#yes yes i know the fire was traumatic and isn’t something to joke about but like

[insertsickusername13]

my sister and I don’t talk about Be More Chill often, but there is one joke. One joke that will never end. It goes like this:

One of us accidentally unironically uses the word ���bro’ in a sentence. The other perks up and screams ‘BROSKI NOOOOOO’ and the other responds ‘[yeets self out window]’ (verbally saying that sentence) and that’s how we think Halloween went for Jake Dillinger

[lovewriting-5]

Until Dawn

Chapter 1

Chapter 2, part 1

Chapter 2, part 2

We walk down the stairs and Ashley and Chris were already in the living room by the fire. “Well...well, what took the two of you so long?” Chris asks. I had a hard time keeping a straight face. It felt good to be close with Josh again after a few days.

The four of us were talking about how cold it was in the lodge. The heat had to get turned on. I tell Josh “The fire is nice but it would be great if the heat was on.” I wrap my arms around myself for warmth. He wraps his arms around me to help. He says “Come on...”

Chris, Ashley and I were betting how long it would take him to get it started. Chris asks “How long do you think it’ll take him?” To be nice, I bet “An hour.” Ashley says “My money’s on blankets for everyone!” Chris tells him “You can do it, man. We believe in you.” She says “Yeah! Totally! Woo!” I do a chant “Let’s go Jo-osh, let’s go!” His arms tighten around me. I laugh.

There was the sound of footsteps moving around upstairs. Josh removes his arms. He tells all three of us, “Alright, peanut gallery, you know what? I got an idea.” I ask, suspiciously “What?” He continues “Okay well I am pretty sure that somewhere in this crazy place we used to have...a spirit board.” Ashley asks “A what?”

Sarcastically, Chris asks “Wow you have a ‘spirit board’?” I ask him, concerned “Wait are you saying...we should have a séance?” Still joking, Chris says “Those things are a joke, man. They don’t do shit.” Josh says with a little difficulty, “No way bro. We used to do it all the time. Me and...well...” This isn’t a good idea.

The footsteps reach the bottom. I turn and say “Hey Sam.” As she gets closer to us, she says “Hi. Hey Josh. No hot water’s kinda major oversight doncha think?” He tells her “Yeah yeah, just gotta fire up the boiler. It’s in the basement.” Turns back to Chris and Ashley, “You guys see if you can find the spirit board.”

Ashley gets up from the ottoman, “Chris, let’s go find it! It’ll be like a scavenger hunt!” Hesitantly, he says “Ummm...okay...guess so.” Josh says “Rad. You’re not gonna regret it.” The two of them leave.

Josh asks me “You up for a ride-along?” Nervously, I say “Sure.” I turn to Sam, “Sam, do you want to help us?” She looks behind me, “Uhhh...no, you two go for it. I’ll wait up here.”

We make our way to the direction of the basement. He pauses and says, mischievously “Hey. You notice how I gave Chris and Ashley a mission together? Yeah I was thinking they could use some ‘alone time.’” Supportively, I say “They are very sweet together. I wish they’d just freakin’ get on with it already.” A little too enthused, he says “I swear they just need like...something to bond over, y’know? Some sort of traumatic event to send them into each other’s arms.”

He opens a drawer and takes out a flashlight. I open the door that leads to the basement. Standing by the doorframe, it takes Josh a few minutes. He says “You know...” I ask “Yes?” He begins “I just wanted to say...” I ask “What?” Thoughtfully, he tells me “It really means a lot to me that everyone came back this year and you know, that you came.”

I smile, “Josh. I care about you and glad to hear you are doing a little better. We’re here for you. Really. Whatever you need. Whenever. We’re all gonna make it through this...together.” I give him a kiss on the cheek. He says with a sort of devilish smile, “Um...I want us to have a good time, you know...”

We continue down the stairs of the basement. Knowing that the stairs are crumbling a little, he tells me “Watch your step.” Jokingly, I tell him “I think I can handle a little old set of stairs.” Sarcastically, he says “Uh-huh.”

I follow him to the boiler cabinet. As he opens the cabinet, he says “Sorry to drag you down into the bowels.” I say “It’s fine. Like I said the fire is nice but some heat and hot water would be nice.” He says “I mean I wouldn’t want you coming down here on your own, you know?” Jokingly, I say “Such a gentleman.”

Looking around at the dark basement with a ton of boxes and the only other light is coming from the small windows. I tell him “Well it’s definitely creepy down here.” He says “Yep. Not a place to be on your own.”

He hands me the flashlight, “Here, can you...can you hold this steady?” There was a noise in the distance. I turn around to see where it came from. Now I’m starting to get a little freaked out.

I tighten my grip on the flashlight. I ask a little freaked out, “Josh...what was that?” Not believing, he says “What was what? Just shine it here so I can see what I’m doing.” I say “Fine.”

There was another sound, I turned to see where it came from. Josh says from the boiler cabinet, “(Y/N)...Can you just keep the light still so I can see, okay?”

This time I finally held the flashlight steady. He got everything hooked up. He stands up and smiles, “Nice one. Okay first things first: we gotta increase the water pressure before we get the boiler fired up.” I look at the machine, “Sounds kinda complicated.” Reassuringly, he tells me “No, it’s actually pretty simple.”

I turn the knob, waited and saw the light turn on. I pushed the button but apparently it didn’t work, “Damn!” He says “It’s okay, just try again.” I tried again but missed it, “Ugh!” He tells me “Relax...It’s not that hard. Just press the button when the light comes on.” I take a deep breath and let it out. I try again and got it.

The boiler fired up. Proud of myself, I say “Whoa!!” Josh was pretty proud too, “That’s more like it. Alright! Five, girl!” He holds up his hand and I slap it. I excitedly, say “Yeah!” He closes the boiler cabinet and locks it.

Curiosity hits me, I ask “Josh...so upstairs when I asked Sam if she would like to help...Did you tell her not to join us?” He gets a shocked expression, “What? No...why would I do that?” I tell him as I step a little closer, “Are you sure? Because I swear Sam looked behind me to see if she should.” Looking a little guilty, he begins “Well....I might -“

In the dark, damp basement there was another noise. I turn in the direction that I think it’s coming from, “What the hell is that?” I back a little closer to him. He says, jokingly “Could be a lot of things...and none of them nice...” as he wiggles his finger on my arm. I push it away, “Hey, quit it.”

He says with a chuckle “I’m just...just ‘Joshing’ ya.” “Har har.” I tell him. Trying to point it out, he says “You were really freaked out.”

Shaking my head in protest, “I was not scared.” With a sly grin, he says as he looks me up and down “No, no, you just jumped because you wanted to squeeze in some aerobics?” I roll my eyes.

After a few years of hanging out with the Washington family, I have picked up on some acting skills. I put on a terrified look and look behind him. I look from him to behind, “Oh my God - - don’t move - -“ Sounding a little concerned, he asks “What?” Sounding more terrified, I tell him “There’s something behind you.” Trying to sound brave, he says “Yeah right.”

Really wanting to get him, I continue “Josh...Seriously. There’s something back there...” He turns and looks over his shoulder. I tell him, very satisfied “Ha...Got - -ch - -ah.” Putting an arm around my waist as he pulls me closer, “Alright. Alright. Your point.” I wrap my arms around the back of his neck, “Thirty - - Love.” Josh raises an eyebrow, “What? No...Where’d you get the first point?” I ask “It doesn’t start at thirty?” He says “No. Fifteen.” I say, confidently “Oh. Well, I’m more of a ping-pong gal.” As I get the last sentence out, he kisses me.

The two of us probably would have stayed down there for awhile, if the sound didn’t happen again. We pull away. Really? I was just starting to get used to being down here.

Catching my breath, I ask “Okay, so you hear that too, right?” I look at Josh, “Josh?” He removes his arm and moves in front of me. He asks “What?” Starting to get freaked out again, “The rhythm’s like, weirdly regular...” We walk a little closer to the sound. He says “Not...No...Nothing ‘regular’ about it...”

As we walk closer to it, I place my right hand on his arm and my left hand in his right. His hand grip tightens. I ask “Maybe we should, you know, check it out?” He asks “Why?” Not really knowing what to say, I tell him “I dunno, what if it’s like, a pipe that’s about to burst or some problem with the furnace?” He tells me “Unlikely.” I say to convince him, “If it were me I wouldn’t want this place to burn down on my watch.” He pauses and then says “...Yeah. Right.”

As we venture farther into the basement, all of a sudden, a figure in a brown robe and hockey mask jumps out. Josh and I scream and run for our lives. Josh in front, says “Whoa - (Y/N) - whoa.” Along the path, I grab an obstacle and pull it down. The figure is blocked. Josh and I make it up the stairs and I try to open the door. I am struggling to get it open. The figure is getting closer.

I am throwing all my weight against this door, “Oh come ON now why are these doors locked?!” In a panic, Josh says “To...To keep out strangers!!”

I feel Josh get closer. The figure stops right in front of us, “Hey...” Confused, I ask “...What?” The figure says, again “Heeyyyyyy...” Still confused, I ask “...WHAT THE HELL?!”

The figure removes the mask and hood. He revealed himself as Chris. Thinking it is funny, Chris says “Boom! You just got monked!” I can feel anger starting to rise, “WHAT!!!” Josh says, proudly “Nice. Nice one. That was good.” First to Josh and then to Chris, I ask “No it was not. Why w...Why would you do that?”

Holding his arm out, Chris says “There’s all this cool old movie crap down here. What, was I...was I not supposed to take advantage of the opportunity?” To Chris, I ask “Are you...are you serious?” I turn to Josh and push him a little, “Were you in on this, you putz?” As he gives Chris a high-five, he says “Nope. But I wish I was! That was too good!” I tell him “Don’t high-five that.”

The three of us get back to the main part of the lodge. After calming down a little, I tell them “I’m ready to admit that your dumb little prank may have had a slight whiff of humor to it.” Chris says “Jokemaster!” I tell him to make myself clear, “I said nothing about jokes. I said your prank, which was dumb -“ Chris begins ascending the stairs. Josh walks over to the table to set the flashlight down. I wait at the bottom of the steps with my arms crossed for him.

Josh jokingly, says “Holy crap you were scared. Admit it.” Sternly, I tell him “I was not!” I begin ascending the stairs. Not giving up, he says “Come on, you totally pissed yourself!” Done with the joke, I say “Josh!”

We joined the others upstairs. I go and stand near the fireplace. Josh places his arms around my waist and places a kiss on my right temple. I whisper, trying to hide a smile “I hate you.” Knowing I can’t stay mad at him long, he whispers “No, you don’t.” I lay my cheek on his arm. Ashley walks over to Chris and notices his outfit of choice. She asks in disgust, “What...in god’s name...are you wearing?” Playing along, Chris tells her “I found my true calling.” He makes the sign of the cross in the air. Putting her hands in a praying motion, she tells him, sarcastically “Please tell me you’re going to take a vow of silence.”

Chris moves his mouth without sound. To make him quit the charade, I ask “Okay okay...Did you at least find the thingy?” Chris looks at me and pulls a board out of his robe, “Boi - oi - oi - oing! Here’s our one way ticket to the spirit realm!” Ashley says “Hmmm.”

Josh tells Sam “Sam, we got the boiler up and running. So the hot water should be working.” Grateful, she says “Thank you. I see a hot bath in my crystal ball. So have fun!”

[battery-forgot]

Now, I come mid-week to give you all of my DSMP/MCYT headcanons because I have many

Don’t mind if these are repeated, misspelt, or has no logic, it is block game things and I am not checking over them-- and some will be organized, and some will be random, some might not have a Enter space because these are all ctrl c + ctrl v’ed from a Discord server I am in :]

Skeppy headcanons: Skeppy is 4 billion years old as scientists have thought that is how long ores and diamonds existed for

Skeppy's species is pretty rare

Every diamond that is broken or damaged causes Skeppy to feel a physical pain in his body

His species has lamp tail as they don't have night vision, some of them also have tiny wings that aren't usable, though they can kinda glide short distances with them

Because of his small height, he has taught himself magic to be able to change size, it can hurt him if he goes taller than 5'3, but he is able to get to Foolish's height if he tried

Sometimes random crystals grow on Skeppy's face, though they look different from normal crystals and can be used for things like explosives, though he doesn't know about it

Techno has seen Kristen but doesn't remember it well, though Kristen gave him his crown as a gift

Techno has a collection of skull masks that he has worn, he wears the skulls because of nostalgia now but he used to wear them because he thought they were cool and made him look threatening

Technoblade, Skeppy, Sam, Ranboo, Michael(the son- not Michaelmcchill), Phil, Bad, and some others really like shiny and golden objects

DreamSMP theme/"timeline" is kind of like a steampunk like thing

Drista is DreamXD's sister and DristaXD is Dream's "sister", though they aren't really siblings as they are robots

Drista and DreamXD are clones of DristaXD and Dream, though they actually look nothing alike

Callahan is a mute mini-god that everyone knows exists but doesn't really understand they are a mini-god. They kind of just chill and do what people ask them to do

Phil: Phil is more into traveling than anything else

Though he doesn't mind being a father figure, he doesn't think he is a good one especially after he killed Wilbur

He is able to turn into the size of a crow, though since his wings are now unusable, he doesn't do it as often as it is basically useless

Phil sometimes takes bird baths, though I guess they are always called that-

He has bird legs/talons,but they aren’t fully noticeable

joke headcanon I thought of is that Phil's handwriting is chicken-scratch because he is half-crow

Phil has really good memory, as a crow would

-DreamXD is actually pretty weak in powers, but he acts like he is the strongest person in the server

-Tommy's eye is just completely gone from when Dream killed him, but he covers it with an eyepatch

-Tubbo talks about things to Ranboo thinking he'll forget them, but some stories Ranboo remembers but doesn't speak about it because he doesn't want to make Tubbo worry too much

-Philza wasn't willing to kill Wilbur so Wilbur forced Phil by grabbing his arm and impaling himself

-Dream and Techno sometimes share stories about having ADHD

-Phil didn't really know about Fundy, he knew he existed but had no idea to how he acted, looked, or his actual name

-Wilbur had a letter written to Fundy about how he was sorry for what he was gonna do during November 16th, but the withers blew it up before Fundy knew about it

-Fundy doesn't let anyone hold his hand because it makes him remember the past where he would hold Wilbur's hand a lot

-Change of headcanons: Schlatt and Puffy are cousins, Tubbo was just a random kid that would follow Schlatt for hours a day, waiting for him to acknowledge him

-Dream jumps into the lava in the prison as it reminds him of Sapnap

-Bad was uncomfortable when Sapnap married Big Q and Karl because he went on a date with Quackity before but he still supported them (Yes I know Big Q basically had a divorce with Sap and Karl--)

-Skeppy knows a lot about other's pasts because of how old he is, even traumatizing facts

-Skeppy has a fear of fire (Pyrophobia) and he is kind of scared of Sapnap

-Dream used the revivebook on the cat Tommy killed, but Sam killed it thinking Dream would use the cat against Sam to escape quicker in the future

-Dream doesn't *fully* know why he is in prison, ever since Tommy and Tubbo killed him, a wire/chip broke in his body which made him forget a lot of things. Dream does get told what he had done a lot, but it makes him almost have a panic attack because he thought he was a pretty good person

-Ghostbur is Callahan, they were commanded by DreamXD to become Ghostbur so that everyone could feel like he was still there (Callahan can change who they are completely, but they don't actually know how they acted when as Ghostbur, though that doesn't mean he didn't know what happened, when Dream killed/revived Ghostbur, Callahan got to see what it felt like to die for the first time)

-Fundy has the habit of picking up things and using them at some sort of fidget (examples: knives, leaves, grass, wood, pencils, berry stems, etc.

-Ranboo will be writing/saying something about someone and use pronouns instead of their name or just with the person's name (example: "Puffy she/her was--" or "he/him writing down things") [Basically canon-]

-Tubbo used to headbutt people but stopped after around 2 years because he kept hurting people

-Phil used to squawk randomly when he was a kid, but he mainly just squawks when hiccuping now

-Even though Bad used to get really nervous picking people up because he was afraid he was gonna drop and kill them, he now just picks up everyone randomly... except Foolish and Ranboo

-Foolish is able to shrink to around 7ft, and unless he is building a big build, he will shrink so he can get around easier

-Because Ranboo is only half enderman, he isn't the full height of an enderman (He is only 8'5)

-If someone asks Charlie about his pronouns, out of confusion, he just responds with "Bones!" which sometimes leads Las Nevadas members (or just anyone really) calling him by He/it/Bones

-When Bad was being controlled by the egg, it made him get even more flashbacks about how his species was supposed to act which would end up with him panicking because that isn't who he wants to be (bonus: The more a member infected by the egg would panic, the more the egg would be able to take over the person because they can't focus)

-Kristin has taught Phil how to do makeup in their free-time of hanging out

-Kristin is insanely tall, if she shrinks then she turns more transparent, so she ends up looking more like a ghost when at average height

-Skeppy can't cry, though he still can feel sad

-Bad and Eret talk to eachother quite a lot

-When Tubbo was around 11-14, he would make redstone contraptions, though he doesn't remember how to make most of them now

Ranboo doesn't like photoshoots because he feels like everyone is staring at him, though this does mean he just doesn't have a passport photo, his alternative was to draw what he looked like on the passport but they didn't allow it, as well as Ranboo doesn't really remember what he looks like anyway because they don't like looking in mirrors--

I think this is half-canon but another headcanon is where every SMP is just an island far away from others. In this case, Hermitcraft, 30 day SMP, and other SMPs are all linked up, as for people who are in multiple SMPs, they travel around by boat for awhile, now, the thing I've just not figured out is how tf their look magically changes-like- outfit is decently obvious-- but do they magically transform like an anime girl? Idk- 

Skeppy's voice randomly glitches out, is there an actual reason for this? No.

Quackity’s outfit is similar to Sub Urban’s (In Freak)

Skeppy acts as if he is royalty, he doesn't act rude or demanding unless joking- but he does act as if he is the superior person-

-Skeppy and Slime are the only "people" that don't have steampunk styled clothing because of how old they are

-Skeppy's hair grows insanely quickly and no one knows why, he honestly hates it

-Most of Skeppy's outfits have been made by Bad or Puffy

-Skeppy knows DreamXD as if he is a brother, but he despises him because of something that has happened around 3,000 years ago

-Skeppy has a lot of different shades in their hair on the "inside"(like- the side where his neck is is what I mean, I don't remember if it has a name or not-)

-Like I've said before, Skeppy's eyes are crystallized, but they are somewhat transparent, not enough to where you'd be able to see the inside of his head, but they are still transparent

-In the past, Skeppy didn't like their name which is why they called himself "Skeppy"

-He has an attachment to caves

-When Skeppy was a kid, they had the dream of him filling cave walls with houses of their own

-Skeppy goes by it/they/he

-Skeppy joke flirts with Bad all the time to confuse everyone, Bad doesn't like it because then everyone thinks they are dating which makes him feel a little uncomfortable

-Out of boredom, in the past, Skeppy would climb on the roofs of caves, hang upside down, and try and sleep like a bat

-They have no blood in his body, it is literally just a diamond covered with a thin layer of skin and hair

-Skeppy gets stressed out easily when it comes to learning because it just reminds him of everything he had to get used to as the billion of years he lived went by

-Skeppy used to not be allowed out into the open world, the first time it experienced going outside was when it was 2 billion years old

-Skeppy has accidentally caught things on fire during the day because of the reflecting of the sun, but even then, they are nocturnal so they don't really have to worry about it

-Wilbur adapted to hanging out with Sally in the water, he has some gills, but he can only breathe underwater for a bit longer with them

-Skeppy always has the equivalent of Diamond (armor) except when he was infected by the egg, he was equivalent to the strength of a Ruby

-Infected Skeppy has a redstone glow when touched, so when hugged(or hive fived- or- yeah you get the point), he would give a subtle glow around him until let go

-The Eggpire still can be controlled, but they are able to control it unless angered/upset

-Skeppy was 6ft when infected, now he is 3′9 un-infected

-At this point, Dream likes the prison because he sometimes feels safe there, like no one can hurt him

-DristaXD is more of a ghost robot than an actual robot

-DristaXD's hobby is murdering people and has basically been in some sort of jail before, she has broken chains around their ankles and hands, it seems to have been made of a really strong material as wel

-Sapnap used to have fire wings, but when he had to get extinguished, they disappeared, they are still there, they just aren't visible until dunked in lava and Sapnap can't use them anymore

-Infected Bad still took care of Sapnap, but Sapnap never cared

-Sapnap takes the name "lava cake" too seriously... though he thinks the literal lava cakes he makes taste good

-Puffy's hair has been dyed blue by Ghostbur before because he wanted people to remember Friend if they ever disappeared

-Going with my Ghostbur as Callahan hc, when Ghostbur was killed, Callahan kind of glitched between realities and so Ghostburs body glitched from Callahan's body and Ghostbur's then just disappeared. Callahan is still alive but they randomly glitch into different realities, he has glitched into places Karl has gone, including The Inbetween.

-When Ghostbur was glitching back into Callahan after killed, it shocked and concerned Dream

There you go :]

[moodykylo]

Sleep Deprived

CW: Sleep deprivation, canon typical self loathing

Spoilers for tpp season 2&3

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Juno Steel was exhausted. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept a full night on the Carte Blanche, and it was starting to catch up to him. 

Juno’s sleep was becoming increasingly restless as the nights came and went; each night leaving old memories rearing their ugly heads. When he was able to sleep, it was anything but peaceful. Whenever Juno found himself drifting off, nightmares would begin behind his eyes, jolting him awake. He had to stop sleeping in the same room as Nureyev in fear of waking him. Now, he was alone, nightmares becoming worse and worse. He had really thought he was done with these childish nightmares of Sarah and Benzaiten, but now they were increasing in both frequency and fervency.

Now, Juno was sitting in his own room, on his bed, eyes burning with fatigue and brain on fire with memories. He sat in his bed, eyelids drooping as he fought with sleep. 

After about half an hour, sleep finally won and Juno’s dreams were anything but sweet.  Sweat beaded on his forehead and he thrashed in his sleep, mumbling quietly, behind his eyes a scene of the past replaying like a favorite movie, until finally, he woke with a gasp, chest heaving. 

Juno groaned, standing from his bed. He wandered out into the hallway - if he was going to be awake, he might as well make himself useful. He stopped in the middle of the hall to lean on the wall as dizziness hit him with no warning. Frustrated with the spell, he pushed through it, rubbing at his eyes.

Juno entered the kitchen, taking out his comms and squinting at it. The rest of the Carte Blanche crew would be up soon. At least he’d gotten some sleep that night, he thought to himself with a bitter laugh. He got himself a glass of water before walking over to the stove and starting to cook a simple meal as breakfast for the crew. 

Contrary to popular belief, Juno did know how to cook. Sure, his ability wasn’t anything spectacular, but he did know how to cook something decent. Today, “something decent” was pancakes. He made almost every pancake perfectly round, saving the oblong one for himself (although he could only manage to eat half of it).

Juno was just finishing up making the pancakes for almost everyone on the ship - although Buddy would be having her usual morning cocktail instead - when Jet walked into the kitchen, bright and early as usual.

“Juno. You’re awake before usual,” Jet said before gazing at the pancakes. “And you’ve cooked. This is out of character, you sleep the latest of everyone,” Jet observed. 

“Hey big guy. I was just awake early, couldn’t sleep.” Juno shrugged. He wasn’t exactly lying per se, but he wasn’t telling the truth, either. Juno rubbed his eyes as another dizzy spell threatened to make him lose his balance.

Jet looked Juno once over without saying a word, and then he grabbed a plate of pancakes. Rita walked into the kitchen next, eyes wide upon seeing Juno standing there. 

“Mistah steel! You’re never awake this early! You made pancakes too!? What, is it my birthday or somethin’? No, no my birthday ain’t for another few months-” Rita rambled before Juno cut her off to explain.

“Just couldn’t sleep. Wanted to do something nice for once, I guess,” he mumbled, leaning against the counter to keep himself steady - why was he so dizzy? Well, it could be the lack of sleep, but it had to be more than that, he thought to himself before Rita’s voice pulled him out of thought. 

“Awww Mistah Steel, that was awful sweet of ya. Thanks, boss!” Rita said before grabbing her pancakes. 

“Not your bo- You’re welcome, Rita.” Juno sighed, a tired smile playing on his lips. 

There was a short wait before the rest of the crew was in the kitchen all with varying reactions. 

“Woah Steel, didn’t know you were capable of being awake before noon, or that you could cook!” Vespa joked before taking a look at Juno, he looked absolutely exhausted. She walked closer to him, talking so only he could hear. “You alright? You look tired.” 

Juno sighed before pushing the heel of his palm into his eyes. “Just fine Vespa, just couldn’t sleep last night.” He blinked hard, trying to get rid of the thick weight of exhaustion from his eyes. 

Vespa almost said something else before Buddy walked into the kitchen. 

“What’s this about Juno cooking?” Buddy said looking over at the pancakes and her cocktail sitting on the counter, not missing how utterly wrecked Juno himself looked. She had known Juno had not been sleeping and saw it was now catching up with the ex P.I. “I’m impressed, wonderful job.” she praised. 

“Thanks…” Juno replied timidly. He was always struck with an odd pride when Buddy complimented his work.

Before any other words could be said, Nureyev entered the kitchen. “Juno, you’re up early…” His eyes were filled with an unspoken worry. Juno just shook his head, already knowing Peter wanted to ask what was wrong. 

“I’m fine, Ransom.” Juno replied before sitting down abruptly; standing was becoming too much work, his knees felt weak and his vision was fading in and out, he was cold, was anyone else cold? It didn’t seem that way… 

“Look everyone I’m fine, I just couldn’t sleep so I figured why don’t I make myself useful for once in the morning.” Juno said again, a tad too crankily. The tone made both Nureyev and Buddy raise an eyebrow, but the conversation was already moving forward when Rita started talking about a stream. Nureyev grabbed his pancakes and Buddy grabbed her meal replacement, a pinot noir, and sat down. 

When everyone was distracted from the discussion, Juno snuck out of the kitchen and into his bedroom to hide under his blankets - he was freezing. He knew that this probably meant a fever. The chills doubled with the room spinning when he moved too quickly and the splitting headache he had, he knew he was completely fucked for the day. 

He closed his eyes for a second before someone was knocking on his door, next thing he knew he was on his feet grabbing clothes from his closet. “Come in,” he said quietly. 

“Juno darling.” Nureyev’s gently called out before walking into the room. “Are you alright? You left rather quickly.” Peter looked over to Juno picking out clothes from the closet. 

“Yeah, just changing into some actual clothes…” Juno responded, putting his selected clothes on the bed. He discreetly grabbed onto the bedpost as the worst dizzy spell that day hit him.

“Juno?” Peter asked as he watched Juno grip the bedpost and sway dangerously. “What’s going on?” 

“‘M fine, just need a minute.” Juno straightened himself out trying to pretend nothing had even happened. “What’s up? What did you need?” Juno looked at Peter, shaking his head to clear the blurriness that was obstructing his view of his beautiful boyfriend, his makeup already done for the day, and suddenly he was embarrassed to be seen in his current state. 

“Are you okay? What happened just then?” Nureyev walked closer to Juno, taking note of how tired he looked, of the slight flush he could see on Juno’s face. “Are you sick? You look exhausted.” 

Juno mentally cursed himself, he was busted - he knew he couldn’t lie to Peter Nureyev, whenever he tried the thief saw through his lies immediately. 

“No, I’m not sick. Just haven’t been sleeping very well lately. It’s kind of starting to take a physical toll.” He sat down on his bed, too weak to stand, a chill running up his spine, accentuating his weakness. 

“Nightmares again?” Peter asked Juno, to which the other nodded. Peter took note of Juno’s state and frowned, concern evident on his face. 

“Are you sure you’re not ill? You seem to have a fever.” Nureyev cupped Juno’s face, frown deepening at the heat he found. 

“Careful Nureyev, you don’t want to get frown lines.” Juno joked before leaning into the coolness of Peter’s hands. 

“Now isn’t the time for jokes, darling, I am rather worried about you.” Peter said to Juno, cupping his too-hot cheek. 

“‘M okay.” Juno said, still leaning into Peter. 

“You don’t seem okay, dear… I’ll be right back, alright?” Nureyev asked, sitting Juno down on his bed. He was going to get Vespa, she was the ship’s doctor, after all, she would know what to do. 

“...Okay,” Juno responded after a beat. 

Peter took a final look at Juno, smiling at him worriedly before walking out of the room and beginning the search for Vespa. 

With Nureyev’s absence, Juno laid down on his bed, wrapping himself in blankets, trying to keep his eyes open. It was a grueling task, but he didn’t really feel like reliving every traumatic event he’d ever had upon falling asleep.

Sleep almost won, but just barely, Nureyev was back in Juno’s room with Vespa before the former P.I. could succumb to slumber. 

“Steel, I knew something was up with you this morning,” Vespa said as she entered the room, looking Juno over. 

Nureyev stood out of Vespa’s way, nervously watching, he’d seen Juno deal with quite a lot, and perhaps that’s what made him more nervous. 

“So, you wanna tell me what’s wrong, or am I going to have to examine you?” Vespa asked Juno, who only nodded listlessly. 

“Yes to which one Steel?” Vespa asked sharply, her worry coming off as impatience, she was used to Juno’s sharp tongue, and seeing him acting so unlike himself was worrying. 

“First one. Haven’t been sleeping well.” Juno slurred exhaustedly. 

Vespa looked at him sympathetically, she understood sleepless nights due to nightmares, she, however, had never had a time where the sleeplessness caught up to her quite as bad as it did Juno. 

“There’s nothing I can really do besides treat the fever Ransom told me about.” Vespa explained, pulling out fever reducers and handing them to Juno, who swallowed them dry and laid down. 

Vespa and Peter exchanged a worried look before Vespa left the room. 

Juno watched Vespa leave through half-closed eyes, fighting against sleep. He ultimately lost the battle, however, when he was asleep within minutes of Vespa’s departure. 

Peter watched Juno fall asleep, sighing in relief watching the ex-detective’s features grow soft and unguarded in sleep. Unfortunately for Juno, this peaceful sleep didn’t last long. 

After about an hour of Juno sleeping “peacefully”, Nureyev watched Juno’s expression twist into discomfort, sweat rolling down his boyfriend’s face, cheeks slightly flushed from fever. Juno started mumbling incoherently, terrified of a threat invisible to Nureyev’s eyes. 

Nureyev considered waking Juno as he watched him grow more and more terrified, but ultimately didn’t need to, Juno woke on his own, a strangled cry ripping from his throat. 

Juno couldn’t remember what his dream was about when he woke, hearing his own screams and feeling tears slipping down his cheeks, but he was still shaken anyway. He remembered hearing screams and feeling cool tears in his dream but maybe that was just his own. 

Nureyev was staring at him, looking at Juno with such worry that it made the P.I. feel sick to his stomach. He didn’t like being the cause of such a look. 

“Sorry, I’m okay.” Juno said timidly, watching Peter relax a little. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Peter asked, but regretted it when he saw Juno visibly tense at the question. 

“I don’t exactly remember what happened.” Juno explained, weariness seeping out with every word. 

Nureyev only nodded, letting Juno drift off again.

____________________________________________________________________________

Many hours passed of the same cycle of Juno sleeping and waking with a strangled noise, whether it be a gasp or a scream, and Juno could tell it was only stressing Peter out, so when dinner finally came, Juno practically begged Nureyev to take a break from watching him. 

“I’ll be fine, It’ll only be an hour at most.” He’d said, Nureyev, nodding and leaving with a look of apprehension. 

Juno sighed, he knew why Nureyev was hesitant to leave, why he was always hesitant to leave; because Juno himself had left him alone. 

After the guilt wore off, Juno found his eyes growing heavy once more and he fell back to sleep. 

It was quiet for a while before Juno awoke again, sweat pouring down his face, and a faint knock at the door. 

“Come in,” Juno said quietly, expecting Vespa to be checking in on him, however, that was not who it was. 

“Ah Juno, I hope I didn’t wake you.” It was Buddy, her heels clicking on the floor as she walked into Juno’s room. 

“You didn’t wake me, I was already awake,” Juno said, embarrassed; he respected Buddy, and here he was looking like a mess. 

Buddy frowned. “Ah well, I’d like to have a chat with you,” Buddy said, her nerves ever slightly showing. 

Juno’s chest tightened with fear. “Um, yeah, sure…” Juno replied, feeling like a child caught with their hand caught in the cookie jar. 

“You’re not in any sort of trouble. I just want to ask, are you alright? I’ve just noticed you haven’t been sleeping recently, and well, I’ve been woken up a few times from hearing you scream.” Buddy explained looking at Juno with pity. 

Juno felt small and weak. “I’m sorry.” He responded meekly, guilt ever so evident in his tone. 

“Nonsense,” Buddy replied sitting on Juno’s bed, keeping her distance but still sitting close enough to be a comfort. “It’s no bother to me, it only concerns me that you’re bottling things up again.” She gave Juno a knowing look. 

“Sorry.” Juno replied, looking at the floor. He felt the guilt crawl up from his chest and into his throat and before he knew it, he was crying in front of the person he respected the most. 

Buddy felt a pang of sadness but did not let it show, she kept her composure and began to speak again. 

“I know things haven’t been easy for you. I don’t want you bottling all these emotions up, how about you talk about these nightmares of yours with me? No pressure but, it might help.” Buddy said, placing a comforting hand on Juno’s back. 

And with that, Juno began to sob, spilling his guts to Buddy, telling her everything that happened in his dreams. He wailed and retold the memories to Buddy, stopping with hiccuping breaths. 

Buddy had known of the former P.I’s struggles but hadn’t known the extent of them all. Perhaps she could blame the fever but she hadn’t expected all the walls Juno had built up to crumble at that moment, but she knew one thing - Juno trusted her. 

Juno couldn’t believe how easily he’d just said everything to Buddy, his captain, and the person who could kick him out of the crew at the slightest wrong move. He didn’t care, he finally felt light, lighter than he’d felt in months, and after a few moments, he spoke.

“So much for you not being my therapist,” Juno said with a tired smile.

Buddy laughed, the sound hearty and melodic, making Juno laugh along with her. 

“I may not be your therapist, but I do care about you, Juno, and that counts for something,” Buddy replied once her laughter died down. 

Juno smiled. “Yeah. Thanks, Buddy.” He laid down, suddenly too exhausted to continue sitting upright. 

“Any time dear, now I do believe it’s time you get some rest, hmm?” Buddy suggested, standing from the bed. 

Juno nodded, closing his eyes and drifting off, and as Buddy left he fell asleep, staying asleep, peacefully for the first time in a good long while.

[supergraphicultramoderngirl]

The After Chronicles

Summary: After Earth and all of the planets around it were officially deemed uninhabitable, humanity was forced to move into massive spacecrafts carrying the new intra-galactic colonies. All was well until the universe-altering black hole, which tore through one of the last surviving intra-galactic communities and caused all of humanity to start over yet again. Two weeks later, things are beginning to return to normalcy, and people are finally returning home from the wreckage perimeter of the event horizon— among them, William Ortega, known more frequently as Willie, or Alex Mercer’s best friend. Alex has known him for years, known what a firecracker he is, so to see his friend return as though his light has been put out, well, it’s almost as disorienting as everything else that’s been going on.

Link to Masterlist

Word Count of Chapter: 1,353

———

Chapter 1: are you still starting fires?

Alex tries not to think about it too much.

This proves to be difficult, given he overthinks about, well, everything, and this particular thing is just. Too important.

Long story short, years ago, after Earth and all of the planets around it were officially deemed uninhabitable, humanity was forced to move into massive spacecrafts carrying the new intra-galactic colonies. Everything was fine until the supermassive black hole ripped through said colonies, and forced all of humanity to start from square one all over again. Now, two weeks after the black hole, things are finally getting back to normal; apartmentships are being rebuilt, the mallships are reopening, rocket sales have increased, and people are finally returning home from the rescue ships.

Willie still hasn’t shown up yet.

Willie, Alex’s best friend since Jamie Allston said his haircut looked stupid in the third grade and Willie loudly disagreed, the human firecracker, the kid with a promising future in skateboarding, the guy Alex has been quietly in love with since eighth grade.

His other friends tell him that it’s fine, because a bunch of people were still caught along the event horizon and needed rescue ships to take them back, and as far as the authorities know, no bodies were left behind.

But that doesn’t mean Willie couldn’t have been sucked in. Hence, the worrying.

(“Have you even heard of what happens to you when you get sucked into a black hole, Jules? It’s fucking spaghettification. He could be spaghettificated right now and we wouldn’t even know.”)

Today is the day that the rescue ships are supposed to make it back, though, and so now Alex is just patiently (read: impatiently) waiting at home to see if Willie will ever come back, or if he completely missed his chance to confess his feelings and will never get to see his best friend again. No big deal or anything.

Alex sighs, ignoring the faded blue cap on his nightstand as he heads out the front door.

•••

Alex grips the railing of the metal gate lining the edge of the rescue ship port, nearly bouncing with energy as the ships begin to unload. There’s a sizable amount of people who ended up getting stranded, so it takes him a minute to find Willie’s head among the crowd. Alex nearly bolts forward once he does, but the gate stops him and his boot slams into it, causing a large clanging noise to sound throughout the station. Pointedly ignoring the stares from the crowd of those waiting beside him, Alex sucks on his teeth and backs up a step from the gate. So much for subtlety.

After Willie makes his way around the gate, Alex finally runs over to him. He grips Willie by the shoulders and starts to chatter off, “Willie! Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re back, I- I’m so glad you’re okay even, you would never believe how fucking boring it’s been without— Willie?” Alex cuts himself off once he gets a good look at his best friend’s face. Willie’s barely even giving him a glance, biting on the inside of his mouth, rubbing his elbow with his thumb— he’s nervous, or at the very least uncomfortable, that much is obvious, but Alex can’t for the life of him think of why. He drops his hands. “What’s wrong?”

Willie shakes his head. “I’m just, really tired, I guess. Kinda just want to go home,” he replies half-heartedly.

“Oh,” Alex breathes out, and he tries his best to hide his disappointment. “Yeah. No, yeah, of course. I’ll take you there?”

“I mean, yeah, I kinda don’t know where it is anymore,” Willie responds, and ouch.

“Right.” Alex lets out a sigh, then continues as they begin walking, “Okay. So your apartmentship is still right next to mine, and honestly, most things are set up the same, it’s just a different galaxy and stuff, so it’s not too hard to get around.”

Willie throws him a noncommittal shrug. “Cool.”

“Yeah.” Yeah, this won’t be awkward at all.

•••

A shell of a person was not exactly what Alex had in mind when he said he wanted his best friend back, but apparently it’s what he’s getting.

He’s laying on the floor in Willie’s bedroom, staring up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, while Willie sits on the edge of his bed, swinging his legs. There are a million words Alex would love to spew at his friend, but it feels like none of them are the right ones, none of them are the ones that will bring back the firecracker of a person he once knew.

He doesn’t get it, really; they both went through the same things, both experienced the same parts of the black hole. And sure, Alex was still shaken by it and is adjusting to the change (no matter how poorly said adjustment is), but he isn’t— he hasn’t closed himself off to the people he trusts. He hasn’t become an entirely different person.

And it’s hard, really, because Alex loved Willie; yes, there were romantic feelings there that he didn’t bring up as often, but even on a baseline level, he loved him. He loved the things that made Willie who he was, the spontaneity, the empathy, the humor, the drive, everything. It’s hard to know who someone used to be with those traits and not see them as someone else without them.

This doesn’t mean he doesn’t love Willie anymore, though. In fact, it’s almost the opposite. There are so many things Alex wishes he could do to help Willie, to care for him, to hug him, anything, but the very notion that he could lose Willie by choice rather than circumstance is enough to keep his mouth shut.

Alex is trying his best to bring Willie back to who he once was. He knows he might never fully get there; what they all went through was traumatic, and would have effects on them for the rest of their lives, but he’s trying at the very least to get a smile out of the other boy.

He’s gotten nothing.

He refuses to give up.

“Is there anything you want to do now that you’re back?” Alex asks, propping himself up on his elbows to get a better look at Willie. “I’ve heard the new set up for the skate park is really fun, and there’s even an anti-gravity section—“

“I’m not really feeling it,” Willie interrupts. “I’ve kinda had enough of zero gravity at this point.”

The joke lies flat, a lull falling into what could barely be called a conversation, and it’s enough to make Alex’s anxious energy start leaking out. “You— you don’t even want to skate? That’s… like your favorite thing in the world, what’s up with you?” He asks, not accusingly.

Willie closes his eyes for a moment while he crosses his arms against himself. “Nothing’s up, I just don’t want to. Am I not allowed to do that now?” he responds, adding, “I’d rather just chill here. You can leave if you want to do something else, though.”

Alex splutters, “Wh— no, I never said that, I’m just—“ he takes a breath, looking down at the floor, “—I’m getting a bit worried about you. You’re not interested in anything you used to do, you’ve gotten quiet all of a sudden, and you barely even talk to me anymore.” He looks back up at Willie. “I’m supposed to be your best friend, Willie. You can tell me anything, you know I’ll always be here for you, right?”

Willie’s face hardens and he stops swinging his legs, pulling them up to hold them in his arms. “Maybe I don’t know that.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and mumbles, “I think, I think I just want to be alone right now. You should leave.”

Alex doesn’t get how he could have fucked it up this bad, but he nods, gathers his bag, and heads out the door, more determined than ever to get his best friend back.

He ignores the blue cap again when he flops onto his bed.

———

taglist: @jealous-kippen @teenagedirtbag-dot-jpeg @secretly-of-course @sylphrenas @julie-n-phantoms (ask to be tagged!!)

[autumnleaves1991-blog]

Next One’s on You 3/5

A/N: Thank you so much for reblogging, commenting, and liking! I read them all and I really appreciate it. Let me know if you want to be added to a Taglist. This is my personal favorite chapter so far. :D 

Summary: A series of moments in the life of Maxwell Lord and reader centered around drinks. 

Pairing: Maxwell Lord x F! Reader

Warnings: 18 + for language 

Taglist: @josepedropascal @mrschiltoncat @ghostwiththemostbitch @mrsparknuts @oldstuffnewstuff @yespolkadotkitty @heythere-mel @justanotherblonde23 @artsymaddie @maxlordsgf @xjaywritesx

My Masterlist 

Chapter Two - Vodka Martinis 

Chapter Three: Orange Juice 

Our start was rocky. From the unwanted solicitation, throwing a latte in his face, the note, that horrible date with Tom, and being doused in freezing water. You really thought that things couldn’t get any more rocky. Until you met his mother. Mrs. Lord as she commanded you to call her, was a complete and total bitch. 

Coming in like a hurricane and leaving nothing but devastation in her wake. After that night you continued seeing Maxwell Lord. You’re first date he rented out an entire movie theater, and didn’t even pay attention to the movie, his face buried in your neck the whole night. Followed up by small dinners at his mansion, and late night drives in his blood red corvette, the top down, you curled up against his side after a long day at work. 

After each one of these dates his toxic mother would swoop into your work and threaten you with anything in her arsenal. How she could get you fired, lose your apartment, sue you for some insignificant thing, and each time you would kindly tell her to fuck off. But she wasn’t just going after you but Maxwell as well and her claws were deep into him. Preying on all his fears and insecurities that she had instilled in him from a young age. Whispering lies in his ear that she had you tailed and were cheating on him, just using him for his money, or worse trying to get a baby out of him so he would be paying you for eighteen plus years. 

Each time he would come to you and you would remind him something his traumatized brain forgot in those moments….how much you loved him. 

Yes, he was an egotistical, rich, asshole and that is what the world thinks of him. But you saw so much more than that. The way he would take off your sticky non-slip shoes and rub your feet after a long day at the shop, stinking of coffee grounds. How he would hold your hand and rubs circles with his thumb whenever he drove you somewhere. The way he would make love to you with such tenderness, the aftercare where he would clean you and hold you so close you could feel your heartbeats sync together. You were his deepest secret, proof to the world that Maxwell Lord had a heart. Although no one knew that. 

You sit on the couch with your ice cream watching TV. Maxwell had a charity gala this evening and you're watching the news coverage hoping to get a glimpse of him in his tux. You had given him a new pocket square for his birthday last week and he promised to wear it. You dip the spoon in and lift it up to your lips when it clatters back into the carton. You put it on the table and crawl on your knees closer to the TV. 

Maxwell Lord IV is being interviewed by a local reporter looking immaculate. Not a single strand out of place and smiling jovial as he answers the questions. But that isn’t what caught your attention...it’s the blonde woman on his arm. You recognize her instantly as a model on the cover of the magazine your roommate bought yesterday. She is gorgeous, thin, wearing a floor-length pale pink dress, and a diamond collar. Her hand rests in the crook of his elbow and he has one hand over her own. 

“Mr. Lord, is this your girlfriend?” the reporter buzzes. 

“Oh Kitty here?” he kisses the beautiful woman's cheek and she giggles, “No, she is just a good friend of mine, I don’t have time in my life for any serious relationships.” He smiles at the camera again and you notice the pocket square is a pale pink to match her dress and not the one you bought and you feel the ice cream sour in your stomach. 

You reach for the knob and turn off the television laying down on the floor looking at the small cracks in the ceiling. You recall the conversation about this gala replaying it over and over again in your head. 

“Do you want me to attend with you?” 

“No, it’s just some boring charity gala we have ten to fifteen a year. I wouldn’t want to bore you with having to endure that for an evening,” he adjusts his tie and smiles over at you laying in his bed. 

“I understand,” you nod leaning up to kiss him softly, “Are you...going with anyone?” 

“No. I haven’t been attending these things with anyone since you and I...since you and I,” his eyes soften as he sits on the edge of the bed, taking his hand in yours. “You know how much I love you darling, I just want to keep you all to myself. If I bring you to this gala the press are going to start asking questions and….I’m not ready to share you with the world yet.” 

You smile, tightening the grip on his hand, “As long as I don’t have to share you with anyone either.” 

“There is no one else, you’re it for me honey,” he pulls you in for another kiss and you sigh. 

Your heart shatters thinking of the model and how perfect she looked on his arm. She would be the perfect addition to Maxwell. The words of his mother seep into you and your self doubt begins to bloom. You shake your head and get off the floor, put the ice cream away, and go to bed. The heaviness of your heart dragging you to sleep. 

The next morning doesn’t get any better. Your usual good morning phone call with Maxwell never comes and you go to work and try to clear your mind, sure it’s nothing. When your lunch break comes and still no call or even show of him you call his work. His assistant tells you regretfully that he is in meetings all day and can’t be reached. The sick feeling in your stomach continues to grow and when you get off you decide not to wait around for him, catching a cab to his home. The whole staff knows you and greets you happily and the chef makes you a sandwich and listens to you babble about your day as she cleans up. 

The household quiets down for the night and when it hits eleven and he’s still not home you take off your clothes, put on one of his shirts and crawl into bed. Determined not to let him get away with ignoring you all day. The next morning you wake up early, having tossed and turned the whole night. But this time the bed isn’t empty. A warm arm is draped across your waist and his mouth is pressed against your head holding you close. You sigh and watch him sleep, his face free of worry as he dreams.

You carefully eject yourself from his arms and go into the kitchen starting the button on the coffee. It’s very early and the chef isn’t even here yet so you decide to make some breakfast for yourself and Maxwell. The difficult conversation may be easier over food. You get out the egg whites, onions, peppers, mushrooms, and cheese for omelets and get to work cooking. Halfway through turning on the small radio and dancing around the kitchen to some Beegees. You're almost done cooking, putting the omelets onto the plates and pulling out a carton of orange juice and pouring a glass. 

You hear a slight chuckle and whirl around to see Maxwell Lord IV in his grey sleep pants, white shirt, and wearing bright blue cookie monster slippers you had bought him as a joke since he has a secret affinity for cookies. “What are you doing honey?” he asks, gesturing to the mess. 

“I...I thought we could have breakfast together and...talk...we need to talk Maxwell.” 

He lowers his head and nods grabbing the plates and juice before setting them down at the small kitchen table. Usually he liked to eat in the grand dining room but the small eat in kitchen table was your favorite. He sits close to you and digs in groaning at the taste. “This is delicious.” 

You give a half hearted smile, taking a bite and putting down your fork, turning to him, “I saw your interview at the gala....why did you lie to me about not having a date?” 

He grimaces, “my mother surprised me,” he sighs, “I was getting dressed for the gala and she shows up with Kitty, throws your pocket square in the trash and pushes us into the limo with her. I get the feeling that Kitty didn’t have much choice as well, but we played the part. I never wanted to lie to you, I just didn’t have time to tell you.” 

“Then why ignore me all day yesterday? No call, no visit, and when I tried to call the office they said you were in meetings all day.” 

“I was in meetings all day and I am so sorry about not calling in the morning but I had to take care of something very important yesterday.” 

“What was it?” not taking no for an answer. “My mother,” he rubs a hand over his face, “I had breakfast with my mother...I told her that what she did the night before was unacceptable and that I wanted to be with you. Of course she spent the entire day arguing with me but I couldn’t give a care. And at the end of it all I told her she needed to choose. Either she accepts you and we move forward or she can forget that she has a son.” 

“Maxwell,” you beg, “why didn’t you call me? I could have gone with you, you shouldn’t have had to do that alone! What did she say?” 

“She told me if I wanted to marry that poor coffee shop bitch, then she would never speak to me again.” You're silent as you process his words. Marry…? 

He stands from the table and goes into the foyer of the house. You can hear him digging in his coat and he comes back with a tiffany blue box. He drops to one knee before you and tears sting in your eyes, rubbing at them furiously. 

“I told her goodbye and then went to pick up the ring from the jewelers, I ordered it three weeks ago,” he opens the box and you gasp at the princess cut diamond surrounded by sapphires. “I had this big proposal planned, candles, champagne, a string quartet, your favorite restaurant. But, when I woke up this morning and saw you in my shirt, dancing and cooking breakfast, I thought this was a much better time. Plus you know how impatient I am darling.” 

You let out a watery chuckle and nod in agreement. Allowing him to continue, “I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want to bring you to every gala, show you off to the world, and every morning I want to wake up with you in my arms. Will you marry me?” 

“Yes,” you cry, “yes of course, I will marry you,” you're openly sobbing and he has tears streaming down his cheeks as he slides the ring onto your finger. Pulling you out of your chair and into his lap as he kisses you passionately. His hands running through your hair and holding you close. 

“Oh my,” the chef opens the door seeing you both on the floor in a passionate embrace and backs out. You laugh calling them back, “We’re engaged!” you shout and the chef and butler run into the room congratulating you both. Maxwell smiles at you and you beam back at him kissing him again. 

A loud knock sounds at the front door and the butler rushes out to answer. Returning a few moments later apologizing as Mrs. Lord slams open the door. “Maxwell!” she shrieks, and you groan holding on tighter to your fiancé who is rising to his feet and pushing you behind him, locking his hand within your own. 

“Mrs. Lord?” he asks, “If you want to speak with me you will need to schedule a meeting with my assistant.” You squeeze his hand in encouragement and watch as she gapes like a fish.  

“You can’t be serious?! You are seriously going to give up your mother for some cheap whore?!” 

He steps forward and growls, “She is not some cheap whore, this is my fiancé and you will never speak to her like that again. I am tired of being your punching bag, allowing your toxic words to seep into me. I will no longer allow you to control me, we are done. Now good day Mrs. Lord.” He tightens his grip. 

“Maxwell, you can’-” she stammers and is cut off when he yells raising his voice. 

“I said good-day! Get the hell out of our home, you are no longer welcome.” She tightens her grip on her Hermes handbag and straightens her Dior dress before glaring daggers at you. 

“This isn’t over,” she hisses and turns on her heel stomping out of the house. 

When the door slams shut behind her, the staff quickly leave you two alone and you hold him close in your arms. Leaning up to whisper in his ear, “I am so proud of you.” He sighs and holds you tighter, placing a kiss to your temple. “I couldn’t let her talk like that about you.  You are going to be my wife, and no one will ever disrespect you like that.” 

“You’ve really changed Maxwell, I think some of those things you said to me the first time we met,” you tease and he groans. 

“Despite our rocky start and how much of an utter asshole I was, I wouldn’t change a thing. Because it brought me to you. I love you sweetheart,” he kisses you gently. 

“I love you too. Do you...do you think she’s going to do something bad? She seemed very angry when she left.” 

“Whatever happens, we will face it together. She is a bitter old woman, what’s the worst she can do?” he holds you close to his chest and reaches down for his orange juice taking a large drink. “Let’s just focus on the next thing.” 

“What’s next?” you sigh taking the glass from him and taking a deep drink. 

“Planning the wedding of the century darling.” 

You cough loudly. Oh fuck what have you gotten yourself into now? 

Chapter 4- Champagne (check master list for link)

[whatamidoingwithmylifeman]

MK OC Randomness part 8... I think. Fuck it! We're going with it!

Welcome back to the shit show. Let's go!

also some of these jokes are from lamas with hats

Qiao Fu is my name for the Lin Kuei Grandmaster

Also some of these jokes are based off skits done by Moonkitti on YouTube. Just re-worded a bit

Nozomi: Hey uncle Shinnok! Do your old man voice!

Shinnok, in his normal voice: What old man voice?

Nozomi: Yeah! That one!

------

Nozomi: ooh who's this?

Qiao Fu: That's my old wife.

Nozomi: The one who died long ago?

Qiao Fu: The very same

Nozomi: *eyeing the picture* That's too bad. She looks really cute.

Qiao Fu: I'm sorry, do you find my old wife attractive?

Nozomi: Do you not!?

------

Nozomi: I wanna see my little boy!

Shang Tsung: *helping Meat walk* Here he comes!

Nozomi: *scooping Meat up and hugging him* I wanna see my little boy!

------

"Revenant" Reiki: WHY WOULD YOU THINK ANY OF THIS IS A GOOD IDEA!?

"Revenant" Michiko: Probably because I'm a dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence.

"Rev" Reiki: Oh.

"Rev" Michiko: I don't understand how you keep forgetting that.

------

Shinnok: Shh, do you hear that?

Shinnok: That's the sound of forgiveness.

Melantha: That's the sound of people dying dad!

Shinnok: That is what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming and then silence.

------

Shariah: How did you even do this!?

Meat: A dollop of fairy dust!

Shariah: Meat!

Meat: I ripped the tag off a mattress.

Shariah: This isn't funny Meat!

Meat: Who's laughing? Clearly not all the people that just exploded.

Shariah: I'm leaving! I've had enough of this!

Meat: But thank of all the perfectly roasted faces we get to munch on now.

Shariah: What? Why?

Meat: Because we're friends. And friendship is two pals munching on well cooked faces together.

------

"The bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in Hell! And yet, here you are limbo dancing with the devil!"- Melantha to Hotaru at a family dinner.

------

"Oh no. There are consequences to your actions? Who would've thought?" Krow to Raiden and Flamus, still pissed at them for completely destroying a village that housed the remaining nymphs and nymphlims their husband made.

------

Nozomi: I'm just here to collect Michiko

Qiao Fu: *tries to stab her*

Nozomi: YOU'RE AN UNFIT FATHER FU! THAT'S NOT EVEN YOUR DAUGHTER! YOU HAVE A HUMAN CHILD! WHO THE FUCK'S DEMON CHILD IS THAT! WHO ARE YOU STEALING CHILDREN FROM!?

------

Michiko: You are not my father!

Qiao Fu: Bring proof you are not my daughter!

Meixiu's ghost in the background: Bitch! You literally murdered her birth father!

------

Nyx: Get out

Reiko: Aww come on. Can't I check in on my favorite little sister?

Nyx: If you don't leave me my room Reiko, I will stab you. And when I do it won't look pretty.

Reiko: there's a pretty way to stab people? Like with a butterfly knife or something?

Nyx: yup. Handle and all.

Reiko: oh... OH!

------

Nemos: Greetings Thunder God!

Raiden: Eh? Nemos what are you doing here?

Nemos: I'm taking advantage of your guilt-ridden personality to get a head start on being a better realm protector while no one is looking.

Raiden: Nope. New timeline, new Raiden. Go- Go play with your sisters.

Nemos: I'll have you know I've lived 15 lives in which I've played with my sisters, and none of them have been consequential!

Raiden: *sighs* I'm trying to take you seriously. Really. But it just feels like an even smaller Shinnok is yelling at me right now.

------

Hotaru: *busting into the Sky Temple and picking up Nemos* My beautiful son, I am back from my epic battle of driving out the rebels!

Nemos: Tell me, man who sired me!

Hotaru: We were fighting when suddenly Soldier B produced a substance that burned through their skin!

Nozomi: That sounds like my poison...

Hotaru: Oh no! We'd never poison anyone. Only ambush them in the middle of the night, kill them through physical violence, and intimidate them in other wise orderly court proceedings. Poison is bad.

Nozomi: Have you considered maybe, asking him if he poisoned them?

Hotaru: Oh no, I trust him completely.

Melantha: *holding Discordia and Harmonia* But, what if he did?

Hotaru: *small whimper before glaring and shouting* Solider B! Come here and apologize to my wife for making her think about things immediately!

Solider B: Hi, what?

Hotaru: I said apologize to Melantha!

Solider B: Uh yeah, sorry for poisoning the rebels or something..

Melantha: Hey, has anyone seen Nemos?

------

Darrius: It seems one of the soldiers has summoned Melantha to their side.

Hotaru: *spying on the rebels* Gonna go see Melantha. I'm gonna see Melantha at the meeting. Gonna see Melantha. Melantha.

------

OB: I made a perfectly good Titan

Fuyuka: You fucked up my daughter is what you did!

Fuyuka: Look at her! She's traumatized!

------

Amara: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Leila: I think you mean cards.

Amara, pulling knives out of her sleeves: No, I do not.

------

Ermac: Bad things keep happening to us, like we have bad luck or something.

Zyta: Ermac, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

------

Zyta: You love me, right, Ermac?

Ermac: Normally, we’d say yes without hesitation, but we feel like this is going somewhere and we don’t like it.

------

Kristy: *steps on her glasses by accident*

Kristy: *inhales* If I knew that this would be the fate that befalls me and these damned glasses, I would've just let the fire reach my left eye and burn it out completely!

------

Megumi: I turned out perfectly fine!

Ayeka: Megumi, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast

Megumi: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!

------

Zyta: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!

Philomela: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!

------

Discordia, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him

Harmonia: You did WHAT–

Nemos: William Snakepeare

------

Discordia: Hey Harmonia,

Harmonia: Yes?

Discordia: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

Harmonia:

Harmonia: Where’s Nemos?

------

Discordia: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Harmonia: Discordia no.

Nemos: Mistlefoe.

Harmonia: Please stop encouraging her.

------

Store Worker: Would a Ms. Philomela please come to the front desk?

Philomela, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: *points to Amara and Zyta*

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Amara and Zyta, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Philomela: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

------

Erron, driving Ash and Kamden: So how was your day?

Ash: We almost got surprise adopted!

Erron: What?

Kamden: We almost got kidnapped.

Erron: Oh, okay.

Erron: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

------

Nozomi: Welcome, fellow idiots

Kung Lao: Hello, Nozomi

Nozomi: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot

Kung Lao: You underestimate me

------

Nozomi: What are your goals?

Kung Lao: To pet all the dogs.

Nozomi: No, fitness goals.

Kung Lao: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.

------

Liu Kang: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.

Nozomi: That's why I carry two swords.

------

Sareena: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Michiko's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get her out...

------

Sareena: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?

Michiko: You mean literally or figuratively?

Sareena: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...

------

Sareena: Michiko... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

Michiko: Your text told me to Satanize the house before you returned.

Sareena:

Sareena: I wrote sanitize, Michiko.

------

Sareena: You kill people for money?!

Michiko: I can explain!

Sareena: And all this time I’ve been doing it for free like a chump!

@deepinthefog @merplderpl @yuvononik @dontunderestimatemypoison @feistyfandomthings @toomanyf4ndoms7 @daddydestrey @tora-lotus @calcium1790 @starneko123 @dinogoofy @bar10du @cyberbloodgoddess

[irisidacelestecastille]

Marvel oneshots

Thor x Loki x Younger sister | Prank 

Summary: Loki isn’t ready to accept that Iris is his sister but will one prank on Thor will change his thinking?

Work count: 2.1k

MASTERLIST

----------------------------

It was surprising how fast Thor had come to accept his lost sister, Iris, the goddess of fire, but it wasn’t surprising how Loki thought every move his sister made was a trick against them. Odin had told them, how Iris, long stolen from them, was their younger sister, Loki believing it less and less as the days went by. Thor on the other hand was constantly looking for ways to spend more time with Iris, be it sitting in the kitchen for hours on end talking about how PopTarts were the best thing to ever happen to him, to sitting under the night sky, looking at the stars, her telling her brother how long she’d loved Steve, and how he didn’t love her back. But mostly it’d be about their mother and father, the life they’d lived without her and the life they could live with her if she chose to come to Asgard.

* * *

It was a beautiful party, Iris thought to herself as she walked down the stairs into the main living room of the compound. It was almost every week that Stark found a way to invite everyone over for drinks, but the perks of Tony’s richness did treat her well so why would she complain. She made her way to the Avengers, crossing over some special agents from SHIELD. She had arrived in the middle of a conversation, she had noticed, as Loki, standing right across from her, stared into her soul. 

“Oh hello Iris!” Thor greeted her, his body swaying off of the drunk-ness that overtook his mind. “You’re just in time,” he continued, “I was just telling everyone about the worst prank Loki has ever played on me.”

Loki smiled at him, announcing how every prank he’d ever played on Thor was worth talking about. Thor covered his mouth with his hand, hushed him, and then started on the story. 

“There was one time when we were children,” his hand moving from Loki’s mouth to his shoulder, pulling him closer as he swung back and forth. “He transformed himself into a snake, and he knows that I love snakes.” Thor’s dialogue was speeding up by the second as was his grip on Loki’s shoulder, the force trying to sheer through his skin. “So I went to pick up the snake to admire it..” 

Bruce was the most invested in the story, Iris following close behind him. She looped her arms into his and both of them were leaning into the circle, as if moving closer would show them details of the event that Thor wouldn’t announce to the rest of the group. 

“And he transformed back into himself and was like ‘yeah, it’s me!’” Bruce and Iris’s mouth fell open as Thor did the worst possible impression of Loki. 

“And he stabbed me. We were eight at the time.” Silence fell on everyone in the room, all eyes on Loki, trying to understand if Thor was only joking about the rather cold act. “I hate snakes now.” Thor announced to the room, hoping to comeback from what seemed to the group, a depressing story. 

Loki’s face was serious as it could be, a small smile appearing on his lips, his shoulders broad with pride of being able to carry out such an elaborate prank. Iris simply looked at Loki with complete awe, her mind filled with all sorts of plans they could carry out together. She was a prankster as well, a good one too, not admitting to any allegations ever made once the prank was accomplished. 

I get it from him, she thought as an extensive idea flooded her mind. 

* * *

It was very late into the night when Iris knocked on Stark’s door. He opened the door almost immediately, as if already on his toes, waiting for someone to come. 

“Sweetheart, I’m not in the mood for sex right now.” He told Iris, holding the door open for her to come in. 

“What? Ew, no. In your dreams.” She said, scrunching her face up in disgust. 

“What ‘no’? Isn’t that why a fair maiden, much like yourself, comes to the room of a handsome man in the middle of the night?” He reasoned, his actions going against his words, as he walked away from her, pouring himself a drink. 

“Okay first of all, not you acting like I would ever willingly sleep with you, and secondly, I need a favor.” 

She was going to pull off a prank, a big one in her books, but she needed some equipment, and there was only one person in the compound who spoke machines.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. How’s the whole love angle going with Cap?” He questioned, his face full of genuine concern for her love life now. 

She dodged his question immediately, counting her demands off of her fingers. 

“So I need Jarvis, and I also need your image drone, the one that can project 3D images without the whole white screen thing.” 

Stark let out a chuckle, noticing how the mention of Steve made her uncomfortable. And then it hit him, what she was actually asking for. He immediately shook his head announcing that the response was a hard no. But Iris could never back down before a fight, especially when it was against Stark. But this time he was a step ahead of her, already asking her what she would do in return of the equipment. 

“Well clearly because you’re having lady troubles with Pepper, I can give you a counseling session on what you’re doing wrong.” Her offer was genuine, a slight smile accompanying the offer. 

“I’m not having lady troubles with anyone.” He announced, looking away from her. He knew she was right but how could he ever give her the satisfaction. He looked back at Iris who was now staring directly into his eyes. The depth of silence that was suddenly created pushed him to admit that he was having commitment issues with Pepper. 

“So it’s done then? I can have the equipment?” She was eager, her leg bouncing up and down faster than it was before, her confidence fading by the second. 

“Yes bu-” Iris picked her heels up in her hand, making her way out of the door before he could change his mind. 

“Just don’t burn anything down!” 

His warning was all in vain though, Iris already making her way to his lab, ready to meet Jarvis yet again to prepare her exquisite plan. 

* * *

It was at the crack of dawn that someone knocked on Thor’s door. He was awake anyway, getting ready to go down to the gym to work his body out a bit, considering that he ate about 15 turkeys the night before. He opened the door, a basket of eggs waiting for him at the foot of it, a small note accompanying it. 

Meet me in my room in exactly six minutes, the door is open, let yourself in. -Irisida. 

They were simple instructions, the thought of a pleasant surprise overtaking his mind, he made his way to his sister’s room. He was walking down the corridor when he heard his brother’s voice screaming his name in the back. Loki walked towards him, greeting him a good morning, asked what he was doing with a basket of eggs.

“Well brother, if you must know, I am on my way to Iris’s room. She sent me a message this morning. I reckon that we are going to make breakfast together.” Thor explained, a smile crawling onto his face thinking about his sister’s sweet gesture.

Loki on the other hand was groaning, looking at his brother with utter disgust. He took the basket from Thor and squinted at the message tag. 

“Her name’s Irisida, brother, and she’s not our sister, well not really. You need to stop following her around.” Loki was hellbent on isolating Iris. 

Thor tried to defend her. “She doesn’t have to be your sister if you doesn’t want her to be but that will not change the fact that she is my sister.” 

Thor snatched the basket back from Loki, making his way once again to Iris, hoping he was just in time for what she had planned. Loki called after him, saying that he wanted to see what all the fuss was about. 

The two were standing outside her door now, contemplating whether they should knock first or simply just enter. It was when Thor finally lifted his hand up to knock when the two heard a screech from behind the door. The two looked at each other frantically, barging into the room in attempts of saving their sister, Thor going through first. 

It was silent now, Iris’s room, the sense of emptiness hitting the duo. They heard a slither in the distance, and so they moved farther into the room, trying to isolate the threat. Thor singled out the slithering as coming from behind the headrest of Iris’s bed. He looked back at Loki who simply nodded at him, a knife suddenly appearing in his hand. With the basket still in his hand Thor walked towards the headrest. It was as if the slithering sound was receding the closer he got. He peered over the headrest, seeing nothing there, he looked back at Loki once again, his shoulders now calm. It was when he looked back at the space that he saw something move, he looked closer and then there it was, a huge snake, triple the size of Thor, leaping out of the space. 

The act was so quick, so hard to follow. He immediately withdrew his body off the bed, the snake hissing at him, throwing itself on top of him. Thor, to protect himself, covered himself with the basket in his hand, forgetting the raw eggs that were in it. They poured out of the basket immediately, breaking on his clothes and shoes. He looked up, his arms now open as the yolk seeped into his clothes, the clothes now sticking to his body. The snake was gone, the whole event like a dream. 

The two were confused, frozen, too scared to even move a muscle. 

That’s when a childish laugh sounded in the background. The two turned around slowly, only to meet the eyes of their sister, the one who’s room they were standing, the one who’d called them here in the first place. 

Loki understood what was going on as soon as he saw Iris. Thor on the other hand was still traumatized, the ghost of the snake he’d just encountered flooding his mind. 

“Oh I’m sorry brother but you should have seen the way you looked when the snake came on top of you!” She was laughing like her life depended on it. 

“What is this Iris?” Thor was confused, but he was also very angry. His ears were red, his eyes filled with fear. 

“She’s pranked you, brother” Loki announced, the whole situation making sense to Thor now. 

He was very upset, Iris could tell. She walked over to the headrest of her bed, pulling out a drone like machine. She explained how the snake was a mere illusion, and that she could never actually put their life in danger, that she loved them too much to do so. Thor forgave her faster than he ever had Loki. The two hugged, Loki just watching them from a distance. The prank was smart, Loki had decided, and rather well built up too. 

Iris finally walked over to Loki. 

“I’m a big fan of you, brother. This whole prank was inspired up by the one you played on Thor when you were kids.” She put her hand over his crossed arms. “I know you don’t like me, or trust me even, but I promise I will prove to you that I am your sister.” She turned around to leave but before she could, Loki cleared his throat. 

“I apologize for the way I have acted with you, it was not fair. You are our sister, my sister.” The apology burned his throat but he smiled at her, looking back and forth between her and Thor. “Plus you seem to have the prank talent to prove it.” 

He pulled her into a hug right after, her laughs blending in with the tears that were now flowing down her face. Thor joined them too, hugging the two with his visibly huger body.

This was her family, Iris thought to herself, happy that she was finally home. 

[appleflavoredkitkats]

stagnant;

author’s note: been a while! this isn't as long as my other fics, but i wanted to write this because i just like the concept of fundy in las nevadas, okay? and smoke breaks. i love writing smoke breaks. and of course, i will be writing about fundy because i am biased and he deserves better lmao. this is all written before the las nevadas arc ever occurs, so if there are any discrepancies by the time las nevadas finishes, that ain't my fault.

also! all of this is platonic! i view schlatt as fundy's other father figure. for quackity, i don't necessarily view him as 100% manipulative towards fundy and schlatt, but you're free to interpret him in any way you want. and yes, i know the situation about schlatt, and i don't support the actions of the cc, but i do enjoy his dsmp character nonetheless.

DO NOT SEND THIS FIC TO ANY CONTENT CREATOR!! be nice!!

laslty, special thanks to my good friend dany from the dsmpanalysis discord server for beta-ing my fic!

relationships: platonic fundy & schlatt (father-son relationship)

warnings: trauma, smoking, gambling, drinking, alcoholism, substance abuse, self-harm (accidentally burning oneself), slight mentions of fire, parental neglect (from wilbur), unhealthy coping mechanisms, implied depression or mental illness, mental health struggles, addiction, references to past violence, death idealization, underaged gambling, arguments (in the background), and general angst!

word count: 1878

summary: fundy closes his eyes, taps on the quartz again, and leans forward on the metal bars of his balcony. he lets out another puff of smoke as he sinks into the lax atmosphere. he gives into the fantasy, the delusion.

a second pair of footsteps are then heard behind fundy, but even then, fundy doesn’t move from his position. he knows who it is anyway— there are only two or three people who had access to the five-star suites on the last floor, and only one of them frequents his room often.

“you know, smoking’s bad for your health,” schlatt tells him with a half-smirk.

or, it's midnight in las nevadas, and fundy has a smoke break with schlatt. he reflects on the state of the server, and he reflects on himself.

( ao3 link )

a click of a lighter, the tapping of dress shoes against chiseled quartz, the rummaging of pockets to fetch another fresh pack of cigs. his paws work automatically: slicing the plastic cover with his claws, fumbling the top open, and finally selecting a cigarette from the batch, twirling it between his fingers to the sound of muffled, jazzy tunes in the background.

with the smoke in between his sharp fangs, he guides the lighter to the end of the stick. there’s a deep inhale, letting the smoke fizzle into his lungs, latching onto every feeling of remorse, regret, guilt, sadness, pain, hurt, trauma, everything— 

and fundy exhales, all of those icky sensations evaporating into misty smoke.

this cycle of mindless smoking continues as fundy stands idly on his hotel room’s balcony. up ten stories high, fundy looms over almost everything in las nevadas. despite it being midnight, las nevadas’ visitors never relent. from above, staring with droopy eyes, fundy sees all four casinos lit up brighter than a neighbourhood during the holidays. no bulbs malfunction, thankfully; all of them flicker and twinkle as if there was something to celebrate about in this place full of deceit and temporary bliss. the bars, while more mellow, have the calmest of tunes blasting from their jukeboxes. when fundy first started working here, he remembers being fond of upbeat tunes like these, but they’ve quickly grown stale, or maybe fundy’s just grown tone deaf overtime. who knows?

everything about this place grows on fundy like a terrible rash. sometimes, he does enjoy the outgoing crowds and customers, but sometimes, the noise overwhelms him— ear-piercing, annoying, inharmonious. so, he ends up in places like his dishevelled room, unkempt from all the alcohol and exhaustion and the fact that he just doesn’t  want to give a fuck anymore. but as much as his room is reminiscent of the rubble he left in his original base, he at least feels at ease with the sounds he hears from above. there is the same jazz music, the same victorious yelling at jackpots, the same rolling from the slot machines, but it’s in diminuendo. 

it’s a symphony fundy will willingly listen to because he feels like he can separate himself from the chaos present downstairs. when he is with the others, when he serves tequila shots and shuffled decks, he feels like he is at the center of his own friends’ descent but from his own bedroom, he can pretend that he is fine, that everything is fine. he can live in the delusion that his friends are shouting from a well-deserved victory when deep in the back of his head, he knows that they’ve gotten inexplicably attached to machinery that he knows is programmed to bring about their demise.

fundy closes his eyes, taps on the quartz again, and leans forward on the metal bars of his balcony. he lets out another puff of smoke as he sinks into the lax atmosphere. he gives into the fantasy, the delusion.

a second pair of footsteps is then heard behind fundy, but even then, he doesn’t move from his position. he knows who it is anyway— there are only two or three people who had access to the five-star suites on the last floor, and only one of them frequents his room often.

the guy who enters pats his back twice gently as a greeting, settling himself next to fundy. fundy averts his gaze from the saturated lights to look at the goat hybrid. with a newly tailored suit and freshly manicured horns, schlatt has never looked more dapper, but his skin was still heavily scarred and immensely graying. 

“you know, smoking’s bad for your health,” schlatt tells him with a half-smirk. fundy lowers the smoke, coughing a little before raising an incredulous eyebrow at schlatt.

“i learned from the worst,” fundy replies as his free hand shuffles through his pockets, holding out the box of smokes for schlatt to get one for himself. fundy doesn’t need to ask schlatt if he has his own lighter; he somehow always does. he’s been used to his mannerisms ever since a darkened flag with glowing, orange lace loomed over a dying country.

schlatt easily raises the smoke to his chapped lips and lights it easily. he falls into the rhythm of the scenery, slouching against the metal railings as he watches the same fluorescent bulbs fundy had been watching. 

moments like these, no matter how incredibly fucked they are, are the closest fundy can get to tasting peace. his father once described peace as a taste of freedom. it is the image of bright-eyed soldiers under swathes of redwood trees, free from the shackles of tyranny and violence their oppressors have imposed on them.

but fundy knows, as always, that his father is a liar, because at this very moment, fundy connects the concept of peace with the disgusting taste of smoke.

it is a habit he’s picked up from a man he’d once considered perfect. back when the server first hit its grayest of days, sometimes fundy’s claws had itched to strike a match, to spark stones. the scorching blaze igniting was the most colorful thing  he’d had in that wasteland of grey. he’d kept doing it more and more and more, until his own fur and skin burned and he realized that he too is graying like the place he called home. when schlatt had first discovered it, fundy remembers a lot of talking—all kind, kind words that have tarnished his perception on what a caring guardian, or a father, may be—and then, out of the blue, fundy asks for a smoke. while a confused eyebrow quirks, schlatt gives him one to try out, saying that there is a first time for everything, especially since their lives have been as mundane as they possibly can be.

and here fundy is now, able to finish an entire pack in the span of a few days as if it is a part of his diet. 

but if all this substance abuse and addiction and self-sabotage and self-deprecation have become so widespread in the server, so normalized, would one even consider it awful? if everyone is traumatized or hurt, does the concept of trauma even exist in the first place?

“you know, i— don’t take this the wrong way, but i thought that you would be much happier to see all your friends reunited,” schlatt speaks, fingers gesturing to tiny specks on the ground that move in sync with the jazz. fundy hums non-committedly as a reply, not really knowing what to say. 

“well, sucks to be you, i guess. mopey ass,” schlatt jokes with the same half-smirk he uses whenever fundy is notably graying like he did in the past. fundy chuckles at it, at least, but his shoulders droop immediately after. the smallest bouts of happiness and joy make him unbelievably tired nowadays.

fundy attempts to lift his smoke again to his lips, but surprisingly, schlatt interrupts, forcing fundy to lower his arm. fundy stares at him acutely with furrowed brows. “fundy, i—” schlatt begins, and his lighthearted expression dwindles into something much more anxious and apprehensive. schlatt clears his throat and continues, “fundy, kid, i know i’m not the type to get all grossly emotional and whatnot—that’s more of tubbo’s thing—but you have to listen to me when i say that you need to leave.” schlatt grips fundy’s forearm now, firm yet slightly shaking. “kid, you’re not healthy here. it’s— you— this—” schlatt gestures towards the buildings, the lights, the entire shithole that they are stuck in, “this is not somewhere you need to be. you need to leave when you can.”

fundy blinks, and then he blinks once more before his free hand shrugs off schlatt’s grip. he returns to his original position of leaning against the railing, and through the reflection of the cold metal, fundy can see the unpleasant surprise on schlatt’s face transform into something more defeated. a pregnant silence precedes a long, exasperated sigh from schlatt. the edges of fundy’s lips slightly curve downwards.

“well, it would be easier if it weren’t for the fact that i literally have nowhere else to go,” fundy replies monotonously, as if this statement is something he’s rehearsed several times before. “i’ve hit rock bottom, schlatt. i have nothing else to lose,” fundy continues, huffing out a melancholic chuckle. he doesn’t think this situation he’s stuck in is anything comedic, but it sure is amusing how his life has continuously spiralled further and further for the past five years. he’s amused by the fact that he is still very much alive and breathing by this point despite the—fundy looks at his half-finished cigarette, the livid circles under his eyes, his furrowing ears as being exposed to multiple explosions has caused a permanent, high-pitched sound to ring in them sporadically—small, little missteps. 

it’s quiet again as schlatt stares at fundy uncomfortably. “you’re really out here wishing for god to strike you dead in front of a dead man— how very respectful of you,” schlatt replies sarcastically. fundy knows schlatt only wants to lighten up the mood. schlatt has been very persistent in helping fundy find the brighter side of things for a while, but lately, they’ve fallen flat. is schlatt’s eloquence gradually deteriorating, or is it fundy who’s only gotten more numb towards schlatt?

fundy doesn’t know, and both possibilities are undesirable, really, so fundy decides to speak. “i’m sorry,” fundy says, and he doesn’t know if it is for himself or for schlatt. maybe it’s for the both of them.

schlatt’s look softens, and he raises his free palm to grip fundy’s shoulder, thumbing it for comfort. a part of fundy wants to sob, to cry, but he chokes all his tears back with an inhale of smoke. “i’m sorry too,” schlatt murmurs, his voice the softest and the most caring it has ever been. when fundy exhales, he can feel tears prick the corners of his eyes as schlatt continues, “you deserve better.”

fundy hums and his eyes trail downwards to gaze at las nevadas’ visitors once more. he spots ranboo, possibly exhausted judging by his sloppy movements, forcefully pulling a crazed tubbo from a slot machine. fundy remembers that inside, he has seen purpled, foolish, and puffy shout over a simple card, a two of clubs, arguing on whether they should split the fifteen stacks of diamonds or not. he remembers finding sam outside the bar next to the trash bins downing his own personal bottles of alcohol, gripping tightly on a withered rose as he sobs uncontrollably. at the side, he can now see a distressed bad and ant incessantly begging the blackjack booths to accept their territory offers as they’ve lost all their possessions to far too many rounds of roulette wheels and texas hold’ems. he also spots a jovial yet sly quackity skipping through the streets energetically as a stern techno and phil trail behind him, ready to smite anyone who dares terrorize the place. 

and lastly, he stares away from the crowds and returns to gaze at schlatt—tired eyes, frayed hair, drying skin—with a bittersweet smile. fundy replies, “i think we all do.”

[khaleesiofalicante]

in holt's voice: Pain. That's it.

Today hasn't been the best but HEY I HAD THESE PRECIOUS BABIES TO KEEP MY COMPANY

He looked exhausted like he hadn’t slept at all.

alec...

I'm already sad and ready to murder

the baby...

David had never lost someone he loved.

this is fucking foreshadowing isn't it

But real strength was not in surviving the presence of pain. Real strength was in suviving the absence of love.

despite the chaos I'm glad to see these two interacting

The Consul leaned back in his chair and ran his hand through his beard. David had to admit, he looked damn good with it. Even if it made him seem even more intimidating than before.

yes boy YES

it's really hard not to smile right now but my camera is on and im supposed to be finding meanings of foreign words based on my own knowledge so-

JACKSON

“Max is too old for me to tell him what he is and isn’t allowed to do,” the Consul said – although he didn’t sound very happy about it.

MY TEACHER ASKED ME THE FIRST QUESTION IM LOSING MY SHIT

It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.

let's hope so

Facts and figures, babe, Max had kissed his cheek last night. Dad likes facts and figures.

deep breathes

it'll be ok

“You’ve done your research,” the Consul nodded. There was a hint of approval in his voice that made David want to do a cartwheel.

AWWWW

“I’d like to take care of the New York institute,” David said now. “Because Jace Herondale and Clary Fairchild took care of me.”

And for the first time that evening, the Consul smiled. David wanted to burst into song.

AHHHH

this is beautiful

David couldn’t help but find that endearing. He wondered what it felt like to be loved like that. He wondered what it felt like to have a father like that – a father who couldn't stop loving his child even for a moment.

A love that was endless and tireless.

Every time he was in the presence of the Lightwood-Bane family he was reminded of what he had lost and what every child deserved.

It made him sad.

But then he would remember. He would remember that Max had grown up knowing nothing but this. Max had grown up with nothing but love.

It made him happy.

alright come here let me hug you

UHUHSCUICDUH "Why do you not like me"

“I know I worry too much about Max,” the Consul said, his smile sad now. “But I can only worry now. I won’t always be there to worry over him.”

it's 9 am boy

THESE TWO REALLY BE ASKING THE TRUE QUESTIONS

"Why are you scared of me" HSUHYUKDUMKDS WELL YOU SEE-

all we can really do is replace the bad memories with happier ones...

“No,” the Consul said, and David’s heart almost stopped. “I mean, of course I care. But I don’t have to be hard on you to show you that I do. There are many ways to show people we care about them without hurting them.”

David thought of his father then. He remembered the way his father had drawn the agony rune on his wrist and promised him it was because he loved David and wanted him to be strong. The memory hurt.

Jace and Clary bestest

“I’m sorry for whatever I did to intimidate you,” the Consul apologized.

that is so alec oh my god 😭

David looked him in the eye. “You’re Alec Lightwood.”

The man looked confused. “Is that supposed to mean something?

I'm smiling so much right now because yeah

yeah I get what he's saying

David hadn’t known that boys were allowed to kiss other boys – not until he heard about Alec Lightwood’s Accords Hall kiss.

David hadn’t known fairy tales existed outside of books - not until he heard about Alec Lightwood adopting a warlock baby with Magnus Bane.

David hadn’t known love can literally change the world – not until he heard about Alec Lightwood changing the world for the man he loved.

don't make me cry during linguistics

“Well,” the Consul chuckled. “To be entirely honest, I did all of that for Magnus.”

as he should

“Everything I have ever done has always been for Magnus,” the Consul said, his voice oddly soft.

we're talking about some wall in class and im here trying not to cry

my teacher just asked why some of us have our cameras off WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY

“I don’t want to be a hero,” David confessed honestly. “I just thought if I ran away to a city full of heroes, they would protect me if someone tried to hurt me again.”

“What’s that?” the Consul frowned, pointing at his neck.

By the angel! David was going to have words with Max when he saw him again.

“Uh,” David said. “Mosquito bite.”

AHHHHHHHH MOSQUITO BITE

“Do you remember when Izzy got attacked by a demon in Edom?”

“And you drank my blood,” the Consul rolled his eyes.

“Aw,” the Dean of the Academy chuckled. “You do remember.”

poor David is stuck between them talking like this IM SCREAMING

He remembered the way Consul had blamed himself when Max had found the spoils room at the York Institute. The way he had believed he should have done better when his eldest son had been traumatized by foul rumours of the Clave.

oh honey no

There were people who got mad at themselves when things went wrong.

There were people who got mad at everyone around them when things went wrong.

While Alec Lightwood was the former, his son and David’s boyfriend, was definitely the latter.

I'm definitely both

“It wasn’t your fault,” David spoke up then. “When bad things happen to people, it’s because of the people who did those bad things. We shouldn’t atone for someone else’s sins.”

“Yeah. Stop atoning, dude,” the Dean said chuckled. “Listen to the boy.”

YES EVERYONE LISTEN TO DAVID

“And be careful,” the Consul said, his tone a little different now.

“I will keep an eye on-”

“No,” the Consul said and pointed at the hickey on David’s neck. “With Max. Be careful.”

David was pretty sure his face on fire.

OH MY GOD

IM SHAKING

“Um, we have the internet,” David pointed out.

The Consul blinked. “Right. Of course. The internet.”

yes

ao3 and Wattpad

KIDS DON'T GO ON THESE WEBSITES AT 11 JUST DO NOT

“If he gives you a hard time, don’t give up,” the man whispered like it was a secret. “You just need to weasel your way into his life.”

David chuckled. “Is that what you did?”

yup

“Yeah, and then he had the audacity to get accidentally get drunk and confess his love in the middle of the night.”

AWW SHE'S TELLING GIGI ABOUT THEIR PAST

“I did have a latte,” her mother said with a straight face.

Georgia didn’t find that funny.

I almost said "BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUNNY" before I realized that is exactly what I would've said

She knew her mother, like so many other people in her life, preferred to use humour to cope with the pain. They preferred to hide their pain away from other people.

Georgia never understood why people did that. Did they think others didn’t know what pain felt like? Everyone was in pain all the time – some kind of it at least. Everyone knew how to cope with it. So, it made more sense to share it than to carry it all by yourself.

i...I never look at it that way

Apparently, hand holding had special healing abilities at times like this.

yeah it really does

Georgia had hoped to find out herself. She had wondered so much about the baby.

tears. literal tears

It didn’t matter that Georgia had wanted to name the baby Abigail after the first iron sister. It didn’t matter that her father wanted to name the baby Jonathan to piss off Uncle Jace.

Abigail Jonathan Lightwood-Lovelace

FUCK OFF AND LET ME CRY IN PEACE

People said that poison was a coward’s weapon. But Georgia didn’t think so. It wasn’t easy to make poison. It wasn’t easy sneak it into the right place at the right time.

Whoever did this, they were not cowards. They were smart and they should be feared.

yeah, what did happen during the trial?

uh is Selena ok?

like genuinely

is she just a very heavy sleeper or...

MARYSE

Because sometimes the only comfort you needed was your mom.

yeah...

Except for random parts of the house that were incredibly organized – a sign Uncle Jace had been there

Yup.

“I’m staying in New York, mom. I’m going to help Selena and the centurions find out who did this to me,” her mother said, her words a promise. “And once I do, I’m going to strangle them with my whip.”

Yes you will

Anjali and Rafe

please be ok. please

HOW ABOUT WE DO A TRADE

ZARA'S LIFE FOR ANJALI'S 😄

ok I know that's not how it works but IM DESPERATE

her bedroom seems amazing though

Rafael gave so much shit to his dad because the other man had the habit of watching his husband sleep.

But now he sort of understood the fascination.

AWWWWW

“You do ballet?” he asked, holding up the ballet shoes.

slightly reminds me of rosa

OK WHO AM I KIDDING SHE TOTALLY DOES

the red binder

it's fucking genius

David can keep his flowers and cookies and scarves.

This, what he held in his hands right now, was the best thing anyone could ever give him. A file full of reforms to make the clave better.

IM SCREAMING

“You think I want to die and leave the Council in your cishet hands?”

YES BESTIE

“I don’t care what the Clave needs,” Rafael snapped, and Anjali momentarily looked taken aback. “I need you.”

he needs her

FUCK IT TIME TO CRY

“Bulgaria is known as the land of roses,” Rafael told her. “The Sofia Institute is built in the middle of a rose garden.”

“Oh,” Anjali’s eyes momentarily softened. “I like roses.”

you know that tiktok trend? the one which goes "listen it's a good joke it's a great joke even but i need you to stop" or smth like that?

yeah

His hand was itching to reach out and hold hers. So, he did just that. He reached out – very carefully – and took her hand in his own.

“I need you to get better, Anjali,” he whispered. “Cause I would very much like to take you there.”

HAND HOLDING

no she's not becoming a vampire

The part that was the shadowhunter – which told him she didn’t deserve to die over some angelic mishap.

The part that was the future Consul – which told him he needed Anjali on his side.

The part that was a Lightwood-Bane – which told him he should never give up fighting.

And then there was the part that was Rafael – just Rafael.

It told him he had to save his heart – no matter the consequences.

we're talking about some powerplant in geography and I'm crying over this

Anjali please please don't die

“Not everything,” Rafael told her. “I know someone who can help.”

WHO

GIVE ME A NAME

“Well, now we don’t know that for sure!” Max grinned. “Who knows what they get up to? Maybe there is someone occasional boning in the bone city.”

“How does manage to get more insufferable every time I meet him?” Jackson demanded.

i...never looked at it that way

OH JACKSON IS BECOMING A SILENT BROTHER

Max grinned widely at the other boy. “You wanna be my immortal buddy, Jack-Jack?”

OOP-

“The boys are back” he yelled, hugging David and Jackson. “Ty, our boys are back! Yas! The London Boys are back!”

THE LONDON BOYS

“Okay it’s a little disrespectful when you call her by the same name you call me,” Max pointed out.

“True,” Jackson nodded. “Irene shouldn’t be disrespected like that.”

YUYZXYSCGYZCGYUCUIZCVUH SCREAMING

"It’s hard being a celeb,” Max sighed dramatically.

“He is referring to the chaos you unleashed the last time you went there,” Jackson rolled his eyes. “People still remember you.”

“I’m memorable. It’s not my fault,” Max shrugged.

Max no more gambling bestie

“If the assassination attempt on Magnus had been successful, we wouldn’t be sitting and talking like this,” Kit pointed out. “The nephilim and downworlders would be at war.”

As they should. No one hurts Magnus

“So the target isn’t just Magnus Bane?” Jackson asked.

“Possibly,” Ty nodded. “The Consul and his husband…They are the ones who united the shadow world – with the Alliance. With their marriage. So, it’s not surprising that someone – seelie or not – wants to break it all down.”

with every line, I get closer to a breakdown

“There are people all around me to protect me from demons and crazy assassins,” Max smiled. “But you…You protect me from myself. So, don’t give me that I’m not good at protecting bullshit.”

so precious...

“Now let’s go find out which dumbass thought it would be a good idea to try and kill Magnus Fucking Bane.”

i have a few torture methods in mind

If shadowhunters couldn’t fight demons, it would put both downworlders and mundanes in danger. His father’s Clave – small as it was – did their best to keep the demons at bay. They were the only thing keeping the shadow world safe from demons.

Ikr?? Like David said earlier Alec's clave is literally the one doing the actual shadowhunting.

“Jackson is incredibly smart and perceptive. He knows what is good for him, David. He chose you to be his best friend. He has accepted that his family is gone for good and is finally focusing on his future. If this is what he wants to do and if this is who he wants to be, then you should trust that he has thought this through. He wouldn’t have chosen this life if he thought he wouldn’t be happy with it.”

TRUE

ALRIGHT WHO TF IS BEHIND ALL THIS

i just want to talk 🙂

“Great,” Max said, feeling frustrated. “So, someone created a fancy new poison just to kill my parents.”

“They did say something else,” Kit said, his tone worried. “The poison…It’s not entirely made of demonic properties.”

“Oh?” David said.

“It’s a mixture of angelic and demon properties,” Ty Blackthorn said. “And we know that-”

“Seelies,” Max whispered. “They have both angel and demon blood.”

Is anyone else scared?

GASP

WHAT IF

It's an angel and prince of hell working together?

ok that seems highly unlikely

“I don’t think you have a choice, bud,” Kit giggled. “Mina will have your head if you don’t get married. She has been working on a Pinterest board for years now.”

KIT

KIT

WHAT THE FUCK

OH MY GOD KIT

NO NO NO

HE CAN'T BE DEAD

NO FUCK NO

I'm absolutely loving all this angst so much. You said chapter 9 was the most angsty and frankly I can't wait :p

now...IF KIT AND ANJALI DIE I WILL BE VERY VERY SAD but the angst potential with Anjali though...NOPE NOPE NOPE. MY GIRL'S GONNA BE INQUISITOR I KNOW SHE WILL.

AHHHHHH THIS CHAPTER WAS A LOT LMAO.

I love how you are complaining but also thirsting for angst yall crazy.

I hope you are taking care of yourself and working on your entry for the competition!!!!!

Also the "we're talking about some wall in class" killed me lmao I laughed so hard fdhvjd.

[davids-cartoon-corkboard]

I have said a Lot about the “Raph is a system” theory over the past several months, so this is something of a compilation post. It’s got some new stuff, it’s got some old stuff. (You’re reading Part 1) (Part 2 is here) (Part 3 is here)

---

Firstly, “system” is the term for someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder, or DID. (The term can also apply to some folks with OSDD.) Someone might develop DID after experiencing long-term trauma at an early age- roughly five or six years old. To paraphrase the DSM-V:

1. We’ve seen three (possibly four) distinct personality states who speak, act, and perceive others differently.

2. The personality states, or “alters”, don’t necessarily share memory, and Donnie insinuated in “The Clothes Don’t Make the Turtle” that Raph has a bad memory in general.

3. Problems arise when alters don’t get along or aren’t on the same page. That none of them seem to be quite aware they’re a system doesn’t help either; it’s hard to work on communication and cooperation when you don’t know they need to be worked on!

4. This whole situation isn’t a normal part of a broadly accepted cultural or religious practice, or just Raph playing make-believe. (Though I wonder if he had “imaginary friends” when he was younger...)

5. It’s also not because Raph’s been smoking the devil’s lettuce or whatever. “Pizza Puffs” was one long weed joke and he was the only one “sober” (not poisoned) throughout! We don’t see this happen to other mutants, so it’s not a bizarre side effect of mutagen either.

(I’ve seen a few people joke that Mikey has “multiple personalities”, but that’s a tad yikesy and also just plain incorrect. His “doctor” personas are something he does deliberately, and youngest siblings are just Like That.)

So yeah, Raph is pretty heavily DID-coded. We’ve seen four alters so far:

“Host” Raph (HR): He’s our everyday Raph. A “host” is an alter who fronts most of the time and takes care of “business as usual” situations. They are often unaware of past traumatic events, such that they can appear “normal”. (Ex: the host of a child who lives with an abusive parent could be unaware of the abuse. Otherwise, they might cry or be uncooperative whenever the parent is near, further invoking their wrath. This unawareness allows them to be a “good child”, and stay under the parent’s radar sometimes.) Some systems have more than one host, but that the others have shown up so rarely in this story suggests HR is the only host (for now?).

Savage Raph (SR): Debuting in “Man vs. Sewer”, he’s a survival-oriented alter. HR probably could have defeated the Sando Brothers on his own under normal circumstances, but being in the middle of a breakdown doesn’t do much for your fighting skills. SR got pulled to the front to deal with them instead.

“Red” Raph (RR): “Red” is just a placeholder since we don’t actually know his name yet (or even if he has one, not all alters do), though I’ve also heard folks call him “Angel”. He’s got a “tough love” approach to problem-solving, which was probably a helpful thing in the past. LDM were no doubt rowdy children! We were (officially) introduced to him in “Pizza Puffs”.

Mind Raph (MR): MR could just be a manifestation of HR's thought process via Cartoon Goofery, but that possibility doesn’t give me anything to work with so I’m ignoring it. He’s pretty similar to HR, maybe a tad more upbeat. We (officially) met him in “Raph’s Ride-Along”.

When “Pizza Puffs” first aired, I was like “ah yes, this is the alter who has the cranky edgelord tendencies we’ve seen in previous iterations of Raph. He probably broods on rooftops in the rain when he’s in a bad mood.” Combining that with the whole “Red Angel” thing gives off some Batman vibes. And, of course, SR is similar to the Hulk. Those two heroes are pretty different, but they do have one major thing in common...

A sudden, violent loss. Given how prevalent rushing water is throughout “Man vs. Sewer”, I’m thinking a flood came through and separated Raph from his family. (You could probably argue that turbulent water symbolizes a turbulent subconscious? 🤷) Again, DID stems from long-term trauma, so Raph must have been gone for... a while. A couple of months, maybe more? It’s hard to say exactly; we have a little wiggle room when applying human developmental psychology to a human/turtle mutant. Since Splinter still needed to care for the other three, he wouldn’t have been able to devote much time to searching for Raph, and the New York City sewers go on for miles and miles. The longer Raph was alone, the more convinced he would have been that the others had drowned and he was the only survivor.

How old would he have been? I know the turtles are “different ages”, but they were all mutated at the same time so I’m pretty sure Splinter was just like “the littlest one is the youngest, the biggest one is the oldest, and the medium-sized ones are the middle children.” They’re all probably fourteenish by “Finale”. Back in “MvS”, Leo said, “You know how savage Raph gets when he’s alone”. He didn’t say anything like, “You know how savage Raph gets when he’s alone ever since such-and-such an incident happened”. This suggests that LDM straight-up don’t know something traumatic happened to Raph; they were too little to retain concrete memories of that time. In their minds, Raph has always been like this. Draxum isn’t known for his patience, so even though he wasn’t able to immerse the hatchlings in mutagen for long, they probably mature a bit faster than humans. And since humans usually can’t remember anything from before four years of age, three sounds about right for the turtles, though they would have been stronger and steadier on their feet than any human toddler. I doubt Raph would have survived otherwise.

I think he’s sort of... “stuck” back in that trauma. Catching food, building a fire, making a weapon, and getting camouflage aren’t the behaviors of someone who’s only been gone for a few minutes.

When SR called for help, I don’t think he was expecting anyone to answer.

But Raph did manage to hang onto something as he was swept away! It wasn’t much, but that little ragdoll gave him comfort while he was scared and alone.

(The rabbit design on Bruce’s pajamas is probably a coincidence, but...)

Raph seems the type to have sympathy for odd-looking toys. His knockoff Mrs. Cuddles plushie was the emotional crutch he needed back then.

And then he was separated from that as well. Lowkey associating Mrs. Cuddles with this traumatic event would explain why HR was so scared of her. That he doesn’t remember the trauma means he has no context for this fear, making it seem silly and baseless to him (and to the rest of his family), which is why he denied being scared at all in the first part of the “Mrs. Cuddles” episode. It would also explain why he collects teddy bears instead these days, they are a “safe” toy. (The moral of the story is to not make fun of triggers that seem silly.)

(I wonder what would happen if Mrs. Cuddles encountered Savage Raph? Perhaps he’d be quite sympathetic towards such a lonely little raggedy thing! Timestuck as he is, he probably wouldn’t question why a stuffed animal can talk... and it wouldn't be hard for her to persuade her “new bestest fwiend” to get rid of some “mean ol’ nasty sewew monstews” for her.)

That whole “sewer monsters” thing suggests Raph ran into... something while he was wandering alone. Y’all have heard those rumors about alligators living in the New York City sewers, right? Encountering Leatherhead could trigger a flashback.

It would be pretty easy to introduce Leatherhead into the narrative. One of the episodes the Rise crew had planned was titled “The Island of Dr. Noe”, and alligators have very impressive teeth. The Mirage comics had a story where Leatherhead and several cryptids were brought to an island to be hunted for sport.

Noe seems to have quite a few cronies/friends/rivals he could entertain this way. Since he’s got that obsession with Raph, Noe captures him as well, knocking him out with those darts so he can’t waste his energy trying to escape too soon. (Let’s just assume everyone’s powers are glitchy because they all hit another wave of puberty, meaning they can’t just curbstomp the lower-level villains lol.)

HR wakes up on the island and, of course, starts to panic because he’s lost and alone. While wandering, he runs into Leatherhead, which would trigger a flashback to getting attacked by that alligator all those years ago. But Leatherhead doesn’t want to fight! He’s just as scared and confused as HR is, and could really use a partner to help him survive this island.

HR and SR come into conflict because Leatherhead is/isn’t/is/isn’t/is/isn’t a threat. HR eventually wins out, reasoning that even if Leatherhead is that alligator, it wouldn’t be fair to judge him for what he did back when he was an animal.

But time and dissociation can make memories unclear. That our first look at Leatherhead was in Draxum’s “bluh bluh I’m gonna mutate all the humans” bit in “Bug Busters” means he’s a human-base mutant. He wasn’t the alligator back then, but the hunter tracking it. Leatherhead isn’t one of Noe’s targets, he is one of Noe’s guests! And he wants no one to interfere with his quarry, so he’ll play nice long enough for him and the snapper to take out the rest of the hunters and the freaks. Then the two of them will have the island all to themselves...

Years and years ago, Jack Marlin was a big game hunter prowling the New York City sewers in search of an alligator. He did manage to find and kill one, only to realize it had also been hunting! He had inadvertently saved the strangest little turtle creature.

Marlin had become too skilled at this point, the hunt held no challenge for him. This turtle sounded very young, and he was quite big and strong already. An adult could be tough and intelligent enough to entertain him. Marlin tried to get Raph to lead him back to “the others”. But Raph had been lost for some time, and as far as he knew, his family was dead. Hearing that put Marlin in quite the sour mood. A little mutant snapper is a better catch than none at all, so Marlin tried to haul Raph off. Raph fought back and bit off Marlin’s hand. He escaped, but lost his rabbit in the scuffle. Marlin retreated as well, taking some time to recover, scheme, and hunt other game. (And to pocket that rabbit. The blood loss had made him woozy, and he wanted to have some kind of proof he hadn’t just hallucinated the snapper.) Perhaps he turned that alligator’s hide into a vest, which provided the genetic material for his mutation when he eventually got bit by an oozesquito. Like his Mirage counterpart, Marlin didn’t take losing a limb as a sign he should retire, and instead got a tricked-out prosthetic. Who knows what he could do with it in such a mystic setting as Rise.

Raph eventually reunited with his family, but those distrustful, high-strung survivalist traits he had picked up weren’t helpful anymore. He once again had to be the good and patient big brother who didn’t bite when someone play-tackled him or shook him awake at three in the morning because they’d had a nightmare. Those two states gradually got partitioned off more and more, and now they know little, if anything, about each other.

So Leatherhead and HR are chasing away some mothmen or whatever, and things are going pretty well... until one of them knocks Leatherhead over and a familiar ragdoll rabbit falls out of his pocket. SR realizes that Leatherhead is Marlin and switches in to fight him off again. They’re evenly matched, or perhaps SR is even in danger of losing, when LDM arrive to provide support. Leatherhead is enough of a tactician to know that he should retreat. Donnie and Mikey pursue him while Leo stays behind, placing the rabbit in his stunned brother’s hands. “Remember when Pops made this for you? You were always really gentle with it, ‘cause he wasn’t good at sewing back then...”

(This thing really needs patching up, he’s got sewing stuff for whenever he needs to fix his bears/Blue isn’t a threat on his own/Wasn’t he just back at the lair?/Blue gave back the rabbit/Why does he feel like he got hit by a train?/Blue doesn’t want to fight?/ ...Leo?) And that’s enough for HR to switch back in. He’s probably missing memory from his whole time on the island, so while Leo does his best to tell him what happened, they don’t have enough puzzle pieces between them to truly figure out what's going on.

They defeat the bad guys, release the cryptids, save the day, etc. (Leatherhead managed to lose Donnie and Mikey in the woods. A battle for another day.) Once they return to the lair, HR gets help from Draxum to modify the memory spell from “E-Turtle Sunshine” so he can try to fill in the gaps. Surely he wouldn’t get rejected by his own subconscious... right?

Cue part three in the saga of Raph Punches Himself In The Face. SR isn’t happy that HR is essentially trying to poke at an improperly-healed wound, and attempts to chase him off. HR assumes that SR is just a psychic white blood cell like the Lou Jitsu constructs in Splinter’s mind, and retaliates.

But, of course, fighting is not the answer here. All that accomplishes is giving the body bruises. Eventually HR realizes “stay away” and “back off” are a little different than “get out”, and that SR is just scared. So HR tries another tactic. Over the following days and weeks, he tunes in to calmer memories and just sort of... talks. About what happened yesterday, about his teddy bear collection, about how he finally managed to get a good picture of that pizza pigeon. It takes a while to establish a connection, and even then, it’s spotty at best. Using the spell too much can cause headaches and nightmares. There are days when SR is nearby, and days when he’s not there at all. But he shows up when he can.

And then there’s awkward, stilted conversation and questions neither of them know how to answer and questions neither of them want to answer and more scrapes and bruises and strained silences and apologies, but they finally, finally reach a compromise. SR still doesn’t let HR near those memories, but he tells HR what happened as best he can. (The audience would see those memories, with SR as a voiceover.) Afterwards, HR still visits the mindscape that’s starting to become more solid. They talk some more, they watch light and shadow flow around them, they listen to half-forgotten lullabies on scratchy old cassette tapes. Eventually, HR doesn’t even need to use the memory spell, meditation is enough.

They’ll never get along all the time. But it’s a start.

(SR is going to be so clingy when it finally clicks for him when he finally lets himself believe that his family is alive.)

---

This took eight million years lmao. Parts 2 and 3 will come out eventually, they’ll focus more on MR and RR. Let me know if I need to tag this stuff as anything.

The usual disclaimer applies, I am not a system or a mental health professional so if you’re one or both of those things then feel free to give me some of that good good constructive criticism.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 280: I Am Red Riot

Previously on BnHA: The pro heroes over at Gunga Mountain struggled against Gigantomachia and the League until finally Midnight was all, “fuck it, let’s just put the kids in charge.” Momo immediately got to work organizing a sophisticated counteroffensive involving an exploding swamp, a bunch of sedative cans, and a massive coordinated team attack. I gotta tell you guys, it’s really something to watch a large-scale group attack in which all of the team members are actually competent. I don’t know what Japan put in the water when all these sixteen-year-olds were growing up, but that shit has paid off big time, and basically the only reason Machia hasn’t gone down yet is because he cheated and was all “sneeze” and the kids all got blown away because they are little and because he is really, really big. Anyway so then Dabi set the forest on fire because he loves doing that, and the chapter ended with Mina using her Acid Man attack to make herself FUCKIN’ FIREPROOF so she could charge through the woods ready to save the day and stuff!

Today on BnHA: Mina launches herself straight at Machia like the beautiful corrosive wild child she is, but then everything goes to shit when she recognizes him from that one time she almost got murdered while giving a strange man directions. Just when it’s looking like she might get killed for real this time, KIRISHIMA SHOWS UP TO SAVE THE DAY AND SHOVES HER TO SAFETY AND IS ALL “BOTTOMS UP” AND HEAVES A LITERAL CAN OF WHOOPASS RIGHT IN MACHIA’S MOUTH. At this point the grown-ups are all “oh wow look at that, time for us to take over for you kids now, don’t worry we’ve got it all under control” because Oh Those Wacky Pros and all that, but at least Majestic finally deigns to show his face so that’s a plus! The chapter ends with us cutting back to the Jakku battle, where Tomura is curled up in a little ball all “curse you heroes, how dare you [checks notes] save people all the time”, which is a real take and a half. Anyway so things are looking up, which can only mean everyone is about to die. That’s how it works, right. Shit.

HOLY SHIT LOL

THIS IS MINA. SHE’S REALLY COOL AND SHE CAN MELT PEOPLE. um, the hell kind of tagline is that?? holy fucking shit?? “melt and succumb”?? IS THE SUCCUMB PART REALLY NECESSARY. IS THAT NOT ALREADY IMPLIED. it’s like saying “die and then perish”, which actually sounds really badass and I’m about to make it my new go-to threat actually so you know what never mind. where the fuck were we anyway

“IS EVERYONE SAFE” some absurdly bad-at-gauging-situations kid from class B is yelling while the forest is on fire and all the kids are recovering from having been catapulted fifty miles by King Dodongo’s windy yeet breath. of course they are safe, sweet child. of course everyone is absolutely fine, why the fuck would they possibly not be safe after something like that

KAMINARI NOOO MY POOR SWEET BABY

AT LEAST HE’S STILL CONSCIOUS ENOUGH TO MAKE STUPID JOKES. holy shit this baby got concussed to hell and back and then Machia turned him and the others into precipitation and he wasn’t in any kind of state to even try to land safely, I hope to god someone caught him

Sero is all “is there anyone still in range!” and damn, I like that he’s taking charge and trying to regain their momentum. he is so criminally underrated. I feel like he’s in the top six or seven of class 1-A kids who I would most trust to take charge. which is very high praise because that class has a lot of charge-taking kids

SPEAKING OF

it “probably” can’t get through her acid, she says. my god. sometimes the spirit of Plus Ultra just takes ahold of these kids and it’s like, I want to ruffle their hair proudly and then grab them by the shoulders and shake them vigorously because WHERE EVEN IS YOUR SELF-PRESERVATION WHY DO NONE OF YOU HAVE IT GODDAMMIT AIZAWA REALLY SHOULD HAVE EXPELLED YOU GUYS AFTER ALL

man. and yet I really do love this “be the one who can do it” stuff. what a heroic fucking attitude dfjfklks. I’ll just go put on my humongous sandwich board that reads GIANT FUCKING HYPOCRITE and go stand in the corner

damn it this week’s scan is annoyingly dark, it’s really hard to tell what’s going on but it looks like the pros are attacking Machia and the League at long last. way to go guys it only took you seven years but you finally hopped to it

MINA WHY IS THE ACID COMING OFF OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. PUT IT BACK!!!

I KNOW SHE’S NOT GONNA DIE DAMMIT BUT AHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH

okay what the hell is up with these weird zen proverbs though

“your fear stricken heart”, “the shortest path”, what the fuck even is this. whose thoughts are these. normally these translations are honestly decent enough but I gotta say this time around I’m totally being thrown for a loop lmao

(ETA: FYI I’m only just now realizing that he was saying the shortest path to Master, as in Tomura, not “master” as in to master something fjkldjskf lol some delayed reading comprehension there. so basically he’s just bitching about how annoying these little “flies” are proving to be.)

JESUS CHRIST

okay is it just me, or is Gigantomachia suddenly showing intelligence in his eyes instead of mindless animal instinct the single most pants-shitting thing you’ve ever seen?!! holy shit. the way he just LOOKS at her out of nowhere all of a sudden?? holy fucking shit DO NOT HURT MT. LADY OH MY GOD I’M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. AND DON’T YOU DARE HURT MINA EITHER!! JUST FUCKING DIE AND PERISH

but also though, is that recognition in Mina’s eyes?? because even though this dude is 80 feet tall now, her encounter with him a couple years back had to have been one of the more memorable experiences of her young life. damn I was wondering when this would finally come into play

OKAY YES THE NEXT PAGE IS A FLASHBACK OH SHIT

this has nothing to do with anything but Mina just has the prettiest hair, btw, and this “just woke up covered in acid” look is a particularly good one on her. it looks so soft and fluffy, like damn. this is like Shouto-hair-billowing-in-the-wind levels of pretty here

NOOOOO

oh my god holy shit?! putting her back in the school uniform to show the slip in her mentality is a PUNK MOVE, HORIKOSHI, and I respect the shit out of you for it you manipulative bastard. goddammit. bracing myself for the incoming wave of Mina feels... here they come... they’re a lot... let’s see if I can latch on to anything I can actually figure out how to describe in words

okay well here’s one, my respect for Mina’s bravery just went up like a thousand percent in this instant, because now we know this was actually such a traumatizing event for her that hearing Machia’s voice again years later immediately sent her into a full-blown flashback. she was that scared and yet she still stood up to him and didn’t hesitate. and now I’m remembering how her knees just buckled right afterwards, and just...

and this visual, though!! what a brutally effective way to show that in her mind she went right back to being that scared middle schooler again for a moment. god fucking damn. holy shit you guys is Kirishima fireproof because if he comes waltzing out of the woods next I don’t even know what I’m gonna do. lolo kids getting traumatized left and right this arc is fucking merciless

um eXCUSE ME!?!?!

YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT LET GO OF HER RIGHT NOW OR I AM GONNA LOSE IT!!

THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!

holy shit he could have fucking snapped her neck like that??! I don’t like this at ALL WHAT THE FUCK

OKAY SERIOUSLY

I’M GONNA NEED ANOTHER KID TO STEP IN HERE WITH A LAST MINUTE SAVE LIKE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, OR I AM GOING TO THROW MY COMPUTER OFF A FUCKING CLIFF AND MOVE TO THE DESERT AND BECOME A HERMIT AND NEVER READ MANGA ON THE INTERNET AGAIN

OH THANK GOD

TODAY WE SPELL “REDEMPTION” K-I-R-I... ETC. THERE’S A LOT OF LETTERS BUT YOU GET THE DRIFT!!!

holy fucking shit y’all. I mean, it’s not like it came out of nowhere, like the setup could not have been more obvious, but let me assure you that none of the predictability lessened the actual impact of this moment in the SLIGHTEST. Horikoshi really wrote a flashback scene one hundred and thirty five chapters ago and planted it, watered it once a day, and patiently waited for THREE LONG YEARS until he could finally harvest the badass fruits of his labor in the midst of his most epic arc to date. I’m so fucking hyped I’ll even forgive him for sacrificing Mina’s big moment and having her get rescued, because it’s such a good reversal. he didn’t freeze up this time. he promised himself he’d never freeze again and he didn’t and he saved her and god fucking damn. anyways so now Machia is going to treat him like a fucking action figure though but he’s a solid little dude he can take it hopefully

NO WHAT IS THIS!!! STOP KILLING MY MOOD!!!

she better not be dead!! SHE BETTER NOT FUCKING BE DEAD I WILL RUN MY PC THROUGH A PAPER SHREDDER AND GO AND LIVE ALONE WITH MY FEELS ON A MOUNTAIN IN TIBET

CHINTETSU!!

well we know he’s fireproof. another callback at the least expected of times lmao

so Tetsu’s all “yeah Kirishima’s not really all that fireproof but he totally ran over here anyway to save you. oh wait that probably wasn’t very comforting of me to say.” maybe that’s why it seems like he might not have actually said it out loud, now that I’m reading this over again. good call Tetsu

ARE YOU STANDING UP AND CASUALLY STRETCHING OUT YOUR BACK

I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE HOW MUCH I HATE THIS GUY RIGHT NOW. WE’RE REACHING LEVELS OF HATRED RESERVED FOR NAZIS AND PEOPLE WHO WALK TOO SLOWLY IN FRONT OF ME IN A GROUP SHOULDER TO SHOULDER INSTEAD OF SINGLE FILE SO I CAN PASS IN FRONT OF THEM. YOU’RE A FUCKING TOURIST IN NYC YOU PIECE OF SHIT

lmao he’s just dropping this random hero person and letting him fall to his doom wheeeeee

remind me to leave all of the League of Villains’ texts on read for the foreseeable future. goddamn. I still love you guys but also, fuck you so damn hard

OHO A LIL RED SCALY BOI ISN’T DONE YET!!

real talk, just between you and me, I’ll lower my voice so that Kirishima can’t hear. so uh. we all agree that even if Kiri is fireproof and squishproof, that little can of tranquilizer juice technically shouldn’t have been, right? but we’re all going to hush and pretend like it was anyway for the sake of not spoiling his big moment. even though I am crossing my arms and tapping my chin with my finger while doubtfully glancing to the side

anyway here he goes!

YEAH KIRI GO GETTIM [stage whisper] there it is, in his pocket. should’ve burned. we won’t discuss it

OH FOR FUCK’S

TOGA YOU LITTLE WIENER BUT WHAT’S THIS ABOUT “MY HALF” NOW????

DID HE GRAB MINA’S MID-AIR?? IS HE REALLY REACHING INTO HIS BACK POCKET AND FUCKING UNZIPPING IT RIGHT NOW WHILE HOLDING ON TO NOTHING AND PRESUMABLY FALLING THROUGH THE AIR. DID A LITTLE BIT OF OCHAKO’S QUIRK RUB OFF ON YOU OR WHAT

OH SNAP SON HE REALLY DID THE THING HOLY SHIT???

AND TOKAGE FLEW OVER AND SAVED HIM AND NOW TANKS ARE SHOOTING AT MACHIA, LMAO WHAT IS THIS. MOMO HOW MANY GUNS DID YOU MAKE

Shouji standing there trying to be useful any way he can. are eyeballs really that much more effective if you make them the size of tennis balls and hold them up above your head. legit question, I don’t really know how eyes work

okay after 45 seconds of googling this my impression is that no, they are not. well good on you for giving it the old college try anyway though Shouji

oH MY GODLKDLK?!?!

DID SHE SAY WHAT I THOUGHT SHE SAID, DID SHE SAY MAJESTIC, ARE WE GONNA SEE MASJKESLTKCI DSFLKJL

oh my god he really is the Magic Man dude??? TIME TO DUST OFF MY INVENTORY OF ADVENTURE TIME QUOTES

(ETA: AHH FATGUM AND GANG ORCA ARE THERE TOO YESSSS!)

“that’s enough depending on some interns” oh, okay. now that they’ve done all your work for you. I see, I see

so now Gigantomachia is LITERALLY UNHINGING HIS JAW I can’t fucking believe this dude you guys. everything he does is just like, ARE YOU SERIOUS

please go to sleep already. thanks to you I have my keyboard set to capslock as the default for the duration of this chapter

ARE YOU SERIOUS YOU FUCKING WAITED UNTIL MAGIC FUCKING MAN SHOWED UP TO TEACH US MAGICAL LIFE LESSONS AND NOW YOU’RE CUTTING BACK TO THE TOMURA FIGHT?? WHY DO WE KEEP LETTING THIS MAN GET AWAY WITH THIS

oh my god you guys they really fucking did it

I guess that Howitzer slash fire punch combo really was that potent huh

anyway so now Endeavor is standing there making a big speech instead of reaching into Tomura’s pocket and taking the bullets that he doesn’t know about and shooting him with one asap. dammit Endeavor

aaaaand Tomura is firing back with the wisdom of Shimura Fucking Kotaro of all people

well you sure convinced me. damn I don’t know what I was thinking. heroes suck you guys. how dare they help other people all the time

so now he’s all “PERIOD, EXCLAMATION POINT!!”

take that Endeavor. you heard the man. it’s not destruction without conviction, as god as his witness he will have you know it is destruction WITH conviction. something something the great sage Shimura “I hurt my family for absolutely no reason at all, fuck this ‘helping others’ bullshit” Kotaro. I hope you packed your textbooks because you just got SCHOOLED. I hope the person who ordered you signed up for delivery notifications because you just got SENT. I HOPE YOU LIKE CAPITALISM BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT OWNED. I HOPE YOU CHOSE PAPER AND NOT SCISSORS BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT ROCKED

what an absolutely, unreservedly bizarre place to end the chapter lol. we’re really just done with this week, just like that. Majestic showed up and Gigantomachia opened his chin like a garage door and Tomura is all “you may have won the battle but you suck” while he buys time for Aizawa to suddenly sneeze or something so he can make his terrible comeback and continue Horikoshi’s Traumatize Every Kid in Class 1-A 2020 campaign. what an arc this is my friends. what an arc

[whatyoufish4]

Episode 2 - “The Variant”

“I miss Randy.”

This was a much more plot-heavy episode than “Glorious Purpose.” It hit the ground running, and my first time watching it, I’ll admit that I almost felt like they’d skipped an episode. Directly after the opening teaser scene, we discover that Loki is one of the gang, now, at least on an official level: he’s got a uniform, he’s got the training videos -- he’s got a desk, for Heven’s sake.

(Aside: I don’t know if anyone else’s mileage is varying on this concept of the Cosmic Bureaucracy -- but it is 110% right up my alley. My own day job is a weird mixture of public-facing, office-life, and government-work -- so giving Loki an ongoing joke about not entirely finishing up the bloody training videos got me through the previous work week.)

What’s going on, of course, is not a skipped episode, but a time jump -- and on subsequent rewatches (we are all shocked that I’ve been watching the episodes more than once), I’ve become more and more appreciative of the move. A miniseries has more screentime than a film -- but this is no 15-to-20-episode television show, and we don’t have time to devote 2-3 episodes to a slow adjustment to this new setting. I like what they’ve done instead: we check back in at a point where Loki has been through the basics, and has clearly settled into the setting of the TVA, if not quite into the idea of it. (SIDE NOTE: I’m not certain where they are going with Loki’s disbelief in the “power” of the Time Keepers, but I am fascinated by it -- whatever his motives are, and more on that in a bit, I love that he’s clearly gunning to peel back the curtain behind the Space Lizards and see what’s really going on.)

They also paint the characterizations in a way that suggests the passage of time (well, however time moves in the TVA), and I love that. Mobius seems pricklier when he’s dealing directly with the job, a combination of losing some patience with verbally sparring with Loki, but also (and, I think, mainly) because bringing Loki into the team hasn’t paid off just yet, and Mobius is losing opportunity -- and, y’know, time.

Loki, on the other hand, has ... is “mellowed” the word I want?  I’m not certain that’s right, because “mellow” is not necessarily a word one subscribes to an Agent of Chaos. But he’s no longer in the angry, struggling, traumatized place he was in the first episode.

Point of fact, as I kept watching “The Variant” unfold, I realized something that kinda fascinated me: this show is the first time we’ve ever really gotten to see who Loki is when he’s not moving through a trauma.

... and yeah, okay, that’s a slight exaggeration. We get some 20-ish minutes with him at the beginning of Thor (2011), before a Frost Giant grabs Loki’s wrist and starts to unravel what Loki’s always thought he’s known about himself. We also get the entirety of Ragnarok, when Loki is, yes, arguably still struggling to decide who he is right up until the third act -- but he has, at that point, at least seemed to have let go of much of his anger and the worst of his hurt, even if he is still choosing who he ultimately wants to be.

And he has absolutely healed and grown when he comes back to be the Savior of Asgard -- but we get maybe 15 or 20 lines with him from Your savior is here until You will never be a god, and the bulk of those lines are delivered during various apocalypses. I am overjoyed to see him happy and himself in those scenes ... but it’s not exactly a clear window into who Loki is when everything isn’t on fire.

So from the moment he’s paging through Mobius’s jet ski magazine and idly reciting TVA facts for Miss Minutes, we’re hanging out with Loki for the first time when he’s just, y’know. Having a day.

(I suppose one could rightly and fairly argue that an Agent of Chaos is having as much of an average day when everything is on fire as they are when they’re goofing off at the office, but I trust you see my point.)

I felt like we were seeing a moment both fantastically new and utterly familiar when he’s trying to smack Miss Minutes with a rolled-up magazine, his entire face filled with a kind of all-consuming delight. Loki is surprisingly cheerful in this episode -- even amiable. He delivers a fair number of lines with a kind of all-encompassing smile, whether he’s popping on his new Field Jacket or overseasoning Mobius’s lunch in a metaphorical apocalypse. (I don’t know why the gag with the salad so delighted me, but it’s been my favorite part of the episode both times I’ve watched it.)

He is definitely still an outsider (only Mobius has anything approaching patience with him), but the mistrust and snide comments of his other “co-workers” seem to roll quite easily off of Loki’s back (I LOVE THIS). There’s also very much an element of mischief -- real, proper, not-evil-but-mischievious mischief -- right down to him spinning a lie during his first trip into the field, which I think was Loki just pulling out a trick for the sake of seeing what happened. This is all in keeping with the feel of the character -- what I’d expected Loki to be like when, y’know, he’s not navigating a personal trauma or going bug-nuts with self-hatred and trying to take over realms.

I love that he moves through it all with a kind of ... a kind of unrelenting cheerfulness. I have a particular love of characters that can whistle in the dark, that can find humor and fun and light in the darkest of situations, and I’ve always put Loki in that category -- but I love, I love, seeing him get to embrace that ability front-and-center.

I am surprised and thrilled by how congenial, how cheerful Loki is. He has a couple of moments of sarcasm that are a bit more biting -- but a lot of Hiddleston’s delivery is warm and entertaining and entertained and just, like, earnest. Much of his phraseology and delivery puts me in mind of Ewing’s Loki -- right down to explaining the difference between illusion and duplication with a kind of guileless superiority, to mournfully quipping “I miss Randy” to himself, solely for his own amusement and whistling-in-the-dark. He’s got this balance of being full of himself and being utterly open, and that has been a delightful thing to see.

I have read in a couple of places that Hiddleston has said that the thing to remember about playing Loki is that Loki is always having fun. I don’t know if Hiddleston discussed the character with Waldron and Herron, or if the character was already written that way, or if Hiddleston is just drawing it out of his own volition (though lines like, “I miss Randy,” makes me think it must be a team effort).

But whatever the case, I see that here -- particularly in Loki’s interactions with Mobius. The first episode saw Mobius trying to placate and, really, mentor Loki into position (either because he has a genuine desire to help Loki, or because he wants Loki to help Mobius: “Take your pick.”). In “The Variant,” though, we see Loki trying to coax out the wish that Mobius has to do something simply for the fun of it. Moreover, Loki seems to be doing it because he wants to help Mobius, because having fun is something important to Loki and he’s trying to encourage it in someone that he has some level of respect for (”Every time I start to respect your intelligence ...”). Loki values fun (“I’d never stab anyone in the back. That’s such a boring form of betrayal!”) -- and he’s trying to show that value to his new acquaintance. (“Oh, Mobius! You make even the end of the world sound boring.”)

We know, by Infinity War’s opening, that Loki has things that are important to him -- his people, his family, his brother all chief among them -- but this is the first time we’ve gotten a glimpse of something important to Loki on a more intangible level. It is, dare I say, the first time we’ve gotten to really see a part of Loki’s philosophy.

There is a moment, when Mobius is explaining why he has never hopped aboard a jet ski (don’t want to break the Sacred Timeline, you know), and Loki cocks his head and regards him with a smile. It’s a very gentle look -- this sort of combination of warmth and wisdom -- and every time I’ve watched it, it’s been a moment that reminds me that Loki is, indeed, a god, a patron of something. The god of Mischief knows the worth of fun, the importance of it (in a world that often discounts fun as frivolous or wasteful) -- and the fact that he’s trying to help someone else see it really resonates with me.

I was having a bad day when I first watched “The Variant,” but Loki’s simple retort to Mobius when Mobius brushes off his own daydream -- “It would be fun, though” -- kind of leapt out of the story at me. It was a moment where Loki did one of the things he always does best for me: remind me to stop worrying so damn much about what people think, or what might go wrong next, and instead just have fun. I already wrote a whole essay about why this is important to me, so I just want to give a nod to this moment for Loki reminding me of that very philosophy.

* * * * *

A few years ago -- probably sometimes in 2018, though I don’t remember if Infinity War had come out yet or not -- I was chatting with a group of fellow-nerd types. We were talking about a variety of pop culture this-and-that, and eventually the conversation turned to favorite superheroes. When it was my turn -- with the recent events of Thor: Ragnarok (and years’-worth of Agent of Asgard rereads) firmly in my brain -- I forwent my traditional choice of Batman and, probably with something damn near approaching a note of pride in my voice, announced, “Loki!”

There was a momentary doubtful silence as this was considered, and then someone said, “Loki’s not really a superhero. I mean, he’s a villain, really.”

“Well,” I said after a moment, “it sort of depends on which story you’re looking at.” Based on the expressions of my fellow conversationalists, this answer did not convince anyone -- but, possibly (and correctly) assuming that it was either give me the point, or spend the next 45 minutes debating the point with me, the group gave judicious nods, and the conversation moved on. But it got me thinking.

Over the course of Loki’s film appearances, the character has gone on a clear journey -- from trauma to supervillain to mischief-maker to hero. He was written to be the villain in Thor 1 and Avengers 1 -- a tragic and well-developed villain, but a villain nonetheless -- but he spends the next two or three movies going down a path to redemption, choosing to ultimately change and be more. By the time he faces down Death itself in Infinity War, there’s really no denying it: Loki has come to be coded as a hero.

And yet here comes Loki in his very own show -- only to have it proclaimed that, according to the Time Keepers, Loki’s role in the Sacred Timeline is to be a villain. To cause “suffering and death in order to make other people the best versions of themselves.” To be doomed to fail.  I know this is a “previous” version of Loki, who hasn’t lived through his own redemptive arc (though Bless you, Waldron, for having Loki know that path and so making those beats still matter) ... but all that aside, Loki being destined to play the role of Villain is kind of patently, obviously not true in Loki’s film arc. That’s kind of been the point of what’s so fascinating about him (for me) -- and yet here we are, ignoring the fact that Loki already rewrote who the universe meant him to be. So why’s this working for me so far, as a theme?

Well, because your average pop-culture fan doesn’t see Loki as a hero. Despite his arcs, despite his death(s), despite the undeniable transformation of the character. His most iconic MCU appearances remains Avengers 1, and that tends to be what your average pop-culture fan remembers. There’s a reason his biggest audience laughs in Ragnarok came from “I have to get off this planet” and “I’m just a huge fan of the sport” -- Loki being Hulk-Smashed is still the character’s biggest stand-out moment. He’s most remembered for playing the villain, and even when the character makes massive changes -- unless you’re a Loki fan, it’s not the memory that sticks.

So this works a lot for me, on a meta level. Ravonna could just as easily have been talking about the average Marvel fan as the Time Keepers when she says that Loki’s role in the Sacred Timelines is to be the villain. And if Journey Into Mystery is about the cyclical nature of comics, and Agent of Asgard is about breaking through to find a way to tell a new story -- then I can see the Loki series being about this character claiming a new destiny than what the Time Keepers (and the MCU) originally had in mind for him, once and for all.

“My choices are my own,” proclaims Loki in the first episode -- and honestly, that’s not necessarily a line I would have put in his mouth before, simply because it wasn’t necessarily a concept that had come up during his time processing his trauma. This is a new addition to MCU!Loki, a new layer -- but one that makes sense, both in the context of what we do know about the character from his previous appearances, as well as who the character is -- in everything from his archetype in mythology and in the Marvel comics, to how it seems that his best creators (Gillen, Ewing, and Hiddleston among them) have seen the character.

I’m not sure where Loki is headed in the series, goal-wise. I’m not even certain where he stands emotionally. I was really fascinated by his discovery of the file on Ragnarok. We see him have two reactions to this: when he is alone, he is thrown, to the point where he is on the edge of weeping; when he is with Mobius, he seems dismissive -- though I did notice he did attempt to get himself back to Asgard right before the release of Surtur, even if he otherwise seemed unconcerned (“Yes, very sad”), and was quick enough to move on to another apocalyptic target to prove his theory when Mobius turned him down. But that, of course, could be part of the misdirect.

Is Loki trying to gain an audience with the Time Keepers?  Overthrow them?  Or something more complicated than either of those?  I am content not to know, because I don’t think we’re supposed to, yet -- we have clues, but I don’t think we’ve been given enough information to know where Loki has chosen to stand on the slide between Hero and Villain. I’m not sure Loki himself has decided.

But there’s enough hints, in both behavior (his private reaction to the discovery of Ragnarok; his checking of B-15 when she collapses after being possessed by the Variant; his attempts to coax Mobius into doing something fun for the sheer fun of it) and in theme (”But Loki is an evil, lying scourge.That is the part he plays on the Sacred Timeline.” / “Maybe he wants to mix it up. Sometimes you get tired of playing the same part.”) -- that I have faith in Waldron and Herron and the writers. And, I suppose, Hiddleston himself -- who might agree with Loki’s assessment that no one bad is ever truly bad, and no one good is ever truly good.

And at the end of the day, Loki has never done well shoved into a box with a label slapped over the lid. And if a trio of space-lizards -- or a group of my fellow nerds -- can see him only as a villain, well ... the character’s apt to choose to be something more. 

Because it’s always fun to do the unexpected.

[freddiekluger]

Do you think that if the ghosts sees period dramas set in their time, it will reignite memories of their life?

i think it definitely depends on the accuracy and style of the drama- if they're too poorly researched, any attempts at reverie would be totally disrupted by the historical and visual inaccuracies (think: thomas yelling about the 'roccoco legs' during the byron shoot). of course the other big thing is setting: it's all well and good to watch to a movie set in your time period, but if it's based in a country you've never been to (especially for the older/less privileged ghosts like mary and robin, who probably didn't have much knowledge of the world outside of their continent when they were alive), it's not going to feel particularly familiar.

working on the assumption that we have at least partial historical and geographical accuracy, here's how i think each of the ghosts would respond to

robin: considering how little we actually know about early human history, i don't think robin would be that fussed by any attempt to put that on film- he'd still appreciate a good caveman joke, although he's not a big fan of how stupid every movie assumes they would have been (it's not like they had omega-3 tablets back then!). robin's unspeakably old, and for the most part he seems to have processed through all the parts of his past that he possibly can, and is now committed to enjoying his time at button house as much as he can (a big part of this is his prankster spirit and frankly underrated friendliness), so it would have to take a lot more than a stone age movie to rake up serious conflict.

mary: given her incredibly traumatic death, mary avoids virtually anything that hints of fire or witchcraft which is where things become difficult. i think mary could really enjoy a film set in her time if it follows a working family not dissimilar to her own- it could help her remember some of the positive things from her life, and probably help her feel a lot more seen as she often ends up misunderstood or ignored by the other ghosts (pat initially dismissing mary's advice about the camera work because he didn't think she properly understood what was happening; the ghosts focusing on correcting her speech more than what she actually says). the problem is, almost all movies set in mary's time that follow people from her class end up focusing on the witch trials, which is a BIG no no for her.

humphrey: i think humphrey could really enjoy watching some tudor set films. like mary, he often gets ignored (and straight up left behind), so watching a period film absolutely gives him the opportunity to feel a bit more seen and stew on those long forgotten memories like post-meal games of cards with friends, or the occasional hunting trip when the king came to visit (the trips themselves were more stressful than anything, but mouthing off about them with the king's entourage after he went to bed was always a highlight). humphrey would definitely have a keen eye for inaccuracies, but i don't think they'd bother him. it's just nice to have things be about him for a change (if by him, we mean having all the ghosts watching something that is vaguely related to his alive-period and actually looking to him with questions instead of just using his head as their personal football/security camera/magic 8ball).

kitty: kitty is one of the ghosts who accesses her memories pretty easily- she has no problem with thinking about her life, even when the anecdotes are screamingly sad to anyone listening. so a period film would naturally bring some memories, but i don't know if they'd be anything radical or new- kitty's real growth and drama would come from her leaving behind the rationalisations of what clearly was severe neglect. actually on that note, while not quite kitty's environment, i think she might get a lot out of Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette. something about the themes of the loneliness that comes with growing up in high society and only being valued for what your status and your biology can give to your family and your husband (who you likely didn't choose), along with feeling like an outsider and being visibly othered, even by those you outrank, no matter how friendly and approachable and like them you make yourself (while not necessarily linked to the broader themes of familial neglect kitty's character touches on, i think her experiences as a georgian noblewoman of colour would have to have impacted her growing up and also socially- i'd love to hear any thoughts on this from fans of colour, as i'm white and so any theories i could come up with would likely be a poor approximation). and she'd definitely like the pretty dresses and stunning rooms of versailles, and for that i can't blame her.

thomas: most of thomas we sort of got to see in Free Pass- the detail nitpicking, the excitement until a specific trigger from his life (in this case, lord byron, the man thomas considers his greatest enemy, although i’d be curious to know whether byron acually had any idea of thomas thorne’s existence) causes him to go into a full thomas hissy-fit. sure, the emotion is real to him, but he absolutely plays it up, even trying to get humphrey’s body to fetch alison so she can see how ‘upset’ he is (thomas reminds me of a child in this respect).  there’d probably be less of the tantruming for a movie that had already been made, although i’m not so sure about the memory point. The Thomas Thorne Affair sort of brought out thomas’s big Unresolved Life Mystery, and now i think all that’s left for him to work through has got to be a lot more internal. sure, he’d be reminded of a few good old parties, and maybe any romance scenes might trigger some of the sad isabelle/general lost love emotions, but i don’t think they’d be anything particularly spectacular. 

fanny: now fanny would be a real stickler for accuracy. she would be calling out every makeup, decorative, hair, wardrobe, architectural, and lingual failure with the classic lady button judgement in her voice. this is probably half because she can't help herself, but half a measure to distract herself from actually having to pay proper attention and relive her life. i think fanny struggles a lot with no longer running her own household (along with the shifting morals, and fashions, of the modern world), and so to be reminded of everything she can no longer have would be tough. i'm not saying she would long for a time when women didn't have a lot of rights, but she went from a wealthy society woman who held a lot of power in her own sphere to a ghost, unable to touch anything or even be seen by the living (save for the photo glitch), and stuck spending her days with a motley crew of equally frustrating ghosts whom she doesn't always feel respected by (noting that 'respect' to fanny is much the same as deference). she could have it a lot worse, but i think fanny would much prefer to not have to think about her old life.

the captain: the captain is an interesting one. he's one of the few ghosts who actively seeks out media related to his time, although that's within the impersonal war documentary which focuses on facts and mechanics as opposed to day to day realities and feelings. on the one hand, any war film for the captain would be sure to rake up memories of wartime (even if he never made the front- that remains unconfirmed), and the immense grief that comes with watching the people around you slowly stop returning home. the captain is a war fanatic, and has no problem talking about the great battles, victories, and tactics, so i think the heightened emotional states that a film presents would be the key to unlocking the captain's inevitable wartime trauma and going beyond the surface level facts. for that reason, i'd really like the captain to see Peter Weir's Gallipoli. i know it's the wrong war and the wrong country (although the australian's were technically part of the British forces), but i think the overarching themes of the idolisation of the military, the deconstruction of the glory of war, and the intense (bordering on the homoerotic) although never quite realised relationship between Archy and Frank (which, spoiler alert, ends in tragedy), could give the captain a lot in terms of food for thought and unlocking some of those deeper experiences. on the other hand, the captain watching a period film set in the years before his war could be equally interesting- i think they'd play on some his is insecurities and general issues surrounding the difficulty he may have had fitting in with day-to-day life (not just due to his homosexuel répression, but due to his broader issues with fitting in socially which we see through his interactions with both the ghosts and his own forces- some particularly valid fans have used these to headcanon cap as autistic). in short, films would unlock a fair few memories for cap, but even more EMOTIONS.

pat: with pat and julian it gets interesting because while yes, technically any movie set in a non-current time period is a ‘period piece’, you also have to deal with the fact that they’re going to have less impact on their respective ghosts because you also have actual movies from those periods floating around. for this reason, my answers for pat and julian are relatively similar: they wouldnt have any more memories appear than for any film coming from while they were alive. for pat, this means he’d get pretty excited about ones that came from his childhood (pat would be a giant sci fi fan don’t @ me he loves technology), but i think anything that came with too strong a family attachmet, or that he watched in the weeks/months/year leading up to his death might bring out the angry pat we saw in Happy Death Day and Perfect Day. anger is how his inherent death trauma (and the additional loss that comes from the world moving on without you) manifests, so i definitely think that would come out here, even if he isn’t quite able to put his finger on why specific movies make him so angry/irritated. for pat, childhood memories would abound, but the closer we get to his death, there’s less memories but definitely more unresolved emotion.

julian: see my point above about the whole period-film-vs-regular-film thing. julian doesn’t really strike me as a movie person, and i definitely think he wouldn’t give much care to the influx of 80s/90s set british political media (think The Iron Lady etc). in his words, “i don’t really care for politics, and they’re all too busy trying to push their labor propaganda”. he just makes a captain-inspired noise when alison reminds him that he WAS a politician. julian is another character who accesses his memories pretty easily (although they’re usually either horny or at least slightly morally bankrupt), and i honestly find it hard to give a tory emotions so i’m very excited to see how the christmas special manages. julian is a self-centred bloke though, so i think only things that are directly about him could have the power to rake up buried memories and feelings. now i really want to see julian watching a documentary on himself and just getting outraged.

thanks for this one, sorry for the delay!!

[atinybitofau]

S E O N G H W A ⇨ the reason why

“a hair brush”

-a series involving every day objects that either force you two together or force you two apart.

• “I hate you!”

• you don’t know how it happened.

• it just happened so fast.

• how Seonghwa came into your shared home with him,

• crying, telling you he loves you.

• after you caught him kissing another woman in his car.

• “Baby, listen to me—“

• “Don’t baby me,” you hysterically stumble back. “Don’t touch me. God don’t touch me. How dare you? How dare you, Park Seonghwa?!”

• it’s so fast.

• your reflexes and the amount of pain that came storming over you.

• how you loved him beyond your capability.

• and he just goes and—

• “Kiss her? She was kissing me!”

• “You kissed her back!”

• he tries so hard.

• stumbles over the broken glass on the floor trying to reach you but you keep throwing things.

• things that were small enough at first.

• until a hair brush the size and weight of your fist goes colliding into his face.

• for a second, silence comes through.

• just the throbbing pain of heart break and a hair brush thining the air.

• and you take that brush back and stuff it with your other belongings.

• ready to take everything you gave up for him right back.

• “I hate you, Park Seonghwa, go choke. And a hair brush to the face isn’t going to amount to the pain I feel right now.”

• you let him watch you as you leave,

• the hair brush that you hit him with following you for the rest of your life.

• and you’re brushing your hair with it 2 years later during a phone call with a hysterical Hongjoong on the line asking that,

• “You have to come.”

• “I do not.”

• “Y/n.” he warns. “This is my 25th birthday. I’m getting old. And if you don’t come to Gwangju for it, I’m going to combust.”

• “Then I guess you’re combusting.” you reiterate into the speaker with a firm tone. “I know who’s going. And I know what you have planned. I’m not going to the cabin retreat and that’s final. We’ll have celebrate your birthday some other time.”

• “I only have one once a year! I only turn 25 once.” he sighs. “If I had known you two would get this worked up about your break up, I wouldn’t have set you two up together in the first place. Spite me for thinking you two were meant to be together.”

• you think about it again after a couple months.

• how you were kind of over it.

• maybe you were over reacting.

• that maybe Seonghwa didn’t really kiss her back and you probably shouldn’t have almost reconstructed his face for it.

• how you loved him more than anything.

• did he?

• “Hongjoong.” you swallow down your pride before asking him, “Do you think I was out of line? When Seonghwa and I broke up.”

• “Why are you asking me this, y/n?”

• “Because I want to know.” you firm despite his frustrated sense. “Seonghwa might as well have been meant to be with me but I just... maybe I wasn’t for him.”

• “You know he has a girlfriend now.. right?”

• you sigh not even bothered by that, “Sure. But I don’t see your point.”

• Hongjoong chuckles at that.

• thinking,

• how you two really were meant to be at the time.

• maybe the time just wasn’t right.

• “Come to ski lodge. You’ll have fun, I promise.”

• he doesn’t answer your question.

• but he does make good promises.

• and you did have fun.

• albeit, with Seonghwa smacking lips with his girlfriend all the time by the fire.

• the pillar duo (Yunho and Mingi) making fun of you for toppling over too many times during the skiing hours.

• cause you were better at Snowboarding than you were at skiing no doubt.

• “Okay.” Hongjoong looks down at his schedule while you all cozied by the lobby fire, Mingi still playing with your hair with your hair brush. “So we get 2 hours with snowboards and the slope included. Who’s going? I need people to come with me to pick up the meat.”

• “Ooh.” Mingi teases making you laugh. “Meat.”

• “You’re..” Hongjoong sighs in disappointment. “You’re an idiot. Mingi, shut up. So? Who’s gonna snowboard.”

• “Deonghwa, I suck at snowboarding.”

• you snicker almost, hiding your amused smile under your expression when your ex across the room hears his current girlfriend coo.

• “R-really?”

• you can feel the heat of the eyes on you.

• either because you were his ex being forced to listen,

• or because everyone in the room knew you and Seonghwa were the king and queen of the slope.

• how snowboarding was just something the both of you can never pass up.

• you don’t mind his girlfriend though.

• she’s nice..

• it’s been 2 years, how could you not be over it by now?

• right?

• “I kind of wanted to go.” you two catch eyes for a brief moment when he speaks.

• “I can keep her company, hyung!” Wooyoung says mid chew not hesitating to send you a secret glance. “It’s a waste of a free board, seriously. We’ll be fine.”

• Mingi and you share a weird look.

• since you two were planning on just going together cause no one else seemed to be interested.

• both equally as surprised Seonghwa was willing to leave his current girlfriend behind.

• usually never willing to leave you.

• especially with a bunch of idiots.

• “Sure. You’ll be okay here?”

• “Yeah.” his girlfriend obviously doesn’t know who you are yet, smiles when she says. “I’ll be okay. Have fun!”

• you rack up your boots, Mingi helping you when Seonghwa walks into the changing room with heavy eyes.

• still hates the sight of another man helping you.

• especially when he already had issues with Mingi way back when.

• how you fit in Mingi’s arms almost as perfectly as you did in his once.

• “Eyyy.” Mingi wiggles his brows not even noticing Seonghwa who walked in. “When you said your ass looks good in tight pants, I didn’t think you meant this good.”

• “Song Mingi, keep it your own pants.” you chuckle not realizing your ex burning up behind you. “You’ve seen me in jeans before. It’s the same thing.”

• “Well I don’t think so.”

• you have to admit though.

• you were over it.

• —you and Seonghwa.

• how his girlfriend seemed nice and all.

• and you were having fun.

• even if it were unusual it was with Mingi.

• “Hey, were you gonna use this?”

• it’s the first time you’ve spoken to him after so long.

• the both of you seeming to forget the feeling,

• and he chokes up when you bend down in front of him almost the same way Mingi did.

• but unlike Mingi, shouldn’t be drooling over your ass cause he has a girlfriend.

• “Um.” he clears his throat blush on his cheeks. “Yes. I mean— no! No I wasn’t. Sorry.”

• you turn your chin over your shoulder and send him a soft laugh, “You okay, Deonghwa? Sounding a little flustered there.”

• he doesn’t like it.

• the nickname.

• “Don’t call me that.”

• raising an eyebrow with your board cocked up beside your hip, you tell him, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was designated use for your girlfriend only.”

• he notices how you’re over it.

• no hard feelings.

• but the traumatizing feeling of your hair brush hitting his nose coming back to him like it just happened last night.

• the way the tears ran down your pretty face.

• how your pretty face never changed over the years.

• has to defend himself by saying, “I-it’s not. I just don’t like it. She calls me that all the time and never listens when I tell her not to.”

• you laugh again sending him another genuine smile. “Well I’ll try not to call you that again for next time.”

• his eyes ravel in the way you bring your goggles down.

• how you were still a woman he once loved,

• whom he thought he was over with a long time ago.

• “Anyway, Mingi’s waiting for me so I’ll see you out there?” you wave him off. “And good luck! Don’t forget not to choke.”

• an inside joke you two once had.

• his heart jumping upon noticing you remembered.

• that you didn’t forget about him.

• shouldn’t feel like this even though he does.

• “Mingi! Stop it! Oh my god we’re both gonna fall!”

• he’s about to explode.

• thinking,

• where would be the nearest drug store to buy a hair brush so he could throw at the the both of you.

• glaring when Mingi tangles his body over you when he purposely collides into you on the slope.

• when you smile all giddy with Mingi hovering over you.

• he can’t take it—

• oh my god, he’s gonna explode.

• “Seonghwa!”

• his eyes flicker up when you call him,

• pouting like a baby at you when you walk over. “Are you okay? Oh my god.”

• did something happen?

• oh.

• he cooly just hit the fence.

• a pain he didn’t even notice.

• hurt more to watch you flirt with Mingi like a high schooler than getting hit in the face.

• hurts more remembering that god damn hair brush.

• “How many fingers am I holding up, Hwa?”

• he stares at your eyes instead.

• “Two?”

• you can’t help but smile.

• heart jumping at the way he pouts when he’s frustrated and annoyed.

• you only knowing cause he was once the love of your life..

• once..

• “Two fingers?” you reach over to caress the throbbing pain on his temple. “Seonghwa, I was holding up four fingers. You were looking at my eyes.”

• “I know.. I’m sorry.”

• you bite on your lip before hoisting him up. “Come on. I told you not to choke remember?”

• “I know.. I’m sorry.”

• you look over at Mingi who’s staring at his phone.

• you now looking back at your ex thinking—

• you’re sorry.

• and this might be the only chance you get to tell him that.

• “Hey.” you breathily say while he stares out over the snow slope. “I just wanna say I’m sorry. About the hair brush incident. I know I probably am a little late but I’ve been thinking about it all weekend. Plus, Yunho won’t let me live it down.”

• he huffs and shakes his head. “At the time, I guess I deserved it.”

• silence.

• filled with wordy bandaids and hot breaths.

• patching up the scar with some concealer for now.

• “So... friends?”

• he doesn’t want to agree.

• but seemingly remembers he has someone who fills up the blank before it, a girlfriend that’s not you.

• “Friends.”

• now he definitely can’t stop staring at you.

• during the barbecue when Mingi has you on his lap from Yunho tripping you.

• you a little more tipsy than normal.

• obviously having way too much fun.

• “Babe, did you hear me?” his girlfriend asks waving in his face. “You‘ve been out of it this whole day. What’s gotten into you?”

• he doesn’t want to break it to her.

• how he already wants you back.

• still wants you instead of her.

• “Wooyoung told me something earlier..” she snaps him out of his gaze. “I just want to know if it’s true.”

• “What?” he looks back at his girlfriend desperately. hoping she’d break it first. “What did he say?”

• “That you dated y/n? She’s nice.” his current girlfriend compliments. “She really knows how to get a crowd going. I mean, look at her. She almost.. she almost looks like she’s you? You, Seonghwa. She looks like she could be you. Eye candy. Plus, she came with me to the bathroom earlier. For someone who used to date my boyfriend, she’s really something.”

• he feels bad, yeah.

• feels like he just threw a hairbrush at his girlfriend face,

• that brush being you.

• “I’m sorry.” he tells her. “I should’ve told you.”

• “No don’t be. Cause I see the way you look at her Seonghwa.” she leans back with a smile. “I had fun. Being with you and all. But I think we both have a reason now to say we never loved each other? I mean, it’s kind of obvious we don’t make each other’s empty halves up.”

• “You think y/n does?”

• his girlfriend looks at you from across the room.

• how your smile mirrors her own boyfriend, your ex.

• how she had fun this weekend.

• had fun taking your place until you unintentionally took it back.

• “I think.” she leans up to press a kiss on his lips. “I think you should go and get your girl, Park Seonghwa. You know. After this weekend. Cause I’d feel bad for breaking up with you while I was kind of your plus one?”

• he doesn’t know how to start.

• first talks to Mingi to make sure he can.

• “What?” Mingi’s face contorts. “Ew hyung, for one. She dated you. That’s like against the bro code.”

• he sighs.

• in both relief and disappointment. “You’re an idiot.”

• laughing Mingi replies, “I would never be able to handle her throwing a hair brush at me. I think we all know you’re the only guy who can.”

• he doesn’t know if the pat on his back is reassuring or not.

• hopes to god he gets to throw away that thing if you two do end up getting back together.

• “Seonghwa?” you ask when a familiar set of numbers pop out on your screen. “Hey. I didn’t know you still had my number. I heard about you and your girlfriend... I’m sorry.”

• “For what?”

• “I don’t know.” you chuckle nervously brushing your hair as you have him on speaker. “I just feel like I should be.”

• time passes a little.

• while you stare in the mirror.

• wondering why people always decide to call you in the middle of getting ready.

• “I only have a couple minutes.” you say. “Is this important?”

• “Kind of? I need to see you.”

• “For what?”

• “I need to throw away your hair brush.”

• you laugh at that, kind of knowing where this was going.

• your heart ready to explode.

• yeah, you’re ready to explode.

• maybe also ready to take him back?

• “Seonghwa, you just broke up with your girlfriend. You can’t seriously be thinking about courting me again.”

• “I wasn’t thinking about it, y/n. I know I’ll be doing it. Just called you to let you know. And that I’ll be picking you up from work tonight.”

• he reminds you of him.

• too straight forward for both of your own goods.

• always getting what he wants without having to do anything.

• being the other half you need.

• your hand immediately throwing the hair brush on your vanity into the trash when you press your phone against your ear to say hysterically,

• “I still have lots of other things I can throw at you, you know.”

@atinybitofau

[five-rivers]

Ectober 1: Fog

AKA Familiar Part 3.

Find this and the first two entries to this series here.

.

Beyond the tiny off-color spot in the center of his right eye, the whole ‘kidnapped and forced to be part of a weird magic ritual’ thing hadn’t altered Danny’s appearance.  Good.  That was something he always worried about.  He let out a long, soft sigh that fogged the mirror in front of him before leaning back.  

The police and Danny and Sam’s respective parents had believed the ‘overshadowed and kidnapped’ explanation as well, thank goodness, so they hadn’t gotten in trouble.  Which… maybe shouldn’t have been as surprising as it was, considering that it had been true, if edited for length and certain damning content (e.g. all the parts with Danny being a ghost and the aforementioned magic ritual).  Tucker’s eyewitness account had helped.  

Vivian hadn’t made a repeat appearance so far, which was also good.  At least, Sam hadn’t called him about her.  Danny rubbed his right eye.  Something told him she wouldn’t have to call him to know she was in trouble.  

Good.  

Overall, the time since Danny had flown them back through the portal had been pleasant, or nearly so.  He felt happy and oddly secure.  Was it just knowing that Sam was alright?  She was a major target of his ghostly Obsession.  Maybe they could get Tucker in on this as well?  They’d taken the book with them, and Danny wouldn’t mind getting stabbed again.  

His core vibrated happily in his chest, making his heart and bones shiver.  

Yes, that would be nice…

There was a sharp rap on the door.  “Danny?” called his mom.  “Are you sure you’re alright?  You’ve been in there a while, and something like being kidnapped by a ghost…” She trailed off, a touch of anxiety in her voice.  “That can be traumatic.”

Oh, no.  He’d made Mom worry.  Happy feeling gone.  

“I’m fine,” he said, turning on the faucet to make it seem like he’d just started washing up.  “Really!”  He shut the water off and dried his hands quickly before opening the door.  “Just, you, know, a bit tired, that’s all.”  He smiled, broad and genuine.  

Maddie smiled back, although her brow was pinched. She had pushed her hood back, and her hair was frizzy with static.  “You were missing for almost a whole day, Danny.  You’ll have to forgive me for worrying.”

“I know.  I’m sorry, Mom.”

She sighed and ruffled Danny’s hair.  “At least, next time you think a friend is being possessed, if there ever is a next time, come to me and your father. Okay?  Making sure ghosts don’t hurt people is our job.  So is keeping you safe.”

The irony.  If only Danny got paid, he could say the same thing.  Alas, it was not to be.  

He nodded and smiled.  No promises.  “I think I’m going to go up to bed, now, if that’s okay?”

“Alright,” said Maddie.  “Do you still want to go to school tomorrow?  Everyone would understand if you didn’t.”

“Yeah.  I just- It wasn’t that big of a deal.  I want things to go back to normal.”

.

“Wow,” said Tucker, pointing at Danny.  “That is not normal.”

“What’s not normal?” asked Danny, looking down at himself.  Had he spilled something on his shirt without noticing?  It had happened before.  But, no. Everything looked just like it had when he put it on this morning.  

“You’re wearing black,” said Tucker.

Danny looked up and raised an eyebrow.  “Yeah.  So?”

“All black.”

“Okay, captain obvious.”  He turned to his locker and started putting in his combination. The hallway was just a little bit too crowded for him to feel comfortable phasing through the door to fish for his books.  

“You never wear all black.”

“That’s not true.  We all wore black at that Saints’ Fire concert just a couple of months ago.”

“Yeah, but that was for a concert.  Danny, you’re even wearing the boots Sam got you!”

“I know what I’m wearing, Tucker.  It’s just clothes.  Do we need our textbook for English today?  Or can I just bring Mockingbird?  I can’t remember the schedule.”

“Just Mockingbird.  Did something happen while you and Sam were in the Zone?”

“Yeah,” said Danny, honestly.  “A couple of things.  Got complicated.  That ghost is apparently Sam’s ancestor.  And also a witch.  Witches and magic are a thing, I guess.”

“You sure?  Could just be ghost powers,” said Tucker, momentarily distracted.  

“Pretty sure it’s magic,” said Danny.  

“Danny!  Tuck!”

The two boys turned to face Sam, who jogged up to them and then doubled over, hands on her knees.  

“Are you okay?” asked Danny, worried.  

“I wasn’t able to sleep,” said Sam.  “Too much energy.  You?”

“I slept normally.  Had to fight the Box Ghost at three, but,” he shrugged, “that’s normal.”

Sam straightened.  “We need to—” She stopped, blinking.  “You’re wearing black.”

“Yeah.”  Danny shrugged.

“Why?”

“You said I should?”

Tucker made a sound like a dying pterodactyl.  “Something happened!” he said, excitedly.  “They’re embracing their feelings.  I’m so honored to witness.”  Tucker proceeded to squeal.  

“Dude,” said Danny, “what is wrong with you?”  Then he glanced at Sam.

Sam looked like she had swallowed a lemon.  

Danny deflated.  “Are you okay?” he asked, leaning forward, concerned.  “I mean, other than not having slept.”

“We really need to talk.”

“Aw, come on, Sam, you can’t end your romance before it even begins,” said Tucker in a singsong voice.

The warning bell went off.  

“Lunch, I guess?” asked Danny.  

“Sure.”

.

They sat down in their usual spot behind the school, where no other students went because it was both out of the way and lacked anything resembling a comfortable place to sit.  Sam, Tucker, and Danny, however, had adapted.  

“So,” said Tucker, rubbing his hands together with glee.  “You have to tell me the details.  All the details.  What happened?  Are you guys dating now?  How did you get de-liquified?  That really freaked me out, by the way.”

Sam put her hands over her face and groaned. “No, we’re not dating.  Ugh.  How do I even explain what’s going on?”

Danny jumped in.  “Sam’s witch ancestor did something weird to my powers and wouldn’t let us go until we did a ritual that, uh, sort of bound me to Sam as a familiar spirit.  Also, she wants Sam to be her apprentice.  So, we have that to look forward to.”  He fished his sandwich out of his bag.  

“Wow,” said Tucker.  “I have no idea how to respond to that.”

“That was a lot more concise than I expected,” said Sam.  

“It hits all the important points, though. Except for the de-liquification.  If I’m being honest, I’m not entirely sure how that happened.”

“Right,” said Sam.  “Anyway, we have to figure out how to undo it.”

Danny choked on his sandwich.  “What?  Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why?’” demanded Sam, clearly aggrieved.  

Danny furrowed his brow.  “I know we didn’t do it under the—”

“Word of advice, man, whatever you did do, don’t phrase it as ‘do it.’  Unless this ritual thing involved—"

“Tucker?” said Sam, blushing furiously.

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

“Got it.  Sorry.  I blame hormones.”

Danny had no idea what Tucker was talking about but decided not to ask.  Instead, he let out a quick puff of air.  “I know we didn’t want or ask for this, but it does seem to come with some benefits. Did you try out any of the spells in the books we took with us last night?”

“No, because the last one made me stick a needle in your eye!”

There was a fundamental misunderstanding happening here.  A disconnect. Danny tilted his head.  In moments like these, Spectra’s voice seemed to echo in his head.  He ignored it.

“I didn’t mind,” said Danny.  “I’ve been hurt worse.  Besides, they don’t all need you to stick a needle in my eye.  I read them, too, you know.”

“Do you not care about how you can’t lie to me?”

“No?  You already know all my big secrets, anyway.”  Danny didn’t know why Sam was so upset about this, but it was starting to make him anxious. His fingers had made deep impressions in his sandwich.  

“Wait,” said Tucker, “it does what?”

“Yeah!” said Sam, running an agitated hand through her hair.  “That’s not all, either.  Apparently, he has to follow all my commands, too, like I’m some kind of discount Freakshow!”

“This isn’t like Freakshow!” protested Danny.  “I didn’t have any choice about that!”

“You didn’t have any choice about this either,” said Sam, making a sweeping motion with her hands so violently that she rocked back on her heels.  “We were basically hostages.  You can’t tell me that you’re actually okay with this.”

“I am okay with it,” said Danny, taken aback by Sam’s vehemence.  “I like knowing that you’re safe, and, if you have powers, too, you can, you know, be safer. Also, it would be cool if there was someone else who had them, I guess.”  His sandwich was well and truly squished at this point.  “I was actually…  Earlier, I was thinking that it might be a good thing to see if Tucker can get in on this, too.”

“You’re joking,” said Sam, flatly.

“Dude, I think we’ve all seen that I do not handle power well.”

“No,” said Danny, shaking his head.  “I like this.  And I trust you.  Both of you.” His face twisted up.  “Maybe back when we started out, and you were talking about freeing zoo animals and wrecking Hummer dealerships I might have been a little apprehensive, but, even back then, I know you wouldn’t have made me do anything I didn’t want to do.  You guys let me overshadow you to practice.  This isn’t really any different.  Right?”

“Don’t look at me, man,” said Tucker, raising his hands.  “You two are the ones on the inside.”

Sam stared at Danny for a moment longer before pinching the bridge of her nose.  “We need to undo this,” she said, firmly.  

The edges of Danny’s eyes started to hurt, and he blinked them rapidly.  “Okay,” he said.  “If you want to.”  It did affect Sam, too, after all.  If she didn’t feel like she had consented, then undoing it really should have been a no-brainer.  

Danny really didn’t want to undo it.  He liked this.  He liked the way it made him feel.

“After school,” said Sam.  

“Okay,” whispered Danny, looking down at his destroyed sandwich.  “I guess I should get rid of this, huh?”

And then he ran.  

.

It would be wrong to say that Sam didn’t feel guilty.  She did. She felt hugely, incredibly guilty. Like she’d kicked a puppy.  

Thing was, she didn’t exactly have a choice.  Danny obviously wasn’t thinking clearly.  The ritual must have done something to his head beyond screwing with his free will.  

How could anyone be happy when they were forced into obedience?  

If they let this go on, Danny would eventually resent her more than she resented her parents.  After all, her parents didn’t have mind-control abilities.  

“Hey,” said Tucker, breaking the silence that had lain over them since they started the walk to Sam’s house.  “Not to be a downer, but what do we do if that ghost—”

“Vivian,” supplied Sam.  

“Vivian, right.  What do we do if she comes back and she wants you to do magic stuff?  Or she gets mad that you cut your connection? We didn’t do a super great job of fighting her last time.”

Danny shrugged, exhaustion evident in the curve of his spine.  “We do what we always do.  It won’t be the first time it takes us two tries to fight someone.”

“Strategies?” prompted Tucker.  

“I don’t know.  Maybe we can find some kind of weakness in those books… Though, she probably wouldn’t have let us take them if we could get her weakness from them. If all else fails, I guess we could chuck a bucket of water at her.”

“I hate to say it, but I doubt the Wizard of Oz is a good source for how to deal with witches,” said Tucker.  

“Well, considering all the other ways of ‘dealing with witches’ are literal torture, that’s all I’ve got.”  Danny’s words were clipped.  

Yeah.  He was mad.

“We could try some charms and stuff,” suggested Sam.

“Before or after we cut our bond?” asked Danny, no inflection in his tone.  “Because that might make the difference.”

“Danny, I’m just not comfortable having you as my slave.  Which is what this comes down to.”

“I know,” said Danny.  He still didn’t sound happy.  

They reached Sam’s house, and they all crowded into Sam’s room for the most intense study session ever.  Not counting Tucker’s post-Ember deprogramming.  

Sam started with the original book, the one the ritual had come from in the first place.  Reading it again made her so mad.  Mad enough that, at first, she didn’t notice her rapidly increasing heartrate. Not until she was pressing her hand against her chest and struggling for breath.  

“What,” she gasped, “was that?”

Danny shook his head, eyes wide and worried even as he kept his fingers wrapped securely around Sam’s wrist.  “I don’t know.  Whatever happened, though, your pulse is going back down.  What were you looking at?”

“Just the ritual from before…  I wanted to see if there were loopholes we could use,” said Sam, trying to get her breathing back under control.  

Tucker plucked the book from where it had fallen near Sam’s knee and scanned the page.  He winced.  “Hey, it says here that your side of the deal is giving Danny your heart.”

“Yeah?” said Sam.  

“Your heart, which just went crazy when you started trying to figure out a way to back out of the deal?”

Sam felt Danny’s hand contract around her wrist. “Oh,” he said.  “But I didn’t want that to happen.”  He sounded lost, hurt, and more than a little offended.

“I know, man,” said Tucker, soothingly, “but you don’t want the contract to be broken, either, right?”

“No,” admitted Danny.  “I’m sorry, I like it.”

“Yeah.  So,” said Tucker, “I guess it isn’t as one-sided as you thought, Sam.”  He made a face.  “What was your ‘promise,’ anyway?”

“To be friends,” said Danny.  “We thought that would cause the least amount of issues, in case there were penalties.”  He shrugged.

“Yeah, okay,” said Tucker.  “That makes sense.”

It did.  

This was bad.  

This was the worst-case scenario.  Sam bit down on her lip.  Danny was- It was like he was in a fog, as far as this thing went.  That’s the only way she could describe it.  There was no way he was seeing the situation clearly.  It didn’t matter if it was because of the familiar contract or Danny’s ghostly nature.

If Tucker was right and Sam had a heart attack every time she tried to do something about it…

Yeah.  That wasn’t good.  

“Maybe we should look at something else for today,” suggested Danny, far too cheerfully.  “Like, we should see if you can do some of these spells and how it affects us.  It seems like I’ve been feeding you energy somehow, right?”  He began paging through one of the books.  “That’s probably why you were awake all last night.  That’s going to be useful, I bet, and oh!  This one sounds cool.  We could make fog everywhere.  Just think about it, Sam.  We could be so spooky at night!”  He brought out the puppy dog eyes.  

“Ugh,” said Sam.  “Fine.”  She stabbed a finger at Tucker.  “You keep searching for a way out.”

The corners of Danny’s lips twitched downward at that, but sprang back up when Sam turned her attention to the spell he had picked out. Weakly, Sam smiled back.  

This was going to be hard.