#yes it's an isekai sue me

[funtimesale123]

gn reader x bowser fan fic third chapter

After being brought to your room you're unable to sleep. Seems someone has come to check on you...I wonder who it could be?

As Kamek and Jr. Take you to your room your brain starts to wander to places you'd rather it not go.

Your home...

Your world...

Though this world may be cartoony video game fun back home, it's still full of dangers and harm can easily come to a human like you even with your knowledge of this world.

Knowledge is one thing but experience is another

Feelings of fear and despair start to creep in. But as you arrive at your room, you realize that things might not be as bad as you thought.

The room is spacious, with the most comfortable looking bed you've ever seen, a small table and chairs in the middle of the room, and you notice there's even a balcony overlooking the castle grounds.

Kamek and Jr. look at you expectantly, waiting for your reaction.

"Uh, wow. This is...nice," you say, still a little shell-shocked.Kamek chuckles.

"Yes, well, Bowser may be ruthless, but he's not completely heartless. He understands the importance of keeping his guests comfortable."

You smile softly as Jr. enthusiastically waves wishing you "sum good sleep."

As they leave the room and close the door, an exhausted sigh leaves you as you flop onto the bed. (You were definitely right about it being comfortable)

You may be trapped in a strange world, but at least you have a decent place to stay for now.

You sit up and look out at the balcony, feeling a sense of dread wash over you. This may be a nice room, but you still don't know how to get back home or if you even can.

You spend the night tossing and turning. Unable to sleep despite how comfortable the bed is and how exhausted you are.

You sigh curling in on yourself, drowning yourself in the massive covers. Just trying not to break down but failing rather miserably.

As you lie there in the darkness, the weight of uncertainty and fear begins to weigh down hard on you, making it hard to breathe. You feel trapped and hopeless. Tears start to pinprick at the edges of your eyes. Suddenly, a soft knock at the door startles you. You quickly get out of bed and make your way to the door, wiping the tears from your face.

You open the door to find the king himself standing there, looking down at you with concern. "You do know it is very late right? I heard some noises as assumed you were still awake. Seems I was right... A-are you okay?" he asks.

You hesitate, you don't know how to answer. "I... I don't know," you admit.

He nods, his expression sympathetic. "I know it's hard being trapped here, but you're not alone. I promised Jr. I would help you find a way back home."

"I've already asked Kamek to start looking for ways to help." He says with a reassuring tone.

His words help to calm your frayed nerves, and you feel a flicker of hope in your heart.

"Thank you," you say, suddenly feeling grateful for the small kindnesses that have been shown to you so far.

Bowser smiles warmly. "Don't worry. We'll figure it out together."

With those words, he turns and heads back to his own room, leaving you feeling a little less alone in this strange, unfamiliar place. You crawl back into bed, feeling slightly more at ease, and slowly drift off to sleep.

[terryxsi]

I need those earrings so bad its not a joke

[solemntitty]

Yuri anime isekai where the bully steps on you and you like it is a genre, I'm finding out

[museofreverie]

𝐖𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐨𝐦. Eren Jaeger

Pairing: Modern Fem!Reader x Eren Jaeger┊ONGOING ┊Written in 2nd POV

In which a chronically online Gen Z that went through the pandemic goes to the Attack on Titan Universe and tries her very best to change the ending with an "I can fix him" mentality.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Archive of Our Own ┊ Wattpad

┈➤ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒

When the world is thrown into chaos and safety protocols become the new normal, you must confront the fact that continuing your lifelong dreams of becoming a dancer may no longer be possible after experiencing the loss of a beloved someone due to the pandemic. However, there is always a possibility of finding small joy even in times of despair: the freedom to do whatever you want during quarantine. And perhaps this includes being addicted to the Attack on Titan series. But when an action of yours triggers a phenomenon, you find yourself transported to a familiar world where man-eating titans exist, with the threat of war looming between countries ━ all of a sudden, fiction becomes reality and things take a drastic turn as you encounter your beloved characters. As the stakes become increasingly high with your knowledge about the future, you must learn how to confront your fears, face the consequences of your choices, and with the goal to change the course of history and stop the gruesome fate of many by helping Eren Jaeger discover the true meaning of freedom at all cost.

┈➤ 𝐓𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒

𝟎𝟎𝟎┊Prologue 𝟎𝟎┊From You, 2000 Years Ago 𝟎𝟏┊The Girl Who Knew 𝟎𝟐┊Iced Coffee and Anxieties 𝟎𝟑┊Some Words of Wisdom 𝟎𝟒┊Just a Very Long Dream 𝟎𝟓┊Under The Tree 𝟎𝟔┊Dépaysement 𝟎𝟕┊Held Captive 𝟎𝟖┊Rot Girl Summer [ONGOING]

┈➤ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒

Heavy Spoilers, Manga Spoilers, Slow Burn, Long Chapters, Attempt at Humor, Heavy Cursing, Mommy Issues, Blood and Gore, Anxiety Attacks, Grief, Violence, PTSD, Trauma, Mention of food restrictions, Body Dysmorphia, Period-Typical Discrimination, Fascism, Gaslighting, Slavery, Mental Illness, War Crimes, Racism, Death

┈➤ 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄

Hello, everyone! I finally decided to post this Eren fic here on tumblr to have more engagement to it. Yes, it's an isekai fic and yes, we will embrace the cringe! The AOT brainrot will not end that's why I wrote this because Eren deserves a happy ending---but before that, please bear with me because this is a slow burn fic. I didn't want this fic just to focus on romance and make Y/N a mary sue---I want her, you, be written as human as possible. This fic will talk about loss, grief, moral dilemmas, psychological trauma and many more along the way. Also, if you don't mind, there will be a LOT of pop culture references. (If you don't like reading those, then it's fine. You are free to exit this fic.) I hope you'll enjoy this ride! feel free to also comment down your thoughts since I love reading comments <3 lots of love!

[f4nd0m-fun]

So in a lot of these monster hunting fantasy webcomics, you have these things called monster cores. Imagine, if you will, an AU where the Justice League has always been in a world like this. Maybe an alternate earth, maybe the aliens are from different planes instead of planets, maybe you've got magic as the primary force and yet there's some who still manage to stick almost entirely to tech/magitech (like Bruce). These cores are essentially batteries, and the more powerful the monster the more energy you can draw. Also, I love the idea that, if you put it together right, you can technically recharge it.

Enter, the Phamily. Either they are from this world and the Fentons are monster hunters trying to find the origin place of the monsters, or this isn't their original world and they're trying to open a portal home.

Danny, Ellie, Dan, and Vlad if he's there, have cores. These can be considered batteries just looking at the way ectoplasm is used (imagine how much more potent the cores would be than the globs). Jazz, the parents, and Danny's friends if they're there too are liminal. This could mean that magic considers them part monster despite no cores, or maybe they're considered akin to warlocks or sorcerers, looked down upon but not actively hunted or something. Although the presence of the half monster kids and what seems to be a half monster dad... (yes this is probably a family breakfast ship, sue me if you dare) well, Vlad is gonna be determined to fight off the rumors with whatever he's got, there's no need for his darling Maddie to get worked up about idiots, aside from him and Jack of course. (I also love Vlad x Connie so this could either be Vlad is just an uncle or we get Connie in and call it Family Party or something - Party cause alcohol?)

Also not entirely sure on how I'm writing Bruce and Dick here, I want them to be able to access magic in some way, but sensing magic might be more of an Oracle/Barbara thing, I'm not sure, but also they can't do anything big or flashy with it, it's more tiny stuff which is why they rely on magitech. Also the idea that even if people can sense magic, usually they ignore changes aside from moving away from it if necessary cause usually it means a bunch of monsters are coming through a breach. Honestly, not sure how to run this but, eh.

The below segment is written with Native!JL and Isekai!DP in mind.

=====||=====||=====||======||=====||=====||=====

Bruce had been tinkering with his latest animaga, a monster core whose energy had been threaded through one if his favorite inventions, intended to allow him and his ward flight with the use of monster wings.

"B!"

He tensed but refuses to startle as his ward all but jumped on top of him. "Yes Dick?"

"The magic feels weird!"

Bruce paused, setting his tools down. He knew as a half elf, Richard was sensitive to magic, but wasn't nearly as strong with it as most full elves.

Of course, Bruce had always been considered... disabled in that regard, a full elf who could only feel the energy close to him, though it wasn't public knowledge that he knew of. "That's good to know, Chum, why don't you meditate on it and I'll investigate tonight?"

His ward seemed to understand the intent to leave him behind and started to protest.

"Chum, I was going out alone before you showed up, if the magic really has changed, it'll be safer for me to go out and use the radar."

Dick whined but didn't protest again.

Bruce hoped he wouldn't sneak out this time.

As night began to fall, a family of 9 was gutting a strange metallic ship. Well, the three elder ones were, while the younger ones worked together to scout out the area.

Bruce had just arrived to the location, but chose not to interfere just yet. Batman was the embodiment of night to many, a fearsome predator to others, and some even thought he was a monster himself. Reconnaissance was his strength, as was stealth.

"I don't know, Jazz, the energy here is weird. Muggy almost." His form gave off a soft glow, not unlike that of the whisps, though much larger in body.

The girl with red hair, Jazz he presumed, did not appear impressed. "Like you're the expert on energy. Maybe you should ask Sam when we get back to Mom and dad."

"And Vlad."

"Don't remind me."

The glowing one shuddered. "I know him and our parents have been buddy buddy again but why did he take you find along?"

"Because you're still in training, Daniel."

Both children shrieked.

"I see your core has accepted me into your Fraid."

Bruce froze a bit. Core? Thier energy was certainly strange but not entirely monstrous, hence his inactivity, but the presence of a core presented issues.

"Whatever, Fruitloop. Go back to camp."

"I don't think I will, you're being watched and I can't have my son or daughter being in harm's way."

"Give it a rest, Frootloop, we're not your kids." Despite their attitude, something about their reaction and stance suggested they were worried about being watched as well.

Bruce wondered how they knew about him, perhaps he should have asked Lucius for help with a dampening field to hide the energy of the animaga?

"Don't bother flying away, you'll be surrounded before you can think." Vlad placed a hand on Danny's shoulder.

Before Bruce could react, there was a flash of light that all but burned onto his retinas, but the light was all wrong, a deep black instead of a glowing hue. By the time he was back to his senses, Vlad was gone, and in his place was another strange Whisp. Batman didn't have to turn around to find there were identical ones behind him. Clearly, this was an opponent not to be underestimated.

[moontheoretist]

The Affairs Of The Other World Depend On The Corporate Slave / Isekai No Sata Wa Shachiku Shidai

I finally give this manga a go and holy shit, it's amazing. I feel bad that I kept avoifing it for so long! Glasses-kun is Seiichiro, a 30yo corporate slave guy, who was summoned by accident together with the Saintess.

He is your typical workaholic Japanese man. (Japanese work culture is seriously something else. If you can die from overwork it's BAD).

This guy is such a workaholic that everybody is horrified.

Anyway, the entire manga is hilarious, but is also a great commentary on the toxic work culture in Japan and how harmful it can be to you.

(A BUTT GUARDIAN). [I work office job too, those are NEEDED!]

However, I dunno if his butt hurts from emergency sex he got from a handsome man, or from sitting to much at his palace / office job.

Yes, you heard that right, emergency sex treatment.

Because if you never had magic used on you and you are from our world you can develop magic sickness. (That is also a very excellent idea, that is basically NEVER touched upon in isekai stories - i.e. how the bodies of people from non-magical world would react to magic).

And because you are not a little baby infant that can be accustomed to magic by their mom's cuddling you need more hands on approach.

But no worries, the guy who treated him asked for consent first!

It's actually hella hilarious how unphased Seiichiro is that he had sex with a young man in order to survive. I mean he wasn't conscious for most of it, even though he gave consent, but you know. That guys is literally so focused on work that he didn't even have a typical scene of "what have I done". Like seriously. None. He just slept with an ikemen to get better and went to work just like that. Just average tuesday lol.

The entire manga also skipped the whole "I'm too dense to notice his feelings". So Seiichiro (an older and possibly more experienced man) is WELL aware that the man who saved him with sex had fallen for him.

HE IS JUST SO FOCUSED ON WORK HE HAS NO TIME TO THINK ABOUT WHAT HE FEELS FOR HIM! SO HE KEEPS PUTTING IT OFF! AND JUST TAKES ALL THE KISSES AND TOUCHING AND SHIT. KNOWING VERY WELL THAT YOUNG MAN IS IN LOVE WITH HIM, AND THAT YOUNG MAN EVEN CONFESSING IT TO HIM.

Seiichiro, that man is a fucking catch, you better think about your feelings for him quickly and tell him you like him too, idiot!

Also Seiichiro is such a damsel in distress. Thanks to lack of magicule resistance he can collapse at moments notice. Which creates all the drama situations in regard to his health, because he just CAN'T TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF. That young man has to literally micromanage his life to keep Seiichiro HEALTHY. Anyway, I love when male character can just faint at moments notice and his boyfriend gets all worried. Sue me. I like it when a man is a damsel and his boy comes running.

And the most hilarious thing is that the entire setting is the exact same as The Saint's Power is Omnipotent, that is a heterosexual isekai romance fantasy story. This is exactly the same premise, but Seiichiro is not a Saint. But it's GAY. Like seriously I'm not kidding you all!

Those two could literally coexist in the same universe.

Protagonist that was tag-along extra: check

Heroine that is the Saintess: check

Protagonist is named Sei: check

Protagonist immediately goes to find a job: check

Captain of 3rd Order of Knights has a crush on protag: check

3rd Order of Knights is tasked with battling miasma: check

Protagonist has a funny sidekick at their job office: check

Protagonist is constantly in danger: check

Protagonist saves the day with their amazing talents: check

The only differences are that Seiichiro is not the Saint, and even tho Sei (woman) was also a corporate slave, she very quickly has shaken off the corporate japanese culture of work and did what she wanted (ah, I feel you Sei, I also would just be happy I'm off). She still works her butt of on those potions but she is not overworking herself.

And also Seiichiro is far more mouthy than Sei, and he is not afraid to "rock the boat" so to speak, because he only cares about good results. He just refuses to be polite to people who obstruct his work. I love it.

[areislol]

1. Did I just see Argenti as your background?…

2. Why I feel like the Genshin Men would be harsh towards the entitled sister and the reader’s parents with harsh words and actions(Isekai AU)? Bc I love to see those people cry (Yes I’m cruel sue me)

And 3. Are you okay? You need Jesus? Here take this

to answer your question my dear friend,

yes, that is my husband, male wife, wife, boyfriend, lover, partner, best friend, friend and partner in crime. that is argenti

i 100% agree with your words!!! they absolutely despise reader's parents and sibling (their bratty spoiled little sister)

thank you for the jesus card, i will use it with care and love. I'm sending one right at you alright!!

[pruneunfair]

Seducing the villains father is surprisingly not bad.

Most manhwa now follow the same plot of deconstructing the typical fantasy that is considered outdated. The FL is either a regressed empress/queen/Duchess or a isekaied woman from modern day Korea, the ML is first said to be a cruel man with a long history of death (the Duke of the north if you will), the ogfl is a green tea bitch who gets shit on for being the old school woman, and add a few devoted characters (usually maids) for taste, so for a book that is basically everything these manhwa try to deconstruct, it's an easier read

Dont get me wrong, it's far from perfect and the plot does absolutely drag on but it's so much easier to get behind since the protagonists aren't total douchebags all the time that your supposed to justify, the villain is competent and puts up a fight, and yes while most of the other characters like the maids or other nobles are just there for background support they aren't nearly as insufferable.

The FL Yerenica gives me more embarrassment than old videos of 5 year old me dancing to Taylor Swift but she still works for the most part and I think it's because she's a girl-failure in the good sense, where she's still an entertaining protagonist with her own misguided viewpoint ironically making her more flawed and relatable than the current mary sues

Here she straight up asks the guy who kidnapped her to marry her, and (un)surprisingly Erudian acts like most people would and turns her down (they do get together later and while I do not like the kidnapper-hostage relationship, it's tolerable i guess)

Honestly in any other media, Yerenica would be the green tea bitch who'd be torn to shreds by the fan base and be known as the resident trashta of Soleias story, probably why I could get behind her a little

Speaking of Soleia, For something so stereotypical they even manage to deliver a smart villain in the form of this badass. Great backstory, a twist that reveals she doesn't even love Erudian, and even a redemption. One of my complaints though is for a character that is described by all as a terrifying threat, she doesn't show up often

When she does, Soleia knows how to pull it off but alas, she's only needed when the plot calls for it

Erudian is.. well he's there, the basic scary love interest who has a soft spot for sweet ol Yerenica and doesn't want to marry Soleia, I don't really care about him but I don't dislike him either, pretty basic but I've seen worse ML. There are unfortunately translation issues where Yerenica calls him dad which is super uncomfortable but I've read versions where she just calls him "Dekalbs dad" so I'm gonna hope to God that whole father Schick was an error

seducing the villains father definitely has its problems and isn't for everyone but it's pretty decent for a quick turn your brain off romance.

[kob131]

The Grand List To Prove Jaune Arc is a Self Insert!

AKA 'Watch me humiliate myself.'

1 - Jaune is the first male character of the same age group than our protagonist introduced in the show, giving him instantly a special status. He does so by helping directly said main protagonist, instantly strike a friendship over their social awkwardness and his goofiness.

Notice something...off about this point? How it's centered around when Jaune was introduced to the group, not his first appearence?

Well, that's probably because Jaune's first appearence was as the butt of a joke. The punchline. The place in a joke that usually shows absolute disrespect.

Our self insert, ladies and gentlemen!

2 - The second time he talk, it's literally to create another friendship, this time with the champion archetype of the show. At this point, he cemented is awkward goof personality that would usually go to protagonist type characters in shonen (exemple : Naruto, Natsu)

Yeah, see. The second time he talked was foreshadowing and didn't actually make friends with Pyrrha. He also lacks any kind of serious moments here (unlike Naruto) and isn't an already experienced and competent fighter (Unlike Natsu).

And speaking of Fairy Tail, we actually have an example of a character supposedly getting preferential treatment in the form of Erza, who despite not even being the female protagonist (Lucy) is constantly depicted as the biggest badass of the team who is constantly held up highly and respected, accomplishing seemingly impossible feats through sheer coolness.

AKA Everything someone like Jaune ISN'T.

3 - He is saved by his friendship striked literally minutes before then show a complete lack of basic knowledge of the lore. He become the de-facto ignorant character the basic lore is explained to (and to the public watching the show), a role usually done by Isekai/harem/SI/power fantasy main protagonist. It's even more flagrant because the existence of this role make NO SENSE in RWBY as the lore needed to be explained is way too basic to justify anyone not knowing about it and the show happen in a school setting, literally a setting you can dump your basic lore by making it a class.

Yes, a school setting. A SPECIALIST school setting. Meaning that explaining things like Aura to the class as a whole is pointless and a waste of time. Especially since major fights happen BEFORE the school is in session in the story, meaning you can't use the school setting to explain what is about to happen. Hence the existence of Jaune. This also completely ignores Pyrrha's character, someone who WOULD help out a person in need even after just knowing them.

Now, since you mentioned Isekai protagonists, I guess you should go on about how Jaune instantly becomes an overpowered badass who wins the hearts of everyone around him, right? You know, a stable in Isekai power fantasy so old that the modern predecessor of Isekai, Sword Art Online, had this in spades? So when's that about Jaune?

...Or is it that Jaune is often disrespected and looked down upon by others, including his own friends, something that NEVER happens in these stories?

In fact, let's go back to SAO since THAT'S what everyone thinks of when they think of a self insert/power fantasy/Mary Sue. Kirito is supposedly ostrachized from his fellow players but this is never shown. He is never truly challenged in a fight unless the opponent is cheating. He is regularly regarded with awe and inspiration by those around him. He is almost never vulnerable or weak-

You starting to see a problem here? How Jaune isn't fitting a goddamn thing that comes with what a person actually THINKS OF when they consider a self insert? How the stuff this person is listing is just what happens to ANY character in a story?

It doesn't get better.

5 - His next apparence at all is the beginning of an arc that is entirely centered on him, his role and leadership. And it's a festival between being the one bullied instead of Ruby which make a way better target, being comforted by said main protagonist, revealing he cheated to enter Beacon (an information that never result in anything outside of this arc), having the champion willing to train him and developing a 'special' power temporarily when he decide to stand up to his bully for the sake of his team.

Of course, this completely ignores all the times that the bully Cardin humiliates Jaune, how Jaune is insulted by his teammates, how Jaune's actions directly cause the conflict of the arc and isolate him from Pyrrha, how he is portrayed as in the wrong due to the more innocent Pyrrha freezing him out and how he is only in the right after standing up for Pyrrha and apologizing to her, showing that he was wrong.

All things that NEVER happen with those said Isekai protags. Or at least with the ones that do are regarded as NOT being self inserts.

6 - He is the one in season 2 to stand up for Weiss when Neptune ghost her, a role that would make way more sense to either Yang or Ruby herself. I'll add that being dense as a brick trying to romance the diva/princess archetype while being unaware of another character love for them is 100% certified SI protagonist energy

Why does it make more sense for Ruby to do this, who has nothing to do with this and has her own objectives during this arc? Let alone Yang, who is doing her own thing? And not Jaune, who has shown romantic interest in Weiss?

Also notice how Jaune being the butt of jokes isn't brought up again? Even though this arc has two potshots at him? COntext, what dat?

7 - He is constantly shown to have improved over all the other characters in battle

Another sneaky little trick- they don't bring up HOW Jaune compares to his peers at this point. Because the point here is that these characters get focused on and upstage their peers. While Jaune only ever shows improvement via doing the basics needed.

8 - He is the only one to actually have a romance in the first overreaching arc with, once more, the champion archetype. And end up being the only one to have an emotional reaction to her death and actively grieving for her. Following that, he is the only one to react to Cinder, Pyrrha murderer, emotionally. Not his team, not the one that see her murder, him alone.

...

OH GEE. THE CHARACTER WHO WAS CLOSEST TO PYRRHA REACTS TO HER MURDERER, WHEN PYRRHA PREVENTED HIM FROM HELPING HER FIGHT HIM? WHO WOULD HAVE FUCKING THOUGHT?!

It's not like Ruby talked about Pyrrha beforehand with, oh maybe, a farm boy. Or that we had a moment of the whole team mourning Pyrrha in the finale of the last Volume.

No, Jaune's a self insert because he's mourning the character he was closest with. Even though he does fuck all otherwise, the fact he gets ANYTHING. MUST. Be a sign he's a self insert.

Why not just call it 'manpain' and kill your credibility.

9 - Despite his grief, he is the one to give Ruby the emotional comfort in V4 when the situation turn bad. A scene that could easily be interpreted as the beginning of another romance story, this time the main one.

You mean the same scene where Jaune's entire mourning for Pyrrha basically turns into him talking about how great Ruby is. Something that, if there was a narrative about Ruby being a self insert, would have gotten jumped on? Oh how FUCKING wonderful. Not like these two are close friends whose connection will be completely forgotten in a Volume or anything, right?

10 - He develop a new superpower when one of the main team character get (grievously) hurt, a power that have nothing to do with V1 reflecting damage he was doing there and that is as special as it is non-sensical and mary suesque. It isn't just a heal power, which being unique in the group, once more boost his role of Deuteragonist. No, it's does that by boosting the magic system and superpower of his allies, which result in seemingly heal grievous damage on a character that doesn't have access to the magic power to have been able to get hurt in the first place. Complete full Power fantasy BS.

You know, which is why there are all those Isekais about how the super powerful protagonist can only support his allies. Oh wait, even the ones that claim that (like Shield Hero) ditch that shit and Jaune can ONLY ever help others win, never winning himself.

Mary Sue everyone!

11 - Since he is the only one to care that Pyrrha die, he is the only one to meet seemingly her family.

Translation: "Jaune had focus, that makes him a SELF INSERT! Because the show only exists when Jaune's on screen!"

12 - Despite his role as the goof of the group, he is the one MILF are interested in when he join Atlas huntsmen. Not the other Ace Ops, him, the 18 years old goofball.

None of whom were on scene, where Jaune just helped their kids and they offered food like MOST mothers would!

Written by Eddy Rivas by the way. Weird, could have sworn that wasn't how you spelled 'Miles Luna'.

Put simply, by V7, he is the only protagonist to actively have an heroic role in his actions. He doesn't hunt but protect children instead, he doesn't fight but help civilian and his the face of the evacuation. Being the hero of the show, making his story the power fantasy of Miles

He's also regularly treated as a joke for most the show's running time, most of your examples came during the time Miles was at his LEAST active in the show as he was making Red Vs Blue, was treated as pathetic, had his role and relationships diminished as Miles became more involved, didn't even get an opinion on how Ruby (his supposed counterpart) lied unlike LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE-

And oh yeah, is the ONLY RWBY character to be insulted by his voice actor! Yeah, Miles is the ONLY member of the CRWBY to mock Jaune, even saying that voicing him is drawing on his stupid, awkward teenage years. Real great Self Insert there!

Just like Felix! Remember Felix, the character made when Miles had COMPLETE creative control over Red vs. Blue? Don't he and Jaune act just so fucking much alike?

... Oh yeah, Felix acts NOTHING like Jaune. Felix is a selfish, amoral and smug shit of a villain. Which coinsides with Miles saying he likes acting VILLAINS more than heroes.

Face facts- Jaune isn't a self insert. he never was. That was an excuse you used because Miles was the easy target of the CRWBY. Because trying that shit on Kerry or Eddy resulted in them smacking you around. You're just coping at this point.

[projectbluearcadia]

Never Forget To Eat Breakfast

Lucifer has his D.D.D. held to his ear as he paces across the foyer of the House of Lamentation, the ice that coats the floor melting with his every step.

Lucifer: Yes. Yes. She is.

Lucifer falls silent for several moments. 

Lucifer: I understand. Goodbye. 

Annelie: Was that a call about my death sentence?

Lucifer: Alas, no. Diavolo would still like you to attend RAD. 

Annelie: ...why?

Lucifer: While I didn’t ask, I imagine it’s partly due to the fact that you were at least originally human. I would still love to know how in hell you made that kind of change, but for the time being, you will begin attending the academy tomorrow, on Sunday morning. 

Annelie: Sunday? Not Monday? 

Lucifer: Yes, Sunday. In the meantime, you will be doing your best not to get into trouble. 

Annelie: How much trouble can I get into when I’m stuck to you? I don’t want to freeze. And in any case, can I please make myself something to eat?

Lucifer sighs. 

Lucifer: Just what do you suppose you’re going to make? 

Annelie: I don’t know—baked beans on toast? I’m good at winging things.  

Lucifer: Haven’t you figured it out yet?

Annelie: Figured out what?

Lucifer: Annelie, you’re hungry again because you haven’t eaten anything you actually need to eat. 

Annelie: ...but I want waffles. 

Annelie seems to get progressively more upset. 

Annelie: What about chocolate? Am I going to lose my sense of taste? Will I never be able to eat my favorite foods again?

Lucifer: Annelie, calm down. 

Annelie: Shut up! I don’t care if I’m a succubus now! I was human, so I like human food! Sue me for liking food! 

Annelie runs her hands through her hair miserably. 

Annelie: What if I never enjoy eating the foods I love again...?

Lucifer takes hold of one of Annelie’s hands and makes her look at him. 

Lucifer: Calm. Down. I never said anything about losing your sense of taste. 

Annelie: ...

Maybe I overreacted just a smidge. Though it’s not every day you find out that you’re not human and you suddenly have to eat something weird to get nourishment. 

Annelie: Lucifer, what exactly do I have to eat?

Lucifer: I think you know. 

Annelie: Can you please just show me the kitchen? I don’t want to think about... 

Whoring myself to strangers looking for food. 

Lucifer relents and walks Annelie to the kitchen. He watches for a few moments as she rummages through the fridge and busies herself cutting hellfire mushrooms. 

Lucifer: Wrong. You do it like this. 

He pushes Annelie to the side and demonstrates the cutting motion (only slightly different from hers) before handing the knife back. She gives him a glance, but she continues. 

Lucifer: You’re still doing it wrong. 

He demonstrates more slowly. 

Annelie: Why is that wrong? We’re doing the exact same thing. 

Lucifer: No. Here. 

Lucifer grabs her knife-hand and slightly adjusts it before slicing with her. 

Lucifer: See? It slices more neatly. 

Annelie picks up two mushroom slices and squints at them. 

Annelie: I don’t think I need 0.5 millimeter precision, Lucifer.  

Lucifer: Do as you please. 

Despite saying that, Lucifer continues to interrupt Annelie routinely. 

Annelie: Are you trying to be a pain in the ass?

Lucifer: I’m trying to prevent you from wasting ingredients to no avail. 

Annelie: I just want to make myself a simple omelet! I’ll thank you for intervening with the slime pepper because I didn’t know how slippery it would get once I started cutting it, but that’s all!

Lucifer: Eyes on the burner!

Lucifer folds the egg quickly and flips it before it can burn. 

Lucifer: Honestly... it’s as if you’ve never cooked before. 

Annelie: Sir, I will have you know that I cooked my breakfast every morning before this isekai bullshit. 

Lucifer: Ise—? Have you been talking to Levi?

Annelie: Levi?

Lucifer: Nothing. Oi, didn’t I just tell you to pay attention? 

Lucifer rapidly turns off the heat, pulls the egg onto two plates, garnishes each with vegetables that he cut up and hands one of them to Annelie. A moment later, and the coffee he started finishes dripping into his cup, and he takes a sip with a soft sigh. Annelie hands him a fork. 

Annelie: You forgot this. 

Lucifer: Cheeky woman. 

Annelie: Yeah, yeah...

Annelie watches Lucifer as he drinks his coffee. 

Annelie: ...Thank you. 

Lucifer: You’re welcome. 

You could at least ask why I’m thanking you.

Annelie smiles. 

Annelie: I feel like I saw a nice side of you today. 

Lucifer: It’s your imagination.

She shakes her head as they eat together in silence. 

[hanakogames]

i assume that OC here has to mean, like, fanfic style, added into an existing canon, not like the first character you made up because WHO THE HECK KNOWS THAT

This is actually still really hard. I remember being more into either role-playing as existing characters or making up stories of existing characters doing things the way I wanted to, even as a little kid. Or just writing my own stories whole-cloth which, as I said, can't logically count.

I don't think inventing my own pagan gods so that I could be their offspring really counts as a fanfic-style OC either. (Yes, I was 14 once, weren't we all?)

Much later in peak Ranma/SailorMoon fanfic days I did at least vaguely plot out an entire "what if a character very similar to me was isekaied into Ranma" but this was as a reaction to the amount of well-regarded self-insert Sailor Moon fic I'd been reading at the time. There was wish-fulfillment involved but it was pretty meta, and also literally about waking up in Ranma's body in the middle of the plot and dealing with that chaos, not about someone who looked like me suddenly having magical martial arts powers.

Man. I am struggling here. Surely I must have? But I can't remember any!

There's kind of a similar feel if you look into the first character I created on LambdaMOO back in the day because she was certainly named like and described like a mary sue stereotype, she was magic and sparkly and lived in crystal caves with pet dragons and so on, but again, that's not a fanfic OC, she's not part of any story, she was just an avatar.

Is this weird?

whats the oldest oc you recall making

c'mon tell me

[funtimesale123]

gn reader x bowser fan fic in the works

hey yall I'm wanting to write a gn reader x bowser fan fic and wanted some opinions on the heights (ft. generic y/n design for reference) also reader will be 5′4″ in-between male and female world average heights give or take will probably redraw everything later tbh

edit- the fic link https://at.tumblr.com/funtimesale123/gn-reader-x-bowser-fan-fic-preview-links/1aqr10ljryqv

[i-h3art-l0v3]

So I started watching the Orville and, well, spoilers for 2-13 but eh.

Kelly accidentally ends up with a temporal clone why Ed tries to date. Unfortunately all my brain can think of right now is "okay I know the Kellies kinda hate each others guts and the relationship stuff is tricky with Ed but... I want him to have his hands full trying to deal with both of them" because I love em but they're a lil bit of a handful, especially past Kelly. Also just laughing at the idea of "I want him but I probably shouldn't have him because I'm his second in command" vs "this isn't the same Ed I knew but I really loved that one so I'm going to see how this goes" and the poor guy being stuck in the middle.

On the other hand my brain has been obsessed with the isekais where the soul transfers instead of the body, not to mention the pair have a relationship remarkably similar to Reed and Sue (they mate a good couple but can be snippy, and they break up a lot, but they still have really good chemistry), so I've just been imagining Reed and Sue getting tossed through into this situation and the past Kelly being like "wait a minute, are you even actually Me?" and whatnot.

Also, Reed and Victor (unable to communicate) in a sorta battle to figure out how to reach the other dimension first (Victor wins, but Reed keeps saying it's only because he, Reed, already made one for that other dimension, says Victor just reverse engineered or something). BTW, yes I am a doomreedsue

[lacertae-dreamscape]

orv fanfics ideas im *rly* thinking hard about

plotja (yes this counts as an idea sue me i have like. 15 different ideas ranging from ‘kdj picks him’ to ‘sp gives kdj a collar’ to less happy ones to outright pwp smut to put that counter +1 on plotja smutfics on ao3 i crave that)

consentacles + plotja (im in the chp420s it waS A GIVEN U CANT GIVE ME TENTACLES AND NOT EXPECT ME TO BE ALL OVER THAT DAMN IT)

isekai au with a ‘summoned’ kdj inside a novel (isekai *is* one of my fav tropes i thrive and live over that, i have 45+ isekai im following as it is now) (i have the entire plot of this one planned out in detail im just that invested ok)

silly sub-scenario crack-treated-seriously joongdok one-shot for the sake of it

sub-scenario angst-leaning joongdok + kimcom family shit dealing with how much they care for kdj and he cares for them as much back

[dragonagitator]

"I’d suck at going back in time so can I throw up obstacles and make suggestions?"

OMG PLEASE YES.

I am actually thinking of writing my own isekai author-self-insert fanfic of this scenario, and the biggest challenge in that fanfic subgenre is not making things so perfect that the story itself is boring. Self-indulgent Mary Sue fix-it fics are fun to write but tend to lack sufficient conflict and setbacks to hold most readers' interest.

I like darker fics, so unanticipated consequences reverberating through the lives of our beloved blorbos until the OC is left questioning whether she/he/they is actually making things better or worse are my catnip. But if I'm writing an authentic self-insert, how do I come up with up with unanticipated consequences for the story? Obviously I was capable of anticipating them because I wrote them.

If/when I write this fanfic*, I think I'll need to write my self-insert as a version of me who never read Intervention and never had any of these discussions on Tumblr. Then anything that I didn't think up on my own before reading those things could be a surprise for my character.

So please please PLEASE rip apart every idea I have. I will be grateful, not offended.

(*Yeah, I know I have a terrible track record of starting isekai fanfics and abandoning them, but that's because I got too bogged down in researching the lore of the settings of Dragon Age and Baldur's Gate 3. If I were to write a House MD isekai fanfic, the setting is nearly identical to the real world and thus researching the "lore" is just refreshing my memory of recent history. Not only is that quicker and easier but it's also significantly more useful IRL than becoming an expert on the history of Thedas or Faerun. Plus my first degree is in Economics, so digging deeper into the past 20 years of bubbles and crashes and thinking about how various systems would react to changes would be fun for me.)

"if you tell House to check the feet then Kutner doesn’t get that moment of pushing back against House"

Simply keeping Kutner alive would be enough of a win that I'm not super concerned about his character development. There will be plenty of other opportunities for him to push back during the cases that took place after his suicide.

"if you stop the hostage situation in Last Resort, then Thirteen never decides she wants to live actually & keeps going down a path of destruction."

Ah but that's also what prompted her to join Foreman's Huntingtons drug trial, which nearly killed her and nearly caused Foreman to lose his medical license when he switched her from the placebo to the real thing.

House is invested enough in Thirteen's life that I'm confident that he'd eventually come up with another way to motivate her.

"No need to tell Chase he’s a fictional character, not sure what that would do to his mental health tbqh"

Yeah, I think my self-insert would have her own mental health crisis when she realizes that she might just be a fictional character herself, given that getting transported into the world of a TV show has never ever happened in real life ever but is an incredibly common premise of fanfics. So she'd probably try to spare as many people as possible from experiencing the same existential crisis.

Diballa's murder is the only Chase-specific thing that definitely wouldn't be in a documentary, and it might be better for my self-insert to simply find a way to kill Diballa herself anyway. It would be significantly easier on me than on Chase: I didn't take an oath to do no harm, I don't believe in an immortal soul that will be condemed to hell for murder, and I'm enough of a utilitarian that I'd pull the lever on that particular trolley problem without a moment's hesitation.

I'd definitely tell House and Wilson about the fictional part, though, because I think that finding out that they're Holmes and Watson adaptations might actually help their mental health because then they'd finally understand why they're Like That.

"I’m not sure anyone could ever convince Foreman, and if you couldn’t, that would be SO funny"

I've mentally written a scene set in season 5 in which Foreman finally snaps from my latest Weird Shit and point-blank asks me if I'm from the future, prompting me to call a team meeting to bring everyone else up on speed. When questioned by House why I'm suddenly so forthcoming with my colleagues after years of obsessive secrecy, my response is a resigned "even Foreman figured it out" like that scene in The Good Place in which Jason figures it out.

(If you haven't seen The Good Place, don't look up what I'm referencing, just watch the show. It's a great show and it's definitely better to go in completely unspoiled.)

"gabapentin is also good for nerve damage pro tip"

House would know that and thus I'm assuming has already tried it.

How well gabapentin works varies wildly from person to person. It doesn't do shit for my own pain, and yet when my father had FUCKING OPEN HEART SURGERY and was discharged from the hospital with nothing but gabapentin he was completely pain-free. I bitched at him, "why couldn't you have given me THAT gene instead of this stupid cowlick?"

"love the idea about being his executive assistant. He would hear the words “no more charts ever” and be instantly on board I swear. Also he’d probably make OP an unofficial mentee/duckling if they couldn’t seduce him. 10/10 plan."

I have zero medical background, so I'd need to take a medical transcriptionist course before I could turn voice memos into charting notes. I was also thinking I should get whatever minimum certification necessary to be allowed to help take patient histories (Medical Assistant?) because asking leading questions during those would be the least suspicious way to document how House got the information that led to the diagnosis. Otherwise, Cuddy would be constantly up his ass about not treating patients based on a "wild hunch" (aka the details I remember from the show).

"Also I personally believe that if Wilson stays with Amber he continues to uncover his genuine desires and ways of being. This can only be good for him, but if he’s gay and realizes he’s been in love with House"

I enjoy Hilson shipping as much as the next gal, but my honest read on the characters is that Wilson is straight and House is a repressed bisexual. House hits on Wilson nonstop but Wilson only occasionally reciprocates and when he does it's in a "playing along with the joke" way.

But hey, if they're both repressed bisexuals and a threesome with a woman would help them finally explore that aspect of their sexualities, then I volunteer to get spitroasted for the cause. :D

"If it was me sucked into the alternate past I would be SO upset btw. So upset. I guess I’d work hard to preserve electronic freedom or something?"

Remember to set a Google Alert for the word "Bitcoin" and then start mining/buying from day one. You could easily become a multibillionaire (with a B!) by the end of 2017 and then use that money to fund all sorts of causes.

House MD fans: You wake up in the PPTH ER in summer 2004. What you doing?

Scenario parameters:

All your memories of the show and the past 20 years are intact.

You are stuck there/then and cannot return to our universe/year.

You have nothing but the hospital gown on your back.

Questions:

So, what do you do?

How much would you tell House?

How would you get him to believe you?

Who else would you tell?

How much would you tell them?

Inspiration:

The author self-insert isekai fanfic "Intervention" by VivatRex (aka @acrownforaking). She's been writing it for the past 11+ years and is still updating. It's already nearly 300k words long despite only being up to the events of S02E15. I AM IN AWE.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this scenario ever since I read that fanfic a month ago. I'd love to discuss it with other House MD fans and hear what you would do.

(Apologies to the mutuals for the abrupt blog topic change. A new brainrot has taken hold.)

My short answer:

My long answers are below the cut.

So, what do you do?

My primary objective would be to enlist House in averting the pandemic.

My reasoning: If anyone can nip it in the bud before it gets out of Wuhan, I figure that a world-renowned genius doctor who is an infectious diseases specialist, speaks Mandarin, and now has a 15-year head start would have the best chance.

Difficulty level: Babysitting a narcissistic manchild with the self-preservation instincts of a toddler until the year 2020 so that he makes it there then alive, out of prison, and with his sanity, medical license, and professional reputation intact. To quote Quantum Leap, "Ohhhhhh boooooooy."

Strategy: I'm in the "I could fix him, but whatever's wrong with him is way funnier" camp, so I wouldn't try to change him (that always backfires anyway). Instead, I'd try to change his circumstances:

A stable romantic relationship would help, so I'd seduce him if I can (I'm not his type but a gal's gotta shoot her shot), try to get him together with Dominika earlier if I can't, and tell him how horribly his relationship with Cuddy ended so he knows better than to even start it.

Avert the shooting. Moriaty was a patient so his info is in the PPTH files. I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS. Or for a less murdery approach, try to get him arrested in April 2006 for violating New Jersey's strict gun laws.

Warn House about Tritter so he can switch patients with another clinic doctor.

Warn House to never get on a bus with Amber.

Tell Kutner I'm from the future and he's the only one who can prevent something horrible from happening (he's a Trekkie so he'll want to believe), then unfurl my big timeline poster and point at the "Kutner suicide early 2009" stickynote and ask him "so what's up with that, dude?"

Tell Wilson everything I can remember about his cancer -- he's an oncologist and thus can work backwards from there to figure out when to start checking for it so he can cut the tumor out while it's still just a tiny baby.

I would take a harm reduction approach to House's drug use, e.g., suggest that he try microdosing psilocybin and extend his liver's lifespan by substituting cannabis for some of his Vicodin and alcohol consumption.

Methods: Even though he doesn't have one for most of the show, House mentions a few times that he's entitled to hire an assistant, and I happen to be excellent at administrative work.

I think he'd be willing to hire me because working as his executive assistant / department secretary would position me to recognize patients as they come in so that I can discreetly pass along anything I remember, e.g., the kindergarten teacher has pork worms in her brain, ask the scientist in Antarctica to show you her feet, etc.

Meanwhile, I could lurk around the hospital preventing miscellaneous shit, e.g., get the gift shop volunteer from S01E04 to go home sick, ensure that the gunman from S05E09 is promptly admitted, diagnosed, and treated before he snaps and takes hostages, etc.

Possible sidequests:

Use my foreknowlege to get rich by milking online poker bonuses until the passage of the UIGEA in 2006, use my poker money to start flipping houses until 2007, get in on the "Big Short" in 2008, and set a Google Alert for "Bitcoin" so I can start mining/buying it from day one. Unfortunately, I haven't paid enough attention to individual stocks to play the market other than knowing that Amazon would be a good long-term buy & hold.

Use my riches to change the outcome of the 2016 election and try to steer the development of the internet and society in general in a slightly less stupid direction.

Send Pete Carroll a letter postdated just before the 2013 Superbowl telling him the outcome, then suggest for the final play of the 2014 Superbowl that the Seahawks try handing the ball off to Marshawn Lynch instead of throwing it because that throw will be intercepted. PRIORITIES.

How much would you tell House? How would you get him to believe you?

Your story about being from the future of an alternate universe in which House and everyone he knows are characters on a fictional TV show is already too batshit crazy to believe even without his kneejerk "everybody lies" skepticism. How would you differentiate yourself from all the patients who pull crazy stunts to try to get him to take their case?

My answer: For the "from the future" part, I'm hoping there's some sort of test that House could run to confirm that I was indeed vaccinated with a mRNA vaccine against the COVID-19/SARS-COV-2 virus. Given that neither of those things existed in 2004, that would be physical evidence that I'm not from around here now.

If producing physical evidence isn't possible, then I know that Vegetative State Guy from S03E15 is already a patient at PPTH because he'd been there for 10 years, so I'd find him and tell House about his son. I could also tell House enough about the cases from the first few episodes that I'm pretty sure he'd believe me by Christmas. I want in on Chinese food with Wilson.

I would wait until House accepted the "from the future" part before broaching the "fictional TV show" issue. Until then, "I watched a TV show about your life and cases" is a 100% true statement and it's not my fault if he assumes that show was a documentary. :)

Once he believed me, I'd tell him everything.

Who else would you tell? How much would you tell them?

There are people out there who would literally kill for your knowledge of the future, so going public or being too open about it seems highly risky.

My answer: I'd tell House, Wilson, and Chase right away. Kutner but not before Jan 2009. Maybe eventually Cuddy and the rest of the Diagnostics team if keeping my foreknowledge of the future from them proves too difficult.

House is the only one who gets to know everything. Everyone else is on a "need to know" basis.

I might also bring Bill Arnello (the brother/lawyer of the mob informant in S01E15 "Mob Rules") into the circle of trust because he could be a very useful resource for some of my sidequests, e.g., changing the outcome of the 2016 election far far far in advance and in the most direct way possible. (Hi, Secret Service! This is a purely hypothetical discussion about time travel and not at all indicative of any real criminal intent, pls do not pay me a visit, kthxbai.)

I think the only people I would tell the "fictional TV show" part to would be House, Wilson, and Chase, because there are things I need to warn them about that definitely wouldn't have been in a documentary. Like Chase needs to know that killing Diballa is 100% the right thing to do but he seriously needs to work on his OpSec. Everyone else gets the implied documentary lie of omission.

If I get caught knowing too much by random patients, I'll just claim to be psychic. Way more people believe in that than would believe in time travel.

What would you do?

[moka-suwi]

6: Thaumosensitivity

The PPC may kill Sues, but there's a clause in the whole murder thing that lets PPC agents dispatch Mary Sues with extreme prejudice: it's like war, except the Mary Sues don't know it. — Revised Handbook of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum

“Your problem,” said Lena, “is that you’re thinking of it as getting from point Alka–” she held up the training staff as if to strike– “to point Bata.” She swung it down, the tip of the staff coming to a stop a few inches above the ground. “So you’re rushing the motion, and you’re losing strength and control.”

Mallory hummed in acknowledgement. “And what should I be doing instead?”

“For now?” The instructor held the staff back up. “Just focus on keeping the motion smooth and fluid.” As she said those words, she brought it down in a slow diagonal movement. “The speed’s gonna come with the training, not the opposite.”

Mal nodded and gave it another try, somewhat slower than before. The end of her staff struck the post a few inches below the red mark she was aiming for, which got yet another frustrated sigh out of her.

Lena, however, was smiling. “There you go, that’s already much better! Just be more mindful of the weight of the staff, don’t let it carry you away.”

“Is it really that important to be so precise when, uh, hitting someone with a big stick?” Mal replied, giving a doubtful look at the staff.

Lena’s smile widened further. “Your friend told me you got a guy in Turia with a strike to the neck, right?”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m…” A pause. “Hmm. Yeah, I see your point.”

“With enough training, next time might even be on purpose. Alright, let’s try it a few more times, and then you’re free!”

“Those things are weird,” Anis opined as they dismounted the kaiila, grabbing the recurve bow in their off hand.

“What could you possibly mean by that?” Jane replied, giving a few pats on Murderhorse’s flank.

The redhead chortled. “I’m serious! Once you get it to a gallop, it starts moving a lot more like a cat than a horse.”

“Huh. Never noticed that, but it makes sense, I guess?”

“That means the back moves a lot more,” Anis explained, holding out their hand horizontally and moving it up and down a few times. “I’ll have to adjust to that when shooting.”

Jane nodded. “I’ve seen the Tuchuk riders stand up in their stirrups a bit when they use their bows, that probably helps.”

“Probably. I’m just not really used to those either.”

“Stirrups? Seriously?”

“It’s… Legitimately hard to explain.”

Jane gave a long look at Anis. “... A lot of things are, these days.”

“I might actually keep it up,” Mal said. “A bit tired of being kind of useless in missions like these, honestly.”

Anis, in the corner of the wagon with the wash basin, didn’t bother to turn around. “ESAS has a decent training room. Agent-run, they got tired of almost dying on every mission.”

Mal slumped on the bed. “Fucks me up how they’d never even touched a weapon until like a year ago, and they’re already better at training than the PPC. I mean, I know there’s Suefluence involved, but…”

“I don’t think that’s chargeable, it’s realistic enough. We’re just that bad.” A chuckle. “At this point, I don’t think I should even touch a gun until I’ve found a proper shooting range.”

The girl hummed. “Well, I wouldn’t go that far, guns are about as point-and-click as you get.”

“Yes, that’s what they taught us.”

“Hah.”

Anis finally turned around, putting a clean shirt back on. Sitting onto the bed, they added: “By the way, I think Jane is suspecting something.”

Mal perked up. “What?”

“She finds us weird. I think we don’t fit in enough.”

“She got isekaied by aliens, and then a witch showed up. We could make up just about anything and she’d believe us.”

Anis nodded. “Fair. But we need to agree on a cover story, then.”

“Cover…” Mal pondered for a while. “Hey, well, secret mission from Earth. Figuring out what’s going on on Horny Low Fantasy Planet. It’s barely even wrong.”

“That’s an option.” Anis lay down on the bed. “I’ll let you know if I find anything better, but for now, we should sleep.”

The walls of Turia looked much smaller than the agents remembered. Perhaps a trick of perspective, but even then, they seemed of a much more reasonable size than before.

Mal opined: “She made it… Better, in a way, but that’s still space distortion, right?”

Anis nodded in answer from atop Murderhorse, alternating between checking their weapons and looking at the Words. “There’s some backstory exposition. This city apparently reminds her of another she took in her homeworld. Exploded a hole right through the walls.”

“I assume,” Mal replied with a smile, “she’s gonna do the same here?”

Another nod. “There’s also some more, uh, flirting. And more backstory. Royal heir, trained with assassins before killing them for treason, girlbossed her way into ruling a good chunk of the world, uh… Killed a god? And threatened another?”

“Let me guess, those are all mentioned for the first time right before she does something implausible?”

Anis smiled. “Some of them. But it looks consistent.”

“So it’s more like dumping an endgame D&D character into a low-level campaign,” Mal said, grinning.

Her partner took a couple seconds to respond. “Probably. But also: nerd.”

Mal laughed as Anis rode off to rejoin the archers. She then left the camp, following the infantry troops at first before walking off to a small hill, on which she lay down to somewhat conceal herself. She could see Systlin and her honor guard, fairly blurry at that distance but still recognizable, facing off with soldiers on… Raptors? Sure, why not. While her sight was what it was, her hearing had done a lot to compensate over the years, and so she focused on the conversation.

“You know full well that I lead this army.” She said bluntly. “You’ve heard the stories.” She sighed. “It makes me curious…” “Stories of trickery and nonsense about sorcery.” The man with the glittering armor said loftily. “A few villages might fall to some unnatural woman, but this is Turia. We will not be afraid of a tribe of women who think themselves the equals of men.”

Honestly pretty silly. The Sue herself commented on it, which Mal thought of as less of a self-aware moment and more of another opportunity to make herself look better by way of a DMB. Still, the raptor cavalry severely outnumbered Systlin’s, which would have probably been a problem had she not had tailor-made war-winning powers.

Indeed, Mal watched on as a cracking sound echoed through the air, and the lances of Turia’s entire front line shattered. She could feel the power from here, a terrible force that sought the flaws in the patterns of reality and spread them exponentially, rending molecules apart, a weaponized Second Law of Thermodynamics—

Focus. The enemy cavalry was panicking, and the entire force of Systlin’s army moved in for the kill, the Sue’s kaiila springing in front of her advancing troops. The way clear, she made a move toward the front lines – motion from the walls, arrows? Her course was unimpeded. She was leading from her front lines, which was extremely unrealistic for any sort of noble – probably chargeable. Systlin was supposed to be a queen, not a—

Goddess of war. Goddess of justice. The words of the goddess from the dream sequence echoed in Mal’s mind. Certainly an option to explain this, but she wasn’t sure if—

The great gates of Turia, and fifty feet of the wall to either side, crumbled into splinters and sand.

Power. Overwhelming Power. The entire hylic plane was in agony, patterns and metapatterns coming undone within the range of the blast, minds – emergent patterns of electricity, pieces of Wan Mekhane, most fragile and most precious – dissipating into a hateful local maximum of entropy, souls blinking out to—

“Marshmallow. Mallory. Please. Just listen—”

“That was a Sue!” Mallory Belford, of the Department of Floaters, gestured at the body on the ground.

Rose was shaking, wand pointed at Mal. “She wasn’t doing anything wrong!”

Mal knew Rose wouldn’t hurt her. She couldn’t. “You’ve seen what she’s done to canon! What is happening to you?”

There were tears in her partner’s eyes. “She… She was just a girl having fun with her favorite characters.”

Oh, no. The Sue had got to Rose. Lingering influence. Mal pulled out the neuralyzer. “Rose, listen, I… She’s done something to your mind. You can’t—”

A white light shone from Rose’s wand, and Mal froze in place.

This couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t happening. It—

Wait. It is not happening. This already happened. This isn’t real.

Mal found herself in a place that wasn’t. Around her were minds, hundreds of them, perhaps thousands. Immediately, her full attention turned to the one facing her.

She immediately realized who She was. Her form was different, impossible to describe in hylic terms, a divine True Form that would drive any living soul mad—

“Am… Am I dead?”

You'll get better. There was some amusement in the Lady’s voice. Your body is mostly intact, and you are… Of another.

Mal wasn’t sure if that turn of phrase was typical of the goddess, or indicative of something deeper. There were some more urgent matters, though. “Who are you, and what are you doing here?”

I am nothing but myself, Mallory Belford. What are you doing here?

There was no use in lying to a being of such Power – capitalized, as per Her own canon’s convention. Still, Mal readied her own power as she spoke.

“I am an agent of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. You are aiding a Mary Sue in destroying the canon of Gor. This can still end peacefully, and everything return to normal.”

The Lady laughed, softly. Children. You shall not touch my sister.

Mal deployed her halo: two wings and a unicorn horn, in a shape reminiscent of a power button. Rightfully earned during the Friendship is Optimal mission. She, too, had killed a god, from a certain point of view. “Or else…?”

There's no “else”, Mallory. The Lady had adopted a softer, more calming tone.

Mal wouldn’t fall for it. “In that case…” With a ruffle of metallic wings, she manifested her Answer. The Mekhanite weapon glimmered in impossible colors as it activated. “Lady, you are charged with creating an implausible crossover, with bringing magic to a continuum which canonically has none, with enabling a Godmode Sue as she conducts a targeted attack on canon, and with harming an agent of the PPC.” She pointed the Answer at the goddess, ready to deploy. “The sentence is death.”

Point and click, Saint.

“Bang! Bang!” Mal shouted, moving the thumb on her finger gun for emphasis.

A beat. “What the hell?”

The Lady laughed again. Mal had the distinct impression that She lowered Herself down to speak to her. I make the rules here. And when I say you shouldn’t be here, I mean it.

Mal awoke on a soft surface. She abruptly sat up, scanning her surroundings. The Ubara Sana’s camp, a circular area cleared for battlefield injuries. She was on a stretcher, and next to her was a woman, presumably a medic. She put a hand on Mal’s shoulder.

“Wait! Calm down. Mal. It’s okay, you’re safe.”

Mal blinked. “What…” Ow fuck. Pain, which only got worse with a coughing fit. Broken rib, dislocated?

The medic answered the question she couldn’t ask. “Cavalry brought you in, said you had a seizure. Then, uh… Let’s just say we’re glad you’re still with us.”

The agent’s hands reached up to her face, and she sighed in relief as she felt her glasses. Her voice dropped to a whisper, to minimize the pain. “Fuck. I… I need to get back to my wagon.”

The other woman’s tone got sterner. “You’re not going anywhere just yet, young lady. Just lie down here for a few hours until we’re sure you won’t… Until we’re sure you’re okay.”

Mal knew she would be, but she couldn’t exactly argue with that. She would have to wait to get the answers to her questions.

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