#something about ochako mistaking a real orca for their friendly teacher
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makeste Ā· 4 years ago
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BnHA Chapter 280: I Am Red Riot
Previously on BnHA: The pro heroes over at Gunga Mountain struggled against Gigantomachia and the League until finally Midnight was all, ā€œfuck it, letā€™s just put the kids in charge.ā€ Momo immediately got to work organizing a sophisticated counteroffensive involving an exploding swamp, a bunch of sedative cans, and a massive coordinated team attack. I gotta tell you guys, itā€™s really something to watch a large-scale group attack in which all of the team members are actually competent. I donā€™t know what Japan put in the water when all these sixteen-year-olds were growing up, but that shit has paid off big time, and basically the only reason Machia hasnā€™t gone down yet is because he cheated and was all ā€œsneezeā€ and the kids all got blown away because they are little and because he is really, really big. Anyway so then Dabi set the forest on fire because he loves doing that, and the chapter ended with Mina using her Acid Man attack to make herself FUCKINā€™ FIREPROOF so she could charge through the woods ready to save the day and stuff!
Today on BnHA: Mina launches herself straight at Machia like the beautiful corrosive wild child she is, but then everything goes to shit when she recognizes him from that one time she almost got murdered while giving a strange man directions. Just when itā€™s looking like she might get killed for real this time, KIRISHIMA SHOWS UP TO SAVE THE DAY AND SHOVES HER TO SAFETY AND IS ALL ā€œBOTTOMS UPā€ AND HEAVES A LITERAL CAN OF WHOOPASS RIGHT IN MACHIAā€™S MOUTH. At this point the grown-ups are all ā€œoh wow look at that, time for us to take over for you kids now, donā€™t worry weā€™ve got it all under controlā€ because Oh Those Wacky Pros and all that, but at least Majestic finally deigns to show his face so thatā€™s a plus! The chapter ends with us cutting back to the Jakku battle, where Tomura is curled up in a little ball all ā€œcurse you heroes, how dare you [checks notes] save people all the timeā€, which is a real take and a half. Anyway so things are looking up, which can only mean everyone is about to die. Thatā€™s how it works, right. Shit.
HOLY SHIT LOL
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THIS IS MINA. SHEā€™S REALLY COOL AND SHE CAN MELT PEOPLE. um, the hell kind of tagline is that?? holy fucking shit?? ā€œmelt and succumbā€?? IS THE SUCCUMB PART REALLY NECESSARY. IS THAT NOT ALREADY IMPLIED. itā€™s like saying ā€œdie and then perishā€, which actually sounds really badass and Iā€™m about to make it my new go-to threat actually so you know what never mind. where the fuck were we anyway
ā€œIS EVERYONE SAFEā€ some absurdly bad-at-gauging-situations kid from class B is yelling while the forest is on fire and all the kids are recovering from having been catapulted fifty miles by King Dodongoā€™s windy yeet breath. of course they are safe, sweet child. of course everyone is absolutely fine, why the fuck would they possibly not be safe after something like that
KAMINARI NOOO MY POOR SWEET BABY
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AT LEAST HEā€™S STILL CONSCIOUS ENOUGH TO MAKE STUPID JOKES. holy shit this baby got concussed to hell and back and then Machia turned him and the others into precipitation and he wasnā€™t in any kind of state to even try to land safely, I hope to god someone caught him
Sero is all ā€œis there anyone still in range!ā€ and damn, I like that heā€™s taking charge and trying to regain their momentum. he is so criminally underrated. I feel like heā€™s in the top six or seven of class 1-A kids who I would most trust to take charge. which is very high praise because that class has a lot of charge-taking kids
SPEAKING OF
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it ā€œprobablyā€ canā€™t get through her acid, she says. my god. sometimes the spirit of Plus Ultra just takes ahold of these kids and itā€™s like, I want to ruffle their hair proudly and then grab them by the shoulders and shake them vigorously because WHERE EVEN IS YOUR SELF-PRESERVATION WHY DO NONE OF YOU HAVE IT GODDAMMIT AIZAWA REALLY SHOULD HAVE EXPELLED YOU GUYS AFTER ALL
man. and yet I really do love this ā€œbe the one who can do itā€ stuff. what a heroic fucking attitude dfjfklks. Iā€™ll just go put on my humongous sandwich board that reads GIANT FUCKING HYPOCRITE and go stand in the corner
damn it this weekā€™s scan is annoyingly dark, itā€™s really hard to tell whatā€™s going on but it looks like the pros are attacking Machia and the League at long last. way to go guys it only took you seven years but you finally hopped to it
MINA WHY IS THE ACID COMING OFF OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. PUT IT BACK!!!
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I KNOW SHEā€™S NOT GONNA DIE DAMMIT BUT AHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHH
okay what the hell is up with these weird zen proverbs though
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ā€œyour fear stricken heartā€, ā€œthe shortest pathā€, what the fuck even is this. whose thoughts are these. normally these translations are honestly decent enough but I gotta say this time around Iā€™m totally being thrown for a loop lmao
(ETA: FYI Iā€™m only just now realizing that he was saying the shortest path to Master, as in Tomura, not ā€œmasterā€ as in to master something fjkldjskf lol some delayed reading comprehension there. so basically heā€™s just bitching about how annoying these littleĀ ā€œfliesā€ are proving to be.)
JESUS CHRIST
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okay is it just me, or is Gigantomachia suddenly showing intelligence in his eyes instead of mindless animal instinct the single most pants-shitting thing youā€™ve ever seen?!! holy shit. the way he just LOOKS at her out of nowhere all of a sudden?? holy fucking shit DO NOT HURT MT. LADY OH MY GOD Iā€™M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. AND DONā€™T YOU DARE HURT MINA EITHER!! JUST FUCKING DIE AND PERISH
but also though, is that recognition in Minaā€™s eyes?? because even though this dude is 80 feet tall now, her encounter with him a couple years back had to have been one of the more memorable experiences of her young life. damn I was wondering when this would finally come into play
OKAY YES THE NEXT PAGE IS A FLASHBACK OH SHIT
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this has nothing to do with anything but Mina just has the prettiest hair, btw, and this ā€œjust woke up covered in acidā€ look is a particularly good one on her. it looks so soft and fluffy, like damn. this is like Shouto-hair-billowing-in-the-wind levels of pretty here
NOOOOO
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oh my god holy shit?! putting her back in the school uniform to show the slip in her mentality is a PUNK MOVE, HORIKOSHI, and I respect the shit out of you for it you manipulative bastard. goddammit. bracing myself for the incoming wave of Mina feels... here they come... theyā€™re a lot... letā€™s see if I can latch on to anything I can actually figure out how to describe in words
okay well hereā€™s one, my respect for Minaā€™s bravery just went up like a thousand percent in this instant, because now we know this was actually such a traumatizing event for her that hearing Machiaā€™s voice again years later immediately sent her into a full-blown flashback. she was that scared and yet she still stood up to him and didnā€™t hesitate. and now Iā€™m remembering how her knees just buckled right afterwards, and just...
and this visual, though!! what a brutally effective way to show that in her mind she went right back to being that scared middle schooler again for a moment. god fucking damn. holy shit you guys is Kirishima fireproof because if he comes waltzing out of the woods next I donā€™t even know what Iā€™m gonna do. lolo kids getting traumatized left and right this arc is fucking merciless
um eXCUSE ME!?!?!
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YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT LET GO OF HER RIGHT NOW OR I AM GONNA LOSE IT!!
THATā€™S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!
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holy shit he could have fucking snapped her neck like that??! I donā€™t like this at ALL WHAT THE FUCK
OKAY SERIOUSLY
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Iā€™M GONNA NEED ANOTHER KID TO STEP IN HERE WITH A LAST MINUTE SAVE LIKE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, OR I AM GOING TO THROW MY COMPUTER OFF A FUCKING CLIFF AND MOVE TO THE DESERT AND BECOME A HERMIT AND NEVER READ MANGA ON THE INTERNET AGAIN
OH THANK GOD
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TODAY WE SPELL ā€œREDEMPTIONā€ K-I-R-I... ETC. THEREā€™S A LOT OF LETTERS BUT YOU GET THE DRIFT!!!
holy fucking shit yā€™all. I mean, itā€™s not like it came out of nowhere, like the setup could not have been more obvious, but let me assure you that none of the predictability lessened the actual impact of this moment in the SLIGHTEST. Horikoshi really wrote a flashback scene one hundred and thirty five chapters ago and planted it, watered it once a day, and patiently waited for THREE LONG YEARS until he could finally harvest the badass fruits of his labor in the midst of his most epic arc to date. Iā€™m so fucking hyped Iā€™ll even forgive him for sacrificing Minaā€™s big moment and having her get rescued, because itā€™s such a good reversal. he didnā€™t freeze up this time. he promised himself heā€™d never freeze again and he didnā€™t and he saved her and god fucking damn. anyways so now Machia is going to treat him like a fucking action figure though but heā€™s a solid little dude he can take it hopefully
NO WHAT IS THIS!!! STOP KILLING MY MOOD!!!
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she better not be dead!! SHE BETTER NOT FUCKING BE DEAD I WILL RUN MY PC THROUGH A PAPER SHREDDER AND GO AND LIVE ALONE WITH MY FEELS ON A MOUNTAIN IN TIBET
CHINTETSU!!
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well we know heā€™s fireproof. another callback at the least expected of times lmao
so Tetsuā€™s all ā€œyeah Kirishimaā€™s not really all that fireproof but he totally ran over here anyway to save you. oh wait that probably wasnā€™t very comforting of me to say.ā€ maybe thatā€™s why it seems like he might not have actually said it out loud, now that Iā€™m reading this over again. good call Tetsu
ARE YOU STANDING UP AND CASUALLY STRETCHING OUT YOUR BACK
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I CANā€™T EVEN BELIEVE HOW MUCH I HATE THIS GUY RIGHT NOW. WEā€™RE REACHING LEVELS OF HATRED RESERVED FOR NAZIS AND PEOPLE WHO WALK TOO SLOWLY IN FRONT OF ME IN A GROUP SHOULDER TO SHOULDER INSTEAD OF SINGLE FILE SO I CAN PASS IN FRONT OF THEM. YOUā€™RE A FUCKING TOURIST IN NYC YOU PIECE OF SHIT
lmao heā€™s just dropping this random hero person and letting him fall to his doom wheeeeee
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remind me to leave all of the League of Villainsā€™ texts on read for the foreseeable future. goddamn. I still love you guys but also, fuck you so damn hard
OHO A LIL RED SCALY BOI ISNā€™T DONE YET!!
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real talk, just between you and me, Iā€™ll lower my voice so that Kirishima canā€™t hear. so uh. we all agree that even if Kiri is fireproof and squishproof, that little can of tranquilizer juice technically shouldnā€™t have been, right? but weā€™re all going to hush and pretend like it was anyway for the sake of not spoiling his big moment. even though I am crossing my arms and tapping my chin with my finger while doubtfully glancing to the side
anyway here he goes!
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YEAH KIRI GO GETTIM [stage whisper] there it is, in his pocket. shouldā€™ve burned. we wonā€™t discuss it
OH FOR FUCKā€™S
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TOGA YOU LITTLE WIENER BUT WHATā€™S THIS ABOUT ā€œMY HALFā€ NOW????
DID HE GRAB MINAā€™S MID-AIR?? IS HE REALLY REACHING INTO HIS BACK POCKET AND FUCKING UNZIPPING IT RIGHT NOW WHILE HOLDING ON TO NOTHING AND PRESUMABLY FALLING THROUGH THE AIR. DID A LITTLE BIT OF OCHAKOā€™S QUIRK RUB OFF ON YOU OR WHAT
OH SNAP SON HE REALLY DID THE THING HOLY SHIT???
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AND TOKAGE FLEW OVER AND SAVED HIM AND NOW TANKS ARE SHOOTING AT MACHIA, LMAO WHAT IS THIS. MOMO HOW MANY GUNS DID YOU MAKE
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Shouji standing there trying to be useful any way he can. are eyeballs really that much more effective if you make them the size of tennis balls and hold them up above your head. legit question, I donā€™t really know how eyes work
okay after 45 seconds of googling this my impression is that no, they are not. well good on you for giving it the old college try anyway though Shouji
oH MY GODLKDLK?!?!
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DID SHE SAY WHAT I THOUGHT SHE SAID, DID SHE SAY MAJESTIC, ARE WE GONNA SEE MASJKESLTKCI DSFLKJL
oh my god he really is the Magic Man dude??? TIME TO DUST OFF MY INVENTORY OF ADVENTURE TIME QUOTES
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(ETA: AHH FATGUM AND GANG ORCA ARE THERE TOO YESSSS!)
ā€œthatā€™s enough depending on some internsā€ oh, okay. now that theyā€™ve done all your work for you. I see, I see
so now Gigantomachia is LITERALLY UNHINGING HIS JAW I canā€™t fucking believe this dude you guys. everything he does is just like, ARE YOU SERIOUS
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please go to sleep already. thanks to you I have my keyboard set to capslock as the default for the duration of this chapter
ARE YOU SERIOUS YOU FUCKING WAITED UNTIL MAGIC FUCKING MAN SHOWED UP TO TEACH US MAGICAL LIFE LESSONS AND NOW YOUā€™RE CUTTING BACK TO THE TOMURA FIGHT?? WHY DO WE KEEP LETTING THIS MAN GET AWAY WITH THIS
oh my god you guys they really fucking did it
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I guess that Howitzer slash fire punch combo really was that potent huh
anyway so now Endeavor is standing there making a big speech instead of reaching into Tomuraā€™s pocket and taking the bullets that he doesnā€™t know about and shooting him with one asap. dammit Endeavor
aaaaand Tomura is firing back with the wisdom of Shimura Fucking Kotaro of all people
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well you sure convinced me. damn I donā€™t know what I was thinking. heroes suck you guys. how dare they help other people all the time
so now heā€™s all ā€œPERIOD, EXCLAMATION POINT!!ā€
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take that Endeavor. you heard the man. itā€™s not destruction without conviction, as god as his witness he will have you know it is destruction WITH conviction. something something the great sage Shimura ā€œI hurt my family for absolutely no reason at all, fuck this ā€˜helping othersā€™ bullshitā€ Kotaro. I hope you packed your textbooks because you just got SCHOOLED. I hope the person who ordered you signed up for delivery notifications because you just got SENT. I HOPE YOU LIKE CAPITALISM BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT OWNED. I HOPE YOU CHOSE PAPER AND NOT SCISSORS BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT ROCKED
what an absolutely, unreservedly bizarre place to end the chapter lol. weā€™re really just done with this week, just like that. Majestic showed up and Gigantomachia opened his chin like a garage door and Tomura is all ā€œyou may have won the battle but you suckā€ while he buys time for Aizawa to suddenly sneeze or something so he can make his terrible comeback and continue Horikoshiā€™s Traumatize Every Kid in Class 1-A 2020 campaign. what an arc this is my friends. what an arc
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