Classes we have now. There’s quite a few and i need to catch up!

Saber

Saber is my favorite Class. I mean, off course it is. The majority of my favorite Servants are in this class. Artoria Alter, Gozen, Nero, Lakshmibai, Gawain, and obviously, Modred. Modred is love. As a Class, Sabers make for great vanguards, man. They often deal a sh*t ton of damage and take a good amount before they crap out. That said, they get eaten up by Archers, man. It feels like that Affinity advantage hits a little harder on my swords-wielders. Favorite Saber: Mordred

Archer

Archers and i have a love hate relationship. They’re dope, don’t get me wrong, but they never seem like they’re properly strong. They feel like Archers to me, if you can understand that weirdness. Like, they’ll take you out but it’ll definitely cost a lot more effort than a strong Saber. Still, the characters are dope and the animation to their Noble Phantasms are almost always epically cinematic like Atalante’s Phoebus Catastrophe or EMIYA’s Unlimited Blade Works. Favorite Archer: Gilgamesh

Lancer

Lancers are my second favorite Class, mostly because of Cu. Cu gets bad rap most of the time. Dude is hilarious. Also Diarmuid. They did dude dirty in Zero. I enjoy Lacers mostly because of how well balanced they feel. They dish a good amount of damage while maintaining a decent amount of defense. They’re not as hardbody as Sabers and, indeed, get absolutely rag-dolled by them, but they stand their own against the other Classes fairly well. Favorite Lancer: Karna

Rider

Riders are a quandary to me. So many of them are throw away characters, weak as sh*t, but then you get absolute powerhouses out of nowhere. Francis Drake, Iskander, Quetzalcoatl, Ivan the Terrible, and Ozymandias will ruin your whole ass day if they’re spec’d right but the rest of the entire available Servant int this class are negligible. Even so, they hold a special place in my heart because my darling Medusa is a Rider. Also, Swimsuit Mordred is Rider so this Class got that going for it, too. I do adore all things Mo. Favorite Rider: Medusa

Caster

I hate Casters. They feel so goddamn weak, all of the time. If you’re not firing off a Noble Phantasm, they’re whack and, even when you do that, there is a real good chance it’s a support spell or some sh*t. I don’t need to debuff anything, f*cking do some damage, clown! This entire class is like utility because there is no way they are relevant in a real battle. Favorite Caster: Swimsuit Nero

Assassin

Ah, the Assassins. These motherf*ckers area whole ass frustration. Don’t misunderstand, i like them, they’re physical powerhouses, but can a cat get an Anti-Army Noble Phantasm at least once? All of these thing are focused on single unite attacks and threat can make for some dangerous play, man. Ludicrously OP play, but you have the same chance of dying as your opponent running these sneaky bastards. Favorite Assassin: Semiramis

Berserker

Berserkers area waste, man. All of that power, all of that ludicrous violent potential, and they’re always at an Affinity disadvantage due to the Madness curse. It f*cking blows because these beasts are real f*cking weapons of mass destruction, you know? I never use Berserkers for that exact point, unless going up against a swath of other Berserkers. That’s the only viable time you can use them efficiently and that sh*t almost never happens in game. Favorite Berserker: Ibaraki Douji

Ruler

Rulers are as useless as Caster but, somehow, disappointingly, moreso. They at least got a dope aesthetic, though. They also take half damage from literally every other Class. That’s cool, i guess. Favorite Ruler: Amakusa Shiro

Avenger

I love Avengers, man. Love em! These things are always dope. Great power. Great defense. Dope aesthetic. These things get it rough from Moon Cancers but everyone else is at their mercy, especially if you leveled them correctly. I have a few Avengers, personally, and one is literally the second card i maxed out fully. I’ll let you guess who it it is. Hint - She’s a Medusaface. Space Ishtar, Alter Jeanne, and Demon Nobu are also worthy of mention. Favorite Avenger: Gorgon

Moon Cancer

Moon Cancers are just an excuse to shove in more Sakurafaces in the form of BBs and i am here for it. The more Sakura i can get, the happier i am. I love Sakura. I don’t care for Moon Cancers as a whole Class, though. Also, i don’t have any anyway. F*ck em! Favorite Moon Cancer: Summer BB

Alter Ego

Alter Egos are so confusing to me. Like, why are they a thing? Why are they just not Alters or whatever? There is a legitimate reason, i know they are separate version that gained sentience and not just a different facet of the same character or whatever the explanation was, but even so, sh*t i contrived nonsense and i kind of love it. Nasu is absolutely known for it’s convolution and Alter Ego are no different. They’re the most TYPE-Moon sh*t ever, after Saberfaces. Favorite Alter Ego: Sesshoin Kiara

Foreigner

Foreigners are a blessing, aren’t they? Motherf*ckers are wonky as f*ck and just Some of the dopest Servant in all of Fate lore originate in this Class. F*cking Voyager, Yang Gufei, XX, Katsushika Hokusai, and two versions of my darling Abby Williams. And i don’t have any of them. F*ck my life, bro. Just, f*ck it all up, man. Favorite Foreigner: Abby Williams

That is all the available classes in Fate/Grand Order right now and, i think, all of them in the Fate franchise as whole. I’m sure there are some weirdly loose ones like Gunner or Faker. Once upon a time, the only wonky class was Avenger but now we got all these new ones, and just call them Extra Classes. It’s ridiculous. It’s all very much Nasu and i am having the best time revisiting my favorite franchise from the Nasuverse! Speaking of Extra, for the record, my favorite Servant in the Beast Class is Tiamat. You can’t Summon her, so it felt like a cheat to put her on the actual list but i do enjoy me some ancient Sumerian Dragon-Mother.

[tivaholic4]

NCIS High School: Chapter Nine:

Lunch went by fast. Abby and Tim worked on their remaining homework from Physics and AP Literature. Tony was showing Ziva more about her phone, seeing as she only knew how to text and call. He showed her all the features in the settings. When the bell rang, they threw their trash away and walked to their next classes. Tony and Ziva headed towards the gym while Tim and Abby headed towards Algebra Honors.

Yesterday, Gym class was awful. Today, Tony hoped it would go better as he cleared some things up with Ziva and now he could really talk to her and show her around. They split off again and headed to the separate locker rooms. Like yesterday, Tony got dressed fairly quickly. He caught the glares that were sent into his direction, but he didn’t care. Jackson and his buddies left him alone today, something that Tony was grateful for. He tied his shoes and left the locker room. Surprisingly, Ziva was standing outside the bathroom next to the gym. He smiled at her gym wear and made his way over to her.

Ziva sensed his presence and looked up to see his green eyes looking at her. More importantly, she saw his eyes rake her frame. Something that sent a shiver down her spine. She liked to have his attention. Something that she never really had before. Especially from a guy. Not to mention a very handsome guy. She practically melted on the inside when he would smile at her, something that he was doing now. She had never felt this way about someone, ever. After her father and brother died, she told herself to never get close to anyone, well except family. Then when her sister died, she promised herself she would never get too close to anybody ever again. She didn’t want to go through the heartbreak of someone leaving or dying. She had enough of that in her life. She wanted something permanent. That couldn’t be taken away from her. But Tony was breaking through that revelation. Breaking through to her heart and that terrified her. Her smile slightly lowered as she realized what was happening. She was letting him in way too quickly. Letting him in at all.

As Tony was walking towards her, her smile faltered. Thoughts rang through his head as he thought of what he could’ve done. What somebody must have told her. He couldn’t think of anything else that would make her angry with him. He was less than 3 feet to her when he spoke.

“What’s wrong?” His eyes were filled with concern. Ziva snapped out of her stupor and looked at him with raised eyebrows. How could he tell something was wrong? Nobody could ever see that because she had always hidden it so well.

“Nothing.” He could tell she was lying. Something was bothering her. Did it have to do with him? Was he being an idiot again? Did one of his other flings come up and talk to her about him?

“Ziva. Something’s wrong. I can tell. You might not want to talk about it, but your eyes won’t shut up.” He knew it somewhat sounded cheesy but it was true. Her eyes were filled with emotion. Filled with what looked to be sadness and...fear? What was she afraid of? Was she afraid of him?

‘No way! This is Ziva. The same girl that kicked the shit out of Slacks. There’s no way she’s scared of me. So what’s bothering her?’ Different thoughts wouldn’t leave him alone. What was going on with her?

“It is nothing, Tony. Let us just get cooled down for gym.” She turned to walk away when Tony gently grabbed her arm, making her turn around and face him. He was having deja vu from yesterday when he had pulled the same move.

“You can trust me, Ziva. I would never hurt you.” Tears breached Ziva’s eyes. No! She wouldn’t cry. She was better than this. Crying was a weakness. She was not weak. Never had been and never will be. She won’t cry just because he showed genuine care for her. She felt that she was falling for him. Something that absolutely terrified her. She wouldn’t let that out. Even if it killed her.

“I will tell you later.” She didn’t know if that was actually true. She might do a revised version to the real thing, but more than likely shake it off like it never happened. Tony gave her a suspicious look, telling her through his eyes that he didn’t believe her. He nodded anyway and she sighed in relief. They entered the gym together and all eyes went on them, more precisely on Ziva. Jeanne’s group was standing in the corner, glaring at them. They were standing closer than “friends” normally would. They didn’t care and they moved to the other side of the gym, ignoring the many looks that were cast their way. They stood in the opposite corner and Tony moved to block Ziva from the mean looks. He didn’t know why but whenever somebody did something to her, rage filled inside of him. Fear that she would be taken from him, even though they were just bullies in High School.

Normally, Fornell wouldn’t arrive until after 10 minutes of class went by. Probably talking to Ms. Diane Sterling in the teacher’s lounge. Everybody around school knew they had the hots for each other but they were always fighting. Maybe that was what was good for their “relationship”. Tony looked Ziva up and down as she was looking around the gym. She saw all the cliques in the class and told herself that she didn’t want to be a part of any of them. She was perfectly fine with hanging out with Tony.

“I have a basketball game today after school. If you want to come we’re playing the school rival. Washington High. God those guys always find a way to one-up us. Not this year. We’re taking it all the way to the finals. Leave them in the dust.” Ziva’s eyebrows raised when she heard his last sentence. In her country, if you leave somebody in the dust, they’re dead. Tony saw her look of disbelief and somewhat fear. Something that was hidden way too far back for anybody to see. But he saw it.

“What?” Again he was scared that he said the wrong thing. Ziva shook her head.

“Nothing. In my place of birth that normally means leaving people to die. It just took me by surprise that is all.” Tony looked at the ground for a split second and then looked back up at her and was about to speak when her phone dinged. Her face was written with confusion as she pulled it out of her pocket. There was another unknown number on her screen.

202-327-1969: Hey Ziva! It’s Abby! Tony gave me your number so we could talk! Hope that’s cool!

Ziva (202-112-1982): Hello Abby. Yes, it is fine. We are currently waiting for Mr.Fornell to get into class.

202-327-1969: Oh yeah! I just saw him in the hallway talking with Ms. Sterling. They need to see what’s right in front of them! It’s honestly so sweet but kinda creepy to see two teachers flirting.

Ziva let out a laugh. It was a wonder that Abby got any work done with how much she talked. She didn’t mind, Abby was becoming a good friend to her. If she liked to talk so be it. Ziva looked up at Tony when she chuckled and saw him looking at her strange.

“It is Abby.” Recognition spread across his face.

“I hope you don’t mind that I gave your number to them. They just wanted to be able to talk to you even outside of school.” Ziva nodded. She looked up at him quickly.

“Did you say them?” She didn’t want many people to have her number, no matter who they were.

“The only other person I gave it to was Tim. Nobody else, promise.” His cheeks blushed a tad as he looked up at her.

“Oh. Well, Tim is fine. Just don’t be giving out my number to everyone.” She let out a chuckle, signaling to him that she was only half-joking.

“Deal.” Her phone buzzed again and she suspected that it would be Abby but it was another unknown number.

‘Must be Tim.’ She figured as she opened the message.

202-913-1978: Hey Ziva, it’s Tim. Sorry to bother you just figured I would text you to see if you were okay. I heard about what happened in the hallway before lunch.

His text made her smile. They cared for her like nobody else had and she wouldn’t let that go. Ever. Tony saw her smile and wondered what Abby had said.

“That was Tim.” Jealousy suddenly fired up inside Tony as he heard Tim’s name. Why was he jealous of his own brother? Tim was in love with Abby, of that he was sure. He didn’t need to be jealous of his computer-obsessed brother. But, he couldn’t help it when it came to Ziva. He didn’t know why that was but he had the suspicion that he was falling for her, and fast.

“What did he say?” He couldn’t help himself from being curious, and nosy. Ziva raised her eyebrow at him but smiled.

“He was just asking if I was okay from what happened in the hallway earlier.” Tony nodded.

Ziva (202-112-1982): I am fine, Tim. Nothing that I couldn’t handle. Tony was there to help me pick everything up.

202-913-1978: Don’t worry about Jeanne and her “friends” they will torment anybody who doesn’t worship them.

Ziva’s eyebrows furrowed. What had she done to Tim? She would admit that she was curious but she wouldn’t ask. Afraid that he might think that she was being nosy. Unlike Tony over there.

Ziva (202-112-1982): Thank you, Tim. I must go, I can hear Mr. Fornell coming. Will talk to you later.

202-913-1978: Have fun in gym. See you later.

Ziva saved both Tim and Abby’s phone numbers into her phone. She liked having them as friends. They seemed like good people. Fornell walked into the gym with the whistle in his mouth and blew on it, signaling that they needed to get in their lines to stretch. Tony and Ziva stretched together today and laughed at Tony’s jokes and movie references.

Today they were going to be playing basketball. Something Ziva knew absolutely nothing about. Tony turned to her and asked if she would be his partner, just like he did Math earlier. She nodded, seeing as she wanted to learn how to play, why not get pointers from the point-guard of the team himself? Tony went over and grabbed a ball and they made their way over to an open hoop. Tony took a shot and swished it in the net. Something that secretly impressed Ziva. She also couldn’t help notice the way his muscles tightened and relaxed upon moving his arms.

“I must admit. I do not know how this game works.” She looked sheepishly down at the ground then back up at him, biting her bottom lip. Which unknown to her, did a number on him. He gulped and struggled to control his breathing when she did that.

“That’s okay. I can teach you.” His smile was radiant. Something that was soon stretched across her own face. He grabbed the ball and put his hand on it like he was going to shoot.

“You put your dominant hand in the middle to give it power and your non-dominant hand on the side to keep it in place.” He put his hands in the positions he said and pulled up, causing the ball to end up right above his head. His hands were in the same place as they were when he placed them there a minute ago. He flicked his wrist sending the ball flying towards the goal and it hit the backboard and fell into the net. Ziva watched intently, wanted to absorb this information so she could play this popular game correctly. She grabbed the ball and put her hands like Tony did and pulled it up and fired. It hit the right corner of the goal and went to the opposite side of the gym. Tony ran after it and handed it to her to try again.

“You see the square in the middle of the backboard?” She nodded as she saw the white outline right above the net.

“Hit there. Nine times out of ten it’ll go in.” She set up in her position.

“Hold on.” He moved behind her, put his hands on top of hers, and adjusted them. He then helped her move her legs into a better position so that she could remain stable when she came back down. She felt tingles all around her body as he touched her. She could feel his breath on her neck and gulped as she steadied her breathing so that nothing would be given away. He moved away from her and told her to shoot. She pulled up and shot the ball towards the goal again. This time, however, it went in. Tony laughed and turned to look at her with a smile on her face.

“Nice shot, Sweetcheeks.” He went and retrieved the ball from where it landed after the shot took place. Not even realizing that he called her by a pet-name. Ziva’s blush reminded him of what he said and instantly he tried to defend himself.

“I didn’t mean to say that. I don’t know why I did. I…” He rambled. Ziva put her hand up with a slight smirk on her face.

“It is okay, Tony. Thank you for teaching me.” Tony smiled at her, looking into her eyes and drifting down to look at her lips. Ziva was doing the same thing. Just as his temptation got the best of him and he leaned in, their phones went off. They pulled back looking at each other with smiles as they reached to retrieve their buzzing phones. It was from Abby.

Abby: Hey guys! Figured I would make a group chat for all of us! Tony, you might have to teach Ziva how to use it. Now we can all talk with each other without separate messages.

Ziva smiled as she replied.

Ziva: I know how a group chat works, Abby. Thank you for including me.

The reply was almost immediate.

Abby: Cool! Are you guys going to the game tonight?

This time it was Tony that replied.

Tony: Well yeah, Abbs. I kinda have to be there.

Tony and Ziva looked at each other and laughed.

Abby: Well I know you’re going Tony, but what about Ziva and Tim? It’s going to be a big game tonight. So Tony, you better bring your A-game.

Tony: You know I will Abbs.

Tim: I’ll be going. Come on, we gotta beat them this year. They’ve been celebrating early.

Ziva knew they were talking about basketball and it amused her to no end that she and Tony were standing less than 5 feet from each other. Should be going to support the school and they’re basketball team. At least, that’s what she would tell everybody. She knew she really just wanted to see Tony. Not that anybody but she would know that.

She would go to see how Americans spent their time and the fact that Tony would be there was an added bonus.

[veroticker]

Damaged - Jeanne St James

Summary (from Jeanne St James’s website)

Two scarred souls: one physically, one mentally.

Mace Walker can’t wait to get home.

Being buried deep undercover for the past two years, on the most complex case of his career, has torn him down physically and mentally. Now the FBI agent has come home to recover after having his leg badly injured from a gunshot wound. Arriving home late one night, his relief is short-lived as he’s faced with a stranger pointing a gun to his head, acting like he is the one who doesn’t belong there!

Colby Parks, a biochemist at the local university, had come to town a year earlier to escape an abusive relationship. She vows never to put herself in that situation again.

Then the perfect opportunity comes along: house-sitting for Mace’s sister while making the house she purchased habitable. But she couldn’t anticipate this big snag: the one wearing the tight Levi’s and worn leather jacket, looking like he had just escaped prison.

Being forced to share a house creates sparks between them in more ways than one. However, things take a turn when their pasts catch up to them, threatening to pull them apart forever.

Blurb

“As Mace Walker slid the key into the lock, an immediate sense of relief washed over him. He hadn’t been home in…Hell, forever. Even though he owned the house and considered it his home, he felt like a stranger when he opened the front door. He chucked his keys on the table by the door with a sigh. He’d been home for a whole thirty seconds and restlessness already ate at him.

​The house was quiet, and he wondered where his sister was. Probably sleeping, dummy, since it was—he glanced at his watch—freaking one in the morning. Most normal folk slept at this hour. But then, he wasn’t normal. He couldn’t be to do his job.

​But, he couldn’t do his job right now, anyway. He’d been forced home to heal. Against his wishes.

​Fucking bullshit.

​The foyer was dark, but he didn’t need to hit the light. He still knew the house well enough. He made his way to the stairs where he dumped his duffle bags on the floor and ran a hand through his too-long hair.

​Those two small duffels held little evidence of his life for the past couple years—just some toiletries and a few basic items of clothing.

​He turned toward the kitchen, and the foyer lit up, blinding him for a second. He blinked against the harsh light, and a young voice rang out from the top of the steps. “Hold it right there! Put your arms up and back away from the stairs.”

​What the fuck?

​Mace had expected to see his sister bounding down the stairway of his two-story colonial, excited after not seeing him for the past two years. Actually, more like one year, eleven months, and fifteen days. Not that he’d counted.

But instead, he stared up into the deadly eye of a Glock. And from his viewpoint, it looked like a model 27, a .40 caliber—a compact, but still a decent sized gun in a very small, very uneasy hand. Instantly, the hairs on the back of his neck rose.

​Damn.

​He’d dealt with crime bosses and their flunkies—from drug to porno rings—and had managed to survive. Now he was going to be killed by some measly punk he surprised while burglarizing his house when he happened to come home? The cruel irony made him want to laugh. Instead, he did as instructed. With caution, he raised his hands above his head before stepping back toward the middle of the foyer. He avoided standing directly under the light, trying to get a better view of the top of the steps. But he didn’t have much success; the upstairs hallway and the upper section of the stairway were hidden in shadows.

​If he played his cards right, this little situation would be under his control in no time at all. He just had to keep the kid calm and make the skinny punk believe he was the one in command. The Glock didn’t have a conventional safety. All the kid had to do was pull the trigger and pull it again and again until all the rounds in the clip emptied into Mace’s body. And from what he could see in the limited light, the kid’s fingers twitched from nervousness.

​Not a good sign.

​Where had a young punk gotten an expensive handgun like that? It certainly hadn’t been in the house. And if it had been, it would have been locked up in the gun safe.

​If only he could see the boy’s face. He needed to see the eyes. Without seeing those, Mace couldn’t even begin to predict what the kid would do.

​“Don’t you dare move, or I’ll blow your face off!” The kid’s voice raised an octave, making him sound more and more like…a female.

​Mace tensed when the person started down the steps. At first, he could see bare toes, a slim calf, then another. His gaze flicked to the gun before returning to the shapely naked thighs which couldn’t belong to a kid. No fucking way. Especially not a boy. Those smooth legs definitely belonged to a woman, and he couldn’t wait to see the rest of her.

So far, the view almost made it worth being held at gunpoint. Almost.

​He felt strangely disappointed when an oversized T-shirt—shit, was that Sponge Bob on it?—blocked his view of creamy flesh. His arms were tired, his leg throbbed painfully, and his patience was wearing thin. But he still wouldn’t move since he had no idea who this woman descending the stairs was. His curiosity piqued when she stepped down into the light, which highlighted her long, curly red hair and made her wide, glaring green eyes sparkle and snap.

​Lightning shot through him and landed in his groin. Neither fear nor pain made him suck in his breath. No, her unencumbered breasts bobbing under the cotton shirt with each step she took did. Her nipples stood out like two beacons under the worn cotton.

​Jesus.

​He had to clear his throat twice before he could ask her, “You’re robbing this house dressed like that?”

Really, if it wasn’t for the gun being pointed at him center mass, he wouldn’t be taking this seriously at all.

When she hesitated halfway down the staircase, a look of uncertainty crossed her features, before disappearing as quickly as it came. Her eyes narrowed, and she scowled at him. “Am I robbing this house? The question is: What are you doing here?”

​His leg began to throb again, the way it had earlier on his long drive into town. Although, he preferred the ache to no feeling at all. He was glad to even still have his leg. Hell, he was lucky just to be alive.

Well, alive at the moment. It wouldn’t take much to change that.

​“I live here.””

(review under the cut)

Review

(audiobook) I don’t know what to think of this book. Narration was good. Characters were interesting. Their struggles too. But everything seemed to be just an excuse to write very hot sex scenes.

Don’t be mistaken, I enjoyed those scenes. They were hot as hell, with lots of experimentation from the characters. Never boring. But they kind of ruined the story. Like I was reading two very different books--one a thriller, the other one only smut--badly meshed together.

Why was Mace attracted that fast and that hard to Colby? He wants to make her his within minutes of her threatening him with a gun. So much for realistic. I’d have liked something more slow burn. It’s not even insta-love. It’s insta-lust. I mean, why not? I’ve read such things before--am actually reading something like that at the moment--but with so much potential in the plot, I felt it was the wrong choice of relationship.

As for the plot things that I liked, I found interesting the undercover agent looking for some calm at home after a very bad injury, and the way his last mission follow him home. It could have created a great atmosphere. And Colby’s struggles with past abuse, and her ex following her, were also interesting points, resolved much too quickly.

I still enjoyed it because the narrator was really good. She gave different voices to the characters, and I was never confused. And she knew how to read hot scenes, let me tell you!

Not a bad read all in all, but I’d have liked more plot and less hotness.

Quickie

Series: standalone

Hashtags: #romantic suspense #enemies-to-lovers #injured

Triggers: depiction of injuries, mention of physical abuse, violence

Main couple: Colby Parks & Mace Waker

Hotness: 5/5

Romance: 3/5

+ I enjoyed Colby’s enthusiasm with her house

- that was mostly porn with a thin plot

Stalker mode

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[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 405

MURTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

The end.

Y’all I haven’t fangirled about an episode of Outlander this much since season fucking one. And can I just say, I fucking missed this feeling. I missed this feeling so fucking much. Comparing this episode to the ones with all of the book dialogue awkwardly crammed in makes me really hope they start throwing the book out the window more and more, and instead just do whatever they want in order to tell a good story.

AND I JUST FUCKING LOVE MURTAGH OK!

PETITION TO LET CLAIRE HAVE FRIENDS WHO DON’T MURDER PEOPLE/GET MURDERED!

Just the mutual respect between Claire and Adawehi gives me the warm fuzzies.

Adawehi: “She is here. No, not in your heart, woman. I mean actually here. Like physically here. Yes, I know you find it comforting to think your daughter is always with you in your heart, but I’m telling you, she can also literally be with you, like in your house.” Claire: “Yeah, it’s really too bad I had to leave her, but at least she’s here in my memories...” Adawehi: “You’re killing me, lady.”

JOKING ASIDE ADAWEHI DESERVED BETTER AND I LOVE HER AND MUELLER IS THE WORST.

Gerhard, not Robert.

I love the white sow with my whole heart.

LOOKIT THESE DOMESTIC FRASERS WORRYING ABOUT HATS AND JERKY.

I’m laughing at Jamie so hard for thinking that Scots are just going to jump at the chance for free land...that ties them to the English government. Like bro, some of the Scots in North Carolina actually give a shit about what the English did to Scotland. And don’t immediately get in bed with them, (especially when it’s common knowledge that they cheat and steal from people) and become the sort of people they fought against.

It’s like Jamie and Claire were like hmmm, our only two options are to move to Boston where we’ll be right in the middle of the revolution or become the colonizing/occupying force we fought against in Scotland. And the rest of the Scots are like nah, bro.

OH HEY JAMIE, WHY YA TAKIN’ THAT CANDLESTICK?! TO GET A RING MADE PERHAPS??? *fangirling intensifies*

“I love bacon.” Same, Young Ian. So much same.

Lady Boner for Frontier!Beauchamp.

Oooh, we’re doing Jamie’s visions are we?

I really do appreciate them doing damage control after last season including Jamie thinking of Bree this season. And I love how ever since Claire came back to Jamie, Bree is still a constant presence in her life. And she continues to live with the cost of her choice to return to Jamie.

Y’all Claire lost her parents. She left Uncle Lamb when she got married. She lost Frank woohoo! when she went through the stones. She lost Jamie after Culloden. And she lost Bree when she went back to Jamie. She’s never really had all of the people who are important to her with her all at the same time. AND IN A COUPLE OF EPISODES SHE WILL AND I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT! I SHIP CLAIRE AND HAPPINESS AND SHE WON’T FULLY HAVE THAT UNTIL HER WHOLE FAMILY IS TOGETHER AND GUYS I HAVE FEELINGS.

Nice hat, Roger MacSeedot.

Miss Baird: “I can see she broke your heart.” Me: *recaps the last couple episodes* Miss Baird: “Actually, she’s better off without you. You’re kind of the worst. Good day to you MacSeedot. I SAID GOOD DAY.

Just noticed that this pic that was tweeted about Wilmington is actually Woolam’s Creek. Lulz.

Ok is this lady flirting with Jamie only supposed to be setting up him telling Bree that he’s a married man? Or else, like, what’s the point? We know Jamie’s not going to cheat on Claire? If this is supposed to be like the Mme Jeanne fake out then hard pass, show.

“That’s a very impressive offer. But you see, the English fucked up our country. Our families. Our lives. And now they cheat and steal from us here, all the way across an ocean. Rent or no rent, I still have my principles.”

“Did six farmers just refuse the offer of land given without charge?”  “There’s no sense in it. Except that it makes them obliged to the English and, you know, as Scots we sort of don’t like them very much. So really I have no clue why they’d turn me down.”

Yo, I fucking love this change, tbh. Jamie’s a dumbass, but I’ve thought that about show!Jamie for a minute now so... Bahahaha. Bro. Rock on, farmers.

“Savages! They steal our water for their horses!” Y’all Mueller is the literal worst. But him being fucking awful, doesn’t mean Jamie and Claire are off the hook for also being fucking colonizers.

But seriously. Gerhard. You are a fucking monster.

“They have no reason to set foot on MY land!” Fuck ALL the way off, bruh.

Claire’s like “Please! I know they’re the literal worst and you’re literally just watering your horses on your own damn land, but please change your behavior to accommodate a racist af colonizer!” Which like, good on her for trying to deescalate the situation, but putting it on the wronged party to change to accommodate the white aggressor still isn’t a good look.

“Water belongs to no one.” Y’all this show claims not to be political, but making this conflict about water is relevant as fuck to the present. (For those who don’t click through to what I link, that’s a profile of the Standing Rock water protectors.)

This episode is really doing a lot to try to frame the Frasers as “good” colonizers. (Look! They make friends with their Cherokee neighbors whose land they’ve stolen! They’re trying to learn the Cherokee language! They respect the knowledge of Adawehi! They know Cherokee customs!) And the Muellers as “bad” colonizers. (This is our land! They shouldn’t be here! Fuck what they’re actually doing, I think they’re cursing us and therefore must murder their witch!) But show, let’s be real. Just like the “benevolent slave owner” is bullshit, the “good” colonizer is also bullshit.

Gerhard Mueller is an unforgivable piece of shit, but that doesn’t mean the Frasers are in the right.

Rollo the body guard is adorable and I 100% want a blooper reel of just him fucking up and Balfe being like OMFG DOG.

Claire tiredly flopping onto the bed is A FUCKING MOOD.

Y’all the Leoch music as Claire does the homestead chores gives me so many feelings. It meant she was starting to feel at home in Jamie’s time and is now signifying her being at home in the place they built together AND I JUST WANT MY BABY TO BE HAPPY OK.

For real though, I fucking love the white sow.

White Sow/Clarence 2020

Claire nudging Rollo out of her food is relatable af. *side eyes my cat*

Claire’s “good morning, ladies!” to the goats is my fucking everything. Also, pretty sure one of the goats is named Persephone and the person who posted this just didn’t know how to spell that. High five for animal name twins! I should get my cat a goat friend...

Claire drinking and being like oh this is gross and then drinking more anyway is also A Mood.

“’Tis my land after all.” Jamie says it in relation to the English. Mueller says it in relation to the Cherokee. Again trying to show a difference between the two, but *looks directly into the camera.*

MURTAGH MOTHERFUCKING FITZGIBBONS FRASER Y’ALL

Lol, I love that in the closed captions, Murtagh’s lines are noted as “Smith” before he turns around. Like we don’t recognized that crotchety voice.

Y’ALL I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY THAT MURTAGH IS BACK.

Oh look, rando flirty woman is back. *hums Say No to This to self*

OMG THE LOOK ON MURTAGH’S FACE WHEN HE HEARS JAMIE’S VOICE IS LIKE THE SAME FACE THAT JAMIE MADE WHEN HE HEARD CLAIRE’S IN THE PRINT SHOP AND I AM SO FULL OF FEELINGS YOU GUYS

YES, HUG IT OUT, GUYS! *JOINS IN THE GROUP HUG FROM MY COUCH* I’M JUST SO HAPPY.

"I’m sorry. Citronella died. They got measles, but at least there were no mosquitoes.”

Gerhard Mueller is totally the sort of person who would shoot up a mosque or synagogue because of some bullshit, racist 4chan conspiracy theory. Entitled white men haven’t evolved at all in the last 200 years...

Yas, Claire, work that gun...

(gif source)

The way Jamie’s face lights up when Murtagh says he can do a bit of silversmithing though.

Y’ALL MURTAGH IS TOTALLY GONNA MAKE CLAIRE’S NEW RING AND THAT ANON I GOT TOTALLY CALLED IT AND I AM 1000% HERE FOR IT OMG YAAAS, SHOW, YAAAS.

Murtagh’s face when he thinks Jamie remarried is amazing. And Jamie sending Young Ian away when Murtagh asks if he married again is hilarious because like “Dude, please don’t blow up my spot about Laoghaire when I haven’t been able to fanboy with my godfather about my time traveling wife yet. And I need to fanboy about my time traveling wife with her literal #1 fan.”

*waits impatiently for Murtagh’s reaction to the Laoghaire marriage news*

For real, his reaction to that is going to be fucking aaaaaaaAAAHMAZINGGGG.

Y’ALL I WANT A CEBRF FANDOM WAR BETWEEN MURTAGH AND YOUNG IAN OVER WHO STANS CLAIRE MORE. “I regularly put my hands in other people’s body cavities for her!” “I’ve been stanning her for twice as long as you’ve been alive, laddie!”

THE CLAIRE ELIZABETH BEAUCHAMP FAN CLUB’S FOUNDING MEMBER IS BACK AND YOUNG IAN BETTER RECOGNIZE.

LOOK AT HIS FACE WHEN JAMIE SAYS THAT CLAIRE CAME BACK! AND HE FUCKING *KNOWS* WHAT THAT MEANS! HE FUCKING PRAYED FOR HER AND HER BABY FOR YEARS AND TO KNOW SHE’S SAFE AND BACK WITH JAMIE AND HIS SHIP REALLY IS ENDGAME AND I’M JUST SO FULL OF HAPPINESS.

Da!Jamie bragging about his kid is endearing afffffffff.

*again side eyes how she was treated in ep. 306*

Ok, but I love that Murtagh doesn’t just like up and change his whole life to rejoin Jamie. It’s been a long time. He has his life. He loves Jame and he loves Claire, but just like they had changed, so has Murtz.

“We’ve had trouble finding tenants.” “Yeah, no shit. Come, Jamie, let me school you.”

Murtagh in a kilt and bonnet while Jamie is in breeks and a tricorn. Murtagh rousing the Scots against the thievery of the English and Jamie trying to get them to become indebted to the English. Which one is truly keeping the spirit of Scotland alive in North Carolina?

I’d bet money that the piece of tartan Murtagh has pinned over his heart is the same piece he’s had with him since Ardsmuir.

Mueller can fuck all the way off with his “we deserve to live because we believe in God” crap.

It *is* their land you fucking piece of shit.

The scene with Mueller when he brings Claire Adawehi’s scalp got me so fucking heated because there are so many white men in this country today who share the same/very similar beliefs to him in regards to various minority groups or people they see as “Other.” Fuck each and every one of those men.

Claire’s funeral for Adawehi is very moving though.

#AdawehiDeservedBetter

You brought this on yourself, Herr Mueller. Good riddance.

But Frau Mueller, yet another woman who is the collateral damage of the shitty actions of men.

Rollo is the least intimidating guard dog ever.

HE REMEMBERS HER SONG AND IT’S LIKE THEIR LITTLE INSIDE JOKE AND HE DOES HIS LITTLE DANCE AND HER FACE AND HIS FACE AND GUYS I AM SO FULL OF FEELINGS AND I LOVE THE TWO OF THEM SO MUCH AND GUYS I AM SO EXCITED FOR MURTAGH TO BE AGGRESSIVELY #TEAMCLAIRE WHEN HE FINDS OUT ABOUT LAOGHAIRE AND FOR HIM TO MEET BREE AND EVEN FOR HIM TO MEET WILLIE AND GUYS THEY SAVED MURTAGH AND I LOVE MURTAGH AND YOU DID A GOOD THING, SHOW.

Ok the letter that Bree left for Roger makes him look even worse for going after her tbh. Like he wasn’t supposed to see it for a year and it was like clearly an “open if I’m dead” thing so like he knows she clearly is intending to come back. But instead of listening to her, he off and does what he thinks is right instead. Which means he’s learned *nothing* since the proposal. Fuck that guy.

Roger really is Frank. He wants a marriage like Frank and Claire had pre-stones. Where it's all about him and what he wants to do and the wife is just along to support him in that endeavor. *gestures at episode 101* Between reading the books again and watching this season, Roger really is the worst and I don't think the show will do anything that comes close to redeeming him since *gestures at how they wrote Jamie last season* so at this point I ship Bree with her damn self. She doesn't need a man to live her fullest life. Especially one like fucking Roger.

Bree is too good for Roger and this is the hill I will die on.

But y’all! Bree’s gonna get to be with her mom again! And meet Jamie! And look hot af in period clothes! AND MEET MURTAGH!

*focuses aggressively on that instead of Rape and Rogergate*

GUYS MURTAGH IS BACK!!!!!!!!!

[aliteraryprincess]

Heart’s Blood by Juliet Marillier

Warning: Contains spoilers

Welcome back to Fairy Tale Friday!  It’s been far too long.  I need to get better about posting these regularly.  Today is a special Fantasy December edition.  What makes it special?  I read Heart’s Blood as part of @books-and-cookies Fantasy December event.  That’s it.  Nothing about the content or format is changing.  But hey, this event got me to post after several months, so that should count as special!

Anyway, today we’re looking at the first “Beauty and the Beast” retelling of this feature.  Juliet Marillier is an author I just discovered this year, and she is amazing.  The other two retellings I read by her were wonderful, and, as expected, Heart’s Blood was more of the same.

(Side note: can you believe I’ve never owned an illustrated copy of “Beauty and the Beast”?!  I now feel like my parents failed me when I was a kid.  So I had to settle for the rather boring first page of the story in my copy of The Blue Fairy Book.  I think it might be time to buy some more illustrated fairy tales...)

As a Retelling:

Heart’s Blood is a fairly loose retelling of the fairy tale and actually has enough deviations and original content to stand as it’s own story.  The most commonly known versions of the fairy tale begin with a father going on a journey and receiving the request from his youngest daughter to bring her back a rose.  The father stays in the Beast’s castle on his way back and takes a rose out of the garden, provoking the Beast’s anger.  In order to spare the father’s life, the Beast demands Beauty come live in the castle with him.  This is a very far cry from the beginning of Heart’s Blood.  Caitrin, our Beauty, is fleeing the abusive relatives who took over her home after her father’s death and comes to the strange settlement of Whistling Tor.  Upon hearing the chieftain, Anluan, is seeking a scribe, she goes up to his fortress to ask for the job.  She winds up in the garden and comes across heart’s blood, a rare herb that can be used to create purple ink.  

The scene in the garden is one of the closest to the original fairy tale with the heart’s blood taking the place of the rose and Beauty herself interacting with it instead of her father.  Though a rose is the most common item found throughout different variations, it is not the only one.  In a Swiss version, the youngest daughter asks for a grape, and in a German one she asks for a “clinking clanking lowesleaf” (don’t ask me what that is; I don’t know).  Anluan appears and accuses her of trying to steal the plant.  As an abuse victim, Caitrin is afraid of his angry demeanor rather than his appearance, which I’ll discuss in the next paragraph.  After this point in the fairy tale, the rose or other plant does not appear again.  However, in many retellings the rose continues to play an important role, as you can see in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast and Robin McKinley’s Rose Daughter.  The heart’s blood continues to appear throughout Marillier’s novel.  It becomes part of a bet between Caitrin and Anluan on whether she will stay through the summer to finish the scribing job; if she stays, he will allow her to use the heart’s blood flowers to make ink.  The plant also plays a vital role in the climax.  I don’t want to say more than that to avoid spoiling the whole book.            

Anluan is our Beast, but he is not very...beastly.  “Beauty and the Beast” is an animal bridegroom tale, so the main character’s suitor is not human at the start of the story.  The two most well-known versions of the story, one by Gabrielle-Suzanne de Villeneuve and the other by Jeanne-Marie Le Prince de Beaumont just describe him as a beast.  However, other folklore variants have different creatures.  A common one is a bear, featured most notably in “East of the Sun, West of the Moon.”  Other forms include a horse, a serpent, and a dog. Anluan, on the other hand, is completely human.  He is disfigured, something the people in the village believe is caused by the curse on his family.  However, his disfigurement is unrelated to the curse.  As a result, there isn’t the typical transformation one finds at the end of “Beauty and the Beast” tales.  This isn’t unprecedented in retellings; McKinley’s Beast in Rose Daughter chooses to remain as he is, and the Beauty character in Angela Carter’s “The Tiger’s Bride” transforms into a tiger to match the Beast.   

As you can guess from Anluan’s lack of animal form, Marillier has changed the nature of the curse from the original story.  The curse in every variation of the tale is the Beast’s appearance.  Many versions don’t go into why he’s been cursed.  The Beaumont version mentions a fairy placing the curse, but doesn’t go into the details.  The curse in Marillier’s book is a result of Anluan’s ancestor Nechtan, who used magic to bond spirits of the dead to him.  These spirits, called the host, are under Anluan’s control, but only while he remains on the hill.  When any of his ancestors left the hill, they lost control of the host and it ended in disaster.  Knowing this, Anluan remains on the hill, isolating himself and causing ill will toward him in the village.  We find out later that this loss of control stems from a curse laid while Nechtan performed the ritual to bind the host.  It is a curse of 100 years of bad luck, sorrow, failure, and being haunted by the one who placed it.  Once she finds out about it, Caitrin makes it her mission to find a way to reverse the binding spell.  In the Villeneuve and Beaumont versions of the fairy tale, the curse is broken by Beauty falling in love with the Beast and agreeing to marry him.  While Caitrin does fall in love with Anluan, it is not what breaks the curse.  Caitrin puts a lot of effort into finding the way to sever the bond, and it is done through a ritual and a sacrifice by two members of the host.

Mirrors appear in many variations of “Beauty and the Beast.”  Villeneuve mentions a hall of mirrors in the Beast’s palace.  Beaumont’s, along with several others, involves a magic mirror that allows Beauty to watch her family while she is with the Beast.  Marillier makes use of both concepts.  Anluan’s fortress is filled with magical mirrors, two of which are important to the plot.  The first shows her the events that occurred at the time the documents she is translating were written. This mirror is how Caitrin is able to piece together what happened with Nechtan 100 years ago.  The second she finds in a tower that holds items of women who once lived in the fortress.  This mirror functions in a similar way to the one in Beaumont’s tale.  However, she doesn’t watch her family while living at Whistling Tor; she watches the people of Whistling Tor while she is back home.  The mirror also works like this in the Danish tale “Beauty and the Horse,” and it shows Beauty an image of the horse dying.  In the Villeneuve and Beaumont stories, Beauty sees the Beast dying in a dream.  As in the Danish version, Caitrin sees a vision of Anluan dying in the mirror and sets off for Whistling Tor again.                 

My thoughts:

This is my favorite of all the retellings I’ve featured here so far.  It’s actually the first of the Fairy Tale Friday books that I’ve rated 5 stars!  I love Marillier’s writing and the way she weaves her stories together.  All of her books are historically based even though they are fantasy.  Heart’s Blood is set in Ireland as the Normans are starting to invade.  Historical fantasy is a subgenre I’ve become very fond of in the last year, and Marillier is definitely one of my favorite authors of it!

Caitrin is a wonderful main character, and I really enjoyed her growth through the novel.  She is the survivor of physical and mental abuse.  While she did manage to flee her abusive home, she always feels she isn’t brave enough.  She has a hard time speaking up for herself and easily freezes up in conflict.  However, her time at Whistling Tor helps her find her voice again and speak up for what she believes in, even when it makes Anluan upset.  When she returns to the town she’s from, she faces her abusers despite her fear and is able to regain her home.  I also liked that she takes great pride and joy in her work as a scribe and that it is so ingrained into her personality.  She examines everything through the eyes of a scribe, including handwriting and plants.

The romance between Caitrin and Anluan is excellent.  If you like slow burn romances, this is definitely the book for you!  One review called it “bittersweetly realistic,” and I agree with that.  It’s a quiet kind of love story.  They are both closed off due to past traumas, so it takes a while for them to get to know each other.  They have misunderstandings and arguments.  But both try to do what is best for the other, whether they agree or not.  It’s a deep relationship that feels very real, and I think it makes for a beautiful story.                

My rating: 5 stars

Other Reading Recommendations:

The starred titles are ones I have read myself.  The others are ones I want to read and may end up being future Fairy Tale Friday books.  To keep the list from getting too long, I’m limiting it to four that I’ve read and four that I haven’t.

Other Retellings of “Beauty and the Beast”:

Beauty by Robin McKinley*

Rose Daughter by Robin McKinley*

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas*

The Bloody Chamber and Other Stories by Angela Carter*

Hunted by Meagan Spooner

Bryony and Roses by T. Kingfisher

The Beast’s Garden by Kate Forsyth

Cruel Beauty by Rosamund Hodge   

More Retellings by Juliet Marillier:

Daughter of the Forest*

Wildwood Dancing*

Prickle Moon

About the Fairy Tale:

Beauty and the Beast: Classic Tales About Animal Brides and Grooms from Around the World by Maria Tatar*

Beauty and the Beast Tales from Around the World by Heidi Anne Heiner

The Meanings of “Beauty & the Beast”: A Handbook by Jerry Griswold

Have a recommendation for me to read or a suggestion to make Fairy Tale Friday better?  Feel free to send me an ask!  

[gamesplusculture]

Bayonetta + Culture: Durga

"The soul of Durga, said to be a demon with a thousand arms, is imprisoned within these razor sharp claws. From the portal at its hilt, the weapon can summon two types of arms, fire and lightning, to bear against its enemies."

The Durgas

   The next weapon Bayonetta receives will be the dual-wielding gauntlets that can switch between fire and lightning at anytime, which makes the weapon very unique.

   The fire element of the Durga is slow but powerful and it has the ability to leave bombs in the shape of demonic looking skulls if you hold down the attack button. The lightning element is fast but it doesn’t deal as much damage as the fire element and holding down the button will instead create a globe of lighting to appear from the claw.

   A versatile weapon that is widely considered to be one of the best weapons in the game due to its sheer killing power.

Alright, let’s see what this weapon got for us.

   For the third time in a row, Hindu mythology snatches us once more.

   Durga is a warrior goddess who is the protector of the entire universe. She is almost close to an omnipotent god who is benevolent to all and is the sole protector of our world. Even her name in Sanskrit literally mean “a place that is difficult to overrun”. Durga is an all-powerful goddess hellbent on defeating all evil in this universe while riding on her loyal tiger which represents power and determination.

   She was created by Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva after Mahishasura, a buffalo demon, created an army to drive the Gods out of the heavens. With the three gods’ energy, they summoned a powerful woman that yields eight to eighteen arms to defeat the malevolent demon. Six of them holds weapons and items that are used to fight evil.

   The conch shell (shows that she is holding on to God by sound), Bow and Arrow from Vayu (represents both potential and kinetic energy), the Thunderbolt from Indra (represents firmness and motivation), the lotus (represents success through perseverance), Sudarshan-Chakra from Vishnu (represents the control Durga has and growth), a sword (represents knowledge), and a trident from Shiva (represents the healing of physical, mental and spiritual suffering). And let’s not forget our trustful tiger that was granted by Himavant, Lord of the mountains.

   Because Durga is such an important figure in Hindusim, it is natural that she gets the most holidays that is dedicated to her. One of the holidays that are the most dedicated to her is Durga Puja, the largest festival in West Bengal, India, the birthplace of the holiday. Another holiday that celebrates her greatly is the celebration of Navrari which symbolizes Durga’s victory over Mahishasura.

   Moving on, a weird but interesting thing Hindu deities can do is create multiple avatars for them to take control over as they roam Earth. Hindu deities are normally born this way.

   Durga’s other personas are: Kali, Bhagvati, Bhavani, Ambika, Lalita, Gauri, Kandalini, Java, and Rajeswari.

   I mention them because...

"The soul of Kali, said to be a demon with a thousand arms, is imprisoned within these razor sharp claws. From the portal at its hilt, the weapon can summon two types of arms, fire and lighting, to bear against enemies."

   Jeanne’s version of the Durga are based off of one of Durga’s personas!

Kali is the Hindu goddess of destruction who is most famous for her complete murder rampage the moment she was born. Given that her name means “one who is black” (even though in most artwork she is in, she is most likely blue or not black) or “one who is death”. She is usually depicted as a woman with four arms, ten faces, ten feet, three eyes on each head, red eyes, and fangs. Arguably, her most defining thing about her is the long necklace of severed human heads that she wears, which was there ever since she was born.

There are two versions of her birth but I am going to only focus on one of them that involves Durga.

An asura of the name Raktabīja (”blood seed”) fought against the goddess alongside two other demons named Chanda and Munda. It wasn’t specifically stated why they are fighting with the goddess but I suppose it is because they are devas and asuras don’t like devas so... they fight?

Anyways, seven goddesses who are collectively called the Matrikas and the goddess Ambika, another goddess of destruction, led the war against the demons and they were having a tough time defeating them because of Raktabija’s ability.

The asura had a boon where if a drop of his blood falls onto the ground, it will instantaneously create a clone of himself. Which means whenever the goddesses get a good strike at him and all of his blood falls to the ground, multiple clones of him emerges. This makes it nearly impossible to kill him.

Enter: Durga! She dashes into the bloodshed and becomes questionably angry at the sight that she is seeing. She was not averagely furious, she was so mad that her face turned darker and then spit out an entirely new goddess out of her forehead who symbolized pure anger and malice.

Kali.

 After Kali appeared, she immediately kills the two demons that accompanied Raktajiba. She then stretched her tongue out to Raktabija and picks up all of his blood so there will be no more clones. The goddesses saw that as an opportunity to kill him since there will be no more clones. The demon dies and then Kali devours the remaining clones and then dances on their corpses. The day is saved!

Sike! Kali was so pissed off, she ran off to kill any wrongdoers in her sight (or just anybody, sources vary). She would stomp and dance on the ground so forcefully she would create earthquakes. The god Shiva intervenes between her and he ends up taking a heavy stomp from her. She realizes her mistake and the destruction that she has caused and cuts off her tongue in embarrassment. After that, Kali was pretty chill.

There has been some controversy over her title recently. She is popularly referred to as the “goddess of death” which would make sense just from the story alone but she has not based her entire life around the death of humans unlike the actual Hindu god of death, Yama.

Let me put it like this, there is a difference between a deity killing people versus a deity making it their job to kill people.

Well, there you have it folks! Hindu mythology strikes again with its fascinating lore on powerful goddesses and demons being jerks. Next time, we move away from Hindu mythology and into the realm of theater!

If you have anything to add or correct, do not be afraid to reach out to me. I am learning and I wish to continue to learn!

Until next time, bye now!