#yes this is about The Witcher

[magic-multicolored-miracle]

Listen, I understand that "they changed it, now it sucks" is the battle cry of the internet.

But if you're writing an listicle about why a tv show is bad compared to its source books... (I am going to write a counter-list of the issues with common complaints but it's too long, so now it's under a cut. The short version is "you need to remember it's a different type of storytelling, you're boring, and I hate you.")

1) If you complain about storylines being cut or changed, or potentially being cut that are about rape and/or incest...you're gross. And creepy. And I don't trust you or your opinions on anything.

2) If your complaints are about character changes are that they are more outwardly ambitious instead of secretive and scheming, consider the fact that books have the ability to portray internal thought processes and decision-making, tv has to show it visually and ideally without weird omniscient narration. So a character may be doing the same scheming, it just looks bolder/less secretive. Also if you have 80 characters who are all scheming schemers who quadruple-cross each other, it gets confusing and hard to follow, even in a book. In a show with limited time, plotlines get streamlined and some of those 80 characters stop playing the long game.

3) If you complain that characters are less sure, somber, level-headed, strategic etc. than their book counterparts, consider again that the tv can't show their internal thoughts, so being outwardly expressive suits the medium. Also, many of these characters are starting at different points of their story, and character growth is interesting and relatable. Also also, a show full of just somber, cold, strategic men and level-headed self-assured women is frankly Boring. (A book is too, but at least with internal reflection you can add more depth and variety so it isn't unsalvageable.)

4) If you complain about secondary characters being cut or having their storylines given to others, think about the practicality of scripting, casting, filming all of those side things, who never appear again. It's not practical. TV shows have a limited time, audiences have a limited attention span.

5) If you are upset about storylines being changed or replaced by entirely new ones, ask yourself "was the original one convoluted, difficult to follow, nearly identical to another storyline, or only tangentially connected to the main characters and plot?" if the answer is yes, there's a good reason for it getting altered. Cohesion and focus are essential to storytelling, especially when you have a limited amount of time and resources to work with. Unfortunately, most shows are not syndicated daytime tv soap operas that run for 40 years and can tell an evil twin, amnesia, or surprise return from the dead story every three seasons (I'm being generous to say they wait that long).

[blooms-in-april]

In Oxenfurt there is a sacred tradition, which no one dares encroach upon: no one can be arrested during a theatre performance. And the scholars of Oxenfurt, for all their learning, are a dramatic, suspicious sort, and so the law stands. It's been taken advantage of by many a drunk and disorderly student, taking refuge in the audience of the Grand Theatre to evade the guard, until inevitably, the curtain falls and their reprieve is over.

When they come to arrest Professor Pankrantz, his students won't have it. He had come back to them quiet and broken this winter, more careless with his dissent, more bold in his defiance. He did not seem to care when the warrant was put out for his arrest, as an elvish sympathizer, a sodomite, and a conspirator against Nilfgaard.

"He knows the White Wolf will save him. He always does." Essi had said with false confidence, but the weeks pass and the university's protection wanes and the White Wolf does not come.

"He's not coming." Adrien whispers, hunched over his songbook. "We must do something."

"We will," Essi responds.

When he hears the guards outside his office, Jaskier puts down his quill for the last time. He swings open the door.

"Gentlemen!" He says. The armored faces are featureless, unmoving. "How would you like me?" They grab and cuff him hard across the head, then frogmarch him down the hall. His head rings like a great bell tolling the hour. He can feel the blood trickling out his ear.

There is a great crash, and a scuffle, and a large hand grabs him by the elbow. "Geralt." He whispers.

But it's not. Jeremiah smiles awkwardly, and holds his dented tuba in one hand. "I used to be a blacksmith before this." The quiet youth says. "Never thought it would come in handy again."

"My dear boy." Jaskier says as he's pulled along. "You shouldn't have. You saved my life."

"Your tutoring saved mine during finals. I think we're even, Professor."

Jaskier is hurried in through the backstage door, crowded with students carrying instruments, costumes, sheet music, and props. They all part way to let him through. "Top box, Professor." Essi says, hurrying him. "We saved it just for you."

He sits down, bewildered, as the guards shout outside and the orchestra tunes frantically. The curtain opens just as the guards make it into the auditorium. Everything hushes in that special breath before a show.

Essi steps on stage.

"Thank you and welcome to the members of the Oxenfurt Academy faculty, staff, and student body who have come to support this performance," she says. "We'd also like to welcome representatives of various law enforcement communities who have chosen to join us in the Academy Grand Theatre tonight. In the spirit of the arts, leave all discord at the door, and please enjoy this special performance by the students of Oxenfurt - 'The Adversities of Loving', a tribute to the life and works of Professor Julian Alfred Pankrantz."

She bows. The audience applauds. The play begins.

[naumaxia-art]

Long Live King Radovid

[ettadunham]

happy 3 months anniversary to the first witcher 4 trailer for those of us who celebrate

[swearingcactus]

ever since i heard this audio i always thought it'd fit rogue and lil v so here's to all the mom rogue enjoyers. a sequel of sorts to [this post]

[tschulijulesjulie]

soooo its implied that Radovid is a bit of a Jaskier fanboy... does that mean... he might have thought about the continent equivalent of Geraskier fanfic? can you imagine him and Geralt finally meeting and Radovid going absolute batsgit against Geralt because "HE MIGHT HAVE FORGIVEN YOU BUT I HAVE NOT AND NOW BURN BUTCHER BURN!!!"

And Geralt is so confused because theres this... wet-rat-ish looking.. prince? ... literally trying to thow hands at him?

And Yen and Ciri are in the background simply losing it, doubling over laughing.

and Jaskier? Jaskier is. well, he's not used to NOT being the most unhinged person around.

[vulpinesaint]

kind of unfortunate that so many fantasy epics are also war novels because i will be honest i just do not like war novels that much... the grand clashing of forces is compelling obviously but it requires characters to talk about so much practical battle strategy and while i can get my brain to comprehend all these fantasy maps and kingdoms and borders and battalions and front lines and army movements it takes up. so much space in the book. feels like i'm fighting a war of my own trying to get through it sometimes

[fingons-rad-harp]

andrzej sapkowski writing a new witcher book that gives a canon birth year for geralt that of course contradicts tw3’s approximation of his age, but it’s book canon and therefore gets higher priority, requiring me to redo my entire timeline???

it’s more likely than you think

[underpreparedbard]

Give the bard a ponytail you COWARDS

[asmolbirb]

had a geraskier snippet squirreled away in a notebook under the heading "the worst version" but it's actually not half bad, so please take this tiny drabble while i avoid all the other fic i want to be writing:

Jaskier looks up at the night sky, distracted from whatever task he'd been assigned. "Stars above," he marvels, and chuckles. "D'you get it, Geralt? There's stars above us, and--" The laughter in his voice is swept away by admiration. "And stars above, the stars above us are breathtaking."

There's no response from Geralt, aside from a shift of fabric. It's as likely that Geralt's scratching an itch as admiring the glimmering beadwork curtain hanging over them.

Jaskier doesn't bother to check. Instead his eyes rove from pale dot to twinkling jewel. He's never been an adept with a star chart, but there are some patterns that even the smallest children can recognize. Sure enough, there to the right, he spots a skewed box, with another bright star shimmering some distance away.

"The sailors," he recites, half to himself. He sketches the shape of constellation, on the off-chance that Geralt is indulging him. "Look, that's their ship, there, and that star hanging above marks the sail."

A noncommittal grunt from Geralt. Jaskier chooses to interpret the lack of admonishment as encouragement to continue.

"Who do you think decided those were sailors?" he muses. "Perhaps some unlucky band of bastards being buffeted about by the waves, seeking the kinship amongst the cosmos. If the hunters had gotten there first, do you think they'd have called it the Archer instead?"

"Your neck will cramp if you keep craning it like that," Geralt rumbles. "Come bank the fire."

"Ah, right you are, Geralt, the darkness will make it easier to spot the fainter constellations!"

"Make it easier to fall asleep, too," Geralt mutters, but Jaskier can't help noticing, later, that Geralt doesn't start snoring until long after Jaskier is done pointing out star pictures in the sky.

[not-your-bro]

geralt's inner monologue being like "yennefer yennefer yennefer" when the mages at the banquet read his mind is so funny. no thoughts just yen. the fantasy equivalent of walking into a party of people you don't know like WHATS UP EVERYBODY I LOVE MY WIFE

[blooms-in-april]

Obsessed with the idea it's illegal in Oxenfurt to execute or arrest someone while there is a theatre performance going on. So when Jaskier is finally arrested for being the Sandpiper and an associate of the fugitive Geralt of Rivia, all his students band together to perform the longest musical the Continent has ever seen.

Yes, it's about his life. Yes, it's very personal. And yes, fugitive Geralt and Ciri end up in the audience, of course they do.

[aster-skies]

Knowledge never sleeps

[hanzajesthanza]

my attempts to avoid thoughts of geralt's hanza continue to fail, as sapkowski talks about them in front of my face.

(from manuscript, on the subject of the hero and the quest):

On this expedition, the Hero (Simple or King) is accompanied by others who are stereotypical-canonical fantasy characters, in other words - clichés:

Wizard-Mentor (the aforementioned MERLIN, Obi-wan Kenobi, Gandalf, Allanon, Belgarath, Sephrenia or Moiraine, who supports the hero with advice and help); Faithful Servant (in the case of the King, literally, in the case of the Simple, rather a childhood friend, Sam Gamgee. He serves the plot to recite wise folk maxims and prove that the simple people are the most morally healthy; or to save the ass of his master/friend where magic and a sharp sword will not help, and common sense and a strong, faithful arm will suffice). Good Knight (charismatic LANCELOT, always loyal and ready to fight, sometimes with some dark secret in his life); Worse Knight (always with some dark secret in his life, ambitious like Boromir, in the clutches of Evil, secretly collaborates with Evil, regrets betrayal, undergoes catharsis, perishes); Trickster - Conniver (see LOKI in "Materia Magiczna"**), cheerful, but can cause trouble, which attracts like a magnet; Damsel in Distress, who is saved from danger on the way and included in the team. Usually a princess in disguise. For several volumes of the cycle she does not like the Hero, in the last she becomes his wife.

* Type A = Percival, a hero who does not have power and is searching it, and Type B = King Arthur, a hero who has lost his power and wants to regain it. in other words, Type A = Reynevan and Type B = Geralt :)

** another chapter of the book, "Materia magica, or the Little Magical Alphabetical Lexicon," it's a glossary of various myth and legend. in loki's entry, he recounts some myths of loki and equivalates him with other figures across various traditions: Odysseus, Pryderi, Bricriu, Mordred, Alyosha Popovich, Coyote, Anansi, Maui). then he lists a few fantasy/spec fic characters he categorizes as trickers: Cugel (Dying Earth), Kickaha (World of Tiers), Coyote (Coyote Blue), Peter Lake (Winter's Tale), Moonglum (Elric of Melniboné), Nifft and Haldar (Nifft the Lean), Random (Chronicles of Amber), Saruman (Lord of the Rings), Shimrod (Lyonesse), Silk (The Belgariad and The Malloreon), Gray Mouser (Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser), Talen (The Elenium).

my thoughts:

pretty obvious assignments here, for the most part.

regis is the Wizard-Mentor, but, as he soon loses his mystique, his intellectual, philosophizing manner becomes mundane and irritating than providing magical provenance. he advises incessantly, answering questions before they're asked, giving guidance when no one asked. he only appears to be omniscient, and the others may think he's so smart because he's hundreds of years older than them, but is really just a guy, a middle aged man with a troubled youth which he learned from. his advice is not magically guided and for this reason is fallable, mortal, human. maybe the cliché is also played with in that he's a vampire, not a wizard, sorcerer, or priest, "‘I see.’ The poet sighed. ‘Is Regis a sorcerer?’ ‘No. No, not a sorcerer.’" ... as vampires are typically evil and regis is decidedly a force of good. (on this topic, @wampirzielarz once compared-contrasted gandalf and regis and it was super interesting :))

dandelion is a combination of the Faithful Servant and the Trickster. he's geralt's best friend, and doesn't fight alongside him with sword but his presence is necessary to our hero for moral support, that all makes the first part an obvious assignment... and... sapkowski lists a wide variety of tricksters of various moral alignments, but amongst them are some heroes and some best friends of heroes (and anti-heroes). and asides from being geralt's closest friend, dandelion is, after all, a rascal, who uses words and good looks to get what he wants from people. "a cynic, a lecher, a womanizer and a liar." (also, because i think szarlej also fits this double-definition as well, i won't hesitate to give them to dandelion, as they serve pretty similar functions alongside their respective heroes).

milva is the Good Knight, "always loyal and ready to fight" describes her perfectly, and her 'dark secret' was her pregnancy and plans for abortion. (though, the attribution of lancelot... well, maybe this is why some keen eyes saw a potential in yenva). anyhow, the playfulness with the cliché comes from the fact that she's a woman, which is supposed to be surprising that the hero's strongest ally is a woman. i think the "charismatic" attribute is also supposed to be played with here, as milva is simple and not too well-spoken, only so in her cursing. in other words, she's a peasant woman, and not a born-and-bred nobleman. also, for her gender, she is a play on another trope sapkowski mentions a couple of pages later, but i can't go into it now because it's too funny.

cahir is the Worse Knight, though perhaps in reverse, for all of his associations with Evil was in the past and shed like sports colors when he changed teams. he has no betrayal, "I will never betray you, witcher," all of his ‘betrayal’ was before he was even allied with the hero. but of course, for these sins, he "undergoes catharsis, perishes".

the Damsel in Distress is evidentially angouleme, being "saved from danger on the way and included in the team." the rebuking of the cliché, of course, is that geralt is "genuinely angry, genuinely confused, genuinely embarrassed" when she offers her "gratitude" to him. also, that she is no princess in disguise, just an ordinary girl, though she is confused for the princess they're after (who also happens to be another play on the damsel in distress cliché). and again, like milva, i think angouleme is related to another specifically female character cliché sapkowski calls out; but i'll save it for another post.

[dailyau]

Turns out your animal companion is actually your child/friend/partner that was cursed and now I get why you’re so protective AU

- (ANON)

[patroclusdefencesquad]

twn is so funny because they'll write amazing scenes like jaskier singing about burning all his memories of geralt because they're too painful for him to even think about and then him literally being tortured for those memories of geralt. and then they'll turn around and write whatever the voleth meir shit was