#yes im limiting myself to 24 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nagashtheundying · 2 months ago

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the corpse formerly known as trazynstolemygender

ABSOLUTELY NO MINORS OR AGELESS/ BLANK BLOGS ALLOWED, YES THAT MEANS YOU. NO, ADULT IS NOT AN AGE AND NEITHER IS 18+

KEEP YOUR FUCKING COMMENTS IN THE TAGS

TW for untagged hard kinks not limited to but including cnc, intox, fauxcest, sadism, terato, breeding, piss, and more

@seal-pelt is my lovely sweet boy who i love so much mwah mwah mwah

- nobody likes you when you're 24

- bile by name, bile by nature (aka you can call me bile)

- it/its pronouns (yeah i know i rbed a post with he/him for the pov but shhhhh)

- poly (not with you, that is say not looking on tumblr)

- pervy butch wolfdog older littermate

- can i call myself t4t? aaaah who cares, hot trans folks to the front of the line

- dms are mutals only, feel free to flirt or tell me what you want to do me or vice versa or talk movies and ttrpgs, though i do ask that you at least say hi before starting sexual talk

- asks are wide open for everyone and anyone! any topics allowed, any ask games i reblog no matter how old, thoughts, questions, comments, whatever is on your mind. though if you're submitting an old ask game please add the questions not just numbers so i know what im answering.

tags what i use

- #wolf posting- dommy thoughts, breeding, sadism, primal play, werewolf stuff, anything that makes me feel particularly wolfish

- #awooo.., #awooo- feeling subby, petplay when im subbing, really just whenever i feel like a dumb little ouppy

- #necrodermis- oh hey its me!

- #makin noise- if you so desire to hear my voice

- #cute mutual!- you know what this one is.....

- #gorgeous people- non mutuals picture tag

- #ama (ask me anytime) - ask tag

- #spewing bile- my writing

- #loyal hound- knight posting

#wolf posting #cute mutual !#ama (ask me anytime)#awooo #necrodermis #gorgeous people #ignore this one #🌊#spewing bile #makin noise #john dies at the end #loyal hound

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x-angel-dust-x · 10 months ago

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I'm bored🤗

1. which eating disorder(s) do you have? Anorexia Binge/Purge Subtype, that turned into fullblown bulimia the last year or two.

2. when did you develop your eating disorder? When I was 11, summer before 6th grade. I realized I accidentally lost weight and got taller, making me lose my childish pudge and look decent. Went on a diet with my mom and got into her diet books, never looked back.

 3. are you currently in recovery? Not anymore.

 4. honestly, do you want to recover? Yes and no. I just want to be beautiful. I'll do whatever it takes. If that's a healthy weight, I'll deal with the number, but currently it doesn't look like it's swinging that way.

 5. how are you doing today? My college canceled class because of the snow!

 6. 5 safe foods? Green peppers, carrots, salad, popcorn, popsicles.

 7. 5 fear foods? Pizza, pastries, chocolate, cheese, chips

 8. do you count calories? I stopped for a bit but I'm back on it

 9. what is your max calorie limit? 500 cal. 1000 if I'm having dinner with roommates but only 2x a week.

 10. what is your height? 172 cm/,5'8"

 11. what is your ultimate goal weight? 119lb, or 129 if Im working out a lot. I don't want to lose my muscle tone. I like being strong af.

 12. are you trying to lose weight? Extremely

 13. have you ever been called “fat”? Yes

 14. have you ever been called “too thin”? Yes and it's amazing

 15. what is your current goal weight? 129lb/119lb

 16. what was your highest weight? 237.5lb

 17. what was your lowest weight? 134lb

 18. do you wish you were back at your lowest weight? YES.

 19. does your family know about your eating disorder? Yes but I look healthy right now so they aren't worried

20. do your friends know about your eating disorder? My roommate does but no one else

 21. do you wish you didn’t have an eating disorder? Of course I do. But it makes for a great distraction from other trauma.

 22. have any “free foods”? Veggies like carrots, green peppers, cucumbers I don't calorie count if I have them plain. I don't count olive oil and avocados either since they're good fats and I don't want to scare myself away from eating them.

 23. how often do you weigh yourself? About twice a day, morning and night.

 24. thinspo or bonespo? Sometimes I have trouble telling the difference but usually Thinspo I think

 25. biggest problem area on your body? My calves and face. They're HUGE.

 26. favourite part of your body? My veiny hands, my tummy, my butt, my collarbones

 27. what kind of results do you want to see? I want a thigh gap so badly, skinny arms that show my muscle, narrow face, tiny waist, easy to fit in an extra small with no squeezing, size 28 jeans and 2 in women's, the validation of judgement, etc.

 28. do you purge? Not every day but I do.

 29. do you take laxatives? No but I've considered it

 30. how often do you purge? Every few days when I binge

 31. do you binge? Like a starving man

. 32. how long have you fasted for? A week or two. But I was on drugs to be fair.

 33. who’s your biggest thinspiration? Winona Rider in Girl Interupted. This hot butch girl on tiktok.

. 34. favourite eating disorder movie/show/documentary? Starving in Suburbia

 35. favourite thinspo picture? The one that's my background photo.

 36. can you post a photo of yourself/your body?

 37. how does your eating disorder affect your life? I hate socializing and won't have sex

 38. what is your BMI? It's like 24 right now 💀

 39. do you follow a diet? The A.I.T Diet (Ana in Training)

 40. least favourite part about your eating disorder? My massive fluctuation in weight makes me feel out of control. I can't enjoy normal things whether I eat them or not.

 41. has your eating disorder ruined any relationships? no, I don't date

 42. do you have a “guilty pleasure” food? Chocolate and fast food, I have to keep away from it

 43. meanspo or sweetspo? Sweetspo, meanspo just makes me binge and hate myself. Taking care of myself and doing self care makes me want to be healthy.

 44. does anyone else in your life have an eating disorder? A girl in my class and my mom

 45. ever been inpatient? Every day of my life

 46. ever been outpatient? No

 47. ever been in residential care? No

 48. ever been in a psych ward? Yes

 49. are you currently in therapy? No

 50. what did you eat today? Binged on Pizza, then stopped and had some popcorn and veggies with dip as a midnight snack

 51. are you scared about the holidays? No, it's February and nobody cares about me lol

 52. are your family/friends supportive? They literally don't care lol

 53. have any other mental illnesses? Massive PTSD is my worst diagnosis, then bipolar 2, then generalized anxiety disorder.

 54. looking for ana buddies? YES PLEASE but only long term anas who've lost weight, no beginners pls

 55. what is your current weight? 155 lb

#thinspo phone background

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cvttmutt · 29 days ago

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fuck it im doing all of them :P Skip any you're uncomfortable with btw! /nf

0: Height

1: Age

2: Shoe size

3: Do you smoke?

4: Do you drink?

5: Do you take drugs?

6: Age you get mistaken for

7: Have tattoos?

8: Want any tattoos?

9: Got any piercings?

10: Want any piercings?

11: Best friend?

12: Relationship status

13: Biggest turn ons

14: Biggest turn offs

15: Favorite movie

16: I’ll love you if…

17: Someone you miss

18: Most traumatic experience

19: A fact about your personality

20: What I hate most about myself

21: What I love most about myself

22: What I want to be when I get older

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

25: My idea of a perfect date

26: My biggest pet peeves

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

30: What I hate the most about work/school

31: What my last text message says

32: What words upset me the most

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

34: What I find attractive in women

35: What I find attractive in men

36: Where I would like to live

37: One of my insecurities

38: My childhood career choice

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

40: Who I wish I could be

41: Where I want to be right now

42: The last thing I ate

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

44: A random fact about anything

THIS IS SO EXCITING TYY :3

0. 5'7"

1. 16

2. X

3. Sometimes if I'm bored I take my dad's cigarette butts

4. I wish

5. I'm actually 2 months sober off marijuana! :D

6. If I've ever been mistaken for an age I haven't been told but I guess I do look a lot younger than 16

7. nope

8. Yes!! I definitely want some matching ones with my best friend when we're older

9. Only ear piercings unfortunately

10. Yess I want my lip pierced, my eyebrow pierced, and maybe some more ear piercings

11. Hes not on here but I've been trying to get him!! He's a shedtwt user 😢

12. Single!! If anyone has a crush on my cuts dm me I don't bite (unless you want me to)

13. X

14. Whenever someone misuses you/you're and their/there/they're

15. Smile tbh.. and I just watched it for the first time a few days ago

16. You carry the conversation but still enjoy talking to me

17. My best friend 😢 (he's a text away)

18. My dad almost beat my grandpa to death with a hammer LMAO I don't think I've actually fully thought about that

19. I'm very anxious irl!! I act like a loser

20. I can't talk to strangers without stuttering and its not even a cute stutter I mispronounce every single word I hatteee it

21. Im good at art ig

22. X

23. Love them even if we fight a lot

24. Honestly I'm eh with my parents but also I'm a teenager and it's normal to hate them at this time so

25. Having lots of fun, no worries about prices, no worries about time limits

26. Refer to question 14

27. Blonde, chubby, SO PRETTY AND BEAUTIFUL

28. 5'4" twink with commitment issues

29. So they don't worry about me

30. Having to sit on my phone the entire time, or having a really hard assignment I can't do.

31. "That's freaking fire"

32. X

33. Any praise

34. Not an asshole, gives me attention

35. Not an asshole, gives me attention

36. Washington or maybe somewhere in Europe but idk if that's happening cuz I'm BROKE

37. X

38. Astronaut. I still want to be an astronaut deep down but realistically that's never happening 😭 My grades r ass and I come from a poor household so that means no fancy college and I can't just pay to see the stars

39. Chocolate!!

40. A four year old boy

41. Right where I am right now

42. Mashed potatoes with onion gravy

43. X

44. Ankylosaurus' tails are so strong they can break their own bones just swinging them

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dr-davis-mde · 1 year ago

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both my personal blog and my work blog. blanket trigger warning for potential gore, medical distress, drugs, and sex (discussed but not depicted)

keep the parahuman politics to a minimum, im trying to stay as out of that shit as i can

DNI if you are anti-Amy Dallon/Panacea, pro-Cauldron, or a Slaughterhouse Nine fanboy/wannabe

FAQ and commission info under the cut.

FAQ

Q: Wait, so your name is Riley Grace Davis?

A: yes my name is Riley Grace Davis. yes I used to go by Bonesaw. yes I used to be a member of the slaughterhouse nine.

Q: Are you the serial killer that (insert crime against nature here)?

A: probably. i did a lot of those. i dont really REGRET them but i wont do it again i prommy

Q: Are you still a member of the Slaughterhouse Nine?

A: its been 25 years and i legit still get this question like every week. NO!!!!!!! we disbanded when Jack died and I was captured and the apocalypse started. im not involved with any of the copycat killer groups either, they all suck :/

Q: You're a monster, you should be behind bars, you should be dead, you tortured/traumatized/murdered my family/friend/loved one, you were part of the chain of events that started the end of the world, its unthinkable that people like you get to walk free just because you're a parahuman while unpowered people are imprisoned for petty larceny, etc.

A: L+ratio+direct all questions about the amnesty to your local PRT chapter

Q: What's an MDE?

A: medical diploma equivalency, established by the PRT of Earth Bet in 2002 AD. allows Thinker-class capes whose powers give them medical knowledge to obtain licensure to practice medicine without needing to attend medical school. after two decades of pestering the PRT nonstop it was expanded in 24 GM to also include Tinker-class capes with medical specialties in what historians call the "for fucks sake riley shut up, fine" amendment.

Q: What sort of surgeries do you do?

A: i am capable of performing almost any medical intervention, though these days i mostly limit myself to cosmetic body modifications

Q: How do you cope with the unbearable trauma of having had your childhood ripped away from you by a serial killer, your mind filled with unending horrors by a fragment of a cosmic being, and trying to find out who you were and atone for the sins of your past while in the middle of a world-reshaping calamity?

hard drugs, amazing yet potentially unethical and illegal sex with my beautiful perfect wife, and staying silly :3

COMMISSION INFO

i AM open to taking clients currently but i live in New Brockton on Earth Gimel and have heavy travel restrictions as a result of my parole so you'll have to come to me. payment in cash preferred but i also take valuable gemstones or drugs, if they are at equivalent value to the price. (for legal reasons the drug part is a joke.) no cards. or well, no credit/debit. i guess if you gave me a giftcard to somewhere that the food doesnt suck id accept it. unfortunately no insurance plan recognizes me but my rates are very affordable ($50-200 for most standard procedures, up to $400 if unexpected complications arise, esoteric procedure price uncapped and depends on cost of materials, legality, ease of operation, and how interested in the operation i am.)

operations i will do include but are not limited to:

gender-affirming surgeries

therian-affirming surgeries

phantom limb replacement surgery

turning you into your fursona

kemonomimi-fication

tentacle prosthesis

non-lethal flaying

genital enhancement

most body plan restructurings (additional limbs, fewer limbs, wings, organs that you carry in a bag outside your body and are connected to your torso via strange fleshy tubes, etc.)

multi-person conjoinment

hard nos:

creation of any virus, plague, biological weapon, etc.

natural weapons - claws/teeth are okay but no ranged weapons, venom, acid, prehensile bladed spines, etc.

ANY operation on another parahuman - too many chances to accidentally become an accomplice to something

anything capable of reproducing. THIS IS A CONDITION OF MY PAROLE. i am allowed to give functioning reproductive organs but any resulting offspring will be baseline human regardless of the state the parent or parents is in

ANY operation without the consent of ALL parties being operated on. this includes if the party is incapable of giving consent and you are their power of attorney (pets, minors, mentally disabled, intoxicated, etc.)

i reserve the right to refuse any procedure for any non-discriminatory reason or for no stated reason.

if you're still interested let me know and we can work out an appointment. i do not use general anaesthesia so if youre coming over for your surgery i recommend you bring a book or game or something. or we can talk, but for some reason usually people dont want to talk to me while im rearranging their limbs

#worm rp #riley davis #riley grace davis #bonesaw #wormblr #parahumans

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shytastemakerthing · 1 year ago

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Hello can i have a romantic twisted wonderland matchup plz

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body type black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks (i also wear glasses now but only 50% of the time cause im still getting used to it)

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence sassy sarcastic soft spoken

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime cartoons music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people who harm others people who dont take others into consideration people i care about not caring for themselves not being listened to math and math tests weird holes and patterns

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection if they’re comfortable with it

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection

Extra: i pace a lot i talk to myself i sing when im alone and im a picky eater

Thank u

Hello! Thank you so much for your ask and for your patience! While looking this over, I has to really think about who to match you up with because I had so many ideas and who to match you up with but I finally managed to find who I think would be best!!

I match you with.......

Idia Shroud

🎮 Okay, it took me a while to finally decide and each idea took me right back to our believed firey haired, introverted housewarden, and for good reason.

🎮 90% of your personality corresponds with his own and from that alone has both of you corresponding rather well with one another.

🎮 Now, it took a good amount of time before the relationship even started between the two of you, also because of your personalities. It took a lot of movie nights, anime marathons, all night game nights, and even a little bit of talking here and there between all of that, and with a good help and push from Ortho, he managed to confess and yes, his hair was a furious shade of pink both during and after the confession.

🎮 Afterwards? Once in this relationship with you, knowing you for as long as he had, and growing more and more comfortable around you, you certainly begint k see his more confident side, how his ego soars when he defeats a rather hard boss or how you greatly compliment his skills. He will soak all that up like a freaking sponge.

🎮 He has his own bouts of low self esteem (who are we kidding, he has them basically 24/7), but he will not stand seeing you with such low self esteem. How do you not see just how wonderfully amazing you are?! You are basically the limited edition, once in a lifetime UR pull and he managed to be the one to call you his! He didn't even think he was one of the options! This is where he likes to help you out......

🎮 Physical affection isn't his strong suit, it really isn't, but when time self esteem gets bad enough, he will push right on through thay, trying to be exactly what you need in moments like this. It starts off simple, his fingers gently latching onto yours, and if you don't show signs of pulling away, that's when he pulls you close to him, so your basically enveloped in his tall frame. Both of your personal favorite is now when you're drawing in his usual hoodie, laying in his bed, and snuggled under the warm covers while watching an anime or watching him play a game.

🎮 As for him? Anything you give him is treated as if it were the most precious thing in the world (it is) and he has grown all but addicted to your touch and when not anyone anyone else and in the comfort of his room or yours, he will actively seek it out (it's honestly like watching a cat leaning into you for affection and it's beyonf adorable).

🎮 It literally says in his bio that this man loves sweets. That they are his favorite food (not exactly food, but okay), so expect him to have a stash located literally anywhere and everywhere. Even in your dorm room, he now keeps a stash.

🎮 Overall, it took a lot of time to actually get into a relationship with him but it really was all worth it in the end. He loves you, and he wouldn't change that for anything in the world.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst #matchups #twst imagines #disney twisted wonderland #romantic #idia shroud x reader #twisted wonderland idia #idia shroud #idia x reader #twst idia

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dolledupwh0re · 1 year ago

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introduction ! ༊*·˚

hii ! my name is coralynn, im a 19 y/o filipina using she/her pronouns !

ive been on the "kinky" side of tumblr lurking in the shadows for a few months now but i've finally decided to start posting.

dolledupsl5t was my original acc but i forgot my password lol

my blog is open to most people EXCEPT minors (obviously), transphobic people, homophobic people, racists, and really anybody trying to harass me. as long as you're not any of the above, any gender, sexuality,race, any identity people are always welcome and you will be welcomed with love and support !

my kinks are as follows but not limited to : bdsm, praise, degrading/humiliation, cnc, overstim, edging, org denial, masochism, sadism, somno, dd/lg, knifeplay, weapon play, intox, kidnapping, stalking, spanking, choking, spit, blood, brat, bimbofication, petplay

kinks i dislike : scat, piss, beastiality, tentacles, feet

other things about me:

🫧 i speak english and tagalog, ( i also understand ilocano, a dialect from ilocos in the philippines but sadly i dont speak it) as well as very basic french and spanish

🫧 i dance, act, sing, play clarinet ukulele and piano (im veeeeeery good with my mouth and hands/fingers ;3 ) , draw/paint, LOVE reading, love watching horror movies, love building legos, and a bunch of other crap lol

🫧 im bisexual and enfj-t <3

🫧 i will not be showing photos of my face or most of my body nor disclose anything too personal about myself, sorry not sorry

🫧 i suffer from mommy/daddy issues, depression, anxiety, anger issues, eating disorders (bulimia/anorexia), n suicidal thoughts so if u ever js wanna vent, my messages/asks are open! yes, im mental, ik. and yes, all stated above are diagnosed by doctors, not self-diagnosed

🫧 i run on a really 50/50-ish ratio of being horny and normal so i won't always just be posting horny crap 24/7

🫧 obviously, i have a life out of tumblr so i also won't post 24/7 but i will probably be active at some point at least 2 days every week

feel free to message me or send me asks! if anything is too personal or uncomfy for me i'll just tell you politely that i'd rather not talk about it or answer it but if such topic or questions continue i'll just end up ignoring them or blocking said users.

that's pretty much all for now !

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hollowfaith · 1 year ago

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[HIGH] Sender gets something off the high shelf for receiver. // don't worry princess, im here 😌 (i know he's taller than her that's why it's funny)

𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑜𝑛𝑖𝑐 𝐼𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑎𝑐𝑦 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑠 || [HIGH] Sender gets something off the high shelf for receiver

—

Klaus had finished drinking his favorite canister of tea leaves—the one with a yellow label—at home.

Ever the conscientious companion, Aurelius takes matters into his own hands to restock the goods, boldly claiming his partner's C*stco card and slipping out the door before the other can protest. Wandering the hallowed halls of bulk consumption, the angel marvels at the medley of material goods in a store designed to sell everything at maximum size, most of the time.

He locates the "tea" aisle with some difficulty, then follows the archaic coding system of numbers and letters to find the specific maker of his bestie's brew.

Alas, the spot is deserted. The price tag still remains, however—proof that Klaus's tea did exist, but was too popular for its own good just like Klaus himself. Perturbed, Aurelius considered taking over the tea factory by force before a sound cues him to look up.

A vision in violet hangs off the edges of the third-level pallets in the wholesale store. She's smiling at him brightly, eyes twinkling like those of an errant fey as she shakes a canister in her hands.

"Looking for this?"

Aurelius narrows his eyes. It's large and yellow with that obnoxiously kitschy design of a panda on the outside—yes, they're Klaus's tea leaves, all right.

"If you please." He smiles politely in turn, hands outstretched to receive the blessing of the plant gods in portable form.

"That depends," the woman says instead. "Are you going to save some for me too? It wasn't easy climbing up here unnoticed."

Aurelius takes that into account and looks around. It was true, all of the shoppers here were on ground-level only. With what he knew of humans, they were quite persistent when it came to petty rules and regulations.

"I can cooperate with you," he says while turning back. "How many canisters are you planning to take?"

"One."

"You climbed all that way just for one container of tea leaves?" Aurelius couldn't help asking.

"Do I look like I could finish two off myself?" the woman retorts before ending with a quieter laugh. "...it was easier when I used to share."

Her eyes drift with her thoughts, turning abstracted. Being the more practical of the two, Aurelius only spots the purposeful stride of what must be store employees making their way over from across the store.

"I believe freezing them is an option to preserve the flavor longer," he said after vaguely recalling Klaus's advice. "But you're working within a limited time window, so I suggest you finish and get down."

"Hah." She's noticed the staff by now too; shaking her head, she puts on a smile and throws the first canister at him, which Aurelius catches. "How many do you want?"

"Two, to make your trip a little more worthwhile," the angel replies while setting the first one aside.

Nicolette turns to tug another container of tea leaves out of the packaging, but it's stuck too tightly in the plastic. Huffing, she simply picks up the rest of the 24-pack and lifts it above her head.

"You're in luck then, because this is a 2 for 23 deal!"

To his credit, Aurelius has seen much worse than someone lobbing a bulk-sized package of tea leaves at him as friendly fire. He leaps up to receive the package first-hand, then sets it on the ground by its brethren. Next up is—

—even his eyes widen when the woman jumps off of her own accord from the equivalent of two stories up. Aurelius responds by instinct, taking flight to meet her half-way, arm sliding around her back as he spins halfway to guide her to earth in a more gentle descent.

If there's any proof of Klaus's influence, it's the fact that he shies less from touching strangers now—provided he has his gloves on.

"Hey! You two—!" At last the store workers have caught up, but a burst of wind from Aurelius's invisible wings keeps them at back. After a thought, he simply decides to manifest them completely, thus shielding himself and the lady by his side in a shiny wreath of gold.

"How daring," he remarks.

"What made you think I'd catch you instead of letting you fall?"

As soon as they touch the ground, he lets her go and takes a step back, but remain standing with wings spread to block off the rest of the aisle. They're awe-inspiring enough to keep the humans at bay too—at least for now.

Nicolette hums a little in her throat, taking the chance to bend down and grab her tea tin because handsome man was on her list of expectations, but not one with wings included. "You really don't look the type. Even if you were, I doubt you'd appreciate me breaking my leg right next to you."

There was no way someone who wore a suit that expensive would risk it getting dirtied with...well broken bones or whatever came out when someone went splat.

"That would be highly remiss of me," Aurelius agrees thoughtfully. "All the same, I'd rather not repeat this experience again." He too, bends down to take some tea—his four wings arching prettily up to avoid the floor as he did so, framing him within a glittering halo.

It's mesmerizing, to say the least. It also disappears a few seconds later when Aurelius straightens up with his two canisters in tow, leaving her with perfect vision of the equally flabbergasted store staff behind him.

"Then I suppose I'll head for the register." Aurelius gives the slightest nods to Nicolette and turns to leave. He was eager to reunite with Klaus after all this fuss.

"Hold—wait a second." Nicolette almost reaches for him before withdrawing her arm. She feels like she's still shaking off the effects of sparkle lights and golden feathers in her brain. "What's your name?"

"It doesn't matter." Aurelius keeps walking, but raises one hand to acknowledge her over his shoulder. "As far as today was concerned, I was simply your guardian angel for one moment."

"Farewell."

#nicawlette #𝔔𝔲𝔢𝔯𝔶 ࿐ answered #𝔉𝔞𝔟𝔩𝔢𝔰 ࿐ drabbles #i chose somewhere other than the library cause he and zhilan are already having Height Differences there heehee #but my brain went bork on this one somewhere i think much sleepy #dieeeees im gonna knock out now zzZZZzz

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grasslandgirl · 1 year ago

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multiples of 12 for fanfic asks!! (w binxhera au)

MWAAHHH DEAR LUKA XOXOX

12. Do you outline your fics? If yes, how detailed are your outlines? How far do you stray from them?

not really!!!! i've spoken on this before, but for the most part outlining- especially in detail- tends to make me lose my inspiration and motivation for whatever i'm working on, bc a large part of it comes from like. the discovery of figuring out what's going to happen next as i'm writing!!

of course there are some exceptions to this general rule- noble pining being the most glaring of them, i have an extensively detailed outline for that- i'm usually forced to outline a little when it comes to really longform/plot heavy fics, just to keep track of all the moving pieces, but generally i tend to limit outlines to just like. beats i have ideas for that i don't want to foget about

24. How do you choose whose POV to write in?

vibes mostly!! sometimes what's narratively required to move the story forward? sometimes pacing dictates POV if it's a fic with muliple pov changes, but by and large i tend to write in singular pov or back and forth dual povs and those are chosen by like. the framing direction i want to take of the narrative <3

36. What fic are you proudest of?

torn between slasherfic and noble pining for different reasons! slasher is one of the strongest, most cohesive things i've ever written imo; but noble pining is over three years in the making and is the longest thing ive ever written by a HUGE factor and i'm really proud of that, too !!

48. Who is your favorite character to write for? Has this changed since you’ve started writing for that fandom?

oh my god it changes so much!! i take what i think is kind of an actor/theatre approach to writing? in that i try to find something of myself in every character i write or vice versa- i try to find something of the character in myself- and that really helps me find a solid foothold in how to write and find the voice for the character i'm focusing on!!!! so i don't know if theres one favorite character to write of all time, but it shuffles around depending on who im writing for the most and feeling the most comfortable in the shoes of in that moment

(right now it is, unsurprisingly, fig and gorgug <333333)

60. In [binxhera au], what inspired the idea for the plot?

i wrote this post back in october as acofaf was still airing !! and the idea really stuck with me <3

72. What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this is hard bc im rich in compliments and affection and support so like. top three off the top of my head:

1) there's this one anonymous comment i got on a ye olde american vandal fic truly like. five years ago? saying that they (the commenter) was high but they really enjoyed my fic and that it made them feel like "that one vine of the lawn mower flying up into the sky while whiteny houston sings" and then commented a second time with a link to said vine to make sure i knew what they were referencing. and i thinki about that so much

2) i just messaged jack @kingfisherkink about this but he left me truly a NOVEL LENGTH comment on the first installment of slasher fic last year and its so <33333333333 i just become the human version of the heart emoji when i think about it bc it was such a kind and thoughtful and enthusiastic comment from someone whos opinion i think really highly of an di still have it open in a tab on my computer now months later

3) casey @aberfaeth has said multiple times that my great pretender fic (keiko fic, for those in the know) that i wrote for her bday last year is the best gift she's ever gotten in her life (now tied w the binxhera fic i wrote this year) (HER WORDS NOT MINE!! <33), and every time she says it and every time i hear it she makes me melt and go "noooo 🥹" for real in real life <3333 looove uuu

send me fic asks from this list!!!!

#asks #MWAAHHH KISSES LUUUKAAA

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dawnstarranger · 2 years ago

Text

@imperial--orthodoxy

…I did this to myself, so here we go lmao

(Im on mobile so the formatting will suck. I make no apologies lmao. I had to close out of the screen a bunch so I saved as a draft rather than trying to reply to your ask.)

1. Nope! I try not to dwell on it though.

2. Also no?

3. Statistically probably, but not everyone lucks out.

4. Not really.

5. Nope, found family counts too.

6. Yes. Friends are important!

7. I am!

8. I think it’s the same emotion, it just manifests differently.

9. Not as happy, but people do live fulfilling lives without finding romance.

10. Yes.

11. Absolutely lmao.

12. I don’t think so?

13. I don’t disbelieve in it, if that makes sense.

14. I mean, if reincarnation is how it goes, that’s just the way she goes.

15. Cosmically special, no. Special to friends and family on the micro level, yea.

16. Yeah. But debate for the sake of your own understanding. You’re never going to convince everyone else to see things your way, so don’t expect to change minds.

17. Can favorite characters be like imaginary friends?

18. I say no to this because I’m not involved in anything organized and am not looking to be. Insert “the gods are names for what’s already in your heart” here :)

19. I don’t, but I feel like it’s one of those things that if life leads me to change my mind, I change my mind.

20. Isn’t that just life?

21. I mean yeah? Different circumstances would have probably led to me finding love with someone else. I don’t think it’s healthy for current relationships to dwell on “well, what if…” for too long, though.

22. So previously I would have said a loooong fucking time. However, I knew I was with the right person in a matter of about a month, so I guess when it’s right, it’s right?

23. I think it takes a very special relationship to survive when there is no “convenience.” Yes, yes, love is magical and can transcend barriers and whatnot, but long-term I think the simple things like being able to tolerate living together matter a lot, maybe not to the emotion of love, but to the act of it.

24. I think so lol.

25. Probs not as fluid as if I were gen z, but people are people and love is love.

26. Going to college and pursuing what I’m passionate about.

27. I’m a little afraid of losing out on things I want to do, but not especially.

28. Based on family history I will definitely live for at least a century lol. Would not want to live forever though. Maybe it would be cool to have an elven lifespan, complete with slow aging?

29. Yep.

30. I like to believe in free will, at least to an extent. Such as life is, we usually aren’t as free in our choices as we think, or wish, that we were.

31. I’ve survived my mental illnesses so far, so with that off the table I have no idea lol.

32. Ummmm no. If I had a dollar for every time someone asks me this after I tell them I study astronomy…

33. I really don’t think adulthood kicks in until 25ish.

34. By drow standards yes :)

35. A million dollars

36. I married that person and we either get along perfectly or literally not at all.

37. In some things, yes.

38. Absolutely not and I’m glad of it.

39. Sure. Kind of. Maybe.

40. Trying to do what you sincerely believe is good, as long as you’re reducing harm to others. I try my best.

41. Being independent and pursuing what I care about.

42. Kind of, yeah. Most of us are pretty boxed in by various limitations.

43. I used to be much more artistic than I am now. I’m no art major, so I’ll leave the definition to the experts here.

44. I’m generally truthful. Sometimes people don’t need to know your business.

45. Hopefully I’ll be remembered for groundbreaking research one day.

46. Probably not.

47. Suffering is part of the human condition, so yeah. It doesn’t have special meaning, life is just hard and arbitrary sometimes.

48. Insert “there is no freedom, there is only survival” here. Freedom is relative and somewhat up to how you define it.

49. Yes.

50. Honesty, loyalty, and a willingness to tolerate my bullshit.

51. I really don’t know. Probably a few on this list would be good contenders.

52. I’m sure I have inherited beliefs just like anyone else. I try to be able to justify what I think, at least to myself. Should I get really cringe and add “little of what I say or do is opinion”?

53. Could be any of them. I’m not an expert on plenty of things, and I tell to take the approach of time and experience will tell in the end.

54. I don’t think so, not at present, anyway. As a physicist I’d obviously like to, though!

55. I suppose? But that does open the door to the whole “what counts as consciousness” and can AI ever get there and what about really smart animals etc etc etc

56. Useful, inevitable, and very dangerous to society.

57. Yes, and yes, but I think it’s part of what makes us human, and it isn’t a bad thing.

58. Statistically yeah? Probably? But that shouldn’t stop us from continuing to create art.

59. AI generated 15 second clips of remixes lol

60. At the moment we seem to be bringing back the ‘00s, who knows what’s next?

61. Everyone thinks they’re living through hard times. With that said, I do think technology plays a role in how crazy the modern day feels compared to times previous.

62. No and fuck no. I don’t like actual current me enough to want to deal with a clone.

63. I’m not, but fake it till you make it, amiright?

64. Not remotely.

65. Honestly I don’t know. There’s an argument to be made for raising the voting age, but also I don’t think that younger adults are voting “stupidly” more than much older adults.

66. It’s destructive and petty and unfortunately for the world I am a destructive and petty little bitch.

67. A Karen :)

68. I like it fine.

69. If you’re really truly in love with someone (assuming monogamy here) I think part of that entails respecting the other person enough not to dwell on crushes to the point that they get that far. Sometimes it happens, but I don’t think it plays out as nicely as it does in the movies.

70. Bruh, I’m alive. That’s the tragedy.

71. I wouldn’t go see it.

72. Uhhhhhh well, we prosecuted nazis who were acting with the full support of their own laws, so in some cases yes. Maybe just as importantly, we should pardon and rehabilitate people who were arrested for things that have since been decriminalized.

73. To defend it, yes. I live here whether I like it or not.

74. Yes. I do think it’s an important goal.

75. Yes, I think the consequences for not taking care of others is higher than many people like to admit.

76. I crave positive academic feedback and the warm fuzzy feeling I get when my grades are high.

77. Ask Shakespeare.

78. Idk but your mom said I was satisfying ;)

79. I listen to whatever, usually not dependent on mood.

80. I listen to whatever I happen to feel like. I’m not a big mood listener.

81. No can do, am already tied down.

82. Lmao probs not

83. Uhh maybe? I’m happy to do my thing from earth, but the temptation is there. #rememberthecant

84. Binch I don’t have the first clue who people think I am. I don’t even know who I think I am half the time.

85. “Would I be happier if I was born into a perfect and advantageous body instead of the one I’m in” yeah duh, but I still wouldn’t want to flip a switch and change like that.

86. All of them:)

87. Not as easily as in years past.

88. Im definitely more on the jealous side.

89. Maybe some of the same core traits, but I’d be so different without my memories that I don’t know if it matters.

90. That’s a 50/50 question. Some days yes, some days no.

91. Absolutely, and I fucking hate [REDACTED], obviously

92. I’m working on a German minor but I am NOT fluent at all

93. I don’t draw meaning from them, but I do tend to have vivid dreams. Sometimes they’re like a nice little vacation :) sometimes they’re fucked up tho

94. Consistently

95. Really depends. I feel like if it’s unrequited, you aren’t able to get to know that other person on the level it takes to create genuine, long-lasting love. You’re in love with the idea of them more than with the actual person.

96. Again, I can’t read minds so I literally don’t know lol

97. Yes

98. All the time, but I think a lot of people feel that way on some level

99. Not especially. I think there are things we can’t yet explain and may never fully explain, but I don’t believe in magic per se.

100. You only get so many good rolls per dice per dnd session, and you should try not to use them up on stupid shit (this belief is nothing but logical)

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queer-crusader · 5 months ago

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got a bunch for the admit stuff ask 😂

10, 24, 25, 43, 48, 50, 63, 74, 78, 85, and as an added bonus hatecrime, 68 😘💖

LMAO BUDDY YOU GOOD?? That's a LOT of questions 😂💖💖

10. What is the last beverage you had?

Water lmao, but it's a WARM day here and I'm trying to stay hydrated so I've got my big sippy water bottle keeping me company 😌

24. What do you want right this second?

Mmmm... Good question. I'm actually quite content, but I could REALLY go for some more of the French cider I had yesterday. Apparently Lidl should stock it. My dad has failed to find it. A mission must be carried out tomorrow. It will remain warm and I require more cider

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

HELL YEAH LET'S GO, ENJOY YOURSELF

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

I mean they weren't like an actual crush but definitely embarrassed myself in front of the cute guy in college by very much NOT picking up on a social cue that I was third-wheeling. Well. Fourth-wheeling even. Please don't ask for details. It's real fucking cringe

48. Do you sing in the shower?

Yes I do and I WILL treat you to as many Hozier concerts as I feasibly can from the echoing depths of the bathroom

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

I have!! Both a classic medieval one and a modern one with scope, which was cool! The modern one was naturally easier and made me feel competent, but. Well. You know me. A slut for the middle ages. Classic wooden bow is my one true love 🥰

63. First concert?

Oh shit I'm not sure? Probably the Nederlands Blazersensemble (Dutch blowers' ensemble) when I was 6, but given that my dad goes to a LOT of concerts for his work and has taken me to several throughout his life, I might've experienced one at even younger an age. My first one I went to without my dad and from my own money tho was Hozier in 2019, and I've seen him twice since 😊

74. What is your favorite book?

Ronja the Robber's Daughter by Astrid Lindgren will live forever in my heart 💖 along with the Wee Free Men series by Terry Pratchett

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

THE AMAZING DEVIL. PLEASE IM BEGGING COME TOUR AT A SMALL LOCAL VENUE NEAR ME AND ALLOW ME TO GET TICKETS ON TIME BEFORE THEY'RE SOLD OUT. THIS IS A PRAYER TO WHATEVER GOD LIKES ME ENOUGH TO FEEL BENEVOLENT. I WILL FEEL MY SOUL ASCEND AND I WILL SOB.

85. Are you patient?

With others? OH YES. Almost too patient, perhaps. But I have all the time in the world for most people.

...With myself? Well. Uh. Yeah no if I don't get something right or can't get what I want done, I get FAR more easily frustrated. You uh. You may have noticed 😂😂

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

LMAOOO I mean I RARELY listen to her music, I know like 5 songs so choices are limited. But right now I'd say Florida, which she's done in collaboration with Florence + the Machine, whom I love. It's a really nice summery song that is on my summer playlist and I enjoy it! So HAH, not as much of a hate crime as you thought 😂

.

Thanks for asking all these!! Feel free to send me more 💖

#anne speaks #questions answered #ask game #myste-rae

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cosmicalily · 1 year ago

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CAN YOU TELL I LIKE MF QUESTIONS

wait im gonna answer this bc im that fucking bored rn

1. we dont have chipotle in aus 😭

2. i don't mind if you're vegan, i think eating more plant based is better for the environment and for consumption, but personally, i don't think i could do it, i just try and limit my meat product consumption (like only having meat/fish once a week) and i think that's good enough, but i feel like other animal products like eggs and milk don't necessarily harm the animal as such? so i don't really try to avoid them.

3. i don't have a specific colour that gives me the ick, more it's combinations of colours in like patterns or layouts (graphic design student disgust moment) some colours are just not a vibe together and IM SO SORRY but rainbow tiedye is one pattern combo that makes me uncomfy

4. i would love to say fairies bc young me would be so happy but realistically probably more like something ocean wise? i mean there's so much there we haven't discovered so who knows

5. i don't discriminate, i love all potato forms but chips are probably my fav (i also love eating roast potatoes with kewpie mayo)

6. nope ill buy one and use it for a week then forget about it (mines been charging for about a year now)

7. seahorses, seals and penguins!

8. sometimes, depends on the mood. if i have lots of study and wanna be comfy, yes, or if I want to relax and chill out in pyjamas, yes, but normal days im too lazy and just throw a hoodie on

9. yep yep but it varies depending on what my skin needs, and often the season. my colder season routine is more about hydration bc my skin gets so dry and in warmer seasons its more about acne and sun protection

10. orange, even though it fucks with my adhd meds

11. im not sure if this is like an object or experience? but as for object i still have my bunny toy from when i was born, as well as all my childhood dance costumes (i keep my current ones too)

12. ooh so i have a few, for haircare, de lorenzo is the bomb, my hairdresser gives these to me and they have done AMAZING SHIT with restoring the moisture in my hair, and for skincare, some by mi is amazing for acne clearing

13. hide and cry

14. i drink water when im bored or anxious in class just to kill time so im most hydrated when im unfocused lmao

15. okay so i DONT KNOW like i feel like drowning would take the longest and my biggest fear is anything restricting like my breathing/being stuck underneath something so i would say drowning, then burning, bc it would be quick but horrible, then freezing

16. no

17. leg bouncy bounce all day everyday

18. okay so depending on mood again: if I'm feeling something summery, i do a mango milk/fruit tea (half sugar bc that shit is sweet) with mango and lychee popping pearls and extra ice, or a milk tea with cream cheese foam and tapioca pearls

19. avocado, it scares the shit out of me

20. oof i mean i remember vividly watching the princess and the frog a lot as a kid with my family so that's probably my fav

21. um i don't like decimals that much, they just make me uncomfortable bc it's like you're not a complete number??? what are you doing??

22. I USED TO AND HER NAME WAS GENENE, then my best friend left her on the bus and i was too anxious to walk down and check lost property 😭😭

23. i wear my earrings always, bc i have an irrational fear that they'll just grow in even though ive had them pierced for so long, sometimes bracelets, like delicate chain ones but also beaded ones i make myself

24. british english has the same spelling as australian english, so mainly that, but i do love poppin out with a random ass american accent for funsies

25. i know for a fact people dislike my taste in music and that's ok <3 kpop isn't for everyone and im aware but i love my music

26. oof on the white person scale im ridiculously high but on the asian person scale im embarrassingly low (this is how my japanese mother described it for me)

27. i love me my dungarees!! but also mini skirts and leg warmers are a winning combo

28. a whole ass japanese banquet

29. i like little ones with dents and holes that the sauce can get caught to, they have more flavour and they're like small and bite sized

30. oh

weirdly specific and unrelated asks to know someone well:

chipotle order?

thoughts on veganism?

a specific color that gives you the ick?

mythical creature you think/believe is real?

favorite form of potato?

do you use a watch?

what animal do you look forward to seeing when you visit an aquarium?

do you change into specific clothes for the house when you get home?

do you have a skincare routine (and how many steps is it)?

on a plane, do you ask for apple or orange juice?

anything from your childhood you’ve held on to?

brand of haircare/bodycare/skincare that you trust 100%?

first thing you’re doing in the purge?

do you think you’re dehydrated?

rank the methods of death: freezing, burning, drowning

thoughts on mint chocolate chip?

an anxious compulsion you do everyday?

your boba/tea order?

the veggie you dislike the most?

favorite disney princess movie?

a number that weirds you out?

do you have an emotional support water bottle?

do you wear jewelry?

which do you find yourself using, american or british english?

would you say you have good taste in music?

how’s your spice tolerance?

what’s your favorite or go-to outfit?

last meal on earth?

preferred pasta noodle?

ask me anything !

leave an ask for the person you reblog it from!

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pielove123clan · 7 months ago

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i associate you with clovers and red spider-lilies, macarons, sparrows, raccoon-dogs, and Ryoshu. flames as well, in the same sense that flames are sometimes associated with passion and vitality.

Geting associated with Clovers, red spider-lilies, macarons, and sparrows is a first. It means quite a bit to me that someone's interacted enough with me to have the confidence enough to come forth and tell me an answer. These are also really flattering and made me smile.

Under this cut, I'm just yapping.

I'm a big fan of finding the symbolism of objects and concepts even if it really doesn't matter in the end, unless you make it matter. Feel free to not mind these because these are just me trying to think thoughts. This is just a shallow look through websites of varying dubious credibility.

Spider-lilies: Death and rebirth is the most striking one, corpse flowers, but I really like how they look. I'm just a bit scared of being called edgy if I were to say it out loud. Luck is nice too, warding off evil sprits. Other meanings were sorrow and sadness. As i've grown up, the people around me who don't understand me told me I was very sad and I'd grow to live a sad lonely life. It's silly but it's part of the reason I feel a kinship to the sorrowful and muted, because I've been called that. I'm a pretty emotional person working on myself and growing up.

Two of my real names are flowers so I have a giant bias towards flowers and floral symbolism. It's the first time I've been compare to one of these. Unrelated, but now a days on this internet, as I grow, I feel like I'm getting too liberal with my personal information. It's fun to self-disclose though, I understand it now. Authors do it all the time, that's an autobiography. Directors do it all the time, it's called a documentary. Maybe i'll think diffrent in a year.

Sparrows: Cleverness. I guess? Compared to the people around me, not really. Sparrow songs are really pretty. Hard-work is funny because I'm pretty lazy and I procrastinate a lot. I'm not used to psychoanalysing myself but it's fun. Apparently some people think they carry the souls of the dead which is cute! Giving off joy is nice. Perseverance is an interesting one because I try to persevere on paper. Though, I have quite the laundry list of things i've picked up and given up on. Having me finnish something is a once in a blue moon occurance. Yet at the same time, there's no rules against coming back something eventually, but there's a limited time for some of those eventualies before their lost forever. But even when you lose those, you'll get new stuff, so you just gotta gauge at your own discretion. My work ethic is a mess. Im doing something or at least trying to do something, I promise. Something with luck.

Care and hope, I try I guess? Typing/talking about it is weird. It's whatever. It makes me feel egotistical but also I'm talking about myself rn still. Huh.

Clovers: Luck, if I say anything or think anything about my luck, I get bit by misfortune so I won't comment on that. Protection is nice and hope is cute. I can't find much outside these.

Macaroons: THESE COOKIES ARE EXPENSIVE BUT SO TASTY. I'm so picky about where to get them because crappy macaroons still cost the same as the good ones. They just make me happy. I know two songs about macarons which are nice.

I can't find anything for these but somewhere down the line, I heard they were a cookie of friendship. I don't know how valid that is but it stuck with me enough to remember, so i'll make it so.

Raccon-dogs: Ah yes, this one is because I am Tanuki. Yeah, I try to live up to the name at least a bit.

Ryoshu: I heavily restrain myself from wanting to gush about her 24/7. She has so far, my obsession with her has brought me places and made me talk to people and socalize out of my shell even if its just on the internet. I feel a kinship with her, I laatch onto her like a parasite. I want her so badly. I want Ryoshu to get me. I also want to get Ryoshu. I am so attached to her right now. I want to idk be respectful to her and just stand there while she's doing art or maybe contribute myself to her art. I like her a lot. I like her loner vibes, her being a mother, her tragic source material, her mindset with her art, I'll be happy to see her grow and develop through Limbus.

Flames: Showing off my passion has only been a recent development. I'm kind of just all talk. Vitality seems supprising. I know it's hard to know with how I seem here on tumblr or on discord but in real life, I'm very silent. People think I hate all of them and if your my family, yeah. Kind of but also you have it coming. I just don't speak much in real life or when I do, people look at me like I've said the most out of pocket thing or they just ignore me. People look down upon me often because I ask too much questions and give the stink of neurodivergence. People think I look down at them and I don't most of the time at least? I really just don't put myself out there either, but then my Ryoshu obsession happened to kick in. Now I'm socializing and having fun, but I'm still not used to it. I'm not forcing myself, im taking my time.

#tanuki speaks #ask

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chaletiche · 7 months ago

Text

5/19/24

I wasn’t ready to accept the end, so I find pockets of anger, nestled between memories of sun rays, warm sand, and quiet moments

Stares, I find myself reserved, aching to go back to my bed, knowing that life has been moving on, but the machine of my emotions stutters, I tell myself to breathe to mimic a cry so my face doesn’t get wet and so my throat doesn’t swell and maybe reduce the risk of a lowered immunity

Instead a stone statue, tears down, down stream, from a weird place, like yes it’s over, yes Im tired of acting like everything’s okay, and yes Im a-lot more chaotic and convinced, i think what do I have to say to get you back, but never what do I have to do, for all my legs want is to rest, I think if we do this right, we can be together again, as if we is still current; or that I have limited time untill this is dead, but it- is it dead? Technically, I dont want to make a mistake, but the only person I can be is me, and he said clearly. He sees clearly and its only me that refuses to accept this because I love him. Everyone loves him. And so my only concern should be is if I love myself.

Footnote: I wonder how I’ll feel after I get this anger out, after my period is normal, after I feel comfortable in my room, after I pay my taxes, after Im registered to NM, after I get my ID, after I officially start school, after I finally feel supported in New Mexico

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theemomarshmallow · 8 months ago

Text

ALL OF THIS! (Rant incoming)

I can’t do physical activities the way I used to because Lymes has been fucking with my joints since I got it. Yeah I can lift weights, I also suffer after.

I can’t do high energy activities because of the chronic exhaustion I always have no matter how much sleep I get.

I can’t stay in places with more than one source of noise for too long without noise cancellation because it will set my nervous system on fire and make me want to scream and I will sob hysterically. It scrambles my brain so much and I can’t think straight. Then I have to stop whatever I was doing and go to another room to just ride it out. Because if I try to stuff it down it gets so much worse. It’s fucking unfair.

Since I’ve unmasked my ability to articulate myself verbally has diminished a lot. Including temporary verbal shutdown in some instances.

Since I’ve unmasked my tolerance for stress and mild pain has diminished.

Since I’ve unmasked my slow processing is at least way more noticeable.

When I feel even slightly slighted, I completely draw away for a long while. The rejection and sometimes even betrayal I feel is so potent and sharp. Especially if it’s someone I’m close to. I am working on the rumination but some days…

And when I’m truly betrayed? Truly hurt? You’ll know. You’ll fucking know because I will not fuck with you any more after that. I may forgive but forgetting? No. This isn’t the kind of stuff I get to forget.

If I don’t watch (primarily 24th century) Star Trek and listen to music and dance/pace all at least once a day I will get very disregulated and depressed. Long enough it will limit my functionality A LOT. And I feel silly for it. It’s all I can talk about and people I think find me irritating for it. And those are the socially acceptable special interests.

Since I’ve unmasked my meltdowns have become more prominent and more painful for me. Yes, they HURT!

Im in physical and mental pain damn near constantly even with therapy and medical intervention. To the point where now some days I need a cane for my knee pain specifically on bad days now.

I have to use a calculator for even basic math problems because my brain refuses to process the numbers and symbols; leading me to make the most basic mistakes every time. Remembering long numbers? Remembering even three numbers at once? Oh come now let’s not get crazy!

And most doctors *DO NOT LISTEN* when I tell them my autistic symptoms. They will not test me without me fighting tooth and nail. And I don’t have the fucking energy to fight tooth and nail I just don’t.

And so on and on and so forth.

I’m 24 and feel like I can’t be very open about it because most will at best pity me and at worst make it all some kind of moral issue. I told my Mom the other day about my cane and the look I got…mostly confusion but something else I couldn’t place. Whatever it was stabbed me in the chest with shame. She didn’t say anything. I felt distinctly I shouldn’t have either.

All of this, especially now that I’m a parent (hell of a time to discover the ol ‘tism right). Especially since I’ve not been able to hold a job or friendships or meet general “adult” expectations (eg. Driving, holding a job longer than maybe three months, keeping fully up with tasks like “normal” people). My babies are cared for-and then as soon as my partner is home and has settled in I need a few hours of recoup time at least. I’m fucking blessed to have him. And I struggle with it every day even though I know this is the only way I can parent effectively.

It adds to the parental guilt that always just seems to be there.

But hey I’m “high functioning” (fucking gross) so I’m totally fine, right?

I did not ask for this. I just wanted to ride my horse in the woods as a child. I just tried to fit in the best I knew how and foolishly still try to.

And all the while people will see my struggle and choose to judge. Without asking me what’s happening what need support with. They don’t care about us.

So if I complain, yeah, it sucks. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend it’s not happening at all. Talking about it is how we deal with it.

And dealing is better than ignoring.

All I wanna do is live, man.

abled people really act like if your illness or disability isn’t terminal then you’re not allowed to complain about it or grieve the life you thought you’d have and it’s so fucked up

#ableism #text post #disabled #chronic illness #disability #chronically ill #cpunk #cripple punk #greatest hits #5k #chronic lyme disease #autism #trauma #just ranting

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show-us-kaidenshenandoah · 9 months ago

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ill eventually make a proper, pretty intro-post

but hello, hi, i am Kaiden-Shenandoah Knapp

also, yes, Kaiden-Shenandoah is my first name. the hyphen is optional, but you still have to type/say the whole thing. no, you may not call me "Kaiden". yes, i am aware it is a mouthful lol

(probably gonna change my surname is "Knapped" in a few years. i wanna distance myself from some shitty family while making the Indigeneity in my surname more apparent. dont be surprised when that happens. im just putting it off bc i got a lot on my plate rn lol)

(also if you knew me as "Kayleen", hi, hello, i no longer go by that childhood nickname. it is retired, wave goodbye, better to have loved and lost and all that)

this is my messily mindless "welcome to my head" blog, we do things very casually here. im making it my new Main (as of 24 March 2024). my professional/art blog is @kaidenshenandoahknapp

but the real point of this post is: i am not a bot lol

and also, stuff is on a queue (until i do a mass-reblog binge but, typically, i am on queue)

everything in my queue is now 2 post per 24 hours (as of: 20 April 2024)

ive been on tumblr before, but since this is a new Main, im just going through my favorite content-creation blogs i know and mass-queueing loads of the op's projects. (if you are one of those said blogs and find this nth new notes a day from me annoying, please let me know; and i will just spam them all to Post Now so i can get out of your hair asap) i'm also just not good at regularly keeping up with creators' new stuff week-by-week, so instead i generally mass-queue because i assume mass-reblogging is a bit more overwhelming, idk, maybe im just overthinking lol

tags guide: (mostly for me, ngl lol i need reminders of what i tag what when i do my mass-queues)

#me - me posting something

#relatable - "omg that is so me" at someone else's post

#aesthetic - me just really liking the vibes, which sometimes just also happens to be pretty to look at lmao

#canines wolves and werewolves i love - i know what i am about. ill probably have more "niche My Special Interest tags" as i find posts that fit them

#nutty nutcrackers / #the nutcracker - another Special Interest tag. pretty self-explanatory, i like The Nutcracker a lot lmao

#betty boop - you would think this belongs with fandom tags, but no. part of why i am obsessed with her (and have been since i was, like, 14) is because she was the popularization of the very next tag's trend

#infantalization in animation - it's when you apply baby facial proportions to an adult bodied character, it's most often done in female characters. i'll be using this tag outside of animated stuff btw. but yeah, anything that examines that visual design choice i am all 👀 over lmao

#other people's art - any individual person, not counting final version of studio work (like ill tag "Lilo and Stitch"'s exploratory concept art with this, sure, but i wont tag stills of the "Lilo and Stitch" film)

↳ #animal art

↳ #background art

↳ #oc art - is all "my original character in a canon piece" kind of ocs, not the "my original character in my original story" type

↳ there are also specifically listed artists here and there if they have influenced me/my style in the past or recently (such as but not limited to: #rvsa). almost all of them are indies with social media (aka: no Van Gogh, no Hayao Miyazaki. if they have their own fandom, i tag said fandom and not the specific artist, usually. it depends. there are some gray areas)

#brushes - the (digital) brushes people i like use

#art tips

#writing tips - is about actually doing the practice

#on writing - is the philsophy about the practice

#[insert fandom here]

#[insert fandom here] analysis

(here are the tags i chose for some fandoms that had multiple possible tags. this is not all of my fandom tags)

● #studio ghibli, #[insert studio ghibli title here] (i tag both the movie itself and studio. because sometimes i want something from the original movie, so i go into those tags; and i also go to the studio to look at overarching things since the studio has such a strong overall aesthetic/visual brand)

● #[insert disney title] (here, i do tag the specific movies and i dont just use the studio. because im usually looking for specific things this one disney movie has)

● #moomin (as opposed to "moominvalley", "tales of moominvalley", or the like)

● #my hero academia (so many different options for one work)

● #trigun (so many different branching creations from one source lmao im just gonna lump them together)

● #into the spiderverse (i dont use "across the spiderverse" for simplicity's sake, and i don't use the hyphen/space between "spider(-)verse" also for simplicity. its easier for me to be consistent if i just go "nah, its all one word")

● #marvel comics (i do not tag the mcu specifically)

● #dc comics, #batman (i tag both. but i dont tag any other dc comics property. i just know im esp obsessed with the batfam enough that, sure, they should get their own tag)

#me