#just finished crying while listening to Requiem

[godofstupidsentences]

Yes, mom, weeping while thinking of Connor and Zoe Murphy is a fundamental part of the teenage years

[ivalice-tifalucis]

Blue World

Guys, since TT3 is coming back and we're packing up our hype for the next album, I think let's make another post about Barlliams/Creamcakes aka my favorite ship in Take That crumbs.

I don't know why any of you haven't talked about this yet. Maybe you have but I didn't see it or know but haven't talked about this yet or maybe I've seen you talked about it but I forget for some reason.

In 2018, in one of his now deleted youtube live streaming which I actually watched when it was live (which is rare because I can count on one hand how many times I watch any live stream that he did), he showed this unreleased Take That song likely from Progress era based on the tune that sounds like Eight Letters, the beat that is Progress-like, and even "in requiem" words which become a whole song by Gary in his solo album. If you listen closely, this is clearly a duet between Rob and Gaz.

Edit: Can I just say I was internally screaming in 2018 when I first hear Blue World. We are so parched of CC crumbs that this got me gasping like OMG THAT'S GARY'S VOICE!!!!! (starts from 1:56)

Another time where he played this song again in Coronaoke series on instagram live back in 2020 during early pandemic. In this year, he said the title to this song is "Blue World" and played the song from start to finish. Trying to make this blog entry make me realize he actually played a different version of the song in 2018 and in 2020. I think they are reworking this song, hmmm interesting isn't it?

I tried to write the lyrics based on what I heard and try to tell which part is Robbie and which is Gary. It is hard and I might be wrong because Robbie's higher register and Gary's higher/middle register actually sounds similar which is something that I realized when Gary fill in Robbie's part in Everything Changes (Odyssey Version) in the last part of the song "thinking thinking about you". It took me like couple of listening to finally realize wait a minute, that's Gary's voice not young Robbie's. The only difference is that Gary has that soft edges on his voice while Robbie doesn't have that.

Plus, Robbie was karaoke-ing over this song and being Robbie he doesn't even know the right words of his own songs and sing the wrong words and sometimes just mumbles so I have to pay close attention to the song in the background. There are small parts that I still can't catch what the lyric is. I hope they released this song at some point. Have been waiting since 2018 and still wait patiently.

Edit 2: thanks @beautyofred for the notice. It is “You know how young we were” 😭, "You might be living but we're holding hands", "Can't stand the frequency here". After this, it makes even more sense this song is about them. So in the 2018 version, Blue World is basically like this:

(Gary) Blue world, your fate is calling Blue world, at last control A new world of final curtain calls Look how we've come together Just when we've reached the end In requiem

(Robbie) You know how young we were And feel how much it hurts We might be loving but we're holding hands We might be leaving but we're making plans Below our bleeding sky watching our mother's die It seems forever wasn't long enough Why must we always lose the ones we love?

(Gary) Will moment share it musters? But this fragile blue world With the cruel sunlight burning in our eyes ... And in 2020 it is like this:

(Robbie) Blue world, your fate is calling Blue world, at last control A new world of final curtain calls (Gary) Look how we've come together Just when we've reached the end In requiem

(Both) You know how young you were And feel how much it hurts You might be leaving but we're holding hands We might be dying but we're making plans Below our bleeding sky watching our mother's cry It seems forever wasn't long enough Why must we always lose the ones we love? (Robbie) Will moment share it musters? But this fragile blue world With the cruel sunlight burning in our eyes (Gary) You said, I don't know if I could love you for the rest of your life But I’ll love you for the rest of mine That we're led around your silent heart (Robbie) A blue balloon on a barbwire The weather on the ground is catching fire now And when you hear that sound (Both) You know how young we were And feel how much it hurts You might be leaving but we're holding hands We might be dying but we're making plans Below our bleeding sky watching our mother's die It seems forever wasn't long enough Why must we always lose the ones we love? (I'm sure this part changes at this 3rd reff but I can't catch what it is)

(Both) Because can't stand the frequency here Call my name and I'll appear I'm traveling at the speed of light When nothing matters but the life that seep your eyes (Gary) Hold us together Hold us together Hold us together Hold us together I know a secret about you

(Both) You know how young we were And feel how much it hurts You might be leaving but we're holding hands We might be dying but we're making plans Below our bleeding sky watching our mother's cry You know forever wasn't long enough Why must we always lose the ones we love?

You know how young we were (Hold us together) And feel how much it hurts (Hold us together) You might be leaving but we're holding hands (Hold us together) ....

[srovtl]

A Melody Of Serata On A Night Of Requiems chapter 9

Rustica: ---Everyone has been going around the village since yesterday to gather offerings in preparation for the ceremony.

Rustica: That's when I met Faust and the lady humming the beautiful music that the Maiden had loved when she was alive.

Rustica: She was the one who made gloves to be offered on the altar. Faust had consulted her beforehand, but...

Akira: (Ooh.)

Right before the ceremony, I remember the gloves offered on the altar and the blonde lady.

Perhaps she was close to the maiden when she was alive, as I remember her listening to the nostalgic music that Rustica was playing.

Rustica: She held the gloves close to her chest and told me a very sad and cruel story about the maiden.

Rustica: The engagement party with a wonderful man that the maiden had once dreamed of never existed.

Akira: Eh?

(Flashback starts)

Faust: The landowner who fell in love with the maiden was a wizard involved in shady business…?

Blonde Old Lady: Yes... though it seems he was hiding the fact that he was a wizard.

Blonde Old Lady: He gathers beautiful women from all over, gets them involved in things that are too embarrassing to even talk about, and in the end they all disappear.

Blonde Old Lady: My sister was one of them... I tried to stop her so many times but... 

Rustica: Oh, my lady... please don't cry. Your beautiful face is ruined. Are you the family of the dead maiden?

Blonde Old Lady: Yes... I am her sister. The story that came to my sister was just too good to be true.

Blonde Old Lady: So I secretly looked into him. Then I came across that rumor...

Faust: ...You tried to stop her, but she got into the carriage.

Faust: Wearing the blue dress and white gloves she had made for that day.

(Flashback ends)

Akira: Isn't that the lady who made the gloves to be offered at the altar and gave the music sheet to Rustica?

Rutile: she was a very beautiful person with a calm demeanor…

Rustica: Yes, she was indeed the maiden's younger sister.

Rustica: The maiden who got into the carriage did not come back. Or rather...she probably couldn't come back, according to the younger sister.

Rustica: There was no carriage driver in the carriage, and it was heading in the direction of the village.

Rustica: She barely escaped the mansion, and while driving the carriage in a frenzy, she probably fell off a cliff...

I'm at a loss for words at this cruel story. The maiden who was supposed to become a princess in a fairy tale is now raging in a twisted way before my eyes.

Faust: Her dreams have been shattered, and she wanted to curse this world.

Faust: That's what happened to me too. You have achieved your dreams, so you are much better than the half-baked me.

Faust turned up the corners of his mouth slightly and gazed upon the maiden.

He lowered his eyes, which were slightly filled with self-deprecation, and readjusted the position of the magical mirror.

Faust: Now that I've become like this, I don't know if that was what I truly wanted...

Faust: It is simply ironic.

Lennox: Lord Faust!

The hem of her dress fluttered wildly, and countless gloves formed into whip-like shapes, attacking the two with blinding speed.

Faust took a step back to avoid her, and Lennox, crouching, slid in front of him.

Then, he swung his arm to tear the glove whip off, sweeping it away.

Faust: ...According to her. She thought If she told anyone the truth, the wizard might find out somewhere. Hence why she couldn't tell anyone.

Faust: After hearing the story from the maiden's sister, I followed the presence of the landowner and flew my broom to the mansion...

Faust: He turned to stone. Probably right after the previous calamity.

Rutile: After the calamity... The gloves started acting up around the same time, right?

Akira: Could it be that the one the maiden's soul killed... is the landlord...?

Faust: Yes. She achieved her revenge.

At Lennox's feet, a branching gloved whip appears. A large arm swings down from above, to finish him off.

Faust: 《Satillquinart Mullcreed》!

After a sharp incantation, Faust's large mirror glows, and the whip and arm stop moving as if time had stopped. In the next moment, they explode and fly apart.

Akira: It's an attack that leaves no time to breathe, yet it's an incredible combination... but...

Rutile: Every time the dress attacks the two of them, it feels like the air is trembling…

Rutile: I can see it even through the barrier. Sadness, resentment, and hopeless regret...

Arthur: It's like the pain of a maiden crying out voiceless, eroded by all that, and the tears of her heart, are pouring down.

Faust: ...You understand, right? Purifying that is not easy.

Faust: No, it's not something that can be dismissed with just the word "purification."

Faust: It's the same as taking the soul of an innocent maiden once again. It's not something worth soiling your hands about.

Cain: ...If that's the case, then we can't just leave you guys alone even more!

Cain called out to Faust, who had his back turned to him.

Cain: Let us share this burden with you guys. That's all we can do now!

Following Cain's earnest plea, the young wizards continued speaking.

To their older friends, who were risking their lives to carry the burden for them.

Riquet: I'm an apostle of God. I'm sure I can be of help in guiding wandering souls!

Rutile: I'm glad you are worried about us. But... that doesn't mean Faust and the others should be the only ones to shoulder the burden.

Arthur: Yes. We'll join in too. Over there now...!

Rustica: Everyone...!

Getting impatient, they were about to break through the barrier and rush over.

A low, raspy voice split the air.

Bradley: 《Adnopotensum》

Faust: ……!

Suddenly, a large hole appears in the middle of the dress. The gloves panic and run away, and some of them disappear.

Faust and the others turn around to see Bradley, who has arrived without them realizing it, standing there with a fearless smile on his face.

Bradley: Hey, curse worker. You're still acting so gloomy.

Faust: Bradley… Did you shoot knowing the monster in the dress was the soul of the maiden!?

Bradley: Obviously. The spirits are buzzing and it's really noisy.

Bradley: I came to check on you guys and find y'all were in big trouble.

Bradley looked up at the dress with the big hole in it and grinned.

Bradley: Yo. What a night, little girl. Heard you were the most beautiful woman in the village.

Bradley: And you're good-natured and skillful too. Going wild in a dress isn't your thing. You're ruining your beauty.

The huge dress swayed gently and stepped back, as if slightly embarrassed.

Faust's eyes widened slightly at Bradley's words and the movement of the dress in response.

Faust: ...Bradley, please keep doing what you've just done. I hope she rests in peace as soon as possible without losing the heart of a young maiden.

Lennox: We'll help. To ease her suffering, even if just a little.

Faust and Lennox's magic enveloped the huge dress. The dress twisted and trembled.

Akira: (She is trying to escape from the magic circle. Does she want to lose this appearance?)

When you think about it, it's only natural. This is the happiness she longed for.

If her dreams hadn't been shattered and she hadn't changed, this dress would have been worn by a young, beautiful, wonderful girl with a bright future.

And now, that is about to be lost again, forever.

Bradley: This way, little girl.

Perhaps it's her best resistance, but the air around her becomes tense.

Bradley readjusted the long gun he had been carrying on his shoulder and looked through the scope at the dress.

Bradley: It sure was a long, bad dream.

Bradley: 《Adnopotensum》

Bradley's bullet bought the dress. It exploded right around the heart.

Akira: Ah…..!

Countless gloves, scattered all over the place, flew up feebly trying to escape. Some of them tried to fly towards the houses.

Seeing this, the young wizards, finally losing patience, rushed out of the barrier.

Cain: I'm sorry, but we can't let you escape. Please rest in this cemetery!

Arthur: Please remember… You must have been loved by the villagers with all your heart.

Rustica: Blue is the color of happiness. Don't stain that beautiful dress...

Rutile: Let me offer your grave your favorite flower crown later. So let's return you to where you belong.

Riquet: Rest in peace this time... We will guide your soul to the right path.

The wizards all chanted spells, and the scattered gloves were enveloped in a gentle light.

But they kept bumping into each other again and again, trying to break through the curtain of magic.

Why, why won't they let me out? She kept pleading.

Faust: 《Satillquinart Mullcreed》!

A white light crossed his field of vision, making even the white of the gloves fade.

Akira: ….!

I closed my eyes because of the brightness, and when I managed to open them slightly, the gloves were in the process of dissolving into the light.

In the end, all that remained was a sparkle like stardust

and then it disappeared.

Lennox: Dawn is almost here...

As Lennox spoke, I noticed that the darkness of the sky had softened and the colors of morning had started to mix in.

That forbidden time, so terrifying, is coming to an end.

Akira: It's true... I feel like I've been having a long dream...

Bradley: Oh, there are still remnants.

Akira: What? Oh, it's true...!

When Bradley pointed it out, I saw a glove hiding in the shade of a tree.

The way it peered out from the shadows was adorable, and somehow sad.

Lennox: Lord Faust.

Faust: No, it's okay.

Faust stopped Lennox as he took a step forward and approached the hidden glove.

He quietly knelt on one knee, as if approaching a frightened kitten. Then, gently, he extended his hand to soothe it.

Faust: I'm sorry for being so rough. Now, have a good night's sleep.

Faust: 《Satillquinart Mullcreed》

As he chanted the spell, Faust rose to his feet, guiding it. He then extended his hand towards the sky.

Drawn by it, the glove flew off into the sky where the sun was just beginning to peek, and disappeared.

Faust: ...And with that, everything is settled.

previous chapter - directory - next chapter

[mcx7demonbros]

Music Room’s Chaos

Characters - Klein (my OC), Lucifer, Lucius (OC kid), other brothers

Pairing - LuciKlein (Klein is poly so other pairings maybe implied or mentioned)

Warning - Lucius being a menace

It was a peaceful evening at the House of Lamentation. Lucifer was playing the piano while some of his brothers, namely, Mammon, Levi and Belphie decided go to the music room to listen to the beautiful melody played by their eldest brother.

Suddenly, Lucifer felt someone admiringly staring at him, someone little, only as tall as the piano bench he was sitting on.

Lucifer stopped to look at Lucius, his three-year-old son, who was looking up at him while holding a blue teddy bear of Pride.

“You want to try it?” Lucifer asked, to which the boy nodded.

The eldest smiled as he carried Lucius and settled him down on the bench area between his laps.

“Alright, let put the bear on top of the piano since you will need both hands.”

Lucius gave his father the bear, which the latter used magic to put on top of the piano (since both of his hands were busy holding Lucius to keep the boy from falling off the high bench).

“Good, next thing is-.” However, Lucifer noticed a grin on Lucius’s face, a devilish grin.

The next thing he knew, Lucius began playing music according to where his mood took him. To be more precise, the boy began to press piano keys randomly in a chaotic way, accompanied his baby laughing sound.

“No, Lucius, stop!” Lucifer said sternly. “You are not supposed to play piano like that.”

Lucius looked back as his father, his face flinched, and his baby cheeks shaking like he wanted to cry.

Oh no, not that. Lucifer complained in his head.

“Alright, alright, you can keep playing how you want it.” The Avatar of Pride admitted defeat.

Lucius’s face turned happy as he gave his father a smile before he returned to bombarding all the demons in the room with chaotic sounds he made with the piano.

All that no stop that! scene only happened in Lucifer’s head. Lucius was still a little kid, so Lucifer wouldn’t reprimand his son unless he did something wrong. And this is just a kid being a kid. So he could only groan in his head.

No, not the dissonance!

No, not that.

Not that too.

The eldest could only keep those words to himself as he didn’t want to make his son cry. He looked at the teddy bear on top of the piano, which was smiling like it was mocking him.

Yeah, you’re right. What would I expect from a three-year-old? Playing Mozart’s Requiem? That’s impossible for now.

As Lucius was “performing”, his dad noticed three demons trying to leave the room silently to escape the chaos. The eldest had the sadistic grin on his face as he snapped his fingers and the door was shut and locked.

Screw you, Lucifer. Belphie cursed silently in his head. It’s your child so suffer alone yourself, why would you force us to suffer with you?

After 20 minutes, Lucius finally finished with his “performance” (he finally became bored) and stopped.

“It’s time to go to bed, Lucius.” Lucifer said softly as his baby boy rubbed his eye.

“Dada, my piano good?” Lucius asked as he yawned.

“It was the best play I have heard.” Lucifer lied, which made his brothers cringed.

At the same time, Klein opened the door and walked in the room.

“Lucius, I finally found you. It’s time for bed.” Klein said as Lucifer handed the boy to him.

“Papa, my piano good! Dada said!” Lucius said as he yawned again in Klein’s arms.

“Absolutely, anyone who hears your music would fall in love with it.” Klein said, with the three brothers on the side kept screaming no in their heads.

Lucifer followed behind Klein as the latter carried Lucius back to his room before he remembered he left the Pride teddy bear in the music room. As the eldest returned to get the bear for his son, he saw his three brothers sitting on the sofa, trying to recover from the “torture” a few minutes before.

For a moment, four pairs of eyes looked at each other. Lucifer’s eyes seemed to tell them “It’s the hardship of being a father. Do you still want to become one yourself?”, before leaving.

Author’s words

Another fic for the celebration of Lucius’s birthday 🥳

Lucius inherited good music genes from his father so he would get better in the future, dw!

Tag - @sparkbeast20

[shi-daisy]

Requiem

Hello everyone! We're halfway through Tamlin week and I'm still super excited to see what awaits. Everyone has contributed so much and made such beautiful things I'm very proud we're all appreciting the best High Lord 🥺 Today on the agenda, some angst! Because let's be honest ghost themes are always angst *squints at my ghost entry of Ulquihime week* maybe I need to tone it down on the Linkin Park. Anyways, I hope you like!

Tamlin Week- Day 4- Music/Ghosts (Takes place after the death of Tamlin's family)

Requiem

Three weeks and the pain was still as raw as the first night. Everytime Tamlin closed his eyes he could see his mother's lifeless stare and bloodied face. He was trying not to think about it.

Both he and Lucien were walking down the misty cemetery of Rosehall. "Thank you for doing this with me. I'm just worried you might get in toruble."

"Bold of you to think I'd leave you alone at a time like this. Beron won't even notice my absence, I'll stay as long as you want me to." Lucien reassured him.

That was all he needed to hear.

The tombstone was already being overtaken by wild white roses, but the names on it were clear as day to read.

Oisin & Rosabella Evergreen

Former High Lord and Lady of the Spring Court

Tamlin wasn't sure as to why he was doing this. Perhaps it was guilt. Thr guilt he would carry until his last breath for not being able to save any of them, even if they wouldn't have returned the favor.

He took a breath before preparing to play the fiddle, Lucien was settling with his violin too. This was all based on silly superstitions but he at the very least wished to try.

Legends said that one's ghost would be able to visit the world of the living only at their grave. If one had yet to reincarnate then they could listen to their loved ones speak to their graves, leave them presents or maybe even play music.

Tamlin had no connections to ghosts and no magic related to death, but at the very least he wished to do something sweet for his parents. Maybe that would ease his guilt.

Lucien nodded at him when he was ready and they began playing. It was Rosabella's favorite song, as it was what she and her husband danced to on their wedding night. Oisin made a point to have it played it at every Spring Court event.

He thought his parents should at least be allowed one last dance, that is, if they could hear him...If they were still there and had yet to reincarnate.

The pair played the piece as if they were performing for a crowd of thousands instead of hypothetical ghosts. As the final noted neared, Tamlin could feel his eyes water, by the time he finished he was kneeling on the ground crying.

Lucien said nothing as he wrapped his arms around him and tried to comfort his friend. Tamlin clung to him tightly, as if he wanted to melt into his touch.

"I'm here. It's okay, you may let it out."

"Luce."

"Yes?"

"Please promise me you won't leave me too."

"I won't. I swear I won't. You'll have to deal with my ghost following you if I was to pass."

That did get him to laugh. "That's not a bad fate."

"Glad to hear that, though I'd prefer it if we were both ghosts together. We could dance just like your parents did."

"I would much rather dance with you alive. Let's go back in."

The air around them had gotten very cold. Lucien didn't object to going back to the manor. Given that his friend wa still in a delicate state he knew a ball would he too much to handle, but perhaps he could take him to Autumn for a dance at the plaza. That much might be enough to keep him smiling for a while. He was terrified of losing that smile.

Tamlin wrapped his arm around Lucien pulling him close as they walked away. He might've lost his blood family, but his true family was now walking alongside him, and had sworn to stay. He would hold him up to that promise.

He glanced at the gravestones one final time, everything had gone silent after their performance. Only the gentle night breeze could be heard as it passed through the rose bushes.

There was no one there...

[fanpirex]

Remedies and Transmutation | Excerpt

I wanted to test out writing in present tense and I’ve been unable to stop thinking about these characters after finishing A Plague Tale: Requiem, sooo. Not sure if I’ll continue with this story but I do have some ideas for it, which are hinted at in this excerpt :)

She doesn't realise when she wakes. She stays burrowed beneath warm furs and smiles at the pleasant chatter outside her door. Even when her eyes open and she rises from the bed, it does not occur to her.

Louise knocks and pops inside to set breakfast down on a table, chirping a greeting.

"Good morning," she responds, as easy as anything and gladly digs in.

Food rich with flavour is swallowed happily and there is freshly squeezed juice to wash it down. Sunlight filters through the shutters and a drowsy whine fills the air before paws tap over wood.

"Lion," she laughs as his wet nose nudges her hand and she pats his side.

There is no pain or crying, no regrets and emptiness. There are ways it could be sweeter, but even still, she'll enjoy the dream with all she has while it lasts.

She dresses, pulling on familiar fabrics. Hands running through hair that hasn't been this long for years, she braids it with ribbon and ties it off. It is nice to relive old memories, to walk these halls with carefree steps and listen to distant laughter.

She passes by her mother's wing and it is then that she hesitates. Dare she spoil a good dream by wanting more? Usually there is little choice and yet, she feels like if she were to just push the door, it would indeed swing open to joyful possibilities...

Her fingers twitch, raise, and pause at her father's voice.

"Your mother is busy, Amicia," he reminds her with sincere, sad regret. Holding out his hand, he beckons to her. "Come, you wished to go walking."

She sighs and nods. While not perfect, this dream still stirs warmth into her heart. Father is just as he was, large and strong and commanding. She watches his profile, following behind him, and savours his deep voice as he speaks to servants. Lion trots along beside her. She wonders how long this will go on.

Horses are gathered and saddled and the trio is waved off into the forest. 

Conversation flows and she rubs an ache away from her chest. She will miss this in the morning, though the wound reopens with every dream.

They dismount and brush off their clothes. "You've been going on about this walk for ages. Why here?" Father asks.

Her heart still throbbing, she replies, "I enjoy spending time with you."

"Oh?" He stops and smirks a little. "I thought you wanted to take the knight’s challenge."

She blinks. This is further than she's ever remembered, the looming devastation always enough to jolt her sleep. Wrongness seeps into her and she frowns.

Father mistakes her confusion. "Theo may have mentioned it to me," he smiles.

That wasn’t right, was it? She isn't sure. This was nearly ten years ago now.

Lion barks and it startles her. She sees his tail wagging and he jumps about. "Stop, Lion," she tells him firmly.

Father looks at her askance. "I believe he's eager to hunt."

"No," she says immediately and reaches for her horse again.

"Amicia?" Father is alarmed. "What is it?"

"I wish to go home."

“Home?” 

Home is many things. Here it is thick walls and kind servants, but she yearns for more, for other.

Sometimes, when she is very lost and sad, home is sweet giggles and an innocent grin. That is always hardest to pull away from when she starts wanting, but when she wakes and lives and hopes, she knows home will be calm waves and the smell of herbs.

"Lion," she calls sharply now, but the naughty dog is still dancing with anticipation, panting.

"We only just arrived," Father objects. "What's wrong, daughter?"

Feeling the end must be near, she pushes her luck. "I'm going to see Hugo."

The name burns her lips like every time.

Father stares and questions her but she has already turned her horse and is off. She can hear him following hastily, whistling for Lion.

Her pace halves the journey and though Father catches up and tries to stop her, she ignores him.

"Amicia," he tries again as they near the walls, "your mother doesn't want visitors for him."

"Mother can't help him," she snaps, bitterness washing through her. "He needs a normal life, with his sister."

Father takes her arm and she almost snarls. "What has gotten into you?"

"I need Hugo," she demands between gritted teeth. It is cruel to be kept from him here, the only place where she can reach him.

"All right," he reluctantly agrees, his brow lowered. "We'll go see him together."

She relaxes, aggression fading away. "Fine."

She leads the way now, passing servants without a word. Father waves off their concern but she is single-minded. Her mother’s wing is as isolated as it always was and she can hear her mother’s quill scribbling against parchment in her office. She dismisses that door, heading straight for Hugo’s.

“Amicia,” Father says quietly. She gives him only a glance and then she’s in the room.

He’s playing in his sheeted tent fort of course. She strides forward with confidence she doesn't feel and kneels at his side. 

“Hello,” Hugo greets shyly, looking between her and Father. With how little Mother let him out, he may not have known Father at all. She certainly never saw them in the same room.

It sinks in that the dream isn’t ending... Is this another hallucination? It feels awfully real like one but she’s been taking special herbs to prevent those.

What is this then?

Horror creeps in. How does she wake up? Can she? She pinches her arm and Hugo looks at her strangely. “Are you all right?”

“I…” her voice escapes her.

The dawning thought that this is happening hits Amicia like a bolt. There is overwhelming joy amidst the confusion and she smiles brightly at him, her little brother. Then the loss of before, of her future, registers. 

Her hand goes to her stomach and she draws in a ragged breath. She breathes slowly and carefully and makes her hand fall.

She doesn’t really understand what’s going on, but it hurts all the same. A different hurt to her usual; with this, she’d had time to grow hopeful after so many encouraging words from…

Lucas. Sophia. Where are they?

She can’t do whatever this is without them.

“What are you doing?” Mother’s tongue is cutting as she whirls into the room and Lion barks. The sight of her makes Amicia stagger. There is little in common with her final image of Mother, tied to a pole as the Countess held up a knife. This Mother is furious and shoos her from the room.

She is so numb that she lets herself be dragged out, even as Father gently protests, “They need to properly meet at some point, Béatrice.”

“Not today. He had an attack this morning, he can’t-”

Amicia digs in her heels, twisting away from her parents. Hugo watches with wide eyes, unsure about everything.

“Hugo,” she murmurs, “what did you dream of?”

He twists his hands. “Darkness.”

“Amicia, he needs quiet-”

“He needs a normal life,” she interrupts Mother. She looks at her harshly and her mother is clearly taken aback. “He deserves a normal life.”

“You know nothing of his condition, Amicia.”

But she isn’t listening, instead going to Hugo’s side again. “Hugo, I’m your sister, Amicia. Do you want to play outside with me and Lion?” She offers a hand, her dog wagging his tail next to them.

He takes it with an excited smile. “Oh, yes please.”

Mother tries to split them apart but Father touches her waist. “Béatrice, they’re children. Let them play.”

“I don’t have time to watch over them, Robert.”

“Then I will,” he decides, pleased at the chance.

Hugo is vibrating beside her, unable to contain his happiness. He reaches out to Lion and strokes the dog’s back carefully.

“Let’s race, Hugo,” she proposes and he smiles so brightly but then pauses.

“I don’t know the way,” he confesses.

“That’s all right,” she tells him, squeezing his hand. “We’ll race outside instead.”

And they do; Father laughs and cheers them on as they run around, with Lion dancing between them, and they are so happy and everything is so peaceful.

She is on the ground, tickling Hugo who giggles and wriggles and grins, when she sees Father is no longer happy, a servant at his side, and that sense of peace evaporates.

He turns to look at her and she knows, with dread curling in her stomach and a bone deep weariness, that the Inquisition is here.

[undeaddaisy]

I just finished A Plague Tale: Requiem. If anyone needs me, I’ll be ugly crying in my bed while listening to the soundtrack on repeat. 

[haruka-e28]

The New Sunshine in our Lifes

Summary:They have gone through various obstacles, various battles, various enemies. Even the dilemmas of being in a poly relationship. Will they be able to deal with this new problem?

Giorno woke up slowly, squinting her green eyes against the daylight that filtered through the flowered drapes that hung from her window and soaked her bed, and consequently herself, in soft but beautiful shades of gold. The young blonde was lying in the middle of her bed, a huge four-poster monstrosity whose red velvet curtains were wide open for some unknown reason, surrounded by pillows and cushions; her body concealed by the silks of her sheets and the fabrics of her pajamas.

Anyone who walked in at that moment would have stared at the lovely scenery. She seemed something almost out of a painting, her face asleep, her sinuous body spread out on the surface of the bed framed by the fabrics of her beddings and her nightwears, with her golden hair loose like a silk veil, adorning the pillows of her bed.

The blonde buried her face from the light in the softness of her pillows, letting out a muffled grunt, trying to go back to sleep.

Today was one of her few days off, where she could afford to stay in bed for a while longer and enjoy the simple act of just being.

As always when a day off decided to stick its head out, it was a bit odd, letting her body get lost in her own desires, (especially those she used to disregard in favor of her obligations) and not have to struggle to keep the tiredness from the threads of her being. Doing all that and more instead of being torn from the pleasant world of dreams by an alarm that kept screaming in an obnoxious way, so much so that Giorno had learned to expect it and every day she woke up with a minute or several to spare so as not to have to hurt her ears with that hateful tone.

The clock in question had been an ironic but surprisingly useful gift from Mista who had found it in a shop he had passed after his many missions; a hideous frog-shaped plastic artifact that was programmed to pipe every morning and rip whoever was listening from their cozy rest. And despite how awful and shoddy it looked and how terrible its cream was, no one could deny that it was doing the job.

But that didn't matter today.

And so she could be allowed to bathe herself in the pleasure of sheer laziness and how it always felt incredible, being able to wrap her fingers in her slightly wrinkled sheets but so so soft and warm; to be able to breathe slowly against her pillow, and to have her groans stifled by their soft material.  All these feelings almost seemed to produce a kind of cocoon of tranquility and quietness around Giorno's body and mind and the blonde wanted to lose herself in that sensation for as long as possible.

One that she couldn't always afford to taste.

Fulfilling her dream had put a golden crown on her head and the weight of a country on her shoulders.

Something that would not change for the world but that she could not deny that it could become much harsher than she had envisioned. And for that very reason, the times when she didn't have to wrap herself in the command mantle and put on the leadership mask, where she just had to be Giorno and she could be vulnerable (or at least as vulnerable as she could handle to be) young lady of seventeen who spent time with her loved ones in peace instead of being the golden princess of the mafia who controlled the destiny of an entire country with an ice mask and a powerful stand.

But she could think of those things later.

The blonde thought that the only way she could have begun the morning in a better way, would have been with a different pair of lips pressing gently against hers, or perhaps a mischievous pair of hands running over her body as they tried to sneak inside of her nighties. Or better yet, the sound of a husky, sexy voice whispering things into her ear and gently pulling her out of her sleep. Nothing would have been better than that (except maybe waking up with a surprise between her legs.)

But unfortunately, all of her senses were telling her that she was alone in bed at that moment and she opened her eyes to confirm that fact.

Indeed, there was no one resting next to her, there was no one in the room, and no sound could be heard from the private bathroom.

Everything was calm and silent and Giorno could not detect any kind of sign that would suggest that any of her lovers were near. Most likely they had gotten up, careful not to wake her, keen as always to let her rest as much as possible. They were probably in the kitchen or dining room, enjoying Bruno's culinary delights.

Giorno rubbed her eyes with one hand, while she tried to recollect what had happened the night before.

She was somewhat distracted by the drowsiness but was almost certain that they had all gone to bed together the night before after a movie marathon as was common when they had one of their date nights. It was always difficult to organize one of those since everyone was always busy with something, especially her, so when these took place, no one wanted to ruin them under any circumstances. Watching movies was one of their favorite prospects but they also did other things like going out to eat or going to the opera. Maybe some recital if Trish was visiting.

Her memories were somewhat blurred since she had felt quite exhausted, even more than normal, but she had not wanted to wreck the evening so she had not said anything when her fatigue turned into an incipient headache when listening to Mista, Fugo, and Narancia discuss what film they were going to see while Abbacchio frowned at them and Bruno tried to conceal his smirk behind his hand. She remembered falling asleep at some point during the second film on Mista's shoulder and then waking up in the arms of Abbacchio who was carrying her to bed while in the background she could listen to Narancia's disappointed complaints about having to cut the night earlier than intended and Fugo's reprimands that he was immature and selfish who should have more concern for others. After that, she only remembered Bruno's soft words in her ear and a kiss on her forehead.

After that, warmth and darkness were her main recollections.

There were many things that had changed in the last two years since she had met Buccellati and the others, especially in their relationship (Who would have thought it was possible to fall in love about six times?). But Giorno was not entirely comfortable showing complete weakness and vulnerability in front of her lovers so she always tried to hide, even a small part, of how much things really affect her or when fatigue threatened to toss her on the ground.

Luckily (he couldn't stop thanking fate for that), but the others seemed to have a sixth sense (Bruno especially) since they always seemed to view through her walls and facades, and when they perceived that she had had a particularly bad day; they liked to let her sleep the next day and then pamper her to exhaustion.

Everything just to see her laugh.

And that's how she was napping in her bed, stirred by the soft warmth of the sun that seemed persistent on not letting her sleep, feeling pleasantly calm and a little sluggish. A soft growl coming from her belly was heard, sounding like a cry in the quietness of the room and she knew that her attempt to continue resting was definitely over. And so it was that, with a barely audible sigh and a hand that she brought to her face to rub her eyes and finish wiping away the drowsiness, that Giorno grudgingly slipped off the covers and sat on the side of her bed with all the purpose of looking for her slippers and putting on one of her silk gowns to go find her boyfriends and see what they were up to.

However, something got in the way of her plans.

For a moment, she thought that she had gotten up very fast and that was why she was feeling so light in her head and that was the reason why the room had started to spin but, strong pain in her stomach and a great wave of nausea hit her with the same force that a physical blow would have, leaving her even more disoriented and dizzy. Taking a deep breath and gathering all the strength she could, she staggered unsteadily to the bathroom, her slippers being forgotten beside her bed.

When she got there, she felt like her legs could no longer hold her weight and the blonde ended up collapsing, falling to her knees in front of the toilet, the carpet cushioning her. Giorno took a shaky breath as her hands gripped the bath mat, trying to regain some control over her body but that didn't seem to work much since she felt more queasy than she before.

Something inside her just didn't feel right.

And that was nothing new.

For a few weeks, she had felt dizzy and tired at random times of the day. At first, she had thought that it was due to the pressure of work since they had had several problems and difficult missions in a row and that always left consequences. She had also considered the possibility that one of her meals had gotten her ill or perhaps a simple disease. They hadn't ruled out poison but it was pretty unlikely considering how protected she was always and it couldn't be the work of an enemy stand because Requiem was permanently protecting Giorno so it must be something of a natural origin.

Bruno and Fugo had given her some time to see if she would improve on her own before having to drag her to see a doctor.

After a few days of being upset, she had felt a little better except that she was still exhausted but everyone thought the worst was passing.

They were all wrong as it seemed like it was coming back stronger than ever.

That thought made her head spin in panic despite her hazy sensation, as if she saw everything through a heavy layer of fog; the notion didnt waste any time in torturing her mind and making everything more complicated and that accentuating the symptoms she already felt.

The back of her neck felt gluey with sweat and she could feel her hair starting to stick to her face from the wetness. Her chest kept shaking in an uncomfortable and vaguely painful way. She swallowed instinctively, trying to shake off the developing lump that was forming in her throat. A new tide of nausea washed over her and she clutched the carpet tighter, forcing her eyes to close as she waited for it to pass once more like the others.

She hated all of this.

She really, she hated this.

Feeling so weak and sick.

Another wave followed and it was this one that ended up defeating her. She staggered forward, one hand to her mouth as she silently cursed herself for it. The vomiting had never been one of her popular actions and she knew that she had nothing in her body so she expected a truly painful experience if she surrendered to that demand. Vomiting on an empty stomach always left her cramping and aching after the act, it wasn't worth that much.

Her body seemed to not care much about that fact.

With a final convulsion, she jerked forward violently and a jet of yellow liquid shot out of her mouth and landed on the toilet.

It was quick and revolting and Giorno panted as she choked again, the sight of what had come out of her stomach made her feel even sicker.

The acrid smell of bile reached her nose and that only increased her dizziness and thus began a cycle that lasted for several minutes.

Tears came to her eyes from the pressure, and she wrapped a hand tightly around her waist as she felt the cramps rise; with the other, she was trying to get her hair out of the way since the last thing she wanted was to have to clean that disgusting substance from her hair.

At some point, she felt a pair of arms surround her, substituting her hand on her abdomen and the one that held her hair. For a brief moment, she thought with great shame that one of her boyfriends had come to help her, worried about her because she had not yet come down or alerted by the cries of pain that she had released. However, she was comforted when she saw the golden hands of her stand.

As always, Gold had shown up to help with these kinds of circumstances.

- "Thank you very much." - She said to her trusted comrade as she leaned against her stand, closing her eyes and trying to normalize her breathing to be able to recover her strength, now that the vomiting had stopped.

Her mouth had a repellent sour tang, her eyes felt puffy and her entire body felt feverish and sweaty. But the weight of her stand felt comforting against her back as did the hand that stroked her hair and the other, slightly shiny, that brushed her abdomen gently and made small circles against the fabric of her nighties.

Giorno allowed herself a few minutes of relaxation wondering what was happening in her body. Gold didn't seem to be worried but strangely happy, especially now that he couldn't stop stroking her belly.

The blonde had a few more seconds of blessed ignorance as she rested in the arms of her stand.

.

..

...

Then an idea appeared in her mind, destroying the calm she had felt just seconds before with the same force of a truck.

Giorno's eyes snapped open and her green gaze fell on the hands of her stand, entwined and laid placidly on her belly.

- "Shit." - Was all she said.

From that moment, the blonde entered something similar to an autopilot where she did the things of her daily routine such as taking a shower to get rid of the remains of vomit and sweat, and without having the slightest idea of how it had happened, the young girl was strolling down the stairs, fully dressed, hair combed and made up, face full of makeup heading to their private kitchen which was inside the special section of the huge mansion that served as both their home and the headquarters of Passione.

The ridiculously huge residency was arranged in such a way to be able to keep those two parts of everyone's life separate. And in that way, to be able to have the illusion, even fleeting, that they were normal people and not the characters who controlled the country, (and most of Europe) from the darknesses.

Giorno had strongly required on that when they settled into their new home.

After they had defeated Diavolo, Giorno, Bruno, and the rest of the gang had set about taking possession of everything that had previously belonged to the former boss, including his property. Among them, they chose a private villa on the outskirts of Naples with a ridiculously large mansion to serve their dual purpose and still have rooms to spare. The blonde had invested enough money to renovate it so that they would have a private wing to share that had its own kitchen and dining room in addition to their bedrooms and another, opulent and ostentatious enough to carry out her business and overwhelm ( and intimidate) all those who were part of her organization. They all had an office in each of the wings to carry out their tasks except Narancia and Mista who had preferred to set up a huge room for games and entertainment where they spent most of their free time.

In addition to the mansion, the villa had other luxuries such as a huge swimming pool with a small flat included, a shooting range, and a huge garage to store an army of cars among other things.

Needless to say, all the members were more than enjoying the advantages of their new position.

Walking through the corridors and down the stairs, Giorno thought it was ludicrous to think that one of her boyfriends could have been able to hear the groans that she had let out when she was in the bathroom, a tragic result of the deplorable state of mind in which she was at that moment. And the girl was also aware that she was concentrating on that so as not to have to think about the obvious problem that she had in her hands.

Or rather in her belly.

But God, she really didn't know what to do.

Giorno Giovanna, master of the poker face, an expert in keeping her emotions hidden in an extraordinary way, a watcher of everything that surrounded her, the young woman with the impossible golden dream that she forced to become reality with the sheer force of her will...

...did not know how to deal with this.

She knew she had options...

That if she needed to, she could go out right now, take care of the quandary, and pretend it never occurred. If she wanted, not a word on the matter would have to come out of her mouth. She was the most powerful woman in Italy, she could deal with this without causing a scandal. She, too, knew that it was an option to give the supposed baby up for adoption and after making sure that she left them in a good home. Raising them herself wasn't out of the question either. She had the resources and a group of loving boyfriends who will not hesitate to take care of the child and give them all the love and affection in the world.

In short, she knew she had options.

The problem was, her mind didn't seem to want to work at the moment. She couldn't even believe what was happening was real; much less thinking was what she wanted to do. Her emotions were mixed, her mind was running too dashing, exploring a thousand options at the same time but not really processing any. Her insecurities mixed with her fears, making her shift every second, showing each path as an almost impossible prospect to follow.

And worst of all, her trauma was screaming at her a million things in her parents' voices, making her doubt, even more, demeaning her and reminding her that she wasn't worth much, to begin with, and she wouldn't do it now when there was concrete proof of her lack of judgment and her corruption.

Who was in a sexual relationship with five men at the same time? Who was stupid enough not to take precautions not to get pregnant?

The voices of her mother and stepfather echoed with a thousand questions and the eternal murmur that sounded in the background, like the incessant dripping of a broken tap.

Useless ... useless ... useless ... useless ...

Muda...

The only thing that really occurred to her was to talk to her boyfriends and that they will help her decide what to do. After all, one of them was partially responsible for her condition and they deserve to have an opinion on the topic. Giorno believed that it was the most appropriate thing to have a conference and discuss it together, she owed them that, out of respect for the relationship they had and the feelings they all shared ...

Right?

Although she couldn't dispute that the prospect of having this discussion with the men in her life was frightening her far more than the battle she had with Diavolo years ago. Not knowing how they were going to respond, what they were going to think of her, what words were going to come out of their mouths, and what looks were going to form in their eyes, had her terrified in a way that she had not been, since before she met the gangster who it had shaped her life.

A part of her subconscious, which was gaining more and more force, the one that talked with that same tone that she sometimes listened in her nightmares, was telling her that this was all a dangerous idea, that she was going to end up alone, dipped in tears and having to take care of the predicament herself, that none of them would care in the least, that it was best to go take care of the dilemma herself before the others noticed out and simply dismiss her as the useless thing that really she was, all for daring to bring them that problem, something else that she had forced on them; something else they would be obliged to deal with, one more hindrance in the long list of complications that she had already caused them up to that point.

As she neared the kitchen and could hear the sounds of the voices of the rest of the men she lived with and shared her heart, Giorno tried to disregard those voices. After all, she knew them better than anyone in the world and she knew that none of them would be able to do any of those things.

All of them knew perfectly what implied to be in a relationship with her and after years of listening to their declarations of love and all that had spent together up to that moment it was hard to imagine some kind of situation where they would leave her alone, especially in this condition.

However, that didn't change the fact that she was extremely frightened about having this conversation.

When she stopped thinking for a moment she realized that she was already in front of the private kitchen entrance, the one they used when they were only the six of them. Normal size, decorated in a simple and cozy way.

A place that everyone used without fail.

Bruno and Mista were the best cooks and those who were in charge of making most of the group's meals, Fugo spent time baking cakes and other sweets as part of his therapy to control his bad temperament, Narancia lived there grabbing sandwiches and stealing food like the good thief that he was, Giorno and Abbacchio were constantly preparing their favorite hot drinks (coffee and tea respectively) without which they said they could not function as normal human beings.

She was scared, very scared. But also, was aware that if she didn't speak now, she wouldn't be able to do it anymore.

Giorno stood for a moment in front of the door, listening to the voices or rather screams (Narancia and Fugo seemed to be in an argument as ever), letting their mere proximity calm her a bit and concentrate her on the moment. She was hiding as best she could the apprehensions behind the mask of her, trying to appear a calm that she didn't really feel but knew that if she showed that she was really scared things would be even more complicated; since given the chaotic and violent that her boyfriends were they would become uneasy and could not even discuss the subject and Giorno knew that her nerves would not be able to resist that type of stress.

Taking a deep breath, the young woman joined them.

The sight that greeted her as she entered did not surprise her in the slightest, it was so ordinary and domestic that its familiarity almost threatened to break her mask of composure as she felt the burning of tears in her eyes (damn hormones!). They were so into what they were doing that they didn't seem to have noticed that she had entered. The young woman took the opportunity to observe them in their natural setting before they underwent the catastrophe that was the bomb that Giorno was about to throw at them.

Mista was arguing with the Sex Pistols, who apparently had decided that they deserved more food than their user gave them and were protesting about it; Fugo and Narancia were arguing or rather yelling (and seemed about to hit each other) about how much math homework Fugo has been giving Narancia; Buccellati seemed to be busy pouring himself juice as he had a huge glass pitcher in his hands and Abbacchio was calm with a book in one hand and a cup of tea in the other.

The blonde coughed discreetly to get their attention.

- "Good morning." - She said with a slight smile, trying to sound as relaxed as she could.

And that seemed to work as everyone greeted her normally.

The Sex Pistols stopped arguing with Mista and rushed over to her, waving enthusiastically and rubbing against her face like they were a group of excited puppies. A few seconds later, Narancia was next to her giving her a kiss and a hug that almost took her breath away, and began to argue with the bullets that they had no right to seize the blonde's attention while they began to protest that Narancia was meaner than Mista.

Giorno judged it was better to leave them and not interrupt such a bizarre fight so she marched to the table, leaving the noise behind, and took a seat.

- "Hello, lovely." - Mista greeted her at the same time that he could finally eat in peace, now that his stand was not bothering him anymore. Still, he took a moment to grab Giorno's hand and give her a quick kiss.

Abbacchio gave her a display of recognition and continued reading his book without much fuss. The blonde just gave him a sardonic smirk.

- "Good morning, Giogio .-" Fugo told her as he also studied a book that he had open on the table but at least he gave her a smile before getting lost in the pages. - "I hope you slept well, you were pretty tired last night."

Giorno did not hesitate to answer.

- "I slept very well. Thanks for your concern." - She answered honestly, giving her a smile of her own.

The blonde was not lying when she said that she had slept quite well. The problems had started when she had awoken so she was not being disingenuous with her statements.

Fugo gave her another smile a little more bashful by her compliment with his face turning an adorable red color, he returned to his book. The blonde couldn't help but think that his shyness was charming, always present even after everything that had happened between them; especially seeing the contrast between his pale skin and his flushed cheeks.

He was extremely cute.

Her thoughts were interrupted when a blue mug with painted ladybug details, filled to the top with black coffee (her favorite) was placed in front of her. Giorno looked up and met Bruno's blue eyes, who gave her a warm smile.

- "I'm glad to know that you're much better" -He told her as he gave her a kiss on the top of her head- "We've been worried about you lately."

The blonde felt like a lump was forming in her stomach and, Giorno tried to swallow to ease it but found that her throat was strangely dry. As she thought about what to say, she could feel arms around her neck, arms thin but strong and relatively muscular. She, then felt lips press against her cheek and the critical smell of Narancia reached her nose.

- “Yes, we were very worried! I'm glad to know you're fine!. "

The violet-eyed young man gave her a bright smile and then sat down next to Mista to try to steal some of his food and try to provoke a reaction from Abbacchio with mean jokes and childish provocations. The blonde hoped all of this didn't end in a fight that would prevent her from telling them the news about her. She hoped that Bruno could keep the most mischievous member of the gang under control.

Speaking of the older man, she could feel his gaze on her person. It was more than obvious that the brunette was examining her with his gaze, looking for signs that she was still sick, and surely he was startled that the blonde had not yet taken her coffee cup. Giorno Giovanna's love for coffee was well known and it was not uncommon for the blonde to have at least two cups during her breakfast. To avoid raising suspicions, the blonde turned her attention to her cup, bringing it to her lips and taking a tentative sip. The scent of her didn't sit well on her, making her stomach growl in protest; however, the slight taste that she could feel on her tongue tasted like heaven.

Especially since she suspected that this was going to be her last cup in a long time.

That little sip of coffee ran down her throat like a rock and the blonde had to hide a groan to avoid attracting attention.

No one seemed to notice, each of them was too involved in their affairs (Bruno was giving Narancia a warning look) but this little detail made her realize that she needed to have that conversation because she knew that she was not going to be able to hide this forever and being honest, she was not quite willing to do it in addition to everything else she had to deal with.

-"We need to talk."

Giorno thought it was best to be as direct as possible, especially before she lost her resolve.

Her statement earned her the gaze of everyone present, whose level of interest in what she had to say could be seen in their eyes. It was an interesting gradient that ran from those who were interested, merely curious, bored but paying attention, and indifferent. Everyone present was waiting to see what she said, looking at her with those eyes, expectant.

All eyes were on her and for the first time in a long time, Giorno hated being the center of attention.

She felt small and insignificant.

No one thought about it because she used to move around people with an attitude and bearing that made you feel like you were looking at a giant but she was small. Giorno has always been relatively small, with narrow hips, normal-sized breasts, and fibrous muscles, delicate but strangely strong like a wild cat. She had always concealed the seeming weakness of her body with a lot of attitude and confidence.

And that had always worked for her.

But here, at that moment, surrounded by the gazes of the people she loved so much, she felt strangely dwarfed; not just small. Weak, you might say. As weak as Giorno Giovanna could afford to be, but weak nonetheless.

-"Is there something in particular you needed?" - asked Bruno, oblivious to her internal turmoil.

It was the moment of the truth.

- "Here we go." - She said to herself mentally.

Giorno unconsciously adopted the same posture that she used when she was in a meeting with her subordinates. It was something familiar and it made her feel safe. But her body was too rigid and tight, and she wished she could relax a bit, and she didn't want to seem so distant talking about such an important topic with the persons she considered the loves of her life so she changed to a more neutral and relaxed composure.

Without anyone noticing, she lowered her hands to her lap and began to squeeze the fabric of her uniform skirt in her hand.

-"I think ..."- She started to say but her voice sounded too brash to her ears, too vulnerable for her liking.

Her indecision seemed to attract everyone's attention and Giorno could see how Bruno, Fugo, and even Mista began to have worried lines on their brows.

Which it was to be expected.

Words were Giorno's exclusive domain.

She cleared her throat.

- "I ..." - She tried again, and again her throat felt dry as a desert - "I think it is ..."

And again she got stuck. Her mind began to scream at her, further complicating the task.

Just say it, damn it! What's the matter, Giovanna? They have the right to know!

-"I ..."

They all seemed to notice how hard it was for her to speak, but none seemed very willing to speak.

Giorno didn't know if that was good or bad.

Meanwhile, the voice in her mind didn't even give her a breath.

Why can't you say it ?! Since when are you such a coward ?!

Useless, useless, useless, YOU ARE A USELESS!!!

MUDAAA !! !

-"I think…"

This time it was not her insecurity that interrupted but another voice.

- "Giorno, shit."-Abbacchio said, frustration and anger showing smoothly in his voice- "If you don't say it soon, I have better things to do than listen to your nonsensical murmurs."

Giorno watched as Bruno opened his mouth to challenge the silver-haired man but strangely, Abbacchio's cold tone was what she needed to be able to take the half step forward.

-"I think I'm pregnant."

The only sound that was heard after that was that of a glass jar falling to the floor.

- "Are you missing something in there? I'm dying here!"

- "No! Narancia already told you, a thousand times I must add, that we are going to notify you when it is ready!"

- "Puff!"

- "Narancia! You gloat so much about being older but you always act like a child! Go sit down and show some respect, by God!"

-Don't be a hypocrite Fugo! You pretend to be mature but you are dying to know it too! You haven't stopped moving around and biting your nails since they got into the bathroom! "

-"Shut up!"

- "Don't worry Panni, I'm all eager to know the results."

- "Speak for yourself, Mista."

- "Damn it, Abba!

CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

- "How much more do you need to know ?!"

- "Narancia !!!

- "I can't do it if you are acting  like that!"

- "This is not the time to act like a princess, Giovanna."

- "Leone / Abba!"

- "Gish."

Leone just rolled his eyes and took a sip from his cup of tea that he had brought from the kitchen and made himself more comfortable on the couch. From that place, he could see how Fugo's patience reached its limit and had put Narancia in a lock on his neck to force him to stay still while the boy struggled and screamed to be released. Mista would have helped him, or at least she would have laughed at the situation but he kept looking at the pieces of wood as his leg kept shaking. Abbacchio, who was hiding the trembling of his hands behind a porcelain cup, could understand it perfectly.

The question was how they had come to this.

How had everyone, except Bruno and Giorno, ended up looking at the doors of a bathroom as if it contained the answers of the universe?

After Giorno broke the news about her “issue” and all witnesses regain the ability to think clearly (Fugo literally fainted) Bruno started yelling orders, hoping to control the chaos even a little. The least he needed now was for everyone to start yelling, arguing, and fighting among themselves, losing sight of the subject they had to deal with at all costs and the most important thing, at least at that moment, that those idiots made Giorno more nervous.

Which, it was possible to add, seemed about to start crying and it was more than obvious that she needed a moment to calm down and clear her mind, and Bruno, as her boyfriend and second in command, had a duty to provide that respite.

So he sent Mista and Narancia (the ones who seemed to vibrate since they had heard the news and kept talking about whatever came to mind) to the pharmacy to get a certain item, crucial to confirm what the blonde had just said. Fugo had to go and get general pregnancy knowledge at the library in case they really had a baby (or god forbid babies) on the way. The older one asked him this because it was obvious that the albino needed something to occupy himself with since his mind seemed to have made a short circuit and he kept looking at the blonde (and her belly) as if a second head had emerged or something. Leone was assigned to make tea for everyone, surprisingly the silver-haired one seemed to be the calmest and he just nodded and went to work.

When the three of them had a hot cup in their hands, Bruno and Giorno had a little chat, under the watchful eye of Abbacchio. The blonde, more than anything, told them about her suspicions while Bruno asked her some and other questions and made Gold appear (the stand that could detect life, it had to be highlighted) and made him touch her belly which did the hands of the stand made glow. For some strange reason, Abbacchio and Bruno's look of surprise was powerful enough to break through Giorno's mental walls and cause her to let out a slight sob, as she apologized for what had happened.

When the Capo saw that, he couldn't control his emotions and ran to hug Giorno. He took the young girl between his arms and began to dry her tears with kisses all over her face, assuring Giorno that none of this was her fault, that those things used to happen and that, together, they were going to deal with the matter. That made the blonde only cry more intensely and that she ended up hiding her face on Bruno's chest while he stroked her head and murmured words of encouragement. Surprisingly, Abbacchio joined in the consolation effort, taking the blonde's hand and gently stroking it as he looked away, saying nothing.

At some point, Fugo returned, with a pile of books in his hand, which he quickly put aside, to rest his head on Giorno's lap.

That was how Narancia and Mista found them and did not hesitate to join the pile.

And from there they ended up in the current situation.

Everyone in the room they shared waiting for the results of the pregnancy tests that they had brought from the pharmacy. Bruno had gone into the bathroom with Giorno to give her moral support while the others had stayed outside, waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

And waiting.

And obviously, some could control their impatience better than others.

After a long moment where the only thing that could be heard were the moans that came from Narancia's mouth and the growls that the albino of the group let out, the door opened and the two occupants were seen. Everyone paid attention to the faces of their lovers to try to see what the results had been, Bruno seemed pleased and Giorno had the same mask of calm indifference as always.

It was difficult to know what had transpired in the bathroom.

Bruno accompanied Giorno to the bed, Mista and Narancia gave them space to move and urged the blonde to sit on it. The aforementioned did as told while did not stop looking at what she had in her hands. The brunette also had something in his hands, one of the pregnancy tests and he showed them to the rest of the group, not being able to hide the happiness in his eyes.

The test clearly showed a positive sign.

That prompted different reactions from everyone who was present.

Bruno was the one who seemed the happiest of all, his smile was so bright that he could blind anyone and kept muttering plans, ideas, moving from here to there.

This was not surprising since it was not a secret how important he regarded family and now, after spending a long time, he was finally going to have one of his own (a biological one at least) and the prospect of having a baby in his arms seemed to make him so happy that it seemed that his body did not seem to be able to contain the joy that the man was feeling at that moment.

Mista and Narancia seemed just as happy as Bruno but instead of making plans, the two young men did not lose time in surrounding Giorno and getting at the height of her belly (which, following their fashion sense, was exposed) to which they began to cover with kisses and caresses. They both looked at that part of her anatomy as if it were the first time, with such affection and intensity that they seemed to expect the baby to appear by sheer force of will. When they got tired of kissing and caressing that piece of skin, the two of them started talking to the baby.

They didn't seem to care that their words escaped from their mouths so fast that it was difficult to understand them or that their murmurs were tangled with what the other was saying.

- “... and the best part is that you will have a whole group of fathers who will take care of you! You will not miss anything, you will see! You are going to be the best care baby in all of Italy!"

Mista said while he caressed delicately the belly with his fingers. He was so excited that even the Sex Pistols had appeared and were dancing in the air, congratulating their user and teasing him at the same time.

- "... I always wanted to have a large family and now, I can finally have one!" Confessed the brunette with violet eyes with tears in his eyes but with a huge smile as he rubbed his cheek against Giorno's belly.

Fugo reacted quite differently from the others.

Panic began to overrun him and he must have taken a seat on one of the individual sofas while he stared at the expensive rug that adorned the ground of the room. It was more than apparent that he was pondering about his bad family experiences and how that would transpose into his capacity to care for a living being, especially one that had his blood running through their veins.

He was the only one who didn't seem too pleased with the idea of an infant in his life.

Leone could surmise his fears since he had several similar ones.

However, the former cop was not overly concerned with his own feelings on the matter.

Or at least he couldn’t be concerned with them.

As he was too busy looking at Giorno and her reaction.

Or rather her lack of one.

Ever since she had come out of the bathroom, she kept looking at the test, as if hoping that the result would magically change. She was so focused on that task that she wasn't paying too much attention to what was going on around her. She did not seem to notice that the pair of madmen were doing with her gut, nor that she was listening to Bruno's plans about teaching the infant to fish when they grew up, nor did she seem to realize that Fugo was on the verge of a panic attack.

Her gaze was both focused on the plus sign and at the same, far, far away.

And no one seemed to notice that fact.

Leone Abbacchio could admit that Giorno was not his favorite person in the world but that contrary to what most people might think, he did love the girl in the same way that he loved all his partners and had their well-being as one of his so many priorities.

So it was his duty to intervene before things got any more out of control.

- "I think every one is getting too far ahead and forgetting an important detail" - He said with a cold and serious voice, getting up from his seat and giving everyone a hard look.

His tone was set with disappointment.

That seemed to burst the bubble everyone was in, even Giorno's as all eyes fell on him.

Everyone seemed confused at his words and the former cop had to hold back the desire to roll his eyes at the obvious ignorance everyone was displaying. It was a bad sign when he was the one who had the duty to be the adult in the situation.

How he hated having to be the adult in any situation.

As always, Bruno was the one who took the initiative to confront him, which few dared to do, and was one of the reasons why he had fallen in love with the man.

- "What do you mean, Leone?"

- "Just that everyone is busy thinking about their sugary fantasies that they are forgetting an important detail." - He told them hoping that the idiots would realize what they were overlooking. -"Things are not usually that simple."

Those words seemed to awaken something in Fugo as the albino did not hesitate to join the conversation with a passion rarely seen in the young man.

- "Abba is right! There are many things that none of you are thinking!

-"Like what?"-Narancia snapped.

The violet-eyed young man did not seem too happy with the course of the conversation and that feeling seemed to be shared by the rest of his companions.

Neither appeared to understand why both Fugo and Abbaccachio were focusing only on the negative, ruining the party as always, when they had such happy news in their hands.

Group of idiots.

(Yes, including Buccellati)

- "A child is a great responsibility and the mafia is not a good environment to raise a newborn." - Fugo replied through clenched teeth, barely containing his anger.- Do you really think this place is a good place to raise an infant? They could be used against us too, we can't forget that little detail.

That wave of logic and reality seemed to wash over everyone, no matter how much they didn't want to and seemed to make them think about the entanglements that they were neglected, lost in their illusions. On the one hand, it was good that they focused on all perspectives, not just the positives.

However, it was not what Abbacchio was talking about and that made him furious.

- "That's not what I meant, fool."

The silver-haired man walked decisively (determinedly ignoring the others and concentrating on his goal)to where Giorno was and then pushing Narancia and Mista away with a threatening look; then took their place, kneeling in front of her. The man, using a delicacy few had the luxury of appreciating, took the blonde's hand and made her drop the test and lay it on the bed.

The others seemed to realize that something of vital importance was about to happen as none of them said a word. Even Fugo who seemed eager to break something when he had heard that the man had called him an idiot, looked strangely calm.

In a way, it seemed like everyone was holding their breath.

- "What I meant was this" - Said the man looking the blonde in the eyes, trying to play as understanding and empathetic as he could- "What do you want, Giorno? Do you want a child? Don't you want them? ? I know you are fearful of how others will react but that should not matter, this is your choice."

Bruno, Narancia, Fugo, and Mista, finally, seemed to realize what they were missing in that room and had the decency to look at each other in embarrassment. Bruno even blushed when he realized that he had overlooked an extremely important detail. They had all been so pleased(or worried), on their own in their own plans and wishes that they had overlooked that there was one more person in the equation, a person who had not yet said what she thought of the situation and whose opinion was objectively the most important of all.

Trying to remedy the situation a bit and the great oversight they had committed, the remaining members surrounded Giorno to let the disoriented blonde know that she had their undivided support and that they were willing, once, to follow her lead.

That they trusted that she knew was the best to do this time in this circumstance.

- "What I want?" - She asked confusedly, moving her head sideways as if she could not grasp the true meaning of the question.

Almost fearfully, she was passing her emerald gaze to each of the people who were around her, as if trying to discern if they kept the answer to the difficult question inside of them.

She did not find the answer but that did not imply that what she saw had disappointed her.

-"Yes."

- "Your decision is the most important of all."

- "We will do what you want, Giogio."

- “Right, Gio! No matter what you decide to do, we will be with you! "

- "We are with you lovely, through thick and thin."

Giorno groaned in defeat and put her hands to her stomach.

- “I really don't know what I want. The idea of a family never crossed my mind, especially that of having a baby. I never thought I would be a mother and honestly, I don't think I can be a good one. "

Her eyes looked incredibly sad and her voice had a tinge of sadness that could break anyone's heart.

Everyone nodded upon hearing those words, some with evident sadness upon hearing what seemed to be an obvious rejection towards her condition, especially sounding so sad and resigned. Hearing her say those words was not something that made everyone happy, although for different reasons, some because the idea of being a parent was really something they would like to experience, others because they could not bear that level of sadness coming out of the mouth of a person who they loved so much.

(And even if neither of them wanted to admit it, they couldn't help feeling somewhat relieved.)

When everyone was about to let Giorno know that she was okay to feel this way and that they could always find a solution, the blonde continued speaking.

And this time she did it with a smile, a bit watery but a smile after all.

- “But I also know that everyone wants this and your happiness is important to me. So if I can count on your support, I think this may be a blessing in disguise. "

The young woman's words took them by surprise.

- "Are you sure?" - Bruno wanted to know.

The blonde nodded.

In no time, she found herself in the middle of a huge pile of hugs.

(Yes, Abba included).

[detective-with-one-arm]

What Pokémon Would Your Muse Have?

Main Team:

#1: Zoroark - Cedric (M)

The Illusion Fox Pokémon - Dark-Type - Despite its monstrous appearance, it’s actually a very lonely and sensitive Pokémon that cares deeply about its family and about others. Much like Rachel, there’s more to these Pokémon than what is shown at first glance.

#2: Gardevoir - Jeanne (F)

The Embrace Pokémon - Psychic/Fairy-Type - Gardevoir are Pokémon that have intense bonds with their trainers. Their psychic power is strongest when protecting their trainers. They can see the future and if their trainer is in danger, Gardevoir will give their lives to protect them. Just like how if Rachel knows there’s danger to someone, she will not hesitate to fight with all her strength and risk her life to protect them.

#3: Lycanroc (Midnight) - Edme (F)

The Wolf Pokemon - Rock-Type - This form of Lycanroc are reckless and will attack and goad opponents into attacking with no regard for their own safety. It will ignore orders it doesn’t like and doesn’t mind getting injured so long as it can finish off an opponent. It’s invigorated by stronger opponents and will only listen to a trainer who can draw out its true power. A strong, stubborn, and prideful independent spirit like Rachel who is also headstrong and will attack and defend with no regard for her own life or safety.

#4: Floatzel - Tsunami (F)

The Sea Weasel Pokémon - Water-Type - Floatzel are known to use their floatation sacs to float and they use this both to catch prey at docks and rescue people from drowning. Rachel is an aquatically adept person and has an internal instinct to help and rescue people wherever she sees that they need help.

#5: Luxray (Shiny) - Levana (F)

The Gleam Eyes Pokémon - Electric-Type - Luxray are capable of seeing through walls and objects to search for danger, prey, and even its own young. When its eyes start to glow, it’s using it electric power to see through walls. A valuable ally for someone such as Rachel who feels as though thousands of eyes are watching her at every opportunity.

#6: Haxorus - Zhaitan (M)

The Axe Jaw Pokémon - Dragon-Type - Haxorus are generally very kindhearted and gentle, but they can be terrifying and frightening when angered. They defend their territory and their families with terrifying ferocity. Like Rachel herself, loyal and kind and compassionate, but more than capable of being fierce and frightening when angered and defending the things and the people she cares about.

+: Duskull - Grimm (M) [She doesn’t fight with him but he’s always with her]

The Requiem Pokémon - Ghost-Type - Duskull are capable of passing through any wall and can turn invisible. They are nocturnal creatures and are known to doggedly pursue their targets until the break of dawn. It’s said to spirit away disobedient children and is described to enjoy the crying of children. While Rachel does not enjoy the tears of children, she has an intense maternal instinct. If she hears a child cry, she instinctively wants to protect and console that child. And if a parent mistreats their child, Rachel will not hesitate to defend that child.

Backup/Alternate Team:

#1: Absol - Cassandra (F)

The Disaster Pokémon - Dark-Type - Absol is capable of sensing natural disasters before they happen and is often seen before one occurs. This leads to it being wrongfully demonized and seen as a bad omen and as the cause for the disasters when in truth, this Pokémon tries to warn others and protect them from it. Much like Rachel, she sees disasters before they happen just from her own experiences of constantly being proven right and is often not believed or even shamed for trying to warn and explain to others.

#2: Gallade - Engarde (M)

The Blade Pokémon - Psychic/Fighting-Type - Gallade seek out Pokémon and people in need of help and will only extend their elbow blades when protecting them. They fight fiercely as noble swordsmen to protect those who cannot defend themselves. Like Rachel, they constantly search for those that need help and will fight savagely to protect others.

#3: Ampharos - Emilia (F)

The Light Pokémon - Electric-Type - Ampharos act as a beacon for those that are lost by using their glowing tails to guide sailors away from the shore in lighthouses. Some people even used Ampharos to send signals back and forth using their tail lights. While not someone who guides sailors, Rachel often acts as a beacon to guide those who are lost, such as androids who stumble into her backyard who need repairs and a place to stay until they move on.

#4: Dragapult - Missile Launcher (Missy, for short) (F)

The Stealth Pokémon - Dragon/Ghost-Type - Dragapult often hold Dreepy in the holes in their horns when it isn’t battling. However, once it does, it launches them like missiles at Mach speed. The Dreepy apparently enjoy being launched out of Dragapult’s horns. Rachel’s prosthetic arm is very important to her, but she uses it as a weapon in many forms, including a thrown weapons.

#5: Aggron - Irwell (M)

The Iron Armour Pokémon - Steel/Rock-Type - Aggron claims an entire mountain as its territory and will protect it fiercely. It mercilessly destroys anything that trespasses on its environment and diligently patrols its territory at all times. However, it’s a surprisingly sensitive Pokémon, as it will haul topsoil and the like to restore and garden its own territory. Rachel is fiercely protective of her home and is constantly patrolling her “territory” to protect it from those that trespass its boundaries.

#6: Sceptile - Briar (F)

The Forest Pokémon - Grass-Type - Sceptile is an incredibly agile Pokémon that is unparalleled in jungle combat. It has sharp leaf-like appendages and a sharp leafy tail that can cut through fully grown trees. Like Rachel, its greatest physical strength is its dexterity.

Miscellaneous:

- Riolu - Estelle (F)

- Drifloon (Shiny) - Lucky (M)

- Umbreon - Severus (M)

- Rowlet - Elric (M)

- Blitzle - Haywire (F)

- Jangmo-o - Fang (F)

- Salandit - Toffee (M)

- Alolan Vulpix - Aleu (F)

If They Had A Legendary:

- Lugia (Shiny) - Andromeda

The Diving Pokémon - Psychic/Flying-Type - It is said to be the guardian of the seas. Its wings hold the power to blow apart houses, so it spends its days beneath the sea. It sleeps to control its power because it is too strong. Rachel has a deep connection to the sea, despite her spiritual element being that of fire, and like the legendary Pokémon, she sees herself as a guardian of her home.

Tagged by: I did this, so yeah.

Tagging: If y’all got the time and patience to put in the effort for this, go right the fuck ahead.

[purplesurveys]

990

survey by starsareonly2nd

Have you ever been to Las Vegas? No. Doesn’t sound like my type of city. I wouldn’t mind visiting the rest of Nevada though.

What did you have for breakfast this morning? Just a cup of coffee; I skip breakfast except on Sundays, when we actually sit down at the dining table and eat as a family.

Do you have any loose change in your pocket? I don’t have any pockets right now but I do have very few coins in my wallet. I used to have plenty, but I’ve given most of them away because I usually give tips to the nice people who help me get out of parking spots.

Do you like Taylor Swift? I like some of her songs, especially the ones from 1989, but I have no idea why I just can’t get into her as a person.

What's your favorite Disney Channel movie? I haven’t tuned in to that channel for a very long time now, but the movies that I got the most excited about as a kid were Twitches, Wendy Wu, Camp Rock, The Cheetah Girls, and High School Musical 1 and 2.

If you met your favorite celebrity, would you be calm or star struck? I’d be starstruck in a calm way; like I’d most likely be too shocked to get more than a few words out. I’m sure I’d come off as shy or boring haha, which is why I’ve refused to meet or interact with my favorite celebrities even if I’ve already had the chance to.

Are there any lights on in the room you're in? I have a ceiling light and a desk lamp, but both are turned off. My only light source at the moment is my laptop screen.

What's your favorite subject in school? History.

What's your favorite holiday? My birthday, if that counts. Christmas can also be great but only for the food, the reunions with extended family, and the freedom to guiltlessly cut off contact with colleagues for a couple of weeks. All other aspects of it make me miserable though.

Do you ever have to do yard work? I’ve never had to do that before.

Is your school close to your house? I mean, it wasn’t a 10-minute walk away but it’s relatively close and driving to my university objectively doesn’t take too long unless there’s heavy traffic. If there’s absolutely no barriers I could get to school in 15-20 minutes, but this is really only just for weekends where I have to go to school for some reason. If there’s traffic (and there always is), I take anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour and a half.

Speaking of school, how did you get there today? I haven’t been to my school since the first week of March, and I’ve already graduated since then.

Do you think Bad Romance is a catchy song, or an annoying one? I can honestly tell you that I have genuinely never gotten sick of that song. It’s a late 2000s classic, man. Of course it was too explicit for my 11 year old ears when it first came out, but I found it catchy nonetheless.

Do you use perfect grammar online? I always try to be correct, yes. When I use improper grammar it’s usually because I’m joking.

Are you currently using a laptop? Yup.

Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? I haven’t used iTunes in a while and Spotify, which I do use, doesn’t work that way.

Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? I’ve never skipped her singles whenever I caught them on the radio and I’ve always fairly enjoyed the music she puts out, but I normally don’t voluntarily listen to her i.e. look up her songs myself on Spotify.

Is it a windy day? It is now that it’s nighttime, but it was a little humid all day today.

In the past week, have you ridden in a taxi? No. I’m not actually sure if that’s even already allowed...the possibility of public transport is still pretty murky where I live.

What shorthand do you use the most? I have no idea what this means. I did try looking it up but I dunno if I’ve ever had to use shorthand at any point in my life.

Do you ever wish on stars at night? Every now and then, but it’s just the little kid in me.

What color are your eyes? Dark brown. I feel like I answer this at least once a week.

What album is the current song you're listening to off of? Not listening to music but the last song I heard is from an album called Petals For Armor.

What are you doing after you finish this? Try not to cry/break down. Find something to watch on YouTube. Maybe play with Cooper to destress and forget about my problems for a bit.

In your opinion, what song is the most overplayed right now? Other than songs I occasionally put on repeat, I have not heard any new music for a while now.

Are you in a band? Nope, never been.

How clean is your bedroom? We just tidied it up and rearranged a few things last month so I’d say it’s clean - at least tidier than it used to be. And I’m a little proud that despite how rough life has been, I’ve managed to keep it clean. It’s the little things.

Is there a pen within reaching distance of you? Yeah, there’s one on my desk and I can easily reach out and grab it.

Are you sitting at a desk? I’ve moved to my bed for now. My back does not appreciate sitting at a desk all day.

Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? Female.

Do you normally shut your bedroom door before you go to sleep? Yesssssssss. We have a light source by the stairs that extends to the hallway and reaches my room, so it gets super annoying if my door is even just slightly ajar because my eyes get distracted by the faint light. My door has to be completely shut for me to feel comfortable in the privacy of my room.

Have you seen the movie Moulin Rouge? I haven’t. I loooove Lady Marmalade, but I’m just not sure if the movie itself is my cup of tea.

Would you ever dye your hair a different color? I’d love to have the chance to do that, yeah.

Are there any framed pictures in the room you're in? There are a couple.

Have you ever been to a Broadway show? Nope.

Do you watch So You Think You Can Dance? I don’t think so but I do remember watching a few episodes of Dancing with the Stars because a wrestler that I liked was one of the contestants for one season. I’m just not sure of SYTYCD also featured wrestlers in their shows; if that has been the case in the past- and I’m just not sure because my memory is a little hazy - I would’ve given it a watch.

What's your favorite movie soundtrack? The Twilight Saga churned out some bomb ass soundtracks. Other than that, I also enjoyed Interstellar’s and Requiem for a Dream’s.

Do you prefer group or individual work? Depends on what kind of work needs to be done. If a task is graphic design or video editing-heavy, I would prefer to work with other people; but if it’s gonna be heavy on something that’s already my forte, I like to work by myself.

Do you have a key to anything besides your house? Just my car.

Are you wearing anything with stripes? Not at the moment.

What time did you go to sleep last night? 9:45 I think? A little later than 10? Somewhere along that range.

Did anyone tell you you were beautiful today? No.

What show did you last watch? Friends.

Do you think you'll do anymore surveys today? I doubt it. This one is already quite longer than the surveys I usually take.

What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream; and more recently, chocolate chip cookie dough.

When was the last time you stayed home from school sick? Sometime in February last year. I developed a fever the night before but wasn’t able to start feeling better by the next morning, so I had to skip the one class I had that day.

Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? Yes. I’m actually planning to buy a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle; it’s one of the items I’ve put on my cart recently. Depressed Robyn is also spend-a-lot-of-money-on-artsy-craftsy-supplies-Robyn, so.

If you could run a red light and not get caught, would you? Hell no.

Do you like to listen to music as you do your homework? Not usually, but sometimes I’ll put on lo-fi since that’s the only kind of music I can listen to and still keep my focus.

Did you think Adam Lambert's AMA performance was really that controversial? I’ve never encountered it, but I doubt I’ll have a problem with it if I do get to watch the performance. I love Adam Lambert and I've never found myself shaking my head at whatever he’s doing.

Do any bands flat-out annoy you? They’re a boy band more than anything but The Vamps has consistently irritated me through the years.

Do you have a mirror in your bedroom? No. I used to, but I gave it to my sister.

Was today a birthday for any of your friends? I don’t think so. With all my social media being deactivated I never get notified about birthdays anymore, but I’m fairly sure none of my friends blow out their candles every October 22nd.

When was the last time you rode in a limo? I’ve never been in one.

Do you take naps daily? No. I can’t really do that anymore since I have an 8-hour shift on weekdays, lol.

Do you still make Christmas lists? No.

Do you watch the show Dexter? I tried getting into the show because it used to always be said in the same breath as Breaking Bad, but I never got invested. I heard later seasons sucked too, so that also turned me off from continuing to pursue the series.

What's the background on your phone? I have a motivational comic that says “You’re doing really well given the circumstances” as my lockscreen. Cooper smiling is my home screen.

When were/will you be a a sophomore in high school? That was six years ago.

Are you scared of any animals? Any flying insect or bug, and I find them scarier if they come with a loud buzz.

Have you ever been to any sort of convention? YouTube Fanfest, if that counts as one. I’m not really sure what counts as a convention haha, but that’s the closest thing I’ve got.

Which song did you last listen to on repeat? Why We Ever by Hayley Williams.

Where do you want to live when you grow up? I’ve stopped thinking about that for now. My focus has since shifted to asking myself if I’ll still even be alive in a few years...ugh, how far we’ve fallen.

Are you currently using a blanket? No. It’s not cold enough for a blanket yet, but maybe in a few hours.

Are there any songs that make you cry? A lot.

How many siblings do you have? Two.

What are you doing this weekend? I have no idea.

Do you prefer swimming at the beach or in a pool? BEEEEEEEEACH. Once I took my first dip in a beach, I never wanted to swim in a pool ever again.

When was the last time you had a haircut? March.

Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? Piano, saxophone, and violin. Can’t pick a favorite; I think they all sound beautiful.

Are you in band or chorus at your school? I was never in either.

Do you know what you want for Christmas? Yeah but they’re all intangible. I want to be happy, be at peace, normalcy, etc. I’ve stopped pining for presents, especially now that I can afford my own shit.

Do you watch fireworks on New Year's Eve? Always.

Is your birthday within the next three months? Nope. You’ll have to add three more months to that timeframe.

How long is the song you're listening to? No music.

Are you anticipating anything this week? I’m waiting for a couple of very specific emails to come in, and I hope they do before the week ends.

Is your mom or dad the older parent? My dad, but only by 8 months. They were born in the same year.

Have you taken the SATs yet? I never had to take them, but I heard they’re triiiiiiiicky.

Do you watch anything on E? We never had E! in our cable service but I like tuning into that channel whenever we stay at hotels because I get to watch KUWTK, hehe.

Are you going to get off the computer now that you've finished this? Most likely.

[headoverjojo]

So because I need therapy after that episode :-; Can I have a scenario with Narancia and his girlfriend talking about their future together and when she thinks he's asleep, she just starts crying cuz she almost lost him and that future and they just try to comfort each other? Please I'm begging ;-; My heart is broken and frozen

YES YOU CAN OH MY GOD ç.ç Like, usually I follow the coming order, but since my heart was broken as well, I decided to make an exception- answering this ask that, in other case, would have been the 192nd. Like hell.

Narancia Ghirga and his girlfriend deal with the Coliseum facts 

(Under the cut for length!)

Even if days had passed, you were still trembling a little.

Even if you could hear so well the loud and joyful laugh of your boyfriend, see him around… it almost seemed unreal. Like a really vivid dream. You were more clingy than usual, always seeking him out, holding his hand, arm, snuggling in his arms as soon as you could. He didn’t protest or tease you, knowing why you were doing it. He couldn’t deny you it, even more because he too needed as much contact as possible. To be sure to still be here, in this wonderful, crazy world.

And the same happened that night, as usual, since your return from that totally crazy mission lasted just one week but that had seemed to last an entire life. Your group came out battered, heavily injured, miraculously alive. Even Abbacchio, barely catched by Giorno. Even Bruno, even if in the ex Boss’ body. Even… even Narancia.

You snuggled better in his arms, nestling on his chest, relaxing just when you felt his heartbeat under your ear, strong and steady as always. His hand gently rubbed your back, knowing what you were enduring. He kept you closer, turning to a side to face you, pressing his forehead on yours, to keep you as near as possible. You smiled a little, brushing his cheek, relishing in his warmth always too overwhelming but that, god, now you loved as never before. You pushed a little ahead you face, softly pressing your lips on his, sighing when he kissed you back and wrapped his arms around your waist, keeping you flushed against his chest.

“It’s all ok, Y/N. I’m here.” he murmured, as every night, nuzzling his nose on yours, affectionate. You sighed, nodding, pressing again your forehead on his and toying with the raven hair on his nape, gently rubbing it. His eyes were soft, softer than usual, and a small smile bent his lips.

“And we’re going to do everything we planned, right?” you asked, low, making him smile again. Kissing your cheek, he rubbed again your back, at to protect you from the sadness and fear that clenched your heart and guts.

“Of course. Bucciarati gave us the permission to go back to school, all in all. We could finish high school, before going back to Passione. You know, now that it’s under Giorno, I don’t mind working for it. Or you could go to university, if you want, hm? I can see you well, here. I could call you Dottoressa.” he said, playfully, tearing a small laugh from you. He always managed to make you laugh…

“And then, Nara?” you asked, gently placing your hand on his cheek, softly brushing the smooth tanned skin, grazing his smiling lips with your thumb, smiling as well.

“I don’t know. I just know we’ll be together and that Bucciarati and all the others will be our family. I’m not going to leave you.” he said, pecking your lips again, affectionate, before yawning.

“It’s late, amore… what about sleeping a little?” he asked, rubbing his eyes, making you softly giggling. How dared he to be so cute…

“It seems a wonderful idea.” you murmured, kissing his eyelids, nuzzling then your face in his shoulder, after having rolled him on his back. He huffed, amused, hugging you tightly and sinking his face in your hair, inhaling deeply, content.

“Goodnight, amore.” he mumbled, dozing off. You smiled a bit in his neck, giving him a small kiss, murmuring goodnight as well, closing your eyes. You stayed still, tranquil, listening to his calm heartbeat and breath, which was growing heavier and deeper, as he finally fell asleep.

Just in that moment you allowed yourself to break down.

You sank better in the crock of his neck, silently crying, hugging him. Those terrible moments, when you thought he was dead, were still damnly strong, as they were burnt in your mind. You were near Giorno -in Narancia’s body-; you had been swapped with a near tourist. Giorno was passing you Coco Jumbo/Polnareff, when, suddenly, you were already holding the turtle. You paled, recognizing the signs of a time skip.

And then you saw the blood dripping from the ceiling and, as you lifted your gaze, a silent cry of horror and anguish twisted your mouth.

When you closed your eyes, you still saw Giorno’s body, with Narancia’s soul in it, impaled on the fence, unmoving. It was like time had stopped.

When you regained your voice, you screamed to Bruno, to Giorno, to whoever was here, to bring him down, as you yourself were trying to climb to reach for him, desperate. When he was finally brought down, you held him, as Giorno worked on him, as fast as he could, in a mad run to save his life and soul. You whispered in his ear, as to keep him with you, not giving up even when Giorno said there was nothing more to do. You couldn’t give up. You had dreams and hopes and you would have beat his ass even in heaven if he would have dared to leave you alone. You said him so, while holding him -in Giorno’s body-, washing his face with tears, your eyes closed.

Then, what no one was expecting, by now, happened.

“Jeez, you’d really kick my ass in heaven, amore? It’s not so nice…” you opened wide your eyes, as Narancia, in Giorno’s body, groaned, tasting the points where the wounds had been just few seconds ago.

“What happened? Why are you all crying? Guys, really, what the hell hap-” he didn’t even finished the sentence, your lips on his -Giorno’s-, kissing him and loudly crying, keeping him in a crushing embrace. He was informed about everything as they were running behind Chariot Requiem.

You opened wide your eyes, when you felt his arms grabbing you tighter, almost smashing you on his chest, as his face, buried in your hair just few seconds before, was now bushing yours, his lips on your eyes and cheeks, kissing away the rivers of tears. You almost cried even more, as relief and the new awareness of him -alive and fine and well- washed over you again and again.

“I’m not going anywhere- I swear, Y/N, I’m not going anywhere without you, you’ll have to deal with me for long time…” a watery chuckle escaped your lips, as you peppered his face -he was crying too- with small kisses, sinking your hands in his loosen raven locks.

“Promise, Nara? I want to deal with you forever, have you understood? O-or-”

“Or you’ll kick my ass in heaven, I remember.” he chuckled too, sniffling, kissing your cheeks and nose and lips, murmuring, between a kiss and another, hushed “I love you”s, over and over, as he kissed all your face. You could just hold him tight, as he was your anchor to keep yourself in one piece, as he was doing the same with you. You had been his anchor to life, when all seemed lost. You were his anchor now, as he was for you.

As you cried, you hold on each other, sinking in an endless embrace, throwing out all the anguish, the pain, the fear you both had felt in a desperate but liberating cry.

Your hopes and dreams needed space, after all.

[for-f0rever]

okay so like i did with my post when i saw Noah, i’ll do a recap of Mike’s last show! i’ve been fortunate enough to see this show three times and to see Mike as Connor all three times, but i think this time was my favorite :) (MLB was my first Evan, then Noah, then Taylor)

if you were at the show and i forgot anything feel free to add to this! i write these on the train home and sometimes i just...forget things haha. also you can always send asks if you want to know more about something or you just want to ask something :)

anyway like with the last one i’ll put it under a read more so you don’t have to scroll forever because i tend to like... ramble when i write things haha

Act 1

so obviously when you look at the board picture i posted, Asa was on for Larry. I had never seen him before, but he was amazing. i really liked his interpretation of Larry, he was more relaxed and rarely raised his voice, which was a little bit of a change, but one that kind of made everything super interesting

Taylor is also amazing. he plays a little bit more of a confident Evan, but he rubs his face a lot and wipes his hands on his jeans, so you can definitely still tell he’s super anxious. i really liked the way he approached Evan

Mike seemed so relaxed throughout the show. He was smiling and laughing through the funny parts and i kind of felt like he was trying to take it all in. he was definitely embarrassed by all the attention though haha. 

when they come out in Anybody Have A Map Jennifer had to wait until the cheers died down for him (which were so loud) and he looked back at her and smiled but i’m pretty sure he just wanted her to start because the cheers were so loud and for a good few seconds

usually during Anybody Have A Map when Cynthia says that he’s not high Connor just looks up in Zoe’s direction/not really staring at anything, but in this show he turned back and looked at Jennifer and smiled

Phoenix was adorable and the way she portrayed Alana was amazing. you can tell she just wants to fit in and the way she’s so confident but so eager to do something is portrayed so perfectly by her. her voice is also insanely good

Jennifer generally gets super emotional through the show (obviously), but she seemed even more emotional at this show than the other times i saw it. there were times where she was inconsolable and it was so heartbreaking (she always breaks my heart, but i felt like it was so much more painful today)

When Connor grabs Evan’s arm Evan like yelps out quietly in pain, and normally Connor just like apologizes quietly and then writes but this time he sort of paused for a few seconds and then wrote his name

Mike didn’t finish his little “that’s the saddest fucking thing i’ve ever heard oh my god” after he asks how Evan broke his arm. He ended up laughing quietly before he got through “oh my god”

when the Murphy’s tell Evan that Connor took his own life, Larry sort of turned to Cynthia when they realized Evan didn’t know and Cynthia just looked SO upset and immediately started crying and shaking her head. she sounded so broken when Evan tried to tell her the truth

For Forever was so painful. The Murphy’s all just looked so sad and Evan just wants to make it better and you can see. Cynthia was just sobbing at the table listening to him tell this story

Sincerely, Me was SO carefree. Will was so funny during it and Taylor was so stressed. Will and Taylor feed so well off each other honestly. during “my sister’s hot” Mike smirks and Taylor sounds horrified that Jared would even write that.  Taylor hugged Mike during “our friendship goes beyond your average kind of bond” and then like runs away from him during “but not because we’re gay”. the two of them were laughing the whole song and during the final chorus when they’re all dancing all three of them were smiling and laughing with each other and it was so cute

Laura cried through almost all of Requiem, which i’m pretty sure didn’t used to happen. she still sounded upset during the next scene right before If I Could Tell Her. Requiem is a heartbreaking song in general, but god it really was painful at this show

Taylor’s mannerisms in If I Could Tell Her were adorable. He was so nervous and he would like nervously pace and he touched Connor’s comics at one point

Mike in Disappear was more carefree than i could ever remember happening before? when Evan says he doesn’t know who to talk to Connor just said “you can talk to me” but Mike didn’t make his voice high pitched or anything he just sounded genuine about it. Disappear was so cute and they seemed like they were having such a good time. Taylor had turned to look at him when he was singing at one point and just smiled at him

Cynthia telling Evan that Connor hadn’t been invited to any bar mitzvahs was so sad she could barely get it out when she said it

Taylor’s panic attack just before You Will Be Found was INCREDIBLY believable. when he fell over he just sort of laid there stunned and then looked like he was going to throw up for a minute before he picked himself up finally. I could see his hands shaking and I was pretty far away

during You Will Be Found Mike’s baby pictures pop up on the screen (i’ve reblogged a boot part of that before if you’ve never seen it! i could find it again because it’s one of my favorite moments) and they were so painful to look at at this show. Larry collapses when he’s looking up at him, and Asa seemed so distraught. his interpretation of Larry was so incredible, and when he grabbed Cynthia right after the baby pictures stop flashing on the screen you could tell how upset he was that his son is gone.

Laura’s “you’ve given me my brother back” at the end of YWBF was heartbreaking. she was crying and ugh it was awful

Act 2

During Sincerely, Me Reprise Will’s laugh made Mike laugh it was so funny. and Mike’s expressions when Evan says they can’t just make things up about this was priceless. i really can’t remember him being this animated before

During To Break In A Glove in the bridge right before Larry says “you’re just trying to do your best for a kid who’s lost control” Asa leaned his hand on the work bench and tried not to get emotional

It probably has a lot to do with Taylor and Laura being close, but right before Only Us when Evan is panicking that they’re going to break up was hilarious. He reached out to hold her wrists and was like “thank you” and she laughed and was like “don’t mention it” and they both laughed

Zoe does a TON of nervous fidgeting. it’s such a little detail that i don’t know if i’ve ever noticed before, but it’s so important and i love it

I’ve written this before i think, but the tenseness in the scene where the Murphy’s offer Evan Connor’s college fund is so awkward and tense and you can tell how embarrassed Heidi is that Evan had even said anything about this to anyone

RBJ and Taylor’s fights are SO much more escalated than MLB and Noah’s were. Taylor’s almost a more confident Evan while still being anxious at the same time, and they’re screaming at each other and you can tell Evan is getting worked up but he’s so upset at the same time and it’s so intense

Jared looked and sounded so hurt when Evan said that they’re friends because Jared doesn’t have anyone else to be friends with during Good For You

During the “did you fall” scene, Mike definitely started getting emotional way earlier than he normally does. his “you can get rid of me whenever you want” was so heartbreaking and emotional and you could see how upset he was in this scene

Phoenix’s interpretation of Alana is SO good. I really liked the way she approached her and when Evan stops helping her with The Connor Project she is SO pissed. it was such a raw and real reaction that i loved

The lead-up to Evan admitting the lie was so intense, it just kept building and Cynthia just kept getting more upset and then he reveals the lie and everyone is so emotional. Zoe’s “how could you do this?” was so quiet but you could tell how hurt she was

usually when Connor comes on stage he just stays on for a second or two during Words Fail (right before “this was just a sad invention”) but today he lingered a little longer, walked a little further on the stage, shook his head and then turned and walked off and you could tell he was upset/crying. it brought so much more emotion to that part

right before So Big/So Small Evan was much more emotional. Taylor was crying, and Rachel was emotional, and it just made the whole scene so raw? that scene is heartbreaking crying or not, but this made it even sadder if possible.

RBJ’s vocals are INSANE. i know i’ve said that before and i think everyone knows this, but god. she is so heartbreaking in So Big/So Small, and she grabs Evan and holds him so tight, rubs his back and rocks him

Zoe and Evan at the orchard is so sad, but it’s the kind of closure you need at the same time. there’s little moments where you wonder what they could’ve been, but overall it’s just a lot of healing. Zoe says “it’s been hard... it’s been a hard year” with a sad smile to him and you can see how she’s still hurting

during the finale they all walk on stage and when Jennifer turned to walk back to her final spot she glanced at Mike and they smiled at each other

There’s a video of the bows but since they cut off the side of the stage i’ll just explain them too! the cheers were so loud for Mike when he came back on and immediately you could tell he hated the attention haha. when Mike and Phoenix walked over to the side Phoenix said something and they both laughed and then Mike pulled Phoenix in for a hug. Asa came over and hugged them both and he rubbed Mike’s back. then Laura came over and grabbed Mike in the tightest hug and she was crying so, so much

when they finished bows Mike tried to sneak away but Phoenix grabbed him and pulled him back and he was laughing and shaking his head like he literally hated that they made him have the attention on him omg. Jennifer brought him his flowers and she was crying but she said something to him and kissed his cheek and hugged him so tight. Mike blew kisses to the whole cast and waved to the orchestra, and then turned back and did one more quick bow before he BOLTED off stage i’m dying he literally hated the attention on him

so in summary, while it may have been SLIGHTLY irresponsible to spend money and see the show again, i’m so glad i did it. i don’t think it’s a secret that Mike is one of my favorite actors, and to see him in his final show is something i’ll never forget. he is so humble and adorable and talented and i can’t wait to see what he does next :)

[atuzbee]

DEH 10.5.17

-general-

OH MY GOD HERE WE GO

So there was the obc except for larry/michael park who was understudied by Asa Somers

Mike looks at individuals in the audience, he speaks to them specifically

i think Will uses this technique where you look at the back of the heads of people/back of the theatre, its used for speaking to the whole theatre 

and can i just say, will does NOT get enough credit for his entire performance, while yes his comedic timing and stuff are AMAZING, he cries while on stage and brings a lot of emotion that i did NOT expect but it was so good

Ben kinda does both, god his voice is so good, its so much better irl if thats even possible

connor has a braided leather bracelet

If mike says that he’s not a strong singer 1 more time im gonna cut a bitch

his voice is so clear and he hits every note perfectly

dude. the sets are so pretty ughgugh

Mike Faist is a beautiful human like. pictures dont do him justice man, he looks good in them but irl hes like. !!! wtf hes so pretty

bens outfit changes are so quick how does he even do that wtf

LISTEN TO ME DO NOT SELL YOUR TICKETS BC THERES AN UNDERSTUdY

-act 1-

after connor says fuck you to zoe ,, mike gives laura a teeny tiny smile right before he puts his head down 

oh my god speaking of smiles the are you high smile is SO FUNNY

the part in waving through a window where theres the break and then the  “ON THE OUTSIDE ALWAYS LOOKING IN”? that is so powerful irl like. dude the sound vibrates through you and its so good

connor tries waving to evan during waving through a window but evan didn’t see, im fine this is fine

I started crying during waving through a window and I didnt stop till after the end of the show

Evan starts crying during writing the letter and he also doesnt stop

sincerly me has so many pretty harmonies

JARED SAID IT, HE SAID IT INSTEAD OF HOT I LOST IT

KiNkY

Zoe bounces her leg and bites her nails

Evan bites his nails, fiddles with his shirt, scratches at his palm, and picks at his fingers

the actors bring so much to the characters its so good!! its so good omg

AFTER SINCERLY ME FINISHES AND THE LIGHTS GO OUT CONNOR FLIPS OFF THE AUDIENCE ITS SO FUNNY

all you gotta DO

i could see the cellist from where i was sitting and she was rocking out to sincerly me and mouthing along it was great

right before requiem zoe like, rushes over to the letters after holding back and pushing cynthia away, its so deperate and powerful oh lord

okay so Asa brings so much to the role of larry, from what ive heard Michael is very stoic all the time but Asa like, is just really tired of life more than anything. 

Asa’s Larry for sure isnt a good guy but hes not the bad guy either. He fucks up as a parent for sure, and what he did to connor was not okay but like… man he does care even if he tries not to show it

during you will be found larry breaks down, he starts crying oof it broke my heart

Ben Platt is so good, his emotions are so raw, fuck, 

-act 2-

so, you and zoe,, ?? 

OH WHAT A NICE GLOVE

to break in a glove is so funny and sad at the same time

larrys voice breaks on “or if you’re tryna do whats best”

and he yells the next part, hes like on the brink of tears

Sincerly me reprise is a fucking bop and connor looks mildly uncomfortable about how many kids end up sucking dick for meth

we all know it but WILLS LAUGH IS A BLESSING

nYehHEHHeHEHhE

its so funny holy shit

YES THE INSANELY COOL !!! JARED KLIENMAN

a part of the saucy friendship we had ;)

i like the choreography for the reprise too its kinda different from sincerly me ??

larry drinks bourbon and some expensive looking wine

jared invites evan to his party with lots of alcohol like. he makes a big fucking deal out of the alcohol

ok so after the scene where jared accuses evan of having connors death be the best thing thats ever happened to him, jared storms off and evan kinda lingers after him on stage for a solid 30 seconds before being pulled away by zoe

evan starts dressing more and more like connor till theyre in almost the same outfit

evan has funyuns stashed away in his little headrest storage thing

after only us zoe kisses his and they lay down and wowie some things are heavily implied there

oh god so when heidi is at the murphys house and evan finds out he shrinks into himself so much 

will screams FUCK YOU EVAN, ASSHOLE with so much emotion in his voice you could feel everyone react

jared like, stomps his foot and screams silently during good for you, he starts crying and you wont see it if you dont look for it but man. that fucked me up.

heidi crys so much

okay so during the did you fall or did you let go connor yells at him almost as if he’s angry

during the finale ben seems like hes talking to everyone who’s ever wanted to kill themselves and it. Made me CRY

this is such a lifechanging show holy shit

[trash-by-trash]

Requiem (Ch. 1)

Fandom: Sanders Sides                                                                                        

Ships: N/A

Words: 1853 ^^;

Author's Note: Hi! This is my first fic that I'm actually posting, so don't judge it too hard. It's inspired by the song "Requiem" from Dear Evan Hansen. If you haven't heard the song, I highly suggest it. The musical, though... if you don't know about the musical then you may want to wait until the end of this. Or not. You chose. Hope you enjoy! Have an nice day <3!!

Warnings: Cursing, death, panic attack, lots of yelling, fighting

 Tell me if there are more, I don’t know how to warnings ^^;

Two Three Four

“I’m sick of this!! Just shut the fuck up, you asshole!!” Roman yelled as he slammed the door in Virgil’s face, sending a huge vibration throughout the walls of the house. His chest rising and collapsing, Virgil slowly started to trip backwards in the direction of his room.

“Fine, go lock yourself in you room!! It’s not like it matters anyway, because you wouldn’t help even if you weren’t a pussy!!” He screamed at the closed door, quickly fidgeting with the doorknob and entering the comfort of his room, slamming the door behind him. Falling to his knees, he finally let it out. Hot, angry tears rushed down his face as if they had somewhere to go. His breathing was hard and heavy, his vision blurred by the tears.

     Virgil steadily layed down on the rough carpet, clenching his eyes. Maybe then it would go away. Everything. All this hatred, the fights, the tears...everything. He wanted it all to be over. Roman was being a petty b*tch and he hated it so much. He wanted to be be better, he wanted to feel better, he wanted to forget! Everything!!

  His eyes watered again. “Shit.... I feel so fucking miserable.... Why is he like this..? What happened? What did I do?! I don’t understand, fuck, I just don’t get it-!” Suddenly, someone yelled from the floor below. In shock, Virgil got up and immediately ran downstairs to find out what was happening.

Wiping the remaining tears from his eyes, he slowly stepped into the kitchen, where the sound appeared to be coming from. It was Patton, who had slipped on the rug. He looked up from the floor to meet Virgil's eyes. “Do you need something, kiddo?” He asked, completely oblivious to the fight prior to the incident. Noticing the makeup running down his face, he changed his question.

“Are you okay?”

Virgil was flabbergasted. “You just- you just yelled! At the top of your lungs! I could hear you from my room- are you okay?” He stammered. “I just came back from getting groceries. I slipped on the tiny rug while opening the fridge.” The fatherly figure responded, rubbing his nape with a shy smile on his face.

“Seriously though, kiddo, are you okay? You aren’t looking so hot. Did something happen with…” Patton asked, looking around to make sure no one else was there. When Virgil tilted his head down, Patton knew what the answer was.

“Oh, Virgil.” He got up from the floor, which for some reason he hadn’t already done, and walked over to the anxious mess. Not before asking for permission, he placed his arms around Virgil and help him tight. This wasn’t the first time that they had had a fight, and certainly wouldn’t be the last.

  “I just wish he wasn’t such an asshole.” Virgil whispered through sobs. As much as he didn’t like the colorful language, Patton didn’t comment. It seemed like everyday, Virgil was torn to shreds by Roman’s insults, teasing, and threats. Afterwards, Roman would lock himself in his room, and by some source of magic, he always ended up leaving the house unseen.

 “It’s okay, kiddo. Some people...they are just upset with themselves, and they choose to take it out on others. It’ll work out. I promise.” Though he could hear the uncertainty and frustration in Patton’s voice, but he chose to ignore it, finding comfort in them instead.

   “Now that you’re here, do you mind helping me with the groceries?” Virgil looked down at the floor and couldn’t help but titter. A good amount of the food was scattered in front of the fridge, most likely due to the fall.

   Wiping away the remaining tears, Virgil knelt and helped pick up the groceries. Soon after, Patton got down to help. It didn’t them long to finish afterwards. Getting up and admiring the foodless floor, Virgil started to leave when Patton placed his hand on his shoulder. He shuddered, but turned over to look at the other.

 “If you need to talk, I’m here, okay?” He said, giving him a empathetic smile. After giving a soft smile in return, Virgil headed to the living room. Cautiously sitting on the couch, careful not to make a loud noise. He turned to look at Patton, who had started to get out ingredients for dinner. When he cooked, he had a laser focus, something no one wanted to ruin unless they wanted death early. By the food, not Patton. He laughed at the thought of Patton being upset at someone for interrupting him. His face is more of a mix of surprise, confusion, and remaining excitement when it happens.

 Interrupting his thoughts, a click came from the entryway. The door opened, Logan walking though it. He looked up, his emotionless face forming a small, quick smile.

 “Hello, Virgil. How are you doing?” He asked, his hand reaching up to fix his glasses. After much thought, Virgil finally responded. “I-I’m fine. How was your day? Actually get any customers today?” He softly laughed as a frown made itself present on Logan’s face.

 “Why, yes, in fact, quite a few people stopped by the store today, thank you for asking. I believe a group came in interested in When by Victoria Laurie, along with a couple of history books. It’s quite a relief to see that people still care about what has happened to bring us to this day and age.” Logan remarked, a fond smile finding its way back. “Where is Patton?”

“He’s in the kitchen. Don’t think you should bother him right now, though, he’s cooking. You remember what happened last time.” Virgil responded. Logan nodded quickly, and made his way to the staircase. Virgil winced and started to protest, but soon became quiet.

Unfortunately for him, it didn’t miss Logan’s ears. “What was that, Virgil?” He turned to face the other, noticing how he had shrunk into the sofa. “N-nothing. There’s nothing wrong…” Virgil tried to protest, his voice failing him as it got quieter. Logan sighed, but he knew that if he continued to inquire, it would only cause more harm. After an attempt at an empathetic look, he slowly walked up the stairs.

***

 “Roman, can I come in?” Logan asked from the door. It was easy to put two and two together from Virgil’s attitude, but he wanted to verify just in case. He had jumped to conclusions in the past and he knows how bad that had gone.

   “Patton? Is th-that you?” Roman stuttered in response. Logan sighed as he slowly opened the door. He honestly didn’t know what he was expecting when he entered. Clothing was strewn all over the floor, the light was dim, there were papers scattered over his desk with messy handwriting. Empty soda cans were stacked in a pile in the corner, and besides the bed, there was a plate with a sandwich barely touched at the edge of the nightstand. In the center of this mess was Roman wrapped in a giant red blanket listening to music.

 He had bed head, dark magenta and brown hair flopping over his eyes. Still, it wasn’t enough to cover them fully, the streaks of makeup mixed with what appeared to be tears were visible on his cheeks. It was clear he had been crying, now it was up to Logan to find out why. He took a step into the room, closing the door shut with minimum force.

“Oh, it's you.” Roman muttered, trying to wipe his face clean, pausing his music. “Yes, it’s me. Is something the matter? Virgil was distraught, and I see you are as well.” Once hearing Virgil’s name leave Logan’s mouth, Roman looked down, refusing to look Logan in the eyes. “Roman?” The question was ignored.

 “Roman?” He asked again, this time a little more forcefully. Still, Roman would not make eye contact with him. He mutters something inaudible and Logan has to ask him to speak up.

 “Logan...I just...I can’t do this shit anymore.” Roman said, his voice quivering. “Everything….it’s all just so hard…and- and- I...” His voice faded into a whisper as he rubbed his eyes. Out of nowhere, he got up from his bed and walked over to his vanity.

 Logan watched as Roman grabbed a box of makeup wipes and cleaned the mix of reds, glitter, and gold off his eyelids. He wiped off the scarlet colored lipstick, which had been smudged. After making sure that all the makeup was gone, he applied lip balm and ran his fingers through his hair, possibly to fix it.

 He turned to face Logan with a smile, it not reaching his eyes. “Sorry, Lo, I didn’t look presentable. A prince has got to slay.” He chuckled, something he had joked about when they were in a play together. Logan and Virgil had been a part of the backstage crew, while Roman and Patton were performers. Patton was a friend of his, and he introduced Roman to Logan and Virgil. The four soon became inseparable, which led to them all moving in together. Who knew what a high school production could bring? After knowing him for so long, Logan knew that Roman was attempting to avoid his question.

 “Roman...did something happen? Between you and… Virgil?” Logan prompted.  Roman’s head turned rapidly, his eyes wide, finally making eye contact with Logan. Fear and nervousness was written all over his face.  

 “I assumed so. It’s fine, I will not inquire any further.” Logan sighed. “I suggest you apologize, Roman. You know Virgil is easily hurt, and nowadays it seems… nevermind.” He added, exiting the room and shutting the door behind him.

 Romans eyes glistened with heartbroken tears as he saw Logan walk out the door. “I’m sorry.” He barely choked out before breaking down all over again.

***

 “Virgil, c-could y-you come in here?”

  Virgil half looked up, and gave a small, soft smile. He pushed himself off of the couch, watching his steps as he made his way to the kitchen. “One..two...three..” He mentally counted melodically. It had been a day since the fight with Roman had occurred, and while what he said still hurt, it was more bearable now. Today, he was, surprisingly, quite cheerful.

 “I’m actually relaxed...this is nice.” He thought, as he tapped the others shoulder. All the previous emotions were lost as the one in question turned around. Patton was shaking, and tears welled up in his eyes, slowly running down his cheeks. He looked frantic, his hand losing its grip on his phone, which was held up to his ear. The phone was off, whatever phone call that had seemingly occurred had ended now.

 “Hey, Pat? You needed me?” He asked, his voice soft and cautious, not wanting to scare the already distraught figure. Slowly, Patton turned to face him, his brown eyes, usually filled his happiness, now had shock.

 “Virgil...Roman...he…” His voice trailed off as a million scenarios appeared into the others mind. Virgil asked Patton to continue.

 “Roman was in a car accident. Virgil, Roman’s dead.”

Next

[lostvclkrie]

Once Sol told me about Patriot’s theme, I listened to it... It was all over. I still tear up while listening to it because it’s based on Akhmatova’s poem Requiem and I’m just wheeping like a baby. So, yeah, once Sol told me about his theme, it was just a matter of time before I would be like ‘I want to play this character.’ So now I just need to smh finish reading all things and not cry a whole waterfall again. 

[space-cadet-extraordinaire]

SURVEYs

01. What do you hope you grow out of? I hope to grow out of my need for reassurance when it comes to my decision-making. I don’t have a lot of self-trust and I rely on the opinions of others too much sometimes. 

02. What is the healthiest and unhealthiest thing you do on a regular basis? I think the healthiest thing I do is take care of my diet and exercise regularly. This helps my body and my mind stay sane. Unhealthiest would be the negative self-talk that I sometimes engage in, and my habit of binge-watching TV.  03. When looking for a SO, what three things are most important (besides looks)? Actually, looks aren’t too important for me when I’m looking for a partner. For me, it’s really important that we can talk about the big stuff and the little stuff. I want someone to sit and wonder with me. The other two qualities would be open-mindedness or kindness. And someone who doesn’t take life too seriously and makes me laugh.

 04. How much do you judge a person by their appearance? It helps to inform initial opinions, or makes someone stick in my mind. I try not to judge people’s appearances but I can’t help my ego place them above or below me according to their attractiveness. 05. What is the most embarrassing thing you own? Probably a JLS book....actually two of them. The other would be a long soviet-style leather jacket that I rarely have the balls to wear out. 06. What is the strangest habit you have? Um. I’m quite a disordered person so hard to say. I guess my habit of finishing people’s sentences with the wrong word. Like, I’ll guess what someone’s about to say and it’s usually wrong. Quite ludicrous.  07. What movie made you cry the most? Honestly, I cry a lot more than I used to when watching films/series. Requiem for a dream makes me cry a lot. More recently, the movie Train to Busan. Which isn’t even that sad a movie so I don’t know why I cried. I don’t tend to watch movies multiple times though.  08. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood?  I had quite a happy childhood. I think it was days that I spent with the rabbits and kittens at my grandparents house. It would have been with the whole family, a really positive environment. I would have spent the day in the sunshine playing with the bunnies. Or maybe it was the countless days we spent at the beach, having picnics, playing in the sand. Hanging out with family friends, playing hippos and exploring the rock pools and building beetle farms. Then going to the port and jumping in the sea and eating fried crab sticks and ice cream sandwiches.  09. What was the worst date that you’ve ever been on? I haven’t gone on too many dates (with new people - with boyfriends, yes.) I mean I went on a pretty shit date with Ted once. It was the day before I left Thailand for the first time. I nagged and nagged him to take me to the National Park, which was a two hour drive away. We woke up too late, which meant when we arrived the park was closing in an hour. We went all the way to the top but all the trails were closed. Ted and I got into an argument about it and he said some hurtful things. Then we spent the entire journey home in sullen silence. It wasn’t too great as I had a lot of anxiety about leaving and what the state of the relationship would be after we left.   10. What’s your favorite vacation memory from when you were a child? Going to Alton Towers with my Welsh family. I remember I really wanted to go on the tallest ride. It was one of those that fell down really quickly. My cousin didn’t want to do the ride because he was scared. I was so chuffed with myself. Then I ate cotton candy and churros and managed not to vom everywhere. 11. What belief do you have that most people disagree with? I have some rogue New-Age sorta spiritual ideas that most people I know dismiss. I believe in something called universal consciousness, which is the idea that everything is conscious, including the birds, the rocks and the trees. I think our view of consciousness is so limited and human exceptionalism places us above other creatures. I don’t want to see the world that way. I think we lack the understanding to know how other beings experience the world. I also believe in some paranormal things. Mainly that there are other dimensions we can access through meditation and astral projection. I once had an out-of-body experience that opened my mind to things I’d never considered before.  12. What impression do you try to give when you first meet someone? I don’t know, that I am non-threatening? I just try to be nice. It takes me a while to be myself with people. If I’m drunk it’s a different story. But it also depends on the person, with some people I will try to be more opinionated but with most I’m quite gentle. 13. Who or what inspires you to be a better person? My sister. She is just so funny and considerate, so smart. Teddy as well. He always pulls me up on my bullshit and he’s really the only one who does in a way that makes me listen. I’m trying to change my mindset but it’s hard. 14. What’s the TLDR description of your last relationship? We had such fun together, especially at the beginning. He made my life just so much fun with all the drug taking, the trips away, the friend group. He was very kind. But we enabled each other. He let me get away with shit. I was too immature to understand how toxic I was being. And he couldn’t talk about it. He had his own difficulty with emotions and mental health. Eventually I began to see him as a burden. I pinpointed his lack of ambition, of direction, as being at fault for the things that were going wrong in my life. And I broke up with him and sorta regretted it. Now i’m dating someone pretty similar in a lot of ways. 15. If you found out your current life has been just a dream, would you choose to wake up? (You don’t know if your real life would be better or worse.) This is interesting. I got really into recording my dreams over lockdown. I think dreams are fascinating in what they can reveal about what goes on in the subconscious. But I think I’d want to wake up, to see what ‘real life’ is. I’m just too curious. Stay woke and all that.   16. What dumb thing did you believe for a really long time? When I was a kid, I believed actors didn’t actually kiss on screen. I thought they did some CGI shit because I couldn’t believe they’d make the actors actually kiss each other.   17. What are some things you would you like to achieve before you die? I want to delve deeply into learning different martial arts. I’d like to spend some time in South America learning BJJ, in China doing Kung Fu and Tai Chi. In Japan doing Ju Jitsu. I’d also like to a silent retreat in my lifetime and meditate regularly. I want to travel to many different places and learn about regenerative agriculture and volunteer at different farms around the world. Eventually I’d like to have my own farm where I apply permaculture and agroforestry techniques and grow my own food.   18. Where would you like to retire? I think I would like to retire on a Greek island or Greek countryside. That would be a nice life.  19. What brings you the most joy in life? Movement, being active. Spending time with the people that I love. Being outside in natuuuureeee. 20. What is the best and worst part of your personality? I think the fact that I don’t hold on to things. I’m forgiving. And I want to nurture people, help them take care of themselves. I know being non-judgmental is a big part of that. The worst might be my indecisiveness. It makes me quite unreliable. And I can be quite negative sometimes which is depressing to be around. Or perhaps it’s the fact that I expect too much from people sometimes.  21. How would your perfect partner treat you? I think they would be giving and kind towards me. I’ll admit, I like being babied by my partner. I like them to make my life easier.  But I don’t know if that’s what is best for me. Maybe I’d be better with someone who knew what they wanted, a go-getter who worked hard and inspired me to be the same.  I’d also want someone who was funny, who helped lighten things. Someone who wanted to explore the same things I do and was willing to travel the world and do it with me.