#yes of course i am talking about buck and tommy

[azaharinflames]

I ask this with the bestest intentions because I think you're one of a few level headed member in the fandom: what's the difference between buddies complaining about Eddie not coming back and us leaving comments about wanting Tommy and Buck to get back together or the hashtags we did for Tommy/Lou? I understand that they left hate comments and review bombed the episode, but I think the comments asking for Eddie's return are valid. Aside of buddie of it all of course they want him back, to see him reconnect with the 118 dynamic. Shaming them for expressing that want doesn't seem fair imo. Because I see it a lot recently and it doesn't sit right with me.

First of all - thanks! I appreciate the compliment, Nonnie.

I think it all comes down to the context, to be honest.

Yes, asking for Eddie's return is more than fair. No one is saying it isn't. We all understand how it feels to have your favorite character (or one of your favorites) being taken away. Or, in their case, seeing him leave for another state and having the looming possibility of him not coming back. It is understandable that they don't want that to happen, and it is understandable and totally fair that they ask for that not to happen.

Yes, we have done the same thing, and have asked for Tommy to come back. Only... is it the same?

Now, this is a bit of a generalisation, because the fact is that there are extremes on both ends, and people who genuinely don't mean harm and are only asking for a character on both ends. I'd be here for hours analysing both, so for the sake of timing and conciseness, I am generalising.

Whilst I am not saying there aren't any BT fans asking for Tommy's return randomly, most of what I have seen has been us:

Complaining/expressing our disappointment post-806. Which, in my opinion, was more than fair. We discussed the episode and how it made us feel in the posts about the episode.

Whenever 911 asked a general question (i.e. what do you want for blah blah blah), Tommy was mentioned, or a cute hashtag was created. This was in direct response to the show asking a question.

Post-811, discussing the episode and asking for Tommy to come back and for them to figure their stuff out.

It is easy to see whenever we do start asking for Tommy, or talk about Bucktommy in the comments, as it usally results in those posts having a much higher engagement than others. A mix between us and Buddies trying to drown us out, but. The evidence is there.

Now. Something we have not done:

Harass cast and crew and constantly ask them why Tommy isn't there.

Reply to an actor's comment (where he'd expressed his excitement for the episode) calling him a liar because Tommy wasn't in the ep.

Review bomb an episode because Tommy wasn't in it (even though we had hoped he could be in it).

Make the episode all about Tommy, instead of celebrating what was one of the best episodes of the series.

Yet - those are all things Bobs have done. In the last week, too.

So - I think asking for a character's comeback isn't bad at all. Do it. But be respectful. To do what they did in the posts post-814 is, firstly, annoying, and secondly, wildly out of place. It's not that they're asking for Eddie's return; it is that they are acting like entitled brats who didn't get their way, and so now they have to make it everyone's problem.

[chimneyz]

we should have those big beefy men making "fuck me," eyes at each other on our screens again

[salty-autistic-writer]

Happy birthday Kath! @weewoowings ❤️

Buck is in love with his boyfriend.

You can't not notice that. Especially not if you’re a member of the 118.

* “That’s it,” Chimney says dryly. “From now on there’s a limit of how often you can mention Tommy in a single shift.”

“Hey!” Buck says, blushing. “It’s not like I’m talking about my boyfriend all the time.”

“Yes, you do,” everyone says at the same time.

“And you have no filter when it comes to him,” Chimney mutters, crossing his arms over his chest. “The things I heard! The pictures you put in my head! The audacity…”

“Hey, it’s not my fault Tommy is so hot, cool and interesting,” Buck says, shrugging. “I finally have a boyfriend who can lift me, carry me and throw me on the bed, how am I supposed to not talk about him?”

Everybody groans.

“Is there anything Tommy can’t do?” Ravi asks innocently, ignoring Hen’s and Chimney’s glare.

Buck takes a deep breath. And goes on.

* “You are doing it again, aren’t you?” Eddie asks, raising a knowing brow.

“Hm?” Buck takes another picture of the helicopter that’s flying past above them, squinting, trying to zoom in as close as possible.

“You're going to send this to Tommy in a second, asking him is that you, babe? ,” Eddie says dryly.

“Of course, I'm going to ask him. I have a badass boyfriend flying cool helicopters after all,” Buck says cheerfully, typing: Is this you, babe? and sending the picture to Tommy. It’s not as blurry as the last ten ones.

One day, Tommy is going to answer yes. And Buck is not going to be able to contain himself.

He gasps when his phone vibrates a few moments later. Tommy sent him a picture of a happy labrador, together with a text: No, that’s not me :(, but look, I met your twin today! ;) 

Buck giggles and sends Tommy five kissy emojis.

“Oh for God’s sake,” Eddie mutters, looking over Buck’s shoulder and seeing Tommy sending ten hearts back. “Why do you two have to be so disgustingly cute?”

“Hey, be happy it’s not his dick this time!” Buck says and smirks, putting his phone away and patting Eddie’s back.

“How could I ever forget about that,” Eddie mutters and sighs heavily. “It’s still burned into my mind. And I still don’t understand how he could send it to me. Just because Eddie starts with E like Evan?! Maybe you should get him to wear reading glasses after all. Please do. The potential of this happening again is too much.”

* “Firefighter Buckley.” “Firefighter pilot Kinard.”

Buck is clearly trying hard to maintain a professional distance while buzzing with excitement about finally meeting his boyfriend during a call.

They do manage to focus on the job. At least until there’s no danger left and all civilians are taken care of. After that, no one can miss the longing glances they throw at each other. It’s just a matter of time really.

“So. See you later,” Tommy says, half-smiling and wringing his hands.

“Yeah,” Buck nods, his eyes wide and shiny. “Later.”

They should be ready to leave. Tommy should go back to the chopper. Buck should return to the truck.

But they are still hesitating. And to the surprise of absolutely no one, they move at the same time, bodies all but colliding, lips pressing together, hands reaching for hips and hums escaping as they kiss passionately.

“Get a room, you two!” Chimney calls and cackles.

Hen snorts and rolls her eyes. She’s not surprised at all when Eddie tells her, “Tommy is just as obsessed with Buck by the way. He literally can’t stop talking about him when we meet up. They behave like teenagers with a crush, but imagine teenagers stuck in bodies built like brick walls.” *

The face of the grumpy deliveryman is hidden behind the biggest and most colourful flower bouquet Hen has ever seen in her life. She knows before she hears the words. “Those are for … Evan?”

“Buck!” Hen calls, lips twitching. “You got a delivery from your man!”

“What?” Buck approaches curiously, wiping his hands with a towel, a splotch of oil smeared on his cheek. He freezes and gasps, his eyes widening. “No.”

“Yes,” Hen says, smiling.

Buck blushes. Like strawberries and cream. It’s cute. He carefully takes the bouquet, taking a sniff, shaking his head. “No one ever got me flowers,” he says, voice shaking. “It’s not even a special day.”

Every day is special when you’re in love , Hen thinks to herself, still smiling.

Chimney whistles and takes a picture with his phone. “Aw. This is like straight out of some cheesy romance movie. I have to show Maddie.”

“Is there even a vase big enough for this monster?” Eddie asks teasingly. “You probably have to put them into the sink to water them.”

“Guess everything is big when it comes to Tommy,” Ravi murmurs, ducking to avoid another glare from Chimney and Hen. *

“Is that Tommy’s hoodie?” Hen asks when Buck appears at the station one morning, still yawning and his eyes clouded with leftover sleepiness.

The auburn is not Buck’s colour. And it’s worn out, carrying the signs of a beloved comfort item.

Buck chuckles. “Oh. Oops. Yeah. Uh, I spent the night at his house and … Well. This somehow happened,” he says, fidgeting with the hem of the hoodie, his face flushing lightly.

Hen smiles. She feels the sudden need to tell Buck something. “Buck. I hope that no matter how much we tease or joke, you do know that we are very happy for you two.”

“Yeah. I know,” Buck says, nodding. “You know, I think that this relationship … It’s going to work out this time. It’s different. I … I can’t really describe what it is. But I can feel it. You know what I mean?”

“Yes,” Hen says gently. “I know. Happiness looks good on you, Buck.”

Buck smiles, but his eyes fill with anxious seriousness. “I just hope I can trust it this time, you know? I want to. I hope I can trust myself to not mess this up.”

“Just listen to your heart, Buck. And remember that no one is perfect. Tommy and you are adults with adult issues. Each relationship has rocky roads. And there will be clouds. But as long as you’re being honest to each other, they will pass.”

Buck nods, expression thoughtful. “Thanks, Hen. Oh, uh, by the way, Tommy always says that he’s grateful he got to know you at the exactly right time of his life because he needed a verbal kick in the ass. So thanks for that too.”

“That time wasn’t easy for all of us,” Hen says, remembering. “But we managed to grow together. That’s the important thing. Now let’s get some coffee before all hell breaks loose.” *

“Hey, Tommy,” the whole 118 says when Tommy comes by the station in a free moment, hugging Buck and commenting on how delicious the lasagna smells.

“Sit and have some,” Bobby tells him, nodding at a free chair.

“Thanks,” Tommy says quietly, a whole spectrum of emotions hidden in a single word. His eyes meet with Hen’s and she smiles at him, nodding barely noticeable. Telling him that he can have this. That he is part of this family.

Tommy sits, his shoulder nudging Buck’s.

The 118 eats, talks and laughs.

And it feels like it’s meant to be this way. Like an invisible string connects the past with the present, leading to the future.

(AO3 Link)

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 48!

hello loves i'm so sorry for the delay!! life has been kicking my ass lately BUT i've been reading some good fics still and i'm happy to share them <3

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

any way the wind blows | notathingtoseehere | 10.1k | M

A post s08e08 look into how Buck could backslide into his season 1 habits when his best friend leaves him. hmmm tis the season of speculation for many more months... may i recommend this one to start off with? i love a return to buck 1.0 so much!! also op i need you to know i did in fact say good job out loud lol

can i be close to you? | myemergence | 4.2k | T

“Woah, woah,” Chim laughs, “please, Buck, do not tell us what or who it is you’ve been dreaming about.” A fic written for a prompt on the Buddie discord, about forehead kisses. Fluff ensues. yes i have in fact been going through the entire buddie forehead kisses tag this past week. no i do not wat to talk about it. but i DO want to talk about this lovely little fic!!

cool | LovelyLittleGrim | 5.6k | T

Buck keeps kissing Eddie on the forehead. Eddie has some THOUGHTS about it. eddie has thoughts and so i do and those thoughts are that buck should keep doing this forever and ever <3 so cute!!

eddie diaz can't have sex | notathingtoseehere | 11.9k | M

Eddie Diaz would like to say that the 118 needs a more involved HR department, or maybe he just needs friends who do less meddling. i love firefam shenanigans and i love demi eddie and i love buddie so basically i love this fic <3

eddie diaz vs the buck's boyfriend agenda | songbvrd/@songbvrd | 23.4k | M

Eddie starts gathering information about why no one trusts Tommy. As he grows to hate their relationship more, he learns more about himself and what he wants. eddie's agenda 🤝 my agenda. all of this author's works are a delight and this is no exception <3

feels like falling in love | justhockey | 5.2k | not rated

five times Eddie doesn’t mean to kiss Buck, and the one time he does. delicious delicious 5+1 fic <3

home is not a place | ithilien22/@ithilien-writes | 9.7k | T

In which Eddie has a series of long overdue conversations - with Chris, with his parents, and also with Buck. eddie and chris having heartfelt conversations at the lake!! this is brilliant and captures their dynamic so well <3

howling all night | clytemnestra/@clytemnestraaa | 3.3k | E

Buck helps him pack. Of course he does. Buck’s helpful like that. Eddie leaves for Texas. this hurt in the best way possible <3 so gorgeous!

i've lost my mind | evenatraitormaymend | 9.4k | T

Buck doesn’t tell anyone about his insomnia for six months. Eddie notices anyway, but neither of them talk about it until it’s nearly six am and he wakes up to Buck climbing in his bed—not having slept since before their 24-hour shift started yesterday. Eddie gets to show Buck how much he’s loved. okay two things i LOVE are eddie taking care of buck but also buck researching and setting up routines and taking care of himself, so basically this is the perfect fic for me <3

the aftermath of liberation and love confessions | ElvenSorceress | 17.3k | T

In which Eddie comes out, sexuality is complicated but coffee is not, Buck makes an excessive salad and is also roasted, everyone has a love confession, and December is the most dramatic time of year. this was a lovely lovely morning read a few days ago!! i love me some good idiots in love <3

the missing children's parents club | notathingtoseehere | 34.5k | T

With Christopher in El Paso and Mara pulled out of custody, there's a lot of parents around the 118 that are missing their kids, and a lot of comfort that can be found with each other. not me realising as i'm putting this together that i keep reccing the same author... i had no idea but i promise they're all brilliant brilliant fics!! think i might have to check out their other works lol this must be a sign

'til my lungs give out | time_leigh | 1.1k | G

Buck wakes slowly, gently. He lays still, breathing slowly, enveloped in the soft embrace of a duvet. He is not awake enough to open his eyes and shifts, slowly turning his head deeper into his pillow, feeling the drag of the cotton, smelling home. There is an arm laced over his chest. Slowly, an ear-splitting grin grows across his face. soft and sweet and absolutely tooth-rotting fluff in the best way possible <3

transduce the mind | detectivemeer/@buick118 | 2.4k | E

Buck’s talking about how nearly a third of US gymnasts are in the southeast and how Maddie did rhythmic dance—not dance, Eddie—and he’s reaching for the remote to find their next binge when all the bad ideas Eddie’s ever successfully obliterated resurrect themselves. And Eddie figures, in a cold empty echo, that his life is already ruined. What's one more grenade launched at the rubble? this is STUNNING and so so so well-written, i loved every second of it!!

trying to be cool about it | jukoist | 6.1k | G

Buck and Eddie have always tried too hard to force themselves to like the people they're dating (to varying degrees of success). They have very different responses to realizing how easy it has been to be in love all along. this is the most brilliant most buddie premise ever and it's executed so so well and i love it!! such a good time <3

when everything's on fire | beartowns/@glowingyears | 15.4k | T

Eddie and Chris move in with Buck after a fire. Buck breaks up with his boyfriend, buys a house with Eddie, and realizes he's in love. In precisely that order. oh the buddie house hunting always hits so good <3 this is a beautiful take on that trope and it's just such a wonderful fic!!

[firewasabeast]

The Things I Cannot Change

I made this post a couple days ago then had to write a fic about it. Enjoy! Read below or on ao3.

“Wait a minute, you're datin' Kinard?” Gerrard asked mid-swing. He had taken Buck out to Topgolf as a thank you for saving his life. Although, Buck still wasn't sure that was actually his intention at the time.

“Yes, Sir,” Buck replied, steeling himself for whatever was going to come out of the man's mouth next.

“He got a sister or something?”

“No, Sir.”

“Didn't think so.” Gerrard planted his feet and swung, unsatisfied by where the ball landed. “So you're a... one of those?”

“Bisexual, yes.”

He rocked back on his heels. “Oh, you swing both ways? Interesting, interesting. You didn't hear about all that back in my day, Buckley. The world has definitely changed.”

“We've always existed,” Buck replied, a part of him wondering why he didn't shove Gerrard to the ground just a little bit harder.

They each took another turn before Gerrard spoke again. “Kinard,” he said, contemplatively. “Gotta say, don't see you two matching.”

Buck closed his eyes, inhaling deeply before turning to Gerrard. “Why's that?”

“Don't get me wrong, Buck, he was a great firefighter when he worked under me. Dotted his I's, crossed his T's. But he wasn't always that way. There's a lot about him...” He shook his head. “Hm. What am I saying, I'm sure you know everything about him anyway, right?”

“Y- yeah,” Buck replied. He knew Gerrard's mind games. Knew better than to fall for it. At least, that's what he kept telling himself.

He walked over to his golf carrier, straightening the firefighter club cover.

“That Operation Thunderbolt was something else, wasn't it?” Gerrard asked.

It took everything in Buck's power to not start asking questions. “Mhm.”

“Mistakes like that can't happen in the firefighting world. Told Kinard as much when he started. Damn, he was a mess back then.” Gerrard let out a laugh. “I whipped him into shape real good. Made him who he is.”

“Mm, yeah. I- I'm sure.”

“That Thunderbolt though,” Gerrard sucked in a breath. “Not good, Buckley. Not good.”

*****

“I think Gerrard is still playing mind games with me,” Buck said to Eddie as he plopped down on the couch. It was a rare shift they had without Gerrard, meaning they could actually sit down and relax.

“Of course he is,” Eddie replied, not bothering to look up from the magazine he was reading. “He took you golfing, Buck. And to lunch, twice.”

“Yeah, but it's more than that now. He, uh, he found out I'm dating Tommy.”

Eddie peered over his magazine at that, eying Buck closely. “He found out? How'd that happen?”

“I... kinda told him.”

“And you think that was a wise decision?”

Buck sat up straighter. “It was the only decision, Eddie. He asked if I was seeing anyone. I- I wasn't gonna lie and say no, or- or make it seem like I was seeing a woman just to make him-”

Eddie raised a hand to stop him. “Buck, not judging. Just asking.”

“Right, well,” he settled into the couch again, clearing his throat. “He knows now.”

“And?”

“And he said he didn't see us matching.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Big surprise there. You can't let him bother you, Buck. Gotta let that stuff roll right off ya.”

“Yeah, I- I did. But, he just... Do you think I know everything about Tommy?”

“I don't know,” Eddie answered, confused. “I'm not a fly on your wall, Buck, I don't know what you two talk about.”

“But, generally speaking, do you think I know him? Because, he knows all my stuff. Like, Daniel, and my parents, and the way I acted when I was younger to get attention. He knows all the different versions of Buck, ya know? And I just, I don't know if I know all his versions.”

“I don't think you ever really stop getting to know someone, Buck. You might think he knows all about you, but I'm sure you surprise him every day.”

Buck sighed. “I'm talking the big stuff, Eddie, not whether or not I enjoy whipped cream being licked off me-”

“Okay, no.”

“Eddie.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “I don't know what you want from me, Man. What are you trying to get at?”

“Gerrard mentioned something to me about Tommy that I've never heard of, and I have no idea if he's is lying or not.”

“If it's about Tommy, I'd say he's probably making something out to be worse than it is. Gerrard doesn't seem to fond of the guy.”

Buck nodded. “Yeah. No, no, yeah, I- I agree.”

“So, all good now?”

“Mhm. Yeah, all good. It was stupid anyway.” He grabbed a book from the coffee table, flipping to a random page. “Something about Tommy's time in the army. Operation Thunderbolt,” he shrugged. “I'm sure it's nothing.”

He wasn't sure what made him look up. He hadn't expected Eddie to respond anyway. But when he did glance over at him, he saw Eddie with his eyes practically frozen as he stared at a spot on the wall. Buck knew that look.

Avoidance.

“Eddie?”

Buck's voice seemed to break him out of his trance. He returned to his magazine, eyebrows furrowed. He clearly wasn't reading the article in front of him.

“Eddie?” Buck repeated, louder this time. “Do... Do you know something?”

There were a few more seconds of silence, Eddie's lips pursed as he tried to think of what to say. “I... Buck, it's not really my place.”

Now Buck was worried. “So it's true? There was an Operation Thunderbolt?”

“Buck, I'm not gonna do this,” Eddie said as he stood. He dropped his magazine down on the coffee table and went to walk away. “You need to leave it alone.”

Buck followed him. “Hey, I was your friend first,” he said. And yeah, maybe that was childish, but he couldn't find it in him to care.

Eddie swirled around, nearly knocking into Buck. “That's not fair, and it's not gonna work. If it's gonna bother you so much, talk to Tommy yourself. But I'm warning you, you need to leave it alone.”

When Eddie walked away, Buck didn't follow.

He trusted Eddie. Knew there had to be a good reason he wouldn't get into it.

He'd do what Eddie said.

He'd let it go.

He would.

He would really try to let it go.

*****

He couldn't let it go.

He headed to Tommy's place after work. Tommy had been promising to make his infamous chicken pot pie, the one everyone at the 217 was obsessed with, and tonight was the night.

The food was in the oven, and they were on the couch. Some show was playing on the TV, but it was mainly on for background noise while they made out.

It was kind of a tradition of theirs. Kiss while dinner cooked and then pick up where they left off after they were done eating.

But this time was different, because the words Operation Thunderbolt kept flashing through Buck's mind. Gerrard's voice telling Buck he was sure they knew everything about each other. Eddie's face when he brought up the operation. How closed off he became, how he avoided Buck for the rest of the day.

“Okay,” Tommy said, pulling away. “What's wrong?”

Buck tried to look dumbfounded. “What do you mean?”

“I did that thing with my tongue that always makes you jump in my lap and you didn't even react. What's wrong?”

Buck shook his head, straightening out his shirt. “N- Nothing. I just... I think I'm tired from work is all.”

Tommy tilted his head. “Evan.”

“It's nothing, really. Let's just,” Buck tugged at Tommy's shirt, trying to bring him in for another kiss, “let's keep going. I'll react this time.”

As Buck attempted to pull Tommy closer, Tommy leaned his head back and wrapped his hands around Buck's wrists, stopping him. “Evan, come on. Be honest with me.”

And those were quite possibly the worst set of words Tommy could have chosen, because it took Buck from worried to angry in under a second.

“Honest?” He practically jerked his hands away from Tommy. “You want me to be honest with you?”

“It is the best policy.”

Buck scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Of course you'd think this is a joke.”

“Evan, I'm not really sure what this is at all. I'd love it if you could fill me in though.”

“It's... It's,” Buck stood, hands on his hips, “It's a lot of things, Tommy.”

“Starting with...?”

“I went golfing with Gerrard a couple days ago.”

Tommy nodded. “I remember. You didn't talk much about it though. Did something happen?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it did.”

“Okay. What was it?”

“Doesn't matter,” Buck replied, beginning to pace back and forth. Just a few steps in one direction before turning back around.

“Obviously it does.”

“Eddie told me to let it go.”

“That doesn't seem to be happening. Come on, Evan.” Tommy stood, grasping onto Buck's arm to stop his pacing. “I'm serious. Talk to me.”

Buck stared him down. Looked deep into his eyes like he was trying to get direct access to his soul.

“Operation Thunderbolt.”

He'd never seen two words cause such an instant and dramatic shift in a person before. All the color drained from Tommy's face. His expression fell to nothing, mouth slightly open in shock. He looked like he was about to vomit, or pass out one.

A part of Buck wished he would have left it alone. Never let the words leave his mouth and dropped it like Eddie said.

The other part of Buck was still angry, and wanted to keep pushing his buttons. Wanted to find out why Eddie got to know parts of Tommy that Buck didn't get to know.

Tommy took a couple steps back, until his shins hit the couch and he could sit down again.

“E- Evan, I-”

“You know, I'm not even pissed that I don't know what the hell those words even mean. I'm pissed because I'm apparently the only one who doesn't know.”

Tommy's hands clenched into fists, his nails digging into his palms. He stared straight ahead, unable to even look in Buck's direction. “I really... I can't talk about this right now, Evan.”

“You mean you can't talk about it with me. Apparently you can yack it up with Gerrard and Eddie.”

Tommy unclenched his fists, resting them over his bouncing knees. “Gerrard knows about that because it's why I was discharged from the army. It was on my record and he talked to me about it when I first started at the 118.”

Buck crossed his arms over his chest. “And Eddie?”

The question came out accusatory. He hated that Eddie knew a part of Tommy that he didn't.

“Eddie was in the army.” Tommy finally managed to look up at Buck. His eyes were red-rimmed, filled with an emotion Buck had never seen from the man before. “He understands it.”

“And I don't?”

“No,” Tommy replied honestly. “No, you don't, Evan. And I'm really glad you don't.”

“I've told you everything about me, Tommy! All the bad stuff, all the embarrassing stuff! I thought you'd done the same, but apparently I'm the only one really in this relationship.”

Tommy's eyes darkened. He stood back up, chest heaving. “Do not try and compare stealing fire engines for sex to what I did.”

“I don't even know what you did, Tommy!” Buck exclaimed, throwing his arms up in frustration. “Did you fly to the wrong place? Disobey orders? Get a slap on the wrist from a commanding officer? Someone find out you were-”

“I killed an entire family!” Tommy yelled, causing Buck to jump back ever so slightly. He'd never heard Tommy raise his voice before.

“Wh- What?”

“Thunderbolt was a codename for an operation in Iraq. We were supposed to take out a terrorist cell,” Tommy explained, speaking quickly. “Target was confirmed so I fired. Not even a second later I hear abort, abort, abort in my headset, but it was already too late. Intel was bad, I ended up directing a missile to an innocent family. Grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and ten kids. I killed an entire bloodline, Evan.”

“T- Tommy-”

“They're just heat signatures on a monitor, Kinard, nothing more. That's what my commanding officer told me. But I couldn't let it go. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was a mess. They gave me an honorable discharge and a damn medal for killing those people.”

“I didn't-”

“Sometimes I think about it too much,” Tommy continued, ignoring Buck's interruptions. “One day Eddie was coming over for Muay Thai and I could barely get myself up off the couch. He knew something was wrong and we started talking. I don't have many friends, Evan, and Eddie is the first I've had that was in the army. It's easy to talk to him about this stuff because I don't feel like I have to explain myself over and over again or worry that he's going to think I'm a monster.”

“I don't think you're a monster.” Buck's voice was small. He felt like he was two feet tall.

“I can tell when a person looks at me differently, Evan. Saw it the second I told you.”

“Yeah, because I was surprised! It's a lot to throw on a person!”

“I didn't want to throw it on you! I was gonna tell you eventually, but I didn't feel ready yet. Didn't know how to explain it to you.” Tommy stood, his nervous energy taking over. He walked past Buck and headed for the door. “I can't do this right now. I need to go.”

“This is your house, Tommy. I'll go.”

“No, I need to get out.” He grabbed his coat and his keys. “Can you turn off the oven for me, please?”

“Tommy, come on, please don't leave mad. I'm sorry, okay?”

Tommy paused, the door half open. “Not mad, Evan. You definitely don't need to apologize to me. I just... I can't. You have a key. Lock up when you leave.”

*****

Buck gave Tommy twenty-four hours before sending a text.

Can I come over to talk please?

He waited thirty minutes before trying again.

Tommy, I don't think you're a monster, and I'd like to apologize to you in person. I know I threw that on you and I shouldn't have.

Still nothing.

So, he tried calling. It rang seven times before it went to voicemail.

“Tommy, I just wanna talk. I- I know I probably deserve the silent treatment but... I just wanna talk. Call me back, please.”

Buck was not known for his patience. It took everything within him to not get in his car and drive to Tommy's place right then and there.

But he didn't want to smother Tommy, at least not more than he already had. He waited an hour, then started getting ready for bed. He had to be at work early tomorrow, and if Tommy wasn't ready to talk yet, he'd respect that.

It was the least he could do.

When he woke up for work the next day and had no missed messages or calls from Tommy, he worried.

He had half expected to hear something from him during the night.

When he got to work, he made a beeline for Eddie, who was putting some things into his locker.

“Eddie, have you heard from Tommy in the past couple days?”

“Good morning to you too, Buck. My time off was great, thanks for asking.”

“Come on, I'm serious. Have you heard from him?”

Eddie closed his locker door and turned to Buck. “I thought you were spending your time off with him?”

“We had a... a thing.”

“A thing?”

“A fight,” Buck clarified. “Sort of. A fight-ish.”

“A... A fight-ish? Would this fight-ish have to do with Gerrard and a certain military operation?”

Buck shrugged. “Maybe. Possibly you too.”

“Me?!” Eddie exclaimed. “Why me?”

“Listen, I got a little angry over the fact you seem to know Tommy better than I do and I may have expressed as much, okay? And yes, I mentioned the operation, and kind of forced him into explaining, which may have sent him spiraling. He said he wasn't mad, but he has a way of saying that instead of letting me apologize for things and now he won't answer me and I'm afraid he's actually mad or-”

“Breathe,” Eddie interrupted, patting Buck on the shoulder. “I haven't heard from him. Honestly, though, if he told you about Thunderbolt, he's probably not doing great right now.”

Buck flopped down onto one of the benches, his legs stretching out in front of him. “I really screwed up, Eddie.”

“I'm the king of screw ups, Man,” Eddie replied, sitting beside him. “You haven't done anything that can't be fixed. For what it's worth, he was always planning on telling you. It's just a tough one for him to talk about without spiraling.”

Buck glared over at him. “You're really not helping.”

“You've got a twelve today too, right?”

Buck nodded.

“I'll text him, see if he answers. You head over after work. It'll work out. Don't worry.”

*****

Worry was all Buck did the entire day. Especially after Eddie sent his third text and got no response. Even he thought it was strange, which made Buck worry even more.

He couldn't get to Tommy's fast enough after his shift. He hurried over, not hesitating to use his key to get inside.

“Tommy?” he called out apprehensively. “Are you here?”

He knew Tommy had to be there. His car was in the driveway and he always left his door unlocked when he went for a run, much to Buck's dismay.

He headed for the living room first, then the kitchen.

“Tommy?” he called again before heading to the bedroom.

No lights were on in the house, and the sun had nearly set, making it difficult to see. When he pushed open the cracked bedroom door, he could barely see the outline of Tommy lying in bed, covers pulled up to his neck. His blackout curtains were drawn, making the room nearly pitch black.

Buck entered the room cautiously. “Tommy, y- you awake?”

“Mmm,” he grunted. “Yeah.”

“I've been worried,” he said, toeing off his shoes before crawling onto the bed. “I tried calling and texting. Eddie did too.”

“Haven't been by my phone,” Tommy mumbled into his pillow.

Buck settled into his usual side of the bed, keeping some space between them. “Is this... Is this about our fight? I really am sorry for pushing you, Tommy.”

“Not mad,” he replied, managing to roll over and curl into Buck's side. “Told you I wasn't mad yesterday.”

“It... It's been two days, Babe.”

He rested a hand over Buck's stomach, gripping the material of his shirt. “Oh. Really?”

“Yeah.” Buck wrapped an arm around Tommy's back, letting his nails scratch up and down his spine. “I- Tommy, what's going on?”

“Tired.” He nestled his head further into Buck's waist. “Brain was thinking too much.”

“Oh.” Buck didn't know what to say. Didn't know the right words to make him feel better. He'd never seen Tommy like this before. It made him feel overwhelmed, and sad, and a little bit terrified. “You wanna talk about it?”

Tommy gripped even tighter. He was silent for a moment, breathing against Buck's body before he spoke quietly. “I killed people, Evan.”

God, Buck wanted to cry. “I- I know.”

“A whole family. Kids. I did that.”

“You didn't know, Tommy. It's not your fault.”

“That doesn't matter to them. They don't get to have a life because of me.”

Buck wanted to hold onto Tommy tighter, pull him all the way into his arms and hold him until the pain would go away.

But Tommy withdrew before Buck could even get his other arm around him. He turned back onto his other side, pulling the covers up until just his eyes and nose stuck out from under them. “I'm just tired, Hon. I'll be okay.”

*****

The next thing Tommy knew, he was being shook awake. The room was still dark, and he was pretty sure not much time had passed. “What? What time's it?”

“A little after eight,” Buck whispered, giving his shoulder another shake. “Get up, please.”

Tommy sighed. “Why? M'tired.”

“Because you have company.”

“I do?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed. “Can you tell them to leave, Evan?”

“No. Get up.”

Tommy groaned, but forced himself to get out of bed. He took the hand Buck had held out for him, and let himself be led to the living room.

“Hey,” Eddie said from his spot on the couch. “You look like crap.”

“Eddie?” Tommy glanced back and forth between him and Buck. “What are you doing here?”

“Your boyfriend here called me and said you could use a friend.”

Buck gave Tommy's hand a squeeze to get his attention. “You're right,” he said. “I don't know the right thing to do or say to make you feel better. But I think he can.”

“Evan, I-”

Buck brought a hand to Tommy's face, brushing a thumb over his cheek. He leaned in and gave him a peck on the lips. “I love you, Tommy, okay? All of you.”

“I don't know what to say, Evan.”

“Say pizza's on the way,” Eddie interrupted. “I'm starving.”

Buck laughed, rolling his eyes as he turned back to Eddie. “Pizza is on the way. I'm gonna head out to the gym for a couple hours.”

He went to let go of Tommy's hand, but Tommy pulled him back in for a hug. “Come back after?” he asked, his mouth brushing against Buck's ear.

Buck nodded. “Of course.”

“Okay.” Tommy pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you, Evan. I love you.”

Buck smiled, giving Tommy's hand a final squeeze before letting go. “See you two later. Save me a piece of pizza.”

“We'll see!” Eddie yelled out as Buck headed out the front door. He nodded at Tommy, who was still standing in the middle of the living room. “So, you ready to talk?”

Tommy only briefly hesitated before he walked over and sat on the opposite end of the couch, curling his knees up to his chest. “Yeah. Yeah, let's talk.”

[buddierecs]

eddie diaz's moustache buddie fics

i am a secret lover of eddie's mustache so of course i am doing this :) this list has different rated fics, so please look at the rating make sure to kudos/comment on these amazing works :)

world war e(ddie's moustache) by: songbvrd "eddie is a little unhinged since christopher left. when buck gets yelled at for having facial hair, eddie makes a spectacle out of his own." word count: 19k rating: mature important tags: emotional infidelity, tommy kinard bashing, unhinged!eddie diaz, pre-relationship, mutual pining all my little words by: youbetsya "eddie: did you just send me an email?? buck: yeah lol eddie: why… I dont think you’ve ever emailed me actual words before. just stuff to print when your printer is broken buck: did you read it? eddie: not yet too busy trying to figure out why the fuck you’re emailing me buck: just read it dude 🙄" word count: 11k rating: teen and up important tags: texting, idiots in love, getting together, TW: suicidal thoughts to hurt, to heal, to hope by: brewrosemilk "...eddie, you think I'm going anywhere, you're fucking crazy." word count: 2.1k rating: teen and up important tags: getting together, first kiss just you know you'll taste me too by: teenytinytomlinson "eddie has a mustache, a cat, and a night out. buck gets a phone call, a near heart attack, and a whole new perspective." word count: 12k rating: explicit important tags: infidelity, getting together, gay!eddie diaz, jealous!evan buckley, anal sex, blow jobs, power bottom!eddie diaz one bright morning changes all things by: hispolestar "it's halloween, chris is heading back to texas for a few days and frank gives eddie therapy homework to do something for himself, to let himself want things. eddie enlists buck's help and something shifts between them in the following week." word count: 50k rating: explicit important tags: friends to lovers, infidelity, angst, tommy kinard bashing, therapy, panic attacks, demisexual!eddie diaz, anal sex, blow jobs, mirror sex, praise kink save a horse, ride a mustache by: bisexualbuckley "eddie gets a mustache. buck goes insane. there's some miscommunication. mustache smut ensues." word count: 7.1k rating: explicit important tags: miscommunication, established relationship, rimming, face-sitting, anal sex, riding, praise kink, come eating i'm in your grip by: thatbuddie "the one where eddie’s mustache makes buck lose his mind and get nipple piercings. and then eddie loses his mind about buck's nipple piercings. And then they lose their minds together." word count: 5.9k rating: explicit important tags: piercing, porn without plot, blow jobs, nipple play, come marking i can fix that by: 42hrb “what - what is that?” “what’s what?” eddie asked, but the smile tugging at his mouth, the smile that was just slightly obscured by the hottest mustache buck had ever fucking seen, told buck eddie knew exactly what he was talking about...." word count: 4.2k rating: mature important tags: handyman!eddie diaz, flirting, mutual pining, getting together, non-explicit sex one more can't hurt, right? by: eightpackdiaz "chris goes to texas for the summer. eddie adopts a bunch of cats about it." word count: 8.7k rating: teen and up important tags: cats, gay!eddie diaz, jealous!eddie diaz, tommy kinard bashing, boys in love, first kiss baby, i'm all outta words by: well-sussed "eddie works on feeling his feelings, frank has the patience of a saint, and the moustache is *seriously* doing it for buck." word count: 13k rating: teen and up important tags: gay priest, sexuality crisis, catholic guilt, idiots in love, mutual pining, soft!eddie diaz the mustache intervention by: xylodemon "so… what?" eddie asks. "this is some kind of intervention?" hen says, "yes, definitely." word count: 1.4k rating: not rated important tags: getting together, humour, crack it's not right (but it's okay) by: weewooforever "buck and eddie fuck nasty after tommy disappoints buck again." word count: 8.9k rating: explicit important tags: infidelity, idiots in love, getting together, possessive&bossy!eddie diaz anal sex, blow jobs, handjobs, praise kink

[frogsinflannel]

call me by my real name (call me baby) 9-1-1: bucktommy | rated T | 874 words | prompt: non-sexual intimacy

written for @bucktommyfluffebruary - read below or at ao3

♡ ♡ ♡

"Hey.  Can I ask a favor?"  Buck looked up from where he'd been meal-prepping, two neat lines of clear glass containers sitting on the counter in front of him.  Tommy's brows raised and a bemused smile curled up his mouth.  "You doing lunch for us?  What's on the menu this week?"

"Rainbow salad," Buck said, beaming.  He pointed to the piles of chopped vegetables scattered on the two cutting boards.  "We've got, uh, bell pepper for red and yellow. Carrots.  Cucumbers, because I thought, uh, three colors of bell pepper was too much.  Or edamame, for green.  I probably have some other options, too, if you want something else.  And then we've got some riced purple cauliflower, and some strips of grilled chicken."

"Evan."  Buck flushed.  No one else said his name like that, with the same loose-weave softness, cool and easy and comfortable.  Tommy grinned and walked over to him.  He pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.  "Thank you, baby," he said, speaking against the skin.

His voice was warm and his mouth was a little damp and Buck's vibrating, wanting-- Well.  Just wanting.  Anything from Tommy he could get.  "You're welcome," he breathed.

"So."  Tommy leans against the counter, feet crossed at the ankle.  He holds up the wrist with the brace on it.  "About that favor?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course.  What did you need?"

Tommy grimaced and then gestured with his left hand to the bottom half of his face.  "I could probably shave myself even with the brace," he said.  "But I thought maybe I'd ask you to do it."  His expression changed, smile sly and his eyes dark, and Buck felt a little curl of heat in his gut.  "I'm sure you wouldn't mind getting all close and personal, huh?  Lathering me up.  Bet you have a steady hand."  Tommy tilted his head because he's a tease and a flirt - and kind of an asshole, too, because he knew what he's doing to Buck.  Which might be a bad thing, if Buck didn't like it so goddamn much.

"I can...  Uh, I can help, yeah."  He swallowed.  "Of course."

Tommy grinned and bumped his shoulder with his good hand.  "Perfect.  Let's get these lunches put together and then get rid of this shitty almost-beard."

They finished the meal-prep for the week and then Buck followed Tommy into the bathroom.  He pulled out a nice safety razor and some moisturizing shaving cream, then leant back against the skin.  "I'm all yours," he murmured.

"S-so I should..."  Tommy's posture was relaxed, his whole big body so at ease.  He tilted his chin up and Buck sketched out the strong, lovely line of his throat.  His mouth went dry.  "The shaving cream?"

Tommy's eyes closed and his mouth curved up warm and crooked and fond.  "Yes," he said.  "You should the shaving cream."

"Don't tease me," Buck said, but he didn't really mean it.  He grabbed the shaving cream and squeezed out a dollop into his hand.  Tommy's waiting, and it seemed silly to ask for permission, so.  He reached out and spread it smoothly over Tommy's skin.

"Ahh," Tommy said.  His lips parted and Buck's gaze was drawn to the line of his open mouth.  "Thank you, baby.  That feels nice."

Buck cleared his throat. It was almost harder to talk to Tommy like this, with his eyes gently closed and the line of his neck long and bare. “Well?” Tommy’s eyes fluttered under thin lids and he wore a smirk, teasing and still so, so fond. “Am I getting shaved or aren’t I?” “Sorry,” Buck said. “I was just… uh. Just thinking?” “Mmm.” Buck’s hand tightened in the razor and his body swayed forward, leaning into Tommy’s. He was pulled, constantly, like a magnetic in his chest with Tommy as the opposite pole. How did he yearn so much for something, he wondered - something right here. Something he already had. One eye popped open. “Thinking about what?”

“Ha.” He looked down, let out a breath. “It’s�� Well. I-I like it. That’s what I was thinking. I like it when you say, uh. When you call me baby.” Tommy’s smirk shifted into something softer.  One big hand landed on Buck’s waist and then slid to the small of his back, tugging him forward. “Yeah? You like it?” He pressed a kiss to the corner of Buck’s mouth. Then he leaned closer, nuzzling into the soft skin under Buck’s ear. “Good. Because that’s what you are, isn’t it?” His voice was whisper soft, a warmth ghosting across Buck’s neck. “Tell me, Evan. Tell me what you are.” He groaned, one hand gripping Tommy’s bicep as the other came up to cup the back of his head. His head tilted back and his got one glimpse of the soft yellow light of his bathroom ceiling as his eyes drifted closed. Tommy’s mouth pressed kisses onto him like promises, moving across his throat from one side to the other. He’d remember. He’d wear it like a necklace, the jeweled presses of Tommy’s rough, perfect mouth. “I am,” he said, voice tight. It hurt to speak, the words were so heavy. It felt like a relief to finally get them out. “I’m your baby.”

♡ ♡ ♡

(I wrote half of this in present tense before I realized that I'd started in past. I think I got it all fixed and consistent !!! Also I think Buck would have a dressing or sauce for their rainbow salads but I forget to mention it! It haunts me!)

[madlori]

i don't even know what this is, a bit of non-buddie-endgame heartbreak maybe.

----

"One more?" Eddie says, holding up the decanter of fine ten-year-old bourbon.

Buck sighs. "I better not. Don't want to be hungover tomorrow like I was at the last wedding we were at."

"At least you weren't the groom that time," Eddie said, grinning as he puts down the decanter, apparently deciding to forgo a refill for himself.

"All the more reason."

"It took me a year to pay off the credit card bill for that fucking hotel room," Eddie groans.

"Hey, you say that like I wasn't paying half."

"At least it put us off having some kind of wild party tonight."

"Yeah. Plus it just feels weird. Like, how does a bachelor party work if you're marrying a man? Seems like he ought to be invited, too."

"What is Tommy doing tonight?"

"His brothers and a couple of the guys from Harbor took him to Top Golf."

"Stop this crazy party train."

"I kinda like Top Golf, it's like golf but also skeeball."

Eddie put down his glass and leaned forward. "So I know a traditional part of my job tonight is to like...check how you're feeling. Like, make sure you're doing the right thing. See if you're having cold feet."

"It is?"

"Apparently. But...I don't really need to. You're practically vibrating with excitement."

Buck felt himself go warm and liquid at the idea that in 24 hours, he'd be Tommy's husband. "I am doing the right thing. I've never had any doubts."

"Never?"

"No. I love him so much, Eddie."

"I know you do. And that guy is so in love with you it's embarrassing. I've never had doubts about either of you, either. And you know I get protective."

"Gee, you don't say."

"Shut up!" They laughed together, the quiet, easy laughter of a nearly decade-old friendship that in some ways was even closer than a marriage.

Buck sighed. "Well, I better get to bed. I need sleep if I want to look pretty to marry the man of my dreams tomorrow."

Eddie nodded, making no move to get up himself. "I'll wake you up at 9."

"Thanks." He patted Eddie's knee and went to the door. Something felt...electric. The air was crackling and he didn't really know why.

He was at the door when Eddie's voice stopped him.

"Did we just miss our chance? Somewhere along the way?" he said, quietly, but his voice cut into the silence clearly.

Buck paused, still facing the door. He took a deep breath and turned, his eyes locking on to Eddie's immediately. He did not even try to pretend that he didn't know exactly what Eddie was talking about. "Yeah. I think we did."

Eddie nodded. "I think so, too."

Buck took a step forward. "But you will always be my guy, Eddie. Always."

Eddie stood up, hands in his pockets. "I love you. And I love him. I love what you two have, together. And I will always have your back."

Buck took the two steps to close the distance and pulled Eddie into an embrace, pressing his face into his hair. "I love you, too." He drew back and let his forehead rest against Eddie's. They took a few breaths together, and it felt like they were releasing something into the air between them. Buck pulled away and pressed a kiss to Eddie's forehead. Eddie smiled, an easy, familiar smile, and it was okay again.

Buck grinned, squeezed his hand, and left the room.

He got to his own hotel room - they were all staying in the historic inn where the ceremony would be tomorrow - and made it inside. A shuddering breath escaped him, and as if he'd been waiting for a cue, he heard Tommy's key in the lock and he came inside. "Evan, wha..." was all he got out before Buck buried himself in his arms. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm amazing. I'm just..." He sighed, pressing his face into Tommy's neck. "I think I just let go of something I've been holding onto for a long time."

Tommy pulled back and met his eyes. "Eddie?"

He knew. Of course he knew. This man who was about to marry him absolutely knew. Buck nodded.

"And you're both okay?"

"Yes. Better than that, I think." Tommy pulled him back into his arms, rocking them both back and forth. "I love you."

"I know, Evan. I've always known."

Buck stood in the embrace of the man he loved, and wept both for what he was about to gain, and a little bit for what he'd never had.

[wannabanauthor]

I have another BuckTommy post-breakup idea:

After some weeks, Buck and Tommy meet to try be amicable about their breakup. They both don’t want to lose the friendship, but it’s hard considering that they were practically in love.

They end up becoming friends with benefits, and “friends” is a generous word for what they are.

The FireFam notice that Buck looks a little happier, and he’s not talking about Tommy at all.

But they’re still cautious and worried about him, and some romcom type stuff starts happening.

They keep dropping by Buck’s loft while he and Tommy are having fun. It almost becomes a game for them. They learn to not leave their clothes anywhere downstairs with the frequency of friends dropping by.

But Eddie notices something isn’t quite right.

He almost times it perfectly.

Buck and Tommy are half naked making out in Buck’s bed, when the doorbell rings. Tommy’s hand might also be wrapped around Buck’s cock, and they freeze when they hear someone knocking.

Then they hear a key in the lock, and Buck shoves Tommy off the bed so no one would see him, and he grabs his shorts and descends the stairs with no shirt right as Eddie lets himself in.

“Hey, Eddie,” Buck says breathlessly.

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Made a new friend?”

“Yeah, sure, you know, just rebounding a little.” Buck is a terrible liar.

“Are you okay? I thought you were past going down that route,” Eddie says.

“Um, yeah, it’s just some rebound fun with one person. I don’t have a string of suitors I’m entertaining, just one person.”

Eddie nods. “Good, but I hope you don’t linger. You were doing well, and I don’t want you to backslide just because Tommy broke your heart.”

Buck winces at that, the guilt killing him. “It’s just some fun. Something to take my mind off all that.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt again. You love so quickly and so hard, and I don’t want your friend to break your heart after everything that happened with Tommy. You deserve genuine love and happiness, and I know you somewhat had that with Tommy, but you deserve it with someone who is also as committed and sure about you,” Eddie says.

Buck looks away at that. Tears threatening to sprout from his eyes.

“Thanks, man, it’s been tough, but I’ll be okay,” Buck says.

“Good,” Eddie says with a nod. “Alright, I have to go, but have fun with your friend, then move on, okay?”

“Will do,” Buck says. Eddie gives him a hug then leaves.

Buck is just standing there looking at the door, and he hears Tommy coming down the stairs.

He already knows that Tommy heard everything, and he can’t bring himself to look at Tommy.

“I should go,” Tommy says.

Buck doesn’t really respond, just nods his head and goes into the kitchen. He pulls out a beer when he hears the door close, then he breaks down and starts crying.

Tommy is nearly startled out of his skin when he runs into Eddie, who is hanging out outside the building.

“Figured something was up. I had my suspicions it might be you, but I hate that I was right,” Eddie says.

Tommy just cleara his throat and doesn’t say anything.

“You broke his heart. Why are you still messing with him? Why give him false hope?” Eddie asks. He’s not judgmental, more sad than anything.

“It’s not like that,” Tommy begins, but his voice trails off.

“Then what is it? Y’all were together for six months, you dumped him, and now y’all are fucking? I thought you would be better than that. That you wouldn’t be that cruel.”

“I love him, Eddie, but I don’t see a future with him. It wasn’t ever going to work out long term, and I ended things before I could get my heart broken.”

“Do you want a future with him?” Eddie asks rather pointedly.

“Yes, of course!”

“Then tell him that!”

They both get quiet.

Tommy rubs at his face and glances back at the tall building. “It was never going to work out.”

“If you keep telling yourself that, you’re eventually going to believe that. You self-sabotaged and hurt yourself and him. He didn’t deserve that, and as mad as I am at you right now, you also didn’t deserve it. You both deserve to be happy together. Stop running from him if you really want things to work out.”

Tommy shakes his head. “I wouldn’t be able to survive if things got serious and didn’t work out.”

“So your plan is to be single and miserable and alone?”

“I don’t know,” Tommy replies honestly.

Eddie nods and holds up his phone. “I’m sorry to do this to you, but I’ve been recording this entire conversation while having Buck on the phone so he could hear all this.”

Tommy looks panicked, but Eddie points to the door.

“Get your ass back up and there and work it out with him. I’ve taken care of the hard part for you. Talk to him, and figure it the fuck out.”

Tommy’s hands tremble as he reaches for the door. “Thanks, Eddie.”

Eddie smiles at him and gives him a brief hug.

As he watches Tommy go back into the building, Eddie smiles to himself.

“Please let them have a happily ever after.”

[azaharinflames]

Will you share your theory on what you think is happening behind the scenes of 911?

Hi, Nonnie!

Sure! As long as everyone is aware this is purely speculation, and nothing I say should be taken as proof of anything, I have no problem.

I've gone over a few things in my head, to be honest. I thought that JLH having filming conflicts could've been a major factor, and I still don't exactly disagree with that initial idea, but overall I think it was one of the things that threw TM for a loop.

Now, I've seen a lot of people theorize that perhaps Angela is leaving and that is what is causing so much chaos in BTS, but I am on the fence about this. I do think she might've asked to not have such a big role moving forward, especially if they get a season 9 (which I am also on the fence about ngl), like perhaps retiring, or just having a more laidback position training new recruits. The seeds are planted for that, not so much for her fully leaving. And it would give Angela more free time to dedicate to other projects (which, yes please. I need her in new projects ASAP).

So... (and please don't kill me for this, it's just a theory).

I think it all comes back to Ryan. And that he perhaps is leaving, or actively wants to leave. I will try to explain myself as concise as possible:

A couple of months ago there was already speculation about this. In all of his individual interviews (which were a lot, to be honest), Ryan made a point of talking about his work beyond 911 and talking about what he would like to do after 911.

On top of the individual promo, there was an uncharacteristically high amount of BTS dedicated to him and the godforsaken mustache. To the point where they threw a mustache party. And in the pics of that party, the vibes were that it was a party for Ryan, not in general.

Small thing, but Josh randomly dressing up as Eddie for Halloween. Perhaps unrelated, but I wanted to add it.

The 911 account reposting and celebrating Ryan's 100th ep, when 1. it wasn't his 100th (if we count the eps he was actually in) and 2. it was also JLH's, and yet they didn't say a thing about it. Ryan reposted that as well and the message he reposted it with was more nostalgic than anything else. Very much giving 'it was an honor to work with you, what a journey'.

I could be wrong, but I do think his contract ends this season. So, that just adds to it.

The timeline of the move to Texas. By the reactions alone I was fully expecting Eddie to leave for Texas at the end of 808, and then to be back with Chris (in a lazy way of solving their conflict off-screen) by 809-810. But the way he's currently thinking about it makes it very sus for me. As in, it can be a thing for the end of the season, and an actual goodbye for Eddie.

Of course, nothing of this has to actually happen, and it's quite possible it just exists in my brain. But this makes sense in my funny brain because then it explains why BT had to break up so soon... because they wanted Buck to feel completely isolated.

We know 809-10 will deal with Maddie being kidnapped. That alone will make Buck spiral. But if on top of that his best friend is also leaving... well, being alone just adds to the isolation and the angst. Because if Tommy was still around he'd be able to lean on him, and have him help him through this. But it seems like the writers wanted Buck fully alone for this, because sure, seeing a character never learning and being completely isolated is so much fun.

If this ends with BT getting back together, I honestly don't know. It wouldn't surprise me if Tim doesn't know. But, all in all, I wouldn't be surprised if RG deciding he's done is the thing that kinda created the domino effect.

(Also: I do not believe Oliver was telling Tim to fire Lou and end BT. Sorry. I just don't really see it. Nor do I think there were actual conflicts between actors BTS, as much as everything they're doing right now does feel a bit weird)

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant, Nonnie! My inbox is always open for ranting, venting, or discussing

Take care <3

[imfinereallyy]

Shared Kisses

for @steddie-week I’m behind on it but I couldn’t resist day 3, and it’s a little late because I fell asleep while writing it, that's how sleep deprived I am haha. prompt: first kiss

“Okay, okay! It's my turn now. Sir Steven, Lady Birdie, tell me, who was your first kiss?” Eddie giggles from his spot on the carpet. He smells like stale menthols and pine; Steve can’t get enough of it. He has to resist from leaning his head into Eddie and taking a breath of him.

Steve is starting to believe he needs his head checked. Again. Wanting to smell one of his friend's necks isn't normal.

Steve is also starting to realize that maybe that is because he wants to be more than friends. God, he is such a loser sometimes.

“Oh, this is unfair! You know the rules state that we can’t ask it back now. Boooo.” Robin chants from her place on the couch, where she hangs upside down. Steve is for once glad they aren’t playing a drinking game; he is sure Robin would have vomited by now otherwise.

“I still think this a weird game to be playing.” Steve dodges the question and nudges Eddie with his knee.

“C’mon Harrington, questions is an absolute solid getting-to-know-you game.” Eddie nudged his knee back.

“Dude we’ve been friends for six months.”

“Yes but there are so many layers I have yet to peel.”

Robin grunts from her upside-down position, Steve can tell all the blood has finally rushed to her head, and she tumbles onto the ground next to them. “Gotta agree with Metal Man here, Steve-o. I’ve known you even longer, and I still don’t know everything. And we are practically connected.

Steve blows air from his lips, “So this is just a ploy to expose all my secrets.”

Steve can tell that Robin, who might as well share a soul with him at this point, can sense how uncomfortable he is beginning to feel. Her teasing softens for a moment. “What if I went first, yeah?”

Steve pauses, “Yeah okay.”

“You got to promise not to make fun of me.”

“Of course, Robs.”

“I make no such promises.” Eddie interrupts but ultimately cuts the tension in the room. Steve kind of feels like it is on purpose, by the way his eyes skim Steve carefully, and the way Robin lets out a loud snort.

“Wasn’t talking to you doofus. I don’t actually respect your opinion of me.”

“Hey!” Eddie protests, but they all know he isn’t really offended.

Robin chuckles lightly, but continues. “It was in middle school, at one of my first girl-boy parties; gross, right? I hate that we called it those. Anyway. They decide to play spin the bottle, and I feel pressure because my only friend at the time is Barb, and she didn’t come and Colleen Walsh is doing it, and she—well, she’s the prettiest, most popular girl in school at the time and I’d be an idiot not to follow along. So we’re playing Spin the Bottle, right? And rounds go by, and it doesn’t land on me, and I’m grateful but Colleen notices. She goads me on to do it, take a spin since it isn’t fair I haven’t kissed anyone. So, wanting to get over being the center of attention, I reach over and spin it, and it lands on—“

“Wait.” Steve stops Robin, realizing she is about to out herself to Eddie on Steve’s behalf. He doesn’t want her to do that but on anything but her own terms. “Are you sure about this, Robs?”

Robin throws her head back and laughs, “Yea, I’m sure dingus. No need to worry. Anyway, you’ll never believe who it lands on.”

Eddie wiggles his eyebrows, “C’mon buck don’t leave us hanging.”

“Tommy Hagan.”

Eddie and Steve both start choking on air while Steve screams, “What!?!”

Eddie collapses on the ground with a dramatic groan, covering his face with his hands and mumbling, “why cruel world?” Robin giggles at his antics.

“You’re telling me it wasn’t….?” Steve trails off, hoping Robin gets the hint.

“That it wasn’t a girl? No dingus, just because I’m a lesbian doesn’t mean all my experiences are with women. Besides, I was 12; I didn’t realize staring at Colleen’s boobs wasn’t jealousy.”

“Oh, thank god, you know; I thought I was going to have to break the news to you that your gayer than the men’s locker room after a winning game,” Eddie mumbles behind his hands still on the ground.

“Only you would make a sports reference in relation to gayness, Eds. Also, wait, you knew she was lesbian? How did you know? Why are you freaking out then?” Steve rapid fires questions.

Still covered with his hands, “Like seeks like, Harrington. It’s like a sixth sense.”

Steve’s mouth goes dry, “You’re gay?” He says hopefully.

Eddie finally removes his hands from his face but doesn’t sit up. “Yea, Stevie, thought you knew, honestly. Not like it’s a secret, all of Hawkins talks about it.”

“I try not to listen to the rumor mill.”

A soft smile graces Eddie’s face, “One of the many things I love about you sweetheart.”

Steve tries not to blush, but ultimately fails. “Still doesn’t explain why you’re freaking out about Tommy. Sure, he sucks, but like I reacted that way cause I was friends with him at some point. What’s you’re excuse?”

Finally Eddie sits up with a groan. “Okay, promise not to laugh or freak out?”

Robin and Steve both nod and mumble a little “yea of course”.

Eddie rubs a hand down his face, “Okay, I freaked out because even though it’s not my turn to answer and I don’t have to, well—it’s because. Okay, I’m stalling; it’s because Tommy Hagan was also my first kiss. When I was 15, under the bleachers.”

Robin and Steve are both silent, Eddie looks at them expectantly. “Are you guys going to say anything?”

Robin speaks up first, “I think this is the closest we can get to not freaking out.”

“I think I would prefer that over the freaky twin silence.”

Steve still stays quiet while Robin proceeds to react, “Oh my god Munson! This is the funniest and freakiest thing ever. And not in a freak way you like! This is magnificent, oh my god….” Robin continues to cackle and make fun of Eddie, but Steve tunes it out. He can feel all the blood rush to his ears, blocking out all the sound from the room. Tommy. Tommy. He has kissed both of his best friends, one of which he wants to kiss himself. That just seems unfair to Steve. It hurts Steve, and he doesn’t know why. Actually, he knows precisely why.

“My first kiss was when I was 13,” Steve says abruptly, not making eye contact. The both of them stop their bickering and turn to Steve. They stay silent, as if they know Steve needs it to get through it. He is thankful for them both.

“I was 13, and my parents weren’t home. It had become the usual at this point, but I was sad because it was my birthday, and this was the first birthday they didn’t even send a card. And Tommy decided to come over to cheer me up; this was back, I guess, when he still cared too. And we didn’t do much; I didn’t like to make a big fuss about my birthday even then, but it was a nice night out just before the break of summer. So we decided to stargaze on the roof. And I don’t know how it happened, but one second we’re trying to find the Little Dipper, and the next, Tommy is kissing me. It was nice, honestly. To have someone you care about show you affection. And when he pulled away, I smiled at him, but he just stared. And then—“ Steve swallows thickly before looking up at Eddie and Robin, who both look at him with rapt attention.

“Then his face turns angry, and he punches me. He punches me so hard that I almost fall off the roof. He tells me not to be a queer, and if I told anyone, who would tell everyone what I was. And it seemed unfair, right? Because he kissed me, I only smiled. I haven’t kissed a boy since.”

Suddenly there is an arm around his shoulder, “Stevie….” Eddie tucks Steve’s head into the crook of his neck, and Steve begins to sob.

Robin quietly gets up, “I’m going to make us some tea.” Steve knows she can sense that he needs a moment with Eddie. Steve loves her more than life.

“I’m sorry this is stupid. I don’t even know why I’m crying.”

Eddie rubs soft circles on his back, “It’s not stupid, honey. He hurt you in more ways than one, and traumatized you from exploring yourself. You have every right to be upset. Thank you for telling us. You didn’t—you didn’t have to. You could have lied, or told us your first kiss with a girl.—“

“Colleen Walsh.” Steve interrupts into Eddie’s neck.

Eddie barks out a laugh, “Of course it was. Anyway, Steve, thank you for sharing. I’m glad you feel safe with us.”

Steve’s tears are no longer. “I always feel safe with you, Eds.” And the Steve finally does the thing he’s been wanting to do all night. He takes a big sniff of Eddie. Steve doesn’t care if it’s weird because he settles a sort of calm in him.

Eddie grips his waist tight, and puts a finger under Steve’s chin, pulling his face close to his own. “Yea, I do? Does that mean you also trust me?”

Steve can feel Eddie’s breath on his lips. He knows it’s probably not good how quickly his mood has changed, but he can’t find it in himself to care. The air between them is electric, and intense. Steve can feel it make his whole body come alive. “Of course I do.”

Eddie leans even closer, “Good. Because I think it’s a damn shame a pretty boy like you hasn’t kissed another boy since.” Then Eddie presses their lips together.

Steve isn’t sure if someone were to ask what his first kiss with Eddie was like if he would be able to answer. It’s indescribable; it’s perfect. But if he is to try, it would be this, soft, slow, deep, and oh so very good. Steve can feel the heat from Eddie’s lips pulsing into his own. Eddie’s hands' grip Steve’s face, angling him deeper as he slides his tongue into his mouth. Steve pulls him closer by his t-shirt. Going crazy off the taste of salt and chocolate that now swipes his tongue.

They both pull back a little breathlessly, hands still gripping each other. They lean their foreheads together, and Steve smiles. He smiles so big his face hurts. And Eddie does the most thing in return,

He smiles back.

The moment is broken, though, when Robin enters the room again with a bowl of popcorn and a loud “Oh thank god, I was sick of the pining. From both of you.”

Eddie sputters while Steve just laughs at her. “I thought you were making tea Birdie?”

Robin sits down next to them again, “Too much work and I was snacky.”

Steve throws popcorn at her head but isn’t upset at all. He leans his head on Eddie’s shoulder, and Eddie kisses the top of Steve’s head.

Robin smiles fondly at them. Then her face scrunches up in pain, “Wait, all of our first kisses was Tommy Hagan?”

“Yep.”

“Unfortunately so.”

“God I do not want to give that twerp any more credit in life than I have to. Why are we all like this?”

Steve giggles while Eddie shrugs.

Robin can’t keep a straight face anymore and falls into laughter. “Wait, does this mean we are all bounded by this? I completely unrelated, non-upside down experience?”

Eddie speaks up before Steve, “I believe so, Lady Buckley. A trauma outside of other worlds binds us. We have been bound since before the slain of Vecna.”

Robin shrieks, “Awee, guys! We were always meant to meet then.”

Then Robin tackles the both of them to the ground in a bear hug. Steve’s not even mad that she’s in the middle of Eddie and him.

Because this, right here, is all the love he’ll ever need.

***

I'm behind on steddie week, but I want to throw my hat in the ring. Have a written a first kiss thing before? Yes I have. But I can’t resist. Thank for the read, love this community so much.

[bodyintheabyssy]

The One Where Ravi Calls Out The Bullshit

The next shift Buck looks rough , like he has not been sleeping. Which should not be the case unless something went south after he left him with Tommy.

Buck keeps zoning out in downtime, and glaring at Ravi. He thinks it is intentional.

Chimney of course picks up on it. “Buck, leave Ravi alone. He probably didn’t do anything , unless he like puked on you the other night or something.”

“Yeah something.” Buck mumbles.

Ravi crosses his arms and goes over to them. “I guess you are blaming me for a bad night? When you dragged me out and was being a drunk sap?”

“Whoa!” Chimney holds his hands up, “What happened?”

Buck frowns, “Yeah I guess I am. Sure I had a few drinks but you dragged Tommy over, knowing how much I am still hurt over the breakup.”

Hen winces, Chimney shakes his head , “Oh Ravi. Matchmaking isn’t for everyone, you need to do it under better circumstances, and some grace.”

“I wasn’t trying to match make ; I just wanted a break from Buck.”

Buck frowns, “Well fuck me for trying to make new friends.”

Ravi sighs, “That is the problem! You weren’t trying to be my friend! You talked all night about how much you miss your best friend! Yes , Eddie is gone and I am sure that sucks for all of you. Imagine how I feel as his shift replacement! Even Bobby called me Eddie ! I am not Eddie and I am not trying to be!

You never wanted to ‘hang out’ before in all the years we have worked together. So yeah I didn’t want to hear anymore about Eddie and hang out with you when I could be with my actual friends.”

That makes everyone lapse into silence. “I am sorry Ravi. You are right, I have not been a good friend to you.”

Ravi sits down, “Buck, you don’t have to be my new friend. You just need to find a work-life balance. Join a book club, start a new hobby, try out new groups. Make friends that are separate from your job.”

All three of them loom at him like he is asking for something crazy.

“My god you people are helpless. You can have a life outside of your co-workers and romantic partners. It is possible. I am very good at it, many people have social circles outside of work. You all have just woven yourself into a concerning co-dependent web of work friends that attract danger. Do you guys have any friends outside of work? That you still keep in contact with?”

“Damn Ravi.. with the cold hard truth.” Chimney sighs.

Bobby comes into the room, “Ravi, I apologize that we have not been considerate of your feelings into this transition and made fitting in hard. I am sorry we made you feel excluded. I will do better to try to connect with other team members going forward.”

Ravi nods, “With all respect captain, I don't really want to be a part of your work family. I am afraid if I do get initiated my life will get considerably worse, I don’t want that unpredictable energy in my life.”

Chimney laughs, “Are we that bad?!”

“How many times have you almost died, each?” Ravi responds.

“That is irrelevant.” Chimney mumbles.

Ravi looks at Buck who is deep in thought, “Look I get it, making new friends is hard and scary but you are going to be fine once you get used to it. I am sorry things didn’t work out with Tommy the other night but that had nothing to do with me. You could have left, or talked things over when you weren’t drunk.”

Buck nods, “Thanks Ravi I needed that reality check.”

Hen then nods, “We appreciate you Ravi.”

“We need someone to call us on our bullshit. How are you wiser than us?” Chimney smiles.

“I was surrounded by more adults than kids my own age growing up.” Ravi shrugs.

Chimney nods, then looks to Buck, “Wait, what happened with Tommy?”

Buck groans and takes another sip of coffee.

Later on before their shift is over Buck comes to talk to Ravi.

“Look man, I am really sorry. I have been thinking about how I acted abd it was not cool. I didn’t really listen to your interests and was not very present as a friend. Believe it or not I don’t make friends easily. I feel like I have to act cooler than I am . I can get pushy and clingy.”

“It is all good. Really.” Ravi smiles.

“You did make me realize that even though the firehouse feels like family , I really have not branched out. But I am going to sound ridiculous,” He pauses, “How do I start? Everyone my age is married with kids , have friends from childhood and college or doing adult shit.” Buck laughs.

Ravi nods, “It isn’t a personal failing Buck. A lot of people have trouble making new friends as adults. Especially finding people you don’t see everyday like work friends. You just gotta put yourself out there.”

Buck sighs, “Out where exactly?”

Ravi chuckles, “You have interests right? Maybe try looking up groups online that meet in person. Something like pickup basketball that you actually enjoy. You like learning stuff right? It is old school but maybe see what adult events the library has to see what kind of stuff you are looking for.”

“That is really helpful. Thanks. How did you get so good at this?” Buck smiles.

Ravi pauses a minute, “I missed out on so much as a kid. I was in and out of school for treatments, and couldn’t do sports. I couldn’t keep up with my classmates, so I stopped trying to. I found out what I like and spent a lot of time playing games , watching movies or fucking around online. Then I started looking for people who liked the same stuff and just kept going to events. I warn you it can be awkward as hell. Like going to a bar where everyone already knows each other or has a date. Even just showing up is better than nothing. There may be social groups for a lot of stuff online too. It is LA ! People do a lot of weird shit here.” Ravi laughs.

“Thanks man. You are a good guy.” Buck pats his shoulder.

“No problem. Good Luck out there & have a good weekend.” Ravi smiles.

[rcmclachlan]

hi anon here 👋 I am not at all angry, just terribly sad to see this one, late-in-the-game ship wreck the fandom. Maddie just got her throat sliced while preganant and bucktommys are sincerely fantasizing about her being revealed secretly homophobic so she could be villified and put back in her place. All for the sin of not shipping her brother with Tommy. Are you quite sure yall are having fun? Revenge fantasies are not the hallmark of fun being had. So many new wave fans are treating the fandom like war to be won and only complain and try to cancel cast members and harass journalists just doing their jobs. Honestly, just try a different show maybe.

I'm going to be honest with you, nonny. I genuinely don't know what you're talking about here.

Maybe I've curated my dash/chosen my fandom buds too well or maybe it's because I don't pay attention to the interviews or 911's social media channels, but I honestly haven't seen what you seem to be seeing. I haven't seen anyone villify Maddie or cast her as homophobic. The most I've seen is people trying to unpack her recent suggestion to Buck that he needs to learn to be alone, plus some thoughtful meta on how the Buckley siblings' relationship has both grown and stagnated over the course of the last few seasons. I certainly haven't seen anything that might be construed as a revenge fantasy.

But to answer your question: yes, I am having fun. I've met some truly wonderful people and reconnected with old friends, and this little subset of the fandom has done some incredible things, like raise a good chunk of change for charity and run an ongoing positivity project that never fails to bring joy to everyone's day.

No offense meant, but it sounds like the only one not having fun is you.

I've said it a thousand times before and I'll say it again: police your own fandom consumption. If you think this canon ship is "wrecking the fandom," then it might be time for you to find something else that brings you more joy than you're currently getting from this one. Life is too short to stay somewhere that makes you unhappy.

[lover-of-mine]

Hii!! I was thinking about buck and the concept of home and his different romantic relationships with it cause i realized with buck asking tmmy to live together they established a patern that was already there of course but well, this being the last one and having this patern aswell, it settles it in my mind. We know it was there with abby obviously he moved into her house, then with ali she helped him look for the loft and was supposed to stay there when she was in the city, then taylor where they try to move in together then well everything we know that follows, the couch of it all etc and then natalia where nothing is talked about it in that sense but well him saying lets pick a couch together was pretty much also an implication. Im sorry if you talked about this before but yes i was thinking about this because FICS lol and the connection eddie already has through all of bucks relationships ("this is eddies house im not really a guest") and the potential it could have in the future if they decide to make a direct parallel to abby. Feel free to just send me a link if youve already talked about it. And as always thank you for your insight 💕

Hi darling. I don't think I talked about this all that recently, and if I did I mostly talked about it in the sense that the loft is a symbol of Buck's failed relationships and that I would like it if Buck made the choice to move on his own the last time someone was talking about the loft burning down lol. But yeah, Buck asking Tommy to move in solidified the way Buck jumps because he's scared. It's not something discussed, it's a reaction to something else, I guess with Ali not that much but he did get the place with her in mind and I would assume she decorated it too, that being her job and all. But asking Taylor to move in to trap her with him, asking Tommy to move in because he's insecure, even the couch with Natalia probably would've been explored a bit further if she had stuck around (I will never let go of the conspiracy theory that the Marisol moving in plot was a bucktalia plot they repurposed). The Abby of it all is interesting because he "accidentally" moves in, he is helping her with her mom's death and ends up lingering, so it isn't a conscious choice, it was Buck being all in. And it's interesting that his reaction to feeling insecure in his relationships is that all in movement, because it didn't work before, but he still acts as if making things that serious will make them love.

I am extremely curious about the loft when talking about Buck from now on. Because with the loft being the place Buck's relationships begin and end, the symbolism in the way Ali showed she couldn't handle who he is in there, and Taylor and Tommy kissing him and the respective breakup also happening there, Natalia leaving the dinner date. The choice is not really Buck's. And they use the loft in a very purposeful way on a meta level, even tho there are no walls, there is an obvious divide in the spaces, like the way kitchen, I would say the sides and back of the counter is the space he's comfortable, and it's a space for family, we only see Maddie, Chris, Jee, Eddie, and I think Hen in that space, and the times we see Taylor in it the scene goes south real quick, like when Buck decides she's breaking up with him in 509 and when he tells her about the cheating in 513. The dining room, I would assign the front of the counter and the space with the table, has a lot of more emotionally charged moments but it's a less serious space, it's where Buck keeps most people. The space under the loft is made "for guests" by his mother and it really isn't a space we see Buck a lot in while in a casual mood. The stairs are for uncomfortable truths, like 316 when he's talking about being left behind or when he's waiting for Taylor for the breakup in 518. I'm getting side tracked lol, but the way we now have 3 breakups happening in there is making me eye it. Because the loft is not home, we don't interpret the loft as home. Even going back to 218 when he gets it and the joke Ali makes that he's a "perpetual roommate even in his own place".

And on the other side, we have Eddie's house, "this is Eddie's house, I'm not really a guest", a very interesting line considering at that point we hadn't seen Buck in the house alone, the hangouts we witness are all in the loft, I'm pretty sure the first time we see Buck in the house alone with Eddie and Chris is 403, because 310 has Hen and Denny and 311 is a party, but Buck has a key to the house, we see him in the house when Eddie isn't there, 612 makes a point of showing Buck uncomfortable in his own house just to fall asleep at Eddie's in seconds. He panics and shows up at Eddie's door. So if the speculation is right and Buck ends up at the house after Eddie leaves for Texas it could have some fun connotations for what it means for Buck. Because we did lowkey establish that Buck forces connection by moving in together because "why be apart when they could be together" as if the constant presence is gonna make him feel better, will make the house feel more like home. So what would it mean for him to end up at Eddie's if Eddie isn't there? Would that lead him to the realization that home isn't the house, it is Eddie and Chris and he doesn't need to force that connection? Would it add up to the way he clung to Abby's place because he liked the way she made him feel even though she left him and the house wasn't that anymore? And will that lead to a revelation when Eddie comes back because Abby never did? I don't know if this makes a lot of sense, but let's just say that they used Tommy to solidify most of Buck's bad habits, and one of those is the loft of it all, so something about Buck choosing to leave because he hates that Eddie isn't around anymore and he wants to find him somewhere makes sense to me.

Obviously, there's also the chance of Eddie showing up to the loft and helping change the meaning of it too, but I just have a feeling the houses and the definition of home will play a part in whatever is unfolding.

[911coded]

Chapter 9: I’m Gonna Be

Buck blinked against the sunlight drifting across his face when he woke the next morning. For a moment, he forgot where he was, but the muscled arm across his midsection leading to a beautiful masculine face sleeping peacefully next to him brought the memory back, and with a content hum and sleepy smile, he relaxed back into the hotel sheets. 

“My Tommy is bitchy and sarcastic. He tells terrible jokes, likes monster truck rallies, never passes up a slice of cake, and cries at movies. That’s the Tommy I want, that’s the one…the one I fell in love with.”

“You love me?” Tommy breathed out.

“Yes. Of course I love you, I want a future with you. I want-I want everything with you. There is no first and last, there’s just you,” Buck replied and reached for Tommy’s hands, pulling him forward to stand between Buck’s knees. “I see you Tommy Kinard and I love you. I want to know all the parts of you, even the ones you hate. You came into my life and I felt free for the first time. Not because I realized that I had been bisexual all along, but because I feel like I don’t have to hide when I’m with you. I can be myself with you, not just what you expect or what you find useful, but just Evan. You have always just seen Evan and I don’t think you realize what a gift that was for me, to be seen and adored for nothing but who I am. I love that you are a little mean to people who don’t take you seriously. I love that you have terrible taste in jokes and entertainment but will listen to me ramble on for hours about whatever subject has caught my interest. I love that you are just as baffled by my lack of pop culture knowledge as everyone else, but your response is not to mock me or make me feel less than, but to share all the pop culture you love with me so I know what you are talking about. Most of all, I love how strong you are and how strong you have had to be just to be standing here in front of me.”

 Tommy bent down, brushed a kiss against Buck’s lips, and leaned in until their foreheads met. “I love you too. So much I don’t know what to do with it,” Tommy whispered shakily as he stroked his thumb across Buck’s birthmark. “You terrify me Evan Buckley, what could you possibly need from me?”

“Just love me. Please love me?” Buck pleaded, beyond caring how needy he sounded. 

“Always,” Tommy breathed. A few tears dripped on their clasped hands and Buck pulled Tommy astride his lap on the bed, clutching at his back as Buck let go of whatever restraint he possessed with the joy that rushed through his body and zinged in his brain. Mine. Tommy shoved Buck back on the bed and attacked his mouth with biting kisses that tasted like relief and joy as he licked into Buck’s mouth. Buck moaned with the relief of being pressed up against Tommy’s hard chest and attempted to flip them over, forgetting that his legs were still dangling off the edge. With snorts of laughter and a couple of giggles, they managed to scoot to the top of the bed where Buck draped himself across Tommy like a weighted blanket and proceeded to take possession of his mouth, humming as Tommy’s hands slipped under his shirt to gently scratch along his spine.

Tommy began making the snuffling sound in his sleep that meant he was waking up, and Buck soaked in the last few moments of Tommy’s arms holding him together after the stress of the last two months. Tommy hummed under his breath and pulled Buck into his chest, wrapping both arms around Buck without opening his eyes and ran the tip of his nose up the back of his neck and into his hair. It felt like Tommy wanted to pull Buck under his skin, tuck him in his ribcage, and keep him there. Buck found that he really wouldn’t mind.

“Mmm, I missed the way you smell,” Tommy whispered. 

“Are you saying I stink?” Buck asked with a playful whine.

“It’s your Evan stink, I love it,” Tommy replied with a grin, and Buck barked a laugh that turned into giggles as Tommy traced callused fingertips across his ribs.

“Tommy!” Buck attempted to wriggle away, but Tommy rolled him beneath his bulk and held him against the mattress with his nose tucked against Buck’s throat with a pleased hum.

“We need to leave for the mountain; they’re expecting us this morning,” Tommy murmured.

“Nooo, five more minutes,” Buck whined in truth, reluctant to let the real world back in to potentially ruin what they had tentatively managed to piece together last night.

“I’m pretty sure we’ve already used up our five extra minutes when you let me continue to sleep while you stared at me like a creep.”

Buck let out a petulant huff, “Fine!” Tommy chuckled and watched Buck stomp off to the bathroom for a shower and rolled off the bed to see if he could find something in his bag suitable to wear for a day of training in an underground bunker.

**************

“Alright, lads, if you will take a seat, we need to get you up to date on any vaccinations you will need for off-planet and a couple that are specific for Pegasus. Is there anything in your medical history that we need to know right away? One of the forms we gave you this morning will take care of getting your medical records, but if there is anything we need to know now, this is the time to share.” They had been introduced to the doctor checking them out when they were escorted to the infirmary, but Buck, in his nervousness, had immediately forgotten the man’s name. He knew his medical history was a bit much already, but he was determined to bring up the potential problem that had only occurred to him last night.

“Oh, uh, it probably won’t be a problem, but I have a rod in my leg from a crush injury about five years ago. And I was struck by lightning about a year and a half ago, but my cardiologist says that so far, there is no lasting damage. I’ll just need to keep an eye on it,” Buck said, starting with the easy stuff first. At least he thought it was the easy stuff; the expressions on the faces of the doctor and nurses staring at him in disbelief told him that he was wrong. Buck could feel himself shrinking in on himself in embarrassment, but Tommy’s bitchy amused smirk from his own gurney on the other side of the room caused him to straighten his spine if only so Buck could stick his tongue out at him, “I mean, that’s the worst of it?”

“That’s the-are you sure this is your first contact with the stargate? Your medical history sounds like someone from one the gate teams?!” the doctor sputtered out.

Buck shrugged and scrunched up his forehead in confusion. “Well, I don’t know about that. Saving the planet is surely more dangerous than being a firefighter in LA.”

The doctor opened his mouth to respond and abruptly closed it again. “If you say so….anything else you want to tell me?” he asked hesitantly. 

Buck rubbed a hand across the back of his neck absently, “Um, well….not sure if this matters, but anyone studying the Alteran gene would probably be interested in the fact that I’m a savior sibling? I don’t know if that means the gene comes from my family or not.”

The doctor’s head snapped up from making notes about their results, and his attention was firmly on Buck now. “Fascinating. Do you have any information on the clinic and the city perhaps where it happened? I can get someone to look into it for us and see what we can find out.” 

“I’ll, um, have to ask my parents. They haven’t really shared much information and my sister was only 9 or 10 at the time so she doesn’t know many details,” Buck shared.

“That’s ok, just get us a ballpark to start from and we’ll take it from there. There’s no reason that any part of your medical history should be kept from you, lad, no matter how it came about.” The doctor awkwardly pat Buck on the shoulder before backing off as another man enters the infirmary to lean casually in the doorway with crossed arms. It’s the same man that was standing with Tommy watching the stargate, with the fluffy salt and pepper hair.

“All done, Carson? Hey there, Tommy!” The man smiles at Tommy then turns to Buck amd reaches out a hand, “I’m General John Sheppard, you can call me John. I’m the base commander for Atlantis and if Carson is done with his vampire schtick, me and Ronon will be running your physical assessment while I give you the rundown of what I envision your team to look like. Do I call you Buckley? Buck? Evan?” he asked. 

“Buck is fine, sir.” 

“Ew, no. No sirs from civilians, it gives me the heebie jeebies. Call me John, Sheppard, or if you must, General,” John shuddered dramatically and Buck realized that this is General Sheppard or Sheppard from Dave’s stories and maybe Tommy’s pilot? Buck looked over to Tommy, caught his eye and lifted an eyebrow then glanced at John and back at Tommy. Tommy sighed, rolled his eyes and nodded. John looked them back and forth, shrugged and set off down the hallway, “Follow me, kids! We’re off to see what you can do!”

After several confusing hallways and a ride up in the elevator, the three of them arrived in a blank, cavernous room that only showed that they had found the gym was the floor covered in mats and various exercise equipment. In the center of the mat covered space was a slightly older man with a full beard and long hair pulled up in a messy bun with some sort of scrunchy. He was slowly working his way through a series of katas that Buck didn’t recognize and he moved with a precision and grace that Buck admired and wanted to learn. The man was ignoring the small crowd of onlookers cluttering the benches lining one side of the room and only looked up with a shout of his name from John. So this was Ronon, from Pegasus. When he stood at his full height at attention, Buck realized that he was even taller than Tommy and was maybe about the same age. Without the beard, he would look no older than Buck.

John wasted no time getting started, “Buck, why don’t you start on the treadmill? One of your best weapons in Pegasus is the ability to run away so we’ll see how far you can comfortably go without putting too much stress on yourself. Tommy, since you are the one with the martial arts experience, I’ll let Ronon run you through some common hand to hand styles you’ll run into when interacting with the teams and peoples of Pegasus.”

Buck internally shrugged because John wasn’t wrong. Hand-to-hand fighting of any kind tended to make his nickname a reality, his long legs seeming to forget how to work in concert as soon as anyone took a swing at him. He’s always worked better in defence of others rather than himself. And he really wasn’t interested in explaining the swords he brought with him and demonstrating what he could do with them, especially when Tommy didn’t know yet. Running he could do, and he had the perfect view of Tommy and Ronon warming up. After a few warm-up stretches, Buck set the treadmill to a good starting speed, put in his earbuds to focus his brain and put on a random playlist. 

Tommy could see Evan on the treadmill out of the corner of his eye but needed most of his concentration to keep from getting trounced by Ronon. They circled, taking each other’s measure, then Ronon went on the offensive, and Tommy concentrated on analyzing the other man’s movements. He had pivoted to the right to avoid Ronon’s leg sweep when he caught another glimpse of Evan doing something that startled him enough to nearly take an elbow to the face when Ronon switched tactics. He backed away with both hands up in surrender and turned his full attention to Evan, who seemed to be dancing on the treadmill? He could also see John watching Evan in amused fascination. Oh boy. He walked into Evan’s line of sight, sure that the confusion was written all over his face. Evan startled and managed to come to a complete stop. On a treadmill. He didn’t fall on his ass, but it was a near thing. Evan snatched the earbuds out of his ears and looked around the large room at all the staring faces. Tommy watched as his face and neck bloomed in a blush that spread to his ears and beneath the collar of his shirt. Ronon rolled his eyes, grabbed John in a headlock, and dragged him onto the mats, grumbling about nosy earthers.

“What? What’s wrong? Are you ok?” Evan looked around the room in confusion.

“Am I ok? How-What are you doing?” Tommy asked.

“Running? I have a playlist going. Did you know that the beats per minute of a song can affect your stride? It’s really interesting. I like to use different beats to change up my run, keeps it from being so boring. Was I singing? I’m sorry, Eddie says I’m terrible, but I’m used to my treadmill at home where no one can hear me and it helps with endurance if I can “sing” while running,” Evan rambled. Tommy could see him ringing his hands and turning redder by the moment as he went on, he reached out and grasped Evan’s hands to give them a squeeze in encouragement. Tommy glanced around to see that the majority of people had lost interest in them and pulled Evan over to a little alcove out of the way.

“I’ve never seen you work out on a treadmill, sweetheart. It looked like you were dancing and it just startled me a bit, that’s all. I couldn’t hear you if you were singing anything,” Tommy insisted, gently.

“Oh, that’s good. I-uh…I made all these playlists when we broke up? Kind of trying to work out my feelings and I watched all these Tiktoks about finding an album or playlist and these people would scream or shout out their feelings in song as a sort of therapy which didn’t really work for me. But, listening while I workout or baking seemed to calm my mind down so I could focus, like I wasn’t going to vibrate out of my skin for a little while. And I found all these songs about breakups where no one is to blame and these women, they were so honest and heart-felt and I could feel sad and angry and confused and brave all at the same time, so I made a playlist of broken-hearted, angry women to help me process my feelings. They make great running music,” he shrugged sheepishly.

Tommy’s face scrunched up in a smile, “Tonight, when we get back to the hotel, would you share some of these songs? And I’ll tell you about what I was thinking when I walked away and how John knocked some sense into me.”  

“I’d like that. And I want to talk about the future, so we can talk about what going to Atlantis looks like for us. I don’t want to go too fast for you again, but I think I need to know where we are in the process so I don’t spiral and panic, then overcompensate with over the top gestures,” Buck replied with a forceful exhale in relief.

“That sounds perfect, baby, thank you.”

“Buckley!” comes a shout across the room from Ronon, “Lorne says you brought swords to take to ‘Lantis! Are they the useless decorative ones or are you going to show me what you can do with them?” Buck’s eyes widen in shock and he glances over at the man watching him with a taunting grin, before looking back at Tommy.

Tommy’s eyebrows climb his forehead and he stares dumbfounded at Buck, “Swords?”

Buck, determining that the cat was truly out of the bag now, decided to go with it and shrugged, flashed a wide innocent smile at Tommy before trotting over to the SGC officers staring expectantly at him. He rolled his eyes at a grinning Lorne and reluctantly headed over to his bag to pull out the practice blades buried in the bottom.

There will be more talking between the idiots and a sword scene with Buck and Ronon next chapter! I have a couple of videos and example pics of what I’m envisioning that I will link then. I think the next will be the last one of this storyline, but I want to write more of bucktommy in Pegasus, so it will be a series as soon as I get it uploaded to Ao3. 😎

Tags:

@anangrylittlehobbit @eliotwaughdeservesbetter @grimmsdead @fiyaerrigan

[babygirl-diaz]

Omg omg hear me out, omega tommy who ends up at the hospital after a rescue just to learn he's 5-6 weeks pregnant.

Doctor: Hi mr Kinard. I'm dr [insert last name]. I suppose you are tommy's alpha?

Buck: yeah

Doctor looking back at tommy: Well there's nothing to worry. You are both in good health.

Tommy: what do you mean both?

Doctor: you and your child!

Tommy and Buck at the same time: WHAT?

Okay, this is like super cute! I can totally imagine it. My hand slipped again and I wrote it as a little drabble!

***

Buck paced the emergency room like a caged animal. He threw Tommy an annoyed look when he heard the omega laughing.

"Baby, you keep doing that and the doctor will never come in here," Tommy told him

"I'm not doing anything," Buck huffed. "What's taking them so long?"

Buck heard Tommy sigh. He then got off the examination table and came over to Buck, taking his face between his hands. "Baby, I know you're worried but I'm fine."

"You're not fine," Buck told him. "You fainted at work, Tommy. What if you were in the middle of a flight? Wh- what would have happened then?" He shuddered at the thought.

"But I didn't!" Tommy replied. "I was safe and sound at the base."

"Then explain why you fainted?" Buck asked in an accusatory tone and pulled away from him.

"I can't explain that but that's why we're here, remember?" Tommy asked him gently. "We're gonna find out soon enough. They've done all the tests. We just need to be patient."

"Well, I can't be," Buck replied. "Not where you are involved. If they don't come here in the next 2 minutes, I'm gonna go full alpha on them!" He said flashing his eyes gold.

Tommy was unphased by that and rolled his eyes instead. "Yes, because that's gonna end well and will definitely not get us kicked out."

As soon as Tommy said that, there was a knock on the door, and soon a young woman dressed in a lab coat entered the room.

"Sorry for the wait," she apologized. "I am Dr. Deshmukh. Which one of you is Tommy?"

"That would be me," Tommy replied and went to sit down on the examination table again.

"And I take it you're Mr. Kinard's alpha?" Dr. Deshmukh asked looking at Buck.

"Yeah, Evan Buckley," Buck replied and went by Tommy's side, taking his hand. "Is he okay? What do the test results say?"

Dr. Deshmukh looked over at Tommy and said, "Well, all your test results came back negative," she added flipping through the chart. "Both of you are perfectly fine. Things like fainting are quite common at times like this-"

"What do you mean at times like these?" Buck asked, taken aback by her statement.

"What do you mean both of you?" Tommy asked and Buck realized he had missed that part.

"Uh... You and your child?" Dr. Deshmukh replied. "You do know you're 6 weeks pregnant, right?"

"WHAT?!" Buck and Tommy yelled at the same time and looked at each other.

"Ohhh... You didn't know that," Dr. Deshmukh suddenly looked very apologetic. "That was probably a horrible way to break the news to you."

Buck wanted to say "No shit" but he was freaking the fuck out and couldn't form any sentences.

"Evan, you okay?" Tommy asked and Buck felt a hand on his arm.

Buck looked over at him horrified and nodded slowly. "Y- yeah."

"Hey doc, do you mind giving us a minute?" Tommy asked Dr. Deshmukh.

"Oh yes, of course. I'll be right outside," Dr. Deshmukh replied and left.

"Evan, now tell me. Are you okay?" Tommy asked him again. "Look, I know you and I we- we never really talked about babies but- but I really want one."

"Only one?" Buck asked with a serious face but then smirked at his omega.

"Wait... You're not upset that we're having a baby?" Tommy asked and looked much more relieved.

"Of course not, silly," Buck replied. "I am ecstatic! We're having a baby!"

Tommy laughed and nodded, "Yes, we are!" He put his hands on Buck's cheeks, pulled him close, and kissed him.