chaletiche

[chaletiche]

I think we’re so cute

A doomed statement of what once was

I say I enjoy this presently

The best gift

My only disillusionment is that

[chaletiche]

I want love

What was I arguing for

He did a little dance

I, controlling and over bearing

[chaletiche]

Practicing containment

I want to close the door on you

My therapist made me label my abandonment issues

I dont feel the same

I move different

From the back of my eyes

I see the screen

Headache

Dehydrated

Living the week without speaking a word to my mom

She didn’t know how to talk to me

I can understand

I think of the war, the black dust

Unlivable land

I resonate

When will i come back to guerilla lovers

The clandestine live-ers

I am not afraid to speak

[chaletiche]

I think you’re the cutest

Not mine forever

Everyone else’s

I happen to love you in this space & time

You keep speaking words into the future

Hoping they stick

I let them surround me

With an escape route that is my self love

Adjusted real expectations

I dont know how the tides will change

But i can only do my best

And be the version of me

I dreamed myself to be

I hope i may love you forever

INRP

[chaletiche]

Hot Springs Dream Vacation

This is Karma

Withhold yourself, don’t loose

I am happy for you

Sad for me

A couple walking the streets

The moon was waning on the road you lead your first crew

The words are on repeat now

You don’t fuck with spotify

You make me a better person

I worry without you

I’ll hate myself

With you, i can’t stop staring at you

Love can’t be a crime

Am i washed

Am i weak

This time I know our physical being is finite

Im not anxious

Im ready to take what I need for myself

This isn’t about you

But in what we believe in

You said lets get married in vegas

Repeat the same mistakes your parents did

I worry you’ll do me like my DMs did

Dead anger

You know me best, and I feel content

[chaletiche]

Over for Me

I sat in my heels on the bar stool

I once painted

Wondering what my future would hold

I said this is the reason why I love Albuquerque

The nights changed, I changed

The moon was 3 quarters, the night fell quicker

The couple had their first dances, and the groom was in his band

You said this was true love

I was nestled between you

In the october suede dress you liked

Leg hairs part of the fit

You were intoxicated

I said I love you, anyway

My smile faded as you changed the subject

My body language adjusting

I accepted it was unrequited

Flashbacked to when you told me you loved me

I said it naturally, no doubt about it

You explained your doubt

It wasn’t enough for me

Love is patience, i say doubtfully

[chaletiche]

Conservation Heaven

Im not even focused on me turning 26

Is this the turn?

My ankles ache, my knees call

My ulna is traced

First thing in the morning, 11 am

You said you remembered a rap line of mine

Briefly, versed one time, you were the first person I performed in front of

I see you drawing in closer

Called yourself a bum on my bed

I hesitated to say let me know when youre home safe

We aren’t records

We aren’t a repeat

We’re something new

Death will not have us

Comfortable with fist-bumps

Im glad you came over

My kitchen floor is mopped

And my cooked food is in your stomache

You almost made me say it

But I’ll see you on work Monday

[chaletiche]

Today was too much

This weekend will be better I have to say and nervous for my ego death

I wonder what my new rock bottom will look like

Take a step back

What more must I learn

[chaletiche]

Why does it give me the ick when they tip over 20 percent

Right in front of me

Unconsciously, ptsd

I can remember every dog that gave me more

Catch a film, title it, my mother was right

They know

Hypervigelant and White privledged as she was

I cant even fucking spell

Tomorrow will be a day

They will make me smile

At least Im polyamorous

[chaletiche]

July 30th

I love endings because a new beginning is happening

A new opportunity of laughter

More connections, more relationships

I feel immersed, one with myself

[chaletiche]

July 22

Ooohh mg

I dont want to celebrate too early, I passed judgement

But what if it is still misunderstood

Like I don’t even know what polyamory friends mean

But I appreciate the openness

The willingness

Is this deceitful

Im probably stupid

But that’s because I aint in the know

And one day I’ll know

I love how everyone here is polyamorous

NM is that state

Last Hitch of NYCC

[chaletiche]

Definitely contending with my lonliness

[chaletiche]

My sympathetic state was activated

[chaletiche]

I kind of want a baecation

[chaletiche]

Im so grateful they stopped me

They said the right thing and somehow

I am greatfull in a another path

My anger is my own

My anger of disappointment is an inflection

A reversal of complacency and into action

There was many things I was missing

We will make mistakes again

Giving people too much credit

Do I respect boundaries

I was in Awe

And they had work the next day

Why am I smiling

Am I evil

Because I don’t know what it feels like

How do i forgive myself

For things i could have done better

I thought i knew how to get back to you

But the color reminds of the club that night

How small I felt

How insecure i was

I look back & think What if we never went

The molly

a false repair

X2

No drugs

Co-lead even if they don’t like you, it felt nice today

But that moment proved

You couldn’t handle yourself too

[chaletiche]

Somedays i miss you like crazy

Each day reminds me of the last, somehow im advancing

And i shouldnt worry about you

Or any of the negativity that permeates

I drank 3 beers, took two breathes, two puffs

And the sadness, the mania was lingering

Weighing me down

How do we change this environment

I hope we never do this again

You can with optimism

Disappointment thundered

Lightning flashes a cemetery

I laughed, it was just a another golf field

Gahlf, gooelf, glf

I said I would show up, it was for him, and with grief you’ll settle with anyone

Their mom reached out, I hesitate

What channel did I open up here

[chaletiche]

And just like that, Im the problem