#yes it makes me physically sick
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ChatGPT is dishonorable to me and my morals, if anyone sees me ever mention using it for anything, I NEED you to shoot me point blank.
#my posts#“just use ChatGPT to write your essay!” i would legitimately rather die#i would kill myself rather#than use AI or LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE to cheat#this stems from my lying issue#yes it makes me physically sick#i mean like#you guys can still cheat or whatever#it's just a personal thing for me#cause idc if you wanna do that like go ahead be my guest i will lend you my notes though
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Dear God, won't you look at me? Even for a moment, won't you let me pretend you're mine?
#alien stage#alien stage ivan#alien stage till#alien stage round 6#aventill#art#artist#fanart#illustration#illust#digital art#THEY MAKE ME PHYSICALLY SICK IM NOT EVEN KIDDING#THE WAY IVAN IS HOLDING BACK FROM KISSING KIM AND JUST NUZZLING SICK#EVIL. EVIL I TELL YOU. i've only known them for a day and I'm physically sick#also idk u yall can tell#but reference to the kiss (artwork)#anyways yes#im in pain
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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eli moskowitz - "am i making you feel sick?"
#blu edits#cobra kai#eli hawk moskowitz#demetri alexopoulos#hawkmetri#binary boyfriends#binary brothers#sorry randomly got bonkers about their dynamic in my head again#i love when demetri is spiteful give him edge give him that streak of pettiness he's always been secretly proud of#hes 17 his only sources of true joy are schadenfreude and free food#he humiliated eli at that party and he enjoyed it and yea they make up but he gets his licks now bc he's owed and eli lets him bc he's owed#and eli's approach to redemption is all roll over puppy eyes im sorry i'll do anything 'just tell me im yours' like thatll make it better#like thats productive. but he cant build demetri a sparring deck out of this so if demetri says jump... if demetri says join my dojo...#and so demetri will run him through his paces ragged for penance but it doesnt make it better and he looks at hawk and still feels sick#(and yes he loves him ofc he loves eli but that just adds to his turning stomach every time he sees those eyes looking up at him like that)#(its worse bc its eli making him feel this. not hawk doing something evil but eli trying to do something good and demetri still feels sick)#(because who does that shit and then comes back belly up like letting demetri claw his guts out makes them even)#(because who can claim to love someone and still get a kick of satisfaction out of making eli bleed <- verbally emotionally metaphorically)#(not physically. never physically. obviously. that's eli's thing. and so demetri's a leg up on him.)#^ im promise im a fan of interpreting them where theyre happy too#this derailed from the edit#if ur for some reason reading this then however you first interpreted this is prolly correct. i went a little rogue here in the tags
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Do you ever just love a character so much that you get physically nauseous thinking about them getting hurt or being sad or are you normal
#like.#i just love them so much#it's makes me physically ill to think about how much they've been through#yes this is about aizawa#why do you ask#he's been through so much and I literally cannot watch the shirakumo scene without feeling sick to my stomach from sadness#or the leg scene#i need him to be happy#is that so much to ask#aizawa#shota aizawa#my hero academia#bnha#mha#aizawa shouta#eraserhead#boku no hero academia#shouta aizawa#fandom#characters#comfort character
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#kirby#transparent#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#welp! got real sick last night so I guess I've hit my physical limit again!#(I've been well past my emotional limit for Months)#but I found some more houses for us to look into so at least there's that#also in case you missed the announcement yes I turned on tipping and no you are not at all obligated <3#just another option to make it easier if folks do wanna give me money for these silly little orbs#(my wife says we'll be totally fine money-wise but. yknow. doesn't hurt to do my own teeny tiny part.)#(since I'm way too sick to do any kind of regular work)
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Im saving up for a laptop and it’s mainly for school but also I want to be able to play games with mods and have a good dvd player any recs let me know please
#dvd player#tbh that’s like. my stupidity#i have a portable one on hold u just plug in#and i think that’s enough#i just added that in case I’m missing smth 🧍🏾♀️#the main games I wanna play are sims bg3 and cyberpunk tbh#maybe Minecraft but. sorry guys#i was a Minecraft kid who never got into playing Minecraft SORRY#Im mission orientated and the blocks gave me headaches sorryyy#like i DID play Minecraft but after a farm some animals and iron tools#I couldn’t give less of a fuck anymore#my problem is I thought Minecraft was gonna be aphmau mcd and Stacyplays off rip#Im lazy#anyways#if I play my cards right I can get my family to give me their dvds#i have a jem one on hold rn#i want Nick and boomerang shows tho#dexters laboratory Johnny bravo etc.#and 321 penguins#i don’t want kids but idk I keep thinking of my family’s kids growing up with what I grew up with#FOR ME PERSONALLY I want danny phantom and Ben 10#Bc I watched like. 3 episodes of DP and my 5 yr old laptop quit#and i never watched Ben 10 but it was good apparently?!#POWER RANGERS SAMURAI IS A MUST#maybe It’s the sickness making me nostalgic#but It’s more like I want physicals of these#i know I come off as a hater but I only really hate on things I love and Can improve#and as much as I hate online that’s bc irl I’m having a blast#so yes. i do want su dvd. ✊🏾 AND VOLTRON SORRYYYY#IK but hear my out those I’d like HAVE to buy secondhand I’m not spending more than $25 per two seasons
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since my dabi obsession has been going real hard lately, i've been trying to figure out when this all started. the oldest tumblr post i have with his face included was june 18th 2016, but no sign of affection in the tags or anything. august 14th 2016 i did a dabi costest, so something must have happened there. season 1 was airing from april 3 2016 until june 26 2016, so i must have started reading the manga right after the first season was over, or i wouldn't have known about him at all.
and today! i found a dabi collage/reference sheet for a commission i've gotten done with him and my oc and i made that july 3rd 2016. So i hereby declare july 3rd 2016 our anniversary.
#dabi#bnha#touya todoroki#am i insane? yes.#did i commission someone knowing dabi for a mere 7 days? apparently.#i mean the anime ended june 26 2016 and i mustbhave started reading the manga right after that#and the commission sheet i made was made july 3rd 2016#i feel like a fucking nutjob#but its been so long that ive loved this man#and now he's gone#i guess#i will never forgive you for this hori#like thanks for giving me dabi#but the way he ended makes me physically sick thinking about it
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Personally of the belief that live action fans who go onto animanga posts uninvited like 'I DESPERATELY NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT I THINK THE ART STYLE IS UGLY EVEN THO THIS OPINION IS IRRELEVANT TO THE POST' should be hit with a big rock. We already moved past this ten years ago, get with it or get lost. Swallow the hunger inside of you that demands everything be palatable to you. Maybe you could stand to be a little uncomfortable for a while
#Keep ur trashy comments to yourself#It's not even ugly! It's just not the conventional anime style so you deem it ugly. That's so fucking sad of you#You're the type of person who sees a piece of art and is like OMG WERE THEY ON DRUGS?!?!?!?!?!#Idk I think the art style is very fitting for the gigantic world Oda has built#People are allowed to be ''ugly'' because not all of us were born to be models. Shock and horror I know#(this is NOT aimed at the ppl who critque the way Oda draws women (to a degree...) bc I agree he could've done the same for women as he doe#The men by giving them way more diverse features and body shapes)#No this is aimed at the ppl who think the style as a whole is ugly and demean it bc it doesn't suit their tastes#Meanwhile their taste is the most conventional cookie cutter bland pretty boy/girl bullshit out there#(I say to a degree up there bc I think ppl go way too far with the criticisms like the one person who posted the Charlotte family identical#Sisters and went LOOK HOW SIMILAR THESE WOMEN ARE ODA SUCKS when they were MEANT to look similar)#^ yes that is an actual post I saw in like 2018 or 2019 when WCI was reaching its end in the anime and it made me die laughing#There are dozens of other examples you could've given but no. You intentionally chose the triplets (quintuplets? It's been a hot minute)#Rebecca and Nami and Vivi and Shirahoshi all having the exact same face with different hair? No I will use the identical twins as proof#What a unique way to undermine your own argument bc I was with you up until that#Anyway yeah the more I think abt the more I think the live action sucks actually for getting rid of Sanji's eyebrows bc they'd 'look bad'#Who cares? It's part of his design. You are cutting off parts of his character. Same w/ Usopp's nose.#Who fucking cares if it would have looked 'bad' or 'ugly'? Is that all you guys really care about? Keeping up appearances???#I'm so sick of the shit I like getting 'remade' to appeal to people who will never actually appreciate why stuff looks the way it does#It's so shallow I hate it#<- yes I'm still bitter about what they did to my boy WW in the three guns reboot iykyk#And Livio and Razlo for that matter. What the FUCK was that about#Idk maybe it's cuz it's something I recognized in myself and attempted to squash so it's frustrating seeing other ppl do it#And again obvs Oda isn't perfect w/ this either as he draws evil women as fat old hags and his protags as skinny and beautiful#Or how he thinks not following ur dreams will make u ugly and fat and following ur dreams will make u conventionally attractive#I get it. Storytelling method. But u can do better. Use colorschemes instead of physical attributes or something like Veneer does
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steve’s little nose swipe tell guts me every single time i think about it. the fact that we haven’t ever actually seen him cry, but we’ve seen him hold himself back from crying multiple times? i can’t bare it.
#joe keery i cannot believe you did this to me#it literally makes me feel physically sick#yes there is something wrong with me#steve harrington#stranger things#my post
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being asexual and sex repulsed is actually really hard because everyone acts like you’re a freak and doesn’t take you seriously when you say you don’t want to talk about sex and half of y’all reading this can’t act like you would never do that because you can’t even tag your nsfw or put a warning before your explicit tags on how you wanna fuck that guy 👍🏼
#i make jokes sometimes so i’m really not trying to seem like a hypocrite but some of y’all get really detailed#and I Am Repulsed By Sex. so when you get Detailed About Sex i actually feel physically sick and usually have anxiety attacks#like that’s what we’re dealing with here! i’m not just being immature or a prude or whatever the fuck#i have anything labeled mature hidden too so if you’d prefer to use community labels knock yourself out#just. god i don’t know how else to explain this#and it’s not just a matter of unfollowing people. because people will reblog things from me with the grossest fucking tags.#and yes i can block or whatever but it still doesn’t stop and like i’m begging y’all???#also there’s some people i don’t wanna lose as mutuals when they could tag four letters. idk#sorry i’m just. upset tonight#i feel like a freak for being asexual basically because it’s everyone acts like this is such an insane request#and i feel so isolated because of it#op
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Yes, mom, weeping while thinking of Connor and Zoe Murphy is a fundamental part of the teenage years
#guys help why do I fall back into my deh obsession at least once a year#and why do I always feel sick while thinking of them#theyre my biggest tragedy#just finished crying while listening to Requiem#am I really posting about deh in the year of 2023? yes indeed#i have so many thoughts about this musical#but trying to explain them makes me feel physically ill#idk guys I’m just nuts#but my dear moots already know that!#connor murphy#zoe murphy#dear evan hansen#deh
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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sorry but i still think it is so so crazy and insane to look at a child—ANY child, any teenager, ANYONE, but especially CHILDREN—and hit them. as a punishment or warning or whatever. that is so crazy to me. how could you ever look at a child and bring yourself to hurt them in any way shape or form??????????? that’s insane to me.
#emyrs.txt#tw childhood abuse#????? idk if this warrants that. but if i should more tags lemme know !!#YES. EVEN THE ANNOYING ONES.#spent. a great deal of time w my cousins’ friend the other day and she’s. technically 11 so. not a child in the technical sense. but anyone#under 17 to me is so so so young. (YES. i’m only 19. this isn’t bc i’m incredibly old and wise or whatever. it’s bc i’m old enough 2 see how#young i was then. if that makes sense. anyways).#and she was. SO INCREDIBLY annoying. and i have SO little patience and even less tact into how to get her to Stop. so i just smiled and#nodded and pretended that i wasn’t losing all of my patience. bc she is 11. and i remember being 11 & annoying. & being a kid means being#annoying anyways so whatever.#anyways. i hate thinking about my cousins and the kids in my family it makes me sick to stomach.#not bc their parents r abusive or whatever i just don’t think they’re getting the care and attention they need & i don’t want them to grow#up w as weird and fucked up feelings as me and my older cousins have.#also this whole thing is bc i was reading atla fanfiction and got sad about zuko. NWWNNDNDFN#literally i just can’t comprehend the idea of ever physically hurting a child. how do u live with urself afterwords.#i’m tired. this made me very sad. ok bye.
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It's 6:30 and I haven't slept at all, from what I recall, I've almost been awake for 24 hours. I can't keep doing this (have been like this for years) I need to see a doctor about my unhealthy sleeping at some point lmao (will not see a doctor)
#my new main doc is so sexist i cba with him#debating taking me off anti depressents because he believes i'm just an emotional woman#jokes on him I stopped taking them because they made me sick#he also didnt wanna diagnose me with BDD until my 'husband' verifed it#sure lemme just ask the non existing husband of mine to ask him to tell you i see myself warped#it's on my record i'm single btw meaning he just thinks I should be married#so if I go to him saying i have insomia he'll start claiming it's because i'm a girl#oh when i told him i'm not married he asked if he could speak to my dad#good luck!!!! my dad talks to nobody he's worst than me in social situations#sky rambles ♡#never forget the time I had an earache and a nurse asked me i was on my period and thats why I was crying#honestly fucking killing myself at this point man can't do shit#i've had bad ear pains since birth 😭 you can't make this shit up#i've had actually blood pouring out from my ears and still been told i'm exaggerating#can't wait to drop dead and i'll still be declared as alive because i'm a silly woman who is over the top#am I emotional??? yes#is that the cause of all my mental issues? i don't think so I think that's more physical verbal emotional and mental abuse but go off#i really REALLY shoukd be medicated but the sickness and weight gain which wouldnt go away was too much
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#i currently cannot read or watch anything romantic without physically aching#it's actually awful#i'm kind of sick of it tbh#like.... i know i'm not ready for a relationship right now and i do want to be single to pursue my goals#but also i have to stay away from any sort of media containing romance#and most importantly the very soft kind that has gentle caresses and forehead kisses and warm embraces#it makes me want to vomit#and i feel like if i don't get it soon then i'll perish. absolutely waste away.#oh the horrifying ordeal of craving love and affection#the absolute ache to be held gently.... to be cradled in someone's arms#it's all too much... i have to leave.#also every time i consume something romantic it just makes me think about [redacted]#because yes certain people are still very much on my mind and it's absolutely wretched#anyway. my apologies to anyone who read all these tags.#but also thank you for being here
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